Chapter Twelve ESFJ ESF Js Chose the Following Preferences: Extraversion.......... ENERGIZING ... - . - Introversion Sensing . ATTENDING « . iNtuition. Thinking DECIDING . . .... Feeling Judgment +. LIVING... Perception In general, ESFJs are helpful people who place a high value on harmony. Paying close attention to people’s needs and wants, they work well with others to complete tasks in a timely and accurate way. ESFJs follow through on their commitments. They like closure and prefer structured, organized situations in which warmth and compassion are shown. They contribute to others by anticipating their day-to-day concerns and handling them with warmth and efficiency. ESFJs are at their best in organizing people to get a job done. LIVING ESFJ children want life to be uncomplicated, secure, harmoni- ous, and structured. They are usually responsible, reliable, and cooperative. They thrive in situations in which there is consis- tency and personal attention. They enjoy the acceptance of others and will work hard to gain that acceptance. ESF] children are concerned about doing the right things and pleasing their elders. — 159 —160 LIFETypes ESFJs follow the rules and tend to accept them as fair and reasonable. They admire people and teachers who are warm, friendly, and concerned. A nine-year-old ESF] was mortified when his classmates broke a school rule by writing their names and his in chalk on their red brick schoolhouse. When his teacher continued to believe that he had written his own name on the walls, even though he said that he had not, he was very embarrassed and felt betrayed. To not be believed by someone he liked and admired was especially hard for him because it upset his belief that when one is well behaved and tells the truth, one will be rewarded. