Coping with Difficult People

by Robert M. Bramson 1988

Hostile Aggressive:
Sherman Tank
Abusive, abrupt, intimidating, overwhelming
Attack personal behaviors and characteristics
A need to prove s/he is right

The Sniper
Pot shots, innuendoes, non
non-playful
playful teasing,
subtle digs, dont like confrontation

The Exploder
Tantrums, rage filled
fill d attacks,
k blame,
bl
suspicion
i i

Coping Plan for Sherman Tanks

Give them a little time to run down
Jump
p in any
y way
y you
y
can
Get their attention (proximity, call by
name)
Get them to sit down
Maintain Eye
y Contact
State your opinions forcefully
Dontt argue
Don

Coping Plan for Snipers

Surface the attack
Provide a peaceful alternative to a
direct contest
Seek group confirmation or denial
of the Snipers criticism
M
Move
on tto solve
l any problems
bl
that arise

Coping Plan for Exploders

Give them time to run down
If they
y dont run down,, cut into the
tantrum with a neutral phrase like
stop
Show them that you take them
seriously
If possible, take a breather with
them to the side and in private

Complainers:
May point out real problems, but
rarely
y wants to solve them
Feel powerless to determine fate
Strong sense of how others should
behave (prescriptive)
S lf
Self-validating
lid ti
that
th t they
th are nott in
i
control or responsible for things that
are done
d
wrong ((perfectionism)
f ti i )

Coping Plan for Complainers

Listen attentively
Acknowledge what they are saying
Dont agree with them or apologize
Avoid the accusation-defense-reaccusation
ti
State and acknowledge facts
Try to get them into a problem-solving
problem solving
mode (ask questions, assign tasks, etc.)
If all else fails, ask How
How do you want
this discussion to end?

Clams
Silent and unresponsive or responds
with yes, no or grunt
May use body language (staring,
glaring, frowning, folded arms)
This may occur for different reasons
Defensive, denying access, distrust,
avoiding
idi
reality,
lit mask
k fears,
f
sullen
ll
anger,
spiteful

Coping Plan fo
for Clams

Get the clam to open up

Ask open-ended questions
Wait for a response, dont fill silence
with conversation
Plan time to wait with composure
If no response, comment on it
If tthey
ey open,
ope , be attentive
atte t e and
a d dont
do t gush
gus
If Clam stays closed, avoid a polite
ending,
e
d g, end
e d the
e meeting,
ee g, and
a d set
se
another appointment

Super Agreeables
Strong need to be liked
Make others feel liked
Tell you things that are satisfying
to hear
Commit to unrealistic actions
Lead you to believe that there is
agreement and then let you down

Coping Plan for Super

Agreeables
Surface the underlying facts and issues
that prevent them from taking action
L them
Let
h
k
know that
h you value
l
them
h
as
people
Ask them to tell you about things that
might interfere with your good
relationship
Be ready to compromise and negotiate
Listen to the humor for hidden
messages

Negativist
Criticizes the group process
Believe that everything will fail
(skeptic)
Negative statements are made
with conviction
B li
Believe
those
th
in
i power do
d nott care

Coping Plan for Negativist

Be alert to being dragged down
Make realistic,, optimistic
p
statements
Do not try to argue
Do not offer solutions-alternatives
solutions alternatives until
the problem has been thoroughly
discussed
Raise negative statements yourself
Be ready to take action on your own

Know-it-alls
Bulldozers
Tone of certainty, condescending
Imposing
Assigns blame
Make others feel stupid

Balloons
Act knowledgeable, arrogant
Curious and alert to information

Coping Plan for Bulldozers

Prepare yourself
Listen carefully and acknowledge
Do not challenge, use questions
M it your own bulldozing
Monitor
b lld i
tendencies
As a last resort, choose to
subordinate yourself

Coping Plan for Balloons

Restate facts
Give him/her a way out,
out save face
Be ready to fill conversation gap
C
Cope
with
ith him/her
hi /h alone
l

Indecisives
Perfectionist at heart
Unable to cope with stress
Super-helpful
P t
Postpones
decisions,
d i i
procrastinates
Hint and beat around the bush

Coping Plan for

Indecisives
Make it easy for them to tell you about
conflicts or reservations
Li
Listen
for
f indirect
i di
words,
d h
hesitations,
i i
and omissions
Help them resolve problems when
issues have surfaced
Help them examine facts
Give support after the decision
Watch for signs
g of anger
g or withdrawal