aoe + fos POLITICS AND THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS REDUNDANT) Dilige et quod vs foe Dio vou xxOW that proting the any undebety of US le cogapiy reese wife and conver and ing tnd Tinie ad fervor on jesrLenan cle? Torinstanc, ida tnow that nme moder dconais ce star lberl and eters netoioy comer, a at tern omer ifonai were seal coer ed de Signed corecine sponse tte “ruption and perme: ew of crain ier conan Tat he ola device of ving a specl ‘Dcnguded Unge Panel. ofovstndng profesional speaker ald itn” nome ona atm ompromie beeen te force of plan and dina im in Eaglsh, bu hal mos Hngusic bers mi he Urge nel dv as mere sam poputan, sine “Cling upon te epinon afte eet ct bea democrat ue”? yuna eso on seni “te ocaon for this fle s Oxford Unive Fre' recent teewe of Mt Bygan Al Carer A Dina Morn Aeon ‘tag, abo hat Oxo is mating gerne a that iy58 payin Fostex WALLACE signed function to review, Ksums out tobe 2 complicate asign- ‘meat In today's US, pial Book reves diven by market logic and impli cas the reader in the role of eonsumer Rhetorical, its whole projects informed by a question thc too cas eve ‘mention up font "Shout yo buy his book And Beene Bryan ‘A. Gamer's usage dlctonary belongs oa pasular subgenre of 2 reference genre that sil high specilved and paresis ad ‘because teat a dozen major usage guides have been published in the lat couple years and some of them have been quite good indeed? the central unmentonable quesion here appends the prepositional comparative... rather dan thar book?" to dhe man ‘One and so entails dlicuson of whether and how ADMAU ici ferent from oer recentspeialty-producs ofits kind “The fact ofthe mater is that Garner's dctonary i extsemely ‘good, certainly the mos comprehensive wage guide since EW. (Glman’s Vrs Dinar of rylsh Vg, non a decade out of date! But the really saent and ngenions fears of A Dictimary of ‘Moder Amc Use vole ies of shetric and ideology and se, and itis impose to describe why these ues are important td wy Garner's management of dhem borders gens without ‘aking about the histories context in wich ADMAU appears and eae econ en gn ees ey Fae e ee me migcrirpninananer ‘ry geptme mae ortsenct pe Ieee aerate reefer eet riences Socom [See ee Sisispeetaneiepniteneens SSeS eer neta ee somone ann futrsican usace 6 th cota us ou 1 bea ecb bakane of contort ining ceri om eh gsi and pic edcaion ‘to political ideology and these controversies take a certain amount ofc to ump before tcrean fo wat ales Gamers i omy ninety wrth ohare reece lr Canc be elise and infact here 90 wy v0 pie “tuichemonigplmeredfuio witout Ratings monet ‘Sottnand des hig cotogatem NCCT rom one perspective, erin irony stn the pucaon of any good new book on Ameritan wage. Is thatthe people who ase going tobe interested in such a book are ao the people who axe leat going to need it — i, dat lfering counsel onthe finer prin of US Engl is preaching othe coir The relent coir fete comprises chat small percentage of American citizens who etually care about the curre satu of double modals and erie tre verbx Tae sue sore of poppe who watched The Str of Bish ‘on PBS (tice) and tead Safi’ cohumn with ther halal every Sunday. The srs of people who feet tha pec blend of wincing “despair and sneering superiority when they see EXPRESS LANE — TOTTEMS OR LESS or hear dislogueuted ar a verb oF realize that the founders of the Super 6 Mote chain must surely have been ‘ignorant of he meaning of “There are lots of epithets for peopl ke this — Grammar Ni, Usage Ners Syme Snobs, the Gratamar Batalion, the Language Police. The term I yas raed ‘wth is SNOT The word might be sigh selfmockng, but those = St a a ensiah ‘Spaetoyrecarsenes lony isons oath pec ‘ROO Mah enol Seren fen it a hel ony he SCE ee ceemateeneceare Soeyo paviD FOSTER WALLACE other terms are outright dysphemisns. A SNOOT can be loosely Sefined as somebody who knows what dylan means and doesnt mind eting you know 1 submit dhat we SNOOTS are just about the Last remaining ‘ind of tly lst nerd There are ranted, plenty of nerapeces in eadays America, and we of thee are elitist within ther own nerdy pursiew (ef the skinny, carbunculr, sern-atisic Com puter Nerd moves instantly up on the totem poe of stats when ‘Jour screen reer ad now you ee his help, and the landcome ‘eacension with which he performs the two occult kesrokes that ‘uneeze your screen ie both efi ed sinationally valid). But the ‘SNOT’ purview is interhumn life iseé You don't, alter a (despite withering cultural presse), have rouse a computer, bt sou ean escape language: language everthing and everywhere; ‘what lets us have anything to do with one another; ts what sep- artesus ftom animals; Genesis 17-10 nd soon. And we SNOOTS ‘now whea and ow to byphenate phrasal adjectives anid w Beep parcptes fom dangling, and we Know dat we now, and we know now ery few oer Amerleans know tissu even care, and we nde thems according. Trays that cera of us are uncomfortable with, SNOOTY at ides about contemporary wage resemble eigiou/polteal cone senatvesatitudes about contemporary eae We combine & Seren fn cet scm bathe eal pageant arn tres ugh tants nor ya ‘Spt tee ning ng Soames ‘TeTpdtwasts lnc bazon etiam eeERnnch es aye rene nor ea ‘Penalty Agu we ale ‘Dipearde ty bere esa eye Cate he SERRE epee cet ceria Eiutiacntaattsowamtg ene monte ric ov sence negate aman odegtoe paeethoos Sc DOEES ca apy cane AUINORITY AND AMERICAN USAGE 7 ‘mimionary zeal and a neurneutal faith in our belief importance ‘ith a curmudgeon helhinavhandbaske despair atte way English is routinely defiled by supposedly erate ads? Psa ath ofthe ism of a, Blly Zane i Tuone— fellow SNOOT know kes to say that toning o moat peoples public Engh fel ke atching somebody use a Suadvar to pound nails We! ae the Fe, the Proud, the More or et Constantly Apalled at Everyone Ele, Ta Ra aetna es ent oa nee