Ensuingtrails

Atfirstsightmovingdownthefloor-throughlivingroom,distant,aclockdialthepicture
ofanearlymorninglightthroughtheparkbrush.Stepping,shortcuttingthedining
room,apassagefromthetiedFrenchDoorsdrapes.Bringingawintrycanopiesofthe
bicenturylandscapehome,tothecondominiumsymbolicpied-a-terreofourdaughter's
volitionatbirth,forheryounglifetowitnessacycleandhalfofchangingseasons.
Inanoffsideleftswerve,MartineandI,leavinghomewentforagardentrellisofthe
lateralportalcombinedsidelightsandtransomofstainedleadglasstrailingdownanivy.
Atthegripofthebrassangelcrank,andapull,swingbackthedoorandclearingthe
whitemarblelanding.Afewstridesbehind,Martineleftthereassuringsoundofthe
latchdrawcloseandlockingup,whileIproceededbysightvoidofareflectivestreak
widethemarblecascadinghalfdozenofstairs.ThelastlegofaZ-waythroughamosaic
wallofthebevelledsmallpaneportal.
Awakinggestureofclassicdoorsarousingthehistoricmindstimulatingbythe
permeatinglight,poolingthewhiteairlockflooratthethresholdofanoakHorta
architecturalinspiredentrance.Headedbysightforadrasticchangeofthedeepgrey

cementslabsidewalk.There,fetchedbysightthesilvergrayAudiinthemidstofcurb
linedupvehicles.Alongtherisingsweepoftheavenue,pinpointed,wewalkedacross
thewidestreet.Steppedinsidethecar.Pulledofftowardthebottomandavirtual
trafficcircleofarayofmeetingcobblestonestreets.Alongtheway,leavingbehindthe
southerncommunityofForest,anobjectiveinmind,
Gettothehospitalbeforeourbaby
daughterwakesup
.
ThetirerubberpatersthecobblestonesdrivingontoSaint-Gillesatgyratingaroundthe
Watermanfountain.Exitinaslicedpiethedeepnarrowstreetblocksofrowsofbrick
townhouses.Henceforth,therouteaswerelayeachotheratripsmoredramaticthan
theotherforherperiodiccheckups.Intheaftermathfromtheroutineemergesthe
exclusivefetchofheralongthelightstifledstreetatNizanimcreche,andboundtoward
themedievalHalgatedrawbridge,ourbabygirlridingintherearsilentprecipitatedout
ofherwits.Borrowinganticlockwisethelittlebelttunnel
worming
theoldcitymoat,I
sensethemountingatmosphericpressureridingintheglassbubble.

Therelaytrailtohospital
Chattingtomylittlegirlintherear,withsuccessivebriefsquintsatherelevatedona
boosterseat,herfacereflectingintherearviewmirror.Goingaftereveryphrasefor
progressivesignspermeationofherperseveringfrightfulsilence.Undergroundand
cruisingtheoutboundurbanstraightbytheguideoftwowaylanesoverhead
fluorescenttubeontheruneastward.Myvocalcordsmeltinganopaquebeeswaxoff
hermindmasticatedfiltertheresurgentshock.Frustratedbyanapparentparental
laisser-faire,ofanemergentcloudshapingtheshadowyghostlyfiguresfromthe
blindingambulancebrightinteriorlight.Byababy'sperceptionofspeakingthetruth,
theshieldofanaggressiveemotionleftalleviating.
Theglassbubblereturnedafeatherylightambianceintheair,facinganupcomingoff
rampbrightlightsluiceswampingthetunnel'sartificiallighting.Echoinginmind,worthy
todoubtthesubstanceofasupervisorypediatrician'swords,
Sherippedtheequipment
wiresandtubesloose.Wehadtotiedherhandsandfeetdown
.Weplowedthroughthe
blindinglightthatpointedamilestoneforanotheremergencyinstancetogroundlevel
KoekelbergBasilicastreets.

