APRIL 2016 / ` 125

MARLON
BRANDO

THE GODFATHER

in person

05

REAL DATES
FROM HELL
(HOW
NOT TO BE
A JERK)

INDIA EDITION VOL 9 ISSUE 05

BOOTY
LIKE
BARBIE

REAL

DOLLS!

DATE WITH A

DOMINATRIX
it cost us 10K
AND SEVERAL

TISSUE PAPERS
An early Goan
Summer with

WALUSCHA
DE SOUSA

GET HER IN THE MOOD

WITH
SECRET
JOYS

CELEBRATING

EVERY
MANS

D.E.S.I.R.E
NOW

WITH OUR APP

Download FHM India app and get your

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CONTENTS 04-2016

Bodyline bowling with Archana p 04

Rider on the storm p 76

Objects of desire p 88

Yummy mummy, Adrianna! p 14

Time to fly p 68

Dhan Ta Nan Ho Gaya. FHM Fan Ho Gaya p 50

Buy your gf the perfect lingerie p 90

ACCESS

FILTER

FEATURES

10 PLANNER

32 BOOK EXCERPT

Whats new, whats happening,

and what the world is talking
about... Weve got it all here!

20 DATES FROM HELL

Our femme fatale shares her

experiences from the worst dates
shes had in just one year!

22 HIDDEN PLEASURE
We guys dont always need a
partner to satisfy our urges.
neither does she. but if youre
struggling to keep up with her
wants, invest in one of these.

April 2016

42 THE URBAN
CRUSADER

World Bank Chief Economist,

Kaushik Basu relives his time
as the chief economic advisor
to the Government of India.

Spunky, different and

practical... The Vitara Brezza is
exactly what the doctor
prescribed for tackling our
urban driving woes.

44 RANT OF THE
MONTH

36 UNDER THE
SCANNERSPIT

FHM grabbed Monica Dogras

debut solo album Spit and
put it through our mental
washing machine.

Kanye West could very well

be President in 2020! Guest
columnist, Siddharth
Mahadevan weighs the
possible options...

38 DIRECTORS CUT

46 ASS LIKE BARBIE

British film director, Stevan

Riley talks to us as we attend
a special screening of his
latest documentary, Listen to
me Marlon.

Proxy humans... err pretty dolls

for some love-making. And
they neither judge, nor expect!

fhmindia fhmindia

60 GODDESS
PRAMILA

An exclusive chat with a

dominatrix wholl spank,
humiliate and abuse you, as you
write her a hefty cheque.

68 SPACE ODYSSEY
Mankind has stared at the
stars, looking for cosmic
inspiration for countless
millennia. A few inspired
people decided we could do
with a closer look.

82 BRANDO
UNPLUGGED

Marlon Brando returns from

beyond the grave to tell his story
in his own voice.
fhmindia.com

IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Publisher & CEO Nitin Agarwal
COO Alok Katiyar
Editor Hari Govind Nair

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TCG MEDIA LIMITED

EDITORS LETTER

Who doesnt like to dominate over a

situation? To be in control, plan the next move
and make others dance to their tunes
But considering the complexities of human
nature, there is a twist in this tale as well.
Recently I met an old friend who, after onetoo-many rounds of straight shots, decided
to open up and reveal his latest fixation. Now,
this gentleman heads an organisation with
a workforce of over ten thousand people
and his decisions affect the stock market.
Recently, he met a woman, they had a great
time, one thing led to another and... you know
where it led to. The interesting bit is, post a
couple of hot and sweaty nights, he started
sensing a difference in their entire approach.
Instead of having a level playing field, she
was starting to take charge and making him
submit to her wishes. Outside the bedroom,
everything remained the same, but in there
he was slowly becoming a slave, getting
humiliated and worshiping her like a goddess.
And he says, Hari, I am enjoying this so
much. Instead of people trying to please me,
here is someone who is literally making me
beg for her approval and I am loving it.
This chat got me thinking and thats when
the idea of the dominatrix story came up.
Somehow I managed to convince Sudhakar
to take one for the team and get deep into

the life of a domme. He definitely went as

deep and as real as he could. Now we need
to figure out if his domme has managed to
make a permanent slave out of him or not.
For those who are still happy with their
conventional romp between the sheets, we
have a selection of toys to make things a bit
more interesting. There is also an insightful
interview with the CEO of RealDolls, an
American manufacturer of unique and
exquisite love dolls.
To satisfy your craving for adventure, go
through our story on private space travel
and book your ticket to outer space. We also
managed to catch hold of the bravest Indian
on two-wheels CS Santosh. Santosh has
won every major motorcycle rally in India and
is also the only Indian to have ever taken part
and completed the gruelling Dakar Rally.
Finally, lets talk about our cover girl,
Waluscha De Sousa. Looking as smashing as
ever, De Sousa will be sharing screen space
with SRK in this months release, Fan... and
after this photo shoot with this super model,
we are definitely her newest fans.
Many other interesting articles are
sprinkled all over, so dive in deep and enjoy
the month of fools with FHM.
Hari Govind Nair

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fhmindia fhmindia

April 2016

APRIL 2016

Words SHIVANSHU NIRUPAM //Photography KUNAL AND ANKUSH SHARMA

Styling DHRUV ADITYA DAVE // Hair and Make-up DEEPTI JAIN & VINITA YADAV
Location HYATT REGENCY, GURGAON

BODYLINE
BOWLING
WITH
ARCHANA
VIJAYA

SHES HERE TO BOWL YOU OUT

AND WE SUGGEST YOU WEAR YOUR
GROIN GUARD AS THE LEGGY LASS IS
SMASHING IT LEFT, RIGHT AND CENTRE!

I was born
gorgeous, thanks
to my genes.

Dress: Zara;
Lingerie:
Hunkemoller

W H O S
SHE?
From: Kolkata
Vital Stats:
34(B)-24-36
Age: 34
Facebook:
facebook.com/
archanaofficial
Instagram:
@archanavijaya
Twitter:
@archanavijaya

FHM: Hey, Archana! Tell us

about your journey since Get
Gorgeous 1. Or wed say,
how did you get gorgeous?
Archana: (Haha) Well, I was born
gorgeous. Thanks to the lovely
genes that were passed on to me.
But on a more serious note, when
the Channel V people came to
Kolkata, I happened to be there at
the club. I still remember it was a
Sunday and Id say I was there at
the right place at the right time.
Funnily enough, I went in front of
the camera and spent 45 minutes
and I didnt even realise! Later, I
got a call from them saying I was
shortlisted and had to come to
Goa, so I thought, why not! And
the next thing I know... I went
there and I won! And that was
just the beginning of my love
affair with the camera. Life has
been a complete roller coaster
ever since.
So, are there any
embarrassing moments on
the ramp that youd like to
share with us?
Well, every time I used to walk the
ramp, I used to faint even though

destination that you havent

been to and want to go?
Oh, therere so many places in the
world. I basically try and go to a
new country every year. Some
years, Im very lucky that I get to
go to three or four new places. Im
going to Moscow next month so
Im really looking forward to that
since Ive never been there.
So youre a footloose
traveller with no destination
in particular?
Yeah, totally! Im totally consumed
by wanderlust and I love going to
new places, eating new cuisines,
meeting new people and seeing
new things. Also, I love historical
places; I love going back in time.
For me, travelling to places that
are rich in culture, heritage and
architecture is like a dream. I love
to read, too. I like fiction,
adventure and books that are
based on history. When I read
those books, its almost like Ive
become the character. I basically
escape through books. I also love
watching films which are
historical and I feel like Im the
protagonist which I really enjoy.

Ive made a lot of

friends in cricket since
Ive been into it for so
long. But my favourite
will always be Sachin.
it was just for 30 seconds. Also, I
had never worn heels before, so it
was a scary experience walking
the ramp with high heels on and
500 people staring at you.

Cape: Zara;
Swim-Suit:
Flirtatious;
Shoes: Steve
Madden

Do you still get nervous

while walking the ramp?
Not really, since now Ive been live
on television and in front of
thousands of people... so the
perspective changes with time.
But yeah, theres always that
element of butterflies in the
stomach, which I think is a good
thing. I think the day I stop getting
the butterflies in my stomach, I
should just quit my job. I like the
adrenaline rush. Its a nice feeling.
Sure! So, being a travel
junkie, whats the craziest
thing youve done on a trip?
Well, I dived from 12,000 feet!
Also, Ive done a shark cage dive.
You know, there was this massive
shark that was literally just five
centimetres away from me. It was
really crazy!
Is there any particular

April 2016

That sounds interesting! So

where can we find Archana
Vijaya spending a vacation?
Well, you will find me on a beach
with white sand and beautiful blue
water, with a martini in my hand!
That sounds like a perfect
vacation! Now that youre
into cricket, tell us about
your favourite boys.
Over the years Ive made a
lot of friends in cricket since Ive
been into it for so long. But my
all-time favourite will always be
Sachin Tendulkar, without a doubt. I
also like Ajinkya Rahane, Hardik
Pandya and Pawan Negi. Also, Ive
made very good friends with Yuvi
(Yuvraj Singh) and Virat. Weve
been to a lot of tours together and
all these boys are fun!
Are you more inclined
towards the good boys or the
bad ones?
(Haha!) Well, Ive given you the
names, so you can do the math!
Sure! So what is your
sexiest physical attribute?
fhmindia.com

IPL
RAPID
FIRE:

Leather Jacket:
Zara; Lingerie:
Hunkemoller;
Bracelet:
Labelkiss.com;
Shorts: Vero Moda

ODIs or T20s?
T20s. ODIs are
boring.
Dhoni or Kohli?
Dhoni.
How would you
react if Chris
Gayle asked
you out?
Ill politely say,
Im taken, love.
Which venue
gives you the
most applauding
welcome?
Mohali.
Sunil Gavaskar or
Danny Morrison?
This is not fair! I
love Danny for
his craziness.
But Ill go with
SG (Sunil
Gavaskar).
Mumbai Indians
or Royal
Challengers
Bangalore?
Mumbai Indians.
A night out with
Shibani and
Rochelle or a
booze session
with Samir and
Gaurav?
A booze session
with Samir
and Gaurav.

Well, Im
comfortable
in my skin.
But a lot of
people seem
to appreciate
my derrire,
which I
think is a
decent
aspect of
my body.

Trench Coat: ONLY;

Lingerie: Hunkemoller;
Ring: Labelkiss.com;
Shoes: Steve Madden

Youve seen the most of me already,

so you tell me.
Well, true, but we couldnt
figure out because we found
everything sexy!
Oh god! Thats a compliment! Well,
Im comfortable in my skin. But a lot
of people seem to appreciate my
derrire, which I think is a decent
aspect of my body.
Okay! Tell us those five things
in men that turn you on.
One would be the sense of humor,
for sure. If you cant make me
laugh, you have no chance. The
second would be men who are
old-school, chivalrous and polite.
Third would be a nice smile. I like
tall men. Since Im 58 myself, so
height is something I really care
about. The last one would be men
with lean bodies. I dont really like
beefy men with too much muscle.
How important is love in
your life?
Very important! I think it drives every
single aspect of your life. And by this,
I not only mean in a relationship, but
also loving what you do. You also
gotta love your job. So, for me, right
now the love of my life is labelkiss.
com, the online accessory store that
Ive started. I think everything done
with love and passion gives you more
returns than something which is
done half-heartedly. Love just makes
the world a better place.
Well get a little personal now.
Have you ever been hit on by
women? If yes, please
enlighten us.
A lot! Ive been hit on by women
since school. I used to find cards
and chocolates on my desk left by
girls, which my friends enjoyed.
Whoa! So if you were to turn
lesbian for someone, who
would you do it for and why?
Hmmm, interesting question! I think
it would be with Jessica Alba. I
think shes a natural beauty and I
find her very sexy.
What is dirty talk to you?
I think funny talk with sexual
innuendo is dirty talk for me. I hate
trash talk; its a total turn off.
No raunchiness then?
No. I prefer it to be sexy and subtle
rather than being outright trashy.
Tell us that one thing that
would turn you off
immediately.
Body odour. I dont like people who
smell bad.
What is the most
embarrassing rumour that

youve heard about yourself?

Well, the most annoying one doing
the rounds is that Im pregnant.
Whenever I tell my friends or my
mom that Im not eating or not
going out partying or drinking, they
think that Im pregnant. I find it
really annoying because Im far
from being pregnant right now.
Is there something that youve
done that you regret?
I once took money from my fathers
drawer when I was not supposed to
take it. I took ten rupees because I
wanted to eat something, which I
felt very guilty about later. Also,
sometimes I feel guilty about eating
a lot of food because I love food.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how
would you rate your
lovemaking skills?
10 on 10, is what Id like to believe.
Im perfect!
Dark and passionate or an
emotional affair? Which one
defines your kind of love?
Dark and passionate ones (winks).
If you were to be one person,
living or dead, who would you
be and why?
Id like to be Cleopatra and have
Mark Anthony as my lover!
One-night-stands or
commitment?
Commitment, for sure.
Which shades would we find
the most in your wardrobe?
Youll find a lot of black! Or if they
invent a sexier colour than black, Ill
start wearing that.
What, according to you, is the
idea of a perfect date?
I think a perfect date for me would
be drifting away to a private island
where it would be just me and him
with a bottle of beautiful Rosette
champagne and strawberries
dipped in chocolate. Also, a candle
light dinner with amazing sea food.
So where would we find you
the next morning?
On the beach, hopefully. ( Winks)
Would you rather kiss a
frog that turns into George
Clooney or do a nude photo
shoot for FHM?
Thats a very clever question.
Id rather kiss the frog that turns
into George Clooney and then
kiss him, too.

APRIL 15 - 17
APRIL 22 - 24

WE AINT FOOLING YOU HERE, BUT THERE IS A SERIOUS AMOUNT OF

FUN TO BE HAD THIS MONTH, NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE ON THE
GLOBE. HERE ARE SOME OF THOSE FUN THINGS...

COACHELLA,
Indio, California,
United States

10

April 2016

APRIL 30

BELTANE FIRE FESTIVAL,

Edinburgh, Scotland

APRIL 27

KINGS DAY (KONINGSDAG)

Amsterdam, Netherlands

APRIL 25 - MAY 1

AFRIKABURN,
Tankwa Karoo National
Park, South Africa

fhmindia fhmindia

fhmindia.com

APRIL (EXACT DATE TBD)

ROUKETOPOLEMOS
Vrontados, Greece

APRIL 3

KANAMARA MATSURI
Kawasaki, Japan

APRIL (EXACT DATE TBD)

NAGHOL LAND DIVING

Pentecost Island, Vanuatu

APRIL 22 - MAY 21

* Disclaimer: Map not to scale.