ie? ‘caecsel gabon net een inate tg el torso ee {Roce erro nn ean ene dom si ae SASS ‘Sentence SOUT aml pero ee Roe ar [ihn ee Spree HOOT wm ho se an poe Stereo ‘yf ercae om SHOOT etary ynomemme = iran ces eue Fo ance ae ‘Sulpitaninecatde ct tatters armas” ‘Siler ey ern weighed tel tng wk honest Seg cpeencacaathicaes oer SORSE RES Seeeetine a ette Shes ‘Aremeting Ina vt Hace fl ah ier a ween a SUEGE Claneebeien ely aaedounctine porter ‘noone he emo Una este ican he sgh ‘renee “ne nigger HH roe relcnrhelfom vonpttamancent natn abetting be“THESIS STATEMENT FOR WHOLE ARTICLE uses of tradition vx eltarlanis in US English ate art polit leans and ca be eflecvely addressed only in what this article ‘hereby tom a Democrati Spirit” A Democratic Sprit tome that combines rigor and hung, ,panionate conviction plus aed ‘ous respect forthe convictions of others. As any American know ‘his isadifical opin eo elt and maintain, pardculry when ‘comes to sues you feel strongly about Equally rough isa DS ‘terion of 100 percent itlloctal integrity —youhave to be wilh ing to ook honesty at youself and at your motires for believing ‘what you bei, and to doitmore orlescontiaualy. “This kindof oa iadvanced US ctaenahip. Aue Democratic Spt is up there with religous fh and emedonal maturity and all those other ope NaslowPyramidaype quale that people spend their woe lives working on. Democrat Spr constinent igo and nity and selfhonesy ac, nf hard to maintain on certian hati almost rei tempting to fal in it ome ‘Crablshed dogmatic camp and tofllw tat camp's line onthe ssue {nd to Jet your positon harden within the emp and become inflee ‘ble and obi that the oer camps? are either eo insane and tospendall you ie and encngy yng to shout over dem, "submit the, that ts indpatably easier tobe Dogmatic than Democratic experily about lacs that are bah yexed and highly charged. Imbmit farther thatthe isos surounding “orreties” in contemporary American wsage are both vexed and highly rgd, and that de fundamental quetons thy involve ae ones whose angers have to be eal tr utiestead of mere found. "A ditneie feature of ADMAU hat is author swing to acknowledge that a usge dictionary is nota bible oF even a text book but rater jut the recor of one bright person's attempts to workout answers to certain very dele questions. This wing ‘hess appears to bet be informed by Democratic Spirit The big Geren in comp nn posing sais cgtand SSRs Staines cry aa AUTHORITY AND havERICAN UIAGE 79 questions whether such a spit compromises Bryan Garner's let presen himaelf a a gensine “authori” on inves of usage. ‘Asesing Gamer's ook, thea fequierusto ace tthe ver weir and complicated relationship bemween Authority and Democracy Inwhatwe aa clture have desided is English. Thatrelaonship asmany educated Amerleans would sy, sin proces a this tie, A Dison of Maker Ameen ge 0 ti Sa or Dis fished Panel Is been concened, researched, and writen oo uy a ml by Me Bryan A Gare. This Gamer an intreng 9-H’ bot a layer a rage exper (wich seems a tke ing bh mace whole and x DEA agen Hi 197 A Dio onary of Moko Lgl Usage alry& minor cnc 08 0, inne of pacing hw anydr, be goer rod condcting wre ing ena for Js and doo prose cong for vaio judat bores. Carne alo the founder of something cle the H. Wi Fone Soya were group oftmge Tero te tsend ‘one anothe linguistcboner clipped om ferent peal You ‘ede. Thi Carer efron nd ver hardcore SNOT “he eld engaging, and extreme ment preface to ADMAL serves to conten Garner SNOOTinde in fet ndereting ‘vin tone. For ne thing, eres the adional wage punch teatea remote and imperil periona—the Kind wh cs oot ‘eo refer to hime’ Garr gives an almost Waltony nearing ketch of hi own aground Teale ely — atte ag of 18"! — that primary nee Interest wane we of he ngs language... Itbecame an Simei Soteporcf tage tetera Fue ‘steer 8 ena Aen pt tr rn ‘Etienne in ene ec ee Ey atleast ogm nt ge gna ‘ekacacs cn rn Pe re (Cer peser tng tty nr te gh at ‘inate gan al cer moses ah SSSEAtingliaiat at damnedattenmming pasion. [vad everyting enuf on he sa {es Then, on ty ening whe visting New Mexico athe age rt tdicenect Bic Pardge’s Gren age Ts niall Fever bad Tea amore exing ook Suet say hat bythe {met war 18 Thad commited o memory owt of Fowles, Farge, Altnough thi erewer reget the biosketh’s fur wo mene ion the rather sigan social cor ofbeing an aolecent wise covering passion is Engh wage" the crtal hat sof to yee nother personable prefaceseton, one that Garner eniles “Pst Principles: "Before going any further, should explain my ap- ‘proach. Thats an uniting forthe author a usage dition fry to do — unprecedented, a far T know, Buta guide o good “ering is only as good asthe principles on Which is kasd. And sere shouldbe natura interesed in those principles So, i the interes of fl diselosre “The “uaprecedented and "ll ditloaure” here are actly goodiaatured digs at Garner's Fowlrte predecessors, anda ight ‘od to one camp in the wars thac have raged in bo exicography find edcation ever since the notoriouayRberl Wester hind New Thuenatinal Dislonarycune out in 1961 and included ters ke eighth and igen without any monitory labels on them. You can thik of Wess Thin sort ofthe Fort Sumter of the com temporary Usage Wass. Tse ware are both dhe context and the target of ery suble chetorkeal sratgy in A Dictionary of der ER cet ert Soyeieniahra rmcpeareemmatseaceagtcs Seine emanate ‘ou cites ears gece So Segre theme Sey caccreettgontenctraar nmin AUTHORITY AND AEERICAN USAGE 75 American Usage, and without king about them it's imposible to ‘explain why Gamer's book s both so good and wo meaky. ‘We regular cdzens tend ogo to The Dictionary for authori: re guidance Rarely, however, do weak ouseies who exactly decides what ges in The Dictionary or what words or spellings or pronunciations get deemed aubstindard or inconrect Whence the suthorgy of dedonaryanaers