ThemorningSibyllelefttheintensivecareunit
Earlierthanthepostedvisitinghours,MartineandIatlibertytrackedlastnightdeserted
corridors.Pushedthedoorintotheintensivecareunit.Surprisedatsightofour
daughterseatedinthecradle,withoutaspaghettioftheconnectiontubesandwires.
Instead,hermouthpluggedbyalargeapplegreenpacifier,suckinghungrily.
Anew,chattingtoourbabydaughter,withanaffectivewelcomeembracedivingover
thesideguard.Inthebackgroundfreshasamorninglight,thenurseinwhitenosooner
didshedisappearedaroundtheblindcorner,returnedexposingabusyschedule.She
nearedthroughanassortingthroughsweepingmovements,whenatspeakingdistance
shesaid,[Dutch]Alldidevolveverywelllastnight.Shegavelittleresistance."Inan
ongoingconsciousofdutytakingdistance,thenurseverbalizedthedropofathought,

[Dutch]she'llbetransferredtothechildren'ssectionwherefurthertestwillbe
performed,toascertainthecauseandexaminetheconvulsions."
Inthegripofhersubtleillfunctioningbody,ourbabydaughterdispensedblame.
Arousingandwrestlingherrestlessness.Isetouttodissolveherfrustration,heavingher
outofthecradle.Broughtawetragherlegssaggingthroughthefloor.Hangingonto
botharms,Iwalkedhersuchasacuriositystrickenpre-walkingshoes,walkingonand
aroundtheward.ReturningnearMartine,athoughtoftruthdroppedfrommind,
questioningher,"[Dutch]Doyouthinkshe'smadatusbecauseweweren'tbyhersideat
themomentofwakingupthismorning?"
Martineliberatedmomentaryfromcaringforherlittlegirl,answered,"[Dutch]It's
possible."
Theroominanambienthelpfulchangedattitude,fromthenursesparedoftheduressat
pickingupthelittlepatient,byareluctantnightshiftcrew,theordealofatransfer
endingacrosscountryambulanceride,bythemischiefofachild.Martinedraggedthe
morningshiftnursetoapausebyanotherraisedquestion,atreplying,"[Dutch]The
examinationwillshowifit'swellanepilepticseizure."
Thenurselendsadeafear,asMartineinananxioustoneofvoice,insisted,"[Dutch]Can
thatbedetermined?"Irritatedatthetrawlingquestionsbeyondhercapacitytoanswer.
Anxiousatgettingonwithwaitingtasks,thenursevanishedbehindablindcorner,
returninginyouthalowerranknurse,totheadventofafoldertoreport.The
documentsathandleadingourdaughter,whichaflatteringgesturedtofollow,
indifferenttothecradleforaservicebackwaypassagetothechildren'sward.
Despitemylowerbackpinch,wewereusheredbythenursethroughthefamiliarwide
desertedcorridors,whichreflectedanemergencyarchitecturaltwowaytrafficdesign.
Atlossofsightinaheavenlywhitelight,Ireasoned,
Thisistheleasttoendure,comparing
whatshewentthrough
.Aleftupcomingblindcornersketcheditselfinthedistance.
Cominguptoanexpansionjointshiftofconstructionblocksoutofline.Acrossthekinky
way,breakstheencrustedrunoftheredstripalongtheanti-germupturnedcoved
skirting.Swervingright,bringsustofacetheredelevatordoor.Mybabylackingher
habitualjoyoussparkleintheeyes,distractive,inthemotionofanongoingchanging
world.Isoughtbyamentalisticgaze,inredresshersilentindistinctivebodymessages.
Afterabriefcall,iddleandfeelingthecauseworthcradlingmybabyfor.Thevertical
middlegrooveparted,clearinginfrontthespringynurseherwayinsidethecabin.
Watchedthelargeluminousbuttonpointingourdescentnext,tothenegativenumber.
Opening,andongoing,steppingoutontoadeeplobby,toasentinelrightaroundthe
cornerofthedrinkandfoodsautomaticdispenser.Hence,atlossofbearing,arelevant
milestonetrailingawaytowardtheexit.
Clearingasquarishwelcominglobby,inthedeptharmswideapart,thenurseleadusoff
left--Futuresquehospitablemilieuatroaminginthemidstofentrancesandexits.At
thecoreofconnectingcorridors,tosuddenlossoforientationinanon-and-offperiod
overafewyears,bythegripofmoduledspecializedmedicaldepartments.
Ourmaidentourinthewakeofthethoughtlessnurseroutine,toawallframepostinga
mountainvalleystreamlandscapepopulatedbyminiaturemoldedfigures,animalsand
trees.Commonalongourwayawideyellow-woodguardrun,ontothenextframed
housedistantminiaturewiththeirmarkers.Intimetocome,Sibylle'sbrotherstracedthe

