Running head: REVISITING ADOLESCENCE

Riker 1

Revisiting Adolescence
Giselle Riker
Wayne State University

Author Note
This paper was prepared for SW 3510 section 001, taught by Professor Cynthia Sweier.

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Introduction
Many people remember their adolescence very fondly or very poorly, but I found it to be
a mix of both good and bad bits. I have some really great memories and learned a lot about
myself and other people, but I also experienced some of my darkest times during my adolescent
years that I would never want to relive. I had my heart broken, I learned what it means to be a
true friend, I met amazing people, I had fun while making bad decisions, and so much more.
Theres no point in regretting any of the events that happened or choices I made now, but
sometimes I do really wish things had gone differently. But I definitely would not be the same
person I am today, and if I changed one thing, probably everything else would be different, and
there are some memories that I would absolutely never want to give up.
Significant Life Events
People debate about what point in time adolescence starts for young people, but I think it
usually ends up being different for everybody. The turning point for me to make the transition
from middle childhood to adolescence was when I transferred from the private Catholic school I
had been going to my whole to a public middle school for seventh grade. The transfer to public
school was part of my moms plan for as long as I can remember, but I never truly got prepared
for it. I went into Riley Middle School barely knowing anyone, only the girls from my Girl Scout
troop and we werent very close at all. Basically, I was on my own and I was in for a huge
culture shock. Everyone looked much older than me, all the girls were wearing makeup and
name brand clothes, everyone was swearing. I was extremely embarrassed by my appearance and
barely talked to anyone for the first few weeks. At the time I looked much younger than my age:
I had glasses, a dorky haircut with bangs that went straight across my forehead, and I didnt wear
makeup. I scrambled to change my appearance: I started wearing makeup everyday, begged my

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mom for contacts, and got a new, more up-to-date haircut. Even after that, I was still extremely
shy and only made a few close friends. I never talked to boys and was especially intimidated by
the popular kids. Thankfully, the following year I transferred to a new middle school due to a
district change and I had a much better time there, making more friends and becoming more
involved in school.
Other than that, nothing that occurred in my adolescence really stands out in a way that
changed my life forever. The things that impacted me the most happened when I was growing up
in my early and middle childhood. Probably the most influential events in my life had to do with
my dads drug addiction and his absence from my life and the resulting divorce. Everything was
normal for the first several years of my life, until one day when I was around age 7 he never
came home from work. Nobody in our family could get in touch with him and we didnt hear
anything from him for weeks. Eventually, he came back and tried to patch things up, but it didnt
last long until he left again for another extended amount of time. This cycle repeated for a few
years until my parents officially divorced. My dad ended up in jail for about a year, but once he
got out he was stable and got a job, and I occasionally got to see him even though my mom had
filed a restraining order against him. He had a few minor slip-ups again as the years went by, and
when I was around 14 or 15 he left again for a few weeks and this time it was harder because I
understood where he was and how dangerous it was. I was really miserable and scared those few
weeks he was gone. He came back with a black eye and busted up face, and to this day I do not
actually know the circumstances of his injuries but Im almost positive they had to do with
drugs. I think this was the final wake up call he needed because that was the last time he left.
However, the experiences had already taken their toll on me.
Effects of Life Events & Issues

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My awkward transition to public school may not seem like it should have been very
significant, but it honestly was a really difficult event for me that was changed how I interacted
with my peers for the rest of my years of schooling. As I mentioned before, I made a bunch of
major changes to my appearance in order to fit in with everyone else, but even after that I still
felt like I didnt truly belong. I wanted so badly to be like the popular girls who were so outgoing
and pretty. All the boys wanted to talk to them, whereas I thought no boy even remotely noticed
my existence. But I was way too afraid to even start a conversation with one of the popular girls
let alone try to befriend one, all because I assumed everyone was going to reject me.
I think my insecure mindset can be explained by the concept of adolescent egocentrism.
Originally proposed by Jean Piaget in his theory of cognitive development (Ashford & Lecroy,
2013, p. 309), it was expanded by David Elkind who first proposed that egocentrism could occur
in adolescence as a preoccupation with how other people perceive you, usually with the
unrealistic notion that everyone is noticing and judging everything you do, also known as the
imaginary audience (Ashford & Lecroy, 2013, p. 441). This is almost exactly how my mind
was structured during those early years of adolescence; I wasted so much time obsessing over
my appearance and persona because I thought all my peers were judging me and thought I was
weird, when in reality they probably didnt think that at all because I was so quiet many people
didnt notice me or even know my name! As time I got older, I began to realize that most people
are really much more concerned about what they themselves are doing than what I am doing, and
my peers were nowhere near as perceptive as I thought. Although I became less shy as the years
went on, I always remained somewhat introverted and afraid to be myself. Freshman year of high
school was somewhat similar to seventh grade because once again I transferred to a new school

