THE SILENCE OF ANNALEE © (Novel)

THE SILENCE OF ANNALEE
A Novel by Dick Croy
Word & Image Agency, 9413 Southgate Dr., Cincinnati, OH

45241
wordandimage@fuse.net 513-600-4042
THESILENCEOFANNALEECroy
Chapter1
Whensheawoke,Annalee'sfirststartledimpression
wasthatshewasinsidetheTV.
Thekindofmovingimagesshewasusedtoseeing
thereracedpasthereyes,buttheywerenolongersmall
andsafeandenclosedtheyleapedinfrontofher,
loomedoverher,whippedpastherfaceonlytobe
replacedbyothers,oneafterthenext,fasterthanshe
couldkeeptrackofthem,fasterthanshecouldimagine.
Polesandsignsandbuildingssweptpasthereyes.There
wasatreegonealmostbeforeshecouldthinktheword.
Itwasshewhowastinynowandinsidethebox.
Amomentlatersherealizeditwasshewhowas
moving.Sheandotherpeopleshehadneverseenbefore.
Insideashort,windowedhallwaywithseats.Thenshe
translated"hallway"to"bus,"thoughshedneverbeenon
onebeforeinherlife.ShewasonabusinsidetheTV.
Andthosecoldgraybuildingswereobviouslypartof
thecity,thoughcitieslookeddifferentonTV.Thisone
wentonforeveroutsidethedirtywindownexttoher
face.
Sheshuddered.Whatwasshedoinghere?Wherewas
shegoing?
Thensheremembered.Fighting.Fightingthem.The
menwhoalldressedthesamewereputtingherinto...a
car!Ithadterrifiedher.Why?Alltheseyearsandshe
didntremembereverbeinginacareither.Seenthemof
course,notjustonTVbutfromthehighbarredwindows
andthestark,monotonousgroundsofThePlace.And
alwaysthey'dstirredinheravaguefeelingoffear,the
certainknowledgethatshe'dneverrideinoneherself.
Thentodayhaditbeentoday?firsttheyhad
walkedherrightuptoandthenthroughtheGreatGate.
Thathadbeenfrighteningenough,althoughstrangely
combinedwithafeelingshehadneverexperiencedbefore,
ornolongerremembered,whichwemightcallelation.But
thenquicklyshehadseenwheretheyweretakingher.The
car.
Somethinghadexplodedinside.Shewentabsolutely
rigidandtwoofthemgrabbedherfeetandshouldersand
thrusther,screaming,intothebackseatwhilethethird
stuckherwithaneedlewhichtooktheworldaway.
Thatmusthavebeenhowshegothere.Butwherewas
shegoing?TheVoiceswantedtoknow.
TheVoiceswerepuzzledandangry,andsheknewthey
werefrightenedtoo,asshewas,buttheydidn'twanther
toknow.Theywouldbeangrywithheriftheywereaware
thatsheknew.
Theuglybegrimedgraybuildingswiththeirfaded
colors;thetallwoodenpolesholdingwiresaloftasthey
marchedpastherinsuchswiftcadence;thejumbleof
peelingsignsandbillboardsonwhichgiganticpeopleand
facesshouteddownather,allconspiredtoreinforcethe
sensationthatAnnaleehadenteredtheTVworldsomehow,
whereshewasnowthetinycaptiveobjectofother
people'sattention.Peopleshecouldn'texpecttosee,
anymorethantheSaturdaymorningcartooncharactersshe
likedcouldrespondtoher.Butshesensedtheir
invisiblepresence.TheVoices,too,begantowarnherof
thehulkingmonstrousstrangers.
"Seethefaces?Dangerraces!"chantedtheshrill
OldWomantothetempooftheutilitypolesflashingpast
thewindow.
ThemalevoiceoftheDoctordronedoningarbled
doctortalkaboutthestrangelandofTVshehadbeen
thrustinto.Thenarrationwasasauthenticsoundingand
unintelligibleasanydocumentaryortravelogueshehad
satthroughatthePlacewhenbigpeoplehadcontrolof
theTVset.
"Nowyouseewhatthey'vedonetoyou?"demandedher
bullyingBestFriend."Becauseyou'resuchanuglygirl
whodoesn'tevenknowhowtotalk?Youseewhatyou've
letthemdotoyoubecauseyou'resuchabadgirlwho
doesn'tknowhowtomakeanyonelikeyou?They'vesent
youaway.Nowwho'sgoingtolookafteryou?Thesepeople
probablydon'tevenknowyou'restrange.Theywon'thelp
you.You'reaTVpersonnow.Everybodycanseeyou,
there'snoplacetohide."
"Wehavetoridebecausethere'snoplacetohide!"
shrilledtheOldWoman."Noplacetohidesowe'regonna
riderideride!"
"Andsothegraybuildings,yousee,areacity,"
saidtheDoctorinhisboringmonotone."Andacityis
wherenormalpeoplelive.Outtherearethenormalpeople
andinhereisastrangeone.Theotheronesinhere
don'tlookstrange,theylooknormal.Theydon'tstare
andtheydon'ttalktothemselvesorlettheirhandsfly
aroundtheirfaceslikebirds.Yes,thesearethenormal
people,andouttherearethenormalpeople,andthisone
hereisastrangeone.Theotherstrangeonesarebackat
thePlace."
"Backattheplace,lookatthatface.It'sasbig
asatreewhereatree'ssposedtobe."
"Catgotyourtongue,youlittlescaredycat?Cats
liveintreesandeatbirds.Worms.Doyouseewhat
you'vedonenow?Becauseyou'resuchanuglylittlefool
thatnoonelikes?Becauseyou'resostrangeyoucan't
eventalk?"
"Nobodyknowswhythenormalpeopleliveinsuch
dirtygreybuildings.Itmaybebecauseonlythestrange
onescanseecolors."
TheVoiceshadtakenover.Shakingherhead,pulling
hercoatoveritdidnogood.Theykeptbabblingaway.
Theywereupsettheydidn'tknowwheretheyweregoing
orwhatwouldhappentothem.Theydidn'tknowwhythey
hadbeentakenfromthePlace.ThePlacewassafe.She
didn'tlikeitthere,butthisTVworldwasscary.
Everywhereshelookedthingswerehappeningthatshed
neverseenbefore.Shedidn'tlikebeingaTVperson.She
didn'tfeellikeone.Shefeltthesameasbeforeonly
moreafraid.Whatwasgoingtohappentoher?
Thebleakoutskirtsofthecity,thevoicesinher
mind,thebouncingandswayingofthebus,allthese
confusingsensationsconvergedinacocoonatthecenter
ofherbeing,whereAnnaleesoughtrefugewhentheworld,
outsideorinside,threatenedtoengulfher.Hereyes
wereopenandwidebutnowtheysawnothingofwhatthe
othertravelerssaw.
Chapter2
E.J.Rawlsgazeddownatthewheelofwhitewater
churnedupbythesternwheeler'spaddles.Hefelthimself
becominglightlyhypnotizedasthemuddysurfaceofthe
riverwasturnedintoaglisteninglacyveiloverthe
paddlewheel.Behindthem,fanningoutupriver,theOhio
Belle'swakewastheoppositeofperspective'svanishing
point.Itreachedouttoembracenotonlythenarrow
channelwhichtheydjustleftbuttheislandwhich
separateditfromthewider,deeperstreamwherethe
towboatspushedtheirstringsofbargesand,finally,the
entirewidthoftheriver.Inhispensivestate,the
wakesleadingedgesseemedtoRawlslikeapairofarms
reachingouttoembracetheworld.Nothisarmsof
course.Hedidn'tcarewhatwasoutthere.Hedidn'tgive
adamnaboutwhatwasoutthere.
HewastooselfabsorbedtohearorfeelJimmy
Majorsbehindhim.Jimmypausedforamoment,every
secondheremainedundetectedenhancingthesuccessof
hissneakattack.ButhisanticipationofRawls'reaction
hadalreadystretchedagrinasfaracrosshisfaceasit
wouldgo.He'dhavetomakehismoveorgivehimself
away.
E.J.'stallmuscularbodywasleaningoutoverthe
flashingpaddlewheel;ifhefellovertherailing,he'd
behackedtopiecesintheheavywoodenblades.Jimmy
thrusthishandsforward,simultaneouslypushingand
holdingontohisstartledfriend.
"Don'tjump,bigfella!"
"Goddamnyou,Majors!"E.J.whirledaround,nearly
catchinghissmaller,wirieradversaryintheeyewithan
elbow.ButJimmy,laughingmaniacally,dancedbackoutof
range,cockinghisheadtoonesidetoavoidtheblow.
"Whatsamatter,Ace?DidIinterruptyour
meditation?"
Hedissolvedagainintothatsmartassedcocky
laughterthatwasasmuchapartofhimasthesharp
featuredgoodlookshesharedwithhistwinbrother
Johnny.
"IsOl'ManRibbahtalkin'toyounow,bro?Hashe
gotdaanswer?"
JimmyeasilyeludedRawls'angrylunges,andhis
infectiouslaughterbroughtahintofamusementinto
E.J.'sexpressiontoo,thoughheresistedit.
"Maybeyouwerejustlookin'forsomesweetOhio
Rivermermaidacatfishwithtits!"
Withthatbothofthemexplodedintolaughter,and
thoughE.J.finallygrabbedholdofhistormentorhe
administerednothingmorethanaribcrunchingbearhug.
"Whichoneofyouguysisinheat?"
AsusualJohnnyMajor'svoicecutthroughthe
afternoonlikethemaniac'sMcCullochinachainsaw
splattermovie.HeandWilburJohnsonhadbeenkeeping
Cap'nTomcompanyintheOhioBelle'spilothouse.Itwas
arawblusterySundayafternooninOctoberandthedozen
orsootherpassengersontheminiaturesternwheelerwere
huddledbelowdeck.Thewindwasalwaysalotstrongeron
theriver,andthetouristsandoutoftownvisitors
weren'tdressedforit.
JohnnyaffectedthewalkofaNeanderthalwith
somethingtosell,whileWilburJohnson,slimandwith
thelimberpostureofaquestionmarkthathasbeen
stretchedoutalittle,neverpickeduphisfeetifhe
couldhelpit.Hesaunteredtowardtheminthesame
suppleloosejointedmotionthatmadehisjumpshotfrom
thecornertheapotheosisofsoft.
Wilburoncescored76pointsinagradeschool
basketballgame.Thenextdayhiscoachreceivedacall
fromamajorcollegeintheMidwestwantingtoknowif
Wilburwouldbewillingtocometourthecampus.
Apparentlyeitherthewireservicethatranthestoryhad
neglectedtomentiontheboy'sageortherecruiterhad
ignoreditinhisfevertobethefirsttonailthis
promisingyoungsuperstar.Ithadn'tgonetoWilbur's
headthough;nothingwenttohishead,itwasallinthe
hands.Yougotthewristsofadragqueenona
basketballcourt,Willy,Johnnyhadpointedoutmore
thanoncewithhisowninterpretation.
Atthemoment,theobjectofJohnnysaffectionate
derisionhappenedtobeE.J."Wewereworriedaboutyou,
Rawls,"hebellowed."Wegothalfasixpackleft.You
backherewaitin'forsomeonetocomefloatin'downthe
riverorwhat?Toogoodforourcompany?"
"E.J.'sjustnotabeerdrinkin'manduringfootball
season,"drawledWilbur."Areya,E.J.?Gottakeep
hisselfinshape."
Inthemeantime,nosoonerhadhefreedhimself
fromRawls'graspthanJimmyappliedahalfnelsonin
return.
"JesusChrist!"E.JkickedoutatJohnnywhowas
threateningtotakeadvantageofthesituationandbucked
hiswayoutofhistwinbrother'shold."Can'tyouguys
letsomebodyhaveaminute'sgoddamnpeace?I'drather
lookattheriveranydaythananyayouruglymugs."
"Yeah,wehearya,Rawls,"saidJohnny."IfIhad
thatfaceofyoursIwouldn'tknowwhethertofeeditor
wipeit."
Thefourofthemmilledaroundenjoyingtheir
camaraderieandthecoldwindintheirfaces.They
hunchedtheirshouldersagainstthecold,stampedtheir
feet,tightenedandrelaxedthemusclesintheirlegs,
feintedjabsandforearmsatoneanother.
Aswithmostidenticaltwins,theMajorsbrothers
weremirrorimagesonlytothosewhodidn'tknowthem
well.Johnnywasthestockierofthetwo,withaslightly
squarerjawandatendencytogloweralthoughhisbluff
exteriorwaslittlemorethanadolescentapparel.Hewas
theclotheshorse.DisheveledJimmytrampledhis
underfootasreadilyandthoughtlesslyashedidthe
feelingsofanyoneunfortunateenoughtobeboth
sensitiveandinhislineoffire.Hewasasloyaltohis
friendsasJohnnywasbutevenmoresuccessfulthanhis
brotheratcoveringup,ordisregarding,acapacityfor
warmthandcompassion.
BothhaddimpledKirkDouglaschins,moreoftenthan
notstuckinsomeone'sface,mostoftentheirtwin's.For
everymalestudentonTheHillwhobegrudgedthemsome
slightorinsultorhumiliation,therewasagirlwho
foundthemtoocuteforwordsthoseusedinpolite
companyanyway.
Rawlswastallerandbetterbuilt(thoughcertainly
notforspeed)thanthetwinsandagenerallyagreeable
foiltotheirhighspirits.Hisownwereheavier,more
hiddenaway,whichwasnowheremoreapparentthaninthe
eyes.Theirs,theirleastattractivefeature,wererather
likethedarkbeadyeyesofpredatorybirds.Rawls'were
moreheavyliddedand,whetherremoteorscrutinizing,
gaveverylittleaway.Ifhewasconsiderablyquieter
thanthetwinsmostofthetime,hecouldbejustas
explosivewhenaroused.
Beforelongtherewasgeneralmovementbacktoward
thewarmthofthepilothousewhereCap'nTomwas
maneuveringtheBellefromtheOhiointothemouthofthe
Muskingum,thetributaryforwhichthetownonthe
confluenceofthetworiverswasnamed.
Cap'nTom'sleatherywrinkledfacebeneathan
unkemptgrizzledbeardwasperpetuallyfixedinan
expressionofamuseddisdainforlife.He'dbecomea
favoriteofthehighschool'sathletesovertheyearsfor
hisirreverenceandindependenceand,notleast,his
personalinterest,whichwasalwaysexpressedwithjust
enoughsarcasmtochallengewithoutberatingaplayer.He
pretendedtoholdsportsandthelocalathleticprogram
inthesametolerantcontemptasthatwhichheexpressed
towardpolitics,religion,civicprideandvirtually
everyothersubjectofmanyalongconversationwiththe
town'sjocksovertheyears.
Besidestheboatwithwhichhemadealmostenoughin
thesummertotidehimoverthroughtherestoftheyear
ferryingMuskingum'sheavytouristtradeamileupthe
OhioRiverandbackhealsoownedanddroveanold
Greyhoundbuswhichtransportedthehighschool's
athleticteamsalloversoutheasternandcentralOhio.
Thepilothouseandthedriver'sseatwerehispulpitfor
lowkeybutexcoriatinglywittyharanguesagainstallof
society'ssacredcowsandmuchofitsordinary"county
fairlivestock"aswell.
Histripupriver,whichbeganandendedatalanding
nexttothetown'sRiverboatMuseumontheMuskingumand
tookpassengerspastpointsofinterestonboththe
MuskingumandOhioRivers,wasagoodexample.
Itwasaccompaniedbyanaudiotapewhichpurported
todescribethetown'shistoricalbuildings,monuments
andlandmarksoverloudspeakersateachendoftheboat,
butwhichinfactwasdeliberatelyunintelligible.Itwas
alldoubletalk.Enoughofthewordsweredistinguishable
thatyouthoughtyouweregettingaclever,breezily
informativelecture,butthereactuallywasn'tasingle
sentenceinthewholepresentationthatmadesense.
Notonlythatbuttherewereagoodmany
scatologicalreferencesandpunsmostdirectedatcivic
bigwigsandthelocalgentrythrowninforgood
measure.Whatmadethejokeevenbetterwasthatwhen
theseobsceneandinsultingasideswerecorrectly
interpreted,thehearerinevitablyblamedhisowndirty
mindratherthanbelievingthatsuchthingswerepossibly
beingsaidinpubliconarivercruisethathadthe
endorsementoforganizationslikethestatetourist
bureauandhistoricalsociety.
OfcourseCap'nTomhadtokeepchangingthetapes
topreventoccasionalsuspicionsfromescalatinginto
scandal,buttherewasnothingthegarrulousoldgeezer
likedbetterthansittingdownonceaweekslightlydrunk
andimprovisinghisowncolorfulversionoflocalhistory
andgossip.
Youcanseewhyplayersforthelast20yearshad
madeitapointtohangoutonvariousincarnationsof
theOhioBelle,especiallywhentheCap'ntolerated
smoking(tobaccoonly,however)andbeerandcould
provideamoreastuterundownofmostathleticcontests
thanthelocalpaperssportspages.Andtherewasn'ta
boythatcameaboardanddamnfewwhorodetheteambus
whocouldn'tgetapersonal,ifamusinglycaustic,
appraisalofhisperformance.
Thesefourstompedinoutofthecold,laughingand
shoving,andeachgrabbedabeerfromthetwosixpacks
they'dsmuggledaboard.TheywerecominguptheMuskingum
now,however,andwouldhavetobecarefulaboutbeing
seeneitherfromashoreortheBeckyThatcher,a
renovatedshowboatandrestaurantmooredjustbeyondthe
railroadbridge.
"Hey,Cap'n,notmuchactiontoday.Whenareyou
plannin'totakeheroutforthewinter?"askedJimmy
poppingthetoponhisbeercan.
"UsuallytrytoholdouttillNovember.Lotsapeople
takethesefallvacationsnow.Keepthemcansdown,alla
ya.I'vebeengettin'somecomplaintsaboutalltheloose
livin'thatgoesononthisboat."
"ShitIwish!"snortedJimmy.
"Welllet'sdon'tmakeliarsoutof'em.Ifyou're
gonnagetblamedforitanywaywhydon'tyouturnthis
bargeintoaloveboat,"suggestedJohnny."Throwsome
mattressesdownstairs,putinagoodsizedcooler..."
"Pokertables,"addedWilbur.
"You'dlikethatwouldn'tyou,"saidtheCap'n.
"You'dbringinarealclassyclientelewouldn'tyou.You
thinkIcanrunthisthingonthesweatfromallayou
rollin'aroundonthemmattresses?"
"Damnright,Cap'nallthewaydowntoNewOrleans
andback!"saidJohnny.
"Back?Whythehellwouldyouwanttocomeback?By
Godit'strue:youcantakeaboyoutofthecountry,but
yousureashellcan'ttakethecountryoutoftheboy."
"Hey,thisain'texactlytheQueenMaryeither,"
retortedJohnnyinhisbestLet'sbehonesttoneof
voice."Idon'tthinkyou'dpassanywhiteglovetest."
"Idon'tthinktheamountofsweatyouworkedupin
bedwouldgetusacrosstherivereither,Majors.It
definitelywouldn'tgetyouareturnengagement."
"ListentoGod'sgifttouglywomenhere.Sincewhen
didyoutakesuchaninterestinmysweatlife,Rawls?
Youbeensniffin'aroundinmylockeragain?I'llbeglad
toleavemyjockoutforyaifyoulike."
WilburandtheCap'nexchangedalookof
resignation."IftheMajorsain'ttearin'eachother's
headsoffthenE.J.'sgottajumpinandstirsomethin'
up,"saidWilbur.
"Aw,Willy,arewetooloudanduncivilizedforyour
sensitivenature?"JimmythrewanarmaroundJohnson's
shoulder."Whydidn'tyousaysomething?Hereyou'vebeen
sufferingstoicallyallthistime,andallyouhadtodo
wassay,`Hey,guys,youknowhowrefinedIam,howit
painsmesowhenyouquarrel.'"
JimmyhadWilburlockedfirmlyinhisrightarmand
wascrooningallthisaboutsixinchesfromhisface,
whoseexpressionboreelementsofbothamusementand
revulsionashestruggledtogetfree.
Cap'nTomlookedfromonepairtotheotherand
shookhishead.Butasalways,theamusementinhiseyes
10
beliedhischaracteristicexpressionofcontempt.
Chapter3
TheVoiceshadstopped.Annaleefeltherselfcoming
backintoherbody,flowingbackouttoherbody's
extremitiesfromhersecretplace,hersanctuary,aplace
ofhidinghiddenevenfromherself.Itwasasmysterious
toherasthoseineffableandrecurringplacesindreams
knowntosomepartofourconsciousnessbutnottoour
wakingself.
Slowly,likethepictureontheancientTVjust
afterithadbeenturnedonatthePlace,theworld
aroundherreturned.Yetshewasstillseparatedfrom
muchofitbythecoolwindowglassbesideherface,and
fromtheothersinthebusbyherdifferencefromthem.
Ittookheramomentlongertorealizethatoutside
thewindowachangehadoccurred.Thegraycitywasgone.
Initsplacewereclustersoftreesandhouses,wide
emptyfields.Shenoticedthesky.Apalebluewastrying
toshowthroughthegrayceilingofclouds,asthoughthe
cityhadlostitspoweroverbothlandandsky.Apale
brightbluethatseemedalmosttotouchherinside.
Whatawarmsoothingfeeling.Sheletitwashover
her...flowgentlythroughher.Feltitbuildgraduallyin
intensityasmileaftermileunrolledbeneaththemanda
spectacularfalllandscapeunfoldedbeforeherastonished
eyes.
Thesparseandsporadicgatheringsoftreesgrew
intogroves,woodedknollsandravines,raggedborders
alongmeanderingstreamswhereverthelandcouldn'tbe
farmed.Andifthepalebluehadtouchedhersoul,the
extravaganceofthetreesgrabbedholdofAnnaleesheart
andshookit.Tenyearsbehindgraywalls,indingy
corridorsandroomseitherdarkoroverwhelmedby
fluorescentlighthadlefthereyesunpreparedforthis
profusionofcoloronsuchagrandscale.Redsand
yellowsinmoreshadesthanherwildestdreamshad
revealedranacrossthecontoursofthelandasfaras
shecouldsee.
Russets,golds,scarlets,crimsonsandvermilions.
Thevibrantcolorssovividthatattimestheymadeher
forgettotakeabreathseemedtobecryingouttoher.
11
Thiswasn'tunusualinitself;manythingsaliveand
inanimatespoketoAnnalee.Whatwasnewwastheemotion
expressed,sounfamiliarastobealmostalien.Itwas
joy.Shehadnonameforit,noreferencefromherpast.
Infactthestrangeexcitementelicitedbytheblazing
treeswasalittlefrightening.
Sowerethecarsandespeciallythebigtractor
trailerrigsthatrushedpastherwindowintheopposite
directiononthetwolanehighway.Thesemis,fullof
noiseandanger,actuallyrockedthebusintheirwake.
Thensomethingcaughtherattention.Movementanda
savagegrowlingsoundcomingfrombehindandbeneathher
onthehighway.Suddenlyitwasinherfieldofvision,
pullingouttopassthebus.Astrangesortofman
machinecreatureshehadseenbeforeonlyonTV.
Thebikeroaredupjustbelowthewindow.Itsrider
lookedupandsawher.Hewasstaringather,hiseyes
wouldn'tlethergo!Outthereonthenoise,that
snarlingmachine,hehadpossessionofher.Shefelthim
overwhelminghersenses,forcinghiswayintohermind.
ButthenhegrinnedatherandAnnaleewasreassured
thathewasarealpersonafterall.Whatmustitbelike
tobeoutsidethewindow,ridingthatroaringmachine?A
momentlaterthenoisegrewevenlouderasheaccelerated
andwasreplacedinrapidsuccessionbytwoothers:one,
smallandwiry,whoweavedbackandforthasiftaunting
theobeseriderbehindhim.Amomentlatertheytoowere
gone.
Annalee'smindracedlikethemotorcyclesthathad
justfilledit.TheseTVpeople,asoverpoweringasthey
hadbeen,werenotlargerthanlife.Theywerepeople
likeher,justoutsideherwindow.Theyhadshatteredthe
scenicpanorama,destroyingtheillusionthatitwasonly
anelaboratemovingpictureofsomekind.Theboyonthe
bikehadlookedinandseenher,respondedtoher
personally,actuallysmiledather.
Thatwasn'tTVoutthere,itwasreal.Theboyson
thebikeswerereal.Thoseflamingforestsstretching
fromtheveryedgeofthehighwaytothehorizon;the
barnsandfarmhousesandcattleinthefields,shiningin
theclearairwithsuchbrilliancethatshecouldalmost
feelthemagainstthelandscapeallthesethingswere
12
real.Yetshewasmovingthroughthemasmagicallyasshe
floatedacrossthecountrysideinherdreams.Whereon
earthwasshegoing?Wherewasthebustakingher?
*
*
*
*
*
Feelingstifledandrestlessinsidethecramped
pilothouse,E.J.strolledbacktothesternoftheOhio
Belle.Thepaddlewheel'ssteadyrhythmicslapand
churningofthewatersoothedthevagueirritationand
discontentthathadbeenhangingoverhimfordays.Or
maybeitwasweeks;hecouldn'trememberfeelingany
otherwaysincesometimelastsummer,wellbeforethe
beginningofhissenioryear.
Therewerebriefrespitesfromthisoppressive
broodinganger,buttheycouldneitheralternordiminish
it.Itwasalwayswaitingforhim.Hecouldlosehimself
inamomentofexcitementorintensity,becaughtupina
prank,abook,oroccasionallyhisstudies.Hewas
totallyabsorbedthemomenthewalkedontothefootball
field,anduntillastsummertherehadbeenagirlwho
couldmakehimforgeteverythingbutthemiracleofbeing
inlove.Nowthatseemedlikesomeotherlifetime;
someoneelse'sorhisownbeforehe'dbeenbornintothis
one.
Thesetimesofselfforgetfulness,momentaryjoy,
anddedicationwereonlyinterludesnowinaprevailing
climateofgloom,orsoitseemedtoRawlswhenhetried
toassessthisdarksuffocatingmoodfromtheinside
whenhewastrappedinitandstrugglingtoreasonor
willitaway.
Whentheywerechildrenbothheandhisyounger
brotherhadexperiencedarecurringnightmarishkindof
sleepwalkinginwhich,neitherawakenorasleep,they
wouldwandertheupstairsasifitwereashadowy
netherworld,wherenothingwasrecognizableandnoone
couldlendcomfort.Voices,usuallytheirmother's,could
beheard,thewordsdistinguishablebutwithoutmeaning.
Disembodiedhandscouldbefelt,theirtenderness
perceivedbutwithoutsignificanceoremotionaleffect.
Anoverpoweringsadnessandsenseofisolationwerethe
atmosphereandrealityofthistwilightdimension.
Rawlsstillrememberedthatdesolatewandering,that
inexpressibleandunquenchableneed.Hesometimesfound
13
himselfcomparinghisenervatingdepressiontothose
childhoodexperiences.Butwhilethecurrentmalaisewas
lessextreme,italsodifferedinanegativeway.He
couldn'tseemtoawakefromthisatall.
Helookedacrosstheriverattheoldlandingwhere
morethantwocenturiesearlierMuskingum'sfoundershad
builtaforttokeeptheIndiansandtheOhiowilderness
atbay.Therewasanelementaryschooltherenow.His
eyessettledonthehighembankmentwherestately
Victorianhomeslookeddownonthemergingofthetwo
rivers.AstheBellewasabouttopassundertheold
PutnamStreetbridge,aGreyhoundbuslumberedthrough
thecageofgirdersovertheirheads.
Inside,anotherpairofeyeslookeddowninwonder
atthediminutivesternwheeler.Annaleehadgivenup
askingunanswerablequestionsaboutherdestination.She
satinadazeofwondermentanddiscovery,consciousof
nothingbutthemovinglandscape.Andnowthatshehad
acceptedthismodeofexistence,asifsheweretospend
thenexttenyearsglidingeffortlesslythroughan
endlesslyfascinatingvisualspectacle,herridewas
abouttoend.
Chapter4
Itsgearsgrindingbeneathher,thebuspulledinto
Mahoning'sServiceCenter,anislandofgasolineand
dieselpumps,stacksoftires,andgaudyfluttering
plasticpennants,whichdoubledasthelocalGreyhound
station.Theairbrakeshissed,andnosoonerhadthebus
cometoastopthanthesoundwasrepeatedwiththe
openingofadoorafewrowsinfrontofher.Ithadn't
occurredtoAnnaleethattherehadtobesomewaytoget
onandoffthevehicle.
Thedriver,ahuskyblackmanwithapaunchandan
airofenthusiasmforlife,fairlysprangoutofhisseat
andclambereddownsomestepsthroughthedoor.Annalee
satstifflyinherseat,feelingacoldsilencestealing
intoherlimbs.Somethingtoldheranotherchangewas
coming.Theyweregoingtotrytogetintohermindagain
andmakeherdosomething.
Sheheardandfeltthedriverrummaginginthe
baggagecompartmentbeneaththeseats.Amomentlaterhe
14
wasinthestairwellagain.
"C'mondown,honey.Thisiswhereyougetoff."
Hewastalkingtoher.Nowtherewereotherfaces
turningtowardher,eyesstaring.
"Nothin'tobescaredof.Thisisaprettylittle
town.Youruncle'llbewaitin'hereforyou."
Annaleedidn'thearawordofwhathewassaying.
Butofalltheeyesshesawandfeltonher,hiswerethe
onlyoneswhichweregentle.Theydidn'tstabintoher
likepointedsticks,theymeltedawarmplaceinher
chest.Shefeltthemsofteningalittletherigidityin
herarmsandlegs.
Hedidn'ttakehiseyesawaybut,whilethepeople
betweenthembegantofidgetimpatientlyintheirseats,
becameevenmoretolerantofherfrozenimmobility.He
noddedhisheadasifshewerealreadydoingwhatshe
knewhewantedofher.Buthowcouldshepossiblygetup
andgowithhim?Inhereithadprovedtobesafe
entertainingeven.Whoknewwhatlaybeyondthatopen
door?
Yettoherownsurprise,Annaleefoundherself
risingfromherseat.Shewasleavinghernest,her
refuge,walkingtowardthegentlesmilingstranger.And
theVoicessaidnothing.Wouldthesurprisesonthis
extraordinarydayneverend?
Theburlydriversteppedbackoutofthebusto
allowhertodescend,hiseyesneverforamoment
releasingtheirdelicateholdonherownuntilshewas
standingontheground.Thenhepickedupherbagsand
usheredherintothewaitingroom.
Annaleestoppedjustinsidethedoorandstoodthere
inadaze.Thedriverswepttheclutteredroomforthe
manhe'dbeentoldwouldbeheretomeether,butnoone
steppedforward.Amongthehalfdozenorsopeopleinas
manychromeandvinylwaitingroomchairsarrangedasa
sortofbulwarkagainstoverflowingdisplayracks,
festoonsofrubberbeltsandhoses,greasecoated
automobilepartsandsinisterdarktowersoftires
Annaleespottedasmallgirlandherlittlebrother.They
werelookingathercuriouslyandshereturnedtheir
stare.
"Don'tseehimhere,doyou?"thedriverasked
15
hopefully,receivingnoreactionfromthegirl
whatsoever.
"Sitdownherewithyourbags,honey.I'llgosee
whereheis."Shesat,stillsharingawordless
communicationwiththechildren.
Theticketclerkwasanunpleasantlookingmanin
hislate20's.Acnehadravagedhisfaceandnodoubt
contributedtohisequallyunpleasantdisposition.The
drivernoddedtowardthebeautifulwildcreaturewhoas
hispassengerwashisresponsibilityuntilhehadassured
himselfthatsomeonewascomingtopickherup.This
wasn'tcompanypolicybutitwashiswayofdoingthings.
"Theysayshecan'ttalk,"hesaidinalowtoneof
voice."Prettylittlething,ain'tshe.Sureisashame."
Hedugintoapocketfortheslipofpaperthepeople
fromtheinstitutionhadgivenhim.
"Callthisnumberheruncle'ssposedtocomeafter
her.You'llkeepaneyeonher,won'tyou,tillhegets
here."
Theclerkstartedtoobjectbutwasquicklysilenced
bythedriver'ssuddenlycommandingexpression.Hedialed
thenumbersullenly.
"He'scallin'yourunclenow,"saidthisstrangeman
whoworebothauniformandasmile,kneelingbesideher.
"He'llbeheresoon.
Hespottedthegirlandboywhowerestillregarding
themwiththeinnocentbutdemandingcandorofchildren.
"Yougotsomefriendsoverthere."
Thelittlegirl,5or6,suddenlywavedshyly.
Annaleepeeredaroundthedriver'sshoulder.
"He'sonhisway,"calledtheclerkfrombehindthe
ticketcounter.
Thedriverclearlywantedtoreachoverandpathis
shypassenger'slegreassuringly,ashewouldhavewere
herpalpablefearduetoherageratherthanwhateverhad
putherinthatinstitution.Butthiswasayoungwoman
infrontofhim,maturephysicallyandquiteprettyina
lostsortofwaybehindhermaskoffearand
incomprehension.
Shewasfairandpale,herhairaslightincolor
andbodyasababy's,withnearlytransparentgraygreen
eyeswhichwerenonethelesspiercingwhentheybroke
16
throughtheirprotectiveveiltoconfronttheworld.Her
featuresweredelicatebutprecise,almostclassicalonce
onegotpastthatblankexpression,whichfocusedall
emotionthroughhereyes.Herlips,whichhadneverknown
thetouchofglossorlipstick,werefullandexquisitely
shaped.
No,itwouldbeunwisetopatthelegbeneaththat
plainflimsyskirt.Shewasabsorbedinthechildren
anyway.Herose,shotanotherwarningglanceattheclerk
whocoughedandbusiedhimselfwithpaperworkand
hurriedthroughthedoor.Hehadabustodriveandnow
hewasbehindschedule.Theworldhadtotakeofits
tragicmisfitsonitsown.
Chapter5
Cap'nTomnosedtheBelletowardthelandingand
reversedherdieselenginewhileJohnnystoodonthebow,
loweringanddirectingthemetalgangplanksothatit
wouldslideoverasteelshoeonthedocktosecurethe
boat.Cap'nTom'snavigationwasflawlessasusual.
"IwishMichellean'mecouldmakeconnectionsthat
easy!"bellowedJohnnywithhisHarHarlaughasthe
protrudingshoeslippedintoitsreceptacleinthe
gangplankasneatlyasCinderella'sglassslipperover
hertinyfoot.EveryoneknewthatJohnnyandhis
girlfriendofmorethanthreeyearshadnevermadeit
together,andnoonepokedmorefunatsuchantiquated
behaviorthanJohnnyhimself.
"It'seasy,Johnny.I'llbegladtogiveyouand
Michellesomelessons.Youcanwatch."
"Likehellyouwill,Johnson.Thedayyougetclose
toherwillbethedayhellfreezesoverandmynutsdrop
off."
"That'swhyI'mtryin'tohelpyou.Use'emorlose
'emthat'swhattheysay."
"Theydo,huh?YouknowwhatIsay?'Tryitandbuy
it!'Comprehendez,amigo?"Johnnypunctuatedthepoetry
lessonbypoundinghisfistintothepalmofhishand.
Wilburlaughed.
Thefourofthemsaunteredashorebeforethe
touristsbelowdeckcouldgetintheirway,andcrossed
thebroadleafstrewnparkbesidetherivertoWilbur's
17
father'sMustang.Theroutewasanythingbutdirect.
Tradingpunchesandinsults,theykickedtheirway
aimlesslythroughpilesofleavesthathadbeenrakedup
bycityparkemployees,totheMemorialtotheStart
Westward,atributeinnativesandstonetothecity's
distinctionasthefirstorganizedsettlementinthe
NorthwestTerritory.(Andinpaint,chalkand
occasionallyevenlipsticktoyouth'sperpetualurgeto
declareitselfonissuesmorepressingthanpoliticsor
history.)
Themonumentwasoneofthelastcommissionedpieces
byGutzonBorglum,sculptorofthemassivepresidential
headsintheBlackHillsofNorthDakota.Ascouting
partyof10foottallRevolutionaryWarsoldiersand
pioneers,havingjuststeppedfromaflatboat,gaze
majesticallyoutoverthewesternfrontier.
Unfortunately,hadthefiguresbeenplacedsothey
wereactuallyfacingwest,thetownsfolkwouldhave
confrontedtheirbacksinsteadoftheirheroicchiseled
faces.Commonsenseandcivicprideprevailedover
artisticintegrityandtheboldadventurersinsearchof
thewestlookdueeast.
"Andifthatdon'ttellyousomethin'abouthowthis
greatcountryofourswasreallysettled,thenyoumust
beadamndrunkeninjun,"washowtheCap'nhadputitin
oneofhisgarbledtapes.
Thesunhadjustemergedfromitscloudcoverand
thesandstonesoldiersintheirgreatcoatsandthree
pointedhats,theirsternfacesleprousfromlong
exposuretotheelements,seemedtoE.J.tobesoakingit
upasgratefullyashewasacrosshisback.
Seewhatthesyphcandotoyou?"askedJimmy,
noticingE.J.'seyesonthefacemissinganose."Johnny
mayhavetherightideaafterall.Course,he'sliableto
goblindanydaynow."
JimmyhadcalledshotgunandE.J.andJohnnywere
climbingintothebackseatoftheMustang.Thesightof
histwinbrother'svulnerableasswasjusttoomuchto
resist.WhenhisopenpalmstruckJohnny'sbluejeaned
buttitsoundedlikearifleshotfollowedimmediately
bythebellowingofthebiggest,maddestbullthisside
ofabreedingfarmwherethemechanicalcowfor
18
collectingsemenhasjustblownitscover.
AndwhenJohnnytriedtobackout,hisbrotherwas
blockingtheexit.Therockin''nrollin'Mustanglooked
likethesubjectofapublicservicespotforboatowners
whoignoresmallcraftwarningsduringhurricaneseason.
"Youdon'twantagetout,Johnny!YouknowI
couldn'tresist.Youlookedlikeabigol'harvestmoon
risin'outathebackseataWilly'scar!"
FinallyJohnnyexplodedbackwardsoutofthecar,
strikinghisheadintheprocessandraisinghisrage
anotherfullpointontheRichterscaleatleast.The
twinsproceededtobattleitout,intypicalMajors
fashion,inoneoftheleaststylish"fistfights"ever
witnessed.Screamingandbellowinglikewildanimals,
spewingfourletteranddoubledigitexpletives,biting,
pinching,scratchingandpullinghair,theyevenmanaged
togetinapunchortwo.E.JandWilbur,whohadseenit
allmanytimesbefore,didnothingtostopthemostly
verbalcarnage.
*
*
*
*
*
AllthewayintotownWalterCunninghamhadfretted
abouthavingtoleavehisfieldsinthemiddleofharvest
timetodosomethinghehadn'tbeeninfavoroffromthe
beginning.Itwashiswife'sidea.Takingtheirniecein
forawhilenowthatherpreferentialtreatmentatthe
InstitutionhadbeencutoffwastheChristianthingto
do,shedsaid.Atleastuntiltheycouldfindanother
placeforherwhereshewouldn'tbemistreated.
He'dconcludedthatthegirlshouldn'tbetoomuch
bother.Margaret'stheonewouldhavetolookafterher,
andtheyhadtheroom.Shewouldn'tcostmuchtofeedand
clotheMargaretsaidtheInstitutionhadpointedthat
muchout.Butnowthathiswife'splansandpreparations
wereabouttoberealized,whowasitthathadtoleave
worktogoinandpickuptheirniece?
Maybetherewasmoretothisthanhe'dgiventhought
to.Maybenowthatafteralltheseyearstheywere
finallygoingtohaveayoungsterinthehouse,their
liveswouldbeirreparablychanged.Fortheworsemost
likely;theycertainlyweren'tgoingtogetanybetter
withagirlwhowasretardedorhalfcrazyunderfoot.
Buttherewasnobackingoutofitnow;itwouldn't
19
beright.AndMargaretwouldn'thearofitanyhow.
Well,thegirlwouldn'tbewiththemforlong.Maybe
she'dbeanuisanceandmaybeshewouldn'tbuthe'dmake
damnsuretheyfoundaplaceforhersoon.Someplaceset
uptohandleunfortunateslikeAnnalee.
Afterthelongdriveinfromthefarmwiththoughts
liketheseswirlingaroundinhisbrain,alongwiththe
dustfromCountyRoad12inthecabofthebatteredFord
pickup,WalterCunninghamwasntinthebestofmoods.He
wasgenerallyillateaseintowntobeginwith.The
momentheopenedthedoorherecognizedhisniece,though
hehadn'tseensomuchasasnapshotofAnnaleesinceshe
wasababy.Hecouldfeeleveryeyeintheplaceonhim
rightnow.
"Say,areyouyou'reANNAlee,ain'cha?"
Hisniecegavehimthestrickenlookofoneusedto
beingsingledoutinthisway.
"That'sher."saidtheticketclerk."Gotoffthe
4:20fromWheeling.Icalledbuttheysaidyou'dalready
left."
"Where'shersuitcases?"
"Them'shersrightbesideher."
Annaleemadenomovetohelporacknowledgeher
uncleinanyway;hewasofcourseaperfectstrangerto
her.Theluggageatherfeetmeantnothingtohereither.
Shewasmaroonedinanalienworld.
Cunninghamwalkedstifflyovertopickupthetwo
sorrylookingbagsandthecardboardboxtiedwith
string."Allright.Well,Ithankyou.Shedon'toweyou
nothin'doesshe,anymoneyImean?"
"Shecouldn'tagotonthebuslessensomeonebought
heraticket,"saidtheclerkinasuperiorandamused
toneofvoice.
"Don'tjuststandthere,saidheruncle.You're
comin'tostaywithyourauntandme.Outonthefarm.
Theytoldyouthatatthe...theytoldyouthat,didn't
they?
Hekepthopingforaglimpseofcomprehensionin
thosestrangelyluminouseyes,likeabodyofwaterat
duskwhichcatchesandamplifiestheremaininglightso
thatitseemstoemanatefrombeneaththesurface.But
Annaleeswideeyesregisteredonlystark,primitive
20
fear.
Towhichherunclefeltaconflictingresponse:
compassion,asofteningtowardher,contradictedbya
primitivereactionofhisown:thesortofsavagerythat
indogsturnstheothersagainstonethatyelpsinfear
orpain.Confusedandacutelyselfconscious,heherded
Annaleetowardthedoorwiththebags.Theclerkhadcome
overtoholditopenforthem.Notoutofkindness,his
expressionclearlyshowed,buttohastentheirdeparture.
Cunninghamwasabletokeepthegirlmovingtoward
thepickupbutwhenhe'dthrownherbagsinthebackand
openedthedoorforher,Annaleesimplystoodthere,with
thatsamewildandpitiableexpressionthatdrewsuch
opposingemotionsfromhim.
"Well,gitingirl.Nobody'sgonnahurtyou.The
reasonyou'rehereisbecausewewanttohelpyou.Can
youunderstandwhatI'msayin'?Iknowyoucan'ttalkbut
youcanhearme,can'tyou?Youmightatleastnodyour
headorsomething."
Annaleewassotensenowshe'dstartedshaking.He
fanciedshewasscreamingfromthosewidefrightened
eyes.Hesteppedforwardclumsilyandattemptedtoputa
bigweatheredhandonhershoulder,butshejerkedaway.
"Nowlistentome,"hesaidmoresoftly,asifhe
weregentlingahorse."I'mnotgoingtohurtyou,
Annalee.I'mWalterCunningham,youruncleyour
mother'sbrotherinlaw.Thatis,Imean,Margaretmy
wife,yourauntisyourmother'ssister."
Damn,nowI'mstartin'toconfusemyself,he
thought.Washegoingtohavetopickherupandputher
inthetruckbyforce?
"Yousee,Annalee,youcan'tgobacktothatplace
whereyouwas.Itwouldn'tbethesameifyoudid,things
havechangedtherenow.Wedon'tthinkyou'dbetreated
right.Sountilwefindsomeplacewhereyoucango,
wherethey'lltakegoodcareofyou,you'regoingtocome
livewithusforawhile,outonthefarm.It'snice
enoughthere.You'lllikeitfine.
"NowgituphereinthetrucklikeIastyou.Letme
justgiveyouahand..."
Againshepulledviolentlyawayfromhim.Butthen
justwhenfrustrationwasabouttogetthebestofhim,
21
tohissurpriseandrelief,Annaleeclimbeduncertainly
intothetruckandsatdownonthedustysprungseat,her
shouldershunchedforward.Shestaredstraightahead
throughthedirtencrustedwindshieldasifhehadceased
toexist.
Chapter6
BillyRiversandhisfollowersdrovethestreetsas
iftheywereaprovinggroundfortheirprowess.Asif
thethreeofthemwereontelevisionfromthemomentthey
swungintotheseatsoftheirnearlyidenticalstripped
downHarleysandkickedthemintoobedientlife.
WhereverBillywas,theLoserandDaletheWhale
weresuretoberightbehind.Allthreewereoutsidersin
thecommunityalthoughbornandbredinit.Noneofthem
spentmuchtimeinschool,anditwasgenerallyassumed
theydidenoughdealingtokeepgasintheirtanks,since
thosewhoknewanythingaboutthemconcededthatBilly
wasprobablysmartenoughtogetawaywithbuyingand
sellingthelocalhomegrown.Andbecauseheappearedto
havefirmcontroloverboththeWhale,whowasnonetoo
bright,andtheLoser,whowasanythingbutcautious,
Billyandhisfollowersremainedfreetorideas
roughshodoverthecity'ssensibilitiesastheydidits
streets.
Theywerejustreturningfromareconnoiteringtrip
intothehillsofWestVirginia,separatedfromMuskingum
bytheOhioRiver.Inthreedaysthey'dbeenupevery
creekanddrawandhollow("holler"intheseparts)in
WoodCountylookingfornew"fieldsofendeavor,"as
Billyhadtoldthesleepyandshiftyeyedfolkwhocame
outtoseewhatallthecommotionwaswhenthebikescame
roaringuptheirruttedgravelroadsscatteringkidsand
dogsandchickens.
WhenBilly'sphrasedrewtheinevitableblankstare,
theWhaleorLoserwouldsaythemagicwordorpantomime
takingthebigtoke.
"We'rebuyin,'"weretheonlywordsnecessaryto
separatethemthathadfromthemthatdidn't.Notby
anythingthesehillpeoplesaid,whichwasnothing.But
onthereceivingendofthecultivatorstell,Billyand
hisfriendscouldgetdownwiththesepotgrowerslike
22
theywasfamily.Andincountrywhereeveryonewaskin,
thatwasanabsoluteessentialofdoingbusiness.
Thetriocameroaringdownnowofftheproudbut
decayingoldOhioRiverbridge,downshiftingthroughthe
dangerousserpentinecurvedesignedtochanneltraffic
throughthecenteroftown,andlinedupthreeabreastat
theredlightatSecondandGreene.Telltheworldthe
boysarebackintown!TheygunnedthebigballsyHarley
enginesandwaitedimpatientlyforthelighttofreethem
forahomecomingparadethroughtown.
SuddenlythehigherpitchedsoundofJapanesemetal
insinuateditselfbeneaththesullengrowloftheidling
choppers.Wouldn'tyouknowit?Twominutesintownand
whohitsonthembutRonnieMorrison,onhisSuzukiGSXR
750,acrotchrocketthatforcesitsridertoleanout
almosthorizontallyoverthegastankandfaroutover
thehighwayinturns.Anotherofthosemonstermachines
fromthelandoftherisingsundesignedostensiblyfor
theroadracingcircuitbutdestinedinrealityforthe
highwaysandcitystreetsofthelandoftheridingsons.
WhereagoodmanylittlerichkidslikeRonniecanbe
expectedtocommitharakiriAmericanstyleseeking
equilibriumthehardwaybythrowingtheirbodiesout
overthewaitingpavementat90milesanhour.
Ronniewastheonlysonofthechiefexecutiveat
oneofthebigpetrochemicalplantsthatwerebothaboon
andacursetothemidOhioValley.Takeourmoneyand
breatheournoxiousfumesaffluenceforeffluentswas
thenooptionsdealindustryhadmadewiththearea.Air
pollutionwasn'tmonitoredhereascloselyasitwasin
LosAngelesbutitwasoftenalmostasbad,andsomeof
thecity'swaterwellshadbeencontaminatedbyan
industrialsolvent.Butneitherenvironmentalissuewas
oftenthesubjectoflocalconversation.Mostpeoplein
thecommunitystillweren'teagertoinspectthehands
thatfedthemforcleanliness.
AnymorethanRonnie'sparentswereabouttostart
takinganyrealresponsibilityfortheironlychild.They
werebothfartoobusy,hewithtryingtostaycloseto
governmentsubsidizedforeigncompetitors,andshewitha
demandingsocialschedulethatwasinsomewaysherown
personalcompetitionwithherplantmanaginghusband.In
23
anycase,fromgolfinthemorningthroughteasand
tennis,committeemeetings,receptionsandvarious
culturalactivitiesintheafternoonsandevenings,this
wasaladyonthego.Ronniehadgrownupinopulent
surroundingslikeaweedinanuntendedgreenhouse.
Hewasn'tbad,justunmanageableandwithoutthe
slightestsenseofdisciplineordirection.Butbadwas
whathewanted.Ronnielongedtobeabletoswagger
withoutdrawingsnickers.Hewasn'tbigeitherabout
fivefeetnineand155poundssoakingwetbutthen
neitherwasBillyRivers,whohadatmost,nomorethan
aninchandtenpoundsonhim.
Thatwasinboots,whichofcoursebeingbike
cowboysbothBillyandRonniewore,aswellasmoreblack
thanbluejeanstheycoulddamnnearstandupbeside
theirbedsatnight.Itwasnocoincidencethattheyalso
favoredthesamedenimjackets,Tshirtsandwestern
styleflannelshirtsnowthatautumnhadsetin.Ronnie
triednottobetooobviousinhisheroworshiphewore
aDarthVadaresquevisoredhelmet,duetohisparents
insistence,whileBillystillworethesamebattered
blackcowboyhat.
RonnieeasedhisSuzukiupbesidetheLoser,whowas
nearestthecenterlineofthethree,butlookedpasthim
toBilly,justbarelytouchingthevisorofhishelmetin
thefumblingyetconstrictedmannerthebodily
equivalentofmumblingthathehadmasteredwearingout
allthoseJamesDeantapesontheVCRinhisbedroom.
Billylookedrightthroughhim,turningtotheWhale
torollhiseyes.Thensuddenlyhenoticedsomethingdown
thestreetthatchangedhisexpressionsoprofoundlythe
Whaleactuallyexertedsomementalconcentrationtrying
tofigureoutwhatcouldhavecausedthetransformation.
TheWhalecouldn'tseeanythingoutoftheordinary:
thesamewidemostlyemptystreetsflankedbythe
unremarkablelookingshopsandwarehousesandcommercial
buildingsinthispartoftown.Downthestreetaways
wasTugOwensinhisbigoldRoadmasterBuickhecalled
theBlueJesus.AndwalkingupGreeneStreetwasSally
Seiverswithsomefriendsofhers.Sallyusedtoputout
forBilly,butthatprobablywasn'tenoughtochangehis
expressionmucheventhen.
24
TheywereunloadingcarsinfrontofFranklin's
Cadillac,andoverthereinthebankparkinglotoldMrs.
Phillipslookedlikeshewasbeingeatenalivebythose
goddamnedpigeonsshespenthalfherfoodstampsbuying
breadfor.
No,damnediftheWhalecouldseewhatRivershadin
mind,butthenhowoftendidheeverknowwhatBillywas
goingtodonext?Forexample,justasthelight'sabout
tochange,RiversglancesoveratRonnieandgiveshim
thumbsup.Christ,Ronniedamnnearlosttheclutchon
hisriceburnerinexcitement.
Thebikerscounteddownfromthecrossstreet's
amberlight,andthesplitsecondtheirownturnedgreen
allfourofthemblastedthroughtheintersectionlikea
giantwavebreakingatDiamondhead.
TheyscatteredMrs.Phillips'flockofwelfare
pigeonsandroaredpastthecarcarrier,fromwhichthe
lastnewCaddywasbeingbackeddowntheramp.Billyled
themintoarightturnatthecorner,andablockdown
thestreetheturnedrightagain.Whatthehellwasheup
to?
Ronniewasinbikerheaven.Ithadtobethenew
Suzuki.Billyhadnevergivenhimthetimeofdaybefore,
buttheLimitedEdition750musthaveopenedhiseyes.
ShouldheletRiversrideit?Thiscreatedawholenew
dilemma.Billywouldprobablybeabletohandleitalot
betterthanhecouldyet.Hell,whowashekidding?Billy
wouldbeabletodothingsonthebikeRonniewouldnever
master.Butthiswasjustamomentaryflashofpain.What
diditmatternowthathewasfinallyridingwiththe
eliteofBillyRivers'gang?
LookitthisBillymotioningforRonnietomoveup
besidehim.Hepulledtotheleft,leavingroomfor
Ronnietomoveupbesidehimontheinside.Infact
Riversgavehimnochoice:Ronniehadtoreactquicklyto
keepfromplowingrightintohim.Testinghim,huh?Well,
Ronniehadsurprisedevenhimselfonthatone.Hehadn't
hadtimetothink,yethisinstinctsandthe750werein
perfectsync.HecouldhandlewhateverBillythrewat
him!
Whatthehell?TheWhalewasgettingalittletired
ofallthesedamnrightturns.DidBillyhavehis
25
handlebarsuphisassorwhat?Heretheyweremaking
anotheronebackontoSecondStreetwherethey'dcomeoff
thebridge;theydcircledtheblock.
ThensuddenlyeventheWhalecouldseewhatBilly
hadsetup.Fortyyardsinfrontofthemwasthecar
carrier,emptynowwithitsrampstilldown.Billy
accelerated,Ronniefollowedsuit,thenwithalarmfelt
Billydriftingintohim.JesusChrist!Heswervedtothe
righttoavoidtheHarleyandtherewasthecarcarrier
deadaheadofhim.Withnoplacetogobutrightupone
ofthetwonarrowtracksoftheramp.
Ronnielefthisheartbehindhimonthepavement.
Hecouldseehimselfhurtlingoverthetop,endoverend
andlandingwiththebigSuzukiontopofhim.Witha
lookofsheerterror,hemanagedtoguidehiscareening
bikeuptherampandbringittoastopattheveryfront
overthetruck'scab,whereheteetereddangerouslyback
andforthonatracknotmuchwiderthanhistires.
Somehowhistoesfoundjustenoughroomoneithersideof
thebiketokeepitupright.Buthowlongcouldhehang
on?Billyandhisfriendsswervedallovertheroadas
theyroaredbylaughinghysterically.
Attheintersectionattheotherendoftheblockso
wereE.J.andhisfriendsinJohnson'sMustang.
"BillyRiversiscrazy!"screamedJimmy."Remember
thetimetheyrodeintoMrs.Finch'sstudyhall?"
Johnny,thoughhedbeenlaughingashardasthe
others,abruptlychangedhismood.
"Riversisanasshole!"hesaid."He'sgonnaget
someonekilledsomeday."
"Oh,Johnnyyou'resostraightyouhavetoshit
standin'up."
"Screwyou!"wasthebesthisbrothercouldcome
backwithashegloweredinthebackseatbesideE.J.
Theywatchedasheriff'scarpullalongsidethecar
turnedSuzukicarrier,whichhadalreadybeguntodrawa
crowd.
DeputySheriffButchCameronwasamaninhis30's
whokeptthinkinghe'dseenjustabouteverythinguntil
thenextdayorthenextweekwouldinvariablyreveal
somebrandnewfoibleinthesmalltown's,orhumanity's,
facade.Hestaredthroughhiswindshieldindisbeliefat
26
themotorcycleperchedprecariouslyatoptheempty
trailerlikesomecrazedtrucker'shighwaytrophy,then
stoppedthecarandsteppedoutfarenoughtoyell,
"RonnieMorrison,whatthehellareyoudoin'upthere?"
"Justgetmedown,Goddamnit!"wailedRonnie.
Chapter7
Jimmy,ridingshotgun,wasthefirsttoseeher.
"Sonofabitch.Lookitthebabewitholdman
Cunningham!"
TheyhadnosoonerleftRonnieMorrisonandhis
dilemmabehindthantheyfoundthemselvesidlingbeside
Annaleeandheruncleatthenexttrafficlight.
Wilburwhistledappreciatively."What'dyousayher
nameis?"
"Idon'tknowwhathernameisIsaidshe'swith
oldmanCunningham.Thatbastardmust'vepassedusfifty
timeswhenwewerethumbin',withouteverstoppin'to
pickusup."
"Hewouldn'tpickuphisoldladyifshewaslayin'
intheroad,"volunteeredJohnnyfromthebackseat.
"Well,thatsureain'thisoldladywithhimnow,"
saidWilbur.
"Youwouldn'tknowwhattodowithheranyway,
Willy."Jimmylaughedandslappedhimontheshoulder.
IfIdidn'thaveyoujerkswithmeIwould.She's
justwhatthistownneeds.I'dtakeheroutandshowher
thesights."
E.J.andtheMajorsbrothersguffawedloudlyat
this."Iknowtheonlythingyou'dwantashowher,
Willy,"saidJohnny,"andthelasttimeIlookedit
wasntlistedintheTouristandConventionbrochure."
"Thelasttimeyoulooked?"exclaimedhisbrother.
"Whatveyoubeenupto,Johnny?YoubeeneyeinWillys
civicmonument?Youandthepigeons?"
AllthiscommotionfinallygotAnnaleetoturnher
headwhichofcourseprovokedanewoutburstfromthe
Mustang.Startled,sheglancedatheruncle,buthewas
stoicallyignoringthecarloadofillmanneredteenagers.
Annaleewasunableto.Shelookedbackatthem
theywereonhersideofthetruckwithachild'sfrank
interest.
27
"Hi,Darlin'!"JimmywasjustaboutinWilbur'slap,
wavingandsmilingatherwithallthecharmandgood
looksthatdrovethelittlegirlswildinthiscornerof
theworld.Wilbur'sface,too,wasonebigfriendlygrin.
Johnny'swasmoreofaleer,butbothofthemweretrying
ashardasJimmytogethertonoticethem.OnlyE.J.
remainedsilent,hiseyesfocusedonAnnalee'swith
intensecuriosity.
Atthelastmoment,beforeWilburpulledrankonthe
restofthembyimpressingherwiththeMustangs
acceleration,itseemedtoE.J.thatthegirlreturned
hislook.Thentiressquealing,theyleapedaheadofthe
pickupandinafewsecondswerealreadyhalfablock
away.
Theshowofpowerwasgreetedwithgoodnatured
ridiculebytheothersofcourse.Laughingaffectionately
inthebackseat,Johnnysaid,"Willy,you'resosmall
town."
Wilburlaughedrightalongwiththemasusual.At
thenextstoplighthethrewhisarmupontheseatback
andlookedoverhisshoulder.
"What'dyouthinkofher,E.J.?Haven'theardaword
outayou."
Rawlsshrugged."Nicelookin'."
Willielaughedathisfriend'sporcupinemood,
unawarethatJimmywasnudgingtheMustangsautomatic
transmissionintoneutral.ThelightchangedandJimmy
saidimpatiently,"C'mon,Willy,yougonnasithereall
day?"
Johnsonturned,sawthegreenlight,andtrompedon
theaccelerator.ThebigengineroaredwhiletheMustang
justsatthere.Itwasaboutthefiftiethtimethetwins
hadcaughthim,andWillynolongerthoughtthestuntwas
theleastbitfunny.
"Majors,can'tyoulearntokeepyourgoddamnhands
offthegearshift?"
