You are on page 1of 76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak

FAQ|RegisterNow|SignIn
Go

HOME

PHYSICALSCIENCES

EARTHSCIENCES

LIFESCIENCES

MEDICINE

SOCIALSCIENCES

CULTURE

HOME>SOCIALSCIENCES >PSYCHOLOGY>VARIETYTAP

VIDEO

CONTRIBUTORS

KNOWSCIENCEANDWANTTOWRITE?
RegisterNowToGetYourOwnColumn!
TopArticles

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
ByAshleyCox|November14th200809:52AM|320comments|

Print|

Email|TrackComments

NewComments

Events

1. EWG'sLittleSiteOfHorrors
2. ControllingThePathOfLightning
3. TheIndustryFundingBehindAntiGMO
ActivistGillesricSralini
4. 'Yes'And'No'AreCommonToEvery
Language,ButTheyMeanDifferentThings
5. FitbitHandcuff:TheDarkSideOfWearable
FitnessTrackers
6. OneOfTheWorstKnownInvasiveSpecies
DiscoveredInTheU.S.
7. MathematicsAndSpaghettiCarbonara

Heartbreakismorethanjustanemotionaldefeattosomethepainis
veryreal.Atonepointoranother,everyonemustexperiencethismind
numbingfeeling(unlessyouconfineyourselftoahouseandneverinteract
withevenapet)butthat'snotthenormandyou'reprobablynotreading

AshleyCox
SearchThisBlog

thisarticleifyou'vehadthatkindofshelteredlife.
Heartbreakcanbecausedbymanydifferentcircumstancesandthat's
whatmakesthisemotioneasilyrecognizedbynearlyeverypersononthe
planet.Itcanresultfromthelossofalovedone,apartner,afriendand

evenaclosepet.Oritcanbecausedfromdisappointment,betrayalorachangefromknown
surroundings.Itmightnotevenbealossatallbutasenseofloss,ortherealizationthatthe
loveofthepersonyoucaremostforisdriftingfarfromwhereithadalwaysbeen.

Menthinktheyaremathexperts,therefore
theyare
SagebrushmeansjobsinHartSheldon
regionofOregonandNevada
Viagradoessomethingimportantcausing
melanomaisnotit
Adolescentsaren'tascertainaboutrisksof
marijuanaasadvocatesare
Howtofindoutifacocktailofchemicals
triggercancer
more

Love,inthesameperspectiveasheartbreak,neitherhasacorrectivedefinitionnorspecific
amplitudeimpliedbythephysicalworditself.There'saneverendinglimittothedefinitionof
lovebecausetherearesomanythingsweloveandinmanydifferentways.There'sfriendship

Links

HotTopics

love,loveforanimalsandpossessions,loveformusicorhey,evenfood.Thenthere'sthatkind
oflovethatissooverwhelmingperfect,passionateandmeaningful,alovethatyouhavenever

Science2.0Links

beforebeenabletoachieve.Thisisthelovewe'regoingtobetalkingaboutthroughoutthis
article,butbeforewecancontinueon,wemustfirstunderstandwhyweashumansare
constantlysearchingtofulfillthisemotion.

TakealookatthebestofScience2.0
pagesandwebapplicationsfromaround
theInternet!

BOOKSBYWRITERSHERE

MedicalPot:LittleBenefit
Greens'LittleSiteofHorrors
YourDailyRadioactiveBath
PredatoryWormInvadesFlorida
MysteryoftheHangingGarden
more
SWAG

Forum

PhotobyMe!Isn'titcool?

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

1/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak

Apartofthedesirecomesfromwhatwefindmostjoyfulinlife.Ifyousearchforthisanswer,
andlookuponpreviousactionsobjectively,it'ssimpletosaythatwearesatisfiedbymaking
othershappy.Wereceivecompletesatisfactionfromdoingthingsforothers,andthisfeeling
increaseswiththeintensityoflovewefeeltowardsthatspecificpersonorthing.Whenyou
losesomeoneyoulove,youhavelostthesenseofpurposeacquiredbytherelationship
betweenthemandyourself.Youlosethepurposeyoufeltwhendoingsimplethingstomake
themsmile,andmakingyourselfjoyfulinreturn.Thecycleshouldcontinueendlessly,butas
weknowthatcouldonlyoccurinaperfectworld,whichthisisnot.Heartbreakhappens,andit
changeswhoweareforthebetter(inmostcases)andsowillitbefortherestofourlivesand
next.
"Weofcourseequatethepainoflosstotheintensityofthelove,butthatisnotwhatisbehind
thepain.Themoreyouloveandfeelloved,thegreatertheincreaseofyoursenseofpurpose
becausewhenyoudosomethingforjustanyoneandtheydonotappreciateityoursenseof
purposeisnotcompletelysatisfied.Itrequiresseeingwhoyouarehelping,andtheir
appreciationtomakeitcomplete."sayspersonaldeveloper,DavidSamuel.
Continuoussearchingcomesfromourneednotonlytoselfimplyapurposeofbeing,butalsoto
findthe"one"thatwillmakeusfeelneeded,appreciated,andmostimportantly,well,loved.
Weactinsomesillywaysjusttobeabletohaveasomeonethatwecancallourown.Weact
crazy,wedostupidthings,andwemakeregrettablemistakes,buthey,that'sjustfallingin
love.Westartpicturingtherestofdaystogether,shareeveryounceofpointlessinformation
wecanrecall,andcreateabondgreaterthaneverperceived,allbeforeathoughtofthose
threelittlewordscomestomind.

Photoalsobyme,withhelpfromJenincreatingtheheart...

ThePhysicalPain
Anyonewho'severgonethroughtheemotionalpainofaheartbreakmoreoftenthannotcan
expresstheexperiencethroughtheformofsometypeofphysicalpain.Emotionsaffect
physicalhealthinmorewaysthanmanyrealize,buthowdoesthebodyphysicallyfeelthe
emotionallossinotherwords,whatisitthatbringspaintotheheartbreak?
"Painisthewaythemindrespondstotroubleinsidethebody,"saysAlexZautra,aprofessorof
psychologyatArizonaStateUniversity."Emotionisthesameway.Whetheryoufeelloveor
sadnessisalsoaresponsetosomethingyoufeeloutsidethebody.Withpainitisacloserin
response,tosomethinginsidethebody,butitisaresponseinanattempttolearnaboutand
motivaterecovery."
Thedepressioncausedbyheartbreakcreatesabarrierthatcanpreventusfromfeelingand
experiencinglifetothefullest,inallaspects.Symptomsvarybyindividualandrangefrom
withdrawalfromsocietyto
physicalsicknessandpain.Youloseapartofyourselfwhenconnectionsarelost,anditsnot
farfetchedtosaythatyoufeelcompletelyemptyinside.There'sanache,adeepachethat
eruptsfromtheinsideofourbodieslongingforthepast.Thepainisrealandthere'snoother
waytodescribehowbaditreallyhurtsthantonameitheartbreak.Itsalongingforthepast
andthepainoffeelingcompletelyemptyandabandoned.Itmakesithardtogetupinthe
morningandtogetthroughtheday,butallwoundsareinevitablyhealedthroughtime,andthus
youhopeforthefuturetoapproachquicker.
Whenapersonfeelssecludedorfeelsloss,changesinthebrain'sbloodflowoccur.The

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

2/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak

anteriorcingulatecortex(responsibleforregulatingphysicalpaindistress)becomesmore
activeduringthesetimes.Thisisseeninvictimsofdepressionwhoalsoregisterphysicalpain
duetothedetectionofnociception,whichtriggersavarietyofresponses,onewhichresultsin
theexperienceofpain.Peoplewhoaredepressedorwhoareunderextremestressaremoreat
risktodevelopheartdiseaseandothercardiovasculardiseasesbasedonresearchthatfound
depressiontohelpinthickeningarterywalls.
Althoughmostpainofheartbreakisnotthatsevere,itstillhasaprofoundeffectondailyliving.
Symptomsofbreakupmightincludelossofappetite,insomnia,headaches,stomachaches,
nausea,atonoftears,occasionalnightmares,alcohol/substanceabuse,depression,eating
disorders,panicattacks,lossofinterest,fatigue,lonelinessandhopelessness.
TheStagesofHeartbreak:
Someonewhoisdealingwithheartbreakfollowspatternssimilartothoseofthestagesofdeath
1.ShockandDenialyoumaydenytherealityofthesituationthisprovidesemotional
protectionfromfeelingoverwhelmedbythesituation.Theshockoflossallowsastateof
emptinesstomovein,cloudingmostjudgment.
2.PainandGuiltaftertheshockwearsoffitbecomesreplacedwithsufferingandunbearable
pain.Regretforthingsyoudidwrong,orthingsthatyouwerentabletodowiththisperson
addstofurthertears.Lifefeelschaoticduringthistime,anditsbesttoopenlydiscussfeelings
andstrayfrombottlingupyouremotions
3.AngerandBargaininglashingoutisacommonformofattemptingtoreleaseallunspoken
emotions.Thisisthestagewherethewhywhywhy?!questioningcomesin.Thepleasfor
returnedloverunrapid,tryingtobargainwithfateorwiththepersonwhowasjustlost.
4.Depression,Reflection,andLonelinesslikeeveryoneelseinthissituation,aperiodof
sadnesscloudsand
absorbyourentiresenseofbeing,leavingfeelingsofemptiness.Thisfeelingoccurswhenyou
finallyrealizeandacceptthemagnitudeofyourloss.Isolationfrompeopleisexceedingly
normal,andoffersatimetoreflectonthepast.
5.AcceptanceandanUpwardTurnThefeelingsofdepressionliftslightlyandlifebecomes
possibletosurvivewithoutthatpersonsodeeplyintertwinedwitheachactivity.Thedaysarea
littleeasiertoshufflethrough,andyouseethepossibilityofcontinuation.Therealityofthe
situationisfullyacceptedand,althoughhappinessmaynotreturnforsometime,theabilityto
moveforwardhasoccurred.
CanHeartbreakOccurLiterally?
Accordingtostudiesonheartbreakandhowitaffectspeople,mostofwhomwomen,a
connectioncanbefoundbetweenemotionalpainandaliteralformofheartbreakheartattack.
Depressionisdocumentedtoaffectitshostphysicallyandsoisthecasewithheartbreak.The
emotionalstressisharmfulandissaidtopossiblybecauseforwhat'sknownasBrokenHeart
Syndrome,cleverlylaidoutinthepicturebelow.

TakotsuboCardiomyopathyisasuddentemporaryweakeningofthemyocardium,producing
somethingsimilartoaheartattack.Whenthebodybecomesoverwhelmed,primarilydueto
stress,hormonessuchasmetanephrineandnormetanephrinearereleasedinexcesswith
additiontoproteinssuchasneuropeptideY,brainnatriureticpeptide,andserotonin.
"Ourhypothesisisthatmassiveamountsofthesestresshormonescangorighttotheheart

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

3/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak

andproduceastunningoftheheartmusclethatcausesthistemporarydysfunctionresemblinga
heartattack,"sayscardiologistIlanWittstein,M.D.,anassistantprofessoratTheJohnsHopkins
UniversitySchoolofMedicineanditsHeartInstitute."Itdoesn'tkilltheheartmusclelikea
typicalheartattack,butitrendersithelpless."
HowtoMendABrokenHeart
Thebestthingforabrokenheartistobepatientandallowtimetosettleallunresolved
feelings.Talkingaboutyourfeelingswithfriendsorfamilyhelptosmooththepassageofthe
loss,aswillallowingyourselftimetoreflectonallfeelingsandanswerquestionsyoumayhave
foryourself.Keepingbusywithhobbiesyou'repassionateaboutandtryingnewthingsalso
keepsyourmindbusyduringhardtimes.Getagroupoffriendstogetherandwatchamovie,or
ifyou'remoretoyourself,tryaquietwalkthroughaforestorevenaroundtheneighborhood.
Giveyourselftime,anddothingsthatmakeyouhappy.Youareyourownbestfriendandit's
importantthatyouacceptwhoyouareandlikewhoyouareasapersonbeforeyouexpect
anyoneelseto.

VarietyTap
MOREARTICLES
AFragmentTheoryOfDejaVu
Ocean'sAcidityRisingMuchQuickerThanExpected
GivingYouThe"SlimDown"OnYourThanksgivingMeal
AllArticles

ABOUT
I'manundergradinchemistryonmywaytogettingaPh.D.
Ihavemanydifferentinterestsincludinggenetics,firefighting,rock
...
ViewProfile

RELATEDARTICLESONSCIENCE2.0

TheScienceOfTheBrokenHeart
SongDebunked:BreakingUpActuallyNotSoHardToDo
TheScienceOfTheBrokenHeartDepressionAndCardiacEvents
BrokenHearts:NotJustFodderForSongwriters
TissueEngineering'Patch'CouldLiterallyMendABrokenHeart

COMMENTS

Icanimagineteenagerscomingtoschoolwithsignednotesfromtheirdoctorssayingtheymissedclassbecause
theyweresufferingfrom"BrokenHeartSyndrome"...

JenPalmaresMeadows|11/18/08|15:10PM

Link

You'reabitofapatronisingdopereally.

Anonymous(notverified)|08/27/09|14:15PM

Link

Surethatcomesfromaanidioticnerdlikeyou....

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|09/12/11|02:23AM

Surethatcomesfromaanidioticnerdlikeyou....

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|09/12/11|02:24AM

Youfuckingprick.Patronising?????YourproblemMATE,isyouareheartless.Howfuckingsad......

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|08/20/12|22:49PM

Iactuallydid.IbelieveIamsufferingfromthis.I'vecheckedwiththedoctorbuthehasn'tbeentakingmeserious.

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

4/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak

Rohoman(notverified)|06/20/10|03:40AM

Link

IactuallyspentaweekandahalfinthehospitalanddoctorsweresurewhentheyadmittedmeIwashavingaheart
attack.aftersurgerytoputinstintstheyfoundnoblockagebuteverytimemyexhusbandwouldcomeorcallthe
symtpomsbeganagain.Heartbreakisveryrealandthestressasscoiatedwithitcankill.

Anonymous(notverified)|10/13/11|07:54AM

Link

Withoutwishingtosoundheartless.....IstumbledonthistryingtofindapagetohelpmedealwiththedeathofmyDad
andcannotbelievethisisaboutbreakingupwithpeople.....ComeonguyswehaveallbeentherebutIhavea2weekrule
.....AfterthatImoveonaslifeisreallytooshortandmyDad'sdeathhasconfirmedthat.Thesepeopleyouaretalking
aboutarestillaliveandbreathingbethankfulforthat.IwouldgiveeverythingtobeabletosayallthethingsIhave
thoughtofsayingsincemyDadpassedawaytomakemefeelbetterasthereisalwaysguiltafterwards.Ihavehadmany
breakupsthatwerepainfulandmyworldendedbutat37Imetmysoulmate.5yearsonIamstillwithhimsopleasehave
thathopeandbelievethatallthesethingshappenforareasonandthatsomethingbetterisaroundthecorner.Ibelieve
myDadisinabetterplaceeventhoughitmakesmecryasItypeitandIwanthimwithme,Iknowheisbetteroffwhere
heisandheisoutofpain.IamtryingtothinkdifferentlyaboutthesituationsIfindmyselfinratherthanchallenge
them...........Ihopethishelpsxx

Anonymous(notverified)|01/21/11|14:36PM

Link

Wecannotdescribethepainofbreakupsomeoneweneedwelovewecarefor,butthebesttreatmentiskeepin
patience,themostimportantthingisacceptingthesituation.Yeathereissomethinggoodbehindofit.myheartwas
brokenfewtimes.Iknowineverdidanythingwrongwiththem.whatididisigavemyhearttothemitreatedkindly
lovinglywiththembutinsteadofbeinghonestwithmetheydidbreakupforsomereason.Ihavenothingelsetodo
thanacceptingthecondition.Ineverdishonestwithanyone.Sometimesifeelthistestistoomuchforme.Iusedbeg
afterthemtobehonestwithme.webettertonottodoanythingthatwecanregretlater.becalmbesilentgo
throughwithtime.don'tcallthemdon'tbegafterthembekindwithyourselflearntoliveforyounotforthem.

Leila(notverified)|02/13/11|04:33AM

Link

Itistrue...Ijustcantexplaintheeffectofpain,buttruetimehealseverything.....

salma(notverified)|08/16/12|04:04AM

Link

There'smoretoheartbreakthenjustbreakingupwithsomeone.Ijustleftmyhusbandbchewasbecoming
progressivelyabusivetomeandourtwospecialneedschildren.Myheartisbrokenovermyfailedmarriage,overhis
treatmentofus,andovermychildren'scondition.

Anonymous(notverified)|06/14/11|22:03PM

Link

Knowthatyoudidthebravething.Protectingyourselfandyourbabiesisthebestthingyoucoulddo.Having
specialneedschildrenisnotforthefaintofheart.Ihaveasonwithautismandknowaboutthedailychallenges.
Histreatmentofyouandyourchildrenshowswhatkindofmanheisandwhatheismadeof.Youandyour
childrendeservebetterthanthat.Don'tfeelguilt.(Iknowthatissomethingwealwaysdoasparentsofspecial
needskids).Myprayerforyouishealingofyourheartthathasbeenthroughalot.

Lori(notverified)|07/05/11|03:27AM

Link

whatyousaidwasbeautiful,andittouchedmedeeply.Thankyouforbeinghonestandsharingwiththereadersyour
perspectiveonthings.
Perspective,thisiswhatweneedtobelookingfor/at.
Iamsosorryforthelossofyourfather,ilostalovedoneaswell,anditwasreally'heartbreaking'.Butlikeyourwords
calmedmedownaftermy'emotional'breakupwiththemanIbelievedIloved,letmeassureyouthatthepainof
losingyourfatherwilleventuallybereplacedwithasmile,andsometimesevenatear,butyouwillbecomfortedby
allthegreatmemoriesheleftbehind.Trustmeitdoesgeteasierbytime,whichtakesnothingawayfromthe
difficultyyouaredealingwith,butLifehasawayofmovingforwardthatjustkeepssurprisingyou.
IhopeIammakingsense.Butthankyouforyourkindwords,andIreallyprayherestsinpeace.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|11/14/11|20:56PM

Wellluckyoldyougettingasoulmate...MydaddiedinafirewhenIwastwentyandiamstillgreivingat40.My
"soulmate"livesovertheroadwithhisnewgirlfriendwhichreallytaughtmeaboutabrokenheart.Iwashisfriendfor

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

5/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
10yearsandthenpartnerfor5.I'vegotanewfellabutthepainstillhitsmeinthefaceeverytimeIseethisman...
explainthatplease...I'vehadtherapy,workedatanewjob,livedwellasicanandyetstillithurts.I'dliketothinkthis
wasnotmy"soulmate"butthepainisenduring.ThepersonIamwithisathroughlylovelypersonsowhydoifeellike
this.Itmakesnosense.Ihopeyoufindlastinghappinessbecausethisisawful.Iamconstantlytryingtoforget,
forgive(myselfmostly)andtrustagain.Itmakesmefeelmentallyunwellthaticanthandlethissituation,nomatter
howlongI'vetrieditisonlyslightlybetter,namelyIdontgetnauseousleavingthehousesomuchthesedays.

Anonymous(notverified)|11/24/11|19:23PM

Link

Hi,Iamverysorrytohearaboutyourpast....Butwithmyexperience,asyousaidabovethatyoursoulmatewas
yourfriend...maybethisisthethingwhichisstillinyourmindishurtingyou...seeeverydayeachandevery
cellsinourbodywillchangeandahumanbeingasawholeismadeupofthesecells...andhowcanweexpect
thehumanbeingtobethesame....peoplewillchangetodayortomorrow..loveandliveforyourself..helpothers
throughyourjourneyandneverexpect...thinklikethisandgiveatry...behappywiththepersonwhohas
acceptedyoulikehowyouare:)hopethisworks:)

Anonymous(notverified)|01/05/12|13:14PM

Link

Isoooooknowhowyoufeel.It'sbeen4yrsandIstillcan'tgetoverher.She'sgoneonanmarriedkidandall.I've
datedandbeeningreatrelationshipsbutmyheartstillachesforherandIhateit.

Anonymous(notverified)|01/31/12|19:20PM

Link

Lookim14iminmiddleschoolihavegreatgradesani.q.of180thatsgenuslevel.Onthesurfaceilooknormal
selfconfidantteenyetistilllookinthemirrorandsay"youranidiotwhatdidyouexpect!Godyouruglyandyou
expecthimtoseegoodinyou"isaythatbecauseimtheonewhobelievesheschangedthatmabeyjustmabey
hewilllookatmeandseesomethingworthloving.Hewon't.Heneverdoes.Yetwhenhesmilesatmeiseemy
bestfriend,thepersonwhocanscrewwithmyheart,thepersonwhocomfortsmewhenicrysolongashedidn't
causeit.Soiunderstandwhatyoumean.Yetidontbelievethattimewillhealthesewoundsialsohavethe
feelingthatheismysoulmateyetatthesametimeifinditacursethismorningibelievedthatallwouldbewell
iwashappynowicanhonestlysaythatthisisthesaddestihaveeverbeenmoresothanwhenmymotherand
biologicalfatherwereincarsarateiwastwomorethanwhenilostmygrandmotherwheniwasnearlytenthat
sameyearmybiologicaldadwaslockedupagaintwoyearslatermygrandfatherpassednowoneyearagomy
motherandstepfatherdevorcednowimlivingwithmystepdadihaventseenmybiologicaldadinyearsmy
motherisanutcaseandihaventseenherinsixmonthsyetdealingwithmynotsoperfectsoulmateisworse
thanallofthosecombined.Sotellmehowistimesupposedtohelp.

anonoymous(notverified)|04/17/12|21:13PM

Link

You'reyoungandthere'smanythingsthatwillhappeninyourlife,goodandbad.Believeit
ornot,thisisn'ttheonlypersonthatwilleverhaveanimpactonyou,northatwillconnect
withyouemotionally.
You'restillfindingyourself.Iknowthatsoundscliche,butat14,youstillhaven't
experiencedeventhemostrudimentaryelementsofbeingaliveasanadult.Untilthathappens,youdon't
evenknowallthechangesthatyou'regoingtodealwith,andyoucertainlywon'tbethesamepersoninten
yearsthatyouarenow.Thatmayseemlikeaneternity,butbelieveme,itwillpassfasterthanyourealize
andyouwilllookbackonthisasaneventinyourpast,butIwillGUARANTEEthatitwon'tholdthesame
significanceforyouthenasitdoesnow.
Partoftheproblemisthatwedon'treallywantthattohappen[lettinggoandgettingoverthings].We
wantthingstohappenwhenwewantthem[andwewantthemtoonlybepositiveexperiences],sothere'sa
reluctancetoletgoandthattendstoprolongourmisery.Thereasontime"heals",isbecauseittakestoo
muchenergytostaymiserable.Eventuallyyourbodyandmindjustsimplygiveupandyoueventuallymove
on.It'sultimatelyhowweestablishaperspectiveontheeventsinourlives.

Mundusvultdecipi

GerhardAdam|04/17/12|21:23PM

Link

I'mgoingtodowhatIshould'vedonebefore.Iamtiredofputtingupwithcrapfrom
smartass14yearoldkids,sothisthreadisgone.Ifitreturns,Iwilldeleteitagain.I
amsodonewithsuchpeople.

Mundusvultdecipi

GerhardAdam|04/22/12|22:56PM

Link

DearGerhard,
I'mverysorryifIoffendedyou.IwashurtandIlashedoutatyouI'mverysorry.

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

6/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak

Link

anonoymous(notverified)|06/30/12|08:56AM

YougivewisecounselGerhardandIadmirethatyouareabletodeflecttheunwarrantedcriticism
flungyourway.Loveisachoice.It'smadnesstoexpectloveinreturnwhenwecan'tletgoofapast
relationship.Howcanourlovebeauthenticotherwise.Certainlywecanfeelnostalgiaaboutwhathas
gonebeforebutlettinggoisagifttoourselvesandthefamilieswecreate.Ifweallunderstandthat
loveisachoicewecanalllovewell.Ialsohaveanadvanceddegreeinpsychandthat'swhereI
learnedaboutourownaccountabilityinallthatsurroundsus.Therearenoaccidentsastowhyweare
whereweareatanygivenmoment.Towastealifeonalovegonesouristragic.Towasteone'sability
toloveagainwhenourlostlovehasdiedisalsotragic.Wealldeservetolovefullyandpassionately.
Infactitisourrightandneed.

JanefromCanada(notverified)|10/10/12|20:31PM

Link

Thankyouverymuch.Iappreciatethekindwords.

Mundusvultdecipi

GerhardAdam|10/10/12|20:37PM

Link

IQof180?Yourgrammarsaysotherwise.

Anonymous(notverified)|04/27/12|04:33AM

Link

Evenageniuscanstrugglewiththingsiamnotsayingimperfectandweallmakeerrors.

Link

anonoymous(notverified)|04/27/12|21:03PM

Einsteinhadanestimated180IQ.Yourgrammarmakesmecry.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|04/27/12|04:51AM

firstofall,whateverrelationshipyoucouldbehavingat14willnotlast.loveandrelationshipschangeover
time,everythingsdefinitionchangesasyougetolderandgrowup.
Asforyoubeinga"genius"you'respellingwasterrible.sowasyou'regrammar.Don'tbragabout
somethingwhenyoucan'tbackitup.withproof.

Link

genuis(notverified)|05/31/12|11:19AM

Really?Mygenusishomo,asinhomosapien!Ishouldexpectthatyouronetoo,right?

Link

Homosapien(notverified)|06/30/12|08:36AM

ifyouhaveanIQof180,whycanyounotspell"maybe","you're"oreven"genius"...?
Andallofyou,getovertheideaof"soulmates"thereareplentymorefishinthesea.Andifyou're14,
thereisliterallytherestofyourhopefullylonglifeaheadofyou.Beakidforawhileheartbreakhurts,and
wegetoveritandgetonwithit.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|09/22/12|02:18AM

Ithinkwesimplylearntolivewiththeheartachethatpersists,afterallwhat'sthealternative.Theenduring
emptynessremainsdespitetryingtofillitwithsomeoneelse,orsomethingelse,believemeI'vetriedaswell,
andIcompletelygeteverythingyou'vesaid!
Andpeopleunlessyou'vereallyandtrulygivenyourlife,heartandsoultosomeonethinkingit'sforever,you'll
neverunderstand!
Iwonderhasanythinghelped?Pleasetell....

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|05/21/12|14:39PM

ThishashelpedmealotitstillhurtstoseehimandIdoubtthatwilleverpassbecauseIcaredforhimso

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

7/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
much.IrealizenowthatjustbecausehewasthereIwasn'treallybeingmeIwastryingtobehisandIlost
sightofmyself.Thankyouallforyouradvice.

Link

anonoymous(notverified)|06/30/12|08:48AM

CompletelyagreewithyouIhavehadaverysimilarexperienceheartbrokenbymymother'suntimelydeathin
1991stillwaitingforthe"timeheals"tokickin,andeverdistraughtbythedemiseoftherelationshipihadwith
theloveofmylife....I'vehadtherapy,antidepressants..Istillfunctionnormally,buticarrythisphysicalpain
withme,anditdoesn'tgoaway.IfIheartalkaboutmyexandhisnewfamily,Ifeelphysicallysick.Ihavea16
yroldchildfromthatrelationship,andihavenevereverdisclosedtoherhowIfeel.Allmyfriendshavelong
forgottenthatwewereeventogether,sothepressureto"grow"and"moveon"isenormous,butisitbasedon
reality?Youfeelguiltyfornotbeingableto"getoverit".ispoketooneGPwhosummeditupperfectly,andsaid
youcan'tgetoverit,youjusthavetofindawaytolivewithit,andthatcanbeimpossibleforsome.There'stoo
muchemphasisonhippyhealingandembracingandforgiving,butmaybesomethingsjusteludeus,andwehave
toacceptthattheyarerealandtrueemotions.Youcan'tnecessarilystoplovingsomeoneifyounolongerhave
theminyourlife.

Link

flooshoo(notverified)|10/10/12|08:55AM

Thankyouforthis,Ihaveadyingmotherandmyboyfriendjustdumpedme.Insteadoflettinghimaffectme,Ihave
beenfocusingonmymothertomakesureIhaveasfewregretsaspossibleaftertheinevitablehappens.Iamonly
21,Iwillfindanotherboyfriend,butIcan'tfindanothermother.

Link

collegegirl(notverified)|04/30/12|16:15PM

Iempathisewiththelossofyourdad,,icamehometofindmydadhadtookhislifeinahorrificway,iwasforcedto
moveoutofmyhome,hadtoregisterhisdeathandme/mysisterhadtopoolwhatlittlemoneywehadtoplanand
payforfuneral,duringthistimeiwasmaderedundant,,lifejustkeptgoingfromtheredownhillandevenafter3
yearsmyheartstillachesforhimtobearound,,idontgetasupsetasiusetobuttheacheisalwaysthere

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|05/07/12|17:23PM

Iamsorryforyourloss.However,noteveryonecanprogramthemselvesto"twoweeks."Thereisnoshameinfeeling
humanemotion,anditshouldnotberestrictedinmyopinion.Thisisallpartofthehealingprocess,andit's
necessary.Heartbreakcomesinallforms.Maybeyoushouldallowyourselftogrievelonger.Goodluck!

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|06/14/12|12:12PM

Ireadyourpost,thencameacrossanotherpostonanothersiteandthoughtIwouldshareitwithyousoyoucan
understandhowbadlythepainisthatotherpeoplefeelfromlovelost.Ihavelostfamily,butwhenthey'regone,you
ushouldunderstandthatdeathisapartoflife.WeALLloseparentsandfamilyalongtheway.:
IhaveexperiencedHeartbreakanditisalmostlikedeath.Incaseswhereyouhavetrueloveandyougetrejected,
afterawhile(sayanyearortwoormaybemore)itfeelsthatyoucouldhavebeenmoreOKhadyouexperiencedthe
deathofthepersonratherthanrejection.Ihadfoundmyselfthinkingwhytherewassomuchpain.Whatmustpeople
bedoingiftheirlovedonedies?andwhenIthoughtthatway,Ifoundoutthatthiswaspainingmorethanifthe
personhaddied.
Seewhenapersondies,butthatpersonusedtoloveyou,youcouldlivewithmemoryandunderstandingthatperson
lovedyou.Butwhenloveitselfdies,youfeelreallyemptyandhollowandfailtounderstandlife.Deathis
understandableandyouknowinyourheartthatitisnotsomethingthatwasdonetoyouonpurpose.Youknowthe
personcouldnothelpit,andifthereissomeplaceafterdeath,youknowthatpersonstilllovesyou.Youwouldfeel
anger,resentment,tosomebodyyesgodmaybe,whysomethingthatyoulovedwastakenfromyoubutyoufouldnot
feelholloworempty.
Butincaseofrejection,itsverytoughtounderstandwhatwasreallywrong.Icannotexpressitinwords,butitsvery
true.andespeciallyifyoustillhavetobeincontactwiththatperson,butnowinatotallydifferentway,manittakes
yearstobecuredofit.Ihavepersonallyexperienced,thisandthankgod,thatIhavebeenabletogetoveritbutit
was**PAINFUL**.foralongtime....Years...

Cris(notverified)|08/02/12|12:59PM

Link

isitsodatderisa"heratbreaksyndrome"???anuplzanswer!

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|08/31/11|10:31AM

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

8/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
HeyJen...Ilikedyournote...youmaybeontosomething.

NancyDavis(notverified)|04/12/12|10:24AM

Link

Theymightnotsayheartbreakbutmostdefinitelydepression.Thisisreal.Manystudentshavebeenabletowithdrawfrom
classesduetodepression.Sothisisnothingtolaughaboutormakefunof.It'srealstuff.Itreallyhurtsanditreally
messesuphowyoufunctioninyourdailylife.

Anonymous(notverified)|06/08/12|08:11AM

Link

Idontwanttoliveanymore,Ihaveaheartbreakthatwontevergetbetter.Itsbeenalmostfouryearsandthingsarereally
justgettingworse.Itdoesnthelpthatshedied8monthsaftershebrokemyheart.Iwatchedasshestartedarelationship
withanotherman,sheknewthatIcouldseebutistilldidntsayanything.Itendedwithhimcompletelyhumiliatingme,he
followedmygirlfriendintothekitchenandgrabbedherandkissedherlikeiwasnteventhere.Thisisthegirlthatwas
madlyinlovewithme,welivedtogether,andnowimruined.imaginelivingwiththememoryofseeingsomecreep
confidentlykissingyourgirlfriendwhileyousatwatchinginthemirrorintheotherroom.icryalldaylongnomatterwhere
iamorwhatimdoing.Iwouldcallthemcryingfitsorsaddnessorwhatever,everythingidoandeverywhereigoreminds
meofthispain,thiscowardlyallowingofmygirlfriendtopursueanotherrelationship.imruinedidontwanttolive

Anonymous(notverified)|07/07/12|09:30AM

Link

Itfeelslikethedayitstillallhappened.Itisnow3yearssinceIwasseparatedfromtheloveofmylifeandatthetime6
montholdchild.Wewern'tseparatedbyourownfortune.Oneoftheselifechangingexperiencesseparatedus.Forilivein
NewZealandandmyexandmychildliveinEngland.Istillfeelanenormousamountoflossconstantlywantingtoknow
howtheyare,constantlywantingtobewiththem.Thetroubleisisthatwestilltalk,shestilllovesmebutwecantbe
together.Idontknowwheretostart,itsbeen3yearsandwecantkeepgoingonlikethis,itisntfaironeitherofus.
It'salossthatmaynevergoaway,whenyouaresotunedintotheotherpersonyouknowwhattheyaregoingtosayordo
next.Yougiveeverythingawayforthem,materialsdontmatter,itsthelife,prosperityoftherelationshipthatmatters.It
justdoesntwanttogoaway,IknowIcantforceittogoaway,IfeelwhatIfeelbutitistruelypainful,entirely
encompassingandaheckofaforce.wheretogofromhereidontknow.Ihavetriedlovingsomeoneelsewithnomerit,
notevenatouchonwhatIknowlovetobe.Timeiguess,time.

Anonymous(notverified)|08/27/12|14:38PM

Link

I'mgladyoudon'thavetodothatatUniversities,IcanjustleavewhenI'mfeelingsadorwhatnot.Otherwise,I
woulddefinitelybeshowingupwithonerightaboutnowhaha.

AshleyCox|11/18/08|16:17PM

Link

Ihavegonethroughphysicalheartbreak(liketheoneyoumentioned)almosteverydayforfourmonthsfromOctober2008
toJanuary2009attheageof20.Iwas(andam)completelyhealthyIwasarunner.Wheneverithappened,Iwouldthink
tomyself,"Mygod,heartbreakisreallyliteral."AndnowIknowwhatwasgoingon.I'mstillnotoverhim,eventhoughthe
physicalpainsubsided.

Anonymous(notverified)|11/01/10|22:24PM

Link

AscrazyasitsoundsIfellinlovewithamanwhowas12yearsolderthanmewhenIwasjustateenager.Whenhe
endeditverypainfully(becauseIwastooyoung)IthoughtIwouldfeelthatwayagain,lifewouldgoonandIwould
findsomeoneelse.Therearereallynowordsthatcanexpresshowmuchthislossdevastatedmylife.Itisnow26
yearslater.Iammarriedtosomeoneelsewith2youngkids.Theoldermanhasbeeninandoutofmylifeoverthe
yearsandthefeelingforhimhasnevergoneaway.ThispersonhadanearfatalheartattackinFebof2011.Inever
knewsomethingcouldhurtsobadforsomanyyears.IhavecriedeverywakinghoursinceFeb.overwhelmedbyregret
fromeverythingIhavemissedoutonwithhim.Andcompleteutterpainoverthefactthathedoesnothavealotof
timeleft.Heisstillalivebut,itfeelslikeIamalreadygrievingforallthethingsthatneverwere.Regrethastobethe
mosthorribleemotion.

Anonymous(notverified)|11/23/11|14:39PM

Link

That'sincrediblyselfishandselfindulgent.Yourcrying"everywakinghour",whilethere'saman
andtwoyoungchildreninyourlifethatyouarebasicallylyingto.Youneedtogetyourhead
screwedonstraight.

Mundusvultdecipi

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

9/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
GerhardAdam|11/23/11|14:51PM

Link

Ohno,no,no.Youaremistaken.Ihavebeenveryhonestwithmyhusbandallalong.HeevenknewhowI
feltaboutthispersonbeforeweweremarried.Itwasadecisionmadewiththebestinterestofourkids
thatwestayedtogether.Myheadisverytogether.Ihaveamasterspsychdegree,haveverysmart,well
adjustedkidsandacomfortablelife.Itstilldoesnotkeepyoufrombeinginlovewithsomeoneelseandall
thehurtandregretoverthingsthatshouldhavebeendonedifferently.Lovethatfeelslikethatonlycomes
alongonceinabluemoon.Itsthestuffsongsarewrittenabout.Sometimesthetimingisjustwrong.
Thanksforunderstanding.

Anonymous(notverified)|11/23/11|15:32PM

Link

Sorry,butthereisnothing"together"aboutadysfunctionalcodependentrelationship
basedonobsessingoveranindividualfor26years.Youcangoonabout"love"or
"songs",butthat'sjustrubbishtorationalizeanaberrantobsessionwithanindividual
thatdoesn'twanttobewithyou.It'swhatmakespeoplebecomestalkers,sowhileyou
arecertainlyfreetoindulgeyourselftowhateverdegreeyoulike,withamastersin
psyche,youshouldknowbetterthantoexcuseit.
Eventhepointabout"thingsthatshouldhavebeendonedifferently"isaridiculousassertion,since
theyeasilycouldhavebeen,butitisobviousthatneitheroneofyouhadthepatiencetowaitafew
yearsandbetogether,whichindicatesthatthisisn'tnearlyasidyllicascenarioasyou'reportrayingit.
Idon'tknowwhatyourpersonalsituationis,andIcertainlydon'tknowwhyyourhusbandagreedto
suchanarrangement,butitiscertainthatyourchildrenwerenevergiventheopportunitytomake
suchachoice.Sowhileyoumaythinkthateverythingisquitenormalandtheyarewelladjusted,Ican
assureyouthatifyou'recryingeveryday,thatwon'tlastverylong.
Imaintainmyoriginalposition.Yourchoiceisobsessive,abnormalandselfindulgent.

Mundusvultdecipi

GerhardAdam|11/23/11|15:59PM

Link

youareaf******idiotgerhard.

Kumars(notverified)|12/08/11|07:44AM

Link

Obviously,ifIdon'tbuyintotheideathateveryonethatwantstoindulge
themselvesinobsessivebehaviorisactingperfectlynormalandthatnoone
shouldeverhavetodealwithdisappointment.Yes,byallmeans,letsindulge
peoplesothatafterdecadestheystillcan'tdealwiththeirfeelingsand
cometotermswithreality.Thatwillreallyhelp.So,despiteyourobviously
limitedvocabulary,perhapsyou'dbesokindastoindicatewhatthedesiredresponseshould
be.Perhapsinyourinfinitewisdomyoucanarticulatewhyitisappropriatetodesire
someonethathasnointerestinyou(especiallyafterseveraldecades).Perhapsyoucan
articulatewhyitsappropriatetoforceotherpeopletotolerateyourindulgencesandhaveto
dealwiththeirownfeelingsofinadequacybecauseyou'vesubjectedthemtoyour
selfishnessratherthangrantingthempriorityinyourlife.I'minterestedinhowallthis
wisdomshouldbemanifest.Please....dotell.

Mundusvultdecipi

GerhardAdam|12/08/11|11:57AM

Link

Ihavetriedtoholdmytongue,sinceyouareobviouslysogreatandsuperiorto
everyoneelse.TheoldermanbeingdiscussedhereisverymuchasinloveasIam.It
hasbeenmattersofinheritanceandlongtermillnessthathaskeptusfromever
gettingmarried.Ithurtslikehellthatsometimesyourunoutoftimetofigureouthow
togetittogetherandmakeitworkwitheachother.Itisntselfishindulgenceon
anybodyspart.Itislifeandhowfastitfliesby.PerhapsHank,youmightwanttothink
twicebeforeyoucriticizeanyonewhoisalreadyhurtinginside.Maymakeyoufeel
smarmyandsuperiorbutitmakestheworldasawhole,lesseasytolivein.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|01/13/12|03:03AM

Don'tknowwhyyou'reblamingHankforanyofthis,but....
Idon'tknowifyou'rethesameindividualthatpostedpreviously,
soI'mnotsurehowtorespond.Ifyouarethesameindividual,
thenlet'sstopwiththe"we'vebeeninlovethewholetime"crap.

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

10/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
You'remarriedtosomeoneelsewithtwochildrenofyourown.
Itisn'tamatteroffeelingsuperior,it'samatterofdoingwhat'sright.So,ifyou
arethesameindividualthatpostedearlier,justconsiderthatyourhusbandand
childrenhavehadtoputupwithyourselfindulgentbullshit,becauseyouhaven't
deemedthemimportantenoughtofocusyourattentionon,sinceyou'retoobusy
indulgingafantasy.

Mundusvultdecipi

GerhardAdam|01/13/12|14:31PM

Link

Yes,mytheoryisconfirmed.Youaretrulyanidiot.Believewhatyouwill.The
situationisverycomplicated,obviouslywaytoocomplicatedforyou.Any
idiotthattakesapicturewithacowboyhatonhastobearedneck,right
wing,arrogantd@#khead.Iwillhavenothingfurthertosaytoyou.

Anonymous(notverified)|01/13/12|15:20PM

Link

Ofcourse...selfindulgenceisalwayspreferableto
beingabletoarticulateaposition.Afterall,"it's
complicated"isalwaysagoodstandbyexcusewhenyou
havenoother.
Stopplayingthehaplessvictimandtakesomeresponsibilityforyour
choices.There'snothingmoreannoyingthansomeonethatmakesa
choiceandthenwhinesaboutitfortherestoftheirlives.
Idofinditinterestingthatthosewithnoargumentinvariablyfindit
hilarioustopositallmannerofideasregardingacowboyhat.How
patheticcanyouget?However,itdoestendtolendmemorecredibility
whenitcomestorecognizinghorseshitwhenIseeit.

Mundusvultdecipi

GerhardAdam|01/13/12|15:59PM

Link

WowGerhard,whydoyouinsistonwritinglongpostafterwrong
postarguingwithhertellingherhowwrongsheiswhen:
A.Herlovedonesallknowaboutitandacceptthatit'sjusthow
thingsare
B.She,andherlovedonesknowthesituationfarbetterthanyou
do
C.SheCAN'Tcontrolhowshefeels,ifshe'scryingeverydaythan
obviouslyshe'sfeelingverysadwhichI'msureshewouldloveto
"getover"ifitwasthateasy!
You'recallingsomeoneelsepathetic...howironic.Whydon'tyou
justdropit,andacceptthatyouropinionwasn'tacceptedbythe
personwhoisactuallyinthesituation?Whydoyoucare?Whydo
youfeeltheneedtogetthefinalword?I'llbetanyamountof
money,ifyoureadthis,you'llmakeanotherpost,becauseyou're
oneofthoseguysthatNEEDStohavethefinalwordandwillnever
justdropit.Talkaboutpathetic...leavethewomanalone.Youhad
yoursay,nowgoaway...goaheadandrespondtomeifyoumust
protectyourego,butIwon'tbereadingitasI'monhereforaone
timereadonly.

Bill(notverified)|01/28/12|15:57PM

Link

Myresponsehasnothingtodowithegoand
everythingtodowithlettingstupidcomments
gounanswered.

Herlovedonesallknowaboutitandaccept
thatit'sjusthowthingsare

I'msuretheironyhasescapedyouinhowherlovedones
"acceptthatit'sjusthowthingsare",whileyou'reexcusing
herbehaviorfortheexactoppositereason.Talkabout
convolutedlogic.

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

11/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
Perhapsyou'dcaretoanswerwhatherresponseshouldbeif
herlovedonesdidn'tacceptit?Wouldthatbeenoughto
convinceyou?Perhapsjusthavingtherespectforother
peoplethattheydon'tdeservetobetreatedasiftheysimply
haveto"acceptthatit'sjusthowthingsare"?
It'sbullshitanditremainsbullshit.It'sthetypicalattitudeof
wherenooneelseshoulddrawattentiontohowself
centeredsuchbehaviorisandeveryoneshouldjust
accommodateitbecause"theycan'tcontrolit".Well,then
theyshouldn'tdragothersintoit.Thatwouldbethe
responsibleandrespectfulthingtodo.

...becauseyou'reoneofthoseguysthat
NEEDStohavethefinalwordandwillnever
justdropit.

...andthat'sjustafeebleattemptatapreemptivestriketo
avoidgettingcalledonyourirrationalposition.

Mundusvultdecipi

GerhardAdam|01/28/12|16:11PM

Link

Gerhard,despiteallthepeopleattackingyouforyour
logicalpositionsandintelligentresponses,Ifindyou
SPOToninaworldfullofexcusesforselfishbehaviour.
Ivehadmyheartbroken,itsbrokennow.Ittakesyears
togetoversometimesyes,butdon'tsubjectanother
relationshiptoyourheartbreakoverthepast.Hopefully
youwillgrowsomethingnewwiththenewperson,
insteadofbringingcarcassesofoldloveandthesmell
ofdeathandrotintoabrandnewrelationship.Itsjust
invitingbacteriaandrotintoyournewone.Everyone
elsehastoacceptthewaylife"is"duetotheactionsof
theselfishperson,excepttheselfishperson.ha!
Childish.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|10/22/12|15:03PM

ivebeenbrokenheartedforoverayearANDSTILLihaveto
agreewithgerhardadam.hecouldhaveputitmore
delicatelybutitstrue.
iwillsaythistho..yes,theloveforyourkidsmaybeofa
differenttype(notless)thantheloveforaspouse.buttryto
fillyourvoidwithyourchildren.youshouldfeelblessedthat
apartofyouislivingon.fillthevoidwithyourkidsand
maybesomeoneelseyoutrulylovemightcomealong.youre
carryingaheartbreakfromyourpast.thatswhatspreventing
youfromfeelinglove

Anonymous(notverified)|02/20/12|15:24PM

Link

SaintGerhardNEVERputsthingsdelicately.Buthe's
oftenthevoiceofcommonsense.Hearhim:)

Andasforyourexperience,don'tgobythecalendar!
Contrarytothekneejerkassumptionsofsomehere,I
amnothardheartedandhavehadtodealwiththedeep
gutwrenchingdespairoflosingsomeoneIloved.
No,I'mnotsayingit'sbiggerorworse.Ifullyappreciate
thatsomeonewalkingoutonyoucreatesadimensionof
betrayalandangerwhichcanbemorepainfulthanmere
bereavement,buthavingsomeonetoblamecanalsobe
cathartic.Letthosewhovaluesuchthingsplaytheir
gamesof"mypainisbiggerthanyourpain",Iwantnone
ofit.
There'sonlyonewaytogoonandthatistotakeone
dayatatime.Ifitsucksitsucks,it'sjustanotherstep
on.Butayearisnotimeatall.Moviestellusweshould

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

12/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
beoverabreakupinfiveweeks,medicsandcouncellors
haveastricttimetableforbereavementstagesofgrief
theycallit.Bullshit.Wearealldifferent.Istillget
wavestenyearsonandtrustme,I'mnotwallowingin
anything.Ifyoupickyourselfupinaweekorifittakes
manyyears,sobeit,playthehandyouweredealt.But
playtowin.
Justonething.Pleasedon'teventhinkintermsof
"fillingthevoid"!Thatcreditsitwithapowerthatit
simplyhasn'tgot.Loveyourkidstobitsohyesbut
lovethemfortheirownsakeasanyfathershould.

Okay.Touchyfeelyepisodeisnowover!:)

Link

derek_potter(notverified)|03/20/12|11:44AM

Oh,mygosh,Iwasfeelingcomfortedbyreadingalltheposts.UntilIgottotheonethatsaid"oncein
abluemoon".Weweremarriedon12/31/09,abluemoon!Isn'titsurprisinghowfewseemto
understandwhatthisfeelslikeandwhyit'ssohardtoletgo.Mostjustsay,"oh,he'sanAhole"and
theyarethinking"shortmarriage,moveon!".OMG,everyonecommentedonourloveandhislovefor
meinparticular.HeIShorriblenow,asifaswitchwasthrown.
Regretdoesn'tcomeclosetohowIfeelaboutmycoursesofactionthelastcoupleofmonthsandthe
lastcoupleofdaysinparticular.Icertainlydidnotthinkatthetimethatitwouldleadtotheendofmy
marriageandrelationship.Istill,andlikelyalwayswill,nomatterhowmanytimesthepsychologistI
amseeingtriestotellme,thatthewayheisactingnowisnothistrueself.
But,doesn'tchangethefactthatthisishorrible.Ican'timagineanyworsepain,otherthanlosinga
child.ThismayhavebeenthefirsttimeItrulylovedsomeone(1stmarriageat51)andbelievedthat
"atlast,mylovehadarrived".After8months,Istillgobacktothefirststageof"shock".
Sure,I'vehadbreakupsthattookabittogetover,butwaydifferentwhenit'samarriage...
.Iwenttothehospitalthissummerwithheartattachsymptoms,whichtheruledout,butwantedme
tostayformoretests(Ididn't).Idon'tthinkanyoneatthehospitalknewaboutthechemicaleffects
ontheheartwith"heartache"...althoughtheyknewmysituation.Mybloodpressurealsoskyrocketed,
buthavebeentreatingwithnutricuticals(sp?)andhaveittonormal!(Readbook,NoMoreHeart
Disease,byLouisIgnarroandfollowedhisadviceonstimulatingnitricoxideproduction)
8monthswhendoesthisend?wow.

Anonymous(notverified)|01/12/12|19:57PM

Link

I'vereadallthesepostsandweretouchedbyfindingpeoplewhoarealsoexpeireincing
emotionalpainonaphysicallevel.
Ittheseventhyearaftermyengagementbreakup27daysbeforetheactualwedding.Myheart
stillachesattimessoseverelythatIcanhardlybelieveit.I'vestartedtowonderwhetherI'llever
bepainfreeagain.

Link

Elmine(notverified)|05/16/12|03:36AM

Thepostwasratherdramatic,butyourcommentwas"incredibly"judgmentalandRUDE,Ger"hard."

Anonymous(notverified)|03/11/12|00:35AM

Link

Actually,Gerhardwasspoton.Pleasedonotshootthemessengerjustbecauseyoudon'tlikethecold,
hardtruth.
@Anonymous(notverified)|11/23/11|14:39PM:Gettingmarriedtosomeone(andhavingchildren
withhim!)whilepiningforsomeoneelseiscruel,manipulativeandimmature.Can'tpossiblyfathom
whyanyonewouldgoalongwiththisandsettleforatotallyshammarriage:afraidtobealone?gay?
forappearances?money?It'stotallyirresponsibletowardsthechildren,becausesoonerorlaterthey
willrealisethatmomdoesnotreallylovedadandthiswillshaketheirbasicsenseofsecuritytothe
core.Howaboutyoupullyourheadoutofyourrectumandstarttakingresponsibilityforyouractions.

Ninny(notverified)|03/20/12|04:06AM

Link

Totheseveralpeoplewhohavebeensocriticalofmypostingthismessage.Afewthingsperhaps

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

13/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
youmightnote.IhavelovedtheoldermaninmylifesinceIwasateenager.ITDIDNOTAFFECT
MYLIFELIKETHISUNTILHEALMOSTDIEDLASTYEAR.MymarriagewasneverashamandIcan
assureyouthatIamnotgaynorafraidtobealone.SinceIhaveknowntheoldergentleman,
therewereseveraltimeswetriedtomakeitworkBEFOREIGOTMARRIED.Firsttime,Iwentoff
tocollegeinEurope.Secondtimewefoundouthewasntabletohavekids,thirdtimetherewere
severehealthproblems.Ithadnothingtodowithitbeingaonesidedrelationship.Myhusband
alwaysknewIcaredalotforthisman.Ihavealwaysbeenhonestaboutthis.Itdidnotaffectme
untilHEALMOSTDIED,thensuddenlythereisthishorriblesinkingfeelingthattherearenomore
chancesleft.Iamverygladthatyouhaveneverhadasituationwherethereismorethanone
importantpersoninyourlife.Nooneisperfectandwealltrytodothebestwecan.BTW,you
justhappentosendyourvitriolonthedaythatmyonlyparenthasbeengivenhourstoliveandis
fightingforhisliferightnow.Thankyouforyourkindnessandunderstanding.Itrulyneeded
criticismfromsomeonewhohasalltheanswers.

Anonymous(notverified)|03/20/12|09:58AM

Link

youjusthappentosendyourvitriolonthedaythatmyonly
parenthasbeengivenhourstoliveandisfightingforhislife
rightnow.Thankyouforyourkindnessandunderstanding.

Whatexactlyisyourproblem?Doyouexpectpeopletobemindreaders?Ifyouhavean
emotionalissue,thendon'tpostcommentsifyoudon'twantresponses.Noonehassetout
tohurtyou,buttheyhaverespondedaccordingtotheinformationYOUhaveprovidedand
theresponsesYOUhavemade.
Sosparemethischeapshotattryingtomakepeoplefeelguiltyfortheeventsinyourlife.
Noonehereisresponsibleforyoucurrentsituation,andwearecertainlynotresponsible
norrevelingintheknowledgethatsomeoneclosetoyouisdying.Getoveryourself.

Mundusvultdecipi

GerhardAdam|03/20/12|16:25PM

Link

YouaretrulythebiggetshitheadIvenevermet.Youcondescendingprick!Imsosorry
todisappointyoubynotpostinganupdateonmyfathershealthbeforeyouhada
chancetoreply.DoIexpectyoutobeamindreader.FuckYou.Youareajudgemental
prick.Therearesomeplacesyoudontgoyouasshole.Ihopeyoudealwithhurtinyour
lifeaswellasyouthinkeveryoneshouldwhenyourheartbreaksorwhensomeoneyou
lovediesinfrontofyou.Youareanutterasshole.Iknowitmayseemlikeanovelidea
butperhapsyoushouldntjudgesohastilywhenitisyouwhodoesntunderstandthe
wholesituation.WhydidIoranyoneelseforthatmatterposttheirstoryhere.
Sympathyno,advicefrompeoplewhohavebeenthereyes.Youarenotthat,youare
anidiot.Itrulyhopeyourworldisturnedupsidedownandthereisnoonethereforyou
exceptsomecondescendingasstoinsultyou.Karmaisabitchyoujerk!

Anonymous(notverified)|03/20/12|16:43PM

Link

You'retheonethatkeepsinsistingonpostingyourcommentsand
expectingeveryonetosecondguesswhateveremotionsyoumay
befeeling.You'retheonethatisattemptingtomakepeoplefeel
guiltatyoursituation[simplybecauseyou'reexpectingthemto
somehowtempertheirdiscussionbasedonyouremotionalstate].
Callmewhatevernamesmakeyoufeelbetter.However,yourcommentsand
attitudespeakfarmoretothetypeofpersonyouactuallyare,thantheperson
youthinkyou'reportraying.Itwouldappearthatmyinitialassessmentiscorrect.
You'reselfindulgentandcan'ttolerateanyonethatdoesn'tjoinyourpityparty.

Sympathyno,advicefrompeoplewhohavebeenthereyes.You
arenotthat,youareanidiot

Ahyes...andnowwho'sbeingjudgmental?Youknowfarlessaboutmeandyet
feelquitecomfortablemakingyourjudgments.

Mundusvultdecipi

Link

GerhardAdam|03/20/12|17:08PM

"Getoveryourself."
Gee,itsureisgettingcontradictingaroundhere.

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

14/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak

Wolf(notverified)|04/25/12|21:18PM

Link

Perhaps,butlet'srememberthisisScience2.0,notDearAbby.

