Alexis Stanley

Ms. McCampbell
ENGL 101
October 21, 2015
Essay 2
Alexis This paper is far superior to Essay 1: you use details effectively and you often explain
their significance; your sentences are smoother, and your ideas are arranged logically. Keep up
the improvements.
Wes Moore The Road Not Taken

85/110

The Other Wes Moore is a book about two boys by the name of Wes Moore. Although,
they had the same name they were alike but different. They grew up in similar environments
without fathers, had tough childhoods, hung out on street corners, and ran into trouble with the
police. Both were going down the same path, but their paths eventually took different directions.
The author Wes Moore is free and has experienced life. The other Wes Moore is in prison until
death. He is in prison for an armed robbery which left a police officer and father dead. The
author Wes found out what happened to the other Wes, and he wanted to know more about the
other Wes Moore and what made his life go in the wrong direction. Tony Wes brother was a
major influence in Wes direction.
One significant factor that affected the direction of Wes life was drugs. Tony Wes
brother was a positive and negative influence on Wes, but he was more of a negative influence.
The author Wes Moore says that Tony was the closest thing Wes had to a father, he would check

up on Wes, and was very protective of him (Moore 26). Wes looked up to Tony as a role model
and wanted to be just like him. Tony was a drug dealer, so Wes wanted to be one. One day Wes
was going through his mothers closet and found his mothers stash of weed. He took her weed
and smoked it with a few friends as He cautiously put the rolled-up joint to his mouth and
inhaled Wes was introduced to the world of drugs, crime, and death (Moore 60). After this
experience he pictured in his mind how much money he could get from selling drugs and it made
him happy. Wes made the decision to be a drug dealer. As Wes Moore says, Tony had tried to
keep Wes in school and away from drugs for as long as Wes could remember. But Tony was still
deep in the game himself (Moore 71). Tony knew he had made bad choices, but he did not want
Wes to make any. He wanted Wes to be better than him. Wes felt like his brother was being a
hypocrite because he was selling drugs but told him not to. Tony was sending mixed messages to
Wes. Wes continued to sell drugs against his brothers wishes. He tried to stop, so he could get
his life together. He went to Job Corps and got his G.E.D. He got a job as a landscaper and got
paid minimum wage. But he needed more money to provide for him and his family, and he felt as
though selling drugs was the only way he could support them. The need for money had made
Wes rob a jewelry store and kill two innocent people.
Family structure and the absence of parents can influence a persons life and the
decisions they make. As Albert Farrell and Kamila White says, The absence of a father in the
family has been associated with negative outcomes for children and adolescents (Farrell, White
3). Wess father was not present in his life and had no relationship with him. The only person
Wes had to look up to was his brother Tony. Since Tony sold drugs Wes thought it was okay to do
it to. He didnt have a positive influence in his life which caused him to go down the wrong path.
If his father was around he would have known that selling drugs wasnt the right thing to do. As

Barry Ginsberg says, The meaning of father in a mans life profoundly effects how he views
himself as a person, how he relates to others, how he finds intimacy, and how he achieves
satisfaction from his personhood as a man. Wes did not know how to be his own person because
no one showed him how to be an individual.
Some people make bad decisions when they do not have the proper guidance. The
decisions they make can either make them or break them. Wes brother had a big impact on his
life. The end result of this impact was incarceration. Wes decision broke him for the rest of his
life.

Work Cited Good job!

Farrell, Albert D., and Kamila S. White. "Peer influences and drug use among urban
adolescents: Family structure and parentadolescent relationship as protective factors."
Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 66.2 (1998): 248-258. PsycARTICLES.
Web. 21 Oct. 2015.Adolescents: Family Structure and ParentAdolescent Relationship
as Protective Factors." Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 66.2 (1998): 248258. PsycARTICLES. Web. 21 Oct. 2015.
Ginsberg, Barry G. "Parent-Adolescent Relationship Program (PARD): Relationship
enhancement therapy with adolescents and their Families (fathers And sons)."
Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, Training 32.1 (1995): 108-112.
PsycARTICLES. Web. 21 Oct. 2015.
Moore, Wes. Jr. The Other Wes Moore. New York: Spiegel & Grau Trade Paperbacks, 2011.
Print.
ENGL 101
M. McCampbell

Essay 2 -The Other Wes Moore

Scoring Rubric

Item

Does not meet C

Meets C standard

Introductio
n
>8 nice
metaphor
about paths.

