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Running head: TRUE LOVE

What is True Love and does it exists? What are the differences of Infatuation vs. True Love?
Carmina H. Pua
EN 202-003
Dr. Kimberly Bunts Andersen
Northern Marianas College

Author Note:
This paper is based on research on the topic of True Love and Infatuation. For further questions
or concerns regarding this paper, contact author at carmina.pua@my.marianas.edu

Running head: TRUE LOVE


Table of Contents
Abstract
Title
Background
Literature Review
Research Questions
Methodology
Findings
Analysis Critique
References
Appendices

Running head: TRUE LOVE


Abstract
True love is hard to find, leading some people to believe it does not exist. With the
reports of divorces around the world and even here in the CNMI, many have been confused of
whether they are infatuated or actually in love. Infatuation is part of the first stage of a
relationship eventually leading to intense feelings of sexual desires. Whether the relationships
lasts long enough that lead to true love, all depends on both the partners and their way of giving
and receiving love. With the research based on literatures and primary research collected through
surveys, data suggests that true love is hard to find but does exists. True story examples and
interviews of peoples experiences regarding divorces, infatuation, teen pregnancy and true love
reveals what happens in each area as described. Without a doubt, most people believe they can
and will find true love in time.

Running head: TRUE LOVE


Introduction Title Proposal: What is True Love?
As part of an advanced English composition course the student chose the topic of true love
as an area of interest. The research questions explored include the questions regarding what is
true love versus infatuation and attraction; Whether a person can fall in love with just words and
actions but without having a sexual encounter? For many, True Love is hard to find. Others
however appear lucky and find it without much effort at all. This is an important topic because
many people seem confused as to whether they are really in love with a person or not, and
whether they have found true love. In fact, infatuation and attraction may seem like love, but
with temporary benefits. With divorce rates on the rise, it is important to examine ourselves and
our relations and decide whether a relationship we are considering being committed to is true
love or not before making decisions that can impact a lifetime. This research report presents
literature and primary research methods that were used in a study investigating the topic of true
love.

Running head: TRUE LOVE


Background
Therefore, surveys are to be done on couples that are married or not married. This will
include couples that are young and old, from different nationalities. There will also be online
research from articles and magazines as well as scientific studies and experiments on love. It is
also helpful to interview couples who have been together for a long time and how they did it. It is
also best to show a short clip on what true love really is to better understand and prepared if a
person is in love or not.
In other words, this is also an important topic to discuss and research on especially with the
rise of divorce and separation. Some people have different beliefs on love, whether they believe
in true love or not. Others believe in finding one true love whereas others believe to love more
than one partner. There are also specific ways that lead to true love and if it will last. What makes
it more interesting is the results and whether it is worth it or ending it.
True love can be hard to find. With all these questions in mind, interview and surveys will be
conducted. Who and how a person finds true love is like a miracle. Who a person loves can
happen unexpectedly or the least you expect it. Love is different from attraction and infatuation
in many deeper ways. True love requires hard work for some while others do so willingly with
no doubt. Lets face it, we all want to be thought about, cared for and appreciated.

Running head: TRUE LOVE


True Love vs. Infatuation and Attraction
According to scientists, infatuation is the overwhelming amorous feeling for one special
person. Infatuation comes with negative feelings such as insecurity, nervousness, and anxiety.
Infatuation and attraction on the other hand is somewhat similar to love, but will be further
discussed in detail on how to tell the actual difference. Consider how studies by Byrne and
Murnen on how infatuated ones mirror each others behaviors. How infatuation and attraction
starts and whether it will turn into love will be discussed as well. Personally, this topic is to
further search on why people feel such way and how to avoid further heartaches. Heartaches
cause a lot of pain that people deal with in different ways. A persons actions and words may just
be enough for a person to fall in love with, while others expect sexual relations to feel in love.
Some examples of infatuation are selfish needs met and sees the other person as perfect.
Quickly falls for the other and spends all the time with the other person that leads to dependence
of person causing jealousy frequently. Relationship lasts for a short period of time while
arguments are common and seriously damages relationship. Whereas, some examples of true
love are the opposite as mentioned of infatuation and attraction. True love loves the person
despite their flaws and is selflessly wants to serve the other person. Relationships takes time to
build leading to true love. Trust and understanding leads to less jealousy and results in long term
commitments. Arguments are less serious and strengthens the relationship.

