Its Lake day.

A warm summer afternoon, the sun rays are bursting through the
leaves on the oak trees. The sounds of birds chirping and wind blowing through the tree

Zack De Piero 12/4/2015 11:45 AM

Comment [1]: What a cool start.

branches are the icing on the cake to this perfect day at the lake, except you cant hear
them. The sweet calming sounds are being drowned out by upbeat music and high school
students chanting to start the lake games team competition. Welcome to camp. Now to
many camp is a place where children run wild and adventure all day long getting lost in
the woods, eating black-berries, ext. A place to waste the day away floating in the lake or
watching the clouds go by. This is not that camp. Welcome to Forest Home, one of the
top camps in California. Forest home is a fast paced jam packed camp that can
accommodate up to two thousand people. With five different camp settings and different
retreats centers both put on by the camp and rented out to guest groups Forest
home is a place of diversity. At first glance camp does not seem like a place where any
sort of writing is present, this is far from the truth. At a camp this size there are messages

Zack De Piero 12/4/2015 11:45 AM

Comment [2]: You love this place.

Zack De Piero 12/4/2015 11:46 AM
Comment [3]: On a functional level,
youre using dashes correctly here; but Im
a bit confused about what this means and
its adding anything substantial to the
sentence.

to get across, departments to ask favors of, and confused guests who need to understand
the registration process. Writing to communicate a message even in the business of

Zack De Piero 12/4/2015 11:47 AM

Comment [4]: Seriously.

camp is all about the pieces that make up rhetoric; catering to an audience, language,

Zack De Piero 12/4/2015 11:49 AM

Comment [5]: Caroline, this thesis
statement works! Woo hoo! If I could
pose one question to get it to an evenbetter level, itd be: what
genres/documents are you basing this
claim off of?

Also, youre misusing semicolons here
they separate to complete sentences and
catering to an audience, language, tone,
genres, ethos, pathos, and logos isnt a
complete sentence.

That said, Id do something like this:

Writing to communicate a message
even in the business of camp involves
the numerous pieces that make up
rhetoric, including considerations of
audience, language, tone, genres, ethos,
pathos, and logos.

tone, genres, ethos, pathos, and logos.

In a camp so large with so much going on it is extremely important to fully

understand who you are working with. This is why I interviewed Sandy. Sandy works as
Forest Homes lead event planner. She works in booking and orchestrating guest groups
who rent out a facility and use it for a retreat of their own instead of participating in a
programed retreat at camp. Sandy has a large task at hand in scheduling and coordinating
all that will be needed for each and every guest group that comes to Forest Home. Sandy

is a connecter, she brings each department that is necessary for the retreat to happen
together. From the moment group leaders contact Forest Home Sandy walks them
through every detail of planning their trip, while some of this is done over the phone most
of their communication is done over email.
This is where the importance of knowing your audience comes in. Sandy has
seen it all. Groups young and old, very planned and incredibly disorganized. Sandy
explains that when
we talk to different pastors and guest groups and serve a lot of different
generational groups and leaders, different ethnicities, different cultures, so I've
gotten into reading the gage of how someone wants to be communicated with. I

Zack De Piero 12/4/2015 11:50 AM

Comment [6]: Without a comma here to
signal a shift in the direction of the
sentence, it sounds like people contact
something called Forest Home Sandy.

From the moment group leaders contact
Forest Home,
Sandy walks them through every detail of
planning their trip, while some of this is
done over the phone most of their
communication is done over email
Zack De Piero 12/4/2015 11:51 AM
Comment [7]: Some of this is a bit
vaguebe as precise as possible, always.

mean I have worked with group leaders that don't feel comfortable working one
on one with women. I work with groups that don't speak english. Remembering
how we communicate is important. I try to portray that in my email.
This is important. The first step to effective and thriving communication between Sandy
and her guests is understanding who they are and what they are about. A first hint to
doing this is the basic knowledge sandy learns about them.
What does this actually look like? Well, lets start with what type of group they
are. For example, a young youth pastor (lets call him Andy) is bringing in sixty junior