whitewallskippingdoorways,alongthesevarietyofchildishthreedimensionalthemes
becomingawhereaboutreference.
Atablindstubbytunnel,thenursevanished.Deducingthelastinaseriesbythehead
jambsnumbering,K1[Dutchabbreviated]Childrenward,Caughtupbysighther
plowingfigureinachangingslitoflightupthedoubledesignatedmattbluedoorway.
Flutteryblueleafsghostedthewhitenursemovingthroughthebrightlightshadowing
thefallofbothherhands,fromawideoffsidespread,offtheretributingdouble
spring-hingedoorleafs.
Inturn,MartineandI,pressedourwaythroughthedynamicdoorway,inthe
continuationemergedfromtheshortendtunneltoanoffrightclearing.Bysight
surfingthecountergleamingtopledge,tojumpthebreakofahatchandinthe
prolongationbuttuptotheextremewhitewall.
Shortcircuitingourviewinthereceptionbyway,themessengernurseswervedsquaring
upandleaningoveronelbowsthehighcounterleadingherhandswiththefolderover
thevoid.Callingthenearbywardmedicup,inasilentroutineofgestures.Facingon
standbybehindthecounterthenursetotaketherelay.Themessengernurseengageda
briefingofthepatientaswesteppeduptostandby.Handingoverthefolder,inguisea
dutifulgait,whichwehadfollowedtillthen,sherosefromleaningonthecounter.Inan
unexpectedsweep,frolicsaballet-croise,byalegteaseswiftlytiptoeingherearliertrail
vanishingbehindtheblindcorner.
Wemovedup,sharingthespotleftvacant,facinginturnthenurse.Continuingon
course,shedroppedoffrightaglanceonthelowestledgeofthecounter,witha
reflectiononastockpileoffoldersforthelittlepatientsinhercare.Leavingwitha
rock-and-rollhipswaysemergingthroughthehatch,andleadingusonalongthe
counter,throughakinkycornerawayoutofthereception.
Ahospitalaspectmovedintothebackgroundbyanemergentdrasticchangingmood.
Wewalkedthroughanobtuseanglesplittingeitherwaythecorridor.Brushingbysight
acrossmocksashesportrayingaseriesofWaltDisneyfiguresofprintedposters.
Cradlingourbabydaughtertooilltograsp.Toofarremoved,fromappreciatingfeatures
inthreedimensionalcardboardsstrungfromtheceilingspinninginthewakeofthe
leadingnursestirringtheair.Otherthanwaningawayparents'initialsurprisesofa
fairytalebluemazeofarchitecturalhoneycombmodules.Thepassagewaysaflagrant
realitystrikingthemonotoneofthecominghours,thedays,andweeks,passing
underneaththe106anchorattheheadjamb.
Eyeslickingagarmentedhoneycombofwallsections,Martineassertedindisbelieve,Is
thisourdaughter'sroom!Notbad?We,inanuncoordinatedbriefslowswirlingmotion,
henceforthoffatranscendent-eye'sviewoverlappingarepetitivecagedinmotionover
timeinthedoingappearingetherealandghostly.
Atfirstsighttrifle,thebackrestofadeeppaddedloungingchairthatfurnishedthewall
forreflection.Reckoningwithahiddencomplexmechanism,metamorphosingwithout
hotelpoliteintroduction,asinglebedforaparentonstandby.Likeaasoapcakeina
shower,Ilostgriponmybabygirl'srecklesswrigglestoslitherdown.Catchingheron
theflankofmythighfromslippingfurtherdownmyleg,chosetosit.Myspine,stiffasa
plank,rollintoanaeratingpainrelief,whileceedingtoherfreemovement,myhands

followed,readytosnatchherescapingfrommyhandsclimbedoffmylap.Drawingmy
torsoforward,asIsensedawetragtheslitheryoutmytouchthroughrubberylegs.
Mybabygirlceasedherselfalongmylegs,asshefeltadrapingpileupofherbodytothe
floor.Clingingwithamonkeyfingerpinchonmysleeves,misreadingherclawingupmy
armsfor,
Pickmeup
!Shejerkedandtoreawayfrommygrips,turningaround,agesture
atstakingherclaim,
Youdon'tunderstand
.
Inandafterher,extendingmyhandsfetchingher,Istoopedfrommyseat.Shewenton
wigglingoptingforherfreedom,astopheavyshetumblesforward,fallsthroughher
rubberyarms,withashoulderrollover.Bringingtolighttherighthandthatwasn't
supportiveofherweight,caughtunderhertorso,herlefthanduncoordinated,she
wobblesoffbalance,fallsforward.Ofshegoesontoanothertryatraisingontoherlegs,
tofallwithacushionbounceonherpaddeddiaper.Gatheringshelostofhermotricity,
stubborn,atrelearningraisedonhands,withoutabandoningtoherdesperation.
Concentratinglikeanewborntobalancesonhandsandcrawlsherkneesinafterto
masterafewlengths.Takingdistancetowardthewindows,sheleftmetherewardof
herrejection.

