Alabama or Auburn

By Elton Camp

When most people find from where we are,

It’s, “Alabama or Auburn, which are you for?”
The question has an unjustified assumption
That to care about it I have so little gumption

To the questioner, it does unbelievable seem

I have never attended a game of either team
To the two schools I am indifferent as can be
I wouldn’t go watch them play if it were free

Large numbers of people actually go so far

As to buy a tag for their choice on their car
And on their car’s rear window you’re told
Which they favor in letters so big and bold

And they seem to think that it is just fine

To spend rent money for the fifty yard line
Football has become the focus of their life
Far more important than their kids or wife

Just how could anything be more lame

Than devotion to such a childish game
If the Crimson Tide should end on top
Sure isn’t going to make the world stop

To care if Auburn does win or lose

Isn’t a concern that I’d ever choose
It is not the biggest news of the day
At least I, for one, don’t feel that way

Fanaticism makes Alabamians look bad

More so since a good name we never had
I wish more would say, “What the heck”
But many will act like the old redneck

To write this poem will make some mad

But to see it in print, others will be glad
Football season creates a circumstance sad
Some families won’t hear a word from dad
Did the Tide and Tigers lose or win
My own concern it has never been
I think I will go get the sports page
And use it to line the hamster cage

Or switch it around for all I care.