Comments Essay #4

1. I changed does to Do because it sounded grammatically

wrong.
2. I wasnt thinking when creating these research questions from
the beginning because not only do the genres but also the
activities create the identities/gatekeeping as well. You pointed
this out to me when giving me feedback and I felt it was a very
important change to make.
3. I saw in the feedback you crossed my word experts and put
Scholars so I felt that it was very important change to make.
These people arent really experts they are more scholarly
people and I did not even think about that before. I feel that
scholars describe these people better.
4. I believe this sounds a lot better then identity because identity
is already said a lot in this paper. A new set of words to describe
identity is always better to avoid repetition.
5. I thought this sentence didnt really make sense when reading
over this paper again. I decided to change it to make the
sentence shorter an more simpler. I also think that it sounds
much better this way.
6. I decided that since my lit review is too long I would add in Johns
to this paragraph very briefly to be able to delete things later on
in my lit review. I figured since my ideas were similar to both of
them I would add that in and talk about her towards the end.
7. I highlighted these few sentences to try to shorten my lit review. I
felt these sentences were concepts that I have already talked
about. I dont want my paper to be very repetitive because that
will bore my audience. I think my paper can still be fine without
these sentences.
8. I added this sentence at the end of my thoughts on the topic of
identity because I felt it was a much simpler way of addressing
the fact that I agree with Johns instead of writing a whole
paragraph why I do. I simply stated I agree with her ideas
because of her six lenses, which is exactly why I agree.
9. I decided to highlight these sentences because I feel they arent
very useful and I need to shorten up my lit review. I decided to
add Johns to the end of this paragraph instead to make things
flow better. These sentences in my opinion were kind of random
and just not so much important.
10.
You made a comment on my paper for feedback that I
should connect the interview to my personal observation. You
wanted me to describe how I saw those things in my observation
as well. I went ahead and added in these sentences to show I
was able to see some of the same things that Amanda described
in our interview for myself.

11.
You wanted me to describe what a good identity is. I was
able to add in two sentences explaining what a good identity is.
It is hard to explain because everyone has his or her own
definition when it comes to good. I explained it in the best way
I could here for the audience.
12.
I decided to re-do the last two paragraphs of my conclusion
based off of your feedback. I felt those paragraphs didnt really
conclude my paper. I decided to add in how the sources I
described related to my first research question and answer the
question. I figured if I addressed my research questions I must
actually answer the question for my audience.
13.
I decided to also add in another paragraph pertaining to
my second research question. You had suggested relating my
sources to my research questions so I decided to do it. I believe if
I bring them up in the beginning I must answer them and show
what sources connect to it.