Mundusvultdecipi

GerhardAdam|04/25/12|21:28PM

Link

myhearthurtssobad.
morephysicalthenanything.
I'mCONSTANTLYcrying.
mybodywillgothroughabout5minuteintervalswhereiamhappyandseemjustfine,butthenBOOMthepaincomesbackjust
likethat.
Iunderstandtimehealseverything,butthispainI'mexperiencingisunbearableinsomeways.
thisarticlereallyhelpedthough.
thanksforwritingit.

Anonymous(notverified)|11/18/08|19:49PM

Link

Icantotallyrelatetoyourfeeling.Ibelieveittakesabout6weekstofeelsomewhatnormalagain,oratleastseealight
attheendofthisdarktunnel.WhatIfoundthathelpedmethemostiswriting.Yes,justplainwriting.Ijustopenedupa
freshtextpageandbeganwritingallmyfeelings..themoreIwrote,themoreIwantedtowrite...Iwasabletocomeback
tothepageoftextandreadwhatIwroteandithelpedmeoutthemost.Iamjustfinishingweekone,ofmyhearbreak...
causebythesamewoman..yes..afterIhealedthelasttime..ayearago...shewantedtotryitagain,andIsaidyes...so
....herewegoagain..asnowshehasleftmeagain..goodluck,keepyourchinup..IGUARANTEEitwillpass.

Link

MichaelSoto(notverified)|12/14/08|11:50AM

Iknowwhatyoumean.Ihavehadthisformorethantwoyears.Itispuretorture.Noonebelievesmeandpsychotherapy
helpsalittle,Butitisalongslowprocess.
Itisterribletobeinpainandthepeoplearoundyouandclosetoyouhavenoidea.I'mstillhangingintherewaitingforit
toend.
Ihopeyouhaverecoveredbynow.

Anonymous(notverified)|01/10/11|19:47PM

Link

Ifeelyourpain...literally.Ibarelymakeitthrougheachdaywithoutcrying,oftengettomycarafterworkandbreakdown
beforeIcandrivehome.I'manormallybubblypersontosmilesandlaughswithease,howeverwhenabrieftmomentof
happycomesalongitcrashesintoamillionpiecesofgriefandthecyclestartsagain.Ihadhopedwitheachdayitwould
geteasier,butsofareachdayonlymakesthepainintenseastherealityoflifewithoutthemanIlovesbecomesmore
clear.

Anonymous(notverified)|02/29/12|15:39PM

Link

Idon'twishthiskindofpainnoteventomyworstenemy.IhaveendedupinahospitalwhileinChinabecauseofabroken
heart.Justthisconstant,constantchestpainthatnevergoesaway.EvenforthathourorhourandahalfofsleepthatIget
duringthenight,whenIcrymyselftosleep,eventhenthepaindoesn'tgoaway.

Link

MaxSl(notverified)|11/20/08|06:35AM

yaimthatteenagerthatwouldbringinthenote,butimexpierencingchestpain,earache,stomachache,migrain,imcoldall
thetime,andicantstopcrying,ever.......iwillcryfor4andhalfhours,andbehappyfor3minutes,andthecyclerepeats.soifu
haveanyscientificopnionsthatpleaseemailmeatKiro_Kaguya@yahoo.com....anddidimention?.....istillloveher.....nice
articlebtw

Link

Ifitthedescription(notverified)|11/21/08|23:47PM

iam20yearsoldandgoingthroughthisforthefirsttime.ithurtssooobad.idontknowhowanyonecoulddealwiththispain.i
evenrealizethatiamgoingthroughallofthestagesmentionedinthearticle.Iamattendingauniversityandwhenit
happenedonasundayihadareallybigpresentationdueonthemonday..soaftercryingmyselftosleepiwokeupandcriedthe
entiredrivetothecampus.aftergettingtoschool(wearingpjsandacap)ididmypresentationhorribly.ijustcantgetthrough

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

15/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
onedaywithoutcrying.Ihavealwaysbeensomeonetothinkheartbreakisjustasillygirlthingandifyouaresmartyoucould
avoidthispain.wellitisnottrue.itreallydoeshappneandwhenithappensithurts.ithurtsreallybad.

Anonymous(notverified)|11/25/08|15:59PM

Link

yeahithurtsalot...imgointhroughsamephaserightnow.....ithinkuralreadyrecoveredbynow:)iwanttobhappyagain
andbewithsomeoneagainandliveagainnotjuststayinroomandkeponthinkinaboutaguywhodoesntevenrealizes
mypain...Iwanttolivehappyagain...Iwanttostudywellandnotthinkingoftakingasemesteroffjustbecauseofsome
person...IneedsomeonewhomIcanbereallycloseto...Someonewhocantakemeoutofthispain...Iamsomuchhurt
!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous(notverified)|03/14/11|06:08AM

Link

ijuststumbledonthispage...meandmybfofover3yearsbrokeupinthebeginningofthismonthoutofnowhereandivebeen
amess...latelyivebeenalittlebetter,butonlywhenihavesomethingtodo...otherwiseimhomealone,usuallylookingatsites
likethisonelol....butihavetokeepmyselfbusyorithinkaboutallthesethingsandigetupset...withalltheholidayscoming
upandthenmygraduationandmybdayitjustmakeseverythingworse...ikeephopinghecomesback...butihaven'tevenheard
fromhimsinceaweekafter...whichiandotherpeoplethinkisridiculous...imgivingmyselftomybday/valentinesdayandthen
ithinkimgoingtostartgettingmyselfoutonthemarketagain,bcicantwaitforever...everyonekeepstellingmehowcouples
breakuparoundthisage(im23now)oraroundthistimeinarelationshipandtheygetbacktogetherafterafewmonths..buti
don'tknow,andthererjustsomanyopportunitiesforhimtocomebackbyvalentinesdaysowewillsee...ihopethere'shope
foreveryoneoutthere..imsotiredoffeelinglikecrapandhavingmythoughtsracingandfakingasmileallthetime...imsure
everyoneknowswhatimean...thispainwillneverfullygoaway..

Anonymous(notverified)|11/26/08|02:24AM

Link

Ithinkweallhaveagoodunderstandingonwhatyou'refeeling,andit'shardformetofollowmyownadviceat
timeslikethese,butit'sreallybestifyoumoveon.TrustmeI'vebeendoingthesamething,waitingandhoping
theywillshowupandsweepyouoffyourfeetlikeinthemovies,butsometimesyouhavetofacereality.You're
atatimeinyourlifewheresomuchchangeisgoingtohappen,andifyoucontinuetosurroundyourselfwith
peopleofgoodquality,itwillbeeasiertomoveon.

AshleyCox|11/26/08|16:49PM

Link

mygfandiweremadlyinlove,herexisthefatherofher4yr.olddaughter.hewasaterribleindividual,buthedeveloped
cancerthatisrapidlytakinghislife.shesacrificedourlovetoattempttosavehislifebymarryinghimandgivehima
reasontofightforlife.hehasmadeherlifehellandsheadmitsshemadeamistakebutfeelslikeherbedsbeenmadeand
shemustlayinit.weloveeachotherbutimnotsurewecaneverbetogetheragainandthatkillsme!

Anonymous(notverified)|11/30/09|20:48PM

Link

Iagreethatitisimportanttogrieveandtakethetimetohealfromwhateverishurtingyou.However,Ialso
thinkitsimportanttobeclearaboutwhatyou'rereallyfeeling.
"imgivingmyselftomybday/valentinesdayandthenithinkimgoingtostartgettingmyselfout
onthemarketagain,bcicantwaitforever"
Statementslikethisconcernmebecauseitdoesn'tsoundasmuchlikegriefasitdoeshavingplansorexpectationstwarted.
WhileIdon'tknowwhatyou'rereallyexperiencingnorthecircumstancessurroundingit,Iwouldbecautiousaboutputting
pressureonyourselftoachieveresultsinsteadoftakingthetimetoabsorbwhatishappeningtoyou.
Whenyou'reyoungit'softenhardtoseethatitmaynotbetherelationshipwemissasmuchasitisthecomfortableroutines
andpredictabilitywehadestablished.

Mundusvultdecipi

GerhardAdam|12/14/08|12:28PM

Link

DearGerhard,Yourblack/white,right/wrong,aggressivecommentshavezeroplaceonablogaboutmattersoftheheart.
Also,nooneseemstovalueyourbizarre,overtlyhostileandjudgmentalinterjection.Sinceyouappearprimedfor
bloodsport,youmightfarebetterofferingadvicetoaspiringserialkillersorthosefavoringeuthanasiaforstraypuppies.
Whynotwanderoverthere?

Veronica(notverified)|03/11/12|00:50AM

Link

Veronica,please.Isitreallythishardforpeopleonthissitetorespecttheopinionsandviewsofothers?Doyoureally
havetoresorttonamecallingandsuch?Really?

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

16/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
Personally,IthinkGerardhasseveralveryvalidpointsandsoundarguments.Youmightfindthemifyouactuallyread
whathewroteinsteadofthrowingatantrum.

Ninny(notverified)|03/20/12|04:13AM

Link

Iloveyouforwirtingthisarticle,evenintheworsttimes,insomestrangewayitfeelsgoodreadingitandrecognisemyown
stateofmind&feelingsinthistext..andhavethemexplainedabit.thankyou!

Anonymous(notverified)|12/15/08|12:14PM

Link

Ifeelthesameshittywayrightnow.Andwhenithinkaboutitmychestjuststartstothrobandifeeltheintensityallover
again.LikesomeonepreviouslysaidIwouldntwishthistypeofpainonanyonenotevenmyworstenemybecausewhenyou'rein
ititfeelslikeITWILLNEVERBEOVER.itjustdragsonandonandonandoninyourownworldofmiseryandsorrowthatno1
canreallyevertrulygraspandyou'reinitalone.fuckk

Anonymous(notverified)|12/21/08|06:32AM

Link

Ireallyenjoyedreadingthisblog!IwaswonderingifIcouldaskyouafewquestionsformyinterviewsourcefor
apaper..

NicoleSmith|01/07/09|14:13PM

Link

Thanksguysforthegreatcoomentsandfeedback!Theonlywaytomoveonfromanytypeofhardshipistoacceptthatlife
movesonhaha.Lifeissupposedtobefun!Dontletanyonechangewhoyouareandwhatyouplanondoinginlife,thatsmylast
pieceofadvice.

Nicole,feelfreetoemailmeatashleyatscientificblogging.com
Thanks!

AshleyCox|01/08/09|17:54PM

Link

WellI'minmymid50sandthishasjusthappenedtomeaftera3yrrelationshipwithalovelygirlacoupleofyrsyoungerthan
me.It'snotjustforyoungsters!
Thepainisnearlyunbearable.
IfeelsoletdownIreallytrustedher.Andit'saffectingmyjob.Gonnatakeawhiletogetoverthis,it'snoteasy.

Anonymous(notverified)|02/27/09|06:37AM

Link

ifeelyoumate.ifeelthesamewayrightnow.ileftmyselfcompletelyemotionallyvulnerable.ididherwrongbutiknow
whatidid.iwanttoapologisebutshewontevenspeaktome.inevercheatedonheroranythingbutididnttreatheras
wellasishouldhaveandnowshesgone.imisshersobad.i'vemissedunifor4dayscauseidontfeellikegoingout

Anonymous(notverified)|04/13/10|20:33PM

Link

Ihaverecentlysplitwithmygirlfriendof18months.Alsoduetomenottreatingherverygood,Iwouldmake
commentsaboutwhatshewore,andreallytookherforgranted.Shefinishedwithme8daysagoandI'vebarely
eatenanything,I'vehadnosleep,andI'vehadtheworstsicknessandheartbreakfeelingever.It'sstrangebecauseI
thoughtweunderstoodeachother,andIreallycouldn'tseethiscoming.EverytimeIgotosleepIhavedreamsabout
herlayingnexttome,orthateverythingisfine.Iloveandmissherandwoulddoanythingtogetherback,butIknow
Ican't,
hanginthereeveryone,ithurtssobad.It'sawful,butitwillbeokayeventhoughIwantittobeokaywithher!

Link

Louie(notverified)|06/06/10|09:57AM

It'sbeenalmostayearforyouhowareyoufeelingtoday?iwasjustbrutallydumpednoforewarningbymybfof14
yearsweareinour50'salso.ThisismyfirsttrulybrokenheartandIthinkI'mnevergettingoverthisone.Istherereally
anyhope?

Link

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

Kik(notverified)|01/31/11|22:54PM

17/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
Iamgoingthroughthefirsttimetoo.Ihaveneverfeltthismuchpaininmyentirelifeitisabsolutelydraining.Inolongerfind
interestinlifeanymore,orwanttocontinueliving.I'vealreadybeenavictimofabuse,andhewastheonlyreasonIhadfaithin
humanityanymoreuntilheendedour18monthrelationshipoutofnowhere.TheonlyreasonIhaven'tkilledmyselfisbecause
partofmewantstocontinueliving,foolishly.Iprobablywillendupendingmylifeanyway.
HewaseverythingIeverwanted,andheendeditoutofnowhere.Everydayisastruggle.Ican'tsleepeverysingledreamI
haveisabouthim.Ifeelcheatedthatnooneevertoldmethatheartbreakwasthishorrible,thisunbearable.WhywouldIever
wanttocontinueonwiththeknowledgethatIhavetoexperiencethisagain?Thatnomatterwhat,whenIfallinloveagain,I
willendupfeelingthishurt?
Idon'thatehim,Ijusthatemyself.I'vealreadytriedeverythingworkingout,writing,goingoutwithfriends,hookingupwith
otherguys.Theemptinesscontinuesonandon,andeatsawayatmyinsideslikeapoison.Ihonestlycan'ttakeitanymoreI
justwantthepaintostop.

Anonymous|03/24/09|02:49AM

Link

Itrulyundstandwhaturgoingthru.IamjustfromthereanditreallyHURTS.Butpleasedon'tkillyourself.Attimesthings
arejustnevermeanttobe.Keepurselfsafe4yourself.Theyhappen.Thinkaboutme.Idatedthisgirlforthreeyearsand
wehadstartedeventalkingaboutmarriage.Ilovedherwithallmyheart.Idideverythingforherandevernpaidforher
collegefeesforherparentshadliterallygivenhertobemywife.Isuspectedherwiththisguybutshealwaysdeniedit
profuselyuntilIliterallyfoundthemnakedonbed.Imaginethisimage.Itsratheronedecidedtoleaveyou.Whatof
findingheronbed,andthisiswhereshetellsyoushedidnotloveyoufrombefore,shewastakingyouforarideallthis
time,thinkofwastedyears.thisisit.Itfeelshell.Butallinall,IthankGodforHeknowsbest.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|06/15/09|04:58AM

Toeveryoneonthissubject,
alltowellIknowthisexperience!Ihavegonethroughitsoo,soomanytimes.Iwasmarriedat21my18atthetimeanda
newborn.shewasverygoodlookingandsmartandagoodmother.Well9yearsandonemorechildlater......Sheleftme.
Weweretogetherabout2yearsbeforewegotmarried.sheleftmewiththekidsandthehouseandemptybankacount.
YesIwasheartbroken.AtthattimeIwashavingpanicattacksfromfeallingabandond.firstIwasinbigtimedenile.I
learnedthatacceptancewasthefirststeptohealing.Ireadalotandworkedoutjustasmuch.Ifeltbetteraboutmyself
doingthesethings.YesandIgotbacktodating.AtthetimeitseemedthatIwaitedforeverbutitwasonlyfromJunetill
September.afterafewIgotintoanotherrelationship.Itwasayoungandattractiveevenmorethanmyexwife.1year
laterIthappenedagain!Thebreakupandtheheartbreak.!ThistimeitwascauseIwastheonethatcalleditoff.Ifelt
thattheloyaltywasnotthere.IguessitwasasixthsensecauseIwasright.Iwentintodepresionandwasnotabletobe
intemateinthebedroom.EventuallyIgotoveritintime.IwasgoingthroughruffedtimesthisroundcauseIlostmyhouse
andwassleepinginansuvwithmytwokids.Thispassedandsodidtheheartbreak.4yearslaterinthepresentI'mdealing
withtheheartbreakagain!Thisiswithsomeonenew.Shelivedwithmeandmykidsandeventuallyherkidslivedheretoo.
IkickedherthoughbecauseshewentM.I.Aonnewyearseve.Wecannotbeexpectedtoputupwithsomeonethat
doesn'tvalueouremotions.Iadvisetonotputupwithpeoplesbullshit!IamhurtthatIhadtogotosuchextremesbut
bettertosufferalilbitnowthansufferalotforalongperiod.Iwouldhavelikethingstoworkoutandtoldhertocome
backbutsherefusedandIacceptthatit'sdone.Ifeallingabandondtheachesandsleeplessnights.Ithinkaboutwhoshe
iswithandwhatsheisdoingandIhaveranintoherafewtimesbutit'sjustbettertoletgo.Iguessyougottaletahoebe
ahoeyoucan'tmakeahoeahousewife.ThelasttimeIsawhershetoldmeshewasmarriedtoamarinewhileshewas
livingwithmeandthathewasinnorthCarolina.Iguesswhenhegetsbackshehassomeexplainingtodocauseshegot
mynametattoodrealbigonherleftfrontshoulder.StillI'msadcauseitmakesnosense.Timehealsallwounds.

Link

Megakron(notverified)|02/11/10|23:02PM

I'minthissituationnow.Veryverycomplicatedsituation.Iendedsomethingandthere'snogoingback.I'vehadheartbreak
before,maybebecauseI'moverthepreviousexperiencesIcantrememberiftheywereworsethanthisone.NeedlesstosayI'm
havingtorememberthepastandhowIgotoverthemasreferenceforthehereandnow.
Iwasinvolvedwithawonderfulguy,butalsowiththathehadADHDanditwasallconsuming.Assoonaswemetitwaslikea
hurricaneofexcitementandnewpossibilties.IopenedmyselfupmorethanIhavewithanyoneelseinthepastandgavemy
wholeheart.
Wehadtomovecountriesanditwentdownhill.Arguinganduncertainty.Confusionandrejection.Imadethecallafternot
thinkingitout,howeverI'dfeltdisatisfiedforawhile.Wasithimmakingmefeelthiswayorme?Nonethelessthefeelingwas
thereandreal.Ifeltmisunderstoodandnotmyselfanymore.Icamebackhomeforabriefperiodandcalledanendtoit.In
doingsoIfeltrelief,thenacoupleofdayslaterdeepregretandrealisedtherewasnoturningback.
It'snowahideousfeelingeverywakingmoment,buteverynowandthenIhaveaminibreakthroughandthinkIdontwanna
feellikeavictimtothisfeelingIgottamakesomeplans.Itsstillhardtopeelmyselfoffthesofathinkingaboutthatpersonso
muchandfeelingmyheartleapingandmystomachchurning.
TheonlythingIcandoisthinkwhathaveIputonholdandwhatwasholdingmebackifIfeltthismisunderstoodthenwouldI
endupstiflingmydreamstofitinwiththeotherperson'slife.Mostprobably.IdontexpecteveryonetounderstandmewhoI
meetbutIdontwantmyambitioncrushed.SometimesyouhavetostopthinkingWEandwhatyou'remissingandselfishlythink
ME.Mehastocomefirstmoreoftenthanmost.Ifyougavethingsagoodshotthendontblameyourselfforeverythingthathas

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

18/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
happened.Ifyouwereatotallosertotheotherpersonthenfeeltherejection,itstimetoreflectonyourselfandunearththose
problemareasandworkonemdontdrowninbadthoughts.
ItssohardtowritethisstuffasI'mstillveryrawandsufferingbuthell,itslife,itsnevereasy.Butitsneverworthgivingup.
Goforlongwalks,eventhoughtyoucantleaveyourheadandheartathome,itsworthgivingyourselfsomeair.Lookatthings
aroundyouanddistractyourselfevenfor2mins.Those2minsofnotthinkingabouttheotherpersonwillgiveyousomehope.
Those2minswillexpandovertimeandyouwillseeitasagreatreliefthatyoucanfocusonotherthings.Rememeberwe
walkedintothisworldonourownandwegatherpeoplealongtheway,butwe'reallsurvivors.

regret(notverified)|04/17/09|01:56AM

Link

heartbreak..asinglewordwithsomuchofdepth.themoreitrytostandup,themoreidrown.i'vebeeninthisrelationwhich
hasseeneverything.itlastedfor7yreas.itotitwudculminateintomarriagr.butjustthatwenwersupposedtogetmarried
aroundthisoctober,thisheartbreakwassupposedtooccur.idntwanttoplayblamegameshere.itmighthavebeenbothour
mistake.ijustwishedhehadunderstoodmemore.iknowasmuchasihurttoday,hetooishurting.lifeistomoveon,wer
movingon,butstilltherearehisfootstepsoneverypathitread.everybreathitakeicansensehim.anditisnotoutofmusic.i
amtryinghard.losingmylover,bestfriend,fiance.hejustmissed3things.husband,father,grandfather.iwishtherewassme
waytomakeithappen.butthetruthiswertoodifferentevenifweloveeachotherwewudfightagain.
myheartbreakistryingtobreakme,andiamtryingnottobreak.dntknowtillwhen.butiknowiwudalwayslovetheonlymani
haveknowntolovemeevenifwedntbelongtogether.

Anonymous(notverified)|04/24/09|13:45PM

Link

iamsorryifthisoffendspeople,butdoyoufindreadingthearticleandcommentsheretherapeutic.ifeelthatway.idontknow
ifishouldfeelashamedaboutthefactthatiseeksolaceinotherpeople'smisery.iguessknowingthereareothersoutthere
whoaregoingthroughthesameemotionshelpscreateasenseofbonding.
ihadagffor6yearsstartingfromcollege.justwhenwebothgotjobsandcametothesamecityandwheniknewthatwe
wouldgetmarriedduringtheyear,shetoldmeshewasinlovewithsomeoneelseandtheonlythingshefeltformewasa
senseofcommitment.lovefromherendwasover.atvarioustimesithoughtofendingitallbykillingmyself,butiwastoo
scaredofthedoingit.ithenstartedcountingallthegoodthingsinmylifeandwhyishouldntthinkofkillingmyself.nicefamily,
hordesofrelatives,lotsoffriends.ithentoldmyselfthatifikilledmyself,iwillbebringingaboutthesamekindofdepression
andmiseryonmyparentsandbrothersandimustnotdoit.factisiwasjustlookingforexcusessinceiwasshitscaredtokill
myslef.anywaysipassedthroughthatphasebutlifecontinuedtobemiserableformonthsonend.isoughtsolaceinafriend
andpouredmyheartouttoher.everytimeifeltdepressedandfelticouldnotgoonanylonger,iwouldwriteherlongmails
describingmyagony.shewouldrespondandtrytohelpoutthebestshecouldwithhermails.thosemailswouldbrightenupmy
daysomewhatandiwouldfeelgoodforatleastawhile,butallalongiknewthatthenextboutofdepressionwasjustroundthe
corner.andsoitcontinuedforawhile.graduallywithtime,thepaindecreased,andfinallymyofficesentmeoverseastrip.this
wasmyforeigntripandtheexcitementhelpedmerecoverfully.iewhenirealisediwasexcitedaboutthetrip,irealisedthati
hadindeedturnedacornerandwaslookingforwardtothingsinlife.itsnowbeen5yearssincewebrokeup.irecentlycameto
knowshegotmarriedanditdinthurtme.iknowthatiamtotallytotallyoverit.infactithinkiwasoveritonceicameoutof
thedepression.
eversincethen,iamscaredthatimightsomedayfacedepressionagain,andfijustkeephopingthatitdoesnthappenagain.
recentlyimetagirl,wehititoffgreatanditdidnottakemelongtorealisethatiwasfallingheadoverheelsforher.
ialsoknewthatthatwasntthecasewithherprobablybecausesheherselfwasjustcomingoutofaheartbreak.iknewiwas
gettingintoanemotionallymessysituationbuticouldnotstopmyslef.forthatmaterevenshewasequallyresponsive.sothree
monthsdownthelineipoppedthequestionbutshesayssheisundecided.itsbeen3weekssincethenandihaverealisedthat
itwasherpolitewayofsayingno.thereasonipoppedthequestionsoealrywasiknewihadfallen,andiknewificontinued
thiswayiwouldhavefallensobadthatrecoverywouldhavebeenaspainfulasitwasthelasttime.howeverihaverealised
thatonceyouhavefallenforsomeone,itdoesntmatterhowlong/shorttherelationshipwas,itjustpainsasbad.imeanijust
amnotabletogetheroutofmymind.andwehavebeentalkingonlyfor3monthsandmetjustonce.yestitsbeenalong
distanceone.andatnopointoftimedidsheeverindicatethatshewasthinkingofthisdevelopingintosomethingserious.ieit
wasjustonewayallalongandyetistandheartbroken.itispainful.butwritingeverythingoutdoesmakemefeelbeter.for
howlongidontknow.

vish(notverified)|04/27/09|10:24AM

Link

idontknowifishouldfeelashamedaboutthefactthatiseeksolaceinotherpeople'smisery.i
guessknowingthereareothersouttherewhoaregoingthroughthesameemotionshelps
createasenseofbonding.

Don'tfeelashamedit'shardenoughtogothroughsomethinglikethis,butifyoufeellikeyou'retheonlyoneit'seven
worse.Knowingothersaregoingthroughithelps,asdoesknowingthatothershavegottenthroughitthereisalightat
theendofthetunnel,nomatterhowdim.It'shardtobelieveitwhenyou'remiredinpain,butyouwillgetthroughit.

Link

BeckyJungbauer|04/29/09|10:53AM

IagreewithBecky.IwentthroughaseconddivorcelastOctober,andbelievemewhenIsaymyheartisbroken.I
havefeelingsofbetrayaloftrust,abandonment,attimesevenhatredandrageandseveredepressiveepisodes.

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

19/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
Ittakestimetorecoverfromsuchadevastatingemotionaltrauma.Butthereisnoshameinfeelingwhatisnecessary
andavoidable.Thisisapartofwhoandwhatweareashumanbeings.

EricFD(notverified)|06/19/10|13:19PM

Link

Yourpostactuallyhelpedme.Itoojustmetagirlonlineanditweweretogetherforabout3months(didthewhole
webcamthingandeverything).Iwaspreparingmylifeforafullblownmovetowhereshelivedsowecouldfinallybe
together(likeworkingovertimeandjustcreatingahugepocketofcashforthetransition).Duringthelastmonthofour
relationshipshestarteddistancingherselffromme,liketalkingtomelessandtalkingtosomeotherguyfriendsmoreand
more.ItgottothepointwhereIhadtoaskherwhatwasgoingon.Andsheprettymuchdumpedmewithoutanyreal
reason(I'msuretherewasone).I'm23andthisisthefirsttimeI'vefeltheartbreak.Evennowit'sbeenoveramonthsince
thishashappenedandIstillcantgetheroutofmyhead,stillcryforherwhenI'malone,stilldreamingaboutheroften.
Whataterribleexperience.Iknowthisarticlesaysthatwe'llchangeforthebetterbutIcanthelpbutfeelbitterness,
hopelessness,andabsoluteloneliness,myoutwardviewonlifeiscompletelydifferentnow.Idon'tfeelhappyorcheeryat
allandthatmakesitalmostimpossibletoapproachotherwomen,Iharboradeepdistasteforeverythinginthisworldand
whypeoplehavetososelfishlynotconsiderothersfeelings.Allrantingaside...Ijustwantedtosaythatitreallyhelpedto
seethatloveisstillloveovertheinternet,andthatheartbreakfeelsjustasbadonline.

RC909(notverified)|07/21/10|21:07PM

Link

Fortheguywho'fellinloveovertheinternet'...doasearchoninternetscams...thereislotsofinformationon
peoplewhoknowwhattheyaredoingandtrappeopleinto'relationships'inordertoextractmoneyfromthem,...eg
foratriptovisitthem,andtheygetthevictimtosendthemthemoney,thencomeupwithsomeexcusewhythey
cantvisit...soifshe(itmightnotevenbeafemaleattheotherside)everaskedyouformoneythenyouknowitwas
ascam..andthismighthelpreleavethepainsomewhat...itsdefworthdoingasearchonthisnotoftenmentioned
internetscammingmethod..
DK

Anonymous(notverified)|12/01/11|19:55PM

Link

Youdon'tneedtodoanyresearch.Ifsomeoneyou'venevermetisaskingformoney,then
somethingiswrong.Nothingmoresophisticatedthanthat.Evenifonewantedtorationalize
howsucharequestmightbelegitimate,you'dneedtoseriouslyquestionthemotivationofthe
otherindividualregardingarelationship.Aretheydrivenbyemotionoreconomics?
Asfortheinternet....emotionalrelationshipswilldefinitelyform,butwhatmakesitmoreproblematic,isthatit
becomeseasiertoindulgeina"fantasy"formoftherelationshipratherthanseriouslyevaluatingitonitsown
merits.Asaresult,itbecomeseasiertofallinlovewiththeideaoffallinginlovewithanidealizedperson
whichcanmakemanagingsucharelationshipmuchmoredifficult.

Mundusvultdecipi

GerhardAdam|12/01/11|20:44PM

Link

Ilearnedthisfirsthand.FellinlovewithsomeoneImetonline(hewastheinitiator),hefeltliketheoneI'd
beenlookingforallmylife.Hesaidsameaboutme.Wetalkedonphoneeverydayformonths.Wewerein
touchdigitallythroughouttheday.Ihaveneverfeltmorelovedinmylife.Thenwemet,spentseveral
wonderfulweekstogetherandallappearedtogowell,ouronlychallengewashowtofindawaytolive
together,andinwhatcityetc.,butwewouldfigurethatouteventually..Hesaidhewantedtomakealife
withme.Iwantedtomakealifewithhim.Betweenvisitswemaintainedfrequentcontact.Wewereso
close,sharedeverything,supportedeachotherthroughourvariouschallenges.FirstpersonIgreetedonline
inthemorning,lastpersonItalkedtoatnight.Thecruxwasthatwewereoverathousandmilesapart.The
nextvisitacoupleofmonthslaterendeddisastrously.Ithinkthathewasmoreinlovewiththeideaof
beinginlovebutbeingtheindependentandsomewhatoldersoulthatheis,didn'thavetheemotional
flexibilitytoactuallytoleratesomeoneupcloseandpersonalintheirlifeonadaytodaybasis,andhe
finallylostthatbattleduringmylastvisit.It'slikeheturnedonadimetowantingtherelationshiptobe
over,oversomethingverysmall.ItwasanightmareIwouldnotwishonanyone.Stuckinacityfarfrom
home,dreamsshattered,heartbrokenhisrefusingtoseemeevenoncebeforeIleft.Thishappenedonlya
fewweeksagoandthedepthofmygriefis,well,bottomless,orsoitseemsatthispoint.Veryraw.The
lossfeelshuge,Imisshimsomuch.Wehavesincecommunicatedandit'sbecomeclearthatthisisanissue
hewasmoreawareofthanheleton,theinabilitytoletpeopletoocloseintohislife.HadIknownin
advanceofcoursethingswouldprobablyhavebeenquitedifferent.ButIguesshethoughthecould
transcenditformeanddidnotraiseitasapotentialproblem.
AllIcansayaboutlongdistanceandonlinerelationshipsisnottorulethemout,butdoproceedwith
extremecaution.Onlywhenyou'reupcloseandpersonalandineachother'sspacedealingwiththedayto
dayvicissitudesdoyougetafullpictureofwhethertherelationshipcanberealandhealthy.

Link

Ophelia(notverified)|01/20/12|15:36PM

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

20/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
Ithinkthepaincanbethesamenomatterhowlongtherelationship(atleastforme).Iwasina2yearlongrelationship
wherehesuddenlydumpedmebecausehehadcheated(thankGodIdidn'tknowthatwasthereasonatthetime).Inever
thoughtI'dgetoverit,butIdid.JustthisSundayIwasdumpedbymyboyfriendof4months(becausehetoocheated,just
notphysicallyhedoesn'tseeascheating)andthepainisjustasbad.Therewasnowarning.Everythingseemedtobe
fine.Myheartisbroken.IopenedupmoretohimthanIhadinanypreviousrelationship.IfeellikeIcan'ttrustanyman
again,relationshipwise.IknowIwillgetoverit,justlikeIdidlasttime.I'mjustprayingIdon'trunintohimanywhere.It
seemssounfairthathegetstohappilymoveonwhileIsit&suffer.ItrytoremindmyselfofeverythingIhavetobe
gratefulfor,andsometimesithelps.OthertimesIjusthavetocry&letitallout.Iwishthebestforeveryonehere,no
matterwhatthecircumstance.It'sahorriblefeeling.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|02/29/12|20:15PM

Thankyousomuchforwritingthisarticle.Ijustbrokeupwithmyfirstlove,andamexperiancingrealheartbreakforthefirst
time,andthisarticlemadeitmucheasiertodealwith.IknoweventuallyIwillseethelightattheendofthetunnell...Ijust
hopethatitcomesfast!
thanksagain...

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|04/29/09|10:44AM

Thisarticleisgreat...
Idumpedmyboyfriendafterfindingouthewaspostinghalfnakedphotosofhimselfonlineonadultwebsites.Thepainisso
real...Icouldhaveneverimaginedthepainwouldbethisdeepandreal.IreceivedanemailfromhimyesterdaystatingthatI
shouldbeoverthiswholeheartbreakthingsinceIhadmymindmadeupaboutendingtherelationship,butitwasneveraneasy
choice.Ifeelasifsomeoneclosetomedied...AtfirstIwouldburstoutintotearsoutofnowhereandIcouldn'texplainitto
myselforanyone...ItwouldhappenwhileIwasdrivingorwhileIwasstudyinglateatnightandBOOM!inaninstantIwasfine.
NowIdon'tevenhavetheenergytogetoutofmyhouseortalktoanyoneandenjoylife.IknowthatonedayIwillbeokayand
allthiswillmakemeabetterperson,butuntilthenallIcandoistrytoholdmyheaduphighandlearntoloveagain.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|05/31/09|23:46PM

Thisarticlehasbeeninsightful.However,Ifindtheresponsessimplyamazing.Italwaysinvokesasenseoffreshaweinme
whenIamporingovermyownproblems,cryingaboutmyownlittleworldandtheIseesomethinglikethis.Iseethattheworld
isteemingwithloveandheartbreaks.Thesewordsseemtogohandinhand,andIamjustexperiencingmyfirstreal
heartbreak..andIrealizeIamwaveringbetweenphasesandhavealongwaytogobeforeIcanstandtallwithnobodybeside
me.OnethingthatIwouldsuggesttoeveryonetoeaseanykindofpainismeditation.Justputonsomebeautifulcalming
music,sitinanycomfortableposition,quieteneverythoughtandthenthinkthis'Iamfindinghappiness,Idonotneedxinmy
lifetobehappy,Iamblessedwithfamilyandfriendswhoreallylovemeandbringmejoy.'oranythoughtonahappynote.It
maynotworkatfirstbutitsuredoesinashortwhile.itreallyhelpedme.Readingthesepostsjustnowdidhelpmeinnotdoing
somethingrash!thankyoueveryoneforsharingyourexperiences,itsomehowmakesmefeellessaloneinmypain.

riya(notverified)|06/01/09|15:05PM

Link

31yearsofmarriageandduringstressfulfinancialtimes(midlifecrisis)hedecidesheisinlovewithhisfirstcousin,leaves,
andceasescommunicating.Devastationdoesn'tbegintocoverit.But,Ihavedecideditismorelikeapersonwhocommitted
suicidethanadeath.Death,thoughhard,isnotpersonal.Suicideismorecomplexandweallquestionourroleinit,even
thoughitisultimatelyaboutthem,notus.
Ithasbeen8monthsanditiscertainlybetterthandayone,butthephysicalandemotionalpainisbringingmetomyknees.I
moveforwardphysicallyandinlife,butIamstillseverelydepressedandinpain.Suicidehascrossedmymindbutalways
discardedbecauseIrefusetohurtmychildrenanymorethantheyhavealreadybeenhurt.
Everyonehastheirsolutionforme,andpeoplearesickandtiredofmysadness.ThisarticlewashelpfulandinterestingandI
amsorrythereisnotmorethereinthewayofmindmanipulationthatcouldhelpfastforwardthisslittlebit.
CZ

Link

ClareZ(notverified)|06/09/09|14:05PM

Iwouldliketosaythatitwasabigargumentthatledustobreakupbutthesadtruthofthematteristhatonedayshejust
decidedthatshedidnotlovemeanymore.ShesaidshehasbeenunhappyforsometimewithmeandofcourseIhadnoa
singleclue.Therewasneveranopportunityonmysidetoimproveortotryandchangebecauseshenevertoldmeofthis.
Soundslikeaclichbutitwasanoutoftheblueoccurrence.
NowIamleftheretryingtopickupthepiecesandbecauseofherdecisionIhavetosufferforGodknowshowlong.Itfeels
unfairandIflitbetweengettingangryandthenincrediblysad.
Iamtryingtotakeitadayatatimebutsometimeswhenthehurtisexceptionallybad,itisacaseofanhoureachtime.Aswe
sharethesamecircleoffriends,IamalsotakingabackseatandIcanfeelmyselfwithdrawingfromtheworld.
FriendstellmeIambeingtoohardwithmyselfandIshouldlettimetakeitscoursebutIamfrustrated.Ithasonlybeenthree

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

21/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
weeksbutfeelslikealifetimeinpurgatory.IwonderhowlongitwilltakeuntilIamwholeagain.
Iknowthisiscommonandsomanypeoplehavebeenthroughthis,yetIcannothelpbutfeelmybrandofsufferingisdifferent
whichmakesmefeelsoalone.

RC(notverified)|06/19/09|04:33AM

Link

Minehappenedexactlylikeyours.Iwasdumpedimmediatelyafterifoundoutshewasdatingsomeoneelsebehindmy
back.Whenifinallygothertosaywhyshedidthis,shesaidshewasunhappyforawhileandihadnochancetomake
thingsbetter.butnotonlydoinotgettoatleastsettleandthinkthingsthrough,I'vebeenkickedoutandhaveafew
weekstomove.Icouldn'tbelievethatafter8yearsitallendedlikethis.Iseenoendtothisandthispainisterriblyreal
andconstant.Andevenwithallthethingsshe'sputmethroughI'ddoanythingtohaveherback.Idon'tknowifit'sloveor
somewarpedcaseofcodependence,butImisshersodamnmuchandjustwantherback.

chad(notverified)|05/15/11|02:51AM

Link

Samehere.MyliveinBFoftwoyearsseemedlikethemostaffectionate,loyalandlovingpartner.Wehadsomuch
funandagreatsexlife.Oneday,iwenttopickhimupafterwork,andoneofhiscolleaguescamebythecarandsaid,
whydoyoupickhimupeachday,don'tyourealizehehasanotherGFintheoffice?Iwasshocked.Ijustdrovehome
andcrawledunderablanket.Whenhecamehome,IjustsaidIwasill.Hecrawledintobedandputhisarmsaround
meandheldme.
Istillhaddoubtsbutwantedtoknowforsure.So,sincehealwaysusedmycomputer,Iinstalledakeyloggeronthe
computerandwatchedhisactivityforafewweeks.Sureenough,hewasemailinghisGFallsortsofmessages,but
veryclearthattheywereconductingafullblownaffairbehindmyback.AndwhileIwasoutworkingtopaythebills!
Heevenstolebitsofmyclothingandlingerieandtookpicturesofherinitandpostedthemonline!Totalweirdo.And
livingundermyroofpretendingtobeMr.NiceGuy.
So,oneday,Ikissedhimgoodbyeatthedoorinthemorning.Assoonasheleft,Icalledalocksmithandhadallthe
lockschanged.ThenIcalledhimatworkandaskedhimifhewasfoolingaround.Hedeniedit,thenItoldhimIhad
readhismessages.Hegotveryangry,andsaidthatIwasdishonesttotrackhisonlinestuff!SoIsaid,toobad,you'd
bettergohomewithherthen!Heendedupmovingintoheronebedroomtinyapartment,andIhadallhisshiznat
deliveredthere.Oh,exceptforthegoodclothesthatIboughtforhimtheywenttocharity.Letherdresshimup
becauseheneverhadanymoneytohelpMEwiththerent.
Now,thestrangethingis,I'mtheoneleftheartbrokenandalone.Revengeseemstohavebroughtverylittlecomfort.
IdofeelthatIstoodbymyprinciples,ie.nocheating,buthowdarehewaste2yearsofmylife!Imayspendthenext
fewmonthsoryearsalone,butbettertobewithoutthatscumbaggivingmegodknowswhatSTD'sandeatingmy
food.Ihopeshekickshimout.

JN(notverified)|07/22/11|14:09PM

Link

Idon'tmeantominimizeyourfeelingsinthis,but(aswithotherpostersaswell),areyoueven
lookingatwhatisbeingwritten?

...healwaysusedmycomputer...
...Iwasoutworkingtopaythebills!
...stolebitsofmyclothingandlingerie
...livingundermyroof
...thegoodclothesthatIboughtforhim
...heneverhadanymoneytohelpME
...eatingmyfood

Inadditionwehave:

Heendedupmovingintoheronebedroomtinyapartment
Letherdresshimup
Ihopeshekickshimout.

OK...Igiveup.Whatisitthatmakesthisguyanythingbutaparasite?Itsimplyseemslikehe'sswitched
"hosts".Nowtellmeagain,whatevermadehim"Mr.NiceGuy"?
Itsimplyseemsthatmanyofthesepostsrepresentpeoplethatareinlovewithanidealizedimageratherthan
the"real"individual.Asaresult,whenaconflictoccurswiththe"real"person,theyarestillemotionally
attachedtotheidealizedimageandcan'tletgo.

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

22/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
Mundusvultdecipi

GerhardAdam|07/22/11|14:24PM

Link

usaidit..weareinlivewithanidealizedindividual.wehaveanimageofthepersonthattheyareNOT...it's
tryingtogetyourheadtomakeyourheartunderstand...that'sthehardpart...

Nancy(notverified)|07/23/11|19:51PM

Link

yaknow...weallthinkourstoryistheworse,saddest.thenireadsomethinglikeyoursandrealize,mineis
nothing.howdevastatingtoinvestsomuchinsharingyourhometogether.howcanpeoplebesoheartlessand
crueltopeopletheyclaimtolove??I'llneverunderstand....myheartgoesouttoyou.uwillfindbetter.don'tfall
intothepitsofdepressionandselfloathinglikeIhave.justhanginthereandyourlovewillcome.onethat
deservesyou....andappreciatesyou.thatyoulovemorethanyouthoughtyoucouldlove.hanginthere.

Nancy(notverified)|07/23/11|19:43PM

Link

Mywifewalkedout(droveoff)whileIwasonanerrandtoHomeDepot.After45yearsofmarriage.I'm67.Feel
terrible.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|09/21/11|00:25AM

thxforthearticles...ithelpsme...
maybeidontfeelthesameheartbreakasallofthesepeople...
ihopeicanmanagemyheartandbethesamepersonasiwasmonthsbeforeiknewthisguy...
aguythatireallyfallinlovewith...buthe'snotforme...andneverwill...
whatididis...ipraytoGodtohealmefromthiswoundedheart...andihopeHehelpmefastenough...
ifeverybodycanmendit...thanicantoo...
hewillbeonlyinmymemory....onlyinmypast....andiforgivehimandlovehiminadifferentwaythanbefore....
mylifegoeson...andiwillmoveon....thereallovewillcometobytime....hopefully....

Anonymous(notverified)|06/22/09|04:34AM

Link

Ihavebeensadanddepresseddoorthelast10yearsofmylifeonandoff.itissadtosayonandoffbecauseIhaveleta
persondeterminehowIfeel.Iam23yrsoldandlifewithacruelmanwhoappreciatesnothingIdo.Ihave0selflove.idonot
knowhowigottothisplace.icantlookaftermysonasiwouldliketosometimesbecauseallidoiscry.ihavesomuchanger
andresentmentinside.Iknowiamstupidandijustcantsayiamdone.ihavetriedbutireallydofeellkeiamdying.hejust
doestcareformeandtakesadvantageofmystupidity.ihavestartedtogettwitchingontheleftsideofmyface.itallgoesto
onesideiloosemovementtomyleftside.igetseizurespassout.iamstuckonstupidhowcanicontinuetoallowthisto
happentome?howdoimoveonpleaseineedhelp!itsmenothimineedhelp.IhavenorespectformyselfatthispointIhave
allowedeverykindofwrongtoflyovermyhead.Ihavelashedoutinangerandmadestupidmistakesbutthisisnotlove.How
doIstopit?

Anonymous(notverified)|06/29/09|01:23AM

Link

Ihopeyoureadthis,andIhopeyou'vemovedonbynow,butifnot,youshouldreallyseekouthelpanddistanceyourself
fromthisperson.Getintouchwithsomerelativesorsomeoneyoucantrustandletthemknowhowyoufeel.Youobviously
aren'tstupidifyoucanrecognizeyourfeelingsandwheretheystemfrom.Thisprovidesyouwiththeabilitytochangeyour
situationsoyoucanbehappyforyourselfaswellasyourson.Youreallyneedtoletsomeoneknowaboutyoursituationif
itisstillcontinuingandleavethepersonwhoiscausingyoumisery.Youcandoit,youjusthavetodigdeepandusethe
repulsionyoufeelfromyournegativefeelingstofindabetterlife.Bebrave,andIreallyhopethingsarebetterforyou
now.
Everyonedeserveshappiness
Cam

Link

Cameron(notverified)|02/02/11|02:42AM

IamverygladIfoundthisarticle.IneverthoughtthatIwouldexperiencethepainIamexperiencingnowafterhavinggone
throughthisoncebefore.IgenuinelyfeltthatbecauseIsurvivedwhatIthoughtwastheworstrelationship/breakupafewyears
ago,thatitwouldbeimpossibleformetoloveandloseagain.Iwaswithsomeoneforfouryearsoffandon,andendureda
horriblebreakupwhichIlaterlearnedchangedmylifecompletelyforthebetter.WhatIhadlearnedfromthatrelationship,and
it'send,taughtmesomuch,andgavemesuchhopeforanamazingfuture.AbouttwoyearslaterIhavedecidedtotrya
relationshipwithsomeonenew.Ittookmethistwoyearstoevenconsiderdating,andIhavedismissedseveralwonderful
opportunitiessimplybecauseIwasn'tready.Havingfeltready,anddeeplyconnectedtothisperson,Igaveitmyall.Givenafew
issues,therelationshipjustseemedtofallapartafteronly4months.IamcrushedinalmostthesamewayIwasafterthe4
yearrelationship.Ifeelsillyandpitifulforhavingthesamefeelingsaftersuchadrasticallyshorterperiod.Iknowtheysaylove

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

23/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
doesn'thaveatimeframe,butIdon'tknow.Ifeelstupid,andhavestartedtosecondguessmyself.Itmadeitworsewhenhe
saidthesamething,asifIamcrazyforbeingsohurtafteraveryshortrelationship.OnepositiveIhavenoticedisthatIhave
beenabletoseparatemyfeelingsatcertaintimesandevaluatethesituationasifI'moutsideofit.ThisissomethingIwas
unabletodountilayearhadpassedbefore.IhavealsonoticedthatIamabletotellmyself"GetupanddoSOMETHINGtotake
yourmindoffofthis."Again,thatwasmuchhardertodobefore.Neverthelessitstillhurtstremendously.Thisarticlehashelped
inremindingmeI'mnotalone,andI'mnotcrazy.Forthoseofyouwhoaredealingwithheartbreakrightnow,justremember
thatyouareworthyofgreatthings.IhavefeltasifI'mnotworthybecausethepaincanbesostrongthatitfeelsasthoughI
MUSThavedeservedthisinsomeway.Thatisnottrue.Godhashisreasonsforeverything,andIhavefaiththatwewillallmake
itoutokayifwejustkeepthefaiththebestwecan.It'smucheasiertotalkaboutthisinadvicetoothers,thanitistotakethe
advicemyself,butihavefoundthistherapeutic,andhopethatmystorywillencouragesomeoneelse.Goodluckguys,stay
strong!

Anonymous(notverified)|07/13/09|16:15PM

Link

I'mgoingon7monthswithoutaword.Nophonecalls,emails,sweetvoiceinthemorningnothing.
Itstartedthefallsemesterofmyfirstyearofmedicalschool,inseptember.Shehaddaddyissues(hebeatherandwasverbally
abusive)andhadseveretrustissues.ShealwaystoldmeIwastoogoodforherandthatshewasscaredoffallingforme.We
talkedthroughitandaftertryingharderatmakingherhappier/comfortablethanIhadeverworkedatanythingelse(Iwasa
heavyequipmentmechanic/welderthroughcollegeandwe'rebothmedicalstudentsnowsoIknowathingortwoabouthard
work)andshestartedtopullthroughandwestartedtoreallyenjoyourselves.
Thenaroundmybdaylastjanuaryeverythingwasatanalltimehigh.Iwassickandmissedclass,shecamestraightafterclass
everydayandlookedafterme.Wetalkedforhourseverynight.Shetoldmeshelovedme(veryveryverytoughthingforherto
finallysay)andwantedtobuymethecarIwasbuying(yehabitnutty,iguess),Icouldn'taccept.Thenshebroughtupmarriage
andcaughtmeoffguard.Isaidifit'ssomethingyou'reseriousaboutthenweneedtotalkaboutit.Ididn'tsayno,Ijusthada
surprisedtonetomyvoice.Itwashardtogethertoverbalizeherfeelingsformeandtogofromthattotellingmesheloved
me,followedsuddenlybytheMword...Iwasjustsurprised.
Anyway,Iguessshegotspooked.MaybeIshouldhaveheededherwarningsthatshewouldbreakmyheartbutweallnowthat
youcan'theedadamnthingwhenyou're"inlove".
Shenevertalkedtomeagain.Afewnightsafterwetalked,shetextedme(wedidn'tdotext/emailtalkingunlessitwasto
coordinate...onlyfacetofaceforseriousstuff)"Don'ttalktome.Idon'twanttoeverhearfromyouagain.andIoweyouno
explanation."Thatwasit.Bam.Nothing.Weekswentbyshewouldn'treturnmycalls,talktome,lookatme,nothing.Icried,
vomitted(12timesthenightithappened),criedmore.Lost25lbsinthemonthsthatfollowed.Startedtoloseblood.Itwasbad.
Lostmysenseofhumor,appetite,desiretobesocial.Basicallycrawledintoaholeanddied.Istudiedenoughtogetbybutmy
stellargradeshaddroppedmarkedly.Icouldthinkofnothingbutherandthesweetthingssheusedtotellanddoforme.Afew
friendsworried...butit'seasyenoughtofoolpeoplewhenyou'reasbusyasweare.Plusit'samazinghowlittleanyonebeyond
yourinnermostcircleoffriendsgivearat'sass.Parentsontheotherhandwereabittoughertofoolbutthatwasn'thardeither.
Niceguysfinishlast.Idon'thaveameanboneinmybody...probablyliterallyoneofthenicestguysyouwillevermeet(thefirst
timeI'veeveradmittedthatandonlybecausenoneofyouknowwhoIam).Ican'tcounthowmanyrandompeopleI'vefixed
carsforthatwereinashittysituationonthesideoftheroad,thousandsofhoursofdocumentedcommunityserviceandtons
moreundocumented.Nevertakenacent,neverthoughtanyofthethousandsofpeoplewhoI'vedonestuffforowedme
anything,it'sjustthewayIam.Tiptoedaroundherinsecuritiesbutgavehermyall.ItiswithherthatIlearnedjusthowhardI
couldworkatsomething.I'veneverbeensonicetoanyoneasthisgirl.Imadeherfeelamazing,happy,beautiful,loved.
IamaverypositiveandlovingpersonbutInolongerbelieveinlove.It'sacrockofshit.TheonlypeopleIseewhoseemto
succeedinrelationships(reallysucceed)arepeoplefromthethirdworldwhogetarrangedmarriagesandhavenochoicebutto
behappy.theycan'triskdaddy'stextilemill,cow,familyname,etc.sotheytoughitout...throughthickandthin.Everywhereelse
peopleplaymindgames,cheat,lie,yell,threaten,etc.towinandmaintainanotherslove.Itjustblowsmymind.Whymust
someoneteetertotteronbeinganabsoluteasshole/toughguyandbeingsensitiveandniceformostwomentorespond?What
issotoughabouttalkingdowntoawoman?Icanrebuildanengine,wireanengine,doanythingconstructionrelated,weld,run
alathe,havepatentsandpublications,savelives,canstayaliveinthewoods...I'veneverthoughtaboutitthatwaybutIthink
that'salot"tougher"thanbeingashithead.
Maybemythinkingisflawedbutit'sjustanobservationovertheyears.Iwouldn'ttradethememoryofherforanythingbut
monthsofsufferingisjustnotfair.I'vetriedeverythingtalkingtopeople,workingout,gotapuppyandshowereditwithlove
(whichhelps),doingmyhobbies,workingevenharderatschoolbutIstillmissherandhavesomanyquestionsthatare
unanswered.Notgettingclosureisarealbitch.IseehereverydayinclassandIwantnothingmorethanthephysicalpainand
blurrinessthathermemorynowbringsmetostop.

sadsappysucker(notverified)|08/09/09|21:56PM

Link

Heyy,
Icantotallyrelatetoyourstory.Ifeelthesameway.Marctotallythrewmeoutandexpectedmetojustpickupandgo.I
gotnoclosureoranythingitwashorrible.ivebeenstrugglingalotbutthatlovedoesfadeunfortunately.ithinkabouthim
alotandmostnightsicrymyselftosleepbuthonestlythisisallbullshit.wehaveamazinghugeheartsandpeopletake
advantageofit.buttrustme,iKNOWthsforafacttheywillalwaysregretit.always.butwilltheydoanything?nah,they
havenoballs.piecesofshit.werealotstrongerthentheyareandtrustme,theyhavealwaysadmiredthat.alwayswill.
whereaswemustmoveon.doanythingtokeepourselvesgoingandnotbeapartofthisdyingdepressedpopulationthat
sitsaroundandmopesaboutpatheticmindlessidiotswhodontappreciateit.thereareashitloadofpeoplelikeusbabe,
holyivemetsomanyamazingpeoplethathavebenscrewedandtheirbyfarthemostintelligent,strongminded,confident

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

24/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
beautifulsoulsiveeverencounteredandarealloffdoingbetterthings.EverythingDOEShappenforareason.ihavedeep
faithinthat.idontbelieveinloveanymorebutthisshitalwyashappensthenfades..hahayoudontknowhowstrongyou
are,untiluhavenochoicebuttobe.

