Jessica Darrow

The past few months, I have started to become what my friends and family lovingly refer
to as a hermit. I haven't wanted to attend anything, not even things I love. Spending time with
people was much too exhausting and I felt it was taking away from the contemplative life I have
dreamt of. I started to push friends and loved ones away. I was emotionless to experiences that
should cause me happiness or sadness. I felt stuck and was not living my purpose to make a
difference in the world. In class when we discussed Buddhism and Taoism, I realized that
Buddha, Lao Tzu and Confucius were all "hermits" at a time in their life. This realization made
me want to research what they discovered that brought them back to the heart of humanity. In
this paper I will discuss the lessons I have learned from Buddhist and Taoist practices and how
giving myself the gift of silence, stillness and introspection has taught me more about life than I
could have ever imagined.
On Sunday, October 11th, I entered the Tibetan Buddhist Temple for the first time and
was overcome with a familiar tingling sensation in my heart that I had not felt for quite some
time. The temple is full of bright colors and beautiful statues of the Buddha. A monk by the
name of Mark greeted me and directed me to have a seat at one of the altars. I was given a
handbook so that I could participate in the mantras and follow along during the service. This
particular service was themed around compassion and loving-kindness. I am familiar with
loving-kindness as I teach loving-kindness meditations in my yoga classes. During the service,
we said the mantra Om Mani Padme Hung over and over again. Tibetan Buddhists believe that
saying the mantra (prayer), Om Mani Padme Hum, out loud or silently to oneself, invokes the
powerful benevolent attention and blessings of Chenrezig, the embodiment of compassion
(http://www.dharma-haven.org/tibetan/meaning-of-om-mani-padme-hung.htm). In English Om
Mani Padme Hum translates to: Om - the sound or vibration of the universe. This sound is the
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most important of all; but in the context of chanting and mantras, it is meant to destroy
attachments to ego and establish generosity. Mani - Removes the attachment to jealousy and
establishes ethics and removes the attachment to desire and establishes patience. Padme Removes the attachment to prejudice and establishes perseverance and removes the attachment
to possessiveness and establishes concentration. Hum - Removes the attachment to hatred and
establishes wisdom (http://blog.sivanaspirit.com/om-mani-padme-hum/).
My awareness is brought to the lack of compassion I have been giving myself. The
intention of the loving-kindness mediation is to manifest love and compassion for yourself, to
someone you love, to someone you are struggling with and then you bring your awareness back
to yourself and continue to send yourself love, kindness and compassion. This meditation
allowed me the opportunity to sit with what I was trying to run away from. Myself.
Vulnerability, pain, suffering, things out of my control, hopelessness for all of the
suffering that is going on in the world. I have been so focused on my own personal pain and
suffering, that I was unknowingly closing my heart. By doing so, I lost my ability to empathize
with what others were going through and feeling. I could not see their humanness, I did not feel
the interconnectedness, and I was failing to see that their suffering was my suffering. I couldnt
see my humanness because I was so attached to the thought that I couldnt do anything to help
end the suffering.
Buddhism and Taoism have taught me that good cannot exist without bad. I cannot
experience happiness and love unless I can identify with sadness and hate. Every day I would
wake up and see and hear all of the horrible things that are happening in the world. There were
days I thought I didn't want to live in this world anymore because if it is possible for these types
of atrocities to exist and human beings have the ability to do such horrible things to each other,
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what is the point? I couldn't see all of the incredible things happening around me. I didn't
realize all of the opportunities I was missing to spread love, kindness and compassion. I wasn't
present in conversations with people because the things that were bringing suffering to their lives
seemed so mundane and petty. I was not present in my life, so I could not be present in anyone
elses life. This is not who I am. I was not in harmony because my virtues were not aligning
with my behavior. I failed to see the smallness that I was experiencing in myself and how I was
portraying my emotions on to others. I was not living the way of the Tao, so I decided to spend
some time studying the teachings of the wise Taoist sages.
"Lao Tzu is said to have compiled the 5,000 words now known as The Tao Te Ching.