to decide what’ OK and whats? [Nobody elected them afer all And simpy appealing to precedent ‘or tradition won't wor, because what's considered covet changes ‘over me. nthe 1600, fr instance, the secondsingular took sin: fuse conjugation — "You is” Baller stil, the standard 2 pro- ‘noun wasnt ou but stow Huge nbmbers of uowaecepaabe words heen, ad eis entered English at what wg tuthories considered errors of egregious ang. And not just ‘wage convendons but Eagsh tel changes overtime; ifn, ‘ed al sll be talking lke Chaucer, Who's to say which changes sre natural and good and which ae comupdons? And when Bryan Gamer or F- Ward Gilnan do in fac presume toa, why should we alive them? ‘These sors of quetions are not new, bu they do now havea ‘eran argency. Americ it in the midst of a probated Crise of Author in matters of language In bre, dhe ame sorts of pol ‘al upheaval that produced everything from Rent State to Inde- pendent Counsels ave produced an influential contr-SNOOT ‘tool far whom nonnative xandagds of Engh grammar and age ave funcuons of meting buecutom and the ovine docliy of 4 populice that les selfappointed language experts boss them around. See for example MIT' Steven Pinker ina farnous Naw ‘Repulc article —"Once introduced, 2 prescriptive rule is very hard eo eradicate, no matter how ridiculous, Inside the weting ‘Restijonaevatomoy som ecm to hprnnee Sircmcepcingefwongessbertadesa igen ae76 Davin FOSTER WALLACE eabshmens, the rues survey de same damic tat perpet- tes ritual genital mutladons" —o, at vomewhat lower emo- tional pithy Bill Bryson ia Mosher Tongue English and How It Gat That Wi: ‘noses dow al ote rales hw Know aout rom ied — (held three mene ena entnce ha pepsin oF tel one wid conjuncn hate mst ch the fo HO ‘ngs and mc nth for hve than oT anes epi Ingen, what nw one doy hatthen yu lookin the bale (porn of tse fle tere fer ede aio te. In ADMAU’ preface, Gamer hime adreses the Authority question witha Trumaneague simplicity and candor that smoke ‘neously digule the author's cunningand exempt Asyoa might sled pet n'a any ro mangers Teta hate rede woul ant engi dott eit feu, enact ier aetna ace: {ie Duthie and ge ince ew mot profoal ites Fae meee enseetpme alee ey ee a Pref ew wheres oe Sera oi enema ‘eed pretcehe st weather gwge asthe rin usr ACM, StS taeetanene encom Se ocean mst dean ince mechan Wop peed in, Eee ae Secteeticicearerieaeetecegtoee pireatameeeerocno Stead ena ernie Sees ence tater oe ice irae meee Srmiceaeees weapemte aarp any ee et nate AUEHORITY AND AMERICAN UsAeE 77 srentaceaif endeavor You” do’ mane dpanionate deep. ons: ouwan sound guidance And tat requeadgmen. ‘Whole monographs cold be writen ston the masterflyhetore ofthis pusage. Besides the FN 15a note fr example the inge- lous equivocaton af judpamt which in “T don’t shy aya fom soaking judgimens” mean aca rulings (and thus nviter quer dons about Authoda), but Aa that requires judgment” eers Instead to pepicaiy, discernment, eaton, Ae the body of ADIAU rakes clear, pat of Garner's oval suatey i calape thee to ‘dlerent senses of judgmmt of rather o use the second sense 383 Justicadon forthe ise The ig things torecogoize hee are (1) that ‘Garner wouldn't be doing any ofthis ihe weren't hn avare of the Authority Crisis modem usage, ad (2) that his response 12 this criss ie— in the best Democratic Spiit— shetoricl % ‘COROLLARY TO THESIS STATEMENT FOR WHOLE ARTICLE ‘Themostslent and timely ease ofBiyen A Garner’ dictionary fs ehat its project bot lexiographical and shetorial. Its main strategy ioe what i knowa in asscal rhetoric asthe Eshical Appeal Here the adc, deste from the Greek ty, doesn't mean quite what we usually mest by aie But there ae afinites ‘Wiha the Hthical Appeal amount oie complexand sphinicated "Trust me" Is dhe bold, most ambitious, and alto most demo- cratic of thetorical Appeals Because i requlres the thetor to cone since wt not just of hi ntlleetll acuity or technical competence Dut of his basic decency and falmess and seniivty to the aud ences owt hopes and fears. ‘These later are not quae oe ascites with the tendons SNOOT asageauthorgy a fgure who for many Americans exem plies sncbtahnes and anaiy bd ane wee modern image it Mitt pe al i | Cnr Weisner a pe1 vavip rosea waurack ot heed by sta like The Amarian Hore Diconarys Distne ulthed Cage Panelist Morris Bihop's “The arantsolecisms of the fgnorams are here often omied ently, "iregardes’ of how Re may fel about this neglect” or exe John Simon's “The English language i being treated nowadays exactly a lave waders nee handled their merchandise” Compare hove Hines authorat ‘personas with Garner’ in, eg. “Engi unage & 40 challenging that even experienced writers need guidance now and hen "The rather is going tbe hat A Dictionary of Modem Ame com Usagecar Garner prety sich all he trast hit Bacal Appeat ats ut for Whats interesting i that dis oust desives ot 0 veh from the book’ lexicographcal ql 2s fom the authoval per sona and spirit iceutvates ADMAU isa ee good wage dictionary in dhe very best sense of ftzoat The book's spit aris rigor tnd humility in such aay ato let Garner be exreielyprescrip- tive widhout any appearance of evangelion or eit putdown. Tis Isom extraordinary accomplishinent Understanding why is bash cally Ptr! accomplishment, ane why sis bots historically ‘Significant and fim this reviewer's opinion) plicallyredempie, requires amore detailed fookat the Usage Wars. ‘You' defisitely know tht lexlcogrpy had an underbelly if you rend the diferent ile introductory esp in moder dictionaries — ieee ike Wists DEU's “A Bef History of Eg Usags” or ‘Wer Thins Lingus Advancesand Lexcograpy” or ANDO Good tage, Bad Usage, and Usage" or AND-78"Usage’n the Die sionary. The Place of Citic. But almost nobody ever bothers ‘th these de ntos and es nt just tel acpoint ype or the Tet that dictionaries tend to be hard