Riley(notverified)|03/25/10|02:41AM

Link

Ijustwanttosaythatofallthepostsonthissite,thisonemeantthemosttome.Thankyouforremindingmethat
mybigheartisamazinganditisthebest,mostcourageouspartaboutme.Icannotlosefaithinmyheartandthat
someoneonedaywilllovemeforitanditwon'tbebrokenagain.IhopethatIcankeepthebitternessout,but
sometimesitseepsinandtheideaofbeingvulnerableagainandlovingandtrustinganyoneisunthinkable.But
somedayI'llfindmyselfdoingitagain,becauseItrustthatonedaythepayoffisgoingtobesogreat.Keepyourchin
up,andtryandtryandtryeverythinguntilyoufindthesolutionthatfitsyourworld.
Myexdumpedmecompletelyoutoftheblue,too.Hoursbeforehewastalkingaboutourfuture,andthenhecalled
andtoldmethatthereweretoomanydifferencesandtodeleteallofouremailsandphotosandtonevercontacthim
again.IwasinshockbutnowthattheshockhaswornoffIcan'tseemtostopcrying.I'mnauseous,Ican'tfocus,can't
sleep,Ihaveaheadachefromcryingandlackofsleep,andIcanbarelykeepittogetherinpublicoratwork.Andthe
acheinmychestisunbearable.Iknowthatthiswillallpass.I'vegonethroughheartbreaksbefore.Butwhenyoulove
someoneandwhenyouhavetrustedsomeonewithyourheart,andtheydecidethattheydon'twantit,andthey
deleteyoufromtheirlife,it'sneveranylesspainful.I'msadtoletgoofhim.I'msadtoletgoofmyhopesandplans
forthefuture.IfeellikeafailurefornothavingthethingsthatIwantatthispointinmylifeandknowingthatmy
goalsarestillfarfrombeingmet.I'mworriedthatIwon'tevermeetanyonethatwillreciprocatemyfeelingsina
relationship.It'sbeen5yearssincemylastseriousrelationship,andIthoughtthatIhadfoundsomeonethistimeto
spendmylifewith.Hetalkedaboutmarriageandourfuturetogether.Ifeellikeheledmeon.Idofinditharderand
hardertotrusteachtime.Ijustwantsomeonetotellmehowit'sgonnaworkoutforme.IwouldratherknowthatI'm
notgoingtofindromanticlovesothatIcanletgoofthatdreamandfocusonotherthingsinmylife.Butit'sthe
biggestandlongesthelddreamthatIhaveanditwouldbesohardtoletgoof.Ireallydowanttofindaromantic
loveandrelationshipformyself.Ireallywanttosharemylifewithsomeone,andI'mdoingmybesttoacceptthatit's
notgoingtobemyex.
There'salotofbaddaysandnightsthatareahead.Lotsmorepainandemptiness,angeranddespair,questions,
loneliness.EvenafterI'moverhim,therewillstillbeloneliness.ButI'llgetthroughitsomehow.IknowIwill.Youwill
too.

Teresa(notverified)|06/19/11|14:46PM

Link

IamaverypositiveandlovingpersonbutInolongerbelieveinlove.It'sacrockofshit.TheonlypeopleIseewhoseemto
succeedinrelationships(reallysucceed)arepeoplefromthethirdworldwhogetarrangedmarriagesandhavenochoice
buttobehappy.ummHaveyoutriedbuyingaweddingring,someflowers.anddoingsomethingextremelyromanticand
outoftheordinary???uneverknowthatmightwork...(girlslovethingslikethis(ugottashhoowherthatyoutrulyloveher,
andsayitwithmeaning),whichiskindaobvioustome,butidno,forsomereasonimbeginningtothinkthatmostguys
dontrealizethis...)worstcasescenario...weddingringsarerefundableright?

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|06/24/10|02:04AM

IamaverypositiveandlovingpersonbutInolongerbelieveinlove.It'sacrockofshit.TheonlypeopleIseewhoseemto
succeedinrelationships(reallysucceed)arepeoplefromthethirdworldwhogetarrangedmarriagesandhavenochoice
buttobehappy.ummHaveyoutriedbuyingaweddingring,someflowers.anddoingsomethingextremelyromanticand
outoftheordinary???uneverknowthatmightwork...(girlslovethingslikethis(ugottashhoowherthatyoutrulyloveher,
andsayitwithmeaning),whichiskindaobvioustome,butidno,forsomereasonimbeginningtothinkthatmostguys
dontrealizethis...)worstcasescenario...weddingringsarerefundableright?

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|06/24/10|02:04AM

Hi,
Dontgiveuponlove.Ihavebeendatingthesameguyforthepast8years.Hebrokeupwithmethispastweekendinan
email.Iaskedhimtotalktomeaboutitbuthewasinsuchahurrytogohangoutwithfriendsthathebarelygavemefive
minutesafterallofthoseyearstogether.Basicallywhathehadtosaywas,youknewitwascomingandimnotinlove
anymore.Thenjustlikethat,myworldisover.IfeellikeIliterallywanttodiemostdays.Im28yearsoldandliveinsucha
smalltownIfeelasifIwillneverfindanyone.EveryonetellsmeIambeautiful,smart,andoutgoinganditishisloss.I
dontbelievethatthough.WhenIlookatmyselfIseeasap,awasheduphasbeengirlfriendwhohasnothinglefttolive
for.Ididnothingwronginourrelationship.Isatathomewaitingonhimmostofthetimetofindtimetocomeseeme.I
puthimfirstandmadehimmypriorityandlookwhereithasgottenme.Sodontfeelbad,therearegirlsouttherethatfeel
thesamewayyoudoandwhowouldneverdoyoulikeyourgirlhasdoneyoubecausetheyarelikemeandknowwhatit
feelsliketogetyourheartstompedonbyashithead.ImsosorryyoufeelhowIfeelorfelt....hopefullyyouareokbynow
becauseyourpostwasoverayearago.Ifyouwanttotalk...Imhere.Icouldusesomeonetotalktotoo.

Link

Heather(notverified)|05/12/11|14:48PM

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

25/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
it'sbeenamonthnowandicanseenohope.thepainisasrealasdayone.irelatesomuchtoyoursituationcuzit's
wahthappenedtome.iwasthereforhimandhisdaughterwheneverthayneedme,igavehimthebestofmeand
stilliwasblindsidedwhenheendedit.ineversawitcoming,thingswerereallygoodwithus.nowineverhearfrom
him.howcouldpeoplebesocold...hedoesn'tcare!howcouldihavebeensostupid.thishurtslikehellandnothingi
doismakingitbetter.ididnothingwrongintherelationshipandhejustendeditandsaidwecouldtrybeingfriends.
howcouldimovefromlovinghimonedaytojusbeafriendtohim.ifeelsolossandcheated.ididn'tdeservethisbut
yetiendeduphurtingsomuch.ican'teat,can'tsleep,can'tfunctionandheiscarryingonwithhislifelikeinever
existed.iwonderifheeverthinksofmeormissme.ikeephopinghe'llcomebackbutiknowihavetoacceptthatit
won'thappenbutijustdon'tknowhowtomoveon.everyonesaysitwillgetbetterbutican'tseethathappening..we
weresorightforeachother...willthispaineverend!!

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|08/04/11|17:57PM

Itwastherapeutictoreadthisarticle,asIhavebeencryingonandoffforthepastthreedays.Iaminasituationwheremy
husbandofonlyfouryears(althoughwehavebeentogetheratotalof15years)pursuedawomanthatheknewfromhis
teenageyearsandleftmeforher.Irereadthevalentine'sIreceivedfromhim,andtheChristmascardfromlastyear,telling
mehowspecialIwastohimandhowthememorieswehadbuilttogetherweresoimportanttohim.AndthenIfindoutthathe
hadbeenpursuinghisformerchildhoodfriendrightafterIreceivedthevalentine.Ifeelsoused,Ifeelsobetrayed,andIdon't
knowwhyithurtssomuch,becauseIfelthimleavingmementallyforthepasttwoyears.Istupidlybelievedthatwecould"fix"
theproblem.Iamangry,Ihavebeenthroughallofthestepslistedinthearticleabove,buthowlongisthissupposedtolast?I
guessthepainwon'tgoawayuntilIgetridofalltheremindershereinmyhouse.Therearetoomanymemoriesattached.

Link

hurtingstill(notverified)|08/12/09|22:03PM

Firstofall,Iallwaysthoughtiwouldn'getanheartbreak,onlyothers,inmyinocence.
Assaidbefore,thisarticlereallyhelps,andicanrelatewitheveryonehereregardlessofhowmuchtimetheirrelationships
endured.
Ihada1yearrelationship,myfirsttothisdate,andshealwaystoldmethatshewantedgetoldwithme,havekids,thealldeal.
Allofthesudden,toldmethatshedidn'tseeafuturewithme.Iwasshocked,notonlyforsayingthat,butalsofornotgiving
metheoportunitytochange,forthebetter.
Afterreallylovingsomeone,sharingyourthoughts,yourdesires,allofyoursecretesandtobedevotedtosomeone,having
routinesassomeonesaidhere,andit'sallover,youfelllikeyouhavenomorepurposeinlife.
Ididsomerealeffortstogetbacktoher,toshowherthaticouldchange,butinsteadshehookedupwithsomeguy.
Ifsomeonestilllovesyou,theydon'tstarthookingupwithstrangersaweekafter.
Iwasseriouslycommitedtoher,waswithallmyhopesandfocusedto"win",butaftershetoldmethatshehookedup...iwas
andstillaminacompletewreck.
Everyday,andwhileI'mwrittigthis,Ifellaphysicalpaininmyheart.,barelycangetsomesleep,wakeupinthemiddleofthe
night.Ijustwantittostop.
I'minanemotionalandphysicalwreck,feelingcheated,betrayed,disappointed,angryandsadallatthesametime.
Butinall,iguessitwasforthebetter,ifIwastedabunchofyearsbyherside,andshedidthisstunt.,thefeelingoflosswould
probablybealotworst.
Whenyourlikethis,youthinkyourproblemsaretheonesthatmatter,thattheworldwillstopabitforyou.
Therearefarmoreworstthingsthanthis.
Theworstthingyoucando,istoblameyourself.Don'tdoit.There'salotmorepeopleinthisworldthatarewillingtoreallylove
andletbeingloved.Dothingsyouusedtolikedoing,avoiddoingthingsthatremindofheorshe,giveyourselfsometimeand
trytolearnwiththeseexperiences.
.Youwillovercomethisandwillbestrongerthanever.Everyhardshiphastheabilityofmakingyoutougher,
Andthanks,it'sgoodtofeelthatI'mnottheonlyonefeelingthisway.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|08/14/09|04:23AM

iamfeelingthesameexactwayasmostpeoplewhowroteonthispage.theterriblechestpain.....thecrying.....thebetrayal.
everything.butsomethingweirdishappening.thosefivestages.iseemtobeexperiencingallofthematthesametime.ithink
itmighthavesomethingtodowithBipolarDisorder.imnotsurethatihaveit,butihavebeendoingsomeresearchandithinki
might.ifyouhaveanyopinions,letmeknow.thenistumbledontothisarticle.ittouchedmyheartdeeplyandimgladifound
allyouguyswhoarefeelingthiswayaswell.Ifeelbetterjustseeingyou.thankyou

Link

Shane(notverified)|08/30/09|00:46AM

IamfeelingreallybadforwayIbrokeupwithsomeone3yearsago.Thingswerenotworkingouttoowell.Wehadgoodand
badtimes,butslowlyeverysmallthingbecameanissue...AnywaynowIfeelitwaskiddish.Allthosethingsthatbotheredme
weresonotimportantafterall.Last3yearsIhadforgottenabouthimandeverythingthathappened.SuddenlylastweekIgota
callfromhiswife,whichwasshockingsurprise.Shewantedtoknowwhywedidn'tgetmarriedandtoldmehowdepressedhe
wasafterwebrokeup.ThoughIdidn'tsaymuchtothatandthoughtitwasweirdcall,Butithasbeenbotheringme.Inow

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

26/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
realizeIdidn'thandleitwell.Icouldhavedoneitdifferently.HadsomecommunicationbeforeIenededtherelationship.Itwas
anabruptbreakup.
WhenIwaswithhim,IneverunderstoodhisloveandneverappreciatedhisfeelingsandnowIfeelterribleabouthurtinghim.I
neverevenimagined,IwouldfeeltheheartachenowforwhatIdid.
OfcourseIhavemovedonwithmylife,butIhopeInevertreatsomeoneelselikethatagain,especiallysomeonewholovesand
cares.

Anonymous(notverified)|09/09/09|02:03AM

Link

everysingledayforthepast2years.isthereamorescientificnameforitthan'heartbreak'?ibelieveit'smorethanthat.

Anonymous(notverified)|09/14/09|17:10PM

Link

toanonymous9/9/09:Sad?Youfeelsad?Doespostingupheresomehowcompensate?Wow.Doyouhaveanyidea(rhetorical?)
whathappenstoapersonwholet'sdowntheirguardandlearnstoloveandtrustsomeoneonlytohavetheirheartrippedout.
Here'sahintprincess...it'salotworsethanfeelingalittle"sad".
I'llstopnowbeforeiviolatesomeunwritten"huggyfeely"rule.haveaniceday.

Anonymous(notverified)|09/14/09|22:59PM

Link

Hi,Iwouldlikepermissiontoputthisarticleintomyblog^^Iloveit!!!

JunNee(notverified)|10/08/09|15:17PM

Link

Theauthorsgetpaidfortheirworkjustlikeworkingpeopleallovertheworldsoyoucan'ttakeitanduseit
asyourown.Linkstoarticlesherearealwaysnice,ofcourse,andgoodkarma.

HankCampbell|10/08/09|15:20PM

Link

Ijustsufferedabreakupfrommygirlfriendof2years.Ihaveexperienedahorriblepainanditstheworstthingever.Shesays
shestilllovesme.IamconcernedshewillwanttogetbacktogethersometimeinthefuturealthoughIdon'teverwantto
experiencethisagain.I'mafraidifshewantstocomebackthatIwon'tbeabletosaynoanditwillhappenagain.Istillthink
sheisthewomanofmydreamsandlovehersomuch.WhatdoidoifIencounterthatsituation?

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|10/16/09|11:51AM

Wow,itssosupportivetohaveanarticlelikethis,andalltherepetition,whileonotherforumswoulddomyheadin,herejust
helpsforsomeunknownreason.
Ihavebeendumpedrecentlybythemostamazingguy.Ijustfeelthetypicalsenseoflosssickness,hopelessness,defeat,
idiocy,hurtandpaincoupledwiththisenormous'Doh'feelingforlettingmyselfgetinvolvedwithsomeoneIwillneverbeable
toreplaceinanyway!Youknowwhenyouarent'hooked'onthemandyoucanseeitallcomingyouthinktheyaretoo
goodlookingtowanttobewithyou,ortoosmart,ortoowholesomeortoounflawedbutyournothookedyetsoyouthinkyou
canwalkawayatanytime..uptilthepointwheretheywalkawayfirstandyoufindthattheyreallyhavehookedyouandthose
hooksaredraggingyourheartfromyourbodydownthestreetthroughthemud,rainpuddlesanddirt...thatskindofhowIfeel
now.
Iwishtoturntheclockbackeveryday,IwakeupandrelishthefifteensecondsofeverydaywhereIhaventyetrememberedthe
nightmarethatlifehasbecome,Imafraidtogotothegym,asIhavetohavemymindoccupiedconstantlyandrunningonthe
trweadmilljustendsupinfantasiesofmehavinglostallmyrelationshipweightandbeingreallyglaminaplacewherehewalks
inandsees..thenIhavetokickmyselfcosIknowevenifhedidhewouldprobjustwalkstraightpastme..
Geez,,whendidIbecomesopathetic..ImsogladtoknowIamnotalone.We'llgetthroughthispeople!becausewehaveno
choice.lifegoeson.
Anyway,Ihearditsjustanaddictiontodrugslikedopamineandoxytocinthatarereleasedwhenyourinloveandthensuddenly
stopwhenyougetdumpedorwhatever...
IwishIdnevermethim..

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|10/27/09|15:26PM

IhaveabestfriendthatisaguyandIamagirl..andwestartedoutbeingfriendsthreeyearsagoandwegotreallycloseover
thoseyearsandIstarteddevelopingfeelingsforhim,andthereweretimeswhereIthoughthefeltthesamewayandhedid
somewhatbutwebothbelievedinstayingbestfriendsandnotlettingarelationshipruineverythingbuthealwayshadme
believingthateventhoughwewerejustfriendsnowthatwewouldeventuallyenduptogetherupuntilrecentlyhemetthis
girl..thatremindshimofmewhenheandIfirstmetandhetellsmethathedidlikemewhenhefirstmetmebutIalreadyliked
anotherguyatthattimeandwehadstarteddatingsoonafterihadmetmybestfriend.itreallyhurtsbecausehemadeitclear

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

27/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
thatheandiwillonlybefriendshedoesn'thavethesamefeelingsasIdoforhim.Justknowingthatbestfriendsisallwewill
everbejustkillsmeandIhavebeencryingalldaytryingtogetoverthishurt..andIjustdon'tknowhowIamevergoingto
reallygetthroughitbecauseIknowitwillprobablyhurtwhenwehangoutagainandthatgirlisaround.Ican'tstophanging
outwithhimbecauseitmakesmefeelevenworse..it'slikeIneedtobewithhimevenjustasfriends...atleast.soIstillhave
himheisstillthereformebutwhydoIkeepcryingandfeelingsuchasenseofloss?

Anonymous(notverified)|10/29/09|21:25PM

Link

Icantotallyrelatetoyou.Mysituationisverysimilartoyours.Ihavethisguyfriendwholikedmeandwantedtodate,but
Ididn'tlikehimlikethat.Notatfirstthatis.OvertimesomethingjustclickedandIknewthatIdidhavefeelingsforhim.
Wewouldtalkliterallyallnight.ThethingisthatIbasicallyliedtomyselfandtoldhimthatIlikedhimonlyasafriend
whendeepdownIknewIdidn't.Iwasafraidthatourfriendshipwouldchangeandofjusttakingthatnextstep.WhatI
saidIwanted....tobefriends...iswhatIgotbecausehegotagirlfriendbythetimeIwasreadytotellhimhowItrulyfelt.
Itwastoolate.IregreteveythingthatIdid,forgoingagainstandfightingmyfeelings.ThisisthefirsttimeIhavefelt
heartbroken.It'ssoenbearablebutIjustpraytoGodandknowthatIamabetterpersonnowbecauseIhavelearnedso
manythingsthehardway,butthegoodthingisthatIwon'tmakethesamemistakestwice.

Anonymous(notverified)|01/30/11|10:17AM

Link

I'msogladtobeabletofindastorythatisverysimilartomine.I'veknownthisguy(mycoworker)foralittleless
than2years.Aboutayearintoknowinghim,IrealizedIslowlydevelopedsmall,innocentfeelingsforhim,butIwas
convincedhedidnotfeelthesameaboutme.However,onedayoutofnowhere,hewantedtotalktome,andturned
outheconfessedallthefeelingshehashadforme&toldmehehasnotfeltlikethisaboutanyoneinaverylong
time.Iwasshocked,surprised,andtotallydidnotseeitcoming.Atthattime,Iliedtohim,toldhimIdidnotfeelthe
sameway,butmainlybecauseIwasstupid,foolish,andtoochickentoadmitmyowntruefeelingsforhim.Three
monthswentbyandwecontinuedtomaintainaverygoodfriendship(withsomesmallflirtations)andIwascontent
withbeingjustfriends,eventhoughdeepdownIwasyearningforsomethingbeyond"justfriends"butonceagainI
wastooscaredtoadmitmyfeelings.ANDthenallofasuddenonedayatworkhedidnottalktome,didnotlookat
me,andmadeitobvioushedidnotwantmeanywherenearhim.Iwasdevastatedandconfused.Iaskedhimwhat
waswrongbuthejustignoredme.Thiswentonforthenext3monthsuntilourcompanycloseddown.Intheend,we
neversaidgoodbye,Ineverknewwhathappenedbetweenus,andlateronIfoundouthemovedoverseas.That's
whenIknewIwouldnevereverbeabletoseehimagain....
ThereasonwhyithurtsooomuchformeisbecausethisisthefirsttimeinmylifewhereIfound&metsomeonethat
Ireallyreallylike,butnowEVERYTHINGistoolate.Icontinuallycriedmyselftosleepatnight.Iwillneverbeableto
forgivemyselffornottellinghimhowIreallyfelt.ThisregrethaspainedmesomuchthatIsometimesjusteither
blamemyselfforitorhatehimforunexpectedlyendingourfriendshipthisway.Ijustwishhimthebestwhereverhe
isrightnow&maybeonedayinthissmallworldourpathswillcrossagain....

h.k(notverified)|12/04/11|22:20PM

Link

It'sbeenayearandahalf,sinceIwasdumpedonmybirthday.Theworstoftheheartbreaklastedatleastfourmonths.The
achingcomesandgoestothisday.Thegirlwhodumpedmewassorryaboutputtingmethroughallthatlateron,especiallyon
mybirthday.Butforsomereason,sorryisn'tenough.Ican'tbringmyselftoforgiveher.Whenwehangouttogetherasfriends,
sometimesIfeellikeIloveheragain,andsometimesIfeelnothingbuthatredforher.Bothfeelingsscaremeindifferentways.
Whenwe'reapart,it'sfarmoreeasytojusthateher.Thewholeacceptanceandmovingonstageofheartbreakstillhasn't
happenedtomeyet,afterayearandahalf.Whatitcamedowntowasjustnotbeingabletoforgiveher,stillfeelingwronged
andvictimized,nomatterhowmuchsheapologizedandwantedtobefriendsagain.Ifeelguiltyfornotbeingabletoforgive
her.She'sdoneeverythingshecantomakeupforit.Butit'snotenough.Ifeelasifonlyseeinghersufferasmuchasshemade
mesufferwouldmakeitenoughformetoforgiveher.Andthenagain,maybeitstillwouldn'tbeenough.Idon'tknow.
She'sleftmewithscars.AgirlfriendisoneofthethingsIwantmostinthewholeworld,andyetatthesametime,Iamtoo
terrifiedtogooutandfindonebecauseIdon'twanttobehurtagain.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|11/03/09|04:33AM

Dontfeelguiltyfornotforgivingher.afterwhatshedidtoyousheshouldntevenbetryingtohangoutwithyouandbe
friendsagain.anextremeapologywouldsuffice.thefactsthatshesnotsmartorunselfishenoughtonottrytobefriends
withyouandtokeepherdistancefromyouforyoursakejustspellsoutthatshesnotworthyenoughofyourforgiveness.
mypointiskindaattheendbut...mylovebrokeupwithme"outofnowhere"andhascalledme5timessince(itsbeen
twomonths).thelasttime,hewantedtohangoutwithme.Needlesstosay,icouldtellhewasabitdrunk,anditwas
about5indmorning.butbesidesallthat.iwasunsureofwhyhewantedtocomeover...sumnegativethoughtswentthru
myhead..iregretnotaskinghim..why?..butatthesametimeitmightbeforthebest....irepliedbysaying,whydontyou
comeovertomorrownight?neventuallyhewaslikealright,illcallyoutomorro(whichneverhappend,asisuspected)no
matterhowmuchiwanthim,howmuchilovehim,howhappyiwouldbetohavehimcomeback.idontseethepointinit
unlesshereallygoesoutofhisway....theroses,theapologies,andsomethingelse,somethinggreaterand....just
somthingthatreallyshowsthathemeansitwithhisheart,andthatheswillingtogotheextramileforme.otherwise...i
dontseeanythinggoodcomingoutofit.imean...ifhereallywantedmeback(eventhoughhescalld5times)howcome
hesnothererightnow,and...howcomehehasntdoneanythinggreater,thanalousydrunkenphonecallat5indamornin.
iwantamanthatwilldomoreformethanthat(eventhoughhedtoldmebefore"illdoanythingforyou"hmmph,yeahh

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

28/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
right,fuckinliarsryhadanaggressivemomentther)(letmecorrecctmyself,iwantHIM,withallofmyheartbodysoul,
butiwantandwishmorethananything,forhimtodosomethingcrazy,romantic,andgotheextramileforme)iwanthis
love,iwanttofeellovedbyhim..whichissomethingthatilackedduringtherelationshipaswell...eventhohetoldmehe
lovedmeandineverreallydidtohim,butimprettysureheknewidid...anyways,thepointbeyondallthisis...imsmart
enoughtonotdosometingstupidlikethatwhenivebrokensomeonesheart.howcometheseretardswannacallor"be
friends"withoutgoingallthewayout.imean,theresnopointinfurthercommunication,unlessitstogivetheperson
exactlywhattheywant,ifnotmore.SAVETHEAPOLOGIESFORTHEAFTERHEARTBREAK,ANDTHENWAITAFEWMONTHS
MORE.funnythingis,theguywhobrokemyheartbeforehim(ididntlovehim,ificanevencallitlove,nearenoughasi
didmylast)apologizedtomethesamedayaftermylovebrokeupwithme,anditfeltgoodtohearhisapology,butit
didnthurtor(basicallyiwasalreadyoverhim,andrealizeditevenmorethen)hadheapologizedsooner,imnotsurewhat
theoutcomewouldhavebeen...

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|06/24/10|02:57AM

Rightnowi'mseperatedfrommymanandIdonothingbutcryandIjustpusheveryoneawayandIdon'tmeantoitjust
happens.BeingawayfromhimripsmetopiecesandIcan'tstandit.Myheartliterallyfeelslikeithasawholeinit.Notkidding
itfeelslikerightinthecenterofmyheartsomeonetookashovelandholloweditout.Myheadisnumb,everythingIeatmakes
mesickbutIcan'tstopeating,Ican'tsleepbuti'msoexhausted.Ifeellikei'vebeenshovedintoadarkholeandwhenIhitthe
bottomoftheholeeveryboneinmybodywasshattered.IthinkmyheartbreakisveryseverebutIdon'twanttogotothe
doctororanything,thisarticlehelpedmeunderstandalittleaboutwhat'sgoingonwithme.Thankyou.

EmilyWright(notverified)|11/11/09|20:20PM

Link

Ihadmyheartbrokenbackin2001&itneverhealed.Forthemostpart,thepainisstillasbadasitwasbackthen,evenworse
actually,mylife&spirithavebeendestroyed,Idonotspeakwithmostoffamilyanymore,myfriendshaveadifferentviewof
me&Ihaveneverreallybeenabletomakeadecenthomeformyself.Iamamaninmylate20s,somesideeffectsofmy
depressionincludebaldness(nooneoneithersideofmyfamilyeverwentbald),laziness,slightweightgain&occasionalchest
(heart)pain.Ijustwanttoleavemymessagetoletpeopleknowtimedoesnotalwaysheal.

Anonymous(notverified)|12/25/09|12:41PM

Link

Iagree,timedoesnotalwaysheal,I'vespentthelast4monthscryingoverthemanIlove.Ican'teat,sleep,Ihaven'teven
beentowork.TheonlyreasonIevengetoutofbedinthemorningsisbecauseIhaveachild.I'mbroken,destroyedandI
havenoideahowtogetrightagain.Andthesaddestpartis,Iamgettinghelpwhichisn'tdoinganygood.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|12/30/09|03:00AM

geewhatawaytogivesomeonehope...nobutseriously,timemaynotheal,asyousay,andihopeforthefuckinmostits
nottrue,otherwisewhatsthepointingoingon.butwhatiwonderis...willtimemaybemakeanewpossibilityatrekindling
love.thisissomethingikindahope,sometimesmorethanothers.wearebothyoung,maybewhenwereolder,aremore
mature,haveenoughmoneytodosomthingwithit.....idno...ineverthoughtidsaythis,butimnotsureifieverevenwant
tobeinloveagain,wsomeoneelse,.ivelostmost,ifnotall,myfaithinlove.itsnotthatidontbelieveinit,imeaniam
deeplyinloverightnow,duh!,butitsjustthatidontbelieveinitevermakingit.intheloveeverbeingmutualenoughto
lastthrutime.intherebeinga50/50,bothtreatingeachotherwithutmostrespect,honesty,kindness,fairness,etc.ive
treatedallmyboyfriendsasgoodasicould,wellnotthebest(butthiswasinresponsetothem)whiletheyalltreatedme
prettybad,inonewayoranother,atonetimeoranother.itreatedthemallbetterthantheytreatedme....andwell....i
justdontbelieveinitbeingpossibleanymore....andmorethanthat,imreallyscaredattakingasecondchance.thisisthe
firsttimeiveeverreallygivenupimjustgonnaquitramblingontho....p.s.isthereanymarriagesouttherethathave
lastedthrutime,andtheycanbothsaytheyrestillbothmadlyinlovewitheachother?iwannaheartheessestories!

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|06/24/10|03:13AM

Greatpost...
IlikehowAshleydoesn'thesitatetogointothephsysiolgyof"heartbreak".
Culturallyithasbeenseenastaboototalkaboutsuchprofoundtopicsinvolvinglovefromaphysicalor"logical"perspective.
Lookingatitfromanemotional,physicalandlogicalpointofviewhelpsyouunderstandwhatishappeningtoyou.
Allofusthathavegonethroughprofoundheartbreakknowhowconflicting,erraticanddarkourinnerworldcanbecome...
Itcanbealmostscarytoseeyourselfinsuchastate...Especiallybecausethereisalwaysthatfeelingthatitmayalwaysbethat
way.
Hereisapostaboutsometechniquesyoucanusedealwiththephysicaleffectsofheartbreak,
http://getoverhernow.com/blog/ascientificallyprovenwaytocureheartb...

Link

DanDennick(notverified)|01/14/10|16:58PM

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

29/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak

hey..imfirsttimereadinganarticleoverheartbreakpsychology.ihadaheartbreakindecember2006..itsbeenaround3
years..therelationshipwiddisguywasjustfr4daysbutwehadbeenfriendsbeforedatfr4months.hesuddenlybrokeoffwid
nogoodreasonsnexplanation.iws18thattime.idintaskforanyreasons..ithotiwilljstforgetdissmallincidentnkeptmy
lifegoingasbeforethisincidentiwasattractive,enthusiasticnabrightperson.butnothingasithothappened.slowlyistarted
losinginterestsinmystudies,igotskepticaboutguys,ibeganlosingmyfriends..andinthreeyearssituationgotonlyworse.he
isinmycollegeandinmyclass..andtillthisdateifeeluncomfortablewhileheisaroundme..idesperatelywanttofeel
confidentinfrontofhim,iwanttomakehimregretoverhisdecision,.butifinditverybadthinkingmyselflikedis.ifindmyslf
overcomingthetrauma..butmnotfullyoverhim.hispresencestilllingers.
idatedaguyforlastoneyear..helovesmealot,butheisnotattractiveasmyex,aftrspendingayearifoundmyselfstill
occupiedwiththefellingsofmypreviousbf..soibrokeupwithhimnnowmsingleagain.thatheartbreakstilldisturbs..ifind
mlifemovingon.igottamakemycareer,ineedtomakeamarkinthisworld,thoughoccupiedwithhisfeelingmmovingonina
hopeiwilllearnonedaytothrivethelivenlearntolivebig.:)

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|01/27/10|11:30AM

HiAll,
mypreviouspostwasason04/27/09(vish).
ijustwantedtoprovideanupdateonmystatus.mybriefflirtationwithlovedidnotendinapril(mylastpost.)itwentupto
august.briefperiodswhenshewouldflirtwithmeovermessages,andthenjustkeepaway,andthenstartcommunicatingagain
anddrivemeinsane.andallalongshesawmejustasafriend.sofinallytowardsaugustendisentaheramessagesayingshe
wasjustusingmefortimepass,andshesimplysaidIwasoverreacting.maybeiwas.becausenotoncehadshesaidthatshe
feltanythingspecialforme.butallalongshejustkeptflirting.imeanyoucansenseitwhenyouareinteractingwithsomeone
astowhethertheyaresizingyouupasapotentialpartner.ormaybeiwasjustcrazilyhopingthatshefeltthesamewayabout
me.(andidontthinkiamthekindofpersonwhowilldothat:i.eifiknewsomeonewasinlovewithme,andidintfeelthe
samewayabouther,theniwouldn'tkeepcommunicatingandgiveherthefalsehopethatsomethingmightblossom).soido
holdthegrudgeagainstherforhavingplayedwithme.
anywaysinlateaugust,wejuststoppedcommunicating(afterthatmessgwhereiaccusedherofmanipulating),andstrangelyi
dintfeeldepressed.andiknewthenthatihadsnappedoutofherspell.yaoccassionallyidocheckoutherprofileonfacebook
toseewhatsupinherlife(andtocheckherrelationshipstatus),butifeeliammostlyoverit.
4monthsittookmetosnapoutofit.butihavesurvivedanotherheartbreak.infactwhenirereadmyaprilposticantbelieve
thatifellsuchdespairovera3monthrelationshipwherenocommitmentwasevermade!!!iamamadromantic.
otherupdates/progressinmylifethathasprobablyhelpedmegetoveritisthatiappliedformyMBAatafewplacesandthis
yearIfinallymadeit...ifthingsworkout(finance,visa),thenishouldhopefullyenrolthisaugust.(tocuhwood!!,fingerscrossed
!!!).
sorightnowlifeseemsgoodonceagain(tillthenextheartbreak).
thepointofthispostistocheerupmyfellowmateswhosharedinmymiseryandgrief.ijustwantedtosayplease
hanginthere,andthingswillbrightenupagain.
warmregards,
vish

Link

vish(notverified)|02/08/10|09:22AM

Ithankualltremendously...mygfof7months...thefirstgirliveeverlovedrecentlydumpedme...andhookedupwithsumone
elsetheexactdayiwasgoingtobegtohertotakemeback(valentinesday)...isawmyselfgoingthrougheverystageand
knowingwhyissurelyanenhearteningthingforme...afterreadingthisarticleandallofthesecomments...ifeellighter...
happy...forthefirsttimein2months...thankuashleycoxandthankuall...ifanyonewouldliketospeakoftheirproblems...
maybewecanshareexperiences...ormaybejustsumhumancomforting...ucanemailmeatthedogshit1@live.comorjust
commentonthisbelow...p.s.thisismynewhomepage:)

Link

eligh(notverified)|02/16/10|23:16PM

I'mwritingthistogetsomeadviceofmyneverendingstoryofmylife.Ok,Imetthisguyayearago,everythingseemedsogood
thefirst7monthsuntilIfeltthatsomethingwasnotright.Hebecameverydistanttothepointhewouldn'tevenanswerhis
phone...Andhisexcusewas"ohIwaswithmybrotherandIleftmyphoneinhiscar."Somethingjustdidnotfeelright.One
nightwhenIwascryingmyeyesout(Iwasconfusedonwhattothink)IcalledafriendofmineandtoldhimwhatIwasgoing
thru,aftertellinghimheaskedwhatmybfs'namewasandtoldhim...BeforethatIhadmentionedtohimwhereheworked..He
immediatelyputtwontwotogether,hetoldmeheknewwhomybfwasbutwasn'ttohappy.Afewdayslaterhetoldmehehad
somethingimportanttotellmeaboutmybf.Hetoldmethathisgoodfriendhadbeeninarelationshipwithmybfforthepast
couplemonths.Iimmediatelyshutdown,Iwassomadanddisappointed.Ididnotevenwanttothinkaboutit,Ithoughtmy
friendwasjustmakingitup,Ithoughttomyselfitcan'tbethatmuchofasmallworldsoIleftitatthat.Weeksgoby,Ikeepon
gettingacoldsideofmybf.OnedaywhileatworkIreceivedthisrestrictedcallonmycellphone...Itwasaguyaskingmewho
Iwas,naturallyItoldhimhewastheonecallingmesohehastotellmewhoheis...Heanswered,gavemehisnameandtold
mehehadgotnmynumberfromhis"boyfriends"cellphonewhilehewasasleep.Hethentoldmethattheyhadbeenina
relationshipforthepastyearandhewentonandon.HeeventoldmethattheyhadreservationsataVegashotelforhis(my
bf)birthday.Iwasinshock.Iconfrontedmybfaboutitandhedenieditall...Sayingit'sallalie.Laterthateveninghetoldme
hehadcalledhissuppsely"exbf"andthathehastoldhimhenevercalledmeatall.Mybftoldmethathisexbfevencriedto

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

30/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
himtellinghimthathenevercalledmeandsoonandon.Ididn'tknowwhattothinkaboutit,Iwastooinlovewithmybfto
believeeverythingthatwassaid.Nowhisbirthdaywas5daysaway.Iwasatworkfeelingsadandhadtocallhimtosayhi...We
spokeforapprox1hour(thruourconversationIkepthearingzippersclosinginthebackroundalmostasifitcamefromhim
closingluggage)andattheendhetoldmehewouldcallmebacklaterbutnevercalled.Thenextday,beingallthoughtfulI
wentshoppingforhisbirthdaygift,IwasunsureonwhattogethimsoIcalledhim,heansweredandaskedhimhisgift
prefferance...Herushedtheconversationandtoldmejusttogethimanythingandwehungup.LaterthateveningIcalledhim
againtosayhibutnoanswer,Itriedtextinghimandcallinghimthroughtheeveningbutnoresponseatall..AtthatpointIwas
scaredthathehadgonetoVegaslikehisexbfhadtoldme...Ibegancryingnfeltsobetrayed..Iinsistedoncallingntexting
himbutnoresponse.ThatwholenightIcouldnotgetanysleepbecauseofeverythingIwasthinking.ThenextdayIattempted
tocallhimagainbutthistimeallcallswerebeingforwardedtohisvoicemail.AtthatpointIevengotmoreemotional.Anyhow,
Ididnothearbackfromhimuntil3dayslater,hecalledmefromhisworkandtoldmethathehadtogetawayforafewdaysto
hismomshouse(wholives1hraway)andthathecouldn'treceiveanycallsbecausehisphonewasbrokennthat'swhyhewas
callingmefromhisworksphone.InsideIfeltsosadalmostwantingtocrybutcouldn'tbecauseIwasatwork.Hisbdaycameby,
Itookhimtodinner,Icouldsencethathewasn'tallthere...Wethenwenttomycarandhekissedmeandtoldmehowmuchhe
lovedme.Ifeltsosadwithwhathewasdoingtome.Ifinallyconfrontedhim,toldhimthatIknewhehadgonetovegaswith
hisexbf....Icriedashedinieditall.Herepeatedlystatedhowmuchhelovedme...IwassoinlovewithhimthatIoverlooked
atthesituation.Thenextdayhecalledmeandinvitedmetogooutwithhimtoabar.Wewent,thewholetimetherehekept
onlookingateveryone,almostasifwaslookingforsomeoneinparticular...Igotalittleintoxicatedandconfrontedhimby
askinghimwhohewaslookingfor..Herushedoutofthebarleavingmebehind.Ifollowedhimindirectiontomycar.Once
insidethecarIbgancrying((Iwasinsomuchpain)hethenaskedmetostartheadingoutandtodrophimoffhome.I
immediatelyrespondedtohimNO,I'mwaytoointoxicatedtostartdriving...Ithenlostitandconfrontedhimagainabouthis
vegastrip...Hefinallyadmittedtomethathedidgo...Butjustwentbecauseheneededtogetoutforafewdays...Ifeltlikethe
worstthingever.HethenstatedtomethatIwastheonehelovedandhehadgonetovegaswithhisexbfjustasfriends...I
knewhewaslyingtomesoIaskedhimtogetoutofmycar..Repeatedlytoldhimandhewouldnot..HekeptshoutingthatI
waswrongbecauseIwasgoingtoleavehimoutonthestreetsat2amfarawayfromhome(approx1n30minsfromhishouse).
ItfeltsogoodbutatthesametimeIfeltsadaboutmysituation.HenevergotoutofthecarsoIwalkedoutofthecar...andsat
onthecurbcrying..Ididn'tbelievewhatwashappeningtome.Whileoutonthecurbhekeptburningupmyphone.Ifinally
sobereddownandwentbackinthecar...Ibegandrivinghome...heinsistedtometopleaseforgivehim...Ilovedtheguyway
toomuchsoIdecidedtoforgivehim..MonthshavepastbutIstilldon'ttrusthimatall.I'mstillinlovewiththisguybutIfeel
likehe'skillinmesofly.Irecentlybegannoticingchangeinhim,he'sactngverydistantbuthisexcuseisthathiswrkingtoo
much.Hestatestomethathelovesmenitdrivesmecrazybecauseidontknowifhesbeinghonestornot.!Idon'tknowwhatto
do,IfeellikeIcan'tgivehimupnit'stakingatollonmylifeseverely.IacceptthefactthatIambeingblindedbyhiswordsbut
Iamtooattachedtohim.Pleaseanyadvise?

Anonymous(notverified)|02/22/10|03:44AM

Link

Thankyouforwritingthispost.Itistrulyhonestandbeautiful.Igoogledheartbreakdepressionandlandedonthispage
ofScientificBlogging.Whenallemotionsrunrampant,Itrytoanswerthemwithlogic.Thishelpsinknowingthatthemind
isequallyasstrongasmyheart.IfindbalanceinthinkingthatI'mbetterlivinghappy.Abigpartofthehappinesswas
fromthewonderfulexperienceIhadwithmyrelationship.Itwastrue.ItmademefeelgoodthatIcouldmakeadifference
insomeone'slife.Now,thetimehaspassedandheishappierwithoutthecommitmentofmarriage.Wewouldhavemade
agreatpairifhewaswillingtoequallysacrificeforthebettermentofourlivestogether.Istillconsiderhimtobea
blessing.Ablessingthatisinevitablysad,howeverIknowthatourgoalsdidnotalignandgoalsareimportantinastable
relationship.
Mostimportantly,nomatterhowgreatloveis,itisfar,farbetterwhenitisreturnedatthesametimeitisgiven,inequal
measure.Giveyourselfanopportunityriseaboveitandset"Good"goalsforyourself.ie.,Iwillnotcallfor1week,follow
throughbybuyingyourselfsomethingnice.Thensetanothergoal.Thepointbeingthatyourattentionshouldbeplaced
uponyourself...whereitisneededthemostnow.
Don'tletthemconsumewhoyouareanddon'tforcetheotherpartyintowhoyouwantthemtobe.Thatisnotwhyyoufell
inloveinthefirstplace.Loveiskind,youshouldalwaysforgivebutthatdoesnotmeanyouhavetoforget.Learnfromthis.
Trainyourselfandtheotherpersontoavoidthesamepitfall.Iforgive,IlovebutIcan'tletmyselfrepeatthispainover
andoverandoveragain.Don'tforgettoforgiveyourselfwhenyoustopcalling!
Mirrorhisemotionsandshowhimwhatthequalityofhisloveisdoingtoyou.Bestrong,bepatient,andaboveall,begood
toyourself.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|02/28/10|17:08PM

Iwouldliketoaddmyperspectivetothispainfultopicwhicheveryoneexperiencesatonetimeintheirlifeoranother.
Thereisnopainworsethanheartbreak.Itislikethesoulsomethingnonphysicalisbeingcontinuallytornapartfromwithin.
It'struethattimehealsmanythings,butsometimesinlifewedon'tgetoverthingstheyaretoopainful,thebestwecanhope
foristolearntolivewithit.Youwillknowifyourlossissomethingyoucangetoverorlivewith.
Painisaresponsetoloss.Everyoneexperiencesloss.Thatisthenatureoflifeeverythingistemporary,transitory,
impermanentdespitewhatwe'dliketothink.Buddhistswouldsaypaincomesfromattachmentandtocultivateasenseofnon
attachment.Thiscanbehardtodo,butasbabies,oursurvivaldependsonattachmenttoourmother.
Ibelievethemeaningofpainandheartbreakistohelpusdevelopempathyanunderstandingofothers'painandloss.There
areMANYMANYpeopleinthisworldexperiencingunbelievablepainlookatwarravagedpeopleforexample.Theirpainto
manyothersisunbearable.Foryourpain,thereisalwayssomeonewhohaslessormorepainyourpainisneverthemostpain
anyonehassuffered.ThisiswhysupportgroupscanhelppeoplewhounderstandyourTYPEofpain.

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

31/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
TheotherpurposeofpainandheartbreakistoMAKEYOURSELFABETTERPERSONsothatyouNEVERinflictthetypeofpainor
heartbreakyou'refeelingonanother.Whichleadsmetomynextpoint.Incrediblethoughitmaysound,thereisapainworse
thanheartbreaktheknowingthatyouhavecausedanotherpainandheartbreak.Tryandimaginethat.Iknowsomeonewho
killedachildbyaccidentontheroadwhoraninfrontofhercarfromoutofnowhere.Imaginewhatsortofpainthatperson
feelsknowingshetookthelifeofsomeoneanothermother'schild?
Painisaresourceourdeepestuntappedwell,forgrowthandlearning.Wecangrowfromandthroughourpain.

Link

themeaningofheartbreak(notverified)|03/11/10|01:25AM

Ifeeleveryone'spain.Heartbreakisafeelingnoonehas.Icouldn'teat,sleep,orthinkabouthowmylifeisgoingtobe.Ijust
recentlygotmyheartbrokenlastweek.MygirlfriendandIhavebeeninarelationshipfor7years.Twoweeksagoshewentona
littlevacationtogoseeherparentsinalaska.Inormallylethergoaloneonthesefamilytripsbecauseihavetoworkandno
onewillbeabletowatchoverourtwolittledogs.Wellwhathappendwas,shewastalkingtothisguywhowasalongtime
friendfromhighschool.Iknewtheguybecausewewenttothesamehighschool.HewasinmygirlfriendsJapaneseclass.I
thoughtnothingofitbecauseiknewwhothisguywasandthoughtofitjustasfriendsInstantmessaging/textmessaging.She
tellsmethateverytimeshegoesbacktoalaskaherparentsarestrictandalwayswantshertobehomeandspendtimeat
home.Iunderstoodthat,becauseitssomewhattrue.Shetoldmethatshewantedtoenjoythetripthistime,soshesgoingto
stayatafriendshouseforanightortwoandhavefun.Wellitturnsoutshewasgoingtostayatherfriendshouse(theguyshe
wastalkingto).Againididn'tthinkmuchofit,ihadabadfeelingbecauseitsanotherguy,butitrustedherforalltheseyears.
Alsobecauseiknewwhothisguywas,andineverthoughttheywouldhavesomethingforeachother.Whileshesonvacation,i
getaquestionfromanonlinefriendofmineabouthisrelationshipproblems.Hisissuewas,whatshouldhedobecausehis
girlfriendisspeakingtootherguysontheinternet.Itoldhimthathisgirlfriendisaneasypreyfortheseguysspeakingtoherif
shehasproblemswithyouandneedssomeonetohearthem.Welllittledidiknow,thiswasmysameproblem.Mygirfriend
confessestomeaftershecamebackthatshefeltlovedthatanotherguywaslisteningtoher,complementingheronhowshe
lookedanditfeltgreattohearthesekindsofthings.Sosheinthemomenthadkissedtheotherguy.Iwasemotionlessatfirst,
ididn'tknowwhattosay,whattodo,whattothink.Iwasblackedoutforaminute.Icouldn'teventakeinwhatshewassaying
after,becauseijustfroze.7years,afterallthesacrificesimadeeverythingthatihavedoneforher.Wejustboughtahouse
togetherbecauseweplannedonlivingtogetherforever,Whenshewasgoingtoschooligotafulltimejobtosupportus.Put
foodonthetable,haveaplacetolive.Everythingididwastomakeherhappy.Itfeltlikeitwasallawaste.Ijustwantedto
crawlintoablackholeandnevercomeout.Ihaveneverdoneherwrong.Ineverlookedatotherwomen,watchporno,cheat,do
anythesekindsofthingsjustforher.Sheismyfirstlove,firstkiss,firsteverythingieversharedwithanotherperson.It'sjust
hardtodealwiththeseemotionsbecauseifeelasifimsuckeddryandshesgoingtoleavemewithexcusesaboutmissingher
family.Itjustreallyhurtsbecauseittookmeoverayeartogetonekissfromher(whichihadtomakethemove).Anditonly
tookanotherguy1daytodowhichshemadeamoveon.That'swhathurtsmethemostoutofthisheartbreakishowsomeone
coulddosomethingicouldn'tdointhatamountoftime.Bothofourmothershavebeencheatedon,andithoughtshewouldbe
thelastpersonwhoeverdosomethinglikethis.Imabletoforgiveher,anditsjustthestart.Butitsveryhardtoevertrusther
again.Icryatnightbecauseofmyheartbreak.Ithoughtiwasatoughguy,butthisisapainimnotabletoendure.i'mjustglad
imnottheonlyonewhofeelslikethis.

Link

JJ(notverified)|03/21/10|10:11AM

Thissiteisamazing.Iam24yrsoldjustfinishingcollege,andhavebeenthroughanunbelievableamountofhearbreakoverthe
pastfewyears.Myfirstboyfriendmyfirsteverythingat17,fr7years,didntwanttochange.ikeptleavinghimicouldnttakehis
shit.andthenhedecidedtocheatandbewithagirlwhoacceptedhispatheticassfornotworkingorhavinganypurposeinlife.
Ithoughtiwasgoingtodie.Thistimearound,ayearago,ifeelforaguywhoadoredme.absolutelyadoredmelikenoother.
Hehadaroughpast,diddrugs,clubs,sleptaroundallthisnonsensebuthepromisedmehewouldbedifferent.Andhewas.he
wasamazing.Igacehimaveryhardtimebecauseiwantedtoknowhisheartwasreallywithme.Comesummertime,hedida
360.alwaysleftmeathishousealonewhilehewentoutandpartied,noideawherehewas,treatedmebadoffandon.Hewas
EXTREMELYmoodyandiguessyoucouldsaybipolar.Ididntunderstandwhatwasgoingon.wereoffandon.hewouldalways
chasemewhenIwouldbreakupwithhim.Thefirsttimehecriedinhismomsarms.thefewtimsafterthat,hechasedmeabit
andIdtakehimback.Onouroneyear,hebrokeupwithmeinthemrning.absolutelykilledme.Ifoundneedlesinhisroom.
apparentlyhehadbeendoingdrugshalfwaythroughourrelationshipandneededhelp.anddidntwantmetobearoundforitto
seehimgothroughthis.Keptadmittinghisfaults.thenagainthegamesbeganandhechasedme.Irecentlyshuthimoutand
hewentbizerk.igaveinyesterdayandnoresponse.Heignoredmelikeusual.Ihavealwaysbeenthereforhimandhesonly
thereformewhenitsuitshim.Ilovehimbutitisfading.Ivneverfeltthiswayaboutanyone.Ivelostweight,Idonteatenough,
Idontsleepatall.Butiamkeepingmyselfbusy.Workingoutalot,eatingmoreandhealthier,jutgoingoutandrunning,
keepingintouchwithfriends.thekeyistoKEEPYOURSELFBUSYNOMATTERWHAT.Iknowweallfeelaloneandithurtsbut
rememberspaceoccurssochangecanhappen!!ijustlookuppositiveinspirationalquotesanditkeepsmegoing..
Itshardandimsorryweallhavetogothroughthisbuteverythinghappensforareasonrememberthat.andkarmaisabitchi
promiseyouall.Imgoingtoprintoutpositivequotestomorrowandpastethemonmywallsoiwakeupandseethemeveryday
tokeepmemotivated.ihadtodothisexactlyayearago.sameshit.heartbrokenandhadtomotivatemyself.well,herewego
again.Wewillallmakeitthrough.wecannotbevictimslikesomany,wemustbestrong.wemustkeepinthesunlightandbring
ourownsunshinewhereverwegoaspainfulasthisis,wewillsurvive.
thinkaboutthedamagestresscausesus.whogivesashitabouttheseidiotsthathurtusimeantheirnotgnnahaveheart
problems,butwewill.whybother?lifeisshortanditsbeautiful.wemustenjoyit!<3

Link

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

Riley(notverified)|03/25/10|02:30AM

32/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak

Myboyfriendofthreeyearsbrokeupwithmeyesterday.WewerebrokenupbeforebutgotbacktogetherinJanuary.Hetoldme
yesterdayhedidn'tlovemeanymore,justinafriendway.Ibroke.Ijustbustedoutcryingbecausethepainhurtsomuch.It
feelslikemyhearthasbeenrippedoutofmychestandIhavenoreasontolive.EverythingIdoremindsmeofhim.Ithink
abouthowhappyhemademefeelandIstartcryingagain.I'vebeencryingsincelastnightandhaven'tstoppedsince.Ican't
watchromanticmoviesbecausetheydothesamethingshedidforme.Irememberhearing"Iloveyou"andfeelinglikeIwason
topoftheworld.IjustmisshimsomuchandIlovehim...Ithurts.Iputonfakesmilesbutitdoesn'treachmyheart.I'mthinking
Iwon'tfindthesameloveagain.Hewasmysoulmate..

Shannon(notverified)|03/27/10|19:55PM

Link

Iknowhowyoufeel.....iwhatwithmyextwoyearsthoughtthatitwouldbeforever.Hedumpedmeandifeltlikemylife
washovericriedandneverdidanythingcauseitallremindedmeofhim..
.itsbeensixmonthsihavenocontactatallwithhimitstillhurtsbuttimewillhealdontthinkthisistheendbecausein
manywaysitsabeginning.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|01/12/11|11:49AM

Hithereeveryone,itsquitesurrealreadingeveryonesstoriesandbeingabletorelatebecauseofheartbreak,itsencouragingto
hearpeoplegetoveriteventhoughitmaytakeawhile,ihopeyourallfeelingalittlebettertoday.
Ima30yearoldmanandrecentlymetaladyolderof37,ionlynewherfor4monthsbutfellheadoverheels.Itwasobvious
shehadhadherheartbrokebyapreviousrelationshipbecauseofnumerousthingsshetoldmeashadi7yearspreviousbuti
keptittomyself.Shesaidshewantedtotakethingsslowlywhichiwascoolabout,iwouldhavedoneanythingforherbut
realisenowthatmykindnesswasbeingtakenasaweakness.Haveyoueverfeltsomethingtobesorightbutsowrongatthe
sametime,myheadwassayinggetthehelloutofthissomethingswrongbutmyheartwasalreadyamileaheadofme.
Thelastweekispoketohershecalledmeherboyfriendoneday,thenextthatallherfriendscouldn'twaittomeetmetothe
nextdaywhenilastsawhersayingcouldwejustbefriendsandturnedrealcoldonmeaswel?Icouldn'tbelievewhatiwas
hearing,Iwalkedawaysocrushedandconfused.Itplayedonmymindsomuchthinkingwhatthehellhappenediphonedher4
weekslatertoaskandstupidlyseeiftherewasachanceofmeetingupagain.Shetoldmethatiwasaniceguyandi'dmake
someonereallyhappyoneday,slightlypatronizing,andthatshe"thinksitsjusttheagething".Itwassuchalamereason
becauseupuntililastsawhertherewasneveranyuneasinessthatiatleastwasawareof,oftheagegap.Peoplesayitsher
loss,butitsurefeelslikeivelostout.Ihadsomanylaughsandgoodtimeswithheriwonderwhyididn'tmakeherhappy.
Thepainthatcomeswiththisheartbreakbusinessishorrible,therejectionandknowingsomeoneifellinlovewithdoesn'twant
toknowmemakesitsohardtomoveon.Onepositivethingikeeptellingmyselfisthatididgetoverthelastheartbreaksowill
getoverthisone,youhaveto,life'stoshortandprecioustoliveinthepastandrobthepresent.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|05/03/10|08:08AM

Thearticleisinterestingbutthatstagesofdeathhasbeendebunkedpeoplewhoaredyingdon'tgothroughaprogressionof
emotions,theycanhappenallatonce,inadifferentorderorgetstuckinloopsandapplyingthesetogreivingisevenless
credibleyoucanbeadecadepastthedeathandasmallthingcanoccurandmakeitfeellikeyesterday
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=fivefallaciesofgrief
and
http://www.grief.net/Articles/Myth%20of%20Stages.pdf

Link

nina(notverified)|05/03/10|11:18AM

I'mprettysuretherearepeerreviewedstudiesouttherethatsaywatchingoldSteveMartinmoviesandeatingfoodsthat
containcopiousamountsofbutterand/orsugarspeedsuptheheartbreakprocessbyupto45%.
Anddrinkingbetween4and7pintsofdarkbeeradaycanhelponegetoveritanastonishing84%faster(onaverage).