Zack De Piero 12/4/2015 11:51 AM

Comment [8]: Be careful of starting off
lots of your sentences with "This." Dont
feel badI do the same thing. Two
suggestions: (1) Try to change it up -variety is the spice of life, and (2) When
you do use it, consider adding a noun right
after "this" so it's clear what you're
referring to, i.e., this idea... this plan... this
approach...

high students, they are excited for their first trip to camp and want to plan a fun weekend
that will bring their group together. Andy leaves Sandy a warm and causal voicemail
expressing interest in booking a weekend and also emails her some more details about
their group. Based off her little knowledge of Andys group Sandy knows that the tone
of her response email can be and should be more conversational. She can add in a blurb

Zack De Piero 12/4/2015 11:52 AM

Comment [9]: OK, do you have textual
evidence for this? Hypothetical examples
arent nearly as effective/convincing as
actual data.

about herself and how exciting her first retreat was as a junior higher. Sandy can
acknowledge that the stress of planning a first retreat is real and expected and that she has
confidence in Andy. Most importantly that she will make sure everything goes
accordingly, they are a team now and she is happy to help. Now she has made a real life
connection with her audience because she catered directly to Andy and their
communication will flow much easer from this point on.
Take for example a much more formal group. Sharla, the group leader for a three
hundred count womens conference emails Sandy to book the same weekend that they
had last year. Sandy knows from past experience that this is a very particular group of
women who take pride in making a beautiful and detailed experience. Sharlas email
expresses interest in upgrading their housing choices for the stay and placing an order for
particular meals to have alterations in the menu. From reading this group Sandy can

Zack De Piero 12/4/2015 11:53 AM

Comment [10]: I need you to get more
specific, Caroline. What
artifacts/documents did you gather? What
actual data and evidence (that supports
your argument) can you bring in here?

already tell that they wish to be communicated with formally and thoroughly. When
catering to your audience Its differences like these; staying very strait to the point,
clear, and formal or adding an extra bold word or explanation point that give a personal
touch of feeling known.

Although Sandy is a brilliant mind she is not the first to acknowledge the
importance of audience in her writing. In his paper Backpacks vs. Briefcases Laura
Carroll (2010) explains that Audience can determine the type of language used, the
formality of the discourse, the medium or delivery of the rhetoric, and even the types of
reasons used the make the rhetors argument (p. 49). Carroll is right. Audience is the
starting point to everything else. The audience effects the the tone, language, and even
structure that a writer uses. Audience can even effect the type of font that a writer uses.

Zack De Piero 12/4/2015 11:54 AM

Comment [11]: Comma issue like the
one above: right now, a reader could
interpret this that youre calling Sandy a
Brilliant Mind-She.

Although Sandy is a brilliant mind,

she is not the first to acknowledge
Zack De Piero 12/4/2015 11:54 AM
Comment [12]: Laura is not a he
Zack De Piero 12/4/2015 11:54 AM
Comment [13]: Read your stuff out loud
to catch little mistakes like this.

Audience is what creates infant subcategories within genres. Genres are

everywhere, even in places we wouldnt expect. A job interview email request, a thank
you note, or a research paper all qualify as genres. But audience determines the sub
categories within the genre. Take for example a email interview request, This email will
have the same basic structure but it will look slightly different depending on who it is
sent to. If I am sending a email request for a job interview to an acquaintance at an after
school program I will be sure to acknowledge that we have a connection already and

Zack De Piero 12/4/2015 11:55 AM

Comment [14]: Is this the word you
want?
Zack De Piero 12/4/2015 11:55 AM
Comment [15]: Genres are definitely
super-important here. Worth taking some
time to define/describe them?

Also, what specific genres are you
analyzing in this paper?
Zack De Piero 12/4/2015 11:55 AM
Comment [16]: Look at this again.

build on that. Because its an after school program I will be professional and polite but
not go out of my way to use formal language. I will express a more personal side and
share about my work with youth and how thankful I am that a fantastic after school
program exists in our community. On the other hand if I were requesting an interview
from the head of a law firm I would approach it in a much more formal way and focus on
education and experience. Both emails generally have the same structure and content
but its the audience that determines the extra finishing touches. Catering to an audience

Zack De Piero 12/4/2015 11:56 AM

Comment [17]: This right here isnt
cutting it, Caroline. Did you request an
email from a law firm for this project? If
not, its irrelevant here.

