Student: Luis Mendoza

Professor: Lynda Haas

Course Name: Connect Composition
Section Name: Haas WR37 Fall 2014
Monday, Dec 8, 3:38 PM

Conan Doyle's Sherlock stories have been able to remain popular

thought the decades. But, as anything in this world, in order to remain
popular something had to be tweaked. Some modern tweaks or adaptations
to the Watson character have been made in the CBS television series
Elementary. Perhaps the biggest change to Watson is the fact that in
elementary Watson is portrayed as a female. As noted by scholarly writer

Leroy Panek "unlike most earlier fiction which made its pitch to female
readers, the new detective story aimed at entertaining what it
perceived to be the middle-class male mind" (Panek 17). So, naturally
the original Watson was a male to appeal to the male audience the stories
were targeted for. However, the gender change gives a new perspective to
Watson, and although it faced criticism, the female Watson has proven to be
a great Wasto, Conan Doyle's quintessential Watson, has been modified

in recent adaptations of the Sherlock novels in Sherlock and

Elementary, in order to appeal to a more modern audience.
When Doyle created Watson, he created a character that would
not only assist out genius detective Sherlock, but also a character that
would be Sherlock's companion and friend. Elementary, another
modern adaptation of Sherlock in modern times, aimed at the modern
21st century american audience, which depicted the iconic Watson as
women, did just that. The role of Joan Watson played by Lucy Liu gives
a nice twist to the role of watson. Even Though Watson is played by a
women that in no way changes the relationship between Watson and
Sherlock. If anything the relationship between Sherlock seems
strengthened. As explained by avclub.com "Turning John into Joan (and
casting Lucy Liu in the role) wasn't just a gimmick, but rather the
central part of a commitment to finding a new take on the Holmesian
mythology."(2) Sherlock would have not of offered Joan Watson to go
from sober companion to aspiring consulting detective, of he didn't feel
there was something within her. According to the website
Tor.com,"They are played as equals according to the show's
premiseSherlock even recruits Watson as an apprentice because he
believes she can develop a skill set much like his own and become a
detective. It features a relationship between a man and a woman that
is a true, deep friendship with no other strings attached" (Tor.com).
Unlike in the victorian era when only a man was thought capable of
such genius, Elementay's Sherlock, shows no bias towards Joan
because she is a woman, and instead look at her talent. Sherlock
demonstrates he has faith in Watson's detective capabilities, when he

assigns the Sutter murder case of season one episode 22 "Risk

Management" to her. And Watson proved herself to Sherlock, the use
of her relationship and concern towards Sherlock helped her crack the
case. She showed a women was at par level with Sherlocks detective
skills. Where as explained by scholar Leroy Panek, the classic Watson
fails at his deductions that Sherlock feel empowered to point out his
errors to him (Doyle 86). And our updated Watson is spot on with her
deductions Sherlock has nothing to point out to her. Watson and
Sherlock share a special bond, more than a romantic bond bond and
Watson noticed the same bond was present with Mr. and Mrs. Sutter. A
bond that would take you to all extremes to avoid the other person
from slipping away. Sherlock could have solved the case, but Watson
used her sentimental instincts to solve it. As Sherlock explain how the
crime played put, the camera goes into a slow pan to show everyone
present in the room from Mrs. Sutter to Detective Lestrade. This is
where Watson being a women makes sense, no man would jump to
conclusions based on sentients. Only or for the most part makes sense
a woman acts on sentiments, since they are more sensitive to that
then men, and the end result proves Watson right. Having Watson be
portrayed as a female not only gains the attention of female Sherlock
fans, who want to show that women are just as capable as men at
solving crimes. But, also adds new depth to Watson, gives the
characters more sentiments. The female Watson isn't afraid to
reassure Sherlock she's there for him, as she did before she told him
how she solved the case, and she isn't afraid to sometimes let her
sentiments guide her. But not only is Watson's gender changed his
personality is also slightly modified. In minute 39:04 Sherlock is getting
ready to enter the meeting place where he will finally meet his arch
nemesis Moriarty, the camera goes into a xoom shot to show us the
location where Sherlock is going to finally meet his arch nemesis. But
as soon as he open the gate Joan pops up behind him. Unlike the
traditional Watson who failed to follow his partners steps plenty of
times. Even though Sherlock told Joan he had not received word from
Moriarty Joan was smart enough to have a copy made of the phone
Moriarty was using to reach Sherlock, that way ensuring she had the
correct information received by Sherlock from Moriarty. And Sherlock
and many others warned her to keep her distance, but yet she stands
side by side with Sherlock. In the scene Sherlock tells Joan he is trying
to protect, to which she responds that she doesn't need protecting and
that she knew what she signed on for when she decided to help
Sherlock. This scene shows Joan's loyalty to Sherlock, after all the
warning she will stand with him. In the victorian era loyalty to a man
could only be given to him by another man, but with Joan we see a
female is also capable of loyalty to a man, not an emotionally attached
loyalty but something more, a loyalty that is based on their friendship
and partnership. Having the female Watson show so much loyalty and

