Camille Rosales

ENG 123
Prof. Fisher
Fall 2015
27 September 2015
Week 4 Reflection Journal
Week 4 Reflection Journal
1. 1925-1974: 140 prisoners for every 100,000 people in the population
1974-1985: Prison population increases by 7.4 percent
1986: President Reagan signs the Anti-Drug Abuse Act
1986-1994: More people enter prison than being released
1994: President Bill Clinton signed Three Stikes Bill
2000: 2 million people in prison
Today: 2.2 million prisoners in the prison system
2. The criterion that is going to be most effect for me is going to be the cost/benefit criteria.
This is going to help me because I can discuss how the cos of rehabilitation can benefit
the families in the United States.
3. I will argue that rehabilitation is more effective than electronic monitoring.
I will argue rehabilitation is more effective than electronic monitoring because
rehabilitation it will assist offenders for committing crimes again.
Rehabilitation is more effective than electronic monitoring when it comes to reducing the
prison population by keeping offenders from committing crimes again and they can start
a new life.
Rehabilitation and other transitional programs are more effective than electronic
monitoring when it comes to mass incarceration, because not only does it prevent
offenders from committing crimes again, but they will receive the services they need to
start anew.
The final thesis will be most effective, because it is more specific. This will help the
reader understand what I am going to argue.
4. Smart Think is always such a great help. My tutor helped me become more specific with
the effectiveness of rehabilitation on mass incarceration, so it is clear to the reader why
my argument is effective. Also, she helped me with in-text citations so my sources can be
properly credited. Lastly, she assisted me in making my thesis statement clear. At first,
my thesis was indirect to what I was trying to argue. With the help of Smart Thinking, I
was able to narrow down my thesis and make it easier for the reader to understand what I
am arguing. I included the feedback at the end of my journal.
5. My annotations and literature review helped me a lot so I did not have to keep going back
to the source. They also have helped me with organization of my proposal. Also, my

literature review made the proposal easier to write because it contained most of the facts
that I also needed to include in m proposal.
6. I have listened to all the lectures because without the assignments would not be clear to
me. I usually watch the PowerPoints and listen to the lectures at the same time so I can
give this course my full attention. I do not think there is anything that needs to be
improved for the lectures. I like that they are broken up into separate sections, so its
easier to go back to specific parts of the lectures.
7. This course has been rough for me, but I have been putting in as much effort as I can. The
only thing that isnt really going well for me s my time management, but I think I am
getting better. I get easily distracted, so I have to give myself a designated time to make
sure I can finish all my assignments. What are working for me are the lectures and the
amount of details that are offered in each one.

Smarthinking's E-structor Response Form

(Your marked-up essay is below this form.)
HOW THIS WORKS: Your e-structor has written overview comments about your essay in
the form below. Your e-structor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets]
throughout your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking's OWL; best wishes with
revising your paper!
Hello, Camille! My name is Marielle A., and I will be your e-structor for this review.
Let's work together to develop your essay to be its absolute best!
*Strengths of the essay:
You did a good job on starting your essay by presenting the main issue for your proposal:
In the United States, 2.2 million people are incarcerated, making the United States the worlds
leader in the incarceration rate. This will tell your readers the gravity of the situation and the
importance of solving mass incarceration.
*Camille G 8169177 has requested that you respond to the Main Idea/Thesis:
Camille, your thesis statement is not clear on the argument of which solution will prevail
over the other. You have to be clear and direct in your thesis statement so that your readers will
understand your points and the flow of the essay. Here's your thesis statement:
This proposal offers a brief history of how mass incarceration developed debated
solutions to reduce mass incarceration and an argument of which solution will prevail over the
other.
Your readers will not understand what you meant by an argument. You have to be more
specific here and tell the readers what two solutions you want to discuss in your essay. To help
you with this, here's a fill-in-the-blanks model that includes your two solutions:

This proposal offers a brief history of how mass incarceration developed debated
solutions to reduce mass incarceration and shows whether ____(solution 1)____ or
_____(solution 2)____ is more effective. (*the italicized parts are taken from your original thesis
statement*)
By including the two solutions that you've identified, you will give your readers a clear
idea of the points in your essay. Include your ideas here, add more, or lessen the blanks, as long
as you are clear and specific in what you will tackle in the essay. For more information about
the Thesis Statement, you can check out Thesis Development from the Smarthinking
Writer's Handbook.
Content Development:
Your readers might become confused on the effectiveness of rehabilitation since your
paragraph on rehabilitation did not state the reason why or show how it was effective in keeping
offenders away from prisons. Let's take a look at this excerpt from that paragraph:
J. Diaz, a criminal justice rehabilitation expert, supervises the Criminon program
which uses emotional manipulation to help offenders learn their self-worth. The Criminon
program assists offenders in transitioning from prison back into society. Eunisses Hernandez,
who works for the Amity Foundation, also believes that if offenders are going to be released out
of prison without proper or treatment they will eventually end up back into prison, because
offenders need to survive and will survive the only way they know how. The Amity Foundation is
a program that focuses on drug and alcohol rehabilitation.
The excerpt here only shows experts on rehabilitation and what they do in their programs,
but you never stated what rehabilitation aims to do and how rehabilitation does it. You have to
focus first on explaining the steps in rehabilitation before using the testimonials of experts to
back up your statements. What makes rehabilitation effective? What is done in rehabilitation to
keep offenders from going back to prison or doing any another crimes? What are the changes
that offenders experience after entering rehabilitation? These are the kinds of questions that you
have to answer in your content to be able to show your readers the significance and effectiveness
of rehabilitation.
*Camille G 8169177 has requested that you respond to the Use of Resources:
Camille, you did not use in-text citation in your essay to properly credit your sources.
You have to use parenthetical citations to signal the readers to a borrowed piece of information.
Check out this excerpt from your draft:
James Kilgore argues electronic monitoring is a simple alternative to reduce
incarceration rates.
It is obvious that this is borrowed information since you mentioned the author, but you
are missing the page numbers or line numbers that make up the parenthetical citation for MLA.
Here is a table to show you how to cite in-text using MLA format:

Original text: (From Adam Jameson's 2006 Dark Children) Peter

Pan represented the angel of death
MLA
Paraphrase (with in-text citation):
Peter Pan was a symbol of the grim reaper or angel of death
(Jameson 124).
According to Jameson's study, Peter Pan was a symbol of the grim
reaper or angel of death (124).
Direct quotation (with in-text citation):
Jameson states, Peter Pan represented the angel of death (124).
Using the guide above, how should you cite your source properly in the excerpt? Check
your other paraphrased or quoted content and include a parenthetical citation. To learn more
about in-text citations and the MLA format, you can refer to the MLA Style in the Smarthinking
Writer's Hanbook.
Summary of Next Steps:
Camille, we have tackled three issues in your essay. To recap for revision:
1. Clarify your thesis statement
2. Explain the effectiveness of rehabilitation
3. Include in-text citations
You're off to a great start! I hope that these suggestions were helpful to you. Thank
you very much for letting me review your research proposal essay on mass incarceration.
Good luck and have fun with the revision! --Marielle A.
Find additional resources in Smarthinking's online library:
You can find more information about writing, grammar, and usage in Smarthinking's
student handbooks. You can visit the Smarthinking Writer's Handbook or the
Smarthinking ESOL (English for speakers of other languages) Writer's Handbook.
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