INDIVIDUAL PORTFOLIO

Summer 2015
English 2010
Intermediate Writing

To: Rebecca Miner

From: Sarah Humphries
Date: August 8, 2015
Re: Self-Reflective Letter

Memo
Reading through my portfolio, my hope is that you will be able to observe the knowledge and skills I
have developed in this class to write in different genres and perform research. The pieces I have chosen to
include in my portfolio are the pieces that I personally connected with the most, and I am very proud of
how they turned out.
o

Self-Esteem vs. Self-Respect Profile

In this profile, I tried to stay true to the topic and shed light on very important issues that we need
to pay attention to. My favorite part about this paper is the underlying message of positivity that it
portrays. Many people deal with these issues, including myself, and its very important to me to let
people know that there is hope. I chose to add some images of my friend Alex, whom I chose to
profile in this piece. She really inspired me when it came to writing this piece because she is so
passionate about this subject and helping people. I would hope that a paper like this could be
featured in popular magazines that young girls and women read, such as Cosmopolitan or
Seventeen.

The Destructive Power of Meth Position

In this position, I attempted to demonstrate a strong position of the destructive power of
Methamphetamines. Working in a Corrections environment I see people every day that struggle
with this addiction, and their lives are being destroyed by it. Ive also had family members deal with
addiction. That helped build my passion for this subject because I believe we can do more to fight
against drugs. I included many different statistics to show the sobering truth about this addiction.
Also, many confronting and powerful images about Meth use from the Montana Meth Project. These
images are hard to look at and can really provoke a lot of thought and emotion in readers. I would
hope to see more communities band together and build a force as strong as the Montana Meth
Project. Im very inspired by their efforts in their community to fight this fight, and hope successful
theyve been.

Annotated Bibliography
This annotated bibliography demonstrates the research skills and knowledge Ive gained in this
class in regards to sources. I have become much more proficient in the use of a library to search for
resources to use in my papers as well as how to determine which ones would provide the best
information for my paper.

Peer Review
I wanted to include this peer review in my portfolio to show an example of my best editing and
reviewing skills. The review reveals my ability to provide professional feedback to another

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classmate. I believe this also displays that I have the understanding of how to properly analyze
others work.

My experience as a writer has been limited to projects for school and professional e-mails. I
have always felt very confident about my ability to produce a product that was above expectations.
Ive been complimented many times in a professional setting for the manner in which my e-mails
are written as they include correct grammar and a professional tone. You could say writing is in my
blood. My grandmother is a horse race journalist and wrote a book called, Great Thoroughbred
Sires of the World. While I wouldnt say my writing skills are as proficient as my grandmothers, I
would like to hope that my love of English and correct grammar usage came from her.
This class has taught me quite a few things that were unexpected. I realized that writing in a
specific genre is harder than I had thought it would be. I think I was expecting writing to be easy,
but it was a lot harder due to not being able to free flow write. I believe Im probably more
comfortable as a creative writer than having to stick to a particular genre. I also came to realize
that without the proper inspiration writing was hard for me. This could also reflect back on the ease
of creative writing for me. For our first big paper that was due, the profile draft, I thought I had
chosen a topic I was passionate about and was excited to explore it. I completely flopped and drew
a blank when it came to writing the paper. I felt like I was experiencing what some people called
writers block. I tried for over a month to write this paper and express my passion for the subject. I
finally met with my friend Alex for dinner one night and she gleamed with passion about the exact
subject my paper was on. I knew then what my problem was. It was the topic of my paper that I was
struggling with, it was the person I had chosen to profile that I wasnt connecting with. After that
night, I got home and decided to change the person I was profiling to the person who had given me
the inspiration I needed to write the paper. The words really started to flow and I was able to write
my paper, albeit over a month late. This taught me that connecting with your subject, at least for
me, is very important. I feel like Ive developed my research and citation techniques in this class,
which will be vitally important for my future in Psychology. This has been a great learning and
growing experience as far as knowledge and pushing myself. I definitely appreciated experiences
like that!

