322008

A-B-U-S-E-D
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Present Day
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Plates of glass shattered around me as I was thrown to the cold, tiled floor. The shards bit into my
flesh and the metallic smell of blood permeated the air. I clutched my left shoulder, the part of my body
that had taken the brunt of the fall, and curled into a ball to protect myself from the onslaught of kicks
being thrown my way. Neck. Back. Face. I was being destroyed both inside and out while the same
words replayed in my head over and over again.
Worthless.
Ugly.
No one else could possibly love you.
You deserve this.
I believed it at first, when the caresses were soft and the slaps were light. But I couldn't believe
it. Not anymore. Not once I realized that the pain I felt, the physical agony of a punch to the gut and the
crippling pain, fear, and an all encompassing, brutal lack of self-worth brought on by harsh words that
shouldnt be felt by anyone else. Shouldnt be felt by me. I was happy before this. I was fun. Pretty.
Normal. But soon those words were taken out of my vocabulary and replaced with these.
Worthless.
Ugly.
No one else could possibly love you.
You deserve this.
A swift kick to the head sent me whirling back into reality. A groan of pain escaped my lips, and
I closed my eyes, trying to relive the times when I was happy.
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Assaulted
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Addie look, Chase is staring at you, my best friend Alyssa said, nudging my shoulder to turn
me around. There was no way he would still be looking at me, he was the hottest guy on campus and I
was pale, freckled, and plain. I glanced back and pushed my hair over my shoulder, trying to keep him
from noticing my gaze. It didnt work. His green eyes were still staring at me so intensely that I couldnt
look away. I shivered, wringing my hands and squirming on the grass of the campus quad. I was
wondering why he was still looking at me, and willing him to never stop. He cracked a smile, breaking
the intensity, and winked at me before turning back to his group of friends. I let out a breath.
Dude, that was intense, Alyssa said. I turned back toward her. I wonder if he likes you, she
giggled. I rolled my eyes.
Thats unlikely, Lyssy, I told her. He only goes for the skinny cheerleader types. She rolled
her eyes at me. She told me I was hot. That my curves were sexy and that an hourglass figure of eight
was better than a pencil straight figure of one. I laughed it off. I didnt believe her. He looked back at
me and smiled a crooked smile. I took a chance and smiled back.
He asked me out the next day.
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Battered
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For our first date he took me to the fair. I didnt once stop laughing and I was smiling so hard my
cheeks hurt. He won me a giant monkey knocking down the tins with a baseball and then asked me if I
wanted anything to eat when we walked off of the Tilt-A-Whirl. I said yes.
We headed toward the snack shack and looked at the glorious list of fried heaven. He told me to
order first. Could I have a funnel cake please? I asked the lady.
Are you sure about that, Addie? he asked, glancing down at me disapprovingly from his
towering six foot and a half height. I felt like a little girl. The cashier shot him a wary glance.

Oh, um, yeah. I dont really need it, I guess... I trailed off. I felt like a child with her hand
caught in the cookie jar. I cast my gaze downward. Could I have a salad instead, please? The cashier
gave me a disapproving look and shook her head, ringing me up all the same.
Ill take a corndog and some fried oreos, Chase ordered, throwing money down onto the
counter. He could afford to eat it, I guess. He was still in shape from baseball season.
He told me he was going to find a table for us. I told him I would grab some napkins.
Its not too late to get the funnel cake, you know, the cashier told me. She didnt look up from
the register.
Oh thank you, maam, but its fine, you know how boys are, I half laughed, trying to shake off
my discomfort.
Be careful, sweetheart. Hes not looking out for you, hes controlling you. I rolled my eyes at
her. What did she know anyway?
She knew the first sign.
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Used
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We spent all of our time together, and I was still smiling. It was great. He hated it when we were
apart. He said he loved spending all of his time with me. That having me by his side to look at enjoy the
presence of whenever he wanted made him happy. That was sign number two.
Lets go down to the kitchen, we can get something to eat, he offered, pulling me out of the
bed. I took his hand and stood up, but I didnt let him go. He rolled his eyes and tried to shake me off. I
thought he was playing around. I clutched his arm and pressed it to my body, laughing as we walked.
Addie, he said, trying to pull back his arm. I didnt realize he wasnt joking.
What, you dont love me anymore? I teased, swinging his arm back and forth. We had made it
to the kitchen.