on the lap. Te chat these nurs aren't actealy wate for you o me or the average cen who goes to The Dictionary jst to sce how to spel (for istance) terngue Theyre writen for oer lxicographers and ee and ‘fuer they ve not really intodactory ata, but polemical. They're alvin the Usoge Wars that have been under way eversince editor Avtnonriy AvD Aweaican sace 79 Philip Gove first sought to apply she valueneutal principles of structural inguits to lescograpy in Weer Tied Go's now famous response to conservatives whe howled when WBendored (Ok and described cin at “ed colloquially by educted speakers Inmany regions ofthe United States" was this “Adeionar should hve no wuck wth artificial nosons of corretnes or superiority shouldbe descsipive and not presripsve.” Gove’ terms stick and tuned epithe and inguitic conserves ate now formally ‘nown a Prescrptsts and linguist Uberas as Descipit ‘The former are beter known, though not because of dictio. ares’ prologues or scholarly Fowlertes, When you zead the ‘columns of Wiliam Safire or Morton Freeman or books like Ewin ‘Newman's Stic Spang ox John Shnon’s Peradigms La, you're actualy reading Popular Pesripvism,a gente sideline of certain journalists (mas older male, the majority af whom actually do wear bow tet) whose bemused irony often masks a Colonel limps rage atthe way the Beloved Engh oftheir youth is eing teahed in the decadent present. Some Pop Presrptivian i funny and smart, dhough much of just sounds ike old men grumbling about the wlgariy of modern mores And some PP i ofensively smallminded and knuckle dragging, suchas Prag Lents sim- pli disminalof Standard Blick Engh: "A for‘ be, "you be? "he be et, which should give ws all the hebiejeeiey, these may SERS miesepietnteteemetr or Seerraiette tere Se Sone eee eases Sots ome oniceenerm Fel rienicpetnioe toetngcporeiniio’ ee een Sp eater capt ene ES owe ‘Sealine bo tot pros ep Yoeesovia eur aly Eee eee ane pentamsonag™ eeedo _avip rosten wautact Indeed be comprehensible, bu hey go aginst all accepted classe cal and moder grammars and are the product not of language ‘dh ts root in bstory bu af ignorance of how a language works” ‘ut wha’ realy interesting dat the platoeraic tone and syptic ‘vito Newnan ad Safire snd the best ofthe Pop Preseipvisare trodcled afer the mandarn-Bet perconas of Bric Partridge and 1. Fowler, these in towers ofcholsly Prexrptsm whom ‘Garnett about severing asa id ‘escrpdvins, onthe other hand, don’ have week columns tn the ines These guys tend tobe hard-core academics, my in- suits or Comp theoriss, Loosely ongunzed under the banner of Feructral (or “deseripve")tinguisics, they are doctrine post tins who have di Intellectual zoos in Comte and Ssmure and 1L Bloomfield and their ideological roots yin the US Site. “Te vet explicit mention Garae’s price gves this een — Somenber along hein, hough, wnge dinars ot Hacked bythe dnp inguin yo observe language ential Fur the pure Covcpi perme oat a one Ferm of ean enn =e a etyoaectns eer Spenser ccna more greener cgay nissan setae ema tame peer eels SSS Dee ees as steam eee hagatieeters nomenon Eten fe ADH ny me dan Canesten te slo Spies sor language any beer than another: tng senate speaks OK andanyon nh kes aconteny sand ue tuner head. Bena dept ad presen pp ing litren: problems: Deeps ato ear anguage ie cal se and they perform eal Recon aloo de ‘iene general ied fot ling opr hugh sk tone of deyancit race) —Isdsingenuous nthe exrome, especialy he “approaching die erent problems" pa, because it vastly underpay the Deseip tris influence on US cultute. For one thing, Descripim ‘quickly and thoroughly took ver Engh education inthis coustay that jas about everbody wh started junior hgh after, 1970 as ben aught to write Deseripivly — via "eewring*brsnonm- ng. Journaling view of wring a seleexporatony and-expree sive rater than as communica, an abandonment of temic grammar usage semants, etre, etymology. Fersnother thing, the very language in which oda’s soca, feria, minority =, and environmental movements fame thelr sides of politcal de ‘tsi informed by dhe Deseripsist belle that traditional Engh ‘is conceived and perpetuated by Pleged WASP Male and hus inherendy capitalist, ex, racit, xenophobic, homophobi, lis unr Think Eboaies. Task Proposition 227 Think af de tnwoired contortion people undergo to avoid using Mes a generic Pronoun, or ofthe tense, deliberate way white les now aja hele Spee et pace nee Seeteooeeeee ee chee epee tg Tes emo Senge an pe ‘tata ted epi ema ef ge Sec eee ep pan nin seta Tnacefavo rosram waLLAce veces oun oon Tink oie mde gy ot te oe os enon NG — eee one Davaninasin POLI a aoe Nea eg A Per are nea wi {THIS ARTICLE’ uns ora arte or ar : SE TO oct aeTOR Fee ee a ae wnncEmne TO a Tuan ceo cea in gion ote seer te ect oe en ca igh ve ameter ere a Sn acing sicedeilescl nce eyo et ee asso Sora ashen Sema reat emia ested Seer ener eget Serene ree Pea tip ernie oe bree ele maine Scene i oe tines Sa el at Renae Seeing epeincas anlage a re scm canoe Aan oh ae “Piece agi cicaandsonn sot bath Prodi sea ey coor sere insin Eey ine somone know dies ra se pnp on reed tee smaneouy ha Seg Reston naga sah hav er ight dF eee bth one hata Profs ProChic tance Sy coer ne anda esram et om yng Nase Se omer pepe wie dell or egos eicrtscem (wwe) 0 erie enon aed peid 2 1 5" SSSSE gas penton Ti carat tbe a eee seta ne) mcs Jat pston seas (0 Seca verybemecrase lene ta eeping me ort mosPSleceny peon ov him/her eqarer se norte pres orange or relate nen when somebody alse Stan's Minion ot ‘stAnode Shidheod Male, ich oven epee the ely ‘tanning nim pes Banca ‘Wack ame cating nndtnanding have encountered only ‘one eos nd of ojecton ts Pro ife ro-Chalce poaion Butites peril objecson lt concerns ot my poston perse Be ‘ruin fac tote, the pron wes devloped ad mata {eed oyu both murky and extremely emote from any ‘hing hing od wth merci