Bridget Jones's Diary Script

5/22/2014
BRIDGET
JONESS
DIARY
BRIDGET JONESS DIARY Script
EXT. LONDON. VIEWS. DAY.

It is snowing. Hushed New Year's morning. Views of London after the night before. Party stragglers. The
fountain in Trafalgar Square has frozen. Lone pigeons cower under falling snow.
EXT. BRIDGET'S STREET. BRIDGET.
EXT. BRIDGET'S FLAT. SKYLIGHT WINDOW. DAY.
SCREENPLAYBY
Framed through the skylight window, a very messy bed - no human being decipherable.
HELENFIELDING
ANDREW DAVIES
RICHARDCURTIS
INT. BRIDGET JONES'S FLAT. BEDROOM. DAY.

Strange sounds emerge from the bed - then slowly movement - and at last - the worse for wear - mascara
eyes - crazy hair - still in clothes from the night before - Bridget Jones emerges.
8May2000
BRIDGET: Fuck a duck.

WorkingTitleFilms
As she crawls out of bed.

BRIDGET V.O.: New Year's Day. Another year gone. O God. Everyone else has mutated into Smug
Marrieds, having children - Plop! Plop! Plop! - left, right and centre. And I'm still going to bad parties.
INT.NEWYEARPARTY.NIGHT.
Cut to Bridget at a party drinking a dangerously large shot.
Cut to Bridget being chatted up by a questionable man at the party - while scooping from an enormous
bowl of Guacamole... over his shoulder Sharon shows dismay and Jude thinks he's gay.
Cut to Bridget, still talking to the handsome man, takes a mighty drag from a joint - and falling straight
behind a couch. The man takes advantage of the moment to slip away.
Cut to Bridget emerging from behind the couch, by Sharon and Tom and Jude - making a 'don't worry I'm fine' sign - then taking the joint back again casually - having a puff - and there she goes again, down
behind the couch.
INT. BRIDGET'S FLAT. LIVING ROOM. DAY.
Cut to her sitting, present time, on a chair, in a short nightgown. She picks up a diary, unwraps plastic
wrapping.
BRIDGET O.S.: Have made big decision. This year will take total control of my life and become perfect
modern woman. Resolution Number One - in order to mark triumphant year in which everything stops
being shit and turns out v.g. - will keep a diary.
Kick straight into Sinatra's upbeat version of the Rodgers & Hart classic 'Have You Met Miss Jones?' for
the credits.
Bridget cross-legged, writing in new diary.
BRIDGET O.S. (CONT'D) : January 1st. 9 stone 5. Alcohol units - 35 (ouch!) cigarettes 22 (she crossed
out the '2' and make it '3' - '32') calories 5424 - shouldn't have finished that Guacamole.
BRIDGET V.O.: Not time in short credit sequence to demonstrate all resolutions - but major ones
include... [During this sequence she is seen enacting most of these] will stop smoking, stop drinking... (She
stubs out an only just lit cigarette - throws away a glass of wine and then sort of catch-scoops it just in time
back into the glass, has a sip - nasty! - so throws it away again.) a lot. Stop fantasizing about unrealistic
men...
INT. BRIDGET'S BATHROOM. INT./EXT.
Her hand slips in and slips a George Clooney calendar off the hook it hangs on the door.
http://bridgetarchive.altervista.org/bjd_script.htm
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Her hand slips in and slips a George Clooney calendar off the hook it hangs on the door.
INT. BRIDGET'S BEDROOM. DAY.
BRIDGET O.S.: ...and, crucial I believe, will always throw yesterday's used pants in laundry basket... (She
pounces on a rogue pair, but we see, as she turns towards the laundry basket, that she actually has another
pair of pants stuck to the back of her thigh. The phone goes. She walks towards it.) Will also live own life
without being bullied by people into things I don't want to do.
She answers it. The music stops dead.
BRIDGET: Yes, don't worry, Mum, I'll be there.
She hangs up.
BRIDGET (CONT'D): Very bad start.
She instantly takes the cigarette out of the ashtray.
INT. BRIDGET'S FLAT. HALLWAY. NIGHT.
Bridget, wrapped up for winter, coming downstairs with a big case. She passes a pleasant 60 year Indian
man old, just taking his garbage out - Mr Ramdas.
MR RAMDAS: Happy New Year, Bridget.
BRIDGET: Thanks Mr Ramdas - how's your wife?
MR RAMDAS: Still dead.
BRIDGET: Oh yes, that's right. Sorry. Still sorry. Still, Happy New Year!
MR RAMDAS: Thank you, sweetheart.
EXT. ST. PANCRAS STATION. EUSTON ROAD. DAY.
Snow falls on the road towards St. Pancras Station. New Year's Party revellers are making their way home.
Bridget comes into view, bit by bit, through flurries of snow, carrying her overnight bag.
BRIDGET V.O.: All in all, will develop inner poise, and sense of self as mature woman of substance,
complete without boyfriend... as best way to obtain boyfriend. And not end up tragic bag lady.
Which is exactly what she looks like. She lights a cigarette - but muddles it and it drops into the snow.
BRIDGET: Fuck.
BRIDGET V.O.: Doesn't matter; giving up anyway, of course.
INT.ENTRANCETOST.PANCRASSTATION.DAY.
She walks past a huge poster of a very slim, long-legged model.
BRIDGET V.O.: Will also not be paranoid about being overweight and will learn to love my thighs as
being just the sort of thighs many men enjoy lying between, especially those alive in 18th century.
Shestopstogivemoneytoagaunthomelesscouple,andtheirdog.Shewalkson...
HOMELESS MAN: What a lovely, caring person.
HOMELESS WOMAN: Yes. Shame about the thighs.
HOMELESS MAN: Yeah, she could lose a stone or two.Thanks, Chubbs!
INT. ST. PANCRAS STATION. MAIN CONCOURSE. DAY.
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INT. ST. PANCRAS STATION. MAIN CONCOURSE. DAY.

Bridgetwalksonthrough.
STATION ANNOUNCER V.O.: Western Rail wishes to inform all passengers that there is actually
nothing whatsoever the matter with Bridget Jones thighs...
INT.ST.PANCRASSTATION.PLATFORM.DAY.
STATION ANNOUNCER V.O.: Passengers are reminded once again that you do not need to look like a
stick insect to be attractive. Marilyn Monroe is a good example - and Madonna in the early days - and, of
course, that girl who plays the flatmate in Ally McBeal and Benton's ex-girlfriend in E.R.
INT. TRAIN COMPARTMENT. DAY.
Cut to on the train. BRIDGET is writing in her DIARY in her tight scrawl.
BRIDGET: V. important - will not fall for any more of the following: commitment phobics, misogynists,
megalomaniacs, freeloaders or perverts. (She looks at male passengers beside her and coming towards her.
By the time she reaches 'pervert', the camera whizzes back to 'misogynist' man.) Will also become more
intelligent by reading excellent books of prize-winning quality. (She takes out a copy of 'The Famished
Road' by Ben Okri. Nods intelligently as she starts to read - we glimpse a picture of the author on the back
as we do - and instantly her eyelids start to droop.) Though must be careful not to lose touch with popular
culture.
She takes out 'Hello' and devours it. She speaks this line out loud...
BRIDGET (CONT'D): O Fergie, Fergie, Fergie: who told you you looked good in that?
Turns another page - then obviously her concentration drifts a bit...
BRIDGET (CONT'D): Also will not obsess HOPELESSLY about Daniel Cleaver as is pathetic to have
crush on boss in manner of Miss Moneypenny...
The train enters a tunnel. The windows black out.
INT. BRIDGET'S OFFICE. GENERAL OFFICE. DAY.
Ping. Out of black, the lift doors open. Slo-mo on Daniel Cleaver walking through office. He is about 35,
stylish and indeed gorgeous.
BRIDGET (CONT'D): ...although, pretty damn sure that he looked at me in distinctly unprofessional
manner at Christmas party. Though might have been amazement at number of flat notes in rendering of
Nilsson classic.
INT.BRIDGET'SOFFICE.GENERALOFFICE.NIGHT.
Cut to Bridget screaming into a microphone at Christmas party. Other office characters are there: Perpetua,
Daniel's timid secretary, plump Simon from Marketing, Leslie from Design, Dave from Sales.
BRIDGET: 'Can't liiiiiiiiiiiive if living is without you - can't liiiiiive...'
Cut to slow-mo Daniel Cleaver, in deep conversation with Managing Director, Mr Fitzherbert, stopping,
looking round in an enigmatic manner.
BRIDGET (CONT'D): Can't deny it, though - he's absolutely flipping gorgeous...
Someone crosses him, creating momentary blackness which turns back into the black of the train now
suddenlyemergingfromthetunnel...
INT. TRAIN COMPARTMENT. DAY.