Damn it, Addie, get off of me! He shoved me backward. I slipped, falling backward, flailing
my arms to grab onto anything I could reach. My back hit the bakers rack. The pots clanged around my
head. I fell. I bruised. I groaned. I only remember the hard look on his face when he pushed me. He
apologized, but he was unapologetic.
I told you to let go of me, Addie, He shook his head. This is what happens.
He sighed. I whimpered.
You know I dont want to hurt you. You should have listened, he said. He extended a
calloused hand. I took it. I would never have hurt you if you didnt deserve it. You deserved this.
I deserve it.
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Slandered
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When the second semester started, Chase switched into every one of my classes. It was good, but
the bruises turned my grin into a half smile. We did homework together and he even asked me to quit my
volunteer work to spend more time with him. That was sign number three.
Chase can you bring me a glass of water please? I called from his room. Wed been together 64
days and had spent 58 of them together. He texted me every minute we were apart. We were so in love.
Here you go, babe, he said, handing me the water. It slipped out of my hands and onto the bed,
spilling all over our homework and drenching the sheets. My eyes shot up to his angry expression. My
insides coiled in fear. He stared at the bed, trying to control his anger.
What did you do that for? he asked me as he turned to face me. Slowly. Calmly. Terrifyingly.
I started to shake. My eyebrows pinched together and I opened my mouth. Then I closed it. I opened it
again. Nothing came out.
Answer me, Addison, he said, fists opening and closing with his eyes as he tried to control his
temper. I wasnt sure it was a fight he could win.
I-it slipped, I stuttered. I could barely get the words out. My heart pounded in my ears. His
eyes were dark. Murderous. He had never been this angry before. I hoped he still loved me. Im

sorry, I whispered. I bowed my head and closed my eyes, preparing for my punishment. Another
mistake I had made. Another punishment I deserved and knew I had to take.
Look at me, he said gently. He reached out his left hand and gently lifted my chin. He looked
into my eyes. His right fist made contact with my face.
My head flew to the side and blood pooled in my mouth. I choked on blood and tears. My
watery eyes, harboring my cracking soul, turned to meet his hard ones.
I love you, he said. Im the only one who ever will. His love glued my heart back together
as his fists split my flesh apart.
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Exploited
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I guess hanging out with him was okay, but even my Mona Lisa half smile eventually
disappeared. I wasnt allowed to do anything else, but I couldnt disappoint him. He would leave me,
and I would never find anyone so attractive who loved me enough to discipline me like Chase does. He
just wants the best for me. Everyday I would see Alyssa eyeing me from the other side of campus on my
way to the Engineering building. She was probably staring at the crappy makeup job I did while
attempting to cover my bruises. But I couldnt talk to her. Chase had started checking my phone. I was
to leave it with him during the day and get it back at night, but only if I wasnt staying with him in his
apartment. He said he trusted me, just not other people. Particularly other boys. He wanted to make sure
no one was going after his girl. That was sign number four.
Chemistry was the one class that Chase hadnt managed to switch into. I needed a lab partner, but
I wasnt allowed to talk to boys. They stayed away from me anyway. I was Chases girl.
Do you have a partner? I jumped, my heartbeat spun out of control. Im sorry, I didnt mean
to startle you. I willed my heartbeat to slow down. No one was going to hurt me. I took in the features
of a person I had never seen before. Pale skin with faded bruises trailing down from his collarbone and
disappearing into his shirt. Im new, as you can probably tell. The names Jackson, He stuck out his