nge promise att becomes het xenacanglcer and selon bloe “The Desripsvit revolution take 2 Hite sme to unpack, bet ie worth it The structural inguis reection of conventional use ‘ler in Eglsh depends ox two main Kade of argument The fist In academie and methodological In thi age of technology, some Descrptits contend, isthe selene method — elinelly objec ire, yieneutral uted on dec obseration and demonstrable -ypothesis— that should determine both the content of icons Jesand dhe standards of correct" English, Becawse language i con- sandy evolving, such standards wil alvays be Hid, Phi Gove's novela inwoduction to Wave Thin oudines this ype of De- sccpevism’s five basic edicts: "I~ Language changes consant 2—Ghange is normal; $—Spoken language i the languages 4—Correcnest ets upon sage; 5 — Allunage relative.” ‘These principles look prima facie OK—simple, common senicl, and couched isthe Bland so. prose of dlspusionate scence but infact theye vague and muddled and it kes aout three second to sink of reasonable reps to each one of tones 1 Allright, burhow much and how fst 2 Same thing. Herctean fue as normal or desirable as raul change? Do some change serve the laaguage’soerall ax sar beter than other? And how many people have to deviate fom how many conventions before we say the language bas 2ctu-24 Davin FOSTER WALLACE ay changed? Fifty percent? Ten percent? Where do you draw the ine? Who draws the ine? ‘3 This isan old ae, a east ao as Plato's Phar And tes specious, If Desvida ad the Infamous Deconstruction have tone nothing eke, they've successfully debunked the ides that speech language's primar insansation” Ps consider the werd rmgance of Gave's (3) with respec to correctness, Only the most nuts Prescriptive cat al hat much about spoken Engl ‘owt Preerpie usage gldes concer Standard Wri Eg. {4 Fine, but whose wage? Gove (4) begs the whole question. ‘Whathe wan to uggest here, I think sa revea ofthe waional ‘entaimentreaion beowen abtact rules and concrete utge: instead of ung’ ideally conresponding oa igi et of regulations, ‘he egulitons ought to correspond tothe way real people arate tallying the language si, ne, but which people? Unban Latinas? Boson Brahmins Rural Midwetemers? Appalachian Neogaeio? ‘3 Hu tis means what seems to mean, then tends up ‘bing Gores whole argument a the as. Principle (9) appears © imp that dhe conrectanser to dhe above “which people?” Af them. Aud ic cay to show why thi il not stand up at lexieo trpbcl principle. The most obvious problem with itis that not ‘Geryhing can goin The Diconary. Why nod Well Because you ‘aot actualy observe andl xecord every last it of every last native 7G te ain ae Steet SESTSAESE sume naa ot Stra a een eee cae serene erie Sco See feugiat ne SoatyetichaataSnp tact AUTHORITY AND AucERICAN USAOR By speaker's language behavior” and even fyou could the reauant Aliconary would weigh four milion pounds and need to be up- {ated hourly The faci that any real lesicograper i going to hue to make choices about what get in and what doesn’t And these choices are based on... what And sowe'rerght back where wesarted. leis true thay, as SNOT, Iam nanwaly predisposed to Took for favs in Gove et al's methodological agument. But these ‘a stl seem anfuly art ind, Probably the bigest one that ‘he Desriptivis’ "scenic leicography’ —under whlch, keep In min, dhe deal English diconary x basicaly ubecrsnch- ing ousomehow otnere every linguistic acy every natve/nats- razed speaker ofRglsh and pt the num ofl thes cs between two covert and cll it The Dictionary—invoes an incredibly ‘crude and outdated understanding of what scene means tre quires amaive bein sienic Object, fr one thing. Even it the physical sciences, eveything from quantum mechasice so Information Theocy ha shown tht an at of oberon i tel? pat ofthe phenomenon observed and i analytically inseparable omit you remember your old caege Engi clases, there's an analogy ere that point up the trouble sears get into when they ‘confuse obsertion with interpretation. Ife the New Gries? Recall hee belie tha terary crm was het conceited a" enue" endeavor: the ct was a neutral, arf unbieed highly traned observer whose job yas wo fnd and objectively describe meanings that mec ight thee, erally inside pieces of erature, Whether you know what happened to New Grkicam’s reputation [gman 09 pra copeon eh ie est ihn ‘sont nine glassy Sen Seutlngrumy fm snactatwn prea ndemscaas eee ate Ne Omran s Eases aati R Lean eich ose pee re te tnegn tome26 pavio sosra WALLACE depends on whether you took cllege English afer 197; slice ito ay that is star bat dimmed. The New Grits ad the same ‘ade problem as Gore's Methodological Descriptvats they be Teed that there was sch a thing 26 unbiased observation. And that nguistie meanings could ext “Objective,” separate from ay interpre act ‘The point ofthe analogy is chat claims to Object ia lan- guage yar now thes ofjokes and shudder. The pot numptions that underie Methodoogical Desespdvism have Deen thoroughly confuted and displaced —in Lit bythe ise of poststncralia, Reider Response Cetin, and nian Recep- ‘on Theor. ining by the wise of Pragmaes—~and its now prety mach universally accepted that a) meaning ie iseparable fom some act ofnterpreration and (b) an act of interpretation is timysomenha bined ie inrred by the fntexpreter’s partion Tar ideology. And the consequence of (a)(b) shat there's no way fnound #-dedisions about what to pat in The Dicionary and hat to exclude are going toe based ona lecograher’sdeologr Thnd cey lexicographer's got one. To presume that ditonary Jpaking can somehow acid or transcend ideology is simply to aby fesibe to a particular ideology one that might apdy be called ‘Unbelerably Naive Postivim, "There's an even more important way Descripss are wrong in thinking tnt the scene method developed for we in chem tay and pies is equally