NO MORE ROSES

A Short Story
Right now, I'm in a hospital. I'm an old lady who's on her death bed. I'm hooked up to oxygen, and have
a machine monitoring my heartbeat. No one is here. No one's come to visit me. They're all too busy
with their lives, and I am a widow.
As I lie here, staring up at the ceiling, I can only pass the time by thinking about my life. So
many years gone by. Some wasted, some well spent. I remember when I was a kid before I got married,
and settled down.
I remember Nathaniel. He was my next door neighbor in a time when the moon landing had not
yet happened, color TV was brand new, milk was delivered by a milkman, and cars typically got ten
miles per gallon.
Certainly it was an age of naivety, not just for the world, but for myself as well. I was young,
not very smart, and didn't have many dreams about what I wanted for my future. As a girl, I'd sit in my
room, and fantasize about all the typical things a girl would fantasize about.
I would think about clothes, and dolls, and then the biggie, which was boys. I wasn't interesting
in any particular boy, but I imagined that one day I'd find the love of my life, and have a fancy
wedding, and lots of babies.
There were days, however, when I didn't much care about the rougher, opposite sex. Me and
Nathan didn't get along at first. He'd pull my hair when I wasn't looking, call me all sorts of names, and
on occasion threw small rocks at my legs.
So one day, I got fed up, and kicked him right where the sun don't shine. I didn't know that was
a weak spot in particular, but I just instinctively went for it.
He crumpled over, and whimpered, "What did you do that for?"
"You keep teasin' me, and makin' me feel bad!" I hollered at him.
"That's 'cause we're friends," he replied.
"How's the make any sense?" I said.
"I'm treating you like one of the guys," said Nathaniel. "Don't you girls know anything?"
I put my hands on my hips, and twisted my face. I stuck out my hand, and helped Nathan to his
feet. He dusted himself off. For some reason we grinned at each other, and from then on we became
fast friends.
We spent a lot of summers together in our typically suburban neighborhood, riding around our
bikes, playing hide & seek at the park, visiting the movie theater, getting ice cream, with our pocket
change, and just laying around, doing much of nothing, besides staring at the clouds.
Soon we went from kids to teenagers. Most people still considered us kids, but we felt ourselves
growing up. During that time Nathaniel's father divorced, and got remarried. Beside a new wife, he
took in a new stepson.
The stepson was only a three years older than Nathaniel, but was much more manly. He was
headed for a career in the military, and was tall, handsome, and muscular. As a teenaged girl, or as my
mom called me, a young woman, I noticed this a lot.
I would visit Nathaniel more than ever, and I would practically invite myself over for dinner.
Nathaniel's older step brother, named Joshua, was a good sport. He didn't seem to mind me at all. In
fact, he liked putting his arm around me, and telling me jokes. They were silly jokes, but the way he
said them made me giggle.
One day, while visiting his house, Nathaniel took me aside, and up to his bedroom.
"Emily," said Nathaniel. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Already did," I replied.
"Another one," said Nathaniel.
I nodded.

"Emily," said Nathaniel. he paused. "What do you think of me?"

"You're alright," I said.
"I mean, where are we?" said Nathaniel.
I was so clueless.
"In your room," I said.
"In our relationship," said Nathaniel.
"Relationship?" I thought. "What relationship?"
"Are we friends?" said Nathaniel.
"Best friends," I said. "Why do you ask?"
"I'm worried," said Nathaniel.
"About what?" I said.
"You keep coming over, and eyeing my stepbrother," said Nathaniel. "Do you have the hots for
Joshua or something?"
I lied.
"N-no," I stammered.
"Are you sure?" said Nathaniel. "I don't want you guys to get together or nothing like that."
"And why not?" I said defensively.
"We're best friend," said Nathaniel. "If you and him get married, we won't be spending much
time together."
"Who said anything about marriage?" I said loudly. "That's crazy talk."
"I don't know," said Nathaniel. "It seems like there's something there. I mean, Joshua's real
attractive. He's tall, muscular, an' dark. Really the opposite of me. I'm... I'm a skinny, pale dork."
"You ain't so bad," I said.
"But I'm not good," said Nathaniel.
"What's looks got to do with any of this?" I said. "We're friends."
"Right," said Nathaniel. "Well, as long as you and Joshua don't start dating that's cool with me. I
just don't want him hogging you up. You and me, Emily, we have something.
"Something what?" I said.
"You know!" said Nathaniel in a frustrated voice. "A bond. If you were a girl, we'd be blood
brothers."
"What about your actual brother?" I said.
"Nah," said Nathaniel. "That's nothing the same what we have. He's just my step mom's
luggage."
"That's pretty insulting to Joshua," I said.
"You know what I mean," said Nathaniel.
I tried to think of what to say next, and then there was a knock on the door. Nathaniel's father
was wondering what we were up to. He told us to come down, and join 'em for a meal. We opened, the
door, and I left.
When I went home, my mom was standing in the hallway, arms folded, tapping her foot. Since my dad
recently left us, she always expected, nay, demanded that I be home at a certain time. She said it was
because it wasn't safe to be out late, but I knew it was really because she was lonely.
"Emily," said my mom, whose name was Florence. "Where were you all this time?"
"At Nathan's," I said. "Or as you know him, Nathaniel."
Florence raised her voice. "I don't want you hanging out with him anymore."
"It's just next door," I said.
"Doesn't matter," said Florence. "You're going into his house, spending all your time there.
Things happen."
"What things?" I said.