Link

Adam(notverified)|05/03/10|13:01PM

Heartbreakyahittotallysucks,oksoimgoingthroughthisandim22yearoldmalethatwasina16monthrelationship.I
thoughttheworldofher,seriouslyithoughtshewastheonebutifoudnoutthatshewasnt,shealwaystextedherexboyfriend
andsaidtheywerefriendsbuticouldntseeanyonebeeingfriendswiththeirex'ssowegotintoacouplefightslikethatbut
everythingwasgoingsmoothly,shecalledme4daysagoonthephoneandsaid"heymattweneedtotalk"shebrokemyheart
soiputsingleonmyreltionshipstatusonfacebookandmyspaceandithoughtthatwouldbethat,ithenfoundoutthatwe
neverreallyhadaclosingthedayaftershebrokeupwithmesowewenttodinneranditseemedlikeitwasbacktosameold
thingsuntilshedidntcallmebackafterthenextday,ithensawthatshewastalkingtoalltheseguysonherfacebookand
myspace(ithurt)thenicalledherandaskifshewouldwanttochillshesaid"yes"andwechilledalldayyesterdayandithought
everythingwasgoingtobegreatanditturnedoutawesome,laterlastnightiwaslayinginbedwithherandshesaid"heywe
needtotakeitstepbystep,takeitslowok?"isaidsure,theniaskedheraboutallthesepartiesandifherexboyfriendwas
there,shesaid"wowreallymattyoudontbelieveme"andisaidokok,shethenwentandtookashowerwhileiwassittingin
bedandlookedthroughherphonebecausehowsecretiveyouladiescanbeattimesseriously,,,,andisawthatshewastexting
herexboyfriendandtheywereflirtingbutitwasnotuntiligottoherbestfriendstextswhereisawthatshesaid"ohhhhyay

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

33/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
girlylastnightimadesoandsodrivemeandmyexbacktomyhousebecuaseweweresooodrunk"ialsosaw"yaysomyexand
ijustsnuggledanddidnothingelse"and"goshiwishmyexwassinglerightnow",iwentcrazybutlikeeveryonesaysgotout
classyitsthebestthingtodo,isliddbackintobedanddidntsayanythingbecauseiwasatherhouseandifididsayanything
theniwouldnotgetaridehomebecauseshedrovemetoherhouse,hahasoooigetinhercarandhalfwayhomewherei
thoughtifihadtowalkicouldmakeit,isaid"heyicantbelievethatyousaidnothingisgoingonwithandyourex,iloveyou
andiwillalwaysmissyouandihopeandwishthebestofbestlucktoyouandyourexboyfriend,,takecaregirl"andiwalked
out,wellbeingthatthisisasmalltownihearedthatsheissupermadrightnow,ibelievethisisbecauseilookedthroughher
phone,mabyeicantseethattheirjustfriends(idoubtit,whatexboyfriendorexgirlfriendwouldsaytherejustfriendsby
snugglingFOLKTHAT),andthirdlyshesmadbecauseshemadeamistake,ilovehowiturneditaroundthatibrokeupwithher
ratherthanherbreakingupwithme,sheisonly19andyoungergirlsarejustnotthatmatureyet,sooallinalldonttalktoyour
ex's,dontlie,dontsnugglewithyourex'sanddonttrytogivethepersonyoubrokeupwithathoughtthatyoumightbecoming
back,,,,Iamreallyheartbrokenrightnowbutimjustliftingweightslikesicknow,iwillalwaysloveyouEM,,,iwillalwaysmiss
youtoo,,,,

Matt(notverified)|05/29/10|00:23AM

Link

iwasdumped1year10monthsago.time?healing?idontevenknow
depression100%.idontevenknow.dontcare.just..dontcare.
veryhopless.andihavetried.ihave.justhearbroken?funny,

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|06/02/10|19:52PM

Ivehearditsaidthatwearespiritualbeingsexperiencingthehumancondition.Thehumanemotionalconditionisaspectrum,
rangingfromgrief/heartbreakononeendtojoyontheother,andittakestheexperienceofoneendtofullyapprciatetheother.
WhenIhavehadintensefeelingsofpainthereisalittletrickthathashelpedme.Itrytoimaginemyselfsteppingbackand
observingmyselfasIfeelthepain.InthiswayIremindmyselfthatthereisanessentialpartofmethatobserverthatcannot
betouchedbytheexperienceorthepain.

Link

CynthiaR.(notverified)|06/20/10|06:15AM

Greatarticlethankyou.YesI'malsogoingthroughthisandamabsolutelybitteranddesolate.OnethingIamexperiencingis
thatwhenyoulovesomeonesodeeply,andyourloveisnotreturnedpartofthepainiscausedbyafeelingofworthlessness.
AmIreallynotgoodenough?Especiallywhenshesaystoyouthatyouarethebestmanshehaseverknown,andeverythingis
"right".Butshejustdoesnotthinkshewillfallinlove,andtheresnochemistry.Thatistheworstandmostpainfulrejection.

Dan(notverified)|06/20/10|09:28AM

Link

I'vebeengoingthroughtheworstheartacheanddealingwithemotionsineverthoughtIwould,I'm25yrsoldandgavemyall
tosomeonewhomademefeellikeiwasthemostbeautifulperson.Hesaidanythingandeverythingthatwouldmakeanyone
fallinlove.For2andahalfyearsIgavemyall...wentoutofmywaytodoanythingforthispersonandIneverneededanything
inreturncuzhewasmyeverything.Thenoutofnowherehehadnoideawhathewantedoutofhislifeandineverevensawit
coming..WestillhavetotalkanditsgonnahappenthisweekbutIjusthavenoideawhattosayordointhissituation,I'mso
afraidthathavinggonethroughthisexperienceanddealingwiththisheartbreakisgonnaleavemeinsomuchpainandhaveso
muchfeartoopenmyselfuptoanotherpersonagain.Icryeveryday...ifeelphysicalpainandivelostsomuchweightinashort
periodoftime.Apartofmewantstolethimgosoicanbegintohealandbereadyformyfallsemesteratschoolcuzicant
dealwithdistractionslikethiswhenistart.Butidowanttothankeveryoneforpostingtheirstories...itsverycomfortingyour
notaloneandmakesmefeelalittlelesscrazy....sothanku

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|06/22/10|21:05PM

i'mdyinginsideespeciallyreadingthatallofyouhavegonethroughoraregoingthroughthesamethingbecauseourlovewas
supposedtobe"different",itwassupposedtobeelevatedcomparedtothecommonpersonloveandhereiamwiththesame
symptomsaseveryoneelse.myproblemisthatikeeplettinghimrepeatthepain,justwhenithinkhe'sgoneandthere's
nothingmore,hecomesback,tellsmeheneedsmeandidoitalloveragain.ithinkineedhelp.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|06/30/10|20:23PM

Thisarticlehashelpedme.Itdoesnotdiminishtheanguishofmyheart,butvalidatesmyinternalfeelings.Outoftheblue,and
aweekafterheinvitedmetomoveinwithhimandsaidhe'd'takemetothegrave',hebreaksupwithmeviaastonecoldemail.
Pullstheplug,buildsawallandrefusesanycommunication.ItfeltlikeacompleteassaultfromtheoneIlovedthemost.A
weeklaterwereconciled,Iwasjubilant.Yetthefollowingdayhesentanotherstoicemail.Ihavebarelyeatenin8days.My
sleepissporadicandactualrestseemsimpossible.ButIamstartingtopullthrough.Iamangryathim,notforthebreakup,for
thewaysinwhichhedidit.IamnowtryingtocaressmyownheartanddothingsIenjoy.It'sgoingtobealongroadtofull
recoverybutIamoptimisticthatthereisatruelifelessonhere(astherealwaysis)andformeitistoalwayslovemyselffirst.
Goodlucktoallofyouotherheartbrokensouls.Iwishyouthebest.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|07/08/10|17:44PM

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

34/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak

Thisreallyhelpedme.Iminthelaststageithinkofheartbreakiwasjustcheckingtomakesuretherewerentanymorestages
andthiswasallover.Iknowiwentthroughthefirststageforabout2days.Iwasjustsosurpriseditactuallyhappenedandi
neverthoughtaboutittoolong.Irememberthinking'arentisupposetobehurtorupset?'butineverfeltathing.Thenthenext
twostagescameallinoneday.Itwastheworstnightofmylife.Itreallydidpysicallyhurt.Inevercriedsomuch.Thenthe
depressionstagecameforacoupleweeks.Iactuallywenttothedoctortomakesureitwasntrealdepression.Ineverthought
aboutanythingandmopedaroundthehouse.Nowithinkofmemoriesandinsteadofcryingithinkofthefutureandhowican
dothosethingsagainwithsomeonenew.Itreallyhelps.andstayingbusyisVERYeffective.Ivegonefulldayswithoutfeeling
upsetoveritatall.Itsbeenoveramonthsincethebreakup,andithasbeenhard.Ihopeicanforgetaboutitalltogethersoon.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|07/14/10|18:12PM

Myheartisstillbreakingafterfindingoutmyhusbandofmany,manyyearshasbeencheatingonmeallalong,...onenight
stands,shortaffairs,a5yearaffairandthena6monthaffair...duringourcourtship,whileengagedandwhenmarried.Iguess
whenhegotcaught,hestoppedafteraskingforgivenessanddeclaredthathelovedmeandwantedourmarriagetowork.
Alcoholanddrugsgavehimthecouragetocheatbuthecouldhavestopped.It'sbeenthreeyearssinceIfoundout.He
continuestodeclarehislove,showsmethathedoesanddoesn'tgooutwithoutme.Doestimehealheartbreak.Notforthis
ladyIstillcry.Inolongerknowwhatwasrealandwhatwasfakeinalltheyearsweweretogether.Yes,hehaschangedbutmy
heartcontinuestobreakfromthehumiliation,deceitandliesthatcamefromamanwhomIlovedwithmywholeheartand
trustedhimwitheverythingdeartome.People,thinktwicebeforeyouhaveaflingbecauseitislikealifesentenceforthe
victimwhostilldoesn'tknow"WHY".Womenwhohaveaffairswithmarriedmen...theymostlyuseyou.Thewhorethathadthe5
yearaffairwasverybadlyhurtbyhim...allshewastohimwasrelieffromhislies,booze,drugsandsexbutshethoughtthat,in
theend,hewouldleavemeorIwouldleavehim.Iwasintheprocessofdivorcinghim...whyItookhimbackafterfindingout
abouthisdeceit,Istilldonotknow.Perhapsitwastosavehimfromalifeofdrugsandalcohol.Maybeforthesakeofour
children....wearestilltogetherandregardlessofhisdeclarationoflove,myheartstillisbreaking.IwishIcouldtellyouallhow
youcanforgetandgetonwithyourlifeandnothavethebreakuphauntyou,butIcan't.Ifsomeoneoutthereknowshowto
forgetandfindhappiness,letmeknow.Goodlucktoyouall.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|08/06/10|16:57PM

Hi,
Iwanttoknowwotsgoinintothemindofapersonwentheyarebetrayingsomeonetheyonceproclaimdtheylove....orhowcan
someonebreakup&moveonevenaftertheyhavelovedtheotherperson(psychologically).

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|09/07/10|12:13PM

Forthe1sttimeinmylifeiexperinceheartbreaksighitsbeentoughimnotgonnaliesometimesijztcantholdbackthetears
sometimesiscreamatthemirrorothertimesijztgostraighttobedandcovermyselfupinsheetssothatnobodysee'smecry
andforsomereasoniknowthishadtohappentomethiswasapartofmydestiny...letmetellyoumystorywellsortoflong
storyshorttherewasthisgirlsheshowedmemixsignalsandthenoutofnowhereifoundshehasaboyfriendfor3daysitold
myselfnottoattempttostealherbutiendedupattemptingitatthetimeithoughtitwasgoingtoworkformebutagainoutof
nowhereshetellsmenopesoiwentthroughthemotionsforthe1sttimeanddamnitwassohardsomedaysireallydidfeel
likeendingitallwithonecutofthebladeorlayingontraintracksetceitherwaywheniwasthinkingofwhatididwrongi
rememberedprayingtogodwhichformehappenstobejesuschristtohelpmegrowasapersonandloseweightandheart
breakdidjztthatforme...iusetobesomewhatofaplayeriwouldonwhatpeoplecallslutsorskanksandactlikeireally
caredaboutthemandthatididnotthinkoftheminthatlightsoireallynevergavethemachancebecauseialwaysknewwhat
iwantedwhichwastopleasemyselfsoyeahnowirealisethatiwaswrongtodoingthatandthattherealsopeopleandevenif
ontheoutsidetheyseemasifthereokayontheinsidewhoknowshowtheyfeelmaybetheyhavebeenlookingforloveand
thatthereonlywaytoexpressitsoithelpmewiththatandiusetomakefunofmyfriendswhentheywouldcryforagirli
wouldthinktomyselfthisidiotiscryingforagirleventhoughtherearehundresandbilllionsofthemouttherebutheartbreak
helpmedealwiththatandiknowihavegrownaspersonbecauseirealizewhatididwaswrongandaskforforgivenessieven
wentasfarastoaskthegirlsboyfriendforforgivenesswhichwasareallyhumblingexperinceandineedthatandasfarasthe
weightlossineversaidtomyselfloseweighttotrytogetherbackwhenyoulookbetterbuteverytimeithoughtofherofr
thoughtofcryingorkillingmyselfiwouldgetupandjztgorunandimademyselfbeliefthatiwasrunningawayfromthe
feelingsihaveforheranditactuallyworkedilostalotofweightandyeahiguessmyprayershavebeensortsothankyougod
wellsortoff

jose(notverified)|09/07/10|14:49PM

Link

Heartbreakistheworst!I'vegonethroughbegginghimtotakemeback,beingangryandvengefulandthendepressed.It's
reallyhardtogetoversomeoneyoubuiltyourwholeworldaround,someoneyouthoughtwouldfightforyouandwouldaccept
andloveyouforwhoyouare.Ithasbeenayearand3mos.sinceihavecutcommunicationwithmyex.Weweretogether
almost4yrs.Ifeltitwasforthebestbecausewehavebeenexchanginginsultingmessagesthroughtextandfacebook.Can
someonepleasetellmehowyoucaneverforgetsomeoneyougaveyourentireselfto?Ireallywanttomoveonandgetover
him.I'vetriedgoingtoapsychiatrist,gettingintowalkingandboxingtoreleasestressandanger,goingintoadiettolose
weight,goingoutwithfriends.TheymakemeforgettemporarilybuttherearestilltimeswhenI'mbymyselfandthenIbeginto
justreminisceandcry.Idon'twanttofeellikethisanymore.Help!

Link

HeartbrokenForTooLong(notverified)|10/12/10|17:48PM

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

35/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
yesheartbreaksdohurtandhurtBigtime.butprobablytheyhealaswell.Itprobablydoesn'tgoawayaltogetherbutjustfades
awayslowlyveryverygradually.IstillcrysometimeswhenIamlowandthinkabouthim.Itshardtoletgo.Ourswasa10year
oldrelation.Iwasjust17yearswheniFirstmethim.Myworldpracticallyrevolvedaroundhim.Istillmeanhimwellandreally
hopethathemovesoninlifeasIamstrugglingtodosoaswell.JusthappensthatIworryforhimmorethanaboutmyself.We
brokeoffalmostayearagobutwereintouchandeventriedtopatchupinbetween.Butitdidn'tworkout.Justhopelifehas
betterdaysaheadforbothofusinourowndifferentwaysnow......

Anonymous(notverified)|10/14/10|15:31PM

Link

whenyourememberthatloveweallaspiretothatisthemomentwhenyouhaveatricklingoftheoneyouaremadeafterGod,
Hispatternisthemasterkeytoourexistenceandwesimplycannothelpit....
((Corinthians13))

Anonymous(notverified)|10/20/10|16:10PM

Link

stumbledacrossthispage..justlookingaround...feltihadtoleaveacommentispiltfrommyboyfriendover2yearsagofirst
6monthswaslikealivinghell...endlesscrying,,blamingmyself,couldntdoanythinggoanywhere..mypoorfriendskepthearing
thesameoldstoryendlesstimes..itwasawful...timeasgoneontwoyearsnowalthoughimnotcryingsomuch..andfeela
littlebetter.butstillthinkabouteverythingeverysingleday..imstartingtooworrywillthisfeelingoflosteverleave..isit
normaltogrievesolongafterabreakup..noticemostpeoplearesayingittookthemonlymonthstogetoverthereheartbreak
..

Anonymous(notverified)|11/08/10|18:02PM

Link

I'm45yrsold....46injustafewdays.Thisisnotmyfirstheartbreak...butit'scertainlytheworst.It'sbeen4months..anditstill
feelslikeyesterday.Today,deathseemslikethemostgloriousthingintheworld,thantoeverhavetofaceanotherdaywithout
him.IhatethatI'veallowedmyselftofeelthiswayaboutsomeone...allowedhimtohavesomuchofmyenergyinsuchabad
way.Itdoesn'tseemtohavegottenanybetter,infact,astimepassesandIbegintorealizeheisprobablymovingonand
seeingotherpeople,it'sworse.Whatdoesapersondo?Howdoesapersoncope,goon?Itseemslikesuchanawfuloutcomeof
somethingthatwasoncesoawesome....

Nancy(notverified)|11/12/10|16:30PM

Link

Justwonderinghowyouaredoing......Iam50andinthe4thmonthoftheworstpainofmylife.IthoughtIhadsuffered
throughbrokenheartsbeforeevenaftertheendingofmy15yearmarriagebutnothingcomparestothis.Heisover60so
IthoughtforsurethatIhadtrulyfoundsomeonewhowasreadyandcapableofalifelastingloveandcompanionship.I
amsodevastated.Idobelievetheheartbreaksareworseasyougetolderbecauseyoulosethedesiretokeepsearching.

Julie(notverified)|02/27/11|13:14PM

Link

Julie,
Myheartandsoulbleedforyou,becauseIknowhowbadyoufeel.It'sbeen9mothsnow,andIamlearningtolaugh
againandrejointheworldalittle,notadaygoesbythatIdon'tcryandwonderwhy.Now,Ifoundoutthat2wks
afterwebrokeup,hestaredseeingsomeonenewandtheyarestilltogether,whichbreaksmyheartagainandagain.
Whywasn'tIgoodenough??Hestillwon'tspeaktomeorrespondtomeanytimeIreachouttohim,soI'vefinally
stoppedtorturingmyselfandDONOTreachoutanymore.I'mafraidtogoanywhereforfearofhavingtoseehimwith
someoneelse.It'sjustmiseralbe.EveryonethinksI'manidiottostillevenbesadoverhim,butit'ssohardwhenyou
hadoncethoughtatouragewe'dfinallymetanadult...andwelovedeachotherandthesesillchildishbreakups
wouldn'thappenanymore.IwishIcouldtellyouitgeteasierwithtime.It'sdoesn't'.Somehowdaytocomeandyou
allofasuddenaregettingthroughtthemalittlebetter....yourheardoesn'tacheeveryminuteofeveryhouranymore,
butitstillaches....soit'sgetsbetter,butnoteasier.Idon'twanttobecomehardheartedandcynicalaboutloveand
relationships...butIcanfeethewallbuildingaroundmyheartandtheycynasicsmisnearlyimpossibletosuppress.
Evenaftermydivorce,stilllovedlikeandthewonderofwhattomorrowhatinstoreandjustknowsomedayI'dlove
again...butthisrelationshiphaschangedeverything.Idon'tknowifI'lleverletanyoneinagain...whywouldIwantto.
Idon'tthinkI'lleverfeelnormalagain....andonebyone,I'mlosingeverfriendieverhad.Please,gethelpandtryto
healbeforeyougetwhereIam....butIknowhowyoufeelandevenwantingtoorhavingthestregthtogethelpis
difficult,nottomention...alotofthehelpdidmenogood.Ireallybelievenowthatsometimesahurtorheartbreakis
sobad,youcan'tbehelped.Likeaterminalillness.Onlywhenyou'rephysically"unfixalbe"theygiveyouhospice.For
hurtandheartbreak,you'reconsiderweakandnotworthspendingbutsomuchenergyonthembeforegivingup.my
emainaddressisnursetigrr@aol.com.ificanhelp,pleasewrite...orifyoujustneedasoundingboardortovent....I'm
sosorryforwhatyou'vegonethrough...Atourages,ithurtsworse,lastslonger,anddamagesbadly..Bigwarmhugsis
whatI'msendingyou,somethingthatiswhatIneedmorethananything...buthavenevergottenone...Hangin
there...andhollerifyouneedafriend.Nancy

Link

Nancy(notverified)|02/27/11|18:46PM

Julie,

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

36/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
Ijustrereadmyresponsetoyouandsawallofthetypos...soIhopeyouwereabletounderstandmostofwhatIwas
tryingtosay.RereadingyourpostmademethinkofacoupleofmorethingsIwantedtosay.Youareabsolutelyright
aboutitbeingharder,becauseweloseourdesiretosearh.ortheenergy.Atourage,IknowthatLASTplaceyou'll
findmeisatabar,thewholeinternetdatingthingscaresmetodeath....andmostofourfriendaremarriedorina
commitedrelationshipwithoutalotofsinglepeopleintheirslivestofixusupwith.Atourage,relationshipsdon't
comeknockingatourdoorsoraskustohelptheychoosetherighcutofmeatinthegrocertystore.Soevenour
chancesofmeetingsomeoneatourage,lessensandbecomslesslikely.Ifyoudothetheburstofeneryordesireto
"search"....wheredowedo?Dowestartgoingtofuneralsoftotalstrangersandcheckoutthenewwidow???Andit's
notthesameformen.Idon'tcarewhatanyonesays.Men(mostanyway)seenliketheyalwayshavetohaveawoman
intheirlife.Theybreakup..withinweeks,theyareofendatingagain....theydivorce,withinmonthstheyaremarried
again.....Atourage,whenwelosethemanwereallybelievewastheone,wefeelveryhopeless.andagain,likea
terminallyillpt...wejustwantthepaintostop,evenifthatmeansdyingpeacefullyduringthenight.WhileIthinkI've
workedthroughmostofmysuicdefantasies.....itdoesn'tmakethehurtanyless.Iknowmycommentsprobablydidn't
helporgiveyouanyhope,butitdoeshelptoknowthatthereissomeonethathasbeenthroughittooandundersand
howbadyouhurt.IreallywishIcouldjusthugyouandwecryuntilwecouldn'tcryanymore...knowingwebothknew
whatthetearswereallabout...knowI'mthinkingofyouandwoulddropanythingandeverythingifyouweretowrite
andneededsomeonetotalkto.Hanginthere....ThereisasongthatIhearddrivinghomefromRichmondlastweek.I
literallyhadtostopatBarnesandNoblesbeforeIgothomeandgettheCD...andlistentothesongoverandover
again...allthewayhome.Whileicrieduntilmychesthurt....thewordsalsogavemethefirstrayofhopeI'dfeltsince
allthishappened.Listentoit...maybeitwillhelpyoutoo!!
Hugs,
Nancy

Nancy(notverified)|02/27/11|19:12PM

Link

Duh...Iguessthenameofthesongwouldhelp....It'sbyLeonaLewis....it'scalled"BetterwithTime"...I'malso
postingthelyrics.It'sthemostbeautifulsongI'veheardinalongtime.Ilikecountry,blues,bluegrassand
oldies...thisisdefinitlynomykindofmusic...butthewordsreallyhitme...
LeonaLewis
"BetterWithTime
It'sbeenthelongestwinterwithoutyou
Ididn'tknowwheretoturnto
SeesomehowIcan'tforgetyou
Afterallthatwe'vebeenthrough
Goingcoming
ThoughtIheardaknock
Who'stherenoone
ThinkingthatIdeservedit
NowIrealizethatIreallydidn'tknow
Ifyoudidn'tnoticeyoumeanteverything
QuicklyI'mlearningtoloveagain
AllthatIknowisI'mgonnabeok
ThoughtIcouldn'tlivewithoutyou
IknowIt'sgonnahurtwhenithealstoo
It'llallgetbetterintime
EventhoughIreallyloveyou
I'mgonnasmilecauseIdeserveto
It'llallgetbetterintime
Icouldn'tturnontheTV
Withoutsomethingtheretoremindme
Wasitallthateasy
Tojustputasideyourfeeling
IfI'mdreamingdon'twannalaugh
Ithurtsmyfeelingsbutthat'sthepath
Ibelievein
AndIknowtimewillhealitall
Ifyoudidn'tnoticeboyyoumeanteverything
QuicklyI'mlearningtoloveagain
AllIknowisI'mgonnabeok
ThoughtIcouldn'tlivewithoutyou
It'sgonnahurtwhenithealstoo
It'llallgetbetterintime
EventhoughIreallyloveyou
I'mgonnasmilecauseIdeserveto
It'llallgetbetterintime
Sincethere'snomoreyouandme(Thislaytpartwasthepartthatmeantthemosttome!!!)
It'stimeIletyougo

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

37/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
SoIcanbefree
Andlivemylifehowitshouldbe
NomatterhowharditisI'llbefinewithoutyou
YesIwill
ThoughtIcouldn'tlivewithoutyou
It'sgonnahurtwhenithealstoo
It'llallgetbetterintime
EventhoughIreallyloveyou
I'mgonnasmilecauseIdeserveto(yesIdo)
It'llallgetbetterintime
Hopethisgivesyouthelittlejumpofhomeitdidme

Nancy(notverified)|02/27/11|19:52PM

Link

Averydifferentkindofsonghelpedmelaughandgetsomeangeroutwhenmygirlfrienddumpedme.Try
checkingoutSamKinison'svideocoverof"WildThing."Thelyricsareallaboutanevilbitchwhoscrewed
himover.Sotherapeauticandfunny.RIPSAM,youwereagenius.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|12/12/11|11:29AM

Nancyican'ttellyouwhatyourwordsmeanttome.Ihavebeenprayingforsomepeaceinmyheartandfinally,
oneofmyprayershavebeenanswered.Idon'thavetheenergytosaywhatIwouldliketosaytoyouthis
eveningbutIwillbesendingyousomethingverysoon.Thankyou,Thankyou,ThankyouJulie

Julie(notverified)|02/27/11|21:21PM

Link

Ihopethisemailfindsyouwell.Onceagain,thatyousomuchforwritingtome.Funny,I'vebeensearchingfor
someone,ANYONE,whounderstandswhatI'mgoingthroughandnowI'mjustatalossforwords.Istilldon't
havetheenergytoreallyputintowordsexactlywhatI'mfeelingandmydepressioncertainlyhasastronghold
onme.Idon'twanttolivelikethisbutdon'tknowawayoutofit.SometimesIfeellikeI'mgoingcrazyandmy
mindplayssuchtricksonme.LastsummerwasthebestofmylifesoalthoughIsolookforwardtospring,Iam
worriedwhattheniceweatherandallthosememorieswilldotome.Imisshimsomuchandprayeverydayfora
reconnciliationsoeverydaythatpasseshurtsmemoreandmore.Iknowsofewsinglepeoplearoundmyage
andfrankly,whywouldanymanwantmeiftheoneIthoughtreallylovedmedidn't.....IknowyouknowwhatI
mean.Ididn'tsignupforthisandamstartingtogetangrythatIcan'thavethelifeIwant.Itseemseveryone
elsedoessoitishardtonottakeitpersonally.Ohtohavemyyoungheartbackagainsoresiliantandalways
thoughtsomethingelsewasrightaroundthecorner.Isuredon'tfeelthatanymore!Iwillstopfornowbut
thankssomuchforlisteningtome.Ireallyhaven'ttoldanyonehowmuchIamreallyhurtingandguessIneedto
startgettingitout.SometimesIwouldjustlovetolethimknowwhathehasdonetomebutwhy?hewouldgive
itathoughtandthenjustgoabouthislife....ThanksagaindearHugsbacktoyou,Julie

Julie(notverified)|03/05/11|16:32PM

Link

Julie...I'vebeenwaitinganxiouslytohearthatyourok..sogladtofinallygetaresponse.Iknowwhatyou
meanabouttheweatherandfearofnewmemories..itwillhappen.Istillkeepthinking"thistimelast
year"....andIcrawlbackinsidemydepressionandcryforhours.Everydaybringamemory..andithurts...
hurtslikehell,andit'snotfair.Ijusthavetobelieve....foryouandforme....therehastobesomething
more.Surelywewouldnotbeputthroughallofthispaintocomeoutintheendwithnothing...Funnyhow
it'smucheasiertosayit,thantofeelit...orputmywordsintoaction.Iamgoingbacktocounseling
Monday.IhopeIcanbehonestwiththisone..Ijustwanttofeelateaseinsideagain..I'mnotaskingfor
thatbeautifulfeelingthatlovegivesus..justpeace.IthinkyouprobablyknowwhatImean.Hangin
there...pleaseemailifyouneedme.Wehavetokeepgoing...orwe'llneverknowwhatwemissed....Hugs.
Nancy

Nancy(notverified)|03/05/11|19:34PM

Link

I'meighteenyearsoldandhavebeendealingwithheartbreakforsometimenow...WhenIwassevenwemovedfromOregonto
Minnesota.IwasangrywemovedIloveditthereandtothisdayImissmylifethere.Istillhavefriendstherebutwedon'ttalk
much.ThepainisunbearablewhenIreflectonthepast.HowunhappyIamherecomparedtothereIcouldcurlupanddiefrom
thepain.Ijustmissmylifesomuch.Ihaven'tbeenabletomoveonandIliveinthepast.Toexperiencethisonadailybasisis
tearingmeapart...HereIalsohavehadrelationshipsbutIcan'tseemtocommitmyselftoanyoneoranythingforfearoflosing
it.Butihavetakenachancewithoneperson.HewasmybestfriendandhemademehappyandIstartedtolooktowardsthe
future.ThenwhenthingswerefinallylookingupformethingswentbadsoquicklyandIlostmybestfriendnowthingsare
worsethanever.I'mnotsureifIcangothroughlivingmelifelikethiswhenmyheartisconstantlyinpain.WhenIllooktowards
thefutureIcanhonestlysayitdoesn'tlooktohopefulforme.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|11/20/10|14:56PM

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

38/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak

readthisarticle...
http://www.asktheinternettherapist.com/counselingarchiveendofarelati...
iwishi'dfounditmonthsago...

Nancy(notverified)|11/21/10|12:23PM

Link

readthisarticle...
http://www.asktheinternettherapist.com/counselingarchiveendofarelati...
iwishi'dfounditmonthsago...

Nancy(notverified)|11/21/10|12:23PM

Link

Honestly,exercisealittlerestraint.Thereisnosuchthingastheperfectlove,sodon'ttryandmakeitlikethat.Berealistic,and
thenyoucanbehappy.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|12/22/10|17:51PM

Hello,Iamoneyearoutofan19yearmarriage.Mywifehadcheatedseveraltimesbefore.Thistimeshefoundsomeonethat
movedherin.Sheleftmeandmytwoteenboys.Ihavehadmeandthemincounsilingforayearnow.Ithasntworkedforme.
Thepainisnotasbadbut,Istillloveandmissherverymuch.YouknowtheoldsayingdomewrongonceshameonyouDome
wrongtwiceshameonme?WellAsmanytimesasshecreatedIjustcouldntletgo.SheisBipolarandsheusedthisasher
crutchforyears.Wellnowthekidswonttalktoherandshedoesntwanttotalktome.IdofeelbetterbutjustliketonightIfelt
sodown.IknowIcouldntkillmyselfcauseIstillhavemyboystoraisebutthepaindoesgetbadformesometimes.Wonder
whyIcantjustlethergooutofmymind?ItslikeI'maddictedtoherorsomething.Shewasalwaysprettytomebutatherage
of43shehaslostalotofherbeauty.ThatswhyIfeellikeItruelylovedher.IfeellikeIgaveherthebestyearsofmylife.Ifeel
likenowIwilllivetherestofmylifesinglebecauseIcannevertrustanyoneagain.

Link

DavidGreene(notverified)|03/13/11|22:23PM

David...Iunderstandyourfeelingswell.Ican'tseemtoletgoeither.EventhoughIknowit'sthebestthingtodoalltheway
around.Checkoutasitecalledexaholics.com
Itmightbehelpfulforyou..
Nancy

Nancy(notverified)|03/14/11|08:20AM

Link

Itsnicetoknowimnotalone.Imgoingthroughheartbreakrightnowandiveneverfeltanythinglikeit.Hetoldmehelovedme
andibeleivedhim.Ibeleivedallthethingshesaidandallthethingswetalkedaboutdoingandnowitsalldownthedrain.It
wasallfornothing.Iliterallygavemyselftohim,inseveralways.Andhejustdumpedmefourdayslater!Howcananyofit
havemeantanythingtohim??Ifhecanjustthrowmeoutlikelastweek'strashandhaveanewgirlfriendthenextday?Its
killingmeIcanttakethispainIwouldntwishthisonanyone.I'veneverbeenactuallydepressedbeforenowbutijustsawwhat
thesymptomsofdepressionareandivegoteveryoneexceptalcoholabuse.Iveneverbeeninlovebeforeandiwassaving
myselffortheoneandithoughthewas.Heknewhowimportantthosethingsweretomeandhesaidhecaredbutheclearly
didnotreallygiveashit.Ithurtssobad.Ifounditinterestingthatthebraincanttellthedifferencebetweenheartbreakand
physicalpain.BecausethereisnodoubtingthatthisrighthereisasbadasanyphysicalpainIvehad.Hedumpedmeforsome
chickhebarelyknows,whohasafrickenkidbytheway.Iswear,IvenecerhatedanyonethatIdontevenknowsomuch.She
betterhopeweneverrunintoeachotherandsheisntpreggoorshedoesnthaveherkidwithher.BecauseIwontbeableto
controlmyselfIwillkickherass.Idontcarehowmucholdersheisthanme,shesprettysmall.
Hewillprobablyneverknowwhathe'sdonetome.Andhe'ssoconfusinghestillwantstobe"closefriends"eventhoughhe
neverdoesthatwithanyofhisex'ssoIdontknowwhyhecaresandthenalsohegavemetheseringswhenweweretogether
andwhenhethoughtIgotridofthemhegotpissedandIdontknowwhyhewouldevencareanymore.
Ijustcantstopthinkingaboutallthegoodtimesandeverythingwedidandallthosethingshesaid.Ialwaystoldmyselfiwould
neverletmyselfgetsoclosetosomeonesothatIwouldneverhavetoknowhowthisfeels.ButIwasstupidandIdiditanyway.
AndwhatsworseisIhadgottenclosetohisfamilytootowheretheywerelikeasecondfamilytomeandhejusttookthatfrom
metoo.Everybodyissayingitwillgetbetterandyouwillgetoveritandmaybethatstruebutitsalsotruethatwhenthepainis
theworst,itfeelslikeitisgoingtolastforever.Allthepromisseshebrokeallthelieshetold...manImsostupid.
WellIdidntreallyexpecttowritesomuchbutmaybeitwaskindofgoodformetovent.Improbablyjustbeingalittleselfish
butireallycanthelpitIhaveneverbeensohurt.='[

Link

Kaitlyn(notverified)|04/03/11|09:26AM

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

39/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak

I'msogladIcameonthissite/forum.JustbyreadingyourpostIrealizedhowourstoriesaresosimilar.Imeantothe
exact.I'vebeenwithmyexbfforabout21/2yrsit'sveryheartbreakingwhensomeoneyouoncetrustedwithyourlife,your
bestfriend,andsoulmatecouldeverbetrayyou.Thismanneverboughtanythingtothetable.He'sneverworkedandstill
livesathome,nordoeshecontributetoanythingathisownhome.Iontheotherhandamverycontent,careerdriven,
nurturingandverycarefree.HeandIwerecompletelyoppositelikenightandday.Whilehe'sasocialbutterfly,binge
drinksandpartieswaytoomuchforhisage32.Iwasalwaysworkinglonghours,payingbills,cooking,cleaningetc....I
knewIwascompletelydifferentfromallthegirlshedated.I'mnotamodel,pornstarorbargirl(thesearethetypeof
girlshedates)I'mjusta29yearhomebodied,conservativegirlwithmorals.NeedlesstosayI'mnotjudginganyoneandI
apologizeinadvanceifIoffendedanyone.AnywaythismanhasputmethroughsomuchandIcanhonestlysayit'ssohard
accept.I'vedevotedmyself,sanity,moneyandeverythingelsetothisperson.Yethehadtheaudacitytocheatonme.Not
justonceortwicebut3xs.Ican'tbaretheagonyofitanylonger.ThislastbetrayalisbyfartheworstIcouldever
experience.Iknowwhatyou'rethinking....foolmeonceshameonyou,foolmetwiceshameonme.....yesshameonme.I
followedmyheartthinkingandhopinghe'llchange.Hepromisedmeandledmetobelievethatitwouldneverhappen
again.BoyIwaswrong.....heusesmycartogoanddohisdirtydeedandontopofthatheexpectsmetoputmoneyinhis
pocketbecausehe'sentitledtoitbeingthatIlovehim.Itookitreallyhardthistimearoundbecausehe'sbeencheating
withthisbargirlforabout1yearnow.Nottosoundshalloworanythingbutshehadan11yroldchildandshe'sjusta35yr
oldbarladythatdresseslikeoneofthemjersyliciousdivas.Hillarious!!!Shenewaboutmyexistencefromthebeginning
yetshepursuedmybf.HowIcaughtthemwasprettyhurtfulandI'mgladIdid.ItansweredallthequestionsIhadandit
piecedeverythingtogether.Awholeentireyear.....Itrustedthismanandgavehimthebenefitofthedoubt.Iallowedhim
backintomylifetimeaftertime.....itwashis32bdayandhehadmentionedthathewasgoingrentahotelwithhis
"buddies"soIsaidok.ForsomereasonIwantedtogobarhoppingthatsamenightandIdid.Somethingtoldmetovisita
particularbar....myintuitionwasverystrongatthemoment.IalreadyhadafeelingaboutthisOWformonths,heardabout
herbecausehementionedhername,wheresheworksandwhoshewastohim.(justafriend)soanywayIsawhiscar
parkedonthesideoftheroadandIalreadyknew.Iwantedtoseeitinperson,justtovalidatemysuspicions.Sureenough
asIapproachedandenteredtheestablishmentIsawhimsittinginthecorner.AsthebartendertookmydrinkordersI
askedhertosendashottomybf'sway.SoonenoughthatsamebartenderapproachedandaskmewhoIwastothatguyI
justboughtadrinkfor?Areyouhisgirlfriend?Isaidyeswe'vebeendatingfor21/2yearswelivetogether.Herface
droppedandthenshesaidwellI'vebeenseeinghimfor9monthsalreadyandgotpregnant3xs.Helaterwalkedoverto
meandaskwhatIwasdoinghere.HedemandedIleaveandsaidIwasverygutsyforpullingastuntlikethis.Icouldtell
hewaslostforwords.....it'slikeadeerinaheadlight.Iwassohurtandsaidtohim"sothisisyourhotelgetaway".....he
choseherinfrontofmeandtoldmeheneverlovedmeandwantstobewithher.Iwasdevastated.Hesaidthemeanest
thinghecouldeversaytome.Itwaslikehebecameatotallydifferentperson.Soonafteronmywayhome,itfinally
registeredtomewhathadhappened......Iprocessedeverythingthatjusthappenedandthoughtaboutallthosetimeshe
wentoutwithhisfriends,latenightrendezvous,he'llsneakoutat3/4inhemorning.Imeanjusteverythingallthelies.It
allmadesensetome.IbrokedownandcriedsohardtothepointwhereIfeltlikewassomeaninglessatthemoment.My
worldwasgoneandcrumbledasifIhadnosoul.ThelastpersonIthoughtwouldbetheretoprotectmehaschosen
anotherpath.Iwantedtojustdieatthemoment.Ijumpedoutofthecarwhilemygfwasdrivingmehomeandliterally
attemptedtojumpoffthecliff.Buthearinghervoicehowscaredshewasandtraumatizingit'llbeforher,Icouldn'tput
herthroughthat.Ididn'twanthertolivewiththatguiltsoIcalmeddownandcamebacktothecarwithher.Wecame
backtohishouseandstartedtopack.Ididn'tknowwhereIwasgoingbutIknewIhadtoleave.Hedidn'thaveanything
elsetosaytomeexcept"youdidthistoyourself"thentomakemefeelworsehecallsherwhilei'mpackingtotellherthat
i'mleaving.Howhe'ssosorrytoheretc.Wowreallyareyoufuckingserious.Heexplainedhimselftoherandwantedto
workitout.AtthatmomentIbecameweak.IcrumbledandasIwasdonepackingIcouldn'tfindmyselftoleave.SoI
stayed.....laterinthemorningweheardthedoorbellrang.Hisnieceansweredthedoorandcametoourroomandtoldme
thatthere'sapoliceofficer.SoIattendedtohimwonderingwtfisgoingonatthisearlyinthemorning.Iaskedcalmly
whatandwhy?ThenhesayssomeonehademailsomethingonFBstatingthatsomeoneinyourhouseholdwerebeing
abusedbyherbf?AreyouMiss_____?I'mlikeyesIamandnoI'mnotbeingabused.Iwillneverinamillionyearsemailor
postanythinglikethatforeveryonetoknowmybusiness.I'mwaytodistraughttoeventakemytimetoemailorpost
anythingforthatmatter.Sothentheofficeraskedforthebf,hewantedtoquestionusseperately.SoIhadtowakehim
up.Duringquestioning,theyhadtorunhisnameintheirdatabasetoseeifhehadanyoutstandingwarrants.Turnsouthe
didsotheyhadtotakehim.Idon'tknow,howandwhythishappenedorwhatthemotiveswerebutheblamesmeforhis
arrest.WehadtopostbailanhourlatersoIhadtofigureouthowIwasgonnagetthemoney.Ionlyhadafewhundred
andhadtogooutofmywaytoborrowfromsomeoneelse.WhileIwasdoingthatI'mthinkingwtfamIdoing?WhyamI
doingthisforhimwhenitshouldbetheotherwoman?ButIdiditanywaybecauseIstilllovehimdeeply.Afterallthat
chaoswecamehomeandtalked......ImeanwetalkedforhoursandthenItoldhim
Ineededtoleave.Ibookedforthefirstflightouttoleave.Icouldn'tbarethepainofbeingonthesameareawithhim.He
thenrealizedwowthisisreallyhappening,suchadramaticchange.TheIloveyousandI'msorriescameout.Hebeganto
havesecondthoughts.AsmuchasIwantedtochangemymindandcancelmyflightIcouldn't.Ileftthefollowingmorning.
Itwasthehardestgoodbyeever.OnmywaytotheairportandduringmyconnectingflightIcriedsohard.IfiguredI
neededtogetawaytoclearmymindbecauseitwassocloudyIcouldn'tthinkstraight.Wetalkedalmosteverynightwhile
Iwasaway.Hetellsmehelovesmeandmissesmeandhowhecan'twaittoseeme.Thentherewouldbedaysthathe
won'tcalltextoranswemycalls,Ialreadyknewthathehadgonetoseeher.Thatdrovemecrazy.Thenwhenhedoescall
Ifeelbetterlikenothingelsematters.UpuntilthepointIcouldn'ttakeitanymore.IbecamehomesickbecauseIfeltlikeI
leftwithoutclosure.Iranawayfromeverythingandeveryone.Withnomoney,Iusedmylastfewhundredstobailhimout
ofjail.Ihadtocomebackhome.Hedidn'twantmeto......yetIdid10dayslater.Whenhepickedmeupheseemeddistant
andcold.Wetalkedandsaidokwecanworkthisout.Let'sdothissowedid.AfeeweekswentbyandIfeltlikethiswas
toogoodtobetrue.Icouldreadhimsowell.....upuntilwe'rewithhisfriendrunningerrandsandhisfriendhadaskedto
usehisphone.AshewasdoneIsawanopportunitytogothroughhisphone.....yesIdidthenono.Iwentthroughhistext
messagesandtookdowntheOWsnumber.Isawnudephotosofthemetc.....Ibecamebrokenalloveragain.SoIcalled
herandtoldhereverything,shethoughtIwasaway.ItoldherIcamebackbecauseweareworkingitout.Ieven
forwardedhistextmessagestomeetc.....IconfrontedhimandtoldhimthatIwentthroughhisphone.Boyohboywashe
upset.OhwellwhattheheckIdon'tcareatthispoint.AshecalmeddownhesaidsorryIhadtoseeitandaskedifIhad
spokentoher.Ideniedit.Laterthatday,shehadcalledhim,talked,questionedthenendedtheirrelationship.Acoupleof
weekswentbyagain,IknewsomethingwasupsoIcalledher.Sheadmittedthatit'shardtojustwalkawayfromsomeone
you'vedevelopedfeelingsfor.Iwasspeechless,butshetoldmeeverything.Hewasstillseeingherbehindmyback.....I

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

40/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
confrontedhimandhesaysheneedstimetobreakawayfromher.Itrustedhimandsaidok....nowamonthwentbyand
somethingtellsmethatthisiswaytoogoodtobetrue.SoItextedheragainandnowshetellsmeidkwhatistrueand
whatisrealanymoreifyouwantthetruthyoushouldreadhisfb.SoIdid,Ihadtoaskafriendtousetheirfbbecausehe
hadblockedme.Hehaspostedsongsanddedicatedtohersayingthathelovesherandshe'shis#1.Iwasfuriousand
madehimtakeitdown.Sohedid,andtoldmethatwe'regonnaworkthroughthisandmakeitworkbetweenus.....another
monthpassedyetIfeltthathewasn'tbeing100%becauseallthosetextmessagescamepouringin.He'salwayonhis
phoneandalwaysuseshisfriendsasanexcusetogoout.Ididn'tsayanythingbecauseIneededtomakesurethatifI
attackedhimwithmysuspicionsIneededmoreammo.OnenightasIcamehomefromhangingoutwithmyfriends,Isat
downandhisphonewentoffwithtextmessagesfromhertheOW.I'mlikewtfwhyisshestillcontactingyou?Ithought
yousaidshewasdonewithyou?Excusescamepouringoutandmindyounotthiswas2:30inthemorning.Thefinallyit
cameouthesaystome"Ican'tdothisanymore,Ican'ttakeit,it'sdoneI'moverit""ifyouwanttoleavethenleave,I've
beenfeeligthiswayforsolongandIdon'tfeelthesamewayaboutyouanymore"Icouldtellhemeantthatandithurtsso
badbecauseIwentinthiswhole,Iworemyheartonmysleevesandonceagainhecrushedme.Headmittedto
seeingherthiswholeentiretime.Hestillblamesmeforallthis.....he'sbeenstringingmealongplayingyoyowithmeandI
can'ttakethatpainanylongerhetellsmelovesmeandpromisedthatifweworkeditoutthistimehewillneverdome
wrongagain.I'vebeengoingthroughhisphonenotoncebuttwicenowrecentlyandallthatheexpressedtomewasjust
togetmetostay.He'sbeenexpressinghislovetotheOWandhowbewantstostartafamily.Imeannothingtohimand
thatIamintheprocessofmovingoutanyway.Hepromisesherthathewantstogethislifetogethersotheycanstart
theirfuture.DevastatingIsay?Indeed,myemotionshavebeenarollercoasterandIcan'teat,sleepordoanything.My
heartwantshimsobadbutmymindistellingmethathe'sbeenovermeforsolong.Sleepingnexttohimatnightisthe
hardest.Wehavenophysicalcontactwhatsoever.AsI'mreadingeveryone'spostIatleastgainedsomepieceofmind.I'm
thinkingoutsidetheboxandrealizedevenifIstayedwithhimthiscouldbeongoingforever.Ican'tlivelifeofalways
beingworried.EachtimehewalksoutthatdoorIknowhe'sgoingtoseeher.Hemakesalotofeffortandgoesoutofhis
waytolietomejustfortheOW.He'sneverdoneanythinglikethatforme.IthurtsbecauseI'veinvestedmylove,timeand
patiencewithhim.Hisfamilymeanseverythingtome.It'sbeenatoughyear,Iwaslaidoffearlyonthisyear,mycargot
repo,mymotherdisownsmeandneverwantstotalktomeandnowIlostmybftotheOW.I'matrockbottom,thelowest
ofalllowsinmylife.WithallthisIwasstillabletosupporthimwithmycheckandpayforthingsandprovideallIcouldto
keephimhappy.NowIcanhonestlysaythatI'mreadytolethimgo.IthurtssobadbutIrealizedthatnomatterwhatIdo
orsayhe'sgonnacontinuetohurtme.Andthesayingdoesgo"whenyoulovesomeonesomuchyouletthemgo,because
iftheyweremeanttobetheywillreturn"Ireallydon'tthinkIcaneverbewithhimagainbecauseit'sbeenwaytopainful.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|09/19/11|15:29PM

I'msogladIcameonthissite/forum.JustbyreadingyourpostIrealizedhowourstoriesaresosimilar.Imeantothe
exact.I'vebeenwithmyexbfforabout21/2yrsit'sveryheartbreakingwhensomeoneyouoncetrustedwithyourlife,your
bestfriend,andsoulmatecouldeverbetrayyou.Thismanneverboughtanythingtothetable.He'sneverworkedandstill
livesathome,nordoeshecontributetoanythingathisownhome.Iontheotherhandamverycontent,careerdriven,
nurturingandverycarefree.HeandIwerecompletelyoppositelikenightandday.Whilehe'sasocialbutterfly,binge
drinksandpartieswaytoomuchforhisage32.Iwasalwaysworkinglonghours,payingbills,cooking,cleaningetc....I
knewIwascompletelydifferentfromallthegirlshedated.I'mnotamodel,pornstarorbargirl(thesearethetypeof
girlshedates)I'mjusta29yearhomebodied,conservativegirlwithmorals.NeedlesstosayI'mnotjudginganyoneandI
apologizeinadvanceifIoffendedanyone.AnywaythismanhasputmethroughsomuchandIcanhonestlysayit'ssohard
accept.I'vedevotedmyself,sanity,moneyandeverythingelsetothisperson.Yethehadtheaudacitytocheatonme.Not
justonceortwicebut3xs.Ican'tbaretheagonyofitanylonger.ThislastbetrayalisbyfartheworstIcouldever
experience.Iknowwhatyou'rethinking....foolmeonceshameonyou,foolmetwiceshameonme.....yesshameonme.I
followedmyheartthinkingandhopinghe'llchange.Hepromisedmeandledmetobelievethatitwouldneverhappen
again.BoyIwaswrong.....heusesmycartogoanddohisdirtydeedandontopofthatheexpectsmetoputmoneyinhis
pocketbecausehe'sentitledtoitbeingthatIlovehim.Itookitreallyhardthistimearoundbecausehe'sbeencheating
withthisbargirlforabout1yearnow.Nottosoundshalloworanythingbutshehadan11yroldchildandshe'sjusta35yr
oldbarladythatdresseslikeoneofthemjersyliciousdivas.Hillarious!!!Shenewaboutmyexistencefromthebeginning
yetshepursuedmybf.HowIcaughtthemwasprettyhurtfulandI'mgladIdid.ItansweredallthequestionsIhadandit
piecedeverythingtogether.Awholeentireyear.....Itrustedthismanandgavehimthebenefitofthedoubt.Iallowedhim
backintomylifetimeaftertime.....itwashis32bdayandhehadmentionedthathewasgoingrentahotelwithhis
"buddies"soIsaidok.ForsomereasonIwantedtogobarhoppingthatsamenightandIdid.Somethingtoldmetovisita
particularbar....myintuitionwasverystrongatthemoment.IalreadyhadafeelingaboutthisOWformonths,heardabout
herbecausehementionedhername,wheresheworksandwhoshewastohim.(justafriend)soanywayIsawhiscar
parkedonthesideoftheroadandIalreadyknew.Iwantedtoseeitinperson,justtovalidatemysuspicions.Sureenough
asIapproachedandenteredtheestablishmentIsawhimsittinginthecorner.AsthebartendertookmydrinkordersI
askedhertosendashottomybf'sway.SoonenoughthatsamebartenderapproachedandaskmewhoIwastothatguyI
justboughtadrinkfor?Areyouhisgirlfriend?Isaidyeswe'vebeendatingfor21/2yearswelivetogether.Herface
droppedandthenshesaidwellI'vebeenseeinghimfor9monthsalreadyandgotpregnant3xs.Helaterwalkedoverto
meandaskwhatIwasdoinghere.HedemandedIleaveandsaidIwasverygutsyforpullingastuntlikethis.Icouldtell
hewaslostforwords.....it'slikeadeerinaheadlight.Iwassohurtandsaidtohim"sothisisyourhotelgetaway".....he
choseherinfrontofmeandtoldmeheneverlovedmeandwantstobewithher.Iwasdevastated.Hesaidthemeanest
thinghecouldeversaytome.Itwaslikehebecameatotallydifferentperson.Soonafteronmywayhome,itfinally
registeredtomewhathadhappened......Iprocessedeverythingthatjusthappenedandthoughtaboutallthosetimeshe
wentoutwithhisfriends,latenightrendezvous,he'llsneakoutat3/4inhemorning.Imeanjusteverythingallthelies.It
allmadesensetome.IbrokedownandcriedsohardtothepointwhereIfeltlikewassomeaninglessatthemoment.My
worldwasgoneandcrumbledasifIhadnosoul.ThelastpersonIthoughtwouldbetheretoprotectmehaschosen
anotherpath.Iwantedtojustdieatthemoment.Ijumpedoutofthecarwhilemygfwasdrivingmehomeandliterally
attemptedtojumpoffthecliff.Buthearinghervoicehowscaredshewasandtraumatizingit'llbeforher,Icouldn'tput
herthroughthat.Ididn'twanthertolivewiththatguiltsoIcalmeddownandcamebacktothecarwithher.Wecame
backtohishouseandstartedtopack.Ididn'tknowwhereIwasgoingbutIknewIhadtoleave.Hedidn'thaveanything
elsetosaytomeexcept"youdidthistoyourself"thentomakemefeelworsehecallsherwhilei'mpackingtotellherthat
i'mleaving.Howhe'ssosorrytoheretc.Wowreallyareyoufuckingserious.Heexplainedhimselftoherandwantedto

