Risks of Overfishing

by Samuel Lipot

FILE

RISKS_OF_OVERFISHING.DOCX (18.17K)

T IME SUBMIT T ED

22-NOV-2015 11:15PM

WORD COUNT

1835

SUBMISSION ID

604622819

CHARACT ER COUNT

9649

comma

great!

You've attempted to address a

counterargument here, but your
thesis needs more of an argument,
like should we change our laws, for
example?
well, it doesn't mean
this, but this is also
true

good use of
examples.

indeed! can you give us a small speculation?

good research
and definitions

name some for details.

unclear

such as?

define illegal fishing

there's some great information here, Sam. When you

revise, be sure to make your thesis more specific--what
do you want us to do/believe/ think? Then, add
specificity to claims to build your persuasiveness.

Risks of Overfishing
GRADEMARK REPORT
FINAL GRADE

GENERAL COMMENTS

82

Instructor

/100

PAGE 1

QM

Run-on
Run-on sentence:
T he sentence contains two or more independent clauses. Separate the clauses with a period or
semicolon.

Text Comment.
QM

comma

Frag.
Fragment:
A sentence f ragment is a phrase or clause that is in some way incomplete. Such f ragments
become problematic when they attempt to stand alone as a complete sentence. T he most
common version of this mistake occurs when a writer mistakes a gerund (a verb that acts like a
noun) f or a main verb, as in the f ollowing sentence: "In bed reading Shakespeare f rom dusk to
dawn."

Comment 1
Hi Sam,
You should try Grammar Bites.com or another site to review best practices f or constructing
sentences. It'll take you a while, but with practice (af ter review), you'll master it!
QM

Frag.
Fragment:
A sentence f ragment is a phrase or clause that is in some way incomplete. Such f ragments
become problematic when they attempt to stand alone as a complete sentence. T he most
common version of this mistake occurs when a writer mistakes a gerund (a verb that acts like a
noun) f or a main verb, as in the f ollowing sentence: "In bed reading Shakespeare f rom dusk to
dawn."

Text Comment.

You've attempted to address a counterargument here, but your thesis

needs more of an argument, like should we change our laws, f or example?

Text Comment.

great!

Text Comment.

well, it doesn't mean this, but this is also true

Text Comment.

good use of examples.

Text Comment.

indeed! can you give us a small speculation?

Text Comment.

good research and def initions

PAGE 2

PAGE 3

QM

Audience's needs
Always consider the education and experience of your readers when you write. If you are writing
to general audience, you will need to def ine scientif ic words or terms and concepts that are
specif ic to your f ield. Likewise, you will need to explain any background to which you ref er. On
the other hand, a specialized audience may f ind such def initions and explanations unnecessary.

PAGE 4

Text Comment.

Text Comment.

name some f or details.

Text Comment.

unclear

Text Comment.

such as?

Text Comment.

def ine illegal f ishing

PAGE 5

PAGE 6

Text Comment.

there's some great inf ormation here, Sam. When you revise, be sure to
make your thesis more specif ic--what do you want us to do/believe/ think? T hen, add specif icity
to claims to build your persuasiveness.

PAGE 7

RUBRIC: EDITORIAL RUBRIC

RHET ORIC (10%)

77 / 9 5

85 / 95

Write f or a specif ic audience and purpose.

ABSENT OR BELOW Audience's needs are of ten not recognized: terms and ideas need explanation and
BASIC
language needs adjustment f or the audience. Purpose (to argue a position
(65)
persuasively) isn't clear or achieved.
DEVELOPING
(75)

Shows some attention to audience's needs, sometimes def ining necessary terms and
ideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to argue a position
persuasively) may be unclear at times, and it may not be achieved convincingly.

PROFICIENT
(85)

Usually shows attention to audience's needs, def ining necessary terms and ideas
and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose may be implied, but it's clear and
achieved.

ADVANCED
(95)

Shows sophisticated attention to audience's needs, def ining necessary terms and
ideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to argue a position
persuasively) is clear and achieved with style.