Bridget stop writing and looks up.
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BRIDGET (CONT'D): ...would say 'fucking gorgeous' - but certain Mother will at some point read diary
and therefore the less four letter words the better - not to mentions of blow-jobs and nobs up back bottom
etc.
INT./EXT. BRIDGET'S PARENTS' HOUSE. FRONT DOOR. DAY.
Detached 50's house on the edge of pretty, thatched village. Bridget's taxi pulls up. She slumps against the
front door as the bell rings the tune of a town hall clock. Her mum opens it.
MOTHER: Oh! There you are, Tigger. For Heavens Sake, where are you been?
INT. BRIDGET'S PARENTS' HOUSE. STAIRS. DAY.
MUSIC. BIM BOM by Joao Gilberto - cheesy Bosa Nova music.
As Mother drags Bridget upstairs, Una Alconbury, Mother's best friend, pops her head around a door.
UNA ALCONBURY: (To mother) Doilies, Pam? Hello, Bridget.
MOTHER: Third drawer from the top, Una. Under the mini-gherkins. (Triumphant, to Bridget) By the
way, the Darcys are here! They've brought Mark with them. He's just back from the U.N., for Heavens
Sake.
From Bridget's blank look...
MOTHER (CONT'D): You remember Mark. You used to play in his paddling pool? He's a barrister. Very
well off.
BRIDGET: No. I don't remember.
MOTHER: Beetroot cubes and stuffed olives are in the garages fridge.
UNA ALCONBURY: Righto Pam.
BRIDGET: And I want you to stop right there - I maybe single, but I will not, repeat not be reduced to
being match-made with the dreadful children of your awful friends.
Motherjustlooksatherblanklyandcontinues.
MOTHER: He's just back from America. Divorced last Christmas. Wife was Japanese. Very cruel race.
Now, what are you going to put on?
BRIDGET: (Indicates what she's wearing - nice modern outfit) This.
MOTHER: Don't be silly, Bridget - you'll never get a boyfriend if you look like you've wandered out of
Auschwitz. Go upstairs. I've laid out something lovely on your bed.
INT. BRIDGET'S PARENTS' HOUSE. SITTING ROOM. DAY.
The guests are mainly Bridget's parents' friends, including Penny HusbandsBosworth. But there is a
smatteringofguestsofBridget'sage,withbabiesandtoddlers.
Bridgetentersselfconsciouslyinahorrible,luridoutfit,similartohermother's.Thewholesceneasslightly
surrealnature:throughBridget'seyeswewatchthisweirdworldinwhichsheoncelived.Threestrange,
staticrelativesHamish,BernardandShirley,frozenlikecharactersoutof'BlueVelvet'.
BRIDGET:HelloHamish...Shirley...Bernard.
ThenGeoffreyAlconbury,60,loomsatherside,aBruceForsytheshuffleinhisstep...
GEOFFREYALCONBURY:Heresheis.MylitleBridget!
Geoffreygivesheranenthusiasticclumsykiss,hitchingupthewaistbandofhistrousers.
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BRIDGET:Hello,UncleGeoffrey.
GEOFFREYALCONBURY:Gotadrink?No?Comeonthen,Icoulddowithafillup.
BRIDGETO.S.:UncleGeoffrey...wellnotreallymyuncle.SomeonewhoinsistsIcallhimUnclewhile
hestaresatmybreastsandaskwhyI'mnotmarriedyet.
Heleadshertothedrinkstablethroughthechatteringguests.UnaAlconburyhassidledupnexttothem.
GEOFFREYALCONBURY:So...notmarriedyet,eh,Bridget?How'syourlovelife?
DISSOLVETOWHATBRIDGETWANTSTOSAY:
BRIDGET:Mindyourownbusiness,youhorrid,horrid,nosey,shinyoldmanwithanalmostpermanent
erection.Idon'taskyouhowyourmarriageis.
GEOFFREYALCONBURY:How'syourlovelife?
DISSOLVETOWHATBRIDGETREALLYSAYS:
BRIDGET:Super,thanksUncleG.
GEOFFREYALCONBURY:Stillnofellow,then,eh?Idon'tknow.
UNAALCONBURY:Youcareergirls.Can'tputitoffforeveryouknow.Ticktock!Ticktock!
BRIDGET:Hello,Dad.
Bridgetmovesontojoinherfather,ashyman,who'sawkwardlyfillingdrinks,andhasbeencorneredbya
60yearoldwoman.
BRIDGET'SDAD:(Facelightsup)Hello,Darling.(Bridget'sdadintroducesthewoman.)Ah,thisis...do
youknow,I'mterriblysorry,I'veknowyouforfortyyearsandI'vecompletelyforgottenyourname.
PENNY:It'sPenny.
BRIDGET'SDAD:That'sright,ofcourseitis.DarlingBridgetthisis...sorry,it'sgoneagain.
Pennygiveshimaterriblelookandwalksoff.Bridgetsmiles.
BRIDGET'SDAD:Yourmother'stryingtofixyouupwithsomedivorcee.(Nodsinhisdirection)
WHAT BRIDGET SEES: a solitary figure by the window, his back to the room, his head turned in
handsomeprofile,hiswholepostureindicatinghaughtydisengagement.ThisisMARKDARCY.Bridget's
reactionshowssomeinteresthe'saratherromanticlookingfigure.
BRIDGET'S DAD (CONT'D): Human rights barrister. Pretty nasty beast apparently. Nearly bit Uncle
Geoffrey'sheadoffwhenheaskedforsomeadviceonhismortgage.
Motherswoopsin,thrustingatrayatBridget,andsweepingheroff.
MOTHER:Comeon.Whydon'tyouseeifMarkfanciesagherkin?
MarkDarcytalksinlow,urgenttonestohisrathergrandlooking,militarytypewellbornparents.
MOTHER(CONT'D):Mark!Heresheis!
Markturnsslowly,revealingabrightlycolouredsetofreindeeronthefrontofhissweater.
MOTHER (CONT'D): You remember Bridget? She used to run round your lawn with no clothes on.
Remember?
The Darcy Parents politely back off, leaving their son, Mark, stranded. Mark takes his time looking at
Bridget.
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Bridget.
MARK:No.Notassuch.
Hesaysthatinaveryformal,ratherforbiddingsortofway,veryMrDarcyish,infact.
BRIDGET:CanItemptyouwithagherkin?
MARK:No,thanks.
MOTHER:Bridgetworksinpublishing,don'tyouBridget?
BRIDGET:Ido...indeed.
Anawkwardsilence.Una,sizingupthesituationfromafar,movesin.
UNAALCONBURY:(ToBridget'smother)Comeandlookatyourgravy,Pam!Ithinkit'sgoingtoneed
sieving.
MOTHER:Ofcourseitdoesn'tneedsieving.Juststirit,Una!
UnashootsMotherameaningfullook,'Leavethemalone'.MotherlooksatBridgetandMark,thentwigs.
MOTHER(CONT'D):Ofcourse!I'llberightthere!Sorry,lumpygravycalls.
Mark clenches his jaw muscles in embarrassment at Mother's vulgarity, as he and Bridget are left alone.
Longpause,consciousofparentalstares.
BRIDGET&MARKSIMULTANEOUSLY:So...
MARK:Publishing.Haveyoureadanygoodbooks...lately?
BRIDGET:Um...TheFamishedRoad,byBenOkri.
MARK:Ah,yes,Ireadthatwhenitfirstcameout.
BRIDGET:Allthewaythrough?
MARK:Mmm.Don'tyouthinkit'saratherpoorconceit?
Bridgetstaresathim.
BRIDGET:Erm...Well,nottoopoor.ActuallyI'monlyonpage3.DozedoffbutI'msurethestory's
reallygoingtokickinonpage4.
IsthereatinyglintofamusementinMark'seye?
BRIDGET:YoubeenstayingwithyourparentsoverNewYear?
MARK:Yes.Youtoo?
BRIDGET:No.Sorry.IwasatapartyinLondonlastnight,soIfearI'mabithungover.WishIcouldbe
lyingwithmyheadinatoiletlikeallnormalpeople.
Shedoesalittlelaugh.InscrutablereactionfromMark.
BRIDGET:NewYear'sResolutiontodrinkless.Andstopsmoking.
MARK:Ah.
Lookingatherdrinkandfag.
BRIDGET:AndkeepNewYear'sResolutions.Andstoptalkingtotalnonsensetostrangers.Infact,stop
talkingfullstop.KeepmybigmouthfirmlyshutuntilI'vegotsomethingincisiveandintelligenttosay...
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talkingfullstop.KeepmybigmouthfirmlyshutuntilI'vegotsomethingincisiveandintelligenttosay...
(Pause)Nicejumper.Can'tbeatareindeer,that'smytheory.
MARK:Perhapsit'stimeto...eatthen.
Mark walks off. Bridget notices all eyes staring at her, then hurriedly averted. She walks to the Turkey
CurryBuffet.
BRIDGET:(Mutteringtoherself)Ahsothat'swhyBridgetisn'tmarriedyet.Sherepulsesmen.
INT.BRIDGET'SPARENTS'HOUSE.SITTINGROOM.DAY.
Markisbythebuffet,eyeingaturkeydrumstickwarily.Hismotherapproacheshim.
MARK'SMOTHER:There'dbenoharmtakinghernumber.Apparentlyshelivesjustaroundthecorner
fromyou.
MARK:Mother,Idonotneedablinddate,particularlynotwithsomeverballyincontinentspinsterwho
smokeslikeachimney,drinkslikeafishanddresseslikehermother.
MarklooksaroundtoseeBridget.Hecan'ttellwhethershehasheardornot.Bridgethasheard.Shesmiles
athimasifshehasn'tandhelpsherselftoaplateoffood.
BRIDGET: Yummy. Turkey curry. My favourite. (Then into V.O., still smiling broadly) Oh God. Oh
God.OhJesus.EvendumpeddivorceewearingreindeersweaterthinksI'mhorrible.Amdestinedtodie
alone.
INT.BRIDGET'SPARENTS'HOUSE.TOPOFSTAIRS.NIGHT.
Bridgetsitsatthetopofthestairsinapairofpajamas,writingherdiary.
BRIDGETO.S.:(Inherdiary)Andbefoundthreeweekslater,wearingashowercapandhalfheatenby
Alsathians.
Hermumcallsfromdownstairs.
MUMV.O.:Darlingcomeondownandjoininthepostmortem.
INT.BRIDGET'SPARENTS'SITTING.NIGHT.
Mumbustlinginandoutofthesittingroomwithadustbuster.DadisengrossedinthecricketontheTV.
Mumlooksabitdeflated.
MUM:Thoughtitwentverywell,didn'tyou?
Dadgrunts.
MUM(CONT'D):IthoughtwemightinvitetheAlconburysovertomorrowtochewitover.
Dadgruntsagain.
MUM (CONT'D): I thought we could make them into a lasagne and eat them. (More grunt.) Then I
thoughtwecouldinvitePennyHusbandsBosworthandhaveasadomasochisticorgy.
DAD:Yes.Verygoodevening.Lovelyturkeycurry.
Mumlooksathimdeeply.Stillshockedbyhisindifference.
INT.PARENT'SHOUSE.STAIRS.NIGHT.
BacktoBridgetsurveyingthisdesultoryscene,perplexed...
BRIDGETO.S.:V.complexlifegrislybecauseoflackoflove,which,whenfound,alsogrisly.
EXT.LONDONBRIDGE.DAY.
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EXT.LONDONBRIDGE.DAY.
Music: IT'S A FAMILY AFFAIR by Sly and the Family Stone. Great big bridge shot hundreds of
people,andhundredsofBridgets,faginhand,walkingacrosstherivertowork.Bridgetlooksattheworld
aroundher,attheothersBridgets,attheoldladiesinhousecoatswithshoppingtrolliesathappycouples
holdinghands.Whatwillbecomeofher?
EXT.BONDSTREET.DAY.
Bridgetwalkstowork.And,asBridgetdoesshepullsherselftogetheragain.
BRIDGETV.O.:Stillnottodespair.Amthrusting,modernindependentwoman,withgoodprospects,
goodjob,goodbrain,andfamouslynicenipples.Surelyeternalhappinessmustberoundthecorner.
INT.BRIDGET'SOFFICE.GENERALOFFICE.DAY.
Bridgetslinksintotheofficelate.Sheiswearingarathercuteshortskirt.Perpetua,herSloanysuperior,is
on the phone. On the desk is a framed photograph of Perpetua's large, pink, fleshy, hooray boyfriend,
besidecountlessestateagentsdetailsofhouses.
BRIDGET:Morning.
PERPETUA:Morning.Ineedthat'Kafka'sMotorbike'releaseby11.(Backtothephone)Describeitto
me,Gavinbigdiningroomgood!plumruchedcurtainswithafloralfriezeverygoodindeed...
BRIDGET:Right.
Bridgetlogson,types'KAFKA'SMOTORBIKE'heading.
She can glimpse Daniel Cleaver, through the glass wall of his windowed office. He suddenly looks up,
looks straight at her with no expression. She blushes, looks away, just as Mr Fitzherbert, the Managing
Director,passesherdesk.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):HappyNewYear,MrFitzherbert.
MRFITZHERBERT:HappyNewYear,Brenda.
HeglancesatherbreastsfondlyandthengoesintoDaniel'soffice.Closesthedoor.
Thephonerings.
BRIDGET:Hello.Publicity.
JUDEO.S.:(Sobbingintophone)...allIasked.Ionlyasked...ifhewantedtocomeonaminibreakto
Paris.
INT.JUDE'SOFFICE.DAY.
Jude,investmentbanker,isinacubicle,infloodsoftears,mascarastreakinghercheeks.
BRIDGETO.S.:Calmdown.Breathedeeply.That'sright.What'shappened?
Bridget,turnedawayfromPerpetua,talkinglow.
JUDE:HesaidIwasgettingtooseriousandtooneedy.AmIco...codependent?
BRIDGETO.S.:No,youarenot.It'snotyou.You'relovely.It'sVileRichard.He'sjustabignobhead
withnonob...
BreakingoffasshenoticesthatDanielisstandinginfrontofherdesk,withamanuscript.Hemusthave
overheard.
BRIDGET:(Coveringup)...issomepeople'sopinionofKafka...buttheycouldn'tbemorewrong.This
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BRIDGET:(Coveringup)...issomepeople'sopinionofKafka...buttheycouldn'tbemorewrong.This
book is a searing vision of the wounds our century has inflicted on traditional masculinity: positively
Vonnegutesque.Buttellyouwhat,I'llsendoverareviewcopyonabike.Notatall.Thankyouforcalling
ProfessorLeavis.
Shedisconnects.
DANIEL:Don'tletmeinterrupttheStakhanoviteflow.
Bridgetblushes.
INT.JUDE'SOFFICE.DAY.
Judewipeshertearsawayandwalksoutintothemainoffice,fullofmeninsuits.
JUDE:RightthatwasTokyoonthephoneifyougentlemenhavetheballsforitIthinkit'stimetokill.
Danielhasstartedtowalkaway.Thenstops.
DANIEL:F.R.Leavis.
BRIDGET:Mmmmmhmm.
DANIEL:Wow.
Heseemsimpressed.He'sabouttowalkoffagain.
DANIEL (CONT'D): The F.R. Leavis who wrote MASS CIVILISATION AND MINORITY
CULTURE?
BRIDGET:(Unsure,butnodscheerily)Mmmmmhmm.
DANIEL:TheF.R.Leaviswhodiedin1978?
BRIDGET:(Aratherhighpitchedsqueak)Ahm...
Hecontinuesonhisway.Bridget'sface.
PERPETUA:(Tophone)StayrightthereI'llberoundin10minutes.Don'tletanyoneelsesetfootinit.
(ToBridget)Bridget,I'vegottoseeaproperty.You'llhavetodothepresentationtothatMichaelchap.Is
thatokay?
BRIDGET:Yesgood.
INT.PRESENTATIONROOM.DAY
Astylishmeetingroom.AtoneendstandsaslightlyflappyBridgetwithsomefoldersandpresentational
aids.AttheotherendofthetableMrFitzherbert,DanielCleaver,PlumpSimonfromMarketing,andan
author,Michael,withabeard.
MRFITZHERBERT:Rightfireaway,Brenda.
BRIDGET: Right. Well, recently we've been having quite a lot of success with teaser campaigns to
precedeactualpublicationandwe'vedecidedreallytogoforthatthistime.
MRFITZHERBERT:Excellent.
Thewriterisquiteserious.Danielisunreadableandcool.
BRIDGET:Sothreeweeksbeforepublicationthiswillbegintoappearonpostersandinawiderange
ofmagazines.
Unveilaslickgraphicboard,onitarejustthewords'It'sComing'.VeryGothicprintandbloodseeping
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Unveilaslickgraphicboard,onitarejustthewords'It'sComing'.VeryGothicprintandbloodseeping
fromthestonewallit'sprintedon.
Cuttothe4presenteestheyseemtobeconcentratinghard.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):Then...aweeklater,wetakeitastepfurther...
Unveil the next board: it reads 'If you liked 'Highway of Blood' and 'Slitthroat Alley', On March 3,
You'llbeVeryHappyAndVeryScared.'
BRIDGET(CONT'D):Asyoucanseestillnotrevealingthenameofthebook...
Cuttothelistenersagainconcentratingreallyhard.Inscrutableserious.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):Then,atlast,justtwodaysbeforepublicationday,werevealthebookitself:
Revealsthelastboard,ahorrificbloodyimageandspeaksalongwithit:
BRIDGET(CONT'D):FromthepenofMichaelHarperanewhorrorclassicTheRedDoor'...
Cutbacktotheother4...
BRIDGET (CONT'D): Which, I suspect you would think was a better campaign if you actually were
MichaelHarperbutthelookonyourfacemakemerealisethatI'vemadealittlemistakeandyouareinfact
Michael Naughton, author of 'Teddy Knows Best' which means that this is not a particulary suitable
campaignsoifyoujustgivemeaminute...
INT.BRIDGET'SOFFICE.OFFICECORRIDOR.DAY.
Bridgetrunsandskidsfranticallyalongthecorridor.
INT.BRIDGET'SOFFICE.PRESENTATIONROOM.DAY.
Bridgetisbackinexactlythesamepositionasbefore.
BRIDGET:We'dprobablyliketostart,acoupleofweeksbeforepublication,withsomethinglikethis...
Unveil a slick graphic board on which are just the words 'It's Coming'. Print like gingerbread cookies,
heldupbyballoons,withlittleteddiesalloverthebrickwallthatformsitsbackground.Maybequickshot
aswecutoffher,ofnextboard'Ifyouliked'TedsinSpace'and'Who'saNaughtyTed',OnMarch14
You'reGoingtogoVery...Gooey.'
INT.RESTAURANT.NIGHT.
AclubasBridgetspeaks,awaitressisservingthem5boxesofcigarettes3bottlesofwine...
BRIDGETV.O.:Jan4emergencymeetingwithurbanfamily.Greatjoyofsinglelifeisreplacementof
frightfulrealfamilywithspeciallychosengroupoffriendsforrational,...
2bottlesofvodkaandlotsandlotsofcrispsandguacamole.
BRIDGETV.O.:...maturediscussionofproblemsthatweallshare.LikePrimeMinisterchoosingCabinet
of Ministers after ten years of adult life have selected Tom... pop icon who only wrote one song then
retired because he found one song was quite enough to get him laid for the whole of the nineties. Total
poof,ofcourse.
Heiswatchedtalkingonhismobilethatmatcheshisshirt.
BRIDGET V.O.: Jude petite business dynamo utter genius at all things to do with banking. Utter
bollocksatallthingstodowithmen.
Jude,smokingheavily.
BRIDGETV.O.:AndShazzagreatnovelistwholiketosay'fuck'alotandcan'tbearsedtowritefirst
novelthereforeputsenergiesintogivingincisiveadviceonallmatterspersonal.
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novelthereforeputsenergiesintogivingincisiveadviceonallmatterspersonal.
SHARON:Fuckthelotof'em.Resigntomorrowjusttoteachthemafuckinglessonyoudon'tfucking
messwithBridgetJones.
BRIDGET:Good.WhatdoyouthinkJude?Whatwouldyoudoifoneofyourassistantsmadeaharmless
littlemistakelikethat?
JUDE:I'dfireyoutomorrow.
BRIDGET:Excellent.AndTomwhat'sthehomosexualistviewpointonthisparticularcrisis?
TOM:IsthatCleaverchapascuteasever?
BRIDGET:Absolutely.
TOM:ThenIthink,asusual,awelltimedblowjobisprobablytheanswer.
Astrangersuddenlycomesuptothetable,andaddressesTom...
STRANGER:Aren'tyouthatchapwhosung...?
Tomgetsthisallthetime.
TOM:Yes.
STRANGER:Whatareyouuptonow?
TOM:Ispendmytimebuyingphonesthatperfectlymatchmyclothes.
It'sactuallytruehisorangemobilephonegoesperfectlywithhispeachcolouredshirt.
STRANGER:Ohright.Farout.Well,greatsong.
TOM:(Bigsmile)Thankyousomuch.
TheStrangerleaves.
BRIDGET:Morevodkaanyone?
ALL:No,no,noohallright,fillherup,etc.
BRIDGET:Nowwhat'sthisaboutVileRichard?
JUDE:Well,yesI'vegotabitofanewsituationvisavisapromisedminibreak.
SHARON:Don'tgetmestarted,Judedon'tgetmefuckingstarted.
JUDE:WesortofgetbecktogetheratChristmasbutthen,yesterday...
SHARON:ToolateI'mstartedJudith,youknowIsupporteveryemotionaldecisionyoumake100%,
but it's time you realised that Richard is a cowardly fuckwit who for 11 years has engulfed you in a
seethingswampofEMOTIONALFUCKWITTAGE...andshouldbefuckingspayedthenkilled.
JUDE:Right.Right.Good.SodoyouthinkIshouldcallhim?
TOM/SHARON:No!
BRIDGET:(Simultaneously)Yes.Imeanno.
BRIDGETO.S.:Asyoucanseejustlikeafamilybutwithmuchmorevodka.
Atthatmomentaveryyounggirlwalkspastinadistinctivealmostseethroughblouse.Allofthegirlsturn
towatchherasshegoes.Theyturnbackandtogether...
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THETHREEGIRLS:Tart.
EXT.BRIDGET'SFLAT.STREET.NIGHT.
Ataxidrivesalong.Wehearconversationinside.
TOM/JUDE/SHARON:(Drunk)Menareallfuckwits,fuckwits,pervertsandbastardsandfuckwits.
BRIDGET:Zackly.Exackly.IhavenoneedofmenorjobbecauseIhaveyou,Tom.Andyou,Judeand
Shazzer.Andyou,Tom.Nightall.
ThetaxistopthedooropensandBridgetfallsoutspectacularly.
Thenextmorning.Bridgettakingoffhercoatasshecomesinnervously.Abithungover,todaywearing
anotherratherdeliciousshortskirt.Perpetuaonphone.
PERPETUA:I'mveryexcitedindeedGavin:let'smoveonitthelastthingwewantissometowelhead
buyingitfromunderournoses.(Looksup)Morning,Bridget.Ihearitwentverywell.
BRIDGET:Morning.
Bridgetguiltilypretendstostartworkinghardstraightaway.
Suddenly.MESSAGEPENDINGflashesonhercomputerscreen.Sheisperplexed.ShepressesEXE.
ONTHECOMPUTER:MessageBridgetJonesfromDanielCleaver...
Shegulpsfeelsfiringonitsway.Itcontinues...
ONTHECOMPUTER:Re:yesterday'spresentation...
Nowshereallyisworried.
ONTHECOMPUTER:Youappearedtohaveforgottenyourskirt.Isskirtoffsick?Ithoughtwasmade
perfectlyclearinyourcontractofemployment,staffareexpectedtobefullydressedatalltimes.
Bridgetisstartled.ShelooksupandacrossatDaniel.Heisnotlookingather.