Running head: TRUE LOVE


Literature Review
Some may wonder whether true love really exists after hearing about divorces,
while others believe true love exists without question. According to an article journal by
Langeslag, Muris and Franken entitled Measuring Romantic Love.., relationships begin with
infatuation, which may lead to love and attachment. This all depends on whether the couple lasts
long enough to reach that stage in a relationship. Most people would agree that romantic
relationships start with a spark which may lead to infatuation according to Erica Loop on
Demand Media. An article entitled High conflict divorce, shows that more than 90% of
people living worldwide, are married at least once before the age of 50, and 40 to 50% of
marriages end in divorce. This review discusses different types of literatures and article journals
on the topic of True Love and how love starts and ends in relationships.
One article journal by Langeslag, Muris and Franken, entitled Measuring Romantic
Love; Psychometric Properties of Infatuation and Attachment Scales, show how people
experience love. An example of romantic love are observable changes in friends or jobs to be
with beloved. Some experience infatuation or attachment while others feel both at the same time.
Either way, love moves people to do things for the sake of the beloved. Love may trigger higher
feelings of infatuation and lower levels of attachment, or the opposite. Once again, this all
depends on how long the relationship has been. According to recent findings from Stanton and
Campbell from Energized by Love article, reported that romantic relationships increases blood
glucose for both partners with positive eustress or beneficial stress.
Another article of interest is by Haddad, Phillips and Bone entitled High-Conflict
divorce: A review of the Literature. This article talks about how 40 to 50 percent of marriages
end up in divorce. Love as mention earlier, creates feelings of commitment that leads to

Running head: TRUE LOVE


marriage. But when the marriage runs out of love, divorce becomes a reality that affects all
members including children if provided. Although there are many reasons for divorce, this article
shows how successful transitions are needed to move on compared to a disastrous transition of
divorce. This all depends on the behaviors of the ones going through a divorce. A better attitude
leads to a better focus on well-being and children if involved.
Overall, based on some of the articles mentioned, true love appears to exist and it all
depends on both partners love for each other. Romantic relationships has health benefits related
to blood glucose in the article by Stanton and Campbell. Some relationships do come to end such
as a divorce which includes 40 to 50 percent of marriages. Infatuation leads to love as attachment
increases. Some people experience love with no attachment or the opposite, but if both are
experienced at the same time, the chances of real true love is greater. Therefore, many people
experience love in life but can only experience true love once in a lifetime.

Running head: TRUE LOVE


True Love
Since the beginning of time, true love has been the main source of a happy life
despite the divorce rates on the rise. Love is everywhere and anywhere such as on social media,
other forms of entertainment and even in the atmosphere. Although divorce seems to be an
option in marriages nowadays, true love leads to a different lasting relationship instead. Surveys
and interviews explain further how true love differs from temporary infatuation and that true love
does exist and can be found. Throughout the following paragraphs, experiences from couples and
single ones from different backgrounds are mentioned as to why true love is hard to find.
Everyone wants to be wanted and appreciated in life, depending on whether true love is found or
not. The following paragraphs further explain as to why true love is possible to find and how
separation and divorce is not necessary.
To begin with, attraction eventually leads to infatuation at the starting point of a
relationship. Some scientists have found that infatuation, also known as passionate love, is the
amorous feeling and attachment for one special person that formed through emotional bonding.
Infatuation may sound like love but it actually comes with negative feelings such as insecurity,
nervousness and anxiety. For those that have just fallen in love, infatuation will be felt more
than attachment. As for couples in a long term relationship, the opposite will be experienced such
as lower feelings of infatuation and higher feelings of attachment. The longer the relationship,
the less feelings of infatuation as feelings of attachment increases. Some couples may mistake
infatuation as love and end up in the wrong type of relationship. An example of an infatuation is
a couple that have high sexual desire for each other with less or no attachment at all.
This leads us to the next level which is intense romantic love. Everyone will or
have experienced a loving romantic relationship at least once in life. A person can love a parent,

