MendingtheHolesinOurHearts

AmiriScrutchin
8thEnglish/Lang.Arts
March8,2015

Beginning Of Reality
Pulsating,theheartalwaysstaysinrhythmwiththeworldssong.Itisthebeatofthe
drumitalwaysdictateshowfast,orhowslowamomentis.Gradually,thetempoincreases,
andarushofstringsandhornsplaythroughoutthebody.The
drumbeatsdeeper,louder,and
faster
untila
bellowingsoundringsintheears
.Therushoftheorchestraplaysfromthe
stringsofLife,fusingtogetherdifferentandcomplextunes.Suddenly,itallstops.Thebeat
stops.Thetunesstop.Thesongstops.Foronce,Lifeissilent.
The
cold,silentnightskyloomed
outsidewhilewerested,protectedfromthecoldand
thedark.Icamebackdownstairsafterahardcoresessionofvideogames.Needingtorefuel
myhandmuscles,IwantedtograbafewmoreslicesofpizzabeforeRoundTwo.The
crisp,
meatysmellwouldalwayssufficetosatisfymyhunger
,andasItookmyfirstbite,the
cheese
andpepperonislowlydissolvedinmymouth
asheavenandearthfinallycombined.Thebite
tastedsogoodthatbeforeIknewit,Ionlyhadonesliceleftinmyhand.
Ineededtosavorthelastslicebecauseittastedsogood.MymouthsalivatedandI
gazedatthepizza,butIhadtocontrolmyself.WhileIstoodnearthepizza,mysisterwatched
anonamusingshowthatonlygraspedherinterest,butIwatcheditbecauseIhadtoprevent
myselffromgorgingdownthepizzaslice.Images,pictures,andscenesflashedbeforemy
eyesasmymindslowlyblanked.ItwasasiftheT.V.transformedintoatimetraveldevice
becauseeverythingseemedtodisappearexceptfortheflashingcolorsandlights.Ten,
twenty,thirtyminutespassedwhileIstood,staringatthescreen.Mystomach
gurgleda
subtle,rumblingnoise
,butasIlookedtowardsmyhand,thepizzahaddisappeared.
Shoot,Imutteredundermybreath,asIwalkedbackintothekitchentograbanother
slice.AsIturnedtowardstheT.V.again,Ithendecidedtomovetothecouchbecausemy
legsbecametired,butwhenIlookedatthecouch,mysisterwassprawledalloverit.Ithen

movedclosertowardsthedoorofmyhouse,andsatonthearmofthecouch.Itfelt
hardand
rough
thepointofcontactmademybutthurt,andmylegsfellasleep.Inmyperipheralvision,
anopenspotonthecouchrevealeditself.Iglancedatitquickly,hopingthatmysister
wouldntseemeandtrytotakeoverthediscoveredterritory,butaftercontemplatingthe
situationinmymind,Idecidednottomakeamove.Ihadalreadyspentmyenergywalkingto
thecouch,andIdidntwanttospendtimetryingtowakemylegsupinordertoleapatthe
newfoundopportunity.
Iwasjustabouttowalkbackupstairstoresumeanotherhardcoresessionofvideo
gameswhensuddenly,mymomslowlywalkedoutofherroom.Ineedtospeaktobothof
you,
now
,shestatedquicklyandquietly.
Dangit!AmIintroubleAGAIN?WhatdidIdothis
time?
ItrudgedwithirritationtowardsmymomwhileIinvestigateddifferentsituationsofthe
conversationinmymind.Everyword,everyvoice,andeveryactioncomestomeasIwalk
intoherroom,butIcouldntpredictthis.
Theforceoftheblowhitsmelikeahurricane,andtheimpactshocksmybodyand
mind.Theelectricsignalssentbynervesareinterrupted,andIbecome
vapidandfrozenin
time
.YourUncleDarrellhasdied,mymomexplains.Thewordsringinmyears,preventing
mefromhearingtheexplanationofhowsheheardthenews.Thishappenedsosuddenly.
Theatmospheretookasharpleftturn,andnowthereisnoturningback.Howdidthis
happen?calledfromthedistance,summoningmefrommytrancedstate.Howdidthis
happen?mysisterasked.Ipaidfullattention,notwantingtomissasingledetail.Well...he
wasthrowingupalotbefore,andhethendecidedtosleepitoffinthecouch,andhedidnt
wakeup,mymomstatedwithasaddenedtoneinhervoice.Iwonderifourcousinsare
okay,Deziraepondered,wishingfortheiremotionalwellbeing.