"Bad things," said Florence. "Men, they're scummy. They're no good. You can't trust them."
"That's not true," I said. "Some of them are okay."
"Emily," said Florence, "don't back chat to me."
I paused to think, and I wasn't the rebellious type, but I yelled out exactly what was on my
mind.
"This is bullshit," I said. "Ever since dad's left you've gone crazy. You treat me like a bird in a
cage, like I'm here for your own amusement. I want to go out, and do stuff on my own! I'm not your
pet."
"Oh no?" said Florence.
"Yah," I said. "And if you ask me, dad left you for a good reason. You're an overbearing,
controlling, horrible woman. You can't be happy, unless everybody else is miserable. You, you, you're a
bad parent."
Florence was silent for a moment. There were tears forming in her eyes, and then her faced
turned angry. Her eyebrows pressed down, never having seen such insolence in her entire life. And she
grabbed me by my arm, pulling my forward, and slapped my face. Hard. Real hard. I stumbled back.
I held my face in shock. I knew I deserved it. I knew I shouldn't have spoken out like that. Mom
then ran off, and locked herself up in her room. It became the norm that we would say very little to
each other, and she'd only do the bare minimum as a parent. I tried to talk to her, I tried to get us
speaking again, but she would give curt, short replies, and sometimes just grunts.
Our relationship changed. We became enemies. We'd get into pointless arguments all the time,
and she'd constantly hit me, and call me names. She blamed me for her troubles. She blamed me for
what happened to her. she blamed me for her only love, hitting the road, and leaving her.
It was a nightmare. I wasn't allowed to do anything. i went to school, and was forced to stay
home all the time. I didn't even get to hang out with Nathaniel. He was not allowed to visit anymore,
and any letters he sent was ripped up. His calls were declined. I spent my time alone every night, and I
cried a lot. I had no friends.
Before I used to think of myself as a typical girl my age, but I wasn't. Socially, I was too rough
for the girls, and too feminine for the boys. I was stuck in some sort of middle zone, where no one
dared enter. The only person that really talked to me was Nathaniel.
But as luck would have it, eventually Nathaniel was permanently spooked off by my mom when
he came to visit one day for my birthday. My mom yelled at him, and whacked him in the head with a
broom, telling him to shove off.
However, as events turned out, Joshua started coming around to visit me, Mom was receptive to
him, because she found him attractive. Despite his age, he looked like a fully grown man, and he was
tall, and muscular, and man headed for military glory. When he was around nobody didn't notice him.
He was the life of the party sorta type. People hung on his every word. He was a winner.
...And so that's kinda what became of my life. I'd be a homebody, and every now, and again
Joshua would pop by for a chat. What's weird is every time he came about, he gave me a rose. In no
time, I had a collection of them, sitting all over my room. I would try to preserve them by pressing
them into books. It made me think of him.
It wasn't long before there was a spark between us. We started finding each other very attractive.
His charm, and romance, didn't go unnoticed by me. Whenever I smelt a rose, it reminded me of him.
He came over when I was eighteen years, and he asked me that one question I always wanted to be
asked.
"Hey, Emily," said Joshua. He looked uneasy for someone as confident as himself.
"Yeah?" I said, sitting across from him in our living room, over a pot of coffee.
"What do you think of my brother?" he said.
"He's fine," I said. "I haven't seen him for ages though."
"Funny, and he's just next door," said Joshua. "But he is afraid of your mom. She's a ferocious

one, isn't she?"