PERPETUA:(Onthephone)TheonlyproblemIcanseeisthekitchen,wherefranklythereisn'troomto
swingacatand,asyouwellknow,wehavetwocats.
BRIDGET:(Asshetypes)MessageMrCleaver.Amappalledbymessage.Skirtwasdemonstrablyneither
sicknorabsent.Appalledbymanagement'sblatantlysizeistattitudetoskirt.Suggestmanagementsick,not
skirt.
She pressed SEND, looks shyly at Daniel as he reads the message. He laughs, turns to look at her. A
warm,sexy,mischievoussmile.
INT.COMMUNALCHANGINGROOM.EVENING.
MUSIC.'JUSTMYIMAGINATION'byTemptations.
Bridget,JudeandSharonaretryingonclothes.Bridget,wrigglingintoaskimpyskirt,isheadlessasitis
caughtoverherhead.
BRIDGET:I'mnotflirtingwithhim.ButobviouslyIhadtoreplybecausehe'smyboss.Therearecertain
typesofetiquettewithinabusinessstructurethatyoutranscendatyourperil.Youdon'twantmefired,do
you?
She finally frees her head from her skirt. Sharon and Jude have left the changing room and she's been
talkingtoatotalstranger...whotriestobehelpful.
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talkingtoatotalstranger...whotriestobehelpful.
NICEWOMAN:No,nonotatall.
Bridgetislabouringwiththeartworkforanotherbook'Kafka'sMotorbike'.Sheisactuallywearingthe
shirtweglimpsedonthe'tart'girlinthefirstfriendsscene.Lightflashes:messagepending.
BRIDGET'S COMPUTER: MSG Jones. Still worried about skirt. And shirt today looking peaky too
wan,thin.MayIpleasehaveskirt'saddressandphonenumbersomaysendflowers?
Bridgetreading...
DISSOLVETOINT.WEDDINGRECEPTION.DAY.
Flowers everywhere. Bridget as bride, Daniel making speech. Guests include everyone we've seen,
includingthesmilingauthorof'TeddyKnowsBest'plusacelebrityortwo,alllaughingatDaniel'sjoke.
DANIEL:AnditallbeganwithsomeverychildishemailingoverBridget'snonexistentskirt.
Guestslaugh.Bridgetsmilesmodestly.
The next day. Bridget walks past Daniel's office in short skirt and different top. He seem deep in
concentration.Bythetimeshegetsbacktoherdesk,thereisMESSAGEFLASHING.
BRIDGET'SCOMPUTER:Ifwalkingpastofficewasattempttodemonstratepresenceofskirt,canonly
saythatithasfailedparlously.Cleave.
BRIDGET:(Typingoncomputer)MSGCleaver.Shutupplease.Iamverybusyandimportant.P.S.How
dareyousexuallyharassmeinthisimpertinentmanner?Jones.
Danielreadingscreen,laughingthentyping.
MESSAGEPENDINGonBridget'sscreen.
ONTHECOMPUTER:MSGJones.Mortifiedtohavecausedoffence.WillavoidallnonPCovertones
infuture.Deeplyapologetic.P.S.Likeyourtitsinthattop.
Bridgetreadsandlaughslooksupthere,forthefirsttimeatherdeskinthefleshisDaniel.
DANIEL:IwonderediftheskirtwouldcarefordinneronFridaynight?
BRIDGET:Um.Friday?OhuhmI'dloveto,butIthinkI'vegot...
Bridgetreachesforherdiary,a'nottosure'lookonherface.
DANIEL:Don'tevenTRYit,Jones.
INT.BRIDGET'SFLAT.BATHROOM.NIGHT.
Triumphantpopmusicblaring.Inthebathroom.Manicactivity.Bridget,throughahazeofcondensation,
massaginganticellulitemassageoil,pluckingeyebrows,cleansing,moisturising.
BRIDGETV.O.:Beingawomanislikebeingafarmer:harvesting,weeding,cropspaying.Isometimes
wonderwhatwouldhappenifIjustletmyselfreverttonaturewithindayswouldIfindmyselfsportinga
fullbeardoneachshin...?Ow!
Sheuttersshortsharpcryasshewaxesherbikinilineoutofshot.Theentryphonegoes.
INT.BRIDGET'SFLAT.LIVINGROOM.NIGHT.
Bridgetjumpsoutofbathroom...
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Bridgetjumpsoutofbathroom...
BRIDGET:Isheoutofhismind?He'sfortyminutesearly.
Sheheadsforthedoor.Looksatherselfinthemirror.Withherdressinggownquiteloucheandherhairup,
shelookratherdivine.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):Whatthehellit'salook.
Shepickuptheentryphone.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):Hello.(Beat)Oh.HelloDad.
Shebuzzeshimin.Veryunexpected,this.
Dadissittingonthesofawithamugoftea.Bridgetislisteningtohim.It'sabigshock.
BRIDGET'SDAD:Idon'tknowwhat'shappeningatall.EversinceChristmasshe'sbehavingoddlyand
thenyesterdayshecamesinatfoura.m.WhenIaskedherwhereshe'dbeen,shesaiditwasnoneofmy
business.Suddenlythirtyyearsofmarriagewouldappeartocountfornothing.
BRIDGET:Dad.Maybeit'sasortofendoflifecrisis.
Dadstaresatheraghast.Isheattheendofhislifetoo?
BRIDGET(CONT'D):Imeannotendoflife...youknowmidlatelifecrisistypeofthing.
DAD:Andshesaid...shesaid...
BRIDGET:What?
DAD:...shesaidforallIknewclitoriswassomethinginGeoffrey'sbutterflycollection.
BRIDGET:Ohdear.
DAD:(Pause...)Whensomeonelovesyouit'slikehavingablanketallroundyourheartandthenwhen
it'stakenaway...
Thephonerings.
BRIDGET:(Intophone)Tom,thisisn'tagoodtime.(Listens)Okay...okay...Iknow.Iknow.I'llgoand
look.
Shedisconnects,givesthephonetoDad,indicatesTom'snumberinherphonebook...
BRIDGET(CONT'D):Dad,callthisnumberintwominutes.Tom'slefthismobilehere,andIthinkI've
thrownitawaywiththenewspapers.
Shegrabsacoatandexits.
Bridget stands on a low wall by three communal dustbins. Her overcoat covers her bath towel and not
muchelse.Shehas2curlersinthebackofherhair.Suddenly,outofthedarkness,MarkDarcyappears,
dressedinjoggingclothes...
MARK:Hello.
BRIDGET:Oh,God.
MARK:(Takingherin)Everythingokay?
BRIDGET:(Pullinghercoattightly)Yup.Super.
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BRIDGET:(Pullinghercoattightly)Yup.Super.
MARK:Whatareyoudoing?
BRIDGET:I'mwaiting...forthedustbin...toring.
MARK:Haveyoubeenwaitinglong?
BRIDGET:Notverylong,no.
MARK:Doyouthinkitwillberingingsoon?
BRIDGET:Yes,Ihavehighhopesofaphonecallintheverynearfuture.
Pause.There'stheringofaphone.Markisstartled,asBridgetreachesintooneofthedustbins,strugglesto
locatethephone.Markreachesintothedustbinnearesthim,retrievesthephone,answersit...
MARK:BridgetJones'sphonemayItellherwho'scalling?SomeonecalledColin.
BRIDGET:Thankyou.(Intophone)Thanks...No.You'restillaveryattractivemanshouldknowI'm
yourdaughter.(ToMark)Thankyouforyourhelp.
MARK:You'rewelcome.
Sheheadsbackintoherhouse,hecontinuesonhisway.Sheturnsandlooksbackathimheseemstobe
laughing.
Bridgetenters,breathless,racesintothebathroom.
BRIDGET: Bloody Mark Darcy. Can't stand joggers. Hope he dies of a heart attack and they find he
wasn'twearingcleanpants.Dad,I'mrushing,butI'mlistening.Quiteanimportantdatepossiblefuture
husbandandfatherofchildrenarrivingin5minutesandIstillhavenorepeatnobrassiereonbutI'm
stilllistening.
BRIDGET'S DAD: She says we need some time apart. You know what that means. (He mimes a slit
throat)Oh,somebodyrang.David?
BRIDGET:(Headingoutofbathroom)David?
BRIDGET'SDAD:Darren...
BRIDGET:NotDaniel.
BRIDGET'SDAD:That'sit.
BRIDGET:Whatdidhesay?
BRIDGET'SDAD:Hesaidhehadtoworktonight.He'lltrytocallyoulater.AnywaylookI'dbetterget
back.Mum'llwonderwhereI'vebeen.Ifshe'shome...herself.
Bridget'sface.
Bridget,onthecouch,waitingforthephonetoring.TheEndtitlesmusictoFrasierisheardontheTV.
'Frasierhasleftthebuilding'.
Later.Bridgetinsameoutfit.Abitmoredishevelled.
ShescramblesthroughherCDcollection.Finds3CDcalled'OnlyWomenBleed'.Putsitonandwehear
thefirst3secondsof2famous,biggirlnumberslike'YouDon'tHavetoSayYouLoveMe'byDusty
Springfield, and 'The Power of Love' by Jennifer Rush and then it settles on 'All By Myself' in
spectacularlymelodramaticversionbyCelineDion.
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spectacularlymelodramaticversionbyCelineDion.
BRIDGET:(Snootily)OhGod.
But, as it happens she gets hooked it plays during this next episode sometimes mimed by very
passionateBridget.
BRIDGET'S DIARY LIES OPEN: Bridget is now playing both drums and piano on the Celine track
shoutingatthetopofherlungs.
BRIDGET:Allbymyself!!!Idon'twanttobeAllbymyselfanymore!
INT.BRIDGET'SFLAT.LIVINGROOM.DAY.
Bridgetsittinginthesamespot,nextmorning,staringintospace,eatingmueslistraightoutofthepacket.
Thepageinherdiaryreads'SATURDAY'plusscrawl.
Atthebottomrightofscreen,Bridget'sfamiliarscrawlwritesuponscreen.It'swhatshe'sthinkingasshe's
eating.
BRIDGET O.S.: Sat. January 30th . Am fat and hideous. Daniel at this very moment penetrating Kate
Moss'sskinnieryoungersister.
Thenintovoiceover.
BRIDGETV.O.:Numberofbowlsofdisgustingmuesli4.Numberoftimeshavepickedupphoneto
checkit'sstillworking144.Amnowinsaneperson.
Bridgetlookstowardsthedoor.
DISSOLVETOINT.BRIDGET'SFLAT.LIVINGROOM.DAY.
Thefrontdoorisslightlyajar.Somethingisseentopushitopen.Itcreakseerily.Adog'snosesniffsclose
up.WefollowtheDog'spointofviewasitsteadicamsroundBridget'sflatthekitchendisasterarea,and
intothesittingroom,whereithappensuponaslumpedfigureinalilacnylonhousecoat,facedown.It's
Bridgetthirtyyearsfromnow.AnotherAlsatianappearsbehindthefirstone.
ThedogslookatBridgetinthepresent.Bridgetstaresatthescene.
DISSOLVETOINT.BRIDGET'SFLAT.KITCHEN.DAY.
Bridgetpacestheroom.ShenoweatsBranstonpicklefromajar...Thenmakesdecisivedecision:
Shecrossestothephone.
BRIDGET:(Readsaloudincheerymanner)Hi,it'sJoneshere.Iwasjustwonderinghowyouareandif
youwantedtomeetfortheskirthealthsummit,likeyousaid.
Sheplucksuphercourage,picksupthephone.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):Hi,it'sJoneshere.Iwasjustwonderinghowyouareandifyouwantedtomeet
fortheskirthealthmummit...likeyou...Shitatit...Summit.Obviously!
Sheputthephonedown,thendoublesupcringing.
Tohersurprise,thephoneringsagain.Bridgetforcesherselfnottopounceonit...Sheturnsthemusicup.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):(Asifthere'sotherpeoplewithher)...yeah,getyourselfaglass.Hello?(Facefalls)
Shaz?Haveyougoneoutofyourmind?Getoffthephone!Getoffthephone!
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INT.SHARON'SFLAT.PHONEAREA.DAY.
QuickcuttoveryperplexedSharonatherendofthephone.
Bridget slams down the receiver. She goes to slope off towards the bathroom and then the phone rings
again.Bridgetforcesherselfnottopounceonit...
BRIDGET:Deepbreath.Deepbreath.(Pickingupthephone,cool)Hiya...(Facecollapses)Mum?
INT.DEPARTMENTSTORE.SHOPFLOOR.DAY.
MUSIC:'UP,UPANDAWAY'byTheFifthDimension.
Bridgetwalksthroughthecosmeticsdepartmentonherwaytothecoffeeshop.Shehearsafamiliarvoice
onthePAsystem.Shewandersovertowardsacrowd.
MUMONPASYSTEM:Therewego,Madam.Super!
Mumdoneuptotheninesisdemonstratingarubberboiledeggpeeler.
MUM:That'sit,nicefirmgripthenandupanddown,upanddownandoffitcomesinyourhand!Ooh.
Mindtheoverspray.
BRIDGET:Christalive.
INT.DEPARTMENTSTORE.CAF.DAY.
Bridgetsitsoppositehermotherinabooth,stillinastateofshock.
MOTHER: I have spent thirtyfive years cleaning his house, washing his clothes, bringing up his
children...
BRIDGET:I'mactuallyyourchildtoo.
MOTHER:Wellrightandtobehonestdarling,havingchildrenisn'tallit'scrackeduptobe.Givenmy
chanceagain,I'mnotsureI'dhaveany...
BRIDGETO.S.:Evenownmotherwisheshadneverbeenborn.
MOTHER:Butnowit'sthewinterofmylifeandIhaven'tactuallygotanythingofmyown.Nocareer,no
power, no sex life, no... life at all. I feel like the grasshopper who sang all summer. I'm like Germaine
soddingGear.
BRIDGET:Greer.
MOTHER:TheInvisibleWoman.
BRIDGET:Actually,shewastheFemaleEunuch.
MOTHER:WhowastheInvisibleWoman?
BRIDGET:Idon'tknow.ThewifeoftheInvisibleMan.
Afterabit.
MOTHER: Well, whatever I'm not having it and I've been talentspotted. Julian thinks I've got great
potential.
BRIDGET:Who'sJulian?
MOTHER:(Asifsheshouldknow)FromtheHomeShoppingChannel.Hecomesintothestoretogethis
coloursdone.
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coloursdone.
BRIDGET:Potentialforwhat?
MOTHER:Asademonstratoronhiscableshow.Hisassistant.Apparently,it'sthehighestratedshowon
thechannel,apartfromtheonewherethefatpeoplebeatuptheirrelatives.
Lookingatherwatch,gettingup.
MOTHER(CONT'D):Listen,Imustwhizz.Howareyou,anyway?
BRIDGET:Suicidal.
MOTHER:(Totallycasually)Ohdear.HeardfromMarkDarcy?
BRIDGET:(Throughclenchedteeth)Goodbye,Mum.
MotherkissesBridget,andwhenshewalksawayitlooksasifsheiswalkingonair.Inmen'sunderwear
shesteerstowardsadeeplysolariumedandsleekman,inhisforties.ThisisJulian.Themusicpippingout
isMEANDMRSJONESBYBilliePaul.
INT.BRIDGET'SFLAT.LIVINGROOM.EVENING.
MUSIC:TIREDOFBEINGALONEbyAlGreen.
Bridgetcomesin,makesstraightfortheansweringmachine,doesn'tevenbothertotakeoffhercoat.
MAGDAONANSWERINGMACHINE:HelloBridgeyouwon'tforgetteaonSunday,willyouyour
godchildrenareveryexcited.Well,that'salieactuallybutIam.
BRIDGET V.O.: Oh God Smug Marrieds. Obviously lovely best friends with lovely if incontinent
childrenbutlastthingoneneedswhenfeelingv.insecure.
INT.MAGDA'SHOUSE.KITCHEN.DAY.
Cut to Magda and Jeremy sitting next door to each other something undeniably smug about them.
Magdaisabeautifulmotherofthree,whousedtorunwithBridget'surbanpack.She'sisholdinghernew
baby.Jeremy,Magda'shandsomehusband,hasadishtoweloverhisshoulder,achildinhisarmsandthe
LawGazettebyhisside.Soundofathirdtoddlersomewhere...
JEREMY:So,Bridgehow'syourlovelife?
BRIDGET:AsIwasjusttellingMagdadisastrous.
MAGDA:Ithinkyoushoulddumphimnowandwaitforaniceguytocomealong.Whatdoyouthink,
Jezzer?
JEREMY:Iagreeentirelywithmygorgeouswife.
BRIDGET:Well,that'sallverywellforyoutosay,Mags,but...
MAGDA:(Topottychild)No.InthePOTTY.Thepotty.WellputitinDaddy'shandthen.
Jeremyresignedlyholdsouthishandwithapatientsmilewedon'tseeitbutsomedisgustingexchange
ensues.HelooksdangerouslyatMagda,thenbothsmileateachother.Bridgetwatchesanacheinherheart
abouttheirwarmth.Jeremyexitswiththeturd.
MAGDA(CONT'D):Whatdoeshelooklikes?
BRIDGETO.S.:Fuckinggorgeous.
MAGDA:Inthatcase,seducehim,bypretendingtobecompletelydisinterested.TransformintotheIce
Queen.Workedforme.Igaveyouhell,didn'tI,darling?
JEREMY:(Returning)Certainlydid.
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JEREMY:(Returning)Certainlydid.
ThatlovelyoptimismofBridgetwhenanewplancomesalong.
BRIDGET:Yes.Okay.Yes.Good.It'sdefinitelyworthatry.
Theopeningbarsod'ICEICEBABY',VanillaIceusingQueen/Bowie's'UNDERPRESSURE'beginto
play.
CLOSEUP:Bridgetwalksin.ShedartsaquicklookatDaniel'sofficehe'snotinyet.
PERPETUA:(Icily)Let'sjustgetthisclear,Gavin.Wehavespentoverathousandpoundsonasurvey,
andnowyoutellmeyouhavesoldthehousetosomeoneelse.Itisthatcorrect?(Listens)Rightexcuse
meforbeingalittlepersonalbutmayyourchildrenburninhell,youshifty,smarmy,lyingbastard...
Sheslamsdownthephone.LooksacrossatBridgetindisbelief.
PERPETUA(CONT'D):We'vebeengazumped.
Thedoorburstsopen.Danielenters,lookingnotintheleastfurtiveorguilty,breezesthrough...
DANIEL:Morning,everyone.
HeleansandwhispersashepassesBridget'sdesk.
DANIEL(CONT'D):Messagepending,Jones.
Sheturnsherheadaway,disdainfully.
BRIDGET'SCOMPUTER:Messagepending:6
ONDANIEL.Lookingacrossather,willinghertoaccessheremail.
ONBRIDGET.Calmlymarkingupamanuscript,completelyignoringhim.
BRIDGET'SCOMPUTER:Messagepending:14
Danielsuddenlygetsup,walksoutofhisoffice,crossestoBridget.Hespeaksinlow,urgenttones.
DANIEL:Look,sorryBridget.Isuddenlygotcalledoutoftown.Leftyourskirt'snumberathome...
Bridget'sphonerings.Sheanswersanddeliberatelyturnsawayfromhim.
BRIDGET:(Sweet)Excuseme.Publicity.
INT.MAGDA'SHOUSE.KITCHEN.DAY.
Magda,childinarms,onphonetoBridget.
MAGDA:Aloof...Unavaible...IceQueen...Aloof...Unavaible...IceQueen...
BRIDGET:Thankyousomuchforyourenquiry.(HangsupandturnstoDaniel)Youweresaying...
Butthephonegoesagain.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):Sorry.Publicity.
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INT.FIRSTRESTAURANT.DAY.
Tomisdrinkingcoffee,talkingintoanothermobilethatgoeswithanothershirt.
TOM:Excellentplan...stony,mercilessIceQueen.
Astrangersidlesuptohim.
STRANGER2:Areyouthatguywhosang'PaintedLady'?
TOM:YesIam.Areyouthatguywhoboughtit?
STRANGER2:Well,yesIam!
TOM:Thankyousomuch.(Intomobile)Ice,icebaby.
Bridgetputsthephonedownandtriestohideasmile.Shelooksdown.
BRIDGET'SCOMPUTER:(Flashingrepeatedly)Messagepending:24.
ONDANIEL:lookingacrossatBridgethungrily.
ONBRIDGET:sheignoreshim,carriesontyping.
INT.BRIDGET'SOFFICE.ELEVATOR.DAY.
It'stheendoftheday.Bridgetgetsintothelift,followedbyplumpSimonfrommarketing.Danielslipsin,
then,asthedoorsbegintoclose,abreathlessPERPETUAcallsout...
PERPETUA:(ToDanielholdingphone)TheNewYorkOfficeforyou.
AbarelyperceptibleflickerbehindDaniel'seyes.
DANIEL:I'llgetbacktothem.
Doorsclose.Tensesilence.2peopleinaliftwishingthethirdwouldbuggeroff.
The door opens on Daniel and Bridget and Simon: Simon gets out. Just as the doors close again Mr
Fitzherbertenters.
DANIEL:Goodevening,Kenneth.
AndDanielcalmlyputhishand,outofview,onBridget'sbottom.Shelooksathim.
MRFITZHERBERT:Evening,Daniel.Ifyou'vegotamoment,I'dlikeawordbeforeyouleavetonight.
DANIEL:Certainly.
INT.BRIDGET'SOFFICE.LOBBY/ELEVATOR.DAY.
Theliftlandsandopens.Fitzherbertheadsoutfirst.
DANIEL:I'llbewithyouinasecond.
MRFITZHERBERT:Excellent.(ToBridget)AndBrenda...
BRIDGET:Yes
MR FITZHERBERT: At the 'Kafka's Motorbike' thing thought it might be fun if you introduced me
beforeIintroducehimaddalovelysenseofoccasion.
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beforeIintroducehimaddalovelysenseofoccasion.
BRIDGET:Certainly,sir.
Heheadsoff.
DANIEL:Allright,Jones,youdevil.Busylater?
BRIDGET:InfactIam.
DANIEL:Oh.ShameIjustthoughtitmightbeacharitablethingtotakeyourskirtoutfordinner,fattenit
upabit.Andmaybeyoucouldcome,too.Whatabouttomorrow?
BRIDGET:Sorry,noit'sthelaunch.
ShemotionstoastandeeinthelobbyforthisKafkabook.We'veglimpseditintheofficebefore.
DANIEL:Ah,yes,ofcoursepossiblytheworstbookeverpublished.
BRIDGET:Intheend,that'snottheadlinewe'vegonefor.
DANIEL:Howaboutthenextdaythen?
BRIDGET:Let'ssee,shallwe?Goodnight,Daniel.
Then,asshewalksawayseductively,leavingDanieldangling...
BRIDGETO.S.:Feb2amsexgoddessperfectineveryway.
INT.MOROCCANRESTAURANT.NIGHT.
ModernMoroccan,glowingcandles,lowtables,sumptuouscushionsforchairs.Thegang'sallthere...
JUDE:Right.Yourwholefururehappinessnowdependsonhowyoubehaveonthisonesocialoccasion.
BRIDGET:Right.WhatshouldIdo?
JUDE:It'sallinhere.(Shehasabook)Gettingsomeonetofallinlovewithyouinscience,purescience.
Firstlookgorgeous.
EXT.TUBESTATION.EVENING.
STARTOFMONTAGE:'THATTHING'byLaurynHill.
Bridget emerges from the Underground and heads towards the party. She looks, well, gorgeous... Neon
signsflashglamourouslyaroundher.
Nowintercutbetween:1.BridgetwalkingthroughLondononpartynight.2.Bridgetathomeleadingupto
thepartyindaysprevious.3.Friendsadvice.
JUDE:Two:thentotallyignoreDanielandbefabulouswitheveryoneelse.
TOM:ThinkTinaBrownthinkTOTALQueenofSociety.
SHARON:Introducespeoplewiththoughtfuldetailssuchas,'Sheila,thisisDaniel.Daniel,thisisSheila.
SheilaenjoyshorseridingandcomesfromNewZealand.Danielenjoyspublishingandcomes...'
BRIDGET:...alloveryourface?
TOM:Exactly.Then3circulate.Oozingintelligence...
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Sheisreadingthebookasshehooversinbraandpants.
BRIDGET:'Lovelytoseeyou,SalmaaanwhatdoyouthinkaboutChechyna','Hello,Melvynisn'tit
terribleaboutChechyna.'
BRIDGET:Haveyouallreadthisbookthen?
