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Ellie Patterson
RWW9, Class 1
Ms. Bartz
April 18, 2016

Choose Wisely
Since before the time of the Enlightenment, the discussion of what contributes to a
persons identity has been an ongoing debate. Choosing one factor that is the greatest provider to
an identity is a continuing dispute. When trying to raise children to grow up and become
successful, well rounded people, parents and adults wish to provide what they believe are the
best examples in order to help their children become well-rounded citizens. While some may say
that a person is born as she or he is and cannot change, philosophers going back earlier than the
Enlightenment have argued this is not the case. Everyone is born with a tablula rosa, or a blank
mind, that is then molded into a person with opinions by the world around them. Who a child
spends the most time with, whether it be an adult or another child, is going to have the most
influence on them and how they develop and identify with the world around them.
Children tend to mimic the actions of those they trust. If a person is trusted, copying their
actions will come almost naturally as more time is spent with that person. According to Thomas
J. Berndt and Lonna M. Murphy at the Department of Psychological Sciences at Purdue
University, Children learn more from observing a model's behavior if they have a positive
relationship with the model. Thus meaning if a child has a positive relationship and trusts a
person, they will be more inclined to behave like this person, influencing how they behave and
furthermore how they identify. Children that grow up around people who throw away their trash
and care for the environment are going to grow up picking up their trash too because they are

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following the example set for them. Although positive influences are great, not all people have
positive effects. Valerie Ulene for the LA Times mentions how unhealthy behaviors can be
almost contagious. If a child hangs around negative influences, they will most likely pick up the
bad habits themselves. This will, in turn, affect what they perceive to be right and wrong. When
a child sees someone they look up to smoking, they get the perception that smoking isnt a bad
thing unless told otherwise. Even then, if told smoking is bad, but a child watches someone they
admire doing it, the seriousness of the action is diminished. Since children mimic the actions of
whom they trust, they start to develop and behave similarly to their close relations.
A childs sense of self worth is in direct correlation with whom they spend the most time.
Their self esteem is directly affected by how they believe others perceive them, especially if they
are close to a person. Angela Oswalt addresses this when she mentions how young children who
have playmates and classmates that are usually nice and apt to include the child in activities will
develop a positive self-image. However, a young child who is regularly left out, teased, or
bullied by same-age or older peers can develop low self-esteem. By developing a positive selfimage, the child will be more of a positive contributor to society and have a beneficial effect on
those around them. During my time in middle school, I was asked a lot in my earlier years to
participate by singing in assemblies. As I grew more familiar in the school and was asked to sing
by more and more people, I became more comfortable and, therefore, more willing to sing in
front of people. I ended up being in charge of the singers at various school assemblies, giving
myself a confident self-view which made me more willing to participate. With a sense of security
in oneself and a sturdy self-esteem, a person will be more inclined to be himself or herself,
making them an overall happier person. However, being included by everyone is not the only
factor to having a positive self-image. Having a few very close friends will in turn make them

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feel more wanted and important says Thomas J. Berndt and Lonna M. Murphy of Purdue
University: High-quality friendships seem to provide children with a small social circle that
makes them feel they belong in a new school environment. If that circle remains intact, it can
easily widen to include more classmates. By having a small, close circle of friends, it will
improve how they view themselves and boost their ability and willingness to make new friends
and talk to new people. This creates more extroverted and open people, creating a more positive
self sense of identity. When having a better self esteem and a feeling of acceptance, the child will
be happier.
However, despite all of this some people believe that people are born as they are and
nothing can change that. Although this is important, people choose with whom they form
relationships and spend the most time, reflecting who they are and how they identify themselves
amongst their peers. Once they have chosen their relationships, children will turn to those people
for advice and copy their actions, thus influencing their actions and who they are as a person,
alone and with others. Who a child is around most of the time, whether they be related by family
or not, will have the largest effect on how they identify themselves.
The friends and people around a child the most will influence their identity the greatest.
When a child trusts and looks up to a person, they are more inclined to behave in similar ways to
them. Also, their sense of self value and importance will come from who they spend time with. If
a child is not around positive influences, it will lead to bad self-esteem and bad habits, limiting
their ability to contribute positively to society.

Works Cited
Berndt, Thomas J. "INFLUENCES OF FRIENDS AND FRIENDSHIPS: MYTHS, TRUTHS,
AND RESEARCH RECOMMENDATIONS."ADVANCES IN CHILD DEVELOPMENT

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AND BEHAVIOR 30 (2002): 275-301. Purdue.edu. Web. 7 Apr. 2016.
Oswalt, Angela. "Early Childhood Emotional and Social Development: Identity and Self-Esteem
- Child Development & Parenting: Early (3-7)."Early Childhood Emotional and Social
Development: Identity and Self-Esteem - Child Development & Parenting: Early (3-7).
Gulf Bend Center, 2016. Web. 10 Apr. 2016.
Ulene, Valerie. "A Teen's Friends Are a Powerful Influence." Los Angeles Times. Los Angeles
Times, 11 Apr. 2011. Web. 10 Apr. 2016.