Good / GREAT!

Explanations of criteria and advice

Question
Break it down and cover off every aspect. Dont include material outside the question. Give the
admissions officer what they want; they have your resume and will assess the application as a
whole.

Hook
Specific, relevant information about you makes the subject matter engaging and memorable.
Everyone can write like thisit does not have to be wild or spectacular to be interesting; Find an
angle that helps the reader find you by reflecting, drafting and redrafting.

Thesis
Tell where your statement is going as a core for your essay to keep it on track and test the
experiences you include: Does this help to substantiate the central thesis of my essay? helps
you stay specific and relevant. Focus on how and why you are pitching yourself to this school.

Readability
The reading experience should be smooth, straightforward and satisfying.
Anything that causes readers to pause to ask themselves Why are they telling me about
this? is a risk that your statement will be forgotten.
Transitions lead the reader smoothly paragraph-by-paragraph without stepping out of your story
as ideas progress.
Your case for admission
Identify and express underlying connections and clear themes to convey your intellect, your selfawareness and ability.

The facts
Contextual clarity
Orientate the reader and build a shared understanding of context; make it easy for them to
understand how you were involved. Dont replicate your CV, but do a little background
explanation if needed.

Specificity
Use concrete, factual information to recount your experiences; this will automatically become
engaging, vivid and memorable, because specifics engage imagination and attention.
For example:

Good / GREAT!

Due to my excellent capacity for teamwork and leadership, my five-person team was able to
excel in the competition.
It is hard to visualize anything specific; if the reader does imagine something, it will be drawn
from their experience, not yours. Used alone in this way, abstract concepts are no use to you.
Five faces looked up from their work, all smiling, even though wed been working like this for
days: We were nearly ready.
It creates a picture in the readers mindin a sea of indistinguishable applications, youve just
given yourself a better chance.
Ask yourself:
1. What do I want to convey? (eg: This was an excellent teamwork experience; I handled it
really, really well and I feel proud of myself.)
2. How can I convey that using specific, concrete, factual information drawn from my direct
experience?

Appropriateness of detail
How to give the reader a really comprehensive account of what youre explaining without
wasting any precious space? Focus on what the reader needs to know.
Suggested test:
1. Does this material relate to the reason Im telling the admissions officer about this?
a.
Yes: Is it needed to provide essential context or to orientate the reader?
i.
No Remove!

Opinions
Express views that they arise from your experiences, not general observations that could be
gathered from a newspaper.

Language
Strong verbs and interesting language are effective and memorable, but simple expressions are
very effective too.
Avoid abbreviation, informal language.

Errors
Writing skills and command of language are an important means of assessing your suitability for
an advanced academic program.

Assertions backed up (by facts about you)

Make each example concise and use it with a clear purpose in mind. Evaluate the experience
and its effect on you!

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Your assertions can be divided as follows:

Where you are now.

Where youre headed.

Skillset

Developmental objectives

Academic interests

Career objectives
Longer-term objectives

Evaluations should follow naturally and logically from the facts; evaluate your experiences and
state the outcomes.
Be:
1. Specific and detailed; dont give a mechanical description of the typical career path of a
trainee accountant. Show a knowledge of the profession, along with why and how you
know it would suit you.
2. Consider what youve really learned from each of the experiences.

Relevance of facts/assertions provided (to the program)

Ensure your evaluations demonstrate suitability for the program and its suitability for you.
Where you are.

Where youre headed.

Skillset

Developmental objectives that would be

addressed by this program.

Capacity to succeed on the

program

Academic interests

Academic
objectives/interests
you want to pursue
on this program

Career objectives that this program is wellsuited to helping you achieve.

Longer-term objectives that can be seen in

terms of this programs overall vision.
This will render certain information irrelevant. This is an important part of the process of crafting
an outstanding application.
Generally, events in high school or information that is tenuously linked to objectivesMy
mother is an accountant, so I want to be an account or As a child I fell over hit my head; since
then Ive always wanted to be a neurosurgeonare not relevant to your capacity to succeed on
this program

Good / GREAT!

References to your goals

Dont say I am applying because Im interested in or because I love this subject Your
application should be the conclusion of the story youre telling in your statement explaining why
you love this subject.

Program references
Anyone with Internet access can refer to courses or professors by name. References to the
school should be rooted in your experiences/achievements/objectives. Dont refer to professors,
classes or facilities without sophisticated links to your background.

Red flags
Formalities and flourishes
Applications essays should be focused. Your respect for the institution can be strongly inferred
from your application, theres no need to include material that might go in a formal letter.
Targeted your case for admission with each word. Conventions and formalities only convey
whatever process caused them.

Avoid remarks that are obvious from the context

Your application clearly signals that you have a great passion for the subject, you wish to
pursue it at graduate school and you think there program is ideal. So stating these things is
redundant. Unpack (
), explain and substantiate these points.

Avoid explanations of basic facts

Remember your audience knows your subject. Finance is a fundamental to the workings of
society is a waste of words. The word limit should force you to get to the point.

Avoid repeating information that is elsewhere in your application

Test scores and course names are in your CV/transcript. Here, the admissions officer is looking
for how your experiences relate to your values, your goals and your application to their school.
KEY
Expand
XXX Clarify; from the
language youve used, it isnt
totally clear what you mean.
XXX There is potential to be
more specific, or expand to
explain in more detail.
Remove or improve:
XXX This information needs
to be related more strongly
to you/your specific
achievements/your
objectives as an individual
and/or could be linked to
program itself more
relevantly.

Document assessment