● Nice intro!

But I think it could be stronger if you used your arguments as a lead-up to the
thesis, and state the thesis at the end.
● the first argument (first sentence of the first body paragraph) is a bit wordy. maybe try to
get to the point, and put extra thoughts in another sentence.
● good analysis of the “stationary stars...” quote
● connect your evidence to the thesis with more and deeper explanations
● I find many of your explanations begin with “Darby says” or something similar
● good conclusion, it sums up your arguments well. But maybe you should elaborate more
at the end and explore other ideas.

Good essay! You had some strong arguments and you backed it up with a lot of evidence. but in
the explanations of those evidences, try not to always say “Darby says” or “Darby argues” or
something like that. Also try to relate your evidence to the arguments and, more importantly,
your thesis. But generally, you handled the language well and it was a good essay.