KUMBH MELA FESTIVAL

Ujjain, India

APRIL 4 - 9

SNOWBOMBING
Mayrhofen, Austria
fhmindia.com

fhmindia fhmindia

April 2016

11

THE TEAM

WHAT FHM ERS WERE UP TO LAST MONTH

BALANCING ACT

WE DIDNT KNOW
WHAT CRABSTICKS
WERE... UNTIL NOW.

The team went crazy on production day, so we decided

to take it a notch up on the insanity scale and tried to
balance a heavy (10 KG) coffee table book on our
heads. Editor, Hari failed in under three seconds and
was the first one to give up. Colin turned around and
apparantly used magnetic waves to achieve quilibrium.
Simrita did the perfect walk, so we topped her with a
water bottle. Shivanshu tried to ape her in vain.
Sudhakar and Lokesh did their own versions of
Bhangra and Kungfu mix. Siddharth attempted a
Bruce Lee stance but ended up looking like Natraj.

Crabsticks are not made of crabs. WTF,

right? Thats how we went one evening
at the Cafe Public Connection in Delhi
where we had Indias first crabstick
import; stirred with a salad, dipped in a
soup and deep fried in oil. Intern,
Shivanshu bragged about his seafood
expertise and how it was the freshest
crab hes ever had till we found out that
crabsticks are made from the best
parts of several fish. Pretty yum!

THAT ONE TIME

WE FOUND PORN IN
OUR FOOD...

Siddharths adventures in Taiwan

threw up some unexpected surprises
when he chanced upon this bizarre
fungus served at a restaurant in the
Yangmingshan region. We were all
really surprised when he sent us this
picture on the FHM group chat
because weve known Sid to drive his
car on the right side of the road... so
far. Were told it was quite delicious,
despite its curvature.

12

April 2016

THE TALLEST MAN IN OFFICE

WITH THE TALLEST EDIFICE
IN TAIWAN... STILL TALL, SID?
So, the towering giant was humbled by Taipei
101, once the tallest building in the world and
ranked number three now. He ate every
possible thing that once moved, crawled or
swam and came back with 10 pounds of
evenly distributed fat in his body. BTW, hes
asked us not to tell his parents but hes lost
his ticket to the Hindu heaven because of his
gastronimical adventures in Taiwan... If you
know what we mean... Wink Wink. Mooooo...
Sorry Sid.
fhmindia.com

Latinas are
very passionate
and loving!

W H O S
SHE?
From: Texas
Vital Stats:
32(D)-23-32
Age: 30
Facebook:
facebook.com/
adriannaelaine
Instagram:
@adrianna.elaine
Twitter:
@Adrianna_Kirby

This yummy mummy has moves that give your neck some
serious whiplash and your groin, an everlasting sprain.
Read on to find out why...
Sudhakar Jha

Matt Taylor/Pat Ortiz/Roy Chodhury

16

April 2016

fhmindia fhmindia

fhmindia.com

FHM: Adrianna, this photoshoot is

nowhere close to any girl next door we
know. Are you one in real life too?
Adrianna: Im totally the girl next door. Trust
me! And you know, its always nice to hear,
Oh wow, when I saw your pictures, I thought
you would be totally stuck up, but youre
actually a sweetheart! Thats the best thing
you hear about yourself. Dont judge me by
this photoshoot; its just for you guys (winks)!
Weve come to know that you are a
Latina and theres nothing hotter than
seeing a Latina chicas moves. Do you
too have those killer dance moves?
Oh, its in my blood. I can tear up the floor any
day of the week. Wanna test my skills?

fhmindia.com

Why not! So, when do we get to see

those moves... person to person?
You tell me when. I can break the moves out
anywhere; be it a wedding reception to the
Saturday night local bar. After two shots of
tequila, of course!
And we know of one more quality most
Latinas are famous for... do you also
live to please between the sheets?
Yes I do! Latinas are very passionate and loving.
Do you like to innovate a lot when you
are under the covers?
Hell yeah! You have to mix it up to keep the
love growing. Isnt it monotonous to keep
doing the same thing (winks)?

fhmindia fhmindia

Going by your Instagram

page, you love to wear your
femininity on your sleeve. How do
you manage such a sexy figure?
Well, I am blessed with some pretty good
genes, but besides that I keep myself lean
and healthy by eating my favourite meals
at the Fit Fuel Grill in Arlington, Texas. I
strongly believe in the theory that you are
what you eat!
When was the first time you
ever kissed a guy? How was it?
Umm it was in the 7th grade... and I was
totally grossed out. It wasnt a nice feeling
at all, trust me (laughs).

April 2016

17

Do you like tattoos? Have you

got yourself inked?
I love tattoos, but not on myself! I
wont be able to endure the pain.
How do you like to spend your
day when youre not working?
I treat myself to a nice spa treat
sometimes. Some days I go out
shopping in a mall or even go out for
a movie when not working!
Have you ever faced any
wardrobe malfunctions?
Of course! It was on the runway of
a fashion bikini show! My top
came undone, but I somehow
managed to hold the strings back
without being totally exposed!
What is the first thing that you
notice about a guy?
His smile... it totally kills me. I love a
guy with a nice smile.
What outfit do you think you
look sexiest in?
I think I look superb in a low cut
V-neck tee and boy shorts.
Which is the most amazing piece
of lingerie you have ever owned?
Please describe it in detail.
It would have to be my Victoria Secret
Brazilian cut bottoms. Those bottoms
are to die for! They show a lot of cheeks,
but hey, whos going to complain about
showing too much (winks).
Whats your go-to choice when
buying lingerie?
Lingerie? It would have to be that
thoooooong!
Beaches or mountains... what
excites you the most?
Beaches, hands down! I love water. I
am a complete water baby.
Would you walk nude on a
beach if no ones watching you?
Duh I wouldnt walk, I would strut
(winks). Would that count?
Of course it would! What is
the craziest place you have
ever made out at?
The staircase of my workplace. It was
awkward, but too good to complain
about. I still remember the day!
How do you rate your
lovemaking skills on a scale of
1 to 10?
Off the charts!
Whats the most striking feature
in your body? Because for us,
its head to toe and everything
in between...
I would have to say my square jawbone
outline. Oh... wait, and my dimples. The
exotic dark features I have are what
set me apart from others!
18

April 2016

fhmindia fhmindia

fhmindia.com

THE ROSE EATER

Ok. First a confession... it wasnt our first date or the last. He was just too devastatingly goodlooking to pass on (he actually went on to win an international beauty pageant). However, this
walking-talking Adonis while faring well physically had an empty chamber for a brain.
On Valentines Day, I gave him a red rose. Of course, even he was anything but a clich!
After a sermon on how people wasted money on gifts (yeah, he didnt get me
anything), he asked the waiter to bring him some sugar. After all, My Valentine
rose + coarse sugar = after-meal dessert!

JEEPERS CREEPERS
Okay, this one was just plain scary. The creep couldnt get through two sentences without
interjecting it with some smutty double entendre. As we sat discussing the best games on
Sony PS3, he winked and asked, Would you like to play with my joystick? Yup, the WTF
moment. Before I gestured to the waiter to bring me the cheque (yeah, I paid), I
turned to the sad excuse for a man and asked him sardonically, Why dont you
check eBay to see if they have a life on sale?

20

April 2016

THE TINTED TOOTH

Well, there is a reason one should approach the net with
trepidation. The man who sat opposite me was tall, dark and
handsome. Not only was he easy on the eyes, he seemed smart
and sensible too! As I shot him a coy come-hither smile, he
returned the favour by baring his beetroot-red betel-stained
fangs. And as if to answer my silent question, he produced a
shiny silver case that contained his precious leaves. Nestled
amongst the leaves was a shiny gutka sachet. The rest my
dear Watson is elementary. Before you date, deliberate!

THE
CLOTHES
HORSE

This one wasnt particularly hard on the eyes... till I realised

that he was literally a literal incarnate jamboree-of-a-man.
As he sat there, munching on a large plate of French fries,
his stomach growled and gurgled. As I listened intently
not to his words but to his phenomenal intestinal
rumblings. His nonchalance turned out to be
striking, as he asked, (hand on
tummy), Do you know they call it
a borborygmi?

Words: Mallika Nawal

And that was exactly the case with my

hot new date. He was so obsessed
with sagging (Apparantly its a
legitimate fashion term, not simply an
adjective to describe mens onceupon-a-time favourite body part) that
the rim of his Jockey underpants
was playing peek-a-boo with the
entire restaurant. And to top it all,
he made the lamest brand joke in
the history of mankind: In Punjab, a
fashionable Punjaban was walking
by the river when she suddenly saw a
crocodile and screamed, Hai Rabba ,
Lacoste. Well, his consciousness was
seemingly reserved only for brands.
And Racism was a brand new concept.

THE SOUND
EFFECTS

fhmindia.com

April 2016

21

WE GUYS DONT ALWAYS NEED A PARTNER TO SATISFY

OUR URGES. NEITHER DOES SHE. BUT IF YOURE
STRUGGLING TO KEEP UP WITH HER WANTS, INVEST IN
ONE OF THESE. OH! THERES ONE FOR YOU TOO!
Words: Colin Fernandes

22

April 2016

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fhmindia.com

WHOOP-DE-DOO
Prague-based designer, Anna Maresova
created this low cost line of erotic toys in
2011, adding a new product every so often.
She began with Venus Balls a hygienic way
to strengthen the pelvic floor and in 2017,
shes releasing Vibration Eggs for vaginal and
clitoral stimulation. Book now!

GRANDAD
CLOCK DILDO
Dutch designer
Bastiaan Buijs Studio
Cremaster made just 10
pieces of this clockwork
powered vibrator. Made
from brass and glass,
the jiggle is produced
by a rose gold weight
and at 14,000 Euros, its
bound to produce more
than just a lingering
tingle.

fhmindia.com

21 GRAMS
A bizarre memory-box for your widow that contains your
scent, the music you both liked in life (the cabinet acts as
an acoustic amplifier) and space for a smartphone. Most
importantly, it also has a dildo that contains 21 grams of your
ashes. For when shes really missing you!

fhmindia fhmindia

April 2016

23

GLORY HOLES
This multi-purpose coffee table by Beirut designer Richard
Yasmine can be used as it is, as a sculptural piece, or when
inverted, as a base for a larger table. Made out of solid
marble, it rests on eight handmade brass supports that
indeed prove one-size-does-not-fit-all.

VESPER BY CRAVE
Slim, elegant and unobtrusive. Much like your own penis.
Designed to be soundless, the Vesper is both jewellery and
a strong vibrator. It is water-resistant and splashproof, the
stainless steel body making it easy to clean. Go on then...

THE SATYR
Inspired by the ubiquitious pommel horse apparatus common to gymnasts, Buijs designed this sex object for lonely men. With an organic
form created from red silicone (what the designer calls dragon skin) and maple for the legs, theres a 12 volt battery inside to spice
things up. Buijs says he made this to change the image of a pitiful guy with his blow-up doll. Ah well, good try Bastiaan.

24

April 2016

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fhmindia.com

VOLUME 15 ISSUE 3 APRIL 2016 `150

SAY ALOHA
TO TRAVEL TALES!
CELEBS & THEIR
CRAZY ESCAPADES!
BEJEWELLED
SEVEN WONDERS
OF THE WORLD
BEAUTY WITH A
CAUSE MEET
ALEX BOX

I dont

need a man
to complete me.
NARGIS FAKHRI

Indias first magazine about diabetes

MAR-APR 2016

APRIL-MAY 2016

It takes
diabeticlivingonline.in

PALLIATIVE CARE

for

Cancer

patients

`100

TWOTO
TANGO

VOLUME 10, ISSUE 1 `90

125

Years of

Scania

Supply chain the

unsung hero of business

myths
a
7about

DATE WITH THE

DENTIST

protein

Volvos
solution to

Shrimp
SPOTLIGHT

stranded

trucks

Ford F150: all new avatar

Skill gaps in the Indian logistics sector

MISSION SOLAR

2010: NATIONAL
SOLAR MISSION
LAUNCHED.

PRAISE THE
LORD!

SASTA PRICE,
SASTA QUALITY...

HERE BOSS, FULL

10 CRORES, BOSS.
26

April 2016

JAI MANMOHAN
SINGHJI KI!

...AND PROFIT
HI PROFIT...

SIR! TOP QUALITY,

WE HAVE!
fhmindia fhmindia

BUT HOW DO IT
LIKE SASTA?

BHARAT MATA
KI JAI!

SORRY SIR.
ALL LIES, SIR...
fhmindia.com

THE NATIONAL SOLAR MISSION, INDIAS MOST AMBITIOUS POWER PROJECT,

WAS SHOT DOWN BY THE W.T.O. WE DO YOGA WITH A BABU FROM THE
MINISTRY OF NEW AND RENEWABLE ENERGY TO FIND OUT WHY.
Words: Colin Fernandes

SHARADJI,
PLEASE TO HELP!

THANK YOU
SHARADJI!

DISCARD THIS
LIGHTBULB!

WTF! YEH W.T.O

KYA HAI?

SURYADEV!
BACHAO W.T.O SE!
fhmindia.com

ADARSH
SOLAR BABU.
fhmindia fhmindia

HUM HONGE
KAMIYAAB!

OHHO! MORE
BRIBES TO GIVE...

WORLD TRADE
OLIGARCHY.
April 2016

27

BOYS TO MEN

MEN ARE IN PRETTY GOOD SHAPE RIGHT NOW AND DONT

LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE.
Words: Joel Golby

There are three fundamental things that men enjoy: beer, FIFA
and fart jokes. Fart jokes have been funny for millennia and
they will be funny forever. They will be funny until the universe
splinters at the edges and frays back into atoms. The dying gasps of
the last man to ever live his ancient, pulsating skull the size of an
award-winning pumpkin, lying geriatric in a hoverbed will be the
quiet, gentle croak: pull my finger.
Beer is such a basic component of manhood that you have to
wonder what the very lowest standard of lager must be for a man to
find it unacceptable to drink. Bad beer is like bad sex: even when its
28

April 2016

bad, its still quite good. Ive had beer out of a plastic pint glass that was
so flat it was essentially urine, I would say, its alright. University clubs
funnel beer into their arseholes and shit it out to be slurped up by
freshers with a straw and you still think that if they gave arse beer an
FHM review, it would still average two stars out of five. It is essentially
more important to men than blood.
And if you are a man who has been alive in the last 20 years, you will
be familiar with FIFA, even if youre a Pro Evo apologist. You will have
spent some stoned evening in your mates front room with a
Sainsburys bag full of mints, trying to do that shimmy-instep, quick 1-2

fhmindia fhmindia

fhmindia.com

combo thats always online. But

your mate always sees it coming,
desperately shouting bastard,
looking at the clock as it ticks
around to 1am and turning and
saying, one more?
Those are your three main
male components, the
unchanging constant. Throw
those in a bucket and mix them
with some semen and leave
under a towel or a muslin cloth to
bloom. Then, in 60 to 80 days on
a warm radiator, itll rise like a loaf
and a man will come out. A
misshapen man, undoubtedly. An
actual monster. But hell be
capable of doing a low-level
admin job somewhere in an office
near Manesar, or football punditry
fhmindia.com

for the Indian Super League.