Strangely,Iwasonlyshocked.Dismayedtohearthatthishadhappenedsosoon.He
foughtsohard.Hehadimprovedhimselfinmanyways,butsometimesthecrueltyofreality
blindsidesusasitdidtomethatday.Lifehappens,butDeathdoestoo.Itisjustamatterof
timewhenthebeatstops.Thetunesstop.Thesongstops,andLifebecomessilent.

Confrontation
Astreakoflightningappears,
illuminatingthenightsky
.A
roaringflashstrikes
atthe
speedoflight,thereinaninstantandgoneinthenext.Darkcloudsconcealallsightsofhope,
andmoreflashesareconceived.Firesroamovertheland,
scorchingeverythingtheytouch
.
Thelightning,withitsquickandstrongyetgentletouch,createsoceansofflamesthatdevore
anythingintheirway.Everythingisaffectedbythecacklingoftheinferno.Theworsthasyet
tocome.Theroarofthunderhasntcastitsscreamsofagonyintopeoplesears.Theworst
hasyettocome.
Aftertragedystruck,myfamilyandIdrovetoTheSmithshousetoinvestigatethe
stateofourfamily.EvenmydaddrovebackfromSanAntoniotomeetthem.Wewalked
insidetheirhome,bagsundertheireyesandcompletelyexhausted.Weexchangedhugs,and
wesatonthecouchasmyAuntAngieexplainedthetheeventsthatoccurredwhenher
husbandpassedaway.Slowly,Isunkbackintothecouchasthewordswashedovermelike
agentlewave.Asshetalked,Inoticedthatmycousinwasonthe
vergeofsuccumbing
into
heremotion.Mydadwalkedin,andheembracedhisauntssorrow.Theystoodtherewhile
sheletthetearsflowfromhereyes.
MydadandIdrovetoanearbyWalMarttoobtainstoragecontainersnecessaryfor
thetaskaheadofus.WewantedtoassistinhelpingmyAuntcleanupthehouse.Iknewthat
thiswouldhelpherprogressaftertheevent,butatthesametime,Ithoughtthatitwouldtake
awhile,andIdidntwanttostaytherethewholeday.Idontliketobeinawkwardsituations,
andIhaveatendencytomakethingsworse.Iwantedtoreducethatriskasmuchas
possible.
Standingnervously
,Istayedclosertowardsmymomwhileshedrainedallofher
elbowgreaseintomakingsurethatshecouldseeherreflectioninthefurnishedwoodtable.

Mom...Mom.Whatdoyouwantmetodo?Iwhispered,Idontwanttogetinto
anyonesway.Oh!Letssee...Well...Okay.Youcanstartbywipingthosepictureswitha
wipe,shebriefed.ForthewholetimeIremainedthere,Iwouldfinishataskandreportback
tomymom.Shewasalwaysthere,instructingwhattodointhesetypesofsituations.
Eventually,wefinishedcleaningherlivingroom.Iknewthatourarrivalhadhelpedthem
becausewithoutmymomtellingherthatweneededtoclean,theyprobablywouldhave
talkedthewholeday.Sortingthroughtheroom,unleashedhiddentreasureslosttothesands
oftime.Wefoundametalboxthathadaskinny,brokenhandle.Insideoftheboxwasa
bunchofpicturesofmydad!Afteralloftheseyears,objectslikethishadbeenkeptunder
clothes,bills,andothermiscellaneousitems.
Wasthisplacedonpurpose,tohidetroubled
memoriesandhistory,orwasthisaneffectoftheproblemsoflifetakingcontroloftheactual
meaningtolive?
Wetookourfinalsteps,andwesaidourlastwords.Actionsofdeparturewere
displayedtoeveryoneatthehouse.Wewalkedtowardsthedoor,andIturnedtolookbehind
me,andIsawmydadembracinghisauntagain.Justlikewhenwearrived,theybothstood
thereholdingeachotherintheirarms.A
silentcryslithered
itswayintomyearsasthesubtle
soundcontinuedtoproduceitself.Werenotgoingtoforgethim.Hedeeplycaredformeand
hisdaughters.Wewillneverforgethowfunnyhewas,andeverythinghedidforus.
Myuncle,Darrell,wasagreatman.Hewillbemissed,butinhisabsence,wereplace
theholesinourheartswithpleasantmemories.Werememberhislegacy,andfromhislife,
wedrawmoralsandteachings.Griefhasstrickenmanyofourhearts,butwehavetorise
together,andrelinquishourselvesfromthehandsofdespair.

