Roundtree 1

Gary Roundtree
Professor M. McCampbell
ENGL 101
21 Oct 2015
Gray I like how your use the fork in the road motif in your essay. You draw a lot of valuable
details from the book to develop your thesis about making choices, and you offer your insight
and to some degree, some useful interpretation. You come up a bit short on using outside
research to support your observations even more. One shortcoming of your paper is an apparent
lack of final proofreading and editing. There are several avoidable errors. We will address
strategies for Essay 3.
Identical Strangers

79/110

We are products our environment and everything we grew up to a vast degree, but we
have the power of choice to counter balance such fate. The power to make more choices whether
we have or have not considered the possible outcomes. In the book The Other Wes Moore a story
unfolds about two African American men with the same name and similar destructive
circumstance growing up, but end up in two completely different places in their lives. The author
Wes Moore became a Rhodes Scholar, had a successful military, government, and business
career. While the other Wes Moore is currently serving a prison sentence for life. Stephen Covey
(Author of best seller book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People) wrote that People are not a
product of their circumstances. They are a product of their decisions. What accounts for
change? Is it freedom to which we choose our own destiny or determinism such as fate, cosmic
balance, GOD and things of such nature? It is not one single event in either boys life that

Roundtree 2
dramatically changed the course of their lives, but rather such the influence of those in their lives
and the choices they made hat lead them toward a path of destruction or to a greater future.
While both the author Wes and the other Wes were raised in similar surroundings being
raised in urban neighborhoods, ultimately it three factors played a part in the direction they
would eventually take in life. The first factor was that in the African-American community an
overwhelmingly number of children are raised in single parent homes. Your father wasnt there
because he couldnt, my father wasnt there because he chose not to be. Were going to mourn
their absence in different ways (Moore Wes 4). The author Wes father died when he was three
years old. At such a young age Wes did not know really understand what this meant. The other
Wes father was alive, but his substance abuse and lack of responsibility kept him away from
Wes. This is one of the few moments the boys do not have a choice in the outcome. This
explains how important the role of a father is in a childs life. Each boy grows up without a man
to emulate and show them how to be a man. The mother of the author Wes played an
instrumental role in her sons path. While Wes continued to slip up during his journey as a child.
The author Wes mother Joy would always intervene when she saw the signs. None of these were
bigger then the time she took action and sent him to military school. After I broke the awkward
silence by telling him my mother had begun to threaten me with military school if I did not get
my grades and discipline together (Moore Wes 54). Welcome to military school (Moore Wes
89). Joy is a big influence on the path that the author Wes takes because it at the conflicting
events that happen in Wes life she acts on her instinct as a mother and does not let it pass by on
its own. The other Wes mother whose name is Mary ignores many signs as to what volatile path
her son maybe headed down. It was a story.. Maybe because she really wanted to believe
him. Shed ask Wes (the other Wes) about the shoes when they started to multiply, but after her

Roundtree 3
first inquisition, shed left the subject alone (Moore Wes 70). She was furious at Wes for what
he done and knew that this probably would not be the end of it. Not only does her ignorance of
her own son get in the way, but the time she realizes Wes is not so innocent its too late. The last
piece that affect change in the boys is influence of others. The author Wes had a well-meaning
family, but a more key aspect is the influence he received from going to military school. Being
surrounded by that culture. In spite of myself, I was impressed. I . I had never seen a man,
a peer, demand that much respect from his people. This. It was a different psychological
environment, where my normal expectations were inverted, where leadership was honored and
class clowns were ostracized (Moore Wes 96). The influence of the other Wes brother Tony
steered him towards a path of destruction. Wes wanted to be just like Tony. Tony wanted Wes to
be nothing like him (Moore Wes 72).
Evidence supports the notion that if the factors that changed the course of their life. They
both could have ended up on in a greater future. Think about how growing up fatherless
impacted them. The presence of a father has a positive impact in many ways, they note, as
children with fathers have fewer behavioral problems, obtain better academic results, and are
economically better off (Flynn John Web). While there is no factual data to support how the
military may change a person. It is with personal experience that I can attest to the power of
being in such culture that brings about a change in one self.

In the end, it comes down to forks in the road of time. At several critical points in his youth, the
first Wes Moore went down one path, mostly due to the influence of his mother. Unfortunately

Roundtree 4
for the other Wes Moore, there was no one to influence him to take the "right" path, and he chose
the easier, more glamorous path of thug culture and the drug trade. There is a difference between
reasons and excuses. That is, there are abundant reasons for the choices we make and it affects
those around us. However, these reasons are not an acceptable excuse to a bad choice. Both Wes
Moores came to forks in their lives; one of them made-- or was forced to make-- the right
choices, and the other one didn't, but they were choices, and they are ultimately responsible for
making them.