Those who are the constants. But
men have been shifting around
them in waves ever since FHM
was launched.
For Him Magazine was
founded as a quarterly in 1985,
but it was in 1994 that it became
the magazine as we know it a
time when Britain was basically
one constant, decade-long
Happy Monday gig. It was when
Britain was essentially Gazza in a
bucket hat doing line after line of
coke while Oasis waddled around
him in cargo trousers saying,
ALRIGHT, OUR KID? That was
when lads were in full swing.
Remember the 90s? Perhaps
you dont. It was essentially an

era where it was OK to

legitimately like Chumbawamba
Obviously, that had to change. So,
at the turn of the millennium,
modern man evolved from its
primitive early-lad prototype into
the metrosexual, which essentially
involved strapping a baby to your
chest any baby, it didnt have to
be yours and wearing a pair of
I-am-an-architect glasses and a
muted grey T-shirt and reading
self-help books about male anger,
and maybe hey, were all open
minded, right? letting someone
touch your prostate mid-session.
It was sort of an about-turn from
the 90s though in the same way
probably a bit much.
And so men found a sort of
level in-between and thats where
we are now looking forward to
a bright new future. Because
after that misguided nu-lad
dalliance sometime last year, men
are in good shape. Men have
their faults were exceptionally
bad at emotions, we are
fundamentally the more violent
gender, we are on the whole
responsible for basically every
atrocity in human history and
were not fantastically good at
basic laundry but then again,
theres a lot to like, too.
Were funny as hell and were
not afraid to take the piss out of
each other. Banter is essentially
a second language. We make
good dads because were good
at shouting, but were also good
at playing with Lego. We are
powerful; we are good leaders.
Were extremely swole at the
gym. Everyone is swole right now.
Every man alive can look at a
menu at a Big Chill and find the
most protein-heavy meal. We are
dressing better than ever. We like
interacting with dogs. We look
good in suits. Were improving:
we are getting into cooking.
Were trying to smell better.
Were trying to be more aware of
things, of other people.
Were trying to have emotional
reactions that are more
complicated than shouting at
Virat Kohli. So, you see in the
future, then, an as-yet unwritten
time full of potential, a totally
empty space for the modern
man to grow into and improve. Ill
see you there in 80 years good
at cooking, thousands of loyal
dogs surrounding me, smelling
like an angel, a professor in
equality and marginalised rights
dying on my hoverbed, 108
years old.
And I will lean forward to you,
extend one digit, and whisper:
pull my finger.

fhmindia fhmindia

Beer

Invented by the Egyptians,

perfected by the Belgians,
consumed by everybody.

FIFA

The single biggest contributor to

an unprecedented increase in
carpal tunnel syndrome.

Chumbawumba

Tub-thumping may have got you

knocked down and up again in the
90s. Not any more.
April 2016

29

MOVIES

01
(Action/ Adventure)
erican dark fantasy finds two
the Huntsman, this British-Am
ite in defeating Ravenna)
The sequel to Snow White and
w
who previously aided Sno Wh
an,
.
tsm
Hun
(the
Eric

des
renega
preparing to conquer the land
set out to stop two evil sisters
in the first
sor
ervi
sup
cts
effe
and his forbidden lover, Sara
al
visu
ric Nicolas-Troyan was the
Fun fact: Debutant director Ced
found cheating on his wife with
r Rupert Sanders after he was
cto
dire
er
film and replaced form
.
t too lost her role in this one
April
actress Kristen Stewart. Stewar
Frost; Release date: 22nd
e Theron, Emily Blunt, Nick
rliz
Cha
rth,
swo
Hem
is
Chr
Cast:

30

April 2016

Your most loved story as a kid is back on the silver screen with
kick-ass graphics and a new Indian kid on the Hollywood block,
playing Mowgli. A human boy raised by a pack of wolves in an
Indian forest, leaves his jungle home on a journey of selfdiscovery, while evading the man-hunting tiger Shere Khan. It will
be interesting to see Kaa, the python and originally a male
character, reimagined as a female whose seductive voice and
gaze hypnotise the man cub.
Cast: Neel Sethi, Bill Murray, Ben Kingsley, Scarlett
Johansson, Christopher Walken; Release date: 15th April

04 FAN
(Thriller Drama)
Probably the most anticipated film for all fans of SRK is all set to
be released this April. Going by the trailer uploaded online, even
those who dont swear by him are looking forward to watching
this story of an Indian superstar, Aryan Khanna who becomes an
unhealthy obsession for Gaurav, a Delhi-based fan. The USP?
King Khan in double role.
Cast: Shah Rukh Khan, Waluscha De Sousa, Shriya
Pilgaonkar, Deepika Amin; Release date: 15th April

AND KA
03 (KI
Romance/ Comedy)
Arjun Kapoor finally gets to work with his childhood crush,
Kareena, in this romantic-comedy about a young couples
marriage challenges that revolves around the gender roles placed
upon men and women in Indian society. Arjun plays a house
husband cooking, cleaning and going grocery shopping while
Kareena works and earns for the household. If this is not
enticing enough, you could go in to watch Amitabh and wifey
Jaya Bachchan in a cameo.
Cast: Kareena Kapoor Khan, Arjun Kapoor, Swaroop
Sampat, Rajat Kapoor; Release date: 1st April

A REBEL IN LOVE
05 BAAGHI:
(Action)
Producer, Sajid Nadiawala, director, Sabbir Khan and Tiger
Shroff get back together after Heropanti in this stunt-heavy love
story. Dont confuse it with its 2000 Salman Khan starrer
namesake; for your convenience theyve replaced a preposition
in the subtitle and added a lot more muscle. Tigers look had been
kept under wraps for a long time before the poster release.
Cast: Tiger Shroff, Shraddha Kapoor, Sudheer Babu;
Release date: 29th April

April 2016

Words: Siddharth M Joshi

BOOK
02 (JUNGLE
Fantasy/ Adventure)

31

BOOKS

FISCAL POLICY IN THE

EMERGING ECONOMY

As Chief Economist at the World Bank, Kaushik Basu relives his days
serving as chief penny pincher to the Government of India. An excerpt...

iscal policy is concerned with the

management of the governments
budget. A central focus of this
policy is the fiscal deficit, that is, the gap
between the total expenditure of the
government and its total earnings.
Most governments spend more than
they earn. Hence, the fiscal deficit is
usually positive. We usually refer to the

32

April 2016

fiscal deficit as a percentage of the

national income or GDP. As with most
budgeting exercises, the original aim was
to heed the advice that grandmothers
give dont live beyond your means, be
responsible spenders, and keep the gap
between what you spend and what you
earn, basically, the fiscal deficit, as low
as possible. As an aside on history, this

fhmindia fhmindia

advice actually goes much further back

than our grandmothers.
What is not always appreciated is that
the ancient Indian classic, the
Arthashastra, written by Kautilya in
approximately 300 BC and famed as a
brutally candid treatise on statecraft, is
largely a treatise on fiscal policy, with
detailed advice on how the emperor

fhmindia.com

should manage the deficit of the state,

acting both on the side of raising
revenue and containing expenditure.
True to Kautilyas reputation as a
forebear of Machiavelli, some of the
methods he describes to raise revenue
are rather unnerving. Kautilya (1992,
272273) observes how common
people are extremely gullible and,
should the state find itself in sufficiently
dire fiscal state, it can exploit this
gullibility. Thus, he points out, money
can be collected by exploiting an
unnatural happening, such as an
unseasonal flower or fruit, by making it
into a divine phenomenon [or] using
secret agents to frighten people into
making offerings to drive away an evil
spirit. And if there are people not
taken in so easily, secret agents
should give unbelievers an anaesthetic
in water and blame their condition on a
curse of the gods.
I had better stop here for fear that this
book may fall into the hands of
contemporary political leaders. This view,
held from ancient times, that deficits
ought to be contained either by curbing
expenditure or raising revenue, changed
a little less than a hundred years ago,
with the arrival of John Maynard Keynes
and the Great Depression, when it was
realised that overspending also had its
virtues. During a depression, when
private firms and ordinary individuals
spend less, it was realised that the
government could step in to compensate
for this by overspending or, in other
words, by running a larger fiscal deficit.
This was the Keynesian prescription
and President Roosevelt and his advisers
in the United States stumbled upon this
even before Keyness classic book came
out in 1936. When the global financial
crisis hit the world in 2008 and quickly
spread to the entire world (with the
possible exception of North Korea), we
saw a virtual policy revolution. Almost all
nations coordinated and used fiscal
policy as a weapon. In other words, the
fiscal deficit was expanded in most
nations. India was in a very good position
to do so, since its fiscal policy had been
very tight until 2008. That meant there
was scope for fiscal expansion. This
fiscal stimulus helped. The economys
growth, which had slumped to 6.7 per
cent in 20082009, shot up to nearly 9
per cent in each of the two following
years. However, growth began to come
down again in 20112012 and now the
options open to the government are
much more limited. A fiscal stimulus is a
bit like an antibiotic. It is very effective
when used for a short period of time. But
if used repeatedly and over long
stretches of time, the side effects tend to
outstrip the benefits.
In Indias case, a large deficit is likely
to fuel the inflation rate.

fhmindia.com

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April 2016

33

BOOKS

120
YEARS
OF THE SILVER STAR
Commemorating not just their debut on the race-track
but also in India, this coffee table tome charts the rise
and shine of one of the most iconic symbols
in automotive history.
Words: Colin Fernandes

34

April 2016

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fhmindia.com

WHEN IT COMES
TO HUNTING
CHEETAHS...

in
1929

460 NURBURG
Owned by newspaper baron Viveck Goenka,
this is the grandad of the S-Class.

in
1930

uthor Adil Jal Darukhanawala says

his love affair with cars began one
wet, windy Friday in 1977. The
Singapore Airlines London-Sydney Rally
was due to pass through Pune after an
early start from what was then Bombay and
then on to Madras. He still vividly remembers
the hairpin bend on Katraj Ghat where he
impersonated a journalist to jostle into
a better position for the best
possible photograph.
This book, however, is solely
devoted to Karl Benzs iconic
three-pointed star that was named
after Emil Jellineks daughter. Profusely
illustrated with detailed drawings,
blueprints and advertisements from
the beginnings of the company to
factory photographs and images
from the dawn of motorsports, this
massive book (it really is quite heavy)
does not stint in its extensive coverage of a
brand that is known the world over.
The focus, throughout, is on the
companys thoroughbred racing pedigree.
From the early Grand Prix racing to World
Rallying Championship trophies, it is made
abundantly clear that the technology in your
Benz has been tried and tested on every
terrain known to man. The special India
mention comes last, but certainly not least.
Mecerdes-Benz is understandably quite
proud of its long and storied association
with Indias maharajas. Having managed to
wean the desi royals away from their
favoured Rolls Royces, the company
proceeded to make prodigious leaps into
the Indian market becoming the standard
for luxury automobiles, till P.V. Narasimha
Raos government opened up imports and
well, the rest is history. Price: `4,500.

fhmindia.com

fhmindia fhmindia

710SS
One of just 111 SS machines built, this one
was bought by Hari Singh of J&K.

in
1935

500K
A near original, unrestored example of the
car once owned by the Raja of Bhavnagar.

in
1958

300SL
Bought for the Yuvraj of Gondal
Jyotendrasinhji on his 18th birthday.
April 2016

35

MUSIC

Under the
Scanner: Spit

The sound of Indian music has never undergone as drastic a

transformation as its doing now. We grabbed Monica Dogras debut
solo album Spit and put it through our mental washing machine.
Words: Siddharth M Joshi

Its a loud reflection of deeply felt expressions

of one who needs to be heard, sometimes with
noise and sometimes with silence.

hat do you look for when you listen

to music? In full honesty, more
often than not nothing. You
surrender yourself to the fancies and
fantasies of the artiste; momentarily
becoming a part of their world and their
understanding of life. Long tags have been
left hanging about the function of this art form
and its purpose from therapy and
nourishment to reflection and gratification.
But beyond utilitarian theories and wannabe
philosophies, its really just words and tunes
tied together as harmonically as possible.
With Spit we chanced upon an Indian album
that largely fits the bill (with minor
distractions here and there).
Themed around love, longing and
everything in between, the
record hinges on poetry and
metaphors. It has a
refreshing style that
breaks away from the
current tradition of
modern artistes in
India that of
fusing folk or
classical sounds
in their music.
Some of the
songs carry a
vague feel of
house music,
which may, of
course, be
attributed to
Dogras past
in Shaair +
Func. Most of
them have an
uplifting rhythm.
Dancing to
these tunes
would be like
dancing to poetry in
a trance because
every song has a
strong grip over
the words.
The album starts with a
motley mix of revolutionary
banter and poetic rhythm that
merges the passion of a western
rebel and eastern philosophy, rendered in
Dogras seductive voice. It culminates in a
definitive introduction of what is on offer at
the end. The style reflects through every
number in the album like a formless voice that
beckons inside. It became the intro of my
record because it perfectly summarises this
records attempt at moving back to the
source, says Dogra.
There are elements of trance and heavy
bass and rhythms, bordering on tribal sounds
in Say What You Like, a song about that
typical lover you should have shaken off
long ago but whom you somehow keep
fhmindia.com

coming back to.