"She's cooled down a bit," I said. "But yeah, she's pretty ferocious."
"Anyway," said Joshua. "About my brother. I have to tell you something that's a little
embarrassing for me."
"What is it?" I said, sitting up straight.
"He's my brother, and all," said Joshua, "and I know this is weird, but I can't help but be a
little...a little jealous of him."
"What? You jealous of Nathan?" I said. "I don't believe."
"He's got something, I don't," said Joshua. "I can't put my finger on it exactly. Like an X factor."
"Hmm," I said, "he does have something to him, I suppose. It's not for everyone, but he is oddly
attractive. You remind me of him, actually. I know you two aren't related by blood, but when I look at
you, sometimes I see him. Kind of funny how that works, huh?"
"Yeah, real funny," said Joshua. "So, has anyone asked you to the prom yet?"
"No," I said. "I'm ugly. Well, least that's what my mom keeps telling me. She says: 'Take what
you can get, and hang onto it. You never know.'"
Joshua grinned at me. "Heh."
"You think I'm ugly too, don't you?" I said.
"No," said Joshua. "The exact opposite of that. You're beautiful. You're probably the most
beautiful woman I've ever seen."
"I'm a woman?" I said. "How pleasing, and, thank you for the compliment."
"Everyone thinks you're beautiful," said Joshua. "And i mean everyone."
"Is that so?" I said, fishing for more compliments.
"It's true," said Joshua. "Actually, I've had my eye on you for a while. I was just sorta waiting
for you to grow up a bit."
"Oh really?" I said, blushing.
"I want to kiss you, and hold you," said Joshua. "I want you all for myself." He stood up, and
edged towards me. "I don't care who's in my way, you, and I should be together. The handsomest man
in town, should have the most beautiful woman, shouldn't he?"
At this point we were face to face. But I felt uneasy. Real uneasy. My stomach felt like it was
being all twisted up. I turned my head away.
"Joshua," I said, "you know I'm not just a woman, I'm also a lady."
Joshua (physically) backed off.
"Damn it," he said. "If I'm not good enough for you, then who is?"
"What do you want me to do?" I said.
Joshua took my hand, and held it. "Let me take you to prom?"
I hesitated then said, "What about Nathan?"
"What about Nathan?" said Joshua in an angry tone.
"Who's he going to the prom with?" I said.
"I dunno," said Joshua. "I dunno her name, but she's pretty. Really pretty."
"Prettier than me?" I said.
"No," said Joshua. He shook his head. "Anyway, what does it matter? He's already got a date,
and now you need one too. Don't you?"
"Joshua," I said, "I like you. A lot. But even though I haven't seen Nathan in a really long time, I
still think of him as a friend. I don't wanna date the brother of my friend."
"He's okay with it," said Joshua. "Why would he oppose? You make it sound like you'd be
cheating on him, or something."
"Sorry," I said.
"So, how about it?" said Joshua. "Can I take you to prom?"
It was not a month later that prom night came. I stood in my bathroom mirror. Was I okay? Was

everything in place? Was I good? Then the doorbell rang.

"I got it!" I shouted.
I raced out, and ran downstairs, and answered the door. I opened it. Nobody was there. There
was just a a dozen roses. There was a note attached to it. The note didn't say much.
All it said was: "To Emily."
"Were these from Joshua?" I wondered. "Where was he? Did he decide last minute not to take
me to the prom?"
I carried the roses into the kitchen, and placed them in a vase. There I sat at the dinner table,
waiting for my date. Waiting for Joshua. I looked at the clock. Time was ticking by. An hour later
passed, and there were no signs of him coming for me. The prom was already well under way. I was
missing out.
I was furious. I took the roses in the vase, and threw them in the garbage. But at that moment
the doorbell rang. I ran to it, and answered the door. There was Joshua, in a suit, and tie. He looked
more handsome than I imagined.
"Joshua," I said.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," said Joshua. "I know I'm late. My boss kept me late. I had to close up the
shop. There was nothing I could. Well, lose my job, maybe."
Even though I was angry I said, "It's okay. Let's just go to the prom."
Joshua took me by the arm, and escorted me into his car.
We arrived at the banquet hall. There were balloons in the air, a disco ball, lights and music playing. It
seemed like everyone was here, and more. We went to table #11, and put our things down. Dinner had
not yet started. People were dancing.
Kyle came up to me, and Joshua. He was sharing our table.
"Hey, you guys," said Kyle. "You're late."
"We know," said Joshua.
"You two gonna come out to the floor, and dance?" said Kyle.
"Of course," I said. "That's what we're here for."
"No, not me," said Joshua. "I hate dancing. It's for queers, and steers."
"So no dancing?" I said.
"Fine," said Joshua. "I'll do you one dance. The last dance, okay?"
"Heh, better than nothing, right?" said Kyle with a grin.
"I'm going to go walking around," I said. "You two enjoy each other's company."
Joshua turned to Kyle, and started chatting to him. I went off to the dance floor, and walked
around the people dancing. I didn't really care to dance alone, so I just drifted through. I was actually
looking for Nathaniel. I didn't see him anywhere.
But then I stood in a corner, and out of the corner of my eye, there he was...with another girl.
She was good looking alright. I think she was better looking than me.
I called out to Nathaniel. "Nathan! Hey! Nathan!"
I again went into the crowd, and went through those dancing, trying to reach Nathaniel.
Nathaniel, and his date slipped out the back. Naturally, I followed.
I walked along the asphalt outside the banquet hall, following Nathaniel, and the girl that was
with him. I didn't recognize her. I didn't know who she was. But she was stunning. Was tall, lean, had
long, black hair, and real good legs. She looked like a model, or an actress, if I had to guess.
As I was following Nathaniel, he, and his date stopped in a corner. They took out a flask, and
shared a drink between them. I didn't know that Nathaniel drank alcohol. I watched from behind a tree,
wanting to see what they were up to. Were they an item?
In the shadow, I observed. Nathaniel, and this girl certainly seemed to get on. They laughed, and
giggle at each other, touching each other gently. She had fluttery eyes, and he returned a deep stare. I