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where I only knew a few people, but joining the performing arts program really helped me to
overcome my shyness.
My poor interpersonal skills and cognitions in early adolescence could also potentially be
effects of the experiences with my dad. I think I have always had quite a few unsettled emotions
due to my dads departures and unpredictable behavior. As I was growing up dealing with these
issues, my mom never put me in counseling or really sat down and tried to explain to me what
was going on. So I was left relatively clueless, all I knew was that my mom seemed to hate my
dad now but I still loved him and missed him so much and I wanted the three of us to be a family
again and go back to the way it was. I could not understand why he left me and my mom alone, I
thought it must have been something we did, or that I simply was not a good enough daughter. In
reality, it was because he was very emotionally unstable due to his many unresolved problems in
his past that led him to self medicate with cocaine. Of course, I didnt understand that when I
was a child, so I blamed myself and began to develop insecurities within myself, and they really
came out once I had to start school in a totally new and unfamiliar environment. These
insecurities have stayed with me up until today (even though Im much more self-assured now
than I ever was) and they have especially affected my relationships, which will be discussed in
the next section.
Drugs & Peer Pressure
I was relatively innocent in the first few years of my adolescence: I followed all the rules
at home and school closely and never did anything remotely rebellious, and my friends were the
same way. During that time, I was against drugs and alcohol, mainly because I had grown up
witnessing the awful effects of drug addiction and my mom engrained in me that I should never
touch any of that stuff. It wasnt until the fall of sophomore year that my best friend Hailey and I

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were taken under the wing of the seniors in our schools performing arts program, CAPA. They
started inviting us to their parties where we were introduced to alcohol, marijuana, and a lot of
new older people. We honestly felt so cool, like we were finally getting the real high school
experience and fit in somewhere. A lot of our old friends got mad at us and thought we were
making bad choices, but we didnt really care. Truthfully, I just wanted to fit in with the seniors,
shed my good girl persona, and have fun, and I did all of that. But I know we were never out of
control because it never affected my schoolwork or emotional or physical health. But the seniors
eventually graduated, so we were left to our own devices when it came to partying.
From then on, I never really drank or smoked too often. I would go to the occasional
party or smoke pot with friends, and I started smoking cigarettes in junior year (happy to say I
have since dropped the habit). But in senior year, I befriended a girl named Kayla who was pretty
wild and was basically always high on weed or pills. I would hang out with her and her friend
Nina after school, and I spent a lot of time smoking, going to shady apartments or houses to buy
weed, driving while high, using drugs from total strangers... basically a lot of dumb decisions. I
was also able to smoke somewhat regularly at my part time job because the guys there would let
me smoke for free with them in their cars before or after work, and sometimes even on break.
Kayla also introduced me to Adderall, which I really liked because it was actually functional and
I could use it for energy and focus to be alert at work or school and get homework done. Again, it
never got too out of hand- I never took it everyday just like I didnt smoke weed everyday. But
still I knew I was risking a lot by having this lifestyle.
I really think peer pressure played a big role in many of the choices I made regarding
drugs and alcohol. Mainly, I didnt want to look like a wimp in front of my friends, so I went
along with whatever they were doing, a willingness that can be explained by the social learning

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theory. There are many different approaches within this theory, but it basically is a form of
cognitive behaviorism that observations and interactions with other people/groups influence the
individuals behavior (Ashford & Lecroy, 2013, p. 101). Some approaches to social learning
theory incorporate the original concepts of rewards, punishment, and reinforcement from
behaviorism, and explain that because rewards and punishment exist within groups, by
interacting with [group] members, people learn definitions of behavior as good or bad (Goode,
2007, p. 73). So during my time with the CAPA seniors, Kayla, and the guys at work, drinking
and smoking were the reinforced behaviors, and the ostensible rewards were acceptance and fun.
So according to the social learning theory, it was only natural for me to change my ways due to
my exposure to the group and my desire to be accepted by them.
Family Dynamics
I do not come from a very large family, and as I discussed earlier we had quite a bit of
drama for a good majority of my life. Even so, Im grateful to have a both parents living and
healthy. Throughout middle school and high school, I lived in the suburbs of Livonia with my
mom and stepdad who are basically polar opposites. My stepdad is very laid back (almost to a
fault) so he has always been pretty easy to live with. He can be very close-minded and that can
really get on my nerves, so when we do clash it can get pretty explosive, but otherwise hes just
fine. My mom is another story. During my adolescent years I swear we were fighting everyday,
and she would get on my nerves for the dumbest, most insignificant things. I think I started to
subconsciously resent her when she gave up on my dad completely and kept me away from him,
even though I know now it was just to protect me.
She can be very critical and she is not a loving person at all, at least outwardly. I would
always want her to be there for me with a hug and kind words when I was going through a hard