And I Wonder employs a piano sound that
is rarely utilised by Indian artistes right now.
The song transports you to an old
underground American Jazz club as soon as
the cello hits the bass. This would make for a
perfect theme song for a Bond flick if the
franchise ever plans to go feminist. It has
really strong vocals that would set the stage
on fire in live performances.
Certain pop-psychedelia makes way into

Good Thing, which otherwise has a very indie

music feel... the kind that youd like to play on a
solitary night on loop, with a whiskey to pair it
with. And I Wonder also has a very jazzy style.
Beats, filling up every trace of silence, stand
out in Into the Night. Rise up and Run hits you
on the face with strong vocals and beats that
keep you on the edge of your sensibility till its
over. Shiver is a narrative with large
resonances, as if sent out to the cosmos,
fhmindia fhmindia

screeching in loud reverberations and soft

overtones alike. Youve probably heard the
track in Sabal Singh Shekhawats debut
venture, Fireflies that also featured Monica
Dogra as an actress.
Suspended is probably the most complex
song of the album. It could have easily been
the electronic rock ballad that anchored the
entire album, but ends up being reduced to
a confused concoction of rhythm and
sounds. What Prash Mistry did with Rise up
and Run in a subtle, controlled way to give a
fab record, he seems to have overdone in
Suspended. So much so, that you fail to
appreciate the words, which on the
contrary are worth all the attention.
Pockets is like three songs
merged into one with
elements of jazz and
electronica and with an
uncommon but
amazingly generous
garnish of an
acoustic guitar.
This is the bonus
track that every
music lover
buys a record
for. The
vocals are so
fluidly mixed
in the music
that in the
first hearing
you almost
miss the
words for
their
meaning.
Overall, its
a promising
album,
packaged as a
bold statement
made in aesthetic
honesty with a
mature production
quality. However, its a
bit too tight to allow any
breathing space. And that
runs through all the numbers,
even though there are
different producers involved. The
interest is, however, maintained through
fresh variations.
A major stand out of the album is how
Dogra moulds her voice in different styles
jazzy, breezy, solid, feminine, and at times
even flat. Its like listening to nine different
dimensions of the same personality. It is a
loud reflection of deeply felt expressions of
someone who needs to be heard,
sometimes with aggression, and with
metaphorical tones and words in quieter
undertones at the rest.
The album is available on iTunes
April 2016

37

INTERVIEW

BRITISH FILM DIRECTOR,

STEVAN RILEY TALKS TO US AS
WE ATTEND A SPECIAL
SCREENING OF HIS LATEST
DOCUMENTARY, LISTEN TO ME
MARLON, ON THE LEGEND THAT
WAS MARLON BRANDO.
Words: Siddharth M Joshi

THE
DIRECTORS
CUT
38

April 2016

hen Stevan Riley was

approached by an
English producer to
work on a documentary on Marlon
Brando, he was both excited and
sceptical. The work was going to
be monumental as he was to gain
access to an immense archive on
the actor, but the challenge was to
leave a directorial signature by
creating something path-breaking.
The archive collection consisted
of several audio tapes and video
recordings. A momentary
ambitious outburst convinced him
to apply a unique approach where
every single word would be
uttered by Brando himself, with
slight assistance from radio
recordings of certain pieces in
news from the same time.
We watched the film in a special
screening by Johnnie Walker The
Journey at Mehboob Studio and
sat our man down for a quick chat.
Excerpts from the chatter...

FHM: Are you a Marlon

Brando fan?
Stevan Riley: I loved all the great
movies that he was in. I saw
Apocalypse Now when I was a kid,
Godfather, Last Tango in Paris and
others. I understood that Marlon
Brando was the real deal when it
came to acting. But I wasnt much
of a fan beyond that. When the film
came my way (Listen to me
Marlon) from this producer in
London that Id worked with earlier,
he asked me if Id fancy doing a
movie on Marlon Brando. They
were close to getting participation
from the actors estate, which was
going to hand over their archive
material. I came in to develop a
creative approach and script and
also direct it.
So, in the process of
researching him did you
change your perception?
That was a big worry actually.
There wasnt a compulsion, a
necessity to celebrate him and I
hoped that I could. I didnt know
who the guy was. Id read some
stuff and if I believed what was
written of him (that Id read) hed
be quite a hateful character by
some accounts. But by doing the
research, through stages of
reading books and all the material
from the archive, I could
understand him a lot better.
And I liked him, quite a lot
actually, in the end. There was a
friendship that I developed. He
made me laugh, amused me and
fascinated me.
And scare you?
fhmindia.com

Not really... Hed go to dark

places but only to analyse them.
He wasnt someone who just
admitted darkness. He was
someone who was trying to
shine a light in the dark.
But eccentric for sure...
Yeah, nicely eccentric. Quirky and
spontaneous too... all these things
made him a great actor. Directors
loved him because hed give
something different with every take.
Hed just mix it up. He was
unpredictable and that was exciting.
One thing that I read about
him was that he didnt like
to cram his lines. Hed have
someone hold placards in
front of him and hed just
read out the lines from them
in front of the camera...
Thats interesting because there
were different reasons for that at
different times. He was quite a
perfectionist and he did learn his
lines and I think he liked to have
that board there just so that he
could relax and not worry about
forgetting them. Hed developed
techniques where he could look
from the corner of his eyes,
remember the shape of his
paragraph and it could give him
triggers. It also gave an
impression that he was
searching for words, as we do in
our everyday life. I think he would
never go on a set without
reading his lines. Another reason
could be that even though he
had a good memory, I dont think
he trusted it much. But yeah, he
pasted stuff to peoples faces
and all sorts of crazy things.
How long did it take for you
to research all that?
I spent a good three to four
months on pre-production...
researching, meeting people and
reading a lot of books; trying to
establish a way to get all these
tapes from the storage where
Brando was staying. They
privileged us with access to
everything. There was also other
stuff in the boxes. Brando
collected all sorts of things.
There were tapes in there, some
of which I heard and I was the
first person to listen to them and
transcribe them in their entirety.
The rush was on to get many
other boxes opened with a lot of
more tapes inside them.
At that stage did you have a
concrete plan as to how
youd like to direct the film,
or were you just trying to
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April 2016

39

INTERVIEW
get all the information that you could?
It was an early gamble on the idea if Brando
could tell his own story entirely. We raised
the finances on this idea but when the
money came there was a bit of panic if that
was actually possible. It was a lovely idea but
we had to see if there was enough material
available on the tapes.
So, how long did you take to finally
wrap it all up?
It was a long edit and took almost nine
months. But the production period wasnt
that long. There were three months in
pre-production, nine months in the edit,
overlapping with the shoot in the end. So, in
all, it took three months and a year. But it
was intense.
Besides the estate did you also get
tapes from elsewhere?
Loads of them. There was a huge archive
search worldwide. In fact, we got in touch
with every journalist that had ever
interviewed him, his friends, archive houses,
any place that he travelled. We also got in
touch with TV stations and local radio
stations. And we got a lot of stuff and
photographs. That revealed a lot of
information and we gradually got more and
more confident that we have enough
material to realise the ambition which was
Brando doing psychoanalysis on himself;
Brando figuring out his own working. But
there was a long moment when we had to
rely on the audio. It was tricky, but thank God
it was enough to put the pieces together.
And we loved what you created out of
the jig-saw. We did some reading on
Brando, though nothing close to you.
And we have a short test for you. Lets
see how you perform:
a. What was his favourite book?
He had lots of books, by the way. I had full access
to all his books with underlinings and notes in the
margin. Umm... Was it a work of Shakespeare?
Cos he was a massive fan of Shakespeare.
It was Wuthering Heights.
Oh, I didnt know that. Thanks for this. These
are tough (laughs).

Branflakes? He called himself that.

The first one is right. The second one
was actually given to him by the
famous Frank Sinatra.
Give me a clue... is it allowed? Whats the
first letter?
It starts with an M
Gosh, I really dont know this one I guess...
He called him Mr. Mumbles.
Oh, a lot of people called him that on the sets.
Even a lot of his friends too... It makes total
sense. But I didnt know that.

e. When Brando was writing his

autobiography, he called an actress
up just to confirm if they slept
together or not. Who was she?
Wow... that could be any number (laughs).
He was actually a sex addict. Hes
confessed it himself. So, this actress... has
he worked with her?
Ill give you a hint. She was a Bond girl.
Ow... was it Ursula Andress?
Four out of five, not bad...
Thank you. This was fun!

b. What practical purpose did he use

his Oscar for at home?
I dont know... was it as a door stop?
Absolutely correct!
Wow! That was a guess (laughs). But he
would do such crazy things.
c. What was that one theme that
Brando always wanted to make a
movie on, but could not?
The Native Americans. There were a
few directors that he respected and
wanted them to direct it for him. But it was
never realised unfortunately. But he did
make a documentary on Native Americans
and he gave his voice for that.
Full marks for this one.
d. What were the two nicknames that
Marlon Brando had?
Bud... when he was younger. His family knew
him with that name. And... umm was it
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fhmindia.com

CAR REVIEW

ALL SET
FOR THE NEXT
BOUT
Words: Hari Govind Nair

The Renault Duster is undoubtedly the car that gave us

the first taste of what an affordable compact SUV of
international standards should be like. Now four years post
its initial launch, Renault has decided to garnish the Duster
with some interesting cosmetic and technical changes.
Lets find out what they are...

very automotive brand needs that

one soldier to bear its cross and
the Duster has done much more
than that for Renault. Though they
launched quite an interesting range of
cars such as the Fluence, Koleos and
Pulse, it was the Duster that laid the
foundation for Renault and cemented
their place in the minds of the Indian car
buyer. This compact SUV does justice to
its segment and doesnt shy going
off-road and taking on challenges. We
threw the latest one down the deep
end Does it have enough to cross
over? Read on.
STYLING CUES
When you look at the new Duster, its

fhmindia.com

exterior shells styling remains the same

to an extent. But the addition of new
dual-slat grills with wingtips and a brand
new headlamp cluster gives it a much
more commanding appeal. Moving to the
rear end of the vehicle, the brake lights
get a geometric touch with interesting
cuts and angles. The Duster also gets
alloy wheels with a distinctive gunmetal
finish and kayak roof rails that add
oodles of attitude to its personality.
Inside, the refined cabin presents an
oasis that will pamper you when you hit
the off-road trail.
THE MILE MUNCHER
So to test the new Duster we did some
runs on the Mumbai-Pune expressway,

fhmindia fhmindia

DUSTER
RXZ
Drive
4WD MT
Engine
1461 cc, 1.5 dCI THP
Power
110 PS @ 4,000 rpm
Torque
245 Nm @ 1,750 rpm
Price
`11,46,999
(ex-Delhi)

strayed off a bit and let it explore some

mild off-road conditions in the Lonavla
area. The 4WD Duster with the K9K 1.5
litre dCi engine is quick off the blocks
and can really pick up good speeds on
the highway. It loves corners and can
easily take on most of our road
conditions. Off the tarmac, the Duster
definitely impresses. To test it further we
are certainly planning a quick dash to the
Spiti Valley this summer.
VERDICT
Just like its predecessor, the new Duster
shows lot of promise. It does have some
competition this time, but its raw appeal
and amazing drivability, will definitely give
the Duster a much needed edge.

April 2016

41

CAR REVIEW

THE URBAN
CRUSADER

Once in a while you come across a vehicle that truly defies

standards and defines parameters for its competitors. The Maruti Suzuki
Vitara Brezza is that offering for this season. Spunky, different and
practical... this compact SUV is exactly what the doctor prescribed for
tackling our urban driving woes.
Words: Hari Govind Nair

hen good old Maruti

Suzuki pretty much the
most favourite brand of
the common man, launches a new
product, curiosity evidently takes
precedence over anything else.
Within just 48 hours of its launch,
the Brezza racked up over fivethousand bookings Now that is
beyond simple curiosity.
What really piqued our interest
was the fact that the Vitara Brezza is
the first vehicle that has been
independently and completely
developed by the Japanese
carmakers Indian arm. Certainly
there are many other cars that have
been delivered purely by Indian
automotive teams. But after
experiencing the Brezza, you will
definitely want those teams to take a
crash course from Maruti Suzuki on
how exactly it has to be done. We are
not saying that the Brezza is a
perfect car. It certainly has flaws, but
overall it really manages to outshine
the rest, leaving many of its
overrated competitors in the dust.
So lets move ahead one step at a
time and find out what makes the
Vitara Brezza tick and whats in it
that ticks us off!
DESIGN & FUNCTIONALITY
Looks play a major role in deciding
the merit of a car. Automotive history
has seen many delightful vehicles
vanishing without a trace... simply
because they didnt have the spunk
to capture the generations attention,
or cos they were extremely ahead of
their time. Normally manufacturers
attempt to grab the consumers
attention with radical design
changes, which are there more for
the sake of being there. The Brezza
comes across as a different looking
car, but each and every design
aspect seems to have been deeply

thought about and executed to

perfection. For us, the stand out
element is the front grille that gives
the vehicle a commanding look. This
is flanked by projector headlamps
with a strip of LEDs that the
manufacturer describes as its bull
horn shape. The top-of-the-line
variant comes in dual-tone colours
and a white paint job on the roof,
giving the car a much grander look.
Moving on inside, the dash gets a
textured feel and a cockpit-themed
instrument cluster with mood lights.
The Brezza is rather spacious and
offers generous head and legroom
for both front and rear passengers.
Though the seats have ample
bolstering with a quirkily designed
fabric, they seem a tad uncomfortable
for those who are... ahem... slightly on
the heavier side.
DRIVING EXPERIENCE
For a car that will be used
extensively in urban driving
conditions, the Vitara Brezza has
very good handling capabilities. It
can be managed with ease and
easily slips in and out of tight spots
without a bother. As you move
towards the rear end of the Brezza,
the surface area of glass
dramatically reduces but the
designing has been done in such a
precise manner that it doesnt really
hamper or obstruct the line of vision
of the driver. At present, the car has
seven variants, but all of them are
powered by the familiar DDiS 200
engine that has been hooked up to a
five-speed manual transmission.
This diesel engine is good enough
for taking on the daily traffic but on
the highway it obviously lacks some
muscle. We are also expecting
Maruti Suzuki to come up with a
petrol engine for the Brezza in the
near future. Since we are on the road

of expectations, no harm in hoping

that they might fuel the desire of
enthusiasts by planting a nice and
powerful 1.6-litre heart in there!
FINAL VERDICT
The Vitara Brezza checks all the boxes
that one might want in a daily use
vehicle. It even goes ahead and gives
us a glimpse of some features that
can be found only in vehicles
belonging to a higher segment. From
our perspective, the Brezza will not
just give a strong challenge to the
likes of the Ford EcoSport and
Mahindra KUV100, but can also retain
customers who might be thinking of
upgrading from the sub-four metre
vehicle category.
Having said that, there is something
about the Brezza and its competitors
that bother us. While the drivers airbag
is a standard on all variants, the rest of
the safety features, such as passenger
airbags, ABS and EBD come as
options. Being the market leader in the
automotive sector we certainly hope
that Maruti Suzuki takes the first step,
does not wait for the slow-paced
government rules to change, and
makes all these safety features
standard across all its vehicles.

VITARA
BREZZA
Engine
1300 cc
Power
89 bhp @ 4,000 rpm
Torque
200 Nm @ 1,750 rpm
Price
`6.99 lakh onwards
(ex-showroom Delhi)

Words: Hari Govind Nair

42

April 2016

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fhmindia.com

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April 2016

43

RANT OF THE MONTH

KANYE WEST
COULD VERY
WELL BE
PRESIDENT IN

2020!