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Self-Esteem vs. Self-Respect

She walked onto the set of the modeling shoot with her
unique confidence radiating around her. She had just sat in
the hair and makeup artists chair for several hours getting
made up to the specifications of the designer. The designer
came up to her and mentioned that there was going to be a
change of plans for the shoot, it was now topless. The
designer explained that the three other models were onboard
with the new idea, and ready to go. She quickly and
assertively spoke up for herself by telling the designer that
she does not shoot any nudity. The designers face revealed
that she was thrown off by her response. After a brief pause,
the designer seemed to finally be able to gather her thoughts
together and respond. She let Alex know that she had never
had a model not agree to shoot her vision, but she respects her decision.
It may seem to those around her as if her stunning face, long blonde hair, and tall thin body gave
her the confidence that exudes from her. As she will

Alex, just after finishing hair and makeup on

set.

passionately express you, it is so much more than what you see on the outside that builds your confidence
and how you feel about yourself. Self-esteem and self-respect are key elements when it comes to how Alex
or anyone of us feels about ourselves.

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When we look into self-esteem, we find that it helps us

answer the question, How do I feel about who I am? Self-esteem
is something that we learn in our family of origin, it is not
something that is inherited. (Gross, S., 2015) This helps us better
understand why some people have a better-established selfesteem than others. We all originate from different families. In
those families, we experience either the building blocks or the
bulldozer that establish or break our self-esteem respectively.
When this process goes well, the individual is able to feel better
about themselves because of the environment theyve been in.

Alex was raised as the youngest in a stable family with

loving parents, two brothers, and one sister. The stability in her
family came because her parents built a foundation of faith,
morals, love, and honesty.
The morals that Alexs parents instilled in her were based on faith
and love. She learned some very important building blocks that
have helped her become the strong woman she is today. She
learned how to stand up for herself, how to have respect for her
body, and how to feel confident and good about herself. These
foundations are imperative in young women to ensure that they do not go down destructive paths. Some
of these destructive paths include things like prostitution, pornography, or even simply sexual relations
with men that dont love and respect them.

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Along with having self-esteem, it is important to have self-respect.

A lot of people dont know or understand that the two are different. Selfrespect can be defined as, a proper respect for oneself as a human
being. (Merriam-Webster, 2015). When someone has self-respect, they
like and accept themselves, and do not compare themselves to others.
Alex started in the modeling industry when she was in middle
school. The modeling industry can be a very destructive, depressing
environment for any individual to be apart of. This is due to the fact that
these models are always
being told that they are
not good enough in one
way or another. They are
either too short, too fat, or
they have some other physical flaw. Hearing these things
over and over would be very damaging to these models.
That is why it is important that all of them have a good
foundation, such as Alex. Alex is able to stay positive in such
a negative industry. Staying positive even when everyone is
trying to tear
her down, it is
inspiring.
Faced with the decision to do a topless photo shoot for
a top designer, Alex knew what she had to do. She relied on
her strong foundation of self-confidence, self-respect, and selfesteem to respond to the designers request. She knew firmly
that that was not what she wanted to introduce into her life.
She thought about her future. Would she want her future
children to know she did that? Would she be proud of herself
after participating in that? Would future career opportunities be affected if she did this? With each question
and answer it became more and more clear that she had made the right decision.

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Many people in the modeling industry dont have

the stable foundation that Alex does, and they dont think
about all of the repercussions that they could face from
participating in certain types of photo shoots. Alex is
passionate about being a role model and spreading
positivity. She wants people to know that they do not have
to do these shoots to get ahead in their modeling career.
Many of these models think that this is the only way they
will make it in the industry. Alex firmly believes and has
proven that that is not true.
Any time Alex has the opportunity to share her story
with other models she does, but it doesnt stop there. Alex has created a social media presence to spread
her message of, Love Yourself, Love Others, No Judgment, No Fear, Just Love. Through her social media
presence, she is able to impact and touch the lives of more than just models, which is her ultimate goal.
She wants to uplift people all over the world and help them feel confident with who they are and respect
and love themselves.
Alex doesnt like being idolized or looked up to for being a
model. She doesnt like many of the things that the model industry

represents, and feels it goes against her lifes goals and the priorities
of her heart. She says she sees it as just a job, but its not something
she gets excited about like a lot of other models. She does feel like she
was given the opportunity to model for a reason. The reason is that it
has provided her with a platform to be able to share her real passions
with people. Her ultimate goal is to become a public speaker and travel
around spreading her messages of positivity with others and uplifting them.