could see there was an attraction. I hoped it wasn't too strong.

Then it happened, Nathaniel, and this stunner embraced each other, and kissed. They kissed a
lot. At that moment, I felt weak in the knees. I could barely hold myself up. I leaned against the tree I
was standing behind. It was so painful to see, yet I kept staring. I couldn't pull myself away. I was
trembling. My stomach felt in a knot. My eyes became went, and I started crying. My face turned wet,
and soppy.
I wanted to shout out, and tell them to stop, but I knew it wasn't my place to say so, and what
would be the point? It wouldn't turn back time. I saw what I saw. It was permanently etched into my
brain. My heart felt like it was breaking into a million pieces. I even clutched my chest as if having a
heart attack.
But who cares if I had a heart attack? I wanted to die. I wanted to run i front of a bus, or jump
off a bridge, or slit my own throat. That's how horrible it felt.
But I wasn't angry at Nathaniel for wanting to be happy, to be with someone else. I didn't pay
him much mind, did I? I stayed in my house all day long, and I couldn't even respond to his letters, or
phone calls. For all he knew, I hated him. I didn't hate him, but maybe he thought that. Maybe he
thought I was a cold shouldered bitch of a woman.
I wiped my tears, and walked away. I stood by the doors leading into the banquet hall, and
waited for my face to dry. Then I went in. I went to my table, and sat down. Joshua was there, having
something to drink.
He looked at me, and saw my red nose.
"Hey, Em," said Joshua. "What's the matter? Why's your nose all red?"
"It's nothing," I said. "Nothing at all."
"You wanna dance?" said Joshua.
Later on Joshua, and I went steady. After three years of dating we got married. The wedding was small,
and quiet, unlike what I had imagined as a young girl. But I was okay with that as we didn't blow our
budget. The only thing disappointing was what came after.
My family life wasn't the most pleasing. There was nothing glamorous about it. Far from it,
with three kids, eventually, the day to day became a headache, and I didn't know how to deal with all
the problems that were foisted into my lap.
I was certainly no Carol Brady. I sometimes sat quietly, looking at my window, seeing the snow
fall, and longed for the days when I was a kid, when I was friends with Nathaniel, when my mom, and
dad were together, and happy.
But as it is, this is what it's like to be an adult. Things don't turn out as you plan. Your life
doesn't go exactly like you want. Nathaniel, for example, was the one who pursued a career in the
military, and ended up going off to fight in Vietnam. Joshua, and I stayed in town, and he worked as a
mechanic. After he was done working, he'd usually go to the local bar, and drink, and watch sports. I
didn't see him until 7:00 or 9:00 PM.
It tired me having a family, and taking care of Joshua. I wasn't an ingrate though. He worked
hard, and so did I. I just felt that I worked a wee bit harder.
On our 5th anniversary, it was planned that we would have a day out. All the kids were sent to grandma
(i.e. Florence), and Joshua, and I dressed up to go to a fancy French restaurant. When we had time off,
we'd usually go to restaurants, because it meant that I wouldn't need to cook.
"Well now," said Joshua, "aren't you looking nice?"
"Thanks," I said. "Right back at you."
Joshua, and I went out the front door of home. As usual, I opened the mailbox on the wall to see
if the postman left any important mail. I found an envelope. It was from Nathaniel, all the way in
Vietnam.

