Jizi

Peer Review~UWRT
1) First Step: Identify Your Concerns
Write down 3-5 concerns you have about your paper. (Complete and bring to peer
review session.)
-

Maybe a bit confusing

Is it too repetitious?
Have I involved enough personal presence in my writing?

2) Peer Review Questions: (Use during peer review session when responding to your
classmates papers, include answers in a summary endnote.)
a. Where can the text benefit from further detail or explanation? Where does it need less?
b. What does this writer do particularly well that you would like to add to your own writing
repertoire?
c. How well does the text match the three essentials of the personal essay that were the
focus of this assignment:
the personal presence of the author
an engagement between self and the world
the author's self-exploration/ self-discovery
Personal presence of the author you could list a few more relatable experiences. The
engagement between self and world is good with all the examples. The authors seld
exploration is good and very obvious that she is still searching for answers.

3)

After Peer-review: Write two paragraphs

a. The first paragraph should focus on the feedback you received from your peers. What
were the peer suggestions given to you? How did you incorporate these into your
revision process? What feedback did you decide not to incorporate?
I would like to thank my peer for my feedback, it has helped in focusing my ideas
towards something that makes more sense to the reader. The peer suggestions
were the parts they got confused and the parts that made sense to them, which
gave me a broader idea of how many work is. I did not decide to incorporate
more about suffering, I tried to explain it as best as I could, but I may seek out
more help from the university writing center.
b. The second paragraph should reflect upon the feedback you provided for your peers.
Provide at least three concrete examples of the feedback you gave.

Suggestions for this assignment were taken from:

Wirtz, Jason."Writing Courses Live and Die by the Quality of Peer Review.
Academia.edu, n.d. Web. 13 Apr. 2015.
Massey, Taylor. "Top Ten Tips: How to Craft Effective Peer Review Questions." The
Cengage Learning Blog. Cengage Learning, 24 Sept. 2014. Web. 13 Apr. 2015.

Happiness is the level within us that brings out our true wellbeings. You dont have to be happy to have a satisfactory state of
existence, however true well being will come out when times get hard.
Happiness is categorized today as a feeling and sometimes a mood. In
opposition, I however believe that happiness is more than a feeling, its
a mental state of existence. Happiness is being fulfilled, our ability to
be content with who we are because of our character, not because of
our circumstance.
Happiness is not doubtless and does not come naturally. I believe
it is commonly mistaken for what it truly is and continuously becomes
more artificial in many ways. When thinking about what makes each of
us happy, many ideas typically fall under anything of pleasure to our
senses. What if happiness is something that cant be perceived by our
human senses? Can we be happy by thought alone? The real truth may
lie in this next question. Have you ever been alone when no ones
around or watching? And you stare out the window or close your eyes
and imagine; just you and your mind doing the thinking. Thats when
you begin to smile. That one thought about something that once
brought enjoyment to your life.
In order to truly know what happiness means, we must consider
all aspects. How does happiness work? Where does it come from? What
we most commonly mistake happiness for are enjoyments that last no
longer than a momentary second. The heart and the conscience of a
clear thought no longer judge the happiness we have come to know.
Instead, it has been reformed by the conception that our happiness
comes purely from the senses, instant gratification. True forms of
happiness exist when that well-being can be carried through any
time good or bad. The happiness prevails no matter what happens or
at what costs. We are so blindly bounded to our nature of pleasure and
enjoyment. Maybe one day, each of us finds what happiness truly is.
When that moment comes, when were so surely believe we have an
answer, we must be sure to check twice because nothing pure and
valuable can be found easily.