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Building a strong foundation of self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-respect is imperative to

ensuring we are resilient, happy people. Alex is the perfect example of someone that is faced with
circumstances that are potentially destructive, but she uses her foundation to fight against that negativity.
Standing up for yourself and the respect of your body with such confidence, even if it means losing a job
opportunity, is such a great example for so many people. Build your unshakable foundation, and help
encourage others to do the same. The ability to stand up for ourselves is something that is crucial for a
healthy foundation. The world will be a much better place if more of us are the healthiest, happiest
versions of ourselves.

Works Cited

Gross, Stanley J., Ed.D. How To Raise Your Self-Esteem. Psych Central. N.p.,
30 Jan. 2013. Web. 26 June 2015.
Merriam-Webster. Self-Respect. An Encyclopedia Britannica Company. Web. 26 June 2015.

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The Destructive Power of Meth

The statistics and facts that surround the use of Methamphetamines in the United States are mind
numbing. They clearly demonstrate the control Methamphetamines facilitates over its users. Families and
communities are falling because of the allure that this drug provides. The power of meth is unbelievably
destructive, and we need to stop it from getting worse.
The Problem

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Each day in the United States, people are confronted with the choice to try Meth. Many of these
people see all of the benefits of the drug, but do not understand or know the risks. This is the foundation of
the problem we are facing.
Due to the allure of Meth it is taking over the United States at an alarming rate. We are responsible
as citizens to stay informed about what is going on in our community, whether it be good or bad. Many
people get the this couldnt happen to me or this couldnt happen in my neighborhood mindset, and
dont realize what is going on in their own backyard. Meth increases crime, diseases, and puts many other
burdens on society. We cant continue to pretend this problem doesnt exist in our communities; otherwise
the repercussions will be devastating.

Meth Explored
What is Meth? Simply put, it is a very addictive psycho-stimulant that drastically affects many
areas of the central nervous system. Its cheap and easy to produce, which makes it the perfect drug to be
abused by a wide array of people.
What are the effects of Meth? The abuse of Meth leads to destructive medical, psychological, and
social consequences. Aggression, psychotic behavior, heart damage, memory loss, malnutrition, and
severe dental problems are just some of the damaging health effects of Meth use. Meth abuse also
contributes to the rise of social problems such as: crime, child neglect or abuse, transmission of infectious
diseases (hepatitis and HIV/AIDS), and unemployment. After Meth use, come the effects of withdrawal from
the drug. Chronic Meth users can experience withdrawal symptoms of anxiety, fatigue, depression,
paranoia, aggression, and intense cravings for the drug.

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How is

Meth

used? It can be snorted, injected, smoked, and taken orally. The effects of the drug are different depending
on which way it is used. Smoking or injecting Meth produces an immediate rush of extreme pleasure.
Snorting and oral ingestion take longer to feel the effects, but leave the user with a high instead of a rush.
It is common to use Meth in a binge and crash pattern due to the effects disappearing before the
concentration in the blood drops. These users attempt to maintain their high by binging on the drug.
How is Meth made? Meth is made using mostly common household items. The key ingredient in Meth
production is over-the-counter medications that contain pseudoephedrine and ephedrine. The ingredients
needed are as follows:
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o

Acetone
Anhydrous Ammonia (fertilizer)
Hydrochloric Acid (pool supply)
Iodine (flakes or crystal)
Lithium (batteries)
Pseudoephedrine (cold medications)
Red Phosphorus (matches or road flares)
Sodium Hydroxide (lye)
Sulfuric Acid (drain cleaner)
Toluene (brake cleaner)

If you can make

chocolate chip
cookies, then you
can make meth.
Lt. Jason Gates,
Multnomah County
Sheriffs Office