can really make the difference in truly getting their attention. If I were to send a general
template email to each of these potential employers It would not have the same effect
because they wouldnt have the personal touch that comes in with sub-genres.
Now I hope that we are all on the same page. Audience is important. It vastly
effects the parts of our writing that make it pop and jump out to the reader. Knowing that
we can move on to another special aspect of sandys job, and her writing. Sandy is a
wearer of many hats not only because the winter months bring a crisp and frosty

Zack De Piero 12/4/2015 11:56 AM

Comment [18]: Maintain consistency.

snowfall just lovely enough to grace the face of a postcard but because different
exigences, circumstances, and audiences, call for unique and specific types of writing.

Zack De Piero 12/4/2015 11:56 AM

Comment [19]: Beautiful! Tell me more
about this!

In their writings Understanding Rhetoric (Losh, Alexander, Cannon, & Cannon,

2013) remind us that Social contexts matter, and most people wear a lot of different
costumes for their different social role. Changing your identity may be about choosing
the right frame of mind (p. 118). Most of us play different roles in our every day
lives. The way we operate as a child, sibling, parent, friend, and coworker are all
different although we still have a commonality to who we are as an individual. If you
look deep enough you can find overlap and diversity in each role we play. Even within a
role there are differences depending on who the relationship is with. Take a sibling for
example I may play the role of a sibling differently with my sister than I do with my

Zack De Piero 12/4/2015 11:57 AM

Comment [20]: Stick to your evidence.
Focus on your argument.

This is super duper vague.

Zoom in on your camera and JUST focus
on Sandy and the camp and the data you
collected.

brother or with my younger brother than I do with my older brother. The point is that we
adjust our communication style for each role we play just like we adjust our writing style
depending on the situation and role we are playing.
This example proves true for Sandy in her position as a lead event planner. Sandy
may be professional and quick to the point with her most formal guests but her writing
with her staff proves to be much more causal and caring. In our interview Sandy warmly
shared that My other favorite part [of her job] is the hosting team, I call them my
babies. They are just super great people that encourage me and I can encourage them as
well. When things are going wrong I know I have really great staff to count on. Sandy
plays the role of a mentor to her staff, she is not hard on them and has close relationships
with them rather than keeping distance that is often found in employee / manager
relationships. Sandy does not do this because she is a pushover or does not take the job
seriously but she has found that it is the most effective strategy for their work
environment.

Zack De Piero 12/4/2015 11:58 AM

Comment [21]: Youre misusing
brackets here. Theyd change the quote
from Sandys perspective (not ours).

My other favorite part [of my job] is the
hosting team.

Her feelings toward her staff are reflected in her writings to them. In an email
written to her staff Sandy addresses her employees by writing Hi Team! I hope all of
you are enjoying this beautiful November evening! After explaining some scheduling
details Sandy ends her email with some motivation and encouragement concluding with

Zack De Piero 12/4/2015 11:59 AM

Comment [22]: OK, this sounds
important, but remind me of how this
pertain to your main argument? (Right
now, it sounds like a bit like youre
randomly bringing up information.
Whatever you include in this paper has to
be connected in some way/shape/form to
your ultimate point.)

THANK YOU so much for all of your service. I am extremely honored and blessed to
work alongside of you. Its clear that these writings show a particular hat that Sandy
wears with her team. You see, the group of people Sandy is writing to are not her
coworkers or superiors they are a group of college aged staff who work as hosts for the
events that Sandy plans. Sandy treats them as a family to keep a positive work
environment between them. Sandy encourages them by reminding them of how thankful
she is to work with them. She gives them positive reinforcement in their work but also in
who they are as individual people. She reinforces the close knit causal relationship with
her staff in her writing by reminding them how important they are to her not only
professionally but also personally. She also uses greetings that are up beat and
welcoming adding an extra exclamation point. Many employers take the opposite route
in communicating with their staff, take a fire chief for example. A fire chief is much
more serious and official with their staff, they try to emphasize the hierarchy and push
those below them to work hard to do well on the job instead of reminding them how
much they love them and the fire department is one big happy family.
While Sandy shares the love with her hosting staff she still has to wear a different
hat to play another role when all doesnt go as planned with the guest groups that come
in. In our interview Sandy expressed the difficulties about the hardest part of her job,
financial shortcomings. Sandy explained that when groups book a retreat for a particular

Zack De Piero 12/4/2015 12:00 PM

Comment [23]: I need evidence for
these claims.