appropriate to the study of language ‘This one doesn't depend on sbi about quantum uncertain OF any Kind of postmodern selatvien. Even if a a thought experi tent, we aimame «ind of 10dv- ‘ungular in shape" —reque at least a couple extra nanoreconds ot egoitie effort, a kind of rapid sand-scard process, before ‘he recipient gest Extra work, I's debatable just how mie extra work et seems indeputable that we pus come extra interpret ‘arden on the ecipint when wef to honor certain conventions ‘Wir confesing clases ike the above, it simply seems more “eon siderate” wo follow the res of correct Engh just ass more “comiderae” to deslob your home before enteraining guest OF to inh your tet before picking up a date. Not jus more consid cate but more wert somehow — ot of your listener/reader id of what you'e tying to get acrons. As we sometimes aso ray GV eaten ee rb ong rg On EASTERN items etd es)94 DaviD FOSTER WALLACE about elements of fashion and exguete, the way you use Engh makes a watement” or “sends a message” —even though these scmens/mesages often have noting to do with the actal [formation you're tying to communicate. We've now srt of bled into a more serous rejoinder to Philo- sophie! Desrptvam: fom the fact that nguii communi thon isnot sity dependent on wage and grammar it does net ‘neces follow thatthe tradional rues of wage and grammar re nothing bat “inconsequential decoraons.” Another way to vee this objection is that something’ being "derorave" does nat ecu make ie “nconsequental Rhetoricwie, Pike's Sip “mia sexy beats, for Sent precely dhe question is begginginconsequental © whom? wh hey point here stat the retrblance between wage rules and cern conventions of etiquette or fashion is eles than dhe Piloeophical Descripists know snd far more important than they understand Te, for example, the Descriptive claim thato- ‘alld correct English wages ike ough ater than rang ad fat Tater dan fed are arbitrary and restrictive and wir and are Supporeed ony by custom and ae (ke regular veri general) fetic and iseommodious and an allaround pain in dhe ass. Let ‘concede fr the moment eat dese aims ate 100 percent ree Conable. Then et’ tak about pant. Trousers, sks 1 suggest 12 Jou that having the s-alled comet suthoracic closing for US ‘Hales be put intend of sri arbitrary (los of ober culsares Tee mien wear sir), exude and ntsc (US females get weat ‘ther hrs or pant) bated solely on archaic custom (funk its {gotta do with certain ditions about gender and leg- pation, the ‘me seasons wornen were sspposed to ride skgendde and gs! tikes dont havea crowbar, and in cern waye 2 ony incom: odious but Wogiel (skirt are more comfortable than pants* nts side up: pats are hot pani can squish dhe nade and reiuce Fee ‘ery over ne pants chafe and erode regula sections often’ lea an give older men hideoos half-denuded legs et. ee) “Let ws grnt—a a thooght experiment If nothing else — that these ae ll sensible and compelling cbjections to pants a an andromterial norm, Let un ft ia Our minds an heart say es shot yes—to the sist, the Kt the tga, the sarong the jupe, Let us dream of or even In our spre dime work toward an ‘Ametica where nobody lap any abivary sumptunry prescriptions ‘on anyone ee and we ca all go around as comfortable and ser sed and uachafed and motile swe want "And yet te fit remains that in dhe broad cultural mainstream of millennial Americ, men do not wear skits. Ifyou, the reader, area US male, and even if you share my personal objections 10 pants and dream a Io ofa cooland genallyunsquisy American ‘Tomorro, the odd are sil 90.9 percent that in 100 percent of ble sation you wear panslack/shore/tranks, Mote co the point f you area US male and also have a US male cil and if that ld mightbappen to comet ou one evenngand announce his desire /intenton to wear air rather than pants 0 school de next yaa 100 percent conden ha you are ging io dicour age hi fom doing #9, Stongh ascourage him. You could be a Molotorsosing antigants radical ora ke manufacturer or Dr. Stren Pinker himeelt—~you'ee gong to sand over your Kd and be prescriptive about an arhisary,archate, uncomfortable, and ‘nconsequentally decortve pews of thing Way? Well because ‘in modern America any lite boy who comes to school in a skit (even, say, modest aleaton mi) going to get stared at and shunned and beaten up and called tot geekoldby a whole lot of people whowe appro and acceptance are nnportant o him? Space as ee. ple ean ce etna Sent Me Way Mader ‘Sige espns rbot came nd FSGS tik Mie esadscbenoseeroien eur cone ‘SliSatpnn co acewenscagse Snows tse Sinaia ecame ng96. avtp YOSTER WALLACE ‘our presentcuture, nother words, aboy who wear skis "ake aga statement” tate going 2 have all Kinds of gruesome social anu emotional consequences for him. ‘ou can probably se where tis is headed, U's going to describe the intended point ofthe pants analogy in ers that are ae simple — doubles here are whole books in Pragmat ier or poeholinguitic or something devoted to unpacking this poln. ‘The weird thing it that Fe sen neither Desrpvists nor SNOOT deploy itin the Warn ‘iin Ty or rite soneting, here are actly whole ft of erent things Iam communicating. The proposional content tie, the verbal information F'n tying to conve) is only one part fit, Another part uff about me, the communicator, Breryone Trnows this 1 faction of heft that here are 0 may fer ‘ent welbformed ways to sy the same basting, om eg “Twas Sched bya bear” to "Goddama bear ted oil mel" o “That vtninejuggermaut did estoy to aup upon my person” and x0 0 [hd the Smunurian/Chomakia consideration tat many granite eal formed sentences ean aio get the propositional content toro —"Bearttack Tonto, Tonto heap seared” — and the mum ter of sublininal options we're scanning/torting/imterpreting 25 tre communicate with one anor goes cansfinite very que Ihe diferent levels of diction and