"Look, a letter," I said, excitedly. "From your brother."

"You don't say," said Joshua.
"This has to be his first," I said. "Remember you two vowed to never to talk to each other ever
again?"
"Yeah, 'cause we got into a stupid argument," said Joshua. "He was real bothered when I gave
you that little smack on the face. But a woman's like a rug. You gotta beat her sometimes to get out all
the nastiness."
I ignored Joshua, and opened the envelope. I took out a letter, and read it aloud.
"Dear Emily," it went. "How are you doing? I know we haven't talked in a long while now, but I
miss you. A lot. Spending time in a war zone does that to man, you know. It makes a person yearn real
bad. How I'd like to go home, and just talk to you face to face, like everything's normal. All I have for
company is a bunch of miserable grunts. I haven't made a single friend here, and I don't think I want to.
I couldn't imagine making a friend, and then losing him the next day. But anyway, you're the only
friend I really need. Do you remember all the good times we had? Remember when we used to climb
up trees in the park, and then spit on people's heads below? What the hell were we thinking?! Ha-ha!
So, Emily, please write me back. Yours truly..."
Joshua grabbed the letter out of my hand, and crumpled it up.
"What did you do that for?" I said.
"Not a single mention of me, or anyone else?" said Joshua. "Just you? First time we hear from
him, and he only wants to talk to you. Don't you think that's a little odd?"
"It's not odd," I said. "He's under a great amount of stress. He's just talking to me because, umm,
I'm funny."
"When have you ever been funny?" said Joshua.
"I told that 'knock knock' joke last week," I said.
"You're not going to write him back, are you?" said Joshua.
"I have to," I said. "He's fighting for our country."
"I don't think he is," said Joshua. "This whole war is bullshit."
"You know what I mean," I said. "I'm going to write to him, okay?"
"If you write to him," said Joshua, "I'm leaving you."
"Leaving me where?" I said.
"To the end of our marriage!" said Joshua.
"Are you serious?" I said. "All this over a letter?"
Joshua nodded. "I'm not kidding around."
"Fine!" I said. "I'm not writing him. Your goddamned brother is out of my life! He'll never come
back into it! Ever! Are you happy?"
Joshua sneered at me. "Let's just go to dinner."
He took me by the hand, but not in a romantic way, and pulled me along. He threw the crumpled
letter from Nathaniel on the ground. I glanced back at it, and saw it blow away in the wind.
The war in Vietnam finally ended. It was the 1970s, and we were all a whole lot older. My kids were
big, Joshua started going bald, and I got a little fatter than I wanted to be. But this meant that Nathaniel
was coming home. He decided to throw a little party commemorating his "escape from hell."
He invited me, Joshua, and, of course, our three kids. He was single now, and didn't have any
friends, other than me, so it was just us six. I think out of the kindness of his heart he would've invited
my mom, Florence, but Florence committed suicide a few months back.
Her "goodbye world" note said that she was lonely, that she couldn't take the pain anymore, and
she wanted to be somewhere else, even if that meant being on the other side. It was all just as I
suspected. I tried to reach out to her, but she shut me out.
It's weird how these things work. It's a paradox. When you're lonely, you want company, but

