Dylan T.

Williamson
An Ode to Syncopation
Dylans Growth as a Poet
My poem started out as an ode to my genetic depression, almost a plea for forgiveness
from the mental strain. The idea was to create a sort of painful yet beautiful word vomit that in
some way could communicate a message. However, the poem felt pathetic and selfish, almost as
if I was begging to a non existent person who would never say anything back. My first draft said
things like, And sometimes when it is so dark that I see no way home And sometimes when I
look for home and it isn't there The temptation grows and grows Until I am one foot away from
the jump to the man in the black cloak. My poem originally, in the harshest words, was a
pathetic attempt at a satiristic ode to death. In my own opinion it had no purpose beyond the
walls of my own mind, it was a poem created for empathy, not one created to show muse.
However with a few alterations I shaped something that inspired others with clever words and
creative energy. The message was relatable and powerful to any audience, because everyone
experiences prejudice in some way at some time. Now, when I read my poem I feel the vibrancy
and power shifting through me and into others. This power shows them that they can change, it
shows them that they can be the difference. I feel that the two stanzas in my poem that really
shows that electricity that I push are these, we walk through hollow sanctuaries plagued by
jealousy and fear scared of being naked so we plaster ourselves with silicon clich costumes
cause being exposed is the truth, but we prefer the perfect lie Learning to pull adjective arrows
out of cracked heart's blood becoming words which we toss at others because being mutilated by
pain should be a two way street. Now my poem shows how people can rise above their
prejudice and recognize the beauty in our differences rather than the hate in our stereotypes. My
poem started out as an ode to death, and ended as an ode to life.
One significant change I made in my poem was the tone. In the beginning my tone was
lonely and slow, however in my final drafty the tone became uplifting and powerful, showing the
inspirational message of the poem. In the conception my tone started out sad, like this, He is
friends with the man that sits on the edge of the highway Dressed in black holding a sword who
walks through hollow sanctuaries plagued by jealousy and fear. I felt that this needed to change
because of how confusing and desperate it seemed. However, like I said before I wanted my
poem to sound uplifting and inspirational. I changed that stanza to sound more energetic by
writing, scared of being naked so we plaster ourselves with silicon clich costumes cause being
exposed is the truth, but we prefer the perfect lie Learning to pull adjective arrows out of cracked
hearts blood becoming words which we toss at others because being mutilated by pain should
be a two way street. I changed the word choice and altered the tone to make the rhythm faster so
that it would give you a more gut reacted excited feeling rather than a depressed one. The change
made my intellectual meaning much more understandable and relatable by saying phrases such
as, We prefer the perfect lie. Which everyone can relate to because at some point everyone
wanted to be perfect. This change makes my poem more interesting to listen to, so that now I
can capture an audience and have them contemplate my ideas.

Another significant change I made was within my repetition, and bringing back around
one significant line in my poem, I am fine. In my first draft I only use that line once, when I
said, I am fine but I am afraid, I am fine but I am alone, I am fine but I am cold, I am fine but I
am so tired. I enjoyed the line so I did not want to get rid of it, however I assumed it would pull
the poem together more if I used the idea more than once. Therefore I placed, I am fine. A few
times in the middle of my poem, and than at the very end. There I say, I will be fine because I
am brave, I will be fine because I am loved, I will be fine because now I am awake. The
addition improved my poem by adding a sense rounding. Bringing the audience back to a line
that shows you the essence of lying about who you are, and how you truly feel. The being the
message of my poem, it was a quality placement. I also enjoy the addition to the ending because
it brings the audience back to this idea that although there is pain, you can see hope through it.
I will be fine because I am brave. I feel that those lines really inspire this idea of change and
how we are capable of helping ourselves no matter how hard it gets. The intellectual change it
puts on the readers and listeners is this idea that although there is a repetition of pain, there is still
hope for the future. The emotional meaning it stresses is that when you here I am fine during the
poem, you automatically feel its a lie, which gives the audience the connection to the times they
have said those three words even when they are not fine.
The final large revision I made to my poem was through the ending. In my first draft my
ending was completed with, You are alone but you are kind, you are alone but you are smart,
you are alone but you are beautiful, you are alone but you are so loved. I wanted my closing, in
both my first and last draft to be calming, and helpful to those who are feeling pain or feeling
alone. However, I felt that ending was not as inspirational as I felt it should be. So I added a few
extra lines, I am shielded by the armor of my own experience. Shielded by the freedom of
thought the love of mind the pain of past and the hope for future. This ending added a larger
transition to the end of my poem, which I feel really made the message that I was communicating
sink into the audiences memories. This change altered the emotional and analytical sense of the
poem, by adding a gradual ending that makes you feel collected and calm, as well as showing
you the message of the poem lightly and gradually. This way you can remember what the poem
says; because if no one listens to what you are saying, what is the point of saying it?
Overall this project gave me a new insight on life, and it also gave me a heightened sense
of how I handle people. It was interesting to see how showing others how you want to treat
people, and yourself, can make you recognize that how important that really is. Recognizing that
the differences in others, are more important than the similarities, can elevate you to a whole new
way of seeing, and trust me, that is a great way of experiencing life. Don't lose your syncopation.