Can humans stay happy through anything? By this I dont mean

the sort of happy-go-lucky, pleasurable kind of happiness. The
happiness I am referring to is the mind-sought ability to know that
everything is temporary. This little, extraordinary ability is from our
fixation on hope and believing that through the suffering we can still be
content with ourselves. Knowing this entertainment of optimism exists
if we believe so makes it possible for the human mind to obtain it. Even
Abraham Lincoln said that, Most folks are about as happy as they
make up their minds to be. Happiness is not just a state of pleasure; I
believe the soul, mind, and body drive it together.
Through our daily motions we begin to develop and recognize
more about our character. After years of experience, we begin to live
accordingly to highly subjective views. Where the line begins to dim is
on the idea of happiness controlled by our minds subjections are
gained through experience and knowledge. The question is whether or
not a child has a subjective mindset. This being whether they have
acquired enough experience of life in order to make their own
decisions based off character and morals. A childs frame of mind
consists more of simple intuition and instinctive manner when it comes
to something unfamiliar. This is why children need to be supervised
and guided towards moralistic behavior. Ever heard the phrase the
apple doesnt fall far from the tree? well, this is why; because children
learn from higher authority whether it be parents or any adult.
Therefore, children may not have acquired yet their own values,
optimism, or fulfillment. When it comes to unpleasant situations,
children will more likely feel an intense sentiment of horror verses the
tendency in many adults to look for the hope in any situation.
The only time happiness would not appear so easily during our
lives is in the moments of suffering. Whether it is tragic times of losing
a loved one, dealing with a sick child, or the motions of losing a job.
Happiness is existent before the great demands of suffering. There is
always a time when we swing back around, change our outlooks, and
fall back into regular patterns of life. Even if it takes years to cope with
our suffering, we still choose life and hope that one day we can be
happy again. So, we know that our happiness exists before the
suffering, and after a while things turn around and we find happiness
after the suffering as well. Yet, why cant happiness exist during our
suffering? Our minds get so clouded and distraught throughout the
emotional ways we cope and wrestle with our problems, that in the
midsts of it we lose the sense of how strong we are. We may feel weak,
but there is nothing stronger than the human spirit. Yes we may be the
weakest link physically to exist on this planet. Put yourself in a cage

with lions and bears and youll surely end up as their dinner. However,
why is it that we as humans have rein over all these animals? It sure
isnt because of our physical appearance. The human spirit and mind
are very, very strong.
When it comes down to specifics, there are two types of
suffering: mental and physical. However, it becomes tricky to say
which one is easier to deal with, or if they are the same. In one
situation you could have a mother grieving over her kidnapped son of
7 years, which would cause serious mental instability over the course
of each year. In this situation the mother can view the circumstance of
her missing son in one of two ways. One being either her son is in pain
and being persecuted every day by his captors, or two there is hope for
her son that he either will rerun home safely or he has passed away
and is no longer suffering. The second situation is to experience
physical harm first hand.
Although the lines between how much pain a person can suffer
mentally or physically is very broad, we should acknowledge that
sometimes there may seem no way to overcome a circumstance. After
searching for answers on how much pain the human body can endure,
its stated by Susan Scutti on Medical Daily, that And though it may
take various forms emotional, psychological, even moral most
would agree physical pain is the kind we feel the greatest desire to
immediately end. Even though there are no exact answers to how
much pain we can endure, its clear that almost every one of us have
suffered some sort of physical pain. This kind of pain comes in doses,
the most physical pain I have endured from self-experience were the
breaking of a few bones. I believe that to a certain extent, that our
minds capable of looking past physical suffering and able to focus on
the hope and fulfillment of whom we truly are. However, there is some
physical pain that can far bypass this idea of mental stability and
therefor my thoughts on happiness, fulfillment, and well-being could be
completely incorrect. There are many places around the world with
repressive societies and unimaginable suffering that I have not come
nearly close to experiencing. Therefor, I am in no place to say that
happiness can prevail through anything is merely close to the truth.
My response: Marla, I think you misunderstood the requirements for
this assignment. Your essay was supposed to be in a polished form.
As I was reading your essay, I was captured by your reflections of
looking out of a window. Also, your thoughts about happiness not
coming from the senses or rather being beyond the senses. There is a
lot of deep thought in this essay. However, I think you go off topic quite

a bit, and it would be better if you focused more on what happiness is

rather than what it is not.
Note: You need to make sure you include an MLA heading and center your title. Go to
the Writing Resources section on the Moodle class page for more information on MLA
format.