Gabrielle Genetelli

From Courting Under A Watchful Eye to Casual Sex With No Strings

Whats love got to do with it? As Tina Turner sings about a broken heart in the
1980s, it is hard to imagine that love was not a sought after passion less than 200 years
before in our society. Dating, sexual intimacy and the concept of love among teens has
changed tremendously in the past hundreds of years in heterosexual couples in America.
Most people like to believe that sexuality and passionate love is a private thing between
two people. Our culture has become much more comfortable speaking about it but it is
still the big elephant in the room that no one dares to acknowledge. When forced to face
reality, it is scientifically proven that sex is a social act. Sexuality is shaped by time
periods and the culture engulfing the society. It follows made up rules that are 100%
fictional, yet all of the people in a society abide by. In the past, commitment and love
would often lead to sex. Today, the order is reversed. Sex can lead to love and
commitment. Premarital sex was never a norm before the 1960s in America. Courting
and going steady sounds almost barbaric to teens now. Hooking-up is one of multiple
socially constructed beliefs towards sex. Hooking-up can be defined as anything from
kissing to intercourse between two people who are not dating one another. The history of
dating can contribute to our understanding of sexual intimacy and why teens do what they
do today. The time from the 1700s to present day shows the gradual shift in heterosexual
teens in America in cultural values in sexual intimacy and the social scripts of finding a
romantic partner.
In the 1700s, dating was strictly a family affair. It had little to do with emotions
and everything to do with status and stability. If one was in a prominent family and

wealthy social class, there would be tremendous pressure to marry someone of the same
status. Families would arrange these marriages and if the couple was lucky, love would
come along later. Women were expected to take care of the household duty, prepare
meals, make clothes and bear children. Men would be the main providers for the family.
The young suitor would sit down with the parents and offer up all his financial standings
to prove his ability to provide for the woman with a level of wealth that is equal or if
lucky, higher to her own family. His wealth is what ultimately would seal the deal would
be his vow to to provide money, land, and support for the bride. Often times, the families
could potentially end up in a war due to disapproval of the bride or groom, broken
promises and money. If there were daughters in a family, the parents would be shameful
if they do not marry. A young womans sole purpose in her younger years would be to
find a man suitable to provide and support her because she will not inherit any of her
familys money. Her family would often choose who this man would be. (history.org)
Courting was common among higher class families because they had a suitable
home and space to host the guest. The meetings between the young man and woman
would usually take place in a parlor. Courting was specifically used to eventually end up
in marriage. The meetings were taken seriously and were not for fun. Marriage was a
necessity in these times, not an option. Some marriages would occur solely because the
woman would get pregnant. A child born out of wedlock was a very serious social
deviance. Marriage in lower classes was not as big of a deal because both the bride and
groom did not have much to offer. The lower class couple would often go out on a date.
Dating originated in low income classes and the concept of dating was spread to middle
and upper class 100 years later. In higher social classes, the dating part would come after

the parents decided that they were a good fit for each other and close to marriage. There
would always be a chaperone or some type of supervision to monitor sexual activity
(history.org).
The only sexual practices that would occur before marriage were limited.
Bundling was a practice done to ensure the compatibility of a couple. The male would
sleepover the girls house, with parents permission. They would sleep in the same bed
with a long wooden board separating them. Under-clothes were to be worn at all times
and a girls nightgown would often be tied at the bottom to ensure chastity. Premarital sex
was certainly not the norm, but temptations were high (history.org).
At the end of the colonial era, romance was becoming a more important aspect of
daily life. This continued throughout the 1800s civil war era. Romance was finally
becoming accepted as a reason for marriage. There was a severe absence of available men
in this time due to the Civil War. Parents started to relinquish their rules due to the lack of
options. Supervision was still encouraged, but couples would have much more alone time
than they would have in the past. The war changed courting and marriage in many ways,
many women feared they would not marry at all. Upon a womans invitation, a man
would perform formal calls. A man would go to her home and be greeted at the door
and the woman would either allow him in or deny him upon arrival. Since this occurred
in the home, parents would most likely supervise. The act of calling was popular all the
way until the early 20th century (Johnson, 377). During this time period, there was surge
of casual flings because soldiers constant movement throughout the states. Sexual
intimacy were reaching new heights like a stolen kiss, for example, due to temporary
relationships that were not leading to marriage.

As technology and times changed, gender roles and expectations changed as well.
In the 20th century, gender roles were redefined. Courting is officially dead and dating
was an epidemic among teens in the mid 1920s. A couple would go to the movies, out to
dinner, or to virtually any place that attracted teenagers. They would ultimately create
most of their relationships from dating and marriage was not the sole purpose of dating.
One would date for sexual gratification or just for fun. A woman may be dating multiple
men at once to explore her options and it actually made her more desirable. Women found
enjoyment in their new found freedom from parental supervision. Without supervision,
sexual intimacy before marriage increased. The invention of the automobile was the
major cause of dating becoming a norm. Dating occurred on college campuses most
often. Men were delaying marriage until graduation and would entertain themselves in
the meantime until marriage. Willard Waller did a sociological study on dating at Penn
State University in the 1920s and 1930s. Waller reports that dating on campus was
centralized around the rating and dating complex. Both men and women desired to date
someone with a high rating. Class A was the best rating and could be attained by good
dancing, being a member of the best fraternities, a car, a good pick-up line, and money
(Bogle, 15).Women avoided drinking alcohol to obtain a high image among peers.
Popularity came with a good rating. Women would only frequent with Class A men to
keep a high rating themselves. Men were ultimately at a disadvantage in numbers; there
was a 6:1 ratio in men to women on the campus. (Bogle, 14)
On the college campus, there was even less supervision by parents. They were
completely removed from the scene altogether. There were strict rules on dormitories for
men and women. There would be all-men and all-women living spaces and strict rules