Kanye West has been in the news of

late for more than one reason. But
one that irks people the most is his
presidential dreams. Siddharth
Mahadevan rants his heart out
on the west getting a West!

anye West
announcing
his bid for
presidency at the VMAs,
was both intriguing and
astonishing. Now, a
celebrity getting into
politics is nothing new; if
actor Ronald Reagan
could become governor
of California and
president of the United
States, then it can
definitely be done.
However, imagining
Kanye as the next leader
of one of the global
super powers is not only
a great source of
amusement but also
thought provoking.
No doubt the rapper
has a high net worth,
media presence and fan
base that can make it
easier for him to win over
campaigns, but we dont
want the Congress to
rap songs instead of
drawing up policy. Nor
do we want them
Keeping up with the
44

April 2016

Kardashians instead of
keeping up with internal
and external affairs. On
the other hand lets
envision Kim Kardashian
as FLOTUS! She could
be the best one the
United States has seen
till date. Not only is she
amazing at handling the
media but can also
handle any crisis with
grace and charm. She
turned a leaked sex tape
into a full fledged career
and changed the face of
reality television. She
literally opened new
doors for people wanting
to become famous. Shes
done wonders for Kanye,
as he has done for her.
They are an unbeatable
showbiz team. She has
managed to show Kanye
as a mortal being, by
exposing their regular,
playful sides and making
them more relatable.
Kardashian could be
instrumental in making
him likeable enough to
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win. But they would really have to learn

that some things cannot be shared with
the public. What if she leaks confidential
White House matters by mistake? One
thing is obvious, Kris Jenner would
definitely be Vice President, Chief of Staff,
and Secretary of all departments. With her
organisational skills and controlling nature,
she would run the White House with an
iron fist. Were assuming Caitlyn Jenner
will be representing the first family at the
United Nations. A lot of people have
laughed at the idea of Kanye West
winning the elections. From George W
Bush to President Obama, all have found
the notion to be ridiculous. But the
question remains, does West have a real
chance at becoming POTUS?
Well, maybe. There has been a big shift
in the mindsets of youth who reach voting
age. Earlier, most people aspired to get a
great job and a decent house. Having
expensive cars, watches, bags and
clothes was not a priority. Now we aspire
to have the best money can buy, closely
follow celebrity lifestyles like religion and
dream of fame. Reality television and
media exposure have made it seem
normal to have these things. What once
seemed unattainable, today seems just a
camera click away. This paradigm shift
could very well result in Kanye getting
elected. West not only has fans amongst
teens but also from the older lot. With so
many social changes, no one can exactly
predict what tomorrow would bring. For
all we know, he might be running against
the Big Wig himself, Toupee Trump!

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April 2016

45

INTERVIEW

BOOTY

like Barbie

We grew up playing with dolls. Ok, not dolls... action

figures. Which is what these proxy humans are...
action for folks to fulfil their desires in the privacy of
their homes. Oh wait, this is India. What privacy?
Words: Sudhakar Jha

FHM: Hello there, Matt! First things

first, how does one define a RealDoll?
Matt McMullen: RealDolls are sex dolls
which have holes in all the right places. They
come with a Face-X System that allows you
to have multiple interchangeable faces for
one body. These are customisable dolls with
any multiple options for your liking; there are
endless possibilities with these dolls.
We are excited now. So, do they move
like humans? Do they feel love?
Yes! They are as human-like as you
can imagine. We emphasise on the term
love doll as they are much more than just
sex dolls for us.
What substances are they made of?
They are mostly made of silicon. These dolls
are the result of most advanced technologies
available in both skeletal components and
exclusive silicon blends that are used to
make bodies and faces. We have several
patents on our designs and techniques,
including the Face-X System, which allows
us to interchange faces on our dolls.
How many people are needed to
construct a single doll from scratch?
We have a team of about 20 employees and
everyone has their special abilities, you
know. We work together to create the
product. It is actually very time-consuming,
which some people dont realise.
So, how much time does it take to
make one doll?
It takes about 80 hours to come up with a
single doll.
Are they tested in every possible way
before being sent for delivery?
Yes! Most of the functionalities of the dolls
are established while we make them the first
time itself; so we dont need to do
unnecessary tests on every single thing. All
the parts and components are exposed to a
very high degree of quality check.
How many types of dolls do you make?
The way we build everything is through
custom options. No two dolls are the same,
you know. We have about 20 different
bodies and 50 different faces and you get to
choose your options from there. So, you can
customise different faces and different
bodies, the skin colour and so on.
How customisable are RealDolls?
They are customisable to an extent that
you cant imagine. They are as real
and as life-like as you want them.
What does the factory look like?
Well, we have a pretty large facility at Abyss
Creations. Its almost a 10,000 square feet
area. We have offices for processing,
customer assistance, research &
development area and a space for
customisation of dolls.
How many dolls have you sold since the
inception of Abyss Creation?
Its been about 20 years now and I think we

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April 2016

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must have sold somewhere between seven

to eight thousand dolls so far.
So, when and how did you actually get
the idea of making life-like dolls?
My original concept was a very high-end
original mannequin that can be a very unique
piece of art. And the response I got from
people was that these dolls can be used for
sexual entertainment as well. Thus, I decided
that it can be a very good business idea and
made sense if thats what people wanted.
How big is the market for sex dolls like
these worldwide?
Well, it is constantly evolving. I think there
are many people who are saving money to
buy a doll. I think its growing every day and
more and more people are getting
comfortable with the idea of a love doll.
Whats your usual target audience, the
ones who order these dolls?
Theres no specific audience, I would say. We
get orders from different people. Sometimes
we sell it to married couples and sometimes
to a research facility. We also get orders
from young boys and girls.
Whoa! So married couples also place
orders for RealDolls?
Yeah! It came as a surprise to us as well. But
we have to fulfil the demands of every
customer and we cant say no to them.
fhmindia.com

What kind of general feedback do you

get from your buyers?
The general response has been very good
from our buyers. People tell us how much
difference it made in their lives. Customers
also tell us that they have never seen anything
like this before and they thank us for that.

RealDolls are
sex dolls which
have holes in all the
right places. These
are customisable
dolls with
multiple options for
your liking.
Is there much competition in the love
doll market? How does RealDoll differ
from the others?
There are some companies making similar
products around the world, but I will have to say
that our product stands out because weve
been doing it long before anyone even thought
about it. And truly, I think we have some unique
insight into manufacturing and R&D.
fhmindia fhmindia

How many countries around the world

does RealDoll operate in?
We have facilities in about 10 different
countries; and we have shipped dolls to
almost every continent in the world.
Have you tried venturing into the
Indian market? Do you see a market
for RealDoll in India?
I think we have sold some dolls in India as
well. I am sure we can explore the market in
India as well and soon we will be sending
more such dolls to the subcontinent.
What is Realbotix?
This is our new artificial intelligence app. Its
a new and very exciting direction in the world
of dolls. We have been doing a lot of
research on it for quite some time and now
weve started to put together some real work
on it. We have the prototypes ready.
When do you think it will be available
for us buyers?
We are hopeful that it should come out
within a couple of years.
Have you ever tried one of your dolls?
Some time ago, yes I did. I wanted to make
sure that everything was perfect.
Do you need a condom for RealDolls
as well?
No. Its not necessary at all!
April 2016

47

2016 / ` 125
MARCH

PIED PIPER
IN PURSUIT OF

HAR MON Y

AC RO SSS
4 CIANDTIE
6 GENRES

21

LEARN
TO RUN

S OF
PAGE

AMAZING

LIKE
A PRO

W O M EN

rineeti
Paop
ra
Starring

Ch

r dad
the girl you about
warned you

G.O.TVS

G.O.I

kaari
A sarsio
ver n oft
the baddes
story ever

UP YOUR COOL
INDIA EDITION

04
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WALUSCHA

DEDHAN SOUSA
TA NAN HO GAYA
FHM

FAN HO GAYA...

DESPITE HER BEING IN THE GLAMOUR BUSINESS FOR OVER A DECADE,

WE STILL CURSE OURSELVES FOR NOT GETTING HER ON THE COVER
EARLIER. BUT, AS THEY SAY, EVERY FAN HAS HIS MOMENT. THIS
WAS OURS AND WHEN YOURE DONE WITH THESE TEN PAGES OF
SENSUOUSNESS, IT WILL BE YOURS, TOO!
Words SUDHAKAR JHA //Photography HAIDER KHAN
Styling DHRUV ADITYA DAVE AND TRISHLA CHADHA // Hair and Make-up MICHAEL SALMEN

50

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Bikini:
Flirtatious

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April 2016

51

t was sometime in the first

week of February that we
contacted Waluscha for a cover
shoot and it took us just five
minutes to get her onboard,
because only a fan knows what it
feels to meet another fan. Yeah, she
is a fan of FHM and we are a fan of
her cheekbones, smile, legs oh,
the list seems endless. During the shoot as
well, it wasnt just her endless beauty that
mesmerised us. Here was a strong yet
beautiful woman, a dream that every man
yearns for and we made that dream come
true. Having already worked with Shah Rukh
twice before, (once at the age of 17)
Waluscha feels that meeting SRK is a new
experience every time. The world
might be going gaga over Shah Rukh and
his new avatar in the movie, but all we could
look at during the shoot was Waluscha.
Coming from a strict household in Goa (we
still cant wrap our heads around that) to
working in the most anticipated movie of the
year, Fan , Waluscha talks about her life,
working with THE Shah Rukh Khan, once
again... and her butt...

FHM: Hello Waluscha, are you a fan of

FHM as we are of you?
Waluscha De Sousa: (Haha) I wont lie to
you, I am very much a fan of your magazine. I
have read it many times.
What was the best part about your
first shoot with us?
I liked the wonderful team I was working
with. I liked the concept of the shoot. It
portrayed a woman who is vulnerable and at
the same time, she is beautiful. It captured
me in different moods, which I really liked.
You know, its not just about being sexy but
strong as well. She is beautiful too. Thats all
in one. I just loved that!
Did you have to undergo any special
training for acting in Fan?
I didnt actually have to undergo any
particular training as such for Fan.
The character I play is very close to
what I really am. So, there was no specific
training for the movie.
Though this is not the first time you have
worked with Shah Rukh, a three-hour
long movie must have been a dream
come true. Comment
(Hehe) Yeah, definitely. It was a completely
different experience. Working with Shah Rukh
on a commercial and then working in a movie is
a different feeling altogether. Actually, Im still

52

April 2016

I didnt actually
undergo any
particular training
as such for Fan. The
character I play is
very close to what I
really am.
Bodysuit:
Calvin Klein
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53

The offer of working

with Shah Rukh in Fan
was something that no
one could refuse. And
being an SRK fan, it
doesnt get bigger than
this. Does it?

Leather jacket:
Zara; Stilettos:
Steve Madden;
Briefs: Flirtatious.

I think its only

when I see
myself on the
big screen with
Shah Rukh that
the butterflies in
my stomach will
settle down.

THAT WE LOVE

ASKING

ALONG THE WAY

Have you ever
kissed or almost
kissed a girl?
Nope! Never happened.
Have you ever been in
a friends with
benefits situation?
Umm... May be May be not!
Have you ever made
out with someone
whom you never
wished to make
out with?
No. Never!
What is the craziest
thing youve done
when drunk?
Umm... Next question,
please! (Haha)
What will you do if
youre ever caught in
the act?
I dont know. Thats something
which is yet to happen.

Whats that one thing

that you would never
tell your mom?
I tell her everything. Theres nothing I
hide from her. She is my BFF, you
could say!
Whats your favourite
cuss word?
Why would you ask me that? No!
Dont do that!

Should people be
allowed to kiss in public
in India?
100 per cent. Why not?
Have you ever
sexted anyone?
Umm... I dont remember. ( Winks)

coming to terms with it. I feel like

its still a dream. I think its only when I
see myself on the big screen that
the butterflies in my stomach will
settle down.
How did you land up in Fan?
What did the first call for the role
sound like?
You know, it was a very interesting
incident. I met casting director Shanoo
over a cup of coffee
and she spoke to

fhmindia.com

Bikini:
Flirtatious;
Shoes: Adidas
Originals.

What about dirty talk?

Its very healthy!

me for about 15 minutes and she

decided that I was fit for the role, but
she never told me which film it was
about. She didnt tell me who I was
supposed to act with. It all just kept
happening and eventually I got to know
that I was meeting Maneesh Sharma
and then I was told that the movie is
opposite Shah Rukh. It was an ecstatic
feeling then. And the offer was
something that you cant say no to.
Being a Shah Rukh fan myself, it doesnt
get any bigger that this, does it?

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55

You have been an out-in-the-open secret of

Fan as everyone knows its you opposite SRK,
but still there was no sign of you in the teaser
or the trailer. Is this a conscious effort from the
makers to conceal your identity in the movie?
I am sure they had an idea what they wanted to do.
And as of now I wont tell what I am doing in
the movie. You will have to go and watch
Fan to know about my role. (Winks)
Talking of fans, whos been
your craziest fan? What
did he/she do for you?
Some crazy fan story that
you can share with us...
I dont think I have accumulated
them yet. I dont have a crazy fan
who will do crazy things for me.
There have been people who have
been very generous and amazing, but I
wont call them my fans. So no crazy story as such.
As a youngster, who were you the biggest
fan of? And what did you do to meet him?
You know, I have always been a Shah Rukh fan. I
watched his films while growing up. When I shot my
Pepsi commercial with him, I was 17 years old and it
felt like a dream to stand beside him. And now doing
a full-fledged film with him is an experience of a
lifetime, something that I havent realised yet.
So, yes, I have always been an SRK fan. Lucklily, I
didnt have to do anything to meet him as my stars
were aligned for that! (Winks)
Youve been in the glamour business for more
than a decade now, but Fan is your debut
movie. How did you resist the temptation of
the silver screen for all these years?
Well, you know, some things are meant to happen at
the right time. Its not that I resisted acting... it just
didnt happen for me. The timing wasnt right. There
were opportunities then as well, but as I said, it just
didnt click before.
So, now that you are a part of this industry,
do you plan to do a sexy item number for a
film or an album?
Actually I havent thought of that yet. My journey has
just begun and Im planning to do a lot of things. Im
open to everything for sure.
This one is a question meant just for you. Was
walking the ramp better than acting?
You know, they are two different worlds altogether. When

I did the ramp, I enjoyed it thoroughly and now that Im

working in movies, I am enjoying this process now. Its a
completely different phase I am going through and I am
liking every bit of it.
Lets talk about your childhood and growing
up years. We dont really know the real
Waluscha De Sousa. Where are you from?
What was your childhood like?
Okay. So, Waluscha De Sousa is from
Goa... born and brought up
there. She had an

amazing
childhood. I went to
a convent school and it
was so much fun. Growing
up in Goa was very different
from what people actually have in
mind about the place. Goa for me is very
far from the regular party scene. I never
experienced any of the rave parties. I was in a very
strict household. It was just about going to school, then
coming back home, doing some household chores,
going out to play and thats it. There was no time to
go out and party.
Whats the naughtiest memory from your
school days that you remember?
Well, I was actually a naughty child. But if I say what
I did, everybody at home will come to know. So, I
would not say that. ( Winks) But to give you a hint, I
would say that no one could stop me from doing
what I wanted to do. I was a kind of a rebel of my
home. I have done enough naughty things!
What kind of a person are you? An introvert,
extrovert or somewhere in between?
I feel Im somewhere in between the two. I am an
introvert in front of people I dont know. And with
people who I do know, I am a motor mouth and
sometimes friends need to tell me to shut up. I am a
healthy blend actually.
What does your normal day look like?
I wake up really early and I make
sure that I get about an hour of my workout session.
I come back and then read, watch a lot of films. I

I was actually a very naughty child. But if I say

what I did, everybody at home will come to know.
I was a kind of a rebel of my home.
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Bikini:
Flirtatious

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When men hit on you, they just hit on you. Theyre

never interesting. Theyre very boring actually.
Its all great, healthy and fun, but never bizarre.
again make sure that I go to the gym for
some cardio. My day goes with me trying
to learn something new and imbibing a
lot from the people I meet everyday.

