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Assignment: Bowen Theory on Triangulation in Families

Name: Kate Morden
Instructor: Meredith Pilley
Course: Working with Families COUN 77
Date: Sunday, October 11th, 2015

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Part A
As stated in the outline of this assignment, the purpose of part A is to provide an
explanation of Murray Bowens Family System Theory, including a brief description of
five specific concepts presented in psychotherapy.
Murray Bowens Family System Theory
Doctor Murray Bowen, 1913-1990, was a psychiatrist who trained in
psychoanalysis; however, he felt that psychoanalysis was missing the importance of the
family and therefore, founded the Family System Theory (M. Pilley, September, 2015).
Bowens Family System Theory is a mixture between Psychoanalytic Theory and
Evolutionary Theory (M. Pilley, September, 2015). Most of his work focused on
intergenerational or multi-generations of families (M. Pilley, September, 2015). Bowen
defined the term families as being related through blood or marriage, though many
more types of families exist today; for example, there are nuclear families, blended
families, chosen families, and so on (M. Pilley, September, 2015). The goal of Bowenian
therapy is to reduce chronic anxiety by doing the following: cultivating awareness on
the functioning of emotional systems, increasing differentiation, and interlocking the
eight concepts that Bowens theory consists of (M. Pilley, September, 2015). Out of these
eight concepts, five of them families are emotional units; change affects the whole
family; evolution in families; roles in families; and differentiation will be briefly
discussed throughout this paper (M. Pilley, September, 2015).
Families are emotional units
Although Bowen defined the term families as being related through blood or
marriage, he also believed families are much more complicated than this, as families are

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emotional units that interact in complex ways (M. Pilley, September, 2015). Ultimately,
Bowen believed that in order to comprehend an individual within a family unit, one must
look at the family unit as a whole (system), as families consist of individuals who are
interdependent of one another.
Change affects the whole family
Bowen believed that any change in one member of the family unit, positive or
negative, affects the family as a whole (M. Pilley, September, 2015). According to
Bowen, this chain of reaction or ripple effect, so to speak, is rather predictable and
automatic and is also an approach in maintaining homeostasis, meaning balance and
stability, within the family system (M. Pilley, September, 2015).
Evolution in families
Bowen also believed that each generation reacts to the previous generation;
therefore, individuals and family units evolve in reaction to the familys history and
environment (M. Pilley, September, 2015). He called this multi-generational
transmission (M. Pilley, September, 2015). For example, if in one generation the mother
struggles with alcoholism, a child of this mother may become addicted to alcohol
him/herself or resent those who use alcohol, etc. (M. Pilley, September, 2015).
Roles in families
In each family unit, individuals are given roles and responsibilities (M. Pilley,
September, 2015). These roles and responsibilities differ depending on factors such as
birth order, gender, socio-economic issues, stress, types of families, the functioning of
members, etc. (M. Pilley, September, 2015). Often times, families impose specific roles
onto members from generation to generation; this is considered an aspect of the

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evolution of families (M. Pilley, September, 2015). For example, gender roles may be
passed from generation to generation, where the males may partake in home maintenance
and outdoor household chores like mowing the lawn, shoveling snow, car maintenance,
etc., while females may partake in the nurturing of child and elders, and household chores
such as cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.
Differentiation
In Bowens Family System Theory, differentiation is referred to as the ability to
keep a secure sense of self while balancing the demands in relationships (M. Pilley,
September, 2015). Individuals have different levels of differentiation; for example, some
people have high differentiation and others have low differentiation (M. Pilley,
September, 2015). Those with high differentiation have a strong sense of self and are able
to maintain this in periods of high stress (M. Pilley, September, 2015). They also have the
ability to maintain objectivity about and within relationships, regardless of their emotions
(M. Pilley, September, 2015). In contrast, those with low differentiation have a weak
sense of self (M. Pilley, September, 2015). Often, those with a weak sense of self have
low self-esteem and self-worth, lack independence and individuality, and experience
identity confusion. As a result, maintaining a sense of self in periods of high stress and/or
relationships with others is often difficult for these people (M. Pilley, September, 2015).
Low differentiation may also be demonstrated by emotionally withdrawing, also known
as reactive distancing, as individuals feel safer in isolation as opposed to trying to
balance the self and others (M. Pilley, September, 2015).
Part B

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The purpose of part B is to personally reflect on my own family and describe how
roles and specific experiences led to the formation of triangles in my own relationships.
Expected roles and experiences
My family unit consists of my mother, father, sister (31 years old), and my brother
(22 years old), as well as myself (23 years old). As mentioned above, in each family unit,
members are given roles. The roles within my family unit have not been consistent over
the years; rather, they continue to change over periods of time based on certain factors
and experiences.
During my brothers and my own childhood, my sister often took on a responsible
role, as she was much older than us. She often babysat us and modeled healthy,
appropriate behaviour to us. She was also considered the good one she never smoked,
did drugs, drank alcohol, got in trouble, broke the rules or law, rebelled, etc. At times, she
also took on the role of a parent. I believe I, as well as my brother, disliked the fact that
she took on more of a role as a parent rather than a sister and/or friend. At the same time,
I believe my sister felt that my brother and I got away with too much, and my parents
were more lenient towards us than they were with her when she was growing up. The
cause of this was and is most likely due to the generation gap and differing views.
However, once my sister moved out of the house to live with her husband and start a
family of her own, roles began to change in the household, as it was now only my
mother, father, brother and I. This led to the change in triangles; for instance, at first the
triangle consisted of my parents at one point, my sister at another, and then my brother
and I at the other, but then it became my parents at one point, my brother at another, and
then myself at the other.