Ghostlyatthebabytub
Awhileearlier,itwasamother'surprisedglimpseforherdaughterwithasigh
exclaiming,Thereisababybath!"Whereby,ablimp's-eyeviewduringtheaftermathby
parentallengthstay,theirmotionsarousinganapparentghostatthekitchendoorsand
drawers,mostoftenchangingdiapersontheworktop.
Thepartofthewallconfectionedkitchen,whichbymidmorningMartineinitiated,
tacklingourbabygirl'sdisorientatedcaprices.Throughmoansandgroansontheright
ledge,motheranddaughter'shandsinaconfusingblunder,littlefeetplungedoverinto
thewaterastheclothessheworestrippedoff.Inandafterdippingthenakedlittle
figureintothebabytub.Wretchy,repeatedlypushedbackfromclingingandcrawling
ontohermother.Sheturnsandgrabtheexitedgewithfeetattemptingtoclimbout,
whilerepeatedlybeenrebuffedinfloam.Rinsedoffthewetlittlefigureishelpedoutby
abathtowelwrap,andbeforeamother'svigoroushanddryingrub.Sheclamberfurther
fearlessandfetchedoffthevertiginousledge.Wrestling,littlehandsemergefrom
sleevesandherheaddroppingflimsytheclothofacollar,andfurtheringan
adventurousmischiefcrawl,andfetchedinmother'sarmsturningawaytoappeasing
danglinglittlefeet.

Ghostlymotionatmealtimes
Inwaitingforbreaks,appearedthewhitemovingshadowinthelightofthewide
doorway.Trundlingthecradleupandacrossthevacantfloorspace,dockattheblank
wall.Nosoonerapolitelowranksofstaff,attheturnofheels,hushedawayto
disappearleavingbehindthemissingpiecefurnishingtheroom.
Theimpressiondissipatedinanotherlingeringwait,atnoonsurprisedtocatchbysight
anotherghostlywhitefiguremovingfrombehindthetrolleyplantedatthedoorway.
Discretethroughamalerapidgaitfromanapparentcoolingdown.Approachedcarrying

athandapileduppairofthermaldishes.Therigoroustimedmealservicethenurse
placedonthelittletable,andinasweepofmovementsturnedawayswiftashehas
arrivedclearthedistantpassageway.
There,attheearliestexpiredmorningsurprise,Martinehadpointedbysightinthe
cornerbythewindow,reminiscentofherchildhood,exaltingherplayingatdinette,
saying,Oh!That'scute!"
Cradlingmydaughter,whileshefollowedhermother'sregardfromthecornerofher
eyes.Ceasedherself.Notinspiredbyherhabitualcrechefurniture.Martineignoredher
daughter'sreturnedsarcasticglance,inatheatricaltrend,said,"She'llbeabletoplay
andhavehermealsthere.And!achairforoneofus.

Feedingthatfirstmeal
SteadfastasIliftedmybabygirloffthefloor,andfloatheroverthesquaretabletopto
slipherwildfeetthroughthegapwiththebackrestofthechairs.Whichbegunbyacalm
intrigued,lidofffacinghermeal.Shevowedstaringatherfood.Ireadherthoughts,
Is
thatwhatyouwantmetoeat
?
Watchingwithperseveranceourdaughterrefutingmyhelp.Bysightourlittlegirl
followedhermotherceeding,whileincitinghertoeatwithapointingafingeratadoll's
cutlery.Inherlittlehandsheclaspedaspoon.Attemptedtoscoopupthecubesofmeat
hermotherchoppedup.Asshemasteredthescoopingup,likedicerollingoffalongthe
trajectorybeforethespoonnearhermouth.Inasequenceoftrialstheemptyspoon
reachedhermouth,torefusegoingonattryingtoeat.Martineledhertopayattention
tothecolorsandshapesatscoopingredcarrotsrings.Ontogreenpeas,bytheirown
senseofhumorrollingoffalongthetrajectorytothelastpeainthespoonrolling
alongsidethecornerofherlips.Insistentandstubborn,shefellindespair,givingusthe
toneofacry,saying,
Youleftmealoneintheambulance...nowI'lldoeverythingwithout
yourhelp
.Shetwistaround,ejectingherselffromherhandicap,raisedonherchairand
climbedtherungsofthebackrest.There,Istoodbytocatchherinflighthadthechair
topheavyatendencytotilt.