What do you think is your sexiest

physical attribute?
Oh Umm I think its my butt, for
sure! What do you think?

Lets get a bit personal now and know

you through the eyes of FHM. What is
it in a man that turns you on?
Honestly, someone who is really down to
earth. You could be very well travelled and
very well read, but you need to be humble.
People tend to grow very quickly and lose
the childishness in them because they
are so busy trying to achieve everything
and they forget being happy.

We would say, your cheekbones.

(Haha) Thats sweet. Thank you!

Were sure women also hit on you

more often that not... Share your
most interesting experience.
Women??? No! Not at all. I havent been hit
on by a woman yet.
What about men then?
When men hit on you, they just hit on you.
They are never interesting. They are very
boring actually. Its all great, healthy and
fun, but never bizarre.

actually used to have nightmares of

twisting my ankles and falling off while
walking. However, right now, there is no
place for any fear in my life. Im too
happy to be fearful of anything.

Fear is a complex emotion and

everyone responds to fear in a
different manner. When was the
last time you were fearful and how
did you deal with it?
According to me, fear is a state of
mind. Whatever situation I am in, I just
give myself some time to let it set in. I
am very strong in my head. I initially
tell myself to calm down and then
decide what I want to do. You will never
see me fearful. Even if millions of things
are going on in my head, you will see
me as a calm and composed woman. I
dont like people to know that I am
fearful of something.
What is that one thing you are
perennially fearful of?
I am very fearful of walking the ramp. I

What cars do you own and do you

have any aspirational car?
No. I do not love cars and I do not love
bikes. For me, cars are just a mode of
transportation that takes me from
one place to another place. Thats it. I
dont have any fascination for cars or
bikes. Theres no aspirational car for me,
as such either.
Lets talk about guys now. What
kind of a guy will grab your
attention at a house party?
I would rather prefer somebody who
is very comfortable with who he is as a
man than a guy who is trying to impress
me with what he is not actually.
Someone who is not very loud and
wants everybody to look at him.
Tell us one thing about a guy that
will turn you off instantly?

INSTA
THIS
MONTH

FAN MAKE-UP

#LIGHTS... #CAMERA..
LETS DO THIS!

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JUST CHILLING

AND A LONG DAY COMES

TO AN END.. #SHOOTLIFE
#FASHION #GLAMOUR

POST WORKOUT SELFIE

HAD AN AWESOME
SESSION TODAY.#FITNESS
#STAYHEALTHY #PILATES

fhmindia fhmindia

BEING HUMAN

THANK YOU @
BEINGSALMANKHAN FOR
ALL THE LOVELY GOODIES

SUPER EXCITED!

TIC-TOC TIC-TOC. WAITING

WITH UNCONTROLLABLE
ANTICIPATION!

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If these politicians asked you out

for a date, who would you choose
and why:
Rahul Gandhi
Barack Obama
Donald Trump
Vladimir Putin
Kim Jong Un
I think it would have to be Barack
Obama! He seems to be an interesting
man. I want know more about his
journey and how he succeeded. I
would like to discuss his entire life as
its just amazing and inspiring.
Whats the first thing that comes
to your mind when you hear the
following word...?
Fan Shah Rukh Khan
Chocolates - Nutella
Love - Tricky
Sex - Steamy
FHM - Sexy
Pick one and give a reason for it.
Modelling or acting?
Acting; I have a passion for acting!
Size zero or voluptuous figure?
Voluptuous figure; size zero is out of
fashion now.
Couch or gym?
Gym; Im a fitness freak.
Shah Rukh or Salman?
Shah Rukh Khan. Do I need to give
you a reason for that?
Guns or roses?
Guns! Because I love action movies.
Whats next after Fan? Which
sexy avatar can we expect to
drool over in the future?
Its a clean slate right now. I have been
reading a lot of scripts. I have a lot of
time to decide what I want to do and
where do I want to see myself. But
whatever I will do, it will be challenging
as thats what I want to do. I would love
to do all kinds of cinema and would
wait for the best opportunities.
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Blazer: Zara; Bra: Hunkemoller; Briefs: Flirtatious.

Turn off? Umm... I think a guy with

huge biceps and tight tees is a
complete dud. It doesnt go together at
all. Guys think that it looks cool on
them and they are studs, but for me,
its a complete no no.

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YOUR WISH,
HER COMMAND
FOR ` 10K

THERE ARE SO MANY

ALPHA MEN WHO LIKE TO ORDER
THEIR SUBORDINATES ABOUT,

but they are also willing to pay

thousands to get SPANKED, HUMILIATED
and ABUSED. I gave it a shot too!
WORDS: SUDHAKAR JHA

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61

DOMINATRIX
IN MY HALF-A-DECADE CAREER OF WRITING, I HAVE ALWAYS TRIED TO BE A GOOD WRITER, RECOGNISED
FOR MY WRITING SKILLS AND NOT A REPORTER WHO STUDIED FRINGE HUMAN BEHAVIOUR IN THE NAME
OF RESEARCH FOR A STORY. WITH THIS, ALL MY CHANCES OF PLEASING GOD TO WELCOME ME IN THE
HEAVENS HAVE GONE FOR A TOSS. BUT WHO CARES! I AM GOOD HERE AND I DONT WANT A SEAT UP THERE
BOOKED FOR ME. (WHO DOESNT LIKE TO STAY DOWN, RIGHT?) SO, FINALLY AFTER A LOT OF DISCUSSION, I
WAS THE CHOSEN ONE FOR A DAY WITH A DOMINATRIX! AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED, (APART FROM SOME
OCCASIONAL BITING, IF THAT QUALIFIES AS BDSM), I DONT HAVE ANY HIDDEN DESIRE OF BEING SLAPPED
AND PUT UNDER ANY KIND OF LEASH, SPANKED, HIT IN THE BALLS, WHIPPED OR UNDERGO PAIN FOR
PLEASURE. BUT AS I SAID, IN THE NAME OF RESEARCH, I STARTED LOOKING FOR DOMINATRICES ACROSS
INDIA AND CAME ACROSS ONE, CALLED GODDESS PRAMILA. HER BOSSINESS WAS EVIDENT FROM OUR FIRST
INTERACTION ITSELF. SO, I DECIDED TO EXPERIENCE A ROLE-PLAY SESSION OVER CHAT WHERE I WAS THE
BOSS AND SHE WORKED UNDER ME. TO SPICE THINGS UP SHE SUGGESTED A TWIST IN THE TALE. SHED PLAY
AN EMPLOYEE WHO WAS MY BEST FRIENDS FINANCE. HERES HOW THAT WENT AND MORE.
Pramila: Ok bitch, why did you
take so long?
FHM: Bad traffic, mistress!
Pramila: I have made all the prep
for you and have been waiting for
so long. F**k you, I know you were
in your chamber relaxing.
FHM: Preparation? What for? I
dont understand!
Pramila: You will be punished if
you lie again. Yes, prep for you.
FHM: I am too tense, please leave
me alone.
Pramila: I cant. Finally I got a
powerful man who is so weak from
inside. You are a faggot, how can
I leave you? I want to make you go
crazy about your mistress. Ok, now
undress yourself.
FHM: But it will ruin my social life,
I am your boss.
Pramila: Shut the f**k up and
take off your clothes.
FHM: Yes Mistress...
Pramila: Yes, now get on all fours
and come crawling! Follow me to
the bedroom. [The bedroom is very
dimly lit with a big master bed and
with some pillars around the bed.
I signal you to get on the bed
and lie down.]
FHM: Im nude and

Im crawling like a dog behind you.

Pramila: You get on the bed and
I tie your hands and legs up with
ropes. Your body is fully stretched.
FHM: Please... dont...
Pramila: Sshhh. Obey me at all
times. From now you are my slave,
my property.
FHM: I resist, and have no control
of the situation, I am now totally
bound to you.
Pramila: Yes, its your privilege.
FHM: Yes, Mistress.
pramila: I then undress myself
half and get in black lingerie.
FHM: I try to make noise and then
you gag my mouth with the used
panty which youre wearing.
Pramila: Yes. I use a dirty panty
for your mouth and then I get on
bed and when you get silent, I
remove the panty and sit on your
mouth with my panty on and I rub
my p**sy all over your face.
FHM: Yes and I am just
intoxicated by your smell, Ive lost
all my control, I give up.
Pramila: I see you getting harder.
Now its time

for some punishment. Here, suck

two of my fingers!
FHM: Yes I suck your fingers,
which is covered with your cum.
Pramila: Now I go near your
asscheeks and spank them.
FHM: Oh yes!
Pramila: Im hitting you harder.
FHM: Im moaning in pleasure.
Pramila: You got a tight ass bitch.
FHM: Yes, Mistress.
Pramila: Good bitch! Now take
my dirty socks; stuff them in your
f**king mouth, you f**ktard.
FHM: Yes Mistress, please, I have
always dreamt of... (muffled).
Pramila: Good! Moan harder as I
spank you. How do u feel?
FHM: Im just loving it...
pramila: Touch your cock now.
FHM: Woweee!

Phew! Keep reading as we

kept chatting with Goddess
Pramila to know the life
of a domintarix.

DOMINATRIX

DOMINATRIX

FHM: What exactly is a

dominatrix? How does one
become a dominatrix?
Pramila: A dominatrix is one
who dominates her clients and
generally indulges in sadistic
and masochistic activities in the
session with her clients. In return,
she gets paid for her time and
services. An inborn dominant
woman like me can easily involve
herself into providing pro-domme
services. A dominatrix must be
bold, confident and dominant. She
must not shy away from meeting
strange men and women and
dominate them as a part of her
services. I usually conduct an
online virtual session like a cam,
chat or phone session first and
post that, depending on the clients
fetishes and preferences, I accept
real time session applications.
So how did you become
a dominatrix?
I have been always a bold,
dominant girl inside my house
as well as in school, college
and at work. Later on, thanks
to 50 Shades of Grey, I began
exploring BDSM online and I
found a lot of men interested in
getting dominated by women
outside their vanilla relationships.
Also, they were ready to pay
appropriate tributes for that. I
decided to be a dominatrix due
to the good demand.
What happens inside a
dungeon? Describe a
session of BDSM for us
I conduct my sessions in a rented
apartment and if my bonding
with my client is good enough,
I allow him to serve me at my
place. A particular session starts
with mild feet worship and body
worship. If the client is interested
in masochism, then punishment
inflicting pain on him is tried out.
If he is not into sadomasochism
but only in the mild forms of
submission and domination, then
feet and body worship, trampling
and other humiliation is imposed.
Do you too have fantasies to
be dominated by a man?
Nope! But once, I tried doing a
switch a long while back before
I turned professional. However,
the experience was not that
great, so I dont think I will ever
try that again.
Not good? How would you
describe that?
Not something which I would
fantasise about in future or would
try to experience it again.

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Ok. So, is there a large

number of girls in India
who are dominatrices?
Yes, there are a number of
girls I see every day putting up
Facebook profiles posing as
a dominatrix. However, I dont
know how many of them are real.

FOR
THE KINK
IN YOU!

So there is no real count?

Nope, everything is found
virtually. So the day
Facebook or Twitter
deletes their pages,
everything
vanishes.

Anal Hook
So,
you
are
one
of
the
few real
dominatrices
of India?
I am very much
real.
That you are. Is
sex a part of your
session? Or is it
all about exploring
the kinkier side of a
man?
No, in a BDSM session, there
is no sex with the client. It is
more about exploring the clients
kinkier side and his deepest,
darkest desires and fantasies.
How would you define
the deepest and darkest
fantasies of a guy?
Many of my clients who come
to behave submissive are heads
of their offices or institutions
and have hundreds of people
following their orders. There is a
contradiction in their behaviour in
this aspect. They want to explore
two extreme sides. In their office
they are the boss, but cant reveal
their submissive sides, so they
come to pro-dommes and reveal
these desires... to be a slave or at
times a dog or even a non-living
object. And many other fetishes
are also unveiled.

Handcuffs

Cock Ring

What kind of men visit you?

Mostly businessmen or
executives. At times, students
too are my visitors.
Who has been your most
interesting customer? What
did he ask you to do?
I am more interested in a

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Tickler

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DOMINATRIX
customer who offers me gifts and other
benefits and seeks nothing in return, just
selfless submission. Apart from that, there are a
few clients who ask me for severe punishment
which leads to bloodshed as well. Also there
are men who are interested in body wastes.
They book sessions just for that... so that they
can consume body waste.

the middle of the session, he wanted to have

sex with me. And since intercourse is not a
part of my sessions, I had to end the session
then and there as he was just adamant.

where I have to kill insects with

my heels and fish with my booty.
I have also got requests for
wrestling roleplay.

So, how did you get rid of him?

I just had to push him away and get
ready and leave.

Body waste? Really?

Yes!

Do you have regular customers

as well?
Yes, I do have a few regular customers.

Wrestling? That sounds

quite interesting. How
did it go?
It was more of a roleplay
where being a lady wrestler, I
defeat him and then take him
as my slave.

