Running Head: Adolescence

Kathleen Wallace
Wayne State University
Adolescence

Adolescence

Although I am enjoying my adolescence today, I have had to deal with hardships over the
years that I will carry with me forever. Through my high school years in particular, there were
two events that occurred that stick out in my mind. During my junior year of high school my
father passed away. Additionally, during my last year of high school I became fixated on my
weight, causing extreme nervousness and weight loss. I was frail and had social anxiety to which
I could no longer handle school and had to have a home-bound teacher.
On September 25, 2005 I was over my best friend Sarahs house, lying around after
having a sleepover; nothing out of the ordinary. Suddenly the telephone rang and I heard Sarahs
mother, Liz, answer and it was my mother. I found this odd that she had called the house and did
not ask to speak with me but I quickly forgot about it. I was informed that my mother was
coming to pick me up and I noticed Liz give Sarah a mysterious look. Once I jumped into the
car, my mother told me we were going to my sisters house, which was not uncommon. Once we
were inside my mother had my sister and I sit on the couch. I felt uneasy because we were sat
down similarly when I was told my sister Melissa passed away. My mother uttered the words,
your dad and I instantly began crying and I ran out the house. I kept running until I was by
myself and felt to the ground in grief.
My father and I did not always have the best relationship due to his struggle with drugs,
however, no matter what the circumstance I always loved him. During my childhood, we would
write to each other while he was in jail. I still have every letter he ever wrote me. His death made
an impact on my life because it taught me the importance of telling those you love, how much
you love them, before it is too late. I am changed forever from this event because I live everyday
with the disappointment of not being able to tell my father one more time how much I love him.

Adolescence

Yet, my father taught me unconditional love and to cherish every day you have with your family
because in the end, that is what matters most.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross introduced five stages of grief in her book On Death and Dying,
which I experienced through my fathers death. Denial, is the first stage that occurs when
individuals deny the situation is happening because of the overwhelming emotions. Once my
mother told me my father had passed, I still expected him to call and tell me he was okay and
that his death was just a bad dream. Anger is the second stage that takes place when the
individual blames, and takes their overwhelming emotions out on, something or someone that is
unrelated to their loved ones death. This occurs commonly when individuals die from illnesses
and the blame is put on the doctors. Bargaining is the third stage that tries to put emphasis on
what could have been done differently that may have avoided death. Although this is unrealistic,
the bargaining of If, only scenario makes one question that their loved ones could still be here
if they had done something differently. This stage raises questions that ultimately do not have
any answers. I often wonder if my father had not used drugs, if his heart attack could have been
prevented. Depression, is the fourth phase that consumes individuals with grief that draws
them away from others. The final stage is Acceptance. Although the heart may never fully
heal, we accept that they are no longer with us. We accept that nothing can alter the outcome and
a period of peace is created (Axelrod, 2006).
Furthermore, during my last year at Lake Shore high school, my self-esteem began
deteriorating. I became obsessed with striving to look like the supermodels on the covers of
magazines and my belief to achieve this goal was to lose weight. My diet consisted of mainly
watermelon, lettuce, and water. I was 57 and went from weighing a healthy 130lbs to a
frail107lbs within months. Dark circles developed under my eyes and my happy glow was dull. I

Adolescence

was no longer my humorous, outgoing self. I refused to go out with friends to avoid situations
where I would be tempted to eat. This obsession created high anxiety and I was put on strong
medications for panic attacks. I could not walk around the block without having an attack and
eventually this lead to the inability to go to school. To avoid the number of panic attacks, I was
put on medications such as Xanax that made me fatigued. When I was not working out, I was
exhausted from the medication.
The attachment theory believes the reasoning behind eating disorders is caused by the
comfort of people that are wiser, usually from parents when individuals are younger; however,
this relates to their peers during adolescence. I believe this is true because my eating disorder
was driven by the urgency to look as skinny as my peers, whom I was attached to in high school
(Zachrisson, 2010). The groups of females I felt comfortable with believed looking thin was
important and therefore I felt pressure to lose weight. Thus, I was not clear of who I was or who I
wanted to be. Hence, studies show that the uncertain beliefs and thoughts of ones self can create
eating disorders
Although I had dark times in my life, these periods have taught me lessons I will cherish
forever. I have learned to appreciate my friends and family more because tomorrow is never
promised. It is important to tell people how much you love them because if someone passes
away, the regret is unimaginable. I have also learned that these relationships are more important
than materialistic things such as what size pants you wear. Achievements in life should not
consist of looking a certain way but reaching career goals, getting an education, and building
relationships. As people get older looks fade, however, the relationships built on love for the
person you are will last an eternity.

Adolescence

References
Axelrod, J. (2006). The 5 stages of loss and grief. Psych Central. Retrieved, from
http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/000617
Stein, K. (1999, April 1). The Self-Schema Model: A theoretical approach to the self-concept in
eating disorders. Retrieved, from
http://deepblue.lib.umich.edu/bitstream/handle/2027.42/69218/The Self-Schema?
sequence=1
Zachrisson, H., & Skarderud, F. (2010, January 1). Feelings of insecurity: review of attachment
and eating disorders. Retrieved, from
http://www.skarderud.no/uploads/images/pdf/Zachrisson-Skaarderud-2010.pdf