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PARENTING STYLES

Parenting Styles & Counseling

Nariah Fields
The University of Memphis

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PARENTING STYLES

Parenting Styles & Counseling

There are various ways and styles to parenting. They are constantly changing throughout
time. Counseling and parenting styles can possibly go hand and hand, it can also have a major
effect on both parent and child. I am going to look into parenting styles from a different
perspective. By using counseling for both the parent and child can help regulate the emotional
tension between the relationships, whether it being good or bad. In our text Winsor, Murrell, and
Jackson state parenting style influences child development mainly through its moderating effect
on the relationship between parenting practices and developmental outcomes (p. 9).
What is counseling and how can it be helpful? In other words, counseling is what some
people already perceive it as, talking to a shrink or a crazy doctor. The more formal definition is
when personal conflicts and emotions are expressed and evaluated by a professional therapist.
For my topic cognitive behavioral therapy will be best used. Counseling does not make all issues
go away, it is more like a long term prescription. It helps a person better understand any issues
and situations and helps them handle it in the best way possible. For children and their
relationship with their parents, this will work perfectly.
Each child has a different temperament. When the temperament is difficult, it can be
challenging for the parents. Being a parent is very demanding and it is an important task for
some parents. The characteristics and temperaments of children are associated with a mothers
role and style of parenting. The character of a parent can be connected with how they interact
with their child.
Three

parenting

style

dimensions

have

been

introduced:

warmth

affection/responsiveness, behavioral control/demandingness, and psychological control (Aunola

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and Nurmi 2005). When parents show warm affection and interact, involved with their children;
this is warmth affection/responsiveness. Behavioral control or demandingness is when the
parents act mature and showing control. Psychological control, the parents control the childs
emotions through ways of guilt and showing less love (Aunola and Nurmi 2005). Difficult
temperaments can stem from different types of childhood behaviors (Sanson et al. 2004). When
a mother is negative, strict or use harsh disciplinary children are at a higher risk. A Mothers
psychological well-being was measured according to depressive symptoms and self-esteem
(BDI; Beck et al.196).
In 1967 Diana Braumrind distinguished three main parenting styles, authoritative,
authoritarian, and permissive. She based these on how much or less the parents responsiveness
and demandingness is to the child. The authoritative parent expands the childs language, social,
cognitive, and moral development. The parent also sets high standards for the child and provides
unlimited support and love. Which makes it a lot easier for the child to meet these high
standards. The child who also has an authoritative parent is most likely to do well in school and
be self-motivated, master many tasks, and have a high moral development. The authoritarian
parent sets high standards for the child but does not give the necessary support. These parents use
expressive language and are very traditional. They expect the child to believe and obey what they
say without questioning them. Children who come from authoritarian parents are less likely to
reach high levels of cognitive or moral development. Unlike the first two, permissive parents are
very involved and place little regulation on the child. This parents acts more like a friend and
basically the child do as they please. As a result children from permissive parents do have high
self-confidence but lack self-control and following directions from authoritarian figures. This

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may cause disruption in school, group functions and later on in life at work (Winsor, Murrell,
Jackson, p. 9-11).
As was mentioned before, each child has a different temperament which causes a lot of
difficulties as well. It is not always the parent to take the blame. This can be categorized with
emotion regulation as well. Emotion regulation is the capacity to influence ones experience and
expression of emotion in caregiving contexts (Gross, 1998). Now this can cause a whole other
set of problems if the parent deals with emotion regulation. Not only does the parent have to
make sure they are doing their best with the child but they also have to consider their health and
mental state. Emotion regulation may also lead to generalized anxiety disorders, depression, and
substance use or abuse (Li & Sinha, 2008). A permissive parent may drive themselves to
experience tremendous emotion regulation, by not having many rules to abide by in the
beginning is setting a cycle for repetitive disobedience. It may not be as effective when the child
is small but when they get older into adolescent years it will be very hard to control their
temperament and situations. This can all lead to or cause stress, depression, and anxiety. For the
child there are significant changes to cognitive and affective systems through adolescence into
young adulthood that nay influence emotion regulation (Steingberg, Morris, 2001).
Counseling plays a big role in helping parents with emotion regulation and children who
are affected by it. As we all know they are many different ways to parent and all children will not
turn out the same. Even if there was such a thing as a perfect parent, the child could just be very
disobedient and bad. If a parent goes to counseling with the child and they discuss their problems
and seek help for them, there is a good change they will be resolved. No, not making an amends
with a kid but better understanding from the childs perspective how the parents emotional
behavior affects them. There could be a parent suffering from depression and portrays lack of