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The History
Amphetamines were discovered in the late
1800s. They started getting utilized in the medical
community in the 1930s to raise low blood pressure.
Benzedrine and Dexedrine were promoted in the 50s
and 60s as hunger-suppressants and mood-elevators.
Meth was developed from Amphetamine to be used in
bronchial inhalers and nasal decongestants.
Methamphetamine has been a street drug since the 1950s, but it was only available in limited
amounts at that time. Biker groups in the western US used farm-grade Ephedra to produce Meth, but
called it Crank because they stored it in their crankcases on their motorcycles.
In 1970 the United States started its battle against Meth use by regulating Meth under the
Controlled Substances Act, and a campaign was produced to educate the public against its use. In 1983,
possession of equipment and precursors for Meth production was made illegal. Meth is easily produced, but
since 1989 there have been five U.S. federal laws and many more state laws passed attempting to halt the
production of

Meth.

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New ways to cook stronger Meth came in the 1990s after the restrictions put in place by retailers to
purchase products containing Pseudoephedrine. Due to having 3.5 times more potency and a longer halflife, many in the western and Inland Northwest United States switched their drug of choice to Meth. This
surpassed Crack, Cocaine, and Heroin use.

The Statistics
Over 12.6 million
Americans have used
Methamphetamine. First time
Meth users increased by sixty-two
percent from 2008 to 2009.
A startling statistic is that
of how young some Meth users
are. The 2012 Monitoring the
Future survey showed that about
one percent of eighth, tenth, and twelfth graders had used Meth in the last year. Children as young as
twelve years old are reported to be using Meth, which is generally sixth grade. There were 113,000 new
Meth users reported in 2012, and those new Meth users were shown to have an average age of 19.7 years
old. (Drug-Free-World, 2015)
Its a dangerous time right now in the U.S. because Meth is at the highest levels of availability and
purity, and the lowest cost since 2005. This is because of the Mexican cartels trafficking the drug. They are
the #1 source for all Meth that is sold in the United States.
Meth is a significant contributor to crime in America. Criminal activity related to Meth use including
arrests, seizures, and Meth lab discoveries have increased thirty-four percent in 2009.

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The U.S. Department of

Justices National Drug Threat
Assessment does continuous
reports and assessments of each
area in the United States. They
have been reporting that a devastating sixty-six percent of the Western United States distinguishes Meth
as their utmost drug threat. That is compared to only sixteen percent of those states seeing Cocaine as
their principal threat. We can also look at National assessments that have been reported, and we see that
Nationally Meth is also considered one of the highest drug threats, just below Cocaine.
The Montana Meth Project has released the statistics for Meth use specific to Montana. They
reported that twenty percent of adults are in treatment for Meth addiction ($6 million/year cost to the
state), fifty percent of adults in prison are incarcerated due to Meth-related crimes ($60 million/year cost to
the state), and fifty-three percent of children in foster care are there because of Meth ($12 million/ year
cost to the state). As you can see, just highlighting one states struggles with Meth are shocking. Not to
mention, many other states are in the same position as Montana. The Montana Meth Project has been
recognized for a decline in teen Meth use in three states including: Montana (63%), Arizona (65%) and
Idaho (50%).

What Can We Do?

As a community, we need to stand up and fight against this destructive drug and the power it
possesses over people. We can no longer allow it to tear down our society, even behind the scenes.
We can look at the astounding work that the Montana Meth Project has done as an example that we
can implement into our own community. The goal of the Montana Meth Project is to arm teens and young
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adults across the state with the facts about methamphetamine so that they can make well-informed
decisions when presented with the opportunity to try it.
They provide an immersive multimedia experience including: television, radio, print, online, mobile,
and social media campaigns. These campaigns are very confronting and hard-hitting. The Journal of
Marketing Research suggests that using disgust enhances the effectiveness of fear appeals. Fear appeals
persuade someone by scaring them into doing what your message recommends by showing the horrific
consequences they will face if they dont comply. These confronting campaigns are very successful.
Some statistics were mentioned earlier about the dramatic effect the project has already had like
the decline in teen Meth use in three states of over fifty percent. If even one life is saved or affected by
educating the public, most would agree that is worth it.
As a community we can also raise money to support children in foster care that have been affected
by Meth and that have been born addicted to Meth. Also, creating more programs to help those with this
devastating addiction, rather than turning our backs and writing them off as addicts. Better programs in
our judicial, corrections, and homeless shelters could help these people get their lives back on track to
where they should be. It takes money and a community willing to put in the volunteering time to make
programs happen.