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While my brother and I were attending high school, my brother was considered
the bad one as he repeatedly skipped school, slept during the day, habitually smoked
marijuana, stole money from my parents in order to pay for his marijuana use, lied, got
into minor trouble at school and with the law, was disobedient and disrespectful to my
parents, etc. Little did we know that at the time he was suffering from depression. During
this time, there was significant conflict between my parents and brother, including in my
mother and fathers relationship. This was due to their differing parental styles and
conflict resolution skills. They were rarely ever on the same page and there was minimum
communication with one another, let alone respect. My parents and brother were always
fighting with each other and I always felt like I was stuck in the middle of it, not knowing
which side to take because I always saw both sides to a situation. However, sometimes I
felt obligated to choose sides. My brother got angry with me for taking my parents side
and my parents got angry with me for taking my brothers side. As a result, I physically
and emotionally withdrew from the family. All of this lasted for about four years. These
experiences led to the formation of triangles; for example, my parents were at one point
of the triangle, my brother was at another, and then I was at the other. Once my parents
were experiencing difficulty in their relationship and once I withdrew from the family,
the triangle changed my mother was at one point, my father was at another, and then
my brother was at the other.
Before and after this time frame, I experienced hardships of my own, as I
experienced two serious mental health crises. My mental illness, suicidal ideation and
self-destructive behaviour certainly impacted my family during these times, as each
family member was concerned for my health, safety and wellbeing. An example of a

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triangle in this case would be myself at one point, my mental health at another, and then
my family at the other.
Confidants, alliances and disconnections
For the majority of my life, my mother has been and is my confidant. Throughout
my childhood, youth and adult years, there have been periods in which we have been
very close, yet there have also been periods in which we have drifted apart. Despite this,
we always seem to drift back to one another, as the relationship I have with my mother is
that of an everlasting bond. My mother is a great listener and a very trustworthy,
accepting, caring, understanding and compassionate individual. These characteristics
make it easy for me to open up to her. Another confidant of mine is my brother. He is my
best friend and I consider him to be one of my soul mates. The relationship that we have
is incredibly strong. We share much respect, love and harmony with one another. The
bond and trust that we have built over the years is encouraging, supportive and provides
me with a sense of safety.
I consider my alliances to be my father and sister. This is because although we
may not have the closest and/or most personal relationship with one another, we still
love, care for and support each other.
In some family units, disconnections may occur and/or take place. In my family
unit, the disconnections I have experienced are with my father and sister. With regards to
my father, I feel disconnected to him because he is emotionally detached; for example, he
rarely ever shares personal thoughts and feelings with myself and/or others. Over the
years, I have felt a disconnection with my father and in our relationship because of this.
However, as a young adult, I have begun to accept who he is and therefore, cherish the

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special relationship that we have. Although he may not share personal parts of himself, or
his thoughts and feelings, he does show his love, care and support for me in different
ways, usually indirectly through small actions, such as gestures, questions, comments,
and his sense of humour. One thing that always helped with this disconnection was/is our
ability to connect through sports; for example, I have played competitive soccer
throughout my life and my father has always been extremely involved in this. Another
disconnection that I have is with my sister. I believe this is the case because of our age
difference, the generation gap and our differing views on topics as a result, including our
different personalities and interests, the physical distance between us, our busy lives, etc.
Factors that have helped with this disconnection would be becoming older and more
mature, participating in physical activities with one another, and the birth of my niece.
Differentiations
As described above, differentiation is the ability to maintain a strong sense of self,
especially in high periods of stress and/or in relationships. There are many levels of
differentiations within a family unit; this can affect the system as a whole.
As a child and youth, I was an individual with very low differentiation, as I had an
extremely weak sense of self/identity; for instance, I had a negative self-image, low selfesteem and self-worth, and I often felt lost and confused as I did not know who I was,
who I wasnt, what I wanted and needed, etc. I felt so different, disconnected and isolated
as a result of this. I tried making connections with others, but I always lost myself in the
process. Because of this and the fact that I lacked independence and individuality, I
typically went with the flow by following others. I followed others because I was

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trying so hard to find myself. This affected many aspects of my life, including my
relationships with the self and others.
It wasnt until I came to college when I found myself. The real challenge and
growth came from experiences such as hardships and failures. Upon reflection of these
difficult times, I learned so much about myself. I learned about my triggers, fears,
strengths and weaknesses. I learned who Kate Morden truly is and what made her, her.
My sense of self has significantly improved over the past four years because of this. My
self-esteem and self-worth has increased, and I have become more confident as an
individual. I no longer follow others; instead, I am becoming a leader and an ally to and
for others. I now consider myself to have high differentiation, and I notice the positive
change and impact that this has in my life.

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References

Pilley,M.(2015,September).WorkingwithFamilies:Lecture1familysystemstheory.
LectureconductedfromFlemingCollege,Peterborough,ON.
Pilley,M.(2015,September).WorkingwithFamilies:Lecture2familysystemstheory.
LectureconductedfromFlemingCollege,Peterborough,ON.