cunningness, definitely appeals to the female audience. Which shows

the male counterparts that a woman is perfectly capable of being, loyal
without being sentimental attached to the other. Essentially the scene
from when to Watson solves the case to where she follows Sherlock, it
shows how making Watson a female did not change the core aspects
of the character.
In many instances, Watson does try to prove to Sherlock, that
she is at his level, but there are some instances where Watson knows
enough is enough and its time to back out. Our modified 21st Watson
changes in that she always keeps a steady and level head, even when
Sherlock fails to do so. In scene minute 1:17:11-1:19:35 episode 24
season 1 of Elementary, "Heroine," Sherlock seems beat ny Moriarty.
Moriarty has been to be smarter than out detective, and Sherlock is
going crazy. Finally, when Moriarty has cornered them Watson tells
Sherlock the on way to not only save the case but Sherlock himself is
to let Moriarty win. Watson knows Sherlock will not understand at the
moment, but she assures him its fro his own good, "its the only way
this doesn't eat you alive"(Heroine 1:18:12). The importance of
Watsons actions show, Watson is able to stop when she knows enough,
is enough. That's due to the fact she thinks clearly, she doesn't let her
ego of trying to solve a case interfere with her well being, and because
has better developed people feelings. We see these new conventions
in our updated Watson mainly because, our character has gain more
depth. Unlike, the classic Watson who has a narrator to the stories and
sherlocks companion. Elementary which has more episodes than the
originals Sherlock stories, allows the extra episodes to focus on the
characters and further develop them. As published by
whatculture.com,"The other key change in the Watsons is that Joan
isn't ex-military. She was a civilian surgeon, and I think this simply
opens more possibilities for storylines, especially in a version of the
show which has to fill a great number more episodes. I think this is one
of the reasons why Joan is so much more interesting than John has
become - there are only so many murders that can take place, even in
New York City. The rest of the time needs to be filled with character
development"(3). THe fact that Watson isn't a war veteran in the
series is key, because that way there is no psychological trauma that
impede her from having normal interactions and feelings. Thats
important because it makes Watson more relatable to the average
viewer. Unlike Sherlock who is a genius detective with more social
skills, Watson is clever but at the same time remains normal to us.
Again her telling Sherlock to give up is key, because Watson
understands that you don't always win and sometimes it's better to
give up, then to lose everything. She understands that because, she
knows we are only human and failing is natural. Something Sherlock
can't comprehend to him there is only winning, and when he seems in
defeat he overdoses with heroine. Watson just like Sherlock has many

things at stake with letting Moriarty when, yet she is able to remain
level headed and separate herself from the case, somthing Sherlock
can't seem to do. Watson in a way has become more human she is
able to keep a clear level mind, accepts defeat as something natural,
and is able to be there for Sherlock when he is in need of support.
Work Cited
"Battling Super Sleuths: The Awkward Case of Elementary, Sherlock,
and Building the Better Adaptation." Tor.com. N.p., n.d. Web. 23 Nov.
2014.
"10 Reasons Why Elementary Is Better Than Sherlock."

WhatCulturecom 10 Reasons Why Elementary Is Better Than Sherlock

Comments. N.p., n.d. Web. 27 Nov. 2014.

"It's Elementary, Sherlock: How the CBS Procedural Surpassed the BBC
Drama." Avclub.com. A.V. Club, n.d. Web. 24 Nov. 2014.
Doherty, Robert. "Elementary "Risk Management" CBS. New York City,
New York, 27 May. 2013.. Television.
Leroy, Panek "Read An Introduction to the Detective Story" 1987. Web.
23 Nov. 2014

Comments
Question 1: Introduction--Rhetorical Situation: Does the writer provide
a short but detailed summary of the modern-day text(s) and also
include relevant details about the text's rhetorical situation (director,
date, seasons, etc)? Suggest additions or revisions that would make
this part stronger.
Garcia, Angerica Rianne:

"In scene minute 1:17:11-1:19:35 episode 24 season 1 of Elementary,

"Heroine," Sherlock seems beat ny Moriarty."