Conclusion
Even if you are not directly affected by meth, as you can see, you are gravely indirectly impacted
by the use of Meth. Your sense of safety is compromised, your communitys economy takes a hit, and
someone you know is more likely to get sucked into this destructive trap if nothing is done. Working
together as a community we can show that we do care about what happens in our neighborhoods, and we

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dont want to turn a blind eye. We can use confronting images via multi-media to promote our concerns
loud and clear. If we dont want to be another statistic, we need to put some work into fighting the
negative and growing the positive. Even though Meth is powerful and destructive, its a fight we cant
stand to lose or to sit-out on any longer.

Works Cited
Crystal Methamphetamine Use Statistics The Meth Epidemic Drug-Free World. Crystal
Methamphetamine Use Statistics The Meth Epidemic Drug-Free World. N.p., n.d. Web. 03 Aug.
2015

Methamphetamine. What Is the Scope of Methamphetamine Abuse in the United States? N.p., n.d. Web.
03 Aug. 2015.

Methamphetamine in the United States. Wikipedia. Wikimedia Foundation, n.d. Web. 03 Aug. 2015.

Montana Meth Project. Montana Meth Project. Meth Project Foundation, Inc. n.d. Web. 03 Aug. 2015.

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Annotated Bibliography
Binford, Warren. Sexting Teens Should Be Taught Self-Respect. n.p.: Gale, Cengage Learning,
2011. Opposing Viewpoints in Context. Web. 15 July 2015.
Binford discusses very important and somewhat taboo subjects in this source. He describes the
neurological growth that teenagers are undergoing during these years which explains why they have a
hard time with impulse control. Adding in scientific studies sweetens the deal by showing that teenagers
are not fully functioning adults and we should not expect them to be. He explains how we are living in a
gone wild world in todays society based on the way children and teenagers are learning to treat their
bodies like advertisements and trash. Society is using sex to sell and provoke children of younger and
younger ages into activities that are not age appropriate. Many teenagers learn quickly that they can
distribute their body image fast and wide, but dont understand the repercussions of those actions.
I am so glad I was able to stumble upon this source. It was just what I was looking for to tie
everything together relating to my topic. The resources and information that are presented in this article
are a perfect example of teens and self-respect. The facts that are noted are sobering as they all pertain to
children and how our society is damaging them and enticing them to do sexually explicit behaviors that
they otherwise would not do. There is a quote in the article stating, children are great imitators, so give
them something great to imitate. Society is definitely giving children something to imitate, but it is more
of a failure than something great.

