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Mrs. Cracchiolo (2014-2015)

PIECE OF WRITING ____________ Life_________________
In class writing OR out of class writing
1. Looking at the feedback, what/where do you think you did particularly well?
Rereading my essay, I felt that the essay included well dictions throughout the piece. For
a short amount of time, I was able to come up with words that I do not use often. I cannot
come up with these word choices now as much. The ideas are there and show how I felt
about the violation of ones life. The essay shows how I feel it to be cruel to take away a
persons life from happiness of life and marriage.

2. Looking at the feedback, what do you think was the area you need the most
improvement in and why? (Be Specific)
The essay may have been improved through the use of topic sentences and closing
sentences for the paragraphs so that the paragraphs would be more organized. I
remember I lost my train of thought while I was writing this in-class essay. The ideas
could have connected more in order to have a better flow onto the next sentences. The
sentences sound choppy and technical without the flow. The idea was not well planned.
To be more professional, a question should not be used often in an essay. A better
understanding of what I am basing my writing on would have improved my writing into a
more depth analysis. Maybe talking more about marriage might have helped. When
writing an essay of opinion, one should pick a side to write about and firmly stick to that
side because then, the piece would be more interesting for the readers who are into
these topics. Maybe I could have explained what I took for granted.

3. Did the loop cycle work for you? Why or why not?
I am not sure if the loop method would have worked in this piece because there are two
different topics to cover on this paper. I feel connecting the article to the UN Human
Rights is different from connecting the Human Rights to Rachels Challenge. It might feel
too much on one paper.

4. Body paragraph construction is the most important part of your paper since this is the
area that uses evidence to back up your claims. Looking at your paper and feedback,
rate yourself overall on the following elements that correspond to the loop structure.
Topic Sentences:
Suppoting Details (SD):
Explanations (EXP):
Closings (CLOS):


Incorporating Quotes:
Set up quotes:
Used quote and documenting properly:
Explain relevance:
Concluding sentences:


5. The big question: based on your comments, checklist where you rated yourself on body
paragraph structure, and overall score, what NEW GOAL do you have for your next
writing assignment? In other words, what skills will you try to focus on in the future and
For the next assignment, I would like to focus on writing my sentences to flow in a better
structure and possibly using more transitions.

I feel all the sentences should somehow connect and lead to somewhere such as the topic
sentence. The flow will make it easier to read as well when going through the paragraph.
The ideas should be planned out, so they are in one piece.

6. Any other feedback youd like to share??

Rachels Challenge was very strong and influential that I feel it would make a positive
impact to the world if we do achieve them.