27thofApril,2015

DearRaphael:

ThankyouforsharingyourliteracyautobiographywithmeIenjoyedreadingit.Inthenextfew
paragraphs,IwilloffersomeglobalandholisticfeedbacktohelpyouconsiderwhatIfound
interestingandwhatyoumaydevelopfurtherwhenyoureviseyourLAforyourcourseportfolio.
Inthiscontext,pleasenotethatIhavedeliberatelystayedawayfromofferingmarginalfeedback.
MygoalherewastomoveawayfromsentenceandparagraphlevelissuessothatIkeptmy
focusonthethemainideaofyourliteracyautobiographyandhowyouhavedevelopedthatidea.

Asyoubegintorereadandreviseyourworkbasedonmyfeedback,itmaybeworth
rememberingthateventhoughyourliteracyautobiographyisnotastandardcollegeessaywith
athesisandsupportingarguments,itneedstohavea
clearcenterofgravity
.Whenyour
readerreadsyourautobiography,theywillknowwhatyourmainpointofyourwritingisinmuch
thesamewaythatyoueasilyrecognizedthemainpoint(orcenterofgravity)ofsomethe
literacyautobiographieswediscussedinclass(suchasAmitChaudhurisLostinTranslation,
PauleMarshallsPoetsintheKitchen,VincentCremonasMyPenWritesinBlueandWhite).
Inadditiontoahavingaclearcenterofgravity(thatmaynotbeexplicitlystated),your
autobiographyalsoneedstohave
details
thatsupport,developanddeepenyourmainpointin
interesting,evenunexpected,ways.Forexample,considerhowChaudhuridevelopsthe
characterofhisuncleandauntandtheirhome(withitsredfloors)tohelphisreaders
understandhowBengaliandEnglishfunctionedinhisearlyreadinglife.Alsothinkaboutthe
examplesthatbothPauleMarshallandVincentCremonaoffertotalkabouttheir
language/writingpracticesasadults.Thesedetailsarecriticalbecausetheyhelpthereader
understandthecomplexwayseachofthemhavedevelopedasaliterateperson.Theyalso
maketheseautobiographiesinteresting,colorful,personal,andunique.Iwouldstrongly
encourageyoutorereadatleastoneliteracynarrativetocloselystudyhowthewriterhas
developedhis/herautobiographyaroundonemainorcontrollingidea.Thenreadyoursto
discoverwhatthemainorcontrollingideaofyourautobiographyis.Askyourself:
Whatisthe
mainorcontrollingpointofmyautobiography?HaveIdevelopeditsufficiently?

Imustadmitthatmostofyouwritershadmanyinterestingthingstosaybutfailedtoidentifythe
drivingforcebehindyourownautobiography,itscentralthesis,ifyouwill.IfIhavestruggledto
understandthemainpointofyourwritingIhavementioneditlaterinthisresponse.Another
commonthingInoticedisthateventhoughtheassignmentsheetencouragedyoutoworkwith
multimedia(pics,videoclips,drawings,etc),mostofyouhavechosenessayisticproseto
composeyourautobiography.ThiswasveryinterestingtomebecauseIbegantorealizehow
heavilyyourelyonessayisticproseincollegeeventhoughyoureadandwritesomuchindigital
environments(suchastheworldwideweb,socialmedia,etc.).Perhapsthisissomethingyou
canreflectoninyourportfolio.Askyourself:
WhydoIvalueacademicproseandcompose
solelyiniteventhoughmuchofthereadingandwritingIdotakesplaceinelectronicmediums

anddependslargelyonmultimediatexts?WhatdoesthissayaboutwhatIunderstandas
writing?WhatdoesthissayabouthowIviewandpracticewritingincollege.

Commentsspecifictoyourownliteracyautobiography
:
Raphael:Ireallylikeyourautobiographyitmademethinkandthatisawonderfulgifttoany
reader.Herearesomeofmysuggestions/observationsthatmayhelpyourenrichyourdraft
throughsomemorerevision:

1.Youbeginyourautobiographywithashortandthoughtfulintroduction.Yousay,
Readingandwritingcanbelearnedindifferentways,dependingonthepeople,thecultureofthe
placethatthesepeopleliveinandtheincentivestheyhave.Youarebeginningtomakesome
verysmartobservationsbutyoudontdelveintothis.Sinceyouleavewithoutfurther
explanation,myinterestinyourideanevergotfullysatisfied.Iwantedtoknowmore.For
example,Iwouldhavelovedtohearmoreabouthowplaceandcultureimpactliteracy.I
wouldhavealsolovedtoknowmoreaboutincentivesandhowthepresence(andabsence)of
incentivesshapeliteracyhabitsandpractices.Mysuggestiontoyouisthatyounotonly
addresstheseintheintrobutreadyournarrativecarefullytoseewhereelseyourreadermay
needmoreexplanation.Itwillhelpyoudevelopyournarrativewithareadersneedsand
questionsinmind.

2.Lovehowyoutalkaboutthepresenceofbooksinyourlifelongbeforeyoulearnedhowto
readandmakesenseofthewrittenalphabet.Youtalkaboutsomethingthatmostpeopleforget
about:theliteracyenvironmentofourearlychildhood.Spendsometimereflectingafterthis
section.Considerhowtheavailabilityofprintmaterialslongbeforeyoubegantoread
encouragedtoplaywithbooksandtrytofigureoutwhateachpagemeant.Thiswouldaddalot
toyournarrative.Youmayneedtodothisinothersectionofyournarrativewhereyousay
somethingaboutyourliteracybutdonotanalyzeorreflectonwhatitmeant.

3.InonesectionofyouressayyoudiscussthatcomposingwaschallenginginBrazil.
Consideryourreader,areaderwhodoesnthavetheinsiderknowledgethatyouhave.Howcan
youexplainwhycomposingwashardinBrazilandyoustillfounditeasy.Onceagain,think
aboutyourreader.

Pleaseletmeknowifyouhaveanyquestionsordonotunderstandsomethinginmyfeedback.I
willtrytoaddressthemduringtheclassperioditselfasitmaybehardforustofindtimetomeet
afterthelastdayofclass.

Thanksandhappyrevision,
Debarati

GradeonFirstDraft:B