Theyallnodinunison.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):Anditworks?
JUDE: Of course it doesen't fucking work or we wouldn't be sitting here today would we? We'd be
changingnappiesandsnogginghusbands.Butit'sworthastab.
TOM:SoontoNumber4mostimportant...
SHARON:Fuckingimportant.
TOM: ...after the party, after you've unwillingly yielded to dinner at the most expensive restaurant in
London,afteryou'vedrivenhimfuckingwildwithdesirebyrubbingyourkneesagainsthisnobfortwo
andahalfhours,then...
ALLTHREE:Don'tsleepwithhim.
BRIDGET:Obviously.
AnelderlymansuddenlycomesuptothetableandaddressesTom...
ELDERLYMAN:Excuseme,I'msorrytobotheryoulikethisinthemiddleofyourdinnerbut...
Tominterruptshegetsthisalltime.
TOM:Yes.PaintedLady.Itwasme.Nineyearsago.Nocurrentplanstorecordanythingelse.Sorry.
ELDERLYMAN:...yourchairlegisonmywife'scoat.
TOM:Ofcourseitisofcourseitis.
INT.BRIDGET'SFLAT.BATHROOM.DAY.
Closeonher,headandsholuders...
BRIDGETV.O.:Majordilemmaifactuallydo,bysometerriblechance,endupinflagrante,surelythese
(she holds up tiny pair of knickers) would be most attractive at crucial moment. However, chance of
actuallyreachingcrucialmomentgreatlyincreasedbywearingthese(cameramovesbackwardstoseeher
pullingupsensiblestomachconstrictingbigtightpants)scarystomachholdinginpants,verypopularwith
granniestheworldover.Tricky.Verytricky.
EXT.LONDONSTREET.EVENING.
Close up on Bridget's nice tight tummy. Walking proud. Suddenly Bridget sees, coming towards her
Jeremyarminarmwithaveryyoungwoman.Theycatcheachother'seye.
BRIDGET:Hello,Jeremy.
JEREMY:Oh,hi,Bridget.
Andtheybothkeepwalking,pasteachother.Bridget,perplexed.Walksondeterminednottoloseher
innerpoise.
INT.LITERARYPARTY.NIGHT.
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Everyone'sherereal,famouswritersgaloreforthelaunchof'KAFKA'SMOTORBIKE'.Theroomis
dominatedbythedisplay:vintageKawasakimotorbike,photoofKafka.Theauthor,lookingasmiserable
asKafkahimself,standsnexttoapileofhisbooks,ignored.
Bridget,overawed,hoversontheoutskirtsofasmallgroupwhichactuallyincludesSalmanRushdie.
SALMANRUSHDIE:TheproblemwithMartin'sdefinitionofthenovellaisthatitonlyappliestohim...
SIMONFROMMARKETING:Thatdoesn'tsoundlikeMartin.Not.
SalmansmilesatBridget,tryingtoincludeher.
SALMANRUSHDIE:Icouldbewrong.Whatdoyouthink?
He'sstaringatBridget.Thegroupallturntolookather.Bridget'smindgoesblank.Buthertoneisthatof
someonewhoisactuallyansweringthequestion...
BRIDGET:Ahm...Doyouknowwherethetoiletsare?
INT.LITERARYPARTY.CORRIDOR.NIGHT.
Bridgethitsherselfhardontheforehead.
BRIDGETO.S.:Verybadstart.
ShelooksuptoseeMelvynBraggglaringather.
Bridgetexitsfromthetoilets.SheseesDanielCleaver,acrosstheroom,talkingtoMelvynBraggandother
celebrities.Cleaver'seyesmeetBridget.Hesmiles.Bridgetturnscoollytheotherway,onlytofindherself
facetofacewithMrFitzherbert,surroundedbyseveralguests.
MRFITZHERBERT:Ah,Brenda.Wewerejustdiscussing'TheFamishedRoad'.
BRIDGET:Really...?Apartfromthefirstthreepages,don'tyouthinkit'saratherpoorconceit.
MRFITZHERBERT:No,asamatteroffact,Ithinkit'samasterpiece.ButI'msuretheauthorwouldbe
interestedtohearyourviews.
MrFitzherbertturnstorevealtheguestbesidehimisnoneotherthanBenOkri.
BRIDGET:Right.Ben.Ahm.Sorry.I'vebeenverysickrecently.Inthehead,E.C.T.Bzzzz.Notnice.
Adrinkstraypasses,andBridgetseizestheopportunitytospin180degrees,onlytofindherselffaceto
facewithMarkDarcy,who,fromthelookonhisface,obviouslyjustoverheardBridget'sclanger.She's
genuinelysurprisedtoseehimthereindesignersuit,lookinghandsome.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):Whatareyoudoinghere?
MARK:I'vebeenaskingmyselfthesamequestion.Icamewithacolleague.
MarkDarcystandsrigid,clearlyhatingeveryminute.
MARK(CONT'D):Sohowareyou?
BRIDGET: (Sharp, but not confrontational) Well, very disappointed not to see my favourite reindeer
jumperagain,butotherwisewell.Andyou?
Atthatmoment,thecrowdspartandPerpetuaarrives,stillstuffingherfacewithcanapes...
PERPETUA:Anyonegoingtointroduceme?
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BridgetfinallyhasanopportunitytoputJude'sbook,'MakingPartiesWorkforYou',intopractice.
BRIDGET:(Asinbook)Perpetua,thisisMarkDarcy.MarkthisisPerpetua...
DISSOLVETOWHATBRIDGETWANTSTOSAY:
BRIDGET(CONT'D):...Markisaprematurelymiddleagedprickwithacruelracedexwife.Perpetuais
theoldfartarsebagwhospendshertimebossingmearound.
DISSOLVETOWHATBRIDGETREALLYSAYS:
BRIDGET (CONT'D): Mark is a top barrister... who comes from Grafton Underwood. (To Mark)
Perpetuaisoneofmyworkcolleagues,and...she'sjustbeengazumped.
PERPETUA:(Obsequiously)Oh,Mark.Iknowyoubyreputation,ofcourse.
Bridgetlooksathiminanewlight.Shethoughthewasanerd.Shedidn'tknowhewasfamous.
At this point, Natasha Glenville arrives. She is sleek and beautiful and not kind. Mark's very intelligent
fellowlawyer.
MARK: (Playing the game, straightfaced) Ah, Natasha you know Perpetua this is Bridget Jones
Bridget, this is Natasha. Natasha is a top attorney and specialises in family law. Bridget works in
publishingandkeepshermobilephoneinthedustbin.
NATASHA:Howodd.Perpetuahow'sthehousehunt?
PerpetuaandNatasha,whohasjustdismissedBridgetasazeroimmediatelyfallintoconversationtwo
poshpeasinapod.
PERPETUA:Fuckingdisaster.Butfarmoreimportantthatmanisgorgeous!
NATASHA:AhyesMark.(Conspiratoriallylookingathim)Justgivemetime,babe.Givemetime.
Bridgetgrabsadrinkfromapassingtray,thenlooksupatMark,whohas,afterall,justmadeajokebut
MarkDarcy,meanwhile,suddenlyfallssilentwhenheseesDanielCleavercheckingouttheroom.Hesees
Mark,staringathim.Disconcerted,hequicklylooksaway.
Bridgethasseenthis.She'sslightlyatalossnow.
BRIDGET:Yes,well,IbettermoveonIcoulddowithsomethingtopepmeupformyspeech,andI
thinkIsawSalmaaanhandingoutcocaine.
MARK:You'remakingaspeech?
BRIDGET:Onlyatinyone'Kafka'sMotorbikegreatestbookofalltime'etc.Blinkandyou'llmissit.
BridgetturnstowalkinDaniel'sdirection,onlytofindhehasdisappeared,andthere'snoonetotalkto.
Behindher,Markwatches,perhapsregrettinghisremark.
CutonBridgetontolittlestageinthevenue.MrFitzherbertandtheauthornexttoher.MrFitzherbert
nudgeshertogo.Thereisamicrophonemidstage.Shewalksuptoandstandsatit.
BRIDGET: Ladies and gentlemen... ladies and gentlemen... ladies and gentlemen... (the mike isn't
working. The crowd talks at full volume. She panics a bit and screams) OI! (Total silence the whole
audiencestaresather)Sorrythemicrophone'snotworking.Ladiesandgentlementhankyouforcoming
to the launch of 'Kafka's Motorbike' the greatest book of our time. (She looks out sees a slightly
perplexedSalman)Obviouslyexceptforyourbooks,Mr.Rushdiewhichareverygoodtoo.(Shekeeps
lookingroundnowshe'sintrouble)Asareyours,obviously,MrBarnesandMrAmisandMrBraggand
NickHornbyand,ofcourseMrOkriparticularlytheFamishedRoadexcellent...conceit...butanyway,
ahmwhatImeaniswelcometothelaunchofoneofthe,youknow,top30,anywaybestbooksofour
time...andanyway...heretointroduceitproperlyis...ahthemanweallcall...ahMrFitzherbert.Thank
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time...andanyway...heretointroduceitproperlyis...ahthemanweallcall...ahMrFitzherbert.Thank
you.
Shestandsback.MrFitzherbertwalksover.
MRFITZHERBERT:Thankyou,Brenda.Justswitchthison...(Heswitchesonthemike,easily)Right...
CuttoBridgetlaterstandinginacorneronherowntotallyfrozeninhorror.Mark,whoistalkingto
NatashaandBenOkri,seesher...
MARK:(ToNatasha)Excuseme...
Ashemoveaway,Salmanapproacheshim,fulloffriendship,andslapshimontheback.
SALMAN:Mark!
MARK:Ah,yesSalmandoyouknowwherethetoiletis?
Salmanabitthrowneveryoneaskinghimaboutthetoiletstodayhepoints,andMarkheadsontowards
Bridget,thenstopsinhistracksasheseesDanielcreepupbehindher,puthishandsonherwaist.
DANIEL:Jones.Sod'emall.Itwasabrilliantpostmodernistmasterpieceoforatoricalfireworks.
MarkDarcy,inthebackground,stopsstranded,watchingBridgetandDaniel.
DANIEL(CONT'D):You'reverysexy,JonesI'mgoingtohavetotakeyououttodinnernow,whether
youlikeitornot.
Hegivesheroneofhiswonderfulgirlmeltinglooks,promisingallsortofdelights.
INT.LITERARYPARTY.CORRIDOR.NIGHT.
AsBridgetandDanielexittogether,theybumpintoDarcy.
BRIDGET: Ah, Mark, have you met Daniel? Daniel's a top publishing executive, and enjoys computer
messaging.Mark'sa...
MARK:Goodnight,Bridget.
Bridget,gobsmacked,watchesashewalksaway.
BRIDGET:ThatwasMarkDarcy.HeisSOrude!
DANIEL:Yes,Iknowwhoheis.
HeturnsbacktolookathimatexactlytheinstantMarkdoesthesamething.There'ssomethinggoingon
here.
INT.PONTDELATOUR.NIGHT.
Thetwoofthemdiningintimately.
BRIDGET:SowheredoyoustandonthewholesituationinChechyna?
DANIEL:Ohwhogivesafuch,Jones?Now,howdoyouknowArseyDarcy?
BRIDGET:Apparently,Iusedtoplaynakedinhispaddlingpool.
DANIEL:Ibetyoudid,youdirtybitch.
BRIDGET:Whataboutyou?
DANIEL:WewereatCambridgetogether.Hewasastrangechap,alwaysonhisown.Dreadfulshoes.
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DANIEL:WewereatCambridgetogether.Hewasastrangechap,alwaysonhisown.Dreadfulshoes.
Horridsideburns.Ilikedhimthough.Webecamefriends...(Hetailsoff)
BRIDGET:Tenwhat...?
DANIEL:Nothing.
BRIDGET:No,really.Youdon'tneedtoprotecthimhe'snofriendofmine.InfactIsuspectIdislike
himintensely.
DANIEL:Well,thenyearslaterImadetherathercrucialmistakeofintroducinghimtomyfiance.
INT.AHOMESOMEWHERE.DAY.
A mysterious, silent scene the camera represents the viewpoint of a man walking up some stairs. It
reachesadooritopensandthenasenseofconfusionclearlytherearetwopeople,nakedonthefloor
oftheroomlegsanakedbreast...
INT.PONTDELATOUR.NIGHT.
DANIEL:AndI'mnotsureIcouldsay,inallhonesty,I'veeverreallyforgivenhim.
BRIDGET:(Suddenlysheunderstandseverything)Oh...sohe'sanastybastard,aswellasadullbastard.
DANIEL:I'mafraidso.Butdon'tlethimruinourevening.Haveanotherglassofwineandtellmemore
aboutpracticingFrenchkissingwiththeothergirlsatschool.
BRIDGET:Itwasn'tFrenchkissing.
DANIEL:Whocaresmakeitup.
EXT.PONTDELATOUR.NIGHT.
Lights twinkle on the Thames and Tower Bridge. Bridget and Daniel emerge from the restaurant. A
tangibleatmosphere.
DANIEL:So,howaboutadrinkatmyplace.Totallyinnocent.Nofunnybusiness.Justfullsex.
BRIDGET:(Smilingandthenprimly)NoactuallyIthinkI'dbettergetataxi.Butthankyousomuchfor
thelovelydinner.
Helightlybrushesthehairfromherforehead.Bridgethailsataxithat'spassing...ThenDanielkissesher.
Sexualtensioneverywhere.
DANIEL:Goodnightthen.
BRIDGET:(Slightchoke)Yes.Goodnight.
EXT.LONDONSTREET/INT.TAXI.NIGHT.
Bridgetisrecoveringfromthekiss,halfregrettingthatsheleft...
BRIDGETO.S.:Myknickersaremadeofironcastiron.Mmmm...
SheturnsherheadtoseeifshecansurreptitiouslylookbackatDaniel...
Thetaxistopsatasetoflights.SuddenlythedoorbehindheropensandDanieljumpsin.
DANIEL:Weren'tlookingback,wereyouJones?
DanielandBridgetsnogging.Hebeginstoundressher.
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DANIEL:Sillyshoes,Jones.VerysillyskirtChristaliveabsolutelyenormouspants.
BRIDGET:(Veryfast)OhJesusfuckfuckfuck...
Shesprintsout.
EXT.SHAFTESBURYAVENUE.DAY.
Thenextmorning.BridgetwalkingupShaftesburyAvenue.Ontheneonscreensinfrontofthetheatre,we
read:
NEONSCREENS:Mondaysomethingthesomethingth.Ninestonetwo.Plus4x10c.c.Cigarettes22...
allpostcoital.
CloseuponBridget,triumphant.
INT.BRIDGET'SFLAT.BEDROOM.NIGHT.
Thenextevening.DanielandBridgethavejusthadsexagain.DanielflopsdownbesideBridget.
DANIEL:ThatwasfantasticandImustmustremember...(Toucheshercheektenderly)toputthecarin
theCitroengarage.
Bridgetgotolookoutraged,whensherealisesDanielislaughing.Shelaughstoo.Apause.
BRIDGET:Daniel?
DANIEL:Mmmmm?
BRIDGET:Whathappensintheoffice?
DANIEL:Wellyousee,it'sapublishinghouse,sothatmeansthatpeoplewritethingsforusandweprint
outallthepagesandfastenthemtogetherandmakethemintoabook.
Bridgetgiggles.
BRIDGET:No.Doyouthinkpeoplewillnotice?
DANIEL:Noticewhat?
BRIDGET:Usworkingtogether,sleepingtogether...
DANIEL:WaitasecondJones,slowdown.Rememberwe'renotexactlyinalongtermrelationshipyet.
ItstartedonTuesday,nowit'sWednesday.
BRIDGET:IknowthatIknow.It'sjust...Allright.Forgetworkcomplication.Butbehonestwithme.
Thisisavery,veryimportantquestion.Whatdoyouthinkofminibreaks?
DANIEL: Hideous weekends in overdecorated country house hotels full of Corby trouser presses and
uglymaids?
BRIDGET:Yes.
DANIEL:Iabsolutelylovethem.
BRIDGET:Hurray.
DANIEL:Andletmeaskyouaveryimportantquestion.
BRIDGET:Right.
DANIEL:YouweretalkingabouttheofficeandIamconcernedaboutourrelationshipinthecontextof
work.Itcouldputpressureonit.Woulditbeallrightifandabsolutelysay'no'ifitworriesyouwouldit
beallrightif,let'ssay,onceaweek,Iaskedyounottowearanypantstowork?
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beallrightif,let'ssay,onceaweek,Iaskedyounottowearanypantstowork?
BRIDGET:Badman.Badman.
Sherollsoverontohimandtheystartwrestle.Thephonegoes.Bridgetanswers...
BRIDGET:BridgetJoneswantongoddessofsex...withabig,badmanbetweenherthighs.Dad.Hi.
EXT.RAILWAY.DAY.
Ahightspeedtrainroarspast.
INT.BRIDGET'SPARENTS'HOUSE.KITCHEN.EVENING.
Dad is going to pieces in some style, sitting unshaven in his vest at the kitchen table with a bottle of
whisky.Thetelevisionisoninthebackground.Bridgethasjustarrivedwithaweekendbagandsatdown.
Shestillhashercoaton.
DAD:Takealookatthis.
Dadpicksuptheremotecontrolandflicksthroughthechannels.
INT.SHOPPINGCHANNEL.SET.DAY.
OnTV:aHomeShoppingChannelpresentation.Motherisassistingthebrightlysolariumedindividualwe
glimpsedearlierJulian.Hehasadeep,mellifluousvoice,andhisimmaculatelymanicuredhandsholda
minuterulertoahideoussetofearrings.
JULIAN:...justoveracentimeter,andgenuinediamantewithtopazandlapislazuli,inalovelymockgold
finish.TheexactreplicaofthosewornatWimbledonin1993bytheDuchessofKent...
MOTHER:Andalthoroughthey'reveryornate,asbefitsamemberoftheRoyalHousehold,they'realso
perfectfordaywear...
JULIAN:(Noddingmeaningfully)Absolutely,Pamela.
Bridgetisshellshocked.
BRIDGET:Well...waitaminutehasMumactuallymovedout?
DAD: (He nods) And apparently her and the tangerine tinted buffoon are suddenly an item. Half our
friendshavehadthemroundtobloodydinner.
Bridgetlooksabitguilty.Shedidn'tconveyhersuspicionsabouthermothertoherdad.
DAD(CONT'D):Why,whenpeopleabandontheirpartners,dotheythinkit'sbettertopretendthere'sno
one else involved? Do they actually believe it's less hurtful to imagine they spontaneously decided they
couldn'tstandthesightofyouanymore?
BRIDGET:Perhapsshe'sworriedthatyoumight,youknow,attackhimorsomething.
DAD: Yes, I suppose that's an option I could slaughter the pair of them with my Black and Decker
bandsaw in a sickening suburban bloodbath. She's even bringing Jaundiced Julian the jewellery thief to
UnaAlconbury'sTartsandVicarsparty.That'snothePamIknew.That'scruel.
BRIDGET:Stilllookingonthebrightsaiditcouldbeagoldenopportunity.IfyouspendtheENTIRE
partyflirtingwithotherwomen,it'lldriveMumwildwithjealousy.
DAD:Willit?Thinkshe'llsuddenlyseesenseanddumpthedirtbag?
Thephoneringstwice,thengoesontoanswerphone.Dadgoestoanswerit...
MOTHER:(Onanswerphone)Hello,Daddy,it'smeeee!Justmakingsureyou'recoping!Don'tforget
there'salotofchickenfricasseeinthefreezer.
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BRIDGET:DON'TPICKITUP!...Doyouwantherback?
Dadnods.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):RuleNo1!NEVERcall,andNEVERreturncalls.Aloof...unavailable.Youare
theIceQueen.
Dad'snotsureaboutanyofthis,especiallythe'Queen'bit.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):WellKing.That'showIgotmyman.
DAD:You'vegotaboyfriend?Arealone?
Bigsmileandanod.
BRIDGET:IhaveFather.Ihave.Andheisperfect.
EXT.DANIEL'SFLAT.LIVINGROOM.DAY.
AbeautifulLondonday.
BRIDGETV.O.:WholedamnmonthofAprilgoneinablurofsex.Havingboyfriendisabsoluteheaven.
Ofcourse,thereareoneortwolittlelifestylechanges...
INT.DANIEL'SFLAT.LIVINGROOM.DAY.
CloseonanimageofagoodlookingHAPPYCOUPLEpuntingdowntheriver,lookingstraightoutofa
RalphLaurenad.
BRIDGET:(Reading)HavershottHouse.TheromanticsurroundingswhichinspiredJohnKeatstowrite
'TheEveofStAgnes'.
PullbacktorevealBridgetislookingataminibreakbrochureinherflat.
BRIDGET:Howdoesthatsoundtoyou?
DANIEL:Perfection.Howcananythingbesoperfect?ItrestoresyourfaithinGod.
Curtainsdrawnagainstthesunlight.Emptybeercans,overflowingashtrayseverywhere.Danielsitsonthe
sofawatchingcricket,withhishanddownBridget'stop,nibblingnuts.
Onthescreen,anEnglishbowlerbowlsaperfectlegbreak.
TVCOMMENTATOR:AndtheysaidTufnellhadlosthisspin.Howwrongtheywere.
DANIEL:(TurnstoBridget)Howwrongtheywere.
Bridget'sface.
EXT.HAMPSTEADLADIESPOND.DAY.
Apastoalscene:water,trees,womenalone,oringroupsonthegrass.
AlmostalltoplessexceptBridget,JudeandSharonsitattheperimeterfencesunbathinginbraandshorts.
ANazipoolattendantisshoutingatpeopletoturnofftheirmobilephones.
JUDE:So?Goon,how'sitgoing.Makeussickwithyoursicklytalesoflove.
BRIDGET:It'sreallynice.Everyweekendwejust...
SHARON:What?Fuckingwhat?
TOMO.S.:Ibethemakesyoustayin.
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Tomisbanishedbypondregulationstotheothersideofthefence.
TOM(CONT'D):Ibethemakesyouwatchsportonthetelly.
JudeandSharonstareatBridget.Shenodsveryquickly.Atthismoment,agirlcomesandliesnexttothem
withnotoponherbikini.
SHARON:Chuckhim.
BRIDGET:Already?
SHARON:Yup,fuckingchuckhim.You'vehadhimmoveon.
BRIDGET:ButIlovehim.Maybe.(Funnyline)
JUDE:Toughtitties.
TOM:Ibetheeatscrispsandputshishanddownyourblouse.
BRIDGET:Hedoesnot!...eatcrisps.Heeatspeanuts.
Astrangerapproacheshim.
MAN:Areyou...?
TOM:Sodoff,please.
JUDE:Definitelychuckhim.
BRIDGET:Butifwe'rethatstrict,we'llnevergetboyfriendsatall.
SHARON:Storyofmyfuckinglife.
BRIDGET:Well,Ithinkyou'rewrong.He'shandsomeandcleverandsexyandhedoesn'tmindthatmy
tum'sabitsquidgy.Justyouwaitnextweekendwe'regoingtodosomethingreallygood.
Sharonsnorts.YoucanhearTom'slaughter.Widenagaintoshowthatinasquarenowof15girlstheyare
theonlyonesstillwearingbras.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):Ohhell,let'sdoit.
Andinonesplitsecondmove,allourthreeremovetheirbrasandliebackdownagain.Cut.
EXT.LONDONSTREET.DAY.
Sunshine,bluesky,coupleswalkingarminarm.Asmallplaneoverheadtrailsthefollowing...
BRIDGET'SDIARY:SaturdayMay4.Weight8'9fatabsolutelyfallingoff.Danielthrilledsayshe's
shaggingmeintoshape.Fags11.Glassesofwine6.France15.England6.
Curtainsdrawn,beercans,ashtrays.DanielsitsonsofawithBridget.He'swatchingrugby,hishanddown
hershirt,onherleftbreast.
DANIEL:Noooo!Tacklehim,yougreatwettart!
Bridgetpouts,removeshishandfromherfront.Danieldoesn'treallynotice.
DANIEL:Ohstopactingandgetup,youFrenchpillock.
BRIDGET:No.Actuallythisisnotgreat.
DANIEL:(Notreallylistening)What?Why?
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DANIEL:(Notreallylistening)What?Why?
BRIDGET: It'sanother lovelysunnyday andwe'vestuck in watchingtelevision. (Shegrabstheremote