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

41/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
workitout.AtthatmomentIbecameweak.IcrumbledandasIwasdonepackingIcouldn'tfindmyselftoleave.SoI
stayed.....laterinthemorningweheardthedoorbellrang.Hisnieceansweredthedoorandcametoourroomandtoldme
thatthere'sapoliceofficer.SoIattendedtohimwonderingwtfisgoingonatthisearlyinthemorning.Iaskedcalmly
whatandwhy?ThenhesayssomeonehademailsomethingonFBstatingthatsomeoneinyourhouseholdwerebeing
abusedbyherbf?AreyouMiss_____?I'mlikeyesIamandnoI'mnotbeingabused.Iwillneverinamillionyearsemailor
postanythinglikethatforeveryonetoknowmybusiness.I'mwaytodistraughttoeventakemytimetoemailorpost
anythingforthatmatter.Sothentheofficeraskedforthebf,hewantedtoquestionusseperately.SoIhadtowakehim
up.Duringquestioning,theyhadtorunhisnameintheirdatabasetoseeifhehadanyoutstandingwarrants.Turnsouthe
didsotheyhadtotakehim.Idon'tknow,howandwhythishappenedorwhatthemotiveswerebutheblamesmeforhis
arrest.WehadtopostbailanhourlatersoIhadtofigureouthowIwasgonnagetthemoney.Ionlyhadafewhundred
andhadtogooutofmywaytoborrowfromsomeoneelse.WhileIwasdoingthatI'mthinkingwtfamIdoing?WhyamI
doingthisforhimwhenitshouldbetheotherwoman?ButIdiditanywaybecauseIstilllovehimdeeply.Afterallthat
chaoswecamehomeandtalked......ImeanwetalkedforhoursandthenItoldhim
Ineededtoleave.Ibookedforthefirstflightouttoleave.Icouldn'tbarethepainofbeingonthesameareawithhim.He
thenrealizedwowthisisreallyhappening,suchadramaticchange.TheIloveyousandI'msorriescameout.Hebeganto
havesecondthoughts.AsmuchasIwantedtochangemymindandcancelmyflightIcouldn't.Ileftthefollowingmorning.
Itwasthehardestgoodbyeever.OnmywaytotheairportandduringmyconnectingflightIcriedsohard.IfiguredI
neededtogetawaytoclearmymindbecauseitwassocloudyIcouldn'tthinkstraight.Wetalkedalmosteverynightwhile
Iwasaway.Hetellsmehelovesmeandmissesmeandhowhecan'twaittoseeme.Thentherewouldbedaysthathe
won'tcalltextoranswemycalls,Ialreadyknewthathehadgonetoseeher.Thatdrovemecrazy.Thenwhenhedoescall
Ifeelbetterlikenothingelsematters.UpuntilthepointIcouldn'ttakeitanymore.IbecamehomesickbecauseIfeltlikeI
leftwithoutclosure.Iranawayfromeverythingandeveryone.Withnomoney,Iusedmylastfewhundredstobailhimout
ofjail.Ihadtocomebackhome.Hedidn'twantmeto......yetIdid10dayslater.Whenhepickedmeupheseemeddistant
andcold.Wetalkedandsaidokwecanworkthisout.Let'sdothissowedid.AfeeweekswentbyandIfeltlikethiswas
toogoodtobetrue.Icouldreadhimsowell.....upuntilwe'rewithhisfriendrunningerrandsandhisfriendhadaskedto
usehisphone.AshewasdoneIsawanopportunitytogothroughhisphone.....yesIdidthenono.Iwentthroughhistext
messagesandtookdowntheOWsnumber.Isawnudephotosofthemetc.....Ibecamebrokenalloveragain.SoIcalled
herandtoldhereverything,shethoughtIwasaway.ItoldherIcamebackbecauseweareworkingitout.Ieven
forwardedhistextmessagestomeetc.....IconfrontedhimandtoldhimthatIwentthroughhisphone.Boyohboywashe
upset.OhwellwhattheheckIdon'tcareatthispoint.AshecalmeddownhesaidsorryIhadtoseeitandaskedifIhad
spokentoher.Ideniedit.Laterthatday,shehadcalledhim,talked,questionedthenendedtheirrelationship.Acoupleof
weekswentbyagain,IknewsomethingwasupsoIcalledher.Sheadmittedthatit'shardtojustwalkawayfromsomeone
you'vedevelopedfeelingsfor.Iwasspeechless,butshetoldmeeverything.Hewasstillseeingherbehindmyback.....I
confrontedhimandhesaysheneedstimetobreakawayfromher.Itrustedhimandsaidok....nowamonthwentbyand
somethingtellsmethatthisiswaytoogoodtobetrue.SoItextedheragainandnowshetellsmeidkwhatistrueand
whatisrealanymoreifyouwantthetruthyoushouldreadhisfb.SoIdid,Ihadtoaskafriendtousetheirfbbecausehe
hadblockedme.Hehaspostedsongsanddedicatedtohersayingthathelovesherandshe'shis#1.Iwasfuriousand
madehimtakeitdown.Sohedid,andtoldmethatwe'regonnaworkthroughthisandmakeitworkbetweenus.....another
monthpassedyetIfeltthathewasn'tbeing100%becauseallthosetextmessagescamepouringin.He'salwayonhis
phoneandalwaysuseshisfriendsasanexcusetogoout.Ididn'tsayanythingbecauseIneededtomakesurethatifI
attackedhimwithmysuspicionsIneededmoreammo.OnenightasIcamehomefromhangingoutwithmyfriends,Isat
downandhisphonewentoffwithtextmessagesfromhertheOW.I'mlikewtfwhyisshestillcontactingyou?Ithought
yousaidshewasdonewithyou?Excusescamepouringoutandmindyounotthiswas2:30inthemorning.Thefinallyit
cameouthesaystome"Ican'tdothisanymore,Ican'ttakeit,it'sdoneI'moverit""ifyouwanttoleavethenleave,I've
beenfeeligthiswayforsolongandIdon'tfeelthesamewayaboutyouanymore"Icouldtellhemeantthatandithurtsso
badbecauseIwentinthiswhole,Iworemyheartonmysleevesandonceagainhecrushedme.Headmittedto
seeingherthiswholeentiretime.Hestillblamesmeforallthis.....he'sbeenstringingmealongplayingyoyowithmeandI
can'ttakethatpainanylongerhetellsmelovesmeandpromisedthatifweworkeditoutthistimehewillneverdome
wrongagain.I'vebeengoingthroughhisphonenotoncebuttwicenowrecentlyandallthatheexpressedtomewasjust
togetmetostay.He'sbeenexpressinghislovetotheOWandhowbewantstostartafamily.Imeannothingtohimand
thatIamintheprocessofmovingoutanyway.Hepromisesherthathewantstogethislifetogethersotheycanstart
theirfuture.DevastatingIsay?Indeed,myemotionshavebeenarollercoasterandIcan'teat,sleepordoanything.My
heartwantshimsobadbutmymindistellingmethathe'sbeenovermeforsolong.Sleepingnexttohimatnightisthe
hardest.Wehavenophysicalcontactwhatsoever.AsI'mreadingeveryone'spostIatleastgainedsomepieceofmind.I'm
thinkingoutsidetheboxandrealizedevenifIstayedwithhimthiscouldbeongoingforever.Ican'tlivelifeofalways
beingworried.EachtimehewalksoutthatdoorIknowhe'sgoingtoseeher.Hemakesalotofeffortandgoesoutofhis
waytolietomejustfortheOW.He'sneverdoneanythinglikethatforme.IthurtsbecauseI'veinvestedmylove,timeand
patiencewithhim.Hisfamilymeanseverythingtome.It'sbeenatoughyear,Iwaslaidoffearlyonthisyear,mycargot
repo,mymotherdisownsmeandneverwantstotalktomeandnowIlostmybftotheOW.I'matrockbottom,thelowest
ofalllowsinmylife.WithallthisIwasstillabletosupporthimwithmycheckandpayforthingsandprovideallIcouldto
keephimhappy.NowIcanhonestlysaythatI'mreadytolethimgo.IthurtssobadbutIrealizedthatnomatterwhatIdo
orsayhe'sgonnacontinuetohurtme.Andthesayingdoesgo"whenyoulovesomeonesomuchyouletthemgo,because
iftheyweremeanttobetheywillreturn"Ireallydon'tthinkIcaneverbewithhimagainbecauseit'sbeenwaytopainful.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|09/19/11|15:29PM

I'msogladIcameonthissite/forum.JustbyreadingyourpostIrealizedhowourstoriesaresosimilar.Imeantothe
exact.I'vebeenwithmyexbfforabout21/2yrsit'sveryheartbreakingwhensomeoneyouoncetrustedwithyourlife,your
bestfriend,andsoulmatecouldeverbetrayyou.Thismanneverboughtanythingtothetable.He'sneverworkedandstill
livesathome,nordoeshecontributetoanythingathisownhome.Iontheotherhandamverycontent,careerdriven,
nurturingandverycarefree.HeandIwerecompletelyoppositelikenightandday.Whilehe'sasocialbutterfly,binge
drinksandpartieswaytoomuchforhisage32.Iwasalwaysworkinglonghours,payingbills,cooking,cleaningetc....I
knewIwascompletelydifferentfromallthegirlshedated.I'mnotamodel,pornstarorbargirl(thesearethetypeof
girlshedates)I'mjusta29yearhomebodied,conservativegirlwithmorals.NeedlesstosayI'mnotjudginganyoneandI
apologizeinadvanceifIoffendedanyone.AnywaythismanhasputmethroughsomuchandIcanhonestlysayit'ssohard

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

42/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
accept.I'vedevotedmyself,sanity,moneyandeverythingelsetothisperson.Yethehadtheaudacitytocheatonme.Not
justonceortwicebut3xs.Ican'tbaretheagonyofitanylonger.ThislastbetrayalisbyfartheworstIcouldever
experience.Iknowwhatyou'rethinking....foolmeonceshameonyou,foolmetwiceshameonme.....yesshameonme.I
followedmyheartthinkingandhopinghe'llchange.Hepromisedmeandledmetobelievethatitwouldneverhappen
again.BoyIwaswrong.....heusesmycartogoanddohisdirtydeedandontopofthatheexpectsmetoputmoneyinhis
pocketbecausehe'sentitledtoitbeingthatIlovehim.Itookitreallyhardthistimearoundbecausehe'sbeencheating
withthisbargirlforabout1yearnow.Nottosoundshalloworanythingbutshehadan11yroldchildandshe'sjusta35yr
oldbarladythatdresseslikeoneofthemjersyliciousdivas.Hillarious!!!Shenewaboutmyexistencefromthebeginning
yetshepursuedmybf.HowIcaughtthemwasprettyhurtfulandI'mgladIdid.ItansweredallthequestionsIhadandit
piecedeverythingtogether.Awholeentireyear.....Itrustedthismanandgavehimthebenefitofthedoubt.Iallowedhim
backintomylifetimeaftertime.....itwashis32bdayandhehadmentionedthathewasgoingrentahotelwithhis
"buddies"soIsaidok.ForsomereasonIwantedtogobarhoppingthatsamenightandIdid.Somethingtoldmetovisita
particularbar....myintuitionwasverystrongatthemoment.IalreadyhadafeelingaboutthisOWformonths,heardabout
herbecausehementionedhername,wheresheworksandwhoshewastohim.(justafriend)soanywayIsawhiscar
parkedonthesideoftheroadandIalreadyknew.Iwantedtoseeitinperson,justtovalidatemysuspicions.Sureenough
asIapproachedandenteredtheestablishmentIsawhimsittinginthecorner.AsthebartendertookmydrinkordersI
askedhertosendashottomybf'sway.SoonenoughthatsamebartenderapproachedandaskmewhoIwastothatguyI
justboughtadrinkfor?Areyouhisgirlfriend?Isaidyeswe'vebeendatingfor21/2yearswelivetogether.Herface
droppedandthenshesaidwellI'vebeenseeinghimfor9monthsalreadyandgotpregnant3xs.Helaterwalkedoverto
meandaskwhatIwasdoinghere.HedemandedIleaveandsaidIwasverygutsyforpullingastuntlikethis.Icouldtell
hewaslostforwords.....it'slikeadeerinaheadlight.Iwassohurtandsaidtohim"sothisisyourhotelgetaway".....he
choseherinfrontofmeandtoldmeheneverlovedmeandwantstobewithher.Iwasdevastated.Hesaidthemeanest
thinghecouldeversaytome.Itwaslikehebecameatotallydifferentperson.Soonafteronmywayhome,itfinally
registeredtomewhathadhappened......Iprocessedeverythingthatjusthappenedandthoughtaboutallthosetimeshe
wentoutwithhisfriends,latenightrendezvous,he'llsneakoutat3/4inhemorning.Imeanjusteverythingallthelies.It
allmadesensetome.IbrokedownandcriedsohardtothepointwhereIfeltlikewassomeaninglessatthemoment.My
worldwasgoneandcrumbledasifIhadnosoul.ThelastpersonIthoughtwouldbetheretoprotectmehaschosen
anotherpath.Iwantedtojustdieatthemoment.Ijumpedoutofthecarwhilemygfwasdrivingmehomeandliterally
attemptedtojumpoffthecliff.Buthearinghervoicehowscaredshewasandtraumatizingit'llbeforher,Icouldn'tput
herthroughthat.Ididn'twanthertolivewiththatguiltsoIcalmeddownandcamebacktothecarwithher.Wecame
backtohishouseandstartedtopack.Ididn'tknowwhereIwasgoingbutIknewIhadtoleave.Hedidn'thaveanything
elsetosaytomeexcept"youdidthistoyourself"thentomakemefeelworsehecallsherwhilei'mpackingtotellherthat
i'mleaving.Howhe'ssosorrytoheretc.Wowreallyareyoufuckingserious.Heexplainedhimselftoherandwantedto
workitout.AtthatmomentIbecameweak.IcrumbledandasIwasdonepackingIcouldn'tfindmyselftoleave.SoI
stayed.....laterinthemorningweheardthedoorbellrang.Hisnieceansweredthedoorandcametoourroomandtoldme
thatthere'sapoliceofficer.SoIattendedtohimwonderingwtfisgoingonatthisearlyinthemorning.Iaskedcalmly
whatandwhy?ThenhesayssomeonehademailsomethingonFBstatingthatsomeoneinyourhouseholdwerebeing
abusedbyherbf?AreyouMiss_____?I'mlikeyesIamandnoI'mnotbeingabused.Iwillneverinamillionyearsemailor
postanythinglikethatforeveryonetoknowmybusiness.I'mwaytodistraughttoeventakemytimetoemailorpost
anythingforthatmatter.Sothentheofficeraskedforthebf,hewantedtoquestionusseperately.SoIhadtowakehim
up.Duringquestioning,theyhadtorunhisnameintheirdatabasetoseeifhehadanyoutstandingwarrants.Turnsouthe
didsotheyhadtotakehim.Idon'tknow,howandwhythishappenedorwhatthemotiveswerebutheblamesmeforhis
arrest.WehadtopostbailanhourlatersoIhadtofigureouthowIwasgonnagetthemoney.Ionlyhadafewhundred
andhadtogooutofmywaytoborrowfromsomeoneelse.WhileIwasdoingthatI'mthinkingwtfamIdoing?WhyamI
doingthisforhimwhenitshouldbetheotherwoman?ButIdiditanywaybecauseIstilllovehimdeeply.Afterallthat
chaoswecamehomeandtalked......ImeanwetalkedforhoursandthenItoldhim
Ineededtoleave.Ibookedforthefirstflightouttoleave.Icouldn'tbarethepainofbeingonthesameareawithhim.He
thenrealizedwowthisisreallyhappening,suchadramaticchange.TheIloveyousandI'msorriescameout.Hebeganto
havesecondthoughts.AsmuchasIwantedtochangemymindandcancelmyflightIcouldn't.Ileftthefollowingmorning.
Itwasthehardestgoodbyeever.OnmywaytotheairportandduringmyconnectingflightIcriedsohard.IfiguredI
neededtogetawaytoclearmymindbecauseitwassocloudyIcouldn'tthinkstraight.Wetalkedalmosteverynightwhile
Iwasaway.Hetellsmehelovesmeandmissesmeandhowhecan'twaittoseeme.Thentherewouldbedaysthathe
won'tcalltextoranswemycalls,Ialreadyknewthathehadgonetoseeher.Thatdrovemecrazy.Thenwhenhedoescall
Ifeelbetterlikenothingelsematters.UpuntilthepointIcouldn'ttakeitanymore.IbecamehomesickbecauseIfeltlikeI
leftwithoutclosure.Iranawayfromeverythingandeveryone.Withnomoney,Iusedmylastfewhundredstobailhimout
ofjail.Ihadtocomebackhome.Hedidn'twantmeto......yetIdid10dayslater.Whenhepickedmeupheseemeddistant
andcold.Wetalkedandsaidokwecanworkthisout.Let'sdothissowedid.AfeeweekswentbyandIfeltlikethiswas
toogoodtobetrue.Icouldreadhimsowell.....upuntilwe'rewithhisfriendrunningerrandsandhisfriendhadaskedto
usehisphone.AshewasdoneIsawanopportunitytogothroughhisphone.....yesIdidthenono.Iwentthroughhistext
messagesandtookdowntheOWsnumber.Isawnudephotosofthemetc.....Ibecamebrokenalloveragain.SoIcalled
herandtoldhereverything,shethoughtIwasaway.ItoldherIcamebackbecauseweareworkingitout.Ieven
forwardedhistextmessagestomeetc.....IconfrontedhimandtoldhimthatIwentthroughhisphone.Boyohboywashe
upset.OhwellwhattheheckIdon'tcareatthispoint.AshecalmeddownhesaidsorryIhadtoseeitandaskedifIhad
spokentoher.Ideniedit.Laterthatday,shehadcalledhim,talked,questionedthenendedtheirrelationship.Acoupleof
weekswentbyagain,IknewsomethingwasupsoIcalledher.Sheadmittedthatit'shardtojustwalkawayfromsomeone
you'vedevelopedfeelingsfor.Iwasspeechless,butshetoldmeeverything.Hewasstillseeingherbehindmyback.....I
confrontedhimandhesaysheneedstimetobreakawayfromher.Itrustedhimandsaidok....nowamonthwentbyand
somethingtellsmethatthisiswaytoogoodtobetrue.SoItextedheragainandnowshetellsmeidkwhatistrueand
whatisrealanymoreifyouwantthetruthyoushouldreadhisfb.SoIdid,Ihadtoaskafriendtousetheirfbbecausehe
hadblockedme.Hehaspostedsongsanddedicatedtohersayingthathelovesherandshe'shis#1.Iwasfuriousand
madehimtakeitdown.Sohedid,andtoldmethatwe'regonnaworkthroughthisandmakeitworkbetweenus.....another
monthpassedyetIfeltthathewasn'tbeing100%becauseallthosetextmessagescamepouringin.He'salwayonhis
phoneandalwaysuseshisfriendsasanexcusetogoout.Ididn'tsayanythingbecauseIneededtomakesurethatifI
attackedhimwithmysuspicionsIneededmoreammo.OnenightasIcamehomefromhangingoutwithmyfriends,Isat
downandhisphonewentoffwithtextmessagesfromhertheOW.I'mlikewtfwhyisshestillcontactingyou?Ithought
yousaidshewasdonewithyou?Excusescamepouringoutandmindyounotthiswas2:30inthemorning.Thefinallyit
cameouthesaystome"Ican'tdothisanymore,Ican'ttakeit,it'sdoneI'moverit""ifyouwanttoleavethenleave,I've

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

43/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
beenfeeligthiswayforsolongandIdon'tfeelthesamewayaboutyouanymore"Icouldtellhemeantthatandithurtsso
badbecauseIwentinthiswhole,Iworemyheartonmysleevesandonceagainhecrushedme.Headmittedto
seeingherthiswholeentiretime.Hestillblamesmeforallthis.....he'sbeenstringingmealongplayingyoyowithmeandI
can'ttakethatpainanylongerhetellsmelovesmeandpromisedthatifweworkeditoutthistimehewillneverdome
wrongagain.I'vebeengoingthroughhisphonenotoncebuttwicenowrecentlyandallthatheexpressedtomewasjust
togetmetostay.He'sbeenexpressinghislovetotheOWandhowbewantstostartafamily.Imeannothingtohimand
thatIamintheprocessofmovingoutanyway.Hepromisesherthathewantstogethislifetogethersotheycanstart
theirfuture.DevastatingIsay?Indeed,myemotionshavebeenarollercoasterandIcan'teat,sleepordoanything.My
heartwantshimsobadbutmymindistellingmethathe'sbeenovermeforsolong.Sleepingnexttohimatnightisthe
hardest.Wehavenophysicalcontactwhatsoever.AsI'mreadingeveryone'spostIatleastgainedsomepieceofmind.I'm
thinkingoutsidetheboxandrealizedevenifIstayedwithhimthiscouldbeongoingforever.Ican'tlivelifeofalways
beingworried.EachtimehewalksoutthatdoorIknowhe'sgoingtoseeher.Hemakesalotofeffortandgoesoutofhis
waytolietomejustfortheOW.He'sneverdoneanythinglikethatforme.IthurtsbecauseI'veinvestedmylove,timeand
patiencewithhim.Hisfamilymeanseverythingtome.It'sbeenatoughyear,Iwaslaidoffearlyonthisyear,mycargot
repo,mymotherdisownsmeandneverwantstotalktomeandnowIlostmybftotheOW.I'matrockbottom,thelowest
ofalllowsinmylife.WithallthisIwasstillabletosupporthimwithmycheckandpayforthingsandprovideallIcouldto
keephimhappy.NowIcanhonestlysaythatI'mreadytolethimgo.IthurtssobadbutIrealizedthatnomatterwhatIdo
orsayhe'sgonnacontinuetohurtme.Andthesayingdoesgo"whenyoulovesomeonesomuchyouletthemgo,because
iftheyweremeanttobetheywillreturn"Ireallydon'tthinkIcaneverbewithhimagainbecauseit'sbeenwaytopainful.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|09/19/11|15:31PM

I'msogladIcameonthissite/forum.JustbyreadingyourpostIrealizedhowourstoriesaresosimilar.Imeantothe
exact.I'vebeenwithmyexbfforabout21/2yrsit'sveryheartbreakingwhensomeoneyouoncetrustedwithyourlife,your
bestfriend,andsoulmatecouldeverbetrayyou.Thismanneverboughtanythingtothetable.He'sneverworkedandstill
livesathome,nordoeshecontributetoanythingathisownhome.Iontheotherhandamverycontent,careerdriven,
nurturingandverycarefree.HeandIwerecompletelyoppositelikenightandday.Whilehe'sasocialbutterfly,binge
drinksandpartieswaytoomuchforhisage32.Iwasalwaysworkinglonghours,payingbills,cooking,cleaningetc....I
knewIwascompletelydifferentfromallthegirlshedated.I'mnotamodel,pornstarorbargirl(thesearethetypeof
girlshedates)I'mjusta29yearhomebodied,conservativegirlwithmorals.NeedlesstosayI'mnotjudginganyoneandI
apologizeinadvanceifIoffendedanyone.AnywaythismanhasputmethroughsomuchandIcanhonestlysayit'ssohard
accept.I'vedevotedmyself,sanity,moneyandeverythingelsetothisperson.Yethehadtheaudacitytocheatonme.Not
justonceortwicebut3xs.Ican'tbaretheagonyofitanylonger.ThislastbetrayalisbyfartheworstIcouldever
experience.Iknowwhatyou'rethinking....foolmeonceshameonyou,foolmetwiceshameonme.....yesshameonme.I
followedmyheartthinkingandhopinghe'llchange.Hepromisedmeandledmetobelievethatitwouldneverhappen
again.BoyIwaswrong.....heusesmycartogoanddohisdirtydeedandontopofthatheexpectsmetoputmoneyinhis
pocketbecausehe'sentitledtoitbeingthatIlovehim.Itookitreallyhardthistimearoundbecausehe'sbeencheating
withthisbargirlforabout1yearnow.Nottosoundshalloworanythingbutshehadan11yroldchildandshe'sjusta35yr
oldbarladythatdresseslikeoneofthemjersyliciousdivas.Hillarious!!!Shenewaboutmyexistencefromthebeginning
yetshepursuedmybf.HowIcaughtthemwasprettyhurtfulandI'mgladIdid.ItansweredallthequestionsIhadandit
piecedeverythingtogether.Awholeentireyear.....Itrustedthismanandgavehimthebenefitofthedoubt.Iallowedhim
backintomylifetimeaftertime.....itwashis32bdayandhehadmentionedthathewasgoingrentahotelwithhis
"buddies"soIsaidok.ForsomereasonIwantedtogobarhoppingthatsamenightandIdid.Somethingtoldmetovisita
particularbar....myintuitionwasverystrongatthemoment.IalreadyhadafeelingaboutthisOWformonths,heardabout
herbecausehementionedhername,wheresheworksandwhoshewastohim.(justafriend)soanywayIsawhiscar
parkedonthesideoftheroadandIalreadyknew.Iwantedtoseeitinperson,justtovalidatemysuspicions.Sureenough
asIapproachedandenteredtheestablishmentIsawhimsittinginthecorner.AsthebartendertookmydrinkordersI
askedhertosendashottomybf'sway.SoonenoughthatsamebartenderapproachedandaskmewhoIwastothatguyI
justboughtadrinkfor?Areyouhisgirlfriend?Isaidyeswe'vebeendatingfor21/2yearswelivetogether.Herface
droppedandthenshesaidwellI'vebeenseeinghimfor9monthsalreadyandgotpregnant3xs.Helaterwalkedoverto
meandaskwhatIwasdoinghere.HedemandedIleaveandsaidIwasverygutsyforpullingastuntlikethis.Icouldtell
hewaslostforwords.....it'slikeadeerinaheadlight.Iwassohurtandsaidtohim"sothisisyourhotelgetaway".....he
choseherinfrontofmeandtoldmeheneverlovedmeandwantstobewithher.Iwasdevastated.Hesaidthemeanest
thinghecouldeversaytome.Itwaslikehebecameatotallydifferentperson.Soonafteronmywayhome,itfinally
registeredtomewhathadhappened......Iprocessedeverythingthatjusthappenedandthoughtaboutallthosetimeshe
wentoutwithhisfriends,latenightrendezvous,he'llsneakoutat3/4inhemorning.Imeanjusteverythingallthelies.It
allmadesensetome.IbrokedownandcriedsohardtothepointwhereIfeltlikewassomeaninglessatthemoment.My
worldwasgoneandcrumbledasifIhadnosoul.ThelastpersonIthoughtwouldbetheretoprotectmehaschosen
anotherpath.Iwantedtojustdieatthemoment.Ijumpedoutofthecarwhilemygfwasdrivingmehomeandliterally
attemptedtojumpoffthecliff.Buthearinghervoicehowscaredshewasandtraumatizingit'llbeforher,Icouldn'tput
herthroughthat.Ididn'twanthertolivewiththatguiltsoIcalmeddownandcamebacktothecarwithher.Wecame
backtohishouseandstartedtopack.Ididn'tknowwhereIwasgoingbutIknewIhadtoleave.Hedidn'thaveanything
elsetosaytomeexcept"youdidthistoyourself"thentomakemefeelworsehecallsherwhilei'mpackingtotellherthat
i'mleaving.Howhe'ssosorrytoheretc.Wowreallyareyoufuckingserious.Heexplainedhimselftoherandwantedto
workitout.AtthatmomentIbecameweak.IcrumbledandasIwasdonepackingIcouldn'tfindmyselftoleave.SoI
stayed.....laterinthemorningweheardthedoorbellrang.Hisnieceansweredthedoorandcametoourroomandtoldme
thatthere'sapoliceofficer.SoIattendedtohimwonderingwtfisgoingonatthisearlyinthemorning.Iaskedcalmly
whatandwhy?ThenhesayssomeonehademailsomethingonFBstatingthatsomeoneinyourhouseholdwerebeing
abusedbyherbf?AreyouMiss_____?I'mlikeyesIamandnoI'mnotbeingabused.Iwillneverinamillionyearsemailor
postanythinglikethatforeveryonetoknowmybusiness.I'mwaytodistraughttoeventakemytimetoemailorpost
anythingforthatmatter.Sothentheofficeraskedforthebf,hewantedtoquestionusseperately.SoIhadtowakehim
up.Duringquestioning,theyhadtorunhisnameintheirdatabasetoseeifhehadanyoutstandingwarrants.Turnsouthe
didsotheyhadtotakehim.Idon'tknow,howandwhythishappenedorwhatthemotiveswerebutheblamesmeforhis
arrest.WehadtopostbailanhourlatersoIhadtofigureouthowIwasgonnagetthemoney.Ionlyhadafewhundred
andhadtogooutofmywaytoborrowfromsomeoneelse.WhileIwasdoingthatI'mthinkingwtfamIdoing?WhyamI

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

44/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
doingthisforhimwhenitshouldbetheotherwoman?ButIdiditanywaybecauseIstilllovehimdeeply.Afterallthat
chaoswecamehomeandtalked......ImeanwetalkedforhoursandthenItoldhim
Ineededtoleave.Ibookedforthefirstflightouttoleave.Icouldn'tbarethepainofbeingonthesameareawithhim.He
thenrealizedwowthisisreallyhappening,suchadramaticchange.TheIloveyousandI'msorriescameout.Hebeganto
havesecondthoughts.AsmuchasIwantedtochangemymindandcancelmyflightIcouldn't.Ileftthefollowingmorning.
Itwasthehardestgoodbyeever.OnmywaytotheairportandduringmyconnectingflightIcriedsohard.IfiguredI
neededtogetawaytoclearmymindbecauseitwassocloudyIcouldn'tthinkstraight.Wetalkedalmosteverynightwhile
Iwasaway.Hetellsmehelovesmeandmissesmeandhowhecan'twaittoseeme.Thentherewouldbedaysthathe
won'tcalltextoranswemycalls,Ialreadyknewthathehadgonetoseeher.Thatdrovemecrazy.Thenwhenhedoescall
Ifeelbetterlikenothingelsematters.UpuntilthepointIcouldn'ttakeitanymore.IbecamehomesickbecauseIfeltlikeI
leftwithoutclosure.Iranawayfromeverythingandeveryone.Withnomoney,Iusedmylastfewhundredstobailhimout
ofjail.Ihadtocomebackhome.Hedidn'twantmeto......yetIdid10dayslater.Whenhepickedmeupheseemeddistant
andcold.Wetalkedandsaidokwecanworkthisout.Let'sdothissowedid.AfeeweekswentbyandIfeltlikethiswas
toogoodtobetrue.Icouldreadhimsowell.....upuntilwe'rewithhisfriendrunningerrandsandhisfriendhadaskedto
usehisphone.AshewasdoneIsawanopportunitytogothroughhisphone.....yesIdidthenono.Iwentthroughhistext
messagesandtookdowntheOWsnumber.Isawnudephotosofthemetc.....Ibecamebrokenalloveragain.SoIcalled
herandtoldhereverything,shethoughtIwasaway.ItoldherIcamebackbecauseweareworkingitout.Ieven
forwardedhistextmessagestomeetc.....IconfrontedhimandtoldhimthatIwentthroughhisphone.Boyohboywashe
upset.OhwellwhattheheckIdon'tcareatthispoint.AshecalmeddownhesaidsorryIhadtoseeitandaskedifIhad
spokentoher.Ideniedit.Laterthatday,shehadcalledhim,talked,questionedthenendedtheirrelationship.Acoupleof
weekswentbyagain,IknewsomethingwasupsoIcalledher.Sheadmittedthatit'shardtojustwalkawayfromsomeone
you'vedevelopedfeelingsfor.Iwasspeechless,butshetoldmeeverything.Hewasstillseeingherbehindmyback.....I
confrontedhimandhesaysheneedstimetobreakawayfromher.Itrustedhimandsaidok....nowamonthwentbyand
somethingtellsmethatthisiswaytoogoodtobetrue.SoItextedheragainandnowshetellsmeidkwhatistrueand
whatisrealanymoreifyouwantthetruthyoushouldreadhisfb.SoIdid,Ihadtoaskafriendtousetheirfbbecausehe
hadblockedme.Hehaspostedsongsanddedicatedtohersayingthathelovesherandshe'shis#1.Iwasfuriousand
madehimtakeitdown.Sohedid,andtoldmethatwe'regonnaworkthroughthisandmakeitworkbetweenus.....another
monthpassedyetIfeltthathewasn'tbeing100%becauseallthosetextmessagescamepouringin.He'salwayonhis
phoneandalwaysuseshisfriendsasanexcusetogoout.Ididn'tsayanythingbecauseIneededtomakesurethatifI
attackedhimwithmysuspicionsIneededmoreammo.OnenightasIcamehomefromhangingoutwithmyfriends,Isat
downandhisphonewentoffwithtextmessagesfromhertheOW.I'mlikewtfwhyisshestillcontactingyou?Ithought
yousaidshewasdonewithyou?Excusescamepouringoutandmindyounotthiswas2:30inthemorning.Thefinallyit
cameouthesaystome"Ican'tdothisanymore,Ican'ttakeit,it'sdoneI'moverit""ifyouwanttoleavethenleave,I've
beenfeeligthiswayforsolongandIdon'tfeelthesamewayaboutyouanymore"Icouldtellhemeantthatandithurtsso
badbecauseIwentinthiswhole,Iworemyheartonmysleevesandonceagainhecrushedme.Headmittedto
seeingherthiswholeentiretime.Hestillblamesmeforallthis.....he'sbeenstringingmealongplayingyoyowithmeandI
can'ttakethatpainanylongerhetellsmelovesmeandpromisedthatifweworkeditoutthistimehewillneverdome
wrongagain.I'vebeengoingthroughhisphonenotoncebuttwicenowrecentlyandallthatheexpressedtomewasjust
togetmetostay.He'sbeenexpressinghislovetotheOWandhowbewantstostartafamily.Imeannothingtohimand
thatIamintheprocessofmovingoutanyway.Hepromisesherthathewantstogethislifetogethersotheycanstart
theirfuture.DevastatingIsay?Indeed,myemotionshavebeenarollercoasterandIcan'teat,sleepordoanything.My
heartwantshimsobadbutmymindistellingmethathe'sbeenovermeforsolong.Sleepingnexttohimatnightisthe
hardest.Wehavenophysicalcontactwhatsoever.AsI'mreadingeveryone'spostIatleastgainedsomepieceofmind.I'm
thinkingoutsidetheboxandrealizedevenifIstayedwithhimthiscouldbeongoingforever.Ican'tlivelifeofalways
beingworried.EachtimehewalksoutthatdoorIknowhe'sgoingtoseeher.Hemakesalotofeffortandgoesoutofhis
waytolietomejustfortheOW.He'sneverdoneanythinglikethatforme.IthurtsbecauseI'veinvestedmylove,timeand
patiencewithhim.Hisfamilymeanseverythingtome.It'sbeenatoughyear,Iwaslaidoffearlyonthisyear,mycargot
repo,mymotherdisownsmeandneverwantstotalktomeandnowIlostmybftotheOW.I'matrockbottom,thelowest
ofalllowsinmylife.WithallthisIwasstillabletosupporthimwithmycheckandpayforthingsandprovideallIcouldto
keephimhappy.NowIcanhonestlysaythatI'mreadytolethimgo.IthurtssobadbutIrealizedthatnomatterwhatIdo
orsayhe'sgonnacontinuetohurtme.Andthesayingdoesgo"whenyoulovesomeonesomuchyouletthemgo,because
iftheyweremeanttobetheywillreturn"Ireallydon'tthinkIcaneverbewithhimagainbecauseit'sbeenwaytopainful.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|09/19/11|15:34PM

You'renotalone......ithurtslikehell.You'rerighthe'llprobablyneverknoworunderstandwhathe'sdonetoyou.Ifhe's
narcisstichedoesn'tevencare....ThepainwillgetbetterKaitlyn,intime.Yourheartwillprobablyneverbethesame,butyou'll
beok.
Hugs.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|04/03/11|11:40AM

It'sinterestingformetoreadthis.I'vealwaysbeenquiteananalyticalperson,verygrounded.I'dneverseenwhatthefusswas
aboutuntilmaybeaboutayearago,whenaguyutterlybloodyflooredme.Seriously.WhenIrealisedIlovedhim,itwaslike
beinghitbyatrain.NotthatI'dknow.Hasanyoneherebeenhitbyatrain?Wecouldcomparenotes.
Well,longandboringstoryshort,Iwasdumped.Inperhapsthenicestwayanyoneeverhasbeendumped,butdumped
nonetheless.I'malsosobusythatIhavetoscheduleappointmentstofeedmydamncat,Theonethingis,evenwhenI'mnot
thinkingaboutit,thereisadeepphysicalachejustabovemydiagram.EvenwhenI'mtakingaction,tryingtobepositive,and
therestofyourDr.Phil/dimestoreselfhelpbookmalarkey,it'sstillthere.Kindofatuggingache,likeaseveremusclepainthe
dayafterareallylongworkout.Ihavetosleepwithahotwaterbottleclutchedtomychest,otherwise,Idon'tsleep.It'sbeen
aboutfourweeks.ShouldIbeworried?I'vealsolost7lbsintwoweeks,whileconsumingsomuchchocolatethatI'mprettysure
I'vedepriveaSouthAmericancountryoftheircocoabeanharvestfortheyear.
Ihopeit'sfairtrade.

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

45/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
Joni(notverified)|04/21/11|14:33PM

Link

Tellmeaboutit.Imyselfamaveryanalyticalpersonandalsobeendumpedinprobablynotsoniceway.Igothroughthe
sameemotionslikeyou.Iamnotdepressedoranythingbuttheacheisthere.Somewhere.Itkeepscomingupwithout
permission:D.Sleepproblemshavebeenlessinmycasebutitwasjustoncewhenigotanemailfrommyexthaticouldnt
sleepthenight.Afterthatnoproblemsactually.Itsbeen3weeksnowinmycasebutstilltheacheisthere.Itseemslike
somethingiskeepingmefromdoingmynormalchores.Thatsomethingcouldbemebutneverthelessitstherewhichgets
meworriedtoo.Ihopeyouaredoingwellnow...Iguesstimewillonlyhealeverything.Wheneveroldmemoriespopup,ido
nottryandsuppressthem.Ijustacknowledgethemandtryandgetaclosuresayingyesthatwasgood,butthereisthis
reasonwhyitdidntworkout.Inthebeginningitwasveryoften.Nowsomeofthosememoriesdontcomeback.Thenthere
arethesenegativeaspectsofmyexsidewhichcomeandeventhoughihatedwellingonthose,theyhelpmemoveon,
thinkingthewomanwhowassoselfishintheend,couldnothavebeentherightpersonbecausethisisnotwhatithinkof
myrightpartner.Basicallyifeellikeihavebeenused.Istuckthroughherdifficulttimesandwhenhergoinggotbetter,
shedumpedme.Notforanotherperson,butforwantofanewcareerdirectioninadifferentcity.Solifeisunfair.Ithurts,
butthatshowitis.Thebestwayistoconfrontthefeelingsandnotsuppressthemiguess...

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|08/22/11|07:16AM

thankstothepersonundermylastpost:)andyeahifigurediwouldbeoveritevennow(especiallybynow)becauseialways
am,butthenilljustbemindingmyownbusinessdoinganythingandsomethingremindsmeofhimandifindmyselffighting
tearsagain.ughitsnotevenfair.ohandhahaiwishithadbeenagoodbreakup,buthediditovertext,andthenliedtome
aboutthereasons.ihadtofindoutfromamutualfriendafewdayslaterthatitwasactuallybecausehemetanotherchick.
suregladtoknowiwasntgoodenoughtogetthetruthevenattheendofitall.andistillcantlistentooursong,whichsucks
becauseitreallyisagoodsong.butitjusthurtstoomuch.wellsorrytocontinuecomplainingonceagain,butiguessitdoes
somegoodtogetitout,especiallybecauseicantusuallybecausemyfriendsaresotiredofhearingitandtheyjusthatehim
anddontgetwhyicantjustforgetabouthimbecauseofwhathedidtome.iguesstheyjustdontgetthatitstoohardtojust
forgetthefirstpersonyoueveractuallylovedandwhomyougaveyourselfto.ohimrantingagain:Panywaythanksagainand
imgonnagonow

Kaitlyn(notverified)|04/22/11|12:52PM

Link

Nextweekwewillhaveanewarticleonthephysiologyof'heartbreak'andrecenteffortstotreatit.Itshouldbe
goodstuff.

HankCampbell|04/22/11|13:08PM

Link

Hello,
Iam32andmyboyfriendof31/2yearsjustbrokeupwithmelastnight,onEaster.Wespentthedaytogetherattheparkwith
thedogandthen,BAM,hehad"badnews"heismovingout.Iwasimmediatelyinshock,thenbrieflyangry,butnowIaminso
muchpainIcan'tevendescribe.Itispurehell.WhenIwokeupthismorningandIrememberedthatitwasn'talladream,Ihad
apanicattack.TodayIhadanotherone,myhandsweretinglyandIcouldn'tmovemyfingers.Ibeggedhimtoreconsiderbuthe
saidhisdecisionhasbeenmade.Imovedtoadifferentcity3yearsagotobewithhim,andIdon'treallyhaveanyfriendshere,
andmyfamilyisfaraway.ThepainIfeelissocrushing!TodayItriedtotakeawalktomakemyselffeelbetterbutendedup
fantasizingaboutrunninginfrontoftraffic.Iamfindingithardtobreathe.Ihavebeenheartbrokenbeforeanditwasalsohell,
butifIcouldgetthroughthat,IhopeIcanalsogetthroughthis.However,lasttimeIdidcutmyself,whichtemporarilygaveme
relief.Iwonderifloveisreallyworthitafterall.Ifthisiswhatcanhappen,Idon'tthinkso.Iwoulddoanythingrightnowto
makethispaingoaway,andIkeepwonderinghowlongitwilllast.Months?Thethoughtoffeelinglikethisformonthsisnot
goingtowork.Help!Icoulduseafriendreallyreallybad!!!!!

Margaret(notverified)|04/25/11|21:51PM

Link

Margaret,
Thissoundssoterrible.Howareyoudoingnow?Ihopethatyou'vefoundthataftersometimehaspasseditiseasierto
breathe.Iremembermyworstbreakuplayingonmybed,notmovingforhours,cryingoffandon,notbeingabletosleep,
andhavingthisintensepaininmychestthatmadeitsohardtobreathe.Imadeitthrough,andyou'vedoneitbefore
yourself.Takeitdaybyday,hourbyhourifyouhaveto.Don'tfeelbadifyouhavetostopwhatyou'redoingandcryorsit.
Letyourselfgrieveforyourrelationship,foryouhopesanddreamsthatyoucreatedwithyourboyfriend.
Pleasepostanupdate!

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|06/19/11|16:18PM

Thankyoualotforthis"healing"article.Itiskindofhelpingmerightnow,afterreadingallthestories,IhaverealizedthatIam
nottheonlyonesuffering.IhopetomorrowmorningIwillsay"itwasjustabaddream",eventhoughitwasn'tsobad.The
biggestproblemisthatIdonnotknowexactlyforwhomamIgrieving,formybforforthatlovelyboyImetrecently.The
biggestproblemisthatwealllivein3differentcities,somaybemeetingsomeonejustremindedmeofhowmuchIloveand
missmybf,ornot.Itsohardformerightnow,andIamtotallyconfused.

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

46/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak

Anonymous(notverified)|05/31/11|12:27PM

Link

Iamreallytornuprightnow.ToprovemypointIkeepgettingdistractedbysitesthattalkabouthowtodealwithheartbreak.
Meandheraren'ttogetheranymoreanditseatingmeawayrightnow.IfeelhopelesseventhoughIknowIshouldn't,lifestill
goesonandIcanseewhereweweren'tcompatiblebutthatdoesn'tmeanIdidn'twantittobe.ImeanwhattheFUCK.Ican
sayhowmanytimesIwishedthatitwashermedicinechanginghermoodorsomethinglikethat.ShehasherproblemsandI
wasalwaystheretohelpherwiththem.Iwanttobeneededbysomeone.Ithinkthatiswhatskillingmethemost.Thefactthat
Ihadsomebodytosharemyfeelingswithandalsohavethemsharetheirfeelingswithme.I'msolitaryinthatregard.Ijust
don'tliketosaywhatmyheartisfeelingunlessitstosomeonereallyclosetome.I'mgladIfinallystartmyjobheresoon
becausethislonelinessiskillingmerightnow.I'mnothungry,I'mtired.Iwantnormalcy.Iwantherbackbuttoafraidtotry,
becauseIknowitwouldfallapartbecauseofthesamereasonbefore.Sheblameditonherself,herproblems.Shesaidthatshe
wouldprobablydiealone,andIbelieveherifshebelievesthatshecan'tformlastingbonds.Ifeellikeitsaeasyasconvincing
herthatshejusthastoacceptwhatis,ratherthanwhatisn't.ThethingisIknowshesnotevengoingtogooutandgoonthe
prowlforotherpeople,whichIfeelthatshouldbecomfortingtomebutIcareabouthersoallsIwantisforhertobehappy.
Damnthiscaringshit,itswhatgotmehereinthefirstplace.

Nick(notverified)|06/03/11|10:03AM

Link

Thankyouforthearticleandthecomments.Theguywhowroteaboutbeingheartbrokensince2001scaredmebecauseIt's
been3yearssincemyrelationshipwentdownthetubesandIamworriedaboutthetimeit'stakingmetoheal.
Iwasbestfriendswithaguyforyears.HewasinterestedinmeandsaidalltherightthingsuntilIgaveinandbegunalong
distancerelationshipwithhim.IhadahardtimetrustinghimbecausehealwaystalkedthetalkbutnevercamethroughsoI
beguntoholdbackayearintotherelationship.Hewantedmarriagebecausehesaidhisparentswantedhimtosettledownand
thatitdidn'tmatterwhowithbecausehewouldgrowtolovewhoeverhechose.Ididn'tthinkitwasagoodenoughreasonto
marry.Ayearlaterhemarriedanoldgirlfriendbutupuntilhegotmarriedhehadbeentalkingaboutplanningafuturewithme.
IwassohurtbythewaythingsplayedoutandthewayIfoundout.IwasdepressedformonthsonendbutIwasresolutethatI
wouldgetbetterandmoveon,whichIdid.Everythingwasgoingwellformewhenalmostayearlaterhedidsomethingreally
hurtfulwhichhadabiggerimpactthantheoriginaldrama.ItisthenthatIcrumbled.
Somehow,IamnotangryathimbutratheratmyselfandIamquestioningthepurposeofmyexistance.Thishasdarkenedmy
outlookandIfeellikealostshipoutatsea.IfeelasthoughsomethinginmeisbrokenandwillNEVERbefixedagain.Ihave
beenseeingatherapist,talkingtochurchcounsellors,familyfriendsandIstillfeeldesolate.Iamsuicidalandtheonlything
holdingmebackistheimpactsuchanactionwouldhaveonmyfamily.SometimesI'llbedrivingalongandIcanalmosthearmy
voicetellingmetoputthepedaltothemetalandenditall.IhaveproblemssleepingsoI'vetakentogoingforlongwalkslate
intothenightonmyownit'salmostasifi'mbeggingsomeonetoendthismiserablelifeofmine.Theonlythingkeepingmein
thehere&nowapartfrommyfamilyisthefaithIhaveinGod,buteventhatishardatimes.Ihavestoppedtalkingtopeople
abouttheincidentandeveryonethinksimok,buttruthbetoldi'mreachingtheendofmytether.
HowdoIgetMEback???Doesthismeani'mgoingtobeoneofthoseunluckyoneswhoendupbeingdepressedfortherestof
theirlives.Ifthat'sthecase,whycontinuefightingtostayalivedayinanddayout???Ihavegivenmyselduntiltheendofthe
yearandIsimplyrefusetogoonifthisisthewayitsgoingtobe.

Anonymous(notverified)|06/06/11|03:43AM

Link

'Ihavebeenseeingatherapist,talkingtochurchcounsellors,familyfriendsandIstillfeeldesolate.Iam
suicidalandtheonlythingholdingmebackistheimpactsuchanactionwouldhaveonmyfamily.
SometimesI'llbedrivingalongandIcanalmosthearmyvoicetellingmetoputthepedaltothemetaland
enditall.IhaveproblemssleepingsoI'vetakentogoingforlongwalkslateintothenightonmyownit's
almostasifi'mbeggingsomeonetoendthismiserablelifeofmine.Theonlythingkeepingmeinthehere
&nowapartfrommyfamilyisthefaithIhaveinGod,buteventhatishardatimes.Ihavestoppedtalkingtopeopleabout
theincidentandeveryonethinksimok,buttruthbetoldi'mreachingtheendofmytether'.
HiAnonymous,I'msorrytohearthatyouarefeelingsuicidalandreachingtheendofyourtetherandthateveryonethinks
thatyouareOK,whenyouarenot.Hopefullyyouareawarethatmanycountrieshaveanonymouscrisistelephonehotlines
whicharephonenumbersthatpeoplecancalltogetimmediate,usuallyfree,overthephoneemergencycounseling,by
trainedvolunteers?Maybeitwouldhelptotalkanonymouslytooneofthesesuicidecounselors?Thesehotlineswere
Initiallysetuptohelpthosecontemplatingsuicide,butmanyhaveexpandedtheirmandatetodealmoregenerallywith
emotionalcrises.ThereisalistofworldwidecrisistelephonenumbersonWikipediaat
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crisis_hotline#List_of_crisis_hotlineshopethishelpsandthatyoufeelbettersoonand
definitelybeforetheendoftheyear.

My5minfilm'HiddenDangersforALS'entryintheAAN#2015NeurofilmFestivalislistedno.23of65entriesat
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLYNSC2T2aPD7GH6pVWI7I6DjzwbbBKCWK

Link

HelenBarratt|06/19/11|22:49PM

Iknowhowyoufeel.It'scominguponayearsinceTandIbrokeup....andIhavebeenthroughallbuttheangerandacceptance
stagesofgrief.Imisshimmoreeverydayandstilllovehim,evenafterhe'streatingmesocruel,sincewebrokeup.Youdolearn
tolaughagain...andyoustarttoliveagain,butforme,nothingisthesame.Nothing.EverythingIdomakesmethinkofhimand
wishhewerethere.Anewrelationshipforme,rightnowisimpossible,andsinceI'monlygettingolder,probablywillnever

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

47/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
happenagain.Nottomention,Idon'teverwanttogothroughthisagain,soIdoubtI'deverallowanyonetogetclosetome
again.Ireadthatscientistsareworkingonapilloraprocedurethatcanerasepainfulmemories.Like"EternalSunshineofthe
SpotlessMind".....Iwanttobetheirguineapig.....willingtotryanything.Livemoveson,sowehaveto.Youmusterasmileand
gothroughtheday.Noonehastoknowyou'remiserableinside.

Nancy(notverified)|06/06/11|10:34AM

Link

myheartbrokein2008.itsjustthefuctthatsomepeoplemayfellreallyinloveonlyonce.thatsjustwhathappenedtome.i
dontknowwhattodo.whenhetoldmeheneverlovedmeandhewasjustpretendingifeltlikesomeoneputedhishandinmy
chestandtookoutmyheart.iwasjustalivingdeadfor2yearsandtheonlythinkthatmademefeelgoodwasjustseeinghim.
buthehadarelationshipandwhentheyweretogetherandiwasthereasafriendiwascryinginsideandwantedtodie.ihad
tostopthisandsoidid.ihaventseenhimfor2yearsnowbutifeelempty.idontfindnothinginteresting.evenwheniam
happyiamnotreallyhappy.iampretending.iamsometimesthinkingofswisidebutiamthinkingalsothepeopleiwillleave
behind.thepeoplethattrullyloveme,myfamily.thelastyeariwasok.iwastryingtofindaboyfriendbutidontfindinterestto
anyone.butthelastmonthssomethingishappeningtome.idontwanttogoforsleepcauseiamhavingnightmaresofhim.i
amdesperate.idontknowwhattodo.pleasehelpme....

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|06/07/11|17:12PM

ThanksNancyforrespondingtomeAnon06/06.Iguessinawayi'mluckybecauseIdonotlovehimanymoreandifhewereto
reappearinmylifeIwouldnotgivehimthetimeofday.Irecognisewhathappenedhadnothingtodowithloveandeverything
todowithsomeonewhowassoscaredofbeingalonehelatchedontoanyavailablewoman.Iboughtintohissicknessandnow
i'mdealingwithit.Mymainproblemisthatthishaschangedmyoutlookandattitudetowardslifeandpeople.Ialwayshada
hardtimetrustingpeoplebutnowit'sevenworse.Iseesomanypeopledoingsomanyhorriblethings,somanythingsgoing
wronginlifeandithinkwhybother.IguessI'mtiredofitallbutfornowi'lltakeyouradviceandkeepsmiling.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|06/08/11|11:11AM

ThanksNancyforrespondingtomeAnon06/06.Iguessinawayi'mluckybecauseIdonotlovehimanymoreandifhewereto
reappearinmylifeIwouldnotgivehimthetimeofday.Irecognisewhathappenedhadnothingtodowithloveandeverything
todowithsomeonewhowassoscaredofbeingalonehelatchedontoanyavailablewoman.Iboughtintohissicknessandnow
i'mdealingwithit.Mymainproblemisthatthishaschangedmyoutlookandattitudetowardslifeandpeople.Ialwayshada
hardtimetrustingpeoplebutnowit'sevenworse.Iseesomanypeopledoingsomanyhorriblethings,somanythingsgoing
wronginlifeandithinkwhybother.IguessI'mtiredofitallbutfornowi'lltakeyouradviceandkeepsmiling.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|06/08/11|11:11AM

Thankyouforwritingthisirealizethattheresmoretolifethandepression..
ihadbeendatingmyexfor4monthsabout2weekstillour5thmonthandshedtoldmeshehadlovedme,overthe4monthsi
foundoutshehadliedtomeaboutbreakingupwithmetoflirtwithotherguys.Irelentlesslytookherbackblindedbylove,
Thenigotparanoidandsheendedupgettingpissedatmeaboutit,ifixeditandthenshethoughtithoughtshewascheating
onmeandshedidnttellmeherfriendtoldmeshewantedtobreakup!andiwaslikewhat?!andijustwasfeelingheartbreak
rightwhenshesentmethatinaTEXT!notevencaredenoughtocallme?!andshemovedonrightwhenshebrokeupwith
me..NowsheshappyandimAlonedepressedinmydarkroomwithonlymythoughtsaboutandthinkingofsuicide...MyfirstLove
andshebrokemyheartandidneverexpectit...Ivebeenupseteversince...Imadeapromisetoherthatiwouldntjointhat
Marines...Wellimjoiningcauseshebrokeherpromise...Nevertoleaveme..Eventhoughitookherbackeverytimesheleftme..
Ididntthinkwithmyheadandshetookadvantageofme..iwasjustappauleddistraughtandnowimstilldepressed..Icontain
myemotions..IputasmileonforeveryoneandijustwanttotakeagunandwriteheranoteandShootmyselfinthehead...
Sayingthisisallyourfault...

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|08/07/11|22:30PM

Thankyouforwritingthisirealizethattheresmoretolifethandepression..
ihadbeendatingmyexfor4monthsabout2weekstillour5thmonthandshedtoldmeshehadlovedme,overthe4monthsi
foundoutshehadliedtomeaboutbreakingupwithmetoflirtwithotherguys.Irelentlesslytookherbackblindedbylove,
Thenigotparanoidandsheendedupgettingpissedatmeaboutit,ifixeditandthenshethoughtithoughtshewascheating
onmeandshedidnttellmeherfriendtoldmeshewantedtobreakup!andiwaslikewhat?!andijustwasfeelingheartbreak
rightwhenshesentmethatinaTEXT!notevencaredenoughtocallme?!andshemovedonrightwhenshebrokeupwith
me..NowsheshappyandimAlonedepressedinmydarkroomwithonlymythoughtsaboutandthinkingofsuicide...MyfirstLove
andshebrokemyheartandidneverexpectit...Ivebeenupseteversince...Imadeapromisetoherthatiwouldntjointhat
Marines...Wellimjoiningcauseshebrokeherpromise...Nevertoleaveme..Eventhoughitookherbackeverytimesheleftme..
Ididntthinkwithmyheadandshetookadvantageofme..iwasjustappauleddistraughtandnowimstilldepressed..Icontain
myemotions..IputasmileonforeveryoneandijustwanttotakeagunandwriteheranoteandShootmyselfinthehead...
Sayingthisisallyourfault...

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|08/07/11|22:30PM

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

48/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak

IputasmileonforeveryoneandijustwanttotakeagunandwriteheranoteandShootmyself
inthehead...Sayingthisisallyourfault...

OK,enoughisenough.That'sNOTlove.That'sselfindulgentbullshitandit'sselfishtoevenTHINKthat
yourdoingsomethinglikesuicideisanyone'sfaultbutyourown.Youneedtogetoutofthathabitrightnow!Youcannot
faceeveryhardshipandprobleminlifebythreateningtohurtothersbecauseyoufeeldepressed.Let'sfaceit,that'sall
you'retryingtodo...youthinkshe'llsufferemotionallyifyouweretokillyourself.Considerthis...whatifshedidn't?
You'llnotonlyhavewastedyourlife,butyouwon'tevenhavegottenthesatisfactionyouthoughtyouwanted.
That'sadeadendpathandyouneedtostopthatkindofthinking.
Takenote...asaformerMarinemyself...you'dbettergetyourheadscrewedonstraightbeforeyoushowupatBootcamp.