Writer provides a detailed summary of the modern day texts. In order

to make it stronger, you can talk about the directors and how one show
is based in Britain, while the other is American.
Barlow, John:

"Elementary, another modern adaptation of Sherlock in modern times,

aimed at the modern 21st century american audience, which depicted
the iconic Watson as women, did just that. The role of Joan Watson
played by Lucy Liu gives a nice twist to the role of watson. Even
Though Watson is played by a women that in no way changes the
relationship between Watson and Sherlock. If anything the relationship

between Sherlock seems strengthened."

Great background information on the modern-day text that you are

analyzing.
Question 2: Thesis: Highlight the sentence(s) in the essay that you
believe is the thesis statement--the controlling idea. Does it offer an
idea about how this text operates within its genre or context? Does it
say something interesting that is beyond the obvious? Is it well-written
and readable? Provide revision advice for how to make it better.
Garcia, Angerica Rianne:

"However, the gender change gives a new perspective to Watson, and

although it faced criticism, the female Watson has proven to be a great
Wasto, Conan Doyle's quintessential Watson, has been modified in
recent adaptations of the Sherlock novels in Sherlock and Elementary,
in order to appeal to a more modern audience."
The thesis states that having a female Watson was a good adaptation
for modern day audiences. To make it better, you can talk about what
exactly made her role better as a woman.
Barlow, John:

"Conan Doyle's quintessential Watson, has been modified in recent

adaptations of the Sherlock novels in Sherlock and Elementary, in
order to appeal to a more modern audience."

Very obvious thesis, well written. I can already tell what this essay will
be about.
Question 3: Expertise. Does the writer convince you that he/she is an
expert on the genre and text being analyzed? Highlight one excerpt
from the essay that you think illustrates good expertise and explain
why. Then highlight another excerpt from the essay that you think
could use some work to make it sound more expert and offer revision
advice.
Garcia, Angerica Rianne:

"Sherlock would have not of offered Joan Watson to go from sober

companion to aspiring consulting detective, of he didn't feel there was
something within her."
This shows that Holmes believes in Watson being his companion.
Garcia, Angerica Rianne:

"But, also adds new depth to Watson, gives the characters more
sentiments."

You can further explain how she "gives the characters more
sentiments." Be specific.

Barlow, John:

"When Doyle created Watson, he created a character that would not

only assist out genius detective Sherlock, but also a character that
would be Sherlock's companion and friend. Elementary, another
modern adaptation of Sherlock in modern times, aimed at the modern
21st century american audience, which depicted the iconic Watson as
women, did just that. The role of Joan Watson played by Lucy Liu gives
a nice twist to the role of watson."

You stated these sentences as though they were fact and used
vocabulary that gave off a sense of expertise. Well written introduction
to your first body paragraph.
Question 4: Sources: Does the writer use at least 4 credible,
authoritative sources for a scholarly audience? Highlight one place
where the writer uses a source and make a comment about whether
you think this is a credible source, and also whether you think the
writer has quoted, paraphrased, or summarized an important and
relevant idea from the source.
Garcia, Angerica Rianne:

"They are played as equals according to the show's premiseSherlock

even recruits Watson as an apprentice because he believes she can
develop a skill set much like his own and become a detective."

I think this is a credible source and this quote was very relevant to
what you are talking about.
Barlow, John:

"(Panek 17)."

The author has at least 4 credible sources for a scholarly audience. In

this particular citation the author is quoting Leroy Panek.
Question 5: MLA In-Text Citations. If there are any areas where the
writer has incorrectly used an in-text citation (either the wrong
information is included in the parenthetical or the punctuation around
the citation is incorrect), highlight that area and suggest revisions. If
the writer has incorrectly used in-text citations throughout, let him/her
know that in your comment (you only need to highlight and comment
on one citation).
Garcia, Angerica Rianne:

"(Tor.com)."

Usually, if the author is unknown, the title of the article is written in the
parentheses.
Barlow, John:

"(3)."

I believe you still need to put your source in the parenthesis even if
you mention it earlier.
Question 6: Title: Highlight the title of the essay. Does the title reflect
the thesis, only in a shorter format? Suggest revisions to the title--even
if it's already pretty good, how can it be better?
Garcia, Angerica Rianne:

"Conan Doyle's Sherlock stories"

There is no title included in the essay - create a title that correlates to

the updated role of Watson.
Barlow, John:

"C"

You need to put a title for your essay.

