Flexibility “Variety's the spice of life.” — WILLIAM COWPER, 1785 Chapter 13 DEFINITION: The ability to adjust your emotions, thoughts and behav- ior to changing situations and conditions. This compo- nent of emotional intelligence applies to your overall ability to adapt to unfamiliar, unpredictable and dynamic circumstances. Flexible people are agile, synergistic and capable of reacting to change, without rigidity. These peo- ple are able to change their minds when evidence sug- gests that they are mistaken. They are generally open to and tolerant of different ideas, orientations, ways and practices. Their capacity to shift thoughts and behaviors is not arbitrary or whimsical, but rather in concert with shift- ing feedback they are getting from their environment. Individuals who lack this capacity tend to be rigid and obstinate. They adapt poorly to new situations and have little capacity to take advantage of new opportunities.’182 | Part 4: The Adaptability Realm Back in the early 1980s, Mary was happily employed at a large men- tal health center. Her close companion and trusted tool was an IBM Selectric typewriter—the one with the revolving ball that weighed in at half a ton and never broke down no matter how you abused it. She was accustomed to her machine, and felt that it enabled her to get the job done, which for its time and place, it did. Eventually, though, the organization decreed that electric type- writers were passé, and stocked up on the latest leap forward in office technology: a dedicated word processor. Mary’s boss was thrilled. Mary was not. Only after weeks of pleading and cajoling did she wave farewell to the trusted Selectric and plug in the new device, Soon, to her surprise, Mary became familiar with the word proces- sor. She admitted that she had tried to cling to the past and that the word processor really did make her work easier. She typed away for a year or so until personal computers came down the pipeline. The office bought one for each employee, loaded with a program called MultiMate. Once again, Mary’s boss was pleased as punch. Once again Mary was dismayed, but once again she took the requisite les- sons and mastered new skills. But when WordPerfect came on the market, and the boss announced that everyone would be switching over the following Tuesday, Mary took the weekend to think about it and, on Monday, handed in her resignation. Both she and the facility that had employed her for so many years lost something valuable in this unhappy scenario. Mary had bent as far as she was able, and then could adapt no further. (Oddly, it’s possible that she’d have been able to learn WordPerfect and its many succes- sors in another environment. That is, if she started anew with another center, she’d have a fresh outlook and be more open to the possibility of change.) .Chapter 13: Flexibility | 183 Don’t Go Down with the Ship . Bill Gates has always projected enthusiasm about new technologies and their potential to improve our lives. But some people have forgot- , ten that, when it came to the Internet, Gates was decidedly pessimistic and slow off the mark, Microsoft had investigated the Net early on, but decided that it wouldn’t be of practical value until the year 2010. It was an interest- ing long-term investment, but it was too slow and seemed to offer mainly frills, such as movies on demand (which people could already get via cable and satellite transmission). Then a fresh college graduate, Marc Andreeson, together with industry veteran Jim Clark, created Netscape, which dramatically sim- plified and speeded access to the Net. At one blow, Microsoft was lag- ging behind when it came to a new, cutting-edge technology. And Microsoft, in the public’s mind, meant Bill Gates, who in numerous forums had staked out a position that now looked untenable. He was the captain of Microsoft, and old-style captains of industry have traditionally gone down with their sinking vessels. At best, they’d find ways to shore up and continue to defend their positions, because the worst thing a leader could do would be to publicly change his or her tune. Being inconsistent was worse than being wrong; it would be construed as weakness and waffling under pressure. But what did Gates do? He turned a multi-billion-dollar corpora- tion around on a dime. Why? Because Gates was and remains more concerned with success than with what people might think of him. He is governed by the future, which is why he continues to be successful while others have floundered. Successful leaders put their egos behind their missions, move forward with the times, and aren’t afraid to alter their positions as necessary. As, in the future, will successful employees in every field. Today’s teenagers can expect to change careers—not just jobs, but careers—184 | Part 4: The Adaptability Realm six times before they retire. Many of tomorrow’s employment oppor- tunities don’t as yet exist. Our children will do things we simply can’t imagine, changing and upgrading their skills on a constant basis. Flexibility Can Be Learned Flexibility involves being able to train yourself to reinterpret unex- pected situations that may at first inspire gloom or alarm. These range from the merely annoying (the baby-sitter suddenly develops a press- ing engagement elsewhere) to the major and life-altering (a couple decides to have a child based on the fact that the husband runs his business from home. Then, in the seventh month of his wife’s preg- nancy, the father-to-be receives a lucrative job offer that involves extended absences. In this case, flexibility can make all the difference between an irreparable strain on the marriage and a new beginning for the family). Inflexibility, after all, represents an extreme form of the homing instinct; we become overattached to familiar ways of thinking and behaving. This can be changed, although not without disruption and a period of adjustment. Consider something as simple as sleeping with- out a pillow, or with a differently shaped orthopedic pillow. At first, it will feel odd, which you'll interpret as discomfort. For several nights, you may not be able to relax. Then it will start to feel normal, and your sore neck and shoulders will improve. Remember also that the ABCDE technique described in Chapter 2 can help you unlearn long- standing though counterproductive behavior patterns. By the way, as any parent knows, kids are often the most set in their ways, yearning for McDonald’s to the exclusion of all else, turning up their noses at anything resembling a vegetable, and refusing to go neat any other restaurant. One way around this is to appoint the finicky eater a food critic, and turn home menus and restaurant outings into opportunities to explore and severely rate other foods. Chances are, McDonald’s will still come out on top, but the exercise opens up newUnapter 135. Pieximnlity | 169 vistas and, with luck, enables you to shoehorn in a couple of vegeta- bles along the way. And, in the process, you'll be developing your child’s flexibility. Be Open to Change In sum, the flexibility component of emotional intelligence concerns our overall ability to adapt to unfamiliar, unpredictable, and fluid cir- cumstances. Flexible people react to change without rigidity, are able to change their minds when the evidence suggests that they’re mis- taken, are open to and tolerant of different ideas, orientations and ways of doing things and can smoothly handle multiple demands and shifting priorities. Remember, though, that flexibility doesn’t equal impulsiveness. Impulsive people typically react in an arbitrary manner, without suffi- cient thought, rather than in response to new and valid information. By contrast, people who lack the capacity to be flexible are resistant to new ideas and incapable of adapting. They cling to old behaviors in novel situations, even though their actions are clearly insufficient and ineffective. Remember also that flexibility is tied to reality testing. If you can’t read your environment accurately, you'll be hampered in picking up new signals that ought to lead you to appropriate responses. A football quarterback, for example, had better be highly flexible. He may have a particular play in mind when the ball is snapped, but he must depart from it if he sees that the opposing defense is matching strength against strength. Were he to stick to the agreed-upon play at any cost, regard- less of what was happening on the field, he’d be doomed to failure. Exercises Flexible people have the capacity to smoothly handle multiple demands, shifting priorities and rapid change. Particularly in today’s business environment, this capacity is important for success because it186 | Part 4: The Adaptability Realm allows you to take advantage of new information as it arises, adapt to change as it occurs and respond to shifts in priorities. People who lack the capacity to be flexible continue to practice old behaviors in new settings where they may prove ineffective and inef- ficient. They are resistant to new ideas and, being unable to adjust to changes, are unprepared when new and different ways are required. As a result, opportunities for success slip through their fingers.