Funny Joke: Touch and follow

September 22, 2015 | By Akpos | 1 Comment

I fell in love with a girl called Amanda, but dont have the guts to ask her out. So I went to see a
native doctor popularly called Baba.
All he demanded from me was 1-month internet data subscription money which I paid and he
gave me a ring called Touch and Follow.
He said, All I need to do is touch her with this ring and she will follow. I was excited because
that was pretty easy.
The next day, when she was passing, I created a scene just to draw her attention and touched her
like it was a mistake. I was expecting her to follow me, but she didnt, rather she moved on and
was pressing her phone.
I was disappointed and went home. On getting home, I checked my phone and saw 9
notifications showing Amanda Paul is now following me on Twitter, Instagram, Keek, Badoo,
Viber, sent me a friend request on Facebook, sent me a message on Whatsapp and 2go.
I called Baba immediately to inform him and he replied me, My son, weve upgraded,
everything is now digital! Bye to rural village, welcome to the global village. That was why I did
not ask for a cock, the brain of a mosquito, a vultures eye and groundnut oil but one month
internet data to keep me online.

Akpos GCE Exams questions

January 11, 2016 | By Akpos | Add a Comment
GCE MATHEMATICS EXAM PAPER
Time: 2Hrs 30MINS
INSTRUCTIONS: ATTEMPT ALL QUESTIONS.
ALL QUESTIONS CARRY EQUAL MARKS.
You have dated a girl for 2 years, eventually she drops you for another guy. Calculate the
percentage of time wasted. (20 marks)
You bought a phone for your girlfriend and she gave it to another guy. Using trigonometric
identities, derive a general formula for this type of love. (20 marks)

(For Boys) Youre dating around 15 girls and every girl is demanding for a Samsung Galaxy and
an iPhone 6s (a) Plot a graph of girls against prices of phones. (15marks)
(b) Use your graph to estimate your future poverty (5marks)
You are dating other peoples sisters yet you dont want to see any guy with your sister. Calculate
the Percentage Error in your Thinking Capacity. (20 marks)
You are a civil servant, your wife is a petty trader, your combined household income is less than
1,000ghc. Your daughter who is awaiting result is using iPhone 6s and Samsung Galaxy both
worth 2,000ghc. Calculate the Percentage of your Parental Negligence. (20 marks)
(For girls) Youre a girl and you have dated 20 guys with hard labor, use the law of deminishing
Return to calculate the substance that will be left for your husband to enjoy. (20 marks)
You cant give your wife 50ghc for a pot of soup, but you spend over 100ghc in bars and
resturant. Calculate the radius of your stupidity, take =3.142(20 marks)
BEST OF GOOD LUCK!
Advice from the invigilator: We are now in a new year. Please drop all your bad character.
- See more at: http://funnyakposjokes.com/akpos-gce-exams-questions/#sthash.R8eNvwig.dpuf

Nigeria Joke: Who killed Abel

July 1, 2015 | By Akpos | 2 Comments
I went to the police station to certify my document. On arrival, I met one of the policemen
reading the bible, specifically Genesis, I was so impressed so I asked him, Officer, who killed
Abel, Adams son? He raised his head, looked at my face with dismay and said, I dont know,
ask Sgt Asare, he is in charge of murder cases.
- See more at: http://funnyakposjokes.com/nigeria-joke-who-killed-abel/#sthash.5b4TZxT5.dpuf

Akpos Joke: Cemetary

February 19, 2015 | By Akpos | Add a Comment
Akpos recently shared the following views at a public forum:
When Nigerian politicians loot public funds/money from Nigeria, they keep it in Switzerland.

When sick, they go to Germany or India.

When investing, they go to America.
When buying Mansions, they visit London.
When shopping they go to Dubai.
When on holidays, they visit Paris or Bahamas.
When educating their children, they select Europe.
When praying, they go to Saudi Arabia or Jerusalem.
BUT, when they DIE, they all want to be BURIED in Nigeria! Please, ask them for me, is
NiGERIA A CEMETERY?
- See more at: http://funnyakposjokes.com/akpos-joke-cemetary/#sthash.OLtFeNPw.dpuf

Akpos Joke: Pregnant Maid

September 9, 2014 | By Akpos | 1 Comment
The following conversation ensued between Akpos and his wife:
Wife: Our maid is pregnant.
Akpos: Thats her problem
Wife: Neighbours are talking
Akpos: Thats their problem..
Wife: Im worried
Akpos: Thats your problem
Wife: They say its yours
Akpos: Thats my problem..!!!
- See more at: http://funnyakposjokes.com/akpos-joke-pregnant-maid/#sthash.did4pP9z.dpuf

Akpos Joke: Midnight

June 1, 2014 | By Akpos | 1 Comment
Akpos get home at midnight and knocks the door:
Wife: Go back to where you are coming from!