formality are oly the simplest nds of distinctions things get way more complicated inthe sorts (of fnterpersnal communication where social relations and fel Inga and moods come into play. Here's familar Kind of example Suppose that you and Tare acquainences and we're a my apaet “ies ane enn ton one in nin onc Soren che patsy nnn nN pep rant ie a saute anh en hol ee Sennen on You or eee ae ey ceca Te ae Cee etenig isapae co HDYOUANOW ‘SHOWS eBeS Or niew worosyOU cae ment having. conversation and that at some point Tato termi tate the convertion and not have you be ia my apartment any nore. Very deat oc moment Tink fall the diferent ways ‘an ty to handle it "Wow, look a he tne "Could we finish cis tp hte? "Could you plese eave now "Go" "Get ou’; "Get the peltoutofhere's Didn't you sy you had o be someplace? "Time foryou to ithe dss el my fend “OF you go then, lowe": oF theta old telephone-conserstion-ender: “Wel, I'm gong Tet you go now ete. et" And then think of al the ciferent factors and implications ofeach option. “The point here io obvious, Tt concerns @ phenomenon that ‘SNOOT, bindly reinforce and that Descriptviss aly uaderest> nate and that cary roeabtape ads ry to exploit People realy do [jge one another acconding t thee use of language. Constant ‘course, people are consanty judging one another on the bass ‘fal nds of things — height, weight scent, physiognomy. accent ecupaion, make of while — and, again, doubles i al er ‘ly comptcated and occupies whole batalions of socolingi. Bat i clear tha at least one component of all this interpersonal semantic judging invokes esuptane, meaning not some wuchy feely emotional afrmaton but actual acceptance or rejection of tomeone's bid to be regarded a a pees, member of somebody e's olecve or community or Group. Another way 10 come at thesis to acknowledge something hat inthe Usage Ware get mex- ‘done ony in very abstract terme eorrect” Engh wage a8 er emncbcomnt a a seer ariprennar ce ene alte dnp SSeS ee Became ss Senha teeter ot asenty mae eo ae mie er cat ea eyreacagecsmman ists seen ne es ea Fe isin scanner hp soatpoareeS pavin rostex waLLAce practical mater, «fanetion of whom you're king to and of how you vant that person te respond — no just to your uterance but soto you In oer words, a large par ofthe projec of any com trualcation is rhetorical and depends on what some Hetacholrs fall “Audience” or “Dicourse Cramunie." Tes the present exe tencein che United States of a8 enoemous muraber of Bierent Di course Commie, pi theft ha oth people use of Enis td their interpretations of ether’ ise are stuenced by set ‘al amunptions, that are cecal to understanding why the Usige ‘ars aves poitcally charged and to spprecatng why Bryan Gar e's ADMAU isso totaly sneaky and brillant and modern, ‘ace There are all sors of ealtural/geographlcal dialects of “American Engish — Black English, Latino English, Rural Sotty cm, Unban Souther, Stndard Upper Midwest, Maine Yankee, ast Texas Bayou, Botton Ble Colla on and on. Exerbody knot this: What not everone knows — especialy not certain Presrp- thss— is thet many of thee nonSWEeype dialects have their ‘own highly developed snd Internally consistent grammars, and that some of these dalecs! usige norm actually make more ln suse/aesthetic sense da do their Standard counterpart." Ps, ff couse, there are alt innumerable sub- and submubdlalect® ‘sed om all ors of things that have nothing to do with Foca or etiniciy — Medical Schoo! English, Twelve Year O10 Males Wes ‘Worlvew Despiy Informed SouthPark Engl — that ae nesty incomprehensble to anyone who in nse dei very ight and [ae mae neem ay Bars Sealey estoy ema tc a ayn retreat ad ‘Sfinor tnd vised ebdtecan gad ibe cad ac STA aces eiieetacrmon eee eceincingmne nein ucnng ec, Sait "Sinshelybscanestrmrsines specie Dicourse Community (which of course i pat of their finction" * nvreRroLsrton POTENTIALLY DESCRIPTIVISFLOOKING EXAMFLE OP SOME GRAMMATICAL ADVANTAGES OF a NONSTANDARD ‘DIALECT THA Ts REVIEWER ACTUALLY KNOWS. [ABOUT IRSTHAND happen tore te Bap eatees the SWE of ny hye ‘luted parents and the hatdearned Ror Midwestern of mow of Sapper hen Can hing to Ry tend towne contevconstbe Mfkor tuo Wher aad omeimer “He do tend (ied Put of sa ake Gace to tin and oe fected ran eg or fa (ee). Butanotes past SROot or verb tthe imac incerta was peor {het Sanda eqleae "ora doguate Presi "Whereas double damned ssasentence at nti endr we eepstion bu who inal ‘repo fone neu dane with seat sao r= [Ttimey ine renmon nec (oat ge adit teenie ign a ino my pa). Reiner Fst ol he (Crinaiprepttons ue tbe invent fone Pe Lo 28 {vena kth preacher and ndarate esa who di things Eheopend ores of age agg for atone tbe wend and {rgenete ha Tea. aniganted and epi a ony he ‘bestia SNOOT thee Garmer nell the ‘ie -c an l nf we controcnsibe spoon hive peurespect for and he mans neing 9" at wed fv tf daca ordre seal ented the apparent eddy fhe al" et by ls mewieaope nthe era Gow ces he contaction (vate ie ieropadre ater, ouca'eny- Wheres S0 ‘choices etme Where ri and Where ita and the Etcessonanapea h preter snd ai off the tongue beter tha We bl howe metre inky monoyai- {hots ochee ori pohng ta. ‘aaa cer renga abe ee” de retest tanel! Serene teat magma ie ‘ieceig iy os este ‘tein eotiay whe mr tan tyUsage doo kes me ie mre ancomforae;Ladie haga utes compeling Nevertire lar end 0 Peekon meh fom ldo Modem ar bees he grad 2s Sous of eregalar presente rb ced se ‘ene ac ta ega shad to ara to bep sigh and ve nothing ut hor guog for hen. yd ering Standard ‘BUS oy oot cting ee a Engh wi tata emetic 38 yresentin to drand te pyand anand isa “Sotsyssennlined se dental preset ewe neon be ‘Goan conugton he Br says oun cd 1%, but ‘Senanelsmovone oy dees) Pe pb he ice you SNOT reer Ops coor thts cateie mane ional peepee ies ay sip and ths pope who atom tem ike the gen eR otingere Pasco no ewe ready meno