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by Anthony L. Tan1
I was beginning to lose my milk teeth
when into the town of Muddas blew the
fresh strains of a song I later came to
know is called Ill Never Smile Again.
Together with the other ballroom dance
pieces such as Moonlight in Vermont,
it was the craze of the young and the
once-young. My next-door neighbors
had the penchant for playing their new
records a little too loudly so that
everyone without a hi-fi (pronounced
hee-fee in those benighted years)
could enjoy a little music. This was
when Muddas had no electricity, and
the sound of two generators in the wee
hours of the morning was like the
heartbeat of the island itself.
I would wake up to the drone of
the generators at three, or thereabout, in
the morning, when through the
balustrade of the balcony I would pee
on the dusty sidewalk of the main
street. My brothers and I slept on the
balcony on moonlit nights. It was cool
and comfortable, and the loneliness of
the deserted night street, with the
bewitching moon about to set over the
mountain of Pandami Island, had a
romantic fascination for me.
Sleeping on the balcony was my
elder brothers idea. Not so much
because he enjoyed the moon-blanched
balcony but because he was excited by
the happenings on the street, the
midnight minstrels who passed by the
1
Born and raised in Siasi, Sulu, Anthony L. Tan took his MA in Creative Writing and Ph.D. in English
from Silliman University. For more than a decade, he was a faculty member of the English
Department and regular member of the panel of critics at the Silliman Summer Writers Workshop.
He authored two poem collectionsThe Badjao Cemetery and Other Poems and Poems for
Muddas. He is listed in the Philippine Encyclopedia of Philippine Arts and Artists. Story and the
notes on the author are reprinted from Mantala: A Quarterly Journal of Philippine Literature 1.1
(1997).
who had a large family. It was wellknown that he was an inveterate buyer
of giant turtles, yet he detested the fishy
smell of turtle meat. So why would he
buy turtle every month, we asked.
Because it was believed that he knew
some magic ritual. Every month, during
the full moon and two nights after it, he
would set a small table on the jetty,
which was also the back porch of his
large two-story house. On the table
were a number of dishes and fruits and
a bronze censer with burning incense
sticks. He would be praying and
offering sacrifices to the sea spirit,
which to our young minds took the
form of the moons reflection on the
water right in front of his jetty. On the
third night he would set the turtle free,
and we imagined it would swim back to
the open sea by way of the Muddas
channel. For what end was this ritual?
Though the merchant, with his long
beard, looked like a priest from Shaolin
Temple, he was no religious man. The
revelation would come in a weeks time
when a group of Badjao divers would
come to his house to sell their pearls to
him. He would sell these to other
merchants for a huge profit. And that
was how he became wealthy.
Right where the sea from the
channel entered into our playground
stood a growing, yellow coral stone. If a
sea spirit guarded our playground, the
stone must be his enchanted coral
palisade. Or was he merely a minor god
of Neptune tasked with guarding one of
the outposts of the channel?
No matter. He was a feared god.
When we swam over this stone, we
closed our eyes lest we see something
dreadful. And no rowdy fun or boyish
pranks were allowed near the stone lest
we meet a fate that befell a Badjao who
tried to spear a mother catfish living