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time but instead she would just give me her most realistic opinion, no matter how harsh, and
basically just tell me to move on. She has always been extremely controlling, but strangely
enough, she wasnt much of a disciplinarian, mainly because I never really acted out (at least to
her knowledge) and I always did well in school. Although my mom and I didnt have the most
functional relationship, my home life wasnt really that bad at all and Im grateful for the way
my mom raised me because she taught me the importance of being realistic and always being
able to take care of yourself, values that have helped me out quite a bit so far as an adult.
Body Image
My body image has always been somewhat negative and I dont think Ive ever been
truly happy with my appearance. I have always been a petite girl, maxing out at 411 for height,
but I have definitely never been stick skinny. In the beginning of high school, I was not the
slimmest Ive ever been, and I remember my doctor telling me when I got a physical around age
14 that I could weighed more than I should for my size (when I only weighed 110lbs at most)
and I could stand to lose a couple pounds. He made me feel awful and I had no idea how to lose
weight because I was terrible at sports and didnt have any time for exercise, and it left me
feeling very insecure about my body. Around this same time, I had braces on which absolutely
shattered my confidence for the three years I was stuck with them. I never smiled with my teeth
in photos and absolutely hated smiling and laughing too big in front of boys or people I didnt
know very well because I was so insecure about my teeth. Overall I absolutely hated my looks
during those first two years of high school and thought no one would ever think I was pretty.
My confidence improved when I finally got my braces off at the end of sophomore year. I
was still uncomfortable with my weight, but even that changed once I got my first job at
Wendys. You think working at a place like that would do the opposite of helping me lose weight,

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but I dropped to 98lbs and stayed that way for the next 3 years, so my weight came off my list of
things to worry about. I dont know why or how I lost all the weight, but I guess just changing
my sedentary lifestyle to one where I was on my feet all the time at work helped, plus at the time
I was smoking cigarettes which curbed my appetite. It was when my body was like this that boys
started to notice me more, so really this was probably the time that I had the most confidence
about my looks. I finally felt like I had fully grown out of my awkward years!
However, I have always had a penchant for snacking, the only time I was able to cut
down on that was when I was smoking. Now that I quit smoking, my snacking habits have
returned and I weigh more than I ever have in my entire life and Ive been feeling terrible about
it. But I definitely think my old smoking habit and my appetite now has a lot to do with having
an oral fixation, which is the result of having an unresolved oral stage, the first of Sigmund
Freuds psychosexual stages of development for the psychoanalytic theory (Ashford & Lecroy,
2013, p. 97). According to the Gale Encyclopedia of Psychology, the oral stage is the time
period when an infants main focus is getting oral pleasure (i.e. nursing) and depend on
caretakers to provide that pleasure (2011, p. 522). The stage will be left in conflict if a child is
weaned too early or too late, which would explain the nail biting habit Ive had since I was little,
smoking for three years, and now my constant desire to snack just for the sake of eating
something. I dont really know much about my feeding schedule as a baby but I do know I was
never breast fed because my mom had too much difficultly pumping, so the circumstances were
right for a oral conflict to develop. The literature also explains that an unresolved oral stage can
also result in dependency on others and the desire for approval of others (2001, p. 522) which
has definitely been a major part of my personality throughout my adolescence.

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Issues of Diversity
I spent my childhood surrounded by white kids that looked just like me. The only time I
ever had any exposure to cultural diversity was the Hispanic side of my family. Once I entered
middle and high school, there was a little bit more variety of race, but still not very much
because I went to school in the suburbs of Livonia. It wasnt until I got my job at Wendys that I
actually began consistently interacting with people that werent teenage, middle-class white kids
from the suburbs. A lot of my coworkers were African American and several of them lived in
Detroit, so clearly we were very different people, but we actually all got along great and had a lot
of fun together. They were obviously some things they would talk about and experiences they
would share that I couldnt relate to, but they never made me feel alienated.
Even when my coworkers were white, a lot of them came from very different
backgrounds but we were still able to get along very well. In fact, one of my favorite people
there, Sofia, was raised in Detroit and is several years older than me, but we still bonded and she
always came to me to talk about all the things that were going on in her life such as her boyfriend
being in jail and her experiences with drugs and alcohol. Even though I often couldnt personally
relate I was always willing to listen and tried my best to give her my opinion and advice on the
matter, and I tried to do the same for all my other coworkers. My experiences with those
individuals helped me to become so much more open-minded and comfortable with different
cultural backgrounds, as well as overall much less judgmental towards everyone.
Conclusion
Honestly, it felt therapeutic to write about these important events in my adolescence.
There are things presented here that I havent thought about for years, but it felt good to unearth
them from the depths of my memory and analyze the effects they had on my character

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development. My adolescence was definitely a long, bumpy road but I think Im happy enough
with the way my life has turned out that if I could go back, I wouldnt want to change anything,
no matter how ignorant or upsetting they were. I think re-reading these reflections on my
adolescence will help me remember how strange and difficult adolescent years are in case I ever
have a teenage client going through similar growing pains and help them find peace of mind.

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References
Ashford, J.B., & Lecroy, C.W. (2013). Human Behavior in the Social Environment
(5th ed.). Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole.
Goode, Erich. (2007). Drugs in American Society (7th ed.). New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.
Retrieved from http://highered.mcgrawhill.com/sites/dl/free/0073401498/506358/Goode7_Sample_ch03.pdf

PsychosexualStages.(2001).InB.Strickland(Ed.),TheGaleEncyclopediaofPsychology(2nd
ed.,pp.521523).Detroit:Gale.Retrievedfromhttp://go.galegroup.com/ps/i.do?
id=GALE
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226f2528e9af16b401e1bdf0