Hethrewthecarbackintogearbeforetheengine
hadstoppedracing,andtheMustanglurchedforwardwith
asickeningclunkwherethetransmissionwastakingits
usualbeating.JohnsongotredderandtheMajorsbrothers
andE.J.laughedalltheharder,lovingWillyforbeing
himselfsofaithfully.Wilburfeltthistoo,alongwith
28
hisanger,andonlytheMustangreallysuffered.
*
*
*
*
*
ThepickupleftStateRoute#26fivemilesnortheast
oftownonanarrowasphaltroadthatdippedandcurved
withthecontoursofthelandassuperficiallyasifit
hadsimplybeenpouredoutonthegroundandallowedto
harden.Surroundinghernowwasnolongermerelya
landscapelaidoutforhereyes.AsAnnaleeandheruncle
bouncedandswayedonthebrokenspringsoftheseat,the
rollinglandwastactuallyimprintedonher,inthesame
wayatexturedsurfaceisperceivedbythefingertips.
Shehadbeenconfinedsolongwithintherigidright
anglesoftheinstitutionthatthishelterskelter
movement,theproximitynowofhills,farmsandtrees,
fairlyshoutingatherwiththeirviolentcolors,was
almostasshatteringtohermindasfindingherself
somehowenteringapainting.GonewasAnnaleesaloofand
distancedobservationfromthebus.Heruncle'struckwas
takingherintotheveryheartofthelandscape.
Wherebeforetheday'sunfamiliarandfascinating
sightshadstreamedpastherwindowatasafedistance,
nowwithbothhersidewindowandthewindshieldtolook
through,sheseemedtohaveplungeddirectlyintothe
movingpicture.Shewasapartofit;itsurroundedher
onallsides.Theblazingtreescrowdedthehillsideson
eithersideofthetruckandhungovertheroadtomake
longtunnelsofgoldstreakedwithpurpleandscarlet,
throughwhichsherushedonlytoemergecaughtupin
entirelynewscenes.Eachofwhichsheproceededto
enter,tobethrustinto,tolive.
Theexperiencemighthavebeenterrifyingforherif
itweren'tfortheeffortlessnessithadincommonwith
thebusride.IntheinstitutionAnnaleehadgrown
accustomedtohavinglifepresentedtoherlikeamovie,
andthiswasanewkind:moreexciting,almost
threateningattimes,butstilljustamovie.Eventhe
Voices,apparentlytoooverwhelmedbysensationsand
imagestobotherher,hadbeensilenced,replacedbya
kindofmurmur.
Sheforgotaboutthemandforgotaboutthestranger
besideher,forgotaboutallthefrighteningsurprises
thedayhadsprungonher.Thetreesthemselveswere
29
talkingtoherinalanguageofcolorandshimmering
leaves.Blacktopturnedtogravel,andaplumeofdust
arosebehindthetruckandhungintheairtomarkher
passagethroughthismagicland.Butevenonthisstill
autumnafternoonitgraduallydissipated,asephemerala
lifelinetotheknownworldasHansel'spathofbread
crumbs.
Afterafewmoreminutesthatcouldhavejustas
wellbeenhoursinherpresentstateofconsciousness,
Annaleebecameawareofwhatwewouldrecognizeasa
largeandprosperouslookingfarmontheothersideofa
drawgougedoutofthefertilelandovertheyearsbya
stream.Thecreekitselfwashiddenfromviewby
sycamoresandcottonwoodsonitsbanks,butthehouse,
barn,outbuildingsandatrioofSaturnsizedsilos
acrossthewaywereilluminatedbythelowlying
afternoonsunlikesomemajesticfarmbeltcastlean
imagethathadfarmoremeaningforAnnaleethan"farm."
Theroadparalleledthetreeandbrushlinedgully
forseveralhundredyards,thendescendedtoashady
gladewhereitturnedabruptlythroughanopengate.More
magicthepickuptookthemrightthroughtheflowing
amberwaterofthestream,onaconcreteapronheruncle
hadpouredmorethan40yearsbefore.
Nowtheyweregoingbackuphill,directlytowardthe
clusterofbuildingsthatfromthisvantageresembleda
smallvillage,sonumerousandscatteredwerethey.A
momentlatertheypulledintoalargedirtandgravel
parkingareasurroundedbyopenbuildingsandcluttered
withfarmimplementsandcats,sunningandgrooming
themselves.
Annaleegapedatthesightofthem.Everywhereshe
lookedtherewerecatsofeveryimaginablecolorandsize
andage.Kittenschasedoneanotherintothedark
interiorsofthebuildingssomeofwhichwerefreshly
paintedwhileothershadweatheredtoacolorless
exteriorthatwasreminiscentof,yetsounlike,the
uniformgrayofthePlacewhiletheirelderswere
eitherasbusywiththeirperpetualablutionsoras
indolentintheexpiringsunasonlycatscanbe.Her
uncledroverightthroughthecatcommune,upagravel
drivetotherearofthehouse.
30
Thenshesawthedooronthescreenedbackporchpop
open,andoutcameasilvergrayhairedwomanwipingher
handsonafloweredapron.Shewavedgailytothem,and
Annaleefeltsomesharpalienemotionknifethroughher
insides.Wasitpainfulorpleasurable?Ithadtakenher
bysuchsurpriseshecouldn'ttell.
Herunclestoppedthetruckandtookherbagsfrom
thebackbeforeherealizedthatunlessheopenedthe
doorandcoaxedthegirlout,shewasapparentlyprepared
tositinthecabtherestoftheday.Hesetthebags
down.ThedoorsrustyhingessoundedtoAnnaleeas
thoughtheywerecomplainingofsomething.Orperhaps
theywerewarninghernottogetout.Shehesitated,
knowinginstinctivelythatthiswassomekindoffinal
destination.
"Comeonout,girl.Thisiswhereyou'regonnalive
forawhile."
Stillshesatthere.Thekindlookingwomancame
hurryingup.
"Annalee!Ohh,we'resogladtohaveyouhere!I'm
yourAuntMargaret."
ShesaidthiswithsuchwarmththatAnnaleedrewin
herarmsasiftoprotectherselffromthesame
pain/pleasureshehadexperienceduponfirstseeingthe
woman.
"I'msorryWalterwasn'ttheretomeetyou.
Harvesting'sthebusiesttimeonafarm.My,whata
prettygirlyou'vebecome.It'sbeensolongsincewe've
seenyou.Waittillyouseeyourroom!I'vehadsuchfun
fixingitup.Ijustknowyou'regoingtolikeit."
Annaleefeltmorethreatenednowthanatany
previousmomentthewholeday.Butatthesametimeshe
feltafaintdeliciousquiverinsidewhichseemedasort
ofechoofthewoman'svoicethewarmthinit.They
seemedconnectedsomehow.Shewantedmore:moreofthe
feeling,moreofthestirring/soothingwords.Butshewas
afraid.WhereweretheVoicestotellherwhattodonow?
Theyhadbeenstrangelysilentmostoftheday.
Shelookedaway.Maybethemanandwomanwould
disappear.Maybeshewouldn'thavetomakeachoice,to
movefromthisdustysprungseatwhichhadbecomeas
perilous,asparalyzing,asafootholdonthefaceofa
31
cliff.
SuddenlyAnnaleefeltasearingpainonherthigh
abovetheknee.Shewouldhavewrenchedawaybutwas
horrifiedtofindthatherlimbswerefrozen.Itwasthe
woman'swrinkledbrownhand.Theinstantshehad
identifieditssourcetheexcruciatingpaindisappeared.
Thatwarmthagainstillfartoointrusive.Annalee
glaredatthehandsofiercelyherauntfeltcompelledto
removeit.Patience,shetoldherself.
"...Annalee,"shesaidwithagentlenessthat
redefinedthewomaninherniece'seyesrecreatedher
alreadymaternalmannerandappearanceinanevensofter,
morekindlymold"won'tyoucomeinandletmeshowyou
whereyou'llbestayingforawhile?It'salovely,quiet
room,andit'sallyours,justforyou.You'llbesafe
thereandhappy,Ireallydobelieveyou'llbehappy
here,child."
Margaretwastakenabackbythesuddendepthofher
ownfeeling,asifthewordsshehadconsciously
articulatedhadreleasedemotionfromareserveshewas
unawareoforhadforgotten.
Inanycaseitwasn'tthewordsbutthelovewith
whichtheywereladenthatreachedthegirlandmoved
her:inthedepthsofherbeingand,literally,fromthe
truck.Almostasifinadream,Annaleefoundherself
enteringthecoolscreenedporchthroughthedoorher
auntheldopenforher.
Margaretledheracrosstheporchintoaroomof
smells.Frombreadbakingandchickenroastingprimarily,
underlainwiththepermanentscentofspicesthat
permeatedthelargeoldfashionedkitchen.
"ThisiswhereIspendmostofmytime.Maybeyou
canlearntohelpmeouthere.Gotsomecorntoshuckfor
tonightWalter'swhitesweetcorn.BestSilverQueenin
thecounty.Canyoushellpeas?That'sajobIcan't
tolerate.Arthritis.Myfingerswouldratherdojust
aboutanythingthanshellpeas."
MargaretkeptupthislineofpatterasAnnalee
stoppedforamomenttogazeabouttheroom,smelling
morethanseeing,thencontinuedwithherthroughthe
downstairshalltothebottomofthestairs.Walter
broughtuptherearwiththebags.
32
"We'lltakeyourthingsonuptoyourroom.It's
warmupherenowbutyou'llfindit'sjustlovelyat
night.Wehaveanatticfanweturnonatbedtimeandit
bringsthecoolnightairrightin."
Atthetopofthestairstheyenteredalovelysunny
sanctuarywithfreshlypaintedpaleyellowwallsand
starchedwhitecurtainswhichwaftedasgentlyas
breathingintwoopenscreenedcornerwindows.A
beautifulantiquewalnutbedsteadwithahandstitched
quiltinpastelspringcolorsdominatedtheroom.A
matchingbureauandavanitydoneupwithateenage
girl'stastesinmindtookuptherestofthespace.
Margaretwasclearlyproudofherwork,butshewas
alsoverymuchawarethatitwasgoingtotakealotmore
thanapleasantroomtomakeherniecefeelathomehere.
Shemotionedforherhusbandtosettheluggagedown
quietlyoutsidethedoorandstoodbackawaitingsome
reactionfromthegirl.
Butalmostfromthemomentsheenteredtheroom
Annalee'seyeswerefastenedbeyondit.Throughoneof
thecornerwindowsamapletreetrembledinthebreeze.
Itsscarletleavesweresoredsaturatedfromthelate
afternoonsunbehinditthattoAnnaleeitwasonfire.
Thebrightquiveringleavesdeflecting,catching,
reflectingthesun'srayswereflames.
AndwithtonguesofflametheVoiceshadawaken.
Speakingofherterribledream,thenightmarethatwould
nevergoawaynomatterhowdesperatelysheforceditto
thebackofhermind.Thenightmarewhicheachtimeshe
hadmanagedtoforget,theVoiceswouldmockingly,
cruellyresurrect.Annaleestaredatthebrightburning
leavesofthemaple,hypnotized,alookofhorroronher
face.Notbecausethetreewasonfire.Shenolongersaw
thetree,theroom,thepeopleinit.Shewasn'there.
TheVoices,thegreedyfrenziedfeedingofthe
flames,hadtakenherback.Backtothedream.Witha
soundlessscreamthatwasallthemoreshockingtoher
auntanduncleforitsunnaturalsilence,thepoorgirl
turnedandboltedfromtheroom,downthestairsand
throughthescreendoorinfront.Withoutstoppingto
openit,shetorethesaggingscreenfromitsframeand
fledintothewoods.
33
Chapter8
Annaleeranwildlyacrossthemeadowtowherethe
woodslayclosesttothehouse.Thewallofsunblazoned
treeswasanythingbutabarriertoher.Becauseofthe
wayacornerofthenorthpasturehadbeencarvedoutof
theforest,thetreelinereachedoutlikeapairof
welcomingarmsopenedwidetoembraceher.Hiddenwithin
thoselongarms,shemightbesafe.
Shieldinghereyes,Margaretwatchedherniece
disappearintothetrees.Itwouldbegettingdarkinthe
woodssoon."You'dbettercallthesheriff!"shesaid.
"Thatgirl'sgonnabenothin'buttrouble,"grumbled
herhusband.Shenoticedaslightlimpashewalkedback
acrossthelawntothehouse.Hehadstartedafterher
butalmostimmediatelypulleduplame."Nothereten
minutesandshe'sofflikesomewildanimal.I'vealready
losthalfaday'swork."
"Weshouldhavebeenmorecareful.ButIcan't
imaginewhatspookedherso.Thepoorchildshellbe
terrified."
Withintheforest,astillness.Ahush.Thefiltered
ambersunlightremindedAnnaleeofthetwilightworld
thatwasthegatewaytosleep,whentheVoiceswere
still,andbadthoughtslesslikelytocomecrowdinginto
herhead.
Noevenmorethanthat:thiswaslikehersecret
place,hersanctuary,turnedinsideout!Theworldwas
immeasurablylargerthanAnnaleehadrealized.Until
todayithadconsistedoftwolimitedrealmsintotal
opposition:thedrab,harshimplacableenvironmentofthe
Place;anditsreciprocalcounterpart,herlandscapeof
theimagination:anauralandunpeopleddimensionof
disembodiedvoices,abstractshapesandcolors,the
constantplayandmetamorphosisoflightandshadow.And
now,completelysurroundingher,thisinnerworldhad
assumedatangiblerealitysuchasithadneverpossessed
before.Annaleeknewshewasn'tjustinhermind.She
knewshecouldreachoutandtouchthebranchesofthese
trees,andtheywouldtouchherback.
Therewassuchpeacehere.Aquietthatmadeher
suddenlyawareofthepoundingofherheart...whicheven
34
asshebecameconsciousofit,hadalreadybeguntocalm
itself.Thesearingimagesthathauntedherdreams,that
layinwaitforherevenduringherwakinghourstocatch
herunawares,hadreturnedtothedarknessinwhichthey
lived.
Whatkindofworldwasthis?Annaleetooka
tentativestepforwardandliftedherarmtotouchagold
leafaglowinaquiveringpatchofsunlight.Smoothand
warmbetweenherfingertips,itcameoffinherhand.She
heldittohernose,exploreditwiththetipofher
tongue.Ittastedbitter.
Shedroppedtheleafandhereyestookinmoreof
hersurroundings,thispeacefulgatheringoftrees,
straightandgnarledandtwisted.Somewereasthinas
herwrists,afewsomightytheymadesilentmusic,all
ofthemrisingoutofathickblanketoffallenleaves.
Shelookeddownandsawthenfelthershoessinking
intothisspringyyetcrunchymass:apulpylayerwitha
drycrust.Shepulledherfeetthroughthewet/dry
leaves,testingthesensation.
Thebreathofafaintbreezekissedhercheek.She
watchedandhearditrustlingtheleavesnotyetfallen,
connectingthesecolorfulsurvivorswiththeinert
compostedlayerbeneathherfeetonlynow,asthe
quickeningbreezesentaradiantwhisperingrainofthem
driftingtotheforestfloor.Sothesewerethevoices
shedbeenhearingfromthetrees!Theforestwasfullof
secrets.
Likethispatchofbrilliantgreen,coveringaslab
ofrocklikeacarpet.Annaleekneltoveritandpressed
herfingersintoacoolvelvetycushionofmoss.She
couldn'tresisttakingoffhershoes.Oh,thegreenfeel
ofitsmoistspongytextureagainstthesolesofherfeet
andbetweenhertoes,supportingtheexactshapeandarch
ofeachsmallfoot.Makingfanshapesfromherheels,she
pressedherfeetfromsidetosideintothemoss's
yieldingsurface,thendugintoitandkickedupher
heelslikeadogscratchingoutwithitshindfeet.
Whatwasthis?Thepaperthinshellofacicada
clungtothefissuredbarkofanoaktreenexttoher
face.Shepluckeditdelicatelyfromthetrunkandheld
itbeforehereyes,wonderingwhatcouldhavelivedin
35
thiscunninglittlehouse.
Lookingtoseewhatelseshemightfind,Annalee
spottedastreamofantsflowingupthetreetrunkina
waveringcolumn,likeatrickleofwaterdefyinggravity.
Adartingmovementalongthelowestlimbturnedintoa
hairywoodspiderhalfthesizeofherhand.She
shuddered,relievedthatitwaswellaboveherhead.
Withsomuchlifehererightunderhernose,the
woodsmustbeswarmingwithtinycreaturesshecouldn't
see!Shewasn'taloneatall.Yetallthisminute,mostly
invisibleactivitydidnotintrudeontheprevailing
stillness.Therewasasilencehereunlikeanything
Annaleehadeverexperienced:fullanddeepand
mysterious.Akindredspiritsomehow,asifshehadbeen
expectedoratleastimmediatelyacceptedinspiteof
whoshewas,perhapsevenbecauseshewasoneofthe
strangeandsilentonesherself.
Theforest,thisfellowshipofgreatquietgentle
friends,knewasilencegreaterthanhersAnnalee
sensedthisatonce.Therewasroominitforheras
therewasroomforalltheothercreaturestowhomthe
treesofferedtheircomfortandprotection.Shelaythe
palmofherhandlightlyagainsttheroughwarmtrunkof
theoaktreetoweringaboveherandlookedupintoits
limbsandbranches.Asolitaryyellowleaffluttered
towardthegroundfaraboveherhead.
Clearlythetreesweretalkingtoher,inalanguage
ormusicsheheardnotwithherearsbutwithherwhole
being:herlisteningattentivebody,hermind,her
senses,evensomepartofhershehadneverfeltbefore,
oratleasthadnoconsciousmemoryof.Theawakeningof
thisfaculty,thisgiftorpower,broughtwarmthtothe
sameplacewhereonlyminutesbeforeherhearthadbeen
strugglinglikeacagedbirdtoescape.Itwasso
delicious;itfeltasifherbodyweredoingwhather
mouthhadlongforgottenhowbutwhichitwasdoing
now,muchtoheramazement.Shewassmiling!The
sensationwassounfamiliarshereacheduptofeelher
parted,upturnedlipswithherfingers.
SuddenlyAnnaleewasfullofsuchenergyshejust
hadtowalktomove,totwirlroundandround,watching
thebranchesofthetreesspindizzyinglyoverhead.She
36
hadn'tgonefarwheninfrontofherthereappeareda
clearedcorridorthroughthetrees,anoldloggingroad
thathadn'tbeenusedforyears.Shestoppedinher
tracksandcrouchedtogiveherselfamoreconcealed
view.Overgrownthoughitwas,thetrailwaslikea
secretpassagewindingthroughtheheartoftheforest.
Itwasemptyandbeckoning.Wherediditlead?
Holdingashoeineachhand,feelingthatherheart
wasabouttoburstwiththisnewfoundenergy,Annalee
boltedontotheclearedpath.Thensheranasshehadn't
runinyearsthroughthetunnelthetrailmadethrough
thetrees.
Afewminuteslater,exhaustedandalittle
bewildered,shefoundherselfattheedgeoftheforest
again.Herauntanduncle'sfarmwasasurprisingfixture
onthelandscape,separatedfromherbyadifferentpart
ofthesamefieldshe'dcrossedearlier.Althoughshewas
lookingatthemfromanewangle,shewasableto
identifythebuildingsfromthethreelargesilosamong
them.
Thesunhaddroppedbelowtheridgethattheforest
covered,andtheairhadachillinitthathadn'tbeen
hereminutesearlier.Adogbarkedinthedistance.The
faintringofacowbellreachedherfromafield
somewhereonthefarm.Somehowthesoundsturnedher
thoughtstothatwarmkitchenfullofappetizingsmells,
thecozybedroomwiththecolorfulquiltedbedspread.
Annaleeturnedbacktotheforest.Ifanythingit
hadgrownevenquieterthanbefore.Darknesswasslowly
enteringitlikemurkywaterfillingabowl.Itwouldbe
heretomorrow,thetreeshadpromisedherthatmuch.
Almostbeforesheknewitshewasrunningtowarmthand
shelterthroughthecooldampanklehighgrassofthe
meadow.
Chapter9
E.J.RawlsandtheBeastwereontheirwaytothe
TigerBoosterClub'sannualfundraisingdinnerina
forestgreenJeepCherokeewith"RawlsHardwoodLumber
Co."paintedoneachfrontdoor.Thenameofthefamily
businesswasspelledoutinhandpaintedlogsforminga
crudealphabetwhich,itssafetosay,willnotbefound
37
amongthefontsinyourfavoritewordprocessingprogram.
TheBeast'slikenessontheotherhand,whetheras
mugshotoranartist'scompositebasedonthe
descriptionsofwitnesses,couldappearonthewallsof
yourlocalpostofficeatanytime.Thereorthe
boardroomwallofsomemultibilliondollarhightech
startup.(Inwhichcasethemugshotwouldprobably
followayearortwolater.)
Hisnicknamehadbeenappendedseveralyearsearlier
withanearlysizeadvantageofthreeorfourinchesand
40to50poundsonmostofhisteammates.Butwhileat
closeto250pounds,henolongerlookedquitesobeastly
inthecompanyoftheothersallofwhomhadlearned
theirwayaroundaweightroomtherewassomethingin
hisnature,someindefiniteandsubtlequalityinthe
eyesperhaps,thatmadethenamestick.Thatandthefact
thatwhentheBeastranamok,peoplegenerallygothurt.
Thesamekindofgoodnaturedroughhousingyoucould
safelyindulgeinwithanyoneelseinevitablyresultedin
blackeyesandbloodynosesorworseiftheBeastwas
involved.Itwasneverintentional,ofcourse,butwhen
theBeastgotexcitedandyouheardthatrunawaymaniacal
laughofhis,youshuddered,knowingthatsomepoor
bastardwasabouttobemaimed.Notnecessarilyforlife,
youunderstand,butwhenhebrokeJohnnyMajors'legthe
firstdayofpracticetheyearbefore,itwaslittle
comforttoJohnnythathemissedjusthisjunioryearof
football.
Also,therewassomethingdownrightscaryaboutthe
Beast'sintelligence.Neitherscholarnorbookworm,he
wasnonethelessacertifiedbrainiac,abletodoanything
requiringmentaldisciplineorenergyatwarpspeed
comparedtoanyoneelse.Thenumberofhiswronganswers
ontestseachyear,includingtheSAT's,didntapproach
statisticalsignificance.
McIntyre'sSteakHousewasagainthelocationfor
thebigcashbashwhichwouldkickoffamonthoffurious
fundraising,plannedthisyeartocoincidewithwhat
everyoneassumedwouldbethefootballteam'sdrive
towardanotherleaguechampionshipandaberthinthe
statetournament.Theseniorplayersweretraditional
guestsofhonorattheseaffairs,butthejuniorsand
38
sophomoresontheteam,varsitycheerleadersandparents,
aswellasanyoneintownwhoknewwheretoputhishands
onsomerealmoneyforhighschoolathleticswerealso
invited.
"YouheardanythingaboutMuskingum'snew'mystery
girl'?"RawlsaskedtheBeastastheyheadedoutoftown
towherethepopularfamilyrestauranthadbeenrelocated
lastyearnearertheinterstate.
"'Mysterygirl'huh?Isthistheonewhosupposedly
neverspeaks?Theonepeoplearesayingmaybeanalien
fromanothergalaxyorevenWestVirginia?"
Rawlssnickered."Isawhertheotherdaywiththe
Majors....Somethingabouther.WishIknewhowtogetin
touchwithher."
"Thatwouldbethebestapproach,ifshecan'ttalk.
Unlessyouknowhowtosign."
"Signlanguage?RighttheonlythingIcansignis
myname."
"Whichsheprobablycouldn'treadanyway."
"Youthinkshemightberetarded?"
"Notnecessarilyretarded.Butifit'struethatshe
can'tspeakandshe'slivingoutonsomefarmsomewhere,
notattendingschool,I'dsaythere'sagoodchanceshe's
uneducatedatbest.Wouldn'tyou?"
"Idon'tknow,Ihadn'tthoughtaboutit."
"Whatwereyouthinkingabouthowtoproposition
herinsignlanguagewithoutbeingobscene?"
Rawlstookhishandsoffthesteeringwheellong
enoughtomakethefingerthroughtheholegesturewhile
wigglinghistongueinaparodyoflasciviousness.
"...Nah,"hesaid,"youdon'tunderstand,Beast.
Thisgirl'sdifferent,Ifyou'dseenher,maybeyou'd
knowwhatI'mtalkingabout."
"Howlongdidyouseeher?Johnnysaidyouguysjust
caughtaglimpseofherinsomebeatupoldpickup."
"Wedid,butthatwasenough.Ican'tgetthelook
onherfaceoutofmymind."
"Soundsextraterrestrialallright.Prettysoon
she'llbetakingoveryourmind,willingyoutobuild
giantclandestineairstripsoutonthesouthforty."
Rawlsfeltalittlefrustrated.He'dwantedhis
friendtolistenwhilehetriedtoexpresswhatitwas
39
aboutthegirlthatfascinatedhimso.Onseveral
occasions,usuallyafteroneoftheinfrequenttutoring
sessionshewenttotheBeastfor,thetwoofthemhad
sharedthekindofspeculativediscussionshecouldhave
withfewotherpeople.Buthecouldseehewasn'tgoing
tobetakenseriouslyonthissubject.
Hepulledintotherestaurantparkinglotand
addressedtheclusterofplayersmillingaroundintheir
slacks,sportscoatsandtieslikeabunchofoversized
littleboysalldresseduptogosomewhere.
"ThiswheretheFutureFarmersareholdingthe
castrationfinals?"
Amidstthechorusoftwoword,twosyllableAnglo
Saxonepithetsthatensued,JuniorWannamaker,alineman
evenmoreintimidatingthantheBeast,replied,"Sure,we
canhandleitforya,Rawls.Justlay'emouthereonthe
sidewalk."
Beast'seruptionbesidehimmadethecompanycar
suddenlyseemsmallerandflimsierthanE.J.had
remembered.Anythingonthedashorfrontseatwasfair
game,includingthedriver.
"Takeiteasy,Beast.Thisthingwasn'tbuiltfor
sumowrestling."
Beast'sreplywascutshortbyaloudscreechof
tiresfromsomeairheadburningrubberatthetraffic
lightdowntheblock,followedbyJunior'sannouncement
tohisgrowingaudienceintheparkinglot:"That
couldn'tbenobodybuttheMajors!"
Sureenough,theHyundaisledthebrothersshared
cameroaringuptotherestaurantlot,whereJimmy
downshiftedintosecondandslammedthelittlecarinto
anabruptrightangleturnthathadhisbrotherclutching
wildlyforequilibrium.Theyhittheentrancetothelot
sofastthatwhenthefronttiresstruckaseaminthe
pavement,bothbrothers'headsbouncedagainstthe
headliner.Unfazed,Jimmyjerkedtheparkingbrakeback,
throwingJohnnyupagainstthedash,openedthedoorand
leapedoutofthedriver'sseatwiththejauntymacho
saluteofavictoriousGranPrixdriver.
"Thankyou...thankyou,"hesaid,smilingandwaving
toanimaginarymobofcameramenbackedbyascreaming
multitudeinthegrandstands.
40
Johnnyclamberedoutalmostasquickly,yellingover
theroofofthecarathistwin.
"Youjerkoffclown!Idon'tgiveadamnifyoukill
yourself,butdon'ttakemewithyou!"
"'At'sallright,Johnny.Ifyou'velostyournerve
youcanwalknexttime."
"Likehell!I'lldrivenexttime!"
"Yougotit."
Throwingthekeystohisbrother,Jimmyswaggeredup
tohisteammates.Hetradedafewfeintingjabswith
Junior,thenenteredtherestaurant,leavingJohnnyto
parkthecarhimself.
AsE.J.andtheBeastwalkedacrossthelottojoin
theothers,afewoftheplayerstookupthenicknamein
adeepvoicedchant:"Beast...Beast...Beast,"like
nativesworshipingapagangod.Beastraisedhisfists
andshookthem,bothpleasedandalittleembarrassedas
usual.
JuniorWannamakerresumedberatinghisfriendand
fellowlinemanBrianKinney.Juniorcouldhavecomeright
outofa50'scomicstrip.HewasbuiltlikeLilAbner
withamassivelowerjawjustalittlelessseverethan
DickTracy's.Anotherfeaturehesharedwiththeintrepid
dickwasapropensityforputtingholesinpeople:
offensiveanddefensivelinemen,runningbacksand
receivers,anoccasionalhaplessadversaryinaonesided
fistfightor,asnow,verbally,histeammates.
Imagineawellhonedswordafterit'sbeenusedby
someoneliketheIncredibleHulktofelltreesorsplit
rockswithandyou'llhaveanideaofJunior'srapier
wit:potentiallysharpenoughbutinfactgenerallyvery
blunt.IfyoudaredtofencewithJunioryouwerein
dangerofbeingfatallybludgeoned.
Atthemomenthewaspissingalloverthefire
hydrantshapedKinney.Althoughtheirphysiquescould
hardlyhavebeenmoredissimilarandstillbeasheavily
muscledaseachwas,thetwoofthemwereamatchedpair
onthegridiron.Twoyearsearlierasjustsophomores
they'dbeenthespearheadsofanunheraldedbutferocious
defensethathaddestroyedthestatetitleplansof
previouslyunbeatenNewark.ThestunnedNewarkcoachhad
revealedanunvanquishedsenseofhumoratleast,by
41
beingquotedtotheeffectthathisteamwouldhavelost
anywaybydefaultsincethey'dplayedthewholegame
withsixmeninthebackfield.WannamakerandKinneyhad
beentheimpostors.
TheyoungTigershadcomeofagetogetherthatnight
asateam,thelastgameoftheseason,andhadgoneon
toposttheschool'sfirstundefeatedseasonthe
followingyear.Nowafterthreegamesasseniorstheyhad
stretchedtheirwinningstreaktoseventeengamesand
wererankedfifthinthestate.
"Kinney,youain'tabadlinebackerbutIswearto
Godyoudon'tknowthedifferencebetweenagirlanda
pullin'guard."
Kinneywasbeingchastisedfordaringtosharehis
opinionofLouAnnArmstrong,ayoungwomanofdubious
reputationwhohadcapturedJunior'seyeandwas
threateningtolayclaimtofurtherextensionsofhis
outsizedanatomy.
EventemperedKinneyjoinedtheothersinlaughter.
Hehadafunnylittlehighpitchedlaughthatwasalmost
agiggle.
"SureIdo,Junior.Pullin'guardsyouknockdown."
Wannamaker'seyebrowsarchedappreciativelyathis
fellowlineman'scomeback,buthewasn'tabouttolethim
offthateasily.
"Wellyouain'teverknockedagirlanyotherway
haveyou?Christ,Iseenyaknockafewdownonthedance
floor."
AsusualnooneenjoyedhisjokemorethanJunior
himself,withaheartyinfectiouslaughthatwasallthe
funnierforsoundingasifhewasn'tgoingtobeableto
catchhisbreath.
"Andonceyouget'emthereyoudon'tknowwhatt'
dowith'em.Yougoandtromple'emhalftodeathtryin'
toget'embackontheirfeet.Theonlywayyou'llever
knockagirlupiswithaforearmupsidethehead,lift
herafewinchesoffthegroundmaybe."
HegaveKinneyanaffectionateviolentshovethat
couldhavedisintegratedfleshonsomeoneoutofshape,
butwhichthestockygrinningguardabsorbedlikeyour
averageEasterIslandmegalith.
Offtotheside,somewhatapartfromtherest,stood
42
aslimblackboy,extremelygoodlookingandquiet.This
wasLonnieJones.Hisrealname,Lionel,wasneverused
byanyone;hewasalwayseitherjustJonesorJonesieto
histeammates.Running,hewasassmoothasLionel,his
movesasfluidasthesoundofthethreesyllables,but
hewasjusttoofastforthenametostick.Joneswasall
youhadtimeforJonesiemaybeifhewasstanding
still.TohisfamilyandfriendsatschoolhewasLonnie.
"Hey,Jones!"E.J.swappedahighfivewithhim,and
thethreeofthem,Jones,BeastandRawls,stoodaround
checkingeachotherandtherestofthesceneout,
tradingsmalltalkuntilJohnnyMajorsjoinedthem.
"Howyadoin',Beast,"saidJohnny,stillpullin'
thewingsoffaflies?"Helaughedandsluggedthebigguy
intheshoulder.HeandBeastwerefriends,butJohnny
hadneverquiteforgivenhimforthebrokenleg.
Onlyiftheyannoyme,Majors.
Hey,listentotheexTerminatorhere.
InsidetherestaurantJimmy'sentrancewasheralded
byachorusofgirls'voicesinfivepartharmony.The
cheerleaderslovedhim.Notbecausehewastheteam's
starquarterbackbutbecausehewassocuteandornery
andarrogantinsuchanendearingway.
"Hi,ladies!"Hewalkeduptothemwithhisarms
openwideandembracedthewholegroupbeforegiving
Sylvia,hissaucylittleredheadedhoney,oneofthe
bravurakissestheywerenotoriousfor.
LynCody,theTigers'goodlookingbackfieldcoach,
scowledacrosstheroomatthedisplay,buthis
perfunctorydisapprovalwasqualifiedamomentlaterwhen
hewinkedatSusie,whoofallthecheerleadershadthe
mostblatantcrushonhim.Susiewasanattractivebut
insinuatingbrunettewholookedateveryboyshegavethe
timeofdayasifshewerecomingontohim.Inreality
shewasn'tanymorelikelytojumpinthesackthanthe
othersandtheywereallafairlyconservativelotwhen
itcametoriskingpregnancy,reputationsandcollege
educations.Theyfooledaroundaboutascarefullyasthey
shopped.
Cindy,headcheerleader,hadthemiddleoftheroad
goodlooksthepositiongenerallyrequiresinthispart
ofthecountry.Shewasblonde,alittlebland,and
43
responsible.
"Jimmy,what'sthisdinnerallabout?Allwewere
toldwastoshowupinuniformandcomeupwithsomekind
ofroutinefortheentertainment."
"Hell,theyhavethisthingeveryyear.Ifyougirls
spentalittlelesstimedownattheMallyoumightknow
what'sgoingonhalfthetime."
"Weknowit'sanannual'event,'Jimmy,"said
Sylvia."Whydon'tyoujustanswerCindy'squestion.Not
allofuswereherelastyearyouknow."
"MoosejustlikestogettheBoostersClubcharged
up,isall.Squeezealittlechangeoutof'em."
"Chargeduphuh?"Audreywasadarkhairedbeauty
withahoarsevoiceandacynicismbeyondheryears.
"WithsuccotashandSwisssteak?Corrugatedcardboard
withgravy?Andthesalad'sevenworse:thelettuceisso
wilteditlookslikeitssufferingfromPMS.Thecold
soupturnsouttobemeltedvanillaicecream.Ineeda
cigarette."
Joanna,apetiteblondewithasurprisinglydeep
laughthatwasbiggerthanshewas,wascrackingup.The
girlswereenjoyingherasmuchastheywereAudrey's
dryicewit.Joannahaddimples,acuteturnedupnose
andthekindofrestrainedmannerandwayofmovingthat
usedtobecalledfemininebeforewomen'slib.Shewasn't
prissy,butnoonecouldeveraccuseheroflettingit
allhangout.Joannaneverhadathreadoutofplace,let
alonealooseremarkoracarelessgesture.Yetshewas
softallthesame.
"Youwantahangwithusafterwards,honey?"asked
Sylvia.
"Sure.Youcangivemearidehome.Johnny'safraid
toridewithmenow."
"Let'sshowhimthenewroutine,"saidSusie.
"Ohyeah,Susie,Icanhardlywait!"
ThegirlsignoredJimmy'scharacteristicsarcasmand
ranthroughapostmodernMTVinspirednumberinwhich
eachhadherownsimplephrasetowailwhilelooking
aboutwithalost,almostfranticexpression.Thewhole
thingactuallyhadtherathernightmarishquality
intended.Thengradually,theindividually
distinguishablevoicesbegantomerge,thewailingto
44
risetoamorepositivepitch,andthefacestoexpress
thekindofskindeepexultationthatintheaverage
musicvideoismeanttoimplyanythingfromorgasm
throughepiphanytofindingtherightshoes.Obviously
theTigerswerevictorious.
"Great!"enthusedJimmyinthesamesarcasticvein.
"Moose'llhateit."
"Doyouthinkso?"askedCindy,concerned.
Jimmylaughed."Hellnohedoesn'tlookat
anythingwithoutcleats."
"Maybehedoesn't,butacoupleofthecoachesI
couldnamedo."Sylviarolledhereyestoincludeallthe
girlsinonherlittlesecretandtogetbackatJimmy
forhissmartassedattitude.Itworkedlikeacharmas
she'dknownitwould.ShecouldturnJimmyon,turnhim
off,turnhimaroundashecouldher.Itjusthappened
tobeherturn.
Hegloweredatherastheotherplayers,parents,
andcoachesbegantofilterintotherestaurant.
"Later,"hegrowled,makingafistandanuglyface
atSylvia,whosmirkedbackathim.Hegavethegirlsthe
fulleffectofhisbackashewalkedovertofindaplace
atoneofthetables.
Hisbrother,Jones,E.J.andtheBeastwerealso
strollingtoatable.
"Yougotoffersfromanyschoolsyet,Jones?"
"Notyet."
"Rushingthingsalittlearen'tyou,Majors?"
remarkedtheBeast.
"Hell,we'veplayedthreegamesalready.They'llbe
breakin'hisdoordownbeforelong.HoldoutforaVette,
Jonesie."
Joneslookeduncomfortablewiththedriftofthe
conversation.
"That'swhatIlikeaboutyou,Maj.You'vereally
gottheguys'interestsatheart,"saidE.J.
"Wellexcuseme,Rawls.HowcanImakeituptoya?"
Theywerestandingbehindchairsonoppositesides
ofthetablebynow.E.J.leanedacrosstogiveJohnny
hisanswerinthesamemomentthatBoostersClub
presidentJohnBurnsideperformedthattraditionalsports
banquetoverture,"SaladForkonAmplifiedWaterGlass,"
45
togettheroom'sattention.
InthesuddenensuingsilenceJohnny'sguffawand
"Screwyou!"washeardallovertheroom.He
surreptitiouslygaveRawlsthefingerasBurnside
intoned,"Letusallnowbowourheadsforthe
invocation."
Anhourandahalflater,afterthedishesfroma
mealsomewhatsurpassingAudrey'sbleakexpectationshad
beenclearedandtheplayersintroduced,HeadCoachMoose
MacGrawwaswindinguphisbriefemotionchargedremarks
toatypicallymesmerizedaudience.
Herewasamanwhohadcometoasmalltownwhose
onlyhighschoolhadforyearsbeenthedoormatofits
athleticconference.Theschool'sacademicstandingwas
excellent.Muskingum'ssmallprivateliberalartsschool,
PutnamCollege,helpedkeepthecommunityfocusedon
education,asdidOhioValleyindustrywithitssteady
influxofmanagerialandprofessionalpersonnelfromthe
EastandMidwest.Thehighschool'svocationaland
agriculturedepartmentswerealsofirstrate,andits
marchingbandwasfamousthroughoutthestate.
Butitsstudentbody,relativelysmallinboth
enrollmentanditsstudents'physicalstaturecomparedto
theotherschoolsintheconference,hadn'tfieldeda
winningfootballteaminyearswhenMoosewashiredafter
asuccessfultenureatanevensmallerschoolinnorthern
Ohio.Despair,resignation,complacencyallwentout
thewindowthedayMoosearrived.
Infouryearshehadturnedthesmallestteaminthe
MidOhioConferenceintothemeanestandhungriest.
Overwroughtfanslikedtobragthatpoundforpoundthe
TigersrivaledOhioState,andlastyeartheyhadblown
somemuchbiggerteamsrightoutofthestadium.
ButsincethentheirAllOhioquarterback,twobest
receivers,andasizablechunkoftheirdefenseand
offensivelinehadgraduated.Headysuccesshadgenerated
anincreasinglymorecompetitivescheduleinnon
conferencegames.Justastheirundefeatedstring
stretchingoutoverthreeseasonsnowhadcreated
pressurebothontheTigerstosustainitandontheir
opponentstobethefirsttobreakit.Afterallthose
yearsofmediocrityandworse,Muskingumwaswhoyou
46
aimedfornow.Thosedirtylittleriverratswerethe
oneseveryteamintheMidOhiowantedmosttoknockoff.
Moose'sworkwasstillcutoutforhim.
Hedidn'tlooklikethemantoshirkit.Hewas
physicallyimposing,withabighardmuscledbodyanda
facethatwasallplanesandangles.At45,ifhehadany
excessfleshnooneintheroombuthisassistant
coaches,whoshoweredwithhim,hadeverseenit.His
othernicknamewas"theViking":hisNordicbrawnwas
accentuatedbyblondhaircutmilitaryshortandgray
eyesthatcouldturnascoldandhardassteel.
Sixthree,about230,maybe240pounds,hecarried
himselfwiththeponderousgraceofthemiddlelinebacker
hehadbeenforfiveyearsintheNFLwithMinnesota,
anothersourceofthenickname.Hisvoicewaseverything
you'dexpectinsuchapackagedeep,hardedged,his
mannerofspeechbrusque,emphatic.
Weliketowin,hewassaying.Thisteamhasthe
potentialtogoundefeatedagain.They'vewonthree
games,warmups,andthere'snoreasontheycan'tgoall
theway.Idon'tneedtotellyouhowlongit'sbeen
sinceyouhadbacktobackundefeatedseasonsin
Muskingum.
Hedidn'tsincetheyhadn'thadthefirstuntillast
year.E.J.lookedslowlyfromfacetofacearoundthe
room.Lookatthemeatingthisup,hethought.These
peoplewouldgooutandkillforMacGraw.Itwasn'tthat
hefeltsuperiortoanyoneinthisrespect;herecognized
thesamefeelingsinhimself.Butitseemedstrange
seeingthemonsomanyfacesinthisroomfulofstolid
citizenry.
"Theseseniorsheretonightwereastrongpartof
lastyear'steamanessentialpart.I'vewatchedthem
comeupallthewaythroughjuniorhighandI'vewaited
forthisyear.
"Wedon'thavethebiggestteamintheconference,
butwesureashellhavethehardesthitting!"Moosewas
unconsciouslyflexinghisslablikepowerfulhands,
tighteningandrelaxinghisgriponthelectern.E.J.'s
jawmuscleswereworkingthesameway.
"Usedtobe,ifamangotarealgoodhitonaguy,
you'dsayhereallypopped'im.Withthisbunch,Idon't
47
believethatword'senough.Withtheseguys,theword's
gottabe'Bam!'Youhavetosay,'HereallyBammedthe
sonofagun!"
BothtimeshesaidthewordMooseslammedhisbig
handdownonthelecternsoharditsoundedasifhe'd
splinteredit.
"Theseguysplaybecausethey...like...contact!"
Hewasactuallyquiveringnow.E.J.thoughthiseyes
lookedlikelasers.
"Doyouknowwhatthatfeelslike?towant...to
wanta..."
Moosehadgonebeyondwhatwordscancommunicate.He
lookedoutattheaudience,hisbrownotsimplywrinkled
butcrushedwiththeintensityofwhathewasfeeling,
hiswholefaceinfactcontorted,hiseyesseekingout
thoseofeveryablebodiedmaleintheroom,andthere
wasabriefmomentinwhichE.J.fanciedhewasalmost
pleadingforunderstanding,somesavagebutnobledumb
animal,possessedofatleastrudimentarythoughtbut
mute.
ThenthereeruptedfromMoose'smassivechest,
amplifiedofcoursebythemicrophone,aseriesofwhat
canonlybedescribedasprimitiveanimalsounds:
"...Unnhhh!You'vegotta...unhunnh!"
Atthesametime,hekeptdrivingonebigfistinto
thepalmofhisotherhand,repeatedly,inunisonwith
thedeafeningprimalsounds.
Althoughacoupleofthecheerleadersexchanged
looksofdisbelief,E.J.'seyesnowhadthesame
intensitytheheadcoach'spossessed.Andhewasnot
alone.Moosehadmostofthepeopleintheroomin
thrall.
Chapter10
AweeklaterE.J.enteredthecrowdedfirstfloor
hallwayatMuskingumHighafewminutesbeforethebell
andwalkedtohislocker.Slamminglockerdoors,laughter
bothderisiveandsincere,shrieks,shoutedgreetingsand
epithets:thebedlaminthecorridorwashometohim.The
rawinarticulateenergydeflected,barelycontainedby
thesemetallicwallsmustbewhatshootingspeedislike
48
ifyoucouldexperienceitfrominsidetheveinitself.
Thiswasanobservationhe'dsharedwiththeBeastonce
andhadinstantreasontoregret.Ithadbeenweeks
beforethesesamehallwayshadquitechoingwiththe
nicknameofthemonth:"SpeeeedFreeeak!"always
shoutedoutinsomedistortedtoneofvoicesimulating
theelectroniceffectsthelocalradiostationsusedto
hypedragraces,horrormoviesandtheirendlessself
promos.
RawlshadEnglishfirstperiodandtodayitwashis
turntogivehisdramaticdialoguefortheclass.Mr.
Hickman'sassignmenthadcalledforthemtowriteandact
outrolesfortwopeopleengagedinsomekindof
conversation,discussion,argument,whatever.E.J.felta
fewbutterfliesashepicturedhimselfactuallygoing
throughwithwhathe'ddreamedupandtriedtoimagine
theclass's,andMr.Hickman's,reactions.
Helookedupanadjoiningcorridorashepassedit
andsawSylviaandJimmyMajorsmakingoutinfrontof
herlockerasusual.Anymomentnowthey'dbepouncedon
bysomedisgruntledteacheronhallmonitorduty,but
theycouldhavebeeninthemiddleofsomedesertisland
foralltheconcerntheyweregivingtotheirlackof
privacy.Theirpassionateembraces,liketheirquarrels,
weresuchafamiliarsightthatmostoftheirfellow
studentsignoredthem.
E.J.'sattentionwassuddenlygrabbedbysome
commotionaheadofhim.DaletheWhale,whoseldommade
ittoclass,hadjustbootedArthurEngleham'sbook
satchelintothemiddleofthehall.Arthurwaslooking
upfromhislockerintimidconfusion,hiseyesblinking
nervouslybehindtheglareofhisthickroundowlish
glasses.Amurmurofindignationcompromisedbymocking
snickersrippledoutawayfromtheincidentastheWhale
stalkeddownthehall,hisglowerandbulkcleaving
passageforhimliketheprowofaship.
E.J.feltagrimaceofcontemptcrosshisfaceand
wonderedwhetheritwasforthebikerorArthurEngleham,
astudious,pudgyboywhoattractedbullieslikeabitch
inheat.Contemptturnedimmediatelytoguilt.Whysuch
strongfeelingsdirectedagainstthevictimfor
chrissake?Well,becauseArthurhadbeentoooftenthe
49
buttofsuchbehaviorwithouteveroncestandingupfor
himselftoelicitmuchsympathyanymore.Peoplewholet
themselvesbecomevictimswithoutfightingbackangered
Rawlsbecausetosomedegreehesufferedtheir
humiliationwiththem.
Hedidn'tallowhimselftobroodonthisinvoluntary
empathy,however,butkepthiseyesoccupied.Overthere
somekindofminordopedealwasgoingdown,itappeared.
Yes,ajointorsomepillsorsomethingweredefinitely
beingpurchased.Moneywaschanginghands.
AheadofhimwasRonnieMorrison,wearinghisusual
happyfaceandsnarlingathisequallysullenlooking
girlfriendofthemoment.WhatcouldBetsyStewart
possiblyseeinthatjerkbesideshisfamily'sshowof
money?Wasthatitordidshe,too,needtobeavictim?
Themorningwasgettingofftoarousingstart.
Hewasrescuedfromhisblackeningmoodbysomething
heoverheardbetweentwoguysinFFAjacketsleavingthe
john.
"YouseenthatchickoutattheCunninghamplace?"
"Chickorchickens?"
"Heynoshit,dudeunbelievable!"
Cunninghamplace?Weretheytalkingaboutthegirl
he'dseentwoweeksago?He'dnearlyforgottenabouther,
eventhoughforseveraldayshehadn'tbeenabletoget
heroutofhismind.He'devendreamedofheronce.There
wassomethingabouther,thelookshe'dgivenallofthem
thatdayinthecar.Herfacewassoopen,fullof
somethingalmostlikewonder.Achild'sfaceona
beautifulgirlhisownage.Hestoppedathislocker.
Thosevoagdudeshadseenher.Wherethehellwas
theCunninghamfarm?Outeastoftownsomewhere,he
thought,butMuskingumwassurroundedbydozensofcounty
andtownshiproads.Hecouldaskaround,someonemight
know.Butwhatforreally?Therewereplentyofgood
lookinggirlshereontheHill.
AlisonRosenberg,forexample,walkingtowardhimin
anotherofherexpensiveknitsweaters.Lookhowshe
carriesherself,soselfconfidentandsophisticated.She
seemssomucholderthantheothergirlsinhisclass.
She'ssureashellalotsmarter.EveryoneknowsAlison's
goingsomewhere.Mostoftheothergirlsarejealousof
50
her.HerecomeSusieandAudrey;seeiftheyevenspeak
toher.
Sureenough,aftergreetinghimtheyweresuddenly
toobusytalkingtoacknowledgeAlison,whointurn
quicklycoveredanyhurtorangershemighthavefeltat
beingsnubbed.E.J.thoughtmaybehe'dseenjustatrace
ofbothbeforesheshookherlongblackhair,shiftedher
armloadofbooksandthennoticedhim.
Herexpressivefacewhichhadjustgonesoblank
itsveryinscrutabilitywasanexpressionitself
suddenlychangedagainintoashimmeringlywarmsmile.
Alisonlikedhim,therewasnoquestionaboutthat.
Ifonlyhecouldfeelalittlemorepartofherworld
ifonlyshewerealittlemoreacceptedbythepeoplehe
hungoutwith.
"Hi!"Shecontinuedtheireyecontactwitha
sidelongglanceasshesweptpasthimtoherownlocker
notfardownthehallfromhis.
E.J.joinedheraminutelater."I'llwalkwith
you."
"Great....It'syourturntogiveyourdialogue,
isn'tit?"
Hegrinned."Yep."
Shegrinnedback."Whatdoyouhavecookedup?"
"Whatmakesyousaythat?"
"C'mon,E.J.,withthatlookonyourfaceIknow
you'reuptosomething."
"Guessyou'lljusthavetowaitn'see."
Whentheyenteredtheclassroom,Mr.Hickmanwas
banteringwithseveralofthebrightstudentsinhis
advancedEnglishclass.Slightandrefined,hecombined
intelligence,sensitivityandapuckishsenseofhumor
whichhadendearedhimtohiscollegeboundclassesover
theyears.
"Goodmorning,Mr.Hickman."Alisonwashisbestand
favoritestudent.Theyoftengotintoanimated
discussionstherestoftheclassjustsatbackand
enjoyedlikegoodtheater.
"Goodmorning,Alison.Hello,E.J."
"Mr.Hickman."Hewalkedtohisdeskinthebackof
theroom,droppedhisbooksontopandslippedintohis
seat.
51
AmomentlaterthebellrangandMr.Hickman
finishedtakingtheroll,thengotupandclosedthe
door.Hewasanimpeccabledresser,mostateasewhen
addressingaclass.Unlesshewasdistractedorangry,
whichwasseldom,anexpressionofhumorthatwasnot
quiteasmilehoveredcharacteristicallyonhislipsand
twinkledinobservantbrowneyes.
"Goodmorning,class."
Hereceivedanenthusiastic,nearlyunanimous
response.Hiswasnotonlythebestlikedcoursein
schoolbutoneoftheveryfewfirstperiodclassesin
whichstudentswerealwaysfullyawakeandeagerto
participate.
"Westillhavesomeofourdialoguesleftfromlast
week.IbelieveitisMr.Rawls'turn."
Therewasamurmurofanticipation.E.J.had
mentionedtoseveralpeoplethathehadsomethinga
littledifferentplanned.Suppressingasmirk,heambled
uptothelecterninthefrontoftheroom.Hewinkedat
theBeast,wholaughedaloud.Mr.Hickman,realizingthat
E.J.wasuptosomething,wasjustasamusedashis
students.
"You'renotusinganynotes?"
"Nah,Idon'tneedany.Ready?"
"Wheneveryouare."
E.J.tookadeepbreathandturnedawayfromthe
class.Heshookhisshoulderstorelax,andwhenhe
turnedbackaroundhewasoneofthetwocharactersof
hisdialogue.
Ifdialogueyoucouldcallitbecauseitappeared
hiswasgoingtohavenowords.Thepeople"speaking,"
whomherepresentedwithaslightturnofhisheadand
upperbodyfromonesidetotheother,addressedeach
otheronlyingruntsandinarticulateanimalsounds.
"Unnhh."
"Erg...ruh...gunhh!"
"Awakawak."
Theclasshowled.Mr.Hickmanthoughtitwasamusing
tooalthoughthiscertainlywasn'twhathe'dhadinmind
fortheassignment.
E.J.wasreallygettingintoit.Hiscreatures'
wildlypantomimedgestureswereeasilydistinguishable.
52
Onehadadistinctlymorebrutalmienthantheother.He
stabbedtheair,beatonthelectern,growledand
clenchedhisfists.Yettheotherheldhisground.He
shookhishead,dismissedhiscompanion'sravingswith
gesturesofbothconciliationandcontempt.
ForbothofthemE.J.'sfaceworeadeepscowlthat
wentbeyondsimpleanger,unhappinessorincomprehension
tosomethingmorebasic,moreprimitive.Hisjawhung
open,hiseyesglazedover,hisbrowfurrowedasifhis
hominidcreatureswereattheverythresholdofthought
andfearfulofcrossingover;asiftheylongedto
expressmoreafinershadeofemotion,aclearer
statementofbeing,adeeperrealitybutweresimply
unabletodoso.Yettheysensed,theyknew,themeans
werethere,andtheirfrustrationwasprofound.Aswell
asverymoving,Mr.Hickmanfelt.
Theclasswereinhysterics,seeingE.J.loosenedup
likethisandcarryinghisideaoffsowell.ButMr.
Hickmanfoundhimselfbothchucklingandwantingtosob.
Wasitinseeingastudenttakeachance,throwing
cautionawayandreachingintohimselftocommunicate
somethingnewandfreshanddeeplypersonaltohispeers?
Orwasitmorethanthis?WasE.J.'sskitactually
suggestingsomelatenttruth,expressingsomerevelation
buriedinthebrainstem?
CertainlyE.J.hadgonewellbeyondwhathehad
planned.Hewasfeelinganexcitementhednever
experiencedbefore.Thiswasn'tthephysicaljoyof
movement,orcontact,ofextendinghisbodytoits
limits.Andithadnothinginitofloveorsex,although
theenergywassimilarmaybeeventhesameenergytaken
inanewdirection.
Sothisiswhatit'sliketoperform,thatpartof
hismindincontrolmarveled.Thisis"losingyourself"
inarole.
Hewasfirstshocked,thenimmenselypleasedto
realizethathewassoincharacterhewasactually
drooling.Henolongerhadtothinkhoweachofhis
characterswasgoingtorespond,ortoremembertoturn
fromsidetoside.Henolongerhadtothinkforthemat
all.Theyhadtakenovercompletely.
Realizinghewasnolongerincontrolofthe
53
entitieshehadcreated,E.J.experiencedamomentof
emotionlesssurprise.Mr.Hickmansawwhatwashappening.
AguidancecounseloraswellasEnglishteacher,he
realizednowthattheboywasintrouble.
ToE.J.itwaslikefindinghimselfinthemiddleof
ariver,sweptalongbythecurrent.Hischaracters
continuedtheirwordlessharangue,andsomeinthe
classroomcouldhardlystayintheirseatsastheybanged
ontheirdesktopswithlaughter.Butperhapstheir
behaviorwasduemoretodiscomfortthantheyrealized
forothersintheclasshadstoppedlaughing.The
consensusseemedtobethatE.J.hadtakenhiscaveman
routinefarenough,he'dmadehispoint.Theslobbering
andthestonedlookinhiseyesweregettingalittle
weird.
ButE.J.onlyfeltthecurrentgrowingstronger.And
theriverhewasbeingsweptalonginwasbecoming
warmer.Hell,itwasgrowinghotitwasn'twaterat
all,itwaslava.Itwasanger.Hisanimalsoundswere
becomingscreaming,sobbingcriesofrage.Hewasa
fuckingvolcanoreadytoerupt!
Suddenlyhewenttotallyblindnothingbutred.A
fierysearingredthatwasbothoutsideandinsideof
him.Hewasthered,hewastherage.
Heturnedtotheblackboard.OnlyMr.Hickmancould
seethecold,almostdemoniacalsmilethatflashedacross
E.J.'sface.
Inthenextinstanthethrewaforearmintothe
institutionalgreenblackboardwithallhismight.It
splinteredlikeaheavygreenpaneofsafetyglass.Then
hisarmcamedownontothechalktrayinasavagekarate
chopthatcutclearthroughit.
Acoupleofwhoopscalledattentiontohowstillthe
roomhadbecome.Mostofthefaceswerepaleand
frightened.Mr.Hickman'swasashen.
Refusingtofacetheclass,hisrighthandobviously
injured,E.J.cradleditagainsthischest,liftinghis
headinsilentagony,andlurchedfromtheclassroom.
Chapter11
ItwasalreadywellpastnoonandAnnaleehadn't
eatenanythingsinceanearlybreakfastwithherauntand
54
uncle,butshewasn'thungry.That'ssayingsomething
becauseintheweekshe'dbeenlivingwiththemshehad
rediscoveredthepleasuresoffood.Heraunt'smeals
actuallytastedgood,asbecamemoreapparenteveryday
toherawakeningtastebuds.What'smore,therewas
alwaysmorethanenoughtoeat.Shedidn'thavetohold
herappetiteincheckasshehadlearnedtodoyearsago
afterfirstarrivingattheinstitution.
Shehadalwaysbeenhungrythereinthebeginning.
Butthentheblandinvariablefarehadgraduallyerased
thedesiretoeat.Besides,aspartofthedeadening
routineofthePlace,thecommunalinstitutionalmeals
wereperiodsoftensionandintrusionifsheallowed
herselftobecometrulyawareofhersurroundings.This
iswhyshe'dbeensothinwhenshearrivedatthefarm.
Nowthatseemedalmostalifetimeago.Somuchhad
comecrowdingintoherbrainsincethen,eventhoughshe
stilldistrustedandresistedeverynewchange,thatshe
hadputherolddeadlifeoutofhermind.Itseemedno
morethantheemptycicadashellsshefoundeverynowand
theninthewoods.Thedaybefore,shehadpickedone
fromatreeandthenrememberedhavingdonesoherfirst
timeintheforest.She'dbeenremindedthenofsomething
shecouldn'tquitegrasp.Yesterdaytheemptyhuskhad
suddenlyseemedtoomuchlikeheroutwornpast.Without
flinchingshehadcrushedthedelicateshelltopowder
betweenherfingers.
Andlastnightforthefirsttimeinmemoryshehad
beenfreeoftheVoices.Shehaddriftedintosleepas
naturallyandeasilyastheserussetleaveswerefloating
totheground.
SuddenlyAnnaleewasbackinhersenses.Howlong
hadshebeenwanderingthroughthewoods?Shedidn't
recognizehersurroundings,nothingwasfamiliar.
Shewasntfrightened,justsurprisedthatherfeet
couldhavetakenherthroughthetreeslikethiswithout
herawareness.Shelookedaroundforalandmarkora
senseofthedirectionfromwhichshe'dcome.
...Thatway,shewasalmostsure.Beneaththathuge
oakwithitsoutspreadlimbsexposed,revealingabold
strengththatreassuredhersomehow.Allwasrightinthe
forestevenifshe'dmomentarilylostherway.
