Pauli

Shauna Pauli
Professor A. Lohmeyer
Composition 1
11 December 2015
Paper 3: Weighing In On an Issue
Is Social Media Spoiling Sweethearts?
It seems like there are so many rules in todays dating world. Rule number one: you cant
like the Instagram post of someone other than your significant other. Rule number two:
boyfriends should go through their girlfriends Twitter favorites, so when they favorite Tweets
about 7 for $27.50 at Victorias Secret, they can surprise her. Rule number three: if you want
revenge on an ex, text him the lyrics to Adeles latest single Hello or the classic High School
Musical favorite Gotta Go My Own Way, screenshot, and post it on Twitter so that all of your
friends can have a good laugh. The list goes on and on. In the past ten years, dating apps have
played a huge role in the change of the dating scene, and the effects have decreased the quality of
relationships. Lets log in and seek some answers.
I got the popular hook-up app, Tinder, last spring during a sleepover with my best friend.
On Tinder, a person is shown a profile with minimal information and four pictures. If someone
sees a person they are interested in, they can swipe right. If not, they swipe left. If both people
swipe right on each other, thats a match. The two can now have a conversation. During a
sleepover, my best friend and I both downloaded it at two a.m. to see if we could find any boys
from my school. Sure enough, we did. We kept the app on our phones for a week at most. It felt
pointless. I never even talked to any of the people I swiped right for, and I wasnt looking to
hook up with anyone!

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Hook-up apps like Tinder and Grindr (an app for homosexual men) have a growing
amount of fifteen million and six million users respectively. (Bhattacharya, par. 3) These apps
entice the general public because they are easy to use and are location-based, which means that
when you are looking for matches close to you. It makes it incredibly easy to find people.
However, Los Angeles LGBT Center epidemiologist Matthew Beymer says, What it comes
down to is mobile convenience leading to more efficient STI transmission." (Bhattacharya, par.
5) I agree with this. If someone has access to all of the people who desire sexual activity near
them, and they happen to meet up, often times their common sense gets thrown out the window.
When people get caught up in the moment, theyre not always thinking clearly. Bhattacharya
goes on to give an example of an STI that has recently come to the forefront.
Syphilis was once one of the most feared STIs, but was almost confined to the history
books after it became treatable with penicillin in the 1940s. By 2000, it was on the brink
of elimination in both the US and the UK. But cases of syphilis have rocketed over the
past few years in many Western countries, including the US, Canada, UK, Germany,
Sweden and Australia. Now the UK sees more than 3000 cases a year and the US more
than 16,500. Australia had its highest-ever recorded levels last September. (par. 6-7)
This is only one of the sexually transmitted infections that scientists have noticed. Bhattacharya
also mentions gonorrhea and chlamydia. (par. 8) Many scientists and health officials speculate
that these spikes have come about partially because of social media use. (par. 4)
With STIs running rampant, dating apps and websites alike also tend to cause people to
be shallow in their search for relationships, and therefore the quality of these relationships is
decreased. Comedian Aziz Ansari writes about how bozos become studs online.

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At our focus group on online dating in Manhattan, [a man named] Derek got on OkCupid
and let us watch as he went through his options. These were women whom OkCupid had
selected as potential matches for him based on his profile and the site's algorithm. The
first woman he clicked on was very beautiful, with a witty profile page, a good job and
lots of shared interests, including a love of sports. After looking the page over for a
minute or so, Derek said, "Well, she looks O.K. I'm just gonna keep looking for a while.
"I asked what was wrong, and he replied, "She likes the Red Sox." (par. 13-14)
What I didnt include here is that Derek was a pretty average-looking guy. It was unlikely that in
a face-to-face setting, he would have connected so well with the woman he did on OkCupid.
Online rejections seem to hurt less, and there wasnt really a consequence for Derek if he
dismissed this woman so he did. Social media and dating apps promote this kind of thinking.
If a teenage boy slides into the dms (direct messages) on Twitter, and gets rejected, hes going
to be able to shrug it off a lot more easily online than he would if it had been in person. When
people are online, they feel invincible. This becomes an issue in relationships when users meet in
person and end up having completely different personalities. If two people who met on OkCupid
meet in person after months of charismatic, humorous, compassionate conversation, and one of
the users is actually cold and reserved in face-to-face settings, the other person essentially wasted
months of time and emotional investment.
Ansari also notes that the algorithms of most dating websites require their users to submit
what type of people theyre looking for. When a person signs up for a dating website, he or she
selects preferences for religion, race, eye color, hair color, age, hobbies, and other similar
characteristics. Ansari suggests, People don't always know what they're looking for in a soul
mate, unlike when they're picking something easier, like laundry detergent. (par. 20) These