The central philosophy is a practical concern with improving harmony in life. It says that one can
best harmonize with the natural flow of life by being receptive and quiet. These teachings were
elaborated more emphatically and humorously by a sage named Zhuangzi. Unlike Laozi, whose
philosophy was addressed to those in leadership positions, Zhuangzi asserted that the best way to
live in a chaotic, absurd civilization is to become detached from it. At the heart of Taoist
teachings is the idea of Tao, the unnamable. Tao is a mystical reality that cannot be grasped by
the mind. There are several basic principles for the life in harmony with Tao. One is to
experience the transcendent unity of all things, rather than separation. This realization can only
be attained when one ceases to feel any personal preferences. Taoism is concerned with direct
experience of the universe, accepting and cooperating with things as they are, not with setting
standards of morality, not with labeling things as good or bad. The Taoist sage takes a low
profile in the world. He or she is like a valley, allowing everything needed to flow into his or her
life or like a stream. Flowing water is a Daoist model for being. It bypasses and gently wears

Jessica Darrow
away obstacles rather than fruitlessly attacking them, works without struggling, leaves all
accomplishments behind without possessing them (Fisher,.p.194 - 195).
I read the Tao Te Ching to gain some perspective and hopefully gain some insight to the
questions my heart has been asking. At first I was rather confused by the words. They seemed
like riddles. I was trying to decipher their meanings. But the more I read, the more I realized
that is the secret to the Tao. The meaning will change based on what you need to know in that
moment. What means one thing to me may mean something different to someone else. Again, I
was brought back to the present moment. I was especially fond of verse 8. It says,
The best way to live is to be like water
For water benefits all things and goes against none of them
It provides for all people
and even cleanses those places a man is loath to go
In this way it is just like Tao
Live in accordance with the nature of things:
Build your house on solid ground
Keep your mind still
When giving, be kind
When speaking, be truthful
When ruling, be just
When working, be one pointed
When acting, remember - timing is everything
One who lives in accordance with nature
does not go against the way of things
He moves in harmony with the present moment
always knowing the truth of just what to do

Attending the Buddhist temple ceremony brought my awareness back to compassion,

kindness and love for myself and reading the Tao Te Ching, helped me see the world we live in,
in a different way. Something in my heart told me to keep searching though. That is when I
realized that my Qi or life force energy that I normally feel flowing through my body was stuck.
I decided to try some Taoist practices to see if they would help unblock my Qi.
"Inner alchemy is defined as individual spiritual practices for the sake of inner
transformation, self-cultivation, longevity, and perhaps immortality. Taoist texts refer to
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powerful ascetic practices traditionally passed down secretly from teacher to pupil. The aim of
longevity practices are to use the energy available to the body in order to become strong and
healthy, and to intuitively perceive the order of the universe. Within our body is the spiritual
micro-universe of the three treasures necessary for the preservation of life: generative force
(jing), vital life force (qi), and spirit (shen). These three are said to be activated with the help of
methods: breathing techniques, vocalizations, vegetarian diets, absorption of solar and lunar
energies, visualizations and mediations The process of inner alchemy involves circulating and
transmuting jing energy from the lower body into qi energy and then to shen energy to form what
is called the Immortal Fetus" (Fisher,.p.199 - 200).
"Acupuncture involves the insertion of extremely thin needles through your skin at
strategic points on your body. A key component of traditional Chinese medicine, acupuncture is
most commonly used to treat pain. Traditional Chinese medicine explains acupuncture as a
technique for balancing the flow of energy or life force known as qi believed to flow through
pathways (meridians) in your body. By inserting needles into specific points along these
meridians, acupuncture practitioners believe that your energy flow will re-balance. In contrast,
many Western practitioners view the acupuncture points as places to stimulate nerves, muscles
and connective tissue. Some believe that this stimulation boosts your body's natural painkillers
and increases blood flow" (http://www.mayoclinic.org/testsprocedures/acupuncture/basics/definition/prc-20020778).
I have been going to acupuncture every week for the past year. I knew that I felt different
after every session, but I had no idea why. When I began to detach from the world, Elke Parsons
my acupuncturist was there to keep me grounded. Elke saved my life. We treat my sessions like
therapy. Elke knows more about me than anyone else on this planet. In my sessions, Elke and I
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discuss what I am struggling with emotionally and physically. She takes my pulse in both wrists
and then she looks at my tongue to decide where she is going to stick the needles. In my last
session, I tell Elke of my dream to run away and become a hermit. We discuss the emotions of
hopelessness I have been feeling and how all I want to do is runaway, live in the mountains, do
yoga and meditate all day long and never see anyone again. She laughs and tells me to lay down.