55
ButAnnaleewasn'treadytoturnbackyet.Infact
itwastheoppositedirectionthatbeckoned.Afaint
melodicmurmurseemedtobecallinghersoftly.She
followedthesoundtoastream,thesame,perhaps,that
flowedpastherauntanduncle'sfarm,thoughitwas
wideranddeeperhere.Therewereshallowstooanditwas
thesewhichmadethemusic.Musicshecouldsee,where
thetransparentsurfacebrokeitssilenceinsilver
raptureagainstrocksandbrancheswhichinterruptedits
leisurelyflow.Annaleelooked,entranced,fromone
burblingmelodytothenextandthenfromthecornerof
hereyeshesawthecabin.
Itwassounexpectedhereinthemiddleofthe
forestthatitstartledherasifithadsprungoutof
thetreesatherinsteadofsittingbackfromthestream
allbutconcealedbythem.Shestoodthereamoment,
frozen,withonlyhereyesmoving,untilshesensedno
danger.
Beingcarefulofherstepsinthecracklingleaves,
sheapproachedthelogcabincautiously.Thenabovethe
ripplingwatershehearddistinctlythesoundofa
woman'svoicealmostasdeepandhuskyasaman's
thoughsheknewitwasawoman'shummingasongin
frontofthecabin.Shekneltintoamoreconcealing
postureandangledstealthilytowardthestream.Afew
morestepsandshefrozeagain.Therewasthewomanshe'd
heard,sittingonthebank,fishingwithabamboopole.
Shelookedtobesomewhereinher60'sbutwiththe
erectpostureofamuchyoungerwoman.Barefoot,shewore
astrawhatagainstthesunandwornbutcleanlooking
fadedjeanswithabluecottonworkshirtwhichhadalso
lostmuchofitscolor.Annaleenoticedthatthe"chair"
shewassittinginwasdifferentfromanythingshehad
everseenbefore.Itappearedtohavebeencarvedfroma
hollowlog,andfromthewayitfititsoccupant,orshe
it,lookedtobeverycomfortable.Annaleesenseda
specialairaboutthisperson,aqualitywemightcall
serenitybutwhichwassoalientoherownexperienceshe
hadnonameforit.Yetshecouldfeelitinherbones
justlookingatthewoman.
IndeedAuntKatefeltnearlyasrelaxedandatpeace
assheappeared,buthersharpeyesandearshaddetected
56
thegirl'spresenceseveralminutesago.Sheraisedher
poleandswungthelineintowardhertoexaminethe
hook.Thoughshepretendedtobeattendingthesquirming
beetleitwasbaitedwith,hereyesfocusedonthe
intruderinstead.Annaleethoughtshewassafelyhidden
fromview,butAuntKatesawallthatwasnecessaryto
assureherselfofherownwellbeing.
Shewasannoyedbytheintrusionnonetheless.Hikers
andhuntersoccasionallystumbledontotheremotecabin,
andkidssometimescamesnoopingaroundtoseefor
themselvesthereclusiveoldwomanthetownsfolkassumed
tobedemented.Nooneevergotmuchofawelcome.
AuntKatecastherlineagainintotheslowmoving
stream.
"Comeonoutintheopen,girlorgetonoutahere
andletabodyfishfordinnerinpeace!"
Annaleeduckedbehindatree,toostartledtorun.
"Don'tmindthestoriesyou'veheard.I'mnotgoing
toeatyou.Mymind'ssetonchannelcat."
Suddenlyfeelingalittlefoolishhunkeredherein
her"hidingplace,"Annaleewascurious.Something
fascinatingwasgoingonoverthere,andwhatwasshe
lookingatbutthebarkonatree?Shepeeredcautiously
outfrombehindthetrunk.AuntKatewasn'tevenlooking
ather;shewasfacingthestream,stillfishing.
Annaleewatchedforaminuteortwoandtheold
womannevermoved.Finallythegirlcouldtakethe
standoffnolonger.Shecameoutfrombehindthetreeand
timidlyapproachedthecharismaticwomanwhowastoo
engrossedinwhatshewasdoingeventolookather.Aunt
Katekepthereyesandseeminglyallofherattentionon
theredandwhiteplasticbobfloatingonthesurfaceof
thewater.
Walkingtowithintenfeetorsoofher,Annalee
feltlessafraid,yetmoreawkwardlyuncertainofthe
encounter,theclosershegotwithoutwinningthe
fisherwoman'sattentionandstillAuntKateignored
her.Herfainthostilityhadvanishedimmediately
however.Shewasfishingallright:shehadgiventhe
girlenoughlineandnowshewasreelingherin.
Patiently...patiently.Atlastshesighedandturnedto
hervisitorasifshecouldn'tcarelesswhethershe
57
stayedornot.Thehookwasset.
Andnowastheireyesmet,thesternfaceandthe
hawklikeeyesgentled.Thecommunicationbetweenthetwo
ofthembecameanextensionofthesoundandfeelofthe
stream.Annaleerelaxedandletthegentlecurrentcarry
her.
"...Well,younglady,Idon'tbelievewe'vemet.
FolksaroundherecallmeAuntKate.Someofthemthink
I'mawitch,buttheydon'tknowthemeaningofthe
word."
Shehadnosoonerspokenthanthebobsuddenly
plunkedbeneaththesurfaceandpoppedupagainwitha
splash.
"Youbringmeluck,dear!"
AuntKateplayedthefishexpertly,yieldingto,
whilecapturing,itsresistancewithflourishingstrokes
ofthelimberrod,untilherrestrainedgraceful
calligraphyhaddrawnastruggling10inchcatfishin
closeenoughforhertograbwithherfreehand.Plucking
itfromthewater,shetookthehookfromitsmouth,and
thefishfloppedonthebankbetweenthem,shiningand
desperate.
That'sagoodsizedcat.Whatmightyournamebe?"
ButAnnaleewasn'tlistening.FascinatedbyAunt
Kate'sfishinguntilthequarryhadbeenlanded,shewas
nowagitatedandupset,mimickingthefish'sgapingmouth
withherown.
"Well,norulesaroundheresayin'abody'sgotta
talkiftheydon'tfeellikeit,"saidAuntKate,trying
totalkthegirloutofherdistress.
Annaleeonlyrespondedwithstranglednoisesinher
throatandviolentgesturestowardthewater.
"Throwitback?Notonyourlife,dear.Thisismy
dinner!"
ButAnnaleewasadamant,hereyesasdesperatenow
asthedeaththroesofthefish.Shestoopedtowardit
awkwardly,extendingherarms,longingtopickitupbut
heldbackbyfearorrespectforthewoman.Shewas
moaningsoftlynowinheranguishforthegaspingfish.
AuntKateobservedallthiswithgrowinginterest
andemotion.Finallyshewassomovedbythestrange
girl'sempathy,theintensityofheridentificationwith
58
thispitifulcreature,thatshetookpityonitaswell
onbothofthem,girlandfish.Sighing,shepickedup
thecatfishandtosseditgentlybackintothestream.
"That'ssomethingI'dhavesaidwouldneverhappen."
Shegazedruefullyattheripplesthatwereallthat
remainedofherfishdinner."Goestoshowyou:you're
nevertoooldtotrysomethingnew."
Annalee'sfacewasradiant;AuntKatefeltshe'd
neverseengratitudeexpressedsoeloquently.Shestudied
itforamoment,feelingherownsmileelicitedbythe
girlsexpression.
"Comeonoverhereandletmehavealookatthose
handsofyours,"shesaid,walkingstifflytowardthe
cabin.Heryoungvisitorreadilyfollowed.
SetbacksomefiftyfeetfromMallardCreekandhigh
enoughtoavoiditsnormalspringfloods,thecabinwas
builtoflogsAuntKatehadfelledandhewnherselfthree
decadesbefore.Shewasinhermid30'sthen,aslender
strongwilledwomanwhohadprovedfirsttoherself,then
tothefewfarmersandoilandgaspeoplewhoknewofher
existencethatshewasalsostrongenoughphysicallyto
accomplishthetaskshe'dsetherself.Ithadtakenhera
monthtoerectthewallsandroofofherhideawayandtwo
moretofinishofftheinteriorroughpaneling,which
she'dhadcutatasawmillinthenextcountyinexchange
forasmallstandoftimberoftheedgeofher80wooded
acres.
Nooneknewwherethisindomitable,proudand
distantwomanhadcomefrom,orhowshe'dcomebythe
moneytopurchasetheland.Itwasn'tmuchaccount,folks
said:toohillytofarm,nodecenttimberonitexcept
whatshe'dalreadysold,andtheconsensuswasthatit
probablyhadnopotentialwellsworthmucheither;at
leasttherewerenoneonanyoftheadjacentproperty.
Itseemedtosuitherfinethough.Shegotthat
cabinup,afterlivinginatentthroughoneverycold
winter.NoonesawmuchofherexceptforoldLukeWagner
andhiswife,whosegeneralstoreinWaterfordshe
frequentedonceamonthforherfoodandsupplies.
Abouttenyearsolderthanshe,theWagnershad
managedtogrowintooldagewithAuntKatewithoutever
gettingtoknowanymoreaboutherthanthatshewas
59
pleasantenough,thoughextremelyclosemouthed,andhad
anindependenceandfundamentaldecencythathad
ultimatelywontheirtrustandrespect.Inawaythey
couldneverquitecaptureinwords,theythoughtthe
worldofher.
ThesecondChristmasaftershe'dbecomearegular
customershe'dgiftedthemwithoneofhersculptedwood
pieces.Andshe'dgiventhemsomethingofherownmaking
everyChristmassince,usuallyapieceofherwood
sculpture.
Becauseofherartisticskill,onetheoryabouther
backgroundthathadevolvedovertheyearswasthatshe'd
probablyreceivedsomekindofformaltrainingin
sculptureandtheartsinabigcitysomewhereduringher
20'sandearly30's.
Nooneseemedtoknowiforwhereshesoldanyof
herwork,butshehadtobemakingalivingsomehow.The
rareindividualswhodiscoveredhercabinfromtimeto
timealwaysreportedseeingawealthofcompletedand
unfinishedpiecesaround,manyofthemexposedtothe
elements.Wasthisbecausetheywereofnovaluetoher,
orwastheirweatheringpartoftheartisticprocess?Her
visitorshadtheiropinionsbutonlyAuntKateknew.
Thewordwasthatmostofherlargerpiecestended
tobeontheabstractside.Abstractorfigurative,
however,theworkneverfailedtoimpresseventhosewith
noartisticunderstanding.Theymadeyouappreciateart,
folkssaid,evenifyouneverhadbefore.Whatthatwoman
coulddotoalogorburlorthecrotchofatree,ona
pedestalwithjustafewtoolsandhergiftforbringing
outwhatwasthereinthewoodthatnooneelsecould
see,wasenoughtomakeyouwonderwhethernatureasthe
averagepersonseesitmightbejustadisguise,some
kindofoutercoverorillusion.ThatshowLukeWagner
putitwhenhegotwarmeduponthesubjectofAuntKate.
"They'rerevelations,"hiswifeIdawouldinvariably
addaboutthesmallpiecesthatappearedtoturntheir
livingquartersabovethestoreinsideoutontheshelf
ortableormantelpiecetheygraced,whenyoureyesand
thelighthitthemjustright.
"Likeyou'relookingthroughawindowwherethere
ain'tnowindow,"Idawouldsay.
60
"LikexraysofMotherNatureherself,"Lukewas
likelytoadd.
*
*
*
*
*
Annaleefeltasthoughshewerewalkinginsome
enchantedgladeamongbothfriendsandstrangersasshe
followedAuntKatethroughthelargeshadedareainfront
ofhercabin.Treestumpshadbecometrollsandgnomes
andelveswhoperpetuallyguardedtheirreclusivemaker's
privacy.
Uncarveduprootedstumpshadbeensawnsquareon
bothendsandassembledtoserveasworktablesor
pedestalsforworksinprogress.Amidstthemallets,
chiselsandvariouswoodcarvingtoolsscatteredabout
weresmallanimalsandotherfiguressoreallooking
Annaleehadtolooktwicetoconvinceherdisbelieving
eyesthattheywerent.Otherpieceswereofpurely
imaginarysubjects,somecarvedinrelief.
MostoftheabstractshapesAuntKatehadcoaxed
fromthewoodwerearrestingimagesthatheldnomeaning
norinterestforthegirlatall.Butafewbroughtsuch
ashockofrecognitiontheyseemedstolenfromher
dreams.Theyresembledobsessivepicturesinhermind
thatAnnaleehadbeencompelledtorecreateoverandover
againatthePlace.Hourafterhouringhastlymental
paradeswhenshecouldn'tsleep,orinthemiddleofthe
daywhenherwillwasparalyzed,herlimbstooheavyto
move.Theywereliketheprimitivedesignssheusedto
tracelistlesslyinthedirtinatreelessfencedin
courtyardtowhichshewasallowedaccesswhenthe
weatherwasnice.
ThesecompulsiveimageswereliketheVoicesinthat
theyhadpoweroverher,thoughtheycouldn'texistuntil
shehadgiventhemform.Sotheyhadmadehertheir
captiveanimator,bringingthemtolifeonanassembly
lineofobsessionalimageryuntilsomeonewouldfinally
comeandrescueherwiththeroutinedemandsofthe
Place.
ButnowAnnaleeforcedthosehatefulmemoriesfrom
hermind.Sherefusedtoletthesehypnoticabstractions
inwoodsuckherintothefamiliarmentalwhirlpoolsthat
beganandendednowhere.
Whatshenoticedinsteadcalmedheratonce.A
61
womanshands,palmsupinsupplication,heldalarge
pieceofuncutquartzcrystal.Slenderwristsand
forearmscarvedfromthesamepieceofmapleasthe
prayerfulhandsformedabase.Thestunningyetsimple
imagewasassoothingasthehealinghandsinreallife
mighthavebeen.
AuntKatestoppedinfrontofthecrystalandtook
Annalee'shandsinherown.Theywerethinandcool,
whileAuntKate'swerelikewarmleatheralthoughit
wastheirgentleness,theirlongfingeredsupplegrace
thatleftthemostindelibleimpressiononthegirl.
WhenAuntKateturnedthesmallhandsoverto
examineherpalms,Annaleefeltashudderofpleasureat
theclosescrutiny.Theexposedpalmstingled.They
remindedherofpaleleaves;thelinestheywereveined
withseemedtopulsate.
AuntKateturnedawayandpeeredintothejagged
chunkofcrystalinthecarvedhands.ToAnnaleeitwas
anunfamiliarfusionofglassandrockheldoutlikean
offering.ButtoAuntKateitwasamediumof
visualization.Shecouldgazeintothedepthsoftheraw
quartzuntilshehadwilledherselfintoitscrystalline
interior.Andwhenshedpiercedthesurfaceofeveryday
reality,brokenitsholdoverhermindandsenses,she
hadsetherimaginationfree:noboundaries,no
limitations,nocategories.Whatwastrue,whatwasreal,
wasupforgrabs.
Ifshewishedtoenvisionanobjectoroccurrence
ordinarilyseparatedfromherbytimeordistanceor
simplybyherignoranceofit,shewasusuallyableto
conjureupsomekindofimageinthecrystal.Itmightbe
difficulttoseeclearlyortocomprehend,oritmightbe
adazzlingrevelation;buttherewasalmostalways
somethingtocontemplate.
Now,forexample,whatmightbethewallsofa
clusterofbuildingsappearedtobetakingshapewithin
thetranslucentfacetsofthecrystal.Darkforbidding
shapes.Andwasthatachild'sface,perhaps,peering
fromawindowhighabovetheground?
Earlier...whathadbroughthertothisdarkplace?
Theimagewaveredandgrewbright.AuntKateboth
letandmadeithappen,imagesflowingoneintothenext.
62
Shesimultaneouslysawandfeltandknew,herperception
neitheranyoneofthesenorallofthembutsomething
likeafusionofthesefaculties.
InasenseshebecameAnnalee,boththeobserverand
observed.AndinthisstateofconsciousnessAuntKate
experiencedwhatmightpossiblyhavehappenedtoher,
yearsbefore.Couldshehelpher?
Lifehadbroughtthegirlhere,soofcourseshe
wouldtry.
Chapter12
"Whatconcernsusmost,E.J.,istheself
destructivenessofwhathappenedinmyclassroom
yesterday.Weoverlookalotmorethanyoumayrealize
everydayhereontheHill,butwhenastudent'sbehavior
threatenstoendangereitherhimselforsomeoneelse,
thenweobviouslyhavetointerveneandbecomeinvolved.
I'msureyoucanunderstandthat.Ourmainconcernisfor
yourownwellbeing."
E.J.saidnothing.Heunderstood.He'dblownitall
right,hisrighthandwasthrobbing.He'dmisstomorrow's
gameforsure,maybeevennextweek'swithLancastertoo.
Evenifheplayed,howeffectivecouldheexpecttobe?
Thedoctorhadsaiditwasunbelievableitwasonlya
hairlinefracture.Whatacolossaljerk!Whatanasshole!
"Itseemssooutofcharacterforyou,E.J.Canyou
tellmeanythingatallaboutwhyyouthinkithappened?
Whatwasgoingthroughyourheadatthetime?Youmust
havethoughtalotaboutitsincethen."
Thatwastheweirdpart,that'swhatwassoscary.
Hehadthoughtaboutit,ofcourse.Butitwasasmucha
mysterytohimasitwastoanyoneelse.Morereally
becauseeveryoneelsenaturallyassumedtherewassome
kindofheavyunderlyingreasonwhichhejustdidn'twant
toreveal.Buttherewasn'tnonethathecouldthink
of.Hejustwentnuts.
He'dlostitlikethatacoupleoftimesinfights.
Andinacontrolledsortofwayhedidthisallthetime
infootball.Buttohaveblownitinclass,tohavemade
atotalfoolofhimselfdamnnearcostinghimtherest
oftheseason!Hecouldn'tbegintofigureitout.Maybe
itcouldhappenagain,atanytime.Thatwasn'ttoo
63
reassuringeither.
"Letmetellyourightatthebeginning,"Mr.
Hickmancontinued,"thatyoushouldn'tmakethingsany
harderforyourself,ifyoudon'tknowwhyithappened,
bythinkingtherehastobesomethingwrongwithyou.
Whatsetsthisparticularincidentapartisthatyoucame
soclosetoseriouslyinjuringyourself.Thefactthatit
wasimpulsive,thatitoccurredwithnowarningyou
couldsaythat'salljustpartofadolescence.
"Wecouldsaythatbutwe'dratherhelpyoufigure
outwhyithappened.Notonlysoitdoesn'toccuragain
butbecausesomethinglikethiscanbeasymptomor
warningofsomekindofunresolvedproblemyou'redealing
with,perhapsunconsciously.Thismighteventurnoutto
havebeenapositiveexperience,byrevealingthe
existenceofsomedeeperproblemwe'dneverhaveknown
aboutotherwise."
Mr.HickmanstoppedtoseewhetherE.J.wastaking
enoughofthisintorespondyet.Exceptfora
perfunctorygreetingtheboyhadn'tsaidawordsince
beingsummonedtotheGuidanceDepartmentfromhis4th
periodstudyhall.BesideshisteachingpositionMr.
HickmanwasoneofthreecounselorsunderScotty
Jefferson,whoadministeredthedepartmentandcoached
thevarsitybasketballteam.Doubledutieswerenot
uncommonontheHill.
"Itappearstomethatyou'reharboringsomefairly
intenseanger,E.J.Doyouthinkit'sfairtosaythat?"
E.J.snorted."Yeah,Iguessit'ssafetosaythat,"
herepliedsarcastically.
"Wellthen,let'sconcentrateforthemomentonthe
anger.Whatcanyoutellmeaboutit?"
E.J.shookhisheadindisgustorexasperation,even
hecouldn'thavesaidwhich."Just...anger.Whatelsecan
yousayaboutit?"
"Whatmakesyousoangry?"
Evenjustthinkingaboutitgottheadrenaline
flowing."Idon'tknow!Whatthehell,aredlightcan
makememad!Theworldmakesmeangry.Youpeoplehave
gottenitsoscrewedupit'snotsafetolivein
anymore."
"Whodoyoumeanby'youpeople'?"
64
Whyhadhesaidthat?E.J.wassurprisedbythe
remarkhimself,ithadjustpoppedout.Anupwellingof
emotionwaspushingitswayintohisthroat.Hecould
tasteaswellasfeelit,acridandhot.Hehadtoforce
itbackdown,orriskbabblingoutGodknowswhatkindof
wildaccusationsorbullshit.Hecouldtellhewasonthe
brinkandwonderedhowMr.Hickmanhadbeenabletobring
himtothispointhowhedlethimselfgettothis
pointinjustafewminutesofsmalltalkinthe
GuidanceOffice.Hewasn'tgoingtoloseitagainthough
nofuckin'way,man!
Heheardhimselfgorunningoffatthemouthagain,
almostasifyeah,asifthiswaslikesomesortof
safetyvalvetoletsomeofthepressureoffsothewhole
thingdidn'tblow.
"Adults.Thepeopleincharge,whoelse?Thatmay
soundprettydumbtoyou,Idon'tknow.ButwhatI'm
talkingaboutisallthisterrorismeverywhere,andhow
theUnitedStatesortheRussiansormaybesomeoneinthe
Mideastarereadytoblowthewholeworldup,andnoone
seemstoreallygiveadamnasfarasIcansee.Atleast
notenoughtochangethesituation.Imean,sure,there
areeditorialsinthepaper,alotoftalkonTV,some
demonstrationsnowandthenbutnoneofthatdoesany
good.Peoplejustgoonabouttheirbusinessasif
everything'sfine.They'remoreworriedabouttheirown
littletwocents'worththanthefutureoftheplanet
thelivesoftheirownchildrenandgrandchildren."
Mr.Hickmanwastakenabackbytheheatedoutburst.
"...I'mgladtohearyourconcernaboutthestateofthe
world.That'swhataneducationisfor.ButIthinkyou
misjudgeusifyoufeelyourconcernisn'tsharedbythe
adultworldsinceyoumakethatdistinction.It'strue
thatwestillhaveourdailylivestolead,ourfamilies
tosupport,butthatdoesn'tmeanthattheterrible
dilemmastheworldisfacingnowarebeingignored."
"Worsethanignoredifyouaskme.We'vegotthis
bigdoublestandard.Thethingswe'vebeentoldallour
livesarewrongiswhatourwholesociety'sfascinated
with.How'reyoureallysupposedtoknowwhat'sright
anymore?"
"Whatthingsareyoutalkingabout?"Mr.Hickman's
65
voiceandmannerwereascalmasever.
"Blowin'people'sheadsoffthat'sagoodplaceto
startisn'tit?ImeanseeingthatonaTVprogramisone
thing,butwehavetohearaboutiteverydayinreal
life,somewhereintheworld.Ithinkpeoplemustgetoff
onit,andI'mnottalkin'aboutjusttheterrorists.
"Orhowaboutabortion?What'stheanswerthere?
Halfthepeoplesayonething,halfof'emsaytheother.
See,I'mnotjusttalkingaboutmoviesandTV,whichtake
alltheheat.Itmakesmewanttopuke,thissocietyof
yours,thatmakestheruleswehavetolivewith.That
sayswhat'srightandwrongbutcan'tmakeupitsmind
whatisrightandwrong!Andwhataboutpollution?Ifwe
don'tblowtheplanetupallatonce,we'regoingtokill
itoffanyway,alittleatatime."
"Well,Iagreewithyou,E.J.,thattheseareall
seriousproblems.AndI'mwillingtotakesome
responsibilityforthem,asanadult.AsI'vealready
toldyou,I'mgladtohearyouvoicingsuchstrong
concernsaboutthemyourself.That'stheonlywaythey're
goingtobesolved,ifyoungandoldalikethosein
powernowandthosewhocomeafterthemcommit
themselvestomakingtheworldabetterplacetolivein,
forallofitsinhabitants.Therearepeopledoingthis,
youknowinallwalksoflife.Anditseemstomethey
reallyaremakingadifferenceinthewaywelive.
"ButIquestionhowmuchanyoftheseissueshasto
dowithwhathappenedyesterday.Istheresomethingany
closertohomebesidesredtrafficlightsImean,"he
said,smiling"thatmaybebotheringyou?"
"Doestherehavetobe?"
"Nobutsometimeswegetangryatthingswedon't
wanttoacknowledgetoourselves,andthenwemaytryto
attachthis'freefloating'angerontosomethingelse
that'sconvenient,somethingwe'renotpersonally
involvedwith.Thatwaythere'sanexplanationwecan
tellourselves,'Imustbeangrybecausesomanyterrible
andevilthingsarehappeningintheworld,'andwe
don'thavetotakeresponsibilityforfindingoutwhat's
reallybotheringusandcorrectingit."
"Ijusttoldyouwhat'sbotheringme.YouthinkI
wasjustmakingallofthatup?"
66
"No,no,ofcoursenot.I'msorry,Ishouldhave
beenmoreclear.Idon'tmeantoimplythesethings
aren'tbotheringyou.It'sobviousthattheyare.ButI
thinktheremaybeproblemsclosertohomethatconcern
you,E.J.Rawls,firstandforemostthatcausedyouto
strikeoutthewayyoudid.I'dbewillingtobet
anythingonthat."
"Soyou'resayingpeoplecoverupthepersonal
thingsthatarebotheringthembypretendingormaking
themselvesbelievethatit'sreallytheheavythings,the
messtheworld'sin,that'smakingthemangry.That
doesn'tmakeanysense.Itsoundslikebullshittome."
"Well,that'ssomethingweallhavealittlebitof,
isn'tit,E.J.?Bullshit?Lieswetellourselvestoavoid
facingthingswedon'twanttoknoworseeabout
ourselves.Andjustasoften,especiallyatyourage,the
realbullshitisselfblame.Whenthere'sreallynothing
toblameyourselfforatall.Inadolescencewe'reso
wrappedupinourselvesandthenormalproblemsand
difficultiesofgrowingupthatwethinknooneelse
suffersthewaywedo.Nooneelsehastheproblemswe
have.
"Andsowhatdowedo?Wehavetohidethese
problemsfromtherestoftheworld,right?Becauseifno
oneelsehasthem,theymustbeprettyweird.Sowhat's
reallybotheringusisn'tourown'strangehangups,'but
thestateoftheworld.YouseewhatImean?It'snotin
here,"hesaid,touchinghischest,"it'soutthere.
"Andwepayaprice,E.J.,inguiltandselfblame,
fornotacknowledgingtherealsourceofourdiscontent.
Whenwecanseeandadmitthatsomethingpersonalis
botheringus,we'rehalfwaytosolvingtheproblem.But
whenweshutoureyestotheproblemsinsideourselves,
twothingshappen.One,wehavetofindsomethingor
someoneelsetoblameforhowbadwefeel.And,two:deep
downweknowwe'relyingtoourselvesandwefeelguilty
aboutthat.Soweendupblamingourselvesforallsorts
ofthingsthatmayormaynothaveanythingtodowith
theproblemwe'rehiding.Hidingfromtheworldand
hidingfromourselves."
E.J.wassilent.Thiswasthefirsttimehecould
rememberhearinganadultateacheranywaycoppingto
67
somethinglike"bullshitlieswetellourselves."Itwas
certainlythefirsttimehe'deverheardMr.Hickman
utteranythingbutthemostproperEnglish.Andsome
otherthingshe'dsaidwereworththinkingabout.Of
coursemuchofitmadenosenseatall.Talkabout
bullshit...
"Remember,you'renotheresoIcanpassjudgmenton
you,soIcanfindoutwhat's'wrong'withyou.You're
herebecauseyouhurtyourself,andit'spartofourjob
asteachersandcounselorstohelppreventthatsortof
thing.Butit'snotjustourjob.Itmatterstous."
Morethananythingelse,E.J.feltembarrassmentat
havingdonesomethingsostupidhehadbroughtaboutthe
situationtheywerebothinnow:whereMr.Hickmanwas
forcedtositthereandmouththeseprepschool
platitudesandhehimselfhadtosithereandlistento
them.
Whatcouldhetellhimthathewasangrybecause
he'dlosthisdriver'slicenseforawholeyearovera
minortrafficaccidentthatwasn'tevenhisfault?That
wasoldstuff,hehaditbacknow.Orthathe'dbeenin
loveandtheninexplicablyfallenoutoflove,forno
reasonhe'deverbeenabletofigureout?Thathadmade
RawlsunderstandhowtheancientGreekscouldhave
imaginedtheirboreddeitiesloungingaroundonMt.
Olympus,playingwiththelivesofhumanbeingsfor
kicks.Hehadfelteversincethenlikeapawntofateor
somemysteriousunknownforce.Notallthetime
necessarily,justwhenitmatteredmost,whensomething
reallyimportantwasontheline.
Karenwasaselfpossessedyoungwomantwogrades
behindRawlswhoselovelyusuallysmilingfaceadorneda
longgracefulneckwithallthebeauty,ifnotquitethe
soaringcurvature,ofaswan's.Theimpishexpressionher
warmnatureandlivelysenseofhumorsooftenbestowed
onheranimatedfeaturesenhancedhisattractiontoher.
Yetallthelovehe'dfeltforthisgirl,whichseemedso
strongandsecure,hadjustsortofevaporated,driedup
sometimebetweenwhenhe'dlastseenherandoneterrible
nightayearago.Besidesfeelingdevastated,Rawlshad
beenbewilderedatdiscoveringhowlittlecontrolhehad
overhisownfeelings.
68
Duringspringbreaklastyearshehadcomedownfrom
Pittsburgh,whereshehadmovedtheprevioussummerwith
hermotherandolderbrother,andallRawls'pentup
anticipationatseeingheragainhadjustrushedoutlike
theairfromacollapsedballoon.She'ddonehersoft
flaxenhairupinamassofhideouslittleyellowcurls,
butsurelyaninept,unflatteringhairdocouldn'thave
broughtaboutthatprofoundemptinesswherehislovehad
been.Couldit?
Itwouldhavebeenfarbetterifshedwalkedouton
himthathecouldhaveunderstood.Todiscoverhe
wasn'tevenmasterofhisownemotions,thathehimself
theshallownessofhispassion,thesuperficialityofhis
"love"wasthecauseofhisanguishatlosingher,to
saynothingofthehurthe'dcausedKaren,wasablow
fromwhichhestillhadn'trecovered.
Hecouldn'ttalkaboutittoanyone.Noonetookit
seriously.He'dtoldJohnnyafewdaysafterithappened,
whenhecouldfinallybringhimselftospeakofit,but
Johnnydidn'tunderstand."Ifyoumisshersomuchjust
pickupthephoneandcallher.Tellheryoumadea
mistake."Ifonlyitwerethateasy.She'dhavegotten
overhimbynow,hewassureofthat.Andwhatwerehis
truefeelingsforheranyway?Whatwouldpreventthe
wholethingfromhappeningagain?
Hismotherwasmoresympatheticbuthadofferedno
advice,otherthananimpliedacceptanceonhispartof
thecardslifehaddealthim.Althoughsherecognizedthe
tragicelementinherson'sfirstreallossinlove,her
attitudeseemedtobethathislifewouldbefullofsuch
disappointments.He'dgetoverthisoneandmoveon.
"Suckitup!"washowMooseputitatleastonceduring
everypractice.
ButofcourseRawlsdidn'twanttohearthis.Sure
there'dbeothergirls,otherwomen.Buttherewould
neverbeanotherKaren.Didn'ttheirlovemeananything?
Haditallbeenjustsomebeautifuldream?Somekindof
delusion?Karen'stearshadbeenrealenoughwhenit
endedandsohadhis.He'dcriedbreakingupwithher,
whenherimmediateresponsehadbeenastartledattempt
tocomforthim,andhadsoughtreleaseincryingmuchof
thefollowingday.Howcouldafeelingsodeepand
69
preciousjustvanishlikethat,asifithadbeentaken
away?
TherehadbeenothergirlsbeforeKaren,butnothing
closetothewondrous,exhilaratingrecreationof
himselfthathadoccurredunderhermoon.Asif
(acceleratedfromweekstoasmanyseconds)he'dbeen
suckedupintoanOziantornado;whirledaroundwithher
inadizzyinglossofequilibriumandself,limbsand
identitiesentangledinaswirlingchaosofgiving,
takingandsurrender;then,released,hadfoundhimself
staggeringawayhalfKaren,halfhimself,whollyand
forevertransformed.
Whatafairytaleithadallbeen.Butwhataride,
duringtheactualdaysandweeksandmonthsof
explorationanddiscovery.Andwhattendernessshehad
inspiredinRawls.BecauseKarenwastwogradesbehind
him,justachildinyears,hehadlargelyheededhis
mother'spleatoavoidtakingadvantageofher
inexperience.Yeteverythingbetweenthemwassexual
anyway,orcouldbewhenevertheywished:phonecalls
thatcompressedthe200milesbetweenthemtothemerest
membraneagainstwhichherbreathswerepalpableinhis
ear,fragrantwiththemoistheatandaromaofhermouth;
herhighschoolphotographonhisdresser,whichallbut
spoketohimwhenhelookedatitwithintensity;the
cheapineffableperfumethatarosefromherlettersin
thebottomdrawertoentrancehimwhenheopenedit.So
theacthismotherhadaskedhimtoforswearwasmissed
byneitherofthem.
Themoononherfairsmoothskin,ontheachingly
beautifulcurveshermaturingbodybeckonedhimwith,on
thesheerfabricofherbraandpanties,herslipwhen
shewaswearingone(enticementsratherthanobstaclesto
hisfingertips)...themoonandKarenandherdesirefor
him,histouch,hiskiss,hiswhisperedvowsoflove;the
wonderofitall...allthishadbeenmorethanenough.
Thiswasparadise.Aparadiselost.
...Evenhisbodyhadbetrayedhim.Lastyearasa
juniorhewasjustcomingintohisownwhenhiskneehad
goneoutonhimintheTigers'thirdgame.He'dbeenable
toplay,andcontribute,inallthekeygamesofthat
undefeatedseason,buthistiming,tosaynothingofhis
70
stats,wereoffandtheyearhadbeensomethingofabust
forhimpersonally.Andnowhisarmwasbustedup.Of
coursethistimeitwashismindthathadsabotagedhis
body.Whoorwhatcouldhetrust?Notevenhimself,not
evenanypartofhimself.
ButdidhewanttoshareanyofthiswithMr.
Hickman?Hardly.Helikedtheman;hewasagoodteacher
whohadearnedhisaccreditationincounselingandthe
studentbody'srespectandaffectionbecausehereally
caredaboutkids.ButE.J.couldn'ttalkaboutthiskind
ofstuffjustoffthewalllikethis,asifhewere
discussingacharacterinabookreportorsomething.
Besides,whatthehellgoodwoulditdo?Itsureashell
wouldn'thealhisarmanditwouldn'tdriveawaythe
tightnessinhisgutsandhischestthatmadehimsoon
edgeallthetime.Howcouldtalkingaboutangerdo
anythingaboutitscauses,whatevertheymightbe?
Thisfutilemeetingwasjustanotherexampleofthe
kindofbullshitthatwassupposedtoconvinceyouthat
allthegoddamnedpaininlifecouldbeexplainedaway
andbywhom?Bypeoplewhospentmostoftheirlivesin
officesorclassrooms?Whatacrockthatwas!
Chapter13
OnthesameafternoonthatE.J.washavinghis
psycheprobedbyMr.HickmanandAnnaleehersoul
searchedbyAuntKateBillyRivers,DaletheWhaleand
theLoserwereenjoyingtheIndianSummerweatheratthe
Dam.
Shoat'sRunDam,attachedtoalockontheMuskingum
Riverjustnorthoftown,hadlongbeenoneofthe
community'smostpopularsummerhangouts.Therewasa
beachlongandbroadenoughtoaccommodateanumberof
differentcliquesfromtheclassesatbothMuskingumand
St.MarysHigh,aswellasthenaturalattractionofthe
lockwalls,forsunninganddiving,andthedamitself:a
recreationalfacilityunmatchedlocallyfortheunique
varietyofwatersportsitprovided.
Themostbasicofthesewasgoingoverthedam,
lettingtheriver'scurrent,particularlystrongjust
abovethedam,carryyouontothemossyconcreteapron,
whichyouproceededtoslideswiftlydownonyour
71
stomach,buttorfeetonarushingsheetofwater.You
wouldshootoffthespillwayintoturbulencethatsucked
youforwardunderwaterforseveralyardsbeforeyouwere
finallyabletobreakthesurface.Unlesstheriverwas
high,thiswassafeenoughaslongasyoudidn'tpanicor
wearyourselfoutfutilelyfightingforairbeforethe
riverwasreadytoletyouhaveit.
Anotheroptionwaswalkingthedam,tryingtowalk
fromonesideoftherivertotheotherorupanddown
theslipperyspillway.Theespeciallyadventurouswould
oftenconcludethelatterfeatwithafrontorbackflip
intotheswirlingwater,whileanadmiringaudience
lookedonfromthelockwallssome15or20feetabove.
Themostdaringorstupidofallwoulddivefromthe
wallsthemselves,intowaterwhosedepthwasconstantly
beingalteredbythestrongvariablecurrents.Overthe
yearsneckshadbeenbrokenhere,peoplehaddrowned;but
becauseitwasbothdangerousandillegalafewofthe
town'syouthcouldbeexpectedtohurlthemselvesinto
theabyssonanygivensummerafternoon.
Yetanotherwaytoexperiencethedam'srecreational
possibilitieswastopierceitsrunoffanywherefroma
delicatetransparentveiltoabrutal,crushinglyheavy
wallofwater,dependingontheriver'sheightand
enteranunderriverrealmbeneaththefallingwater
throughwhichtheoutsideworldwasfilteredasthrough
greenoramberglass.Theonlysoundsweretheroarof
thewaterfall,whichformedonewallofthislong
translucentriverinetunnel,andyourownandyour
friends'hushedorexcitedvoices,echoingslightlyfrom
theundersideofthespillway,thetunnel'sopposite
wall.
BillyRiversandhisfriendswerepursuingnoneof
thesemoreactivepleasures,however,infavorofthe
sedentarypastimeofquaffingafewbrewsonthisfine
fallafternoon.
"Billy,whenwegonnablowthisplaceandgetouton
thehighway,"askedtheLoser,proppinghisheadbackon
thesandstoneboulderhewasleaningagainstandletting
thesunwarmhisupturnedface."MaybedowntoNew
OrleansorouttoL.A."
"Yeah,Icouldgetintoalittletripdowntobayou
72
country,"saidtheWhale."Goodtimeayearforit,
beforethesnowcomesalongandfreezesthetitsoffall
thestuckuplittlevirginsinthishicktown."Hetook
animportantswigofhisbeer.
"...Iain'tinnohurry."Billynarrowedhiseyes
andsuperimposedtherimofhisnearlyemptyDosEquis
bottleagainstthefarendofthedam.Thejuxtaposition
ofthetwoimagesreallywasn'tthatinteresting,he
decided.
"Wegotitniceandeasyheredon'twe?Wegotusan
income.WeknowwheresomeofthebestSanSemillion
outsideofMexicocanbehadforadimeandahandshake.
Thecopsdon'thassleusmuchsinceIdon'tletyou
scumbagsgettoogreedy.What'stheproblem?Youwon't
getanymorepussyinNewOrleansthanyoudoaround
here,MopeyDick.And,Loser,you'dgetthemCajunsso
riledupthey'dcutyoursoffforalligatorbait."
"Thenthey'dcatchthemselvesahellofan
alligator."
"Crawdad'smorelikeit,"saidtheWhale."Courseit
wouldbealittlelikepickin'upaneedlewitha
catcher'smitt.Littlebastard'dbebetteroffstickin'
withsomethingbigenoughtogethispinchersaround."
"Yourlarynx,"saidBillylistlessly,notreally
joininginthespiritoftheconstantquarrelingbetween
hiscompanionssomuchastryingtoshutitoff.These
twowouldgoateachotherforhoursifyouletem.
TheWhalebelchedloudandsonorously,imagining
himselfinacavernsomewheredeepinthebowelsofthe
earth,andlaybackinthesand."Yeah,yagottaadmit,
thisisagoodplacetokickback."
Losergrabbedimaginaryhandlebars."Idon'twanta
kickback!Iwantaboogie!Getoutontheroad,man"!
"Shit.IfyoutradedinthemwhitesforsomeLudes,
likeIkeeptellin'ya,you'dcurethatitchofyours,"
saidtheWhale.
"Cureit?Idon'twantacureit,man.Iwanta
scratchit!"Hedidawheeliethereintheairanddamned
ifhislonggreasyblondhairdidn'tseemtostreamout
behindhimashetoreupthehighwayinhismind.
Eventuallythevisionarypavement,thebrightnessinhis
eyes,fadedaway,andLoserreachedforanotherbeer.
73
"Goddamnit,areweoutabeeralready?Christ,Whale,
youmustadranktwosixpacksyourself!"
"Ican'thelpitifyoucan'tkeepupwithme.Hey,
meandbeerwasmadeforeachother.D'jouknowIwasthe
onlykidwhoseoleladygaveBudoutaonetitan'Millers
outatheother?"
Riverssnortedinspiteofhimself."That'sgreat,
Whale.Whydonchagogetusasixpackofeach?"
"Likeshit!LetLosergohe'stheonecryin'about
it."
"Yeah,butheain'ttheonetellin'youtogo,is
he."
TheWhalelaythereamomentlonger,staringupat
thesky,hisarmsoutstretchedasifhe'dbeenwashedup
bythecurrent.Theroarofthedamforceditswayinto
hisconsciousness.Hesquintedoverthescuffedmudcaked
toesofhisbootsatthenoisyturbulencebelowtheapron
andthenattheglisteningcascadedownthespillway
wherethewaterwasassmoothandcreamyasawoman's
thigh.
Heputhimselfthere,floatingpeacefullysomewhere
betweentheriverandfleshuntilsuddenlyhefound
himselfbeingpulledintotheundertow.Itwaspointless
tostruggle.Hehadnomorecontrolofhismindthanthat
treelimbhadoftheriver.Lookatitdriftingalong
justaslazyasyouplease.Watchwhathappenswhenit
getstothedam.
LiketheWhale'sreverie,theserenejourneyended
abruptly.Thewaterloggedbranchhitthetopofthedam
andspuncrazilyinthecurrentuntilwhateverpartofit
wascaughtbrokeloose.Twisting,rolling,thedeadlimb
sliddownthespillwayintomomentaryoblivion.Heavy
rainsthepastweekhadgiventherivernewpower.Ithad
itswaywiththisforestderelict,thenspititoutwhen
itwasthrough.
TheWhaleknewtheroutinealltoowell.Hegrunted
andstruggledponderouslytohisfeet.
*
*
*
*
*
MelissaJonesboundeduptheporchstepsofher
family'sweatheredframehouseneartheriver.Richard,
her10yearoldbrother,wasrockingsolemnlybackand
forthontheporchswing,underhandinghisfootballina
74
spiralthatallowedforthemotionoftheswingand
catchingitonthetipsofhislongslenderfingers.She
knewhewaswaitingforLonnietogethomefrompractice,
earlythisafternoonbecausetomorrowwasagameday.
"Hi,Rich,"shesaid,smilingandcastinghima
sidelongglanceasshecrossedtheporch.Thebrieflook
gaveheranopportunitytoadmirethehighseriousnessof
hisexpressionandtorecapturethefaintmemoryit
conjuredupofhowithadfelttobe10andsosureof
lifethen,sosecureinone'splaceinitallwhile
tryingoutthisnewoffhandexpressionshe'dbeenso
impressedwithinarecentmovie.Theflirtycombination
ofsincereaffectionwiththesuggestionthatonewas
reallytoobusyformorethanthissmileandturnofthe
headhadappealedtoher.Itfeltrightjustnowwith
Richardtoo.Shewentinsidewithherbooks,leavingher
brothertocontemplatethetransparentandunfathomable
playactingofgirls,especiallyoneshissister'sage.
"Hi,Mom,I'mhome!"Melissawentintothekitchen
andsetherbooksdownonthecounter.Thisistheroom
shedidherhomeworkin,whenthesupperdisheshadbeen
washedandputaway.
"ThatoldbiddyMrs.Finklegotallovermeagainin
Englishtoday.SaidIwastalkinginclass."Sheopened
therefrigeratorandtookthebiggestcarrotinthebag
outofthevegetablebin.
"Wereyou?"askedhermother,whowaswashing
potatoesinthesink.
"Nomorethananyoneelse.Shehasitinforthe
blackkids.Ikeeptellingyouthat."
"AndIkeephearin'you."
"YesterdayshestartedinonBobbyCurtisandhe
toldherwhatshecoulddowithherself.Shepretended
likeshedidn'thearhimthough.Thatwould'vebeentoo
embarrassing,sincethat'stheonlywayshecan."
"Don'tyoustarttalkin'trashy.IfMizzFinkle
reallyisasprejudicedasyousaysheis,that'sallthe
morereasontoleavethewomanaloneandgobytherules
shesetsinherownclassroom.That'snotthewholeworld
inthere,it'sonelittlebittycornerofitandyou're
justpassin'through.YouletBobbyCurtistakecareof
hisselfandyoutakecareofMelissaJones.Doyour
75
talkin'inthereso'sithelpsyourgradessteadof
hurtin''em.How'dyoudoonthathistorytest?"
"Ohthat'sright,Imeanttotellyou.IgotaB,
twomorepointsandI'dhadanA."
"Nowthat'swhatIliketohear.You'llgetyourself
intoschoolwithsomekindofscholarshiphelp,yousee
ifyoudon't.Ifyoudon'tantagonizetoomanyMizzus
Finklesinthenextthreeyears."
Melissathrewherheadbackinanexaggeratedplea
fordeliverancefromallthepettinessintheworld.
"There'sonlyoneMrs.FinklethankGod!"Shetooka
bigchompoutofthethickendofhercarrot.
Hermotherplacedthefourlargepotatoesshe'd
washedbesidethemicrowaveandcheckedhermeatloafin
theoven."Andyou'dbestkeephittin'thembooks,young
lady,because"
"Iknow,Iknow,becauseI'mnevergoin't'getno
footballscholarshiplikeLonniean'Richard,"Melissa
interruptedinaparodyofhermotherthatwasharsher
thanshehadintended."You'veonlytoldmethata
hundredtimes,Mama."
MelvinaJoneswasashortthicksetwomanwithan
enormousposteriorandacrookedback.Theafflictionhad
givenheragreatdealofpainmostofherlifebutshe
hadlongsinceaccustomedherselftoit.Thoughpainmade
hereyesluminousandvulnerablemuchofthetimeand
thoughithadworndeepwrinklesintoherforehead,it
hadneverkeptherfromworkingorgivingherself
completelytoherchildrenandherchurch.
Herhusbandhaddesertedthefamilynineyears
earlier,promptingtheirmoveherefromClevelandtostay
atfirstwithhersister.Thathadworkedoutwellenough
untilwordofmouthcouldgethersteadilyincreasing
employmentasacleaningladywithanumberoffamilies
intown.Sheandherthreechildrenhadmovedintothis
housesoonafterwards,andwithmostofhersavingsand
thegenerosityoftheWillowRunBaptistChurchtheyhad
finallybeenabletobuyitthreeyearsago.
FifteenyearoldMelissa'slithebodyandlight
skinnedbeautywereastartlingcontrasttohermother's
appearance.Mrs.Jonesalwayssaidthatherdaughterhad
beentheLord'srepaymenttoherforherpainand
76
disability.
Thetwoofthemglaredateachotherforamoment
withoutspeaking.ThenMelissashookherhairawayfrom
hereyesinagesturethatcouldhavebeentakenfor
insolencebutwhichhermothercorrectlyinterpretedasa
sortoferasureofwhathadjusttakenplace.Shetook
anotherbiteofhercarrotandasked,"Howwasyourday?"
"Oh,don'task,child,don'task."
Melissatensedandhereyesflashed.Itinfuriated
her,thewayhermotherwastakenadvantageofinall
thosehomeswheresheslavedawaytosupportherfamily.
"Wherewereyou,attheMorrisonstoday?"
"Yes,I'mafraidso.MizzMorrisonherselfisn't
thathardtoworkfor,butthatboyatheirsisjust
plainnastysometimes."
"Ronnie?He'saloserallright.Idon'tthinkhe
hasafriendontheHillbesidesthosepatheticanorexic
girlshefindssomewhere.Alwayswantingtohangoutwith
BillyRiversandthatcrowd.Theycan'tstandthedude
either."
"Wellit'speoplelikehimandtheMizzusFinkles
oftheworldthatkeepsmenaggin'atyouaboutyour
schoolwork.LordknowsIcanstandaboutanythingthat
kiddishesout,andIsureain'tashamedadoin'
housework,butitwouldbeacryin'shameifwecouldn't
prepareyouforsomethin'better."
"AndIreallyappreciateit,Mamaeverythingyou
doforme.Ijustwishyou'dworrylessaboutmyfuture
onceinawhilesoyoucouldtellsomeofthosepeople
youworkforwhatyoureallythinkofthem.IfIsee
RonnieMorrisonoranyoneelsesassin'youorsmartin'
offtoyou,I'llslapsomeofthearroganceoutof'em,I
cantellyouthat!"
"I'llbetyouwouldtoo,blessyourheart.Andifwe
hadtodependonyoutofeedthishouseholdwemightall
starvetoo.Yousticktoyourbooksandleavemetoworry
aboutthelikesofRonnieMorrison.ThedayIlethim
buffalomeintostoopin'downtohislevelistheday
you'regonnahavetoputyourmamaaway.Andthatday
ain'tgonnacomeforagoodwhileyet."
Shehadthatdefiantexpressiononherfacethatall
threeofherchildrenknewsowell.Lately,Melissahad
77
beguntosuspectthatitwasonlyacaricatureofwhatit
hadoncebeen,butshewasn'treadytotestthe
hypothesis.Inanycase,shewasrelievedforthemoment
oftheangershefelttowardallthosewhobyvirtueof
theirmoneyandpositionhadpoweroverhermother.And
whousedittohumiliateortakeadvantageofher,if
moreinherdaughter'simaginationthaninfact.
"I'mgonnagotakeawalkafterIchangemy
clothes,"shesaid."I'llbebackbeforesupper."
Chapter14
WhenMelissaleftthehouseafewminuteslater,
LonniehadcomehomeandwasthrowingpassestoRichard.
"Zout,"heyelledtotheboy."Godeep!"
Richranthepatternbeautifully,fakingtothe
insidethencuttingtowardtheriverandshiftinginto
overdrive.Inafewstepsheseemedwelloutofrange,
butJonesunleashedalongperfectspiralthathis
youngerbrotherhauledinoverhisshoulderwithout
breakingstride.
"Attaboy,Rich!"yelledMelissa."He'sgonnabe
betterthanyouare,Lonnie!"
"Withmecoachin'himhewill,"agreedherbrother,
alookofprideinhiseyesasRichtrottedbacktoward
them.
Melissaheadedoffdowntheroadtowardtheriver.
"Onemore,Rich,thenI'mgoin'inan'getsomethin'
toeat.Buttonhook."
Richflippedhimtheball,ranhardfortwenty
yards,feintedasiftogowideandpivotedaround
sharplytofindtheballwaitingforhim.Hegrunted
loudlytakingithardinthegut.
Joneswasstillchucklingtohimselfoverhis
brother'syouthfulcompetitivenessashepouredhimselfa
glassofmilktogowiththepeanutbuttersandwichhe'd
justmade.Interestedasshealwayswasinwhateverwas
onherfirstborn'smind,Mrs.Joneshesitatedto
interruptsuchpleasantthoughts.Buthercuriosity
finallygotthebestofher,asusual.
"What'sgotyouinsuchagoodmood?"
"ThatRich.Heactslikeit'sagainstthelawto
dropapass.He'ssomethin'else."
78
"RemindsmeofsomeoneelseIknow."
Lonnie'smouthfulofsandwichpreventedhimfrom
replying,buthismotherknewshewouldn'thavegot
anythingoutofhimwiththatremarkanyway;itwasjust
herfondneedling."ThatRawlsboygonnabeabletoplay
tomorrownight?"
"Unhunh.Cast'sgonnabeonforanothertwoweeks,
thedoctorsaid.Didn'tbreaknothin'butit'sstill
messedup.Wedon'tneedhimtomorrowanyway."
"WellIhopenot.Don'tyoubetakin'anyonetoo
easythough.That'sthebestwaytheyistogiveaweak
teamanadvantage."
Jonesdrainedhisglass."Youdon'tneedtoworry
aboutthat."Hegaveheralookwithjustahintofthe
determinationsheknewinherson,whichhefoundso
amusinginhisyoungerbrotherandtooksomuchfor
grantedinhimself.Hewasrighttoo:shewasn'tinthe
leastworried.
Melissafeltlikerunning,butshe'dhurtherankle
theotherdayatcheerleadingpracticeanditwasstill
tender.Shethoughtwalkingonitlikethismighthelp
loosenitupalittle.Besides,shewasrestlessand
stillfeelingirritableoverhermother'srealand
imaginedindignitiesatthehands,orinsolentmouth,of
RonnieMorrison.Shehadforgottentoaskwhathe'ddone
orsaidtoupsether,andallsortsofluridsceneswere
runningthroughhermind.Whydidthingsthatsheherself
tookinstridecausehersomuchangerandfrustration
whentheyhappenedtosomeoneshecaredabout?
Sheandherfamilylivednearthecountyfairgrounds
inapartoftownthatwascloseenoughtotheriverto
makeitapleasant,almostruralplacetolivemostof
thetimebutalsosufficientlyvulnerabletospring
floodstoholddownrentsandpropertyvaluesinthe
neighborhood.
Melissahadwalkedonlyaquarterofamileorsoon
thegravelroadandalreadywasinthemidstofa
cornfield,surroundedbysixfootstalksonbothsidesof
theroad.Sheheardthesoundofthemotorcycle,butshe
wassoengrossedinherangrythoughtsitdidn'treally
registeratfirst.Itwasn'tuntiltheWhalecame
skiddingaroundthebendnotmorethanthirtyyardsin
79
frontofherthatshewasawareshewasnolongeralone.
Shefeltnorealalarm,onlyavagueuneasinessat
confrontingBillyRivers'mostmenacinglookingcamp
followerbyherself.Shehesitatedonlyamomentbefore
continuingtowalktowardhim.Heslidtoastopinthe
loosegravel,anglingthebikeacrossherpath.Melissa
veeredtowardthesideoftheroad,whereshestillhad
roomtopass.Hepushedthebikeahead,cuttingheroff
completelynow.
Melissahadapproachedsocloselythatshehadaided
theWhaleinhislittlegameofentrapmentshehadno
roominwhichtomaneuver.Stillmoreindignantthan
trulyalarmed,shestartedtocirclearoundhimtoher
left.Buthepushedthebikebackwardthistime,atan
anglesothathewasnowalmostwithinreachofher.
Themostfrighteningthingabouthimwashistotal
silence.Hewassayingtheugliest,mostdisgusting
thingstoherbutonlythroughthetinywatchfuleyes
buriedindeeppocketsoffleshunderhissweatybrow.
Theywereasfascinatingtoherastheirgazewasobscene
andhateful.
Shelookedoutofthecornerofhereyesforan
escaperoute.Toolatesheacknowledgedtoherselfthat
herankle,ratherthanbeing"loosenedup"byherwalk,
hadinfactbeguntoachedully.Itwouldn'tsupporther
forlongifshetriedtorunonit,shewascertainof
that.
Andhertormentorseemedtosensethatshewas
somehowdisabled,becausehemadenomovetogetoffthe
bike,thoughshecouldseehisintentionsslowly
crystallizeashiscoldtinyeyescrawledacrossher
body.
TheWhaleknewwhathewantedtodowithherall
right.Buthowwashegoingtogetawaywithit?
*
*
*
*
*
Jonescamebackoutontheporchandsatdownbeside
hisbrotherontheswing.Neitherofthemsaidanything,
theyjustkeptpushingtheswingintotheripeningfall
afternoon,feelingthesunreachinginunderneaththe
porchroofasitsanktowardHortonHill,thebluff
acrosstheriveronMuskingum'sWestSide.Feelingtheir
kinshipnotonlywitheachotherbutwiththishour,this
80
timeoftheyear.AndthensomethingcaughtJones'eye.
Maybeitwasthesunreflectedoffsomepartofthe
motorcycle'sshinysurface,maybeitwassomemovementor
evenitsopposite:distantshapesfrozeninanunnatural,
evenominoustableau.Whateveritwas,Jonesstoodupand
staredhardtowardtheriver.
Richofcourselookedtoo,butsawnothing.Suddenly
hisbrothervaultedovertheporchrailing,agoodtenor
twelvefeetabovetheground.Richwatchedin
astonishmentasLonnielitoutfortheriver.
Running.Afistwithwings.Righteousoutrageturned
tojoywitheachpowerfulstride.Heisalreadythere.
Beatingthebastardsenseless.Thepistonbeatofhis
legs:fistshammeringthedude'sheadsoft.Hissister.
MessingwithMelissa.
Running.Pushingthewindaway.Hurtlingacrossthe
widefrontyard,hurdlingthehedgeontothesurprised
gravel.Pumppumppump.Armsdriving,legslifting.Feet
justskimmingthewarmsunoffthegravel.
Grimaceofexertiononhisfacelikeasmile.Itis
asmile.Ofeffortlessrunning.Thinkingoftakingitout
ofthedude'shide.Becauseheisalreadythere.
Pumpslashpumpslash.Feetflyingoverthedusty
gravel.Arms,legslikematchingpistonsexploding
up/downatanangle.Drive.Drive.
Allrhythm.Anger.Hatred.Speed.Amazinglight
powerfulspeed.
TheWhalehasjustlefthisbikewhenheseeshim
coming.TwohundredyardsawayandtheWhalespotsthis
blackfury.Aimedathim!SHIT!
HelumbersbacktotheHarley,throwsalegoverit
andslamsdownsohardonthestarterhemissesit
completely.Jonesgainsthirtyyards.
Heheaveshisbulkupofftheseatandcomesdownon
thekickstarterwiththefullweightofurgent
necessity.Likeabaddream.Agoddamnnightmare,man!
Likehe'smovinginsomekindofmediumheavierthanair.
Andthedamnthingwon'tstart,itwon'tturnover.
Anotherthirty.
Melissawatchinghim.Thenseeingherbrother.
ComingonlikethatGreekgodwithwingsonhisfeet.
Mercury,yeahthat'shim.God,ishebeautiful!Backto
81
thefatslobwithbadnewsonhismind.Betit'snot
therenow.Buthe'sgonnagetaway!
Shecan'tmovetostophim.Paralyzed.Waitingto
seewhatwillhappen,toofascinatedtomove.
TheWhalecurses,almostblubbering,andramshis
bootheelagainstthestarteragain.Theenginesplutters
...anddies.Sweatglistensonhisforeheadnow.Outof
desperationhecalmsdownalittle.Kicksthestarter
withmoreauthoritythistime.Itkicksin.Jonesis
within20yardsofhim.
ThethroatyroaroftheenginereleasesMelissafrom
hertrance.Sheleapsathertormentorlikeatigress,
handsclawingathisface.Heknocksherawaysavagely
withonearm.Thebikeleapsforward.
Jonescutstohisleftwiththebike,leavinghis
feetalmostsimultaneously.HeslamsintotheWhaleabout
shoulderheight.Onearmfindshisneck.
ThebigHarleyandthebiker'snearly300poundbulk
arenomatchforJones'momentum.Bikeandriderare
bowledover.Jonesrollsoffhisshoulderwhenhehits
thegroundandisbackonhisfeet,readyforaction.The
Whalelandslikeasackofcement.
"Ohh,myarm!Youbrokemyarm!"
"Youbrokeit,mother.You'reluckythat'sallyou
broke."
"Lonnie!Areyouallright?"Melissaranupand
huggedhim.
"I'mallright,what'dhedotoyou?"