Mundusvultdecipi

GerhardAdam|08/07/11|22:38PM

Link

Ihavebeenthroughmanyheartbreaksbutthisonewasabitmorestrangerthan"USUAL".Havebeenthroughlossoffamily
membersatarelativelyyoungage,heartbreaksandcameoutofitabitbruisedproperlybutalwayswiser.Thisgfofmine
brokeupwithoutevenhavingtalkedtomeifthingsweregoingbadbetweenus(whichactuallywerent).Shehadthishuge
emotionalbaggagewhenwestartedgoingoutandiwouldhelphershowthebrightsideoflifeandtryingtomakeherhappy.I
supportedhergettingbacktoherfeet,emotionallyalot,helpingherpushinghertryingtogetherlongduegraduationbackon
track,discussingwithherthroughthetimes.Shewasthekindofpersonwhowouldgiveupeasilyandiamcompletelytheother
kind.Iwouldalwaystalkherthroughthat,tellhertotakeitonestepatatime.Thefirstthingshedoeswhenshegetsa
prospectofajobisdumpme.Shegavemenoreason,justoutofthebluedumping,whichmakesmethinkthatshenevermeant
itinthefirstplace.Wassheplanningitthewholetime,maybe.Butonethingirealizediinvestedmytimeinherwhichdoes
hurtalot,butthesilverliningisitsavedmealifefilledwithcompromisesanddisappointmentsformyselfandfinallystart
thinkingoftheotherthingswhichialwayswantedtoachieveformyselfandhadbeenignoringjusttomaketherelationship
work.Nowthatithinkaboutit,itsoundsabitstupidididallthatbutwhenyouareinit,yousomehowlivewithit.Irealized
thattherearepeoplewhoarejustNOTWORTHIT.Thesearepeoplewhoaresoscrewedupinlifeandstrangelydonotwantto
comeoutofitbecausetheyaresousedtoit,thatitbecomestheirwayoflife.Istillbelievethatapersonwhoisthe"rightone"
wouldnothurtyouinsuchamanner.Thesearejustsomeselfishhumanbeingswhodonotknowanyotherwayoflife.Theyare
justnotworthcryingfor.Thehumaninmefeelsverysorryforsuchpeopleandmakesmeangrythatsomethinglikethat
happenedtome.Buttherationalistsideinmetellsmeitsjustablip,isapartoflife.28yearsofmylifeihadlivedveryhappily
withoutthisperson.Ihadagreatlifeandhavedreamsformyself.Icannotgiveitupjustbecauseofawomanwhobehavesso
selfishly?Sheisjustnotthegirlanditwasnotmeanttobe.Wehaveunfortunatelynootherwayotherthanthispainfulwayto
reeallymeetoursoulmate.Weareallapartofit.Soletsplayourpart.Accepttheoccasionalblipsandmoveon.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|08/22/11|04:40AM

IwakeupinthemorningandrealizethepainI'mfeeling.Thefeelingofloosingsomeonesoclose.It'slikenoother.Ican'teat,
can'tsleep,he'sallIthinkabout.Imadeamistakeinthepastbutheleftmeforanotherreason.Hedidn'twanttoargue
anymoreandIunderstood.I'vealwayshatedarguing.Ineversawthepointofit.Butwhybreakupwithmeifitcouldhavebeen
fixed?IknowI'monly18butIsharedsomuchwithhim.We'vebeentogetherfor3yearsand4months.Iblamemyselfforitall.
IwishIcouldtakeitback.Iwouldfixmymistake.Iknowhestillcaresformebuthedoesn'twanttoanymore.Hesaidhewas
tiredofitandwewereoverforgood.Ijustcantacceptit.Ilovehim.AndsomesayI'mtooyoungtotrulylovebutI'ma
passionateperson.Icareforhimsomuch.I'vebeengivensomuchadvisetolethimgobutmyheartcan't.It'ssohardtodeal
withthepain.I'msoconfused.Ifeelmyworldcrashingdown.:(

Link

CrystalGrijalva(notverified)|08/24/11|13:46PM

Theadviceonhowtomendthebrokenheart:
Great,it'sveryuseful.Keepsmymindoffthesituation.
Forthatperiodoftime.
Assoonasmymindisnotbusywithanyofthatanymore,it'sjustgoingtogorightbacktothepain.
Thatadvicewon'tmendmybrokenheart.Itmightkeepitbusy,butitwon'tmendit.
Anyotheradvice?

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|08/31/11|01:47AM

Theadviceonhowtomendthebrokenheart:
Great,it'sveryuseful.Keepsmymindoffthesituation.
Forthatperiodoftime.
Assoonasmymindisnotbusywithanyofthatanymore,it'sjustgoingtogorightbacktothepain.
Thatadvicewon'tmendmybrokenheart.Itmightkeepitbusy,butitwon'tmendit.
Anyotheradvice?

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|08/31/11|01:47AM

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

49/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
Wowreadingthishasprovidedsomemuchneededrelief!Itisnicetoseethattherearepeopleouttherethataresurvivingwith
thesameachingheartIhaverightnow.Thankyouallforsharingyourexperiences!
MywifeandIhadbeentogetherforfouryears,marriedforthree.IamintheNavyandstationedinJapan.WhenImovedout
hereayearandahalfagoshedidnotcomewithmeduetothefactthatshegotpregnantwithoursonjustbeforewewere
supposedtomoveouthere.Ihavecomehomeonleavemultipletimesandeverythinghasseemedtomeatleasttobegoing
good.WhileIwasdeployedthislasttimeaboardthecarrier,heremailsstartedtobecomeshorterandlessfrequent.Thiswent
onforabouttwoweeksuntilIfinallyaskedherwhatwaswrongandshetoldmethatbasicallyshefeltshehadlostherselfand
thatshecouldnolongerbemarriedtomeandbehappythewayshewanted.
NeedlesstosayIwasabsolutelydevastated.Ihaveneverfeltsoaloneinmy27yearsonthisearth.Ilovethiswomanwithall
myheartandhavebeenfaithfulandagreatfathertooursons.Oneofwhichwashersfromherpreviousmarriage.Heis5and
wehavea1yearold.Ifeeleverythingdescribedintherestoftheseposts.Anger,loneliness,guilt,emptiness...Ilost30pounds
overthenext3weeksaftershetoldmethis.
Ihopethebestfortherestofyou,IamaprettypositivepersonandonceIcanstoprandomlycryingandgetthisfeelingoutof
thepitofmystomachIfeelthatwithtimeIwillbeabletocopewiththissituation.Goodlucktoeveryoneandthankyoutothe
posterofthisblog.

NavySailor(notverified)|08/31/11|19:23PM

Link

NotonlyhaveIbeenheartbroken,Ihavebeenscrewed.MyfirstloveandthefirstpersonIhadeversleptwithbrokemyheart.
HewasthefirstpersonIgavemyselftooandIwas20yearsold.Ilovedhimsomuchandwemadesomanyplanstogether.He
calledmeafatcuntonenightandIendedupbreakingupwithhimtoonlyrealizethathedidntcareatall.Henevertalkedto
meagain.AmonthlaterIfoundoutthatIhadHPV.IemailedhimtotellhimwhatIhadjustfoundoutandhestillneverspoke
awordtome.Howcansomeoneyouspenteverydaywith,andsharedapartofyourlifewithdosomethinglikethattoyou?Not
evenanapology?Notaword???IhaventsleptwithanyonesincewebrokeupandIhavebeenheartbrokeneversince.Imoved
awaytostartmycareerandIthoughtthatthiswouldhelpmeheal,butithasnt.Ihatehimsomuchforwhathedidtome.I
dontwanthimbackandIwillneverspeaktohimagainButISTILLcantseemtostopcryingandstopfeelingsohurt.6months
afterthebreakupIgotmyfirstoutbreakofgenitalwarts.IstillhaventsleptwithanyoneelseandIfeellikemyentirelifeis
ruinedbecauseofthisguy.IwassuchagoodgirlandwaitedsolongtogivemyselftoanyonebecauseIdidntwantthisto
happentome,andithappenedANYWAYS.HowcanIevertellmynextpartneraboutthis?HowcanIbewithanyone?HowcanI
trustanyone!?????ImsoembarrassedandIfeelsostupid.IregretevermeetinghimandImsotiredofcrying.Iamgoingto
havetolivetherestofmylifescarredontheinsideandtheoutside.Ididntdeservethis:(

SadGirl(notverified)|09/01/11|01:29AM

Link

Imgoingthroughalotofwhatsbeenwrittenonthisarticle,iwaswithagirlfornearly4yearssinceshemovedtoourschoolshe
wasmybestfriendthepersonicoldtalkaboutanythingto.Ayearagoshemovedawayandweonlygottosaweachotherevery
otherholidays,ipromisediwouldnotleaveher,whensheeventuallydidcomebackwichwasaseveralmnthsagoeverything
justchangedshewouldspendmoretimetalkingtoherfriendsandgoingoutwiththemthatshewouodme,ithurtcoziwas
thereforherwhentheywernt..Wewouldargueandshewudgooffwiththemandtheybwouldfillherheadupwithhsoomuch
shitjustcosthey'vehatedmesinceday1,,mainlybcozimntthesamecolourasthem..Menmygfhavehadsoomany
arguemnetdinourreltaionshipbutalwaysgotoverthem,weresoinsecureaboutoneanotherandoftenlythatwhattriggersour
arguements..
Beforeitwouldjustmeandherandnoothergirlsorboysthatswhatiebeenusedtobutsinvehercomingbakfrombeingaway
sheactssoodifferentwhenweargue..Whenshesaystheresnomoreusitfeelssoomuchmorerealthanitseversonebefore
andnowimsooscaredthativelosthereforeever..Wewiuldalwaysplanseverythingbtigeterandtalkaboutbeeingtgetger
freva..
Ihvetoadmitivbeeennoangelrecentlywegtintoargumntacupleofweeksagoandididthewirstthingaguycoulddotohis
partnerilaidmyhandsariundherneckbutbeforethingsgotevenmoreseriousijusgotupandleft..Eversincethenthings
haventbeenthesameandnowtbhidontthinkilevergtherbkherfriendsaretwistingthingsandmakingherbeleievethtshe
dntneedme..Ikantlivewithoutthisgirlallthethingsonthisarticlearehapeingtomenijusdntnowhattadu..

Anonymous(notverified)|09/04/11|10:01AM

Link

Ifeelyouonthis.Mygirlfriendwassomeonespecialtomeandiwasher"everything".Thatwasuntilshewenttosacstate
andstartedmeetingnewpeople.Iwasherhighschoolsweetheartanddideverythingforher.Isupportedheratschool
andasacouplebutherfriendsputthingsinherheadandeversincethenshehasnobeenthesameperson.Ihavelosther
notjusttoherfriendsbuttoanotherperson.Inmyworldshestheonlyone.Inherworldtherearemanyfishinthesea.I
knowimightsoundinsecurebutwhensomeonebreaksyourheartitreallydoeshurt.Icantgetherbackbecauseshefeels
toogoodforme.Thesadthingisimadeherwhatsheisandgotherwheresheis.Butgoingtocollegeandmeetingnew
peopleturnedherintoyouraveragesacramentocaliforniagirl.Sad.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|09/06/11|11:04AM

Myadvice:Buildabridgeandgetoverit.Ifyourheartisbroken&&sheiscarryingonperfectlyfineisn'tthatasign
forutocarryonthesame??Youwillneverknowifsheiscomingbackforsure...butyouneedtostartlivingasifshe

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

50/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
died.LolwheneverIgothroughabadbreakupIpretendtheydied..Itellmyselfthereisnowaytocontactthem,
thereisno"themcomingback",andtheyaregoneforever.&&Iliterallyliveliketheydied.&&uknowwhatthey
alwayscomebackwhenIdothislol..butistoppedlivingforthemcompletely....justmakesureuDONOTtakeher
backifsheeverFacebookmessagesyouorcontactsyouinanotherwaythat'sagreatwaytohavetorelivethepain
uvealreadybeenthrough.CreateamemorialofyouroldmemorieslightcandlesandputRIP.NOTONLYWILLIT
HELPYOUMOVEON,BUYULLGETAKICKOUTOFITEVERYTIMEYOUSEEIT.:)

mlove(notverified)|10/30/11|09:57AM

Link

Ihaveagreatdealofrespectandadmirationforthoseherearetrulybattlingtostayalive.Manyofthesestoriesringsoterribly
true.IechothesentimentthatIwouldn'twishthisonmyworstenemy,andsoIamsosorryforallofyouwhoaresuffering.It
isexcruciating.NotadayperhapsevenanhourgoesbythatIdon'tthinkofher.Westillcontacteachotheroccasionally,
andIalmostthoughtweweregoingtogetbacktogetheraboutamonthagowhenshepulledawayagain.Norealexplanation.I
feellikeSisyphusandthistrulyisHell.Afterall,"WhatpowerwouldHellhaveifthosehereimprisonedwerenotableto
dreamofHeaven?"Ijustdon'tknowwhattodo,anditisliterallydestroyingme.Ihavelostalotofweightanddevelopedother
healthproblems.Ifindmyselfcollapsingintofitsofcryingorscreaming.Oneyearofconstantagony.Shakespearewaswrong.
Itisnotbettertohavelovedandlost.Ignorancetrulyisbliss.Onceyoufindthatsympatheticresonancewithsomeone,yourlife
ischangedforever.Theydon'tjustleave.Theyhavealteredyourveryemotional,andthusphysical,makeup.Theyaretornfrom
you,withhugepiecesofyoubeingrippedawayintheprocess.Igetsosickofthehappyending,"I'mgladIgotdumpedbecause
thenImetmysoulmate!"speech.Gofuckyourselves.ThatisnotsomeGoldenRule.Foreveryoneofyou,therearecountless
otherswhodiealone.Igetsotiredofthehackneyedtimehealsallwoundsspeech.That'sthebestpeoplecando?Justwait
untilyouforgethowhappyyouwerehowhappyyoucanbeandthenyoucanfinallyconvinceyourselfthatyourreturnto
mediocrityissomehowgratifying.Myhowterriblyinspirational.
ThatiswhyIcontinuetofight.IwillburnforwhatIbelieveinlikeThichQuangDuc.Iwillsitandsmoldersilentlyinthebelief
thatwecanbetogetheragain.Idonothavetogiveup.Idonothavetomoveonorsettle.Yes,thereisonlysomuchIcando,
butrememberthat"thosealsoservewhoonlystandandwait."YesitisapainfulpaththatIamchoosing.Butthoseofyouon
thisboardwhotrulyfoundthepersonyoulovemorethananyotherinthisworldwillunderstandthat"choosing"becomes
semantic.Wearecompelled.ItistothosepeoplethatIsayIsupportandrespectyou.Maybeyoutoohavefoundthateven
wellmeaningfriendsandfamilyhavelongsincebecomeexasperatedwithyou.Maybeyoutoolivewithconstantthoughtsof
suicide.Maybeyoutoofindthatacertainerrantmemorycancrippleyouassureasbullettotheback.Maybeyoutoosometimes
haveanimageofherwithsomeoneelseanditevisceratesyou.Andyetyoufight.Youfighteveryfuckingday,mostofthetime
notevenknowingwhy.Idon'thavetheanswernow,either.Iamsurethatmuchisobvious.IjustknowwantyoutoknowthatI
respectyou,andIhopeweallgetexactlywhatwewant.Nothingless.

LutherBlissett(notverified)|09/07/11|07:21AM

Link

HiLuther,Ifyou'restillreadingthisItrulydon'tmeandisrespectforyourfeelingsbutIhadtosmilewhenIread..
"...That'sthebestpeoplecando?Justwaituntilyouforgethowhappyyouwerehowhappyyoucanbeandthenyou
canfinallyconvinceyourselfthatyourreturntomediocrityissomehowgratifying.Myhowterriblyinspirational...."
Obviouslyitwasasmileofgreatirony,becausethatisthebottomlineofhowIfeelrightnow.Itellmyfriends"I'mnot
afraidofthepainfading,butammoreafraidofforgettingthewonderfulfeelingoflovewithhim".
IcansayforafactI'vebeenthroughatleast3badbreakupslost7kgofroneofthem,lostmydirectionandmeaningof
lifebutIdidindeedsurvivethemwiththehelpofTIME.NowthatI'molder,andsupposedlywiser,thepainisno
less...sigh*
DidIthinkaboutsuicidenotreally.ButIDOunderstandhowonecouldarriveatapointwherehe/shesays"Ican'tbare
thepain/stress,Iwantittoallgoaway".ButquicklyIhavethismentalpictureofthepersonwhomI'mpiningforandon
theotherside,allthosewhowillbesosadifIweretotakemyownlife.Rightnow,rightthisinstant,ofcourseIfeelmyex
isworthso,somuch.ButIforcemyselftorememberhowmuchI'mworthinallthoseotherdearfriendsandfamily'sheart
andhowmuchmorepainIwillcausethem.
SoItellmyselfandallofushere,onebabystepinfrontoftheother.I'mreligious,andIhaveexperiencedmanyatime
whenGodclosesadoor,heopenedawindowforme.ItsjustthatsometimesIwassobusymoppingIdidn'tnoticethe
sunshinecomingthroughthewindoworhearthebirdschirping.Butpleasebelievethedaywillcome.Oneveryvitalthing
toknowishappinessdoesn'tjustcomefrombeingwithsomeoneorbeinginarelationship,itcouldbeaverydifferent
form.
AsIwritethistoallofyoureadingthisIamalsosayingittomyselfasmywoundisstillfreshandIamexperiencinga
changeofemotionseveryfewhoursPain,sadness,doubt,blamingmyself,blaminghim,anger,itswitchesgear.My
greatestfearisthinkingthatIwaitedtillI'mtiredenoughtogotobedbutthenIsuddenlyjoltawakeintheweemorning
hours,heartbeatingwiththeanxietyorsadness.Thatlonelinessisunbearable.
Butfrommymemoryofpastbreakups,alljustasintense,itwillfade.Wejusthavetobewillingtoletitgo.Itshangingto
thelostlovethatmakesitpainful.Hugstoall...

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|09/15/11|23:44PM

IagreewithyouLutherweare'not'allcookiecutterpeople.Differentstrokesfordifferentfolks(speakingofwhich,I
coulduseonerightnowaterminalone,i.e.blackhumorisatoobriefrespite/temporaryremedyforsomepeople.)On

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

51/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
theotherhand,ifthisblogrepresentstheinjuredinspirit,whatofthosewho'do'thedamagetous?Tolistentothemtry
andexplain/rationalizetheirinhumanitytoman/womanwouldlikelybeasNietzschereferenced"acasualstrollthrough
thelunaticasylum(oflove,myaddendum)showsthatfaithdoesnotproveanything".
___________________________________
Asyousay,someofus(myselfincluded)willnotjust'rollover',suckitup,moveon,castanewline(orseveralmore)since
therearemanyotherfishiesinthehumancesspoolsorry,meantocean,etc.etc.Anyonereadingeveryone'scommentary
hereinshouldrealizethatthoughasharedpainisevidentall,isthesensealsosomepeoplebeforwhateverreason(s)'not
nice.'Alotofpeople.Howmany?Itonlytakesonetohurtyouandmostpeoplehereinseemtohavefoundthem(ormaybe
there'saserialdumperorafewrunningaroundouthere.)
___________________________________
Beingbranded'rejected'isbadenoughinandofitselfbuttheaddeddoseofcrueltythattheabusersemploy(like
breakingupbyphoneoremailortext),ordoingsoonsomeone'sbirthday,orAnniversaryoraHolidayany,atleast
suggeststhattheadvicetonotgiveuponlovebecause'youjusthaven'tfoundtherightone'(yet?)isfraughtwithaticking
soundorafuse.Bettertohavelovedandlostthannever?Wehavebutoneothercheektoturnthosewhotakethe
'relationshipsarealearningexperience'crockofeffluviumtoheartmighthavemorefaithplayingRussianRoulette,butmy
takeisit'snotsomuchamatter'if'youwillbehurtagainas'when'.Upshot:proceedwithcaution.

Link

Anonymous#999,999(notverified)|11/30/11|10:51AM

Luther,ILOVEyou!!ExactlywhatIthink!Atleasthavethoughtthatmostlyduringthepast8monthssincemyhusband
left,althoughit'sstartingtoshiftaftertalkingto"him"theotherday.
Theonlyexceptionis,inmycase,Ihavepeoplesaying"getoverhim,hewasn'tgoodlooking,hewasn'tfromagoodfamily,
hedidn'thavemoneyoragoodjob"(Mom)to,"he'sasociopath,narcissist,heisnotcomingback,hejustdecidedoneday
hedidn'tlikeyou,that'sall,yougotbamboozled".
AND,allthatappearstobetrue!And,heisNOTthepersonnowthatIthoughthewasandclearlydoesn'tloveme,inspite
ofhisf'inginsistencethathedoes...thethingshehassaidtomerecentlyaredevastating.HowcouldIhavebeenhappy
whileitseemshedidn'tevenlikeme!Wehadadifficultrelationship,butItrulythoughtweweremeanttobetogether
(andhesaidsomanytimestooandtoldthedamnworldhowmuchhelovedme)andwewouldworkoutourissuesand
grow.IthoughtIwaslovedandwasthehappiestIhadeverbeeninmylife.
Iamswitchingtoangerrightnow(that'sagoodsign,right?)atthethoughtofsharingmysmallhousewithhim,his
daughteronweekends,everythingItriedtodoforthem,tobesocoldlyandflatlyrejected.Hecouldn'thavefiguredthis
outBEFOREwegotmarried?Nottomention,beforeIspent30Konawedding!Damn.Oneyearand4monthsofliving
w/meaftertheweddingwasallhecouldtake,statinghe"wasunhappyforalongtime"andwentwithamarried(now
divorcing)womanwhohascancer!hetellsmehe"doesn'twantarelationshipwithanyonerightnow",but"doesn'twanta
divorce".Whatamindfuck.
Thatangerfeltgoodjustthen...maybeIshouldplotrevengeinstead...Icouldprobablymusterupenoughofittodevotemy
lifetovengeance!ButIwon't....
Ihatecominghomeattheendoftheday.Ihategoingtowork.Ihateopeningupthepantryandseeingsomethinghe
bought.Ihatefixingdinnerandthinkingofhimfixingitformeorustalkinginthekitchen.Ihatetheemptyspaceonthe
bednexttomethatwassupposedtobehisforever.Ihatenotbeingabletolookforwardtoanythingtogether.Ihatethat
Ifeltlikethefuturewasarealmofpossibilities,andnowIknowit'sjustthesame,depressing,lonelyexistenceIwasallto
familiarwith.IhatethatIdon'thavefamilythatcanbelovingandsupportivetome(theywereforaboutamonth,now
theyareextremelydysfunctional,meanandnastytome).So,toheckwiththosethatsay"you'vegotyourfamilyand
friends".
Wow,Isoundlikealoser.AndIfeellikeone.Iworkedmywholedamnlifeveryhardbothwithworkandonmyself
onlytoendupinthispileofcrap!!?
Doesanyonetakeanythingnonprescriptionthathelpswiththecryingfits,heartacheanddepression?Iwasdoingmuch
betterafewweeksago,butChristmas,followedbyouranniversarynewyear'seve(HEwantedtogetmarriedNYEve"so
thathe'dneverspendanotherNewYear'salone".Bethewasn'talone,butIsurewas!),followedbycompleteinsanityfrom
myfamily...
IsworeIwouldneverevergetdivorced(asubjectheinquiredaboutthoroughlybeforewemarried).Andneverunderstood
whypeoplewouldbecomesobitterandvindictiveandruintheirlives,butdamnit,Iseenow.Ithinkit'satwistedwayof
hangingon.AllofthisiscomingtomeasIamwritingonhere!Pleasedon'tjudgeme.Ineedtowritemore(justformeto
see).
WTF,thegapingholeofsilence.Ittrulyislikepartofyourbodyhasbeenrippedapart...onlyitjustkeepsripping...andit's
danglingthere,nastyandbloody.Andthenyousay,no,it'sOk,nothingisbroken...andthenallIhearisthesilence.Ifeel
soalone.EvenwhenItalktoatherapist,Ifeelaloneandnotunderstood!
Goodluckall.Thisishell.Ijusthadabeautifulweddingdresson...andthemostbeautifulceremonyanyonehadever
attended.WhodidImarry?Myself?Washenotthere?

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|01/12/12|21:08PM

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

52/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak

Idon'tknowaboutthesciencebehind"heartbreak",butIknowandfeeltherealityofit.
Itisnowapproaching3yearssinceIfoundthewomanthatIlove,dead,atherhome,sadly,tragicallyon14thNovember2008,
thedatethatthiswebpagewasoriginallycreated.
Sincethattimethatsheleftus,toshineherloveandcourage,elsewhere,Ihavebeenthroughmanyemotionsofgrief,loss,
sadness,emptiness,lonelinessand...still,thepersistent"heartache",heartbreak...hearthurt...ofmissinghersovery
much...everyday.
"Howlong,tosingthissong.Howlongtosingthissong"?
Love,truthandjusticewillprevail.TheLight"shines"on.
Thankyoulove.
13thOctober2011.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|10/12/11|19:41PM

Iam29andhewasmyfirstineverything.Sowebrokeup.Ipraythisisthefinalone.Wehavebeentogatherforalmostayear
ofbreakingupandmakingup.Aviciouscircle.Andithurtssoooomuch.Iusedtothinkiwastoughandthoughtthatanywoman
whostoopssolowtobegaguyisafool.Wellihavebeenafool.Wehadahugebreakuprecently.Andthetoughgirlactually
stoopedsolowthatiwenttohisapartmentwaitedforhimsothatwecouldendthisfacetofaceinamatureandhopefully
pleasantmanner.Hiscarwasnottheresoicalledhimandhesaidhewassleeping,butwheniaskedhimtoopenthedoorhe
hunguponme.Andhedidthis3times.Iknewhewasnotathome.Imadeafoolofmyself.Isenthimonenastytxtmsgand
onenastyvoicemsg.Thenforthefirsttimeicouldnotcry.Iusedtocrymyselftosleepbutthistimemytearsdidntcome.I
wenthome,couldnotsleepandat3amiwokeupandprayedtoGodtogivemestrengthtowalkoutofthishell.Ilostmy
dignitylastnightwheniwenttohisplacelastnighthopingtogeteverythingresolved.Irealisemysituationisonefullofmisery
anditsnothealthy.Iwantout.Soyesheartbreakreallyhurts.Iamgoingtogivemyselftimetoheal.Iwillnotfallagain.Iknow
hewillwaitaweekwhenhethinksihavecooleddownandhewillcontactme.Butthistimeiwillnotstoopdownagainnor
makeafoolofmyself.

Link

Immy(notverified)|10/28/11|13:38PM

ItishelpfultoreadthesecommentsandknowthatIamnottheonlyonegoingthroughheartbreak.Myboyfriendof3years
brokeupwithme2daysago.Ihadjustmovedtouniandhehadhadtimetothinkaboutwhathewantsandhesaidhewantsto
beonhisown.Istillcantgetmyheadarounditbecauseeverythinghasbeenfine.Wehaveticketstoseeconcerts,making
plansforholidays,Ievenlivewith3ofhisbestfriends.Ifeellikeyoualldo,thatsinkingfeeling,theheaviness,theache,the
feelingthatIcantgoon.WhenIgotosleepatnightidontwanttowakeup.Everydayisastruggleanditsonlybeen1whole
daysinceithappened.Imisshimsomuchandwanthimback,ithoughthewastheone!Ijustdontunderstand!Howthingscan
changesoquickly,howthingscangofromamazingto'Iwanttobeonmyown'inamatterofweeks.
Everyonesaystokeepbusyandtojustacceptitbutitsnotthateasy.Iamonly22butIdontknowanyothergirlsmyageor
olderwhoarentinrelationships.Idontwanttomeetanyoneagainandgothroughitallagain.Iwanthimback....somuch!

Link

Ellie(notverified)|11/05/11|09:01AM

PerhapsIcanoffersomewordsofadvice,havingrecentlysufferedthedeathofanangel.Itwasbrutaland
happenedabout6weeksagonow.Myadvice?
Family(mostimpt)
Friends(inreallifeandalsoonline)
Writing(ifyouareposting,thenyouliketowrite)
Music(CD'sinthecarratherthantalkradio)
Walking(tobalancethesitting)
Sunshine(butprophylaxagainstskincancer),andfinally
Moonshine(thoughnotnecessarilyWhiteLightning)
That'sseven,tomatchtheSevenSistersofPleiades(comingfullcircle).

Link

BobbyKnight|11/05/11|09:29AM

Andonemorething:
AttachagoodsetofheadphonesorspeakerstoyourPCandbootupthis.

Link

BobbyKnight|11/05/11|09:54AM

Ilostmydogafewweeksago,I'monly15andI'dhadhimsinceIwasabout2.Heheldmylifetogetherhonestly,hewaswith
methrougheverytoughtimeIeverhad,myparentsgotdivorcedwhenIwas10,itwasanabusiverelationshipandmydogwas
theonlythingthatstayedthesame.MydadandIdecidedhewasintoomuchpainandwecouldntaffordtofixitforhim..We
hadtotakehiminandputhimtosleep,heknewwhatwasgoingonbecauseI'dbeencryinghoursbeforeandheknowsthevets
office,helickedawaymytearsandletmehughimallIwanted,Helayeddownwithhisheadonmyarmsandhediedinmy
arms...I'mcryingwhiletypingthisbecauseitwasonly2weeksago...thelastthingheheardmesaywas"You'remygoodboy,I
loveyou."AndIcollapsedandhuggedhim.Iknowhewasonlyadogtosomepeoplebuttomethatwaslikelosingoneofmy
parents...itwasreallyhardforme.Itellhisstorybecausehesveryimportanttomebutitstillmakesmecryeverytime..my

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

53/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
heartacheswhenIcryandIgetthelostemptyfeeling.IneededtoknowIwasntalone.Thankyouforwritingthis..itmakes
everythingmakemoresensetome.

Link

KoryEllyn(notverified)|11/06/11|21:31PM

Heartbreakisanexcruciatingpainandiexperienceditseveraltime,wecan'treallysaymysituationisharderthantheothers
andsoon.Becausethepainexperiencedbyeachandeveryoneofusisuniquetoourselves.Well,aboutme,iknewthisguysfor
3yearswhousedtobemybestfriendwhothenendupusingmeinsteadassomeoneineverknew.Istillcannotforgethimand
lovehimthesameway(morethanfriendswhichheknows).Hewon'teventellmewhyheleft.Whenthepainhitsmealmost
oneyearago,itwasunbearable.Everybreathitookforlivingwasstabbingmyinsideshard..regret,disappointmentwasthe
hardesttodealwith.Ibecomereallyweak.Ilostmystrength,andbecauseofallofthisilostmyjob..Istilldon'twanttogofor
ajob.Aftertryingsomuchilearnedtoshutdownsomeofmyfeelingsandmoveon.Hecamebackfewtimesandpainsme
again.IknowheneverbewhatIwanthimtobe.Heneverexplainanyofthethingshedid.Keepinghimwaspainingmenow
morethananything.Howheinjurethingsagainaftercomingback...nowiwillagainkeepalltheloveihaveforhiminside,and
controlitandliveafreelifeagain.itfeelslikeareliefthough..ican'tgivehimwhatheneedsandhecan'tgivemewhatineed.
sowewerenevermeanttobeandbestwayistostayawaylikeweneverkneweachother.Andiknowi'llbeok.Butthefeelings
ihadforhimisamazing.it'sthefirstandthelasttimeihaveloved...iwillneverforgetthesefeelingsandneverforgethim.he
probablyneverlovedme,butiexperiencemyheartandhowbeautifulitfeelstolovesomeonetruly..howstrongitis...Idon't
feelanyattractiontoanyonenow.Maybeit'spitythaticanneverbemarried.Buticanbehappybecauseilovedhimtrulywhole
heartilyandinthedeepestwayonecouldeverloveandiwilltakeourmemoriesandmylovetomygrave...

vs(notverified)|11/09/11|05:31AM

Link

Ifeellike,somethingmustbewrongwithme,likei'mnotnormal.it'sbeenalmost3yrssincemybftoldhemetsomeoneelsethey
havea2monthsoldbabynow,i'vetriedtostoptalkingtohim(thoughwedon'ttalkoften,sometimes2,3,1,6monthsin
between)beforewebrokeup,wewheresoinlovewitheachother,wecouldn'timaginelifewithouteachother,iknewheloved
me,WEWERETHELOVEOFEACHOTHER'SLIFE,heaskedmetomarryhim,myheartandsoulsaidYesbuticouldn'tatthetime
becauseofthecircumstancesurroundingourrelationship(whichheknewabout,understood,butfoundithardtodealwith)and
becauseiknewiwasholdinghimback(aswedatedfor3yrs)frombeingwithsomeonethatdoesn'thavealotofbaggagelikei
did,itoldhimsometimestobewithsomeoneelse(becausewecouldn'tbetogetheratthetime)eventhoughiknewitwill
CRUSHMYHEARTastheslightthoughtofhimbeingwithsomeoneelseterrifiedme,healwayssaidi'mtheonlyonehewants
andhecouldn'timaginebeingwithsomeoneelsebutme.(mewaitingtosurprisehimbyaskinghimtoaskmetomarryhim
againandtheanswerYESwillbecomingoutofmymouth)wehadafightthatwasbroughtonbyfrustrationofnotbeingableto
betogetherorseeeachotherbecauseimovedtoanothercountryforschool,webothmissedeachothersomuch.thatnighti
wassoangrywithhimfornotwantingtocomeandvisitmefortheweekend(thoughhehadacasegoingoninthecourtandhe
hadtobethereuntiltheendofthecasewhichcouldgoonformonths,iknewaboutthecase)butthatwasnotwhyiwasreally
angry,iwasangrybecauseheisnotthetypethatcanjustflytoanothercountrywithoutmuchconvincing"onceittookme
monthstoconvincehimweshouldgotoLondonforsomedays,sothistime,ifeltishouldn'thavetotryhardconvincinghimto
comevisitmewhereiwas,sincewedidn'tseeeachotherformonths,sothatnight,aftermuchargument,itoldhimitwas
over(didn'tmeanit,iwassoangry)hesentmesmsthroughthenightandididn'tanswerandafterthatwespokebut,itjust
wasn'tthesame,weavoidedtalkingaboutthefightevenwhenwebothknewwewerestillhurtingfromthethingswesaidto
eachotherbutwejustcouldn'tgetpastitandthelongdistancebetweenusdidn'thelpmatters,sowewentforonemonthorso
barelytalkinguntilidecidedtocallhimandtellhimthatiamcomingtomeethimsowecantalkfacetofaceandworkthings
outbuthedidn'tanswer,iknewatoncesomethingwasnotrightbecausefor3yrshewouldcallmerightbackifhegotamissed
callfrommewhichwasn'tsomanytimesbecausehewouldalwaysanswer(andithesame)throughoutthenightiwaitedfor
himtocallmebackwithmyheartaching,couldn'tsleep,iwasreallyscaredofloosinghim,hecalledmeinthemorningandtold
mehewentonadatethathemetsomeoneandhefeelsthathehastomoveontogetovermebecausehedoesn'tthinkwewill
evergettobetogether,theremywholelifecamecrashingdown,ifeltlikemyhearthasbeenrippedoutofmychest,ihangedup
thephoneandcriedmyselfoutforweeks,noteating,notbeingabletosleep,getoutofthehouseordoanything,andiwondered
ifishouldtellhimthatwecanbetogetherafterthatphonecallbutdecidednottobecauseiknewsomethingwasbroken
betweenusandifitellhimwecanbetogether,hewouldprobablybewithmeandwonderwhatitwouldhavebeenlikeifhe
continuedwiththegirlhemetandididn'twanttobethatgirlthatisnotsecured,soiquestionedeverything,iquestionedhis
loveforme.itoldhimaftersomemonthswhyicalledhimthatnightandheadmittedhestillhasfeelingsformebutit'slatefor
us.it'salmost3yrsnow,thoughhelivesinanothercountry,ican'tstopthinkingabouthim,can'teraseallthegoodmemorieswe
shared,iache/longforhim,heisstilltheloveofmylifeandican'ttellhim.wheredoigofromhere?i'vebeentryingtoletgoof
thisfeelingbytryingtodatesomeoneelseanddoingthingsthattakesupmytime,triednottalkingtohim,nothingseemsto
worktheharderitrytoforgethimthemoredifficultitistoforget,itjustdoesn'tgo,atthesametime,i'mafraidtoletit
go,becausei'veneverlovedsomeonelikethisinmywholelife,whatifinevergettoexperiencethisfeelingagainwithsomeone
else.ijustwanttoforgetabouthimsoicanhaveanormalhappylife.ikeeptellingmyselfthatsomethingiswrongwithme.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|11/14/11|17:53PM

Hieveryone,
Ivebookmarkedthispageandkeepcomingbacktoitandreadingpeoplesposts.Iaminpureandutterturmoil,it'sbeenjust
over4weeksnowsincethemanIwasdeeplyinlovewithendedthings.Iamdevastatedandsoconfusedstillathisreasons
why.IdontknowifIwilleverstopsearchingforanswers.Iwillneverstophopingthathewillcomebacktome.Ihaveturned
intoapathetic,weakmess.EverynightIdreadgoingtobedbecauseIknowIwillcry,myheartwillacheevenmoreoverintense
thoughtsandmemoriesofhim.AndIwon'tsleepandIwillhavevividdreamsofhimandIwillwakeupeveryhourorsoina
panicrememberingthatIhavelosthim.ThenIwillwakeat5am,mybodyphysicallyunabletogetupbutmymindgoingcrazy
withthoughts.BeforeIevenopenmyeyesinthemorningIcry,Ifeeldreadforthedayahead,Ifeelnumbwithpain.Ifight
everyday,nottocry,fightwithmyselfhoping,wishing........Ifightnottoaskmutualfriendsabouthim,Ifighttotryandforget
him,Ifightwithmyselftomoveonwithmylife.IhaveahugefearthatIwillfeellikethisforever.Ihavehadbadbreakups

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

54/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
before,reallybadbutthisfeelsdifferent,Imsocutup.IavoidlookinginthemirrorbecauseIcannotbeartolookatmyself,
therejectedgirlwholovessomeonewhodoesntloveherback,whodoesntevendeserveheranddidnttreatherrightinthefirst
place.WhenidocatchaglimpseofmyselfinthemirrorIdonotrecognisemyself.Ifeelsodetachedfromtheworld,likeiam
ontheoutsidelookingin,withthishurtinmyhearttryingtohideit.Apartofmeislostthroughoutthismess,Icannotbelieve
thewaythishasaffectedmyverybeing.IamlostandIamempty.Iamalone,notaloneinthesenseidonothaveaboyfriend,
butaloneinmythoughtsandfeelingsandIdonotknowhoworwheniwilleverpickmyselfuporwhenIwilleverfeelbetter
aboutmyselfandmylife.Itludicrousthatoneemotionallyretarded,selfishmancandothistome.ItrynottoletitbutIcant
controlhowIfeel.
Iamtryingeverything,keepingbusy,seeingfriendsandfamily,exercising,meditationandvisualisation,sleepingpillsandI
startCBTnextweek.AllofthesehelpalittleandihopetheCBTwilltoo.Ihaveahistoryofselfharmingandihavedoneit
twicesince,asacopingthingandbecauseifeelnoselfworth........ihatethepersonIam.
AlthoughIwouldneverwanttoenditall,Ijustwishtherewassomething,anythingtostopthisfeelinganderaseallthathas
happened.Iama'noregrets'typeofpersonbutIreallywishIhadnevergotinvolvedwithhim.Iopenedmyheartandsouland
hedestroyedit.NowIhavealongjourneyaheadoftryingtoselfheal.
LogicallyandonarationallevelIknowimtoogoodforhim,e.t.c.butIjustcannothelpthisawful,horrendousfeeling
inside.......Imisshimtotheverycore,Ihavenevermissedanyonelikethisinmylifeandit'sutterhell.Iamwastingmylifewith
thisandthereseemstobenothingIcandoexceptallowtime.
IamgoingtoworkbutIcannotconcentrateandgivemyusual100%self,whichmakesmefeelevenworseaboutmyself.
IagreewithwhatLuthersaidaboveandIwillsitandwaithopingwewillbetogetheragain.YesitsapainfulpathIamchoosing
butIamgoingtotryandbalanceitsothatwhilstiamtryingtomoveonwithmylife,Iwillalways,alwayswishforandhope
thatwewillreuniteandhewillcomeback.It'ssadandstupidbutit'smydream.Acrazydream,butminenonetheless.Ibelieve
wearemeanttobetoghether.Eventhoughhehashurtmedeeply........
Callmeafool,yesIambutIamafoolsoinlovewithsomeone.
ThisheartachestuffissoawfulandIamstrangelygladIamnottheonlyonewhofeelsthisway.Myheartgoesouttoeachand
everyoneofyouinthisposition,forittruelyisgutwrenching.Ialsofeelthereissomethingwrongwithmetofeelthisway,it's
notrightorhealthytofeellikethissurely?
Thenmythoughtsturntorevenge,reallyawfulrevengeonhowicanhurthim.........theniaskwhywouldiwanttohurtsomeone
ilove.......andhowmuchexactlywoulditmakemefeelanybetter?
Iwanthelp,helptopullmeoutofthisdeep,darkhole.IwanttobehappyandIwanttobefreeagain.Iwantmeback.But
morethanthatIwanthimbackinmylife.
xxxx

Anonymous(notverified)|11/19/11|11:06AM

Link

Overtwoyearslaterandallofyourstorieshavegreatlyencouragedme.Iamlyingherewithafulldayaheadofmeatthebreak
ofdawnandIamhurting.IfeelsoupsetbecauseIhadknownthispersonforonly3monthsanditisalmost10timesmore
painfulthanthebreakupwithmyboyfriendof3years.Maybebecauseitwasarelativelybadbreakupandthispersonendedup
humiliatingmeandcuttingmeoff.IammostlyangryatmyselfbecauseIhadnobusinessbeinginthisrelationshipandIwas
blindedbythelongingforsomeonetoholdandtoenjoyeachother'scompany.Itwasalsotheexcitementofdatingsomeone
completelydifferentfrommyselfineverysenseoftheword.Differentrace,14yearsolder,atamuchmoreadvancedstagein
life.IhaveamonthtotheendofthesemesterandIfeellikeIcan'tkeepittogether.AllIwanttodosometimesisjustcurlup
inbedandreadstoriesofotherpeopletohelptakemymindoffmysituation.Thereisalsoanenormoussenseofguiltbecause
Iinitiatedthebreakupoutofangerandextremesadness(hejustdidn'treallycareaboutmeandwasn'tascrazyaboutmeasI
wasabouthim.Iwasneverapriorityandhe'dchooseconvenienceovermeALLTHETIME.)butthenIamcompletelytaken
abackbythewayhereactedeventhoughIbeggedhimlikeacompletenobodyanddroppedallmyprideathisfeet.Hecutme
offimmediatelyandblockedmefromevercontactinghim.Thathasbeenthehardestpart.Ifeelsolowbecausethisopensa
wholecanofwormsaboutmypossibleselfesteemissues.Ijustcan'tfindtheangerinmeeventhoughhehumiliatedmeso
much.I'mjustabigmesssomedaysandIhavelostinterestinschoolandmovingforwardwithmycareeratatimewhenallmy
matesaredoingjustthat.ThatpresentsevenmoreguiltlikehowcanIallowa3monthrelationshiptotearmeapartthewayit
isattemptingto?Thenightmares,sleeplessnights,lossofappetite,shortattentionspan,extremefatigue!Myworldseemsso
grayrightnow.IhavelovingfriendsandfamilyandafatherthatadorestheverygroundthatIwalkonYETIfeelthisway.I
knowthattimewillhealthiswoundandthatIwillbehappyagainwitharedefinedmeaninganpurposeformyexistence.It's
justreallyhardsomedays.Itiscomfortingtoknowthatothersareexperiencingsimilarfeelingstomine.FromyouallIhave
foundsomeencouragement.Thanks.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|11/21/11|20:45PM

Threemonthsorthreeyears...Idon'tthinkitmatters.I'mdyingfromtheendofathreemonthrelationshiptoo.Itsucks
becauseIwentthroughthis2yearsago.Metsomeonewhowasinmycityforacoupleweeksforwork,butwasfromthe
oppositecoast.Wereallyhititoffbutneitherofusknewhowwefeltabtlongdistancesowejustdecidedtokeepin
touch.Hecamebackafewweekslater,changinghisplanstogovisithisbrotheronthanksgivingtovisitingme.We
decidedtobeacouple.Talkedabtmarriageandhimmovinghere...Heevengotofferedajobhere,butthenhedeclinedit.
Ithinkmaybethat'swhereitstartedtogobad.Ilovedhimsomuchbuthewouldgothroughtheseperiodsofdoubtabt
ourrelationshipandIwouldhavetogivehimconvincingspeeches.Itwasreallytaxing..itshouldbetwopeopleworkingfor
therelationship,especiallyadifficultlongdistanceone,butinsteadIfeltitwasmefightingagainsttheobstaclesAND
him.NewyearshediditagainandIcriedsomuch..sothatwhenhecameformybdayacoupleweekslater,Ihadwallsup
fromallthathe'dputmethrough..andIendedupendingit..butnotbecauseIdidn'tlovehim.HewantedtotryagainbutI
wasn'tsure.Hewentbackhomeandweagreedtobetalkinglikebeforeweweretogether..foraboutaweekandthenthe
daythatIwasgoingtotellhimIwantedtotryagain..hesaidhethoughtweshouldjustbefriends.Iwentthroughhell
anddideverythingIcouldtoshowhimIlovedhimandthathehadnothingtobeafraidof..becausehesaidIhurthim.It
wouldgetreallycloseagainandthenhewouldpullawayandIhadtostartallover.Ievenflewtoseehim,justtotalk,just
foronenight.Onstpatricksday.Itwasmylastdesperateattempt..anditworked...whileIwasthere.Butassoonashe
leftmeattheairport,italreadystartedtorevert.April15hetoldmehehadbeenbackwithhisexforawhile.AndthenI
wasdevasted.AndIstoppedcontactwithhim,becauseI'mnotonetointerferewiththat.Ijustwishedhehadtoldme

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

55/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
sooner..Iwouldn'thavewastedsomuchtimeandmoney..hewaswithheralreadywhenIflewthere,andIhadalsosent
giftsforhisbdayandvday,andsenthimballoonswhenhegotapromotion.AttheendofMay,hecontactedmeandsaidI
wasrightabteverythingandthatheneverreallygavemeachanceandtheyhadbrokenup.Ihadbeenwantingthisforso
long,Iwasouttobreakfastwithfriendsandjustburstintotearsatthetable.ButthenitturnedouttobenotwhatI
expectedwhenIimaginedhimcomingback..hewasthesamedoubtingandallthatanddidn'twanttocommit..Igotfed
upandstoppedrespondingtohimsomuch..thennotatall..IwouldbefinallydoingbetterandtheneverytimeIwasout
havingfun,hewouldcall,andeventhoughIwouldn'tanswer,itsetmebacksomuch.Thenonenight,againI.wasout,he
called,andthistimeleftavm,whichheneverdid,soIcouldn'thelpitandlistenedtoitanditturnedoutitwashisex
sayingtoquitcontactinghim(eventhoifshepaidattentionitwouldbehimcallingmeinthelog)orshewasgoingto
comeacrossthecountryandkickmyass.Iwishshewouldhavewastedhermoneytocomehere!Butithurtlikehellthat
hewaswithHERagain.IwasdoingbetterandcouldhavedealtwithhimbeingwithsomeoneNew,butitjustsuckedthat
hewasgivingherANOTHERchanceandnotme(whenIaskedtotryagain,hewouldsaywehadourchance.Wealready
tried)..soIcalledhimnextdayandchewedhimoutforlettinghergothroughhisphone,whichhealwayssaidhewasa
veryprivatepersonandthiswasn'tthefirsttimesheddonethistome,ithappenedwhenhecontactedmeinMaytoo.And
Iwouldneverdothat.AndforlettingherharassmewhenIWASN'TEVENDOINGANYTHING.ThiswasprobablyOctorNov.
Westoptalking.March,theybreakupagain,hecontactsmeagain.Wearefriendsthistime..I'mokay.Wedecidetogoto
Texastogether,inMay,andI'mterrifiedthatitsallgoingtocomebackandhurtagain..firstfewdaysitwasfine,butthen
alltheoldhabitsandfeelings..weprettymuchlookedlikeacouplewhenweleft.ButthenIgethomeandhejustsaysit
wasnicewhilethere.WTF?!Iwassopissed..toldhimhowcouldhedothattomeagain..hesaidhethoughtIwasoverit
andIsaidIwasbutittookmeaverylongtimeandIwasverydepressed,whyevenriskdoingthat...AndthenIwasfinally
donewithhim..byamonthlater.Noteventobefriendsbecausehedoesn'tdeservemyfriendship.AndlastIknowof,he's
backwithher...eventhoughafterthelasttimehesaidhewouldneverbewithheragaincuzshetriedtokillherselfthelast
time.whatever,Ihonestlydontcareanymore.
SoamonthafterIhadfinallytrulylethimgoanddidn'tcareanymore,someonethatIhadmetbrieflybefore,cameback
intomylife..hehadlikedmebeforebutIwasn'tinterestedatthetime(ageandalsoitwasduringallthebackandforth
withtheex)..wealsomovedveryfastandIwasconcernedabtthisbecausetherewerealotofsimilaritiesandIexpressed
themalltohimandtoldhimIwasscared,butheassuredmehewasn'tmyexanditwouldn'thappen..andIwantedtogo
slowbuthestartedwithalltheforevertalksandsaidIloveyoufirstandjustreallymademebelievehim.Anditwasso
muchbetterthanthepreviousonebecause,wellone,hedidn'tdoallthisbackandforthdoubting,two,weweren'tlong
distance,wesaweachotheraLOT,three..hewasjustsomuchbetterasmyex.Hewasthatperfectpersonyouenvision
foryourselfbutthinkcan'tpossiblyexist...ButhereIhadfoundhim..howdoIjustletthatgo?AndIthoughttherewasno
waythatIwouldhavetogothroughthepain,depression,andheartachesosoonafterfinallyhealing.Butonour3month
anniv...Hebrokeupwithme.Saidhewasn'treadyforarelationship.Itwasveryoutoftheblue..wehadagreatthree
months..rarelyfought,funallthetime,happyallthetime.Iwaitedthreeweeksorsodidn'ttalktohimatallandthen
calledafewtimesandaskedtomeet..askedifwecouldtryagainbutgoslowthistime,reallydeveloparelationship..he
saidhestillwasn'treadyIsaidokay,thenhowabtwegoonafewdatesseewhereitgoes..notbetogether,butmorethan
friends.Heseemedexcitedabtthis..soIwashappy..butitsjustbeenupanddownsincethen,thiswasendofNov..and
thenmybirthdaywaslastweekandwehadplansthedaybeforeandthenhecancelled..Iwasreallybummed..andonmy
bdayheonlytexthappybday,couldn'tevencallandwouldn'tcallmeback..thensat,Ihadplanstogotoaconcert,andI
foundouthewasgoingtoandIwasamess..Ididn'twanthimthere,itssmallandIknewI'drunintohimandaboveallI
didn'twanttoseehimwithsomeone..whichisexactlywhathappened.Hewasgrindingonherrightnexttome..Ifeltso
disrespectedthathedidn'thavethedecencyformyfeelingstonotdothatwhereIcouldsee.Iaskedhisbestfriendif
they'retogetherandhesaidno,thathe'dtellmethetruth..sonowitfeelslikeNovalloveragainwhenwefirstbrokeup.I
haven'theardfromhim,Iprobablywont..healwayssaidhe'dneverhurtmeandalwaystellmethetruth,andhehurtme
themostonmybday(satconcertwasformybdayalso)...I'mtryingtohatehimfordoingthatbutIcan't.Ican'tgetover
thathewastheclosesttoperfectI'deverhad..ittookmeayearandahalftogetoverthelast3monthrelationship..and
thisonemeantsomuchmoretome...Iwanttobewithhimsobadly...(Andfortherecord,Ihavehadlongterm
relationships,longestwas5.5yrs)..andIhavetrieddatingotherpeopleasadistractionwhileIwaitforhim,orevento
makemerealizehe'snotsogreat...butthey'reallJUSTNOTHIM..whydoIhavetogothroughthisagain:(IfeellikeI'm
dying..orthatIwantto.Haven'teateninover2days,can'tsleeporsuddenlygetsosleepyandsleepfor30minoran
hour..beeninbed2days..allday,andlotsoftears.Ijusthopehellrealizewhathegaveup...

