Crystal Walker

Dr.Attis
4A
12/11/15

Synthesis Essay
15 year old Dylan Brown is accused of murdering 9 year old Angelina Taylor. Angelina
was told to be playing at the park when Dylan dragged her into the forest and strangled her. He

Comment [JA1]: Makes little sense. Revise this for clarity

then fixed her pigtails and pulled out a pouch full of makeup. He put pink lipstick, blush, and
drew freckles on her face. Witnesses say that Dylan had been following the girl for several days
leading up to the murder. Dylan Brown made a statement saying he did it because he liked the
little girl. Consequently, Dylan Brown is being charged with 1st degree murder and will be tried

Comment [JA2]: Well written intro

as an adult. The question is should young murder suspects be tried as adults? In todays society
many juveniles are being tried as adults. The It is the writers opinion is that young murder
suspects should not be trialed tried as adults. Juveniles should not be locked away for life when
they have options such as rehabilitation. In prison, young offenders have the highest suicide and
sexual abuse rates because of the fact that prison is not the place for them.
To begin I will start with my first reason that juveniles should not be locked away for life

Comment [JA3]: Finish the rest of this sentence with a

revised statement.
Comment [JA4]: Commas follow transitions.

when they have options such as rehabilitation., Iinformation provided by Thomas Grisso,
declares that kKids are different and more impulsive (Khalid 4). This evidence is important
because it describes how kids mindsets are not as developed as adults. Kids dont always think
about the consequences of their actions and will act instead of thinking through what they are
about to do. However, adults think about their choices and consequences. For example, in
school, a student might skip class with friends not thinking about consequences or even the fact
of possibly getting hurt whereas, an adult would. Furthermore, according to Carey, the

Comment [JA5]: Finish this sentence

juvenile system is aA system that pretending there is no child in front of you (Khalid 3). This
evidence is important because a child should not be looked at as cruel murderer. The system

Comment [JA6]: I would revise this. I dont think that

because the justice system doesnt see a child, that means
they automatically see a cruel murderer.

Crystal Walker
Dr.Attis
4A
12/11/15

throws kids in jail pretending like they have no future and pretending like they do not have the

Comment [JA7]: I dont think they are literally pretending.

It was a figure of speech. revise

ability to change. A good intelligent kid can make one mistake and his whole life is over in an

Comment [JA8]: Revise.

instant. The judges and prosecutors are not looking into the heart of these kids. A 40 year old
man and a 14 or 15 year old boy is different. These kids are young and they have much time to
change if they are given a chance to make their lives better. Moreover, evidence from Gary Scott
asserts that Juveniles are more open to negative influences (2). In prison young offenders are
more exposed to negative influences such as gangs and violence. In prison, there are prisoners
who are stronger than they are and will take advantage of young offenders. These prisoners
might rape and physically torment these young offenders knowing they cant defend for
themselves. In this horrific place, a juvenile might see rapes, fights, or other violence. Do we
really need to ask ourselves if that sounds like the right place for juveniles? There are those who
believe that punishment is just right for juveniles and helps them to learn from their mistakes

Comment [JA9]: While this section is well written, it has

nothing to do with your first reason, rehabilitation. You ned
to link the negative influence to rehabilitation. If not,
remove this section or place it somewhere else.

before rejoining society. What they have not considered is the harm they are doing to these
juveniles. Instead of decreasing violence, their rather more impacting more violence into their

Comment [JA10]: Makes little sense

lives.

Comment [JA11]: Add a closing sentence

Furthermore, Scott articulates, jJuveniles fear being victimized or assaulted (2). This

Comment [JA12]: What is this paragraph about? Where is

your topic sentence?

proves that prison is not the place for juveniles. This evidence exemplifies how young offenders
live in prison every day. They sit in their jail cell scared of someone violating and physically
abusing them. Additionally, evidence from Gary Scott, declares that jJuveniles are not mature
mentally and physically (2). This shows that juveniles mindsets are not ready for a place like
prison. These juveniles are confused and scared. In result they dangerous results mights occur

Comment [JA13]: Makes little sense

such as violence or suicide. Furthermore, according to Ed Pilikigton, sShe will never have the

Comment [JA14]: You have not provided sufficient

commentary for your evidence. Discuss more about how
they are not mentally and physically mature.

Crystal Walker
Dr.Attis
4A
12/11/15

chance (2). This demonstrates how these kids being locked away for life will never have the
chance to prove their changed ways. These scared kids will never feel the hugs from mom and

Comment [JA15]: Have the chance to what? This seems

incomplete. You need to add more to make this evidence
make more sense contextually

dad or smell their favorite perfume. These kids will see nothing but tears rolling down their
parents face. Their parents praying lord just let me hold my baby one last time. Many people
believe that juveniles need to be put away for a long time for them to learn their lesson. However

Comment [JA16]: I dont know what your paragraph is

supposed to be about so I cant say whether your evidence
and commentary is correct

they fail to see the actual damage they are confiding in. That these kids are too young to be

Comment [JA17]: Make little sense. revise

thrown away in jail for their whole lives and be forgotten. The danger these juveniles will face

Comment [JA18]: Fragment. Turn into a complete

sentence

walking into a prison with strong controlling adults.

Comment [JA19]: You never discuss suicide and how

prison factors into suicide.

Ultimately, the writers opinion is that young murder suspects should not be trialed as
adults. I believe this because juveniles should not be locked away for life when the have option
such as rehabilitation. Also, young offenders have the highest suicide and sexual abuse rates
because of the fact that prison is not the place for them. All in all, the writers purpose is to
convince the reader that juveniles should not be trialed as adults and sent to prison. For the
reader to feel the pain of juveniles and understand that they have bright futures ahead of them.

Comment [JA20]: Fragment. And this purpose doesnt tell

the reader to do anything.