"Nothin',I'mfine.Hedidn'ttouchme."Shelooked
downatthetangleofmetalandfleshandshuddered,then
squeezedherbrother'srockhardwaistandsmiledupinto
hisperspiringface."Thankstoyou.You'resomethin',
Lonnie."
TheWhalelaytheremoaning,andJoneswastryingto
decidehowbesttohandlethesituationwhenBillyRivers
andtheLoserdroveup,wonderingwhathadhappenedto
theirbeerrun.
"Whale!Whathappened,man?"yelledtheLoser.He
puthisbikedownfastandranovertoliftWhale'soff
ofhim,glaringupatJonesthreateningly."What'dyoudo
tohim,youbastard?Areyouokay,man?"
"Myarm'sbroke,"sobbedtheWhale.
82
"He'syourproblemnow,"saidJones."Hemesseswith
mysisteragain,he'sdead.Thatgoesforthebothaya."
Helookedlongenoughateachofthemtoholdthewords
intheirfaces,whiletheLoserlookedfromhimtoBilly,
wonderingwhenRiverswasgonnamakehismove.Buthe
neversaidaword,justsatthereinthesaddleand
returnedJones'coldhardstare.
WhenLonnieandMelissahadleft,Losercomplained
bitterly."JesusChrist,Billy.TheWhale'sinrealpain
here,andyoujustlet'imwalkawayfree.Idon'tget
it,man."
"What'sthehurry?"wasallRiverssaid.
Chapter15
Footballpractice.OtherthantheFridaynightgames
themselves,itwasthelongestrunning,bestattended
fallshowintown.Anumberoftownspeopleshowedupmore
orlessregularly,andmanyothersmadeitapointto
scheduleerrandssoastoincludeafiveortenminute
stopbythepracticefieldintheafternoon.The
attractionwasn'tjusttheteamanditsstandoutplayers,
ofcourse,butthehighenergyspectacleofyouth,
exuberanceandathleticprowessthegreatAmerican
tribaldramaofpowerbeingrehearsedinalmost
militarylikemaneuversatthefootofHighSchoolHill.
Ononesideofthefield,Duncan'sCreek(never
pronouncedasanythingbut"crick"),wherekidslooked
forcrawdadsandlizardsinthesummer,meanderedalong
thebaseofaforestedhillsideontopofwhichwerethe
groundsandbuildingsoftheschoolitself.Ontheother
side,anembankmentsomefiftyyardsawayprovidedcars
parkedalongFerncliffRoadagrandstandviewofthe
metaphoricalbattlefieldbelow.Goalpostsstoodateach
endofthefield,withundevelopedlandbehindoneof
themslopingupintobrushandtreeswheretheendzone
seatsinastadiumwouldhavebeen.Attheoppositeend
largeshadetreesscreenedPutnamCollege'sbarrackslike
dormitoriesformarriedstudentsfromtheplayingfield.
Here,foranhourandahalfbeforescrimmageitself
began,onlinedturfwornbareinthemiddle,five
coachesledvarioussquadsandplatoonsofsome60
playersthroughdrillsintendedtoteachthefundamentals
83
offootball,toturnamotleybunchofhighschoolkids
intolinesandbackfieldsthatworkedtogetherinsteadof
selfdestructing.Youngstersofwildlydivergentsizes,
talentanddedicationfurtherdifferentiatednotonly
bythefadedredorbluesleevelessjerseyssomewore
overtheiruniformsbutbythequalityandappearanceof
theuniformsthemselveswerecoerced,cajoledand
bulliedintoturningamultitudeofimperfectionsinto
sweatequity.
Thewholethingwasascolorfultotheearasthe
eye.Whistlesshrilledincessantly,revealingmore
accuratelythanRorschachsthepersonalitiesofthe
coachesblowingthem,aswellasthegravityofthe
situationspromptingtheirintervention.Whentheblast
ofawhistlewasn'tenoughandverbalinstructionwas
necessary,itwasgenerallyofferedatthetopofthe
lungsinabellowofrageorincredulity,asin:
"Hawkins,howthehellcouldyoulethimrunoveryour
facelikethat?"
Apartfromthesilencessuchupbraidingsprovoked,
theplayersthemselvesprovidedachorusofpreverbal
communication,rangingfromgruntingdetermination
throughsnarlingangerandsavagerytooccasionalyelps
orgroansofpain.TraditionalAngloSaxonexpletives,
too,evenifutteredonlyinhoarsewhispers,carried
clearacrossthefieldattimes.
Butmostimpressiveofallwerethesoundsof
contact.Collision.Padscrackingthesuddensharp
explosionatimpact.TheWHAPofplasticfollowed
instantlybytheWHUMPoftwobodiesfailingtooccupy
thesamespaceatthesamemomentintime.Oftenbecause
onewasforciblypreventinganotherfromcuttingdowna
third.
OverhereCoachConklin,thebeefybutcerebralline
coach,isridingthemassivelytimberedsevenman
blockingsled.He'sunhappywithitsmeansofpropulsion:
sevenbiglinemenwhoslaminto,thenbounceoff,its
stiffpaddedspringsinlessthanperfectunison,like
misfiredpistons.
"GettogetherGoddamnit!Yabunchasissies!Kern,
getyourheadupsoyoucanseewherethehellyou're
goin'!Bullthatneck!Casto,you'repathetic.Iwantyou
84
toliftthissledoffthegroundwhenyouhitit,you
hearme!Suckitup,Peterson!Putthatflabtowork!
Graves,youdickhead,you'reonemoreblocklikethat
fromthirdstring!Ifyou'regonnastayuphere,you're
gonnahavetogetmean,boy!That'sbetter,Kern
lookin'morelikeit!Goodhit,Evans!Nowdrive!Drive!
Drive!Drive!Drive!"
TwentyyardsdownfieldCoachSorenson,Conklin's
youngassistant,isworkingwiththerestofthelinemen
oneonone.Tenatatime,fiveonoffense,fiveon
defense,they'requicklyputtingtheday'ssuccessesand
failuresoftheheart,intheclassroom,amongtheir
peersbehindthem.
Halfarepreparedtodoanythingshortof
dismemberingtheblockerinfrontofthemtobreakintoa
phantombackfieldwherethere'snoonetotackleanyway,
whiletheotherhalfareexpectedtoblockasifthelife
ofalovedone,notjustanimaginaryballcarrier'sego,
isatstake.Ifyou'renogoodatlet'spretend,thenit
helpstobeonemeansonofabitch.Andifyou'renot
naturallymean,thenyou'dsureashellbetterknowthe
fundamentals.
You'renolongerobsessedwithwhatSusieoryour
algebrateachersaidthismorning.You'veforgottenabout
theheadacheyouhadallafternoonandthewayyour
shoulderpadsarerubbingaplacerawonyourneck.Unh!
Nothingcountsrightnowbutthatelbowintheface.
Nothingmattersbutgettingunderthisbastardand
drivinghimthehellbackwards.
Ashortbreatherand,Jesus,nowyou'reupagainst
JuniorWannamaker.Everyoneknowshedoesn'tletupin
practice.FootballisfootballtoJuniorandheifcan
takeyourheadoffandmaketheplayhe'lldoit.Good
naturedlyifyou'reafriendorfellowwarriorfromthe
firststring;withflagrantviciousnessifyou'renot.
Butthenwhoareyou?Somewimpwhoplaysonlybecause
youroldmanwantsyouto?Orareyouthedudewho's
goingtocleanJunior'sclockforhimsomeday?Witha
perfect,luckyshot(becausethat'swhatitwilltake),
honedandfocusedwithasurgeofpuremomentaryrage.
Youdropintoyourstance.Yourmusclestighten.
Sweatburnsyoureyes.Juniortriestooutstareyou,but
85
you'relookingrightthroughhim.Thewhistle.BOOM!
Ohhhshit,notthistime,Junior'ssafefornow.
Starsjustlikeincartoons.Siddown...whichwayisdown?
Whichwayisup?Allfuzzy,man.Somebody'ssayin'
something.Grassthat'scoolgreengrassonmyneck.
Allthoseheadsbendin'overme.Somebody'shand.
Junior's.Ican'tgetup,man.Fucker'sliftin'me
anyway.
"Goddamn,Porter!Goodhit.Don'tgetcandyasson
usnow.Getyourbuttbackonyourfeet."
WHOP!Anopenpalmthesizeofacollegiate
dictionaryslamsthedustoffyourass.Youwobbletothe
backoftheoppositeline,ondefensethistime.Ina
coupleofminutesyou'llbedoingitalloveragain.
Anothertwentyyardsaway,underthetutelageand
watchfuleyesofMooseMacGrawandbackfieldcoachLyn
Cody,threequarterbackstaketurnsthrowingtoadouble
lineofreceivers.Considerablymorepassesaredropped
thancaughtbutobservantspectatorsnoticethatthesame
fewplayersmakemostofthecatchesandrunthecrispest
patterns.
Asforthequarterbacks,thereisonlyoneJimmy
Majors,asquickwithhisarmasheiswithhismouth.He
takesthesnapfromcenter,dropsback,setsupand
fires:aperfectstrike,toLarryMyers,athirdstring
halfbackwithhandslikerutabagas.Hedropsthehard
thrownpass,thenbootsittowardthecreek.
Jimmystartstoscreamsomethingathim,thinks
betterofitwithMooseinattendance,andshakeshis
headinfrustration.What'stheusegettingupsetwith
guyslikeMyers?Hegrudginglygiveswaytothesecond
stringquarterbackandpacesaroundpoundinghisright
handagainandagainintohisleft.Fromthelineofcars
parkedalongFerncliffRoadhelookslikeacrazyman,
gesticulatingwildlyandharanguingsomeinvisible
audience.Butthereisn'tapersontheretowhomhis
anticsaren'tonlyfamiliarbutsomehowreassuring.
That'sthewayJimmyplays,itshowshowmuchhedrives
himself,howhehatestolose.
Atthefarendofthefieldtherestofthebacks
arelinedupfortacklingpractice.Ridingthetwoman
sledisassistantbackfieldcoachCoyHardin,whom
86
playersforthreeyearsnowhaveknownasHardonforhis
humorlesshardnosedattitudeandhisreputationas
somethingofawomanizingbantyroosterinthecommunity.
Hessmall,cockyandsharpfeaturedandprobablyspends
almostasmucheverymonthforclothesastherestofthe
coachesbudgetfortheirfamilies.Hisskillasa
motivatorliesintheangerhecaninstillinaboy.This
dubioustalentdoesn'twinhimmanyfriendsbutitmay
havehelpedwinafewballgames.
Atthemomentheisunmercifullychewingouta
skinnykidwhohasnobusinessbeingoutforfootballin
thefirstplace.TommyHawkins'stubbornpersistenceis
thesubjectofmostplayers'scornfulamusementthoughit
occasionallygainstheirgrudgingadmiration.He
certainlyhasgutsenough;it'sjustthatthepoorlittle
guycouldn'tknockdownatomatostakeinatornado.
"Hawkins,thatwasthemostmiserableexcusefora
tackleI'veeverseen!Ifyou'regonnastayoutforthis
team,you'regonnaputoutunderstand?Wecan'twaste
ourtimewithyouunlessyou'rewillingtogoahundred
percentallthetime!"
HavingspentFridaynightsgameonthebenchin
streetclothes,E.J.wasinabadenoughmoodtobegin
with.Hisclumsypaddedcasthadn'tkepthishandand
wristfromgettinghurtfiveminutesintocalisthenics.
Yetitfeltaboutlikeplayingfootballwithasuitcase
inyourhand.Hewasinnomoodtostandhereandlisten
toHardontakeouthisfrustrationathisownlackof
statureonTomahawk,theteam'spetmouse,eventhough
mostofthetimeRawlswasasscornfulofthepunykidas
everyoneelse.Gutswereonething,masochismwas
somethingelse.
ButtohearHardonrantingandravingupthereon
hissled,Hawkinsshouldneverevenhavebeenborn.It
reallypissedRawlsoff.Althoughitwasn'thisturn,he
moveduptothefrontoftheline.
"Letmetakethisone."
Heshruggedhisshoulderstoadjusthispads,then
tookoffforthesled.Hisrightarmmightbeoutof
commission,buttherewasnothingwrongwithhislegs.
AtthelastminuteHardinlookedup,sawwhowas
bearingdownonhim,andtriedtobracehimselfagainst
87
thesled.Rawlsslammedintothepaddedspringwith
everythinghehad,wrappinghisarms,lifting,driving
fromhispowerfullegs.Allthepentupfrustrationof
thislastpainfulweekonthesidelinessmashingsledand
cockycoachbackagoodfiveyardsinafractionofa
second.IttookallHardinhadtostayonhisfeet
despitehisbearhugontheotherpaddedspring.
Whenhehadregainedhisfootingandenough
composuretospeak,hestoodupstraightonthesledand
barked,"Docsayyou'rereadyforcontact,Rawls?"
E.J.hitchedhisshouldersagaintostraightenhis
skewedpadsandgavethegrinningHawkinsalook:about
theclosestheevercametoawink."Yeah,"hesaid,then
lopedbacktotheendoftheline.
AboutthistimeMooseblewhiswhistleandeveryone
changedplaces.
Thefirstthreebackfieldsbegantorunthroughthe
playsthecoachingstaffwantedtoconcentrateonfor
Fridaynight'sgamewithZanesville."Perennialleague
power"isthephraseGazettesportseditorTonyGillespie
usedeveryyeartodescribethelatestversionoftheBig
Reds.Theywerealwaystough,routinelycrushing
MuskinguminthedaysbeforeMacGraw.
"Rawls'stiming'soff,"grumbledtheheadcoachto
backfieldcoachCodyafterthetwoofthemhadobserved
silentlyforafewminutes.
"He'llgetitbackbyFriday,"Codyreplied."He's
hungry.DamnnearknockedHardinonhisassafewminutes
ago."
Moosewasunamused."Hereadytogofullspeed?"
"Docsaidheis,butifitwasuptohimhe'dleave
himoutanotherweek."
"Ifitwasuptohim,whatthehellwouldwebe
doin',deliverin'babies?Iwanthiminthere.Youcan
betyourassZanesville'sbeenpointin'forthisgame
sincethefirstdayofpractice.AndHardin'sscouting
reportlastweeksaysthey'renotonlybiggerthanlast
yearbutahelluvalotfaster."
"Iagree,Coach,I'mjusttellin'youwhattheman
said."Codychuckledandshookhishead.
"Nosenseholdin'himbacktillFridayeither.We
needtoknownowifthehand'sgonnaholdup."
88
AmomentlaterJimmyfakedahandofftoRawls,
stickingtheballinhisgutandpullingitbackout
immediately,thenpivotedsmoothlyandpitchedtoJones.
Lonnietookit,fakedacutintothelineandheadedfor
therightsideline.Afewstepslaterwhenhedidmake
hiscutitwasageometricwonder:ninetydegreesatwhat
onlyappearedtobetopspeed.Heranhardforthirty
yards,thenreturnedinawidearcwhilethesecondteam
performedapoorimitationofthesameplay.The
mechanicswerethesame,buttherewasonlyoneLonnie
Jonesintheconference.Someweresayinginthewhole
state.
AfewmoreminutesofrunthroughsandMoosenodded
toCodytosignalthebeginningofscrimmage.The
backfieldcoachblewhisunvaryingthreenotecallto
actiononthewhistlehangingfromhisneck.Onelong
blastthatdippedinthemiddle,onlytosummonstrength
inhisdiaphragmfortheascendingshrillattheendthat
invariablystartedthenervestinglingandtheheart
pumpingalittleharder.Allactionceasedimmediately.
"Let'sbumpheads!"heyelled.
Thiswasalwaysthebestmoment,theturningpoint
ofpractice.Drudgerywasoverandnowitwastimefor
contact,pureandsimple.Theguyswhowereoutonly
becausetheirparentsorfriends,ortheythemselves,
expecteditofthem,couldrelaxandbecomespectators
forawhile,kneelingonthesidelinesuntilitwastheir
turntosubstituteforthesecondteamagainstthefirst.
(Ofcoursetherewerealsothosewiththemwhoachedto
beoutwheretheactionwas,butthey'dgettheir
chance.)Inthemeantime,thosewholovedtomixitup
werefinallyfreetoturnitallloose.
Thefirstandsecondteamsgatheredinthecenterof
thefield.Mostoftheplayerswentbothwaysplayed
bothoffenseanddefense.Afew,forreasonsofability
orinjury,playedoneortheother.Withafewexceptions
guyswhowouldn'tstartbutwouldseealotofaction
andwhothereforealternatedwiththefirstteamitwas
thetaskofthesecondstringtomimicascloselyas
possibletheoffensiveanddefensiveformations
Zanesvillehadbeenusingthisyear.Gamefilms,
circulatedfreelyaroundtheconference,andHardin's
89
scoutingreportswerethesourceofthisintelligence
information.
Duringtheweek,heandSorenson,theother
assistantcoach,wereinchargeofdirectinganattack
thatwasasmuchliketheirnextopponent'saspossible,
informatleast.ThecontentZanesville'sspeedand
sizeandtalentwouldbeconspicuouslymissing.
NowConklinandCodymovedamongthefirststring
offense,firinguptheirplayers:smackingbutts,
tighteningandpunchingshoulderpads,summarizinglast
minutestrategiesinafewpungentphrases.Thiswasonly
practice,butitwasstillcontact.Moose'sphilosophy,
followedreligiouslybyhiscoaches,wasthatthebest
protectionagainstinjuryinaplayerisintensity.
Rawlsfeltthefamiliartensionreturningstronger
thanusualforpractice,morelikebeforeagameorwhen
hedbeenbattlingtomakefirstteamasasophomore.
Maybehisselfinflictedinjurywouldbegoodfor
somethingafterall.Itwaseasytogetcomplacentand
losethatedge.Therewassomegoodinanythingthat
couldsharpenyourhungerforcontact,heightenthat
anticipation.
"Hey,you'regonnagohuh?Great!"JohnnyMajors
slappedhimonthefanny.LonnieJonesgavehimahigh
fivethatwasaseasyandmellowashislazysmile.This
wasJones'deceptivewayofgettingready.Themore
relaxedheappeared,themorelikelyhewastobreak
somethingloose.
"Let'sgo,bigboy,"saidJunior."Them'stheBig
Redsoverthere.Let'sseeyouforgetaboutthatcastand
holdontotheball.Wedon'twantabebustin'ourasses
upherejustso'syoucancoughitup."
HelaughedandsluggedE.J.intheshouldertoshow
thatwhilehesureashellmeantwhathesaid,hewasn't
reallyimplyingthatRawlsneededtobereminded.The
remarkwasmeantmoreasaconfidencebuilder,safely
disguisedasinsult,thananythingelse.
Rawlssawthesamekindofencouragementand
welcomebackexpressionsontherestofhisteammates'
facesastheydrewthehuddletight,waitingforJimmyto
jointhemaftergettinginstructionsfromMooseandCody.
Thequarterbacktrottedtothehuddleamomentlater
90
andgaveE.J.acockysmile."Coachsayst'testya,
Rawlsyouready?"
Henoddedandchewedonhisrubbermouthpiece,
flexingthewristandfingersofhisrighthand.
"Allright,130on2,"saidJimmyandthehuddle
brokewiththeplayers'unanimous"Let'sgo!"andtheir
singlesimultaneoushandclap.
E.J.droppedintohisthreepointstancebehindthe
quarterback.Ifthishurthishand,heneverfeltit.Not
particularlyfast,thoughwithacceptablespeedfora
fullback,Rawlshadanexplosivestart.Infactinhis
sophomoreyearwhenhewasstillanunknowninthe
conference,thecoachingstaffhadroutinelywarnedthe
refereesbeforeeachgamethatitonlyappearedtheir
fullbackwasleavingbeforethesnap.
Hefelthisheartpounding.Hesawinhismindthe
directroutetheplaycalledforintotheline,between
thecenter,BobbyJacobs,andKinneyatguard.
"Readyset!"Jimmycalledout."Getone!..."he
paused,usingtheTigers'brokencadence,andRawlsfelt
thetensionshiftingfromhisrighthandonthegroundto
histhighs."Gettwo!"
Red.Asobinhisthroat.Thesecondstringwas
betweenhimandsomeindefinable,infinitelydesirable
placeorentity,likeGod.Infinitymaybe.Someperfect
placetheheartyearnedforandthebodyhadtoknow.
Therewasaspacethewidthofahandspanbetween
guardandcenter.Afterthelittlehitchstepwhichgave
hisblockersanextrahalfsecondtoopenthehole,he
droveintoit.Felttheballthudintohisgut.Heardits
impactandtheunh!itdrewfromhimbecomingagrowlas
thelinescollided.Sensedtheholeopeninginfrontof
him,asplitsecondbeforehe'dgetthere.Thegatesof
thecityopening.Daylightthesenseofablinding
whiteflashoflight.
Hebashedtheholewiderandburstthroughthe
opening.Butthedefensehadanticipatedtheplay,
expectingRawlstocarry.Linebackersanddefensivebacks
convergedonhim.
Hespunatthefirstimpactandtwistedaway.Heard
himselfroarsavagely.Feltthisgigantic,growing...clot
ofresistanceaccumulatingaroundhim,yetcarried
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ponderouslyforwardwithhisfaltering,churning,still
powerfulmomentum.Hehadtogetthere.Somewhere.And
thesonsabitchesweretryingtostophim!
Chapter16
JohnnyRivers'InnknownlocallyasRiversInnor
justJohnny's,dependingonthecrowdyouwereinwas
ownedandrunbyBilly'solderbrother.Perchedonthe
OhioRiverbarelyabovefloodleveljustsouthoftown,
ithadbeenapopularteenhangoutfromthedayJohnny
firstopenedthedoorstwelveyearsago.Theplacehada
cannilyunsavoryreputationwhichwasgreatfor
businessevenwhileitkeptthegoodygoodiesaway
despitethefactthatJohnnywastoosmartandtoomuch
ontopofthingstoletanythinghappenthatcould
jeopardizehisbusinesslicenseorgethiminanyreal
troublewiththelaw.
Thehighschooldopershungouttherebuttherewas
neveranydruguseordealingonthepremises.Bikers
likeBillyhadalwayscalledJohnny'shome,andforthat
reasonaswellasJohnny'spersonalreputation,which
wasformidablescrupulouslyavoidedtrashingit.Andit
wasnotjustafavoriteofthehighflyersandsociety
crowd;itwasamandatorypartofthesocialscheduleif
youexpectedtobetakenseriously.Mostofthejocks
droppedinfromtimetotimeaswell,eventhoughithad
beenofficiallyofflimitssincesoonafterMoose's
arrivalinMuskingum.
Formostitwastherowdy,funplaceyoumetbefore
goingsomeplacewhereyoucouldgetawaywithallthe
thingsyoucouldn'tdothere:drinking(ifyouwere
underage),smokingdope,makingout,generallyraising
thekindofhellyou'dnevergetawaywitheitherathome
orunderJohnny'sroof.Onlythebikercrowdactually
hungoutthere,andmorningsandafternoonsonweekdays
theyusuallyhaditprettymuchtothemselves.Itwas
almostanunwrittenlawtheonlykindthathadany
authorityinJohnny'sthatthese"wasbikers'hours."
Wimps,geeks,nerds,andespeciallysoshes,were
unwelcome.
ThisafternoonfoundBillyandtheWhale,hisarmin
asling,sharingaboothwithtwoofRivers'manyardent
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admirersfromthissideofthetracks,andProtoplasm,a
dudewithaphysiognomyalmostdevoidofhumanoid
features.Lizwasadarkhairedbeautywhosegoodlooks
wereeitherunderminedorenhanced,dependingonyour
pointofview(i.e.,yourterminalmembershipinorsafe
distancefromtheadultworld),bythecrushingsenseof
boredomonherface.Chiquitahadwonhernicknamewith
herfierysouthofthebordertemperamentanddyedred
hairtogowithit.
Loserwasbusylivingdownhisownnicknameatthe
pooltableoneofthefewplaceshewasn'tconstantly
tryingtoliveuptoit.BossSpringsteenwasonthebox.
"Honey,ifit'ssoboringwhydon'tyoutakeup
somethingmorestimulatin',likefingerpaints?"Thiswas
ChiquitatoLiz,whoselongfingeredhandwasdraped
acrossBilly'sthigh;andonwhosefacetherewas,as
usual,noexpressionwhatsoever.Beforeorafter
Chiquita'sremark.
"What'swrong,youjealous?"askedtheWhale."You
thinkonlyoneatatimecanplaythatgame?"
"That'sright,man,Idon'tgoinfornogroup
stuff."
"Ineverknewyouwassooldfashioned."
Chiquitasnorted."Noreasonyoushouldknow
anythingaboutme,fatman."
TheWhaleglaredather,whileatthepooltable
Loserwhoopedasaroutineshothe'dmanagedtomakelook
difficultcaromedoffthecushionintoasidepocket.
"Hotstuff,Ijustmightmakeitapointt'getto
knowyourealgood,ifyouknowwhatImean."
Withoutlosingabeat,ChiquitadidherbestMae
West:"Yeah?Iunderstandthat'swhatcostyatheuseof
yourarm...BigBoy."
Whaleraisedhisgoodarmandsnarled."You
little..."
Billy,flankedbythetwogirls,lookedupin
annoyancefromthemotorcyclemagazinehewasreading.
"Wouldyoutwoknockitoffforchrissake?"ToChiquita
hesaid,"Itain'tnicemakin'funatheWhale.Just
becausehewaspussyenought'gittheshitkickedoutof
himbysomenigger."
TheWhalewaslookingdaggersacrossthetableat
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bothofthembynowbuthedidn'tsayanything.Instead
hechugaluggedhisMillersandglaredatProtoplasm.
"Moveyourass."
"Holdon,Whale,"saidBilly."Youcan'taffordto
besothinskinnedwithonlyonearm.Theguywhoscrewed
up'stheblacksonofabitchputyourwinginasheet,
right?Onlyhe'sprobablytoodamndumbt'knowit
unlesswetellhim."
"Sohowwegonnatell'im,Billy?"Protoplasmwanted
toknow.
"Wellthat'swhatI'mtryin'todecidethemost
appropriateway.Likesomedudesaid,'Themediumisthe
message.'"
"Themedyumisdamessage?Whatthehell's'at
mean?"
"Tomakeitsimpleforya,Protoplasm,"saidLoser,
interruptinghisgametocontributetotheconversation,
"itmeansdowestomp'im,cut'im,orreborehis
cylinder?"
Proto'sfaceappearedalmosttocomeapartwherehis
mouthwas,thetwohalvessortofdriftingawayfromeach
other,theeffectofhiswideslowsmile,asthewords
graduallytookonmeaningforhim."...Yeah,Igotcha
now."
Billy'sattentionwasdrawntothefront,andhis
ownfacesuddenlylitup."...AndIthinkIjustgotit
figured.
WhaleandProtoplasmturnedaroundtoseewhathe
waslookingat.RonnieMorrisonhadjustcomethroughthe
door.Hewasstandingtheretryingtolookcooland
togetherandfoolingnoone,includinghimself.
Butthentheimpossibleoccurred:BillyRivers
gesturingforhimtojointhem.Ronniestifledalookof
amazementandlurchedintohisunintentionalparodyofa
swaggertowardthebackoftheroom.Heneverquitegot
itundercontrolandonthewaymadethemistakeof
jostlingLoser,whowasliningupaparticularly
difficultshotasifhehadeveryintentionofmakingit.
"How'dyoulikethiscuestickinyourcorner
pocket,Chief?"
Ronnieflinchedbutotherwisestoodhisground.
"Hey,I'msorry,man,didn'tmeantobreakyour
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concentration.Uh,justcarryonthere."
"'Carryon'?'Carryon'?"Loserturnedthisintoa
realsetpiece,usingthecuestickwell(hewasholding
itatthetaperedend,itsbuttagainstthefloor)and
playingtheroomlikeastandupcomic,lookingaroundas
ifdaringanyoneheretobelievewhattheyhadalljust
heard.Ronnieofcourseturnedscarlet.
"Hey,don'thasslehim,"saidBilly,grinning."How
yadoin',myman?Protoplasm,givethedudeyourseat.
Siddown,Ronnie,meetthefolksatJohnny's.Thishere's
RonnieMorrison,"heannouncedtotheroomatlarge.
"Family'shotshitintown.ButIbeenwatchin'Ronnie
andIthinkhe'sgonnabeallright."
LizgavehimacoldlookbutChiquitafellrightin
withthespiritofthething."Hey,Ronnie!Gladt'know
you,man.He'sprettygoodlooking,Billy,youbetter
watchout.He'sliablet'takethathotlittlenumber
awayfromyou."Lizfinallyrousedherselfenoughtolean
forwardandstickherhand,itsmanicuredmiddlefinger
upraised,inChiquita'sface.
RonnieslippedquicklyintotheseatProtoplasmhad
justvacatedbutthen,suddenlyawareofWhale'simmense
gloweringpresencebesidehim,scootedoverascloseto
theedgeoftheboothaspossible.Hetriedtocoverup
theretreatbylightingandinhalingacigarette,but
Whalejustsatthereholdinghimwithhiseyes,whichat
themomentseemedtoRonnietobeheavierthanhewas.
"Wewasjusttalkin'aboutafriendayours,"said
Billy."Thatblackboy,Jonesdon'thisoldladywork
foryou?"
"...Well,yeah,she'sthecleaninglady,ifthat's
whatyoumean,"repliedRonnie,wonderingwhatthehell
Riverswasuptonowrememberinginasuddenflashback
whatithadfeltlikeontopofthatautomobiletrailer.
"Cleaninglady?HereIthoughtmaybeshewasyour
oldman'staxaccountant.Getreal,Ronnie.Thepointis,
thatallAmericanboyofhers,LonnieLongdong,gotlucky
theotherdayandbustedWhale'sarmhere.Wouldyou
believethat?"
"Noshit?"saidRonnie.
Whaleleanedovertowardhimmenacingly."Hisold
ladyworksforyou,richkid?"
95
"Hey,don'tblameme,mman!Idon'tevenknowthe
dude."
"Nobody'sblamin'you,"saidBilly,takingadrag
andsquintingshrewdlythroughthesmoke."Evenifyou
arekindofanaccessoryafterthefactguiltby
association.KnowwhatImean?"
RonnielookedfromRiverstotheWhale(outofthe
cornerofhiseye),waitingfortheblowtofall.Sure
enough,they'dcalledhimbackherejusttobeattheshit
outofhim.
"Relax,"saidBilly."It'snotyourasswe'reafter.
Iwantyoutogethisoldladyfired.Forstarters.Frame
herstealsomethingandblameitonher.Youcando
thatcan'tyou.That'llmakeol'Lonnierealhappy."
Wasthisalltheyreallywanted?Maybethiswashis
chancetogetinwiththeseguysafterall.
"Howaboutit,Ronnie?"saidChiquita."Youman
enoughtopullsomethinglikethatoff?Ithinkyoucould
doit.Don'tyouthinkhecoulddoit,Lizhoney?You
don'thavetosaynothing.Justusethatsignlanguage
you'resogoodat."
Lizcomplied,withmaybeeventhehintofasmileon
herbeautifullyshapedcherryredlips.
"There,yousee?EvenourJuniorMissAmericahere
thinksyoucandoit.Giveityourbestshot,Ronnie!"
Thewholeboothwasinhighspiritsnow,andRonnie
waspartofit.Infacthewasthecenterofattention.
JustforgettingthatcrippledoldMrs.Jonesfired.
Hell,hecoulddothateasy.
"Sure,Icanhandleit,"hesaid."Youwantaput
LonnieJonesdown,I'llgiveyouhisballsinasilver
nutdish."
"Hey,wegotusawinnerhere!"Billyheldoutfive
andRonnieslappedhimfiveback.Justlikethatafter
allthistime,hewasin.
Chapter17
ThefollowingSaturdaymorningAnnalee'sunclewas
returningfromatripintoBarnharts'Feed&Supplywhen
hesawacarpulledofftheroadattheturnoffintothe
farm.Asheapproachedinthepickupitsuddenlypeeled
outinashowerofgravelandspedaway.TwoboysinFFA
96
jacketshethoughtmaybeonewastheCarterboyfrom
thenextfarm,buthewasn'tsurewerewhoopin'and
hollerin',andashedrovethroughtheirdustintothe
farm,WalterCunninghambroodedangrilyaboutwhathad
broughtthemsnoopingaroundhere.
"Where'sAnnalee?"hedemandedassoonasheentered
thekitchen.
Hiswifeturnedinexcitementfromthesink."She's
upstairsinherroom.IthinksheunderstoodwhatIsaid
toherthismorning,Walter.Iwastalkingtoherright
herethewayIalwaysdonotknowin'ifshe'slistening
orwhethershecanunderstandawordI'msayin'ifsheis
andIsaystoher,'We'llgointotownwhenyouruncle
getsback.'Wellthen,offshegoestothewoodssameas
always,andIfiguredthatwasthat.Butthenjustafew
minutesago,sheturneduphereandwentrightuptoher
room."
"What'sthatsupposedtomean?"
"Whyyouknowhowsheis.Onabrightsunnydaylike
thisshe'susuallygoneallday.Ithinkshemusthave
understoodwhatIsaid.Ithinksheknowswe'regoin'
intotown."
"Don'tproveathing.AndI'lltellyousomethin'
else,Margaret.Thisplaceisgettin'tobesomekindof
sideshow.Thatgirlcan'tbekeptoutherejustrunnin'
wildthewaysheis.Weagreedyou'dfindsomekindof
specialprogramforher,andhereit'sbeenalmosta
monthnowandyoudon'thaveathingtoshowforit."
"I'mdoingthebestIcan,Walter.Afterbein'in
thatinstitutionfortenyearsthegirlcan'tbeplaced
justanywhere.I'vetoldyou,there'sdividedopinionon
what'sbestforchildrentraumatizedthewayAnnaleewas.
Onepersontellsyouonething,thensomeagencytells
yousomethingelse.Iwanttofindoutwhat'sbestfor
herpersonally."
Hepouredhimselfsomeofhiswife'sicedtea
lemonadeandsatdownatthekitchentable."Wellshe
ain'tachildnomore.She'sagrownwomanandadanger
toherselfifshe'snotwatched.Seemslikeeveryyoung
buckinthecounty'sgottocomeouthereandgiveher
theonceover."
"Isn'titashame?Thatgirlwasasbrightachild
97
asyoucouldaskfor.Thenfirsthermotherandfather
takenlikethat..."hertonechangedtoindignantanger:
"...thencometofindout,thatsocalledsanitarium
probablydidhermoreharmthangood."
"Nowyoudon'tknowthat..."
"IknowthatassoonasTom'slifeinsurance
benefitsranoutthey'dhadenoughofher!Godknows
whereshe'dbeifwehadn'tabeenhere.I'mgoingtosee
ifshe'sready.IknowIshouldn'tbegettin'myhopes
up,butIcanthelpit."
"You'dbestbethinkin'aboutwherewe'regonnaput
her.Ifyouletthegirlgettooattached,you'rejust
gonnamakeitalltheharderforherwhensheleaves."
Thehopeandheartinessinhiswife'sfaceslowly
drainedfromit.Wasittruethatshewasonlyprolonging
anotherseparation,anothershatteringchangein
Annaleeslifethatwouldbeallthemoretraumaticthe
longeritwasdelayed?Ifsothentheycouldn'twin.The
moreloveshegaveherniece,themorefutileand
potentiallymoredestructivethesituationwouldbecome.
*
*
*
*
*
IntownthestreetswereSaturdaymorningcrowded
andfestive:farmfamiliesinfortheweek'sshopping;
smartlydressedmatronsstoppingbyRupp'sJewelersto
seeaboutagranddaughter'ssilverpattern,orthe
TecumsehGallerytobuyahumorousbirthdaycard;kids
downtownbecausetheyhadnowaytogettotheMall;
PutnamCollegestudentsfromtheEasteithercharmedby
thetransplantedNewEnglandcommunityorasboredwith
itasthetownies,butenjoyingthecrisp,brilliant
autumnmorningnonetheless.
UpFortHarmarBoulevard,threeabreast,lookinga
littlebangedupfromlastnight'sgameandmorethana
littlepleasedwiththemselves,swaggeredE.J.andthe
Majorsbrothers.Theyweredrawingsomewhatless
attentionthaneachsecretlybelieved,thoughtheydid
catchtheeyesofacoupleofworshipfulgradeschool
boys.
"Nicegame,youguys!"
"Yeah,youreallykickedass!"
Thejocksgotakickoutofthis.Jimmythankedthem
witharightonthumbsup,thengroanedgoodnaturedlyto
98
hiscompanions."Ohhhshit.IfeellikeIwasrapedby
thirtywomenlastnight."
"Whatthehell'sthatfeellike?"askedRawls.
"Ifyouhavetoask,Ace,you'renotlivin'right."
HelaughedandslappedE.J.ontheshoulder."Ijustwish
theyhadn'tallcomebackforseconds."
Hestartedtocrackupbutthenwincedandraised
hishandtoshieldhiseyes."Ohmyachinghead!
"Youlookedprettygoodlastnight,bigboy,"Johnny
saidtoRawls.
"Thinkso?IgotsomegoodyardagebutIcouldn't
breakloose."
"Breakloose?"laughedJimmy."LeavethattoJones
andme,Rawls.Youjustraisealittledustinthemiddle
oftheline."
"Ididn'tseeyoubreakin'anyrecords,bigmouth!"
saidhistwin.
"That'scauseyouweretoobusypickin'yourselfoff
theground,Johnny."
"Screwyou!"
Jimmy,inespeciallygoodspiritsthismorning
despitehisheadache,laughedwhilehisbrothergrumbled
tohimself.E.J.asusualtriedtostayoutofit.
"Outstanding!"Jimmyhadjustspottedapairof
goodlookingPutnamCollegecoedsacrossthestreet.
"Whenareyougonnagraduatetothecollegeladies,
Majors?"askedE.J.
"I'vegoneoutwithacouplewhat'sthebigdeal?
IfmeandSylviaeversplitupagain"
"Ifabearevershitsinthewoodsagain,"
interruptedJohnnyatwhichpointJimmyreachedacross
E.J.tothrowahardrightintohisbrother'sshoulder.
"Hey,knockitoff,assholes!"Thetroublewas,you
couldn'tstayoutofthemiddleoftheseguys.
Thenallthreeofthemsawheratonce,andpeace
wasimmediatelyrestored.
Inspiteof,perhapspartlybecauseof,the
childlikeexpressiononherface,whichE.J.remembered
sovividlyfrombefore,thegirlwasmesmerizing.The
womanbesideherkeptchatteringaway,butAnnaleewas
toobusylookingtolisten.Itseemedasifshewere
seeingeverythinghereyestookinfortheveryfirst
99
timeandfounditallenthralling.Andwhileneitherthe
childlikewondernorherfullyetfragilefigurewere
particularlyunusualinthemselves,embodiedinthis
childwomantogethereachaccentuatedtheotherina
contrastthatwasstunning.
E.J.andtheMajorswereasfascinatedbyherasshe
wasbytheworldaroundher.TheypartedtoletAnnalee
andheraunt,disconcertedbytheirraptattention,pass
themonthesidewalk.
Jimmywhistledquietly."Shemayberetarded
mentally..."
"It'sadamnshame,"saidJohnny."Ihearshejust
staysoutonthatfarm.Thereoughtabesomethin'better
forherthanthat."
E.J.saidnothing.Wasitonlyhisimagination,or
hadshegivenhimthesamestrangelookasbeforethat,
bothtimes,hadmadeashiverrundownhisback?Naw,not
him;ifanybodyitwouldhavebeenJimmy.Actually,she
probablyhadn'tnoticedanyofthem,atleastnottheway
anormalpersonwouldhave.Maybetheothersthought
she'dlookedateachofthemtoo,likeimaginingtheeyes
inapaintingfollowingyouaroundtheroom.
Hewasbeingchildishlyromantic,aswhenheusedto
pretendthatthegirlofhischoicecouldsomehowobserve
hiseverymovefromafar(andwouldwantto)ashe
swaggereddownthestreetorjoggedacrossthefootball
fieldorswungbehindthewheelofthefamilycar.Even
Karen,150milesawayinPittsburgh.Butofcoursethe
onlyonewhocouldseeandappreciatethespecialquality
inalltheseprivatemomentswashimself.Whocouldshare
suchthingswithyou?Whocouldreallyknowandtruly
careaboutyouruniquegiftsandlongings,yoursecret
sourcesofpride?
Andontheotherhand,whocouldaccept,andthus
somehownullify,theugly,contemptiblepartsofyour
nature?Thehumiliationofyoursecretfantasiesand
vices,theweaknessesofyourmindandwill?Whocansee
youasyoureallyare?
Rawlssuddenlyshookhimselffreeofsuchthoughts,
literallyshakinghisheadtoclearit,thenglancing
selfconsciouslyathiscompanionstoseewhetherthey
hadnoticedorcouldsomehowhavedivinedthereasonfor
100
hissilence.But,likedreams,apparentlyhisbrooding
thoughtshadbeenmuchshorterindurationthanthey
seemed.NeitherofthemhadevenmovedsinceAnnaleeand
heraunthadpassed.
Chapter18
ThenextdayfoundRawlsfeelingasrestlessand
illtemperedasever.Aftersharingwithhisparents,
youngerbrotherandsisterthecountrybreakfasthis
fatheroftenmadeforthefamilyonSundays,hebrowsed
throughthecomicsandSundaypaper,disgustedasalways
bytheincompetenthandlingofworldaffairsasreported
bythemedia.
Asirritatedasheoftenwasbyhisfamily,there
wasnocauseforholdinganyofthemresponsibleforhis
ownproblems.Hewasawareofthebrokenhomesand
unwholesomeenvironmentssomanyhisagehadtogrowup
in.Butawarenessofhiscomparativegoodfortunejust
madeitallthehardertolivewithhimself.
Hisbrother,whohadbeenhisloyallittlesidekick
whentheyweremuchyoungerandlivedinthecountry,was
nowmostlyapainintheassbutthatwastypicalamong
hisfriendsburdenedwithyoungerbrothers.Hissister
wasalittlecutienineyearsyoungerthanheandmad
abouthorses.Hesometimesdrovehertoherridinglesson
wayoutinthebooniesandwasusuallygladtodoitfor
her,eventhoughshetoogotunderhisskinattimes.
Rawlsandhismotherseldomgotintoitunlessthe
issueconcernedcurfewenforcement,andthoseoccasional
blowoutsdidn'tlinger.Hisoldman?Hedidn'ttakeany
shitbuthewasE.J.'sbiggestfan.Hewasalwayswilling
torelinquishtimefromhisotherwiseallconsuming
businesstoferryhimandhisfriendstoballgames,
enjoyingtheircompanyandfeedingthemwell.Hewas
welllikedforthecamaraderieandgenerosityaswas
hismomforherhospitalityandsenseofhumor.TheRawls
homewasonewherehisfriendsoftencongregated.
Buthavinggrownupwithallthis,E.J.foundit
hardnottotakeforgrantedmuchofthetime.Itoften
feltmorestiflingthansupportive,aswasthecasethis
morning.Itwasalmostnoonbythetimehewasshowered
anddressedandwonderingwhattodowiththerestofthe
101
day.
Asbeautifulastheweatherwas,suspendedinnear
perfectbalancebetweensummer'sopulentsunandthe
crispclarityofwinter"footballweather"theday
feltslacktohim;itheldneitherplansnorthepromise
orevenhintofadventure,hiddenandawaitinghimon
thisautumnafternoon.
Theyearhegothislicense,Rawlshadspentmanya
Sundayafternoon,byhimselforwithKaren,exploringthe
backcountryroadsaroundthecounty.Unlessyouwent
aboutitsystematicallywithamap,therewasnowayyou
couldcoverallthedirtandgravelroadsthatranup
everylittlecreekandhollow,linkingcommunities,
churches,cemeteriesandfarms.
Maybeyou'dturnleftatanintersectionwhereyou'd
alwaysturnedrightbefore,roundanunfamiliarbend...
andsuddenlyfindyourselfinsomeTwilightZonewarpin
timeorspace.Beforeyouwouldbethreeorfour
dilapidatedhouses,orshacks,surroundedbycannibalized
carbodiesandupendedrefrigerators,scatteredtiresand
hubcaps,rottingstacksoflumber,rustpittedfarm
implementspulledbyhorseormulebackwhenruined
hamletslikethishadbeenfarms.Beforesuccessive
generationsandbranchesofafamilyintermarriedand
mutated,perhaps,creatingstagnantcommunalbackwaters
wherehostileeyeslookingoutattheoccasionalpassing
carmadeyouthinktheinhabitantswereinfactmarooned
fromthepresent,theprevailingcivilization,without
hopeofrescue,withnodesireforit.
BecomingmobilehadturnedSundaysintowindowsin
theweek.Morethanoncehe'ddrivenfarenoughbackinto
somemuddypasturefieldtogethungupandhavetogo
lookingforsomeonetopullhimout.Whenhewasby
himselfheoftentookSammy,thefamily'sbordercollie,
along,andSammy'schickenchasinghadgottenthemin
troubleacoupleoftimes.
Buttoday?Todayjustdidn'tfeellikeoneofthose
afternoonswheresomethinginterestingorworthwhilewas
goingtohappen.Butwhatthehell,hehadtogetoutof
thehouseandgosomewhere.Hehadpermissiontousethe
carsohethrewonhisdenimjacketandwhistledfor
Sammy.
102
HetooktheCherokeeoutRt.26intothecountry,
drivingfast,feelingthehillytwistingcurvesinhis
handsandarmsashetriedtoreadtheroadflawlessly,
effortlessly,sotheboxyvehiclewouldn'tdriftoutof
alignmentwiththecenterlinewhichhewasattemptingto
maintainthroughsomegyroscopicsenseinhissolar
plexus.Theroadwasouttherewherehecouldseeitand
insidehimatthecenterofperception.Thatwasoneway
tomaketheworldgoaway,themundaneversionthatwas
sotroublinganyway,theonethathungoverlifelike
OhioValleyhaze.
Butthewoodsweretooinvitingtoignore;Rawls
becamemoreandmorerestlessfromthecrisppungentfall
airforcedthroughtheJeep'sopenwindows,thesharp
clarityoftreesandridgelinesagainstacrystalline
bluesky.Sammy'snose,too,wasthrustintothewind.
Shesneezedandsnorted,shiftingimpatientlyfromone
legtotheotherattheoppositewindow,anxioustobe
outandrunning.WhenE.J.spottedaplaceaheadwide
enoughtopullofftheroad,hestoppedandturnedthe
engineoff.Sammyleapedfromthewindowandboundedup
anembankmentintothewoods.Hewasrightbehindher,
steppingthrougharustedandsaggingbarbedwirefence
atthetopoftheclayeybank.
ThedogquicklydisappearedintotheforestandE.J.
feltitssilencecomeforwardandembracehimaswell.He
foundapathandashefolloweditthroughthetreeshis
agitationmeltedaway.Inafewminutestheusual
problemsbotheringhimhadbeenstrippedoftheirnoise
andconfusion.Theirfranticwhirlingdancefromheadto
heartandbackaroundagainsomewildanimalchasing
itstail,wasthepicturehesuddenlyconjuredup,
hearingSammycrashingthroughdryleavesandunderbrush
inthedistancewasstilled.Theunsolvabledilemmasof
hislifebecamemerelynaturalbarrierstobesurmounted
ratherthanchaoticdramasinwhichhewascaughtupand
couldnotescape.
Inthisnaturallandscapetheemotionalturmoilhe
walkedaroundinsomuchofthetimeseemedquietedby
someprimevalforce.Theproblemschurnedupbyhis
uncontrollable,outlawemotionsstoodnakedandrevealed
beforehisinnereyeassomuchlessthantheyhad
103
appeared:theGreatOzcaughtintheact,withouthis
fearsomepowersofillusion.
Hecouldn'tnameorevendescribethemthese
problemsfrozenintime,temporarilypowerlesstocontrol
him.Butashewalkedhewasabletoperceivethem,and
taketheirmeasure,withanintuitivepartofhismindhe
seldomused.TheincidentthathadoccurredinMr.
Hickman'sclass,forexample.Itwasn'talltangledup
withahundredotherthingssohecouldmakenosenseof
it.Hesawitnowasjustsomethingthathadhappened
stillwithnoideawhy,buthewasinnowaybound
forevertofollowsomeparticularpathinlifesimply
becauseithad.
Therearelotsofpathsintheforest,hetold
himself,butyoudon'thavetofollowanyofthem.Hewas
freetogrowinanydirectionhechosefromthis
troublingincident.Andthusfreedofit,forthefirst
timesinceithadhappenedhecouldseehisattackonMr.
Hickman'sblackboardwithsomeobjectivityevensome
humor.Infactthememorydrewaninvoluntaryrueful
chuckle.Man,theymusthaveallthoughthe'dtotally
lostit.
Rawlslightenedup,lookedaroundhimselfandsaw
thewoodswithadifferentkindofclarity,notsomuch
ofsightasofthissenseofintuitionhe'dbeenawareof
sincehishikebegan.Therewasmoreherethanhe'd
noticed.Whatthehellwasit?
Theanswerwasn'tasimportantashisrevelation:
howtheproblemsinhislifeoratleastperceiving
someofthethingsthathappenedtohimasproblems
weremostlyjustcreationsofhismind;andhowthese
mentalfabricationsobscuredthebeautyoftheworld
aroundhim.Justlookatit!Shaftsofsunlightstreamed
diagonallythroughthetrees,whichseemedtovibratein
thebreezewithagreat,yetsomehowchildish,secret.
Windharps.Asurgeofexcitementshotthroughhim.He
camealive.Likeakidagainhejusthadtorun.
Discovery,celebration,runningtheywereallone.
Rawlswasatthetopofasteepslope,forested,
boulderandleafstrewn.Heleapedovertheedgeand
descendeditatanangle,ratherthanstraightdownthe
hillside,ingreatboundingleaps.Cantering,rightleg
104
leading,armsoutforbalance,bodymindracingaheadto
chooseaspotforhisfoottocomedowneachtimewhere
itwouldlandsolidly.Hewasflying.Heletoutagreat
warwhoop...andthensuddenlyhisheartitselftook
flight.
Therewasatrailalongthefootofthehillin
frontofhim,andsomeonewasonit,partiallyhiddenby
thetrees.Hewasgoingtocomedownrightinfrontof
her,couldn'tstopifhehadtoanditwasshe.The
girl.
Annaleejuststoodthere,ananimalfrozenin
headlights.E.J.landedwithintenfeetofher,rocks
clatteringdowntheslopebehindhim.He,too,stood
thereparalyzedwhenhe'dregainedhisbalance,inthe
middleofthisovergrownroadonceusedforloggingor
gaswellswhichshe'dbeenfollowing.Howcoulditbe
she?Howcouldtheirpathshavecrossedagainlikethis?
Thiswashischance,he'dneverhaveanotherlike
it.Notonlywasshestandingrighthereinfrontofhim,
withnooneelsearoundtodistractthem,butsomething
hadhappenedtohimthisafternoonintheseverywoods.
Hefeltsomuchfreerandmoreopen...atleasthehada
momentearlier.
ButnowRawlsfoundhewasasunabletospeakashe
wastomove.Whatcouldhesaytoher?Whatdidhewant
tosay?Wouldsheevenbeabletounderstandhimifhe
didspeaktoher?Instead,hejuststaredathereven
felthimselfalmostglaringather,asifshe'ddonethis
tohimherself,putsomekindofspellonhim.
Sofinallyitwasshewhobrokethestillness
betweenthemsuddenlyspringingawayfromhimand
fleeingwithawildnessthatshockedhimfromhis
paralysis.Heturnedandwatchedherrundownthewide
tunnellikepathwaythroughthetreesuntilshewasout
ofsight.
Shewasgone.Thegirlhadbeenrighthereinfront
ofhimandhehadn'thadtheballstosayagoddamnword.
Howcouldhehaveblownsuchanopportunity?Savagelyhe
kickedatarockinfrontofhim,liftinghimselfclear
offtheground.Somuchforhisgreatrevelation!Somuch
forthetransformationofE.J.Rawls.
105
Chapter19
OnMondaythehottopicontheHillatlunchhour
wasJimmyMajors'prankthatmorninginMr.Simpson's
class.Thestorywasspread(intheusualway,from
persontopersonandbeyondtheboundsofwhatactually
happened)inthecafeteriaandcentralcourtyard,then
madeacompleteroundofthehighschool:athreestory
brickbuildingshapedliketheletter"C",itsopenside
facingwest,overlookingthetown,thePutnamCollege
campusandtheconfluenceofthetworivers.
Awidesidewalkencircledthebuilding,andeachof
itsintersectionswithnarrowersidewalkstotheexterior
doorswasaccentedbyhollowmetalrailings.Every
sectionof"thebars"wasthetraditionalhangoutfora
particularcliquewithinoneclassoranother,and
normallyasyoumadethegrandpromenadeyouencountered
considerablevariationinbehaviorandconversationwhen
youcrossedtheinvisibleboundarybetweenthesophomore
soshes,say,andthejunioragboys.(Withthelatter,
forexample,thebullshitbeingdiscussedmightverywell
betherealthing.)ButJimmyhadfiredeveryone's
imaginationwithhislatestprank:thekindofstunt
schoolspiritisbuilton.
Themorninghadstartedoutunremarkablyenough,
withtheusualrowbetweenhimandSylvia,followedby
theirhothallwayreconciliationafewminuteslater.The
troublewas,theirheavyclinchoccurredrightoutside
Jimmy'sfirstperiodclass,anddyspepticoldMr.Simpson
wasfeelingespeciallysourthismorning.Outragedas
alwaysbythispublicdisplayofpassion,hestiffened
evenbeyondhisnormallyrigidbearingandstrodeoverto
thelovers.
Withoutaword,hegrabbedJimmybytheshoulder
and,whenthewaywardyouthwhirledaroundangrily,
pointedtohisclassroomlikesomesternpatriarchinan
OldTestamentpainting.Fortunately,Sylviawasableto
restrainJimmy,whomightotherwisehavejeopardizedthe
remainderoftheseasonbydeckingtheteacherknown
somewhatlessthanaffectionatelyontheHillas"the
Ayatollah".
"Whodoesthatoldfartthinkheis?"fumedJimmy
106
afterMr.Simpsonhadreturnedcrankilytohispostby
thedoor.
"Idon'tcare,"saidSylvia."Idon'twantyou
gettinganymoredetentions.Lastyearifyouweren'tat
footballpracticeorbasketballpracticeortrack
practiceyouwereindetentionhall.HereIam,going
steadywithyourreputationwhilethewholeschoolgets
yourbody.Nomore,baby!"
"Hewouldn'tdaregivemeadetention!Heshouldn't
evenbehere.Thesenileoldbastard'sdeafasatree.
Allthosegoddamnedwiresaroundhisroom,likesomekind
ofStarWarsantennaorsomething."
WhatJimmywasreferringtowas,infact,anything
buthightech.Mr.Simpson,neveronetoaccommodatethe
present,stillworewhathisstudentslikedtothinkwas
thefirsthearingaideverinvented.Andinanattemptto
boostitseffectivenessinhisclassroomhehadjury
riggedanetworkoffinecopperwirethatranalongthe
topsoftheblackboardsandwindowscleararoundthe
room.
AlthoughtotheliterallythousandsofstudentsMr.
Simpsonhadtaughtorbabysatinthissameclassroomover
theyearsthewiresdidn'treallyseemtohelpany,none
oftheprincipalswhohadcomeandgoneduringhislong
tenurehadeverdaredaskhimtotakethemdown.Andit
madenodifferencetoMr.SimpsonthatMr.Heebler,the
physicsteacher,deridedthearrangementasbeing
scientificallyinvalid,"simplyanoldman'ssecurity
blanket,asincapableofamplifyingsoundasLinus'sis."
SylviawassurprisedtoseeJimmy'sexpression
suddenlychangeinthemiddleofhistirade.Anevilgrin
spreadslowlyacrosshisface.
"Jimmy,whatthehellareyousmilinglikethat
for?"
"Ithinkit'stimeforanotherSimpsonearraid."
"Awhat?"
"SomethingBrianHuston'sclassdidacoupleayears
ago.You'llsee."
Hegaveheradefiantkissthatwasespecially
passionate,holdingituntilhewassureMr.Simpson's
thinbloodwasabouttoboiloveragain,thenenteredhis
classroomjustintimetobeatthebell.Bynowthe
107
teacherhadbeenjoinedbyMissBookerfromacrossthe
hall,whosharednotonlyhercolleague'slongevitybut
hisintensedisgustforcontemporarysexualmoresas
well.ThetwoofthemgaveJimmythescathinglookhehad
hopedforandhereturneditwithamockingsmile.This
ofcourseaddedfueltotheirheateddiscussioninthe
hallway,givinghimjustenoughtimetosetuphisplan
insidetheclassroom.
HedartedovertotheBeast'sdesknearthewindows.
"Hello,Majors.No,youcan'thavemyhomework."
"Idon'twantyourdamnhomework,"saidJimmy,
annoyed.Hebentoverandwhateverhewhisperedprompted
theBeasttolaughloudlyandrockbackinhisseat.
JimmydeliveredthesamehurriedmessagetoAudrey,
Junior,Susieandothersashetookacircuitousrouteto
hisdeskintherownexttotheblackboard.Theyall
passeditonuntilbythetimeMr.Simpsonenteredthere
wasn'tastudentintheroomwhohadn'tbeengiven
instructionsconcerningJimmy'splan.
Mr.Simpsonsatdownandrummagedthroughpapersat
hisdeskforawhile,aswashiscustom.Whenhefinally
lookeduptostartclass,Beastraisedhishandatonce.
Theteacheracknowledgedhisstarpupil,andwas
startledtoobservehislipsmoving,hishandsgesturing
animatedly,withoutthenormalaccompanimentofthe
rathermorethanselfconfidenttoneofvoicethatwas
theBeast'snaturalpossessioninaclassroom.Infact
therewasnovoicecomingfromhismouthatall.Infact,
cometothinkofit,thewholeroomwasunnaturally
silent.
Heturneduphishearingaidslightly.Whateverthe
youngmanhadsaid,hewasapparentlythroughspeaking
nowandwaitingfortheteacher'sreply.Mr.Simpsonwas
abouttoaskhimtorepeathisquestion,whenAudreyshot
upherarmandbeganrantingaboutsomething(thiswas
apparentfromhervehementgestures)withoutwaitingfor
permissiontospeakwhichhardlyseemednecessarysince
toMr.Simpson'searsshewasn'tspeakinganyway.
Hewastooconfusednowtonoticethatmanyofhis
studentswereholdingtheirsidestokeepfromlaughing,
orthatafewothersworeexpressionsofsympathyor
indignationcompromisedbytheirreluctancetospeakup
108
andexposeboththeplotandthemselvestotheir
classmates'contempt.
Allhecouldseewasthattheclassseemedtobe
quiteupsetaboutsomething,andhishearingaidhad
chosentheworstpossibletimetogooutonhim.He
turneditupanothernotchwithnoeffectwhatsoever.
ThenJuniorWannamaker,thatintimidatingGoliathin
thefrontrowwhohadn'topenedabooksinceschool
began,suddenlyleapedoutofhisseat,armswaving
wildly,facecontortedwithemotion,yellingGodknew
whatsinceitwasallinuttersilence.Indesperation,
Mr.Simpsonturnedthehearingaiduponemoretime,as
loudasitwouldgonow,andtheboyinfrontofJimmy
stooduptocoverhim.
Jimmyslippedoutofhisseat,reachedupand
pluckedthewirestrungalongthetopoftheblackboard.
Atthistheclasscouldrestrainthemselvesnolongerand
literallyexplodedwithlaughter.Whetheritwasthis
outburstorthevibrationofthewire,somethingsentMr.
Simpson'sheadintoaspasmodictremorthatmadeit
difficultforhimtogettohishearingaidimmediately.