Link

bunny(notverified)|01/23/12|22:00PM

Hi,Icheckthissitealmosteverydaytoseeifanyonerepliesafterme.Idon'treallyknowwhy,maybetoconsolemyselfthatI
amnotgoingthroughthisalone,righthereandrightnow.ButofcourseIwouldn'twantanyonetofeelthispain(apartfrommy
ex,buthe'ssoemotionallystuntedhewouldn'tandcouldn't).IwasspeakingtoafriendlastnightaboutwhyIamtakingthisso
hardwhenitwasonlya8monthrelationship.It'stheworstever.Maybebecauseinthatstageyou'resocaughtupinthethroes
offallinginloveandhaveallthesehopesbuildingup,thenit'ssnatchedawayfromyouwithoutexpectingit.
IstuggletofindtheangerinmetooandIamsuppressingitlikeIalwaysdo,butIknowitwillcomeandwhenitdoesitwillbe
easiertodealwith.
IwentformyfirstCBTsessionyesterdayandIdidfeelbetterafterit.Iwillbehavingabout7moresessions,andIreally,really
hopetheyhelpbutatthesametimeIamnotplacingallmyhopeonthemincaseIamletdown.ButIwouldreccomendit.It's
emotionallyexhaustingbutinagoodwayandbeingabletoconfideinacompletestrangerwithnofearofwhattheywillthinkis
reallygood.TheCBTcousellorwillopenupyourmindtoplacesyoumightn'thaveexplored.Hemademeaskalotofquestions
andsaystuffoutloud,asuncomfortableasitmyhavebeenatthetimeitwasagoodrelease.AnywayIcanonlyhopethenext
sessionsarehelpful.
Istillcriedlastnightinbedalone,andthat'sok,ImfedupbeatingmyselfupforfeelingpatheticbecauseIcry.Ihavetoaccept
allthisinsomewayandlearntoactuallylivewithitatthesametimetryingtomoveon.It'sconsumedmylife,everywaking
hour,infacteverynonwakinghourbecauseallIdoishaveseveralvividdreamsofhimeverynight.ThenIwakeandcry.Vicious
fu*kingcircle.
It'shasgotthatbadthatIamseriouslyconsideringmovingoutandawayfrommydearhousemateandclosefriendwhoislikea
brotherineverhad.Heismyexesgoodfriendandalthoughmyexisavoidingthehouse,hewilleventuallycomeroundandi
dontwanttobeseenasthesadexgfwhoisn't'overit'.Icannotbearthethoughtofeverbeingaroundhimorhearinghimor

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

56/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
seeingagainbecauseIcannotbewithhim.Itwillsetmebackanditterrifiesme.AlsoIfeeluneasywhenIknowmy
housematehasbeeninhiscompany,andwhenIamawaytomyparentsfortheweekendandIcomebackIjustknowhehas
beenthere,undertheroofIlivein,whatsmeanttobemyhome,mysancturyandsafeplace.Itfeelslikethismanwhohas
almostdestroyedmeisstilllingeringaboutclosetomylifeandIwilldoanythingtocutthosetieswhereIcan.Ithinkmy
housematewouldbereallyguttedif/whenIleave,butIdontfeelihaveachoiceandattheendofthedayitismewhois
findingthesituationdifficultthereforeitismewhoneedstoremovemyselffromit..AlsoIusedtolovemybedroomandenjoy
speningtimeinthereandsleepingthere,nowitishell,itiswhereIselfharmed,itiswhereIhavecriedmyheartandsoulout
alone,itistherewhereIstareatthewallsandceilingthinkingandthinkingandthinkingallofthesh*t,thememories,
unrealisticfantasies.......it'sisnowaplaceiavoidgoingto,aplaceinolongercanproperlyrelaxin.
AndyetthroughoutallofthisIhope......Ihopeforhimtocomeback,tofixmyheart,tomendme,tobringmebacktolife.It's
so,soharddealingwiththis.
Heemailedmeyesterdaymorning,sayinghehopediwasok,hopeiwasallsetforchristmasandbutcouldhepleasehavehis
bootsbackbecausehewasreallystrugglingwithoutthemandtoleavethemwithmyhousemateandhe'llarrangetopickthem
up,leavingbackanitemofminethathehas.Thetwatdoesn'tgiveash*thowimdoingoraboutmychristmas,justwantshis
bootsback.WhichhappentobeatmyMums.SoanywayIdeletedtheemailstraightaway.Tookalotofstrength.
MaybeIwillleavehispreciousbootsintothecharityshoporfillthemfullofcowsh*tfrommyunclesfarmandleavethemon
hisfrontdoorsomenightinthep*ssingrain.Idon'tcareanymoreaboutloosingmydignity,he'salreadytookeverythingelse
frommesowhynot.
IhopeIneverfeellikethisagainorgothroughthisagain.Ihopeitgetsbetter.Ireallywanttostoplovinghimsomuch.
IthankGodforamazingfriendsandfamilywhohavesupportedmethroughoutallofthis,theyhavebeeninvaluable.HoweverI
stillfeelaloneinthishorrificjourneyandit'sonlyherethatIseekempatheticsolace.
IprayforusallandIpraythatnomatterwhattheoutcomethatitwillallbeokandourheartswillheal.
x

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|11/23/11|10:37AM

Havereadeachpostandamembracedbybothasenseofkinship&compassion,largelyduetothesharedsimilaritiesmost
everyonestaleofwoe.Maleorfemalemakesnodifferencesorrowknowseachgender.
~
Iamoneofthe'dismissed'asitwere:24yearsoffaithfulserviceletgoandwithnogoldwatch.Ifthatin&ofitselfwasn't
badenough,thekissoffwaswasdonebyphone...bothclassy&compassionate,huh.Thereasonthatmyserviceswereno
longerrequiredbyher?Whocansay...Idon'tbelieveanythingcomesoutofhermouthanymore,detailstofollow.Lasttimewe
weretogether,everyword&actionhersaffirmedherloveforme(pertheusualevenusedthe'pet'nameshe'dgivenme,justas
Ihadoneforher.)NoneofwhichpreparedmeforthetruthIwasabouttolearnfromherownsister:shetoldmemy(now)ex
hadn'tbeeninlovewithmeforyears,feltsorryforme,andonlysawmewhenshedidfor'physicalneeds'(insteadoffeeling
studish,Ifeelused...someguysaresensitive/havefeelingsabovethebelt.)Continuing,shewaslookingforawaytogetme
outofherlife,wasworriedImightmovebacktothesametownsoon(thatwasourplanwelivedtogether12years&then
spentthelast8inalongdistancerelationshipduetofamily/careercircumstances.)
~
Ihadbeenbetrayed,deceived,liedtodirectlymyface,ledon&atminimumusedbyacowardlysnakeposingasapartner.That
sheandhersisterbothtriedtousetherationaleitwasbecauseshedidn'twanttohurtme&shefeltguilty,myonlyresponse
is:howdoyouthinkIfeelnowyoutwo,handlingthingsasyoudid?Hersisterapparentlyhadbeentellingherforyears'you
havetotellhim'(me),butmyexneverdiduntilearlierthisyear.
~
OnlyvaguegenericinfoIgotfrommyexwastheusualliessorry,meant'lines':'I'vemovedon','it'snotyouit'sme'&ofcourse
'don'tblameyourself'.Alsogotthisonlyslightlymorespecificcliche,'Weweren'tonthesamepage'andanewsongoffreedom
hers:'I'mhappynow,peoplesayI'mglowing'(maybeshe'sradioactive?)Idunno.
____________________________________________________________
Hereiswheretheplotthickens
~
Ieventuallygotmyextoadmitshewasn't'inlove'withmeanymoreshelovedmelikeamemberofthefamilycantfigure
thatoneoutexactly,giggolothatIam,apparently.She'dalsotoldhersister'I'vegottoget(me)outofmylife.'When(with
hersister'spermission)Irelayedthislaststatementhersbacktomyex,herresponsewas'Ifeellikesuchanass.'(YeahI
thoughttomyself,metooattheotherextreme.)
~
Triedtogetmoredetails,butwasmetwith'Idon'twanttoseeyouagain&don'toweyouanything/explanation'.Oh,&to'leave
mealone.'Igetdumped,abrokenheart&sheisbitteratme?What'swrongwiththispicture?Herattitudeaboutbreakingupis:
justmoveon&dontlookback.ToldherImsorrybutImnotthathardandIlove/committabitmoredeeplythanthat.Alsotold
heIfeltlikeoneofherdogsthatshehadthrownoutinthetrashratherthanburyitorarrangeforamoredecentremoval.
~
Sonow4monthslater,haventseenher,herdemand.Oh,andthis:shetellsmeshedconsideritalackofrespectifItried
seeingher.Guessherlackofrespectvialyingtomyfaceforyearsdoesntmatter...nope,onlyherfeelings.DidIusetheword

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

57/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
selfishyet?Ormanipulative?Thispartinghasleftmeponderingwhethergoingtosleepandnotwakingupwouldbepreferable
toenduringonemoremomentofgrief,watchingadreambecomeanightmare,andthelossofillusion:believingthatsomeone
wassincereanddiscoveringitwasbutanidealizedvision,onceuponatimememorybecomefraud,corruptedsomehow.Trust
andlovecanberestored,Ibelieve:whethertheeffortshouldbemade,debatable.Discoveringhowmuchapersonhaschanged
(ormaybealwayswasinsincere?onlyIwastooblindtosee/pickuponcues?)fromtheonewhofirstattractedyou,is
devastating:fromsweetgirltobitterpill.
~
WhatImissmostaboutourrelationshipisthemeaningitgavetomylife,orsoIbelieved.Idontmisstherealizationthatwhat
Ibelievedwascommittedlovewasinfactconvenience.Iregreteverhavingmetheratall:almostaquartercenturyfornaught
hellofapricetopayforalearningexperience(I'llnevergraduateatthisrate.)AllofthewonderfulexperiencedevaluedI
nowquestioneach&everymemoryintherearviewmirrorcalledhindsight.
~
AmInowbitter?Yathink?Youbet.Forthosewhoembracewasalearningexperience,itwasmoresoaffirmationthatsome
people(basedupontheevidencecommentaryhereintheirowntreatmentthehandsofothers)aremorecommittedthanothers
toarelationshipratherthanwemoresoforthemit'samatterofme,myselfandIrunamuck.NowIgettowallowin
emotionaldespair,scarredbutwiththatadded'learningexperience'.BS.
~
Themostimportantthingothersneedtoknowabouthealingabrokenheartisalltheheartfeltthingsotherfolkshavealready
alludedtoherein.Iwouldadd:whatyougainlearningexperienceyoulosesenseofinnocence,nomatteryourage:abeliefin
love,trust&thelike,leastforsomeofus,leastforawhile,ifnotforever.
~
Caveatemptor:isitbettertohaveloved&lostthantoneverhaveloved/beenlovedatall?Toeachtheirown.

Anonymous#999,999(notverified)|11/29/11|22:07PM

Link

Discoveringhowmuchapersonhaschanged(ormaybealwayswasinsincere?onlyIwastooblindtosee/pickuponcues?)
fromtheonewhofirstattractedyou,isdevastating:fromsweetgirltobitterpill.That'swhatithink...it'sbeenalready1
yearsincethebrokeup,butthepainandsadnessisstillhere..I'mgonnahavetofaceasadnewyearsevewithouthim...We
werebothfirstgf/bfofeachotherbutireallythoughtitwasaseriousrelationship,despistehewasyoungerthanme,i
thoughthewasverymaturedforhisage.Andaveryintrospectiveguy...Hishousewasmysecondhome,hewastreating
melikeaprincess,cryingsayingneverwantingtolooseme.Eventalkingaboutchildren.andallofasuddenhedumpsme
forothergirl.Inthebeginninghewasconfused,andconfessedhedidn'tfeelmuchempathyforher,anddidn'tloveher
morethanme...butididntfoughtforhim,ijustlethimgo!!buticouldn'tcopewhenhesaidtomehewouldbewithher
wheneverfeelliketo,thatiwouldsufffermoreifhebrokeuplater...thathurtmeso..ididnttalktohiminhopehewould
regretandcomebacktomeandtoshowhimhowupsetiwas..buthedidnothin...ashestartedtobecomeusedtobewith
thisgirlaroundiwasforgetalongtheway..shemanagedtowinhisheart...itfeelslikeiwasstabbed.Andtheworstishis
egocentricattitude,thewayhetreatsme,now,wheni'mtryinganapproachhesaysevenifhe'sdumpinghertomorrow
we'renotgoingtobetogetheragain.Hedon'ttalktomeinanyway:i'malwaystheonetoapproachhim..notevena
friendshipcausehedon'twanttofeelguiltyandlistentomyregretsagain.Hedoesntbelievethatiamabletohavejusta
friendshipwithhim,ienduptalkingaboutthesamethingoveragain.Butlasttimeweweretogetheriactlikeasimple
friend,naturally,nobitter..buthisfacewasserious,disturbed...itwasanobligationtobewithme.Themeetingwehada
coupleofweeksbeforewasbetterhewassurprisinglywarmandkindtome,feltsadnessandtender,loveinhiseyes...
butitdidn'trepeat....Aguywhowantedtobealwayswithme...ican'tunderstandhowhechangedso...Ilovehimso,iknow
he'stheloveofmylife,iknowiwanttotalktohim,icantresist...butit'sjusttosufferwithhiswordsnow.Whattodo?i'm
stillhopingsomethingtochange.hopinhe'scomingback.Ijustcan'tforget.help?

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|12/26/11|19:42PM

IvereadeverysingleentryinthisblogandIamtrulygratefultoseeIamnottheonlyonesuffering.HereismystorysinceIve
readithelpstowrite,tohelpdealandcopewiththemiseryandpain.Myrelationshipwithmyexgflastedonly8months,but
forsomereasonIaminsuchpain,miseryanddepression,anditfeelslikeIhadbeenwithherforyearsandyears.Shewasa
coworkerofmineandIhadneverthoughtmuchaboutherbecausewhenshestartedatmyjobIknewshewasmarriedandI
didntwanttomakeherfeeluncomfortable,neverthelessIthoughtshewasgorgeusandagreatperson.Ihadagfatthetime
andeventhoughthingswherenotgreat,shewasstillagoodgirl.NeedlesstosayIcometofindoutmycoworkerwasactually
goingthruadivorce,andsincethedayIfoundthatoutIstartedtotalktohermoreandmore.Wegotcloserandcloser,andI
endedupbreakingupwithmygfatthetimetobewiththisgirl.ShewaslikenoothergirlIhadeverbeenwith,smart,funny,
cuteandjustapleasuretobearound.Nowshehadmovedtomytownwithherexhusbandandafterthedivorcesheknewno
oneexceptuscoworkers.Wequicklygrewcloseanditwasntlongbeforewewheredating.ThiswaslikeIhavetoldherthebest
5monthsofmylife.Welivedtogetherandlifewasamazing,wakingupnexttohermademydayeverysingleday.Wewould
talkaboutmarriageandkidsandusuallyinthepastIwouldgetdefensivebecauseIwasneverreallysureIwaswiththeright
person,butwithheritallfeltsonaturalandiwassohappyandthethoughtofspendingtherestofmylifewithherbroughtme
suchjoy.Unfortunatelythatwasnottobethecase.Onedayshecalledmehystericalthatherfatherwassickandshemaybe
movingbackhome,asshefeltobligatedtobebyhim.Icouldnotblameherforwantingtodothat,andsheassuredmewe
wouldtalkmoreaboutit.NeedlesstosayIpanickedandwegotinabigargument,becauseIwantedtoknowifshewasreally
movingornot.LookingbacknowIfeelthatargumentpushedheroverthetopandtodecidetoleave.Shehadcontemplated
stayingbecauseofus,butonedayatworkshesentthedreadfulemailrequestingatransferbackhome.Ibegedandpleaded

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

58/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
forhertostay.Movingbackhomeforherwasonly2hoursawayandImadeeveryattempttomakeherstay,iofferedtodrive
upeveryweekend,anythingtokeepher.Shewasstubbornandhadmadeuphermind.Theresultingmonthandahalfwehad
lefttogetherwasthemostamazingtimeIhadeverexperiencedwithsomeone,Iknewwhatitwastohavetruelove.Wespend
everysinglewakingminutetogether,takingweekendvacations,justlivinglifelikeIhadalwayspicturedIwouldwithmysoul
mate.Repeatedlywespokeaboutusbeingsoulmatesandhowwewhereperfectforeachother.Asthetimegrewnearerfor
herdeparturewegrewcloserandcloser,untilthedaycame.Ibegedandpleadedandicriedforhertostay.Nowformetocry
wassomethingIwasnotcapableofbutarushofemotioncameoverme.Shewantedtostay,andsheeventoldmeshewas
makingthebiggestmistakeofherlifeandthatsheshouldstaybutshedroveaway.Dayspassedandwekepttalkinglikeifwe
wherelivingtogetherstill.ThedistancewashardbutIwantedthingstoworkout.Weagreedtodothelongdistancething(big
mistakebytheway,neveragainwillIputmyselfinthathorriblesituation).Amonthortwopassed,andeverythingseemed
great,Iwouldgoseeher,wewouldtalkallthetimeandIreallythoughttomyselfthiswasgoingtoworkout.Hereiswherethe
heartacheandmiserybegan.IfeltsostronglyaboutbeingwithherandIknewshewastheoneIwaswillingtosacrificemy
wholelifetobewiththatIofferedtomoveuptobewithher.NevermindmybrandnewhouseIhadjustboughtbeforeImet
her,andallthemoneyandtimeIspenttorenovateit,noneofitmeantanythingtome,iwasblindedandthereforewasnot
beingrationale.Immediatelyshebegantodistanceherself.Shesaidshecouldnotallowmetomoveupthereandthrowaway
myhouse,Iwouldpleadwithhertoconsiderit,thatIwouldrentmyhouseout.Butthenshehitmewithit.Shewasvery
religious,goingtochurchtwotothreetimesaweek.Ineverwenttochurch.Iamnotabadperson,Iamverygenerous,caring
anddoanythingtohelpanyoneinneed,butthefactthatIdidntgotochurchwasthedownfallofus.Itriedeverythingto
convinceherbutshewasblinded.ShetoldmeallthistimehowIwastheone,howIwashersoulmate,howshesawusgrowing
oldtogetherandraisingourkids,andthentojustletitallgoforthis?Wewentonforacouplemoreweeks,trying,andIeven
begantogotochurch,butitwasneverenough.Ikeptgoingandprayingtogodthatthiswouldworkandforhishelptomakeit
workbutitnevercame.Ifeltbetrayed,butIknowthatsbeingselffish,sincesomanyothersareinalotworsesituationsthatme
andIhavealottobegratefulfor.Shebrokethingsoff,andnowIamdevasted.Icanteatawholemeal,ivelost10poundsina
weekandahalf.Mydaysfeellikeaneternity,andtheyjustdragon.Icannotforonesecondstopthinkingabouther,nomatter
whatIdo,somethingremindsmeofher.Cantlistentotheradio,causeeverysongseemstoremindmeofherandusandwhat
wehad.Ireadeveryoneelse'postsandIfindcomfortinginthem,thatIamnottheonlyonegoingthruthis,butitstillhurts.My
motherrecommendedItakeStJohnWorts(Ithinkthatswhatitscalled)tohelp,andIhavebeguntotakeit,atthispointI
wouldtakeanythingtotryandhelpwiththepainanddepression.Imfeelingallthesameemotionsatthesametime,stomach
ache,uselessness,feelinglikeIamworthless,sadness,thenanger,thenquestioningmyselfandwonderingwhatIdidwrong,
andblamingmyself.Iamamess.Iamusuallythemosthappygoluckperson,andthatswhatsheusedtoloveaboutme,thatI
neverhadstressandwasalwayshappy,andnowIhavebeenreducedtothis,aselfpityinghumanbeingthatcanbarely
function.Itsbeenoneweek,anditfeelslikegroundhogday,everymorningIwakeupanditsthesamething.Iwakeup
realizingsheisnotinmylifeanymore,andthesadnessbegins.Iknowittakestime,butitssodammpainful.Ilikeothershave
saidwouldnotwishthisonmyworstenemy.Andthepartthathurtsthemostisthatsheseemstohavejustmovedonwithno
problem.Howcansomeonewhoclaimedtheylovedyoujustchangesoquicklyandcrushu.Sorryforranting.AsIwritethisIsit
inbedwaitingforhertocall.Ibrokedowntodayandemailedherandwespokebriefly,andshetoldmeshewouldcallme,butI
knowthatcallisnevercoming.Lifeissocruelandsickandtwisted.Goodlucktoallofyoursuffering,Ihopeitallpassesforyou
quickly.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|11/29/11|23:48PM

asdf

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|11/29/11|23:52PM

ImgladIfoundthisblog.Ireadeveryentryanditmakesmefeelatinybitbetterknowingothersaregoingthroughand
experiencingthementalanguishandpainIamgoingthru.MYrelationshiponlylasted8months,buttheywherethebest8
monthsofmyentire33yearsoflife.Myexwas24soshewasobviouslyyoungerthanmeandIthinkthatiswhatdidusin.We
wouldtalkaboutmarriageandkidsandspendingtheresfofourlivestogether,andIbeleiveditall.Ihadneverexperienced
suchjoyandsatisfactionbybeingwithsomeone.ThenonedayshetoldmethatIwasnotreligiousenoughandthatitwastoo
soonforhertobeinaseriousrelationship(8monthsintoit?).ShehadbeenrecentlydivorcedandIguessitwastoomuchfor
hertohandle.Shewasdivorcedinjanuary,eventhoughshehadbeenseparatedforlike5monthsbeforethat,andwestarted
datinginapril.Iwasnothingbutperfecttoher,neverdidanythingwrongandsheherselfwouldtellmeIwasthemostamazing
guyshehadevermet,thatiwasthereforherforeverything,andthatiwastheone,yetintheendthelackofmegoingto
churchmademenotfittobewithher.Thatswhyidontbelieveinreligion,andthisiswhy.Wewhereperfectforeachother,but
yetherreligiousbeliefstoldherthatIwasnogoodbecauseIdidnotgotochurch.Webrokeupaweekago,andnowIama
mess.Canteat,lost10poundsinaboutaweek,thedaysdragonforaneternity,nightsarepointless,Ifallasleeponlytowake
toarealizationsheisnolongerinmylifeandthencantgobacktobed.Myfriendsaretiredofhearingmetalkaboutherand
questioningmyself.Imdepressedandfeelsolonelyanduselessatthesametime.IfindmyselftryingtofigureoutifIcouldof
doneanythingdifferent,yetsheseemstohavemovedonwithnoproblem.IblamemyselfsometimesandIknowthatswrong
becauseIdidabsolutelynothingwrongtodeservethis,shestheonewhobrokeitoff.Shesaidtomethatsheknowsshewould
regretthisandthisisthebiggestmistakeofherlife,butshestillwentthroughwithit.???ThatswhatIdontget,ifshefeels
thatwaywhywontshestay.Nopointintryingtoexplainsomethingthatmakesnosenseiguess.Whyislifesocruel.WellI
hopeallyouothersaremovingalongandgettingoverthepain.Iknowitwilltaketime,asIlayherewaitingforacallfromher
whichwillnevercome.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|11/30/11|00:03AM

Becomesclear(tomeatleast)thatthedumpeessenseweweredone'wrong'ourparticularcase(s)isimmaterialtothe
dumperotherwisetheywouldn'tactassomedid/do.Itdoesn'tmattertothelatter,orelsetheyjustseethingsdifferently(yes,
therecanbetwosidestoastory).Someofthemethodsemployedbydumpersaresimplycruel,anywayyoucutit...allthe
rationalizationintheworldcan'tturntheircompartmentalizedguiltintojustification.

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

59/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
~
Appearsthereisnovaluegiven'right'orwrong'bythemorelseconductandhowtogivesomeonetheirwalkingpapersis
subjectiveinpolitecompanyselfservingpointoffact.So,tryingtouse'commondecency'or'fairness'asameanstomakea
dumperfeelguiltycan(usuallydoes?)fallondeafears,oratleasttheywon'tletyouinonanysenseofguilttheymightbe
feeling.SelfpreservationtheirsIlikenthistoashipsinkingandtherenotbeingenoughpreserversit'severyman/woman
(out)forthemselves.
~
Thisispreachingtothechoirofcourse,butwhileitmightbeeasy'knowing'youarebetteroffwithoutsuchpeople/their
methodsinyourlife,theactual'accepting'partthatformula(overcomingthesenseofdisappointment/betrayalyours)isthe
hardpart.Whenyou'veinvestedyourselfinsomeoneinallwaysandinsomecasesfordecades(mycase),i.e.,seenthemasyou
wantedto(idealized)&thenastheyactuallyare/moprhedintoovertime(theiractionsspeakinglouderthantheirwords)well,
thereisyourrecipefordepressionandalltherest.Some/evenmostofuswillsurvive,butnoteveryonewillrecoversimilarly:
bitter,jadedbecome,thethingswedofor/pricewepayforlove.
~
Alright,enoughofthissoberingreality...chocolate/comfortfoodanyone?Temporaryrespite(likethecomedianonstage,the
damagedmoroseoff),takeanymeasureofreliefyoucanfind.Sincerelyhopethateveryoneaggrievedfindstheirsliceofpeace
soonerthanlater.

Anonymous#999,999(notverified)|11/30/11|15:16PM

Link

Lifeformehasbecomeunbearable.Severedepressionisridingmelikeimaracehorse.Ivelostmydadinacaraccidentright
beforeIturned16.CalledtotellhimIlovedhimforthefirsttimeinmylifeonlytofindouthewaskilledinacaraccidentthat
Sundaymorning.Istillgetdepressed.Ivebeenthruadivorce,mychildrenwhoIvelovedandtakencareofneglecttocallmeor
visitme.Afterlosingmyjobwithbankofamerica.&goingthruahardtime.Myfamilybegantreatingmeasifiwasaburdento
them.Ihaveaboyfriendnowbutheisveryemotionallyandmentallyabusive.Becauseofhisstatusnopoliceofficerwilltouch
him.Eventheyhavebeenmeantomeandhe'stheabuser.Evenpunchedmeinthemouthandbustedopenmylip.Ihaveno
job,nocarandlivewithhim.Ican'tfindajobtosavemylife.Isufferfromablooddiseasethathasalsotakenalotoutofme.
Noonecallmeorcomestovisitmeorcheckonme.Ivebecomeseverlydepressedandfindmyselfcryingallthetime.Waymore
thanwhatsnormal.Ihavestartedhavingprettybadchestpainseverydaynow.Thisworldseemssoevilandpeopleareso
mean.ImnotsureIevencareifIdiefromabrokenheart....orwhatever.

Anonymous(notverified)|12/02/11|23:22PM

Link

Wellit'salmost7weeksnowsincemyworldcrashedaroundme.IwishIcouldsayit'sgoteasier.Ithasn'treally.Istillcrymost
daysandfeelthishorrendousempltyheavynessinmyheart.Everydayisastruggle,Ihatehowthisistakingovermylife.Every
wakingmomentisconsumedbythemanwholeftmealonecryingonthefloorafterswoopingin,tellingmeit'soverand
swoopingbackout.IwishIcouldrunaway,farawayandnothavetodealwiththefactthathispresencestillhauntsme
throughmutualfriends.
Iwantthispaintostopsobad.Iwanttofeelnormalandhappyagain.Iamwaitingandwaitingforthis.AndyetIwaitforhim
tocall,tosayit'sabigmistakeandthathedoesinfactloveme.
Nodoubtheismovingonjustfine,flirtingandpossiblyseeingothergirls,laughing,lovinglife,e.t.c.andI'mlefttopickmyself
upandcopewithhealingmyheart.It'ssounfair.It'ssopathetictofeellikethis.
Iamgratefulforamazingfriendsandfamily,theirsupporthasbeeninvaluable.
LastSaturdayIwassoupsetdrivinginmycarIendedupcrashingintoaditch.ThankfullyIescapedwithoutascratchand
copingwiththeaftermathandtraumaofthatisjustasmallthingontopofbeingheartbroken.
Iknowhowpeoplefeelwhentheysaytheyfeelliketheyhavenoreasontolive.Ioftenfeellikealliwanttodoisgotosleep
andnotwakeup.IammusteringuphopeforthefutureandIknowrationallyIamyoung,notbadlooking,smart,kind,have
wonderfulfriendsandfamilyandsomuchgoingforme.Ijustcan'tcomprehendwhyIcarrythisintensesadnessaroundme.
Idonotwanttolivelikethisforever,pleasesomeonetellmeitwontalwaysbelikethis.Iwanttimetoheal,Iwanttomoveon.
ButIguesshowcanIwhenIwontgiveuphopingthatwemightsomeday,getbacktogether.It'sridiculoushowIwouldeven
wanttogetbackwithhim,hedidnteventreatmerightthroughoutthewholerelationship,Inevergotanythingbackfromhim.
Hetookmyheartandsoulandhestillhasit.Iamleftwithnothing.
ifanyonewantstoemailmepersonallymyemailisfuntimes1984@hotmail.co.uk
Hopeandloveandlighttoeachandeveryoneofus.
xx

Anonymous(notverified)|12/04/11|07:43AM

Link

IamsorryyouaregoingthroughthisIknowitispainful.IwasontheotherendalthoughIdidnotcheatonherIwanted
toleaveherandkeptusfromthefinaltie.Itwas2or3monthsthatwentbybeforemyworldcrashedaroundmeona
date.ItriedeverythingIcouldtogetherbackandstillalone,sadandhopingonedayshewillchangehermind.Everyone
isdifferentyouneverknowifhewillornotcomebacktoyou.Iwouldsuggesttodosomethingyoulike.Iwouldgobike
riding,hikingandjoinedasocialgroupthathaveallkindsofactivities.ButeverydayIstillbreakdownoverherloss.The
hardestpartisthatIhadthemostwonderfullwomenintheworldwhichIdonothaveanymoreallbecauseofmeandI
havetolivewiththat.Keepbusybehappymaybehewillwantyouback???

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

60/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
Joe

Link

JoeAdkins(notverified)|12/14/11|16:08PM

im12yearsold.guysareallolderthanme.ihadfeelingsofgirlsfromabout10.butiamnow12.thereisagirlin
neighbourhood.ilovedherthemomentisawher.ibeganfallinforher.iwritesongs.imetheramonthago.iwrotesome
lovesongsandgaveher.sheusedtosaytheywerenice.thenicametoapointwhereiwantedtogivemywholeheart.day
andnightiusedtodreamofher.thenisawthatshewasalsointrestedinme.ijustwantedtogofurtherinrelationshipnow.i
begantotellhermanypersonalthings.ireallyloveher.thenabout3daysago.shestoppedtalkingtome.icalledher.i
messagedher.thenextmessagefromherondaybeforeyesterdaywasdonttrytowoome.bye

aheartbrokenboy(notverified)|12/05/11|10:38AM

Link

Whateveritisplzhelpmehowtogetrelief,helpmeandinboxmesolutionatcandcheeema@yahoo.comi'llbthankful
toyou.:'(

Cheema(notverified)|12/05/11|11:18AM

Link

idontwantanyonetohaveaheartbreakingsituation.Iloveyouallwhohaveletyourheartbebroken.

SKumar(notverified)|12/08/11|07:50AM

Link

Thisblogisalifesaver.Ithashelpedmetremendouslythismorning.Justreadingeveryone'sstoriesandadvicehassootheda
lotofmypainalready.GoingthroughmyTHIRDheartbreak,canyoubelieveit?Ithankallofyouwhopostedandsharedyour
personalstories.Ifanyonewouldliketotalkemailmeatbjagger83@hotmail.com

Anonymous(notverified)|12/12/11|11:16AM

Link

Iamdivorcedfroma12yearmarriagewhereshecheatedonmeafewtimes.IleftherinJanuary2005andmettheloveofmy
lifeOctober26,2011.WehititoffimmediatelyandIhadthegreatestrelationshipofmylifeorIcouldevenimaginewithher.
Thingshappenedandwestartedfallingapart.IleftDecember2010anddidnotlookbackwhileshecalledandwaswantingme
togoout.WellithitmeinMarchwhenIwentonadatewithawomenthatIwouldhaveconsideredthegirlofmydreamsona
physicalandmentalaspect.Iwassittingatdinnerwithherwhenithitmelikeatonofbricks.IcouldnotstopthinkingofmyEx
Kathyandwenthomecrying.Ibasicallycancelledthenext2dateswiththisgirl30minutedbeforeweweresupposetomeet.
MyExKathywouldseemethentellmetomoveon.Andthiswouldhappenconsistentlyovera5monthperiod.Atthistimewe
dontgooutandIseemtomakethingsworseeverytimeIspeakordosomething.Idatebutjustcantmoveonandendup
hurtingagirlsfeelingssoIdecidednottodate.BeenayearnowandIcantseemtogetoverher.Ifeellikeafamilymember
diedlikewhenmyfatherdidatage18.Idontwanttohurtanyonebydating,yetIcantstopmissingherandthinkingofher.Her
voice,laughter,smell,touch,etc.....IknowsheistheloveofmylifeandknowImademillionsofmistakesthatIcannotmend
withher.IgoovereverythingIdidandmakesureIdonteverdothosethingsagaininmynextrelationshipifiteverhappens.
Joe

JoeAdkins(notverified)|12/13/11|14:28PM

Link

Iknowwhatwentwrong.Iwasangryandhurtoverthefailureofmymarriageandthefamilyunit.Ididnotwantmyex
wifebackbutIhadissuesoverthebrokenmarriangeandfamily.Iremembermanytimesspecificallyworriedthatmyboys
wouldbeheartbrokenifthey"thought"Ilovedsomeoneelseasmuchormorethenthem.Althoughwegotalongreally
greatIneverletitgettothemarriageormyselftohercompletely.NowwhatIwasworriedabouthurtingmeormykids
hurtusandIfindmyselfwishingIcouldhaveherback.Ialsorememebrinthelast6monthsafterIproposedandwewere
engangedscaredandwonderingifIshoulddothismakingupallkindsofexcusestomyselfofwhynotandstayingintouch
withpeoplefromthepastthatwereanissuetotherelationshipalmostlikeIdiditsoshewouldgetupsetandbreakitoff
withme.InevercheatedonherphysicallybutmentallyIdid.

Link

JoeAdkins(notverified)|12/14/11|15:55PM

IjustbrokeupwithawomanwhoIhadbeeninwhatIthoughtwasaverywonderfulandlovingrelationshipforthepasttwo
years.Overthosetwoyearsweweretogethershedideverythingshecoulddototryandconvincemethatshelovedmeohso
muchandwouldtellmethatIwasthesexiest,mostwonderfulmanshehadevermetShewouldevenaskmefromtimetotime
ifIthoughtshewasgoodenoughformeandifIreallylovedher.IdideverythingIcoulddotoshowherthatshewaseverything
tomeandthatIdidloveherverymuch.Everythingfromdoingyardworkandrepairsonherhousethatshecouldn'tdoherselfor
affordtohavedone.ShereallytreatedmelikeakingandItreatedherlikeaQueen.Ourrelationshipseemedsowonderfuland
everythingseemedtobegoinggreat.Sheneveronceinthosetwoyearsgavemeanyreasontobelieveotherwise.Shehadeven
wantedsobadlyforustolivetogetherandmeeteachothersfamilieswhichIthoughtwasgreat.andwasplanningondoing.
Then,outoftheblueabouttwoweeksagosheinformedmethatthefatherofher27yearolddaughter,whomthedaughterhad
nevermetandsheherselfhasn'tseensinceheranoutonherwhentheirdaughterwasborncontactedherandtoldherthathe

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

61/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
haslovedherallalongandwouldwaitforherforaslongasitwouldtakeforhertotakehimback.Shethenwentontotellme
thatshehasalwayslovedhimandprobablyalwayswillandwantedtogivehimanotherchancewithher.WellneedlesstosayI
wasquitedevistatedbythisturnofeventsandhavebeenleftfeelingshocked,extremelysaddenedandlikeeveryoneelseon
here,brokenhearted.Ihaven'tbeenabletoeat,sleeporhardlyhaveahappythoughtsinceshebrokethisnewstome.I'm
depressed,angryandeverythingelsethatwasdecribedabove.I'vebeenthroughmyshareofheartbreaksovertheyearsbut
thisonehasbeentheworsebyfar.IunderstandhermaybewantingherdaughtertomeetherfatherbutforthelifeofmeIwill
neverunderstandwhyshewouldevenconsidergivinghimthetimeofdayletalonebecomeromanticallyinvolvedwithhimafter
whathedidtoherallthoseyearsago.IfanyofyouwomencangivemesomeinsightonwhyshewoulddothisIwouldbequite
gratefultohearwhatyouhavetosay.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|12/15/11|15:29PM

Tothelastposter,thatreallyreallysucks.Iknowhowyoufeel,Itreatedmyexlikeaqueenanddideverythingforher,andshe
wouldalwaystellmeIwasthemostamazingperfectguyandthatnoonehadevertreatedherasgood.Andintheendshe
walkedaway.Ireallyhopethisgirlcomesbacktoyou,shewillrealizewhenthedeadbeatwalksoutonheragain.Hediditonce,
hewilldoitagain.
Asforeveryoneelseonhere,imdoingalotbetternow,andonethingthatIthinkhelpedwasaproductcalledStJohnsWort.My
motherrecommendedittome,andeventhoughIwasskeptical,Itrieditandithelpedalot.
Ihopethatcanhelpsomeofyouwhoarecopingandstrugglingonadailybasis.Pleasetryittoseeifithelpsasitdidwithme.
Istillthinkaboutmyexdaily,butmymoodismuchbetter.Toallofthosewhohavebeenhurt,rememberthosewhohurtusare
theoneswhowillregretitinthelongrun.Weareallgreatpeopleandwedeservebetterthanthosewhohavetreatedusbad.
Takecare.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|12/17/11|15:12PM

Ican'tbelievehowmuchbetterIfeelnowthatIreadthisarticle.IguessitistruethatalthoughrightnowIfeelallaloneinthe
worldalmosteveryonehasfeltthiswayatonepointoranother.It'salsotruethateveryonegetsoveritsoonerorlaterandhow
soonthatwillbedependsonme.Nopointondwellingonittothepointofaphysicalbrokenheart.
Thankyouforbrighteningmyday!

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|12/20/11|00:54AM

Hello...readalloftheseblogsandIhavetosayithasmademetakecomfortinmyownsituation.Iguessitsreallytruethat
miserydoeslovecompany!!Thehonest,rawemotionsthatI'vereadreallyhavemademefeelnotsoaloneorcrazy.Hopefully
mystorycantakeyourmindawayforjustamomentfromyourownheartache,asallofyoursdidforme.Thankyoutoeveryone
whoshared.Itrulyhopeithasmadeyoufeelbetter.
Iam39yojustabouttoturn40.Myexis37.Imamjustoutofa3yearrelationshipwiththisman.ForthepastyearIcantcount
thetimeswehavebrokenupandgottenbacktogether.Ithurtssomuchbecausehavingthingsincommonisreallyan
understatement.Iwouldliketogointowhatthosearebutitwouldtaketoolong...hastodealwithcommonhealthissues.I
investedsomuchtime,openedmyheartuptotallyandunconditionallytoamanwhosaidhelovedmeforever.Puthisissues
beforeminemakingsurehenevermissedadoctorappointment,labs,pharmacypickups,ordoseofmedicine,whilejugglemy
owndoctorappointmentsandabusyworkschedule.Ialwaysputhisfirst.Willingly,Itotallyfinanciallysupportedhimfortwo
yearswhilehetriedtogethisimmigrationstatustakencareof,whichwasnotcheap,sohecouldgetagreencard(orwhatever
itis)andgetajob.Inevermadehimfeelaburden.ThosetwoyearswhileIwasworkingmybuttoffmanagingahotel,putting
inextrahourstoputfoodonthetableandkeeparoofoverourheads,paybills,hiscellphone,medicines,hiscigarettes,and
Braziliancablechannels,hewasathomesittingonhisbutt,notworking,notkeepingthehouse,watchinganythingbasketball,
totalslob,butMOSTLYontheinternetclearinghistrackseveryday.AndmayIaddthateventhoughhebroughtnothingtohelp
thehouseholdwhatIbroughtinwasneverenough.neversatisifed....never,never,never.Alwayswantedmore,more,more.
Anyway,IsuspectedhewashookingupoffthecomputerandIeventuallyfoundtextsandnumbersthatconfirmedIwascorrect.
Ithrewhimout,Hecameback,,,hediditagain.Ithrewhimout...Hecameback...diditagainect..Untileventuallyhemovedin
withhisbrotherinMiamiandImovedtoadifferentplaceinFt.Lauderdale.Nowwehavebeendoingthesamethingbut
breakingupandgettingbackbutfromadistance.Hiscitizenshipwentdownthetoiletandheisofficiallyillegalnowandwillbe.
IDONTKNOWHOWTOMAKEITSTOP!NomatterwhatIsaytohimoracthestillwillswingbyasifwearetogether,thenleave
likeIwasjustatrick.Hardlynotextsorcalls...daysgoby.Ireceivenogoodnightorgoodmorningtexts,missyoutexts,nothing.
IfIsendonehewillreply,alwaysdoes,someevensweet.Butalwaysverycutanddry.Nevertakestheinitiative.Dayscango
by!Whydoesnthejustleavemealoneifhedoesntloveme???Ivetalkedtohimandcriedtohimtellinghimwhatheisdoingto
meeverytimehecomesandgoes.Begginghimtostayawayifhesnotinlovewithme.HesaystojustrelaxandIamcrazyand
helovesmeandIcantjustletthingshappen.Itsbeenthreefreakingyears.Hesayshelovesmebutplaysgames.Hekeepsit
opensohecandowhathewantswithoutacommitment.Danglingfuturecommitmentlikeacarrotabovemyheadmakingme
thinkitwillhappen,neverdoes,nomatterhowniceIam.Heonlycallsmeanhourorsobeforehewantsmetopickhimup...yes
pickhimup...thisgemdoesn'thaveacareither.EvenifhedidhaveacarthestateofFloridawontgivehimadriverslicenseto
driveit,ortakethewheeltomycarwhenimtiredofdrivingusbotheverywhere.WhycantIstopthis???WhycantIlethimgo?
Itsbeenyears!!!IamsostupidandIknowit.HowcanIfalleninlovewithsomeonewhotreatsmelikethis.WhycantIwalk
away??Itriedmoving,changedmynumberfewtimes,saidveryhorriblethingstohim.Notcalling.Andhealwaysboomerangs
rightbacktobreakmyheartalloveragain.AndIletithappen.IthinkrevengefulthoughtsliketurninghimintoHomeland
Security.ButIdontthinkthatwouldevenwork.Illegalshavetodoacrimetobedeported.Unfortunately,slicingmyheartto

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

62/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
piecesoverandoveragainitstilllegal.
Allthishasaffectedmephysicallyandmentally.Inadditiontomyselfesteembeingcrushed...Anditshouldntbecrushed.Iam
tall,beentoldgoodlooking,workedoutmostmylifeandlikemybodyalot.Lostsomehairbutthatdoesntbotherme.IknowI
lookgood,smart,peopleareattractedtome.ButIalwayshidebehindmysmileanddonthavethefocusorcouragetohavea
conversationwithsomeone,letalonegettoknowthem.Feelsliketoomuchworkandmyheadisntscrewedonrightenoughto
converse.Itslikewhatsomeoneelsesaidhere"IfeellikeIamoutsidelookingin".Imnothereanymore.Imsolost,always.
Beingrejectedbyhimhasmademefeellikethemoststupid,pathetic,desparate,ugly,fool.

IstayhomemostlynowandprobablysmokemorepotthanIshould.Ithelpsmakethetimegoby.Andhelpswiththeappetite.
EventhoughitmakesmefeelbetterIcanthelpbutthinkitsnothelpingthedepression.IdoknowsmokingwhenIgethome
fromworkkeepsmefromdrivingdowntoMiamiandlancingintohisnogoodass.Itkeepsmecalm.Stillverysad,butcalmer.So
fornowthebenefitsareoutweighingtheconsonthatmatter.IdontdrinkalcoholbutsometimeswishIdid...seemslikethose
peoplewhodoarehavingmorefun.AndIknowmyexisoutinbarsdrinkingandhavinggoodtime.Idontgotobars...never
reallydid.Anditkillsmetovisualizehiminabarorwithsomeoneelseintimately.Feelslikeaswordthroughmyhearteach
timetheycomeintomyhead,whichistoooften,everyday,allday.AndIknowthemindcantakeyoutoplacesyouthatare
bogus,butstillhurtsjustthesameasifitwasreal.IwishIcouldmoveon.WhycantImoveon?Ihadagoodlifebeforethis.
Beforehim.Whatistheholdhehasonme?Isitallsexual?Imsoconfused,hurtandlost.Lostinterestineverything.Andits
exhaustingfakingdayafterdayafterday.Brightsideithasntaffectedmyjobasofyet.LuckytogettimeawaywhenIneedit.I
couldn'thandlehavingpeopleontopofmeallday.Imreallybecomingaloaner.Thisisnotme.
ItsNOTtruethattogetoversomeoneelseistogetunderanother.Itsacutesayingbutcrap.Trieditanditdoesntwork.And
don'tgetmestartedonthewhole"bettertohavelovedthannotatall"IfIcouldforgetthisbumIwould.Wishwewouldnever
met.
Icanteatright,thinkstraight,tiredallthetime.Iveisolatedmyselffrommyfriendsandoccasionallymusterupenoughenergy
tocallmylovingmotherwhoIlovemorethananythinginthisworld.Sheiswhythethoughtofsuicidedoesntstaytoolongin
myhead.Ithasbeenarecurringthoughtevenfrompast.Evensudotrieditfewtimes.Justcantdoit.Ihaveonegoodfriend
leftthatisontheedge(friendshipwise)withmehefeelslikeIamonlygivinghimthetimeofdaywhenitsconvenientforme.
Theressomeironythere...sighWhichIguessistruebecauseidontfeellikehangingoutanymoreorgoingplaces.Canttalkto
himaboutmyissueswithmyexcauseiknowhestiredofit.Idontwanttoloosemylastfriend.I'mobsessedonstaringintomy
blackberryconsistentlywaitingforatextorcallthatsnotgoingtocome.EventuallyitwillcomebutIwillbedisappointedinhis
enthusiasm.Hislasttextread"Howisu?'Thisisafter3daysofnotseeingme.Hecanwriteperfectenglish.No:Imissyou,
beenthinkingofyou...ect.Hisnexttextwas"SowhendoIgettoseeyou?"WhichIreplied"LOLseriously".Fewmoreexchanges
ofhimblamingmeforbeingupsetagain.Imadeitclearlasttimeweweretogetherthatheskillingmeandheneedstotakeus
serious.Heagreed.Thenblowsmeoffforthreedays,thenaccusingmeofbeingthejerkforbeingupsethewasgone.Welived
togetherfortwoyearsandsaweachothereveryday.Howcanthinkcallingmeback3daysoffcanbeacceptablewhenwejust
talkedaboutit.Butthisishowitsbeenforlongtime.Howcansomeonebesocruelforsolong?Howcanheseemysuffering
andsayhelovesmethenbreaksmedowneverytimehe'sboredandwantstoseeme?
Ithoughtbynowiwouldbematureenoughtonothavetogothroughthisagain.ItfeelslikemyfirstlovewhenIwasamuch
younger,naivemanabout20yearsago.IthoughtthatwasjustaonetimethingbutIwaswrong.Imafraidtoletthishappen
again.HowdoIgetoutofthis??
OnethingIamsurethatnomatterwhatage,gender,race,preference,whatever,Icanseeitallhurtsusthesame.Same
intensity,insanityandpainaheartbreakbrings.IwishIhadanswerstosharewithallofyou...Findpeace,findyourselfand
happiness.

Anonymous(notverified)|12/21/11|21:47PM

Link

Myhusbandwashavinganaffairwithsomeonefromhisworkplace.Iwassoupset,Ididn'tknowwheretoturn.untillafriend
introducemetoSUNRISESPELLwhichgavemethestrengthtoconfronthim,andIwonhimback!Thegirlgotfired,andnowwe
arehappierthanwehaveeverbeen....ifyourequireanyassistancecontactsunrisespell@gmail.com

sandy(notverified)|01/04/12|12:52PM

Link

Whatissunrisespell?Canyoutellusmore?
AndIjusthavetotellSOMEONEhowannoyingitisthateverytimeIgetonthiswebsiteornavigateonit,apopupad
comesupwithacoupletalkingabouttheirromanticvacationinSt.Lucia,whichisoneoftheislandswewentto
onourhoneymoon!!!!Geez!It'shorrible!

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|01/14/12|01:35AM

Wow!Youareagreatwriter.Nicephotostoo.keepgoing

Physicseducation.

Link

muhammadAbdullah|01/06/12|16:16PM

Iwentthroughthisthefirsttimeayearago..ittookithinkeightmonthstogeteverythinginperspective.Itwastough.butidid

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

63/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
getoverthepainthoughnotoverhim.Idon'tthinkicouldevergetoverhim,hopefullyifI'mluckywhatwehadwillcomeagain.
anyway,afterelevenmonths(lastmonth)hesaidhewantedatry.aftersomuchhesitation(amreallyproudlol!)i
agreed.today.,justnowhejustendedthings.thatthingscannotbethesameagain..hahaha,ican'thelplaughingoutloud.while
tearsstreamdownmyfaceatthesametime.allIcanthinkis,howdidIallowmyselftogetintothissituationTWICE?hahaha.
anyway,myheartgoesouttoallofthoseinsuchsituations.thingsgetbetterandthenworse.andthenbettertilloneday,you
willbehome,soulmateetall.lifeisacycle.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|01/07/12|05:25AM

it'strueforme.Iexperiencedfor2+years(BrokenHeart)andiwastheonewhocalleditoff.Thepainisnotjustwiththe
brokee,butalsowiththebroker!

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|01/07/12|09:41AM

Iwhentthrutwoheartbreaksinarow,Iwasmarriedfor9yearswhileIwasintheprocessofdivorce,Iwasinturmoilstillin
lovewithmyexhusbandanddealingwiththeheartache,mydaugthertoldmeshewasabusedbyhimafterhehadjusttoldme
hewasplanningoncomingbackhometous.Icanliteralysaymykneesgaveoutonme,andmychestfeltlikemyheartwas
goingtostop.Ineverfeltsomuchpain.Theheartacheofsomeonehurtingmychildwasdefinatlythehardestthingivedhadto
endure,andtoknowitwassomeonewetrustedandloved..mydaugtherwasgoingthruthesameprocessaswellsoIhadtobe
strongputmyfeelingsaside.InevercriedinfrontofherbutIcriedalmosteverynigth.Heisrunningfromthelawnow.After
almost2yearsIcanhonestlysayIfeelasthouwealreadypassedthruthedifficultstuff.Igetsadonocassiononceinablue
moon,mydaugtherneedstotalktomeanditbringsoutthosefeelingsbutIknowsheneedstoletthemoutandperhapsin
doingsowecanbeonthepathtocompleterecovery.Thesadfeelingsarntasstrongastheusedtobe.Imveryhappybut,my
heartseemstohaveanocassionalpalpitationthatIcanphysicalyfeel.Itliteralyfeelslikemyheartisirregularforafew
seconds.Ivedneverhadproblemswithmyheartbeforethiswholeincident,Therewhereocassionsinthebeginingwherethe
paininmychestwassoseverethatIwouldhavetroublebreathing.Ireallybelivetheresaphysicallinkbetweenyourheartand
theemotionalheartbreakyoumayexperience.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|01/10/12|16:52PM

Thisisonlywithregardtoabreakup(formeafter8years)
Ripstheflippinggutsoutofyou.
ButIsupposeyouhavetorememberthatnobodyisdead.Youwerealwaysyoubutforaspellweredefinedastwopeople,and,
inmycaseanyway,tendedtousetherelationshipasacrutch.
Istoppedmakingmusic,whichhasbeenalifelongpassionforthesakeofthatrelationship.
Nottakinganythingawayfromit,Isupposeitwasacoolexperiencelookingback.Brokemewhenitended.Butnothinglasts
forever.Stillstings,butthat'snoneedtogiveup.Sometimesyouneedabitofsolovibetofindyouagain.
Chinupsoldier:)

Link

Jay(notverified)|01/18/12|00:28AM

Remember,eventhegreatestdancersintheworldareboundtoleavethedancefloor

Link

Jay(notverified)|01/18/12|00:31AM

I'msoashamedofwhathappentomebutIneededtotalkandhavefeedback.Iamamarried50yearslady,myhusband
cheatedevenifheisbackintryingtopatchthemarriagebutIhadbeenunhappyformanyyears,IwastookforgrantedandI
allowedit(stupidme).I'mstayinginmaymarriageonlyformydaughter.Inanyevent,Imetthismuchyoungerguyinaclient
workingrelationship(heisalsomarried)andwetalkandlaugh,innocentflirting,whichIthoughtwasmutual.ThenIrealized
thatIhadatremendouschemistryforhimandagainIthoughtitwasmutual.Ifeltaliveagainbutashamedofthereasonsof
whatmademefeelalive:animpossibleandirrationalsituation.Imusthave,changedmybehavior,probablyIflirtedmoreand
alsotrytodetachatthesametime.ProbablyIconfusedthehelloutofhim.Hebecamefirstcolderandnowisslowing
becomingniceragain.Asaresponsei'mjustbehavingasnormalasIcanbe,nomoreflirting,Ipretendtobeinagoodmood.
Whatbotherme,ishowinthewordawomanofmyageiscapabletofeelsoheartbrokenforwhathappened(nothinghappen
betweenus).Icry,Idon'teatandI'mverydepressed.AmIdelusional?WhatcanIdotostopthisillusiontotakeoverme?Why
canmyreasoningwinningovermyfeelings?AndwhyIcannotstopfeelingthatthischemistrywasreal?Ireallyfeltit.Ineed
help.Anycomments,positiveornegativewillhelptoexplaintomyselfthathopefullyI'mnottotallycrazyasmypainsuggest.
PleaseanswermeIreallyneedhelp!
Thanks

Link

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

illy(notverified)|01/20/12|07:46AM

64/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak

illyyouhavenothingtobeashamedof.Yourexperiencewithyourworkassociaterevealedtoyouthatyouhavethe
capacityfordeeperemotionandpassionwithinyouthanyourcurrentrelationshipisallowingyoutoexpress.Yourdistress
isnatural.Yourheartbreakislesslikelyoverthispersonandmorelikelyoverthefactthatyouhavenowayofexpressing
thissideofyouatthistime.Aboutwhatisunfulfilledinyourliferightnow,emotionallyandspirituallywithyourcurrent
relationship.Isuggestyoutakestockofyourlifeandstartmakingdecisionsaboutpriorities,whatyouvalueandwantina
relationship,areyougettingitnow,isyourmarriagesalvageable,andifnot,thenwhatareyougoingtodoaboutit.

Ophelia(notverified)|01/21/12|14:29PM

Link

it'sbeenalready1yearand2monthssincemybfdumpedme.It'sthemostpainfulwaytoendarelationship:toreplaceyoufor
anothergirl.Andthetreatmentigetafterwhathappened.Heleftmebutsaidtomethathedidntlovehermorethanmehe
seemedtobeconfusedandconfessednotfeelingmuchempathyforher.Hewasshowingsadnessandrespect.Buthechanged
soon:hebecamecold,andsimplywasgonefrommylife,addingitwasaburdentobenearme,lackinganysensibilityor
respect.Theimpressioncausedonmeisofstrongbetrayalasifourrelationshipwhichwasclose,warmandtendermeant
nothingtohim.Likeifhadbeenabriefaffair?Ilovedhim,andstilldo,likenoothergirlwilleverlovehim.Ialwayshadthe
sensibilitynottoputhimexperiencingthefeelingofjealousy.Irespectedhisspace..Idontwishthattonoone.Ifulove
someoneujustwantthatpersontofeelhappy,andsecureaboutyourloveanditstotalchildish,dontmakesensetoeventhink
ofsuchthing.Causeuhavenoeyesforanyoneelse.Ifeelsosadandangrybecausehecausesmetofeellikeagarbage.Ikeep
myselfesteem,iknowofmyvalueandiwanttobelievethatiwillbeabletoachievemuchmoreformyfuture.I'mnobetter
thananyoneelsebutnolesseither.Hisnowindifferenceandtotalabsence/missingjustshowsnorespectatallformeandhe
thinksi'malooser,aweakanddumbgirl.Oneofthereasonsthetheclaimedforleavingmeisthatheseesnofutureatmyside
andhewantsafuture.Hes25yearsoldanddoesntknowwhattodowithhislife.Hesbeenin3differentcoursesat
university,nowhestartedanewone.Heputsallhishopesonagirl.Somekindofdeterminedwomanfullofenergyand
ambitiontorunhislifeandoffershimmoneyandstatus.Funnycausemensometimesfeeluncomfortableaboutawoman's
beingmoresucessfulthanthem,butheisthetotalopposite.Hewantstobepassiveandwantshertodominateandprovide
excitementtohislife.Butitsinhishandstorunhislife,toachievethingsforhimselfandnotputtingallexpectationsona
woman.Ithinkheseeshimselfagreatguytoogoodforme.Sofarijustsawaguywhobarelyneverworked,dependingonhis
parents.I'mtryingtofindstrenghtbyreadingalotofthinkersandphilosophersquotesonloveandlife.Hedon'tgiveanyvalue
foralltheloveidevotedhim.Hehasdistortedideasaboutme.Hemanipulatesemotionsheactsasifavictim,offended.I
makehimfeelbad,hedon'twanttofeeltheguilt,themonstersideheshowedme.Irealizeheiseggocentric,thinkingmerely
inhimselfandhisinterests.Ineverexpectedhewouldbehavesuchwaywithmenotevenallowingustobefriends.Hedont
worryaboutmyfeelingshowifeeltoday.Ifeelatruelove,becauseigavehimfreedomtofallinlovewiththisgirl,although
withmuchsuffering,feelingpleasedtohavehisfriendship.Ithinkitwouldbeaformofcomfort...buthedon'tallowthat...This
istruelove.Ihavemixedfeelingsfeelinghope,loveandangsthedontdeserveme...Inowthinkiwasfooled,used,apetin
hishands,iwawithsomeoneididn'tknew.Ireadsomethinglikethis:"thecruelestthingtodoistomakesomeonefallinlove
withu,ifudon'tintendtofall..."Inthebeginningofourrelationshiphedoubtedhisfeelingstowardsme,butsoonfellinlove,
butinthesamedetermined,confidentwayhebrokeupwithmeheshould

Anonymous(notverified)|01/20/12|20:33PM

Link

heshouldhavedonethatinthebeginning,inordernottocausemeillusionandpain.Iwouldlovetohaveanexplanationtoall
thatwhyibeensounlucky,thisislikeastrangephenomenon,howcansomeonechangessomuch,thepoweragirl,friends?
family?have,toinfluencesomuchanddestroyingeverything...Hewassotendertome,soloving...Wasitoonaive,blind?He
blockedmycalls,onmsntoo..Nocontactatall.Ifeelsotraumatized!It'sawholeconceptoflove,beliefinbuildingafamilylike
mostofusdesirethatwascompletelydestroyed..Hemanagedtomessupwithmyselfesteem,todominateme.Iwishicould
beselfishjustlikehewas,justregardinghisowninterestsandfeelings,notmine..A2sidefaced...I'monpills,makingan
efforttocherishmyself,togoout,butthiswoundcutsdeep!Icanneverforget,never!Saturdaynightsarebad,sensitivedays
likenewyearseve,birthdays!Justthinkinghowmuchfunhe'shaving!whilei'mlonely,lookinfforsolaceonmyfriend'sand
parentscompany!Thisismyemailnz21@hotmail.com..Ijustdontknowwhattodo.Itsagreatdealjusttosimplygoingon
withmylifeknowingofhisexistenceoutthere,freelyhappy,notshowinganyfeelings.Loveandpeoplearesodisposable
nowadays,it'ssoshocking!

Anonymous(notverified)|01/20/12|21:09PM

Link

Whenarepeoplegoingtorealizethatobsessionisnotlove?

Mundusvultdecipi

GerhardAdam|01/20/12|22:01PM

Link

Doyouknow...whatheartbreakmeans?

