(sring for ae Ou amily Lesson 3: How to Parent Together — Tips for Co-parenting Caring for Our FarsilyTOOL BOX Materials * Handouts © Thinking Back to the Way I Was Parented ©. 18 Years from Now.. Overhead transparency © Co-Parenting Guidelines Flip chart and markers Pencils and pens Prior to the Lesson © Arrange chairs in the room into a circle. Encourage everyone to be a part of the circle ~ move out any empty chairs, and move people in closer as needed. Set up room for using an overhead projector and screen (or LCD) * Copy handouts and transparency. Caring for My Family 312Lesson Three How to Parent Together Tips for Co-Parenting In this lesson, participants will begin to explore the concept of co-parenting — the sharing of the responsibilities of parenting their babies, Objectives + Review the benefits of co-parenting, + Examine ways to co- parent. + Begin to think about how they can work together with their child's other parent to shape their child into the adult they want him/her to be Caring for Our Family Lesson Plan Introduction What kind of parent do you want to be for your child? What kind of family do you want your child to be a part of? You may have thought about how you want to parent your child, but perhaps you never thought about or asked. your baby's father (or baby’s mother) about his (or her) views. It is important to begin thinking about your child’s future, and how to involve both parents — mom and dad - in this process. We will spend time in this session sharing tips for co-parenting. What is co-parenting? Co-parenting is when parents share the responsibility for parenting their children. Parents who live in the same ‘house or apart can co-parent. While it may not always be easy to do, co-parenting is important for you and your child’s well-being. Asa group, let's begin to think about the benefits of co- parenting for your children. Think about how your child will be better off because you are willing to co-parent (or parent cooperatively) with your baby’s other parent. What kinds of benefits will she or he have? What about you ~ how can co-parenting benefit you? 313Activity List the benefits of co- parenting for the parent and for the child. Activity Handout: Thinking Back to the Way I Was Parented Overhead Transparency! Handout Co-Parenting Guidelines Caring for My Family ‘Think about at least one benefit - for either yourself or their child. [List them on a flipchart for all to see. You may want to separate the lists - into benefits for child, benefits for parent. Some examples for parents could include: sharing in the responsibility, not having to do all the work alone ~ like diapers, feedings, etc,, sharing financial responsibility. Examples for child could include: having a positive and supportive relationship with both parents, feeling safe and secure, reducing the child’s, stress, etc.] Reflective Activity A first step in understanding the kind of parent you want to be is looking back at the way you were parented. Take a few minutes to consider the following questions. Record your answers on the “Thinking Back to the Way I Was Parented” handout — feel free to use pictures, words, phases, drawings. +. What did you like about the way you were parented? * What do you want to do differently? * What roles did your parents play in your childhood? Tum to the person next to you, introduce yourself and share your answers with one another. If your partner is with you, share your answers with him/her. Co-Parenting Guidelines Researchers have found that there are some common. guidelines for successful co-parenting, Parents are better able to cooperate when: * both parents decide to do what is in the best interest of the child, * each parent respects the other's right to participate in parenting, * agreement is reached about some basic parenting rules, * angry feelings and resentment are let go of, and * each parent is committed to parenting the child ina warm, loving manner. 314Acti Handout: 18 Years From Now... Caring for Our Family It is important to remember that things may not always go smoothly. Some issues that may create conflict about how to parent may be: + money religious values holidays — how to celebrate and with whom discipline medical issues education and/or career plans recreation (sports, hobbies) parenting styles Parents need to develop a partner relationship with their child’s other parent to help children grow into healthy, happy people. Building a family and learning to co- parent is an ongoing process. It is something that needs to be worked on over time and does not happen overnight. ‘Coming to some agreement about how you will parent your child is important. 18 Years From Now. Let's take some time to think about the kind of young adult you would like your child to become. What do you hope she or he will be like? We will spend our remaining time together thinking about your child’s future. Spend some time by yourself thinking about what your child will be like in 18 years. Fill out the handout “18 Years From Now...” 315Caring for My Fansly Closing [After about 10 ~ 15 minutes, ask the parents how it felt to do this activity. Was it easy? Hard? Did it make them think? Encourage parents to share their feelings and/or responses with the group.] During the next week, plan to share your thoughts and responses with your child’s father, or another adult in your family who may be involved in your child’s upbringing. Sharing your values and ideas is important. Parents shape ‘who a child is, and who she or he will become in the future. Finding a way to cooperatively parent with your child’s other parent is an important step in building a strong and healthy family. 316CO-PARENTING GUIDELINES Parents are better able to cooperate when: * Both parents decide to do what is in the best interest of the child. + Each parent respects the other's right to participate in parenting. + Agreement is reached about some basic parenting rules. + Angry feelings and resentment are let go of. + Each parent is committed to parenting the child ina warm, loving manner. Caring for My Family 318THINKING BACK TO THE WAY I WAS PARENTED Record your answers to the questions below. Fee! free to use pictures, words, phrases, or drawings. + What did you like about the way you were parented? * What do you want to do differently? + What roles did your parents play in your childhood? Caring for Our Family 3718 Years From Now... Imagine your child 18 years from now. What do you hope she or he is like? Look at the lists below and pick the qualities you would like your child to have as an adult. Circle the ones that you would like to use to describe your child when he or she is grown. Educated Caring Hard-working Smart Generous Strong-willed Spiritual Rich Ambitious Healthy Artistic Loyal Creative Responsible Respectful Funny Religious Resourceful Patient Kind Honest Self-sufficient Dependable Happy Friendly Reserved Curious Serious Others Pick the five that are most important to you 1. 2 Caring for Our Family 319What are you doing now to make sure your child has these traits when he is grown? What are you doing that might discourage your child from becoming these things? Starting today, what are some things you can do to help your child learn these skills? 4. Iwant my child to be , $0 | will 2. Iwant my child to be $0 | will 3. Iwant my child to be , so | will 4, I want my child to be » sol will 5. | want my child to be . $0 | will Parents shape who a child is, and who. she or he will become in the future. Take time to think about what you want your child to be like fifteen years from now so you can parent with purpose! Never underestimate how influential you are in your child's life. Caring for My Family 320