Revison Matrix- WP2

Text from my
initial WP
submission:
(a phrase,
sentence,
paragraph, idea,
move,
punctuation,
piece of
evidence, etc.)

An
observation
or question I
received
from De
Piero or a
classmate:

When it comes to
bacon-wrapped
hotdogschecked
out.

When I see

thiseven
before I start
readingI

The change(s)
I made to what
I initially
wrote:

How this
change
impacts my
paper:

Removed the
word things.
Separated into
two sentences.
Removed the
incorrectly used
semi-colon.

The changes I
made had a
huge effect on
the hook. First,
removing the
word things
allowed for a
clearer hook
and limits the
chance for
misinterpretatio
n. Most
importantly,
however,
removing the
semi-colon and
turning a runon sentence
into two
grammatically
correct
sentences is
important
because it gives
me, as an
author,
increased
credibility.

With such a
large paragraph,
my only option
was to condense

The effect this

has on my
paper is much
is HUGE. With

think,
Ahhhhhhh!
Attack of the
page-long
paragraph!

It is important to
analyze the purpose
and audience of the
articles because as
professor of rhetoric
Mary Jo Reiff
explained, one must
call on genre
knowledge to orient
[oneself] to the
expectations of this
genre.

it and because
that paragraph
served as
sharing the
context of all
three of the
articles I
decided to make
three different
paragraphs for
each of the
articles.

three
paragraphs
instead of one it
was much
easier (as a
reader and not
a writer) to
clearly see what
my argument or
purpose is with
each
paragraph. Not
only this but
with three
separate
paragraphs I
was able to
include more
context for each
article, allowing
for the later
analysis to be
more clear.

This time I did

not change what
I wrote but
instead I decided
to introduce this
quote in the
third paragraph
instead of the
second to last.

Including this
quote much
earlier in the
paper definitely
increased my
credibility.
Because I used
the quote
before my
analysis of the
articles I was
able to use the
quote as part of
my evidence for
why and how
authors use
moves and
conventions to
fit the
expectations of
the genre
throughout my

essay and not

simply at the
end.
Conventions such
as diction and
presentation

The change to
this might seem
small as I only
added what is in
between the
dashes.

The effect this

has on the
essay is that it
more clearly
defines what
examples of
conventions
are, using the
two most
largely
analyzed in my
essay. This
gives the
reader a clear
look at what
conventions I
would use to
argue my point.

Eion often refers to

scientific languagei.e. anions,
myofilaments,
isoelectric, and
lactobacilli- to
prove his point.

The changes I
made here were
that instead of
simply stating
scientific
language I used
specific words to
exemplify
scientific
language

Because
scientific
language can
range largely, I
decided to
include some of
the words Eion
uses to allow
the reader to
see exactly how
difficult some of
the language
the author uses
is to understand
especially for
the wrong
audience, a less
scholarly one.

Using a transitive
method, X causes Y
(source), Y causes Z
(source), and
therefore X causes Z,

I decided to add
this into my
paragraph.

I decided to add
this to my
paragraph
because it is an

Eions argues

important move
Eion makes. I
explain this
transitive
method by
giving an
example in
italicized font. I
use this to show
how this part of
my essay is not
my writing but
instead a
definition for a
word. The
reason for
adding this is to
clearly
understand
exactly how
Eion uses
different souces
to argue his
points and
make a
conclusion.