because you're lonely you feel vulnerable, and weak, and you don't want to expose yourself to anyone,
so you just keep to yourself. Then it's a downward spiral, into a deep, dark hole, where nobody is.
"Glad you guys could make it," said Nathaniel.
Nathaniel put out his hand, which had two fingers missing. Joshua was reluctant to shake it, but
I did it for him.
"Nathan," I said, "you look better than ever."
"Ha," said Nathaniel. "Ain't that a lie?"
"It isn't," I said.
"Just glad to see you're back, brother," said Joshua. "It's too bad dad isn't here. Suck that he's in
the hospital. Nancy is taking care of him though."
"Yeah," said Nathaniel. "She won't ever leave his side. She's a good woman. I didn't even bother
inviting her 'cause I knew she wouldn't show purely out of loyalty for the old man."
Joshua nodded, and then Nathaniel grinned, and rubbed the heads of my three kids: Lynn,
Michael, and Rory. They didn't like it, given the fact that they were pretty much all grown up now, but I
don't think Nathaniel cared.
We all went inside. It was my first time visiting. The first thing I noticed was Nathaniel's house
was pretty bare. There was hardly anything to see. The walls, and ceilings were blank white, with no
pictures hung up, and the furniture was basic. The flooring was made up of pallid colored, vinyl tiles.
"Just this way," said Nathaniel.
He led us into the dining room. All the plates, and forks, and knives were in place. We sat down,
and took our places. Nathaniel left, and came back with an assortment of food. We dug in, and began
feasting.
"So," said Nathaniel, looking to me, "what've you been up to lately?"
"Not much," I said. "Same ol', same ol'."
"I don't know what that means," said Nathaniel.
"Oh, you know," I said. "Family life. Taking care of the kids, and all that. Nothing to write
home about."
"Whatever you have to tell me," said Nathaniel, "I'm interested. You..."
"Yeah, so," said Joshua, interrupting. "Do you have anything to drink around here? My throat is
parched."
Nathaniel got up, and went to the kitchen. He came back with drinks, and we all drank. Nothing
alcoholic. Nathaniel told us he was trying to kick the habit, and save his liver.
"Excuse me," I said. "I have to use the little lady's room."
"Oh yeah, sure," said Nathaniel, pointing. "It's just down the hall, and take a right turn."
I got up, went down the hall, and took a right. There was an open door. I went in, and went to
the bathroom. After I was done, I was about to come out, but then heard some sort of arguing nearby. It
wasn't Nathaniel, and Joshua. It was Nathaniel, and someone else.
Sounded like it was coming from his bedroom. I crept out, and I'm ashamed to say, started
eavesdropping on the phone call. It was loud enough that I could hear both Nathaniel, and whoever he
was talking to.
"How are you doing?" said a man.
"Now's not the time for this," said Nathaniel.
"I'm just checking up on you," said the man. "How are you doing?"
"You wanna know how I'm doing?" said Nathaniel. "Crummy. Real crummy."
"Why are you feeling crummy?" said the man. "What happened?"
"Nothing happened, that's what," said Nathaniel. "Y-y-you know how it is."
"I see you've developed a stammer," said the man.
Nathaniel was bubbling with rage. Or something else.
"I'm like I'm outside," he said. "It's like I'm outside of a really beautiful house. The curtain's

wide open. I can see into the front window, and I'm watching. I'm seeing someone else live the life that
I want. I try to go into the house but the door's locked. All the doors are locked, and so are the
windows. I turn around, and try to look for another house, but this is the only house on the street. So, I
wander around alone in the cold. I don't even have a scarf on. The wind's whipping my face, and every
now and again I slip on the ice on the ground. Nobody is there to help me up from my fall."
"That's awfully poetic," said the man on the phone.
"It's not supposed to be poetic," said Nathaniel. "You know how my life is! My life is
meaningless. There's no reason for me to be here. I have nothing to live for. Nothing brings me joy. I'm
a sack of shit, waiting to be picked up."
"You're a war hero," said the man. "You're not a sack of shit."
"Oh yeah?" said Nathaniel. "You obviously weren't there at the airport. They were booing me,
and throwing rotten apples."
"What do they know?" said the man. "They never went through the hardships you went through.
They couldn't possibly understand. And you have to understand that they don't understand. This doesn't
mean anything about who you are."
"Maybe," said Nathaniel.
"But I know who you are," said the man, "and I know deep down inside you're a good person."
"Oh bull," said Nathaniel. Stop acting like you're above all this. You don't know me, and you
don't understand me. Nobody does."
"You'd be surprised at what I really know," said the man.
At this moment, I was fully grasped by the conversation. I pushed open the door a smidgen, and
looked inside the bedroom. Nathaniel wasn't talking to anyone. He was on the phone, but he was
talking to himself. It was him, and himself pretending to be someone else. The conversation I thought I
heard was a monologue.
I rushed back to the dinner table, and sat down. Shortly after, Nathaniel returned to join us.
"So," he said, pulling in his chair, "who do you think's gonna win the World Series?"
"Oh boy," said Joshua. He was a sports fanatic. "Definitely the Sox."
"Are you out of your mind?" said Nathaniel. "They don't stand a chance. I'm putting all bets on
the Reds. You should too."
"No way," said Joshua, shaking his head. "No way, man."
Nathaniel, and Joshua got into an argument. It was always something, wasn't it? I couldn't get
the two to stop arguing about baseball. The kids just sat around like it was routine, and they ate their
food extra slowly. I, on the other hand, got a little sick of it.
I excused myself, and went outside for some fresh air. I walked into the backyard. The backyard
was well kept. The grass was cut short, and the trees were perfectly trimmed. But the thing I noticed the
most was the wall. The wall at the back of Nathaniel's house had a large trellis, where the most
beautiful red roses I ever saw in my entire life grew, and thrived.
I pulled one of the flowers towards my nose, and took in the scent. It smelled better than the
world's best perfume. I sat down on the bench underneath all these roses, and enjoyed their aroma. The
sun was shining in my face, so I closed my eyes. There was a peacefulness in mind that I had never felt
before. It was quiet, not even a single bird was chirping.
After a few minutes of this, there was a sound of something crashing. It awoke me, and I got
up, and returned inside. One of the young'uns had dropped a glass. Rory was bent, picking up the big
pieces. Nathaniel went into the kitchen, and came back with a dustpan, and broom.
"Don't worry about it, sailor," said Nathaniel. "I got this."
"How much do I owe you for the glass?" I said.
"Nah, don't worry about it," said Nathaniel. "It's just a glass. It doesn't mean anything to me.
Have a seat, Emily. We're about to eat dessert."
So, I sat down.

