Meske 1

Shannon Meske
Professor Lawson
English 115
24 September 2014
Essay One Revised
word count: 1247
A is for Abstinence:
I was born and raised to be the poster-child for the American Christian Girl. Growing
up, going to church every Sunday was as natural as breathing to me, and skipping church, was
quite simply, not an option. I loved church! I loved the community, and the family outside of my
own, and I loved the closeness I felt to God as a direct result of that. In fact, many of my fondest
memories involve my church in one way or another. To my family, my church was a constant
opportunity to reach out to the community and help others in need. My mother and I worked with
the senior ministry and organized luncheons for the senior citizens in our congregation, my little
brother would volunteer as a group leader for the churchs vacation bible school, and my Father
was a dedicated volunteer on our Churchs kitchen staff. There is just so many wonderful things
that I can say about my particular church family, and how they helped me grow into the person
that I am today, both physically and morally.
It wasnt until I was older, however, that I realized that many of the ideals that I knew
from my Christian faith, directly opposed the ideals that I saw in society around me. The older I
got, the more people put me into boxes. I felt almost as though I was suffocating, while label,
after label was placed upon me. Because I am a christian, I hate the gays, and because I believe
in Jesus Christ as my lord and savior, and I am a woman, I am a prude. I learned that as a

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Christian woman, it was my job to suppress any sexual feelings I may have ever experienced,
and save them for the man I would marry, on our wedding night. I learned that men had no
control of their thoughts whatsoever and that if a man should look at me in a sexual light, it was
my fault for dressing or acting too provocatively. Moreover, I learned that when I did get
married, it was my obligation to satisfy each and every one of my husbands sexual needs. For
many years, I told people that I was waiting for marriage, simply because thats what I thought
I was supposed to do. I was taught from a very young age that if I didnt save my virginity for
my wedding night, I was practically buying a first class, one-way ticket to hell.
Those constructs, that my faith seemed to be founded upon, was something that I
struggled with, and still do struggle with today. The double standard placed upon female bodies
in the church to remain pure for their wedding night, as opposed to male bodies, who can sleep
with whomever they please, and place the blame upon the woman for being a slut, was a
philosophy in the church, that boggled my mind. Although it was my mother who encouraged
my two brothers and I to be devout in our Christian faith, it was also she who raised me to be the
independent, and extremely stubborn woman that I am today. Because of her, I am no longer
afraid to think freely, speak loudly, and hold my head high for being true to myself and my own
personal beliefs.
Once I reached the age of puberty, it wasnt long before my raging teenage hormones
took over my thoughts. From the moment that I began experimenting with my sexual urges, I
was overcome with extreme feelings of guilt and shame. Being the curious individual that I am, I
began to research the particular situation I felt stuck in, by comparing them to similar situations
that other Christian women were experiencing. This was around the time that I began see the
bible as a three-dimensional text; Something to read in between the lines of, and really

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understand the historical context behind it before applying it to my own life. So, rather than
reading a historical text, and associating it directly with modern times, I began to understand
parts of the Bible as something that may or may not be relevant to today (as it was written
thousands of years ago).
It wasnt until recently that I came upon an article online that I particularly resonated
with in regards to my conflicting ideas on Christianity. In her online article, I Waited Until My
Wedding Night To Lose My Virginity And I Wish I Hadnt, Samantha Pugsley recalls taking a
Virginity Pledge with other girls in her church, at the mere age of ten. While of course, no
boys were asked to take this pledge, the girls in her congregation were overwhelmed with the
expectations of purity that were placed upon them. For a decade, the badge Virgin was to her,
an honor, and she wore it with pride. It was when she finally lost her virginity on her wedding
night, that she found herself drowning in similar feelings of guilt for participating in anything
remotely sexual, even though she had waited until marriage, just as she had promised to do.
When we got home, I couldnt look anyone in the eye. Everyone knew my virginity was
gone. My parents, my church, my friends, my co-workers. They all knew I was soiled and
tarnished. I wasnt special anymore. My virginity had become such an essential part of
my personality that I didnt know who I was without it (Pugsley 1).
Reading an article from someone who had experienced the same feelings that I did, really
shed some light on how I really felt about saving my body. The more that I thought about it,
the more that I found those points of view outdated, and something that I found myself not
wanting to practice. I didnt want to ignore my bodys natural feelings, or call myself an
abomination for not ignoring them. What I wanted was the take the reins in my faith, and decide
the kind of relationship I wanted with God, instead of allowing the Church to decide that for me.

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If theres one thing that I dont believe, its that every girl should sleep with the first
person they meet. Rather, I think that young women should decide for themselves what they
wish to do with their own bodies. If that means waiting until marriage, then wonderful! But
shaming women for having sex is something that directly contradicts The Bible. It was Jesus
who said Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone. It is not our place to judge people for
what they decide to do with their own bodies. In fact, we should be teaching women to support
one another and lift each others spirits, rather than subscribing to the slut-shaming
propaganda.
Today, I am not a virgin. I decided that what I wanted most was to wait for someone who
loved me, cherished me as an individual, and who respected my body and the choices that I made
in regards to it. If losing my virginity was to happen on my wedding, then so be it. However, that
was not the case. When people ask me if I am a virgin, I choose to hold my head up high and not
be cast out for endorsing my own philosophies. Although, I still struggle with my own personal
views and the views of my religion, there is one continuing message from the Bible that I choose
to never forget: Love.