WP1 Revision Matrix

Text from my initial

WP submission:
(a phrase, sentence,
paragraph, idea, move,
punctuation, piece of
evidence, etc.)

An observation or
question I received
from De Piero or a
classmate:

The change(s) I made to

what I initially wrote:
(ie, the change[s] I made
to column 1)

How this change

impacts my paper:

I analyzed three
different online articles
about Bernie Sanders,
and was able to
determine the
credibility of each.

I need more of a
specific, driving
thesis statement,
Taypres.

In analyzing these
articles, I was able to
determine that the
credibility of each source
hinged upon certain
conventions such as the
authors style and the
structure of the work, and
found that the more
formal and presentable the
article, the more
credibility it had.

My thesis now passes

the arguability test and
is much stronger and
clearer in general. It
sets the stage for what
Im going to argue
throughout my paper
much better than my
initial thesis.

The next article, titled

Give 'Em Hell,
Bernie, was from
Rolling Stone.

This topic sentence

doesn't really
enhance or extend
your argument in any
way.

The the title of the

Rolling Stone article,
Give 'Em Hell, Bernie,
sets the tone, which is
informal and
conversational.

The topic sentence of

this paragraph now
enhances my argument
because it shows the
reader what the
paragraph is going to
be about.

This story contains

much bias, which
makes it an unreliable
source.

I need you to
convince me of this
more, Taypres. I'm
not seeing it yet.

I added in the quote

Congratulations, Bernie.
Good luck and give 'em
hell before this sentence.

This quote is direct

evidence of the
authors bias in favor of
Sanders.

The author does not

offer his opinions or
perspective on the
issue he merely
presents facts, which is
important in keeping
the article strictly
informative and
therefore unbiased.
This aids in
establishing the article
as a credible source.

Are you kinda/sorta

saying that tone and
style contribute to a
writer's credibility? If
so, you might want to
consider weaving
that into your main
argument more
explicitly.

I revised my thesis to
center my argument
around the idea of
credibility.

My argument now has

a direction and is much
more solid over all.

If young people
recognize this authors
use of slang, they may

Since you are

arguing that this
source is less reliable

Considering this article is

intended for adults, the
use of slang may cause

This change makes my

argument consistent

feel that this source is a

more reliable one.

than the other two,

isnt this detracting
from your main
point?
Taypres, Im
wondering if your
paper would benefit
from re-structuring
the organization.

readers to take the author

less seriously and regard
the author as a less
credible source.
I restructured my entire
paper. Instead of talking
about each source in a
separate paragraph, I
talked about an idea and
then incorporated each of
the sources.

and keeps me from

contradicting myself.

The articles are

dissimilar in that they
each have a different
tone and purpose.

Didn't you cover this

a bit already?

I omitted this entire

paragraph.

In my original essay, I
was being repetitive
and dragging my
argument on for the
sake of the word count.
Taking this paragraph
out makes my essay
more interesting to
read.

The first source was

an article from The
Onion.

When I see this

even before I start
readingI think,
Ahhhhhhh! Attack
of the page-long
paragraph!
Your sentences seem
to contradict one
another. I would just
omit the sentence.

I broke up my ideas into

multiple paragraphs.

This makes my essay

more interesting and
easier to read and
understand.

I omitted this sentence.

Since my main idea for

this paragraph was that
the more formal a
source is, the more
credible it is, I felt I
was completely
contradicting myself
and most people who
responded on the
Google Doc agreed.
Deleting this sentence
gave my essay more
flow.

Does the first

sentence of your
conclusion really tie
back into your
thesis?

Style and structure both

give clues to the reliability
of a piece of writing in
this case, they proved that
the Huffington Post article
was the most credible
source of the three.

This sentence
summaries everything I
explained in my essay
and ties back to my
thesis.

An article from the

Huffington Post was
the last source I
analyzed.

In this particular case,

the formality makes
the source seem less
credible, because the
reader understands that
the purpose of it is to
make the reader laugh
rather than inform
them.

Genre is an important
concept to understand,
especially as a reader.

This was the most

beneficial feedback I
got my essay now has
better organization, a
stronger argument, and
makes more sense in
general.