hand and I flinched back slightly, almost imperceptibly. But he noticed. He saw the signs. I started to
shake. I couldnt breathe. No one could find out. Chase would hurt me again. Chase would leave me.
Why are they trying to take Chase away from me? I love him. I picked up my things and walked out of
the room. I could feel his eyes on me the entire time. I rounded the corner and stopped at the nearest
wall. I leaned against it, trying to catch my breath. Chase saw me standing there.
What is it? What happened? he demanded. He grabbed my body and twisted me side to side
looking for damage, but the only damage on my body was the damage he had done. He grabbed my arm
and tugged, dragging me out of the school and into the car as I stumbled over my feet behind him, trying
to keep up. His grip on my arm tightened before he threw me into the car and slammed the door. The
ride to his house was silent. His anger was choking me and then it wasnt.
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Destroyed
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He picked me up and out of the car and carried me into his apartment. He set me down gently on
the counter and pressed his forehead to mine, calming himself down. Here was the man I loved. The one
who cared about my well being. The silence in the air was light. Airy. Filled with love. My phone
beeped. Chase looked at it. He looked into my love-filled eyes while his turned dark with anger. I felt
myself falling.

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Present Day
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Plates of glass shattered around me as I was thrown to the cold tiled floor.
You filthy whore! he shouted at me. He pushed a kick into my stomach. I gagged, curling into
a ball and gasping for air. Who did you tell? He was screaming. My ears were ringing. He kicked me
in the back and I arched, a silent scream escaping my lips.

Please, baby, I dont know what youre talking about, I begged through my gasps. I tried to
reason with him, but I could never reason with him when he was like this.
Liar! he boomed. His fist made contact with my face. My eyes, already filled with the tears I
was trying so hard to pull back shut. Blood leaked out of my nose as tears leaked out of my eyes.
I am the only one who loves you, Addison! Why would you try to take that away from yourself?
From me? His fist made contact with my eye as my life flashed before them.
You think this boy could save you? Why would he want to save you? His words stung almost
as much as his punches. He swept my phone off the counter and onto the ground, nearly hitting me with
it. My unswollen eye opened up to read the message displayed through the now destroyed screen.
You are strong. You are beautiful. You do not have to take this. It is not love.
I closed my eye as more tears fell. What is this, if not love? I rolled onto my back. Chase
stomped on my stomach. I gagged on my vomit and groaned. A picture of the boy flashed in my mind
and I finally acknowledged the bruises on his collarbone. He knew that this was not love. I gasped for
breath. This is not love.
Enough.
The bottom of his foot flew toward my face. I wont let him hurt me anymore. I rolled out of the
way. He was getting angrier. He growled out a sound so animalistic that it didnt seem possible that a
human could make it. His eyes narrowed and his face flushed a deep red. He was coming for me. My
eyes widened. I had never avoided his hits before.
Get back here, Addison! he roared, yanking back my hair and sending my body sprawling to
the floor along with it. Chestnut strands were clenched between his fingers. I curled into the fetal
position, clutching my head and gasping for breath. Get up, Addison. Get up and fight back. He kicked
me in my spine. Im pretty sure something cracked. I was shaking in pain and in anger. The anger was
mostly at myself. Get. Up.

I shuddered out a ragged breath and stretched out my arm. I latched onto the handle of the
cabinet and pulled myself up, moaning in pain. Chase leaned against the counter and watched me
struggle.
Whats this, Addie? Youve never fought back before. Havent had enough? Chase
commented, as casually as if he were asking me what I wanted for lunch. I didnt answer. He pushed
himself off of the counter and approached me. I looked up from my shaking, hunched over position and
met his eyes. He bent down and leaned in toward me, stopping an inch away. He spit in my face.
I flinched back and froze, shutting my eyes and pursing my lips. I swiped the saliva onto the
floor. You dont scare me anymore. You disgust me. I wont let you do this to me ever again. I opened
my eyes to meet his. I held his gaze as my hand slowly crept out to grab the ceramic sugar bowl on the
counter. He didn't notice what I was doing, but then again, he never had. This time when I opened my
mouth, my words came flowing out.
You're a weak man. A pathetic man. And this is not love. I swung my arm, and the bowl off of
the counter and smashed it into his temple. He crumpled to the ground, his head bleeding the crimson
blood that my body always bled. I picked up the phone that was as broken as I was and dialed 911.
911 what's your emergency? The monotone voice of the operator asked. I sucked in a deep,
shaky breath. I let myself recognize the signs.
My name is Addison Brown, I inhaled a shaky breath, and I need help.