Hiseyesgotbiggerandbiggerasheclawedfrantically
athisear,finallyproducingtheblessedsilencethat
onlyamomentbeforehe'dbeentryingsohardto
eliminate.
OfcourseJimmyfoundhimselfintheprincipal's
officeafewminuteslater.Mr.Simpson'sexpressionas
hewaitedforMr.Rumple,theassistantprincipal,to
arrive,wasratherliketheoneheusedinclassafter
someonehadfartedandtheoffendingodorhadwaftedto
thefrontoftheroom.
"Whatseemstobethetrouble?"boomedMr.Rumplein
hischaracteristicallyloud,authoritariantoneofvoice
asheburstintothecrampedoffice.Atthis,Mr.Simpson
reflexivelyduckedhisheadandcoveredhisears,
provokingasmotheredsnickerfromJimmy.Mr.Rumplejust
stoodthere,lookingatthetwoofthemasiftheywere
bothcrazy.
ThiswaswhattheHillwasbuzzingaboutwhenBilly
Riversandhisgangrodeintotheparkinglotathigh
noonontheirmotorcycles.
WhalewasonthebackoftheLoser'sbike,
109
Protoplasmandthegirlswerealongand,forthefirst
time,Ronniewasridingwiththem.Pickingtheirteeth
afterlunchoutattheBurgerKingtheyswaggeredonto
theschoolgrounds.NoonewasmoreawarethanRonnieof
themildstirtheirpresencewascausing.
"This'llgiveusachancetoseewhatyou'remade
of,"saidBilly."Anybodycantalkagoodfight."He
lookedmeaningfullyattheWhale.
"Justleaveittome,Billy."Ronniedrewhis
toothpickintohismouthwithhistongue,slowandsnake
like.Hefeltfarlessconfidentthanhehopedhe
sounded.Hewasrunningonnervousenergyalone,trying
nottothinkabouttheencounterRiverswasforcinghim
into.Withthatwayhehadofmakingyouthinkhisonly
influencewasinbringingoutyourownhiddenfeelings
anddesires.Itwasonlynow,withLonnieJonessomewhere
righthereinthecrowd,hispiercingeyes(whichRonnie
triedtoavoidwhenJoneswouldcomebythehousetopick
hismotherupfromwork)andhardmuscledbodyaboutto
appearatanymoment,thatRonniebegantoseehowRivers
hadmanipulatedhim,thewayhedideveryonearoundhim.
Whyhadn'therealizedthisearlier?Howhadheletthe
thinggetthisfar?
Hismouthwasdry.Thepeoplearoundhimwere
beginningtogetfuzzy,indistinct,likethecomeandgo
charactersinadream.Ifonlythiswerejustadream!
Maybethat'salllifewas.Maybehecouldwakeuporturn
thisintooneofthosenightmarethrillerswherehe's
beatingtheshitoutofsomethreateningfaceless
creature.Hecouldbeonetoughmotherinhisdreams.He
kickedassallthetime.
TheywerewaitingnowwheretheyknewJoneswould
passonhiswaytomachineshopinthevoagbuilding
afterlunch.ChiquitasidledovertoBillyandworkedher
handsintohistightjeanspockets."Whyyoutryingto
gettheboyintrouble,"shesaid,lookingupintohis
facewithasaucysmile.
"Ifhegetsintotroubleit'llbehisdoin',not
mine,"saidRivers.
"You'retheonepullingthestrings."
"Wellnow,you'retryin'awfulhardtofindtheones
inmybackpocketsbutthatdon'tmeanIgottahand'em
110
overtoyoudoesit?"
Chiquitalaughedhuskily."Justyoudare.I'llmake
youdayance..."
Heslippedhishandunderneathherhairattheback
ofherheadandgentlybutfirmlypulledituntilher
facewastiltedawayfromhim,thenloweredhismouthto
herexposedneckslowly.Sheshudderedwithpleasureat
theextendedkiss.
Lizwatchedallthiswithsmolderingjealousy.
"MaybeChiquitawasright,baby,"saidtheLoser.
"What'reyoutalkingabout?"snappedLiz.
"Maybeyouwasjusttoodamnbored."
"Youknowsomethin',man?Youboreme."
"Comin'fromyouthatain'tnoinsult."
"'Coming'?"interjectedtheWhale."That'stoo
boringforher."
"ThewayyoudoImsureitis,Superman,"shesaid.
"Fasterthanaspeedingbullet."
"You..."
"Don'tstartsomethin'youcan'tfinish,Whale,"
saidBilly."Plastercastersalreadygotholdofyou
once."
"Hey,herehecomes,"saidtheLoser.
Joneswastalkingtoagirlbesidehimashe
approached,unawareofthebikers'presence.
Theyturnedtheirbackstohim,steppinginfrontof
theWhaletoscreenhisconspicuousbulkandcastfrom
Jones'view.RiversglancedoveratRonnie,whosehand
wentupnervouslytothetoothpick.
Billysmiledgrimly,suspectingthatRonniewas
goingtotrytochickenout.Ronniewasprettysureofit
too.He'dopenedhismouthacoupleoftimesnowand
nothinghadcomeout.Thenhiseyeslitup.
Walkingtowardthemfromtheparkinglotwerenone
otherthanMooseMacGrawandCoachesCodyandSorenson.
Nowayweretheseguysgoingtolettheirstartailback
beatonhimandriskgettingsuspendedforagameortwo.
Ronnietookahitofadrenaline,rawandpure."Hey
nig"(Thatwastoostrong,that'dgethimcreamedeven
withthecoacheslookingon.)"Hey,Jones!What'sitlike
havin'anoldladywho'sathief,man?"
Goddamn,thatwasliberating!He'dtakethisblack
111
boyonevenifhedidgettheshitkickedoutofhim,
justfortherush.Heraisedhisdukesanddancedaround
alittle,scowlingsomethin'fierce.Toobadthecoaches
werehere.
Joneswastoostunnedtoreactatfirst.Thenhe
noticedwhoRonniewaswithandgotthepicture.Hiseyes
blazedandhewasonhimsofastithadn'tappearedhe'd
movedatall,yettherewasRonnie,danglinginhisgrip
severalinchesfromtheground.Hisshirtwasallthat
washoldinghimupandithadsplitopenacrosstheback.
HeandJoneswerethecenterofastrangeandpowerful
stillnessthatdreamsensationagain.
Allthreecoachessawwhatwashappeningatonce.
"Lonnie!"Moosebellowed.
Cody,thequickestofthethree,sprintedforward
andgrabbedJonesfrombehind,pinninghisarmsathis
sides.
"Getoutahere,youpunks!"roaredSorenson.
"Whosays"theLoserstartedtoobject,butgotno
further.Moosehoistedhimfromthegroundwithonearm
andtossedhimovertohislinecoachtodisposeof.
"Get'imtotheoffice,"hesaid,hisbigvoice
shakingwithemotion."Therestofyouclearout!"
Therewasabsolutelynoarguingwithhim.Rivers
grabbedwhathecouldfromtheindignity."Let'sgo!
We'llseeyoulater,man!"hesnarledatJones.
Moosetookathreateningstepinhisdirection,then
thoughtbetterofitasthebikersscattered,decidingto
attendtohisplayerinstead.Helookedathim
sympatheticallybutaddressedhimfirmly:"What'sitall
about,Lonnie?"
"That'ssomethin'Igottafindoutmyself,"Jones
replied.
Chapter20
Mud.Coolslipperylittletonguesslidingbetween
hertoes.Sheshiftedherweighttoonelegandthenonto
justtheballandtoesofherrightfoot.Thelittle
tonguesgrewslobberyandinsistent,squirmingintoview
fromthegroundbeneathherfoot,lickingthesensitive
skinbetweenhertoessodeliciouslyshemadethemdoit
againandagain.
112
Mimickingthemwithherowntonguebetweenher
fingers,especiallythewebofskinwheretheyprotruded
fromherhandliketinylegs.Feelingthedelicious
tremorsfromthesemanytonguesoverherwholebodynow,
asifshewereastringedinstrumentwhich,pluckedat
anypoint,mustvibratethroughout.
GoosebumpseruptedonAnnalee'sbarearms,andthe
braheraunthadboughtforherbrushedwithanexquisite
feelingagainsthernipples.Shetouchedthemand
realizedtheyhadbecomeswollenastheydidsometimes
now.Evenherhair,whichheraunthadhelpedherwash
lastnight,seemedtobepulsatingwithawarmenergy.
Shecouldfeelitnotonlyinherpalmsbutinherscalp,
whichbecameallatinglewhenrunningherhandsthrough
thelustrousblondehairpulleditgentlyatitsroots.
Nowherwholebodywastingling,herskineverywhereas
sensitiveinapleasurable,almostpainful,wayasher
fingertipsandtoes.
Therewasaquiveringpatchofsunlightonthe
groundbesideherandshesteppedintoit,feelingthe
warmthnotonlyagainstthesolesofherfeetbutonher
armsandshoulders,acrossherback,likeanembrace.
Huggingittoher,shearchedherback,cradlingher
breastsinthepalmsofherhandstoreceivethesun's
beneficentheat.
Theheatwentdownintoherloins,conjuringup
strangefragmentarythoughtsandimagesandsensations,
noneofwhich,astroublingastheyweretantalizing,
madeanysensetoher.Theymadeherrestlessandgother
legsgoing.Shestretchedthemoutoneatatime,
pointinghertoes,thenfoundherselfswayingbackand
forthwithbothfeetplanted,armswavingsoftlylikethe
branchesoverheadtomaintainherbalance,tosatisfyher
needtomove,tojointhetreesintheirconstantsubtle
dance.
Thedancecameupfromthegroundintoherlegs,
downfromthetreesintoherarmsuntilshewasgliding
acrosstheearthnow,turningandturningtowatchthe
sunpokeitsdazzlingfingersthroughthefluttering
canopyofleavesaboveher,reachingouttostrokethe
veryairshimmeringatherfingertips.
Andthensomeflashofcolor,somemovementcaught
113
hereyeandshefroze,thistooapartofthedance,a
light,delicategesture.Itwasadoe,whichsawhertoo
andwaited,sniffingtheairbutotherwiseasstillas
shetoseewhatshewoulddo.Annaleedrewinherbreath
whatanexquisitecreature!Aperfectembodimentofhow
shefeltaboutthisenchantedplace.Thedeertooka
cautious,exploratorystepforward,andsodidshe.It
stopped,itsgracefulheaddartingforwardlikea
questionbeingasked.Shecameasclosetolaughingas
sheknewhow,thespontaneousemotionripplingthrough
hertoburstacrossherfaceasagrin.
Anothertentativestepforwardbythedoeandthen
asoftexplosion,takingtheairborneanimaland
Annalee'sbreathawaysimultaneously.
Whatjoy!Herwholebeingsurgedintothefleeing
deerandtheholeintheforest,theemptyspacestill
echoingitsflight,thathadbeenleftbehind.Withouta
thought,withoutamoment'shesitationAnnaleewas
runningwithitlikethewind,likethedeershecould
stillseeinhermind'seye,likethisgloriousand
painfulrushoffeelingintoherheart.
Sheranthisway,headlongandheedlessly,allthe
waytothecabin.Butwhenshegottheretheoldwoman
wasgone.
...Betrayed.Whydidthepeoplewhofoundtheirway
intoyourlifealwaysdothis?Abandonyou?
Itwasonlythosewhohadlittleornointerestin
becomingyourfriendorwhowereinfactactively
hostile,discoveringyoursecretsonlytocrushor
restrainyouwhowerealwaysthere.Theoneswhoall
dressedthesame,thestrangeoneslikeherselfatthe
Place,themanwholivedwithherinthenewplace.
Thewomanwholivedtherewithhimshewasn'tsure
aboutyet.Thewomanwasnicetohershemadesuchgood
thingstoeatandhervoicewasaswarmasherkitchenin
someway.Butherverykindnesseswereathreatin
themselvesbecauseAnnaleecouldn'ttrusthertosustain
them.Justwhenshehadlearnedtorelyonthem,they
wouldsurelybetakenaway.
Somehowshehadfelttheoldwomantobedifferent.
Becauseshewasdifferent.Asdifferentfromthepeople
atthePlaceastheforestwasfromitsgraystonewalls.
114
Yetnowevenshewasgone.
*
*
*
*
*
Infact,asAnnaleestoodforlornlyoutsidethe
desertedcabin,AuntKatewassittingatthekitchen
tableinthehomeofAnnalee'sauntanduncle.
"Whatmakesyouthinkyoucanhelpthegirl,whena
wholeinstitutionfulladoctorsandnursesandGodonly
knowswhoelsecouldn'tgethertosayawordinten
years?"ThiswasWalter,settingtheadversarialtonefor
adiscussionhewasn'ttheslightestbitinfavorof.It
wasonlythroughMargaret'sinsistencethathehadcome
infromthebarntobeapartofit.
"Becauseshetrustsme,"repliedAuntKatecalmly.
"IthinkshewasmeanttofindmealthoughI'mnot
askingyoutoacceptthat.Andnowthatshehas,Idon't
intendtoletherdown.Withenoughloveand
understanding,Ibelieveshecanhealherself."
"Healherself?"Walterstaredatthewomanacross
thetablefromhimasifshehadjustsuggested
sprinklingfairydustonhisniece.
"Wetrytogiveherloveandunderstanding
ourselves,"saidhiswifeinthesamecalmtoneAuntKate
hadused.
"Andalottagoodit'sdonetoo,"addedWalter."She
actslikewe'renotevenhere.Idon'tthinkshe
understandsawordwesay."
"Ohsheunderstandsallright.Andyou'vedonea
worldofgoodforheralready."
"Justwhatmakesyousosureofthat?Tellmeone
thingyouthinkwe'vebeenabletodoforher."Thiswas
stillWalter;Margaretdidn'tknowquitewhattomakeof
thestrangewomaninherkitchen.She'dheardofthe
eccentricreclusebuthadneverexpectedtoseteyeson
herinherownhouse.
"Lettingherbefree,foronething,"saidAunt
Kate,ignoringhisfirstquestion."Andgivinghera
placetocomehometo."
"ThatwasWalter'sdoin',lettin'herrunfreelike
that.Iwasafraidshe'dgetlost."Margaretsmiledat
herhusbandbuthewasn'thavinganyofit.
"ImayhavebeenrightaboutthatbutIwaswrong
aboutlettin'hercomehereinthefirstplace.She's
115
goin'toanotherinstitutionjustassoonaswefind
onethat'lltakeher."
"No!"AuntKate'sauraofcalmvanished.
"Well,notjustlikethat..."saidMargaret,giving
herhusbandanaccusinglook."We'relookingforthe
rightsortofplace.Wedon'tfeelwecandowhat's
necessaryforher."
"Butdon'tyourealizethatanotherinstitution
wouldtaketheverylifeoutofthegirl!Andshedoesn't
needone,Icanhelpher."
"Youneversaidhow,"Walterwasquicktopointout.
"Yousaidshe'dhealherself.She'shad10yearst'do
that."
"Idon'tthink...we'dhaveanyobjectiontoher
continuingtovisityou,"saidMargaret."Untilwecan
findsomethingmorepermanentforher,Imean."
"Don'tknowhowwecouldstopher,shortofkeepin'
herlockedup,"allowedWalter.
"Butwedothinkit'sbestthatshereceivethe
rightkindof...professionalattention."
"Isee,"saidAuntKateafteramoment'ssilence.
Shestoodup."Well,Iappreciateyoutakin'thetimeto
seeme."
Thethreeofthemwalkedtothebackdoor.
"WedoappreciateyourinterestinAnnalee,"said
Margaret,openingitforher."Icanseethatyoucarea
greatdealforher."
"Yes.Andyouwon'tstopherfromcomingtoseeme?"
"Notaslongasyoudon'tplanoninterferin'with
whateverarrangementstheMissusheremakes."
"Oh,Walter,Idon't"
"Iwouldn'tthinkofit."AuntKateturnedand
walkedawayfromthehousewiththatstrikinglyerect
posturewhichwaspartofthementalimageeveryonewho
hadeverseenherretainedindelibly."I'lljustflatout
havetostopyou,"shemutteredunderherbreath.
Chapter21
Asthepickuprumbledacrossthewoodfloorofthe
coveredbridge,thesunpokeditsfingersbetweenthe
weatheredboardsononesideintoAnnalee'seyes.She
likedthispartofthetwiceaweektripintotownbest.
116
Shelikedtherattlingsoundandthewaytheseatjiggled
beneathherastheycrossedMallardCreekonabridge
thatforthefirsttwentyyearsofitslifehadvibrated
onlytowagonandcarriagewheelsandtohorses'hooves.
Theywererunningalittlelaterthanusualtoday;
Margaret'sschedulehadbeendelayedbyAuntKate's
visit.WhentheycameintotownanddrovedownFerncliff
Road,thehighschoolpracticefieldwasakaleidoscope
ofcolorandmovement.Annaleeleanedforwardin
excitementtoseewhatwasgoingon.Fromsomewherebelow
awhistleshrilled.Voicesfullofintensityandemotion
carrieduptothemfromallovertheplayingfield,the
soundsasrandomandstridentasthecolorsenlivening
itsbrightgreensurface.
Shelookedfromthefieldtoherauntwithan
expressionsoimploringthatwordswerentnecessary.
"Youwanttostop?It'sjustthehighschool
footballteam,Idon'tthinkit'sanythingyou'dbe
interestedin."
ButasAnnaleelookedbackandforthfromthe
playingfieldintohereyes,Margaretcouldn'tdenyher.
Seeingitthroughherniece'seyes,shesuddenly
perceivedintheactionbelownottheviolentgameitself
butthecolorfulspectacletowhichthegirlwas
responding.Itwouldbeadiversionforher.Shepulled
overtothecurb.
Beforethetruckhadstoppedmoving,Annaleehad
openedthedoor.Herauntdidn'thavetimeeventoyell
toherbeforeshedartedacrosstheroad,withouta
glanceineitherdirection.
Fortunatelytherewasabreakintraffic.Margaret
satthereforamomentfeelingherheartbeating,
catchingherbreath.Annaleestoodatthetopofthe
embankmentoverlookingtheplayingfield,hereyespulled
firstoneway,thenanother.
Suddenlyafigurewasrunningtowardher,aboywith
ablackfaceandhands,withthesameshinyroundthing
onhishead,thesamestrangecostumetheotherswere
wearing,buthewascarryingaballtuckedunderhisarm.
Hecamerunningrightatheruntil,justwhenshewas
abouttoturnandflee,heturnedabruptlyhimselfand
shesawthatitwashewhowasfleeing,fromtheothers
117
someofthemanywaywiththesamerecklessgraceasthe
deershehadseenthismorning.Theycouldn'tcatchhim
though.Heranfasterandmorebeautifullythanthey.
Whistlesblewagainbelowasherauntcameupand
tookholdofherelbow."Youmustn'trunawaylikethat,
Annalee,"shesaid,breathingheavily."Youcouldhave
beenhitbyacarcrossingthestreet.Youdidn'teven
look,youjustranrightacross.Nowyou'llhavetostay
bymysideorIcan'ttakeyouwithmeanymore."
Asalways,itwasimpossibletotellwhetherthe
girlunderstood.Shelookedcontriteforamoment,as
likelyfromthetoneofvoiceheraunthadusedasfrom
herwords.Thenherattentionreturnedtotheplaying
field.
Theblackrunner"Deerman,"Annaleehadalready
namedhiminhermindandtheothersallcameback
togetheragaininatightlittlecircle,theirheads
togetherandtheirrearendsstickingoutrather
comically,shethought.Thentheyallclappedhandsjust
onceatthesametimeandsprangoutoftheirlittle
grouptorunquicklyuptofacetheothers,inred,who
hadbeenwaitingthererestlesslyforthem.Thepointed
brownballDeermanhadbeencarryinglayinfrontofthem
ontheground.
Theybentoveragain,allofthematonce,andone
ofthem,whohadhishandsagainsttherearendofthe
boyinfrontofhim,begantoyelloutinaveryloud
voiceuntiltheotherboysuddenlygavehimtheball.But
hedidn'twantitafterall,handingitquicklyto
someoneelse,andnowtheonewiththeballwasrunning
rightintothemiddleofthepeoplewearingredshirts.
Theywerealltryingtoknockeachotherdown,itseemed,
andtheonewiththeballdidn'tgetveryfarbeforea
bunchofthoseinredjumpedonhimandhetriedtocarry
themforwardonhisback.Finallytheymusthavebecome
tooheavyforhimbecausehefelldownwithallofthem
ontopofhim,andthenthewhistlesstartedblowing
again.
PrettysoonAnnaleerealizedthatalongwiththe
shrillblastsofthewhistles,shewashearingasound
sortoflikethecowsonherauntanduncle'sfarmmade,
butshecouldtellitwasbeingmadebyaperson,in
118
pain.Asthepeopleinthepilestartedgettingup,one
byone,itwasobviousthatthiswaswherethesoundwas
comingfrom.Theywerealllookingdownattheonewhod
beenrunningwiththeball.Hewasstilllyingthereon
hisback,andhewastheonemakingtheseloudinhuman
sounds.
Shelookedoveratheraunt,whohadaconcerned
lookonherface,buttheboysinthefunnycostumes
didn'tseemtocareabouthimatall.Someofthemwere
evenlaughingaboutit.
"Rawlsmustagotitrightinthebreadbasket,"she
heardoneofthemstandingrightbelowherontheedgeof
thefieldsaytoanotherbesidehim.
HerauntoverheardtooandAnnaleesawthelookof
dismayonherfaceasoneofthemenonthefieldwalked
overtotheboylyingontheground,bentoverhim,
pulledhimslowlyupbythefrontofhispants,then
loweredhimtothegroundagain.Hedidthisseveral
timesuntilfinallytheboygotup,tookofftheshiny
roundthingonhisheadandwalkedovertowherethe
otherswerestandingbesidethefield.Hedidn'tseemto
behurtmuchafterall.
Ashegotclosersherealizedwithastartthatthis
wasthesamepersonshehadseenyesterdayintheforest.
Infactsherememberedseeinghimearlieraswell.He
lookedupandsawher,andevenfromdownonthefield
hiseyesseemedtograbholdofherssomehow.Unableto
lookaway,shefoughttheirintrusioneventhoughit
stirredsomethingwithinher,somewarmunsettling
feeling,thatwasnotaltogetherunpleasant.Annaleehad
feltthesamesensationthismorning,whenshewasalone
andherbodyhadfeltsoalive.Nowitwasalltoo
confusing.Shewasgratefulwhenheraunttookherhand
andturnedawaywithherforthetruck.
E.J.watchedhergo,feelingmorethaneverlikea
characterinsomekindofmoviemorerealthanreallife.
Asifthisgirlandhewereconnectedsomehowandthrough
herhewasbeingmadeawareofthat"otherdimension"the
oldTwilightZonererunswerealwaystalkingabout.Where
everydayrealitygettingupeverymorningandgoingto
school,makingfriends,evenplayingfootballwerenot
whathislifewasreallyabout;andthisgirlwhocould
119
dononeoftheseordinarythingsherselfbecauseshe
couldn'tevenspeakwasinsomewayasignofanother
worldoutthere,anotherpossibility.Thephrasehada
reassuringringtoit:"anotherpossibility."
Asiftherewasactuallyadifferentwayofliving
inthisinsane,screwedupworldthantheonethatseemed
tobelaidoutforhim,inwhichhealreadyfelttrapped
evenwhilehisparentsandteacherskepttellinghimhis
wholefutureawaitedhim.Somefuture!
Yeah,andsomefantasy.Maybehe'dtakenablowto
theheadjustnowaswellasgettingthewindknockedout
ofhim.HerememberedtheChillicothegamelastyearwhen
he'dgottenamildconcussionandplayedtherestofthe
4thquarterinadjvutrance,inwhichheseemedto
knowamomentinadvanceexactlywhatwasgoingtohappen
next,becauseithadallhappenedbefore.Eventuallythe
concurrentflowofeventstheeventoccurringwhile
simultaneouslyforeknown/rememberedbecametoomuchfor
himtostomach.Thelastthingherememberedfromthat
nightwaspukingonthesidelines.
Butthisgirlsomysteriouslyenteringandleaving
hislifelikethiswasreal,neitherafigmentofhis
imaginationnorafigurefromhispastresurrectedby
braintrauma.Howtoexplainthat?Whytry?Itwas
probablyalljustcoincidence,mademysteriousonlyby
themysteryinherownsituation:thatforallheryouth
andbeautyshewaslockedintoastrangeworldofher
own;aworldthat,whenhestoppedtothinkaboutit,
madehisownlifeseempositivelysecureandtogetherin
comparison.Whatcouldthefuturepossiblyholdforher?
*
*
*
*
*
Theweekwentby,inpreparationforLancaster
Fridaynight.Otherthanpracticeitself,classesand
homeworkkeptRawlsfromfocusingobsessivelyonthe
game.WednesdaynighthedroveovertotheBeast'sfor
tutoringincalculusandtherapsessionthatwould
inevitablyfollow,onanythingfromclassicrockorblues
tosuperconductivitywhichtheBeastcouldexplain
fluently,citingcasehistoriesandthedatesofspecific
scientificbreakthroughsortheimprobabledimensions
ofJenniferBarnstable,thenewstudentEnglishteacher,
towhomeitherGodoranepicscalecosmeticsurgeonhad
120
givenendowmentsexceedingtheboundsofcommonsense,
goodtasteorpublicdecency,takeyourpick.
Calculusdidn'ttakeuptoomuchtimeontonight's
agenda,however;E.J.couldn'tseemtoconcentrate.He
keptseeingAnnaleeonthepracticefieldhisownturf
thedaybefore.
"Yousawherwhat'dyouthinkofher?"he'dasked
theBeastthateveningintheshower,whereshehadbeen
theprincipalsubjectofreverberantpostpractice
speculationbeneaththehealingandablutionarystreams
ofhotwater.
Beasthadbeennoncommittal;sheheldnomysteryfor
himatall.Butthenfewgirlsdidinfactnonethat
Rawlscouldthinkof.Beast'sinterestsinthatsphereof
activityhadn'treallybeenawakenedyet.Tonight,while
heattemptedhalfheartedlytoarouseRawls'interestin
mathematics,E.J.wastryingtoimaginewhatAnnaleemust
havethoughtaboutherexperienceyesterday.
Thelookonherfacehadtoldhimitwasthefirst
timeshe'deverbeenexposedtoanythingquitelike
football.Thoughitseemedtohimratherperverse,he
relishedthethoughtofherwitnessinghishavingthe
windknockedoutofhim.Nodoubtitwasbecause,inhis
fantasy,itmadehimlookallthemoreheroicinhereyes
forbeingabletotakesuchphysical"abuse"andcontinue
toplay.Shemayhavethoughthe'dbeenreallyhurt.
"There'snopointingoinganyfurther,Rawls;
you'renotevenlistening,"Beastsuddenlyinterrupted
histhoughts.
"Iknow,I'msorrylet'shangitupfortonight,
okay?WhogivesashithowmuchofthisIlearnanyway?
Imeanit'sreallyimportanttomyfuture,right?I'llbe
abetterpersonifIlearnhowtocalculatethearea
underacurve."
TheBeastchuckledtolerantly."Ifyou'vegotbetter
thingstodowithyourtime,that'sgreat.Icertainly
do."
"Oh,Iappreciateyourhelp,Beast.AtleastIcan
understandthisstuffaftertalkingtoyou.Butthat
doesn'tmeanIthinkmuchofit.HereIamgetting
tutoredincalculussoIcangetintoagoodschoolso
Icangetabetterjobsomedayandearna'better
121
living.'Andwhatdoesthatmeanbutmakemoremoney?
WhichI'mnotagainstthemoney,Imeanbutwhere's
therestofit?"
"Where'stherestofwhatlife?"
"Yeah.Right.Likethispastweekend,Iwasoutin
thewoods"
"Iknow,youtoldmeyouranintoMs.Extra
terrestrial.Outgettinghercosmicbatterycharged,I
presume."
"That'snotwhatIwasgoingtosay,asshole!I
don'tevenremembertellingyouaboutthat."
"Areyoukidding?Youcan'tgetheroffyourmind."
"Bullshit,that'sanexaggeration.Anyway,before
thatiswhatI'mtalkingabout.I'mjustwalkingalong,
throughthetrees...andIgetthisreallypeaceful
feeling,thatmylife'snotasscrewedupasitseems
mostofthetimeeventheHickmanthing.Igotawhole
differentperspective,itchangedmywholeattitude.
"Goon,"saidtheBeastwithanexpressionRawls
couldn'tquiteread.Wasitamusementorgenuine
interest?Maybealittleofeach."I'mlistening."Rawls
decidedtotaketherisk.
"...AllthistimeI'vethoughtofmylifeasmoreor
lesspredetermined,Iguessyou'dsay.Itwaslike,here
Iam,doingthesamethingseverybodyelseis,andit
neverevenoccurredtomethatIhavemuchchoiceinthe
matter.NoweventhoughI'malreadyslippingbackinto
seeingthingsthewayIalwayshaveIrealizeIdon't
havetotakethesamepatheveryoneelseison.Idon't
evenhavetostayonmyownpath,youknowwhatImean?"
"Sure,Iknowwhatyou'retalkingabout,"saidthe
Beast,actuallyappearingtofindRawls'confused
thoughtsworthlisteningto.
"Wesay,'Thesky'sthelimit,'butIthinkthereal
limitationsmaybeinourownmind,youknow?Whyisit
wegetlockedintoourlivesthewaywedo,Beastlike
we'reallinharnessorsomething?There'smoretolife
thanthat.Anyway,that'swhatIgotintouchwithinthe
woods.Thatthere'sthis,likesecretdimensionwe've
lostsightof,ormaybeneverevenknewaboutinthe
firstplace"
"'Secretdimension'?"whoopedtheBeast."Hey,
122
Rawls,don'tgetflakyonus.Justbecauseyougota
littlecarriedawayinHickman'sclassdoesn'tmeanyou
havetobecomeacertifiablepsycho."
"Ohc'mon,"saidE.J.,refusingtorisetothebait.
"Iknowyou'vedonealotmorereadingthanIhave;it's
notexactlybreakthroughstuffwe'retalkingabouthere,
tohavesomekindofmysticalfeelingaboutnature,
right?Maybetreestransmitsomekindofenergyyoucan
tapintoifyou'rereceptiveenough,Idon'tknow."He
grinned,gettingthereactionhe'dhopedtofromthe
Beast.
"See,that'swhyitwassuchamindblowertorun
intothegirloutthere.HereIam,justgettingintouch
withallthis,startingtofeellikemaybeIunderstand
whatthemessageis,andallofasuddenBoom:outof
nowhere,theresheis."
"It'sdestiny,Rawls!"proclaimedtheBeast
melodramatically."Inyourworldtreestalkbutpeople
don't.Shecan'tandyousaidyouweretooflabbergasted.
MaybeIshouldbetutoringhardwoodsinsteadofyou.But
youroldmankeepscuttingthemdowntoturninto
lumber."
"Theyshouldbetutoringyou,wiseass.Maybethe
reasontheworld'ssoscrewedupiswedependtoomuchon
ourfuckingtextbooksandignorewhat'srightinfrontof
us.Ifit'snotpartoftheprogramno,thecurriculum
thenitdoesn'tcount."
"Wouldyoupleasetrytousealittlelogichere,
Rawls?What'sthisgottodowithyourtransmitting
trees?Whatdoyouwant?Youwantusalltoputonour
loinclothsandsitaroundgettingstonedontheol'peace
pipetillwe'retotally'atone'withnature,isthatit?
You'reaneoorretrohippiewhowantstogobacktothe
60's?HowaboutthePleistocene?Let'sreallygetbackto
ourroots!"
Rawlsgrinnedagainandgavehisfriendthefinger.
"Justbecausewe'vegonetooneextremedoesn'tmeanwe
havetogoclearbacktotheother.Whatisitthe
Buddhistscallit,'themiddleway'?Let'strythatfora
change.Isn'tnaturetellingusallovertheworldto
cleanupouract?That'swhatI'mtalkingabout:ifwe
can'thearnaturetalkingtousifwedon'tevenlisten
123
thenshemayhavetogetrealnastytogetour
attention.
"MotherNaturewithPMS.Ilikeit."
"Thereyougo,"saidRawls,grinning."Youknowwhat
theonlythingnatureandschoolhaveincommonis?"
"Ishuddertothinkofananalogyyourderangedmind
hasconjuredupbutlayitonme."
"Fish.Theyswimaroundinschools,right?Oneof
'emgoesoneway,therestfollow.Thenonegoesthe
otherway,theyallgotheotherway.Littlefucking
biorobotswithtails,fuckinglittlestudentsgood
littlefuturecitizens.Swimmingaroundinschools,
waitingtobeeaten,ortoeatsomeonesmallerthanthey
arewhentheygetthechance."
ThatcrackedtheBeastup,muchtoRawls'
satisfaction.Thissurebeatthehelloutofcalculus.
"Youknow,Ijustthoughtofsomething,"heblurtedthe
momentitoccurredtohim."IthinkmaybeIknowwhyI
freakedoutinHickman'sclass."
Beastslappedhisforehead."Letmeguess.
Subversivetrees,andlittlerobotkillerfish.The
piranhasmadeyoudoit."
Rawlslaughed."Nowjustlistentomeasecond,
willya,fucker?Letmetellyouwhatreallyhappenedup
there.Youknowhowsomepeoplesayyoucanactually
becomepossessedby,Idon'tknow,otherspiritsor
whatever?Likeyou'renotsupposedtofuckaroundwith
Ouijaboardsandshitlikethat?"
Beastwaslaughingtoohardtoanswer.Rawlsstill
hadasmileonhisfacetoo."Really!I'veheardthat.
Anyway,that'ssortofwhathappenedtome,Beast.Itwas
justsupposedtobeajokeyouknow,atakeoffon
Moose.Ifiguredit'dgetabiglaugh.
"ButthenafterIstartedreallygettin'intoit,it
wasjust...Ifeltallthisenergycomingfromyouguys
outintheclassroom.Irememberthinkin',thismustbe
whatmusiciansfeelwhentheywalkoutonstageandthe
audienceisgoin'nuts.OnlyIwasgettin'justataste
ofit."
"That'sgood.Iwasafraidyouweregoingtosayyou
hallucinatedawholerockconcert.Youwerethe
reincarnationofJimiHendrix.Ornoyouwerepossessed
124
byhim."
ButbynowE.J.wastoointriguedbywhathewas
rememberingoftheincidenttobebotheredbytheBeast's
razzing."ThenextthingIknew,itwaslike,adoor
openingsomewhereinsideofme...andallthisfucking
angerthatwasjust,thatmusthavebeenbottledupin
there,camepouringout.Itjustoverwhelmedme,Beast.I
sawred,thewayI..."
Hestoppedforamoment,andtheBeaststopped
laughing,seeingthedeeplyintrospectivelookonhis
friend'sface.
"...ItwaslikesomeotherpartofmeImeanit
wasmebutactingevenweirderthanusualwasin
controlallofasudden.Icouldalmostevenseemyself
intheroom,likeIwasoutsideofmyself,doingthisto
myself.IknewIwasgoingtoputaforearmintothe
blackboardIevenimagineditshatteringthewayit
did,exceptinmypicturethatwasonlythebeginningof
achainreaction:thewholeschooljustcrumblingto
pieces.
"Ievenknewitwasgoingtoinjuremeandthat
wasokaytoo.Thatwassupposedtohappen.LikeIwanted
ittohappen...."
*
*
*
*
*
TheweekwasanagonizinglyslowoneforLonnie
Jones.Hehadcomehomefromschoolafterhisruninwith
BillyRiversandRonnieMorrisontofindthathismother
hadinfactlostherjobattheMorrisons'thatveryday.
Thiswasalmostasinconceivabletohimasitwasto
Melissathattheirmotherhadtoworkforpeoplelike
RonnieMorrison'sparentsinthefirstplacetosupport
thefamily.
Mrs.Joneswassouncharacteristicallytightlipped
andsubduedLonniehesitatedtobringupwhathehad
heardatschool.Heknewitcouldn'tbetrueandhis
motherfeltbadenoughasitwas.Yetthelongerhe
avoidedthesubject,themoreitweighedonhismind.
Maybetherewereextenuatingcircumstances,maybeshehad
takensomethingbutonlywhatshefeltwasherdueas
theyhadallurgedhertodoforyears.Maybeitwas
reallytheywhowereguilty,then,andtheirmotherwas
martyringherself.Incarryingoutherchildren'swishes
125
andgettingcaught,shewasnowprotectingthemwithher
stoicsilence.
Hedidn'tdarementionwhathadbecomehissecretto
eitherhissisterorbrother,knowinghowtheywould
handletheinformation.No,theirmotherwouldtellthem
allwhathadhappenedwhenshewasgoodandready.Butas
theweekworeonwithnosuchdisclosureofanykind,
Jonesfoundhimselfjustifyingwhatmighthavehappened,
asapreferablealternativetoconfrontinghismotherto
learnwhatactuallyhadoccurred.
Everydaythatwentbyincreasedhiscomplicity.
Hearinghismothercalled"thief"byscumlikeRonnie
Morrisonandwithholdingthisinformationwassomehow
degradingtoher,eventhoughhewasonlytryingto
shieldher.Itwaslikethetimeacoupleofyearsago
whenhehadseenhercrippledandmisshapenbodynaked
forthefirsttimesincehewasakid.He'dshrunkback
againstthewallinthehallwayoutsideherbedroomso
shewouldn'tknow.Hehadbeenashamedthenofhis
spontaneousreaction;butonceithadoccurredwhatcould
hedo?Hecouldn'ttakeitback.
Sohesaidnothingand,knowingthathismother
couldneverdoatrulydishonestdeedinherlife,
ironicallywalkedrightintotheonlykindofhurtful
blowBillyRiverscouldpossiblyhavelanded.
Chapter22
TheLancastergamewasablowout.Itwasn'tsupposed
tobe;itshouldhavebeenahardfoughtdefensive
battle,accordingtoscoutingreports.JimmyMajorscould
throwtheballbuthewasnoLarrySimmons,lastyear's
allstatequarterback."Lancaster'sexperienced,top
ratedsecondaryshouldbeabletoconcentrateonJones'
widethreat,whiletheirstronglineandmiddle
linebackerwillgiveRawlstroubleupthemiddle,"Coach
Sorensonhadwritteninhispessimisticsummary.
ButinfactRawlsblastedforalmostahundredyards
thefirsthalfthanksinnosmallparttoMajors'11
for13passing,whichkeptthesecondaryloosenedupso
thatwhenKinneyandJuniorWannamakeropenedaholein
theHurricanes'beefyline,Rawlsoftenfoundplentyof
runningroombeyondit.HeandMajorshelpedoffsetan
126
uncharacteristicallyweakperformancebyLonnieJones,
whoplayedlethargicallythefirsthalf,asifhisheart
wasn'tinthegameatall.
WhentheHurricanesscoredjustbeforethehalf
ended,theTigers'7pointleaddidn'tseemallthat
safe.ButathalftimeCoachMacGrawtookLonnieasideand
"breathedsomefireuphisass,"ishowTonyGillespie,
theGazette'ssportseditor,reporteditinthepress
box,notSaturdaymorning'spaper.Lancastermadesome
defensivechangesattheintermissionthatleftthem
vulnerabletothefireduprunningbackthesecondhalf.
Jonesranwildforthreetouchdownsandsetup
Rawls'secondTDofthegamewithanotherlonggain.
ScoutsfromOhioState,WestVirginiaandPennStatewent
awayrubbingtheirhandsgreedily,gloatingattheirgood
fortuneinwitnessingsuchathleticvirtuosity.Ifthey
wereluckytheymighthaveahandinlandingtheir
school'snextgreatrunningback,maybeevenaHeisman
candidate.Evenjadedcollegescoutscandream,
especiallyoverabeerinawarmcozybarbeforemaking
thelongdrivehome.
Muskingum'sstudentbodydidn'tneedthewarmthofa
beerorabartocelebratetheirteam'ssixthwinina
row.Thosewhokepttrackofsuchthingsagreedthatwith
Lancasterdisposedofsoconvincingly,itlookedas
thoughonlyColumbus'sUpperArlingtonnextweekstood
betweentheTigersandtheirsecondstraightconference
championship.Butmostofthosestreamingfromthehigh
schoolsectionofthestadiumwerelookingnofurther
aheadthanthepostgamedanceattheArmory.TheFriday
nightdanceswerealwaysmorefunafterabigwin.Itwas
somucheasiertoconvinceyourselfthatanythingcould
happentonight.
Hornsblaredasthecrowdhitthestreets.Anti
Lancasterepithetsfilledthenightairlikesome
strenuousauditorycouplingofconfettiwiththemost
graphicofgraffiti,burningtheearsofparents,faculty
andtownsfolkbutstirringtribalsentimentsinthe
communitynonetheless.Planswereshoutedbackandforth
fromcartocar:whowastomeetanddowhatwithwhom,
andwhenthe"where"beingnearlyunanimouslythe
Armory,ifonlyasarendezvouswherethenight'sreal
127
planscouldbemade.
Thiswasthescenenearthestadiumanyway,andon
theprincipalstreetsleadingawayfromittothe
NationalGuardArmorynexttotheriver.Butontheother
sideoftownanentirelydifferentscenewastaking
place.AtJohnnie'snoonekneworcouldhavecaredless
who'dwonthegame.ThiswastrueonanyFridaynight,
andthiseveningBillyRivershadaparticularlyfirm
griponhisfriends'attention.
"Listen,richkidwhat'dyouthinkjoinin'upwith
usmeant?Justhangin'out,withoutpayin'nodues?So
yougothisoldladyfiredbigdeal.Thatdidn'ttake
nothin'butalie.Wewantaseehowyourballshang,
man."
Atthis,LosersnatchedupLiz'sscarf,whichwas
waddedupwithhercoatinthecornerofthebooth,and
hoppedontothepooltablewithtwooftheballs.He
dangledthemfromhiswaistinthescarflikean
oversizedpendulousscrotum.
"Justthink,"hecrowed,"showenoughclassand
somedayyoumayhaveapairliketheLoser's!"
"Hell,man,"growledtheWhale,"theonlytimeyours
wasthatbigwaswhenyouwasmakin'likeEvilKnievel
andyoutookthatjumpwrong."
TheLoserplayedalongwiththisbydroppingfirst
oneball,thentheotheronthetableinmockpain,his
facewreathedinanidiot'sconfusionofagonyand
ecstasy.
ThefolksatJohnnie'swhoopedandhollered.A
momentlatercuesticksstooderectaroundthetableand
ChiquitajumpedupbesidetheLosertomimetakingthem
on.Billywasnotamused.
"Allright,youclowns,wegottagetgoin'.Ronnie
baby,it'supt'you.Areyougonnabeoneofusorare
yougonnaturntheWhalehereintoaprophetandchicken
out?"
Suddenlytheplacegotrealquiet.Ronniefeltall
theeyesaroundhimboringintohisbodylikestraight
pinsintoalittlevoodoodoll.Hismouthwassodryhe
couldn'tspeak.
"C'mon,Ronnie!"urgedChiquitafromherperchon
theedgeofthepooltable."Beamanaboutit!"
128
Sheturnedherhandsinagainsthershapelybreasts
makingthemevenmoreconspicuousthantheyalready
were,Liznotedwithdisgustandwaggledherarmslike
wings."Don'tbethechicken,man,bethecock."
"Dickhead,youmean,"saidtheWhale,butnoone
paidanyattentiontohim.Chiquitawasputtingontoo
goodashow.
Shethrewbackherheadandsangouta"cocka
doodledo"thatinherslightHispanicaccentcameout
soundinglikearoosterinaMexicanbordertown.Then
shegotthatfamiliarChiquitagleaminhereyeand
lookeddownfromthetablewithadeliberatelypastedon
expressionoffalsesweetnessatLiz,whowasstanding
nexttoBilly.
"That'snotthewayyoudoitthough,isithoney?
YouallknowhowcockyLizis,right?Withherits,
"Anycock'lldo!"
"Bitch!"Lizhissedaslaughterquicklyturnedinto
awholechorusofpornographicroostercrows.Butonce
againBillyhadtospoilallthefun.
"Iwantahearit,Ronnie!"heshoutedoverthe
commotion.Hiscommandhadenoughedgeonittosilence
theroomagainalmostatonce.Thecenterofattention
oncemore,Ronnieshifteduneasilyandfinallyforced
himselftolookupfromthefloor,althoughsincehe
couldn'tmakehimselflookintoBilly'seyesheendedup
directinghisownoutintothemiddleoftheroom,to
thatmakebelieveplacewithnopast,futureor
consequences.
"...I,I...sure,I'mwithyou,"hefinallygotout
inastrangledvoice."Whattayawantmetodo?No
problem."
"Awrhaaat!"TheLoserthrusthispoolcuealoft
likeaspear,thenrammeditbuttfirstintoacorner
pocket.
*
*
*
*
*
Thestudentcouncilhadbeensuccessfulseveral
yearsagoingettingdancesmovedtotheArmory's
gymnasiumfromthehighschoolgym,wheretherealways
seemedtobethreetimesthenumberofchaperonesmost
ofthemteachersthanwouldshowupfordancesanywhere
else.YoufeltyouhadtheArmorytoyourselves.There
129
werealwaysacoupleofparents,maybeateacherortwo
lurkingabout,buttheykepttothemselvesandstayedas
inconspicuousaspossible,whereasthegymwasthe
faculty'shometurfafterall,andtheymanagedtomake
dancesthereaboutasromanticandexcitingasstudyhall
withthelightsdimmedalittle.
AttheArmoryyouweretreatedmorelikeadults.You
couldcomeandgoasyouliked.Thelightswerekeptlow
andthemusicanddancinggotalotrowdierthanonthe
Hill.Mooredlessthanahundredyardsawayonthe
MuskingumwastheBeckyThatcherShowboatwherethe
collegekidshungout,soyougotsomesocialenhancement
theretoo.Therewasactuallylittlemixingbetweenthe
twogroups,butjusthavingtheoldercrowdnextdoor,
drinkingandcarryingon,addedabitofabuzztothe
scene.
Vintagetanksandtrooptruckswerefencedinbehind
theArmoryandtwocommemorativepiecesofWorldWarI
fieldartilleryguardedthefront,tosaynothingofthe
armsandammunitionstoredinthebasement.Butanysort
ofmartialflavortheplacemighthavefortheGuard's
weekendwarriorswasgenerallylostonMuskingum's
studentbody,mostofwhomwerehereonlytoparty.
E.J.,alwaysoneofthelastoutoftheshowerafter
agame,hadjustarrivedafewminutesago,baskingand
pretendingnottointheafterglowofvictory.Heshook
hands,usedtheteamplayer's"we"inacknowledgingthe
goodgameheandtheTigershadhad,andglancedaround
toseewhowashereandfree.
Kinneyandotherplayerswerestandingnearby
rehashingthegame;Rawlsstrolledovertojointhem.
ThenhespottedAlisonRosenbergtalkinganimatedlytoa
coupleofothergirls.Shedidn'talwayscometothese
dancesandwasusuallywithsomeonewhenshedid.It
didn'tlooklikeshewasattendedtonight.
"Seeyouguyslater."AshewalkedovertoAlisonhe
askedhimselfwhathehadinmind.Theyweren'treally
eachother'stype.Alisonwasalittletoointellectually
refinedforhistaste,andhesuspectedshe'dfindhim
lackinginthatdepartmentifshegottoknowhimvery
well.Hegotgoodenoughgradesbuthecouldn'tdiscuss
thesortsofthingsheoverheardherandMr.Hickman
130
talkingabout.Couldn'tandwouldn'tparticularlywant
to,althoughhehadtoadmithewasalittleenviousof
thekindofknowledgesheseemedtopossess.Whyhadn't
hisparentsencouragedhimtoreadmore?Hefeltsofar
behindpeoplelikeAlisonhe'dnevercatchup.
ButtherewasmoretoAlisonthanhermindor,
moreaccurately,moretohermindthanherbroad
knowledge;becauseherealizedhermindwasoneofthe
thingsthatattractedhimtoher.Notitsgraspof
historyandcultureandworldeventssomuchasthe
differentwayshehadoflookingatlife.Evenwhenshe
wastalkingaboutthesamethingsthatdominatedhis
friends'conversations,shehadadifferentslant,a
uniquewayofseeingandsayingtheobvioussothatit
revealedsomethingnewtohim.
Probablyasawayofdefendingherselfagainstthe
ostracismthissubjectedherto,ofgettingbackatthose
whodismissedherasweirdorstuckup,shetookherself
ratherseriouslyattimes,adoptinganI'msosuperior
expressionandanaffectedwayofspeaking.Butthis
hadn'thappenedonthefewoccasionswhenjustthetwoof
themweretogether.Infactsheseemedtoenjoysharing
herspecialviewoftheworldwithhim,maybebecauseshe
couldtellhewasreallyinterested.Whatever.
Shealsohappenedtohaveonehellofafinebody,
withafacethatwasmorestrikingthanwhatyou'dcall
cuteorpretty.Maybeyou'devencallherbeautifulbut
notaroundhere.Thelookwastooexoticfortheseparts,
thenosetoolong,thecheekbonestooprominent,the
chintooangular,herhairtoohighsocietyorsomething.
Andeyeswiththatintimidatingdegreeofintelligencein
them.
Shedisconnectedherselfeversoslightlyfromthe
othertwogirlsathisapproach."Goodgame,E.J.
Awesomeoffensivedisplay."
Hewasn'tsurewhetherAlisonactuallyliked
footballorwhetherherapparentknowledgeand
appreciationofthegamewerejustaputon.Sheseemed
toknowwhatwentonouttherethough.
"Thanks,Alison.Jonesiewassomethin'wasn'the?"
"Youweren'tsobadyourself."
"Ahh..."Heshruggedoffthecompliment,although
131
comingfromheritpleasedhimmorethanhe'dhave
guessed."Don'ttellmeyou'reherealonetonight."
"I'mnot.LauraandSallyandIhavebeenhavinga
wonderfulconversation."
"WellIcouldseethat,"hesaidsheepishly,only
nowacknowledginghercompanionswithasmile.Heknew
bothgirls,thoughnotwell,andhadn'treallymeantto
ignorethem.
"IfyoumeanamIunescorted,yes,Iam.Whydoes
thatsurpriseyou?"
"Becauseusuallyifyoubothertoshowupatall
you'rewithsomeonelikeJamieChoworBernieHollander,
withthetwoofyoutalkinglikeyou'vejustmadesome
greatscientificdiscoveryorsomething,andthat'sthe
lastIseeofyou."
"Vellofcoursevehavetohurrybacktoourla
BORatry,"shesaidinherbestBorisKarloff,tossing
herheadslightlyandgivingherwristaflipofhaughty
disdain."Whileyoucommonfolkarebackhereboogalooing
yourbunnsoff,we'remakingtheworldabetterplace."
Shesharedthesarcasmwithherfriendsandthenreturned
thefullweightofherattention,andadazzlingsmile,
toE.J.,reachingouttotouchhisarm."Ididn'tthink
younoticed."
Shit,shedoesn'tneedtoreassureme,hethought,
butthesmileeclipsedhisannoyance.Hesaidtothe
others,"Doyouthinkmaybeshe'sputtingmeonhere?"
andtoAlison,"SureInoticed.Whydon'tyouimprovethe
nextfiveminutesofmylifewiththisdance?"
"Listentohim!Fiveminutes?You'regivingmejust
fiveminutestoturntheMr.HydeIsawoutthereonthe
footballfieldintorespectableDr.Jekyll?Itcan'tbe
done,Rawls.ButIwillamusemyselfifImay,"shesaid,
acceptinghishandandwalkingwithhimtoaplaceonthe
floorwheretherewasroomtodance."Thatwouldgiveme
greatpleasure."
"Itwouldhuh?NowIknowyou'reputtingmeon."Her
smilewasjustafewinchesfromhisface.Herscent,
bothnaturalandcosmetic,arousedhimunexpectedly.He
wasabouttotakeherintohisarmsfortheslowdance
theywerecomingintothemiddleofwhenJunior
Wannamaker'sunmistakablevoiceboomedoutoverthe
132
music."Jonesisintrouble!Intheparkinglot!"
Chapter23
MuchtohissisterMelissa'sdismay,LonnieJones
hadrecentlystarteddatingawhitePutnamCollegecoed
he'dmetintheNautilusroomattheY.Melissafigured
shewasprobablysomekindofsportsgroupiewhose
associationwithherbrothercouldbenothingbutbad
newsinasmalltownlikeMuskingum.Lonniesaid,no,she
wasajockherself,whohadahorseataridingstable
outsideoftownandkeptherselfinbettershapethan
mostoftheguysontheteam.
Havingdecideditwastimetofindoutforherself
whatthewomanwasreallylike,Melissawaswaitingwith
agroupofhersophomorefriendsforherillustrious
brothertoarriveatthedance.HeandLeighsomething
thatwashername.ItsoundedtoMelissalikesomeonewho
wouldbeintohorses,whosefamilyprobablyhadlotsof
money.Lonniehadn'tbroughthertoadanceyetbut
Melissahadheardhimtellheronthephonelastnight
thathe'dliketoifshewasuptoit.Fromhislaugh,
Melissacouldtellshewasdefinitelyuptoit.Shewas
probablythekindofwomanwholikedthatracialedge,
especiallyinanathletelikeLonnie,somebodyyeah,
somebodydestinedtobeastar.
WhenLonniesaunteredoutofthedressingroomhe
wasmetbyasmallgroupofwellwishers,fromgrade
schoolboyswho'dmadethepilgrimagetotheHillfrom
thestadiumseveralblocksaway,tomembersofthehigh
school'smarchingbandandmiddleagedmenwiththeir
families.
Ontheperipheryofthesmallcrowdwasaslender
youngwomanwearingaleatherjacketthatlookedasifit
hadseenalotofbarndutyandasmilethatmadeno
attempttocontroltheprideandexcitementitswearer
wasfeeling.Therewasnoadulationinit,however,as
wasinthefacesofmanyoftheothers.Therewasmore
thesamesenseofcamaraderiethathadsurroundedLonnie
intheshowerandinfrontofhislocker,withanother
dimensionthathadnobusinessinalockerroom
whatsoever.HadMelissabeenabletoseeLeigh's
expressionherselfrightnowshemighthaverelaxedasto
133
thewoman'sintentionsconcerningherbrother.
Lonniesawheratonceandmanagedtoclearapath
forhimselfinherdirectionwithoutignoringhisfans.
Hewasneitherembarrassedbytheattentionnoroverly
impressedbyit,havingbecomeaccustomedsogradually
overtheyearstorecognitionofhisathletictalentthat
itwasvirtuallyinseparablefromthesportsheexcelled
in.
Aslightbutnoticeableshockwavewentthroughthe
crowdwhenitcollectivelydrewtheconnectionbetween
Lonnieandthiscasuallydressed,sophisticatedlooking,
collegeagedblondeheretomeethim.Sheworeherhair
inaponytailthatfellpasthershoulders,stonewashed
jeansrevealinglongshapelylegswithoutquiteputting
themondisplay,andbootsthatlookedmorecomfortable
thanfashionable.Sheseemedtotallyateaseevenasall
theattentionfocusedonLonnieshiftedabruptlytoher.
ButthegoodfolksofMuskingumquicklyrecovered
theirpoiseandmanners,makingwayforhimandthen
partingtoletthetwoofthemleavegracefully.
"Well,Iguessnowyou'regonnabenotorious,"
Lonniesaidwithaslysmileastheycrossedtheparking
lottohercar.
"Ohc'mon,thatwasn'tthefirsttimewe'vebeen
seentogether.Thisisn'texactlySelma,Alabama,Mr.
Jones,"shedrawled.
Helaughed."Maybenot,butitstilltook'emby
surprise,didn'tit?"
"They'llgetusedtoit."
"Hey,Ihopetheydo,lady.Ihopetheydo."
Heputhisarmaroundher,thenopenedthe
passengersidedoorforherasshehandedhimthekeysto
herBronco.
TheytookadetourpastMcDonald'sasalwaysafter
agame,hewasfamishedbeforearrivingattheArmory.
Thentheysatinthecarwhilehefinishedhismilkshake
andtalkedaboutthegame.Anathleteherself,shewas
fascinatedbyallthefinepointstheaveragespectator
didn'tevensee.Shewantedtoknowwhathadhappened
duringhalftimetoturnhisgamearound,whyonthe
secondtouchdownhehadcutbackagainstthegrain,how
hehadseendaylightamidstallthoseblackjerseys.How
134
onanothergoodrunhehadkepthisfeetsolongafter
beingtrippedupbyadesperationtackledeepin
Lancasterterritory.
Shegotexcitedalloveragainlisteningtohim,and
herenthusiasmstirredhimuptoo,madehimseeas
accomplishmentwhathetookalmostforgranted,knowing
thathisrealtestwouldcomelater,incollegeandmaybe
eventhepros.Leigh'sknowledgeableappreciationhelped
himsavorthisgame;hesawitinawholenewlight
throughhereyesashedescribedittoher.
TheparkinglotservedboththeArmoryandtheBecky
Thatcher,andwhiletheytalkedanumberofPutnam
Collegestudentswalkedpastheadedforthebarand
loungeontheshowboat.Leighspoketoacoupleofthem
who,recognizinghercar,peeredintoseewhoshewas
with.Lonniecouldseethatshewasbothannoyedand
amusedbytheircuriosity.
Whentheyfinallygotout,hefeltreadytocut
loose.Therewereafewreallygooddancersinschooland
theyallhadagreattimeputtingonashowforone
another.HewaslookingforwardtoseeinghowLeighmoved
andtoshowingheroff.Hewasproudofhernotonly
forhavingthegutstogooutwithhimbutalsoforbeing
abletokeepupwithhimthewayshedid.Shewaseven
teachinghimhowtoride.
Theylookedintoeachother'seyeswithasortof
"Well,herewego"expressionanddidn'tevenseeBilly
Riversandtheothersuntiltheywerealreadyontopof
them.
Melissasawthem,though,andshriekedawarning
fromacrosstheparkinglotthatpreventedLonniefrom
beingtakencompletelyunawares.HeshookRonnieMorrison
offaseasilyashehadshedtacklersearlierthis
evening,buttherewerehalfadozenothersandina
momenthewasswarmedunder.Knockedalmostoffherfeet,
Leighfoughtherwayintothemiddleoftheaction,
throwingfistsandelbows,grabbingheadsandhairto
pullLonnie'sattackersoffhim.
"Helpus!Helpus!"shescreamed,astheystarted
hittinghertootokeepheroffthem.ThenMelissamadea
flyingleapontoProtoplasm'sback,hermomentumsending
thembothsprawlingtothepavement.
135
"Youlittlebitch!"hesnarled,grabbingholdofthe
frontofhercoatandtwistingitasifhewereaboutto
slugherwithhisfreehand.Leighkickedhimintheside
oftheheadwithoutwaitingtoseewhathehadinmind.
Melissasquirmedoutofhisgripandbacktoher
feetandnowbothsheandLeightoreattheheadsand
facesofthepunkswhowerepummelingLonniewiththeir
fists,grunting,cursing,yelpingwithpainwhenoneof
hisblowsoroneofthegirls'landed.
Lonniecouldhandlehimselfinafight.Thefact
thathewasgreatlyoutnumbereddidn'tmeanmuchwhenyou
consideredwhowasganginguponhim.Hewasalsodimly
awareofhearingLeigh'sandhissister'sscreamsand
knewthathelpwouldbeonitsway.Allheneededtodo
wascoverupasbesthecouldandstillgetoffasmany
blowsaspossible.Theseguysweresoftandslowandhe
wasgivingalmostasgoodashegotuntilWhalewaded
inwiththatcastonhisarm.
ThefirstblowglancedoffthesideofLonnie's
head.Thenextcaughthimsquarelyintheribs.
"Goodshot,Whale!"saidRivers,whohadpinioned
oneofLonnie'sarmstogivetheWhaleabettertarget.