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preset filters might prevent people from meeting someone they might not have originally
approached. Looking back to our friend, Tinder, this app seems even shallower. Decisions on
whether someone wants to match with another are made in a matter of seconds, usually only
from viewing a couple of photos. Granted, this app is used primarily for sex and not to create
meaningful long-term relationships, but the relationships that have stemmed from it were sown
in shallow soil.
I would also like to discuss the way social media has caused a decrease in trust in
relationships today. In the age of the smartphone, instant gratification is key. We want something,
and we want it now. In many relationships, the two partners text all day, every day. Hayley
Tsukayama, a staff writer for the Washington Post, analyzes a recent study from the Pew
Research Center. She says, Thirty-eight percent of teens who date expect to hear from their
partners at least once a day; 11 percent expect to hear from their partner every hour. (par. 3) I
dont know about you, but to me, that seems a little bit excessive. I feel like trying to hold a
conversation that long gets exhausting, and talking to a partner then becomes more of a chore
than something that makes me happy.
The constant use of technology decreases trust by creating a precedence that you have to
know exactly what your significant other is doing and who they are doing it with. I understand
that a girlfriend might wonder where her boyfriend is and what hes doing when theyre not
together, but there are couples who take it to the extreme. I know couples at my school who
exchange phones and look through them frequently. Where is the trust? In an article exploring
uncertainty in romantic relationships, authors Fox and Warber research how social networking
sites (SNSs) can be used for partner surveillance.

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First, information is readily accessible through these sites. It is easy to join an SNS and
only requires a simple click to access the profiles of your connections. Second,
information on SNSs is comprised of various media. Users can post textual messages,
photographs, links, and audio or video clips. Given that pictures are considered more
credible than words on SNS profiles, this capability may be particularly relevant to
partners with suspicions. Third, SNSs allow the archiving of profile information. Partners
may conduct IES of the targets past posts, photos, or interactions with others to gather
more data. Fourth, given that neither geographical proximity nor social interaction is
necessary to obtain this information, data may be gathered more surreptitiously. The
target may never know that s/he is under surveillance by the partner. (par. 6)
In other words, Facebook stalking is easy because a person only has to click around a few times
to find what they are looking for. We can now take screenshots of what we see on our phones,
and visual proof is usually more convincing than any other form. Whether they have reason to be
or not, people are often skeptical of the true motives of their significant others. Statements like
Im going to the gym suddenly become Im going to have sex with three other women. In
my opinion, I feel like the constant monitoring of social media profiles is childish. If trust is
really lacking in a relationship, it probably shouldnt exist in the first place.
What is the significance of all of this information? Why should we care about how social
media affects todays relationships? First, I think that the correlation between dating apps and the
increase in sexually transmitted infections speaks for itself. The health and well-beings of others
should always take precedence. STIs like HIV have the potential to literally ruin lives, and while
its a condition that is treatable, it is not curable. That cannot be taken lightly. Second, Human
beings desire love and affection. We always have, and always will. When we discover that

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sometimes the love weve been receiving isnt genuine, we become hurt. I think that as a society
we have begun to lose the skill of conversation. Its dangerous when we become more
comfortable having conversations behind a screen than face-to-face. Thats detrimental. These
flirtatious, sexual flings that are formed on social media are hurting us. We are losing valuable
skills and self-esteem all at the same time. The way that social media shatters the trust in
relationships is heartbreaking. People can cheat more easily than ever before, now. However,
these same people are probably being monitored by their partners. This can create a group of
people with trust issues, and a host of other potential problems. Even as a society, we are only as
strong as our weakest link. Social medias effect on relationships today is damaging and by
limiting our usage and using these technology forms in an intelligent way, we can limit the
effects.
[1781]

Works Cited
Ansari, Aziz, and Charlotte Alter. "Love In The Age Of Like." Time 185.22 (2015): 40-46.
Academic Search Complete. Web. 15 Nov. 2015.
Bhattacharya, Shaoni. "Swipe And Burn." New Scientist 225.3002 (2015): 30-33. Academic
Search Complete. Web. 24 Nov. 2015.
Fox, Jesse, and Katie M. Warber. "Social Networking Sites In Romantic Relationships:
Attachment, Uncertainty, And Partner Surveillance On Facebook." Cyberpsychology,
Behavior & Social Networking 17.1 (2014): 3-7. Academic Search Complete. Web. 24
Nov. 2015.

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Tsukayama, Hayley. "Social Media, the Ever-Present Wingman in Teen Relationships."

Washington Post. 02 Oct. 2015: A.18. SIRS Issues Researcher. Web. 15 Nov. 2015.