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interest in their child and lacks social support. This parent stops going to games, helping with
homework, taking the child on outings, and is always seen on the couch watching television
when the child gets home from school. Who will be able to help the child understand that their
parent does love them very much but is sick and cannot show that affection.
Not only does counseling help heal emotional scares for families but for individuals as
well. Depression is not the only thing counseling helps with, there are multiple issues. Parenting
styles is a trending topic ad it is hard for some people to stay in their lane, because parenting
styles is private and also public. As we talked about Baumrinds different parenting styles, which
were more on the nature side. Those styles are taught on the household and rooted in a child. So
a child with an authoritarian parent is more likely to act out in school, because the lack support
from their parent and all they have experienced is bossiness and strictness. That child will be
looked down upon by other parents who may be much more lenient and who do not have a
disobedient child of their own. It is very much easy to judge, especially if you are not on the
other side.
However, the authoritative parent would be less likely to experience any emotion
regulation issues. Simply because they are more balanced than the authoritarian and permissive
parent. With authoritative parents there is a moral and cognitive support and a set amount of
rules from the beginning. Making it easier for the child to follow the routine and succeed in the
process. As stared before, children with authoritative parents are very successful in school, have
high moral and social development, and have high self-confidence. The parents would probably
not have any trouble out the child when they reach adolescence years.

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Furthermore, all these types of parenting cannot promise a great kid. Yes, some may have
better tactics than others, but it just depends on the situation. The authoritarian style of
parenting is not always bad. In fact, in a low socioeconomic status context, the authoritarian style
can offer some advantages over the authoritative style. For example, children growing up in
rough and poor neighborhoods might need the rigid structure and harsh discipline to become
stable and contributing members of society. In addition, children from authoritarian households
are accustomed to be dutiful and to respect authority and are often more resilient to antisocial
activities (Lamborn et al., 1991). So depending on the child and were they are from depicts
what they will gain from the type of parenting. That is the same for the parent, if the parent is a
high class working mother, she may be very permissive, because there is not much to worry
about when it comes to finances, good schools, and college funds. She is less likely to worry
about her childs social and moral development, survival skills, self-esteem and successfulness in
school. She is a proud and supportive mother, but does not see these skills as shaping her childs
future. More than likely the child will not lack in either if these areas, but it will not be a
worrying factor. That just proves Baumrinds theory correct. Before my findings of Baumrind I
was unaware of the conflict between the many parenting styles especially after I fully understood
the authoritarian style.
In conclusion, counseling is seen as a tool that can help modify and regulate different
parenting styles. It is like the equilibrium between the two. Without it there would not be that
safety blanket to bring balance to different perspectives. Emotion regulation for one would not be
understood as easily and would probably be seen more as an excuse. With both working together,
parenting and counseling will change how parenting styles are viewed.

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PARENTING STYLES

References
Laukkanen, J., Ojansum, U., Toolvanen, A., Alatupa, S., & Aunola, K. k. (2014). Childs
difficult temperament and mothers parenting styles. Journal Of Child & Family Studies, 23(2),
312-323.
Rutherford, H. J., Wallace, N.S., Laurent, H. K., & Mayes, L. C. (2015). Emotion regulation in
parenthood. Developmental Review, 361-14. doi;10.1016/j.dr.2014.12.008
Windsor, D. L., Murell, V.S., & Magun-Jackson, S. (2015). Lifespan Development: An
educational psychological perspective. Boston, MA: Pearson Learning Solutions.