Loserfollowedwithawildshotathischinand
connected.
ThenJoneswentcrazy,lashingoutinall
directions,eventhoughhisrightsidewasonfire.
ThisiswhenJunior,followedbyKinney,Rawlsand
halfthefootballteamcamebellowingoutthefrontdoor
oftheArmory.
"Let'sgetoutahere!"Riversyelled."Wegotwhat
wecamefor!"Heandhisfriendsracedfortheirbikes.
AllbutProto,whowasstretchedoutcoldonhisback.
LonniedroppedtoonekneewithLeighbesidehim
whileMelissascreamedobscenitiesatthefleeingbikers.
"Getthefuckers!"Junioryelled.Butthebikeswere
alreadyscatteringhighschoolandcollegestudentsalike
astheyroaredthroughtheparkinglottothestreet.
"Hey,staycool,Junior.Don'tdoitformysake.
They'vecausedenoughtrouble."Lonniestaggeredtohis
feet,grimacinginpainandholdinghisrightside.Leigh
helpedhimupandMelissalookedathercuriouslythrough
tears.
136
"Areyouallright,Lonnie?"sheasked,wondering
whetherthiswhitegirlevenhadanybusinessbeinghere,
butstillseeinglikesomekindofrerunhowshehad
foughtbytheirside.
"Bullshit!Let'skicksomeass!Let'sgoafterthe
punks!"saidJunior,fullofrighteousindignation.
"Who'sthiscreep?"Protoplasmmoanedandafteropening
hiseyesdecidednottotrytogetup,oreventomove
forthemoment.
"Lonnie'sright,"saidtheBeast."There'snosense
goin'outafterthemtonight.Waittilltomorrowanyway,
whenit'slight."
"Howyadoin',Jonesie?Where'dtheyhurtyou?"E.J.
hadjustarrivedonthesceneandshoulderedhiswayto
thefront.
"I'mokay,J.Ithinktheymightabustedarib
though."
Thispromptedawholenewoutburstofangry
commotion.JuniorjerkedProtoplasmtohisfeetand
undoubtedlywouldhaveinflictedfurtherdamageifJones
hadn'tintervened.
"Leavehimalone,man.Wegetputonprobationor
somethin',theregoestheseason.It'snotworthit.I'll
takecareof'emmyself,later."
"Notbyyourselfyouwon't,Jonesie.Right,guys?"
AchorusofangryvoicesassuredLonniethathe'd
haveallthehelpheneeded.
Then,gradually,thecrowdbegantodisperse.Leigh
saidsheandMelissawouldtakeLonnietothehospital
emergencyroom;itwouldprobablybebetterforhimif
theothersdidn'tcome.Lonnieagreed.Melissawas
beginningtofeelthisladywasallrightafterall.
MinuteslaterthepolicearrivedandProtoplasmwas
thrustintotheircare.
E.J.returnedmoodilytothedance.Ifhedidhavea
brokenribwhatwouldthatdototherestofLonnies
season?Totheteam's,withUpperArlingtontoplaynext
week?
Hecertainlywasn'tinterestedindancingnow.
Alisoncameuptohimandhebriefedhercurtlyonwhat
hadhappened,untilhecaughthimselftreatingheralmost
asifsheweretoblameinsomeway."I'msorryno
137
reasontotakeitoutonyou."
Shegavehimanappraisinglook."Wouldyouliketo
gosomewhere?Icouldusearidehome."
Whatwasinthatlook?Didhewantto,after
everythingthathadhappened?
"...Sure,I'lltakeyou.I'dliketo,"hesaid,
realizingashesaiditthatthefeelingshehadaroused
inhimearlierhadreturned.
Chapter24
AlisonlivedinoneofthegrandoldVictorianhomes
onFifthAvenue.Thebrickstreet,abroadleafygreen
tunnelinthesummer,wasstilllinedwithpilesof
leavesthecity'sstreetcrewshadn'tpickedup.Rawls,
whosefamilylivedinoneofthenewersectionsinthe
hillssurroundingMuskingum,likedwalkingthestreetsof
theolderresidentialareawhenhefoundhimselfinthis
partoftown.Thestatelyhomesoverarchedbyoaks,
poplars,maplesandsycamoresevenafewsurvivingelm
treesfromamongthehundredsdecimatedbyDutchelm
diseaseinthe50'sspokewithquieteloquenceofa
lesstroubled,moreelegantera.Atimewhen,asinso
manyofthoseclassicHollywoodmovies,thecountrywas
notonlystrongbutbelieveditselftobevirtuousas
welloratleastthepeopleofitsrusticinterior
apparentlydid,incitiesandsmalltownslikeMuskingum.
Ifinfactthisvirtuewasstrongerinits
perceptionthaninreality,itmusthavebeencomforting
nevertheless,Rawlsfigured.Ifthecharactersinthose
oldmoviescouldhavebeengivensuchsimple,innocent
livescomparedtothoseportrayedintoday'sflicks,then
thetimeitselfmusthavebeensimilarlylessviolentand
stressful.
Thisiswhatthesecarefullypreservedandrestored
homesseemedtosaytohimanyway.Thesenseofserenity
thatpervadedtheneighborhoodatnightmadeeventhe
presentseemmorefabulousthanreal.Whenhewalkedpast
thesleepinghouseswithhismindopenandhissenses
aliveandreceptive,itwaseasytoimaginethempeopled
withpeaceful,wholesomefamilies,whereliveslikehis
ownrelativelyidyllicchildhoodwerelivedoutevenif
heknewotherwise.
138
HeopenedthecardoorforAlisonandtheywalkedup
toherlargelightedfrontporch,coveringtheir
anticipationwithnervoussmalltalk.Assherummaged
throughherbagforthekey,E.J.'seyeswanderedacross
alltheornamentalwoodworkthatdecoratedtheporchfrom
floortoelaboratetinceiling,thentothebeveledglass
fanlightandnarrowsidewindowsborderingtheheavily
carveddoor.Itallspokeoftraditionandgoodtaste
andmoneyofcourse.
"They'reprobablyallinbed,"shesaid."We'llgo
downtotherecroom."
Theyslippedquietlyinsideandsheledhimthrough
thedarkhouseanddownthecarpetedbasementstairwayto
alargepaneledgameroomdominatedbyapooltableat
oneendandasectionalsofaandexpensivelooking
entertainmentcenterattheother.
Sheturnedonlightsintheadjoiningroomstoshow
himakitchen,darkroomanddentheonlyroomnot
carpetedwhichshetoldhimwasusedfordancing.
"WhatwouldyoulikeCoke?Beer?"
"I'lltakeabeerthanks."
"You'renotintraining?"
"Yeah,buttonight'skindofastrangeevening,you
knowwhatImean?Maybeit'llbespecial."
"Ofcourseitwill.PutonaCD,I'llberight
back."
Helikedthewaythingsweregoing.Lookatthis
soundsystem.Hewasalmostoverwhelmedbythevinyl,
cassetteandCDcollectionwhichfilledseveralbuiltin
walnutshelvesatthisendoftheroom.Finallyspotting
somethingfamiliaramongmuchthatwasnt,heinserted
theCDandadjustedthevolume,thenslumpedintothe
deepcushionsofthesofawithasigh.
Niceplace.Alison'sfathermustbequite
successful.E.J.hadassumedthistobethecasefromthe
wayshedressedbutonlynowgiveitanythought.What
washe,somekindofengineerorchemistatGEorDuPont
oranotherofthosechemicalplantsalongtheOhio,
wasn'the?
Hisattentionwasdrawntothecolorandblackand
whitephotographsexhibitedonallfourwallsofthe
room.Hewasabouttohaulhimselfoutofthecomfortable
139
sofatoexaminethemmorecloselywhenAlisonreturned
withacoupleofbeers.
Shehandedhimoneandsettledintoasectionofthe
sofafacinghim,tuckingherlegsbeneathher.
"Thanks.Who'sthephotographer?"
"Well,somearemyfather'sandmostofthe
portraits,theonesofpeople,aremine."
"Actually,Idoknowwhataportraitis,"saidE.J.,
takingaswigofhisbeer,feelinghimselfrelaxintothe
situation,reallyseeingAlisonacrossfromhim.Her
lustrousdarkhair,imagininghishandsinit;herstrong
featuressoftenedbyhersmileandthecuddlywayshewas
tuckedintothesofa;theswellofabreastbeneathher
sweater.
"Youreinterestedinpeoplearen'tyou?"
"Peoplefascinateme.We'resuch...unfinished
creaturesnooneknowshowwe'llturnout.Ilookat
facesandthewaypeoplecarrythemselvesandtalktoone
another,andIseecluestoallthebigquestions:whowe
are,wherewecamefrom,wherewe'regoing.Theriddleof
mankind.Iknowthey'reclueseventhoughIcan't
decipherthem.Thatjustmakesthemallthemore
intriguing."
E.J.wasntsurehowtorespondtothis.Therewasa
silencebetweenthemthatthemusiconlypartiallyfilled
ashelookedoverathershecockingherheadplayfully
athimandworkedatreconcilingthispersonwhowas
startingtocomeintofocuswithwhatshehadjustsaid.
"...Soyoutrytocapturethesecluesinyour
photographs?"
"Capturethecluesandcelebratetheriddle.Some
peoplereadmysteriesIstudypeople."
E.J.wonderedwhatkindofcluesshesawinhim.
"Forexample,whoelsewouldhavesaidthataboutme
thatIlikepeople.Nottheonesyouhangoutwith,
theythinkI'maloofandstuckup.Butitdidn'tsurprise
metohearyousayit."
"Whynot?"
"Ithinkyoulookdeeperthantheydo.You'renotas
deceivedbyappearances."
"Youthinkso?"Hethoughtaboutthatforamoment,
flatteredofcourse."Maybe.I'venoticedhowyouandMr.
140
Hickmangetalong."
"Yeah,he'sprettyneat.Helistens.Heactually
caresenoughaboutwhoyoureallyareandwhatyouhave
tosaytolisten."
"Toyoumaybe."
"He'dlistentoyoutooifyougavehimachance."
E.J.snortedandtookanotherswigofhisbeer."I
don'thavemuchtosaytohim."
"Ithinkthat'sbullshit."
"What?"
"Ithinkit'sbullshit.Itwashisclassyoublewup
inwasn'tit?I'dsayyoumadeafairlyemphatic
statement."
Rawlsjustlookedather.Shelookedback.Thenhe
grinnedsheepishly."Realarticulatewasn'tit?"
"Well,dramaticanyway."Theybothlaughed."It
didn'treallysurprisemethatmuch.Imean,ofcourseit
startledmewhenyoujustslammedyourfistintothe
blackboardlikethat.ButIknewsomethingwascoming."
"IsureashellwishIhad.Ifeltlikeacomplete
jerk."
"Why?Fordoingsomethingreal?Don'tbeashamedof
that,E.J."
"I'mnotashamedofitIjustwonderwherethe
hellitcamefrom."
"Youshould.Youdon'tthinkthat'stheendofitdo
you?"
"Whaddayamean?"Hewassuddenlycautiousagain.
"Imeanwhatevercausedittohappenisstillthere,
right?"
"Well,yeah,maybeitis.Idon'tknow."
"Yetyousayyoudon'thaveanythingtosaytoMr.
Hickman,Imean.Wellyoumusthavealotthatneeds
sayingtosomeone,E.J.,toloseitlikethat."
Wedidtalk,actually.Butwhatthehelldowords
meananyway?Buythis,buythat.HedidthistomesoI'm
gonnadothattohim.Killthebastard.Makeyourarmpits
safeforhumanity.Justsayno.
"Isaywhythehellnot?Whatthefuck'sthe
difference?YouknowwhatImean?We'returningtheworld
intoabigturdaren'twe?Andthere'snothingwecando
aboutitbecausenoonegivesashitImeanthepeople
141
whomightpossiblyhavethepowertodosomething;they
wantthingsleftastheyare.Andtheothers,theyjust
wantagetwhattheonesthatgothave.Orelsethey're
strugglingtosurvive.
"Sowhatarewegonnado,sitdownandtalkitall
over?Talkshowswithnobrainers,interviewshowswith
megabrainswholiketohearthemselvesorateandputeach
otherdown?Disputethedata,insteadofdealingwiththe
problem?Hey,Idon'thaveanyinterestincontributing
toanyofthatshit."
"Soyouranswerisaforearmintotheblackboard."
E.J.'seyesnarrowed,butthenhesawthattherewas
nomaliciousnessintheremark.Itwasmerely
questioning,likesaying,"Continue...."Shereally
wantedtohearallthis?
"WhatcanIsay?Iletmyselfgetwayoutof
control.See,that'swhat'ssogreataboutfootball,
Alison.Itchannelsalltheviolenceoutontotheplaying
field,wheretheonlypeoplethatcangethurtarethere
becausetheywanttobetheyvolunteered.Maybewe're
society'sshockabsorbersorsomething,youknowwhatI
mean?"
"Ifthat'swhatfootball'sreallysupposedto
accomplishthenit'snotverysuccessful."
"Howcanyousaythat?Maybeit'smoresuccessful
thanyourealize.Whoknowshowmanyblackboardswould
lieinruinsifguyslikemecouldn'tgetourdaily
contactfix?"
Shelaughed."Goforit,Rawls,you'reonaroll."
"Maybeweshouldmakeitcompulsoryforsomepeople.
MaybethatwouldtakecareofpunkslikeBillyRiversand
thebastardswhomessedLonnieup.Serialmurderersmy
fouryearoldcousinthinksthey'relittleplastic
figuresyougetoutofboxesofsugarfrostedshitflakes
orsomethin';hekeepsbuggin'myaunttogethimthe
cerealwiththemurderersinit.MaybeifsickoslikeTed
Bundyhadtogettheirkicksonthefootballfieldthey
wouldn'tgoaroundbreakingheadsopeningirls'
dormitories."
"Ithasn'thelpedsofar,"Alisonpersisted"with
allthemindnumbingNFLmaniaandthecollegefootball
scandalsandtheannualSuperBowlingforDollarshype.
142
Footballhasn'texactlyeliminatedwarseither.Whatif
itjustglorifiesviolence?Whatifit'sjustlikeall
therestoftheviolenceonTVthatseemstoencourage
moreviolenceinthosepronetoit,andtodesensitize
therestofsocietysothatmoreandmoreofits
tolerated?"
"Now,youdidn'thearwhatIsaid,"E.J.replied,
grinningandraisingafingerinaparodyofa
schoolteacherwhocouldhavebeenMr.Hickman."Isaid
maybeweshouldmakefootballcompulsory.Youcan't
expectittobeadeterrentthewayitisnow.Imean,
personally,I'mallforthebigCcapitalpunishment
butthat'stoolate,that'saftersomeinnocentperson
haspaidforsomeoneelsesseriousproblem.I'msayin'
maybeweshouldputpeoplewiththesekindsofproblems
outonthefootballfieldbeforetheyenduprapingthe
threeyearold.Let'emworkouttheiraggressionsand
theirhostilitiesonsome220poundlinebacker."
Onelastswigandhefinishedhisbeer.Alison's
expressiontoldhimshewasamusedbyhisperformance.
"IseeyoucantellIwasn'tbeingseriousonly
about75%.No,seriouslynow,folks...whatthehellwere
wetalkingabout?Oh,Iremember:youthinkIshouldbe
spillingmygutsouttoMr.Hickman.Iknow,youdidn't
saythatexactly,I'mexaggerating.ButIreallydon't
haveanythingelsetosaytotheman,Alison.Iknow
therearepeopletrainedprofessionallytositthereand
listentopeoplelikemewhohavenothingtosaybut
supposedlyneedtosayitanyway.Butthatdoesn'tmeanI
havetosupportthatwholetripdoesit?
"Ihadtogoinandtalktohimthedayafterthe
BigEvent.Okay,Irantedandravedforafewminutes
didIfeelbetterafterwards?No.Didhecomeupwithany
cluesastowhyE.J.Rawlsworkedoutonhisblackboard?
Nonethathesharedwithme.TheonlystatementIwas
makingthatI'mawareofis,'I'msosickofwhatpasses
fornormalImaybehalffuckedupsolet'sgoforit,
letitallhangout!'Idon'tknowsomethin'likethat.
Ofcourseitwasaninappropriateplacetotakethatkind
ofstand.Itgavemesomekindofrelease,Iguess,but
italsogotmeintroubleandmessedupmyarm.
Andfreakedoutalotofpeople.
143
"Gaveemsomethingtotalkabout.Itdidn'tgiveme
anytroubleouttheretonightthough."
Hecouldn'tbelievehowhewassittinghereblabbing
hisheadofflikethis.AndthatAlisonstillseemed
interested.
"IwishIcouldtellyouhowitfeelsoutthere.
It'sthegreatestlet'ssaysecondbestfeelinginthe
world."
"I'mgladyouqualifiedthat."
"Yeah,nosensegettin'toocarriedawayisthere?
Butyouknowwhatit'slikewhenyouovercomesomekind
ofobstacleinyourlife?Howgooditfeels?"
"Ofcourse,butnotwithbrutestrength."
Hewastoorestlesstositanylonger.Hegotupand
beganpacingaimlesslyaroundtheroom.
"That'sthegoodpart.Youdon'thavetoreasonwith
anybody,trytoexplainwhythisorthat'sthebestthing
todotosomesonofabitchwhodoesn'twanttohearit.
Thehellwitharguing.Just...BLAM!"Heslammedhisright
handhardintothepalmofhisleft."Blastintothe
line.Bullyourwaythrough.
"Andremember,you'renottakin'advantageof
anyone,likethoseassholesdidtoJones.Theotherguy's
therebecausehewantstocreamyouifhegetsthe
chance.
"You'veheardtheexpression'runtodaylight'
haven'tyou?That'sjustwhatitfeelslikewhenKinney
orJuniortakeshismanout,andthissolidwallinfront
ofyouopensuplikemagicjustasplitsecondbefore
you'reabouttocrashintoit.BAM!It'slikethesun
justcameoutandyou'rerunningrightintoit."
Hehadtostop;hewasafraidhisvoicemightbreak
fromtheemotionhewassuddenlyfeeling.Hewalkedover
tothepooltableandpluckedthecueballfromthegreen
baizeplayingsurface,oppositetherackedtriangleof
ballsattheotherend.Tosseditfromhandtohandto
dispelandconcealhisemotionasmuchaspossiblefrom
Alison.
Shegavehimtimetocomposehimselfandthencame
overandleanedbackagainstthetable.Herownvoicewas
alittlehuskynowtoo."Youmakeitsoundalotmore
excitingthanitlooksfromthestands."
144
Chapter25
E.J.smiled."Iguessyouhavetobethere."
"Whathappenswhenyou'renotplayingfootballany
longer?"
"You'retalkin'wayinthefuture."
"Youplantoplayincollege?"
"Hopeto."
"Butyou'llstillhavetodealwithquitting
eventually.Iknowyoudon'tplantospendtherestof
yourlife'bustin''peopleeverytimeyouhaveaproblem.
You'renotreallytheNeanderthalyoupretendtobe."
Helaughed."Howdoyouknowthat?"
"Ohc'mon,ItoldyouIcanreadpeople.It'svery
cleartomethatthere'sawarmheartedpersonbeneath
allthatbodyarmor.Soyou'reangryinsidewhoisn't?
Givesomeofyourotherfeelingsachance.You'renot
afraidofthemareyou?"
"'Coursenot."
Shelaughed,hervoicestillhusky,andleanedback
onthetable,lookingupathimwithherheadtilted
slightlytotheside.Itwasanopeninvitation,butE.J.
waited,feelingtensionbothpleasurableanddiscomfiting
aroused.
"Areyousure?"Thetoneofhervoice,thetiltof
herheadand,mostespecially,amischievouslookinher
eyesthathehadn'tseentherebeforealltoldhimto
relaxandenjoyhimself.Hesensedthetensioninhis
musclessofteningfromdesireforher,evenashis
insidesweregettingqueasy.
Theattractionbetweenthemwasbecomingalmost
tangible:afeelinghewasfamiliarwith,arisingfroma
placeinsidehecouldn'treallyidentify.Butitlonged
tomergewithher.
Hesteppedforward,hishandsawareofherslender
waisteventhroughthebulkyknitsweater.Theyslipped
beneathitasifbytheirownwillandnowonlyher
blouseseparatedthemfromthewarmthofherbody,while
hereyeswerenolongerseparablefromhisatall.What
hewasseeingandwhathewasfeelingwereallone
confused,mesmerizingsensation.
Hethrilledtothedelicioustingleofherhandsin
145
hishairashebenttokissher,feelinghersoftwet
lipsagainsthisown,thewarmthandfragranceofher
breath,herfirmfullbreastsbeneaththeblouse.
Suddenlysheclaspedhisnecktightlyandliftedherself
ontothetableandlayback,pullinghimontopofher,
theirmouthsneverseparating.Hestrippedhersweater
overherface,thenupoverheroutstretchedarms.
Shewasactuallypanting.Intellectual,
sophisticatedAlisonwaslosing,orsurrendering,her
selfcontrol.Notreallytohimmaybe,somuchassome
wildpartofherownnaturewhichshewasusinghimto
awaken.
Hehadherblouseunbuttonednowandwasburyinghis
faceinherbeautifulcoolbreasts,suckinghernipples
intosuchtautfullnesstheyseemedabouttoburst.And
nowhefeltherhandstuggingexpertlyathisbelt,
poppingthebuttonabovehisflyopen,unzippinghis
jeans,workingthemdownoverhismuscledhips,having
troublewiththisandlaughing,thenbothofthem.
Butsomehow,withthisintimatecomingtogether
therewasalsohefeltitnowforthefirsttimean
aversiontoAlisonortowhattheyweredoingtogether.
Evenastheyweredrawntowardthephysicalunioneachof
themdesired,evenasheslippedoffhersheerbrief
pantiesandshudderedwithpleasureatthesmooth
softnessofherfleshandthewayhershapelyhipsflared
outawayfromherwaistlikethepetalsofaflower,a
tulipmaybe...evenashislefthandslidaroundherleg
toherinnerthighandfoundherpubichair,hisfingers
gentlypartingtheslipperyandswollenlipstoenterher
warmwetinterior...
EvenasherushedwithAlisoninblindandtotal
abandontoenfoldtheirbodiesoneintotheother,to
mergeloinwithloin,heartwithheart,fleshtoflesh,
somepartofhimselfresisted,heldbackasstronglyas
hisphysicalselfwascalledforward.Asifitfearedor
resistedthesexualwhirlpoolhisbloodandbodylonged
toenter.
TheresultwasthatAlisonherselffadedintothe
background,andherbodybecameasortofbattleground,
onwhichhefaced...what?someelementalforcewithin
himself.Reducedtoherbeautiful,hungrybody,she
146
becamemoresymbolicthanrealtoE.J.:hissexual
fantasiesbroughttolife.Akindoflifeanyway,one
animatednotbyAlison'smindandsoulbutbyhisown
selfishdesire.Hishearthadahardon,andwithout
reallybeingawareofthemonstrousnessoftheact,he
appropriatedherbody,likesomekindofvampireoflust,
hisfeelingsoftendernessforAlisontheperson
displacedbyhisgreedypassionateneedtofuckthe
fantasy.
Andwhatwasfuckingbuttoimpale?Whatwasfucking
butthebull's,thestallion'sblindinstinctualdrive
forpossession,masteryandrelease?Avoiceinhishead
toldhimtostop,thiswasAlisonhewasravishing,not
reallyjusthisownfantasymadeflesh,asexual
sacrificetopassionswhichhadtakenoverhishumanity.
Andeverytimehedeniedthevoiceheplungeddeeperand
morebrutallyintothebody.
Alisonwastakencompletelybysurprise.Oneminute
shewasrelishingthemaleheatandpowershewas
arousinginE.J.,withinthenextsherealizedthat
somethinghadgonewrong.Thetendernesswasgone.Then
hishandsweretaking,greedilyandharshly,giving
nothinginreturn.Therewasnorapportatall.Andthen
suddenlyhewasinsideher.
Instantlyindignant,shebecamefrightenedamoment
later."Stopit,you'rehurtingme,E.J.,"shesaidas
soonasshecouldtearhermouthawayfromhis.
Buttherewasnostoppinghim.Hewasgoingtocome
insideofher,andneitherofthemwasprotected.She
triedtopushhimaway,butthestrongarmsshedtaken
suchpleasureinonlyamomentagoclampedaroundherin
ahuginwhichtherewasnowarmth,onlydesperateheat.
Shouldshestruggletofreeherselfortocushion
herwombandpelvisfromhisbrutalthrusts?Hewas
plowinghimselfintoherrelentlessly,almostviciously
itseemed.Thethoughtofshovingupathimviolently
beneathhischin,tearingathisface,rakinghisback
withherlongnails,wereallasrepugnanttoheraswhat
hewasdoing.Mercifullyitwassoonover.Awaveof
nauseasweptthroughherwhenheclimaxed.
...WithE.J.itwasoverwhelmingdisgust.Nowthe
realityofhisactbrokeopeninhismindlikeaboiland
147
spreadthroughhiswholebody.Hewouldneverbeableto
escapetheknowledgeofwhathedjustdone.And,no,he
couldn'tpretendhedtotallylostcontrol.Apartofhim
hadknown.Apartofhimhadknownthewholetimewhathe
wasdoing.
Thissweatstickybodybeneathhim,mostofithis
ownprobably,wasoccupied.Alisonhadwitnessedthe
wholeshamefulact.Thenhisconsciousselfscreamedat
him,"Dontyougetit,asshole?Youdidn'tdothisin
frontofherforChrist'ssake,youdidittoher!"
Hepulledoutofherandrolledontohisbackonthe
table,hishandoverhiseyes.Thelastthinginthe
worldhecoulddorightnowwasfaceher.
Alisonlaystillamoment,bringingtheshattered
piecesofherselfbacktogetheragain,evenreassembling
muchofhersenseofselfworth,ifnotherdignity,
remindingherselfthatshehadn'tdoneanythingtobe
ashamedof.Sheknewsheshouldgetupimmediatelyand
douche,butshewastooemotionallyandphysically
exhaustedatthemoment.Meanwhile,whattodowiththis
loutbesideher?No,notlout,butthenwhatwashe?
Shesatupandpulledhersweateracrossherupper
legs,feelingalumpinherthroatsuddenlyatthe
thoughtofhowthatpartofherself,herwholebeing
really,hadjustbeenviolated.Butshepusheditdown
shehadtodealwiththisfirst.Heretheywere,bothof
them,utterlydefenselessinfrontoftheother,farmore
nakedthanmerelyunclothed.Hadshebeenstupidtotrust
thisguy?Whatonearthhadhappenedtohim?Didhe
reallythinksolittleofher,ofwomen,totreather
like...
"I'msorry,Alison.Idon'tknowwhatelsetosay.I
knowthatprobablydoesn'thelpany,butIreallyam
sorry."
Hisvoicehoarseandflat,utterlyemotionless,his
handstillcoveringhiseyes.Hesoundedasterribleas
shefelt.
"No,itdoesn'thelpawholehelluvalot,E.J."
Silence.
"...Butifyou'rereallyandtrulysorryIguess
there'ssomehopeforyou."
"...Idon'tknowhowithappened.Orwhy.Ireally
148
likeyou,Imean...Ithinkyou'reareallyneatperson.I
don'tknowhowIcoulddosomethinglikethattoyou.
But..."
"Butwhat?"
"Ijust...wentnutsagain.Liketherewassomething
wrongwithwhatweweredoing;and,somehow...youwereto
blamethat'scrazy,Iknow.I'mjusttryingtotellyou
whathappened."
"ThistimeIwastheblackboardhuh?"
"...SomethinglikethatIguess.
"Hereyouwere,talkingaboutsexualpsychopaths
rapingthreeyearolds.WellI'mnotthreeyearsold,
E.J.,butIhopetohellthat'sasclosetorapeasI
evercome."
Hedidn'tanswer.Finally,hesatuptoo,then
wearilyrosefromthepooltableandstumbledintohis
clothes,cringingatputtinghisunderpantsonoverhis
semenladendick.HestillrefusedtolookAlisoninthe
eyes,feelingtheangerandthechallengethere,feeling
infactlikeatotalscumbagrightnow,whocouldn't
honestlysaywhoorwhatkindofcreaturehewas.Itwas
scary.Theabyssyawnedbeforehim.
Unsure,too,ofthetrueseverityofhis
transgression.Wasittechnicallyrape?Wasitacrime?
Loathsomeactthatitwas,couldhebeprosecutedforit?
Wouldheandhisfamilybehumiliated?Probablynotbut
thatwasn'tthepoint,wasit.
Finallyhedaredtoglanceoveratherashewas
bucklinghisbelt.Wasthereactuallysomeempathyinher
eyes?
"Youknow,E.J.,lifeisn'treallyjustafucking
footballgame.Doyouunderstandthat?"
"Hey,Idon'tblameyouforbeingangry.Itreated
youlikeshit,andIdon'tfeelthatwayaboutyouatall
"
"Likeshit,youmean?I'msuregladtoknowthat."
"InfactIthinkofyouasbeingwayabovemeina
lotofways.Butthere'snopointinbeingsarcasticis
there?"
"Iwasn'tbeingsarcastic.Iwonderifmaybeinsome
senselifeisjustafootballgametoguyslikeyou.The
funnypartofitis,Ilikeyoutoo,E.J.atleastI
149
thoughtIdidtilltonight.NowIdon'tknowwhatto
think."
"Icanimagine."
"Noyoucan't.Ineverknewmyselfhowitfeelsto
be...violatedlikethat,"sheshuddered,"untilnow."
"...I'mreallysorry."
"There'snoneedtokeepapologizing.I'mnottrying
tomakeyoufeelanyworsethanyoualreadydothan
bothofusdo.But,Christ,E.J.sexdoesn'thavetobe
likethat...youknow?"Shewasfightingtokeepfrom
cryingnow."Likesomefuckingkindofwarbetweenthe
sexes."
"Listen,nexttimegetsomeonewhodoesitbetter,
okay.Getsomeonewhoisn'tsomekindofhomicidal
maniac."
"Yeah,Iguessthat'srulenumberoneisn'tit,"she
said,chucklingruefully,achucklewithasobinit.
Heunderstoodandevendeeplyappreciated,onsome
dimlyfeltlevel,herattemptathumorbutcouldn'tshare
it.
"Butwhataboutyou?Youhaveaseriousproblem
here,E.J.AndI...well,IguessIcareenoughaboutyou
asapersonandotherpeople:thenextwomanyou're
withtowonderwhatyou'regoingtodoaboutit.All
thistalkabouthowtodealwithpeoplewhocommit
violentcrimes...howcloseareyoutobeingoneofthem?"
Heshookhishead."Idon'thavetheanswerto
that."
"Ithinkyou'dbetterbegintofindout."
Hesighed."You'rerightaboutthat....Well,I'd
bettergetgoin'."Heshrugged."What'saguysaytoa
nicegirlhejustdateraped?"
"Not,'Haveaniceday,'Ihope."
Hemanagedaweaksmile.Hecouldalmosthavehugged
herforbehavingthiswaytowardhimafterwhathe'djust
donetoher,buthadsenseenoughtoknowthatthiswas
probablynottherighttimeoroccasionfromhim
anyway.
"You'vebeengreat.NowIknowwhyI'vealwaysliked
you.WhatIdon'tknowiswhyI'msofuckedup."
"Let'ssayI'mnothalfasafraidofyouasyouare
yourself."
150
"What'sthatsupposedtomean?"
"Youfigureitout,E.J.Evenifyouhavetotalkto
someone.EvenifyouhavetotalktosomeonelikeMr.
Hickman,forChrist'ssake."
"Yeah.Well...goodnight,Alison."
"G'night,E.J.,"sherepliedwearily,knowingshe'd
beangrylaterwhenshehadtheenergy,feelingit
buildingevennow.Wasshereallygoingtolethimget
offthiseasily?Hemightevenhaveimpregnatedher
withalotmorethanjustthememoryofahorrible
experiencethatcouldbewithherfortherestofher
life.
Butwhatcouldshedo,thatwouldn'tbeworsethan
whathadalreadyhappened?Goddamnhim!Goddamnallthe
menlikehimforwhomknockingpeopledown,knocking
womenup,isawayoflife!
Chapter26
WhenhegotupthenextdayE.J.hardlynoticedthe
aches,strainedmusclesandrawplacesonhisforearms
thatusuallymadeSaturdaymorningsomuchfunduring
footballseason.Guiltcommandedhisattentionlikeabad
hangover.Butratherthanbroodingalldayoverfeelings
ofselfdisgust,remorseanddespair,ashehaddone
oftenenoughinthepastuponawakeningtofarlessugly
memoriesthanlastnight'sbrutalizationofAlison,he
awokeinsteadwiththedeterminationtodosomething
abouthisproblem,shehadcalledit."His"problem
itwasseriousenoughnowtobeAlison'sproblemaswell.
Butwhatexactlywashegoingtodo?Nosingleact,
nomatterhowradical,waslikelytochangethewhole
courseofhislifebyitself,right?Whatwasneededwas
achangeofattitude,maybebybeingmoreopento
feelingsotherthanthenegativeonescontrollinghim
now,asAlisonhadsuggested.Shewasrightaboutthat,
hewassure.Maybethatevenhadsomethingtodowithhow
hedtreatedher.Whothefuckknewhowhecoulddo
somethinglikethat?
Hehadtobemorehonestwithhimselfaboutwhathe
reallywantedinlife,ratherthandefaultingtowhatwas
morecomfortable,lessrisky.Evenwhenhewasnt
151
followingtheherd,hewasoftentakingtheeasierway
forhim.MaybeHickmanwasright:blamingtheworldfor
beingsoscrewedupwasreallyawayofhidingfrom
himselfthefactthatnooneheldhimback;toldhimno,
youcan'tdothat;ridiculedhimforeverythingfrom
strangethoughtstosocialclumsinessmorethanhe
himselfdid.
Hehadtoloosenup,getoffhisowncase.Youcan't
reallylovesomeoneelseifyoucan'tloveyourself,
right?Maybeitwastimetotakethisseriouslyto
heart.
Yetassincereandhealthyandabsolutelyessential
asallthisheavythinkingwasithadbeengoingonin
hisheadsincethedrivehomefromAlison's,maybeeven
inhissleep,whoknows?atthesametime,itwasaway
ofpsychinghimselfuptodosomethingweird,something
hedreallywanted,butwasafraid,todo.Nowhefelthe
hadtodoitsomehowitcouldbethekeytoeverything.
Hehadtoseeheragain,thestrange,beautifulgirlwho
couldn'tspeak.Thegirlintheforest.
*
*
*
*
*
Howgooditfelt!Betterthanhavingtheoldwoman's
strongwrinkledhandsagainstherskin.Yes,muchbetter
tohavethemfondlingandshapingtheotherAnnalee,the
oneemergingfromthatpieceofwood.
Becausethisway,atasafedistance,shecouldfeel
AuntKate'slovingandsensitivetouchinsidesomehow,
withoutallowinghertogettooclose,withoutpermitting
herselftobehandledinanyway.Howcouldthosehands
begentlystrokingherfromtheinsidelikethiswithout
actuallytouchingher?
Itfeltsosoothingandatthesametimesosensuous
thatAnnaleedidn'treallycare.Fromtimetotimeshe
wasrousedfromherdrowsyfeelingofdeepcontentment
longenoughtowonder,butshefeltnoneedforan
answer.Shejustlethereyesgrowheavieruntilthey
finallyclosedagain,andshewasawareonlyofthewarm
sunonherskinandthislightsoothingcaressdeep
insideofher.
AuntKatehadbeenworkingonhersculpturefor
severaldaysnow.WhenshedseenhowAnnaleewasdrawn
totheotherpiecesintheopenairstudioaroundher
152
cabin,itoccurredtoherthatsculptingthegirlherself
mighthelpwinherconfidence.Andshehadanotherreason
aswell.
"Somesculptorssaythethingtheyendupwithwas
thereinthewoodorstoneallalong.Theydon'tmake
anythingtheyjusttakeawaywhatdoesn'tbelong,"
she'dtoldthegirlthedaytheystarted,speakingtoher
asifAnnaleewerehangingoneverywordratherthan
lookingaroundherwiththosewide,alert,startledeyes
asAuntKatewieldedhermalletandchiselonthepliant
wood.
"Butitgoesdeeperthanthat,Annalee.Behind
everythingthere'sa'knowing.'Idon'tknowwhatits
attachedtoorwhereitcomesfrom,that'snoconcernof
mine.ButwhatIdoknow:it'stheknowingthatguides
thesculptor'shand.Wholelotbettertoolthana
chisel,"sheadded,chucklingatsomeprivatejoke.
Drawnbacktothecabinafterherinitialencounter
withAuntKateandfindinghergonehadmadethenext
visitirresistible.AndnowAnnaleewentalmostevery
day.Aftertheyhadbecomeacquaintedintheirstrange
way,thesculptressfeltitwassafetobeginherhealing
piece.Shedchainsawnatwofootsectionfromtheend
ofawildcherrylogaboutafootindiameter,stripped
thebarkfromitwithanadzeandclampeditsecurelyto
abench.Squattinginfrontofitwithhertoolsthenext
timeAnnaleevisited,shemotionedforthegirltosit
downonahandhewnchairinfrontofher.
Gradually,fromthewayAuntKatelookedoverat
herfromtimetotime,fromthewayshesmiledather
whileworkinginsilentconcentration,somehowincluding
herwithouteverindicatinginanywaywhatitwasshe
wasdoing,Annaleehadcometounderstandthatshe
herselfwasthesubjectofAuntKate'swork.
Whenlaterthatdayacrudefigurehadbegunslowly,
magicallytoemergefromitscocoonofwood,shewas
enchantedbythissecondAnnaleebeingborn.Now,aweek
later,thebustdidinfactbearalikenesstotheperson
shesawwhenshelookedinamirror.Atleastthatpart
ofthefigurenearingcompletiondid:theupperhalfof
thefaceandtheneckandshoulders.Stillunfinishedwas
wherehermouth,jawandthroatshouldbe.
153
"This'knowing'inthewood,thatIcanfeelwhen
I'mworkingwithitlikethis,"AuntKatecontinuednow
"andyouvebeenvisitingmelongenough,Iknowyou
understandalotmorethanyouletonisakindof
'energy,'asIseeit.Whichconnectsallthings,
everythingyoucanseearoundushere,everythingbetween
hereandthefarmwhereyourauntandunclelive,ina
kindof...harmony,youmightsay.Cutsacrossall
boundaries.
SowhatI'msayingis,there'snorealdifference
betweenyouandme,betweenyouandthatcabinover
there.We'reallpartofthesameenergy,thesameenergy
astheplanetweliveon.Weseemtobedifferent
creatures,eachofus,andthere'snodenyingthatin
somewaysweare,butonanotherlevelthatwecan't
detectanymorethantreescouldseetheirroots
undergroundeveniftheyhadeyestoseewithweall
cometogether.
"Andjustassureasthisenergyishelpingme
createyourlikenessinthispieceofcherry,it'sgoing
tohelpusrecreatetheyoungwomanhiddenthereinside
ofyou.
"You'reholdingontothatnow.That'swhythis
part,"shesaid,caressingtheunfinishedportionofthe
figure,"doesn'twanttocomenotyet.Butwhenyoucan
begintoletgo,I'llbeabletofeelithere,inthe
wood,andyou'llbeabletofeelit..."shereachedover
andlightlytouchedthespellboundgirl'sthroat,
"...you'llbeabletofeelithere."
*
*
*
*
*
LikenearlyeveryoneelseinMuskingum,E.J.had
heardoftheoldwitchwholivedinthewoodsandknew
vaguelythathercabinwassupposedtobesomewhereon
MallardCreek,inthegeneralvicinityofwherehehad
seenthegirl.
Hisintuitionmusthavebeenworkingprettywell
thismorningmaybehehaddreamedthisorsomething
becauserightthereshewas,modelingifyoucould
believethat,whilethenotoriousAuntKatewasdoing
nothingmoresatanicorsupernaturalthanwoodcarving,
forChrist'ssake.
Isthatwhatshedidouthereallbyherself?The
154
placelookedtohimlikeoneofthoseroadsideflea
marketsthatsellplasterbirdbathsandstatuary,except
thisstufflookedalittlemoreinteresting.Infactthe
longerhelooked,themoreinterestingasopposedto
merelybizarrethewholescenebecame.Someofthose
piecesweretheworkofrealtalent,herealized,while
othersweresoartsyfartsyhedidn'tknowwhetherthey
wereanygoodornot.Buttheywerealloriginals,most
ofthemsculptedinwoodnoplasterchickensorBambis.
Butwhywasthegirlhangingoutwiththisoldwoman
inthefirstplace?
AuntKatefeltthatitwastimeforAnnaleeto
returnhome.Shehadbeencarefulsincemeetingheraunt
anduncletoavoidantagonizingtheminanyway.She
wouldn'thaveachanceofhelpingtheirnieceifthey
changedtheirminds.
AsE.J.lookedon,sheunfastenedasilvernecklace
fromwhichalargeclearcrystaldangledandtriedto
placeitaroundthegirl'sneck.ButAnnaleewantedno
partofit.Shepusheditawaybrusquelyandstoodup.
"That'sallright,Dear,youdon'thavetowearit
ifyoudon'twantto.Buttakeitwithyoujustthesame.
Youmaywanttolater."
ShehelditouttohersogentlythatAnnaleewas
finallyreassured.Shehadadmiredthecrystalpendant
fromthemomentshe'dfirstseenAuntKatewearingit;it
wasonlyhavingitaroundherownneckthatshefound
upsetting.Itwasobviousthewomanwantedhertohave
it,anditwasbeautiful,withthesunfillingitlikea
tinyglasshouse,emptyofeverythingbutlight.
AuntKaterotatedherwristslightlytoletsunlight
runriotouslythroughitsluminousroomsuntilAnnalee
couldalmosthearchildren'sshoutsandlaughterinthem,
ormaybeitwasthecrystalitselfsingingwiththesun's
touch.ShereachedouttentativelyandtookitfromAunt
Kate'soutstretchedhand.
"That'sit,youkeepit.Putitonwhenyoufeel
likeit.Nowcomeoverhereaminute,soIcanintroduce
youtosomefriendsofmine.There'safullmoon
Saturday,andIwantyoualltogettogetherthen."
Annaleeheldback,openinghereyeswideasifshe'd
understoodandwasfrightenedbywhatAuntKatehadsaid.
155
"Ohdon'tworry,Dearthey'renotpeople.Andthey
won'thurtyou,Ipromise."Shewalkedovertotheside
ofthecabinfacingE.J.Hesitatingatfirst,Annalee
followedatasafedistance.
"Heretheyare,somelittlefriendsofminethat
I'veknownforyears.They'refullofmischief,butif
youtreatthemwithrespect,theyhavesomemarvelous
secretsthey'llsharewithyou."
Annaleelookedattheground,whereAuntKate'shand
directedher.Mushroomswearinglittleredhats.E.J.
hadneverseenmushroomslikethatbefore.Nevernoticed
themanyway.Butwhatwasthebigdeal?
HecouldseethatAnnaleewasabouttoleave,and
shemightcomethisway.Withthetwoofthemturnedaway
foramoment,heslippedbackintothetrees.Hedidn't
wanttoconfrontthegirlouthereinthewoodsafter
all,nottoday.Nowthatheknewwhereshehungout,he'd
comebackagainlater.Hewantedtothinkaboutwhathe'd
seen.Itwasallalittlestrange.
Alightbreezerustledtheleavesoverhishead.He
feltatinglegouphisspineandlookeddownathis
arms.Theywerecoveredwithgoosebumps.
Chapter27
Juniorwasasmuchinhiselementbeforethestudent
bodyatapeprallyashewasonthelineofscrimmage.
Heknewhowtopausefordramaticor(moreoften)comedic
effect,knewwhentograbholdofthemike,whentolet
hisvoicedroptoahoarsewhisper,whentoboastand
whentomakefunofhimself.Atthemoment,hehad
Muskingum's1,200studentsasmuchunderhiscontrolas
thepoorbastardsheintimidatedsoeffortlesslywhohad
themisfortunetobelinedupagainsthiminagame.
Hewaitedforlaughterinthehighschoolauditorium
todiedownenoughsohecouldcontinue.HeandBeast,
theteam'scocaptains,awellchosencombinationof
brawnandbrainpower,sharedthestagewithMr.Rumple,
whowasasincereandardentTigerfanaswellasthe
school'sprincipal.
"...SoIjustwantasay,withallayoubehindus
we'regonnasendthemColumbusBlueDevilsrightback
wheretheycamefrom.Andincasethere'ssomeherethat
156
don'tknowwherethat'sat,I'dliketherestofyout'
tell'em.Let'shearit!"
"GOTOHELL,BLUEDEVILS!GOTOHELL,BLUEDEVILS!"
thewholeauditoriumeruptedgleefullyinafootstomping
showofsupport.
Mr.Rumplegrinnedinforbearance,abstainingfrom
thecheeronlyforthesakeofthedecorumbefittinghis
positionintheeyesofolderteacherslikeMr.Simpson.
Secretlyherelishedtheshowofschoolspirit,even
thoughheknewthatmanyofthestudentsweremerely
takingadvantageoftheopportunitytoyellafourletter
wordinschoolatthetopoftheirlungs.
Finallyhesteppeduptothemikehimselfandthrew
hisarmsuplikearefereesignalingforatouchdownor
fieldgoal.Afewintheauditoriumjeeredatthisbut
theycouldn'tbeheardovertheroarofapprovalfromthe
rest.Mr.Rumplewasgenerallywelllikedforhisown
schoolspirit,whichwaspitchedremarkablycloseto
studentbodylevelratherthanbeingdoledout
patronizinglyfromonhighwhentheoccasiondemanded,as
hadbeenthecasewithhispredecessor.
"Asyouknow,"hesaidwhenhecouldbeheard,
"therewillbeacarcaravantotomorrow'sgame...sowe
hopetoseeasmanyofyouinColumbusaspossible.This
isgoingtothebiggestgameoftheyear..."
Therisingclamorandhisownsenseofdramatic
timingcompelledhimtopauseforamoment,thenhe
broughttheaudiencetotheirfeet:"...so...let's...
go...Tigers!"
Amidstthefrenziedapplause,thecheerleaderscame
racing,cartwheelingandtumblingoutontothestagefrom
thewingsand,backedupbyDirtyDickandthe
Smegmatics,astudentheavymetalband,launchedintoone
oftheirmoreacrobaticneometalcheers.
*
*
*
*
*
Butonthepracticefieldthatafternoon,even
duringthenoncontactrunthroughnormalontheday
beforeagame,LonnieJones,wearingneitherhelmetnor
shoulderpads,pacesrestlesslyatMooseMacGraw'sside.
...Atthesametime,onafrontlawnsomewherein
town,Dadisrakingleaveswhilehistwoyoungsons,who
aresupposedtobehelping,actouttomorrow'sbiggame.
157
"Youcan'ttackleme!"challengestheyoungerone,
tuckinganimaginaryfootballunderhisarm."I'mLonnie
Jones!"
Heisn't,however,andispromptlycreamedbyhis
older,biggerbrother.Thethirdorfourthmajorargument
sincetheleafrakingbeganensues.Theboysaresaved
fromDad'swrathbythepaperboy.
"Paper,Mr.Albrecht!"hecallsout,flippinga
rolledupGazettefromhistenspeedashewheelspast.
Mr.Albrechtpicksitupandsnapsitopentothe
sportssectionwherehesgreetedbyanominousbanner
headline:"INJUREDJONESMAYMISSCOLUMBUSCONTEST."
Reallyirritatednow,hesnapsattheboys,whoare
writhingaroundintheleaves:"Hey!Youdon'tgetthem
leavesraked,youain'tgoin't'noballgametomorrow!"
Theyleapupwithexaggeratedurgencyandbegin
rakingfranticallyasifinanoldtimemovie,their
exchangeofinsultsnowsharedlaughterattheexpenseof
Dad,theGreatDictator.
...ThenextdayatMuskingumHigh,MissBooker,a
prematurelygrayhairedladywithanervoustwitch,
presidesoverherrestlessclassroomwhileamuchyounger
femalevoicemakesanannouncementoverthePAsystem.
"Yourattentionplease.Thefollowingmembersofthe
footballteam,marchingband,andcheerleadingstaffare
tobeexcusedforthetriptoColumbus:RobertAllen,
CharlesBarnes..."
Asthevoicecontinuestodronethroughthe
alphabeticallistofnames,aslightnearsightedboyin
glassesgetsupfromhisdeskinthebackoftheroomby
thewindowsandwalkstowardthefront.
"AlanSidow,Ididn'thearyourname.Idon't
believeyou'reinthebandoronthefootballteam."
"SureIam,MissBooker.Iwasallstatelastyear."
Theclasslaughs.
"Getbacktoyourseat,Alan!"
"MissBooker,ifyoudon'tletmegoI'lljusthave
tojumpoutthewindow."
"Sitdown,Sidow!"
MissBookerturnstoadmonishanotherstudent,
doubledoverinlaughter,thumpingthetopofhisdesk.
"Willyoustopthat,immediately!"sheordershim,only
158
tobeinterruptedbythesoundofthewindowbeingthrown
openbehindherandafullthroatedscreamgrowing
fainterasSidowfalls...nottotheground,threestories
below,buttothefloorbehindtherowofdesksnextto
thewindow,hiddenfromMissBooker'sview.
Sheturnsinhorrortotheemptywindowwherethe
boywasstanding,gaspsandstaggers,afrailhand
clutchingherbreast.
...Inthemeantime,noiseandconfusionrulethe
highschoolbandroomwhereinstrumentsarebeingpacked
forthebustriptoColumbus.
...Intheschoolparkinglot,assemblypointforthe
caravan,kidsandevenafewenthusiasticparentsfestoon
carswithsignsandorangeandblackcrepepaper.Within
hearingofthetwodeputysheriffstheretoescortthe
procession,someoneyells,"HeyRick,thinkyoucanmake
ittoColumbuswithoutgettin'flagged?"
"Heyman,thismaybetheonlytimeinmylifethe
cops'llbeleadin'me'steadachasin'me!"
"Inyourlifemaybe,"respondsDeputyButchCameron.
"Justrememberwhenyou'reouttherehotdoggin'onthe
highway,weleadfuneralstoo."
"Hey,gimmeabreak,myoldmanputagovernoron
thisbeater.Itwon'tdooverfiftyfive."
"Infirst,"ahelpfulfriendaddsamidsttheguffaws
Rick'sdisclaimerhasprompted."Won'tpassa7Eleven
withoutstoppin'forbeereither!"
Nearby,Mr.Albrechtissharingthefrontseatof
hisstationwagonwithabuddy,whosesonissprawledin
backwiththeAlbrechtboys.They'veputtherearseat
down.
Thebuddytakesacoupleofbeersfromacoolerin
thebackand,afterglancingaroundtomakesurenoone
significantiswatching,handsonetoAlbrechtandopens
hisown.
"Damnedifweevercausedthismuchexcitement,"he
says.
"Weneverhadthehorses,"Albrechtremindshim,
takingasurreptitiousswig.
"Herewego120milesandtwosixpacksof
nostalgia,"groanshissondisdainfully.
...Thecheerleaderswillrideinthecaravanin
159
Audrey'scar,whichthey'redecorating.
"DidyouseeJimmywhenhegotonthebus?"squeals
Sylvia.
"Ah,no,Dear,somehowImissedthat,"Audrey
respondsdryly.
"Oh,helookssocuteinacoatandtieIcanhardly
standit,"Sylviasighs,ignoringAudrey'ssarcasm.
"Oh,Syl."Joannagrabsherwristaffectionately,
withachucklethatseemsatleasttwosizestoolarge,
ortoodeep,forhershapelylittlebody.
"Iwishthisthingwouldgetontheroad,"complains
Susie,"Iwantajoint."
"Notinmycaryoudon't."
"Oh,Audrey,don'tbesuchawimp."
AudreyputsahandonherhipandgivesSusiea
witheringlook."Justwhoiscallingwhomawimp,Susie?
I'mnottheonewhoneedsalittlegrasstoshakeher
ass,Dearie."
"IthinkAudrey'sright,Susie,"saysCindy,ever
thediplomatand,nominallyatleast,thehead
cheerleader.
"WellIdon'tseewhynot.Ithinktheteamcould
usethehighmyself.IheartheseColumbusguysare
reallymean."
"I'msuretheteamwouldappreciateyourschool
spirit,"Audreyassuresher."Ijusthopetheirrestrooms
arebetterthanthe'blackhole'wewereinacoupleof
weeksago.Christ,itwaslikesomethingoutofthe
MiddleAgeslikewe'dcometheretojoust."
She'sinterruptedbyJohnBurnsideviabullhorn:
"Allright,everybody,move'emout!"
"GetBurnside,theelectronicwagonmaster."
*
*
*
*
*
Meanwhile,theteambusislumberingalongthe
InterstateundertheablehandsofCap'nTom,whotook
theOhioBelleoutofthewaterthreeweeksagofor
anotherseasonbehindthewheelofhisagingGreyhound.
Thehighschoolhasbeencharteringitforfootballand
basketballgamesforaslongasjustaboutanyoneonthe
Hillcanremember.
RawlssitsbyawindowbesideJohnnyMajors,as
usual,inthemiddleofthebuswhereaquiettension
160
prevails.Johnnysengrossedinthelatestissueof
SportsIllustrated.Infrontarethecoaches,managers
andsportswriterTonyGillespie,alongwiththoseplayers
lowenoughinstatusorwithnosesbrownenoughtofind
theseundesirableseatsacceptable.
Intherearthecustomarynoisilyprofanepokergame
iscompetingwithJuniorWannamakerandFrankieSprague
fortheattentionoftheplayerswhositbackheretobe
entertained.JuniorandFrankieadefensivehalfback
twothirdsJunior'ssize,whopoundforpoundmaybeeven
tougherthanheisareholdingforthlikethesecond
orthirdstringcomediansyoufindinthosedarkLas
Vegascasinoloungeswhenyouneedtogetawayfromall
theglareandthegambling.Juniorholdsanaudienceby
bruteforcebutFrankie'switismorelethal.Hesnever
letWilburJohnsonforgetthetime,whenhewasstilla
pokerrookie,thathepassedwiththeimmortalphrase,"I
flush."
Tothoseinthemiddleofthebus,however,allthe
commotioninbackseemsfarremoved,likeaTVatthe
otherendofthebartoaseriousdrinker.Itdraws
smiles,evenanoccasionalsnicker,butthenit'sbackto
thatbroodingselfabsorptionthatsomejocksneedto
losethemselvesinbeforeagame.
Duskisfallingandwithhisheadbackagainstthe
seat,fromatrancelikestateinwhichseeingis
feeling,Rawlswatchesthestaccatoyetflowingpatterns
thebaretreesmakeagainstthefaintlyglowingsky.This
issomehowdeeplyrestful,andbeneaththehypnotic
surfacetextureofperceptionhefeelsthethrobofhis
enginesidling,gatheringenergyfromthelandscapeand
theflowofhisthoughtsallowedtocomeandgoasthey
wish.
HethinksofAlison,howshe'sbeenavoidinghimthe
pastweek,howwhentheireyeshadmettheredbeensuch
angerinhers.Butnodisgust,nocontempt,nojudgment
reallyjustasmolderingexpressionofoutrage,which
hisbehaviorcertainlydeserves:nomore,noless.
Hehasmorerespectforhernowthanever.Herlook,
herbehaviortowardhimhavecommunicatedinnouncertain
termsthatwhathedidwasinexcusable,yetshehasn't
triedtomakehimfeelguilty.Shameiswhathefeels
161
ratherthanguilt;thathedgivenintosomekindof
moralweaknessratherthanpureunadulteratedevil.
Hethinksofthegirlandtheoldwomaninfrontof
thatcabin;recallshowshelookedwhentheirpaths
crossedinnocent,startled,herfacefullofwonder.
Rememberstheeeriesensationwhenheleftthemlast
weekend,asifthereweresomethingstrangeorominousin
themererustlingoftheleavesoverhead.Ithadeven
givenhimgoosebumps.
"Yousaysomethin'?"asksJohnny,lookingupfrom
hismagazine.
"Huh?No,Ididn'tsayanything,"saysRawls,
annoyedatbeinginterrupted.Johnnylooksathim
suspiciouslybeforereturningtothearticlehes
absorbedin.
E.J.dragshisthoughtsfromthewoodstothe
questionsthewholeteamhasbeenaskingallweek:Is
Jonesgoingtobeabletoplayatalltonight?Whatwill
theirgameplanbeifhesnotinthere?Cantheyhopeto
winwithouthim?Whythehelldidthishavetobethe
weekhesinjured?
Chapter28
Thebuspulledupinfrontofthestudentunionon
thecampusofMt.CarmelCollege,asmallCatholicschool
onthenorthsideofColumbus.Thisiswheretheteam
wouldeatandrestforawhilebeforebeingtapedupfor
thegame.
"Okay,yougothalfanhourtillchowtime,"Coach
Codyannouncedfromthefrontofthebus.Youcanwalk
around,stretchyourlegsbutnofraternizing.Iknow
someayouguysthinkyougottagetatelephonenumberin
everyport,butthisistheBigOne."
"That'sjustwhatItell'em,Coach,"Juniorshouted
fromtheback.
Lightswerebeginningtocomeonaroundthecampus,
andthereweren'tmanystudentstobeseenastheteam
scrambledoffthebusandbrokeupintogroupswhich
immediatelystruckoutontheirowntoconquerand
explore.
Ahalfhourlatertheyreportedtothecafeteria
withallkindsofstoriesandtheoriesaboutcollegelife
162
asinferredfromthisbriefencounterwithit(most
havingseldom,ifever,setfootonthePutnamCollege
campusintheirownhometown).
Inlineandatmanyofthetables,detailsofthe
tourwerepassedaroundandelaboratedonamongthe
playersuntilthebanalhadbecomepreposterous.Abrief
glimpseofathirdfloorroominthegirls'dorm,for
example,inthefewsecondsbetweenthelightsbeing
turnedonandthedrapesdrawn,affordedagreatdealof
vividspeculation.
Somehadseenabeautifullyendowedyoungwomannude
fromthewaistup.Othersaddedthatshehadcometothe
windowthatwayfortheirbenefit;stillothers,thatshe
waswearingnopantieseither.Herblondepubichair,
theysaid,hidthefactfromthosetooinexperiencedto
realizewhattheywereseeing:thechickwastotally
naked.
Thetrulydiscerningproceededtodeduce,fromthe
nakedgirlandtheknownfactthatcollegestudentslike
partyingalotmorethanstudying,thatwhattheyhad
witnessedwasprobablyafleetingviewofaTGIForgyin
acoeddorm.
Thecoachesandnotafewoftheplayerslistenedto
allthiswitheyeballrollingamusement.Itwastolerated
bycoachesandplayersalike,however,asbeing
preferabletothesilenttensionthatwouldsettleover
themallsoonenough.
Afterthemealtheteamhadthestudentunion'sgame
roomtothemselvesforanhour.TheTV,PingPongtables
andasmallvideoarcadeallhelpedtosubdueandchannel
nervousenergyuntilthelinecoaches,Conklinand
Sorenson,gotsetuptobeginthehourormoreoftaping
thatprecededagame.
MeanwhileCoachCodycirculatedinhisrelaxed,easy
manner,whileMooseMacGrawkeptoutofsightasusual.
Hehadhisowndemonstofightbeforeagameandmadeit
apracticetoisolatehimselfuntilthepregamechalk
talk,whenhewoulddiagramonelasttimetheoffensive
anddefensivestrategiestheTigershadbeenworkingon
allweek.
Rawls,whohadhadbothkneestapedforgamesand
practicesincehiskneeinjurylastyear,foundhimself
163
besideJimmyMajorsontablesinMt.Carmel'sweight
room.Thecoachingstaff'splanwastokeeptheplayers
alltogether,looseandentertained,untilMoosewas
readytodropthehammeronthematgametime.