Question 7: Ethos: Voice. Highlight at least THREE places in the essay
where the writer should revise a word or phrase to make the tone more
formal and/or objective. Suggest revisions.
Garcia, Angerica Rianne:

"Watson is spot on with her deductions"

Instead of using "spot on," you can say something like "her deductions
seem to always be correct" or something along those lines.
Garcia, Angerica Rianne:

"more than a romantic bond bond"

More formal if you say "intimate relationship."

Garcia, Angerica Rianne:

"Watson is clever but at the same time remains normal to us."

You can make this sound more formal by rewording "normal to us."
Barlow, John:

" tweaks or adaptations"

I would personally remove tweaks and use simple the word

adaptations, it makes the sentence seem more formal.
Barlow, John:

"showed"

Perhaps use a more descriptive/formal word than 'showed'. Maybe

proved?
Question 8: Word Choice: Highlight THREE words or phrases that are
too general or vague and suggest revisions to make the words/phrases
more specific and precise.

Garcia, Angerica Rianne:

"If anything the relationship between Sherlock seems strengthened."

This sentence is too vague and can be improved by stating HOW or
WHAT strengthened their relationship.
Garcia, Angerica Rianne:

"Sherlock demonstrates he has faith in Watson's detective

capabilities,"

Here, you can talk about what led Holmes to have faith in Watson.
Garcia, Angerica Rianne:

"Having the female Watson show so much loyalty and cunningness,

definitely appeals to the female audience."
You can talk about how this appeals to the female audience.

Question 9: Repetition: Highlight THREE words, phrases, or sentences

that are redundant (they only repeat something the author already
wrote) and can thus be deleted.
Garcia, Angerica Rianne:

"she isn't afraid to sometimes let her sentiments guide her."

Here, you refer back to the idea of sentiments.
Garcia, Angerica Rianne:

"This scene shows Joan's loyalty to Sherlock"

This repeats what you said in the sentence before this.

Garcia, Angerica Rianne:

"our character has gain more depth."

This can be deleted because the sentences prior already stated what
made her role important.
Barlow, John:

"another modern adaptation of Sherlock in modern times"

You've already mentioned that Elementary is a modern adaptation of

Sherlock Holmes.
Question 10: Effective Paragraphs: Each body paragraph of the essay
should have a logical structure (a topic sentence and then sentences
that develop the idea in that sentence) and focus on one main point.
Choose one body paragraph and provide some advice on how the
writer can make it more effective.
Garcia, Angerica Rianne:

"it shows how making Watson a female did not change the core
aspects of the character."

This paragraph can be more effective if you included the cinematic

elements and talked about how it effected the role of Watson.
Barlow, John:

"In many instances, Watson does try to prove to Sherlock, that she is
at his level, but there are some instances where Watson knows enough
is enough and its time to back out. Our modified 21st Watson changes
in that she always keeps a steady and level head, even when Sherlock
fails to do so. In scene minute 1:17:11-1:19:35 episode 24 season 1 of
Elementary, "Heroine," Sherlock seems beat ny Moriarty. Moriarty has
been to be smarter than out detective, and Sherlock is going crazy.
Finally, when Moriarty has cornered them Watson tells Sherlock the on
way to not only save the case but Sherlock himself is to let Moriarty
win. Watson knows Sherlock will not understand at the moment, but
she assures him its fro his own good, "its the only way this doesn't eat
you alive"(Heroine 1:18:12). The importance of Watsons actions show,
Watson is able to stop when she knows enough, is enough. That's due
to the fact she thinks clearly, she doesn't let her ego of trying to solve
a case interfere with her well being, and because has better developed
people feelings. We see these new conventions in our updated Watson
mainly because, our character has gain more depth. Unlike, the classic
Watson who has a narrator to the stories and sherlocks companion.
Elementary which has more episodes than the originals Sherlock
stories, allows the extra episodes to focus on the characters and
further develop them. As published by whatculture.com,"The other key
change in the Watsons is that Joan isn't ex-military. She was a civilian
surgeon, and I think this simply opens more possibilities for storylines,
especially in a version of the show which has to fill a great number
more episodes. I think this is one of the reasons why Joan is so much
more interesting than John has become - there are only so many
murders that can take place, even in New York City. The rest of the
time needs to be filled with character development"(3). THe fact that
Watson isn't a war veteran in the series is key, because that way there
is no psychologica"

Your body paragraphs need to talk more about the actual scene. There
isn't very much scene analysis going on.
Question 11: Highlight the area of the essay where the writer
introduces the scene from a modern-day text that will be analyzed.
Does the writer begin with a brief but detailed summary of the scene
and where it occurs within the episode or film? Suggest revisions.
Garcia, Angerica Rianne:

"Our modified 21st Watson changes in that she always keeps a steady
and level head, even when Sherlock fails to do so."

