Javier Spivey

Home
I think if my house burned down I wouldnt cry
Id dance in the ashes and swallow them whole
And not dare give second thought to the endless smoke
Like me its struggling to find its definitive shape
What a curse to not know that you are limitless
Then again if it knew it wouldn t journey the world
Billowing till apparent nothingness
I know I am limited
But yearn to do the same
I molest the dictionary trying to find what it means
Living peripatetically in this century
It gives way and screams
Finding home everywhere
But I cannot find home anywhere
Not in my house, not in mamita, not in papi, not in Abuela, not in Santiago, not
even little Alejandro or Pumpkin, not in school, not on stage, not on Facebook,
not on Tindr, not on Grindr, not in the fantastical line that blurs the truth o
f childhood memory and fallacy
So fuck four walls and a roof
I found home at pains doorstep with you
Your pulchritudinous punch despite its crying
Showed me Ill never find home unless I stop fucking trying
Because they lie when the say matter cannot be created or destroyed
Because I look you in the eyes and find things that never existed
An illumination uniting broken colonies just like your kiss did
And in these tenacious bonds that have been reformed
Even God and Einstein realize theres more
Than all that has been established and written
I choke on the ashes and realize Im smitten
A nomad Ill be forever and more
For home is not waiting behind that door
Home is not in your eyes, your punch, your truth or your lies
Home does not exist
Like the smokes final position
Until Im ready to create it
My final composition