0-5 points

6 - 7 points

Exceeds C
Standard
8 - 10 points

No intro device
Flat statement

Uses effective intro

device to connect
reader to topic

Uses specific detail

in introduction that
illustrates

Identifies which Wes

Moore and influence

significance of
influence and
broader social
implication.
8 10 points
Strong persuasive
assertion that
clearly connects
Moores outcome
with the
influence/s
8 10 points

Thesis
>5 Thesis is
almost flat.
See
comments.

0-4 points
Flat statement of fact;
Broad influence
Thesis is not
completely developed

Influencing
Factor
>9 good job
with the
selections
and with
your
interpretatio
ns.
Expanded
Social
Issue
>7 good
job, and
some
interpretatio
n.

0- 4 points

5 7 points
Assertion shows a clear
perspective of what
influenced the Wes
Moore of your choice
All ideas are developed
in the essay.
5 - 7 points

Incomplete
description, e.g. omits
who is affected and/or
how; topic is too
broad
No support from The
Other Wes Moore
0-4 points

Narrows down the

influence, provides
background and how
Wes Moore is
influenced. Includes
two cited examples
from the book.
5 - 7 points

Cites evidence
from The Other
Wes Moore and
interprets Moores
statements to the
essay.

Broader social
implications are not
clear or vaguely
referenced.
No broader social
implications are
mentioned.

Two researched details

are identified and
connected to the Wes
of your choice is clear.
Good details: RENNS

3 researched
details are
identified, detailed
(RENNS), and
cited. These
broader social
implications are
clearly connected
to the Wes Moore
of your choice. .
8 - 10 points
In addition to
meeting criteria for
a conclusion, the
conclusion includes
a reflective
statement about
the significance.

Conclusion
>7

In-text
citations
>4

1- 4 points
Restates thesis
or provides an
incomplete
summary

0-2 points
No references to
assigned reading;

5 - 7points
Clearly summarizes the
influence/s on the Wes
of your choice and links
them with the broader
social implications.

3 - 4 points
Uses two reference to
assigned reading; uses

8 - 10 points

5points
Uses two or more
references to

Refers to sources, but

does not cite them;
Some material is not
cited correctly.

correct in-text format.

Correctly used two
references from outside
sources.
Uses two different
ways of including
outside information.
Citations link correctly
to work cited entries.
Minimum of two errors

Work cited
>4

0-2points
No work cited list
Only one entry on
work cited list

Compositio
n
Structure>9

0-4 points

3 - 4 points
Three entries on work
cited list, correctly
cited and alphabetized.
One or two errors.
5-7 points

Coherence>
7 See
comment 12
about the
end of the
paragraph.
You also use
more
transitions
to connect
your more
complex
ideas.
Clarity>8
some good
word
choices.
Avoid using
slang.

One or two topic

sentences missing;
Paragraphs lack unity

Clearly stated topic

sentences;
Paragraphs clearly
relate to thesis

Paragraph not related

to topic;
Organization does not
follow a clearpattern;
Abrupt changes;

Paragraphs arranged in
logical order;
Ideas follow logical
development
Employs transitions
when necessary

Wording is vague;
Uses appropriate
Words are confused
pronouns;
with other meanings
Avoids redundant
Grammatical
wording;
conventions are
Uses words correctly
infracted;
Avoids slang and worn
Uses second person
out cliches
prn;
Spelling, grammar, and sentence mechanics errors 1 point for
by 500 words.

assigned reading
and cites them
correctly. Uses two
or more references
to outside sources
and identifies their
relevance to the
reader. Integrates
material into the
text in a variety of
ways. No errors in
citation
5 points
More than three
entries on the work
cited list.
No errors
8-10 points
Topic sentences
are specifically
worded and link
thesis and all
supporting
material
Transitions move
ideas clearly
throughout essay;
Ideas build on each
other to emphasize
thesis;

Writers voice is
clear and
authoritative;
Employs specific
words; employs
active voice and
specific verbs;
Wording is concise
each error, prorated

Errors: You begin with 20 points. You lose one point for each of the following errors:-6/2 = -3 =
17
Spelling

pronoun use

Capitalization

comma splice

Subj/verb agreement

run-on/fused sentence

Incorrect verb form

sentence fragment

Verb tense

Begin sentence with coordinating conj.

Punctuation with direct and indirect quotations

Apostrophe errors

Comma error with coordinating conjunction

pronoun/antecedent agreement