"You know what's funny," I said, trying to make conversation. "You and Joshua are a lot more
alike than I thought."
"How's that?" Nathaniel.
"You both like roses," I said. "Joshua, you know Nathaniel grows his own roses? Oh, Joshua,
remember when you used to bring me roses? You were quite the romantic in your youth."
"What?" said Joshua. "I never gave you any roses."
"Yes, you did," I said.
"Nah," said Joshua. "That was Nathaniel."
"Nathaniel?" I said.
"Yeah," said Joshua. "Since your mom wouldn't let you talk to him, he'd give me roses, and
send me over to your place to check up on you. None of that was my idea, you know. Well, hmm, if it
weren't for Nathaniel we'd never have gotten together. Heh. Strange how that works, huh?"
"But this whole time," I said, flustered, "I thought it was you. I didn't know Nathan was giving
me those roses, and sending you to visit me."
"He didn't send me," said Joshua. "He forced me to go. I had a secret, you know."
"What secret?" I said.
Nathaniel looked at Joshua.
"It's not something to talk about in front of the kids," said Joshua.
"The kids?" I said sarcastically. "I hardly noticed them. Now what's your secret?"
Joshua whispered into my ear that Nathaniel caught him smoking pot.
"Yeah, so," said Joshua, "that was my secret. He used it to twist my arm, and make me visit you
on his behalf. But I got him back, didn't I? I got the girl. Your whole plan backfired on you. Ha-ha."
"You should be proud," Nathaniel said with a subtle frown.
"I can't believe you," I said to Joshua. "Our entire relationship is based on a lie. Y-y-you're a
scumbag!"
With those words, Joshua lost his temper. He didn't flip out though. He kept his cool in front of
the kids, for their sake, and then stood up. He took me by the wrist, and started pulling me along, and
took me out to the backyard, and closed the sliding door behind.
In the backyard he started yelling at me, telling me I was being disrespectful to him, that I
wasn't being lady-like, and I was worthless, and all those things you say to someone you hate. I argued
back, and he slapped me across the face so hard that I fell down.
As I was about to stand back to my feet, I heard Nathaniel come outside.
"You son of a bitch!" said Nathaniel, and he tackled Joshua.
A full-blown fight between the brothers broke out. I tried to make them stop but they didn't
listen to me. Nathaniel and Joshua exchanged punches as if their lives depended on it. Being that
Nathaniel had military experience, he had the upperhand. When they were kids Joshua would always
beat up Nathaniel, but this time it was different.
Nathaniel grabbed Joshua by the collar, and shoved him into the fence. He kept punching him in
the face, yelling at him: "Don't you ever touch Emily again! If you touch her again, I will kill you! Do
you hear me?! This isn't a joke! You treat her right! She deserves to be treated right! She's not a piece
of garbage! She's worth more than you'll ever know!"
Finally, Nathaniel gave Joshua the final blow. He gave him a haymaker to the jaw, and knocked
him unconscious. Joshua's body fell to the grass with a heavy thud. I shrieked, and then saw from the
corner of my eye all three of my children by the sliding door, watching. Their mouths were open in
shock as much as me.
"Get back inside the house!" I yelled to them, and instantly they shuffled back inside.
I went over to Nathaniel, and confronted him. He stared at me like a lost animal, unsure of how
it all came to this. In my anger I gave him a shove, and put him on his bottom.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I said to Nathaniel.