What has been the most unusual

request youve received
from a customer?
Once a customer
requested me
to make a
video clip

Whats your take on 50 Shades

of Grey?
It has really helped a lot of
people to explore
their kinkier sides.
People
who

What was your worst experience

with a customer?
It happened once that a customer suddenly
tried to switch roles and started
getting abusive. It did not happen
in a real time session, but in
a virtual one. Also, once
I met a client and in

DOMINATRIX
kept their dark fantasies locked
in the closet, finally dared to
reveal all of that, or at least a
little of that. India, despite being
so conservative, has some really
kinky citizens.
Are there male dominatrix
around as well?
I have seen very few masters
advertising. You know, the
percentage of women trying
to submit to male strangers is
really very low in India, so that
business would never be as
successful as dominatrices.
What kind of clothes do
you prefer while in the act?
I usually wear faux black leather
dresses or dark coloured short
dresses with high heels.
Do customers request for
special clothes as well?
Yes, they do at times. Some
customers prefer heels with
different kinds of lingerie,
stockings and gloves.
Are Indians open to being a
subject to a girl?
Inside the bedroom, in a
particular time frame, they are
fine. If it gives them sexual
arousal, they are open, but
apart from that, Indian men are
generally not so submissive.
That was my question.
Do they submit themselves completely?
Apart from a few occasions,
very rarely would you see men
accepting dominant women in
their lives 24x7. As far as I am
concerned, I have only got one
or two men whom I can call as
my true subjects. The rest have
only been clients.
How enjoyable is it for
men to get spanked,
whipped, humiliated and
kicked in the nuts?
They love it... because most of
the time they get so aroused

that they climax almost

immediately after that.
How would you start a
regular session?
My session usually starts with
feet worship and then we
move on as preferred by the
customer. I try to include all
that in the session and try to
improvise a few things by myself
for his pleasure.
Do customers ask for
blowjobs and hand jobs
as well?
Foot jobs yes. Blowjobs are a
complete no. Hand jobs are
requested at times, but its
rejected more often than not!
And what makes you end
a session?
It usually ends as soon as he
reaches the climax. But for my
loyal subjects, I end the session
as and when I want.
How much do you charge
for each session?
This varies on the request of the
customer. It usually starts from
`10k for normal requests.
Have you ever got a request
from women?
Nope! I am yet to receive one!

SPACED OUT

TO MAJOR
MANKIND HAS STARED AT THE STARS, LOOKING FOR
COSMIC INSPIRATION FOR COUNTLESS MILLENNIA. A
FEW INSPIRED PEOPLE DECIDED WE COULD DO WITH A
CLOSER LOOK.
WORDS: COLIN FERNANDES

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SPACED OUT

SPACEX: FALCON SERIES

ounded in 2002 by Teslas Elon Musk, SpaceX designs, manufactures and launches spacecraft as well as other
advanced rockets. The companys first footstep into the unknown was when the first privately funded, liquidpropelled rocket Falcon 1 reached orbit in 2008. More recently, they surpassed NASA by successfully
returning a rocket (which was on an orbital trajectory) to the launch site and landing it without major damage.
Currently in employment is the Falcon 9 a two-stage rocket designed to deliver the Dragon spacecraft into orbit. Soon to
be booked for election campaigns in India.

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SPACED OUT

BLUE ORIGIN: NEW SHEPARD

mazon boss Jeff Bezos pet project, the Blue Origin rocket is a 60ft tall monster that carries the New Shepard
capsule, which is designed to seat six people. Unique to this capsule are the largest windows in spaceflight
history, enveloping you in unparalleled views of the cosmos. The three-day itinerary includes training both
physical and mental as well as instruction in all in-flight activity (how to manoeuvre in a weightless
environment being vital). The descent with peak forces of over 5G (before parachutes) should be quite a trip though.

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SPACED OUT

VIRGIN
GALACTIC:
VSS UNITY

he first private spaceline,

Virgin Galactic (owned by
Richard Branson and Abu
Dhabis Aabar Investments
PJS) has had a storied experience with
space flight; most recently with the inflight
loss of VSS Enterprise in October 2014.
Designed by aerospace engineer Burt
Rutan, the new VSS Unity (featured here)
can carry a crew of two pilots and six
passengers into orbital space. An air
launch is followed by a rocket-powered
ascent at Mach3. Get to experience the
silence of space and several minutes of
weightlessness. Virgin says over 700 seats
have already been booked!

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SPACED OUT

WORLD VIEW ENTERPRISES

here are no rockets in this company. Opting for the gentle ascent of a balloon, the World View capsule
gradually rises into near-space territory, the curvature of the Earth, revealing itself with each flicker of the
altimeter. Theres room for two pilots and six passengers in the pod. Get to see the magical sight of
everything on ground level gradually shrink and disappear into the vastness of our world. The two-hour
ascent peaks at 1,00,000ft after which voyagers get to sail through the stratosphere for another two hours. Dont worry,
theres a refreshment bar on board.

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SPACED OUT

B
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XCOR AEROSPACE LYNX

orn in 1999 out of its chief engineers hangar, XCOR has since evolved into a 100-plus team dedicated to
taking your lazy ass into space. The XCOR Lynx is a suborbital horizontal-takeoff-horizontal-landing (HTHL),
rocket-powered spaceplane that is fully reusable. The total flight time, however, is one of the shortest among
the options available at just 30 minutes. This includes a three-minute ascent at Mach2.9 and coasting at an
altitude of 100km for about four and a half minutes before pulling out to glide, circle and
eventually land like a normal airplane.

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75

RIDER

ON THE

STORM
WORDS: SUDHAKAR JHA

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April 2016

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While you were

mourning over
MS Dhonis
retirement from
Tests last year,
there was one
man who was
trying to defy
torrential rain,
heatstroke and
extreme cold.
Sometimes,
getting lost in a

jungle, having to
fix his own bike
and still be fast
enough on the
track, and to top it
all, trying to stay
alive. With nerves
made of steel and
balls the size of
watermelons,
meet Indias one
and only Dakar
Rally racer,
CS Santosh.

FHM: Lets start from the

beginning. How did it all start for
you? When was the first time
you picked up a bike and rode it
all around?
CS Santosh: I think the first time I
picked up anything for a ride was a
bicycle. As a little kid, I used to get
on my bicycle and explore the
surroundings around me. And you
know, thats how it actually started for
me. There is this place in Bengaluru
called Palace Ground, where they
have motocross events every year, I
happened to watch one of the races
there. That, I guess, triggered my
imagination and I wanted a bike for
myself. I think that was the real
beginning for me.

When did you actually think of

picking off-road racing as your
career?
You see, I had a motorcycle to go to
college and there was a time when
drag racing was at its peak. Everybody
was doing it on bikes and in cars, but I
was actually never interested in doing
that. My initial thought was to do
some track racing. In Chennai they
have this track for racing and as an
amateur, if you want to ride, you have
to pay `500 and they give you a bike
and you can race on the weekend. I
actually won my first race, but then
the track was shut down due to some
litigation and I had nowhere to go.
Thats when I switched to off-road
racing. I used to go out and look for

an empty lake-side area and make it

my track.
How supportive were your
friends and family about your
career choice?
When you first start doing it,
everybody thinks its very cool as you
ride a motorcycle and do some cool
stuff with it. But with me when they
heard that I was serious about it, they
thought it was a joke. I still went on
with it and a lot of people raised
eyebrows over my decision, including
my parents. They thought that other
people are making their careers and
looking after themselves and here is a
dumb guy who wants to ride
motorcycles for career. But now, over

Dakar was mentally

exhausting.

TROPHIES IN
SANTOSHS
KITTY
From Motocross to Supercross to dirt tracks and
rallies, CS has won
everything that is there to
be won in India.

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April 2016

2005

MRF National
Supercross Championship.
Gulf National Dirt
Track Championship.

2006

Al-Ain Motocross
Championship, Dubai.

2007

2009

2008

2010

National Champion
Supercross
Indian Experts.

MRF Supercross
Challenge.
Gulf Dirt Track
Championship

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Maharagama
Motorcross
Championship
Sri Lanka

MRF National
Supercross
Championship

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Rolon National Dirt

Track Championship
Gajaba Supercross
Sri Lanka

Nur Elia Motocross

Sri Lanka
Foxhill Supercross in
Sri Lanka
Vijayabahu Motocross
ChampionSri Lanka

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2011

Gajaba Supercross
Sri Lanka
MRF National
Supercross Championship
Chandigarh
Gunners Supercross
Sri Lanka

2012

Raid De Himalaya
Gunners Supercross
Sri Lanka
MRF National
Supercross Championship
Chandigarh

2014

Maruti Suzuki Desert

Storm Winner
World Cross Country Rally
Championship (9th place)

MRF National Supercross

Championship, Pune

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79

the years, I have

managed to earn their
respect and they have
understood that some
people are born to do
certain things. I
wouldnt have been
able to do what I
am doing today
without the support
of my family.
Youve won every
possible
Supercross race
that is there in
India. Or is there
something left?
I think I have pretty
much done everything
that I wanted to do in
India. The only thing
which I suppose is left
is that I get on a
superbike and do
some track racing. I
am now looking
beyond India for
international platforms
like the recent World
Championships.
The Raid De
Himalaya is the
only Indian
motorsport listed
on the FIM
calendar. How did
it feel to win it on
your first attempt?
You know, the thing is
when I was winning
Motocross and
Supercross races, I
thought that I would
not be able to go and
win a rally. I didnt think
that I could complete a
rally. It is said that a
rider must really do the
Raid De Himalaya
once and only then he
can say that he has
done everything that is
there to be done on a
motorcycle. It was
more like a challenge
for me. I wanted to
experience the hype
around the rally. I won
it and it was actually
quite unbelievable!
What really
happened at the
World Cross
Country Rally
Championships
in 2013?
After I won the Raid
De Himalaya, people
insisted that I should
now look for
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April 2016

international stages
and win abroad, like
this World
Championship. I
thought lets do it and I
put together a small
team which was
privately funded, and
went to Abu Dhabi. On
day three, I
experienced some
trouble in my
motorcycle. I didnt get
much time to test the
bike or anything like
that. There was some
problem in the
motorcycle which led
to a fire in the fuel
tank. The desert too
was really hot and the
heat was just radiating.
Everybody thought
that it was the end for
me. I was very
disappointed that I
couldnt finish at my
very first international
racing event.

I paid 500
bucks for my
first race.

How did you

motivate yourself
to continue racing
despite a near-fatal
accident?
How often do you
hear a bike catching
fire? It was a once-ina-lifetime thing and I
have gotten over it
now. And I dont think I
am gonna catch fire
anytime soon. Its
about going back and
doing what youre
meant to do than
being afraid of failing.
Not completing the
race was the failure for
me, more than the
bike catching fire.
2014 started on a
brilliant note again,
winning the
longest off-roader.
Do you conquer
every thing in the
first go?
It just looks like it is. I
think I have this thing
in me that I am very
good one year and the
next year I struggle. I
think I need to fix that
in me.
How does a racer
get a chance to
participate in the
Dakar Rally?
Dakar is actually an
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The Dakar has

to be my
most satisfying
moment.

invitation only race. Back in the days when it

started, in the 70s, most of the guys who raced
were amateurs and were eccentric adventurers.
You would call them mad men. I never thought
that I would be rallying at the Dakar. It was
unknown terrain for me and when I went in, I just
wanted to make a mark on my first Dakar.
What was the first thing that came
to mind when you got the invite?
In 2014, I finished in the Top 10 of the World
Championship and after that Dakar was really
excited to have someone from India for the
first time. And I was ecstatic because they
featured me on their website and announced
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that an Indian was participating. I always

looked at myself as a rider riding for myself,
but when you are a first of anything, your
perspective changes. You have to bear that
burden of being the first.
How did you start preparing for Dakar?
To be honest, Dakar is a huge race, spanning
over 14 days and more than 9,000kms. I tried
to prepare as hard as I could by watching
YouTube videos and everything I could get my
hands on. I talked to people who had a
perspective on Dakar. Everybody told me how
hard Dakar is, so I prepared at the best of my
abilities. Physically I was fit, but physically and
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mentally the race was very challenging.

What was the biggest challenge going
into the rally?
Its the fear of the unknown. You dont know
the roads, the terrains and the weather which
you will be facing in the 14 days. Youre all by
yourself and theres no one to support you.
How did it feel to represent India at the
worlds toughest race competition?
When they put the flag around me, the feeling
of representing the country sunk in then. It
was a feeling that cant be expressed in words.
April 2016

81

T RI B U TE TO B RA N D O

MARLON BRANDO RETURNS

FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE TO
TELL HIS STORY IN HIS OWN
VOICE IN LISTEN TO ME
MARLON, AS CONCEPTUALISED,
WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY
STEVAN RILEY. WE PAY OUR
TRIBUTE TO THE LEGEND ON HIS
BIRTHDAY, 3RD APRIL...
WORDS: SIDDHARTH M JOSHI

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April 2016

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BRANDO UNPLUGGED

T RI B U TE TO B RA N D O

heres a charm in naming your kid after

you, or so it feels, for the concept is
alien in an Indian context and a waning
but prevalent one in the west.
However, the suffix Junior brings a bag full of
connotations. A grandpa still features as Jr. in
the invitation card for the golden jubilee of his
wedded life; more often than not it remains an
emotional symbol on the ID card and turns into
an identity crisis gizmo (barring Robert
Goddamn Downey Jr., of course). To stray
away from his fathers identity and create one
of his own may have been the reason why
Marlon Brando Jr. never allowed that postfix;
and created, not just an identity but the
deepest hole for a niche.
Director Stevan Riley gathered a unique
approach and decided to make Marlon narrate
the deepest secrets of his heart through audio
recordings from radios, as well as Brandos
personal self hypnosis tapes and video feeds.
The film, despite being a documentary, hits you
with a crisp recounting of emotions and shades
of storytelling. The film starts with a digital face
of Brando suspended on a screen in electronic
space, reminding us that hes still in charge of
how his story is told. He left behind enough
material to have his story told the way he
wanted. All that was required was a narrator
who could put all the pieces together. Riley
does a phenomenal job by rearranging the
jigsaw and sewing it all together in a tight script.
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April 2016

It transcends time and travels many years in

future. The strong sense that I had... to be
free, he says as an old man, reminiscing over
the past. His childhood wasnt a very pleasant
one but it all looks prim and proper in
retrospect. He affectionately remembers how
he would sell bottles and mow lawns, as a kid,
just to earn his 10 cents to go to the movies
and escape everything. That sense of good
feeling would get him through the week.
Those moments in the theatre were magical.

