Chronic Pain & Kink

Presented by Kara Vermeulen (Ignixia on Fetlife)

Co-Chair of NLA-Orlando
Owner of Adrenalize LLC. (www.AdrenalizeLeather.com)
Contact: Ignixia@yahoo.com

What is Chronic Pain?

Pain lasting longer than six months. Can be mild to excruciating, episodic or
continuous, inconvenient to incapacitating.
o Kinds: Dull, achy, stabbing, shooting, burning
o Causes:
Injury / Physical Trama
Shingles
Serious infection
Nerve damage /
Neuropathy
Surgical incisions
Poor posture
Arthritis: Osteoarthritis /
Obesity
Rheumatoid Arthritis
Headaches / Migraines
Tendinitis
Multiple Sclerosis
Carpal Tunnel
Syndrome
Fibromyalgia
Lupus

Other symptoms that can come with pain:

- Fatigue
- Sleeplessness
- Withdrawal from activity / increased need to rest
- Weakened immune system
- Mood changes:
- Hopelessness
-Fear
- Depression
- Irritability
- Anxiety
- Stress

What are some of the treatment types?

Please consult your doctor to figure out the best treatment for you. This is simply a list to
show available options.
- Pain relievers: (non-narcotic) Tylenol, Advil, Aspirin, Ibuprofen, Naproxen
- Pain relievers: (narcotic) codeine, morphine, oxycodone, etc.
- Come in pills, patches, injections, implant pumps
- Risk of chemical dependence or addiction
- Antidepressants: Effexor & Cymbalta (FDA approved for Fibro)
- Anticonvulsants: Neurontin, Lyrica (both FDA approved for pain treatment, especially
nerve pain)
- Muscle Relaxants: Soma, Flexeril, Tizanidine, etc.
- Alternative Remedies:
- Acupuncture / Acupressure
- Meditation
- Chiropractor / Osteopath
-Biofeedback
- Exercise: Low impact and stretching
- Physical Therapy
- Nerve Stimulation: TENS unit / e-stim (including internal e-stim)

Other things to think about with treatments:

-Wear a medical alert bracelet or use some other system for holding medical information on
you that may be needed in case of an emergency. This lets first responders and medical staff
know allergies, medication youre using, and other information to treat you with the least
amount of complications.
- Pharmacogenetic testing could help you figure out the best treatment method when
dealing with medication

- Checks your genetics against different medications to see which works the best or
doesnt work at all as well as how effective each type is

Other methods for living with Chronic Pain

Group Support
- Chronic pain is more common than most experiencing it believe
- You arent alone!
- Look within your local community or online for support groups
- They can offer insight on things you may or may not have tried
- They are also great if you need someone to just listen
- Visit a Recovery meeting
- Recovery meetings offer insight on how to deal with a long term, life altering

condition

- Great place to learn about living life for the day, rather than dwelling on past

or future issues

- Judgment free space / anonymity

- There are Kink friendly Recovery groups as well (Recovery in the Lifestyle)

Change Your Vocabulary!

- Take can and cannot out of your vocabulary when it comes to perceived
limitations of chronic pain
- If things you arent physically able to do, dont try to do
them! Dont think about them either. Thinking
about limitations just causes more depression. Know the limitations, dont dwell on
them.
- Instead use worth or not worth
- I used to think that I couldnt mow the lawn, or do most physical activities
because it would
cause me to hurt too much. Fact of the matter was that I was going to hurt
regardless; it became a matter of whether the extra pain would be worth the
activity or not.
- Choose activities you can achieve, especially those with visible or tangible results.
- Find hobbies with visible or tangible results both short term and long term
- Create a goal board with words, pictures, cutouts, etc. of real, tangible, goals that
you have.
- Keep the goals realistic. If you set yourself up for failure, youre just
defeating yourself.

How do we add kink into the mix?

Dont let the stereotypes that you see in porn influence your self-image.
- Dominants arent always able to be the solid rock of uber-domliness
- Submissives cant always do every task you want them to
- IT IS OK!!
- Make care for self and / or partner part of the fantasy!
Submissive taking care of dominant in pain:
- Have medication schedule known and ready when needed
- Help with grooming / make it a service (ladys maid or house boy type of situation)
- Provide services that can help ease pain:
- Massages
- Hot wax
- Fire cupping
- Be there. Being present. (Emotional support)
- Be mindful of the type of care you are providing
- Caregiver (passive)
- Caretaker (aggressive)
As a dominant in pain:
- Dont view the help as something you cant do. Not because I cant, but because I
have someone else to do it for me
- Accept the help.
- Communicate your pain level to your submissive. They cant help if they dont know.


accordingly
happen later

Submissives in pain:
- Assess yourself regularly
- Update dominant regularly when things change so they can make judgments
- Dont say you are in more pain than you are for the sake of what might
- Make a pain chart
- Dont use just numbers. Assign values to those numbers.
(ie: 2 might be youre lucky Im up and dressed)
- Accept that you cant do everything. Getting help is ok.

Dominant taking care of a submissive in pain:

- Assign tasks based on their pain level.
- Leave simple tasks for bad pain days so they always feel usefull
- Keep a list of tasks and what pain level they coincide with (work with partner
to figure this out, dont try to make it up on your own)
- Be firm in making sure the submissive doesnt overdo themselves
- Stress the point that if they damage themselves, they cant be of any use to
you. They have to take care of themselves first.
- Make sure they keep up with their own health and well being
Everyone!:
- Always keep researching your partners condition.
- There may be new treatments available.
- Be aware of side effects.
- Go with your partner to the doctor
- Having a partner there can make the doctor visit much easier to manage as
well as give the doctor an outside view of your partners condition
- Look up government assistance programs
- Plan for the what if!
- Keep legal documents up to date
- Living will, health care proxy, etc.
Lastly: (if you are sexually active together) KEEP SEX INVOLVED!!
- Once sex goes out the window it can cause all kinds of other issues
(depression, anxiety, etc.)
- Sex helps release chemicals that make you feel good and relieves pain
- Stress relief
- Sex is fun!
Quotes to help you get through the day:
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."
- Robert Frost
The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering,
known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an
appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness,
and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.
- Elisabeth Kbler-Ross
"Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either
success or failure in the mind of another."
- Napoleon Hill
"No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world."
- Robin Williams

"Don't pray for an easy life. Pray for the strength to endure a difficult one."
- Bruce Lee
"One small crack does not mean that you are broken, it means that you were put to the test and
you didn't fall apart."
- Linda Poindexter
"Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can
choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise
from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have - life itself."
-Walter Anderson
"No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worrying will change the future. Go easy
on yourself."
- Uman Ibm al-Khattaab
Resources
ButYouDontLookSick.com
-Explains spoon theory along with other blog entries for pain management
Webmd.com/pain-management
-Various articles by the WebMD folks about pain management
Theacpa.org
- American Chronic Pain Association
Florida - Chronic Pain & Kink
- Fetlife group for Florida kinksters living with chronic pain conditions
Notes: (Stuff I want to remember!)