Anonymous(notverified)|01/21/12|16:39PM

Link

Depends.There'sthe"heartbreak"oftrulyhavingone'semotionsupsetbecauseofaclose
attachment.Thenthere'sthe"heartbreak"ofsimplybeinginlovewithone'sfantasiesandbeing
obsessive[bysimplywantingthingstogoyourownway].Thelatterdoesn'tcountformuchinmy
book.

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

65/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
Afterall,howmuch"love"canbepresentwhenanindividualrefusestorecognizeanotherindividual'schoicesas
beingaslegitimateastheirown?

Mundusvultdecipi

GerhardAdam|01/21/12|18:41PM

Link

Ok.Ijustaskedbecausethewordobsessionisused...andbymanypeople...inanegative(pejorative)way...I
wishahadarubbertodeletewhathappened,tobeabletoforget,butit'sjustimpossible.Itmakesaprint,like
avirus!Ilivewithmyself24/24right?Thatsmyownskin,unfortunatelywecantbesomeoneelse!Besides,i
thinkmyfeelingsmattertoo!Becausesomeonetouchedinevitablymyself...Nevermind,Ivealwaysbeenvery
consciousandcontainedinmyrelationship.Iwasconsciousunfortunatelyallthetime,knowinghowyounghe
was,howmostofmen...are!that'swhyisometimeswishiwouldhavebornaman....Butwhatsurprisesmeisa
changesodeepineverthoughthewouldbehavethatwaywithme.Well,idon'ttalktohimforalongtime
already,irespectwhathewantsmetostayaway.Butiwouldlovethatsomebodywouldpleaseinvestigatewhy
aguyturnsfromasweet...toaasshole?

Anonymous(notverified)|01/22/12|18:46PM

Link

Butiwouldlovethatsomebodywouldpleaseinvestigatewhyaguyturnsfroma
sweet...toaasshole?

See,....that'swhereIhaveaproblem.Whatmakesyouthinkthatthisistheonlywaythese
thingshappen?Italreadysuggestsamyopicviewofthings.Doyouthinkwomenneverturncold?People
arepeopleandtoimply[orsuggest]thattheymayneverchangetheirfeelingsorbehaviorsissimplistic.
Intruth,peopleareoften"forced"tobecome"colder"becausetheotherpersoninvariablydoesn'tgetthe
messageiftheydon't.Thisisoneoftheprimarydifficultiesinsuchsituations.
Mostofthesepostsseemtouniformlyfailatunderstandingwhatwouldhappeniftheydidactuallygetback
togetherwiththepersoninquestion.Onthesurface,I'msuretheinitialattitudeisthatitwouldbegreat,
butonreflection,Ican'tseehowmanyofthesepostersbelievethatmostoftheserelationshipswouldever
workout.

Mundusvultdecipi

GerhardAdam|01/22/12|20:47PM

Link

Mostofthesepostsseemtouniformlyfailatunderstandingwhatwould
happeniftheydidactuallygetbacktogetherwiththepersoninquestion.
Onthesurface,I'msuretheinitialattitudeisthatitwouldbegreat,buton
reflection,Ican'tseehowmanyofthesepostersbelievethatmostofthese
relationshipswouldeverworkout.

Idon'tthinkthatisnecessarilytrueGerhard,mostofthesepostsseemtobewrittenbyheartbroken
peoplewhojustcan'tunderstandhowtheyweresowrongaboutsomeoneelse,whotheyhadgood
reasontobelievewereworthyoftheirloveandreciprocatedtheirlove.
ThisheartbreakingexperiencehasoftendestroyedtheirconfidenceintheirownjudgementandI
personallybelievethatthereisadirectcorrelationbetweenhowdeeplyonehaslovedsomeoneand
howdeeplyonefeelsheartbrokenwhenthatloveisbetrayedorlostinsomecompletelyunexpected
way.
Peoplewhodonotloveintenselyprobablycan'tunderstandthesubsequentequallyintensepain,
anguishanddepressionthatheartbrokenpeoplefeel.Byanalysingtheirexperiencesandsharingtheir
storieswithotherlikemindedpeople,asishappeninghere,manyheartbrokenpeopleseemtobe
moreabletostartrecoveringandhopefullystartlearningtoloveandtrustagain.Counsellingcanbe
usefulifthereisasympatheticcounsellorandnotonethatjusttellsthemtopullthemselvestogether
andgetoverit.Timecanalsobeagreathealer,ascanfallinginloveagainofcourse.

My5minfilm'HiddenDangersforALS'entryintheAAN#2015NeurofilmFestivalislistedno.23of65
entriesathttps://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLYNSC2T2aPD7GH6pVWI7I6DjzwbbBKCWK

HelenBarratt|01/23/12|04:40AM

Link

ThankyouHelen.Youexpressedperfectlyhowifeel,howwe,heartbroken,feel..Iwastryingto
saytoGerhardthatinfactisaquitecomplexthing,notlinear.Likeyousaidwonderfully"mostof
thesepostsseemtobewrittenbyheartbrokenpeoplewhojustcan'tunderstandhowtheywere
sowrongaboutsomeoneelse,whotheyhadgoodreasontobelievewereworthyoftheirloveand
reciprocatedtheirlove".Thosearekeywords.Itsasenseofconfidence,love,friendship

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

66/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
betrayed.Theexpression,bitethehandthatfeedsmakessomesense.Andyeah,peoplecant
understand...Becauseilovedsointensely,thatiwouldcrysometimeswithsuchemotion.Inever
thoughtiwouldlovesomeonesosomuch.Iknewwhattrueloveis.Therelationshipifback
togetherwouldnotbeahystericalwonderfulthingiwouldbemuchmoredemanding,thatguy
neededpracticallytoprovehedeservestobeatmyside,andtogiveallthevaluethatapparently
lackedbefore....

Anonymous(notverified)|01/23/12|20:03PM

Link

Therelationshipifbacktogetherwouldnotbeahysterical
wonderfulthingiwouldbemuchmoredemanding,thatguy
neededpracticallytoprovehedeservestobeatmyside,andto
giveallthevaluethatapparentlylackedbefore....

Exactlymypoint.Whichisthepathto"gettingoverit".Iffeelingsstillpersistdespite
recognitionthattherelationshipwouldn'twork,thenitbecomesdysfunctionalandthe"love"
iswithafantasyandnotthereality.

Mundusvultdecipi

GerhardAdam|01/23/12|20:27PM

Link

IfyouhatehisextryreadingIHATEHISEXbyAlexCooper.IhadloadsofproblemswithmyfiancesexandIhavenowresolved
themthankstotheadviceinthisbook!YoucangetitonAmazon!Definitelywortharead!:)

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|01/21/12|12:11PM

IamsothankfulthatSUNRISESPELLisGOODtome.IamoldenoughnowtolookbackovermylifeandseewhereHehas
broughtmefrom.IseeHishandonmylifethewholeway.HowIloveHim!IamthankfulforhisSPELLCASTING.Iamthankful
forHisabidingpresence.IamthankfulforHispatiencewithmeasIamgrowing.Iamthankful,ohsothankful,thathebrought
mylovelygirlbacktomewhichismypreciouslove.IamthankfulforthejoythatHe'sbroughtintomylife:mywife,my
beautifulchildren,myhome.Heispreciousandgoodandaltogetherlovely.OhblessHisname!sunrisespell@gmail.com"Alissa
cares....

Link

Alissacares....(notverified)|01/27/12|16:52PM

JosieWoodbury,USA
Dr.gboco(gbocotemple@yahoo.com)hasamazedmeasIhaveseenresultsfromeverythinghe
hasdoneforme,oftenquitefast.WhileIhavebeentootherspellcasterswhoIbelieve
triedtheirbestDr.gbocosimplyisthebest,beingtrulygiftedandhaving.Heisa
trulykindandgenerouspersonwhotooktimeoutonaweekendrecentlytohelpwitha
difficultongoingcaseformewhichbroughthimnopersonalgain.Hisworkresultedinan
alloutmiraclewithamanIhavebeeninlovewithfortwoyears.Dr.gboco!

Link

josie(notverified)|02/02/12|14:30PM

Ihadalreadytried4differentonlinespellcaster'sservices,butallthecastersImetwerejerksandscams.ThenmyWaltertold
meaboutOldReligoinTemple.Iwasn'tsureanythingwouldcomeoutofit,butIthought,whynottakeachance?IcastaLove
Spell,andtheverynextweekagorgeousguycameuptomeataclubandaskedmetodance.Heiscaring,kind,romantic
everythingIalwayswanted.We'vebeentogetherforsixmonths,andwe'retalkingaboutgettingmarried.I'mabeliever!"Ifyou
requiresanyassistance,youcancontactthetemplethrougholdreligoin@gmail.comArsha

Link

Arsha(notverified)|02/09/12|01:27AM

Areyouwhacked?Evenifitweretrue,whatmakesyouthinkthat"castingspells"wouldbeanethicalwaytoget
someonetobewithyou?Areyoutrulysodesperatethatyou'dwillinglymanipulatesomeoneintoarelationship?
Ifso,youdeserveeverythingthathappenstoyou.

Mundusvultdecipi

Link

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

GerhardAdam|02/09/12|02:05AM

67/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
nothingexplainsthepainanymorethanthissong

Anonymous(notverified)|02/14/12|22:08PM

Link

http://youtu.be/EdBym7kv2IM

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|02/14/12|22:09PM

IAMSOSORRYTOREADSOMUCHPAINANDDESPAIR.
Mymanreplacedme,butnotwithanotherwoman,butadrug.Ilostmylovetoantidepressantstwoweeksago.Iwaswithhim
fortwoyears.Hewasthemostfeeling,passionate,andsensitivekindofman.After6weeksonthedrugPaxil,heisnowmean
andhasnoemotion.Hisempathyandsensitivitywaslikeadrugtome,itwasthethingIlovedmostabouthim.Itisrealhard
dealingwiththepainofhavingtosaygoodbye.Ihadtoendit,Icouldn'ttakethecoldnessanymore,itwashurtingtomuch.I
amlongingforhim,butIknowhesemotionallydead.MYHEARTFEELSBROKE.THISSUCKS.

Angel(notverified)|02/15/12|14:22PM

Link

P.S.Doesanyoneknowifapersononantidepressantsareoblivioustoemotionsshutdown.

Angel(notverified)|02/15/12|14:26PM

Link

Ijustbrokeupwithmyboyfriend.Hewastheloveofmylifeandwasmyfirstforeverything.It'sonlybeentwodaysandallI
wanttodoissleepandcry.Imisshimsomuchandit'ssohardtoremembereverythingwe'vebeenthroughtogetherandnowI
don'thavehimanymore.MyhearthurtsandIhateeating.Idon'tknowwhattodowithmyself.I'mofteninmyroomlayingwith
mydogdwellingonpastmemories.It'sveryhardformetonottalktohimandIcan'texplaininwordshowmuchithurtsme.I
knowIdeservebetterthanhimbutIcan'tseemtoconvincemyselfthatIwantbetter.Whathedidtomeandhowhetreated
mehurtsbutwhathurtsthemostisknowinghowsweetandniceheUSEDtobe.Idon'tknowwhattodowithmyself.Ifeelso
lostandconfused.Iknowwewon'tgetbacktogetherandthatIprobablywon'teverseehimagain.fml.Idon'tknowwhattodo
:(IhaveemotionalsupportfrommyoldersisterbutIfeellikeIburdenherwithmyproblemswhenIknowshehasproblemsof
herown.Ijustfeellikeazombie.I'mnotmotivatedtodoanythinganymoreandit'ssoclosetothetimewhereIlostmymother
twelveyearsago.IfeellikeI'mdyingontheinside.IfeellikeacompletefailureandI'msomiserablewithouthimeventhoughI
wasmiserablewithhim.

Anonymous(notverified)|02/25/12|16:16PM

Link

howsthingsgoin?
Ialsofeltlikeatotalzombie.Theshockcomesfrom:allthelovewedevoutedwas....invain!justlikethat!someonewitha
2sidedface,itsjustcrap!notworthyourtimeandattention.Thatguydumpedme,neverregretit,likeifitwasatoy
relationship,butifeelimstrongnow,muchstronger.Thiskindofsituationsaregoodcauseithelpsugrow.Ihavenowa
differentviewoflife,imdifferentnow...imkindofbold,ihavenofear!imfeelingsostrong!andifeelthatthatdumb
boyjustneverdeservedme.Ofcourseistillfeelkindofsadifiseethegirlheisnowf...dating,talkinfineoverfacebook,
likeeverythingsok...itsamixtureofsomesadnessandangst...butimovercoming!upeoplejusthavetothinkyouare
MUCHBETTERthanthoseimmaturelittletrivialguys..timekindofheals...ithought"thatsimpossible"butheals,butmuch
oftheworkisbygettingintouchwithotherpeople,newpeople,newguys,butnowmoreawareand...selective.ujustget
morestronger,believeme.cutallthosesuicidethoughts!Why?becauseofsomeASSHOLE?noway!!beloudandproud
please!braveandconfident!

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|03/05/12|14:57PM

Spiritualdrbuntwintchcraftspell@mail.comisalovelyspellcontact....
Ihopetopublishmymessage!Iwanttotestifytheworldhowlegitthiscasteris.Icansayfromhis1stmessagethatIfelt
muchmoreconfidentwithhimthanwithanyothercaster.Itsobviousthatheisnothereonlyformoneybuttrulytohelp
people.IthankGodIchosehimtocastaspellforme.WhenIreadallthebadreportsaboutsomanycastersIwasfreakingout
tosendhimsomuchmoneybutnowIdontregretitasecond!chanhilgavemeaphonecallonly4daysafterIfinishedthe
castingofthespell.Honestly,Iwasntthinkingitwouldhavebeensofast.Ididntevenrecognizehisvoice,itwassuchalong
timeItalkedtohimforthelasttime!Only1weekaftertheendofthespellwemetupandwemadeloveallnightathisplace.
Itwasfantasticandemotionallyitwasevenbetterthanourveryfirstdate!EverythinghappenedasbuntpromisedandIthank
himforsincerity.Muchlove.Sibleymelakieb

Link

Sibleymelakieb(notverified)|02/29/12|20:06PM

Hi.....
IreallylikedAdam'sopinionsandviews...andineedureadvice..asuseemtobeaverysoundperson...iwascryinwenidida
searchtoknowhowtogetoverheartbreak...mycaseis..fewmonthsback..in2011..imetaguy...weinstantlyhititoff...two
monthswedated...itwasthefirsttimeihadfalleninloveifelt...stillfeel..ithothelovedmetoo..healsosaidthat...butdue

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

68/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
tosomeunavoidablecircumstances..hegotmarriedtosomeoneelse..(itwasduetofamilypressure..anarrangedmarriage...
itsIndia..thingsstillhappenlikethis)..btwekindofbrokeoffallofasuddenbeforehismarriage...iwenttoastateof
depressioncozofthat...tooktosubstanceabusealcoholandsmokingboth.....hegotmarriedinnovemberlastyr..then..ibecme
badtoworse..butslowlybegantoacceptmyfate...btallofasuddeninJan..thisguytextsme..sayinhewantstoget
back..atleastasfrenz..wemetafterthat..iknewitwaswrong..buticudntstopmyself,..secondtymwemet..wegotlil
intimate..iknewthatwecanneverbejuzfrensnemore..andhadneverimaginedthatiwuddosuchathinginmylifeofgettin
involvedwithamarriedguy..idontwanttodothis..btimisshimhorribly....idontwanttocontacthim..btendupdoingthat..
howdoikeepmyselfsane..cozalldisisdrivinmecrazydayandnyt...wotshudido..pleasepleasehelpme..please..

Riya(notverified)|03/05/12|04:32AM

Link

lastmonth..ieventriedtocommitsuicide...ihaveneverbeeninsomchpaininmylife..thruoutmylifeihavebeenfocussingin
mycareer..studiesndenjob...neverthotiwudbesopatheticinmylife..dontknowwottodo..howtostopmyself..fromthis
disaster...idontwanttocontacthimormeethim..btstayinawayissooverydifficult..itkills...momentarylapsesmakeme
contacthim...idontknowwottodo..sometimeithinkasifdyingwudhavebeenbetterthanbearingallthis...

Riya(notverified)|03/05/12|04:37AM

Link

AlthoughIknowthepainissoveryrealandthatit'shardtostayaway,youmustrealizethatthereismoretolifeand
happinessthanbeinginlove.Thinkofhowyouwerehappybeforeyouevenmethim.Thereisalifewithouthim,andyou
surviveditjustfine.ItsoundslikeyouareahardworkerandIthinkyoushouldfocusagainonyourcareer,andI'msureyou
willbeverysuccessful.Themoreyoufindotherthingstofocuson,thelessyouwillrememberhim,asunlikelyasitseems.
You'reheartwillhealandyouwillfindlovewithapersonwhomitisrighttobewith.Andbeingwithsomeonewhowill
freely,unabashedlyloveyoubackwillbemorerewardingthanyoucanimagine.Alsothinkofallthepeopleinyourlifewho
wouldmissyouterribly.Youarestrongerthanheartbreak.

Anonymous(notverified)|03/05/12|23:53PM

Link

hmmm....thanksatonforyourkinds..whoeveruare..Godblessu.....itwasstupidofmetoendlife..andyesishould
getbacktomycareerandotherinterestsratherthanbroodingoverhimallthetime..willgiveitashot...deysaytime
isthegreatesthealer...ifnotinmonthsdeninyearsiwillsurelygetoverthis..hehheh...itsfunnyasisay
dis...sometimesthememoriesbringbacksmilemakemelaughtoo..btthennextmomentthereisapang..neways..i
wonttalkabtdepressingstuff...pplsayitreinforcesthesentiments..betterfocusonsomethingelse...btkeepupthe
goodjob..listeningtowotstrangershavetosay..abttheirpainandheartaches..isanobledeedindeed...
bestwishes

Link

Riya(notverified)|03/06/12|00:03AM

imeantthanksforyourkindwords!!!!phewtypo:P

Link

Riya(notverified)|03/06/12|00:06AM

Ok,readingallofthesepostIthinkbringsemotiontotheheartforeveryonewhohasexperencedsomekindofheartbreak.I
amgoingtotellmystoryofmyfirstlove.Ihopethatitmighthelpsomepeopleifnot,hellit'llmakemefeelbetter.WhenIwas
16Ifellforaboyalittleyoungerthenme.Itwasteenagelovebutlovenevertheless.Wedateforawhileandthingswere
amazing.Iwashapppyandcontant.Itwasmethatruineditthough,beingyoungandnieve.Iwenttoseeafriendonenightand
hadafewdrinks,myexturnedupand....wellyougettheidea.
ThepainIfeltthatnightwaslikenothingIhaveeverfeltinmylife.(Isitherenowwritingthiscrying.I'mnow22,livingwithmy
currentboyfriendwhoIwouldsayismysoulmatethoughandthoughbutthisstillhurts.)Anyway,ItoldmyhimthatIhad
cheatedthatnight,IamsuchatruefulpersonIcouldn'thiditwithhim.Ishouldhaveendeditthereandthenknowingthatall
trustwasgonebutIwas16,soyoungandnieve.wecarriedondating.
Afterafewmonthitwascametoheadandheleftme.Ican'trememberalotaboutthistimemymindhasblockit.Iwasinbig
pitwithnowayout.Iusedtodrinkfor4daysstriaghtfrom7inthemorningwhenIwouldgetonthebustogotocollage.
FeelingalltheguiltofwhatIhaddone.
Nextcametheanger,IamnotanthatkindofpersonIdonothurtpeoplebutsomethingtookoverinsideofme.Istalkhim,on
msm,Ihackhisaccounts,Ipretentedtobesomeoneelse.WorstoffIsaidIwaspregnantwithhisbaby.Afterawhilethisall
stoped.MylifedidntgobacktonormalbutIlivedalittle.Ifeltalonethough,veryalone.Iusedtomeetupwithmenjustfor
therecompanionship.Reallytheywerejustusingme.
TwoyearlaterImetmycurrentboyfriend,becauseofthethingsIhadlearntIknowhowtocopewiththings.Imusthavedone
somethingrightasIamstillwithhimnow.Wewerehonestfromthebegining.Ourrelationshipisverymuchbasedontrueand
weareveryhappy.Buttillthisday6yearslater.WheneverIseemyex,Istillfeelthisloveforhimandtheguiltofallthepain
thatIbroughthim.ThisIthinkwasoneofmybiggistlifeslessons.IwillneverforgetwhatIdidandhowmuchithurt.However
chinupeveryonethingshappenforareasonandyoumaynotbeabletoseeitatthetimebutitwillgetbetter.

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

69/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
IhopemystoryhelpsandIa'msorryforallthespellingerrors,Iammildlydyslexic.

Emily(notverified)|03/08/12|07:25AM

Link

I'm28..I'vebeenthroughacoupleheartbreaks,butthisoneisthemostintense.Longstoryshort:Girlfriend,31/2years,9yr
oldson.Aftermuchdiscussion,wedecidedtotakea3month"break"toreassessourlives/ourselves.AndI'veexhaustedall
possibleoutcomesinmymind,butemotionallyIampreparingmyselfforthe"up"followingtheword"break".
We'vebeenonbreak1week,andinsidemeit'sbeenanemotionalrollercoaster,butIdon'tcrybecausethatdoesn'tsolve
anything.Cryingjustmakesmyeyesswollenandmynosered.Iwouldtearup,butexcusemyselftothebathroomandregainmy
composure.Atnightit'sharder..tearshavefallenthen,butnotforlong.Aminuteatthemost...
It'sgoingtohurt.Suchadrasticchangeinone'slifeisoverwhelming.Thingswillseemoutofcontrol.Somethingsmaybe,but
notallofit.Justmaintaincontrolofwhatyoucan,andletgoofwhatyoucannot.Humanswerebuilttoanalyzeandadapt.
That'sprettymuchwhatourmindsandbodiesaredoingduringtumultoustimes.Whateveryou'reexperiencing,youjusthaveto
rememberyouarehumanandyou'rebuilttosurvive.

Jen(notverified)|03/08/12|16:46PM

Link

itsverynicetoreadallofyourstoriesguys!!!
wereallyallexperiencepainbecauseofheartbreaks..idotoo!imetaguy.hesnotfrhere.hesfromUS.sincethatimsinglefor2
yrs,mycoworkersmadeablinddateforme.thatshowemet..hesgood.gentleman.imreallyshycozitsreallymyfirsttimeto
experiencesomethinglikethat..after2daysheinvitedmetotheirhouseformetomeethisfamily..iminashortsandasimple
butniceblouse..nicegetupforme.buthisfamilyhadabadimpressionjustbecauseofthewayidress.that'ssounfaircozits
notenoughthatyoujudgeapersonbythewayhe/shedressright?thatwastoopainful.i'mnotgoingtodetailsofwhattheytold
aboutme..whatcanisayisthattheyputmedownthewaytheyjudgeme..buttheguytoldmethathedoesntcarewhattheir
thoughtaboutmeallabout..hesaidimniceanddefinitelylikeme..ilikehimtoo.itsthefeelingthatyouknowthatthereis
somethingdifferentthatyoufeelforsomeonethoughyoujustmetforawhile..imjustcomfortablewithhim,.thenafterfewdays
healreadywenthomecozheleftmuchworksbackinhishome..igotskypecozhewishmetohavethoughatfirstireallydnt
knowhowtouseit.ignoranceattack!butididiforhim..yeswechat,wetalkalmosteveryday..butafter1month..hewas
lost..ummmm..idontknowwhatishedoingalready..idontwhattofeel.ijustmisshimsoomuchthoughhonestlywedonthave
committment..ithinkiwasfellinlovewithhimthatuntilnowimalwaystryingtogetonlinejusthopingthativegotamessage
fromhimandhopingthathesonlinetothatimightgetatalkfromhim..isthislove?whydofallinlovesoeasy..?howiwishica
tellittoyoufacetoface..ILOVEYOUANDIMISSYOUSOMUCH
:(

Anonymous(notverified)|03/11/12|05:58AM

Link

Whatthe....?AmIstillonthescience20siteorismybrowserbroken?
Whiningteenagersandnow...witchcraft!!!
Ugh.Ineedabath.

derek_potter(notverified)|03/11/12|06:41AM

Link

Wow!whataheartofglass!If,imeanIFareteenagersaroundherewhining,letthemWHINEthewaytheyknow/want!.
Teenagershavetheirrighttoexpresstheirfeelingstoo,oramiwrong?.Ormaybeuareallwrongandtheressomeadults
herealsowhining!andwhatsthebigdeal?
Alliwanttoreinforceisthatloveishard,butreallyHARDthesedays.Insteadofwatchingthissocietydevelopingijust
contemplatetheoppositepeopleareselfish,justthinkmostlyoftheirownsatisfaction,lackofvalues,moralsandthats
it.Ireallyadmirelongbutreallylongmarriages,butunfortunatlyseemsliketheytheyarejustinextinctionthese
days...Relationshipsarejustsimplydisposable,peoplearedisposable,sexism,andthatsit!Andimnotbeing
exaggerated,andimnotbitterinmyrelationshipsanddailyinteractionwithothers.Itsjustapeaceful,calmawareness.
RemindsmeofDiogenes,outonthestreetsduringthedaywithalanternlookingforanhonestman!lol

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|03/12/12|14:33PM

lovespellsthatwork
Iheardaboutaspellcasterwhoseisgreatandpowerfulsourcetoknowaboutlovespells.Afriendgavemehiscontactemail
addressbelowicontactedhimonandtoldhimaboutmyissuewithmyex,andandhecastalovespellformeandmyloverwho
leftmeforsevenmonthscamebacktomejustafter5daysandiamveryhappy.youcanalsomeetwithhimonthesame
addresslovesolutionspell@priest.com
Thanksandmynameismiller

Link

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

miller(notverified)|03/18/12|03:03AM

70/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak

Milleryouareafool.

SoyoubelieveyouhavetheRIGHTtoreduceyourlovertoaradiocontrolledtoy?
Withawarlockmeddler,whomyoudon'tknowfromsatanhimself,atthecontrols!
Howpathetic.

You'remorescarythanVoldemort.AtleastTomRiddleknewhewasevil.

derek_potter(notverified)|03/18/12|04:43AM

Link

Ihaveafriendwho'sanartistandhassometimestakenaviewwhichIdon'tagreewithverywell.He'llholdupa
flowerandsay"lookhowbeautifulitis,"andI'llagree.Thenhesays"Iasanartistcanseehowbeautifulthisisbut
youasascientisttakethisallapartanditbecomesadullthing,"andIthinkthathe'skindofnutty.Firstofall,the
beautythatheseesisavailabletootherpeopleandtometoo,Ibelieve.AlthoughImaynotbequiteasrefined
aestheticallyasheis...Icanappreciatethebeautyofaflower.Atthesametime,Iseemuchmoreabouttheflower
thanhesees.Icouldimaginethecellsinthere,thecomplicatedactionsinside,whichalsohaveabeauty.Imeanit's
notjustbeautyatthisdimension,atonecentimeterthere'salsobeautyatsmallerdimensions,theinnerstructure,
alsotheprocesses.Thefactthatthecolorsintheflowerevolvedinordertoattractinsectstopollinateitis
interestingitmeansthatinsectscanseethecolor.Itaddsaquestion:doesthisaestheticsensealsoexistinthe
lowerforms?Whyisitaesthetic?Allkindsofinterestingquestionswhichthescienceknowledgeonlyaddstothe
excitement,themysteryandtheaweofaflower.Itonlyadds.Idon'tunderstandhowitsubtracts.
RichardP.Feynman

Link

KentParson(notverified)|04/18/12|12:31PM

Sandy
Myloverofsevenyearsleftmeinthemiddleofthenight,hegavenowarningorindicationthathewasleaving.Iworkatnight
andwhenIarrivedhomethemorningafterhelefteverythingheownedwasgone.IammonthlaterIfoundoutthathewas
seeingayoungerguythatheworkedwith,theguypracticesaformofSanteria.Thisindividualdestroyedmylifewithoutas
muchasaforethought!priortocomingtoDr.Leeforhelp,Iaskedotherspellcastersforhelpandreceivednone!Dr.Leeisthe
onlyonewhohelpedme!IamgladtoreportthatmyloverandIarenowbacktogether.ThankyouDr.Leeforeverythingthat
youdidforus.Andforthosewhoneedhelpshouldcontactthismanforhelponhisemailaddressvia:
Ancientfathersandmothers@gmail.com

Sandy(notverified)|03/29/12|12:25PM

Link

Howpatheticisthat?

Mundusvultdecipi

GerhardAdam|03/29/12|14:16PM

Link

DudddethisisexactlyhowIfeel..ikeeplosingpeopleiaminlovewith..itmakesmedepressed.Extremlydepressed..towherei
listentosadmusicallday,iwishicouldmoveon..icanonlymoveonwhenifindsomeonenew..butwhenifindsomeoneknew
somthinghappenstotheandimbacktopointoneagain..ineeeddhelpp

Link

Dustih(notverified)|04/17/12|23:17PM

Theauthordiscussesthechangethatcomesaboutafteraloss,stating,"andsowillitbefortherestofourlivesandnext."Now
whatisthereferenceto"next"?It'sobviousthattheauthorisreferringtosomelifeafterdeath.Thisisasciencepublication,or
soIunderstand.Anafterlifeisnotascientificconcept.Attheveryleastthistypeofsciencejournalismisreligious
compatibilism,andattheworstthreatensthecredibilityofscience.

Link

Kent(notverified)|04/18/12|12:27PM

Heyall,Iamcurrentlygoingthroughmyfirstproperheartbreakatage30.Ihavehadaseriousrelationshipbefore,butthis
manwhohasbrokenmyheart,IfeelIwillnevergetover.Stupidly,Istarteddatingthismanfiveyearsagoawarethathewas
married.Hewas,however,inasituationwherehewasinitforthekids,andheandhiswifesleptinseparatebedrooms.Heand
Isplitalmostthreeyearsago.IwassodevastatedImovedstates,butstillkeptintouchwithhimeverydaysincethesplit.Ifelt

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

71/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
hewasmybestfriendandwasn'tconcernedthathewouldhookupwithanyoneelse,aswesplitbecausehewasmarried&
didn'twanttoleavehiskids,andthoughthewouldn'tdoitagain.Ourrelationshipwasincrediblybeautiful,Iremember
knowingwithinthefirstcoupleofweeksthathewasmysoulmate.Healsoindicatedthesefeelingsonaregularbasis.
Sincewesplitupyearsago,hehastoldmethatifheeverwastodivorcehewouldseewhereI'mat,andthatifhewasever
goingtobeinterestedinarelationshipitwouldbewithme.Ifoundoutfromhimweeksagothatheisgettingdivorced.Ialso
discoveredhehasbeenflirtingwithmanywomen,visitingtheirhousesetc,andhassaidheisnowlivingasa'singleman'since
findingoutaboutthedivorce.Ihonestlybelievedthathehadintentionsofpursuingmeoncedivorcing,andhaveputmylifeon
holdforyearsbelievingthis.NowIamconstantlyobsessingaboutthewomenheiswith,wonderingwhatheisdoingwiththem
andwhotheyare.Also,Ihadaskedhimmanytimesthisyearifhewasfoolingaroundtowhichheconstantlysaid"No."Now
whenIaskaboutthewomenhesimplystatesitisnoneofmybusinesswhenweeksago,wesharedeverything.
Ihavelovedthismansomuch,andhavebeensodepressedoverthelatestrevelationsthatIhavenotbeenabletogetoutof
bed,havebeencryingconstantly,feelphysicalpain,andhavestartedantidepressants.MostdaysIfeellikeendingitall,and
myfamilyandfriends,donotwanttoknowaboutitasthismanhasbeeninmylifeforyearsandtheybelieveIshouldhavecut
himalongtimeago.MyheartisbrokenandIhavenoonetoturnto.Ihaven'tbeenabletowork,sleep,eatorfunctionindayto
daylife.Hehasmovedonandisenjoyinglife,andisawellknownmusicianwhohashundredsofteenagegirlsafterhimwhich
heisnowindulgingin(despitethefactheis46).Ijustcan'tdothisanymore,Ifeelsick.IfthereisanyonewhoIcantalk
to......anyone.......

Nat(notverified)|05/01/12|01:57AM

Link

Wow,allofthiswasverydepressingformetoevenreadandthisisallanunfortunateincidenthere.Youshouldknowthat
thisisnotyourfaultthatalloftheseunexpectedeventsoccurredasthiscouldhavehadhappenedtoanyone.Itseems
thattherewasnoindicationthathemighthavebeenlyingtoyouaboutwhathewasdoing.Apparently,fromwhatIam
readinginyourcomment,hehadachangeofhearttheminutethathebecame"singleman"afterhisdivorceanditwould
bedifficulttotrytogetintohismindonwhyhewoulddothistoyou.
FromwhatIreadaboutyour"familyandfriends",theyarereallynothelpfulpeople,basedonhowtheyjustabandonedyou
andignoredyourproblem,andifIwereyou,wouldnotevenhavesuch"friends".
Iwishtherewasawaytohelp,but,I'mnotsureiftheadvicethatwasonthelastparagraph"HowtoMendABrokenHeart"
wouldhelpyou.Ineverhadrelationshipandcanonlyspeakfromamaleperspectiveonthisone,butIbeenthrougha
similarnegativeexperiencebeforeandhadanideaonhowtoescapefromit.Ibelieve,thatstartingsomenewroutineor
hobbycanhelpmendthestressthatyou'vebeengoingthrough.It'snotthecureofwhatyou'refeeling,butthisisjusta
transitionalstage,whichyouhavetotryhardtopassover.Useaclearmind,andtrytodosomethingdifferent,theminute
youstarttohavethesenegativethoughs.Someexcercise,meditation,lifestylechangetofeelbetteraboutyouself(mind,
body,spirit),music,maybe,traveltoascenicplace,thatisdifferentfromyourownenvironmentwillatleast,relieve,what
you'refeeling.
"Ihaven'tbeenabletowork,sleep,eatorfunctionindaytodaylife.Hehasmovedonandisenjoyinglife".
Ifthatisthecase,thenyouneedtotransitionyourselftosomethinggreater.Youneedtoempoweryouselfandenjoylife
alsoandthisissomethingthatisalifelongtransition.There,isanothertomorrowanddevelopgoalsthatmatteronlyto
you,willhelpinstillpurposeinyourselfandinyourlife.Thismaytakeeffort,butwilltruelychangeyourmindset.Reading
onsimilarsituationsasyourswillhelp,understandingsomebasicpsychology,soyoucanunderstandtheemotionsthatare
afflictingyou,willalsohelp(readaboutsimilarsituationshelpsmealot,internet,infoonpsychologytoanalysemy
feelings).Itookoutthisparticularsentence,because,thisiswhatcatchesmyeyeonwhatyourproblemisandwhatmay
bethesolution.Remember,takeadeepbreathe,lookatthesky,andsaythat"thiswillbeanewdayforme",adaythat
willhelptransitionmetoanewlife,whereIamfreefromthisunnecesaryemotionalslavery!".:"Iwillbringmyfutureand
controlmydestiny".
I'mnotsureifthishelpsyougetovertheunfortunatesituation,orwhatyouwereexpectingtohere,butIhopethishelps.
Ifyouneedtorespond,feelfreetodoso.
Iwishyouonlygoodluck,goodhealth,andabettertomorrow:)

Link

annonymous(notverified)|05/01/12|21:11PM

Ifeltverysadreadingwhathappenedtoyou.Iunderstandyou,becauseibeenthroughasimilarsituation...Iwasfooledby
aboywhojustdisapearedfrommylife.Imstilltakingantidepressantsforacoupleofmonthsago,andireallythinkits
areallygoodhelp!!Ithinkifyoucouldalsotalktoapsychologist,italsorelieves...itsgood...Andyes,meetingandtalking
tonewpeopleitsimportant!Iunderstandyou,becausewededicatedsomuchlovetosomeone,itreallyhurts.Yes,ifelt
likeazombiewhenithappened,looseweight,wasreallylookingbad!Nowimphysicallymuchbetter,butthepainisstill
hereinmyheart!!itstraumatic,iwishididntknew...Butyouhavetobestrongmydear...Ifyouneed,imheretotalkto
you!

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|05/04/12|16:41PM

HiNat,
Iamtrulysorryforyou.Youdeserveamuchbetterguythantheoneyoufellinlovewith.Youreallyneedtogetoverhim.
Tobehonest,menhasdifferentwiringthanwomen.IamnotsureyouhearthisbeforeAwomanwantsonemanto
satisfyhereverylittleneeds.Amanwantseverywomentosatisfyhisonelittleneed.Mostmenworkslikethis.

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

72/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
Ihavegoingthroughahardbreakupmyself.ButIgetcreativeeachdaytomendmybrokenheart.Igotoexercise,meet
friends,startsomenewactivitieslikegoingtowaterfallsandhiking.INfact,aweekafterthebreakup,IwasoverseaandI
feltsosadbutIstillhadtowork.Ithoughtaftermy3dayswork,Iwouldslumpedonmybed,coveredmyselfwithblanket
andcriedandwallowinmysadness.Instead,Iwentoutforzipliningwithmycoworkers.Ididnotwanttogo,butIdid
andIfeltsomuchbetterthanbeingaloneandnotdoanything.
Myadvice:
1.Getintophysicalactivities.Gorun,exercise.Anything.Ithelps.
2.Acceptyoursituation.Therearetimesyouwillstillwonderwhyyoucannotbetogether.Assoonasitcomes,justmake
yourselfstopwonderingandacceptthesituationasitis.
3.PrayforGodtoaskhelptogetoverhim.
Ihopestrengthandhappinessforyou.
Regards,
Susan

SusanLim(notverified)|09/10/12|09:36AM

Link

Likeeveryoneabove,it'sbeenaterriblyroughroad,missingmyboyfriendandfriendof5years.Itmakesmewishwehadnever
crossedthelinefromfriendstosomethingmore.HoweverthenIthinkofallthegreattimesandhardtimeswesharedasa
couple.Ihavebeentryingtospeaktofriendsandfamilywithoutbeingtoooverindulgent.I'vehadseveralwordsofgood
advice.Themainpointbeing,theynotonlyhavetobetherightperson,buttherightpersonattherighttime.Youcanlove
someone,andtheymayloveyou,howeverifthetimingisn'tright,it'snotgoinglast.Ithinkit'ssoamazingtofallinloveand
havethosefeelingsreturned,thoughsometimesweforgettoaskthequestions.Weneedtoensurewe'reonthesamepath.We
haveactionplansandstrategiesforourcareer,ourfinancialgoals,yetallthatgoesoutthewindowwhenyoufallinlovewith
someone.I'vejuststartedtryingtofigureoutwhothehellIreallyam.Sometimeswelooseourselvesinsomeoneelse'slife.I
knowIhave.Twostepsforward,onestepback.Istillcry,butIsmileaswell.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|05/05/12|22:26PM

i,amcurrentlygoingthroughthismyself...
iwaskindoflostandlookingforhelp..i,amawayfrommyfriendsandeveryonebcozitsvacationtime...
Havingnoonetotalktomakesitmuchworseactually...ItriedtoGooglewhaticoulddotofeelbetter..
Readingaboutotherpeoplewhohavebeenthroughthesamesituationasyouhaveisactuallyalittlehelpfull..
Itallgoestoshowthat..itwillgetbetter..itmayseemallbadandgloomynowbutthereisasilverliningorwhat
youcancallasarayofhope....i,amcommentingherejusttotellsomeonewhatsgoingthroughmyhead..
Thankyouforreading:)

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|06/19/12|12:06PM

Irecentlylostthegreatestthingthathaseverhappendtome.Ilovedherwithallmyheartandsoul.Itreatedhertothebestof
myability.Wegrewintoawonderfulcouple.Iwantedtomarryher.Ihopedandprayedshewouldneverleaveme.Butjustlike
allmyhopesanddreams,itwastoogoodtobetrue.Shewenttocampforaweek,andcamebackwithtotallydifferentfeelings
forme.SheisapartofwhoIam.IlongforthatcomfortandsecuritythatIoncehadwithher.Idon'tknowwhoIamanymore
orwhatmypurposeis.TheloveIhaveisstillthere,thepainIfeelisstillthere.IbegGodtogivemethehappinessinwhichI
usedtofeel.ButInolongerfeeltheannointinginmyhandsandfeet,norinmyheartandsoul.eachtearthatfalls,Icanfeel
myheartshattermoreandmore.MaybeIlovedhertoomuch,andmaybeIjustfailedtogiveherthespaceinwhichsheneeded.
NothingcanchangetheloveIhaveforher.Nothingcanchangemymind.Idon'twantareplacement.AllIwantisher.Ilove
her.

Link

ChristopherHowell(notverified)|07/18/12|00:52AM

Irecentlyjustbrokeupwithmyboyfriendit'snotthefirsttimewebrakeup.Thelasttimewebrokeupwasaboutayearago
andwelasted6monthswithouttalkinginnosuchway.Hethanafterthose6monthswrotetomeagain.Feelingexcitedand
anxiouswestartedtalkingagainwedatedforalreadyayearagainbutjustthingsweren'tthesameanymore.ThistimeIfeltI
wasgivingmoreintherelationshipthanhewas.Wehavenoneeachotherfor6yearsalready.ButidkwhyIjustcan'tnever
moveonformthebrakeup.Ican'tstopthinkingaboutallthathappenedandregretbreakingupwithhimbutIfeelIneedto
movefromthisandlivemylife.IjustfeellikeI'vestoppedmywholelifeforhimbutIjustcan'tfindthewaytogetbackup.I
thinkeverysecOndofthedayifthisisreallywhatIwant.IneedhelptogetthroughthisheartacheIcan'tfindanythingto
makeitbetterandjustfeelplainlonelyandjustlikemywholelifehasstopped.Iseehimandheislikenothinghappenedand
justalreadystartinganewlifethishurtssoooomuchandIjustwanttoleavethisinthepastandhaveafreshstart.Pleasehelp

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

73/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
Anonymous(notverified)|07/18/12|22:15PM

Link

Helllo,Iamfifteenyearsoldandperfectlyawarethatwhat.Iamfeelingisnothingcompared.Towhatother.Peoplearefeelng
atthis.Momentintime.However,Ithoughtitwasworthashot,sinceatthisstageIwilltakeadivceorhelpfromanywhere.I
havefeelingsformybestfriendthatIknowarestrong,althoughI'mnotsurewhetherthe'reromanticornnot.Eveniftheyare,
I'llhavetogetoverthem.Saidbestfriendiscurrentlyhapywith.Hisirlfriendherecentlymoveddowntolivewithher.[Heis
eighteen,andlivesina.Differentcountry.Longstory.]Anyway,beforehemoved,Iusedtotalktobothhimandhis
girlfriendonline,forseveralhoursaday,mostdays.Wewereclose,knoweverythingabouteachother.Butsincethemove...IfI'm
lucky,he'llbeonformaybefiveminutesaday.Thiswasonlylastweek,andI'mawarethesituationmightsettledown,given
time,,but...Thinkingabouthim,it.Hurts.This.Girl,she'severything,makeshimhapy,they'reperfectforeachother.I.Justwant
tobehappyforthem,butwhenIfinallyletmyselfthinkaboutit,usuallyatnight,IfindtearscomingtomyeyesasIrealizehe
doesn'tneedmeanymore.Whatgoodisabestfriend,whenyouhavealoverandafriend,allrolledintone?ButIdon'twantto
thinklikethat.Idon'twatthisdull,achingthrobinmychestwhenI'mtryingto.Sleep,thesedreamsofbeingforgottenabout
completel.Hedoesn'tmeantohurtme,doesn'tevenknowheisImakesureofthat.Besides,LoveisblindHehaseyesforherand
her.Only.I'mnotaskingforpityorsympathyhere,I'mjustasingisitnormaltogetthisacheinyourchestovercircumstanceslike
this,andifanyoneknowsofanywaytolessenthepain...Or,howto.ExplainthatIdon'tlikegoingonwebcamwith.Them,sitting
theirlikeathirdwheelonyown.Yes,Ithinkthatsumsitup.Ifeellikeathirdwheelallthetime.Apologiesforany
grammatical/spellingerrors,mycurrentkeyboardisslightlydefecive.

Anonymous(notverified)|07/19/12|20:04PM

Link

ImetmyfirstlovewhenIwas13.AndhimandIgotmarriedwhenIwassixteen.Haveabeautifuldaughterfromthemarriege.
Meandhimbrokeupafewtimes.Butwekepttrying.Lastyearafternotseeingfor2years,comesintomylife.Andevery
feelingcameback,forggetinghowlongittooktogetoverthepast.ButsoIgaveatryonceagain,andlittledidIknowwe
wouldbreakupagainandthisonewastheworstthusfar.It'sbe6,monthsnow.Ihavelost40jobsfromheartbreak.Ican
barelyeatwhenItrytoeat.AmhappyduringthedaybutonceIputmychildtosleepmeandIhavetimetothink.Itfeelsasif
amlitterlyabouttodie.JustrecentlyIfoundouthisdatinganewpersonandpossibleymarryher.Butwhatkillsmethemostis
thefacthelet'smeknowheforceshimselftoloveherthewayhewasinlovewithme.Butyethesaysinlightofallofthathe
wantstotoughenitoutwithher.Whichmademyheartbreakevenmore.Didyoueverevenloveme.Thefactyouwanttoforce
yourselftoloveher.Andam,moreemberestaboutisIpouredmy,heartouttonight.Andtoldhimwhycan'tyoutoughenitout
withme.Andthefactwealreadyhavesomething.Iwonderwasthewholethingalie.Thewayhejustgaveuponusandis
willingtobewithher.Ihavepaininmyentirebodythatisnotphysicalbutaninnerpain.Asoultournamentedtolovehim.I
doubtillevergetoverhim.Ijustwishthepainwouldstop.Itkillsmetoevenpicturehimholdingher.
Iregeretchoosinghimovermydad.Whokepttelling

Anonymous(notverified)|08/08/12|03:50AM

Link

Wastellingmeandwarningme.I'llbemiserable.IlovehimsomuchthatIhatemyselfforlovingsomeonewhodoesn'tlovethe
wayIdo.Ifeelhate,love,anger,resentment.GodforgivemetothepointwhereIhadwisheddeathonthegirl.Andforhimto
livetherestofhislifeinregeret,andmisery.ButIdon'twanttowishthoestypesofthingsonhimforIlovetoomuch.AndI
hatemyselfforwishingdeathonsomeonewhohasdonenothingtome.Maygodforgivemeandhelpmelearntobemeagain.
To,liveagain.Tobreathagain.Butyetdispiteallthetourment,Ilongforanusagain.Mysoulisconnectedtohim.

Anonymous(notverified)|08/08/12|04:01AM

Link

Refreshthememoryofthisarrogantpieceofworkrightnow!Remindhimthatunlessyouhavesignedaprenup
agreementhalfofeverythingheownsisyoursrightdowntohisretirementandsomeinvestmentshemayhave.Don'tsit
andbesad,getmad!IwasmarriedbeforewhenyoungerandIwasstupid.Ilovedhimwithallmyheart,buthewasaborn
cheater.IttookalongtimeformetorealizeIcouldn'tchangehim,butIfinallygotmyheadoutfromundertherockand
sawclearlyhewasplainnogood.TheonemistakeImade(wehadnochildrenandnohome,butinvestments)wasIwas
toosoftheartedtogoforthegold.Hewasn'trich,butwe'dbothworkedhardandinBritishColumbia,Canada,thedivorce
isonesessionandthenit'salotofredtapetogetbackintocourttogethalfyourassets.Ididn'tbotherbecausehehad
alreadycausedmeenoughgriefandIjustwantedtogetridofhim.EvenwhenIleftandgotmyownapartmentIwas
lonelyforhim????Itwasn'tthatatall.Thegoodmemories(atthebeginningofourrelationship)camefloodingback,Iwas
hurtandconfusedandstartedtoblamemyself.Icouldhavebeenabetterwife,prettier,didmoreofwhathewantedand
onandonmypeabrainwent.ThetruthofthematterwasIcouldhavebeenperfectandthisguywouldhavecontinuedto
cheat.Ifinallygotmad,dustedmyselfoff,gotanewjob,metnewfriendsandstartedtogetintothedatingcircuitagain.I
wasintroducedtomysecondhusbandbyamalefriendofmineandwe'vebeenhappilymarriedfor34years.Thereishope
hon,sokickthiswasteofskintothecurb,fightforyourrightsandgetonwithyourlife!
Goodluck

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|08/24/12|01:36AM

Ifoundthisarticletobeveryaccurateandhelpful.Likeanythingtherearedifferentdepthsofpainanddifferentpeoplehandle
painbetterthanothers.Someofusareofthe"Gifted""oversensitive"type.Imaginemeetingyourabsolutesoulmateat48
yearsold.Theoneyouhavebeenlookingforallyoulife(Beingahopefulromantic).Uponfallinginthedeepestloveimaginable
therearecomplications.Sheisdiagnosedwithcancerwhileyouareworkingabrandnewjobinadifferentareofthecountry.
Thesicknessgoesonfor18months,planstomarryhavealreadybeenmadeandonedaybeforesheistoarriveatyourdoorand

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

74/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
twobeforeyouaretobemarriedshedies.
MyPointis....thereisHeartbreakandthenthereisHEARTBREAK.

Anonymous(notverified)|08/28/12|14:33PM

Link

wow...ishelpfultoreadexperiencesofotherssoheregoesmine...Iam39yearsold,justturnedlastweekactually.Ihavebeen
divorced/separatedfrommyfirsthusbandof15yearsandfatherofmy2childrenforalmost3years.Ilefthim,becausehe
brokemyheartslowlyforyears.Ifellinlovewithhimsoeasily,lookingbackithinkhemayhavenotfellsoeasilybutiwasso
readytobeinloveandgetmarriedthatididntseethatmaybehewasnt.Icanbeprettystubbornso...wellHisfamilydidnthave
muchmoneyandhewasfromanotherCountrywheremarryingaGirlfromtheUSAorCanadawith$isprettymuchadream
cometrue.Isometimesthinkhedidntknowhowtoloveme.Irememberbeinghappywhenthekidswerelittlebutialso
rememberthatifoundouthecheatedonmeonlyafewmonthsafterweweremarried,andiremembersomanycluesthatit
wasntthefirstorlasttime.Iforgavehim,iwantedtobemarriedandhappy.Igotpregnantandhefreakedout,couldnttouch
meorrecognizethepregnancyformonths.Howcanyoubeafraidofcomitmentwhenyouaremarriedfor7years??Well
childrenareadistraction,theymakeusstopthinkingsomuchaboutourselvesandlikelythatiswhywewerehappiestthose23
years.
Thenhebegantoalwaysbeunhappy,angry,hewouldhumiliateme,callmenames,yellatme,throwthings.atfirstonlybehind
closeddoors,thenlaterinpublic,Iwouldcryandcryandcryandbeghimtotellmewhatwaswrongwithus,withmewithhim,
totalk,tocommunicate,itriedtobelogical,tohelphimunderstandhimselfandwhyhewassounhappywhenwehad
everything.Ilookbackandseethattherewerestagesinmyheartbreakandthedeathofmyloveforhim,duetowhatwas
essentiallyverbalabuse
Firstiwouldbesohurtwiththethingshesaidanddid,iwouldcryandcryandtrytobedifferent,questionmyself,myactions,
thenlateriwasabletoholdbackthetears,getangryornotshowmypain......latercryalone,intheshowerwherenoonewould
hearorseemeandthenemergewithasmileasifallwaswell
finallyitdidnthurt....iwouldshutcompletelydown,orevenlaugh....
thatiswhenitwasover...
Iacceptedthatiwouldliveformychildren,mybusinessandididntneedlove,andthatnoonewouldwantmeanyway.Myheart
wasclosedforbusiness,lockedupbehindirondoors,andthenmyeyesopened,ifoundthatiwasworthyofbeingwanted,or
evenloved.andImetafriendthathelpedmeseethatididntneedtostayinthathorriblesituation.Thatitwouldbehard,and
painful,andscarybutthatishouldleavemyhusband.Idid,andineverlookedbackorregrettedmydecision,eventhough3
yearslatertheuglyhorribleworldthatisdivorcehasstillnotcompletelyconcludedandhasservedtoreinforcemydecisionas
heshowedevenugliersidesofhimself.
Wellibegandatingmyfriend,hewassodifferentfrommyexhusband,itseemedhehadbeenthroughsimilarsituation,with
hiswife,hetreatedmelikeaqueen,mademefeelbeautiful,hetalks,andtalksandtalks,andiloveit,hemakesmefeel
intelligent,andagainstmybetterjudgementandallmyintentionsifellinlovewithhim...butnow3yearslater,ifeelmyheart
breakeverytimewefight,andevertimewefight,whichisntveryoften,heleaves...andthepainissofamiliar,iamstartingtodo
whatididbefore..istopsayingwhatifeel,itrynottocauseanyconflictssohewontgo,putupwithstuffthatishouldnt
probablyputupwithjusttostaywithhim.Ifeltsafewithallthecrapiwasgoingthroughandoptimisticwhenhewasaround,
hewassopositiveandhappyandencouragingallthetime...except...whenhewasnt.Andicouldntstandtheideaofnothaving
himwithme.Ipanic,andIdontwanttofeelthepainagain,thefearofthepainisstrongerthananythingelse....ifeellikeiam
losingwhatwehad,mybestfriend,mysoulmatebecauseicantbehonestandilethimtreatmeinwaysthathurtmejustto
havehimnearandenjoylovinghim.Hetaughtmetoloveandrespectandapreciatemyself!whycantiexercisethatsame
strenthwithhim.Idontwanttosabotagesomethngthatmayberight,butatthesametimeidontwanttostayandmake
another15yearmistake....Ilovehim...butineedtoremindmyselftolovemyself.Ifitismeanttobeitwillbeandifnot...it
wont.right?Everytime,sofar,whenhehasleft,hecomesback.Butstrangelyeverytimeithurts,andscaresmethathewont
comeback.Andwhileheisgonemyheartbreaks,andiloseallmystrength..again.

Anonymous(notverified)|09/03/12|18:36PM

Link

Ilearntthis.Ifyoureallywantsomethinginyourlife,youneedtodetach.Thefearoflosingtheoneyoulovearemaking
youtoloseyourself.Ifyouloseyourselfanddon'tevenloveyourself,howcanyouexpectanyonetoloveyou?Itisavicious
cycle.
Trytofocusonimprovingyourself.Surroundsyourselfwithfriends.Chaseyourdreams.Givelove(notexpectinreturn).
IgotthisfromtheInternetandIkeepitclosetomyheart:
Forallthingsandnonthingsthatyoumayeverwant,,understandthatsometimesthefastestwaytogetthemistoforget
them,andtofocusinsteadonjustbeingthemostamazinghumanbeingyoucanbe.Atwhichpointallofyourhearts
desires,spokenorunspoken,willbedrawntoyoumorepowerfullythanamagnetisdrawntosteel.
Forget,detach.Moveforward(onyourown).

Link

SusanLim(notverified)|09/10/12|10:10AM

Itsbeenayearsincemyfistloveleftme,andI'mstillinstagefour.Believeme,thePain,confusion,andemptinessisallvery

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

75/76

6/24/2015

TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
real.Igavehimeverythingandwould'veswornwewouldendupmarriedwithkidsandgrandkids.

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|09/23/12|20:30PM

definitelytrue..there'sabigchangesinmenow..andthat'sbecauseofhavingthisbrokenheart,..it'snotreallyeasytomove
on..it'snoteasytogoforyourownlife.alone..imeanwithoutthepersonyouusedtobewith..butnow,icansaythatihad
movedon..irecoveredfromdepressionalready..ijustenjoyeverymomentofmylifebeingsinglewithmyfriends..theymakeme
happy..andyes,theyarethehealersofmywound..iamsothankfultohavethem..
thefeelingisnotthesameasbefore...

Link

Anonymous(notverified)|10/14/12|10:40AM

Who's
Online?

AboutUs|ContactUs|RSS|Terms|Privacy|CopyrightandRemoval|AdvertisewithUs

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900

2015IONPublicationsLLC

76/76