ENG 101

DUE: 12/7/2015

Stew I am disappointed with your grade. However clear the problem is, and how simple,
but potentially effective your solution is, your essay falls short of the assigned requirements
in many ways: no work cited (cost you about 15 points); while I gave you credit for
invoking the CDC and AHA as support in your essay, you did not use correct in-text
citations. It appears you did not proofread this, or you would have included a title,
capitalized/not capitalized your words correctly and included a concluding paragraph.
This Essay Needs a Title 83/130
Heart disease is a common health problem within the United States. According to the
CDC, Every year about 735,000 Americans have a heart attack. Heart disease is caused by
inflammation of the blood vessels, any type of smoke intake, consuming too many fatty
products, consuming large amounts sugar because the body is insulin resistant, and high
blood pressure. Coronary Heart disease is common in men and women and is consistent in all
races. The CDC states, "heart disease deaths vary by geography. Information from a few
common articles shows that Americans tend to ignore the signs and symptoms of a heart
attack because we experience those symptoms often. Sign and symptoms reported from the
CDC were" Chest pain or discomfort, Upper body pain or discomfort in the arms, back,
neck, jaw, or upper stomach, Shortness of breath, Nausea, lightheadedness, or cold sweats".

Anyone could be a victim of heart disease. According an American Heart Association

article, Americans can change these affects by making better health choices. Coronary issues
can be prevented by having regular checkups and physical exams, avoiding smoke,
exercising for at least 30 mines a day, and eating healthier to maintain a healthier body
weight. The American Heart Association gives detailed plans for all age groups that should
STEWART

ENG 101
DUE: 12/7/2015

be practiced in order to maintain ones health. The health plans are four simple steps that
should be well know, if check-ups are attended regularly.

According to the American Heart association, "The cost of treating heart disease in the
United States will triple by 2030, according to new projections. The $545 billion increase is
due in part to an aging population. Jan 24, 2011"Cost to treat heart disease in United States
will triple by 2030" My solution to Coronary Problems within the united states would
include: giving education and awareness tips to find ways to enhance physical activity and
nutrition, hand out charts on trans-fats and saturated fats thats shows how much can be
consumed per day, try to incorporate monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats, A stress
management program that includes Meditation, Physical activity, Relaxation therapy, Talking
things out with friends or family. The National heart, lung, institute gives awareness on
genetic factors of family history that could make a person prone to the disease due to
inherited traits. I recommended aspirin for the lazier Americans. Aspirin reduces the risk of
death. Research from web md has shown that regular aspirin use is associated with a
reduction in death from all causes, particularly among the elderly, people with heart disease,
and people who are physically unfit.

Aspirin could reverse the risk of heart attacks. Aspirin is a blood thinner-it lowers the risk of
inflammation and blood clots. Aspirin doesnt cost much. The price varies from $2.99$12.99 depending on the quantity. Aspirin can be purchased over the counter.

STEWART

ENG 101
DUE: 12/7/2015

Aspirin can decrease the risk of heart attacks because its an anti-inflammatory.
The American Heart Association gave a brief summary of the rising cost of treating heart
disease in the United States by 2030. Implementing one pill a day could decrease these costs.

A solution to this problem would be to implement a daily routine log. Setting aside 10
minutes each day to focus and record the habits that were changed. This could be a great
way to keep up with the logs on the newly implemented routine. The daily Cost is 10-30
minutes/daily of brief exercise $2.99-$12.99 for the aspirin pills, depending on size and
quantity, Stress management, Exercise, Knowing family history, dont ignore Snoring,
snoring could =sleep apnea, Watch weight, Follow any prescribed treatment plansYou need a
concluding paragraph
Work Cited?

ENGL 101
M. McCampbell
Fall 2015

ESSAY 4 - PROPOSAL
SCORING RUBRIC

Topic
Introduction
0 15
points >12
I am
crediting
you with
the
STEWART

Does not meet C

0 7 points
States the
problem; vague
reference to
solution.

Meets C standard
8 - 12 points
State the problem,
situation or enterprise;
support your reasoning
with researched
information to show how
there is a problem, a

Exceeds C paper
13 15 POINTS
States the problem;
clear background;
clearly shows who
/what is affected;
comments about
available initiatives;
Specific appeal to

ENG 101
DUE: 12/7/2015
citations
you
offered,
even
though
they are
not
technically
valid
because
they are
not in the
work cited
list.
Thesis
0 10
points>7

Analyze
solution and
how to
implement it
0 15
points> 15
You appear
to have two
solutions.
You give
some good
implement
ation
details.

