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CHANGING COMMUNICATION

Changing Communication
Michlin Durazo
HD341
January 5, 2015
Theresa Rochambeau

CHANGING COMMUNICATION

Changing Communication
When we change the way we communicate, we change society
Clay Shirky
Communication is the backbone of society. We use it in our everyday lives continually
throughout the day, both consciously and subconsciously. If communication was as simple as
just exchanging information between two people, then Im sure we would not be studying about
it. Communication is, in fact, a learned skill that covers the whole range of ways people pass
information back and forth: it includes the information the give and receive, the ways the
information is used, and how people make meaning out of this information. (Satir, p.52). As
with everything else in life that we learn, effective communication takes practice.
I have always known that communication, especially in the presence of a dispute, has never
been a strong point for me. I have grown up with the mindset to avoid conflict at all costs. What I
never realized was that by avoiding conflict I was actually creating bigger problems for myself
down the line. This class has opened my eyes to how to be become a better communicator in
both my personal and professional life. In order to send and receive messages in an effective
manner, there are changes that I need to make within myself to become more effective. The area
in which I struggle the most is with sending messages.
The first change that I would need to make would be in my ability to open up and talk about
whatever the issue is at hand. According to Difficult Conversations, everything problematic falls
into one of three conversations, the What Happened, the Feelings, and the Identity conversation.
(Stone, pg.7) I realize now that I must be an active participant in dealing with all three of these
challenges. My focus needs to move from trying to prove that I am right, to focusing on
understanding the view from both sides. I need to learn to step back from a conversation that has
my feelings involved in it and try to understand and talk about those feelings. The identity

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conversation is definitely the most challenging for me. This part of the conversation forces me to
look within myself and determine the effects on my self-esteem and character.
Another change I can make, within myself, is to improve my ability to receive messages by
becoming a better listener. Active listening requires a person to be more than just understanding.
It requires a persons full attention to the speaker, an open mind, and clarity on the subject.
The final change, which should be the easiest, but for me seems to be most difficult, is letting
the speaker know that they have been heard. I really need to make a better effort to us the phrase
do you mean? on a more consistent basis. The use of this phrase is meant to help the listener
understand and clarify any directions or statements that have been made.
We are all part of one, if not several communication systems of some sort. One such system
happens to be my family. It is made up of my two teenage sons and my husband. There was a
point in my life where the system within my family was closed. Those were turbulent times in
my life, living with inhuman rules in a relationship ruled by fear and force. It took a lot of work
to make changes, including a lot of counseling, but once an open line of communication was
established and the household rules changed to reflect a more balanced and fair family unit. The
overall feelings within our family unit improved. Each member of the family plays an important
role. I feel that many family units are closed as a result of their culture. Many cultures put a
focus on the male members of the family and women and children are responsible for taking care
of the family and chores. In these instances, when culture is involved, it is very difficult to
change a system from closed to open because the members of that system may not see it as a
problem that needs to be changed.
I know that the changes I have made in my life through the knowledge I have gained from
this class will stay with me forever. I could never have imagined that one class could open up so
much information on a topic, communication that we use in so many aspects every day. I have
noticed a difference within myself in both my personal and professional life. I find myself

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interjecting and suggesting more at work during meetings. I show more confidence in my
speaking abilities and am not afraid to stand up for what I believe it. My listening skills have
greatly improved which has, in turn, raised my self-esteem.

References
Stone, D., & Patton, B. (1999). Difficult conversations: How to discuss what matters most. New
York, N.Y.: Viking.
Satir, V. (1988). The New Peoplemaking (pp. 80-140). Mountain View, Calif.: Science and
Behavior Books.