Running head: TRUE LOVE


pet or a close friend, but the type of love that will be discussed is romantic love for a potential
partner. Romantic relationships involves two people that share a special emotional bond and
sexual desires according to research from Fisher and Aron (2002), stated earlier in previous
paragraph. Romantic love is intense in a relationship to the point where partners consider each
others lifestyles and try to suit it into their lives. Love includes sacrifices that are made even
dying for the love of their life.
Consider a true story of Ben and Jessica entitled "Crying Alone in Darkness." Ben and
Jessica were two people who truly loved each other since the day they met at the age of 9. They
were neighbors and went to high school together. Ben grew up with an abusive father who then
went to prison and was released just recently. Ben was always there for Jessica even after her
breakup with her cheating ex-boyfriend. Prom was around the corner and Jessica wanted to go
with Ben so badly and kept asking him if he asked out his "crush" yet. One night, after shopping
for prom the next day, Ben and Jessica were walking down a dark street and noticed someone
was following behind them with a knife. They saw it was Ben's father and ran but Jessica was
grabbed and held down. Ben's father was about to kill Jessica but Ben ran back and fought his
father who then stabbed him multiple times and ran away. The next day, Ben's mother gave
Jessica a letter that she found in Ben's room. The letter said how he loved Jessica since the day
he met her and that she is his purpose for living. It then asked Jessica to the prom, revealing that
she was actually the "crush" he was talking about. Jessica cried alone in her dark room because
she loved him too but lost him. Ben died from saving Jessica which shows that true love is
willing to sacrifice whatever it takes to be with beloved one.
One article journal by Langeslag, Muris and Franken, entitled Measuring Romantic
Love; Psychometric Properties of Infatuation and Attachment Scales, show how people

Running head: TRUE LOVE


experience love. An example of romantic love are changes in friends or jobs to be with beloved.
Some experience infatuation or attachment while others feel both at the same time. Either way,
love moves people to do things for the sake of the beloved. Love may trigger higher feelings of
infatuation and lower levels of attachment, or the opposite. Once again, this all depends on how
long the relationship has been. According to recent findings from Stanton and Campbell from
Energized by Love article, reported that romantic relationships increases blood glucose for both
partners with positive eustress or beneficial stress.
Eustress is beneficial stress psychologically and or physically as found in Wikipedia
encyclopedia. This is also a good stress that motivates people to get the job done and feel good
about themselves. In addition to romantic relationships, eustress motivates a couple to willingly
do things for each other that makes them feel good about it, no matter how hard it may be.
Distress on the other hand, is bad stress that leads to poor decisions and habits. Distress is
unbearable stress that cannot be dealt with such as a divorce, therefore leading to bad habits such
as smoking and drinking alcohol. These two types of stress are dealt with differently from each
person in a romantic relationship, as each person contributes to love in different ways.
Another article of interest is by Haddad, Phillips and Bone entitled High-Conflict
divorce: A review of the Literature. This article talks about how 40 to 50 percent of marriages
end up in divorce. Love as mention earlier, creates feelings of commitment that leads to
marriage. But when the marriage runs out of love, divorce becomes a reality that affects all
members including children if provided. Although there are many reasons for divorce, this article
shows how successful transitions are needed to move on compared to a disastrous transition of
divorce. This all depends on the behaviors of the ones going through a divorce. A better attitude
leads to a better focus on well-being and children if involved.

Running head: TRUE LOVE


Our source of entertainment also portrays how a person receives and shows love. Media
plays a huge part on romantic relationship as it influences love shown on romantic novels and
love songs. An article on Candy hearts; Messages about love, lust and infatuation by Jefson in
the year (2006) stated that the media promote attitudes and behaviors that glamorize sexual
involvement without realistically portraying its potential consequences such as pregnancy and
sexually transmitted infections." These types of situations are happening to students who are
exposed to how love should be through media leading to unwanted pregnancy or sexually
transmitted diseases. Although it may seem like love on television, in reality, things don't happen
the way the media shows it. The CNMI has the same issue going on with young teenage girls
getting pregnant and or HIV.
As part of my methods, take for example an interview taken by a 17 year old mother
named Ann from Saipan. She first met her boyfriend at the age of 14 while he was 15. Only a
month into the relationship and they were inseparable. She would have constant hickeys on her
neck, which she says is a way of showing deep love for each other. Her true story continues
saying, For todays generation, the need to develop love and trust means being together as often
as possible. This togetherness eventually generates desire which makes teens exceptionally
vulnerable because they tend to bring love and desire together although these elements are
actually opposed to each other. Teens believe that the acceptability of sexual activities like
petting, necking and copulation is tied to the level of mutual understanding that has been
achieved. So at 17, Anne dropped out of school, works in a private company and rears a two-year
old - alone. Her ex-boyfriend is now living with her younger sister who also bore his child.
The discussion on Anns example shows how many teens in the CNMI are going through
the same thing. They either did it for love or what they thought was love. It seems that people