controlandmutesthesound.)Pleasetalktome.
Daniellookspuzzled.Hemoveshismouthasthoughtalkingtoherandnosoundcomesout.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):I'mnotjoking.I'vehadenough.
DANIEL:WhatcanIsay.I'mapersonofwideinterestswhichincludeamongotherthings,anumberof
competitivesports.I'mwarningyou,don'tcomebetweenmeandmyrugby.
BRIDGET:Orcricketordarts.OrDutchSecondDivisionfemalebasketball...
DANIEL:BetteVanHuytenisagenius.
BRIDGET:Ijustthoughtwecouldgoawayforonce,haveaminibreakorsomething.
DANIEL:Ah.Ah.Here we go. You wanted a relationship we have a relationship. You wanted us to

spendSundaystogetherwespendSundaystogether.Butnowitappearswehavetogofrolickingover
hilltopsandshaggingincreakyfourposterbeds.Ican'twin,canI?NomatterhowhardItry,Iwon'tbe
able keep up with this desperate mystical romantic agenda of yours, Bridget. (Bridget looking shell
shockedathisoutburst.)Ithinkit'stimeforthis.
Danielmaintainingthetension,dramaticallyreachesintohispocket,and,likearefereeabouttoshowared
card,producesanenvelopefromhispocket.
BRIDGET:Whatisit?
DANIEL:Openitandyou'llfindout.
Bridget looks first at Daniel, then the envelope, picks it up and opens it. Inside she find a brochure and
reservationfornextweekendatHavershottHouse.
Shelooksathimguiltily.
DANIEL(CONT'D):Justpromisemewedon'thavetositandreadthatfrightfulnancyboyKeatstoeach
other.
Heturnsupthevolumeonthetelly.
DANIEL(CONT'D):Foul!Filthy,dirtyfoul!
Bridgethugshimtight.
BRIDGET:Daniel,Ilove...(Shealmosttellshimsheloveshim,butstopsherself)...loveminibreaks.But
nextSundayistheTartsandVicars.IpromisedDadI'dgotosupporthim.
Danielslipshishandbackdownherfront.
DANIEL:OK,it'snotfarwe'llgoontotheTartsandVicars.(Shehugshimandloveshim.)'Tartsand
Vicars'Christ,they'reawarpedgeneration.
EXT.BRIDGET'SFLAT.STREET.DAY.
MUSIC:'L.O.V.E.'byAlGreen.
BridgetskipsoutofherflattowhereDanieliswaitingbyhisflashconvertible,holdingthedoorforher.
Radiant,shegreetsDanielwithakiss,getsinthecar.
EXT.SUSPENSIONBRIDGE.DAY.
AnaerialofthecaronasuspensionbridgeswoopsintoBridget'sface.Bridget'shairstreaminginthewind.
Theperfectscarfanddarkglassesbridgeshot.Shetipsherheadbacktofeelthewind,atwhichpoint,the
glassesflyoffherface.Andthescarftoo.
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glassesflyoffherface.Andthescarftoo.
EXT.HOTELDRIVEWAY.DAY.
BridgetandDanielheadfromthecartowardsthehotelentrance.Onthehotelterrace:aweddingpartyisin
progress.Picturesgoingonwitheveryoneposinglotsofbridesmaidsinhideousorangedresses.
INT.HOTELRECEPTION.DAY.
BridgetandDanielgotothereceptiondesk.BridgethasEdwardScissorhandshair.
DANIEL:(Tothereceptionist)DanielCleaverandBridgetJones.Seemsveryquiethere.Arewetheonly
guests?
RECEPTIONIST:Wehaveaweddingthisweekend.Ibelievetherearejustfourofyounotinvolved.
Bridgethearsavoicesherecognizes.
NATASHA:I'lldothetea,youaskabouttheboats.
She turns. It's Mark Darcy and Natasha, returning from a walk outside. Natasha stays by the door to
organizeteawithawaiter.
BRIDGET:OhJesus.
Sheis,amongstotherthings,awareofherhair.
MARK:Well,well.Itakeityou'realsoheadingfortheAlconbury'srockery?
BRIDGET:Yes,that'sright.
MARK: I brought Natasha get a bit of work done thought I might make it a not entirely wasted
weekend.
DANIEL:Howinteresting.Whatagrippinglifeyoulead.(ToBridget)I'llseeyouupstairsinaminute.
MarkandBridgetleftlookingateachother.
EXT.HOTELLAKE.DAY.
On the lake, in a rowing boat, Mark and Natasha. They look straight out of a Ralph Laurent catalogue,
sensiblyclad.
NATASHA:IthinktheweaknessoftheircaseliesinthedepositiontheymadeonAugust30th .
MARKTRIESTOLISTENWHATHESEES:Ontheothersideofthelake,BridgetandDanielarein
twoboatsracing.Muchlaughterand'HereIcome'fromDaniel.Danielcatchesher.
DANIEL:I'mboardingyou,Bridge.Ican'tseeanalternative.
Hestepsoffhisboatasitdrawslevelandashedoesso,ittipsandhefallsin.Bridgetlaughsindelight.
BackinMark'sboat.
NATASHA:Sochildish.
MARK:Yes.
INT.HOTEL.SUITE.EVENING.
Chintz,fourposter.DanielandBridgetinhotelbathrobeswatchingsnookerwithcurtainsdrawn.Hishand
isdownherfront...
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DANIEL:No!Noooo!Yougreatwetpussy!
Hereachesforhiscigarettes,pocketisempty.
BRIDGET:Domeafavour,Bridge.Goandgetmeapacketofcigarettes.
BRIDGET:Getthemyourself.
Hegrins,getsoffthebed,pullsonhisclothes.
DANIEL:Oh,butyou'reatough,modernwoman.
INT.HOTEL.CORRIDOR.EVENING.
Ashewalksalongthecorridor,threebridesmaidsinbridesmaidsdressessprintpasthim,chasedbyaman
indressinggown.
CHASINGMAN:You'remine,allmine.
ONEBRIDESMAID:ButI'myoursister.
CHASINGMAN:Evenbetter.
Shekeepsonrunning.
EXT.HOTEL.STEPS.EVENING.
Danielcomesout,openingthepackofcigarettes,lightingup,inhalingdeep...Afewweddingguestswalk
byhim.Heflicksopenhismobilephone.
MarkDarcyiscomingupthesteps.
MARK:Callyoucan'tmakefromtheroom?
DANIEL:Oh,justgofuckyourself,Darcy.
MARK:Suchacommandofthelanguagetheliteraryworldisveryluckytohaveyouatitshelm.
Silence.Thesetworeallydon'tlikeeachother.Markwalksaway.Ashedoes,a14yearoldbridesmaid
comesupbehindDaniel.
YOUNGBRIDESMAID:Excuseme.
DANIEL:Yes?
YOUNGBRIDESMAID:Youdon'tbyanychancehaveanycocaineonyou,doyou?
DANIEL:No,sorry.
YOUNGBRIDESMAID:That'sokay.
Sheturnstojoinan11yearoldusherwhoemergesfrombehindapillar.
YOUNGBRIDESMAID(CONT'D):Nah...
INT.HOTEL.SUITE.NIGHT.
Pitchdarkness.
BRIDGET:Daniel.
DANIEL:Yes,Bridget.
BRIDGET:Thatthingyoujustdidisactuallyillegalinmanycountries.
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BRIDGET:Thatthingyoujustdidisactuallyillegalinmanycountries.
DANIEL:I'msorryaboutthat.Couldn'thelpmyself.
BRIDGET:Inmanypartsoftheworld,Icouldringdowntothefrontdeskandaskthemtocallthepolice
andarrestyou.
DANIEL:That'sthemajorreasonI'msogladtobelivinginBritaintoday.
BRIDGET:Iagree.IcanneverunderstandwhythePrimeMinisterdoesn'tmentionitmoreinspeeches.
'CometoBritain,visitBuckinghamPalace,seetheChangingoftheGuardanddounspeakablethingsin
bedtoeachotherwithouthavingyourhandscutoff.'
DANIEL:Youshouldwritetohimaboutit.
BRIDGET:Iintendto...(Pause)Danieldoyouloveme?
DANIEL:ShutuporI'lldoitagain.
BRIDGET:Doyouloveme?
DANIEL:Youaskedforit.
EXT.HOTEL.DRIVEWAY.NIGHT.
Cut outside the hotel again. Sound of laughter. Maybe the married couple still dancing out in the
moonlight.
EXT.HOTEL.SUITE.DAY.
Next morning. Bridget slowly wakes from a blissful sleep. Languidly stretches out to touch Daniel, but
finds an empty space in the bed beside her, where he ought to be. She sits up with a start, fearing the
worst...
WHATSHESEES:Danielissittinginachairoppositethebed.Heisdressedandhe'sbeenwaitingfor
hertowakeup.
DANIEL:Ihavetogobacktotown.Ameeting'scomeup.
BRIDGET:OnaSunday?
DANIEL:Themeeting'sfirstthingtomorrowbutIneedtoworkonsomefigures.
BRIDGET:(Devasted)Nowthey'llallthinkI'vemadeyouup.(Shepleads)Wecouldjustpopintothe
party,leaveearly...
Bridgetstaresathim.
DANIEL:Ireallyamsorry.Ijustcan'tgoIhavetoheadback.
Littlepause.
BRIDGET:Ifyou'vechangedyourmind,whydon'tyoujustcomerightoutandsayit...
Hestaresather.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):BecauseIdon'tseewhatcouldbesoimportant.
DANIEL:Ofcourseyoudon't!(Hegetstohisfeet.)Becauseyoudon'thavethefaintestbloodyideaof
justhowmuchtroublethecompanyisin.(Shestaresathim.)Thecompanyhasbeenlosingmoneyinthe
UK. This meeting isn't a case of 'blah, blah, have you heard the one about Salman and the snake' it's
bottom line stuff. The Americans have flown in, that's how serious it is. We could all be shut down
tomorrow.
Shecan'tspeak.
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Shecan'tspeak.
BRIDGET:(Hermumble)I'msorry...
DANIEL:NoshitI'msorry.SorryIshouted.I'msorry.
Danielsight,crossestoher,putshisarmaroundher.
BRIDGET:IsthisbecauseofMarkDarcy?
DANIEL: (Maybe it is) Nah he's just adds to no look. I'll arrange for a car to collect you from the
party,takeyoubacktotown.Ifyouhavetotravelalonetravelinstyle.
Sheallowshimtocomforther.
DANIEL(CONT'D):Andlet'satleastmekesureyouwinthecostumecompetition.
EXT.ALCONBURY'SHOUSE.DRIVEWAY.DAY.
Danieldrivesupintheconvertible,kissesBridgetgoodbye.Shestepsout.Sheisnowperfectinthebunny
outfit.
DANIEL:It'sseriouslynowonderbunnieshavesomanychildren.
Hewatchesasshewalksupthedriveway.Shecanfeelhiseyesonher,giveshimacutewiggleofhertail.
EXT.ALCONBURY'SHOUSE.GARDEN.DAY.
JulieLondon's'FLYMETOTHEMOON'isplayingonthehifi.Abuffetislaidoutonthelawn.We
recognisemanyoftheguestsfromtheTurkeyCurryBuffet.ThereisoneofthethreeBlueVelvetrelatives,
Hamish,whoalwaysseemtostandinexactlythesameposition.
Bridget,therabbit,makesanentrance.Itisimmediatelyapparentthatsheistheonlyguestwearingfancy
dress.Peoplegawpather,andforabriefmoment,akindofhushdescendes.
UNAALCONBURY:Bridget!
BRIDGET:WherearetherestoftheTarts?AndVicars.
UNA ALCONBURY: Oh, dear. Didn't Geoffrey call you? Geoffrey didn't you telephone Colin and
Bridget?
GEOFFREY ALCONBURY: (Looming up drunk) How's my little Bridget? (Squeezing her tail) Parp,
parp.
UNAALCONBURY:(Coldly)Geoffrey!
GEOFFREY ALCONBURY: Well, I got one of those ruddy answerphone thinghummies. So, where's
thischapofyours,then?
BRIDGET:Hehadtowork.
GEOFFREYALCONBURY:Ha!Alikelytale.Offtheyrunweeeeh!
BridgetlooksaroundandseesMarkDarcyandNatasha,bothlookingimmaculate,standingwithMark's
MumandDad.TheyinspectBridget.
BRIDGET:OhGod.
GeoffreyAlconburycontinuestofussembarrassinglyoverBridgetinherbunnycostume.
NATASHA:Bizarre,whatsomemenfindattractive.
MARK:Yes.(Longbeat)Yes.
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Slapping Geoffrey Alconbury's hand away from Bridget's tail, Bridget's Mother looking like Judith
Chalmers and wearing so much Home Shopping Channel jewellery she glitters like a chandelier bears
downonBridget,Julianintow.
MOTHER:Darling!Whatonearthareyouwearing?Youlooklikeacommonprostitute.
BRIDGET:Thatwasactuallythepoint.
MOTHER:Say'Hi'toJulian.
BRIDGET:HiJulian.
JULIAN:Mydear,youandyourmothercouldbesisters.Andwhatalovelybracelet.WhatIcallanall
rounder.Thesortofthingyoucanwearwithanything,toanyoccasion.Andaren'tthosesapphiresalovely
finishingtouch?
BRIDGET:(Tomum)HaveyouspokentomyDad?
MOTHER:Yeshe'sbehavingverybizarrely.IthinkhewasactuallytryingtoflirtwithPennyHusbands
Bosworth.Poorthingshegotveryfrightened.She'sonlyjusthadherovariesdone.
Bridgetlookingalittleguiltyhere...MumandJulianspotsomeoneanddriftaway.Astheygo...
JULIAN:Idon'tknowwhatyoueversawinhim.
MOTHER:Shush.Badman!
EXT.ALCONBURY'SHOUSE.GARDEN.DAY.
BridgetwalkstowardsUnaAlconburystandingbythebarbecue,helpingMarkDarcytotwoplatefulls.
Bridgetfreezes,turns180degrees,butUnahasspottedher...
UNAALCONBURY:Ah,Bridget,thereyouare!Don'tworryyou'renottheonlyone.ThisisPenny.
Geoffreydidn'tgetintouchwithhereither.
It'sthesame'Penny'whosenameBridget'sDadforgotattheTurkeyCurryBuffet.
PENNY:Sorry?
UNAALCONBURY:IwasjustsayingGeoffreydidn'tcontactyou,eithertotellyouthattheTartsand
Vicarsconcepthadgotoutofthewindow.
PENNY:Yes,hedid.
UNAALCONBURY:Oh,right.Lovelydress.Veryexotic.
Penny,whowasdefinitelywornsomethingalittletoofruityforsomeoneofherage,movesoffunhappily.
UNA ALCONBURY: What a shame you couldn't bring your boyfriend, Bridget. What's his name?
David?Darren?
Hearingthename,MarkDarcyturns.
MARK:DanielCleaver.
UNAALCONBURY:Oh,isheafriendofyours,Mark?
MARK:Absolutelynot.
UNAALCONBURY:Ihopehe'sgoodenoughforourlittleBridget.
ShewinksBridget.
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MARK:IthinkIcansay,withtotalconfidence,absolutelynot.
BRIDGET:(Flashes)AndI'msurehe'dsaythesameaboutyougivenyourpastbehavior.
Marklooksincredulous,wounded.
MARK:Sorry?
BRIDGET:YouknowsowellwhatImean.
NATASHA:(Callingout)Mark!
Natashasweepsacrossthelawn.
NATASHA (CONT'D): Your mother was just telling me about how she met your father. Aren't they
lovely.
Markistakenaway,leavingunfinishedbusinesswithBridget.Bridgetstandsalone.
Shenoticesaswirlofsmokecomingfrombehindoneofthetopiaryhedges.
She looks behind and finds her Father, sitting on an ornamental toad stool, dressed as a vicar. She
approacheshim.
BRIDGET:Theydidn'ttellyoueither.
Heshakeshishead.
DAD:ThoughIdidn'tspendasmuchasBernard,thankGod.
Sitting alone in a corner is Bernard, the terrible relative, dressed in full regalia as the Archbishop of
Canterbury.Bridgetnoticesthatherfather'sbeencrying.
BRIDGET:Dad!I'msorry.
DAD:Thewayshelookedatme...
BRIDGET:Butshelovesyoureally.Youloveeachother.Thisisatemporaryglitch.
DAD: Is it? I don't know. I'll tell you how I see it. You meet someone and you feel some sort of
combination of lust and tenderness and call it love, and then you marry them and find out what they're
reallylikeandwhatyou'rereallylikeandeitheryoucometofeelamixtureofcontemptandloathingand
fear,or,ifyou'relucky,somethingmorelikeruefulcamaraderie...andbasicallyyouhavetwochoisesto
gothroughthewholecaboodleagainwithsomeoneelseoryousettlefortheoneyou'vegot,andhopeto
trudgetogethertowardsthegravewithsomevestigeofdignity.AndthatwaswhatIwashopingfor,you
see,beforethis.Bitruddyoptimisticitwouldseem.
BRIDGET:Let'sgo.
BERNARD:MindifIjoinyou?
BRIDGET:Pleasedo.
BERNARD:(Toabush)Comeon,Shirley.We'releaving.
Shirley,55,comesoutfrombehindthebushthemostgraphicprostituteofthemall.
SHIRLEY:Evening.
EXT.DANIEL'SFLAT.STREET.DAY.
Bridgetringsonthebuzzer.Foralongbeat,thereisnoanswer.Sheringsagain.Finally,Daniellooksout
ofthewindow.Bridgetwaves.Shesendsthecaraway.Hedisappears.
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DANIEL:(Onentryphone)I'mjustonthephonetoNewYork.I'llmeetyouinthepubinfiveminutes.
BRIDGET:Okay.
Sheturnstowalkaway,thensuddenlystops.Turnsback.Shelooksupatthewindow,he'slookingout.At
Daniel'sdoor,shepressesthebuzzeragain.
DANIEL:(Onentryphone)Bridget...
BRIDGET:Daniel,I'vehadsuchahorribleday,I'mstilldresseduplikeabigrabbit.I'dreallyliketosee
you.
Silence.Then...
DANIEL:Upyoucome.
Thedoorisbuzzedopen.
DanielopensthedoortoBridget.Papers,spreadsheetsspreadouteverywhere,evidencethatDanielhas
beenhardatwork.
DANIEL:Sorry,I'mreallyinthethickofit.
BRIDGET:Iknow.Ijustwantedtoseeafriendlyface.
DANIEL:Tellyouwhat,whydon'tyouletmefinishthis,whileyougohome,havealonghotbathwith
lotsofshoothingoilsinitandI'llcallroundlaterfordinner...
Bridget'sfacebrightens.It'sagoodidea.Thensuddenly,O.S.aSOUND,asifsomeoneismovingaround
inthenextroom.
BRIDGET:Istheresomebodyhere?
DANIEL:Not...asfarasIknow.UnlessaBosnianfamilyhavemovedin,withouttellingme.
Bridget stares at him. Then, before he can stop her, she strides through to the bedroom, flings open the
closeddoor.There'snoonethere.Shesitsdown.
BRIDGET:(Rueful)Sorry.I'mgoingabitmad.I'mgettingallconfusedabouteverythingsuddenly.My
MumisdatingRogerMooremyDadhasturnedfrommyDadintomy,Idon'tknow,sonorsomething
suddenlyit'stimeformetotakecareofmyparents.AndeverytimeIsitdownmytailgoeseversoslightly
upmybottom.
DANIEL:Sorry,mylittleBun.Ihateitwhenthingsgoupyourbottom.ButasyoucanseeIhavegota
lotdone.Infact,Iwouldn'tmindanotherhour.
BRIDGET:Finefine.I'llgohomeanddebunny.BythewayyouknowlastnightwhenIsaidthatI
lovedyouIdidn'tmeanit.Iwasbeingironic.
DANIEL:Ofcourse.
Shekisseshimtenderly.Asshewalkstothedoor,shestopsinhertracks.
WHAT SHE SEES: A woman's cardigan, expensive cashmere, carefully draped around the arms of a
chair.
DANIEL(CONT'D):(Holdingopenthedoor)Thankyou,Madam.
Bridgetturns,goesbackintotheflat,opensthebathroomdoor.Danielcovershisfacewithhishands.
INT.DANIEL'SFLAT.BATHROOM.DAY.
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IN THE BATHROOM: a tall, young blonde, stark naked, perched on the edge of the bath. Wearing
designerspecs,perusingabookofspreadsheets.
DANIEL:(BehindBridget)ThisisLara,fromtheNewYorkoffice.Lara,thisisBridget.
LARA:(Bigphoneysmile)Hey,there.
Theyjuststareateachother.
LARA(CONT'D):Ithoughtyousaidshewasthin.
EXT.LONDON.STREETS.DAY.
AtotallydazedBridget,walkingthroughthestreets.Totalsilence.
INT.BRIDGET'SFLAT.HALLWAY.DAY.
Sheletsherselfintotheflat.
INT.BRIDGET'SFLAT.BATHROOM.DAY.
Bridgetsitsinthebathcrying.
Bridget,onthecouch,watchingTV.'Fatalattraction'.
GLENNCLOSE:I'msingleandI'm36.
Afewminuteslater.
Cut to the film again Glenn rises from the bathtub with a knife in her hand. Bridget clicks off the TV
usingtheremote.
Pause. She picks up the phone and dials, starts to talk. Cut round the various answer machines in 3
differentlocations.
BRIDGET:Hello.
INT.TOM'SFLAT.PHONE.DAY.
Eachflatcharacterisedinminiatureroundthephonetheansaphoneclickson.
BRIDGETO.S.:It'sBridget.Jones.Jilted.
INT.JUDE'SFLAT.PHONE.DAY.
Ananswerphoneagain...
BRIDGETO.S.:Asprophesiedbywisefriends...
INT.SHARON'SFLAT.PHONE.DAY.
Answerphoneagain.
BRIDGETO.S.:DanielCleaverturnsouttobetotal(andcontinuetocutbetweenthethreemachines)and
utterKingofFuckwittage.Callme.Please.
Sheislookingmassivelyunwillingtogointowork.Shefinishesacigaretteandstopsbyanewsstandto
lightanotherone.
Buysapaperforconsolation.Sheopensituptoabignewsfeature'AgingWorkingWomenEmpty
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Buysapaperforconsolation.Sheopensituptoabignewsfeature'AgingWorkingWomenEmpty
NestsBarrenWombs.'OhGod.
Perpetua,asusual,isonthephone.
PERPETUA:Good.Good.Good.Good.Howmuch?(Pause)Notgood.
BridgetglancesoveratDaniel'soffice.Thedoorisclosed,butthroughtheglassyoucanseethatameeting
is in progress. Mr Fitzherbert and Lara are present. Lara is leaning over Daniel's shoulder, pointing to
figuresonaspreadsheet.DanielisclearlylovingituntilhecatchesBridget'seyes.
Bridgetistypinglistlessly.SuddenlyDanielisthere.
DANIEL:Bridge,pleasewereallyneedtotalk.
INT.BRIDGET'SOFFICE.DANIEL'SOFFICE.DAY.
As Bridget enters Daniel's office, Perpetua looks up knowingly and perhaps worried for Bridget. She
knowssomething'sawrywiththesetwo.Bridgetpretendstobetotallyoblivioustothesituation.Shehasa
clipboardonherknee.
BRIDGET:There'sbeenagoodresponsetotheTeddyKnowsBestteasercampaign.Hadvariouslocal
radiobidsforauthorinterviews.
DANIEL:Look,Bridge,stopthat.Ifeelsoterrible.ThethingisLaraandIwell,youknow...
BRIDGET:No.You'llhavetofillmein.
DANIEL:Thetruthis...we'rethesame,Bridge,youandItwopeopleofacertainagelookingforthe
momenttocommitandfindingitreallyhard.AndIthinkintheendit'sgottobesomethingextraordinary,
somethingwhichmakesusgothatextramileand,well...IthinkLaraandbeingAmericanandsomething
todowithconfidenceandbeingso,well,young,youknow...
BRIDGET:Whatareyousaying,Daniel?
DANIEL:We'vebecomeveryclose.
BRIDGET:Butyou'veonlyjustmether.Sheflewinyesterday.
Theninslowlydawnsonherthatthisisn'tthecase.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):Oh,SillyBridget.Youhaven'tonlyjustmether.
DANIEL:No,wegottoknoweachotherprettywellwhenIwasintheNewYorkOffice.
BRIDGET:Oh.
DANIEL: Fuck there's no easy way to say this, but I wanted you to be the first to know that we're
engaged.
Bridget back at her desk. Frozen. The phone goes. She picks it up, like an automaton. As in a Rock
Hudson/DorisDaymovie,thescreenmaybesplitforthesephoneconversations.
INT.BRIDGET'SOFFICE.MARKETINGOFFICE.DAY.
SIMONFROMMARKETING:Hello,Bridgetit'sSimonfromMarketing.
BRIDGET:Hello,Simon.
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SIMON FROM MARKETING: I've just heard that Danny boy's engaged no wonder he's looking so
chipperjustwantedtobethefirsttosay'Congratulations.'Welldone,babe,reallyhitthejackpot.
BRIDGET:Thankyou.
Shehangsupthephonegoesagain.
INT.BRIDGET'SOFFICE.SALESOFFICE.DAY.
DAVE FROM SALES: Hello, Miss Jones it's Dave from Sales. Tom's just told me. (Mock Italian)
Congratoolationeeswhowouldhavethoughtyou'dmakeitastheGreatCheesessgoodonyou,sister.
BRIDGET:Thankyou,Dave.
Shehangsup.Phonegoesagain.Bridgetanswers.
INT.BRIDGET'SOFFICE.DESIGNOFFICE.DAY.
GREGFROMDESIGN:Bridgetit'sGregfromDesign.
BRIDGET:Beforeyougoanyfurther,Bernie,doyouthinkitmightbehelpfulformetopointoutthat
Daniel'snotmarryingmehe'smarryingsomeblondebitchfromBrooklynwhosepubichairisthecolour
ofcoalsoyoubettertelleveryonethatthenextpersonwhoringsmeIwillpersonallycastrate.
GREGFROMDESIGN:Ohright.Sorry.Gottarun.
BRIDGET:That'sokay.Haveaniceday.
Thephonegoesagain.Shepicksitupandtalksstraightaway.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):Rightyousonofabitch.GetyourfuckingfactsstraightI'mnotgettingmarried
onthecontrary,I'mgoingofftoapetstoretobuyanalsatiantoeatmelaterthisevening.
INT.MICHAEL'SFLAT.PHONE.DAY.
HalfthescreenisnowfilledwithMichael'TeddiesKnowsBest'.