This session was different than others in the past. Elke sticks a needle in the top of my head, in
between my eyebrows (third eye), and in the bottoms of my feet. I always ask Elke why she is
sticking the needles where she is and what they correlate with in my body. I always need to
know what shes doing because I need to have an answer for everything. Im slowly learning
this could also be a cause for some of my suffering. She tells me that she is keeping my feet on
the ground, but my head in the sky and that she is going to help open my third eye so that I can
be reminded of my purpose for being here. Sometimes I wonder if Elke knows me better than I
know myself. After this session, Elke suggested that I try a Qi Gong or a Tai Chi class.
"Tai Chi was developed in the eighteenth century as a training for martial arts. It is still
practiced today by many Chinese at dawn and dusk for their health. It looks like slow swimming
in the air, with continual circular movement through a series of dance like postures. They are
considered manifestation of the unobstructed flow of qi through the body. According to the Taiji
Quan Classics, in any action the entire body should be light an agile and all of its parts
connected like pearls on a thread. Use of mental alertness to subtle changes rather than muscular
strength to gain the advantage. It is also said to be physically beneficial in controlling blood
pressure, muscular coordination, and balance, and thus is useful in elderly people. The selfcultivation systems are now generally known as qigong and are widely used in China and
elsewhere to cure diseases, increase physical vitality, and improve concentration. In the 1990s,
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Chinese masters made the techniques even more popular by advertising that one could attain
supernatural powers through them (Fisher,.p.207). "And according to Taoist, Buddhist, and
Confucian philosophy, qigong allows access to higher realms of awareness that awaken one's
"true nature", and help develop human potential" (Liang, Shou-Yu; Wu, Wen-Ching; Breiter-Wu,
Denise (1997).
I arrived early to the Qi Gong class and as I was checking in, a beautiful glowing woman
introduced herself as Sarah Elizabeth. She had the softest and most calming voice I have ever
heard. It almost put me in to a trance. I explain to her the reason for being there and she tells me
that after we finish our movements, we will do a meditation she called the inner smile. We began
class moving very fluidly, keeping a slight bend in our knees. Each movement is carefully
choreographed and coordinated with breath and awareness. Similar to acupuncture, Sarah
Elizabeth explains the part of the body that each movement focuses on. Immediately, I begin to
feel my fingers tingle. I realize this is the first time I can actually feel my energy moving in a
while, it is the first time I have felt like myself in a long time. When we finish with our
movements Sarah Elizabeth has us lay down on our yoga mats. We begin the meditation practice
of cultivating our inner smile. This practice has us send happiness to specific areas in our body.
Tears begin to roll down my face and I realize that I havent cried in a very long time. I feel my
heart slowly begin to open. As I was leaving the Qi Gong class, it just so happened that the class
following Qi Gong was a yin yoga class. I don't believe anything is a coincidence, so I decided
to try the yin yoga class the same night. The Taoists would call this wu wei.
"Wu wei in Taoism means not doing, in the sense of taking actionless action or taking no
intentional or invasive action contrary to the natural flow of things. Wu wei is spontaneous,
creative activity proceeding from the Tao, action without ego-assertion, letting the Tao take its
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course. Even when difficulties arise, the sage does not panic and take unnecessary action"
(Fisher,.p.207).
Initially called Taoist yoga, yin yoga is a style of yoga that targets the deep connective
tissues of the body vs. the superficial tissues and the fascia that covers the body; this Taoist yoga
is to help regulate the flow of energy in the body. Yin yoga postures are more passive postures,
mainly done on the floor and the majority of postures equal only about three dozen or so, much
less than the more popular yang like practices. Yin yoga is unique in that you are asked to relax
in the posture, soften the muscle and move closer to the bone. While yang like yoga practices
are more superficial, yin offers a much deeper access to the body. It is not uncommon to see
postures held for three to five minutes and sometimes even 20 minutes at a time. The time spent
in these postures is much like time spent in meditation. These postures help promote meditation
and long periods of sitting. This intimate practice of yin yoga requires students to be ready to get
intimate with the self, with feelings, sensations, and emotions
(http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-5037/Yin-Yoga-101-What-You-Need-to-Know.html).