Nathaniel looked up at me. "I'm, I'm sorry, Emily. I shouldn't have done that in front of the
kids."
"I can't believe you," I said.
Nathaniel stood up, and took a step back to distance himself from me.
"Look," said Nathaniel. "I never meant any harm."
"Any harm?!" I said. "You knocked out my husband! And your brother!"
"Step brother," said Nathaniel, "and he was hurting you."
"I can handle myself," I said. "Man, what is wrong with you? That war screwed up your brain or
something?"
Nathaniel became defensive.
"I'm not the bad guy here," he said.
"How are you not the bad guy?" I said. "Hmm?"
Nathaniel stared at me, and yelled, "I did it for you, Emily! I did it because I love you! I love
you with all my goddamned heart! How can you not see that?! I care about you! You mean everything
to me! I couldn't stand to see you get hit like that!"
"I don't believe you," I said. "You don't love me. You just wanted to satiate your ego. You've got
a big head is what."
"Emily," said Nathaniel. "I do love you. You know that I've never been with anyone? No one.
Not a single woman. I saved myself for you."
"This is just sick," I said. "I'm a married woman."
Nathaniel came closer to me.
"Yes, but you love me too," he said in a desperate voice. "Don't you?"
In the heat of the moment, I told Nathaniel a lie, and something I regret to this very day.
"No..." I said. "I don't love you, and I would be a lot better off, if I never saw you again."
Well, Nathaniel looked crushed. He turned around, and began walking away. He paused, and
glanced back at me, hoping in that second I would change my mind. I said nothing, and he went off,
leaving through the gate.
I knelt down by Joshua to see whether he was dead. He opened his eyes, and said, "What hit
me?"
Shortly after, Nathaniel left town. That was the last time I saw him. He neither said goodbye, nor good
day. No one had any idea where he was. We all speculated that he went back to the military to fight in
another Godawful war, but nobody truly knew.
So, years, heaped upon years went by without him. Life seemed normal on the outside, but on
the inside I was missing him. Sometimes I cried thinking about Nathaniel, and how I chased him away,
and never gave him a chance.
When Joshua died after being hit by that drunk driver, I thought for sure he'd show. Turned out I
was wrong, and the person I thought was him was just a cousin I'd never seen before. I was pretty
disappointed that he never showed up. My desire to see Nathaniel only grew stronger as gradually I lost
those around me.
Naturally, my three kids grew up, and went off to university, then when they graduated they
went far, far away to pursue their careers. Lynn, who I considered to be the smartest of the bunch,
became a doctor, and she married a Canadian man, and went up North to live in Canada. Michael, on
the other hand, went an artistic route, and found fame, and fortune as a Hollywood actor. Rory, my
littlest one, only in age, uprooted to Paris, France, and opened a successful law firm.
And so, the result of all this was me being happy for their success, but at the same time wanting
them to come home. None of them did come home. They considered my town, the town the grew up in,
to be small, and unsophisticated. It was "a one horse town" as Michael would say. I didn't disagree. I
just wanted him to visit me once in a while, not just on Christmas.

So now, here I laid in a cold, lifeless, hospital room, waiting for death to visit me. With my luck
he would come quickly, and painlessly. Then I heard a voice.
"Emily," said someone. "Is that really you?"
I turned my head, but just barely. My eyes widened. The visitor I had was Nathaniel.
"Nathaniel," I said in a weak voice. "What are you doing here?"
"I heard you were sick," said Nathaniel.
"I've been better," I jokingly said.
"You look pretty good though," said Nathaniel. "I'm sure you're on the road to recovery."
I coughed. "You're an excellent liar, Nathaniel. Where have you been all this time?"
"I went to Asia," said Nathaniel. "I worked as an English teacher. I came back to see you."
"You abandoned me," I said.
"I was doing what was right for you," said Nathaniel, "and me."
"Never mind," I said. "That's all in the past. It's good to see you. What's that you have for me?"
Nathaniel gave me a bouquet of flowers.
"Carnations," said Nathaniel. "I thought you'd like them."
"No roses?" I said.
"No," said Nathaniel. "But Carnations are a lot better. They're pretty, don't you think?"
"They're wonderful," I said.
I grasped the carnations, with whatever strength I had left, and brought them up to my nose, and
smelled them.
"I grew them myself," said Nathaniel. "For you."
I looked up at Nathaniel, and gazed into his eyes. They were glowing, like embers, full of
passion, and a youthfulness I once experienced. I knew in this very moment that he still loved me as
much as anyone could ever love a person. So it was that I reached my hand out, and touched his face.
"Lie down with me," I said. "Keep me company."
Without hesitation, Nathaniel calmly clambered into my bed, so that we were side by side. We
both stared up at the ceiling, and remembered all the good times we had. Finally, at long last, after what
seemed an eternity, we were together.
It was worth the wait.

Written by Harry Jonathan Chong

(Contact Info: harryjchong@gmail.com)