wt) ‘Tpit lone nt ore etugh teacher Thad who satomatealy [cd you dow ifyon stared ssetence with Hana ar at Fie contmple aad dangers id of SOOT, he SNOOT Wie. Te njunctn gaent pinnae Persea a rd hac ngiss granmar mde om {Son'ete toggh Lada ea aye nguage so gin san ase [pec tangage Canales const of one word ae mpc bteto avira be eres Engl reves — 20 Shedd Late aber Eg omg ides nee aa ‘Mr inLan™ decide ta gh inves shone weiner Game isl es oat after ee ren Bi PA Sboe srr monies an surenserion And Hy “Rit teging of otenc, a cera chee eighgade once onisceelenyesel com) pled oun ca el fenton pea SRS rat ease pint aya ny ant Rhee eter Sie enctnsstemen mand et Ce ee een a birds ess ‘Sac ny uc toe rao eee a rp snc ad oon nm, ESLSNIIaC ete lca acy. neste elena eoteanss iene =e clamps SESE hina sen bps mie Sree ne inurpanest non sopczmnio sarod ‘sect epsen otara misplaced modal aca or aa manner acer ike iy Gronprgbntarasenence ster (1s aspetal i feed “ecient he speaker ae abou te ate “es doused byte rex tthe setence— capi perfectly ‘Statene sete ace dbs, ei and oly SSOOTS ‘lsat he high panes 140-1080 bina proverb "The caer ft isiie and Hop arin cen wot ur by dogmntc bert endene taal SUE sage aes ‘Sreufstety and du (hea poling Pat Buchanan Stench Repen ore manne. PHSGarmer re Jepehins nce pssigion, to albee grado ng Mice sl nchading tne von hr mies on SOMES ‘Tyas ispme forage hat "ody ted. any Paint tw Sac some ener” (Game alo piso eeingrisene qt sed hich that opt tip ‘Sprite nthe body ofs sentence can eae some ie ‘ae woseyabigies ther sere ne boro urban hopeful ete” “meter we're coniious of tor not, posto ws are fuentin more ‘han one major English dialect and in several sbdialees and are ‘robubly at feast posable in counten others, Which dialect you ‘hoote to use depends, of courte, on whom you're addresing Moret the point [submit that the dialect ou use depends mostly ‘on what srt of Group your listener par of anon wether you ‘ho present youselasa fellow member ofthat Group. An obvi (pos exampi sat traditional uppercase English hs certain dae Jee ilfrences from lowers Engish and that schools wed 19 tne courses in election whote whole raion was uo teach people how to speak nas upperclas way But wsagestinchisonisabout ‘much more than dls, Try atother sor of thought experiment A ‘bunch of US teenagers in clothes that look several sizes too lage fr them ate sting together inthe lac mall's food cout, and Imagine data 8Searold an wth jowis acombover, and lots that Re perfectly comes over to them and as he wa coping them and dhnks they totally rad and/or phat and asks si cool if Fn at Sick tae chills wt hem here at their able. The Kisreaction is going tobe either seom or embarasment for the ‘guy — tout key a mix of bot. Q; Win? Or Imagine chat 0 ‘hardcore young urban black guyare stnding thee talling and ‘who ata resoundingly aad in ll ways white, come up and greet them wih Yor and addres one or bode as Brosher"andask"yp, {goin on" pronouncing on ith that NYOSh 3.5 diphiiong that ‘Yung Urban Black English deploy fora standard o. Bh these gare gong to tink hat [an mocking them and be offended or they are going o think Lam singly tof mynd, No other rece tions remotely oreseable. ©: Why? ‘Wy Adee of Engh is eared and used either becmse its your mative vemacur or because i's the ileec of « Group by vihch you wi (vith some degre of plausiiliy) to be accepted. [And although itis major and vitally iporast one, SWE is only cone dale, And ics ever, or teat hardy ever anybody's only alec. This is becase here are—a4youand T both know and yet ‘po one inthe Usage Wass ever seem to mention — sition in ‘ih aussi correct SWE nate appropriate dialect. (Childhood is ul of ach stations, This is one reaton why SNOOTIets tend to have such a hard social ime oft in school A SNOOTIet ie liste Kid who's willy, precocowsy fluent in SWE (heisofen, eal che ofpring of SNOOT) Just about every cass Inasa SNOOTIe, 01 know you've seen them — thete are the sors fsbcovelveyeavods who we ho corre and whose response ‘0 siking out in Tal i to shout "Hove incalulably deal” “The clementarpachool SNOOTetis one of the esis ideale pei of academic gekold andi ly deapised by his peers and pre byhis teachers, These teachers wally don’ see the incre {ble amounts of punishent the SNOOTIet i receving fom his ‘asnates if they do se idhey blame dhe castes and sake ‘hk eas sadly tthe wou and arbitrary craly of which chi ren are capable ary Ung Wan F Dae ang orp eg retyinget SW) AUTHORITY AND AMERICAN USAGE 263 “Teacher who do this are dumb, The trah that is pees! punishment of the SNOOTIet isnot arbitrary at all There are laaportaatdhnge a ake Lite bids i schoo are Tearing about ‘Groupinchsion and excuson and about the respective rewards and penalties of tame and about the we of lect and synteand slang ae signals of affinity and lncusion. Theyre learning about Discourse Commonises. Lite hd ean this stuff notin Language ‘Ar ot Socal Ses but on the playground and the bus and at Inch, When his pers are ortracing the SNOOTt or giving him. smonstious quadruple Wedges or holding hi down and taking ‘rns spltingon him, there's seriows learning gong on. Everybody there it leaning except the ede SNOT — in fat, what the SNOOTIet is being punted for Is precisely his flue to learn ‘And his Language Arts teacher — hove own Elementary Educe ‘on taining pits “nguiste fly” as one of she “socal ils” neni etopn gcawrtaecen sige Poni ater cece ea ExrupidnrpeCclpceeanin a mpg cs ‘Sintigente tected Reyer SIE fe aetna Thin tieemmantsncne cs cyenematieied Siarknurnoniscatsereasesncn miietitinatoncsedicnetemtincors Bouse eae sae ead ae Sateen ashi phere tute canteen he a gti eames eam Sica Sate marge emeeriticemee Simba ise md eben wear ar ne seCOTICo Sctastterenmoma mensetmnectbie™ SRM Smaaciaiachs Snsnian ice "str egal Gi ai sn tien Sead aaa ae so geese roe ashe eet ieeee