Running head: TRUE LOVE


may mistake infatuation as love when in fact it is temporary feelings instead of lasting feelings
like true love. This leads to decisions that have permanent affects or somewhat consequences
such as HIV or unwanted pregnancy. As mentioned earlier, true love takes time and effort on
both partners.
According to The sexual bond by Francois Duyckaerts (1970), why some men permit
themselves to have sexual relations with common or loose women who cannot by any stretch of
the imagination be likened to their mother, while they become sexually paralyzed in the presence
of any woman who reminds them of her: she is after all the person with whom they passed their
childhood years, forbidden the opportunity to express their desire for her. It seems that most
men fall in love with women that have similar personality or traits as their mother. Therefore,
true love is established when common grounds are found. This is their use of the real ego
expressing their love for the woman similar to their mother. Everyone needs a mothers love,
likes wise it is understandable to want such needs and feelings from a partner as well. Along with
The Psychology of Intimacy by Karen J. Prager 1995, intimacy promotes individual wellbeing by fulfilling important psychological needs. It is true to say that true love does exists with
the right amount of needs met from both partners. It is also more of qualities instead of physical
looks that lead to love or even true love.
Another method used in a group interview of four conducted on Sunday, February 14th
evening, the group was given true love as a topic to discuss. Participant 1, a female age 53,
believes true love lasts forever, whereas participant 2, a female age 18, does not believe in true
love due to desires of wanting multiple partners. As for participant 3, female age 27, does not
believe in true love due to changes of feelings and circumstances. Lastly, participant 4, age 33
female, does believe in true love if the right person is found. This brings to conclusion that the

Running head: TRUE LOVE


younger a person is, the less likely to have found true love due to lack of time and experience,
whereas the older a person is, the more likely to have found and believe in true love.
Overall, true love is based on the time spent on the needs met and satisfied for both
partners that lead to true love. For most men, studies revealed that they are most likely to fall in
love with a woman that has a similar character to that of his mother. The closer friends they are
the better as it fulfills and satisfies a role of a mother. True love leads to marriages for some
people that are ready for the commitment, whereas some are divorce due to changes of feelings
and circumstances. True love does lasts forever but needs to be met and satisfied by both
partners.

References

Running head: TRUE LOVE


Turns Out, "True Love Waits" Less Often for Jews and Christians. (2012). Contemporary
Sexuality,46(9), 7-8.
JENSEN, J. F., & RAUER, A. J. (2014). Turning inward versus outward: Relationship work in
young adults and romantic functioning. Personal Relationships, 21(3), 451-467.
doi:10.1111/pere.12042
Stanton, S. E., Campbell, L., & Loving, T. J. (2014). Energized by love: Thinking about romantic
relationships increases positive affect and blood glucose levels. Psychophysiology,51(10), 990995. doi:10.1111/psyp.12249
HADDAD, L., PHILLIPS, K. D., & BONE, J. M. (2016). High-Conflict Divorce: A Review of
the Literature. American Journal Of Family Law, 29(4), 243-258
Jefson, C. (2006). Candy Hearts: Messages About Love, Lust, and Infatuation. Journal Of
School Health, 76(3), 117-121. doi:10.1111/j.1746-1561.2006.00079.x
Langeslag, S. E., Muris, P., & Franken, I. A. (2013). Measuring Romantic Love: Psychometric
Properties of the Infatuation and Attachment Scales. Journal Of Sex Research, 50(8), 739-747.
doi:10.1080/00224499.2012.714011
Marrone, J., Burns, R., & Taylor, S. (2014). Vocational rehabilitation and mental health
employment services: True love or marriage of convenience?. Journal Of Vocational
Rehabilitation,40(2), 149-154. doi:10.3233/JVR-140672
Duyckaerts, F., (1970). The sexual bond
Prager, Karen J., (1995). The Psychology of Intimacy
http://www.saipantribune.com/

Running head: TRUE LOVE