"Thisisthenight!"Jimmyannouncedtotheroomat
large.Theroomresponded,withwhoopsandwarcries.
"Getthattapeontight,"hesaidtoCoachConklin,
"theseanklesaregonnaflyliketheyhavewingson'em."
"Gladtohearit,Mercury,"saidConklin."Justbe
sureyoucomedownlongenoughtocrossthegoalline.I
don'tthinktheyallowairbornetouchdownsunlessit'sa
pass."
"Suretheydo,Coach,"saidRawls."Divin'over's
theclasswayt'go."Heillustratedwithhisarms,and
Sorensonclappedhimontheshoulder.
"WouldyousitstillsoIcangetyououtahere?
I'vegottwentyotherguystotapeyet."
"Youdon'tgooverthatway,Rawls,"saidKinney,
awaitinghisturnatthetable,"yougorightthrough
people."
"Idon'thaveanyclass,Kinney.I'mjustadumb
fullback."
"Yousaidit,Ace,Ididn't."Hisankleshavingbeen
quicklyandexpertlytapedbyConklin,Jimmyslidoffhis
tableandranfuriouslyinplaceforasecondortwoto
stretchthetape.ThenheslappedE.J.hardacrossthe
thighanddancedawaywithhismanicJimmyMajorslaugh.
Anhourlater,duringtheshortdrivetothehigh
schoolstadium,itwasthedarknessofthenightskythat
permeatedthebus,ratherthantheredFridaynight
energystartingtocomealiveinthestreets.Thewhole
teamwasquiet.Theinteriorlightswereoffandanumber
ofplayersdozed,withheadsbackagainsttheirseats,a
seatmate'sshoulderoranarticleofclothingwaddedup
asapillowagainstthewindow.
Thewordwasout.Joneswoulddefinitelynotstart
andprobablywouldn'tplayatall.Hiscrackedribs
probablywouldnthavekepthimoutofakeygameinthe
NFL,buttheconferencewasn'tthatcompetitiveyet.And
asforMoose,perhapstheonlythinghelovedmorethan
winningwasthemajorroleheplayedinpreparingafew
talentedplayersforcareersbeyondhighschool.Hewould
164
neverseriouslyjeopardizeaboy'sfuturenomatterwhat
thestakes.
E.J.hadmadeitapointtositbesideLonniethis
time,notonlysohecouldfindsomethingencouragingto
saytohimbutalsooutofavaguefeelingthatthis
connectionmightsubstituteinsomewayfortheirnormal
pairinginthebackfield.HoweffectivewasMr.Insidein
theTiger'soffensiveattackgoingtobewithMr.Outside
onthebench?WhentheyrealizedLonniewasn'tgoingto
beinthere,theBlueDevilswouldclogupthemiddleof
thelinelikeabloodclot.
Whenthegamestartedtherewasn'tadamnthinghe
coulddoaboutthatexceptrunevenharder,andprobably
alotmoreoften,thanever.Butmaybesomeofthemagic
theycalledtheiricecreamingordoubledippingofthe
otherteamchocolateandvanilla,Lonnie'sgagcould
beaccomplishedhereinthebusbeforethegame.Maybe
Jonesiecouldpassalongsomeofhisspeed,alittleof
hismagicsomehow.Justyourtypicaljocksuperstition.
"Listen,ifweneedyoubadenough,youknowMoose
isgoingtoputyouinthere,Jonesie.WhenhedoesI'll
putafakeon'emthey'llswearIhavetheball.They'll
nevertouchyou."
"Yeah,Ihearyou,J.Ithinkyouguysbetterplan
ongoin'withoutmethough.Iknowyoucan.Moosetoldme
there'salmostnochanceamygettin'in."
"Toobadwecan'tputyourjerseyonsomeonetouse
asadecoy."
Jonesconsideredthis."Ithinkyou'dneedmorethan
justmyjersey."
"Whaddayamean?"askedE.J.,wonderingifthealmost
pathologicallymodestLonniewasfinallygoingtolay
claimtohisfantasticathleticskills.
"Maybesomeblackshoepolishwoulddoit,"hesaid.
Rawlsgrinned."Guessyou'rerightdidn'tthinkof
that.NotliketheBlueDevils.Ithinkhalftheirteam's
blackaren'tthey?"
"That'swhatIhear."
...Meanwhile,thecaravanfromMuskingum,some250
carslong,amazesoncomingtrafficontheInterstate.Car
afterdecoratedcarfulloflaughingandscreaming
teenagerspassesheadedtowardColumbus.Lastinline,
165
justaheadofthePutnamCountysheriff'scarwithits
redandbluelightsflashing,isthebandbus,its
windowsfulloforangebraid,brassbuttonsandblack
epauletsadorningcreamcoloredsleeves.
*
*
*
*
*
Thedesertedstadium.Thelightsareturnedonas
theTigersarrive.Thebusstopsandtheplayersgetout
andstrollquietlyontothefield.Thestadiumisbigger
thantheirs,withgrandstandsonbothsidesofthefield
andtemporarybleachersintheendzones.Thegrassfield
isimmaculatelylinedbutbeginningtoshowplentyof
wearthislateintheseason.
Anemptypregameplayingfieldunderthelightshas
alwaysseemedalittleeerietoRawls,asifallthis
preparationandthegametocomearebeingdonefor
nothingandnoone:allthehighschoolhypeandglory
connectedwithfootballsomekindofcollective
hallucinationthewholeteamshares.
Theiropponentshaven'tarrivedyet,justtheTigers
intheirstreetshoesandsportsjackets,tiesaskew,
hairalittlerumpled;underneath,theirbodiessecretly
tapedandbeginningtostir,theadrenalineevennow
beginningtorousegroggymuscles,toputthenerveseven
moreonedge.
*
*
*
*
*
Later,inthevisitors'dressingroombeneaththe
grandstand,withtapingalreadyoutoftheway,dressing
isnottheleisurelyaffairitusuallyis.Themanagers
dispensetheplayers'duffelbagsfullofpads,helmet
andorangeandblackawayuniforms.Theydressquickly,
eagertogetoutonthefieldandwarmup,todo
somethingwiththisexcessenergybesidescookinit.
...Theplayingfield.Calisthenicsandthenpregame
drills.Thechillintheairisafriend,somethingto
workagainst,atonictokeepthemusclestaut,the
nervoussystemsharpandalert.
Thesnugfittingstretchygamepantssomuchmore
givingandformfittingthanthewornout,oftenmud
cakedpracticepantstheextratape,thetightgame
jerseys,allmakeyourmovessomuchcrisperinthecool
nightair.There'salotofchatterouthere,fanny
slapping,highfivin'.Theteamisup.
166
Arippleofapplauseinthesparselyfilledhome
grandstandasUpperArlingtonjogsontothefield.
They'rebigmothersandwellcoached.Theirpregamewarm
uphasasenseofstyleanddisciplinetheTigershaven't
encounteredthisyear.
Rawlswatchesthemwhilewaitinginlinetoruna
passpattern,anditseemstohimthattheBlueDevils
arealittletoodisciplinedintheirdrills,almost
choreographed,itoccurstohim.Likeabunchofbionic
zombies.Butthey'vebeatensomegoodteamsthisyear.
Theirnonconferenceschedule'salottougherthanthe
Tigers'.It'sgonnatakeahellofaneffort.
*
*
*
*
*
NowthecarcaravanisstreamingupHighStreet,
hornsblaring,crepepaperfluttering,armswavingfrom
everywindow.
...Inthestadiumpressbox,apregameinterviewis
beingconductedbyradiostationWMUS,whichcoversthe
Tigers.AformerstarwhoisnowoneofMuskingum's
leadingrealestatedevelopersexplainshowhighschool
athleticspreparesoneforthechallengeslifehasto
offer.
ElsewhereinthecrowdedboothTonyGillespieand
hiscounterpartwiththeColumbusDispatchdiscussthe
game.
"State'sgottwoscoutshere,Tony.IsJonesgonna
playorisn'the?"
"Mooseisn'ttalking.Myguessishewillifhe's
neededbadenough."
"Needed?BigBluewilleatyourguysalivewithout
Jones."
"Don'tcountonit.Thereareotherguysbesides
Jonesthescoutsareherefor."
"Yeah,andmostof'emareonourside.ButJonesis
theonethey'reinterestedin."
"Twentybuckssayswedoitwithorwithouthim."
"Hell,Tony,that'saweek'ssalaryattheGazette,
isn'tit?"
"That'stoodamnclosetothetruthtobefunny,but
itshowsyouhowconfidentwearethatMooseisgonnaget
thejobdoneagainthisyear."
"Damnrightheis!"agreesJohnBurnside,setup
167
nearbytotaketheTigers'gamevideo."Youwanttowager
aweek'ssalaryyourself,I'llputatenontopofTony's
twentyandwe'vegotyoucovered."
Thestadiumisfillingrapidlynow.It'snotonly
thebiggamefortheBlueDevilsbutoneoftheseason's
bettercontestsintheColumbusarea,period.Alotof
fansaregoingtobedisappointed,havingcomeouttosee
thisallstateprospectnamedJonesofallthings.
TheTigerBandmarchesinsmartlynowwithjusta
drumcadence,adozenormoredrumsticksstrikingthe
rimsofthesnaresandthebigbassdrum;thesofter,
heaviersoundofnearly200feethittingthegroundin
unison.Theeffectofsomuchbrassheldinreservelike
this,allthesemusicaldecibelsmarchingpastmuteand
metronomic,waitingtobetriggered,withonlythesoft
thuddingofthefeet,theclicketyclickclickclickof
thesticks,istoheightentensioninitshearers,to
subtlyenhancesuspenseinthestadiumwhichisnearly
fullnow,surroundingabrightlylit,butempty,playing
field.
Theteamsarebackintheirdressingroomsgetting
pumpeduponelasttime.Theexcitedcrowdsome10,000
strongnodoubtwouldagreewithCoachCody.Thisisthe
BigOne.
Chapter29
OutsidetheTigers'dressingroomkidsandmanyof
theirparentswhowerepartofthecarcaravanarelining
uptoformahumancorridorfortheteamtorunthrough.
Itextendsbeneaththegrandstandintwoparallellines,
curvesaroundontotheplayingfield,andisstill
growing.Thebandishere,bringingcolortothescene
withtheirbrilliantuniformsandgleamingsilverand
goldinstruments,alongwiththeorangeandblackpompoms
manyarewaving.
AttheveryendofthistunnelofTigerlove,being
pushedcloserandclosertowardthecenterofthefield,
arethecheerleaders.They'rewrestlingwithahugepaper
bannerwhichcocaptainJuniorWannamakerwilltake
greatpleasureinburstingthroughdepictingMoose
MacGrawasahiplookingAyatollah,exhortinghisteamto
"SlaytheBlueSatans!"
168
Susielooksaroundatthenearlyfullgrandstands
andbleachersbyfarthemostpeopletheyhaveever
performedfor."Lookatthesizeofthatcrowd.Doesn't
itjustmakeyouwanttodosomethingoutrageous!"
"Getasoutrageousasyouwant,Susie,"saysAudrey.
"Juststayinsync."
Thetensioninthevisitors'dressingroomis
palpable,holdingwithinittheacridsmellofadrenal
sweat,thekindgeneratedbyanxietyratherthan
exertion.Thickintheroomarethefearoffailure,the
lusttoconfrontanddestroythisfear,thedesireto
actualizedreamsofglory:tomakecleanbonerattling
tackles,toblockwithHerculeaneffort,torunandcatch
andinterceptwithdazzlingvirtuosityorbruteforce.
Bendingalltheindividualwillsinhischargeto
theseends,toabondingunityofdesire,isHeadCoach
MooseMacGraw.Notwithbombast,noheavyverbal
artilleryhere,butthroughhiscapacitytoinspirein
hisplayershisowninvinciblewilltorealizedesire.To
callitforth,bringitupoutofthebodylikeasecond
orenvelopingself.Physicalbody,meetthebodyof
desire.
TheTigers'eminentguruofmotivation,Moosehas
emergedfromhispregamemeditationwithaclearvision
ofthegameplanthecoachingstaffhasbeenpreparing
forweeksbutwhichonlynowhascomecompletelyinto
focusinhismind:anintegrationofoffensiveand
defensivestrategieswithamostlyunconscioussenseof
therightemotionalpitchforthegameandhowitisto
beachieved.
Whilethelineandbackfieldcoachesconferquietly
withindividualplayers,Moosediagramsoffensive
alignmentsonaportableblackboard.Pointingtotwobig
circlesinthedefensiveline,theBlueDeviltackles,he
says,"Bothatheseguysaregiants.We'llrunleftat
first.Theendonthissidepenetratestoofarandwe
thinkthelinebackercanbeintimidated."
"Intimidated?Coach,he'sgonnabeannihilated!"
OnlyJuniorwouldbebrashenoughtointerjectthis
kindofbravadointoaMooseMacGrawchalktalk,butin
effectit'shisspecial,unspokenroletodojustthat.
MoosegiveshimTheLookbutit'sperfunctory,perhaps
169
evenconspiratorial.TheteamwillneedallofJunior's
heroics,bothonandoffthefield,tonight.
MacGrawefficientlysummarizesthevariousseriesof
plays,theBlueDevilstrengthsandweaknessestheTigers
havedrilledonallweek,goingthroughtheusualhalfa
boxormoreofchalkconsumedinhishugehandsbeforea
game.Thebrokenpieceslitterthefloorlikebonesin
somepredatoryanimal'scave.
Astheplayersstareattheblackboard,however,
it'snotblockingassignmentsorpasspatternsorMoose's
HotTipsthey'reconcentratingon.Thechalktalkismore
ameansofmasshypnosisthaninstruction.Thehead
coach'sdrytoneofvoiceandstaccatopregamerundown
arealmostlulling;onlythescreechingandsnappingof
thechalkbetraytheemotionheisholdingback.
MoosewantsonlytheTigers'attentionfornow.He
wantsthemtousethistimetoseethegamebeforeit
unfolds,undertheinfluenceofthecalmandabsolute
selfassuranceheisputtingintoeverythinghesaysup
here.Thewayhesaysit.Hedoesn'tneedtofinetune
thepicturesintheirminds,becausehe'spaintingthe
bigpicture,themasterpicture,himself.
SeetheTigerswellpreparedforanycontingency.
SeetheX'smasterfullydominatingthedefensive
alignmentsoftheO's,withblockingassignments
representedbyMoose'sstraightbluntlinesendingin
plowshapedarcsthatallbutengulfthehapless
defenders.SeetheballcarriersarrowsMooseslashes
acrosstheboard,breakingchalklikearunningback
breakingtacklesunerringlyhittheirholes,afterall
theO'shavebeenswallowedupbytheinvincibleTiger
X's.
Seetheglazed,inwardfocusedexpressionsonthe
players'facesastheyseethemselvesaccomplishingall
thatMooseexpectsofthem.
"...Okay,nowhere'sthesituationwithLonnie,"he
says,puttinghischalkstubdownfinallyandturning
aroundtofacetheteam."Everybodywantstoknowishe
gonnaplayorisn'the.Likeifhedoesn'tplaywe'rein
bigtrouble.
"Whatthehellkindofthinkingisthat?Whatkind
ofattitudeisthat?Theteamthat'sgonnawinoutthere
170
tonightistheteamthatwantstowin.Idon'tcarewho
theyhaveplayin'for'em,ornotplayin'.Doyouguys
wanttowinthisgame?"
Theteamleaveslittleroomfordoubtonthesubject
butMooseisn'tsatisfied.
"Allthebullshityoubeenreadin'inthepapers
what'sthatgottodowithwinningfootballgames?
Where'sthisgamegonnabewonoutonthefieldorin
JoeSchmoe'sfavoriteeasychair,wherehe'sbeenreadin'
allweekwhatmighthappen,andwherehe'llreadtomorrow
aboutwhatyouguyscandecidetogooutanddoright
now?
"Youhaveallthecontrolhere.Nooneelse.Not
eventheotherteam,becausewhenyouchoosetowinhere
tonightyou'lldoit,nomatterwhattheydo.Sodon't
getcaughtupinwhatifsandifonlysandallthe
bullshitanalysistherestofus,eventhecoaching
staff,arestuckwithwhenyou'retheoneswhogetto
gooutandplay!
"IwishIcouldgetacrosstoyouwhatan
opportunity,whatagiftthatis.It'slifeinminiature,
guys.Themthatwants,gets.Andthemthatdoesn'twant
badenoughthatdoesn'twantitcleardowntothe
centeroftheirbeingtheyfinishsecond.They'rethe
alsoransoftheworld.
"ButIknowyouguys.AndyouknowIknowyoueach
oneofyou.Iknowwhenyou'redogginitandIknowwhen
you'reputtin'outisn'tthatright?Andyou'vegotta
believemewhenItellya,youhaven'tevenbegunto
reachyourfullpotentialasateamyet.Attitude.The
differencebetweenateam'sperformanceanditstrue
potentialisattitude.Itsbeliefinitself.Andthewill
tomakeactionsmeasureuptothatbelief.That'swhat
comesfirst:thebelief.Thenthewilltowin.
"SinceI'vecometoMuskingum,I'veseenteamshere
dowhatpeoplethoughtwasimpossible.Why?Youknowwhy.
BecauseI'veheldamirroruptoTigerteamslikethis
oneandmadethemlookintoittoseejusthowgoodthey
reallywere.AndthenthecoachesandIhaveevengotten
themtoseepasttalentandability...todesire.
"We'velearnedhereinMuskingumthatitallcomes
frominhere,"hesaid,clenchinghisbigfistagainst
171
hischest."We'velearnedthatifwewantitbadenough
wecanhaveit.Andthenwe'vegoneoutandtakenit.
Youallknowthat,I'mnottellingyouanythingnew,it's
history,right?No,it'smorethanhistory,fellas.It's
Tigertraditionnow.Youguysarepartofthattradition,
andI'mproudofyou.Doyouhearme?I'mproudtobe
partofthattraditionwithyou.We'vecreatedit
together.Wehaveawinningtraditionnow.
"Becauseweknowtheonegreatsecretthatittakes
tobewinners.Westartfrominsiderightherewhere
everythingthatmattersbegins,fromfootballtothe
successorfailureofthehumanrace.Iwantyoutoget
intouchwithmerightnowwiththedesireinyourhearts
tosucceed.NoticeIdidn'tsay'win.'BecausewhatI'm
talkingaboutgoessofarbeyondwinningthere'sno
comparison.Thisblowswinningoutathewater.
Allowing...yourself...to...succeed.Pushingyourselfto
realizethetrueyououtthere.Becausewhenyou've
achievedthat,winningcomesasnaturallyasbreathing.
"Putyourrighthandoveryourheart.Ballitupin
afist,becausethisisdesirewe'retalkingabout.Okay,
nowfeeldon'tthink,don'tanalyze,don'tweigh
possibilities:you'refootballplayers,goddamnit!Feel
thedesireattheheartofyourbeing.Feelyoursuccess
becauseit'salreadyhappened,fellas.You'realready
successful,doyahearme?You'realreadywinners.
"Youronlyresponsibilityistogoouttheretonight
andproveittoyourselves.ShowmeI'mright.Goout
theretonightandshowme,andyourselves,andeveryone
inthatoversizedstadiumofmostlyignorantpeopleout
therewhatMuskingumtraditionmeans.You'rewinners,
guyssohelpmeGod!Andyou'relucky,becauseyou've
gotthisgameonyourschedulethat'sgoingtopushyou
intofindingthatout.It'salessonthat'llstaywith
youfortherestofyourlives.
"Soyousee,Lonnie'snotmissingheretonight.He's
suitedupandhe'llberighttherebesidemeonthe
sidelines.Ifyou'regonnathinkaboutLonnie,thinkwhat
he'smissingouton,notaboutyourselves.Thinkabout
thescumthatdeprivedhimofhisrightfulplacehere
tonight.
"Andthenjustremember:theseguysyou'replaying
172
againsttonightthey'lldothesametoyouifyoulet
'em.Thesamedamnthing.They'lldepriveyouofyour
rightfulplaceaswinnersifyougive'emhalfachance.
"Don'tgivethemthatchance..."
Afaintrumblethatisalsoatremorbeginstoswell
beneathMoose'srisingvoice.It'sthestampingof
thousandsoffeetonthefloorofthestadiumoverhead.
Itgetslouderandthevibrationgetsstronger,forcing
Moosetodowhathelovesmostinhislifeanyway:pour
thelastounceofhimselfintocommunicatingtohis
playersthegreattrutheverygreatcoachknows.
"Rememberyouhavetheedgebecauseyouknowthe
secret.Putyourfistsoveryourheartsagain.Doyou
feelthat?Doyoufeelthatdesireinsidejustbeggingto
getout?That'sbecauseyou'rewinners.Youwerealways
winners.Youwillalwaysbewinners.Becauseyouknow
thatupfront,youknowitgoin'intothegame.A
footballgameiswonbeforeyoueverrunontothefield,
right?!
"Letmehearyou!Isn'tthatright?!
"Thisgame'sinthebag,right?!
"Soallyouhavetodoisgooutthereandtear
theseguysapart,right?Youdon'thaveanythingtothink
aboutbutoneplayatatime!Youblock!Youtackle!You
takeitto'em!Right?"
TheTigersarelathereduprealgoodnow.Their
affirmationsoundslikeanexplosiontotheirfans
outsidethedoor,evenovertheavalancheoffoot
stompingthathasturnedthegrandstandintosomegreat
primevaldrum.
Moosegearsdownintowhatisatoncethemost
expressiveandmostcatharticpartofhisorationa
depthofinvolvementhemayattainonlyonceortwicein
awholeseason.Hereachesdeepwithintothatpartof
himselfthatisbeyondwords,thatprecededlanguage:the
wellspringofemotionthattoourstoneagepredecessors
meantsurvival.
First,fromhiseyes,anintensityallthegreater
foritsdisconnectionfromthetongue.Thenfromhis
barrellikechest,thechallengeandexultationofa
caveman.Aroar,reverberantinthelockerlineddressing
room,thatastonishesnomatterhowmanytimeshis
173
playershaveheardit.Theevocationofaterriblehunger
whichfeedsitself,tobecomeasavageandomnipotent
claimofauthoritybeyondquestion.
Then,onebyone,theTigerstakeupthisprimal
battlecrythemselves.Inmostofthemit'sreal,their
eyeshavethesamegleamofintensityastheirhead
coach's.
TheymakewayforJuniorandtheBeasttoleadthem
ontothefield.HeadmanagerTaggartthrowsopenthe
dressingroomdoor.Cleatsclashingagainsttheconcrete
floor,thefiredupTigerschargeintothecheering
corridoroftheirwildlyenthusiasticfans.These,too,
arebelievers.
Chapter30
Theplayerspairoffatrandom.Blowstoone
another'sshoulderpads;slapsacrossthehelmet;high
fivesthataretaunts.Alldeliveredwiththekindof
verbalabusethatwouldstartafightonanyother
occasion.
Forthefirsttimesincehissophomoreyear,Rawls
isnotinforthekickoff,norwillheplayanydefense
tonight.MoosehasjustinformedhimthatwithJonesout
hewillcarrytwiceasmuchasusual,maybemore.It's
notonlythelossofLonnie'scarrieshemusthelpmake
upforbuttheresultingimbalanceintheTigers'three
wayattackinside,outside,thepassaswell.
DougMeigs,Jones'replacement,isajourneyman
runningbackwithfairspeedanddecenthands;it'shis
feetthataretheproblem.ExpectingpoorMeigsietofill
LonnieJones'shoeswillprobablybealotlikewatching
athreeyearoldclompingaroundinhisdaddy's
Florsheims.
JohnnyMajorsisthehalfbackoppositeMeigsinthe
oldfashionedTformationMoosechosetogowithatthe
beginningoftheyear,giventhegraduationofthe
Tigersallstatequarterbackandtwobestreceivers.
JohnnysnoJonesbuthecanrunwiththeballahelluva
lotbetterthancatchingit,andnooneelseiswide
receivermaterialeither.
TheTigershuddle.Mooseisinthemiddle,withas
manyhandsascanbethrustintothesurgingmassof
174
playersgrippingoneanotheraroundhistomakethat
vitalteamconnection.Thetraditionaljumpstartofthe
adrenalglandsatthebeginningofagame.
MooselooksasifhehasjustseenGod,andHeis
VinceLombardi."Youcantaketheseguys!"heroarsabove
thecrowd."Iwantchatoeatemalive!"
"Let'sgo!"
TheBlueDevils,whowonthecointoss,receivethe
kickoffanddrivealmosttomidfieldbeforetheir
conservativestraightaheadoffensiveattackbogsdown.
ChipHollister,E.J.'sreplacementatleftside
linebacker,makesoneunassistedtackleandhelpsouton
another.Rawlsisimpressedifalittledeflatedthatthe
BlueDevilsapparentlyaren'tgoingtofindmuchto
capitalizeonfromhisabsenceondefense.
Thatdoesn'tmakemissingoutonsomuchactionany
easiertotake.Itfeelsstrangebeinghereonthe
sidelinesattheverybeginningofagame.PoorLonnie
won'tgetinatall,butyou'dneverknowitfromlooking
athim.Heseemsasfiredupasanyoftheotherguysand
asresignedtohisplaceonthebench.
TheBlueDevils'puntisabeaut,rollinguntouched
intotheendzone.Thereareplentyofdefenders
downfieldsoLonniewouldprobablyhavehadtofaircatch
itanyway.Rawls,whohasbeenlimberingupinfrontof
thebench,putsonhishelmetandpopsinhisfitted
mouthpiece.Finally!
HeglancesovertoseewhetherMoosehasanyspecial
instructionstosendinwithhim,buthe'stalkingonthe
pressboxtelephonetoCoachHardinandgestures
impatientlyforRawlstogethisassinthegame.
Fasteninghischinstrap,thewindwhistlingpasttheear
holesinhishelmet,herunsontothefieldwithDoug
Meigs.Thebutterfliesthathavebeenflutteringoffand
onforthepastthreeorfourhourstakewingforgood.
"Gladt'seeyoufinallymadeit,Rawls,"Jimmy
Majorsgreetshim."Ihopeyou'rereadybecauseMoose
saidt'stickyoudowntheirthroats."
Speakingofthroats,E.J.'sisdry.HehearsJimmy
okaybutdoesn'tfeelanyemotionalreactiontohiswords
atall.Jimmyhastheadvantageonhim:he'salreadyseen
actionandisintothegame.Rawlsisstillavirginin
175
thisone,aconditionhe'shungrytochange.He'sgreedy
fortheball.
"Allright,youguys,it'sourturnnow.Let'sshow
thesebastardswhatwe'remadeof.Meigsie,welcometo
thekickassclub.Onethirtyone,ontwo."
ThisisRawls'carry,overBrianKinneyatleft
guardorbetweenKinneyandthecenter,whereverthehole
is.
TheTigersbreakthehuddleandtrotuptotheline
ofscrimmage.Rawlsdropsintothethreepointstance
thatplacestoomuchweightonhisrighthandbutwhich
noonehasbeenable,orultimatelyseenfit,tochange.
Hejigglesslightlytogetthebalanceright.
"Readyset!"Jimmycallsoutintheclearnightair.
"Getone!...Gettwo!"
TheballssnappedandRawlstakesahalfstepto
hisright,wherehepausesforasplitsecondasthe
linescollide.Thenraisinghisleftarm,hedrivesoff
hisrightfoottowardtheinsidecheekofKinney'sass.
Thereisnoholehereatall.
Jimmy,havingfakedahandofftohistwinbrother
overrighttackle,pivotsbacktohisleftandslamsthe
ballintoE.J.'sgutwithhisrighthand.Rawlscloses
overitand,kneeschurning,slamsintoKinney'sright
side,givinghimtheextrapushheneedstoturnhisman
out.Daylight.
HeslidesoverKinney'sbackandBOOM,themiddle
guardhitshimfromtherightside.Usingtheimpact,
Rawlsspinsleft,intothepathoftherightside
linebacker.BAM!Rawlsdropshisshoulder,bucksup
underneathhim,UNNH!Flailingarms,emptyhandsclawing
athisfacemask,he'sgone.Runningroom.
Wrong.Theirbiglefttackleblindsideshimand
suddenlyhe'smovingfasteracrossthefieldthen
forward.ThegroundcomesupatacrazyangleSMASH.
Theguy'sentire260pluspoundsareontopofhimfora
secondbuthismomentumrollsthembothover.Three
yards,maybefour.
...It'slikethisonbothsidesformorethanthree
quartersthekindofscorelessdefensivestruggle
excitingtomostofthe10,000orsointhestadiumonly
forwhat'satstake.Tothestudentsfrombothschools,
176
ofcourse,thegameisasmuchinthestandsasitison
thefield,andwhenit'sthiseasytokeepscore,one's
attentionismoreeasilydrawntotherecurringlittle
dramasnearerathand.Who'ssittingwithwhom...whothe
helljustspilledCokealloverme...lookhowhe's
lookingatyou,Ithinkhelikesyou.
Asfortheirparents,mostofwhomhaveleftthis
partoftheirlivesathomeortheofficeorsomewherein
thepast,spikedthermosesof"footballcoffee"gradually
taketheedgeoffnotonlythenight'schillbutadult
attentionspansaswell.
YettherearemanyothersthisisWoodyHayesold
stompingroundsafterallwhoseeinthissledgehammer
styleofplaysomekindofreferenceto(orrelieffrom)
thefrustrationsof"reallife."ToMuskingumfansRawls'
repeatedblastsintotheline,theTigers'relentless
erosionoftheBlueDevils'vaunteddefensive
invincibility,areamicrocosmofoldfashionedOhio
Statefootballitself.Which,inturn,exemplifiesthe
Midwesternvirtuesofhardwork,simplicity,
perseverance,endurance.
ToBlueDeviladmirers,theirteam'scontainmentof
thisunexpectedlypowerfulfrontalattack,grudgingly
surrenderingshortyardageinlieuofpoints,anditsown
offensivesuccessinsteadilywearingdowntheTiger
defensetosaynothingofLonnieJones'absenceare
reasonsforcheeringwhilewaitingconfidentlyforthe
visitingteamtobreak.
Then,earlyinthefourthquarter,theTigersare
drivendeepintotheirownterritorybyatoweringpunt
battedoutofboundsbyanalertBlueDevildefenderat
thesixyardline.Suddenlythestadiumcomesalive.The
Columbusfanssmellblood.Muskingum'sfansfearthe
worst:afumbleorsomeothercostlymiscuethatina
defensivebattlelikethiscouldverywellleadtothe
game'sonlyscore.
ThisshuttlinginandoutofthegamehaskeptRawls
rested,aswasintended,butithasbrokenhisrhythmin
someway.Orelsetheseguysreallyarethatmuchbetter
thananyoneelsetheTigershaveplayedagainstthepast
twoyearsandLonnieJones'greatabilityhasevenmore
todowithRawls'effectivenessinsidethanheswanted
177
toadmit.He'sbeenupanddownthisgoddamnedfieldall
nightwithalittleoverahundredyardsrushing,but
nothingtoshowforitonthescoreboard.Hislongestrun
wasameaningless12yardgainbackinthesecondquarter
inanotherseriesofdownsthatwentnowhere.
Ashejogsoutontothefieldfortheumpteenth
fuckingtime,hefeelstearsoffrustrationwellupin
hiseyes,thelumpinhisthroatthathasbeenmissing
mostoftheyear.Thelasttimewasinpracticeafterhe
hadtositoutthatgamewithhisselfinjuredarm.The
firstwaswhenasasophomorehe'dhadtofighttomake
theteam.
Moosehadnoticedhistearsduringscrimmageand
pulledhimasidetoaskwhatwaswrong.Butthelumpin
histhroatwassothick,hisneedtoprovehimselfso
strongtodriveintothesebigarrogantsonsabitches
whotreatedhimandhisfellowsophomoreslikeshit
thatRawlscouldn'tspeak.ThelookMoosegavehimwasan
ambivalentone:like,bawlifyouhaveto,kid,butit
hadbetterbefortherightreason.
RawlshadmadethefirstteamthathotdustyAugust
afternoonbeforethebeginningofschool.Moosecalled
hisnumberagainandagain,and,cryinguncontrollably,
unabletotalktohissecondandthirdstringteammates
oreventolookthemintheeye,hehadpiledriven
himselfintotheimpenetrablewallseparatingthemthat
hadfromthemthatdidn't.
Therewerenoholessohehadtomakethemhimself.
Heslammedintothebacksofhisownineptblockers,
trampledtheirinertbodiesunderfoot,enragedthebig
strongfirstteamlinewithhiskneesandelbowsand
helmet,whichhewouldbringupinasuddenslashing
movement,likeafighter'suppercut,whenhisarmsand
legswereboundorifhethoughtitwouldbuyhiman
extrayard.
Hemadethemsomadtheypiledontopofhimand
pummeledhimwiththeirfistswhentheygangtackledhim.
Buttheirangeronlysustainedhisownrage,andbefore
longhewasbendingtheirimpregnablelinetothe
breakingpointwhenhehitit.Hisownhelplesslinemade
noattempttoblock,theyjustscrambledtogetoutof
hisway.
178
Onhispart,hemadenoattempttorunaroundhis
opponentseither.Iftheplaywasovertacklehetookthe
designationliterallyandranrightattheguy,exploding
intohimoncontact,drivingthroughhimifhecould,
leavinganimpressionifhecouldn't.Andwhenhehad
donethistwoorthreetimestomostofthefirststring
linemenandlinebackers,feelinghisragelikesomething
hotchokinghim,gettingnowherebuthavingthe
satisfactionofknowingthepunishmenttheywere
absorbingfromthebeatinghisownbodywastaking...
dimlyhesensedachange,asoftening,takingplace.
Thoughthedefensedidn'tbreakdowncompletelythat
afternoon,hefinallyrealizedhewasgainingthreeor
fouryardseverytimehecarriedtheball.
Moosebellowedathisdefensetostopthisgreenhorn
sophomore,buttheycouldn'tdoit.Hewasgainingon
themalmostatwillnow,damnnearlookingtheminto
submission.Moosewasbesidehimselfwithrageandwith
somethingelse:theaweacoachfeelsatdiscoveringthis
kindofhungerinakid.Thiskindofdesire.
...ThecriticalsituationtheTigersarefacingnow
hasthewholeteampumpedup.Rawlsgoesofftacklefor
eightyards,carryinghalfthesecondarywithhimforthe
lastfour,andthenJimmyhitshisbrotherintheflat
andJohnnytakesittotheTigerthirtysixyardline
withsomeofthebestfootworkofthegame.
ButthentheBlueDevilsdiginagainandholdRawls
andDougMeigsfornogainonthenexttwoplays.Third
andtenontheirownthirtysix.
"C'mon,bigteam,wegotourselvesoutoftrouble,
don'tquitnowforchrissake!"Jimmysmacksafew
fannies,jerksafacemaskortwo."Wegotthisgamewon.
Allwegottadoistaketheballdownthefieldand
score,isthatsogoddamnhard?We'veneverbeenshutout
beforeandwe'renotgonnastartnow,right?"
"Right!"
HecallsRawls'numberagain.E.J.isnotquitehere
ormaybethestateofmindhe'sinissuperpresence.
Maybethereasonhe'snotquiteconnectingwithhis
teammatesatthemomentisthathe'sjustalittlemore
herethanmostofthem.Ifthiswereamovieitwouldbe
inslowmotionrightnow,thesoundalittlemuffledor
179
hollow.Rawlsfeelsalmostasifhe'sinacocoonofsome
kind,insulatedfromeverythingbuttheplayhe'sabout
torun.
Becauseinhismindithasalreadybegun,dropping
intohisstancetakesplaceontheouterrimof
consciousness,inanalmostdreamlikestate.What'sreal
iswhentheball'sinhisgutagain.
Nowit'sreal,drivingatJuniorWannamaker'sbroad
backside.Andattheexactinstanthereachestheline,
likeaflashgoingoff,anopeningappears.Picturethe
lineofscrimmageasafocalplaneshutter:thecurtain
inacamerathatopensforthesmallestfractionofa
secondtoexposethefilmtolight.AsE.J.popsorslams
throughtheopeningheconfrontsaphotographofthe
defensivesecondary.Butit'snotaphotothemindsees
somuchasfeels.Seeingitisalreadytoolate.Feeling
itisalreadyreacting,alreadygoingtowherethehole
willbewhenyougetthere.Instinctisflowingthrough
theleastresistanceasunthinkinglyaswateroran
electriccurrent.
ToRawlstheendzone,somesixtyyardsaway,has
becometheGoalLineinanalmostarchetypalsense.He
hasblockedouteverythingbutthefactthathemust
crossit.Notinonerunofcourse,hedoesnthavethe
speedforthat,butyardbyyardthehardway.Andthese
peoplethesesubhumancreaturesintheblueandwhite
uniformsaretryingtostophim.Holdingthissimple
scenarioinfocusinhismind,hehasworkedhimselfinto
astateoftearlesssobbing,asortofemotionalversion
ofthedryheaves,thatwillgivehimalltheenergy
necessaryforhistask.Hegetsthefirstdown.
Rawlsisn'ttheonlyplayeronthefieldableto
stokeangerintofire,andthiskindofenergyis
infectious.Meltingpotheat.TheTigersfinallyfuseas
ateam.TheBlueDevildefense,physicallyworndown,
emotionallydepleted,issuddenlynomatchforthem.
Muskingumrollsdownthefieldlikesomemedieval
engineofdestruction,hurlingRawls,itsdeadly
projectileallkneesandelbowsandarefusaltogo
downwithlessthanhalftheteamonhisbackagainand
againintothemidstofthehaplessdefenders.Thereis
pandemoniumontheMuskingumsideofthestadium.The
180
WMUSannouncer'svoice,themandoingtheplaybyplay
forTigerfansathome,ishoarsefromdescribingthe
lasthalfofthedriveinanearshriek.
Annalee'suncleisoneoftheseveralthousandwho
haveabandonedTVfortheeveningtositmesmerized
besidetheirseldomusedradios.Thegameisthefirsthe
haslistenedtoinyears.Thepapermadeitsoundso
importanthetunedinthinkinghe'dcatchjustafew
minutesbuthasstayedtotheend,muchtoMargaret's
amazement.
Thedrivetakestwelveplaystwoofthemcompleted
passes,eightofthemRawlscarriesandconsumesjust
undersixminutes.
E.J.crashesoverfromthefourforthetouchdown
and,ashedemonstratedtoKinneybeforethegame,dives
overrightguardforthetwopointconversion.To
Muskingumfansthegameisasgoodasover.Whenoneof
theBlueDevildeepbacksdropstheensuingkickoff,
theiroptimismseemsallthemorejustified.After
kickingtheballaroundrathercomically,however,he
managestofallonitataboutthetwelveyardline
beforebeingobliteratedbyorangeandblackjerseys.
CantheBlueDevilscovernearlyeightyyardsin
justoverfourminutes,whentheyhaveyettoscore?
Thisisawellcoached,disciplined,aggressiveball
club.Theirmainweaknesssofarhasbeenintakingthe
Tigerstoolightly,withtheirmainman,theirbiggest
offensiveweapon,onthebench.ButMuskingum'slate
scoredoesthesamethingfortheColumbusteamthat
theirdeeppuntdidfortheTigers:itignitesthem.It
capturestheirattentionandunitesthemasnothingelse
hasbeenabletoallnight.
Theveryfirstplayfromscrimmage,ChipHollister,
whohasplayedahellofagameinE.J.'soutside
linebackerposition,isvictimizedbyabeautifully
executedscreenplayasisthewholeleftsideofthe
defensivesecondary.Thereceiver,theBlueDevils'
tailback,hasruna9.9hundredsoit'sprobablysafeto
saytheTigerfanshaven'tevenstoppedcelebratingwhen
hecrossesthegoallineuntouched.
TheTigersaresodisorientedanddemoralizedbythe
suddenturnofeventstheyareoutofpositiononthe
181
conversionattempt.Thequarterbackrollsouttohis
rightandthrowscompletetothetightendinthecorner
oftheendzone.Hollistermisplaysthisonetoo.He
shouldhavecomeuphardandforcedthepasssooner,but
inexperiencefreezeshiminplaceasecondtoolong.
MoosethrowshisclipboarddowninablackrageandRawls
figureshe'llbegoinginnexttimeondefense.
Inthemeantime,theoffenseisgoingtohaveto
regroupandscoreagaininahurry.Overtimeisacrap
shootatbest.
ButRawlscan'tgetbackhiscoldfuryandthe
offensecan'tevengettogether.They'repenalizedfor
beingoffsideandgainallofthreeyardsontwo
incompletepassesandadrawplaytoRawlsthatfoolsno
onebutJohnBurnsideinthepressbox.Whilehe
franticallytriestolocateonhiscamera'sviewing
screenwhichreceiverdownfieldhascaughtordropped
JimmyMajors'pass,theBlueDevilsdropRawls
unceremoniouslybehindthelineofscrimmage.
TheTigerspuntandthedefensetakesthefield
againstafiredupBlueDeviloffense.Ashesuspectedhe
would,Rawlsgoesinatleftsidelinebacker.
Lessthanthreeminutestoplaynow,andthepassis
whatputtheseguysbackintheballgamethey'llcome
outthrowing.Butyoucan'tignoretheirspeedeither.It
feelsgoodtobebackinhere,butRawlsfeelsexposed
too.Heknowsthey'llthrowthiswaywhetherornotthey
realizeimmediatelythatasubstitution'sbeenmade;
they'vebeensuccessfulonhissidetwiceinsuccession.
Andhedoesn'tfeelinsyncyet.
Thefirstplayisapassallright,buttheygofor
thebomb.BothJimmyandJohnnyMajors,thefree
safeties,arebackwiththeirmenandalthoughthelong
passisontarget,Jimmyistheretoknockitdown.
Nowthey'llcomethisway,Rawlsissureofit.If
hegetshalfachance,hemightevengambleandgofor
theinterception,Jimmywillbackhimup.Theysplitthe
rightendandstickthatspeedytailbackintheslot.
Yep,he'llbecomingrightatRawls,orpasthiminto
Jimmy'sdeepzone.Well,nowayishegoingtocatchit
inRawls'territory.
Theirquarterbackcallsoutthesignals,thenumbers
182
condensinginshortcadencedburstsinthecoldnight
air.Rawlstriestoreadthereceiver'seyes,buthis
blackfaceisimpassive,lookingstraightahead.
Theballissnapped,thequarterbackdropsback.
Herecomesthetailbackathalfspeedorlessand
pretendingtobegoingallout.Doeshereallythink
Rawlsisdumbenoughtobuythat?
E.J.backpedalsinfrontofhim,readytoturn
sideways,oneeyestillontheball,andrunwithhim
untilhebreaksdeepintoJimmy'szone...ortocomeup
fastandnailhimifhecutsinfrontfortheshortpass.
TheirquarterbackisevenbetterthanRawlscould
seefromthebench.He'slookingalloverthefieldfor
hisreceivers,youcan'ttellwherehe'sgonnagowith
theball.
Thetailbacksuddenlyshiftsgearsasifhe'sabout
toblowpasthimdownfield,butRawlsiswatchinghim
withunfocusedeyesthesuddenmovementdoesn'tdraw
himinthewayitmighthaveotherwise.
CoachHardonisalwaysharping,"Watchtheirbelt
buckle,eyesonthebeltbuckle,"tokeepfrombeing
fakedoutofposition.Butthesoftfocusapproachhas
alwaysworkedbestforE.J.It'slikewatchingwithyour
bodyinsteadofyoureyes.Itseemsalmosttoforce
attentiondownintoyoursolarplexus,themiddleofyour
bodysomewhere,soyou'reactuallyconnectedphysically
insomewaytotheguyyou'reguarding.Wherehegoes,
yougo,withouthavingtothinkaboutitatall.
ItworksthistimeanywaybecausesuddenlyE.J.
sensesthereceiverabouttocutoverthemiddlerightin
frontofhim.Shit,nowayishegoingtomakean
interceptionthisclosetotheline,buthemaybeable
tobreakupthepass.
Butwhybreakitup?Time'srunningout.Evenif
theycanholdthemthisseriesofdownsandforceapunt,
theTigersaregoingtobebackedupintheirown
territorywithtwominutesorsoleft.IftheBlueDevils
getafirstdowntheycandamnnearrunouttheclock.
No,what'sneededrightnowisaturnover.Andifan
interception'soutofthequestionthenthereceiver's
gottocoughitup.
TimeseemstoRawlstohavesloweddownagain.He
183
hasallthetimeintheworldoutheretothinkthisout,
considertheramificationsandmakeadecision.
Theguy'sabouttomakehiscut;E.J.'sgoingto
hangbacknotonlytosuckthequarterbackintothrowing
tohimbutlongenoughtolethimmakethecatch.
Sureenough,thetailback,whothreestepsago
acceleratedasifhewereabouttoturnonthat9.9speed
again,cutssosuddenlyoverthemiddleRawlswouldhave
beenfakedoutofhisjockifhehadn'tanticipatedthe
move.
Asitishestayswithhim,justfarenoughbehind
todrawthepass.Andasthequarterbackpumpsandlets
itfly,ahardtightspiral,insteadofspendinghis
energygoingfortheball,Rawlsisgatheringhimselfto
makeashardahitasheknowshow.Iftheguyhangsonto
it,theBlueDevilsareclosetoafirstdownandthe
Tigersarevirtuallyassuredofovertime,orworse.He's
gottafumble.
Perfectlythrown,theballlandssolidly;theback
takesitinthegutwithouthavingtobreakstride.He
probablythinkshe'sgone.Orthenagainmaybehehears
thosefootstepsareceivercanhearoverthemiddleeven
whenthey'renotthere...whenyou'rehangingintheair,
defenseless,totallyvulnerable,offeringupyourbackto
atackleryoucan'tsee,likeasacrifice.
BOOM!Rawlshastimedthehitperfectly.There'sno
questiontheguyhaspossession,takenthestepnecessary
tomakehimaballcarrier.Pushingoffcleatsduginto
theturfasplitsecondbeforecontact,E.J.plantshis
rightshoulderintothesmallofthereceiver'sbackwith
allthepowerhecanmusteranddrivesthroughhim,
picturinghisshoulderpadsupagainsttheguy'snavel
thehardway,fromtherear.It'saclean,vicioustackle
thatsnapsthepoorbastard'sheadbackasifhehasno
neckmusclesatall.
There'saloudhorribleSNAP!tobeforever
embeddedinRawls'brainandtheballspurtsfromthe
receiver'sarmsintothealerthandsofJunior
Wannamaker.Juniorgetsonlyafewyardsbeforebeing
smothered,butit'stheTigers'ballnow,firstandten,
ontheBlueDevils'thirtyyardline!
AndRawls?Hehasthefeelinghe'sgoingtopuke,
184
thatawfulsoundstillinhisears.Thereceiver'sjust
lyingtheremotionless,hisheadlollingtothesideina
strange,uglyway.E.J.'safraidhe'sbrokenhisneck.
*
*
*
*
*
ToRawlstherestofthegamehasadejavu
inevitability:somewhere,sometime,thishasallhappened
before.Theterriblesilenceof10,000peopleina
stadiummakingnosoundwhatsoever.Thelongdelayasthe
BlueDevils'headcoach,trainerandteamdoctorrunonto
thefieldtogetherandhuddleovertheutterlylifeless
player.Thecallsoonafterwardsfortheambulance,
parkedunobtrusivelyatoneendofthestadium,tobe
broughtontothefield.
AftertheirinitialjubilationtheMuskingumteamis
asstunnedandhushedaseveryoneelse.Rawls'teammates,
unsurewhethertocongratulateortrytocomforthim,do
alittleofboth.JuniorWannamakerontheotherhand,
tryingascocaptaintofindtherightnotetokeepthe
Tigers'spiritsup,tokeepthemfromblowingthis
fantasticopportunitywhoeerilyutteredthesevery
wordsinthehuddlenotfiveminutesagobellows,
"JesusChrist,Rawls,whenIsaidtobreaktheirfuckin'
necks,Ididn'tmeanforyout'takemeuponit!"and
slapshimmightilyontheback.
Rawls,asdoseveralofhisteammates,noticeably
winces.
"Realsmart,Junior."JohnnyMajorsangrilypushes
himasidetoputhisarmaroundhisfriend'sshoulders.
"He'llbeallright,J.That'sthebreaks,man,itwasa
cleanhit."
Sometimelaterit'snotcleartohimhowmuch
laterthegamefinallyresumes.LonnieJonesisin
there,asRawlsknewhewouldbe,becausethat'stheway
thedreamgoes.
Duringthelongdelay,Lonnie,who'driddenthe
benchthewholegamewithoutcontestingMoose'sdecision
tokeephimout,couldtaketheinactionnolonger.
Gatheringresolve,hetookadeepbreathandapproached
theheadcoach,helmetinhand.
"There'sonlytwominutesleft,Coach,I'mnotgonna
gethurtintwominutes.Thisisthegamethatcounts!We
needallthehelpwecangetoutthere."
185
ToJones'surprise,Mooseagreedsoreadily,in
fact,thatashehurriedlywarmedup,Lonnieberated
himselfforhavingwaitedsolongtoask.
OfcoursetheBlueDevilscan'tmisshisnumberand
cleanjerseyandtheywanttotearRawlsapart.So
MoosehasinstructedJimmytorunneitherofthem,togo
withhistwinbrotherinstead,offtackle.Surprise!
Johnnygetswhatmaybethebiggestnineyardsofthe
game.
NowtheyknowJonesisinjustasadecoy.Andthey
knowwithonlyayardtogoforafirstdown,it'sgonna
beRawlsupthemiddleforsure;thesonofabitchhasbeen
stoppedfornogainmaybetwiceinnearlythirtycarries
tonight.Withtheirinjuredteammate,thewayhegot
hurt,uppermostintheirminds,theBlueDevilswillbe
contenttoplayforovertimeforonegoodchanceat
Rawls.
Whenheslamsintothelineandkeepsdigging
twistingandspinningtostayonhisfeetfeelingthe
punches,thehandswrenchinghisfacemask,thefingers
stabbingforhiseyes...whenhegoesdownfinallyto
absorbthekneesandelbowsinhisribs,withhalfthe
defenselandingontopofhim,Rawlsrelisheseveryblow.
Partlyfromguiltmaybe,sickatwhathemayhavedoneto
anotherplayer,aguyhisownage,butmostlyfromdoing
hisjobwellandbecausethisisthewaythedream
goes...withhimonthegroundatthebottomofahuge
pile,huggingaballthatisntthereandJonesie,
unrivaledanduntouched,dancingdownthesidelinewith
therealone,intotheBlueDevils'endzone.
*
*
*
*
*
Later,duringthenoisybusridebacktoMuskingum,
RawlskepthearingjustthatdrySNAP!Withevenamental
imageoftheguy'sfaceatthemomentofimpact,although
ofcoursethereceiver'sbackhadbeenturnedtowardhim.
...Afterthegame,intoxicatedalotmorebythe
lastminutewinthanthethreebeershe'dhadoverthe
courseoftheevening,Annalee'sunclestartedan
argumentwithhiswifeabouttheirniece'sfuture.Their
wordseventuallybecameloudandheated.WhenMargaret
finallylefttheroominanger,shewasstartledtofind
Annaleesittingatthetopofthestairsinher
186
nightgown.
Hadsheoverheard?Ifshe'dactuallybeenlistening,
wasn'tthatanindicationthatAnnaleecomprehendedmore
ofwhatwentonaroundherthanshewaswillingto
reveal?
IfsothenshehadheardandunderstoodWalter's
ultimatumaswell:thatshewastobeplacedina
suitableinstitutionbytheendofthemonth,andhe
didn'twanttohearanotherwordaboutit.
Chapter31
Annaleewokewithastart.Theconfusionsheusually
experiencedintheabrupttransitionfromsleeptothis
toobright,hostileworldinwhichshefeltsoalien
oneoftheStrangeOneswasmissingthismorning.For
thefirsttime,perhaps,inherlifeshewasendowedwith
purpose,aplanfortheday.
Sleepwasafearedfriend,foralthoughherdreams
couldbeterrifyingattimes,atleasttheywere
familiar.Shefeltlessestrangedinthemthanwhen
exposedtoalltheunanticipatedsensations,intrusions
anddangersofwakefulness.
Therewasalso,amidstalltheterrorsinher
dreams,amysteriousandbeautifulplaceshehadnever
actuallyfound,thoughshehadcomeclosetoitmany
times,wherethemostwonderfulfeelingintheworldwas
waitingforher.Warm,golden,radiant,speaking
eloquentlytoherheartwhileremainingperpetuallyout
ofreach,itwasworthbravinghernightmaresfor.
Somedayshemightfindshelterinitscomfortingaura.
Itwasforthesereasonsthatmostmorningsshe
resistedawakeningasdesperatelyasshehaddefiedsleep
thenightbefore,lingeringforaslongaspossiblein
thetwilightseparatingthetwoworlds.Changewasreally
whatshefearedanddistrustedmost.
Butthismorningwasdifferent.Proppedonanelbow,
sleepstillinhereyes,Annaleeopenedthedrawerofthe
nightstandbesideherbedjustacrack,asifitheld
somethingalivethatshedidn'twanttoescapeorasif
shewereafraiditwouldbeemptyafterall.
Takingadeepbreath,shepulledthedrawerallthe
wayopen.Yesitwasstillhere!Thenecklacewiththe
187
crystalpendantthatAuntKatehadgivenher.Shetookit
fromthedrawerandliftedittoherneck.
Lessthananhourlatershewasrunningtowardthe
cabin.
"WellIseeyou'reready,"AuntKategreetedher
whenAnnaleeemergedfromthetrees,thenstoppedasshe
alwaysdidjustinsidetheclearedareainfront,waiting
tobecoaxedcloserbyAuntKate'swise"ignoring"of
her.Butnottoday."Yourfacelooksjustlikethesunon
myriveroverthere."
ShelookedtowardMallardCreek,andhervisitor's
eyesfollowed.AuntKateworkedaminuteortwolongeron
thepieceshewassculptingabrandnewone,thegirl
noticed!WherewastheAnnaleemadeofwood?andthen,
settinghertoolsaside,motionedherforward."Letme
seeyourhands,Dear."
TentativelyAnnaleeapproached,asolemnexpression
onherface,andAuntKate'scallusedlongfingeredhands
gentlytookholdofherown.Sheturnedthempalmsupand
studiedthemforwhatseemedtotheimpatientgirlavery
longtime.AuntKateknewhowshedislikedbeingtouched,
butshewantedtolookonelasttimeatthelifemapshe
perceivedintheupturnedpalms.
Shegazedatthelinesuntiltheybegantogooutof
focus,pullingherin,hypnotically,toatimeless
dimensionthemindrefusessoadamantlytoacknowledge
thatAuntKatehadlearnedhowtodivertitlikethis,to
circumventit,forintuitiontohaveitssay.
...Again,awaveringbrightness:flames?Andalost
child'sfacebehindcolddrearygraywalls.Butsomething
elsethistime:amassivewroughtirongateswinging
open,slowly.AuntKatelookedintothegirl'seyesand
smiled."Yes,you'reready,"shesaid."Comeoverhere
andsayhellotomyfriendsagain."
Sheledhervisitortothesideofthecabinand
thoseredtoppedmushrooms.Annaleewatchedasthewoman
kneltandpluckedseveralofthem,murmuringasshedid
soinatoneofvoicetoolowforthegirltohear,asif
sheweretalkingtothemushroomsthemselves.
"You'veneverbeeninsidehaveyou?"askedAunt
Kate,holdinghalfadozenorsooftheredtopsand
noddingtothecabin.Sheheldoutherfreehand."It's
188
timeyoudid.Ihavesomethingspecialtoshowyou."
Annaleedidn'tmovesoAuntKateturnedandwalked
aroundtothefront,motioningoncemoreforthegirlto
comewithher.WhenshestilljuststoodthereAuntKate
disappearedinside.Leftalone,Annaleegrewanxiousat
onceandfondledthecrystalbeneathherblousetosummon
hercourage,thenfollowed.
Ittookamomentforhereyestobecomeaccustomed
tothecabin'sunlitinterior.AuntKatewasn'tinsight
butAnnaleecouldhearherinanotherroomconnectedto
thisonebyanopendoorway,thenthesoundofwater
running.
Therewerewindowsintheroominwhichshefound
herself,butwiththeexceptionofapicturewindow
overlookingthestream,theywerentlikeanyshewas
familiarwith.Theyweresooddshapedandrandomly
placedAnnaleehadtheimpressiontheymightgoflying
offatanytime,asiftheyweresomekindoffantastic
forestcreaturesperchedhereinthedark.Themost
remarkablethingaboutthemwastheirvividcolors,for
allbuttheheavilydrapedpicturewindowwereofstained
glass,sothatthechromaticdarknessintheroomrather
thanoppressingherwasfullofthewindows'brightmusic
insomedeepquietwaythatwasbothsoothingand
stimulating.RatherlikewhenAuntKatewassculpting
thatotherAnnaleeinwoodandshe,thefleshandblood
model,couldfeelthosestrongyetgentlehandsstroking
hersomehowfromtheinside.
Abovehershenoticedasleepingloft,andatthe
farendoftheroomalargestonefireplace.Thenasher
eyesgraduallyadapted,onethingafteranotherluredher
aroundtothetables,bookcasesandshelveswhereall
sortsoffascinatingobjectswhichAuntKatehadmadeor
found,andarrangedintosomethingentirelydifferent,
hadbeenplacedorhungontherusticpaneledwallsof
thecabin.
EverywhereAnnaleelookedshefoundsomethingto
exciteherinterest.Wallhangingsmadefromrope,
string,sticksandshells.Figuresorsimplyshapesof
glass,stone,metal,woodsomepolished,othersleftin
theirroughnaturalstate.Bouquetsofwildflowersand
driedarrangementsofweedsandthistlessherecognized
189
fromthewoods.Candlesinavarietyofsizesandcolors,
withagreenoneactuallyburning,inacornerofthe
roomonwhatshecouldn'thaveknownwasasimplealtar.
Theroomsmelledofashesfromthefireplace,but
shallowdisheshereandthereofdriedleavesandherbs
andpetalsremindedhernoseofmeadowsandtheforestas
well.Twotinybirds,finches,chirpedandfluttered
aboutinacagewithanopendoor,hangingnexttoan
enormousfern,agreenfountainfillingonewholecorner
oftheroomwiththesmellandsenseofwaterfalling
overrocksinacooldeepglade.
Thehandcraftedfurniturewasunlikeanythingin
herauntanduncle'shouse.Sheranherfingersoversome
ofthehardwoodpiecestofeeltheirtexture,gnarledor
polishedsmoothasglass,andoverthehandwovenfiber
andfabricscoveringsomeofthem.
Therewereseverallargesculpturesintheroom.One
inparticular,onapedestalinashaftofsunlight
streaminginoverthemantelpiece,hadcaughthereye
whensheentered,beforehersenseshadbeensnatched
away.
Herunselfconsciousexplorationofthecabinhad
broughtheracrosstheroomtothecorneroppositethis
pedestal,andwhensheturnedtowarditnow,shecame
facetofacewiththebustAuntKatehadbeenworkingon
fordays.Shegasped.Itwasnolongerjustthe"other"
Annalee,itwassheherself.Itwascompletenow.
...Atfirstshecan'tmovealmostforgetsto
breathe.Itisn'tjustthatthefigureisfinally
finishedoreventhatAuntKatehascapturedherlikeness
withsuchartisticskill.Thereissomethinguncannyin
thefaceAnnaleeislookinginto,itsexpression,the
eyesmaybe.Thisisthefacesherecognizesfromthe
mirrorallrightitsthreedimensionsandcherrywood
colordon'thidetheresemblancebutthereismorehere
aswell.Whatisit?Somethingsheremembers?Fromwhere?