There is plenty of summary, but not enough analysis. There are no

cinematic elements included.
Question 12: Does the writer introduce the modern-day text with a
detailed but brief overall summary and offer some facts of its rhetorical
situation? Highlight the area where this occurs (or you think it should if
it is missing) and suggest revisions.
Garcia, Angerica Rianne:

"she is able to keep a clear level mind, accepts defeat as something

natural, and is able to be there for Sherlock when he is in need of
support."

Here, you talk about the the role of Watson and how she remains loyal
to Holmes.
Question 13: Highlight an area of the analysis of a scene from a
modern day text. Do you feel the writer has done a good job of
breaking the scene into parts? Are there parts that seem more like plot
summary than analysis? Suggest revisions.
Garcia, Angerica Rianne:

"Elementary, another modern adaptation of Sherlock in modern times,

aimed at the modern 21st century american audience,"

You've done a good job of telling what happens in the scene and
referring it back, however, you didn't break it up enough to talk about
the elements of the scene.
Barlow, John:

"As Sherlock explain how the crime played put, the camera goes into a
slow pan to show everyone present in the room from Mrs. Sutter to
Detective Lestrade. This is where Watson being a women makes sense,
no man would jump to conclusions based on sentients. Only or for the
most part makes sense a woman acts on sentiments, since they are
more sensitive to that then men, and the end result proves Watson
right. Having Watson be portrayed as a female not only gains the
attention of female Sherlock fans, who want to show that women are
just as capable as men at solving crimes. But, also adds new depth to
Watson, gives the characters more sentiments. The female Watson
isn't afraid to reassure Sherlock she's there for him, as she did before
she told him how she solved the case, and she isn't afraid to
sometimes let her sentiments guide her. But not only is Watson's
gender changed his personality is also slightly modified. In minute
39:04 Sherlock is getting ready to enter the meeting place where he
will finally meet his arch nemesis Moriarty, the camera goes into a
xoom shot to show us the location where Sherlock is going to finally
meet his arch nemesis. But as soon as he open the gate Joan pops up

behind him. Unlike the traditional Watson who failed to follow his
partners steps plenty of times"

Your analysis has plenty of details, but you need to further break down
the scene and use more elements of cinema that we talked about in
class.
Question 14: Do you have any general comments on this draft? Select
some text in the draft to add them.
Garcia, Angerica Rianne:

"Something Sherlock can't comprehend to him there is only winning,

and when he seems in defeat he overdoses with heroine. "

I liked your thesis and how it related to the updated version of Watson.
If you were to redo this draft, just make sure you include cinematic
elements since that was one of the requirements.
Lynda Haas:

"ck "

Sherlock Holmes<< since you're just in the introductions now, use full
names
Lynda Haas:

"ut, "

this could be made stronger if you introduce the idea of genre-- genres
change and adapt to reflect the time period--or, as the attitudes of the
people change with time, therefore the attitudes of the authors
change, and we see that reflected in genres
Lynda Haas:

"Leroy Panek "unlike most earlier fiction which made its pitch to female
readers, the new detective story aimed at entertaining wh"
seems like this should be moved to be close to the discussion of Doyle- lay that all out first as foundation and then move on to Elementary
Lynda Haas:

"e"

use last name, formality of tone

Lynda Haas:

"u"

delete
Lynda Haas:

"n Sh"

delete

Lynda Haas:

"o"

ck spelling
Lynda Haas:

"n "

woman (not plural)

Lynda Haas:

"ot on"

formality of language
Lynda Haas:

"ut "

new point? new paragraph

Lynda Haas:

"is"

her?
Lynda Haas:

"partn"

this sentence is a fragment

Lynda Haas:

"tal "

sentimentally attached
Lynda Haas:

"spec"

good job of identifying how Watson is like the classic Watson in some
ways, even though she is a female--- why is this important to the
current viewing audience?
Lynda Haas:

" the"

http://www.racebending.com/v4/featured/elementary-dear-lucy/
Lynda Haas:

"gh, "

no commaLynda Haas:

"As published by "

According to writer's-name of whatculture.com,

Lynda Haas:

"as be"

Good start, Luis--I think you should work on making your focus more
clear-- better signposts (topic sentences) that clearly describe the main
point you're making with each of the scenes
Barlow, John:

"do. Watson in a way has become more human she is able to keep a
clear level mind, accepts defeat as something natural, and is able to be
there for Sherlock when he is in need of support."
You need a conclusion paragraph!