MICHAEL: (Hesitantly) Perhaps it's not a good moment. I was just wondering what sort of response
you'regettingtotheTeddyKnowsBestteasercampaing?
BRIDGET:Excellent.Justexcellent.
Bridget, sitting alone, half way through a bottle of vodka. She rings the friends again, trying to joke
throughthedespair.
BRIDGET:Hello.Er...Meagain...desperatenewdevelopment...
Onceagain,wecutroundbetweenthemachines.
ANSWER MACHINES: Am now in total despair and suddenly see advantage of suicide in manner of
Marilyn Monroe. (Back to Bridget's flat: we see the actions of the next 4 lines, while her answering
machinevoicecontinues.)Willfinishthisrathernicebottleofvodka.Thendecidewhichpillstotake.Not
toworryaboutmeasvodkaisraspberryflavouredandthereforeatmomentofdeathwillstillbegetting
recommendeddailyamountofvitaminC.
Bridgetputsdownthereceiveranddissolvesintotears.
EXT.BRIDGET'SFLAT.STREET.EVENING.
Cuttoamysterioushandputtingapluginasocket.Placeuncertainbutinside.
Bridgetstaresatthecarpet.Shegoestoherphotoboxandbeginspickingoutphotosofherwithprevious
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Bridgetstaresatthecarpet.Shegoestoherphotoboxandbeginspickingoutphotosofherwithprevious
boyfriends.
Mysterioushandleadsflextopluginasecondplugintoaplugfourway.
Bridget again. Looking at the photos. Tears plopping down her cheeks. The photos all reveal a pattern.
Thereisatendencyineachoneforhertobehappierthantheboysareshe'shuggingone.She'sfooling
aroundonabeachwithanotherwhiletheboyfriendinshadeslooksreserved.She'sagirlwholovesher
boyfriends.Can'thelpbeingherself.
Walkingfeetdragunrollingredroundflexholdingthingalonganighttimeroad.
Bridgetagain.
Extentofrollingflexthingends.Aplugisputintotheredflexthing.Andthenasmallerplugisplacedinto
thesideofsomethingblack.
BacktoBridget.Shesuddenlyhearsthesoundofaslightlytacky80sstylesynthesizer...itbeginstoplaya
tune she doesn't recognize. Then the song itself starts beautifully sung, though it has to be said, not
peraphsasimpossiblyhighastheoriginalEddieHolmanversion:
TOM:'HeythereLonelyGirl,LonelyGirl,Letmemakeyourbrokenheartlikenew,HeythereLonely
Girl,Don'tyouknowthislonelyboylovesyou'
BythistimeBridgethaslookedoutintothestreetandthereinthelightcastbyastreetlampisTom.Itis
hisfirstpublicperformanceforadecade.Hewearsasharpblacksuit.
Hethenintroduceshisbackingsingers.
TOM(CONT'D):Iapologizeaboutthisbit.
Outofdarkness,JudeandSharonappearandsing,notverytunefullyintothemike...
JUDEANDSHARON:Eversincehebrokeyourheart,Youseemsolost,Eachtimeyoupassmyway...
TOM:Ithinkthat'sallwecantakeofthat.(Sohetakesoveragain)OhhowIlongtotakeyourhand,And
saydon'tcry,I'llkissyourtearsaway,yourtearsaway.
Bythistime,acrowdisgatheringandmostofthewindowsinthestreethavebeenthrownopenandpeople
arewatching.
Tomwhackshiswaythroughthehighpitchedchorus.Andcomestoanend.Bridgetisgrinningwithglee
suddenlysomeoneshouts.
TOM'SFAN:Play'PaintedLady'
TOM:Never!
Thiscryistakenupbyeveryone'PaintedLady!PaintedLady!'andsuddenlycampTomcan'tresistthe
cryofthehissolongdeniedpublic.
TOM(CONT'D):Oh,allrightthen.
Andkicksstraightintothefamousopeningchordsofeightiesclassic'PaintedLady',asmemorableasthose
openingbarsof'TaintedLove'.
It'snowtheendofalongdrunkennight.They'veclearlysortedouttheworldandaresayinggoodbyeat
herdoor.
BRIDGET:Thankyouverymuch,Tom.Thatwasverynice.
TOM: You're welcome. We're in this together, babes: poofs and single women in their 30s together
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TOM: You're welcome. We're
in this together, babes: poofs and single women in their 30s together
forever.
SHARON: Absolutely. I know we're all psychotic and completely dysfunctional especially you Jude
butit'sabitlikeafamily,isn'tit?
BRIDGET:Yup.
SHARON:Singleandproudofit.
JUDE:Untilsomedarkstrangerinabigcoatsweepsusoffourfeetandgetsusoutofthisbunchofsad
losers.
SHARON:Obviously.
BRIDGET O.S.: Aug. 16. Weight who cares. Fat as me. Cigarettes lots hurrah! Vodka teensy
weensybit.Everzingsschuperb.Lifecouldenbebetter.Ooof.
Shetipsover.
Blackness. Snoring. Then more blackness. Then birds, then sounds of normal life. Then a snippet of a
song.Then...
BRIDGETO.S.(CONT'D):Fuck.Fuck.
More Blackness. Sound of the Easteders theme tune and lots of other recognizeable TV theme tunes
AmericanandBritish.ThensoundacceleratesliketheendofDayintheLifeofSergeantPepper,with
littlefragmentsofstuff.
Afterthelongestblackscreeninthehistoryofthecinema...
BRIDGETO.S.:October16.Founddiary.Behindsofa.Mustbemorecarefulinfuture.
Cut to see Bridget pulling the diary out from a crack in the sofa. She then goes back to watching the
televisionatrashygameshow.
BRIDGETV.O.:Havemeantimemadeimportantdecisionintotalromanticvacuum,willthrowmyself
into work in manner of Elizabeth I and Hillary Clinton. Have decided to work in television. Always
preferred it to books anyway everyone knows E.R. is great and Ben Okry is a boring arsehole. V.
commited.V.optimistic.
INT.INTERVIEWBOARD#1.DAY.
INTERVIEWERV.O.:Whydoyouwanttobeintelevision?
BRIDGET:I'mdeeplycommittedtocommunicatingtothepublictheuptothemomentindepthnewsand
politicalagenda.
INTERVIEWERV.O.:WhatdoyouthinkofBillGates?
BRIDGET:Who?
INT.GYMNASIUM.DAY.
MUSIC.IT'SASHAMEbyDetroitSpinners.
BridgetandSharononexercisebicycles,sidebyside.Bridgetiscyclingsoslowly,thewheelsarebarely
turning.
BRIDGET:Shaz.IsitbecauseI'moverweightthatthingsneverworkout?
SHARON:(Deadpan)Yes.
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Pausetheybothroarwithlaughter.Thefirstsignofrecovery.
BRIDGET:No,butseriously...?
SHARON:Yes.Itis.
INTERVIEWER2V.O.:Whydoyouwanttobeintelevision?
BRIDGET:I'mpassionatelycommittedtocommunicatingwithchildren.Theyarethefuture.
INTERVIEWER2V.O.:Doyouhaveanychildrenofyourown?
BRIDGET:Christ,noyucch.OhSorry.
INT.GYMNASIUMDAY.:Cutonto3hourslater.AveryhotBridgetisstillonthecycle.It'snight
time.She'stotallyaloneinthebigroom.
GYMPERSON:We'rejustabouttoclose.
BRIDGET:Fine.Fine.I'mdone.
Shestepsoffthemachineandcollapses,herlegscompletelydefeatedby6hourscycling.
RICHARDFINCHV.O.:Whydoyouwanttobeintelevision?
BRIDGET:CanIbehonestwithyou?
RICHARDFINCHV.O.:Goonthen...
BRIDGET:BecauseIlikewatchingtellyandIthoughtitmightbefunandglamourousandbecauseI've
gottoleavemycurrentjobbecauseI'veshaggedmyboss.
CutroundforthefirsttimetoseetheinterwieverRichardFinch.Big,rounddiamondagreatbullywith
agreatsenseofhumor.Pause.Asetbehindhimsays'SitUpBritain'.
RICHARDFINCH:FairenoughstartonMondayandwe'llseehowwego...
HugesmilefromBridgetshe'sonherway.Finchstandsandwalksawaythenturnsbackhehasan
importantpointtoexplain...
RICHARDFINCH:...andincidentallyat'SitUp,Britain'nooneevergetssackedforshaggingtheboss.
That'samatterofprinciple.
Perpetua bustles through the office on her way to her own ringing phone. Bridget is sitting at her desk
typingaway.She'signoringMESSAGEPENDING.
Danielisonthephone,butlookingoutatBridget.
PERPETUA:Yes.Yes.Yes.No!Idon'tbelieveit!Everyonestopwhatyou'redoing.Veryimportant
announcement! (Dramatic announcement to entire office they all look up) We have bought Drayton
Gardens.Itisours!
Everyoneapplauds.Danielwalkspast.
DANIEL:Myheart,itsoarslikeaneagle.(UnderbreathtoBridget)Keepuptodatewithyouremailwill
you,Jones?
Shechecksthecomputer.
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Shechecksthecomputer.
BRIDGET'SCOMPUTER:Yoursilenthauteurisdrivingmeinsane.Weneedtotalk.Pleasecomeinto
myoffice.Cleave.
INT.BRIDGET'SOFFICE.DANIEL'SOFFICE.DAY.
DANIEL:Bridge,Iknowit'sbeendifficultforbothofusrecently...
Bridgetremainssilent.
DANIEL(CONT'D):It'sjustthatwithLaraandI...IgotsweptawaysweptawaybyhopeIsuppose.
Butwell,thegrislytruthis...I'msuddenlynotquitesosure...
BRIDGET:Pardon?
DANIEL:Ijustwonderedifwemightjusthaveyouknowjustdinner,perhaps.Incrediblyexpensive
topunishme.Or,ofcourse,KentuckyFriedChickentopunishme.Whatdoyouthink?
Pause.Bridget'sface.Inscrutable.
DANIEL(CONT'D):Bridget.Canyoueverforgiveme?
Hegetsupandclosesthedoorbehindher.
BRIDGET: Yes Daniel I think I can. I'm sorry things are complicated with lovely Lara I'm pretty
familiarwithhowperplexingtheupsanddownsoflovecanbe.
He'spleased.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):ButIthinkI'llgivedinneramiss,becausethereasonIcameinherewasinfactnot
torakeoveroursordidpast,buttohandinmynotice.
Shehandshinanenvelope.Hernotice.
DANIEL:Oh...comeon,Bridge.Iknowit'sbeenawkwardasarsebutthere'snoneedtoleave.
BRIDGET:I'mafraidthereis.I'vebeenofferedajobintelevision.
DANIEL:(Scornfully)Television?
BRIDGET:Yesandtheywantmetostartstraightaway.Infact,I'mleavinginabout...3minutes.
DANIEL: Well, now hold it right there, Miss Jones. I hate to inform you but I think by contract you're
expectedtogiveatleastsixweeksnotice.
BRIDGET:Iknow,butIthoughtwiththecompanybeinginsomuchtrouble,youwouldn'treallymissthe
personwhojustfanniesaroundwithpressreleasesinaseethroughtop.
Bridgetgetuptoleave.Danielisleftspeechlessassheopensthedoor,tofindPerpetuahasbeenlistening.
DANIEL:Bridget...
Bridgetspinsround,athunderouslook.
BRIDGET:What?
PerpetuamovesupnexttoBridget.
PERPETUA: I want to hear this, because if she gives one inch I'm going to fire her bony little bottom
anywayforbeingtotallyspineless.
BRIDGET:(ToDaniel)What?
DANIEL:Ijustthinkyoushouldknowthattherearelotsofprospectshereforatalentedperson...(The
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DANIEL:Ijustthinkyoushouldknowthattherearelotsofprospectshereforatalentedperson...(The
marketingdepartmentledbySimonallfourguyswhorangabouttheengagementhavejustturnedup
forameeting.)JustgivemeaminuteSimon...
SIMON:Righto,BossMan.
DANIEL:Lotsofprospectsforapersonwhoperhapsforpersonalreasonshasbeenslightlyoverlooked
professionally.
Bridgetthinkforawhile.
BRIDGET:Well,thanks,Daniel.Thatisverygoodtoknow.But,ifstayingheremeansworkingwithin10
yardsofyou,franklyI'dratherhaveajobwipingSaddamHussein'sass.
Cut to Daniel secretary very happy: Simon and his guys holding in their amusement the music is
beginningtoswell.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):(ToPerpetua)Thanksforcallingmybottombony,bytheway.
PERPETUA:You'rewelcome,darlingmine'sthesizeofthehouseIjustbought,soIshouldknow.
Everyoneelseisnowreallylovingthis.
BRIDGET:Byeeveryone.I'llmissallofyouwell,quitealotofyou.
Everyone turns to look at Daniel. Bridget marches out of the office to triumphant music. Cut back to
everyonewatchingDaniel.
DANIEL:Ohjustsodoff.
Onthesecondfloor.MrFitzherbertisstandingtherealone.Theliftdooropens.ThereisBridgethegets
inandstandstherenervously.
BRIDGET:Ithinkyoushouldknow,sir,thatthisismylastafternoon.I'mleaving.
MRFITZHERBERT:Ohdear,BrendaI'mverysorrytohearthat.I'llmissyou.
Pause.
BRIDGET:It'sBridgetactually.BridgetJones...Andlet'sbehonestwitheachother,Kenneth.It'snotme
you'llbemissing.It'sthese,isn'tit?
Shejustopensherjacket.Heblushesbeetrootred.
EXT.FIRESTATION.STREET.DAY.
Chaos as an outside broadcast TV crew set up for a live broadcast. Among the crowds of crew and
productionstaff,wepickoutBridget,standingbesideauniformedChiefFireman.
INT.TVCOMPANY.PRODUCTIONGALLERY.DAY.
RichardFinchsitsinfrontofabankofmonitors,withtheliveimagesfromLewishamfedontoonescreen.
RICHARD:(Intomicrophone)OK,everybody,itisBonfireNightandweareonfire!We'vegotlivefire
stationfeedsfromNewcastle,Swansea,Sheffield,andLewishamjustpoisedfortragedy.
Onthescreens:severalpresentersaroundthecountry,holdingmicrophones,doingsoundchecks.
RICHARD(CONT'D):BridgetJones.Whereisshe?
Bridgetstepforward.
BRIDGET:I'mhere,Richard.
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BRIDGET:I'mhere,Richard.
RICHARD:Rightputonmoremakeup.Iwantyouoncamera.
BRIDGET:OhGod.Ahm.OhJesus.Damn.UnfortunatelyI'vearrangedtomeetmyMumandDadfor
lunch...
RICHARD:ToughI'vesentCaratoLiverpool,soyou'reallI'vegot.I'mthinkingminiskirt.I'mthinking
fireman'shelmet.IwantyoupointingahoseandIwantyouslidingdownapole,thengostraightintothe
interview.
BRIDGET:FinegreatI'lldoit.
INT.DEPARTMENTSTORE.CAF.DAY.
BridgethasjustsatdownwithherMumandDad.
BRIDGET:I'msorryI'veonlygottwominutes.What'sup?
BRIDGET'SDAD:Pam,thisisn'ttherighttime.
BRIDGET'S MOTHER: Daddy's right. Let's just have a sandwich. I think I spotted some nice egg and
cress.
BRIDGET:Whatcanwait?Whatisit?Dadtellme.
BRIDGET'SMOTHER:Well,thetruthis,littlePooh,DaddyandIhavedecidedtofileforadivorce.
Bridgetshocked,looksatherDad.Thebottomhasfallenoutofhisworld,buthe'sputtingonabraveface.
BRIDGET'SMOTHER(CONT'D):Theproblemis...Daddyfellinlovewithsomeoneelse.
BRIDGET'SDAD:Nowhangonaminute,Pam...
BRIDGET'SMOTHER:WhenyourfatherandIcametogether,helovedaverydifferentMummy.I've
changedandsoashe.Wedon'twantthesamethingsanymore.
Dadjustshakeshishead.
BRIDGET:Sowhat'sgoingtohappen?
BRIDGET'SDAD:Yourmother'sdecidedtomoveinwithherghastlygingergigolo.
BRIDGET'SMOTHER:Daddy!
BRIDGET'SDAD:ForGod'ssake,Pam.Myname'sColin.(MotherisrathertakenabackbyDad'snew
anger.) Anddon'ttrytopinthisonmeIloveyouandalwayswillyou'releaving,and...that'stheendof
it.Don'ttrytofoolBridget,orme...oryourselfthat'sanyotherway.
MotherandFatherjustlookateachother.It'samomentoftruth30yearsofeachother,andnowthis.
ThenMumrecovers.
BRIDGET'SMOTHER:WellColinafinetimetoshowyou'vegotabitofbackboneforthefirsttimein
yourlife.
BRIDGET:(Rememberingthetime)OhChrist!
EXT.FIRESTATION.POLE.DAY.
Bridgetispoisedatthetopofthepole,readytoslidedownintoshot,wheretheChiefFiremanwaitsfor
her.Astagemanager,holdinghisearpiece,iswaitingoverexcitedlytocueher...
STAGEMANAGER:So,youdropintoshotandtheninterviewChiefFiremanBevan.Yup.Yup.Go,
go,go,go,GO!
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Bridgetletsgoofthepoleandstartstoslidedown.
STAGE MANAGER (CONT'D): (Holding earpiece) Oh, no! We're going to firefighters in Newcastle
first.Climbbackup!Standby.Onyouin30seconds.
RICHARD:AndthankyouNewcastle,andcuttoLewishamandGo!Go,go,go,GO!Oh,forfuck's...
Onthemonitor,Bridgetisclimbingupthepole.
RICHARD(CONT'D):Neville,whatthefuckisshedoing!She'smeanttobeslidingdownthefucking
pole,notclimbingupit.
STAGEMANAGER:Go,go,go,go,go.
RICHARD:Oh,JesusChrist.
Bridgetfreezes,panicked,thenslidesbackdownthepole,fallsoverandlookstocamera.
BRIDGET:(Gabbling,horrorstruck)Well,thatseemstobeaboutallwehavetimeforinLewisham.So
thankyouChiefOfficerBevan.Excellentfirestation.Now,backtothestudio.
RichardFinch,headinhands,rocking,butwhenhelooksup,he'slaughing.
INT.DANIEL'SFLAT.LIVINGROOM.EVENING.
DanielsmilesandturnsofftheTV.
Thesamebitoffootageonthetelly.Bridgetwatchesitrewindsit.Watchesitagain.
BRIDGET O.S.: Am national laughing stock. Have huge bottom. Am daughter of broken home. Am
uselessatallthings.
Sheopensherdiary.
BRIDGETV.O.:OhGodandamhavingdinnerwithMagdaandJeremy.Theonlythingworsethana
smugmarriedcouplelotsofSmugMarriedCouples.
INT.MAGDA'SHOUSE.KITCHEN.EVENING.
BridgetwithMagda.Inthekitchenpicturesbythekidsarebluetackedeverywhere.
MAGDA: Right. Obviously you know Cosmo and Woney. And this is Hugo and Jane. And Julia and
Michael.
Threesmugmarriedcouples,allintheirpairs.
BRIDGET:Hi.HelloCosmo.
COSMO:Hey,Bridgehow'syourlovelife?
Bridgetflinchesandisabouttoreplywhen,fortunately,thedoorbellgoes.
MAGDA:ThishadbetterbeJeremy.
Magdaopensthedoortorevealamanwe'veneverseenbefore,withacrowdcomingupbehindhim.
ALISTAIR:Jeremysentusonahead.
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ALISTAIR:Jeremysentusonahead.
MAGDA:(Disappointed)Right...
BackinthekitchenMagdaintroducesBridget.
MAGDA (CONT'D): These are Jeremy's partners from chambers this is Alistair Frayn, and Henrietta.
NatashaGlenville.AndthisisMarkDarcy.
Markentersalittlelate.Bridgetisclearlyshockedtoseehim.Andhetoseeher.
BRIDGET:Hellothere.
MARK:Hello.
NATASHA:Notinyourbunnygirloutfittoday?
BRIDGET:No,webunniesonlywearourtailsonveryspecialoccasions.
MAGDA:Comeon,everyonewemightaswelleat.GodknowswhenJeremy'sgoingtoarrive.
INT.MAGDA'SHOUSE.DININGROOM.NIGHT.
Alongthetable.Magda,endlesscouples,boy/girl,boy/girl,boy/girlandBridget.
COSMO:So,Bridgestillgoingoutwiththatpublishingchappie?
BRIDGET:Er...no...no.
Bridgetlooksembarrassed.MarkDarcy,hasoverheardthis...andisstrainingtohearBridget'sreply.
COSMO:Youreallyoughttohurryupandgetsproggedup,youknow,oldgirl?Time'srunningout.Tick
tock.
BRIDGET:Yes...isitoneinfourmarriagesthatendsindivorcenow,oroneinthree?
MARK:Oneinthree.
AtwhichmomentJeremycomesin...
JEREMY:Sorry,I'mlate,darling,everyone.Work,work,work.(Bridgetcatcheshiseye.)Eaton,eaton.
COSMO:Seriously,though.Officeisfullofsinglegirlsoverthirtyfinephysicalspecimens,buttheyjust
can'tseemtoholddownachap.
WONEY: (Thin veneer of concern while strocking her pregnant stomach) Yes, why are there so many
unmarriedworkingwomenthesedays,Bridget?
CUTTOWHATBRIDGETWANTSTOSAY:
BRIDGET:BecauseIdon'twanttoenduplikeyou,youboringSloaneymilchcow,andbecauseifIhad
tocookoldChubbyChop'sdinner,thengetinthesamebedashimjustonce,I'dtearoffmyownheadand
eatit.
WONEY:Whatdoyouthink'sthereason?
WHATBRIDGETACTUALLYSAYS:
BRIDGET:AhmIdon'tknowIsupposeitdoesn'thelpthatunderneathourclothes,ourentirebodies
arecoveredingreenscales.
Peoplelaughbutthere'sagapwhichMarkDarcystrivestofill.
MARK:Yes,formypart,Iwonderifitactuallydoesn'tmakesensetowait.
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NATASHA:Quiteright.Nousejustcouplingwillynilly.It'sseemstomethatagoodmarriageislikea
wellplannedmerger.(SheseemstoglancealittletowardsMarkduringthis.)Bothpartiesbringsomething
tothetable,bothnegotiate,bothmakelittleconcessionsandwhatemergesismorethanthesumofthe
parts...
MarkDarcycontinues.
MARK:Yesnoyou'reright,NatashabutIsupposewhatImeanis...(Gettingabitnearhisemotions)
Wetendtothinkwe'refailures...unlesswerushheadlongintomarriage.Perhapsifwe,youknow,waited
foundoutwhatwereallywanted...theremightnotbetwolivesinruins...sooften.Aswelawyersfind.
Thisbringstheconversationtoahalt.Alistair,theotherpartner,hastilytapshisglassandproposesatoast.
ALISTAIR:JeremyandMagda.Tenyears.Welldone.Brilliant.
COSMOANDHUGO:Speech!Speech!
JEREMY:Thankyou,Alistair,thankseverybody,thanksforcoming.Yes.Well.Tenyears.Idon'tthink
anyofusrealisewhatamajorstepitiswhenwedoitcommittingyourwholelifetojustoneperson.
HeputshishandonMagda's,looksather,soulful.
MAGDA:Yes,itisscary,butyouhavetotakethatbigrisk.
Shegentlyslipsherhandaside.
MAGDA(CONT'D):Youhavetoofferyourselfuptotowhatevercomesor,youknow,what'sthepoint
of being in the world? And there are times when you just think Christ... this was all a terrible, terrible
mistake...
Youcouldhearapindropinthesilenceintheroom.
MAGDA(CONT'D):Thenachildcomesintotheroom,andyoufeelthisgreatrushoflovejustasyou're
clearing up some sick, or wiping a bottom, or something, and you think this extraordinarily beautiful
creature,wemadehimtogether,wedidthat...Andyoucanforgiveandforgetalltheotherthings...which
aren'tquiteright...
Shesortofstopsandsortofcovershishandagain.Bridgetknowssheknows.
BRIDGET: (Raising her glass gently) To Jeremy and Magda (Concentrating on Magda) my beautiful
friend.ThankGodyouaremarriedbecauseifyouwerestillsingle,nobodywouldevergiveplaingirls
likemeasecondglance.(Pause)Bitch...
PausethenMagdalaughs,asdoeseveryoneandthetensionisbroken.Bridgetknowshowtobegood
friend.
INT.MAGDA'SHOUSE.HALLWAY.NIGHT.
Bridgetisgettinghercoat.Darcyonhiswaydownthestairsapproachesher.
MARK:IverymuchenjoyedyourLewishamFireReport,bytheway.
BRIDGET:(Ishebeingsneery?)Oh...thanks.
MARK:Yes.Well...so,Itdidn'tworkoutwithDanielCleaver?
BRIDGET:(Exasperated)No,itdidn't.
MARK:I'mdelightedtohearit.
BRIDGET:Look,areyouandCosmointhistogether?
MARK:I'msorry...
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BRIDGET:Imean,youseemtogooutofyourwaytomakemefeellikeacompleteidioteverytimeIsee
you. And actually, you don't need to bother. I already feel like an idiot all the time anyway with or
withoutafireman'spole.
Atthatmomentthedoorbellgoes.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):That'llbemytaxi.Goodnight.
Shegoestoturnaway.Hetouchesherarmtostopher.
MARK:(Awkward/stumbling)Look,I'msorryifI'vebeen...
BRIDGET:What?What?
MARK:Idon'tthinkyou'reanidiotatall...Imean,thereareelementsoftheridiculousaboutyou...your
mother'sprettyinteresting...andyoudohaveatendencytoletwhat'sinyourheadcomeoutofyourmouth
withoutmuchconsiderationoftheconsequences...
