DialogueExcerptfromMailbox20134,byAlissaMillar

Hi,Hisdemeanorwasfullofconfidencethatseemedinsincere.Thewayhishead
cockedtothesideashestareddownatmemademesuspectthathewastryingtoleadmeaway
fromconfrontinghimabouthisoutburst.
Hi,Ianswered,tryingtomatchhissuretone,maskingmyfearandangertowardshim.
Thoughhemaybetryingtomakemeforgetaboutit,theeventsofearlierhadfarfromleftmy
mind.Whilemyrageathimfloodedmybrain,Icouldnthelpbutbefearfulthathewouldlose
histemperagain.
Look,Hesighed,hishotbreathturningtosteaminthechillingair,Youcantshutus
outnow,Imeanwerepartofthisnowtoo.
Ishookmyheadinfrustration,whichmadethefrizzywavesthatindentedmyhair
bounce.CouldntIjusthaveadaytomyselfwithoutbeingremindedofhowscrewedup
mylifehadbecome?
HecontinuedwhenImadenoefforttocontribute.Sowhenyouthinksomethingjusttoo
muchtohandleyoudropout?Giveup?Ifelthisangergrowingbesidemeashis
questioninghandgesturesgrewbigger,seepingthroughmyskinlikeacontagious
disease.Hejustdidntknowwheretostop.
Youdontevenknow,IbeganonlytogetcutoffbyarumblingOliver.
Doyouthinkwerestupid?Ofcourseweknowwhoitis,Geordie.Weveseen
everythingyouhave.HeansweredlikehecouldreadmythoughtsandprotestanythingIsay
withoutmeevenhavingtofinish.
Aswegotclosertomydormitbecamemoreapparentthattheconversationneededtobe
continued.Ibegantoturnaway,knowingthatOliverwouldfollowclosebehindwithnoprotest.
Icouldnthelpmyselffromadmiringthewayhewalkswithhishandsclaspedbehindhisback,
hislankyfigureleaningforwardevenasheinducedthesteamcomingfrommyears.
Irefocusedmyselfbacktotheargument,tryingtofindaresponsetohisprevious
comment.IknewIcouldntbringmyselftorespondtruthfullyrightthenandtherenomatter
howmuchItrustedOliver,itwastooriskyoutintheopenwhensomeonecouldbewatchingour
everymove.Ishookmyheadandranbothhandsthroughmytangledhair,becomingmore
frustratedwitheverystep.
Sowhatarewegoingtodo?Heaskednowinacasualtone,havingcooleddownfrom
theheatoffightasweapproachedtheplayground.Theplacehadbecomearegularmeetingspot
forus,anddespitethelightnessofthesetting,itmoreoftenthannotheldsomeofourmost
importantconversations.Wesatsidebysideontheswingsbeforeresumingthediscussion.I
meanwehavetogo,right?Whatifhehasyourmomorsomething?
IswayedbackandforthontheswingasIfeltmyheartburstastheboyshopefulness.If
therewouldeverbeagoodtimetoconfesstoOliverthatfindingmymomwouldneverhappen,
thiswouldbeit,butstill,Idoubtedmyabilitytospeakoftheeventtruthfully.Myhands
trembledatthethought,butIcouldfeelitdeepdownthatitwassomethingIhadtodo.

Telltheotherstomeetattheabandonedhouserightnow,IinstructedOliver,knowing
wehadplentyoftimebeforedark,Imgettingstufffrommyroom,thenIllberightthere.
Iwasalreadyonmyfeet,headedbackthewaywecamefrom,leavingOliverwithno
choicebuttodoasIsaid.IdecidedIwouldtellthemallintheonlyplaceIcouldspeakfreely
aboutit.ThoughIknewitwastherightthingtodoandthatnothingwouldreallyhappen,the
mansthreatsranginmyears.Iwillcomebackforyouifyouevergivemeaway.Youwerenever
here.