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Bushman, Brad J., et al. Investigating The Link Between Liking Versus Wanting Self-Esteem
And Depression In A Nationally Representative Sample Of American Adults. Journal Of
Personality 80.5 (2012): 1453-1469. Academic Search Premier. Web. 15 July 2015.
In this research article, the link between liking versus wanting self-esteem and depression are
investigated. The study that was conducted using a group of American adults where they indicted their
desire for certain rewards such as sex, self-esteem boosts, money, and alcohol. Some of the participants
exhibited symptoms of depression. It was determined that there was a negative relationship between
participants ages and their value of sex, alcohol, and self-esteem boosts. The participants that exhibited
depressive symptoms wanted self-esteem boosts even though they did not like them. This is the first
research done to indicate the link between people with depression and their motivation to boost their selfesteem. These people that exhibit depressive symptoms crave self-esteem, and they may attempt to
pursue it, but they may not reap the rewards because they do not experience pleasure from it.
This source is helpful for my research to my topic of self-esteem vs. self-respect because it helps
investigate self-esteem a little deeper. In order for me to be able to correctly compare self-esteem and selfrespect it is important to fully understand each angle and the intricacies of them to determine if one may
be more valuable than the other. Depression also brings another side into the conversation that I think is
important to mention because many people with a low self-esteem or lack of self-respect suffer from
depression. Another factor that was determined in this study that I find very interesting was the negative
relationship between participants ages and their value of sex, alcohol, and self-esteem boosts. This is
invaluable information, in my opinion.
Gross, Stanley J., Ed.D. How To Raise Your Self-Esteem. Psych Central. N.p., 30 Jan. 2013.
Web. 15 July 2015.
Dr. Gross reviews in-detail how to attempt to raise ones self-esteem. He entails how many
behaviors that lower self-esteem are self-destructive and self-defeating. It requires work on the part of the
individual, but it can be done if the person faces their fears. He explains that identifying your personal
triggers, acknowledging reaction, choosing response, accepting impulse, and developing skills are all
important in raising a persons self-esteem. He also notes that there are different types of self-esteem:
global self-esteem and situational self-esteem. Each can fluctuate at different times, but global self-esteem
is usually a constant as it is who we are.
The work of Dr. Gross will be an imperative tool for me to decipher the different levels of selfesteem against self-respect. It is also important to research whether the fact that so many things can be
done to raise self-esteem could make it more or equally as important as self-respect. There are so many
great resources that Dr. Gross has provided in order to help people learn how to raise their self-esteem.
Unlike most of my other sources it helps to solve the issue of low self-esteem rather than dismissing the
idea of it altogether. Self-esteem is learned; it is not something we inherit. It is important to note that
when determining whether one of my profile subjects has self-esteem or not, and why.

Langer, Ellen J. Self-Esteem vs. Self-Respect. Psychology Today. N.p., 01 Nov. 1999. Web. 15
July 2015.
In this article posted by Psychology Today, Ellen Langer explains that when you esteem something
you are evaluating it positively or holding it in high regard. This can lead us to trouble though because
sometimes the results are favorable and sometimes they are not. She then went on to explaining that if
you respect something, you accept it. It is also said that people that have self-respect simply like
themselves. They do not base whether they like themselves or not on certain successes in life or what
other people think of them. They also do not compare themselves to others in any way because they know
they cannot be compared to other people.
I appreciate the knowledge in this article for my research because I can use it to show some of the
important differences between self-esteem and self-respect from a psychology perspective. I think Ellen
really breaks down the concepts and explains them in an easy to understand way. We do not realize how
much culture impacts our self-esteem and self-respect, which is why it will be important for me to prove
based on reputable facts such as Ellens how to guard yourself. She stated it simply when she said that you
either like yourself or you dont.
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MacYoung, Marc Animal, and Dianna G. MacYoung. Self-Respect vs. Self-Esteem. SelfRespect vs. Self-Esteem. N.p., n.d. Web. 15 July 2015.
Self-Respect vs. Self-Esteem by the MacYoungs is a very no-nonsensical article about the differences
between self-respect and self-esteem. We first discover what they each can be defined as because
although similar, they are quite different. Then, you delve into the nitty-gritty of the article where it is
proposed that without a basis of self-respect you really have nothing. Self-esteem is something that is
idolized in pop-culture and can be built on fake, unrealistic things. This is due to the fact that self-esteem is
based on what you think of yourself, and is merely just a thought pattern. Self-respect is something that is
earned and demonstrated by the person. It is built on a persons core beliefs, which makes it stronger than
self-esteem.
This reference is beneficial for me due to the manner in which the authors go into such depth of the
differences between self-esteem and self-respect. It is important to realize the basis and foundation that
each of these is built off of in order to fully understand the differences. You can also see these principles
being applied to real-world scenarios in this article. This is helpful in regards to applying these principles to
real-life examples such as Farrah Abraham that I chose to use in my profile.
Osborne, Randall E. Self-Esteem. Salem Press Encyclopedia of Health (2014): Research
Starters. Web. 15 July 2015.
This source focuses on the history and understanding of self-esteem. It has not always been a term
that has been easily understood though many are familiar with it. It is explained that as early as 1892 a
psychologist named Williams James was painting a more precise definition for society to understand. He
clarified that self-esteem is equal to success, but lightened by what they had expected to achieve. Based
on these positive and negative feelings that people experience they begin to create their self-concept.
They are very likely to start showing signs of that self-concept in their behavior.
This source will be important to utilize to help understand where and how the concept of selfesteem came to be. None of my other sources cover the actual history of self-esteem, they only come
close to defining what it is. Osborne goes into showing how you can apply the principles of self-concept
and self-esteem to real-world circumstances, which I feel is important to have those examples for
clarification. He also goes into the importance that early psychologists have found of childhood and
adolescence in terms of self-esteem. This is vital to my research due to my audience preferably being
teens and young adults. From research Ive done previously, and from reading this article it is of utmost
importance to shield these age groups from psychological injury. This will be great information for me.