Akpos: Open the door or I will throw myself into the swimming pool!
Wife: Go ahead and kill yourself, do you think I care?
**So Akpos stands near the dark part of the gate and waits for 2 minutes, takes a big stone and
throws it into the swimming pool !!!!..Scheweew..!!!!
**Wife hears, opens the door and runs towards the swimming pool. Akpos quickly sneaks into
the house then locks the door.
Wife: Open the door or I will shout!!
Akpos: Shout till all the neighbours wake up and come here. Tell them where you are coming
from by this time of the night with only a pant and bra!
- See more at: http://funnyakposjokes.com/akpos-joke-midnight/#sthash.dZH73slv.dpuf

Akpos WAEC Results Finally Out

March 13, 2013 | By Akpos | 1 Comment
Akpos WAEC result is Finally Out. The following conversation ensued between he and his
father:
Papa Akpos: Akpos,I learnt your WAEC result is out.
Akpos: Daddy, you remember Arthur who used to emerge first in our class at the end of every
term ? he failed. .
Papa Akpos: Thats terrible,what happened?
Akpors: You also remember Izzy who used to tutor me in the house? He failed too
Papa Akpos: whats with the poor performance?
Akpos: Daddy I dont know. Thats how it is.
Even Kelvin who won the Cowbell Science and Maths competition failed.
Papa Akpos: so how was your own result?
Akpos : You also remember Osas our senior prefect? He failed too.
Papa Akpors: (Angrily) Boy, tell me about your own result!!
Akpos : (angrily) If all those people
failed, do you expect me to pass? Am I a wizard?
- See more at: http://funnyakposjokes.com/akpos-waec-results-finallyout/#sthash.hUWkZTrj.dpuf

Akpos and Mr President on a trip

April 26, 2014 | By Akpos | 2 Comments

The President of Nigeria, his Deputy, Mr Akpos and a former Miss World, Agbani Darego were
travelling in a train.
The train suddenly goes through a tunnel and it got completely dark. Suddenly there was a
kissing sound and then a slap! The train came out of the tunnel. The deputy and Akpos were
sitting down looking perplexed. The President was bent over holding his face, which was red
from an apparent slap. All of them remained diplomatic and nobody said anything.
The Deputy was thinking; These men are all crazily after Agbani Darego. The President must
have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.
Agbani Darego was thinking: The President must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Akpos
instead and got slapped.
The President was thinking; Damn it, Akpos must have tried to kiss Agbani Darego and she
thought it was me and slapped me.
Akpos was thinking; If this train goes through another tunnel, I would make another kissing
sound and slap the President again.
- See more at: http://funnyakposjokes.com/akpos-and-mr-president-on-atrip/#sthash.A3Ye9QO3.dpuf

Joke: Killing Job

July 22, 2015 | By Akpos | Add a Comment
The Nigerian SSS had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews,
and testing were done there were three finalists
Two men and a woman.
For the final test, the SSS agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a
gun, We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances.
Inside of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!
The man said, You cant be serious. I could never shoot my wife. The agent said, Then youre
not the right man for this job.
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All
was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes, I tried, but I
cant kill my wife. The agent said, You dont have what it takes.

Take your wife and go home.

Finally, it was the womans turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She
took the gun and went into the room.
Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.
After a few minutes, all was quiet.
The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and
said, This gun is loaded with fake bullets. I had to beat him to death with the chair.
- See more at: http://funnyakposjokes.com/joke-killing-job/#sthash.PQM7Ffqa.dpuf

Nigerian Joke: What English can do!

August 13, 2013 | By Akpos | 1 Comment
A newly married Nigerian couple brought a female house help from the village to assist in
keeping their home tidy, so they would have time for their careers and other more important
things.
One day, Oga decided to give his wife a surprise package. He moulded a big heart (to represent
love) with the assistance of the house help, a project which took almost the whole day.
Madam came back to meet the house help sleeping and snoring:
MADAM: Will you get up now! Stupid girl! What have you been doing since morning?
HOUSE HELP: Madam welcome. No vex abeg. Me and Oga dey make love since morning. Na
just now now we finish he say make I lie down small.
The house help is now on admission at the Lagos Hospital.
- See more at: http://funnyakposjokes.com/nigerian-joke-what-english-cando/#sthash.tn85WP8p.dpuf