ET HICAL RES (10%)

85 / 95

Find, evaluate, select, synthesize, organize, ethically cite, and present inf ormation f rom a variety of
sources appropriate to their disciplines.
ABSENT OR BELOW Omits or uses discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation
BASIC
marks incorrectly. Drops quotations and ideas into text without introducing source.
(65)
Frequently uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources or relies exclusively on one

source.
DEVELOPING
(75)

A f ew errors in discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation

marks. Of ten includes sources without introduction in cases when introduction is
necessary and discipline appropriate. Sometimes relies too heavily on a single source
or uses irrelevant sources.

PROFICIENT
(85)

Correctly uses discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation
marks. Usually introduces each source f ully (as necessary and discipline-appropriate)
reader knows who did the research or communicating, f or whom, and why. Use of
sources is usually diverse and relevant.

ADVANCED
(95)

Correctly uses discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation
marks. Introduces each source f ully (as necessary and discipline-appropriate)
reader knows who did the research or communicating, f or whom, and why. Use of
sources is always diverse and relevant.

PERSUASION (30%)

75 / 95

Compare, evaluate, synthesize, and communicate caref ully, objectively, and persuasively the relative merits
of alternative or opposing arguments, assumptions, and cultural values. Integrate this evaluative work into
a persuasive argument.

ABSENT OR BELOW Fails to support claims with relevant reasoning and/or specif ic evidence. Objectivity,
BASIC
balance, and a controlling idea may be lacking.
(65)
DEVELOPING
(75)

Attempts to support claims with reasoning and evidence, but specif icity and/or
objectivity may be lacking. A controlling idea may be missing or implied. Objectivity and
balance may be weak or f lawed.

PROFICIENT
(85)

Usually supports the controlling idea and paragraph claims with relevant, thorough,
and insightf ul reasoning and specif ic evidence. Usually maintains objectivity and
balance in argumentation.

ADVANCED
(95)

Supports the controlling idea and paragraph claims with relevant, thorough, and
insightf ul reasoning and specif ic evidence. Maintains objectivity and balance in
argumentation.

ORGANIZ AT ION (30%)

75 / 95

Organize, f ocus, and communicate ones thoughts clearly and ef f ectively to address a rhetorical situation.
ABSENT OR BELOW Organizational devices (controlling idea, headings, subheadings, topic sentences,
BASIC
transitions) may be absent, unrelated to the prompt, or illogically connected. Ps
(65)
contain multiple topics or are disorganized.
DEVELOPING
(75)

Organizational devices (controlling idea, headings, subheadings, topic sentences,

transitions) f it the prompt, but may be vague, too broad, or inconsistenly or illogically
linked. Ps may not be unif ied.

PROFICIENT
(85)

Clear organizational devices (controlling idea, headings, subheadings, topic

sentences, transitions) f it the prompt and tie ideas and topics together adequately.
Ps are usually unif ied.

ADVANCED
(95)

Clear, specif ic organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, headings, transitions)

f it the prompt and tie ideas and topics together logically and seamlessly. Paragraphs
are unif ied.

LANG & DESIGN (20%)

75 / 95

Recognize, evaluate, and employ the f eatures and contexts of language and design that express and
inf luence meaning and that demonstrate sensitivity to gender and cultural dif f erences.
ABSENT OR BELOW Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability. Lanuage may ref lect
BASIC
a gender or cultural bias. Design may be unconventional and inef f ective.
(65)
DEVELOPING
(75)

Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors of ten impede readability or otherwise

distract f rom meaning. Lanuage may occasionally suggest a gender or cultural bias.
Design may be inconventional or inef f ective.

PROFICIENT
(85)

Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors are f ew and do not distract f rom
meaning. Lanuage respects gender and cultural dif f erences. Design is conventional
and ef f ective.

ADVANCED
(95)

Outstanding control of language, including ef f ective diction and sentence variety.

Lanuage respects gender and cultural dif f erences. Design is conventional and
ef f ective.