about visiting. There would be absolutely no sleepovers. Sexual intimacy was reaching
stages completely new from the past (Bogle, 22). Necking and Petting started in the
1920s and continued until the late 1900s. Necking was a term used to describe the
stimulation of using the neck, ears and lips as sexual objects in a couple. Petting involved
every type of arousal not including sexual intercourse (Bogle, 19).
After World War II in the 1940s, men were low in numbers. The dating scene
changed to accommodate the change in the culture. Going steady was the replacement
for dating. Instead of dating multiple people, men and women were ready to settle down.
A couple in a steady relationship would show their commitment pretty publicly. A man
would give the girl an object to show his loyalty to her and their peers. This object could
be a class ring or a letter jacket. The girl would always wear the object to show her
promise to him. Other men would take the hint that the girl was taken and already going
steady. Going steady was also not a direct route to marriage although it did happen on
occasion. (Bogle, 16-17)
There was a strong shift in the power of dating with going steady. In the past, the
woman had the power to control if they would have a future with the boy by invitation to
calling. With going steady and dating, men had the responsibility to ask the girl out. Men
spent money on the woman so he would have the power to choose where they would go
and activities that they would do, ultimately possessing the power in the couple (Bogle,
18).
In the mid 1960s, teens started to socialize differently. They began to attend
parties with a large group of teenagers. Alcohol would often be present and consumed.
Many teens would form new relationships at these parties. This stage in time of the

1960s is significant in showing the shift from dating to hooking-up. Two major things
occurred in this time period that aided this cultural shift on college campuses: the creation
of reliable birth control and the womens movement. Women wanted more sexual
freedom and could now have sex without the risk of pregnancy being on the line. There
was another power shift in which women could now also have the power to ask a guy on
a date. College administrators decided to take a different approach to the cultural change.
In the 1960s and 1970s, campuses eliminated the restrictions on the dormitories for men
and women. College campuses were straying from preaching abstinence and instead
educating the students on sexually transmitted diseases and how to protect oneself from
sexual assault. (Bogle, 22).
Sexual intercourse before marriage emerged as a new social norm. A bases
system emerged with different levels of sexual activity being a base. A homerun would
be intercourse. Sexual acts, such as oral sex, would now occur before sexual intercourse.
In the past, these acts were usually saved for marriage after intercourse had already
occurred (Bogle, 21). Teens were facing an all new sexual revolution.
Hooking-up emerged for quite a few reasons. More women were attending
college than ever before. This opened the door for the average marriage age to sky rocket
for both men and women. At an average age of marriage among men marrying at 27 and
women at 25, they needed to satisfy themselves in the meantime (Bogle, 22). Men and
women could explore their options sexually and emotionally and find what suits their
tastes for when they finally marry.
In the 1990s, teenagers used technology to socialize. They would use IM, text
messages, and social media. There were online dating sites that teens could use to meet

people. Sites such as eHarmony and match.com were being utilized with a marketing
campaign of promising a perfectly compatible soulmate (Johnson, 280). There was a
another virtual world added to the social dating scene. Continuing into the 2000s,
communication among teens only became stronger. Teens were always in constant
contact with one another which only entailed the likelihood of hooking-up even further.
Teens could socialize and make plans to hang-out easier than ever before.
Furthermore, the recipe for a hookup was quite simple. It would start with an
initial attraction or a crush, then they would appear at the same party with the
consumption of alcohol to add newfound confidence and limit the awkwardness of the
situation. They would talk and flirt that would eventually lead to hooking-up. At the end
of the night, they may continue their hook-up at one anothers living space and if they
like each other, they will continue to talk and hook-up more times. After this, if emotional
attachment occurs, they will go on a few dates and maybe begin a relationship.
In conclusion, among teens, it seems that in the 21st century dating culture, dating
is not common anymore and hooking-up is the popular norm. With casual sex occurring
at parties with the help of alcohol, there is no need for relationships. Teens find
satisfaction in no strings attached. Hook-up culture is the main route to a relationship
nowadays. Commitment is a scary word to teens and there is a large double standard
between men and women in this culture. As long as teens still attend college, there seems
to be no change in the near future to how teens are sexually intimate and forming
relationships. Sexual intimacy occurs at earlier ages than ever recorded and marriage is in
the distant future. Teens are now socializing sexually with the opposite sex just for fun.
They will have casual and unpredicted sex with someone they had met that day. Cultural

values and norms have changed immensely. The shift from courtship to dating, and going
steady and now hooking-up was a gradual shift that happened because of a lot of politics,
wars, and movements. With social movements and new laws passing overtime, our
culture that we are immersed in was formed. Our ancestors 300 years ago may be
appalled at how love is found today, but maybe they never really knew what love was.

Work Cited
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