The author of this essay is ________Dave Weisbrich___.

Online Peer Review of Essay #1

Directions: First, read the paper silently to yourself once. Then, answer the questions below.
When answering the following questions, be thoughtful, clear, and helpful. Use complete sentences and
specific examples. On the writers document, turn on the Track Changes feature (ReviewTrack
Changes): In this way, the author can see what changes you think should be made. Feel free to make
comments directly on the writers draft (New CommentClickType your constructive feedback).

Organization and Introduction

1.

Organization
a. Is this draft organized in a standard pattern: an introduction, a body with supporting points
presented in a logical order, and a concluding section that summarizes and analyzes the
overall significance of the topic? Note on the paper where the organization seems to be
ineffective. Yes paper is very well organized!

2.

Introduction: The first paragraph(s) should prepare the reader for the topic presented in the paper.
a. Does the introduction begin broadly and narrow to the main idea of the essay? Yes,Very
detailed!
b.

c.
d.

Look specifically at the authors Thesis Statement:

1. Is the thesis towards the end of the introduction? Yes
2. Is the thesis narrow and well-defined? Yes
3. Is the thesis explicit or implicit? If its explicit, is the thesis too direct? No
At any point in the essay, do you feel lost or confused? No, not at all!
After reading the whole paper, explain whether you think the introduction effectively prepares
the reader for the discussion or not. Yes the intro does an amazing job.

Body Paragraphs
1.

Do the body paragraphs support the thesis? Yes

2.

Is there information that does not seem relevant to the stated thesis/purpose? No

3.

Does one point/section logically lead to the next point? Are transitions used effectively? Yes very fluid
and easy to go from paragraph to paragraph .

4.

Are there any paragraphs that should be either deleted or moved to another section of the paper? No

Conclusion
1.
2.

Does the concluding section sum upwithout being repetitivethe major points/conclusions of the
paper? Yes excellent!
After reading the entire essay, are the following required elements included?
Clear thesis yes
Engaging Introduction yes very much so!
Does the conclusion refer to the introduction? Yes

Use of Vivid Details and a Significant Point

1.

Are there any unnecessary unnecessary explanations that would be better told through
showing rather than telling? No really good.

2. What does the theme, lesson, or insight seem to be?

Love for reading and personal experiences and how they changed during his life
time

3. Does the insight seem too obvious or too general?

No

Style, Mechanics, and MLA Guidelines

1.

Are there any words that are clich, used too often, or meaningless? No

2.

Does the writer use the second person pronoun you? If so, circle it. No

3.

Does the author use phrases such as I think and/or I believe? If so, draw a line through the phrase
to determine if it is necessary. No

4.

MLA Guidelines
Heading yes
1 margins yes

Double-spaced throughout yes

Page numbers in upper righthand cornerNo

5. How near to completion is this draft?

This is an amazing essay! I am very jealous of your writing skills. Only a few minimal
adjustments need to be made!