When Hope Lingers

The
roars
ofthunder.The
cackling
offlames.The
hissingshriek
oflightning.The
soundskeeponrevealingthemselvesoneafteranother,coveringthelandintheirshadow.
The
cacophonyoffear
sendschillsdowneveryonesspine,butone
silversliveroflight
shines
through.Onebeamoflightbreaksthroughthedarknessasthedovereclaimsitsreignover
theland.Theygrow.Theyreplicateuntilapacifisticarmybreaksdownthecoweringwallsof
fear.Thestormisover.Thedarknessisgone.Nowthereisonlyperseverance.
Thedarkgrey,stripedsuitremindedmeofanimpendinglightningstorm.Thesilvertie
becamethesilverliningbetweenthegoodandthebad.Thebluebuttonupshirtturnedinto
theskiesastheywatchedtheimpendinghorrorfromafar.Everythingfeltperfectandrelaxed.
Thesuitconformedtomybodywell,andfeltlikeanotherskin.Itwasarmourtoprotectme
fromtheghostsandspiritsthatroamtheEarth.Wewouldventuredeepintotheirhomes.I
wasgoingtothecemetery.
ButbeforeIventuredintotheplacewheresoulsroam,Ihadtotraveldownintothe
PalaceofRebirth.Wedrovetothechurchinordertoattendthefuneral.Iprefertoavoid
thesetypesofceremonies.Theyalwaystaketoolong,andthereisalwayssomething
annoyingthere.Whetheritisapersonoranevent,itjustmakesmemad.Iexpectedthe
worseoutofpeople.Ihadaninstinctivefeelingthatsomehystericalpersonwasgoingto
causeascene.Thankfully,thatdidnthappen.
Atthechurch,therewasalmostnospaceformyfamilyandItositdown,soIhadto
squeezeinbetweenmymomandthe
solid,smoothwoodbenches
.Ibecamecaughtin
betweenarockandahardplace,andIhadtocontortmybodyinacomicalwayjusttobe
abletofitthere.Ifeltmybodygoingstiffasthe
stale,humid,sweatysmell
intrudedintomy
nostrils.Weallstoodasthefamily,myfamily,walkedintothechurch.Peoplewalkedin,

glancingathis
cold,pale,lifelessbody.
Sometookalongtimetostareathimwhileothers
onlyquicklyglancedathim.Mycousinswalkedin,squeezingthelifeoutofeachothersarms.
Theylookedattheirfatherandeventuallystartedtowailandlamenthisabsence.Soon,they
walkedandsatdown,butmyunclessisterwasdistraught.Shecouldbarelywalk.
Strange
howlingsoundserupted
fromhermouthasfourpeoplehadtodragherawayfromthecasket.
Sheresistedseparation.Shefoughtdeparture.Shereachedwithallofhermighttowardsthe
casket,butthefourmendraggedheraway.Wailscontinuedtosendtheirpervasive,rippling
soundwaves.
Whyissheactingthisway?Doesntsherealizethatheisgone?Cryingaboutit
isntgoingtobringhimback.
Theceremonycommenced.Fourpreacherstookturnswalkinguptothemicrophone,
blastingWordsofGodandmemorialspeechesintomyears
.Theirwordsunitedthewhole
church,andtheyrespondedwithharmonyeverysingletime.HollersofYesLord!and
Amen!rungthroughouttheceremonylikechirpingbirdsinthemiddleofspring.
Aftertheceremony,everyonegatheredoutsidethechurch,sayingtheirgoodbyes
beforewealllefttowardsthecemetery.PeoplehuggedandtalkedtoeachotherwhileIstood,
alone,amidstthemall.Irushedthroughthepeople,wantingtogetthisreunionoverwith.
Wefinallyleftandwetalkedaboutthefuneral.
Hey...allofthedoorsinthechurchwerelocked
Wait.WWHAT?Noway.Whydidtheydothat?
Probablybecausepeoplecantcomeinsideandshoottheplaceup.Thisisamessedup
neighborhood.
Wearrivedatthecemetery,andthesceneryreflectedtheoccasion.Thedirtwas
gray
andhard,andIfeltthestonyrockspiercingthroughmyshoes.
Peopledidnthavemuchto
say,andtheyprobablyrushedusoutbecausethereweresomanyotherfuneralsthatday.

Strangely,everyoneseemedhappy.Nothappythathedied,butinstead,theyfoundthesliver
ofhopeleftshininginthe
vast,darkskies
.Peoplespokewitheachotherandlaughed
togetherinacacophonyoffamilynotfear.Atthatmoment,weallrealizedthatthefuneralwas
somethingmorethanputtingmyuncleinthedirt.Thefuneralwasntsomethingbad,but
instead,thefuneralwasacelebration.Wewerecelebratingthelegacyheleftusonthis
planet,andhisjourneyintothenewworld.
TheSmithfamilyseemedbetteraftertheburial.Iguessthefactthatbothsidesofthe
familyweretheretosupportthembrightenedtheirdayandtheirheart.Icouldseethatthe
burdenhadbeenliftedfromtheirshouldersastheirfacesbrightened.Soulswereatrest.The
deedhadbeendone.Lifemightbesilentfornow,butsoontheorchestrawillplaytheworld
anothersong.Anencorealwayscomesafterthenext.Theconcertisstillnotover.What
instrumentwouldyouplayinthe
dashing,jubilant
songofLife?