BRIDGET:Pleasedon'tforgetdrinkingalso.Likeafish.Andsmoking.Likeachimney.
Markwinces,asheremembers...
MARK: I realize when I met you at the Turkey Curry Buffet I was unforgivably rude and wearing a
reindeerjumperthatmymothergavemethedaybefore...butthethingis...whatI'mtryingtosayvery
inarticulatelyisthatinfact,perhapsagainstappearancesandsituationsIlikeyouverymuch.
Pause.
BRIDGET:(Stillsmartingnotteasing)Apartfromthesmoking,thedrinking,thevulgarmotherandthe
verbaldiarrhoea.
MARK:No.Ilikeyouverymuchjustasyouare.
Hestaresather.Shestaresback.
BRIDGET:What?
ThedoorbellringsagainandNatashasuddenlypopsin.Thespellisbroken.
NATASHA:Mark.We'rereallymakingprogressonthecaseinhere...
MARK:Right.Right...mustgo...because...Bye.
Heturnsawayandheadsbacktothedinnerparty,leavingBridgetstanding.
BRIDGET:'JustasIam?'
Lushmusic.Bridget,thegirlsandTomarewatchingtheveryendofUNHOMMEETUNEFEMME,
wheretheherowalksdowntheplatform,lookingfortheheroine.Thewholedialoguemightbevoiceover
theFrenchfootage.
JUDE:Youdon'tmeanMarkDarcy,thehumanrightslawyer?
BRIDGET:Yes.Doyouknowhim?
JUDE:Onlybyreputation,whichpaintshimasaGodintrousers.
SHARON:IthoughtyousaidthechapattheTurkeyCurryBuffetwasarealgeek.
BRIDGET:Hewas.Imean,hisparentsarefriendsofmymumforGod'ssake!Butthenhesaidheliked
me...'JustasIam'.
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ThefinalsecondsofUNHOMMEETUNEFEMME.Heseesher.Sheseeshim.Theykiss.Itfreezes.
Thewholebackgroundgoeswhite.CutbackouttothefriendsallofwhomarestaringatBridget,whois
staringatthescreen,unawareoftheeffectherlastlinehascaused...
BRIDGET(CONT'D):God,that'sgood.
TOM:Hesaidhelikedyou'Justasyouare?'
Bridgetnods.Foronceinherlife,Sharonislostforwords.
JUDE:Justasyouare?Notthinnernotcleverernotwithslightlybiggerbreastsandaslightlysmaller
nose?
Bridgetjustshakesherhead.
SHARON:Well,fuckme.
Pause,takingineveryone.Herdarkstrangermayhaveturnedup.
TOM:Butthisissomeoneyouhate,right?
BRIDGET:Ohyesofcoursethatright.Hatehim.Phew.
Butnowshe'snotsosure.
INT.TVCOMPANY.PRODUCTIONOFFICE.DAY.
AttheofficeBridgetissittingtryingtolookbusy.
BRIDGET'SDIARYO.S.:November9th .Weight9st.Cigarettes3.Birthday33.
EnterRichardFinch.
RICHARD:OK,Bridget.Tryandgetitrightthistime.TheverdictontheAghaniHeaneycaseisexpected
today.GetyourselfdowntotheHighCourt.Iwantahardheadedinterview.
FromBridget'sutterlyblankexpression...
RICHARD(CONT'D):YoudoknowtheAghaniHeaneycase?
BRIDGET:Yes.Ofcourse.Big...important...case...featuringsomeonecalledAghaniHeaney.
RICHARD:OrtwopeoplecalledKafirAghaniandEleanorHeaney.
BRIDGET:Ofcourse.That'sit.
RICHARD: She's a British Aid Worker. He's a Kurdish Freedom Fighter. The Government want to
extraditehimhome,wherehe'llcertainlybeexecutedshe'smarriedtohimandtheyfoughttosavehimfor
5.Today'sthedecision.
BRIDGET:Exciting.
RICHARD:Yes,itissowhatareyouwaitingfor?
BRIDGET:Nothing.I'moff.Watchme.
EXT.HIGHCOURT.STREET.DAY.
3pm. Outside the High Court. A huge CROWD of photographers and news hounds. Among them,
Bridget.
BRIDGETO.S.:Amsuddenlyhardheadedprofessionaljournalist.Nolongeraskwhatmyjobcandofor
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BRIDGETO.S.:Amsuddenlyhardheadedprofessionaljournalist.Nolongeraskwhatmyjobcandofor
meremorselesslydedicatedtowhatIcandowithmyjobfortruthandjustice.
Sheopensapackoffags,andhorrorfindsitempty.BridgetlookstowardstheCourtHousedoor.No
signofactivity.Pause.Then...
BRIDGET:(Tocameraman)I'mgoingtoniptotheshopfor5minutes.
CAMERAMAN:Right.Youcouldn'tgetmeaMilkyWaywhileyou'reatit?
Heriflesinhispocketforchange.
SOUNDMAN:Oh,love,ifyourgoing,IcouldmurderaTwix.
BRIDGET:(Remembering)Twix.MilkyWay,right.
OTHERCAMERAMAN:PackofPolos,please.Butnotthemints,thefruitones.Or,iftheydon'thave
those,I'llhaveWineGums,butnottheonesinthepacket,theonesfromthejar.
AgangisbeginningtogatheraroundBridget.
INT.NEWSAGENTS.COUNTER.DAY.
Intheshop,anexasperatedshopkeeperfiddleswithcoinsasBridgetisreadingfromahugelist.
BRIDGET:No,Istillneed8pchangefortheMilkyWay,6pfortheOrangeSolero,andIoweyou14pfor
theMarsBarandpackofWheatCrunchies...
MALEVOICE(DARCY):PacketofMarlboroughLightsplease.
Bridgetbristlesinirritation,thenspinsaround.
BRIDGET:Excuseme,Ihaven'tfinished.
She tails off, make a weird noise. Standing in front of her is Mark Darcy all dressed up in his barrister
outfit.
MARK:Goodafternoon.
BRIDGET:Hello.
MARK:Hi.
Sheblurtswithoutthinking...
BRIDGET:YoulikemejustthewayIam.
MARK:Sorry?
BRIDGET:Nothing.Howareyou?Havingacraftyfagyourself,eh?
Markisabouttoexplain,butatthatmomentthecameramanappearsintheshop'sdoorwayfollowedbythe
soundman.
CAMERAMAN:Bridget!We'vefuckeduputterly.EleanorHeaney'scomeandgone.
BRIDGET:Oh,God.I'llbesacked.Didtheothersgetinterviews?
MARK:Actually,nobodygotinterviews.
BRIDGET:Howdoyouknow?
MARK:BecauseIWASdefendingherandItoldhernottogiveanyinterviews.Look,she'soutinmy
car...
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BridgetlooksouttoseeEleanorHeaneyputherheadoutofthecarwindow,andshout:
ELEANOR:Actually,makeitSilkCut,willyou,Mark?
BridgetandMarkexchangeaglance.
MARK:Look...
INT.INNOFCOURT.LARGECHAMBERS.DAY.
EleanorHeaneyandKafirAghanigivingexclusiveinterviewtoBridget.Theyareinahugeemptycourt
room.He'sabeautifullookingEasternman.MarkDarcysitsbesidethem.
BRIDGET:MrDarcyyouweredefendingMissHeaney,youmustbedelighted.
MARK:Yesit'sagooddayforjustice.Eleanorisahero,notacriminal.Heronlycrimewastofightfor5
years,ineverywayshepossiblycould,tosavethemansheloves.Torejecttheircasenowthatwould
havebeenacrime.
BridgetismomentarilyenrapturedbythepassioninDarcy'svoice,thenshakesherselfoutofit,turnstothe
camera...
BRIDGET:RightwellEleanor,overtoyou.Behonest,didyoufancyKafirthefirsttimethatyousaw
him?
INT.TVCOMPANY.PRODUCTIONOFFICEDAY.
Atelevisionscreenfullframe.BridgetstandsbesideRichardFinchinthecrowdedoffices,watchingthe
interviewonTV.
BRIDGET:ThankyouEleanor.ThankyouKafir.
KAFIR:Thankyou,MissJonesaprivilege.
Bridgetnods,blushesandturnstocamera.
BRIDGET:ThishasbeenBridgetJonesfor'SitUp,Britain'with,let'sfaceit,abitofacrushactually
now.Goodafternoon.
RichardFinchhitstheTV.Itclicksoff.
RICHARD:BridgetJones.Alreadyalegend.
Bridgetlookingverypleasedwithherself.
EXT.BRIDGET'SFLAT.STREET.DAY.
MUSIC:'THEWAYYOUDOTHETHINGSYOUDO'byTemptations.
Bridgetrushingtoherflat.Withfourbigcolourfulcookbooksunderherarmsand4bagsofgroceries.
BRIDGETV.O.:Historicandjoyousbirthday.Ambroadcastinggenius.Celebratingbypreparingfeastof
thecenturyforShaz,JudeandTom,inmannerof5starcookerywunderkind,withnamelikeMarcoor
Raymond...(Herstridetakesonaskip.)7.00prepareGrandMarniersouffles.7.10marinadecaperberries
forcaperberry'gravy'togoontuna.7.20makefriseelardonfrizzledcarusobollocksthingy.7.30remove
allpantsfromradiators.
EXT.BRIDGET'SFLAT.KITCHEN.NIGHT.
Bridgetpreparesstockfordinnerparty.
BRIDGET:(Readingfromrecipebook)...tieflavourenhancingleekandcelerytogetherwithstring.(Out
loud)String...string...
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Assheopenskitchendrawers,rummagesinthechaostherein.Finallylocatesaballoffestivebluestring.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):Perfect.
INT.BRIDGET'SFLAT.KITCHEN.NIGHT.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):(Readingfromrecipebook)Finelysliceorangesandgratezest.
Shesighs,pickupheapofthirtysixoranges.
Everythingseemstobegoingsmoothlyuntil...Bridget'sshriekasthefoodprocessorspinsoutofcontrol,
sendingmashedpotatoeverywhere.ShereachesfortheGrandMarnier,gulpsstraightfromthebottle.
BRIDGET:Okay.Okay.Tuna.Tuna.
Sheopensthefridge,beginsemptyingitscontentsontothefloor.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):Wherethefuckisthefuckingtuna...?(Mimickinginterview)ThisisBridgetJones
for'SitUp,Britain',searchingfortuna.(Then,suddenlyremembering)OhCrikey,Jesus.No.No.'Thisis
BridgetJonesrememberingwheresheleftthetuna.'
Thephonerings.Bridgetsnatchesit.
BRIDGET (CONT'D): Hello Bridget in a genuine crisis only talk to me if you're in the middle of a
suicideattempt.
MUMV.O.:Hellodarlinghappybirthday.Justrungforalittlechat.
BRIDGET:Mum,Iseriouslycan'ttalk.Iknowyou'rehappyit'smybirthday.
INT.PHONE/SET.NIGHT.
Mumonphone.Intercutbetweenthem.
MUM:Actuallyitwasn'tthatIrangaboutyou'reabitoldforallthatbirthdaystuffnow,aren'tyou.
Bridget'smortifiedface.
MUM (CONT'D): I just wanted a bit of a chat... (Bridget can't believe her bad luck.) thing is, darling
betweenyouandmeI'mnotentirelysurethatJulianisn'tsomethingofashitandIthoughtsincedating
shitsisratheryourareaofexpertiseyoumightbeabletooffersomeadvice.
BRIDGET:Dumphim.
MUM:Oh,Ican'tpossiblydothatwe'rebookedintoalovelyhotelinStKittsforChristmas.
BRIDGET:Thendon'tdumphimandmakethebestofit.
MUM: Yes that was rather my plan. And I can't deny, the sex is still full of surprises why the other
night,quiteunexpectedly,IwasjustdozingoffandIfeltthishugething...
BRIDGET:ByeMom.
Shehangsup.Andinstantlytheentryphonerings.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):OhGodwhattimedoyoucallthis.
INT.BRIDGET'SFLAT.DOORWAY.NIGHT.
Bridgetopensthedoor.
BRIDGET:Gah.
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BRIDGET:Gah.
It's Mark Darcy. He is holding an excellent bottle of white wine. For a long beat, neither of them says
anything.
MARK:Thedoorwasopen.
Markistakinginherhalfdressed,frazzledappearance,andthefactthattherearestrandsofmashedpotato
hangingfromherhair.
MARK:IcametocongratulatethenewfaceofBritishcurrentaffairs.
HeproducesacopyoftheEveningStandardthentailsoffashenoticesatablelaidwithplates,candles,
etc.
MARK(CONT'D):...IseeI'vecomeatabadtime.
PauseasBridgetstaresathim.
BRIDGET:It'smybirthday,andI'veleftthesoddingtunaonthesoddingbus.
MARK:Isee.
Inthekitchen,Markishelpingtosortthecarnageout.Heisstirringthesoup.
BRIDGET:Howdoesitlook?
MARK:Great.Blue.
BRIDGET:Blue?
MARK:Butblueisgood.Ifyouaskme,thereisn'tenoughbluefood...
BRIDGET:Oh,shit.Itmusthavebeenthestring.
MARK:It'sstringsoup?
Bridgetsurveysthecarnagearoundhere.
BRIDGET:OhGod.They'llbeheresoon.
MARK: Don't worry.I'm sure they're coming to see you, not... (He glances at the recipe book) Orange
ParfaitinSugarCages.Here,haveadrink.
Hefindtwoglasses,poursthewine,andtouchesglasseswithher.
MARK(CONT'D):HappyBirthday.
BRIDGET:Thankyou.(Slightlyromanticpause)DidIreallyrunroundyourlawnnaked?
MARK:Yes,youdid.YouwerefourIwaseight.
BRIDGET:That'saprettybigagedifference.Quitepervy,really.
MARK:Yes.Iliketothinkso.
Thereisapause.Oddlittleintimatemoment.
BRIDGET:OhGod.Whatarewegoingtodoaboutthisbloodydinner?
Marklooksaroundatthevariousunappetisingdishes.
MARK:Well,youhavebluesouptostart.Youhaveorangepuddingtoend.Andforthemaincourseyou
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MARK:Well,youhavebluesouptostart.Youhaveorangepuddingtoend.Andforthemaincourseyou
have...congealedgreengunge.
BRIDGET:...caperberry'gravy'actually.
MARK:Doyouhaveeggs?
Shenods.
MARK(CONT'D):(Takingoffhisjacket)Right.Omeletteitisthen.Withcaperberry'gravy'.
CuttoBridgetandMarkworkingtogether,breakingandbeatingeggs.
MARK:Youwouldn't,byanychance,haveanybeetrootcubes,wouldyou?
Bridgetlookspuzzled.
MARK(CONT'D):Aminigherkin?Stuffedolive?
Bridgetcatchesonandsmiles.
BRIDGET:NoandbesidesI'mbusythegravyneedssieving.
MARK:Surelynotjuststirit,Una.
Theysmile,familiarineachother'spresence.Thedoorbellgoes.
Cut to all three friends are at the door with gifts shouting 'Happy Birthday'. But when they see Mark,
they'realittletakenaback.
TOM:Hello.Areyoujoiningus?
MarklookstoBridget.
BRIDGET:Ahm,yesofcourse.
Inatinymomentonefriendmanagestopullafacemeaning,'what'sgoingon?'Bridgetreturnswithan'I
don'tknow'.
Mark, Sharon, Jude and Tom are seated around the table. Everybody stares at the soup, which is blue
thenlookatBridget,whodaresthemtosayaword.
MARK:(Spooningamouthful)Excellent.
EVERYBODY:Mmmm.Delicious.Yum.
TheyarepolicinghisattentionstoBridget.Likeparents.
SHARON:SoMarkwhydidyourwifeleaveyou?
Tinypauseishegoingtobesensitiveaboutit?
MARK:ShewasJapanese.Exceptionallycruelrace.
JUDE:Andareyoudatinganyoneatthemoment?
BRIDGET:(Cuttingheroff)Comeoneatup!Twowholelovelycoursestogo.
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Cutto40minuteslaterthey'realleatingthechewyorangepudding.
TOM:Delicious.
SHARON:Itremindsmeofsomethingtasteslike...
JUDE:Marmalade.
TOM:Welldone,Bridget.4hoursofcarefulcooking...andafeastofbluesoup,omeletteandmarmalade.
That'sworthdrinkingto.(Raisingaglass)ToBridget,whocan'tcook,butwhowelovejustassheis...
EVERYBODY:ToBridget.(Cheekily)Justassheis.
CloseonBridget.SheisexchanginglookswithMarkhelooksbackathersuddenlythereisachanceof
happiness...Andthensuddenlyatexactlythatmoment...
Theringofthebell.EverybodylooksquizzicallyatBridget.Sheshrugs:Idon'thaveaclue.
JUDE:I'llgo.
Whenshereappears,shestandsinthedoorway.
BRIDGET:Who?
JudestepsasidetorevealDaniel,alittlebittiddly,holdingabottleofChampagne.Markgetstohisfeet.
DANIEL:I'msorry,IcanseeI'minterrupting.Darcy!Whatbringsyouhere?
DaniellookatDarcy,thenBridget.
DANIEL(CONT'D):(Puttingtwoandtwotogether)Ofcourse.Ishouldhaveguessed.Andyoumustbe
Sharon. Not at all what I expected. And Jude I'm told I should fear you because you are dangerously
clever.
TOM:(NoloyaltyasheseeshandsomeDaniel)AndI'mTom.Sogoodtomeetyouatlast.
DANIEL:Ijustcameto...Ithoughtyoumightbeonyourown.
Bridgetwalksoffintothekitchen.Danielfollows.
DanielandBridgetareintherealone.
DANIEL:I'vebeengoingcrazy.Ican'tstopthinkingaboutyou.AndthinkingwhatafuckingidiotI've
been.Christisthatbluesoup?
BRIDGET:Yes.
DANIEL: That Sunday in the country, it was all going so fast. The hotel, that wedding, meeting your
parents...Ijustpanicked.(Heseemsgenuine.)Youknowme.I'materribledisasterwithaposhvoiceanda
badcharacter.You'retheonlyonewhocansaveme,Bridge.Ineedyou.Withoutyou,twentyyearsfrom
nowI'llbeinsomeseedybarwithsomeseedyblonde.
BRIDGET:WhataboutLara?
DANIEL:Over.Totallyfuckingfinito.DumpedmewhensherealizedthatIhadn'tgotoveryou.
Bridgetholdsherhead...unsurewhattobelieve.
DANIEL(CONT'D):Iknowyou'rethinkingit'sjustasexthing,butIpromiseyou,everytimeIseethat
skimpy little skirt on TV, I just shut my eyes and listen to all the intelligent things you're saying. I was
thrilledthatnicelittleKurdishwassetfree.(Bridgetsmiles)Bridge...I'vemissedyoualot.
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BRIDGET:Oh,God...
He'sleaningtowardshertokissher.
WHATBRIDGETSEES:overDaniel'sshoulder,Mark,standinginthedoorway.
MARK:(Strangled)I'mgoingnow.Goodbye.
BRIDGET:Nopleasewait...
MARK:No,Idon'tthinkIwill.
DANIEL: Don't leave on my behalf. I think we're both old enough to put the past behind, don't you,
Darce?
Darcydoesn'tsayanything.DanielputshisarmaroundBridget.
DANIEL(CONT'D):AtleaststayforabirthdaydrinkwithmeandBridge.
OnMark.
MARK:GoodbyeBridget.
Heclattersdownthestairway.Hedoesn'tlookback.Hewalksstraightoutofthedownstairsfrontdoor
withoutclosingit.
BridgetrunstothewindowandseesMark,stridingawaydownthestreet.Shecomesbacktheystareat
eachotheristhisthemomentallisresolved...Bridgetthinkshardthen...
BRIDGET:Whyareyouhere?
There'saknockontheflatdoor.Bridgetgoestoitandopensit:itisMark.
MARK:(ToDaniel)Cleaver.Outside.
DANIEL:Sorry?Outside?(Marknods.)ShouldIbringmyduelingpistols?Ormysword?
MarkwalksoutDanielshrugshisshoulders.
Markiswaiting.Danielcomesout.
MARK:Ishouldhavedonethisyearsago.
DANIEL:Donewhat?
MARK:This.
HehitsDanielhardinthefaceDanielfalls,totallyshocked.
DANIEL:Fuckme.Thathurt!
Bridget,Jude,SharonandTomarecrowdedaroundtheopenwindow.
TOM:OhmyGod.Fight!Fight!
TheyalltearintothestreetasDanielgetsup.
DANIEL:Whatthefuckdoyouthinkyou'redoing?
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DANIEL:Whatthefuckdoyouthinkyou'redoing?
MARK:This.
Andhehitshimagain.
DANIEL:Christnotagain.
TomracesintotheGreekrestaurantafewdoorsdownthestreet.ThegirlsalltearintothestreetasDaniel
getsup.
INT.GREEKRESTAURANT.NIGHT.
Tomburstsinside.
TOM:Quickeveryone!Fight!Realfight!
Thewaiterspouroutintothestreet.MrRamdasalsothere.Danielstrugglestohisfeethandsintheair.
DANIEL: (Hands raised) Okay, okay - I give up - just give me a second here, just let me get my breath
back, okay...?
HesitsdownonthelittlewalloutsideBridget'sflatthensurreptitiouslytakesoneofthemetaldustbinlids
andwhacksMarkhard.
TOM&WAITER:Cheat!Cheat!
Mark,stunned,bucklingattheknees,strugglingtoremainupright.Thefightgoesondramaticallyinthe
background.
TOM:Who'ssideareweon?
SHARON:Mark'sobviously.HeneverdumpedBridgetforsomenakedAmerican...
JUDE:...andhesaidhelikedherjustthewaysheis.
BRIDGET:ButhealsoknickedDaniel'sfianceeandlefthimbrokenhearted.
TOM:Goodpoint.Thisisveryhardtocall.
INT.GREEKRESTAURANT.NIGHT.
Thefightneartherestaurant.MarktacklesDanieltheyfallintotherestaurant.Danielfallsontoatableit
knocksoversomeone'ssalad.
DANIEL:Sorry.
Theybothgetoffthefloor.Danielleapsbackforward,andwhoopsMarkinthestomach.Markfallsback
andknocksoverawholetable.
MARK:Ireallyamsorryverysorry.I'llpay.
DANIEL:Hadenough,Darcy?
MARK:Notquite,ifthat'sallrightbyyou.
Hepuncheshimagain.Atwhichmoment,twowaitersemergeholdingabirthdaycake,andmovetowards
atableattheothersideoftherestauant.
WAITERS:HappyBirthdaytoyou,HappyBirthdaytoyou...(EverybodystopsevenMarkandDaniel
trytojoinin.)HappyBirthdaydear...schjuju...(Asusual,nooneknowsthenameofthebirthdayboya
14yearoldboyinsuitandtie,therewithhisparents.)HappyBirthdaytoyou!
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Everyoneapplauds.AndthenDanielturnsheaddownandchargesMarkandthetwoofthemsmashright
throughthewindowandoutsideontothestreetagain.
EXT.GREEKRESTAURANT.STREET.NIGHT.
ThenMarklandsDanielaveryviolentpunch.Thereisasickeningthudasfisthitsface.
Bridgetreacts.AsDaniellies,unconscious,Bridgetrunsacrosstohim.ShelooksupatMark,foxedbyhis
alarminglyviolentbehavior.
BRIDGET:(ToMark)Whatisyourproblem?
MARK:(Incredulous)Myproblem?
BRIDGET: Yes you give the impression of being all noble and moral and helpful in the kitchen, but
you'rejustasbadandasmadastherestofthem.
Markstaresdownatthescene.
MARK:Forgetit.IthoughtitmightbemyjobtoprotectyoubutIwasclearlymistaken.
BRIDGET:Protectme?
MARK:Yesbutvery,veryfoolishmistake.Forgiveme.
CloseonBridgetwatchingasMarkwalks.Frombehindtheher,thesoundofmumbling...
DANIEL:...Iloveyou,Jones.
BRIDGET:What?
DANIEL:Iloveyou.Let'sgobackupstairs.Comeon.Webelongtogether.Me,you...andthepoorlittle
skirt.
Bridgettakesthisin.Onceagain,it'sjustthesex,isn'tit.
BRIDGET:Right.Right.
DANIEL:(Important,finalstatement)IfIcan'tmakeitwithyou,Ican'tmakeitwithanyone.
Shelooksathimandconsiders.
BRIDGET: No. That's not a good enough offer for me. I'm not willing to gamble my whole life on
someonewhoisn'tquitesure.Andlosesfights.Atleastoneofusisstilllookingforsomethingmuchmore
extraordinarythanthat.
Andshewalksawayslowly.
BRIDGET'SDIARYO.S.:Downtozeroboyfriends.Again.Forever.
EXT.GRAFTONUNDERWOOD.HIGHSTREEET.DAY.
'Ding,DongMerrilyonHigh',sungchurchsingersinGraftonUnderwoodHighStreet,withsnowfalling
aroundthem...
It'satouchingXmasscene.PerfectLittleEngland.
BRIDGETO.S.:December25th.Weight9st4plus11mincepies.Alcoholincalcuable.Cigarettes
fuckofalot.Allirrelevant.Becauseamnowgoingoutwith...
EXT.PARENT'SHOUSE.DOOR.DAY.
Asmallgroupofcarolsingers,oneadultand2littlechildrenarechirrupingexpectantlyoutsidetheJones'
door.
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door.
BRIDGETO.S.:...Dad.
INT.BRIDGET'SPARENT'SHOUSE.SITTINGROOM.DAY.
Inside Bridget and Dad, curtains drawn against the world, sit in front of two televisions. They are
surroundedbyFrayBentostinsandTVDinnercartons.AboxofmincepiessitsonBridget'slapshehas
hadeleveninherhandisthefinal,twelfthone.AnopenedbottleofBayleysatherside,besideanempty
bottleofred.TheValDoonicanShowisblastingout...incompetitionwiththenoiseofthecarolsingers.
DAD:Passtheciggies.
BridgetpassesDadthefagsandanoverflowingashtray.
Dad lights up his fag, flicks channels in a distracted fashion... and lands at the HOME SHOPPING
CHANNEL,whereJulian,issellingamatchingbracelet,pendant,earringset.Mothersitsbesidehim.
INT.SHOPPINGCHANNEL.SET.DAY.
JULIAN: This baroque carriage clock is a particular festive favorite of mine, with its unique feature
incorporatingtheHallelujahChorusofHandel'sMessiah,everyhouronthehour.
Itplaysthechorus.
JULIAN(CONT'D):MerryChristmas.
JuliantoastMother.Shegivesaslightlynervous,slightlyunhappysmiletocamera.Wesensethatallisnot