Flynn, John. "Why Dads Matter." Why Dads Matter. Innovative Media. 23 Oct. 2015. Web

Moore, Wes. The Other Wes Moore. New York: Spiegel & Grau trade paperbacks, 2011. Print
ENGL 101
M. McCampbell

Essay 2 -The Other Wes Moore

Scoring Rubric

Item

Does not meet C

Meets C standard

Introducti
on
>8

0-5 points

6 - 7 points

No intro device
Flat statement

Uses effective intro

device to connect
reader to topic
Identifies which Wes
Moore and influence

Thesis
>9 a very
interesting
presentatio
n of your

0-4 points
Flat statement of fact;
Broad influence
Thesis is not
completely developed

5 7 points
Assertion shows a clear
perspective of what
influenced the Wes
Moore of your choice

Exceeds C
Standard
8 - 10 points
Uses specific detail
in introduction that
illustrates
significance of
influence and
broader social
implication.
8 10 points
Strong persuasive
assertion that
clearly connects
Moores outcome

Roundtree 5
idea.
Influencin
g Factor
>8 good
examples
and
connections
between
the two
Wesses.
Expanded
Social
Issue
>6 an
important
issue, but
little
researched
support and
elaboration.

Conclusio
n
>7

In-text
citations
>2

with the influence/s

0- 4 points

All ideas are developed

in the essay.
5 - 7 points

Incomplete
description, e.g. omits
who is affected and/or
how; topic is too
broad
No support from The
Other Wes Moore
0-4 points

Narrows down the

influence, provides
background and how
Wes Moore is
influenced. Includes
two cited examples
from the book.
5 - 7 points

Cites evidence
from The Other
Wes Moore and
interprets Moores
statements to the
essay.

Broader social
implications are not
clear or vaguely
referenced.
No broader social
implications are
mentioned.

Two researched details

are identified and
connected to the Wes of
your choice is clear.
Good details: RENNS

3 researched
details are
identified, detailed
(RENNS), and cited.
These broader
social implications
are clearly
connected to the
Wes Moore of your
choice. .
8 - 10 points

1- 4 points
Restates thesis
or provides an
incomplete
summary

0-2 points
No references to
assigned reading;
Refers to sources, but
does not cite them;
Some material is not
cited correctly.

5 - 7points
Clearly summarizes the
influence/s on the Wes
of your choice and links
them with the broader
social implications.

3 - 4 points
Uses two reference to
assigned reading; uses
correct in-text format.
Correctly used two
references from outside
sources.
Uses two different ways
of including outside
information. Citations
link correctly to work

8 10 points

8 - 10 points

In addition to
meeting criteria for
a conclusion, the
conclusion includes
a reflective
statement about
the significance.
5points
Uses two or more
references to
assigned reading
and cites them
correctly. Uses two
or more references
to outside sources
and identifies their
relevance to the
reader. Integrates

Roundtree 6
cited entries. Minimum
of two errors

Work
cited
>2

Compositi
on
Structure>
8

Coherence
>8

0-2points
No work cited list
Only one entry on
work cited list
Two entries

3 - 4 points

material into the

text in a variety of
ways. No errors in
citation
5 points

Three entries on work

cited list, correctly
cited and alphabetized.
One or two errors.

More than three

entries on the work
cited list.
No errors

5-7 points

8-10 points

One or two topic

sentences missing;
Paragraphs lack unity

Clearly stated topic

sentences;
Paragraphs clearly
relate to thesis

Paragraph not related

to topic;
Organization does not
follow a clearpattern;
Abrupt changes;

Paragraphs arranged in
logical order;
Ideas follow logical
development
Employs transitions
when necessary
Uses appropriate
pronouns;
Avoids redundant
wording;
Uses words correctly
Avoids slang and worn
out cliches

Topic sentences are

specifically worded
and link thesis and
all supporting
material
Transitions move
ideas clearly
throughout essay;
Ideas build on each
other to emphasize
thesis;
Writers voice is
clear and
authoritative;
Employs specific
words; employs
active voice and
specific verbs;
Wording is concise

0-4 points

Clarity>4
Wording is vague;
Words are confused
Many
with other meanings
sentences
Grammatical
are
conventions are
confusing
infracted;
due to
Uses second person
unedited
prn;
diction;man
y errors in
possession
and
sentence
fragments.
Spelling, grammar, and sentence mechanics errors 1 point for each error, prorated
by 500 words.
Errors: You begin with 20 points. You lose one point for each of the following errors:-5+/2 = -3
= 17
Spelling

pronoun use

Capitalization

comma splice

Subj/verb agreement

run-on/fused sentence

Incorrect verb form

sentence fragment

Roundtree 7
Verb tense

Begin sentence with coordinating conj.

Punctuation with direct and indirect quotations

Apostrophe errors

Comma error with coordinating conjunction

pronoun/antecedent agreement