Peer Review
Subject: Re: Swimming Lessons
Author: Sarah Humphries

Topic: Report Draft Peer Review

Date: July 23, 2015

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1.

To what opportunity for change is the writer responding?

Im a little confused on what the opportunity is, but my guess is that it is the swimming lessons not
being for preventing drowning.

2.

Who might be the writer's intended audience? Does the report fit this audience?
I think the intended audience is parents of young children.

3.

What portions of my introduction seem likely to engage the interest of the intended
audience? Does the writer define the issue in terms that will make sense for the audience?
What suggestions do you have for the writer regarding the introduction?
I believe the part about how everyone was taught to swim growing up was intended to interest the
audience. The sentences were confusing and poorly structured so it was hard to engage. The actual
information in the introduction seems pretty good and could make sense, but needs to be restructured.
My suggestion would be to completely restructure the introduction and the sentences within the
introduction.

4.

Note the writer's thesis statement. If you cannot locate a thesis, what thesis statement
might work for this paper?
I cannot figure out what the thesis is, but possibly that many parents are overly optimistic about preschool swimming lessons and drowning prevention.

5.

Note the assertions the writer makes to support the thesis of the report. Are the
assertions presented in chronological or emphatic order? Does the writer use the order
that seems the most effective? Would you reorder some of the assertions?
The information seems out of order, which makes it hard to follow. The order is not a very effective use
of the information. I would definitely reorder some of the assertions.

6.

What facts and details are given to explain how the issue affects different groups that
might have an interest in or connection to the issue?
The writer provided facts about drowning deaths in other countries to explain how the issue affects the
different groups. It would be helpful to provide some information about America, also. Most of the facts
and details provided in this report were about Australia and New Zealand. It makes it a little bit hard to
connect to the issue when there are no reports from this country. Especially since most people that live
in Australia and New Zealand have a different coastal lifestyle, and people in Utah do not.

7.

How does the writer establish ethos/credibility? How could the writer strengthen this
appeal?
The writer explained that she teaches swimming lessons. She also added some sources. The writer
could strengthen this appeal by citing sources correctly in the text and adding additional.

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8.

Is the conclusion of the report effective? What specific conclusion do you reach about
the issue as a result of reading the report? What strategies might the writer use to make it
more effective?
I feel like the writer could have been a lot more effective with the conclusion. It seems a little bit all
over the place because a lot of the sentences dont make any sense. The conclusion I reached from
reading the report was that swimming helps children with asthma, and swimming helps children
develop skills against drowning. I think the writer could stick to a more consistent flow of information. I
was very confused where all of the information about asthma came from.

9.

Does the visual design make the report informative and credible? Are there any points
at which the writer needs to add more visual elements? If so, what should they be
headings, pictures, bulleted lists? At what points does the writer need to add or revise
captions for pictures or legends for charts, graphs, and maps?
The charts that were added do add some credible information, but they have so much information and
are so small that it almost makes them pointless to have. It would be nice to have some brighter,
bigger visual designs that could be read better. There were also no headings in the report to transition
each section.

10.

What section of the report did you most enjoy? Why?

I enjoyed the overall information and facts that were provided because it was interesting to read about
something that Im not familiar with.

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