wellthere.BridgetandDadlookateachother.DadclicksofftheTV.
DAD:Idon'tunderstanditthemanhasactuallyturnedrednow.
BRIDGET:Forgetit.We'rebetteroffwithouther.Worsefedlesscleanbutbetter.Comeonatoast...
tosingletonwherevertheymaybe.
DAD:Tosingletons.
TheytoastcutroundSharon/Jude/Tom,allofthemsingletonswiththeirfamilies.
INT.JUDE'SPARENTS'HOUSE.DININGROOM.DAY.
JUDE'SDAD:Well,congratulationstoJudithhalfamillionpoundsisonehellofabonusmorethanI
earnedinmywholecareer.
TheyturntotoastJude.Sheburstsdramaticallyintotears.
JUDE:Hepromisedhe'dcome.
INT.SHARON'SPARENTS'HOUSE.DININGROOM.DAY.
SHARON'SMUM:How'syourlovelife,darling?
SHARON:Shutit!
INT.TOM'SPARENTS'HOUSE.DININGROOM.DAY.
TOM'S DAD: Shame that Bridget couldn't be here. It must be tough having Christmas without your
girlfriend.
TOM:Yes.ButIguessthisyearherDadjust...needshermore.
INT.BRIDGET'SPARENT'SHOUSE.SITTINGROOM.NIGHT.
Bridgetinherpyjamas.ShetakesoffherChristmashatandkissesherDadgoodnight.
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ATTHATMOMENTthekeygoesinthedoor.
BridgetandDadturntoseeMotherstandingsheepishlyinthedoorway.Dadturns,unabletobelievehis
eyes.Mumlooksathim.Theireyesmeetinanapologetic,nervousfirstsmile.
MOTHER: I am not coming back with my tail between my legs. My tail is firmly in the air. If you're
expectingatailbetweenthelegs,thenI'lljusttrotonoffagain.
DAD:I'lltakeyouhoweveryouchoosetocome.
INT.BRIDGET'SPARENT'SHOUSE.STAIRS.NIGHT.
LATER.BridgetissittingatthetopofthestairsinherpyjamaslikeachildlisteningtoMumandDadin
thesittingroom...
MOTHER:Thethingis,closeuphewasalmostpurpleandyou'resuchalovelynormalcolor.Andhe
hadafilthytemper.AndthenIrealisedthatIwasmakingthesamesortofdecisionBridgetalwaysmakes
choosingtheflashychaps,whilethenicechapsnevergetalookin.Andalthoughthejewelleryisfabulous,
andreallyveryreasonablypriced,IthoughtImightaskthenicechapifhe'd...takemeback.Obviously
withsomeeffortonhisparttopayabitmoreattentiontome.IdoknowwhatI'mlikesometimes,butit
doesn'thelpthatyouandBridgethaveyourlovelygrownupcluboftwoandalwayssaying'what'ssilly
oldMummygoneanddonethistime.'Youknow,youusedtobemadaboutme.Youcouldn'tgetenough
ofme.Whatdoyouthink?
DAD:(Deepuncertain)Idon'tknow,PamIjustdon'tknownow.It'sbeenveryhard.
MOTHER:OhColin.
Pause.Hecannolongerhidethefacthe'sjustpretending.Hugesmile.Thefirsttimewe'veseenhimhappy
inthewholestory.
DAD:I'monlyjokingyoudaftcow.Comeongiveusahug.
Shedoes.
DAD(CONT'D):Pam.Pam.Ijustdon'tworkwithoutyou.
Thereisasilence.Bridgetcranesherneckroundthestairs.MumandDadarehuggingeachother.She's
pleasedbutworried.
INT.BRIDGET'SPARENT'SHOUSE.TOPOFTHESTAIRS.NIGHT.
Bridgetwritingthediary.
BRIDGETO.S.:1a.m.Sothat'sitIsuppose.Compromiseallround.That'sthegloryof,that'sthestoryof
love...
INT.BRIDGET'SPARENT'SHOUSE.KITCHEN.DAY.
Thefollowingmorning.Bridgetcomesdownthestairsinhernightie,verymuchtheworseforwear,to
findMotherinalarge,widebrimmedhatandDaddressedinasuitandtie.It'sasifthey'regoingtothe
RoyalGardenParty.
MOTHER:Getbackupthosestairs,youngladyandgetchanged.
BRIDGET:(Stillhalfasleep)Whatfor?
MOTHER: The Darcys' ruby wedding party. What for, indeed. Mark will be there... He's (taps
nose/knowing)stilldivorced!
BRIDGET:Yes,Iknow.He'salso(tapsnose/knowing)stillderanged.I'mnotgoing.
MOTHER: Poor Mark. This is always a bad time of year for him. Japanese wife left him on Christmas
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MOTHER: Poor Mark. This is always a bad time of year for him. Japanese wife left him on Christmas
Day.Cruelrace.
BRIDGET:Yes,I'mnotsureitwasthatwayroundinfact,Mummy.
MOTHER:Ranoff...withhisbestfriendfromCambridge.
ONBRIDGET:shementallystartstojointhedots...
INT.AHOME.DAY.
Thesamesceneasbeforethecameracomingupthestairsthelegsthenakedpeoplebutthistimethe
cameramovesupwhipsaroundanditshowsDarcyHEwasthemancomingupthestairsthencutto
thegirl,lipsticksmeared,JapanesethenDanielhewastheguiltyone.
MOTHER(CONT'D):...totalscoundrel,apparently.BestmanathisweddingandthenChristmasEve,
Markcomeshomeearlyfromworkandfindsthepairoftheminamostunorthodoxposition,starknaked,
atitlikerabbits...withthetellyon,watchingfootball...
INT.BRIDGET'SPARENT'SHOUSE.DAY.
BackonBridget.Everythinghasnowfittedintoplace.
EXT.BRIDGET'SFLAT.NIGHT.
FLASHBACK:Marklookinghismostattractivehot,bloodied,noble.
MARK:Forgetit.IthoughtitmightbemyjobtoprotectyoubutIwasclearlymistaken.
BRIDGET:Protectme?
MARK:Yesbutvery,veryfoolishmistake.Forgiveme.
INT.BRIDGET'SPARENT'SHOUSE.DAY.
BRIDGET:Mum.Dad.Givemefiveminutes.
Sherunsupstairstogetchanged.
Andcomesstraightdownlookingdevastatingandmodern.
MUM:Andwhatdoyouthinkyou'rewearing,younglady?
BRIDGET:IthinkI'mwearingexactlywhatIwanttowear,oldwoman.
MUM:Daddy!Dosomething.
EXT.COUNTRYROAD.PARENT'SCAR.DAY.
Bridgetfatherisdrivingatafatherlypace.
BRIDGET:Stop!Stopthecar!
Fatherstops.Bridgetgetsout.
MOTHER:Whatisitnow?
Bridgetopensthedooronherfather'sside.
BRIDGET:Getout.
FATHER:What?
BRIDGET:Tooslow.
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EXT.COUNTRYROAD.PARENT'SCAR.DAY.
TheJonescarjustspeedingalong,Bridgetatthewheel.
EXT.DARCYHOUSE.DRIVEWAY.DAY.
A manor house on the edge of town. Not big enough to be a 'Hall' nor naff enough to be called 'The
Willows'.Butassured.Comfortable,withalargegate.Thekindofplaceyou'dfindaretiredMajorreading
his'Wisden',butnotthePrinceofWales,whichishoweveryoneisbehaving.
INT.DARCYHOUSE.DININGROOM.DAY.
All the usual suspects are there: Geoffrey and Una Alconbury. Penny HusbandBosworth, all grimacing
andgigglingawkwardlyatoneanother,asuniformedcatererswafttraysofsalmonythingiesundertheir
noses.GeoffreyisalreadyveryfargoneonthefreeChampagne.
Bridget'sMumandDadenterholdinghands,lightingtheroom,quiteindecentlysatisfied.MumseesUna
andGeoffrey.Biggrin.
MOTHER:(toBridget)It'sabigshowy,isn'tit?
BRIDGET:What?
MOTHER:Don'tsay'what',Bridget.Say'pardon'.
Bridgetfreezes.Markapproaches.HeisbeautifullydressedapartfromahideousPoohBearbowtie.His
eyesmeetBridget's.
BRIDGET:Thankyouforinvitingme.
MARK:(Stiffly)Ididn't.Itmusthavebeenmyparents.
MARKANDBRIDGETSIMULTANEOUSLY:So...
AwkwardpauseandthenNatashaapproaches.
NATASHA:Hello,Bridget.Ididn'tknowyouwerecoming.Mark,yourfatherwantstobeginverysoon.
MARK:Doeshe?Right...
NATASHA: Come on be helpful, Mark. The caterers have totally screwed up does nothing work
outsideofLondon?
MARK:Ibetter...
BRIDGET:Listen...IjustwantedtosayIoweyouanapology...aboutDaniel.Hesaidyouranoffwith
hisfiancee.Brokehisheart,hesaid.
MARK:Ah.No.Otherwayround.My...wife.My...heart.
BRIDGET:I'msorry.Andthat'swhyyoualwaysbehavedsoweirdlywithhim.Andwhyyoubeathimto
apulp.Quiterightly.Welldone.
MARK:Well...
BRIDGET:Lookahmcouldwejustpopinhereforasecond...
Theymoveintoaslightlyoddprivateplaceunderthestairsorsomethingamongstcoats.Shetalksvery
fast.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):There'ssomethingIhavetosay.Youonce,unexpectedly,saidthatyoulikedme
asIwassomethingnobastardboyfriendhaseverdoneandIjustwantedtosaythat...well...likewise,
youknowyouwearstupidthingsyourMumbuysyoutonight'sanotherclassicyou'rehaughtyand
you always say the wrong thing in every situation and I think you should rethink the length of your
sideburns.Butyou'reanicemanandIlikeyou...and,well,whateveryouknowmyaddressandifyou
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sideburns.Butyou'reanicemanandIlikeyou...and,well,whateveryouknowmyaddressandifyou
dropbysoon,itwouldbenice.Morethannice.
MARK:(Givingnothingaway)Right.Crikey.
Longpause.Neitherofthemknowwhattosay.Bothjustabouttospeakwhen...Mark'sfatherhitsaglass
withaspoon.It'satoast.
MARK(CONT'D):Fuck.Excuseme.
BRIDGET:Ofcourse.
Hewalksaway.
MARK'SFATHER:Dearfriends.40yearsofhappymarriagecountsforquitealotinthisdayandage
and I've been blessed for 40 years with a dear wife and companion, Geraldine. A toast to her. My
wonderfulwife,Geraldine.
GUESTS:ToGeraldine.
MARK'S FATHER: And we, in turn, have been blessed with our son, Mark. He has always made us
proudandwecouldn'tbeprouderofhimthanonthisparticularday.BecauseI'mthrilledtoannouncethat
hehasjustbeeninvitedtobeaseniorpartnerinthefirmofAbbott&AbbottinNewYork.Heleavesby
ConcordeonTuesdayandsosurprisesurprisethisisalsoafarewellpartyfromhim.(Marklookingshy
Bridgetveryshaken.)Healso,incidentallytakeswithhimhisbrilliantpartnerinlaw,Natashaanddon't
thinkthey'llmind,sincewe'reamongstfriends,ifIsaythatsomedaythisremarkable,clevergirlisgoingto
besomethingelseinlawaswell.
Arealgaspfromeveryonethatturnsintoapplause,andabitofshouting.CuttoverysmugNatashaand
veryabashedMark.
MARK'SFATHER(CONT'D):SoIaskyounowtochargeyourglassesonceagainto...Markandhis
Natasha!
Beforeanyonecantakeupthetoast,alonevoicecutsthrough.
BRIDGET:No!Nooooo!
INT.DARCYHOUSE.DININGROOM.DAY.
FANTASY:WHATBRIDGETWANTSTOSAY:
Mark,Natasha,theDarcys,Bridget'sMumandDad,theAlconburysgointotheirusualfantasyslomo.
BRIDGET:Stop!Stop!Mark.ForGod'ssake,don'tgettrickedintomarryingsomeposhgirlwho'sjust
been waiting and pounced at the right moment. It's the classic 30something compromise marriage as
merger.Please,please.Getthefuckoutofitnow!
WethencutbacktoBridgetshehasn'tsaidanyofthis.
GUESTS:MarkandNatasha!
Throughthecriesof'MarkandNatasha'/'NatashaandMark',weseeBridget,thinkingaboutwhatshehas
justimaginedwhatshe'dliketosayshescrewsupherwillforthesinglemostimportanttimeinherlife,
and,thistimeforreal,startsagain:
BRIDGET:No!Nooooo!
Thistimeofcourseeveryonereallyreacts,inrealtimeeveryoneturnstostare:Mark,Natasha,theDarcys,
Bridget'sMumandDad,theAlconburys.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):It'sjustthatit'sthemostterriblepityforEnglandtolosesuchagreatlegalbrain
andfor...thepeopleofEngland,peoplelikeyouandme,tolose...oneofourtoppeople.Ourtopperson
really.It'sareal...shame.NottomentionthefactthatincidentallyMarkIloveyou.Sorry.Neededto
be said though. Better dash got another party must go to lots of single people mainly poofs. So...
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be said though. Better dash got another party must go to lots of single people mainly poofs. So...
byeee...
Deathlysilence.Bridgetturnsandmakesforthedoorandjusttripsonthecarpetasshegoes.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):Whoops.
CutbacktoMarkandFatherandNatashatotallyperplexed.
INT.TRAINCOMPARTMENT.DAY.
MONTAGE
Bridgetonthetrain:headleantmiserablyagainstthetrainwindowinthestyleofAnouckAimeeinthe
finalsceneofUNHOMMEETUNEFEMME.Infact,thehauntingstrainsoftheUNHOMMEETUNE
FEMMEmusiccanbeheard.
EXT.STPANCRASSTATION.PLATFORM.DAY.
AtStPancrasStation:shotfrombehind,asintheoriginalfilmamanwalksalongtheplatformlookingfor
someone.Bridgetgetsoffthetrainwalkstowardshimandpasthimhehugsawomanbehindherand
Bridgetsimplyheadsonuptotheplatformthereisnoherowaitingforher.
EXT.SKY.DAY.
AConcordefliesthroughtheairpossiblyeventaxiingintoNewYorkairport.
INT./EXT.BRIDGET'SFLAT.HALLWAY.DAY.
Sheletsherselfin.Shepicksupherdiarycrossesoutthewords'BridgetJones'Diary'andwrites'The
DiaryofBridgetJonesSpinsterandLunatic.'
INT.AMERICANAIRPORT.ARRIVALS.DAY.
MarkandNatashajustemerginghavingpickedupluggageanddonecustomsetc.Shecalmlyslipsherarm
through his as they head through. Waiting for them holding a sign saying Mark and Natasha is a very
smartlydressedyoungmanclearlyakeenjuniorlawyerfromthefirm.
BERNARD:Mark,Natasha.WelcometoNewYork.(Hepointstohisbigspeciallychosenredtie)Iam
yourredcarpet.Thename's...
Shelooksoutthewindowitstartstosnow.
BRIDGET:Typical.
INT.AMERICANAIRPORT.CORRIDOR.DAY.
AlongglasscorridorBernardisnowpushingtheirluggage.
BERNARD:Itisgreattoseeyouguys.Reallysuperb.WehavebeensoimpressedbyyourworkMark
andyours,Natasha.HumanrightsisabsolutelykeystuffatAbbott&Abbott.Although,youknownot
that it matters to you Brits I know but I should tell you, this is also a VERY profitable firm you are
movingintotosaythatallthepartnersaremorethanmillionaireswouldbeanunderstatement.
MARK:Damn.
Hestopsdead.
BERNARD:WhatcanIhelp?
MARK:Notreally,no.Ahmtruthis,JohnisitJohn?
BERNARD:No,Bernard.(SaidintheAmericanwaystresson'ARD.')
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BERNARD:No,Bernard.(SaidintheAmericanwaystresson'ARD.')
MARK:Bernard(IntheEnglishway.)
BERNARD:BernARD.
MARK:RightBerwhatever.Truthis,I'vegoneandleftsomething...behind.
BERNARD:Ontheluggagecarousel?
MARK:No,more...
NATASHA:Oh,notontheplane,Mark?
MARK:Well,nomoreratherfurtherbackin...ah...in...ah...London,infact.
BERNARD:Ohdon'tworryaboutthatwecanFedexanything.
MARK:Wellnoactually,thismightbehardtoFedexvery,well,no,quite...heavy.Look,youjusthead
onandI'll...
LooksuptocheckTVabovesaying'Departures.'
MARK(CONT'D):I'llsortthisout.TerribletimingIknowbutI'manarseandNatashaisreally'superb'
just'superb'.And,tobehonest,(toher)betteroffwithoutme.
BERNARD:I'mgoingtofindthishardtoexplaintoMrAbbottandMrAbbott.Areyousureaboutthis,
Mark?
MARK:Yes.Quitesure.Bye.
HekissesNatashaquicklyonthecheek,thenturnsandsimplysprintsdownthelongglasscorridoraway
fromthem.
MARK:Mark.Mark!Marky!!!!!
Sheiswritinginherdiary.Hervoicespeakscalmlyoverit.
BRIDGET V.O.: The time has at last come to face the truth. Keep thinking of song by country and
westerngirlwithbighairandtoomuchmascara'IneverwillmarryI'llbenoman'swifeIexpectto
staysingleFortherestofmylife.'
Thedoorbellgoes.Bridgetfreezes.Itringsagain.Aglimmerofhopegoesthroughhereyesasshemoves
towardsthedoor.
Shepicksuptheentryphone.
BRIDGET:Yes?
TOM,SHARONANDJUDE:Hiit'sus.
BRIDGET:(Disappointed,unsurprised)Ohgreat.Comeonup.
Cuttothemarriving.
TOM:Havewegotthemostfantasticsurpriseforyou.
BRIDGET:NewKidsontheBlockhavereformed?
TOM: Not that fantastic but still pretty good. We're taking you to Paris for the weekend. Forget about
everythingparticularly,forgetaboutMarkDarcy.
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JUDE:Ican'tbelieveyousaidwhatyousaidyousaid.
BRIDGET:Iknow.There'sgoesmyinvitetonextyear'sTurkeyCurryBuffet.
TOM:Well,sodthemallifhedidn'tjustleapoverthefamilyheirloomsandwhipyouupinhisarms,
thensodhim.
JUDE:Yeshe'sclearlythemostdreadfulcoldfish.
SHARON: Exactly there have been all these bloody hints and stuff, but has he ever actually stuck his
fuckingtonguedownyourfuckingthroat?
BRIDGET:No.Notonce.
Bridgetisbeingveryquietinthecorridorwhiletheothersflaparoundoutsideandbegintoputthingsin
thecar.
TOM:Thisissoromantic.SnowboundforParis.
SHARON:Hurryup,Bridge,we'refreezingourbollocksoffouthere!
Thefriendsarenowallpackedtightinthelittlecar.Bridgetstandsonthesteps.Withcoldlittlefingers,she
searchesinherbagforthekeys,can'tfindthem.Shepoursthecontentsofherbagontothepavement.
BRIDGET:Odamn.
Tearsbegintoplopdownhercheeks.
Suddenly,thecamerachangesfocusandthere,ontheoppositesideofthestreetlikeastalker,oraghost
is Mark Darcy, standing beside his car, watching her. Still dressed in exactly the clothes he wore at the
airport.
TOM:(Outawounddownwindow)ComethefuckonBridget!
Sharon nudges him in the car and points all three of them turn and see Mark he doesn't see them
seeinghimhecontinuestolookjustatBridget.Theystareathimopenmouthed.Bridgetfindsthekeys.
BRIDGET:ThankGod.
Shelocksthedoorandturns.AndthereMarkis.Theylookateachother.Thenhewalksslowlyacrossthe
street.
MARK:Bridget.
BRIDGET:Whatareyoudoinghere?
MARK:Lookingforyou.
BRIDGET:What?
MARK: Don't say 'what?' Bridget say 'pardon.' I just wanted to know if you were available for Bar
MitzvahsandchristeningsaswellasRubyWeddings?Excellentspeech.
BRIDGET:I'mso,sosorry.(Beat)IthoughtyouwereinAmerica.
MARK:Well,yesIwasbutthenIrememberedI'dforgottensomethingbackhome.
BRIDGET:Whichwas?
MARK:AhmI'dforgottentokissyougoodbye...Doyoumind?
BRIDGET:Notreally,no.
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BRIDGET:Notreally,no.
Hemovestokissher...
BRIDGET(CONT'D):Soyou'renotgoingtoAmerica?
MARK:No,not.
BRIDGET:You'restayinghere?
MARK:Itwouldseemso.
He moves to kiss her again: but just doesn't make it, because there is a tremendous tooting and hooting
from the now very fogged up car down the street. And lots of shouting 'Hooray', 'Hooray', 'That's my
girl'.
MARK(CONT'D):Friendsofyours?
BRIDGET:Neverseenthembeforeinmylife.
Hemovestokissheragain.
SHARON:LookareyoucomingtoParisornot?
BRIDGET:Not.
MARK:Maybeweshouldgoupstairsforaminute.
BRIDGET:Goodidea.
MarkandBridgetareenteringfromthesnow.
BRIDGET:Excusethere'sjustalittlesomethingImust...I'llbewithyouinaminute.Keepyourselfbusy
readsomething.Lotsofveryhighqualitymagazineswithveryusefulromanceandfashiontips.
Shegoesoutoftheroom.MarklooksoverallthecopiesofHelloandRedandCosmopolitan.Thenhis
eyeslightuponherdiary.She'dbeenwarned!Hereachestopickitup.
Bridgetischangingfrombigpantstolittleknickers.
BRIDGET:Definitelyanoccasionforgenuinelytinypants.Sheliftsupherskirttoremovethebigpants
shewaswearing.
MeanwhileMarkreadsabitofthediary...weseewhathereadswithincreasinghorrorasheflicksthe
pages...
WHATTHEDIARYSAYS:'Markisaprematurelymiddleagedprick''Ihopehediesofaheartattack
andtheyfindhewasn'twearingcleanpants''Arealgeek''Idislikehimintensely.'
MARK:Right.Right.
Heclosesthediaryquietly,andwalksoutthedoor.
Bridgetishalfwaythroughchanging.Perhapsnowhasonhertophalfonly.Shehearstheheavyslamof
thedoor.Sherushesout,andsureenough...
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...Noone'sthere.ShelooksoutthewindowandseesMarkwalkingaway.Itisstillsnowing.Sheopensthe
windowandshoutsout.
BRIDGET:Mark!Mark!
He doesn't hear or won't hear as he strides down the street. She looks at the diary. Reads the words
'utterlyhatefulboringsnob'.
BRIDGET(CONT'D):Ohshit.(Andhastodecidewhattodo.)Ohdoubleshit.
INT.BRIDGET'SFLAT.HALLWAY.NIGHT.
Shechargesdownthestairs.
BridgetinbarefeetandlegssprintsoutintothesnowpastMrRamdasandacoupleofGreekwaiters.
BRIDGET:Wishmeluck!
WAITERSANDRAMDAS:Goodluck,crazygirl.
Shereachesthemainstreetturnsacorner.
EXT.HIGHTSTREET.NIGHT.
Itissnowing.Bridgetturnsontothemainhighstreet.Shecan'tseeMark.ThenupaheadsheseesMark
turnthecorner.Sherunsafterhim.
EXT.STATIONARYSHOP.NIGHT.
Bridgetstaringwildlyaroundher.SuddenlyMarkemergesfromtheshop,whichhasaconstantflowof
veryrespectablemiddleagedladies.HelooksattheunderdressedshiveringBridgetinthesnow.
BRIDGET:Mark,MarkI'msorryIdidn'tmeanitImean,ImeantitbutIwasstupidyousee,soI
didn't mean what I meant... (Pause.) For Christ's sake it's only a diary and it's common knowledge
diariesarejustfullofcrap.
Pause.
MARK:Iknowthat.(Heholdsupalittleleatherbook.)Iwasjustbuyingyouanewone.Timetostart
again,perhaps.
Totaljoyshejumpsuponhimarmsrightaroundhisneck,feetintheairandhugshim.
MARK(CONT'D):(Toonlookers)Sorry.Heroinisaterribledrug.
Andthentheykiss.Itlastsagenuineamountoftime.TheysplitapartBridgetisalittlebreathlessand
confused.
BRIDGET:Waitaminuteniceboysdon'tkisslikethat.
MARK:Oyes,theydo.
Bothsmilebothknowthefutureisfullofstrangedelights.
TITLEMUSICTHEEXPLOSIVEVERSIONOF'WHENIMETMISSJONES'.
EXT.PARENT'SHOUSE.GARDEN(1960'S).DAY.
HomeMovieFootageshowsBridgetJones,4yearsold,tormentingMarkDarcy,8yearsold.Thesettingis
Bridget'sparentsgardenswing,slide,paddlingpoolandBridgetisclearlycrazyaboutMark:hugging
him,tryingtokisshim,muggingatthecamera.Markseemsmortified,constantlytryingtogetaway.Inthe
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him,tryingtokisshim,muggingatthecamera.Markseemsmortified,constantlytryingtogetaway.Inthe
backgroundtheirparents,inoutrageous60'sclothes.
Atthepaddlingpool,BridgettakesoffherclothesandwalksbacktoMark.Helooksuncomfortablebut
thensmilesandkissesher.BabyBridgetradiantlyhappyMarknotunhappy.Freeze.
THEEND.
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5/22/2014

BRIDGET JONESS DIARY Script

EXT. LONDON. VIEWS. DAY.

INT. BRIDGET JONES'S FLAT. BEDROOM. DAY.

BRIDGET: Fuck a duck.

As she crawls out of bed.

BRIDGET JONESS DIARY Script

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INT. ST. PANCRAS STATION. MAIN CONCOURSE. DAY.

INT. TRAIN COMPARTMENT. DAY.

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BRIDGET: It'sanother lovelysunnyday andwe'vestuck in watchingtelevision. (Shegrabstheremote

DANIEL:Ah.Ah.Here we go. You wanted a relationship we have a relationship. You wanted us to

BRIDGET JONESS DIARY Script

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BRIDGET JONESS DIARY Script

BRIDGET JONESS DIARY Script

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