INITIATION INTO THE STAGE

YOUNG IMPRESSIONS

The film follows the obvious coming-of-age

style in a non-linear pattern. We have a few
glimpses of Marlon as a kid in still pictures as
he talks about his fondness for his mother.
She was an alcoholic. I loved the smell of
liquor in my mothers breath. It was very
sweet, he says in a soft voice. In another
recording he urges himself to be relaxed and
not be nervous, going back to his happy space
in the arms of his governess hired by his
mother as a kid, where he received affection.
He was deeply affected when the governess
left him to get married. It was tantamount to
desertion in his young impressionable mind.
fhmindia fhmindia

Marlon Brando went to The New School to

learn acting, which in his own words was an
institute of extraordinary social learning. His
teachers were very eclectic...the cream of
academia. One of the teachers who had a great
influence on him was an actress by the name of
Stella Adler. In the theatre the actor is the
boss. Its against the nature of human life to
withdraw. Dont be afraid. You have the right to
be who you are, where you are and how you
are. Be in a state of honesty up there. Speak
out the thoughts that are tormenting you, she
says in one of the recordings of her classrooms.
Much later he records many a musings on
acting himself, We develop acting very early in
our lives. We act crazy just to get attention from
our mothers. Acting is surviving.
After a small stint with theatre, A Streetcar
Named Desire made him readily popular as a
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stage actor. He was incredibly handsome

and masculine and was probably the first
bad boy of the industry who really acted
and did not just indulge in loud theatrics.
Brando was unpredictable, stimulating, and
daring with a lot of panache both on and
off stage. He was making a lot of money
and people adored him. He recounts that
he got into the mood for a scene by
remembering incidences from his life that
triggered certain emotions, a style of
method acting hed learnt from Adler. Do
not bring anything in the present that
doesnt have a past, she would say. His
father hitting his mother triggered an
immediate anger and it was perfect to
evoke the right emotion for the role.
However, he hated the character he
played in A Streetcar and did not identify
with it. Soon, he was so torn and
tormented while the acting and production
was on that he had to be sent to a
psychiatrist. Thats when he left the stage,
never to return.

THE SILVER SCREEN

Brando had left Broadway for good but

was popular enough to be taken on by film
makers. When asked what he would have
done if he wasnt an actor, he replies by
saying that he would have been a con
man. A good con man tells a lot of lies,
gives impressions and appears to think
what he doesnt think. When the camera
is on you, your face becomes the stage.
Your face is the proscenium arch of the
theatre, 30 feet high and it sees all the
little movements of the face and the eye
and the mouth. He really wanted to get
involved in the motion pictures to change it
and take it closer to the truth by bringing
erratic convincing acts on the screen.
He debuted in The Men in which he
plays a paralysed war veteran. He lived
with paraplegics in a hospital for three
weeks to prepare for the role. Physicality
is a tough thing. I spent a lot of time just
studying everything they do. I wanted to
see how they go in and out, the manner in
which they crawl from one place to
another. You have to know your subject,
you have to know your character. Putting
yourself in a different state of mind... what
they felt like, what their frustrations were
knowing that they couldnt have sex.
The film is a manual for actors and
directors alike that lets them get into the
mind of a genius as Riley squeezes all his
brilliance and experiences in a nutshell to
present it before you with live examples.
At night I think about it, dream about it

WHEN THE
CAMERA IS ON
YOU, YOUR
FACE BECOMES
THE STAGE.
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T RI B U TE TO B RA N D O
and I wake up being absorbed by it.
Brando put himself up emotionally for
every role that came his way. He
wanted to break the clichs. His
secret was to never let the audience
know when its going to come out.
Get them on your time. Hit them.
Knock them over with an attitude, with
a word, with a look. Be surprising;
figure out a way to do it like its never
been done before.
In the 60s people wanted a
rebellion. And Brando was at the right
place at the right time, in the right
state of mind. You want to stop that
movement from the popcorn to the
mouth. Get people to stop chewing.
The truth will do that. What is right, is
right. You can feel it in your bones.
Then you feel whole, and then you
feel good.

STARDOM AND SEX

The film paints Brandos alleviation

to a cult hero. When he won an Oscar
for On the Waterfront he was the
youngest actor to be honoured in this
way. His first words when he held the
award in his hand were, Its much
heavier than I had imagined.
While most actors wanted their name
in the papers and enjoyed all the
attention, he was very often struck by
the illusion of success. Sometimes it
was difficult to meet people because he
knew that people had pre-judged him
and they wouldnt treat him normally.

Theyd stare at him like an animal

in a zoo, like some strange creature
from a distant land. What it does is
remove you from reality. I cant stand it. I
hate it. You have no idea how
discomforting it is.
In one of the video interviews where
his dad also makes an appearance,
Brando senior answers when asked if
hes proud of his son, Well, as an actor
not too proud, but as a man quite
proud. When asked if he wanted to
defend himself in 30 seconds Marlon
responds in jest, I dont need to defend
myself. I can lick this guy with one hand,
so I can let it go.
When an attractive journalist asks
what consumes his thoughts in his
spare time, he responds with a
disarmingly charming smile on his face,
You are one of the prettiest
interviewers that I have seen. And
goes on saying that he hopes to see
her in Chicago. In another interview
while being asked about his latest
movie, he points out how the interviewer
(another attractive journo) talks from
the side of her mouth and how
charming it is. This reporter was seen
going into his room and not coming out
until early the next morning.
He admits to being a sexaholic. After
a certain point the penis has its own
agenda. It has nothing to do with you. A
lot of your decisions are made by your
penis and not by your brain. He had a
lot of wives over the period of his life,
the first one of whom was an actress of
Indian origin, Anna Kashfi. She found

MORE
FROM THE
MIND OF
MARLON
Never
confuse
the size
of your
paycheck
with the
size of
your
talent.
The only
reason
Im in
Hollywood
is that I
dont have
the moral
courage to
refuse the
money.
I will not
wear on
God. I will
not swear
on God,
because
I dont
believe
in the
conceptual
sense
and in this
nonsense.
What I
will swear
on is my
children
and my
grandchildren.
I resent
that when
people
meet you
theyre
meeting
an asshole
celebrity
instead of
a person
concerned
with other
things.

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April 2016

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out about the other women in my life. I

had women coming through the door
and going out the window. The beast
aspect of my personality overtook
everything that was reasonable or
rational, or more often decent. He went
on to father sixteen known children.

PUBLICITY, NOTORIETY AND ACTIVISM

A lot of things affected him and made

him what he was. His childhood, his stint
with the military school where his father
sent him, the emotionally unavailable
father, a drunk mother. About the military
school he says that individuality just did
not exist there. He was very lonely there
and spent a lot of time in the library
reading about Tahiti in National
Geographic magazines, looking at
pictures of people without manicured
expressions. Thats where he wanted to
go and wanted to be at.
He made Mutiny on the Bounty and
finally got a chance to go to Tahiti,
though he recalls it as his worst
experience making a motion picture. He
was not happy with the writing of the
story. Dont ever be intimidated by a
director. There was a great deal of
confusion, desperation, disappointment
and disgust. And there were even fist
fights with the director of the film. He
was called uncooperative, an egotist and
temperamental in the press and had to
face a lot of negative publicity. Even
though he was very convincing at his
indifference, he was very hurt and
disturbed. He even gave testimonies that
he would renounce acting.
Brando entered activism and spoke
for the rights of blacks and sided with
Martin Luther King Jr. In fact he was
standing behind Martin Luther at the
time of the famous I have a dream
speech. Following Luthers
assassination, he was branded as a
nigger-lover in rallies and proceedings.
But he continued to be vocal about
racial issues.

SECOND COMING

When Francis Coppola offered him

the part in Godfather, Brando knew
that it was his chance to be absolved
of everything that had happened in
the past. But he wasnt as lucky as
before and the studio demanded a
screen test. It was demeaning to
appear for a screen test. I needed a
part at that time. I wasnt sure if I
could do that part either. He never
wanted to get caught trying. This film
features recordings from both
Coppola and Brando on Godfather
and Apocalypse Now.
After a smashing success, he won
another Oscar, this time for Godfather,
but refused to accept it owing to the
treatment of Native Americans by the
film industry. The subject was very
close to his heart... the plight of the
Native Americans and their portrayal
in western films. I dont think the
Americans want to face the truth. We
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are all living in a stolen land. Where do

you draw the line? At what point do
you say, God dammit this is my turf, I
was here first, one more step and
youre gonna get it!
Last Tango in Paris was a very
difficult film for him because director,
Bernardo Bertolucci asked him to play
himself and not try and be another
character. Brando was always a very
private person and wanted no one to
take a deep look inside him. He was
shocked when he watched the film.
Bertolucci had stolen so much from
his personal life, so many sincere
emotions that he was almost exposed.
After the film though, he restored his
position as the finest and the most
bankable stars in Hollywood.

BEST OF
MARLON...

CLOSING THE CURTAIN

There are shots of him that make him so

human, yet so impressive and enviable
that at some level you want him to falter.
In his interviews with attractive women,
while flirting openly, he maintains the
charisma that he possessed on screen.
And you know that hes not posing to be
a charmer but is a natural. What makes
you like him despite everything else is
how he owns up to his flaws, like his
weak morals, lose sexual tendencies
and what not.
The film comes to an end with the
scene from Godfather where Don Vito
Corleone dies peacefully in a small
village in Italy while playing with his
grandson. Deaths a tough scene to
play. You have to make them believe that
youre dying. I would hope it would be
something simple like playing
tiddlywinks. Try to think of the most
intimate moment youve had in your life...
The digitally recreated Brando bids
adieu in the end and disappears into a
metaphorical space.

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87

OBJECTS of desire
Switzerland based Roland Iten has long established itself as a bespoke
maker of luxury mechanical accessories for men. Heres why...

CALIBRE R822

PREDATOR
88

April 2016

es. You guessed wrong. This is actually a belt buckle!

There are four functions built in to allow you simple,
quick changes of the leather strap; effortless engagement
of the buckle with the strap as well as one-handed use of
the buckle to both tighten and loosen the strap. So, when
you need to pee real bad, it wont let you down.

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MAGIC
NUMBER

SIGNIFYING INFINITY,
8 IS STAMPED ON
ALL ITEMS.

Intricate

BLING

keen sense of design sets

each piece apart.
Diamonds are used like
chrome is in the car industry
and gold is everywhere.
Featured here (from top) are
the mechanical walking stick,
the popular RCD82 credit card
holder and the totally spaceage RZ8 Ziletto cuff links.

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89

W H O S
SHE?
From: Boston
Age: 23
Vital stats:
32-24-34
Facebook:
facebook.com/
ccardelle
Instagram:
@casscardelle
Twitter:
@cassiecardelle

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fhmindia.com

COOL ADVICE
FROM

A HOT GIRL

CASSIE

CARDELLE
BUY YOUR GIRLFRIEND
THE PERFECT LINGERIE
Words: Sudhakar Jha Photography: Ryan Dwyer

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91

CAARSDSEILELE
C

WHAT IS IT
Flirty, feminine, lace, slips.
WHO IS IT BEST FOR
Babe.
HOW TO MAKE
THE BEST USE OF IT
Feel sexy when going to sleep
or cooking/baking.

WHAT IS IT
Cute but sexy, seethrough one piece/
leotards.
WHO IS IT BEST FOR
Someone with a
bigger bust.
HOW TO MAKE
THE BEST USE OF IT
Hot shoots, date nights;
add a mysterious touch
under a work suit or
baggy outfit.

WHAT IS IT
Usually satin, lace, or basic
1 or 2 piece sets.
WHO IS IT BEST FOR
Girlfriends who dont like
going to bed frumpy.
HOW TO MAKE
THE BEST USE OF IT
Wake up feeling sexy...
Look for different styles,
tight or loose fitting, ruffles
or no ruffles.

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CAS

CARDESIE
LLE

WHAT IS IT
Lingerie belt.
WHO IS IT BEST FOR
Photoshoots, curvy ladies,
loved ones.
HOW TO MAKE
THE BEST USE OF IT
Accentuates curves.

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93

CAARSDSEILELE
C

WHAT IS IT
Usually silk, long robes.
WHO IS IT BEST FOR
If you want to feel
somewhat sophisticated
and comfortable.
HOW TO MAKE
THE BEST USE OF IT
For sleeping, lounging, at
home movie nights.

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April 2016

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CAS

CARDESIE
LLE

WHAT IS IT
Sexy underwear.
WHO IS IT BEST FOR
Ladies with cute bums.
HOW TO MAKE
THE BEST USE OF IT
Minimise panty lines.

fhmindia.com

WHAT IS IT
Waist/stomach area
cover with latches for
under outfits.
WHO IS IT
BEST FOR
Someone who wants
to look slimmer at the
last minute or when
one wears tight outfits.
HOW TO MAKE
THE BEST USE
OF IT
Hide, flatten, or
minimise bloating
under any outfit.

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95

PANDORAS BOX

FORM IV
(SEE RULE 8)
Statement of ownership
and other particulars of the
Magazine FHM INDIA

Place of publication
TCG Media Limited, 101
Arunchal Building,
19, Barakhamba Road,
New Delhi - 110001
Periodicity of
publication
Monthly
PEPE JEANS
POWER FLEX
Lycra and polyester
yarns are spun
together to create a
highly elastic fabric
that has a minimum
60 per cent
stretchability.
Launching this
month, we expect
these jeans to cost
`9,000 onwards.
SALVATORE
FERRAGAMO
EMOZIONE EAU
DE PARFUM
SPRAY
Get your girl
this floral scent that
the makers say is
for strong, confident
women. This
92ml bottle is
available from
`7,000 onwards.

Printers Name
Nitin Agarwal
Nationality
Indian
Address
B374,
Lok Vihar, Pitampura,
New Delhi - 110034
Publishers Name
Nitin Agarwal
Nationality
Indian
Address
B374,
Lok Vihar, Pitampura,
New Delhi - 110034
Editors Name
Nitin Agarwal
Nationality
Indian
Address
B374,
Lok Vihar, Pitampura,
New Delhi - 110034
Names and addresses of
individuals who own the
newspaper and partners
or shareholders holding
more than one per cent
of the total capital
TCG Media Limited

NIKE HYPERADAPT 1.0

Exclusively available for purchase
through the new Nike+ app, this
shoe is the first-ever step in the
concept of adaptive lacing. It offers
a precise fit that can be fine tuned to
the changing needs of whatever
your game is. Essentially, its a shoe
that can tie its own laces!
`10,999 onwards.

I, Nitin Agarwal, hereby

declare that the
particulars given above
are true to the best of my
knowledge and belief.
Nitin Agarwal
Publisher
March 2016

96

April 2016

fhmindia fhmindia

fhmindia.com

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