Thehardestthingaboutwritingamemoirischoosingwhattowriteabout.Ittook
foreverformetofindoutwhatsignificanteventorpersonmademewhoIam.Nothing
dramaticreallyhappenedinmylife.Nothingdramaticallychangedme.Recently,Ifoundout
thatmydadsunclepassedaway,andthatimpactedmegreatly.Thiswasthefirsttime
someonethatIactuallyknewpassedaway.Iwasabletointerpretmyownfeelings,and
observehowotherscopedwiththenews.Mymemoirisabouttheeventsthathappenedwhen
UncleDarrelldied,butitisalsoabouthowhisfamilycopedwithandovercametheirlose.
Icanttelliftheeventshavechangedmeyetbecauseithappenedsorecently,butI
realizedthatItakealogicalapproachtodeath.Iknewthateveryonehastodiesomeday,and
thathistimehascome.IalsonowknowthatIcantcomprehendotherpeoplesemotion.
Duringthefuneral,Ialwaysponderedonwhypeopleactacertainway.Ifeellikeifsomeone
closertomehaddied,Iwouldreactmorestrongly,butthenIdidntunderstand,butIdo
understandnowthatdeathisntcertainlyabadthing.Itdependsonthewayyouapproachit.
Itcaneitherbealovedoneleaving,oralovedoneleavingbehindtheirlegacy,teachings,and
moralstobepassedontothenextgeneration.
Mystoryhasallowedmetobroadenmyperspectiveaboutpeople.AtfirstIthought
thatwhenpeopleacthysterically,theyrejusttryingtoreceiveattentionfromothers,andthat
theyweretryingtocauseascene.Itfilledmewithirritationwhensomeonedidthat,butnowI
seethatthoseactscanmaybebejustifiedwiththeemotionsthattheyarefeeling.Ihave
becomeamoreopenmindedpersonbecauseofthis.Throughwritingandexperiencingthese
momentsIhavegottenonestepclosertoleavingalegacyofmyown.

OverallComments:
Thankyouforsharingthesestories.Imsorryforyourloss.Writinglikethiscansometimes
helpustoprocessandunderstanddifficultthingsthathappentous.Ithinkyourrealization
aboutdeathishelpfulforprocessingthesekindsofthings.Therearealwaysatleasttwo
waysoflookingateverything.Whilethedeathofsomeoneclosetoyoucanbeatraumatic
andlifealteringevent,thereisalsoaplaceforcelebration,insteadofjustmourning.Your
commentitdependsonthewayyouapproachitisamatureresponse.Thewayyou
approachanythingdetermineshowyouwillexperienceit.

Whatyourmemoirdoesbest:
Iwasconfusedatfirstbythesuddenchangeinyourfirststory,fromthephilosophical
descriptionofthehearttosuchacommonthingaspizzaandvideogames.That
workedwellintheendtosetuptheshockingnews.Thestoryitselfhelpedtoconvey
howsuddenlyitallhappened.
Youweaveeverything(details,thoughts,feelings,narration)togetherfluidlysothat
youshowthestorytothereaderandmakeiteasytofollowandunderstand.
Yourdetailsandcharacterizationarestrongandhelptoshowthestory,insteadofjust
tellingit.
Youhaveusedstrongwordstohelpconveythesituationsandmeaningofeachstory.

Whatcouldbeimproved:
Ifeellikeyoursecondstoryismissingsomething.Itseemstoendabruptly.Ilikethe
connectionwithlightningtosignifythatthesekindsofthingshappensuddenlyandcan
shockandsurpriseus.Becauseofthat,Ithinkyourerighttokeepthestoryshortso
thatithasthataffect.However,Ithinkyouneedalittlemoretodothestoryjustice.
Notalotmore.
Yourintroductionsarefuntoread,butbecarefulnottooverdoit.Theconnections
youaremakingtoheartbeatandlightninghelptoconveycertainmeanings,buttrynot
togettoophilosophicalorabstractbecausethenitcangetconfusing.Noneofthese
introductionsareconfusing,butbecarefulofthisinthefuture.Also,youdonthaveto
begineachchapterthesameway.Youcanmixitupabitandusedifferenttypesof
introductions.

10