Evaluate the
solution
0 15
points>11

STEWART

needy situation or a
worth enterprise.

the audience.

0 4 points
Identifies the
solution; flat
statement about
the solution.

5 7 points

8 10 points
Cites reasons for the
solution.

0 7 points
Flat statement of
how solution will
address problem
Does not include
affected group
Does not
describe the
process of
implementation.

8 - 12 points

Identify the solution,

judges it, and shows its
relationship to the
problem, situation or
enterprise .

How it should address the

problem or fix it. At least
one verifiable statistic or
examples or detail and
cite it
Shows how affected
group will benefit(or not)
Describes the process,
costs and materials for
implementation

0 7 points
Reports on
outcomes
Not
recommendation
Does not address
the affected

8 - 12 points
Clearly stated judgment
of solution
Projects effectiveness
and impact on affected
group

13 15 POINTS
Provides several
specific
examples/statistics/d
etails how solution
will address the
problem.
Gives specific
examples/evidence
of how the affected
group will benefit(or
not)
Clearly explains
implementation,
cost, materials and
other relevant detail.
13 15 POINTS
Comments on the
quality of the
solution and
supports with
specific evidence
Comments on the

ENG 101
DUE: 12/7/2015

Conclusion
05
points>0
no
concluding
paragraph.

group or the
feasibility/practic
ality

Comments on the
practicality/feasibility of
the implementation
Support with researched
evidence.

level of
feasibility/practicality
of the solution
Gives specific
details/examples.

0 2 point

3 4 points

5 points

Flatly summary
of problem,
solution, and
whether is it
acceptable or
not.
Brings up a new
subject.

Restates the final

judgment and connects
with the problem and
how well the solution will
work.

Refers to topics
brought up in the
intro; indicates the
degree of challenge
the problem poses
and how the solution
can address it.

In-Text Citations
0 -10 points>3 Its difficult
to tell if you material is
clearly cited because you
refer to organizations,
which is not what we have
been working with for
correct citations.
Work Cited Entries
0 -5 points>0

Quality of sources
0 -5 points>0

Paragraph Structure
0 -10 points>6 second to
last paragraph should be
divided into two.
Coherence
0 -10 points>7 Your last
paragraph appears to
include several after
thouoghts.
Diction
0 -10 points>8

STEWART

0 4 points
Material is not cited
correctly or
appropriately at least
three times; does not
follow MLA format.

5 7 points
Most material is
correctly and
appropriately cited;
MLA format is
correct

8 10 points
All material is correctly
and appropriately cited;
follows MLA format
without errors

0 2 point
MLA format is
haphazardly followed;
entries are not
alphabetized; uses
URL instead of citation.
Sources include
questionable credibility
or are personal sites

3 4 points
Three sources are
on Work Cited list;
list is mostly correct;
all entries are
alphabetized
Sources are relevant
and credible; some
sources are not
clarified in the essay.
5 7 points
Clearly stated topic
sentences;
Paragraphs clearly
related to thesis
Paragraphs
arranged in logical
order;
Ideas follow logical
development
Employs transitions
when necessary
Uses appropriate
pronouns;

5 points
All work cited entries
are correct.

0 4 points
One or two topic
sentences missing;
Paragraphs lack unity
Paragraph not related
to topic;
Organization does not
follow a clear pattern;
Abrupt changes;
Wording is vague;
Words are confused

All sources are relevant

and credible and clearly
identified in the essay
8 10 points
Topic sentences are
specifically worded and
link thesis and all
supporting material
Transitions move ideas
clearly throughout
essay;
Ideas build on each
other to emphasize
thesis
Writers voice is clear
and authoritative;

ENG 101
DUE: 12/7/2015
with other meanings
Grammatical
conventions are
infracted;
Uses second pers prn;

Avoids redundant
wording;
Uses words correctly
Avoids slang and
worn out cliches

Errors (prorated / 500 words) -8+/1.5 = -6=14

TOTAL POINTS___>_________/130

STEWART

Employs specific words;

employs active voice
and specific verbs;
Wording is concise