Managing Differences

Liz Hale PhD

Every marriage has conflicts, disagreements, difficulties, and challenges. Hale
states that marital success is not determined by resolving our differences, but how
we manage it. In every marriage, there are several inconceivable differences. Hale
gives four key steps that will reduce conflict: differences are not deficiencies,
prevent and eliminate the negative, start with respect and affection, and honor
partners dreams. After reading this article, I believe that following these steps will
reduce not just conflicts that come from differences, but all conflicts. Respecting
each others beliefs and opinions is the first step to having a strong marriage.

Kindness Builds Strong Marriages

Dr. H. Wallace Goddard
According to this article, many scholars believe that kindness is the most
important element in a successful marriage. Dr. Goddard acknowledges kindness in
many different ways, not just being kind. Looking for the good and always being
aware of the small acts of kindness done by your partner, helping out your partner,
express and show love for your partner, and build more positive experiences into
your relationship are four things that Goddard suggests. When I first read the title, I
immediately assumed that kindness was just referred to as being kind. I believe that
all of these four things will make a marriage stronger, especially doing acts of
kindness for your partner and acknowledging the small and simple things they went
of their way to help you with.

Factors that Make a Difference in Marital Success

Thomas R. Lee, PhD
Today, statistics say that forty to fifty percent of all marriages end up in a
divorce. Many couples believe that the divorce rate wont apply to them. There are
several factors that make a difference in whether a marriage is successful or not
(proven by research). Some of the factors Lee states are: parents marriage,
childhood, length of acquaintance, age, parental approval, premarital pregnancy,
and reasons for marriage. Other factors after marriage include: attitudes, in-laws,
children, communication, roles, personality, and religious participation. I believe
that some factors are vital in a marriage, and if you dont have them the marriage
will most likely fail. A good friend of my moms just recently got a divorce with her
husband. About five years ago her husband stopped going to church. While she
supported him and his decision, it slowly deteriorated their marriage. I certainly do

agree that even the smallest thing can have such a huge impact on whether a
marriage is successful or not.

Families Take Charge: Talking with Your Spouse

Michael J. Sporakowski
Communication is one of the most necessary aspects in a marriage. Sometimes
communicating with your partner may be difficult. Studies show that men and
women communicate differently, women more at a feeling level, while men at an
informational level. Sporakowski lists several things you can do to improve
communication between you and your partner, while listing a few things your
partner can do. Some things you can do include listening carefully and then
clarifying messages, and sympathizing and emphasizing. I do agree that
communication is vital in a successful marriage. My parents communicate very well,
and I believe thats why I have never seen them get in a fight, let alone a single
argument. Communication can be simple, but if you dont it, your marriage is
nothing.

Dealing with Conflict in Marriage

Dr. H. Wallace Goddard
Every marriage has conflict, even the best marriages. There are right and
wrong ways of solving conflict between two people. Goddard gives four main tips to
solving conflict, and keeping it away in marriages. Learn to live with things that
cannot change, start a relationship discussion at a time when you want to
strengthen your relationship, do not dwell on your complaints, and make requests.
Goddard also lists several application questions to ask yourself about your conflicts
in marriage. Reading this information to me was very useful. I mean I think it was
very different than the ordinary information you hear on conflict resolution. I really
liked how Goddard suggested that you make requests instead of complaints, which
often a spouse complain and the other spouse will start an argument. Every
marriage gets conflict, but how you approach your marriage conflicts is whats
important.

10 Ways to Build and Strengthen a Marriage

Accept you differences- Learning to accept your differences will reduce conflict in
your marriage and therefore build a stronger relationship between you and your
love one.
Do small things for each other- Doing small things for each other often will show
how much you appreciate your spouse. Telling your spouse that you love them is
necessary, but showing them through actions can go a long way in strengthening a
marriage.
Acknowledge the little things- Recognizing the small acts that your partner does
will let your them know that you are grateful for the things you-big or small.
Put your spouse before yourself-Selfishness is the most common reason
marriages end up in divorce today. Putting your spouse first, shows a great love and
appreciation for them.
Be open and honest with each other- Trust is one of the most important values
in a relationship, letting your spouse know how you feel about things is vital to
having a strong marriage.
Make decisions together- Both partners in a marriage that make decisions
together feel greater unity, trust, and respect, which will build a strong marriage.
Spend quality time together- Often you hear about marriages that fail. One of
the reasons you often hear about is that we just grew apart. One reason for this
may be that couples that couples just dont make spending quality time together a
priority. Couples that plan and spend quality time together grow closer together and
strengthen their marriage.
Be a good listener- This can show how much you care about and respect what
your spouse is communicating, which will build a better relationship.
Set goals together- This can help open lines of communication and prevent
possible conflicts as each expresses their inner most desires. Couples that have
good communication and work towards shared goals can develop a stronger bond.

Keep the romance alive- Do things that will make each other feel special and that
theyre still the most important person in your life. Sometimes relationships die off
because couples get bored of each other.