I had never been to a yin yoga class before because the descriptions of the classes didnt
really fit with my usual style of yoga. Im used to a fast pace and lots of poses that build strength
and stamina. Slowing down and sitting in a pose for an extended period of time sounded like
torture. The poses we did this evening were focused on opening the hips. I love hip opening
classes because we are so conditioned to sit at a desk all day long that hip openers give us the
ability to release tension in our hips and low back area. This is also an awesome place to store a
lot of emotions. Yin yoga helped me realize that I was not cultivating the stillness in my life that
my heart and soul were asking for. This class was exactly what I needed. I have been constantly
running around trying to do everything everyone expected and needed of me that I forgot to
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check in with myself to see how I was doing. I never stopped to ask myself what I needed or
what I wanted to be doing. I was running away from everything that was causing me suffering
rather than sitting with my suffering and investigating why it was making me feel the way that I
was feeling. I realized that I was avoiding feeling vulnerable and that I was making myself
suffer by not being present. I found myself weeping uncontrollably as emotions I had been
clinging to for months began to release. I started to let stuff go. The instructor brought more
awareness to the breath and the poses we did created a lot of suffering in my body. Rather than
focusing on the pain I was experiencing, I decided to utilize this time to send love and
compassion out to the world. I start by sending love and compassion to the tight areas that were
holding tension in my body and I asked the tension to release. I focused on sending love and
compassion to relationships that I was struggling with, I sent love to the Syrian Refugees that are
praying for everything I am taking for granted. In that moment I realized that I was no longer in
pain. My pain is their pain and their pain is my pain. I can empathize with the suffering they are
experiencing. I ask the universe to show me the way to end all of the suffering. I ask the
universe to show me my path. I hear a voice in my head (yes, Im probably going crazy at this
point) that says stop asking questions and listen! I realize in that moment that the key to God,
the universe or whatever you wish to, is not to ask but to listen and feel. The universe will give
you the answers to the questions your heart is asking if you just stop and take a look around at all
of the beautiful things that are happening and what incredible things have the potential of
becoming.
The Buddhist and Taoist inner alchemy practices have brought an awareness to my whole
being. These practices have taught me how to silence my mind so I can listen to my heart. I am
learning the reason we feel lost and sad at times is so we start looking for the right path. If we
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never question the space were in, how will we ever move forward? If were always content,
how will we ever know the feeling of pure happiness? These practices have brought my energy
for humanity back to life, because they brought me back to life. The empathy I feel for all of my
fellow beings is what makes me feel the most alive. I now realize that moments of hermitism are
required to bring forth the ability to quiet ones mind. But rather than spending my life hiding
away, I have learned that I must live my life in such a way that my life inspires others to do the
same. The way of the Tao is not to preach or govern and Im honestly not sure this is the way for
everyone. But if youre feeling lost, give some of these practices a try. Remember, to fully live
the Tao you must find what works for you. What makes you feel the most alive? You'll know
you're living the Tao when you start to see the signs your heart has been asking all around you.
Be still and you will see, be silent and you will hear. And when you find what it is you're
looking for, shine your light bright and help guide others who have lost their way.
Verse 57
To rule the state, have a known plan
To win a battle, have an unknown plan
To gain the universe, have no plan at all
Let the universe itself
reveal to you its splendor
How do I know this should be so?
Because of this The more restrictions, the more poverty
The more weapons, the more fear in the land
The more cleverness, the more strange events
The more laws, the more lawbreakers
Thus the Sages say,
Act with a pure heart and the people will be transformed
Love your own life and the people will be uplifted
Give without conditions and the people will prosper
Want nothing and the people will find everything.

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References
Caron, Matt. "The Meaning Of Om Mani Padme Hum - Sivana Blog." Sivana Blog The Meaning
Of Om Mani Padme Hum Comments. 17 Mar. 2014. Web. 27 Oct. 2015.
Fisher, Mary Pat. Living Religions. 9th ed. Upper Saddle River, N.J.: Prentice-Hall, 2014. Print.
Liang, Shou-Yu; Wu, Wen-Ching; Breiter-Wu, Denise (1997). Qigong Empowerment: A Guide to
Medical, Taoist, Buddhist, and Wushu Energy Cultivation. Way of the Dragon Pub. ISBN 1889659-02-9 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Qigong
Staff, Mayo Clinic. "Acupuncture." - Mayo Clinic. Web. 27 Oct. 2015.
Star, Jonathan. Tao Te Ching: The New Translation from Tao Te Ching : The Definitive Edition.
New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin, 2008. Print.
Zvara, Hope. "Yin Yoga 101: What You Need to Know." Mindbodygreen. 5 June 2012. Web. 27
Oct. 2015.

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