(What documents did you collect? Right
now, it doesnt seem like there are any.)

amount of people they have to pay for each spot wether they reached that goal or
not. Sandy has seen the worst of this. She has had groups show up with two hundred
less people than expected, and for any cooperation let alone a church or non profit
a price that high is hard to come up with. Sandy shared her frustration that signing a
contract means they are financially responsible and you still need to pay for the full
amount. We count on that money as a non profit organization and those conversations
are really hard because I have a great relationship going with the group leaders. Sandy
explained to me that theses conversations typically happen over email and sometimes
over the phone. She shared that its hard because guests often dont understand that even
though there was no one sleeping in a bed or eating food that their spot still needs to be
payed for, or if they have a great relationship why the camp cant just cut them a break.
This is when Sandy has to bust out her writing skills and use some ethos, pathos,
and logos. The reality is that if a group hadnt booked the spots Sandy would have been
able to fill that space with another group but she has to communicate that in a way the
reader will understand when they are upset and frustrated. Readings from Understanding
Rhetoric explain the differences about ethos, pathos, and logos. Ethos shows credibility
of the writer, meaning that it proves the voice of the writer is one of authority and
importance, they know what theyre talking about. Pathos relates to a persons emotions
(feelings are important too). Lastly logos stands for reason, it takes the reader step by
step through an argument or appeal and explains why logically the writer takes their
particular stance (Losh ex, al., 2013 p. 44)
In order to leave her customers satisfied while keeping up a relationship with
them sandy uses all three of ethos, pathos, and logos in her writings about financial short

Zack De Piero 12/4/2015 12:01 PM

Comment [24]: Nice use of the course
readings here, Caroline. Do you think itd
be more effective to use this earlier on
when you talk about emotions?

fall. An example would look something like this, first sandy reminds the group leader
that she is the lead event planner (the head honcho, the captain of the ship, queen of all
events you get the picture). She uses ethos to eliminate the argument that she doesnt
know what she is talking about. Sandy is in charge she knows there is no other way to
get around this problem other than paying for unfilled spots. Next comes logos, this
argument comes off pretty harsh. Sandy uses logs to acknowledge that this is not an ideal
situation. She does not want their money. Forest Home is not a scam. This is the one
part of her job that she hates and shes sorry. Lastly comes the grand finally, logos. Now
that her audience is in the right mind she is ready to throw down the facts. Sandy will
explain that with no payment for the missing spots there is no one to pay for the extra
food that went uneaten and the beds that could have been filed by a group on the
waitlist. in using all three of these tools she is much more likely to have a captive and
understanding audience instead of a group leader that only heard an argument based off
of one or even two of these concepts.
Now you may find yourself thinking, ok got it, audience, social context, tone,
language, ethos, pathos, and logos, these are all great things but what do I do with

Zack De Piero 12/4/2015 12:01 PM

Comment [25]: Bit too casual for a
formal paper.

them? How to use one and not the other? The answer is that you cant only use one, they
all fit tighter and they are all part of rhetoric. Rhetoric is the blending of these concepts
to communicate to the best of our abilities with those we are writing to. Rhetoric is an
aid to both the writer and reader, it makes the messages we send understandable. The
writers of understanding Rhetoric remind us that rhetoric is abut presenting a
character that an audience will trust and about both inspiring passionate emotions and
strutting rational arguments, rhetoric is also about saying the right thing at the right time.

Zack De Piero 12/4/2015 12:01 PM

Comment [26]: OK, Caroline solid
work here, but I need a lot more
EVIDENCE from your data. Can you give
me that?

(Losh ex, al., 2013 p. 114). Reading this quote makes me think of Sandy. She is the
perfect example of what rhetoric is. Sandy is not a fake or a plot that is being built
against people, she is genuine and still herself no matter who she is writing to. But Sandy
does adapt and morph into the best possible version of herself for the particular group or
person she is communicating with. She meets them where they are at instead of making
them come to her, and that is what makes her an effective communicator.