Sheapproachesherdoublehesitantly:thefaceso
serenebathedinsunlight,theeyesseemingtorevealan
awarenessofthingssheherselfknowsonlydimly.Yes,
that'swhat'ssodisturbing,yetalsosofascinating.The
eyeslookrealenough,asnaturalasanyotherfeatures
intheface,yetseemtogazeinward,evenwhilethey
190
lookoutattheworld.
That'showtheyknowsomuch.Howthey'veseen
thingsAnnaleeknowsaretrueeventhoughthesesecret
thingsaremostlyhiddenfromher.
Butshecanbreaktheconnectionshecanblinkher
owneyes,refocusthemelsewhereontheface,andshes
instantlydisconnectedfromthatshadowyinnerworldshe
doesn'treallywanttosee.
Thelipsforexample.Shefeelsasthoughshe's
seeingthemnowforthefirsttime,sointenseisher
concentrationontheselifelike...thismouthwhichthough
closedandsilent,givestheappearanceofbeingaboutto
speakatanymoment.Certainlyableto,unlikeshe
herself,aSilentOnewhocannot.
Howcanthisstatuebecausethat'sallitis,an
effigyinwoodhowcanthislikenessofAnnaleebemore
capableofspeechthansheherself?Shetouchesthelips,
unawarethatherownhavepartedslightlyaswell,taking
pleasureintheshapeofthoseatherfingertips,their
slenderyetvoluptuousfullness.Herhandwidensto
encompassandmeasurethejaw,tocaressthepolished
smoothnessofthecheeks.Itdropsbeneaththechinand
jawbonetothelongslimthroat.
Andnowwithherrighthandatthebaseofthe
statue'sthroat,shereachestentativelytothesame
placeonherownwiththeleft,lightlytouchingher
smoothskinasifthefeelofitisnewtoher,noticing
thatthisisnolongerlikelookinginamirrorbecause
thehandonherdouble'sthroatisn'tmovingatall.
Butshecanmakeitmove;shecanmovehertwohands
inunison.Togethertheyriseuptheflutedcolumnsthe
twoheadsgracefullyadorn,oneofwoodtheotherof
flesh,untilshelosesthedistinctionbetweenwhatis
touchedandwhatisseen.Which,orwhose,throatisshe
feelingwithherfingertips,andwhoseisshewatching
withhereyes?
...Inthekitchen,AuntKatehasplacedthe
mushroomsinwaterboilingonthestoveandiswashing
vegetablesfromhergardeninthesink:slicesofredand
whiteradish,cherrytomatoesandstripsofred,green
andyellowpeppers.Shebringsabowlbackintotheroom
hervisitorisin.
191
Annaleepaysnoattentiontoheratfirst,raptas
sheisinthissurrenderofhersenseofself,this
reachingouttoanother,eventhoughtheotherisaself
imagemadeofwood.AsAuntKateslipsnoiselesslyaround
theroom,lightingcandlesandthenasmallconeof
incenseinablackceramicdish,thegirlbecomesaware
ofherpresenceagainandwatcheshersuspiciously.When
theoldwomanpullsthoseheavydrapesacrossthepicture
window,sheisfranklyscared.
Herhostunderstandsthis,hasanticipateditof
course.ShebeckonsforAnnaleetocomesitbesideheron
aloveseatinfrontofthefireplace.Betweenthemisthe
bowl,filledwithrawvegetablesandmushroomslices.
AuntKatesmilessweetlyandputsapieceofmushroom,a
sliceofradishinhermouthandchewsthemslowly.Her
eyesandasmallgestureencouragehervisitortodothe
same.
Annaleefeelstotallywithinthepowerofthiswoman
now,underherspell.Althoughnottheslightestbit
hungry,shesharesthesimplefarewithher,without
reallytastingitafterthefirstbiteorso.
Shesensestheceremonyinwhattheyaredoing;she
knowsthisisnomeremeal,nosocialnicety.Itis
demandedofherforsomereason,andshetrustsAuntKate
morethanshehastrustedanyotherhumanbeingformost
ofheryounglife.
Chapter32
Herinsidesarebecomingqueasy.Itsanunfamiliar
sensation,notlikenauseaorthecottonywarninginher
throatthatshesabouttothrowup.Atinglingthathas
beengraduallyintensifyingforseveralminutesnow.
ShewasrelievedwhenAuntKatetookawaytheraw
vegetablesandmushroomsshedprepared.Shedidn'tlike
themandwasn'thungrytobeginwith.Herstomach
wouldntholdanymorerightnow.Notthatit'sfull
justtheopposite;itfeelslightasairdownthere.
Therecouldbecloudspassingthroughher.
Butshecansenseanabnormaltensioninherbodyas
well.Herjawisclenched.Anarmatureofcontracted
musclehasbecomeasecondskeletonbeneathherflesh.
Maybethisteethgrindingtensionislikeaprotective
192
wallaroundhertokeepherfromdisappearingaltogether.
ShekeepslookingtoAuntKateforreassurance.She
knowstheoldwomanhasorchestratedinsomewaywhats
occurring,andhercompassionatewrinkledfacetells
Annaleethatalliswell,thatwhatshesexperiencingis
normalandnottobefeared.AuntKateisdoingthisfor,
notto,her.Sheclosesherhandaroundthecrystal
talisman.Whatsgoingtohappennext?
Happeningtoglancedownatherankle,perhaps
feelingherpulsethere,sheseesbeneaththetranslucent
skinthefamiliarcrimsontraceryofcapillariesand,
morefaintly,itsaccompanyingnetworkofpaleblue
veins.Shesneverseenthemsoclearlybefore.Shelooks
closerandhereyesarepulleddeeper,herseeing
penetratesherflesh.Dropbyreddrop,sheiswatching
thebloodcoursingthroughhercapillariesintherhythm
ofherheartbeat.
ShelooksupatAuntKateinamazementbutno
soonerhavehereyestakeninthekind,shrewdfaceshe
recognizesthanitchanges.Suddenlyonlytheshrewdness
isthere,andsomethingmorefrightening.Isthisold
womanawitchafterall?
SeeingtheshockoffearcomeintoAnnalee'sface,
AuntKateinstantlysendsouttoheralltheloveshe
feelsforthegirl,callingitupinherheart,directing
itfromhereyes,herhands,herwholebeing.Thesharp,
pryingexpressiondissolvesintooneofevenmore
compassionthanAnnaleehascometoexpectinthis
belovedface.
Hereispurelove,beyondwhatismerelyhuman...in
factitisn'thumanatall!Thefleshisseethinglike,
like...maggotsonadeadanimal.Panic.AuntKatemoves
quicklytocomforther,butAnnaleecantlookather
facenow.
Yeteverythinghereyesfocusoncomestolife,in
someterrifyingway.Thewallswrithe.Plantsaretrying
tospeaktoherliketheVoices.AuntKate'ssculpted
abstractionshavebecomeanimated.TheotherAnnalee,
anythingbutwoodenatthemoment,iscarryingona
livelyconversationwithsomeinvisiblepersononthe
othersideoftheroom.
Toherhorror,thestatueturnstolookather.She
193
cantlookback,shedbedestroyed.Shewoulddie.
Maggotswouldbeeatingher.Sheknowsshesaboutto
explode,limbsflyinginalldirections.
ThenthefullweightofAuntKate'sstrongarms,
holdinghertogether,protectingher.Fromallthings.
Herdeadlydouble.Herselfeven.
Gettingdark.Everythingsoftandwarm.Sleep.
*
*
*
*
*
Whensheawakens,afireiscracklinginthe
fireplace.Flickeringcandlescastdensewaveringshadows
onthewalls;thefarendandthecornersoftheroomare
hiddenindarkness.Annaleeisnotrefreshedfromher
sleeporherfaintingspell.Shefeelsexhaustedand
inexpressiblysad,anemotionasalientoheras
happiness.
Sorrowsointense,andunfamiliar,thatits
suffocating.Herheartaswollenorganthatliesatopher
chestsoheavilyshecanhardlybreathe.
AuntKateisnolongerbesideher.Whensheturnsto
lookatheritisthedoublesheseesfirst.Thesculpted
facehaschangedagain.Nowitsexpressionisoneof
griefasdeepasherown.
Tofeelwhatsheisexperiencingisbadenough.To
seeitexpressedlikethisismorethanshecanbear.
Shesabouttothrowup,somethinghotischokingher,
threateningtocomegushingupoutofherinsides,but
it'snotbileorvomit.Sheclenchesherteethtightlyto
holdbackthescaldingeruptionthenwrithesintoafetal
positiononthefloor.
"...Ican'thearyou,"saysAuntKate'svoicefrom
somewhereinthedark.
Annalee'sshouldersconvulse.Shewrapsherarms
tightlyaroundherselftokeepthisunnatural,terrifying
thingfromhappeningtoher.Toholdinwhateveris
dammedupagainstherconstrictedthroat,fighting
desperatelytocomeout.
"Ican'thearyou,"repeatsthevoiceevenmore
gentlythanbefore.Andthistimeahandstrokesher
tenseheavingshoulders.
Thelight,lovingtouchmustholdasecretpower.It
tearsawrenchingsobfromAnnaleedespiteherevery
efforttoholditback.Andoncethedamhasburstshe
194
giveswaybeforetheoutpouringofgriefthefirsttime
shescriedsincechildhoodandletsitcarryheraway.
...When,muchlater,shebecomesawareagainofher
surroundings,hersidesachefromsobbing,hereyesare
swollen,herfaceandhairarewetwithtears.Confused
andgroggy,shelooksuptofindAuntKateholdingthe
bustinherlap.Hereyesclosed,sheisstrokingits
throat.Annaleecanfeelthesoothingsweepofher
fingersfrombreastbonetochin.Shebeginstorelaxa
little.
Thensuddenlytheoldwomangivesthefacesucha
violentwrenchitfeelstothegirlasifherjawhas
justbeenbroken.AuntKateforcesthestatue'smouth
openandsticksherfingersdownitsthroat.Annalee
gags,triestocatchherbreath,tojerkherheadfree.
AuntKatewithdrawsherhand.Theshapelylipsin
thewoodenfaceareclosed,astheyhavealwaysbeen.
Annaleeshuddersviolentlyandbeginstoshiver.
"Areyoucold,Dear?Welllookhowlowthefirehas
gotten.Itneedsmorewood."AuntKaterisesandcarries
thepieceovertothefireplaceandlaysitonthe
hearth.
Annaleecan'tbelievewhatshesseeing.Toostunned
tomove,sheactuallyshapestheword"no"silentlywith
herlips.
AuntKateremovesthefirescreen.
NONONO!Annaleeisscreamingtoherself.
Theoldwomanpicksupthebustandkneelstothrow
itintothefire.
Annaleelungesacrossthefloor,franticallyclawing
forthestatue.
Laughingjoyously,AuntKateletshertakeitand
throwsherarmsaroundher,leavingthepoorgirlmore
confusedthanever.
"Child,"shecrowsexultantly,"we'llgetyououtof
thatshellyet!Iwouldn'treallythrowthisinthefire.
It'smyownwork,anditmeanssomuchtoyou.
"Butthisisn'talivinglimbanymore.It'sjusta
carvedhuskaghostofthespiritthetreewas.Because
ofwhatI'vedonewithit,thispieceofcherrymaybe
aroundforalongtime,wheninjustafewminutesfire
couldliberateitforever.Don'tyousee,girl,wood
195
lovesafire.Firesetsitfree!"
AuntKateholdsheratarms'lengthforamomentso
shecanlooklongandlovinglyintohereyes.Thenshe
walksoverandthrowsopenthedrapesinfrontofthe
picturewindow.SunlightstreamsinoverAnnalee'sface;
shelooksdirectlyintoit,herfaceupraised.Thelight
islifetoher,butshecan'tsaywhyeventoherself.
Shedoesn'tknowwhyshesuddenlyfeelsasecstatic
asAuntKatedoes,whyshesharesherjoy.Shedoesn't
care.This,allthis,feelstoogoodtoquestion.She
wantsAuntKatetohavethebustafterall,asshehas
herheart.ShehandsitbackandAuntKateleadsherout
intothelateafternoonsunshine.
"You'dbestbegettingbacknow,child,"shesays,
holdingbothherhandsinherown,withalookinher
eyesthatAnnaleereadssoclearly,andshares,without
intheleastunderstanding:'Wehavequiteasecretnow
don'twe,Dear?'
Thenwithhervoice:"Ifyoufeelalittlestrange
forawhile,that'snatural.Andifyoufeellikedoing
somethingstrange,forheaven'ssakedoit!"
Therearetearsintheoldwoman'seyes.Annalee
feelsanuncontrollableurgetothrowherarmsaround
her.Shedoesherheartexpandsasifit'saboutto
break.Itdoes.Somethinghasbeenreleasedinher.
Shedevoursthosewise,lovingeyesoncemoreand
then,withoutlookingback,racesforthepaththatleads
intothewoods.Shehasneverfeltlikethisbeforein
herlife!Herheadisnolongerconnectedtoherfeet;
whenshelooksdownatthemtheyseemtobeflyingalong
thepathoftheirownwill,orevenasiftheybelonged
tosomeoneelse.Sheknowsthepathsowellshepaysno
attentiontowhereshe'sgoing,yetthethingsshe
noticesoneithersidestunherwiththeirsenseof
newness,ofneverhavingtrulyrevealedthemselves
before.Whenshebreaksoutofthetreestocrossthe
widemeadowlyingbeforeheritisamagiccarpetof
wildflowersonaloomofsunbeams.
*
*
*
*
*
Lessmetaphorically,closertothehighwayahalf
mileorsoaway,itsaformercowpasturecrisscrossed
bybarrendirttrailsheadingoffinalldirections.This
196
iswherethelocalcountryboyscomewiththeirfour
wheelers,notonlyfortheirownamusementbuttohelp
financetherecreationalactivitiesofMuskingum's
orthopedicsurgeons.
Thisafternoon,however,it'sbeingusedbyBilly
Riversandfriendsastheirownprivatemotocrosscourse.
Itwasfunenoughforawhile,challengingthemselvesand
eachotherandrunningoffthefewhaplessfourwheelers
theycameacross,butnowthey'reboredandrestless
again.
Aminuteagotheytookoffacrosstheopenmeadow
itself,whichthislateintheyearisn'ttooovergrown
foradeterminedorfoolhardybiker.Theycomeoverthe
crestofahillandseethisbeautifulgirlmaybea
quarterofamileaway,runninginwildabandonby
herself.
Annaleeissocaughtupinexcitementshehearsonly
herownbreathingandfootsteps,theswishswishswish
herrunninglegsmakethroughthehighdrygrass.Then
shelooksuptoseethreemotorcyclesracingtowardher
downalonggrassyslope.
Herheartjumpsrightoutofherchestandshe
followsit,panichavinginstantlytakentheplaceof
joy.Leavingthepathtoherauntanduncle'sthey'd
catchhereasilythatwaysheheadsforalargefield
ofharvestedcorn,whoseemptystalksreachwellabove
herhead.Itoffersheronlychanceofescape,ifshecan
reachitintime.
Sheruns,notfeelingthefatigueinherlegs,
hardlynoticingthepainfulstitchinherside.Theonly
thinginhermindisfear,andthetemporaryhaventhe
shelteringcornmayoffer.Yesandtheterrifyingsound
ofthebikescomingcloserandcloser,whiletherowsof
corndon'tseemtobegettinganyneareratall.
Shehearshoarsechokingsobsandrecognizesthem
withsurpriseasherown.Hearingherlaboredbreathing
suddenlymakesherrealizehowshortofbreathsheis.
Thepaininhersidenowfillsherwholechest.Likefire
thatburnsherlungseverytimeshegaspsforair.The
bikesarerightbehindher.
Butthen,almostbeforeshe'sawareofitshe's
runningthroughtheharshdrycornstalks,tryingtokeep
197
themfromtearingatherclothesandhair,faceandarms.
Lurching,stumblingdiagonallyinonedirection,thenoff
inanotherinanattempttoconfuseherpursuers.
She'sgaininggroundonthem!Shemustbethe
roaringengineswerealmostontopofher,andnow
withoutturningshecantellthey'vedroppedbacka
littleandofftotheside.Shekeepsanglingawayfrom
theirsound,eventhoughthisismuchharderthanrunning
straightaheadbetweentherows.
Suddenlyshepopsthroughthelastrow.She'soutin
theopenagain.
Aheadofheraremorewoods,buttheyreseparated
fromherbyaravinewhichshehasexploredbefore.Its
dangerouslysteepandrocky,toowidetojump.
Whatshouldshedo?Whichwayshouldshego?Fora
fewvitalsecondsshesparalyzedwithindecision.Then,
notmorethanthirtyyardsuptheouterrowofstalks,a
motorcycleburstsfromthefield.
Shewhirlsandfleestowardtheravine.Foramoment
BillyRiversdoesn'tseeher,he'slookingtheotherway.
Whenhedoesshe'shalfwaythere.Hethrowsupdirtwith
awheelietocutheroff.
...Somethingshappeningtoher.Toourgentlyfor
consciousawareness,perhaps,butgivinghernewstrength
nonetheless.Itisn'tjustblindreflexiveterror,but
thedesiretolivethatliesbeneathherfearofbeing
caught.Andbehindthiswilltosurviveisanewor
resurrectedsenseofselfwhodeservestolive,deserves
herselfprotection.ThisreawakenedAnnaleeisinher
hands,hercare,hercontrolnotatthemercyofher
pursuers.
Whatpowershesuddenlyfeels!AlmostasifAunt
Kateisherewithher,runningbesideher.That'sfunny
AuntKaterunning!Issheactuallysmiling,asshefeels
theripplingpowerflowingoutthroughherstronglegs,
returningfromtheearthwiththeshockofeachlong
stridemakingcontactwiththeground.
Theravineisjustafewstepsaheadofher.The
roarandblurofthemotorcyclecominguponherright
bringsahotblastofair.Themusclesinherleftcalf
andthighcontractmightily...andthenuncoillikea
steelspring,vaultingherhighintospace,highover
198
thisdeepboulderstrewngashintheearth.High,it
seems,overherwholedarkpast.Herarmsliftather
sideslikewingstocarryherandthencushionher
landingontheotherside.
Shecomesdownhard,themusclesinherlegsagain
contractingtodriveherforward.Shefliesthroughthe
airhorizontally,landsonhershoulderandrolls.Then
springsbacktoherfeetatonceandturnstofacethe
bikers,allthreeofthempulledupattheedgeofthe
ravine.Shethrowsherheadbackinanimpromptulittle
wardance.Nottauntingthem.Inasensetheydon'teven
existforhernow.Sheis.Here.Theyareontheother
side.
BillyRiverscan'tbelievewhathe'sjustwitnessed.
Andthewardancehassethimoffalloveragain.The
chickiewantstoplay.
"Splitup!"heyellsexcitedly,havingmorefunthan
he'shadinweeks."Findaplacetocross,beforeshe
getstoofaraway."
Chapter33
Noonewhowasinvitedevermissedapartyat
Audrey'sifheorshecouldhelpit.Theywereseldom
trulyextravagantaffairsalthoughtheycouldbeifthe
occasiondemandedit.Itwasthemixofpeoplethatmade
themsuchablast.Sure,theusualgangwouldbethere,
butAudreyknewalotofinterestingpeopleshewasin
factaconnoisseuroffascinatingandoriginal
personalitiesandhowtointroducethemintoa
gatheringsotheyfeltsufficientlyateasetocontribute
whateverspecialqualityhadattractedherattentionand
earnedthemaninvitation.
Then,too,shehadayoungerbrotheroneclassbelow
hers,whosecrowdwasoftenrepresentedaswell,soyou
neverknewwhoyou'dendupgettingtoknowalittle
betterormakingoutwithinsomeoutlyingroomof
Audrey'sbighouse.Thatwastheotherthing:herparents
eitherwouldnotbethereorwouldbeholedupsomewhere
doingtheirownthingmostofthetime.Notbecausethey
didn'tgiveadamnaboutwhatwentonbutbecausethey
knewAudreyandherbrotherStevenwouldkeepthings
undercontrol.
199
NooneevergotoutofhandatAudrey'sandstayed
aroundtoenjoyit.Youmightconceivablybeinvitedback
anothertime,butyoucouldexpecttobeinvitedtoleave
ifyouabusedAudrey'strustorherfamily'shospitality.
E.J.wasn'tsurehewantedtobeheretonight.He
wishedthepartywerenextweekend.Onegoodthinghad
happenedtodayanywayoneverygoodthing.CoachCody
hadcalledthisafternoontoreportthattheColumbus
playerthey'dcarriedoffthefieldlastnighthada
severelypinchednerve,notabrokenneck.
Butasrelievedashe'dbeenbythenews,five
minutesafterhegotoffthephoneRawlswasfeelingthe
sameasbeforethecall:worried,depressedanddisgusted
withhimselfalmosttothepointofdespair.
Hisparentsthoughthewasreactingonlytothe
injuryandmadethingsworsebypraisinghimforbeingso
concerned.Surehewasconcernedhewasevengoingto
findoutatschoolMondayhowtogetintouchwiththe
guy.Ifhewasstillinthehospitalmaybehe'dcallhim
orsendhimacardorsomething.
Butwhetherornothewaspermanentlyinjuredwasn't
reallythepoint.Thefactthathesoeasilycouldhave
been,ontopofalltherestofthedestructiveacts
Rawlshadbeenresponsibleforthepastfewweeks,was
whathehadn'tbeenabletogetoffhismindallday.He
wasagoddamnedcatastrophewaitingtohappenaoneman
apocalypse.
Yetnoone,exceptforAlison,hadevenaninkling
ofthis.Everyoneelseknewhe'dscrewedupinonewayor
another,butonlysheknewthemostdamaginginfo.And
whatshe'dtoldhimafterwardswasrighton;themorehe
thoughtaboutit,themoreitscaredtheshitoutofhim.
Hecouldblowatanytime,blowitall.Hiswholefuture
orsomeoneelse's.
AndnowherehewasatAudrey'sasifnothingwere
wrong,asifeverythingwerenormalandhewasjustyour
Mr.AverageFuckingNiceGuy.
Audreygreetedhimatthedoor.Shewasatad
loaded.
"Hiya,Rawls.WelcometothePartyoftheYear."
"Ifyadosayyourself,huhAuds?"
"Youbetyoursweetbuns,baby!"
200
"Sweetbuns?Youbeenpeekin',Williams?"
"Youmeantotellmeyoudontknowyourassfroma
figureofspeech?"shesaiddryly,takinghisjacket.
Rawlslaughed."Iknowyou'retooquickforme."Are
theMajorshereyet?"
"JimmyandSylviaareupstairs,whereelse?Johnny
andBeckyhaven'tcomeyet."
HestartedtoaskwhetherJimmyandSylviahadbut
decidedthelameremarkwasn'tworththeenergy.Itwould
onlyconfirminAudrey'smindwhathefeltwasher
alreadymarginalopinionofhim.
Hewalkedintothekitchenwhileshedidsomething
withhisjacket.JoannawasherewithMatty,atackle
whoselipwasstillswollenfromlastnight.
E.J.andJoannahadgonetogetheroffandon,andhe
wishedsheweremoreavailablenow.Buttheirhistory
wouldcomplicatethings;hefeltthey'dneverbeableto
justgooutandhaveagoodtimetogether.Hekissedher
and,sureenough,feltherfondlyrememberedscent
drummingitspheromonalmessageofdesiretothe
interior.
"LookslikeMattymaybeoutofcommissiontonight,"
hesaid,pretendingtoignorehim."Ifthosesweetlips
getlonelyletmeknow.Matty,youlooklikeaUbangi.If
IwereyouI'dputthatfatlipofyoursonthesideline
andletmesubforyou,whaddayathink?"
"Ithinkwecouldbeinforanepidemicoffatlips,
iswhatIthink."
Everyoneinthekitchenthoughtthiswaspretty
good,andRawlswasstillsmilingashegothimselfa
beerfromthefridge.Maybethepartywouldbeallright
afterall.Hewalkedintothefamilyroomwherethe
stereowasonandafewpeopleweredancing.
WilburJohnsonwasn'toneofthemforonce.Hecame
upandcongratulatedE.J.onthegame,thenasked,"D'you
hearaboutJones?"
"Whatabouthim?"saidE.J.,lookingtoseewhowas
here.
"HegotascholarshipofferfromState.Fullride.
Theycalled'imthismorning."
"Noshit?Allright,Jonesie!Where'dyouhear
that?"
201
"FromJones.He'sheresomewhere."
E.J.heardthoughhewasn'treallylistening
anymore.He'djustseenwhohewassimultaneously
dreadingandhopingtoseeAlison.ShewaswithRick
Schoonover,theAllAmericanboyhimself:trackand
tennisstar,straightAstudent,IvyLeaguecharm.All
right,Alison.
Hecouldtellshehadnoticedhimtoo.Shewastoo
absorbedinRick,therewassomethingphonyabouther
enthusiasm.Didthatmeanshewasstillmadathim?Would
sheignorehimallnight,noteventalktohim?
HedecidedtogolookforLonnie,trytorecover
someofhispoise.Allofasuddenhefeltitmustbe
obvioustoeveryoneherewhatanassholehewas.Andwhy
causeAlisonanymorediscomfortwithhispresence?If
shefeltshehadtoignorehimshemuststillbehurting.
Lonniewasn'thardtofind.HeandLeighwere
virtuallyholdingareceptioninacorneroftheliving
room,aseveryoneatthepartycameovertocongratulate
himandgetacloserlookatLeigh.Hecertainlydidn't
seemoverjoyedathisgoodfortunethough,Rawlsnoticed,
notfooledbyhiswansmile.You'dhavethoughthe'djust
beenturneddownratherthanrecruited.
E.J.decidedtogoalongwithhisattempttoappear
pleased,though,ratherthanaskingsomepointedquestion
infrontofeveryone.
"Congratulations,J.!Ijustheardthegoodnews."
Lonniereturnedhishighfiveaboutas
enthusiasticallyasifhe'djustlearnedthatStatehad
beenputon5yearprobationforunethicalrecruiting
practices.
"Thanks,J."
Tohellwithpretendingnottonoticewhena
friend'suptight!"Whatsamatter?Youseemalittle
depressedforsomeonewhojustgothisfirstoffer."
Lonniestartedtosaysomething,thenchangedhis
mind."I'llberightback,"hesaidtoLeigh,indicating
forE.J.tofollowhimfromtheroom.
Theyendedupoutinthebackyard.Rawlsjammedhis
handsinhisbackpocketstostaywarm.
"...I'dliketofeelgoodabouttheStatething,J.
It'swhatI'vealwayswanted."
202
"Thenwhat'sstoppin'you?"
"Webeengoodfriends.IfeelIcantalktoyou."
"Sureyoucantalktome.Imeanifyoufeellike
it."
"...It'smymom.We'rerealclose,youknow...and,
well,I'mjustworriedabouther."
"What'sthetrouble?"
"Well...youprob'lyheardaboutRonnieMorrison,
whathesaidabouther."
"Yeah,Iheard."
"Calledherathief."
"Whattayoucarewhatthatlittlepricksays,J.?
Whogivesadamn?"
"Ido,man."
Asilencefollowedwhichunderthecircumstances,
includingthecold,probablyseemedlongerthanitreally
was.
"Whaddayadoaboutsomethin'likethat?"Lonnie
finallyasked.
"YoumeantoMorrison?"
"No,manwithyouroldlady.Withmymom."
"Well,what'sitallabout,doyouknow?"
"Idon'tknowadamnthing.Iknowitcan'tbe
true...."
"What'dshesayyourmom,Imean?"
"Shedidn'tsaynothin'.Ineveraskedheraboutit.
Butsheain'tworkin'fortheMorrisonsnomore."
"Wellshit,Jonesie,don'chathinkyououghtto?"
E.J.bentoveralittlesohecouldlookhimintheeye.
"Youmeanyou'vejustbeencarryin'thisaroundwithyou,
andyouhaven'theardhersideofit?"
"...Itsamess,man.See,Ididntwantabetheone
tobringitup,andthenthelongerIwaited,theharder
itgot.IwasafraidshedthinkIdidntaskherat
firstcauseIthoughtitmightbetrue.Ibeenwaitin
forhertsaysomethin."
"Whathaveyougottolose?Lookwhatit'scostyou
notknowin'.Iwouldn'tbelieveagoddamnwordthatpunk
Morrisonsaidanyway.Hemightevenhavegottenher
fired,togetatyouforsomereason."
Lonniethoughtaboutthisforamoment.Theyboth
startedwalkingbacktothehouse.E.J.wasshivering.
203
"Iguessyou'reright,J.Iguessitisworsenot
knowin'."
Whathedidn'tsaythathadjustoccurredtohimwas
thatmaybethereasonhewasafraidtoconfronthis
motherwasknowingthathisoldmanhadstolensome
thingswhenhestilllivedwiththem.He'devenbragged
aboutit,yethaddeniedbeingathief.Lonnieremembered
howconfusingthathadbeentohimthenasakid.
E.J.heldthedooropenforhim.Lonniechuckled
whenhecameinside."Life'ssomethin',isn'tit?"
"Iguess,"wasaboutthebestE.J.couldcomeup
with.
"HereIamthinkin'aboutgoin'tocollege,and
there'sthislittlekidinsideofmehasn'tevengrownup
yet."
E.J.gavehimafunnylookandLonnielaughedaloud
thistime."Don'ttryt'figureitout,J.Thanksfor
listenin',Ireallyappreciateit.Hey,thanksforthat
greatfakelastnighttoo,bytheway."
"Youalreadythankedmeforthat."
"DidI?"
TheycameintothelivingroomtogetherandLeigh
gaveLonnieaquizzicallookfromacrosstheroom,asking
ifanythingwaswrong.
"Woman'sworriedaboutme."
"Sheseemsrealnice,J.Surenicelookin'."
"Yeah,both,man.Bothways."
Heheldouthishand,palmup,andE.J.gavehim
someskin.Thenhewalkedbackintotheroomwherethe
dancingwasgoingonandsawAlisonsittingalonenow.He
tookadeepbreathandwentovertoher.
"Hello,Alison."
"Hi."Tohissurprise,andrelief,shesmiledat
him,aworldweary,conspiratorialsortofsmilethat
seemedtosay,'What'sthepointinstayingangry
right?'
Unpreparedforthisgenerosityofspirit,Rawls
foundhimselfatalossforwordsatfirst.Hesatdown
besideheronthecouchbutonthefrontedgeofthe
cushionsoshecouldseehewasn'tpresumingtoomuch.He
hadsomethingtosaytoherbuthe'dleaveassoonas
Rickcameback.
204
"...Iuh,IknowIalreadyapologized,but...Ijust
wantyoutoknowthatI'vethoughtalotabouttheother
nightIhaven'tbeenabletogetitoffmymindandI
stilldon'twhyithappened.Itcertainlydoesn'thave
anythingtodowithhowIfeelaboutyou,Ithinkyou're
agreatperson..."
Whenhegotstuckagainshereachedoverandtouched
hisknee.
"Iknowitdoesn't,E.J.I'msorryithappenedtoo,
becauseIknowitcouldhavebeensomuchbetter.Iwas
reallyangryatfirstbutI'vegottenoverit."
"Youdon't...holditagainstme?"
"Whatfor,what'sthepoint?Ihopeyou'llmakean
efforttochange..."
"Yeah,that'swhatI'vespentsomuchtimethinkin'
about:howtochange.ButIguesst'dothatI'mgonna
havetoknowwhyIdothesethingsinthefirstplace.
I'vebeenthinkin'aboutwhatyousaidaboutbeing
afraidtoshowmyfeelings."
"Uhhuh?"
"Idon'tknowmaybethat'sagoodplacetobegin."
"Right.Andnotjustshowingthem,butfeelingthem
inthefirstplace.It'sallabouttryingtobesocool
and'incontrol.'Ithinkwe'dallbemuchbetteroffif
weweren'tsoafraidtoadmithowignorantaboutlifeand
aboutourselvesweallareatourage,Imean.We're
unwillingtorisklookingridiculousevenifthat'swhat
ittakestogainsomerealunderstandingofourselves,
knowwhatImean?"
E.J.sighed."Iguess."
"It'shardwork,Iknowashardasweighttraining
orfootballpractice.Alotofpeopledon'twanttotake
thetimeormaketheeffortguysespecially.You'retoo
busyprovinghowtoughyouare."
"Idon'tknowthatit'ssuchhardwork;tomeit's
morelikejust...lettinggoalittlebit."
"That'sright,youhavetobeabletodothatfirst.
Butthenyouhavetobewillingtoputyourselfoutin
theworld,indifferentsituations,withdifferentpeople
andseewhathappens.Seewhereyoufitin,whatyou
thinkwhatyoureallythinkratherthanjustadopting
thegroup'sthinking,learningtoparrotthecurrent
205
jargon.Seehowyoufeelinallthesedifferent
situations,aboutnewthingsandnewpeople.It'ssomuch
easiertoputupawall,say,'ThisiswhoIam,'and
spendtherestofyourlifedefendingthatposition."
"Yeah,Iseewhatyoumean.Iguessitiseasierto
limityourselfthatway.Onlyyouneverthinkofitas
limiting.Youthinkofhowstrongorhowtoughyouare,
nothowthickawallyou'veputuparoundyourself."
"Exactly.Betweenyourselfandtheworld.Between
yourselfandalltheexperienceyouneedtogrow,to
reallygrow."
"Yeah,IguessIdoseewhatyou'retalkingaboutas
alotofworkmainlybecauseI'mtoolazytomakethe
effort.OrIdon'twanttolooklikeajerkor
something."
"Thereyougobreakthrough!AnE.J.Rawls
revelation."Alison'ssmilewaswarmthistime.E.J.was
stillperchedontheedgeofthesofabutmorefromthe
energyoftheirconversationnowthanfrominsecurity.
"Theirony,"shesaid,"isthatthemorewetryto
maintaincontroloverourlives,themorelikelywe'll
losecontrollater,whenallthestuffwe'vetriedto
holdbackandholdinfinallybreaksfreeallatonce."
"Tellmeaboutit.That'shardonblackboards."
"Andongirlswhojustwantahavefun."Theyboth
laughed.God,hefeltbetter!Alisonwassomethingelse.
"...MaybeI'llevengoinandtalktoMr.Hickman
sometimenextweek."
"Hey,youreallyareseriousaboutthisaren'tyou."
"Damnright.I'mgettin'tiredofbein'myownworst
enemylikeIwassomekindofmultiplepersonalityor
something.LatelyitseemslikeIspendhalfthetime
diggingmyselfoutofoneholeoranother."
"SoundstomeliketherealE.J.Rawlsisreadyto
takeastand."
"Ihopeso,Alison.ImeanIhopetherealmeisn't
theonethatkeepslosin'it."
"Therealyouistheonethatlosesitsometimesand
thepersontalkingtomerightnow."
"Thewholeme,huh?DoyoureallythinkHickmanwill
doanygood?Imeanwhatthehell'shegonnado,wavea
magicwandorsomething?"
206
"He'lltalktoyou,E.J.,that'sallor,actually,
he'lllisten,that'sthemainthing.He'llhelpyouhear
yourselftalking."
"Youthinkthat'senough?Howcouldthatdo
anything?"
"You'dbesurprisedwhatadifferenceitcanmaketo
getallyourshitoutintheopen."
Rawlschuckled."Howcomeyouknowallaboutthis
kindastuff?Whatmakesyousosureofyourself?"
"Hey,seeingsomeoneelse'sproblemsiseasy,E.J.
It'syourownthatarehardtodealwith."
"Youdon'tseemtohaveanyproblemsthatIcan
seeanyway."
"Good.I'mgladthey'renottooobviousatleast."
Fromthedismissivewaysheansweredhefeltshe
wouldbealotlesscomfortabletalkingaboutherown
thanhis.Ormaybetheywerebothjustgettingboredwith
thesubject;theirconversationwasturningintooneof
thoselongloudsilences.
"...So,areyouherewithRickorwhat?"
"I'dneverbehereonmyown.I'mneverinvitedto
thesecliqueparties."
"NotevenAudrey's?Ithoughtsheinvited
everybody."
"Notthecompetition."
"Whattayoumeanbythat?"
"Wellifyoudon'tunderstandthataboutAudreyyet,
thenthatjustprovesmypointaboutbeingwalledoff
fromtheworld."
E.J.chuckled."Thatsoundskindahostile,Alison.
'Clique'parties."
"Ineversaidtherewasanythingwrongwithalittle
hostilityaslongasit'saimedintheright
direction."
"Oh,Isee.Okaythen,whyatAudrey?Tobehonest
withyousheandIaren'texactlythebestoffriends
either,butIstilldon'tunderstandwhatyouhave
againsther."
"BecauseI'vetriedtobefriendlytoAudreyandher
stuckupgirlfriends,andlargelybecauseofherthey
won'thaveanythingtodowithme.Imightaswellhave
beensellingtheirboyfriendssandpapercondomsforall
207
thedifferenceit'smade."
E.J.laughed."That'sgreat.Whydon'tyoutellthem
that?"
"Iwouldn'twastethewords."
"Whatmakesyouthinkthey'dbewasted?They
probablythinkyou'restuckup."
Justthenherdatecameup,adrinkofsomekindin
eachhand.
"Howareyou,E.J.?"
Rawlsstoodup."Prettygood,Rick."Helookeddown
atAlison."InfactahelluvalotbetterthanwhenIgot
here.Thanks,Alison.
"Wewerejustdiscussingthedownsideofwallsand
thevalueofthespokenword,"hetoldherdate.
"SorryImissedit,"hesaid,makingaface."Sounds
fascinating."
"Yeah,well,seeyoubothlater."E.J.madehisway
throughthedancerstothekitchenforanotherbeer.
FunnyaboutAlison.Asrightonasshewasabouthis
problems,shedidn'tseemtohimallthattogetherabout
herown."Iwouldn'twastethewords."
AndlookatLonniegoesmopingaroundforaweek
becausehe'drathernottalktohisoldladyabout
somethingthatmightturnouttobeunpleasant.
HeranintotheBeastinthekitchen.
"What'swrong,doesn'tAlisongetoffonbrutality?"
"What'reyoutalkin'about?"Rawlsasked,startled.
Surelyshewouldn'thavesaidanythingtoanyone!
"YourassaultonHickman'sblackboard,whatdoyou
think?Thatlittleitem'spartofMuskingumfolklorenow.
Ahundredyearsfromnowthey'llbesayingyoubrought
downthebuildingwithacrossbodyblock."
"Ahundredyearsfromnowwe'llbeluckyifthey're
sayinganything.Don'tpeopletalktoeachotheranymore?
Christ,we'renobetteroffthanAnnalee,thatgirlwho
can'tspeak."
"Annalee?Howdoyouknowthechick'sname,Rawls?
Youbeencheckin'uponher?"
ItwasJimmyMajors.HeandSylviahadjustcome
downstairs.
ForsomereasonRawlswasacutelyembarrassed,asif
he'djustrevealedsomedeeplypersonalsecret.Infact
208
hernameslippingoutlikethathadsurprisedevenhim.
"What'sittoyou,Majorsifsomebodyinteresting
showsupandIhappentonoticeher?"
"Youandfifteenhundredotherguys,"saidJimmy,
laughing.
"Shit,"Rawlsmutteredindisgust,wantingtodrop
thewholething.
ButJimmywouldn'tletitgo.Heputhisarmaround
E.J.'sshouldersasif"presenting"himtotheroomat
large.
"Here'stheguythefolksinColumbusarecalling
the'assassin'speakingupforenlightenedcommunication.
Ithinkthat'sgreat,don'tyou?Infootballwecallthat
goin'bothways."
E.J.pushedhimawayangrily."Majors,sometimesyou
justdon'tknowwhentoquit."
"Heysorry,Ace,didn'tmeantooffendyou,"he
said,withthatsmartassedcockylaughofhis.
"Wouldyouknockitoff,Jimmy!"saidSylvia,giving
hisarmajerk.
"Theguyhasapinchednerve,Majors.Bigdeal."
"Yeah,Iguessit'dhavet'be,seein'ashowhe's
aboutsixinchesshorternow."Jimmyhunchedhis
shouldersuparoundhisneckandaffectedacretinous
expression,asifE.J.'stacklehadturnedthereceiver
intoavegetable.
Rawlsfeltitcoming.He'dbettergetoutnow,
beforeheandJimmyendedupwreckingAudrey'shouse.He
knewheshouldn'thavecometothisfuckingparty!
Ashestalkedoutoftheroom,blindwithrage,
Jimmyyelledafterhim,"Justtakeiteasyonthehand,
willya,Ace?Wegottwomoregamesyet."
"Hey,fuckyou,Majors!"
Turningaround,hewasjustabouttoblowitwhen
Johnny,whohadarrivedafewminutesearlier,rushed
overandpushedhisbrotherviolently.
"Youasshole!"
Asthetwinsstartedtogetintoit,Rawlsturned
andheadedforthedoor.
Itwasn'tuntilhewasbehindthewheelandhad
startedtheenginethathefinallyaskedhimselfwherehe
wasgoing.Whathewantedtodowiththerestofthe
209
evening.
Thenallatonceheknew.
Chapter34
IndaylightE.J.couldeasilyhavefoundAuntKate's
cabinbyretracinghisstepsfromthepreviousencounter.
Buthe'dneverbeabletodothisatnight,evenwitha
fullmoonoverhead.Besides,hewassurehecouldgeta
lotcloserbyonegravelroadoranother.Butwhichone?
He'dcometotheconclusionthatAnnaleemightbe
thereonlyafterfirstsummoningenoughgumptiontodrive
outtotheCunninghamfarm,wherehe'dbeentoldbyher
surprisedandrathersuspiciousauntthatthegirlhad
beengoneallday,withoutreturningatdarkasshe
alwayshadbefore.Thesheriffandherunclewereout
lookingforherthisveryminute.Rawlscouldseehow
worriedthewomanwasprobablywhyshe'dtoldaperfect
strangeraboutAnnalee'sdisappearanceinthefirst
place.
Hey,maybehecouldhelp.Heimmediatelythoughtof
thesecludedcabinwherehe'dlastseenthegirlbutsaid
nothingaboutittoheraunthe'dtrytofindheron
hisown.
Heknewtheunpavedcountyandtownshiproadswell
enoughtogettothegeneralvicinityofthecabin,and
thenitwasjustamatteroffindingonethatroughly
paralleledMallardCreek.Hewasfortunateintwoways:
notonlydidhefindtheroad,butithappenedtobeon
AuntKate'ssideofthemeanderingstream.
Recognizingtheterrainfromhislasthike,Rawls
pulledoverintoweedsatthesideofthegravelroadand
soonfoundthepathhe'dtakenearlier.Tenminuteslater
hewasstandingattheedgeofaclearingontheother
sideofwhichwasthedarkshapeofthecabin.Onlya
faintwisp,andthesmell,ofwoodsmokefromitschimney
andathinlineoflightwheredrapescametogether
acrossapicturewindowindicatedthatanyonewasat
home.
Shouldheactuallygothroughwiththis?Whatmade
himsosurethegirlwouldbehere?Andifshewas,why
whensheshouldhavebeenhomehoursago?Wasitpossible
thattheoldwomanwasholdingheragainstherwill,or
210
eventhatshe'dharmedherinsomeway?Peopleintown
hadbeencallingherawitchforyears.
Rawlsdidn'tbelieveinanythinglikewitchcraft,
butiftheoldwomanreallywasevilandhadagunand
somethingtohide,he'dbeatadisadvantageoutherein
themiddleofnowhere.Thehaironhisneckwasstanding
upagain,justasithadthefirsttimehewashere.Was
thissomesortofsixthsensewarninghimofdanger?
ShouldhegotellherauntaboutseeingAnnaleehereonce
before,andbringthesheriffbackhimself?
Bullshit!Shemightbeintroubleinthere.Justgo
knockonthegoddamndoor!
Hecrossedtheclearingandapproachedthecabin
stealthily.Allthesculptureinfrontlookedeven
stranger,moreexoticunderthefullmoonthanithadin
daylight.Surfacesonwhichthespectrallightfell
glowedfaintlywithaghostlyluminescence;everything
elselayinimpenetrableshadow.
Rawlsspottedtwoorthreeitemshecoulduseasa
clubifheneededone,thenwalkedupandknockedsharply
onthedoor.Itopenedsosuddenlyhisheartstarted
pounding.TherestoodAuntKate,silhouettedinwavering
candlelightinthedoorway.
"Wellnow,"shesaid,"I'vebeenexpectingyou."
*
*
*
*
*
Pushingtheirheavy,unwieldymotorcycles,Billy
Rivers,RonnieandtheLosercamecrashingandcursing
theirwaythroughtheunderbrush.
"Billy,IknowIsaidI'dfollowyouanywherebut
I'llbegoddamnedifit'severthroughthewoodsatnight
again,"wailedtheLoser.
Riverswastootiredforeventhetwowordexpletive
thatwouldotherwisehavebeenhisreply.Heandthe
othershadhadtodisentangletheirbikesfromvinesand
thornsandstickersandpullthemoutofthemudsomany
timestonightthatforperhapsthefirsttimeinhislife
helookedforwardtostandinghisHarleyupinthegarage
andleavingitthere.Thewayhefeltnow,forever
wouldn'tbetoolongtoletthegoddamnthingsitthere
gatheringdust.
Thensuddenlyastrange,hauntingsoundsomething
betweenthehowlofawolfandthetimbreofabeautiful
211
sopranovoicestoppedallofthemdeadintheirtracks.
Thereitwasagainfloatingwithapiercing,
spinetinglingclarityinthestillnightair.
"Whatthehellwasthat?saidRonniewhenhecould
finallyspeak.
"It'sthatcrazyoldwomanlivesouthere,"saidthe
Loserinanawed,hushedtoneofvoice."Onthenightof
thefullmoonsheturnsintoavampireandtearsthe
heartsoutawimpslikeyou."
"Sscrewyyou,"stammeredRonnie.
*
*
*
*
*
E.J.hadheardittoo.Thenightwasturningtoo
weirdforhim.FirstthespookybusinesswithAuntKate,
nowthis.
Expectinghim?Damnedifshehadn'tactedlikeit.
"Isawyouthefirsttimeyoucamesneakin'around
here,"themysteriousoldwomanhadsaid."Iknewyou'd
beback."
Thenshe'dproceededtotellhimhowtofind
Annalee.Asifsheknewthat'swhyhewashere,asifshe
couldhaveknownallalongsomehowthathewasgoingto
comeoutheretonightlookingforher.
Howhadsheputit?"She'sgonenow...andIexpect
shemaybeinsomedanger.Oneofthebestschoolsinthe
worldsometimes,whenthere'ssomeonetolookafteryou."
Whatthehellhadshemeantbythat?
"There'sapathstartsrightoutsidethisdoor,"
AuntKatehadsaid,"that'lltakeyourighttoher.Under
afullmoonyoushouldn'thaveanytroublefollowingit."
Andsureenough,likeasilverthreadinthe
moonlight,therewasapathleadingoffintotheforest
intheoppositedirectionfromthewayhe'dcome.
Whenhe'dturnedbackaround,theoldwomanwas
gone,thedoorclosed.
Nowthis.AsoundsuchasE.J.hadneverheard
before.Likesomethingoutofadream,afairytale.But
he'dhearditwithhisownears.Wasitananimal?A
humanvoice?Somekindofweirdstringedinstrument?
He'dbeenonthesametrailnowforwhat?fifteen
minutes?halfanhour?Hehadnoidea.He'djustkepthis
eyesstraightahead,followingthemoonlitpathAuntKate
hadpromisedwouldleadhimtoAnnalee.
212
Danger,she'dsaid...whatkindofdanger,hewas
wonderingwhensomething,somemovementintheopen
fieldaheadthroughthetrees,caughthiseye.Hedropped
toonekneesohecouldseebeneaththemostlybare
branchesonwhichafewdeadleaveswerewhisperingin
thedark.ItwasAnnalee,herheadtiltedfarbackonher
longgracefulneck,herhairacascadeofpalesilvery
gold.
Lookingupatthemoon,herarmsathersides,
Annaleebeginstospin,slowly...aroundandaround,
liftingherarmsworshipfully,palmsup,herfinehairan
aureoleofmoonlightaboutherhead.
Shestops,lowersherrighthandandgentlystrokes
herthroat...andthereitisagain.She'stheonemaking
thiseerilybeautifulsound,coaxingitfromherthroat
asifshewereplayingsomemusicalinstrument.
E.J.looksonwithhismouthopen.Thoughhecan't
seeAnnalee'sfacehecansomehowimaginethelookonit.
It'ssobeautifultohim,asisthemomentitself,that
heleavestheforest'sconcealingshadowsandcomes
forwardslowly.
Shesstartledatfirst,butnotreallyfrightened
nottonight.Somethingaboutthewayhemovesorcarries
himselfisfamiliartoher.Ohyes,thatone.Well,
nothingwouldsurprisehertonight.She'salmostgladto
seehim.
SuddenlyAnnaleeisrunningfromhim.Butwhenshe
looksbackoverhershoulderE.J.canseethatshe's
playingratherthantryingtogetaway.
*
*
*
*
*
Thoughtheyhavenoideawheretheyare,thebikers
havefinallystumbledontoanunpavedroad.Outofthe
woods,that'sallthatmatters!BillyRiverskicksdown
savagelyonhisstarterandfishtailsawayinashowerof
gravel.Theothersareabouttofollowwhenthebeamofa
car'sheadlightsflashesacrosstreesontheotherside
oftheroadandacarroundsthebendaheadofthem.A
sheriff'spatrolcar.
Itslowsasitapproachesthem,andthedeputyeyes
RonnieandtheLosersuspiciouslyashedrivespast.What
thehellarethesepunksdoingouthereinthewoods
afterdark?Couldn'thaveanythingtodowiththemissing
213
girlcouldthey?
Whenhehitstheflashingredandbluelightsatop
thecruiser,it'stimetogetdowntheroad,Jack.Maybe
thenight'snotatotalbustafterall.Letthisturkey
eatsomedusttillthey'rereadytolosehim.
RonnieandtheLosertakeoffafterBilly,andthe
deputyswingshiscararoundintheloosegravel,then
jumpsontheradio.
"PatrolUnitSeventoUnitFour.YoustillonCounty
12,Butch?Over."
"Affirmative,UnitSeven.What'sup?"responds
DeputyButchCameron.
"I'minpursuitoftwo,makethatthree,motorcycles
comin'yourway.Aboutamilenorthofthecovered
bridge.Over."
"Copy,Seven.I'maboutthreemilesthissideofthe
bridge.Tenfour."
*
*
*
*
*
E.J.isalmostcloseenoughtocatchhernowbuthe
holdsback,wonderingwhattodonext.WhatwouldAnnalee
doifhecaughtuptoher?Tookherintohisarms?
Hersideishurtingagaintoomuchrunningtoday!
She'llrestatthetopofthissteephill.Thisboywon't
hurther;he'snotliketheothers.She'soutofbreath
whenshereachesthesummit.Thereisaspectacularview
fromhere:apanoramicluminouslandscapeoffieldsand
hillsandforests,inwhicheveryhollowandlowplaceis
filledwithmoonlitfog.Anarrowroadwindsthroughthe
picturelikeasatinribbon.
Annaleetakesitallin,forgettingeverythingfora
moment,enchantedbythemagicalscenebelowandwinded
fromherrun.Thenshewhirlsaroundtofaceherpursuer,
suddenlyshriekingwithlaughter.Whensheholdsouther
armstofendhimoff,E.J.grabsholdofherhands,
interlockinghisfingersinhers.Theirarmslikethe
spokesofawheel,theyslowlycircletogether,their
eyeslockedontoeachother's.
Hefeelsahugefoolishgrinonhisfaceinresponse
toherexcitedlaughter.Sheslikeachild,inaway
E.J.findshimselflongingtosharewithher.Thenhe
realizesheissharingit,andlaughingashehasn't
laughedinalongtime.Thedistantsoundhe'sbeen
214
hearingwithoutbeingquiteawareofithasn'teven
registereduntilthisverymoment.Asiren,downthereon
theroadsomewhere,comingcloser.
Annaleehasheardittoo.Forsomereasonthesound
terrifiesher.Theexcitementinhereyesturnswild.She
jerksherhandsfree,herbreathingsuddenlysoheavyit
soundsalmostlikepanting.Sheseemstohaveforgotten
thatE.J.'sevenhere.
Precededbyapairofheadlightsprobingthenight
likeantennae,acaremergessoundlesslyfromthedark
woodsandpullsacrossthegravelroadbelowthem.A
momentlateritsflashinglightscomeon.
Inthedistancethesoundofthesirenrisesand
fallswiththeterrainasitgetscloserandcloser...and
thenE.J.hearsthemotorcycles.Fromhishilltopvantage
hecanseethatthey'rebeingpursuedbyanotherpatrol
car.Jesus,whentheycomearoundthebendthey'regoing
toberightontopoftheoneblockingtheroad!
Annaleebeginstosob.Notnormalcryingbutthe
gasping,chokingsobsofanhystericalchild.Thebikes
roundthebendroughlythreeabreastatclosetoseventy
milesanhour.Infrontofthemistheroadblockless
thanahundredyardsaway.
Riversputshisbikedownalmostimmediatelyand,
throughanumbingwhitehaze,feelshisleftlegbeing
chewedupinthegravel.
Notasfastorasskillful,theLoseratleast
managestoanglehisbikeoffthesideoftheroadinto
thewoods.Desperatelydodgingthelargestofthetrees
rushingtowardandpasthim,heglancesoffone,then
losesaknuckleagainstanotherbeforehurtlingheadlong
intoamassofbriars.Theheavybikeandhismomentum
drivehimsofarintothemitwilltakerescuershalfan
hourormoretocuthimloose.
AllthishappenstoofastforE.J.toseeclearly.
OnlyRonnie'sdelayedorrathernonreactionleadstoa
conclusiontheeyecanfollow.Paralyzedbythesudden
immovableobstacleinfrontofhim,Ronniewatchesit
cometowardhiminslowmotion.Slowerandsloweruntil,
suddenly...timestopsforhimaltogether.
FromthehilltopE.J.watchesthebikeslam
broadsideintothepatrolcarandexplodeinabillowing
215
orangefireball.
"...Justlikeinthemovies,"astunnedpartofhis
consciousnessarticulatessilently.HeturnstoAnnalee,
whosstaringattheconflagrationbelowasif
hypnotized,takinghugedeepbreathsandshaking
violently.Isshehavingsomekindofseizure?
Atthemoment,theresnothingE.J.cando.
Consciously,Annaleehasnotonlyleftthisplace,sheis
nolongerhereinthistime.Shesachildofsix,lying
bloodiedandinshockonthepavement,witnessingascene
liketheonebelow.Watchingthecarinwhichhermother
andfatheraretrappedincinerateinafiresointense
thatitsingesherhair,burnsoffhereyebrowsand
eyelashes,thoughthedemolishedvehicleliesonits
crushedtopontheothersideofthehighway.
Theresnotasoundfromherfather.Hermother
callsoutAnnalee'snameonce,thenscreamsuntilshetoo
isblessedlysilent.
E.J.haswatchedthegirl'seyeswiden,alookof
horrorengulfherface...followednowbyanexpression
farmorechilling.Onefromwhichemotion,animation,
lifeitselfseemtobeslowlydraining.It'slike
watchingsomeoneturntostone.
Thoughhehasnowayofknowingwhatsheis
reliving,E.J.isintuitivelyawarethatinaveryreal
senseAnnaleeisdyingrighthereinfrontofhim.He
takesheruncertainlyintohisarmsandsheoffersno
resistance.Suddenlyhefeelssuchpityforher.What
unimaginableexperienceliesbehindthisexpressionless
stuporstealingintoafacethatmomentsbeforewasso
radiantandwonderfullyalive?
Inhisrushofempathyforher,E.J.forgetshimself
completely.Loveforher,withoutneedandwithout
restraint,flowsouttoAnnaleefromeverypore,every
nerveendofhisbody.Whereamomentagohisembracewas
hesitantandunsure,hiscompassionforthegirlinhis
armsenvelopesandenfoldshernowinsuchloving,tender
warmththatitreachesAnnaleeinspiteofeverything.
Arrestsheratthebrinkofsomepsychologicalpointof
noreturn.
Withhisarmsaroundher,withAnnaleehuggedfirmly
againsthim,E.J.can'tseetheflickerinhereyesor
216
thetremorofherlips.Buthecanfeelherchestbegin
toriseandfall,hearherbreathingbecomemorelabored
again.Hepullsjustfarenoughawaytogazedowninto
herface.
Itisnolongerblank,unseeing,buttwistedby
intensepain.Sheisrivetedbysometerriblemental
image.Herlipsarequivering,hermouthmovesasifshe
istryingtosaysomething.AsifAuntKateherselfhas
justcommanded:"Speak,child!"
AtlastAnnaleesqueezesastrangled,croakingsound
fromherthroat.Shegaspsandsoundscometumblingout
inaphoneticstutter:"Mamamamama...."
Then,inananguished,heartwrenchingcry,inthe
voicemoreofachildthanayoungwoman,Annaleespeaks
herfirstwordsinalmostadecade.
"Mommy!Mommy!"
E.J.istoodumbfoundedtomove.Annaleeislooking
rightthroughhimashewatchesherfaceundergoa
remarkabletransformation.Herlookofhorrorbecomesan
expressionofpuzzled,thenjoyfulrecognition.Crying
outseemstohaveawakenhersomehow.
Thatluridflickeringlightonherfaceapparently
illuminationfromtheflamingwreckagebelow...whydoes
heimaginetheredglowturningbluer,whiter,asAnnalee
liftsherheadtofollowwhatevershe'sseeinginher
mind'seye,whateverhasbroughtaboutthis
transfigurationinherface?
Thewonderinitbringstearstohiseyes.Through
theirblurheseesthewayhermouthhastoworktoshape
itselfintounfamiliarspeech.ButAnnaleeisinnoway
frustratedbythis;sheseemsunawareoftheeffort.All
ofherattentionisinhereyeswheninanawedvoice
thatislittlemorethanawhispershemurmurs,
"...Mommy?"
TearsstreamdownE.J.'scheeks.Hisheartfeelsas
thoughit'sabouttoburst.Thesublimelookonthat
face!WhatinGod'snameishewitnessinghere?
Now,finally,Annaleeseeshim,remembersheis
here,hereyeswideningasifseekingconfirmationof
whateveritisshehasjustexperienced.
Butwhatcanhesay?Whatcouldhepossiblytellher
evenifheweren'tcryingopenlynow?
217
Hetriestobabblesomefatuousphraseorother,to
acknowledgehisawarenessthatsomethingextraordinary
hasobviouslyjusttakenplacebuthecan'tgetthe
wordsout.Hestammersliketheunhingedidiothefeels
himselftoberightnow.
Andwouldn'tyouknowit,Annaleethinksthisis
funny.He'sstandingheremakingafoolofhimself,and
shestartstogiggle.Onceagainshestrugglestomake
hermouthobeyherwill,reallybearingdownwiththe
effortthistimethoughwithlaughterstillinhereyes,
andsqueezesout,"...Nnoww...you...ccan't...tatalk."
E.J.isunmadebythis.Herpurejoyisso
infectious,hersenseoftriumphincommunicatingthisto
himsooverwhelmingthathebeginstolaughthroughhis
sobs.Overcomewithemotion,hefallstohiskneesto
embracethisstrange,wild,beautifulcreature.She
standsthereforamoment,drinkinginthewholemoonlit
worldinexaltation.
Then,becomingonlytooawareagainofthisboyon
hiskneesinfrontofher,clumsilyhuggingherlegs
whilelaughingandcryingatthesametime,Annaleedrops
tothegroundtoo,tojoinhim,andhugshimback.
THEEND

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THE SILENCE OF ANNALEE

A Novel by Dick Croy

Word & Image Agency, 9413 Southgate Dr., Cincinnati, OH

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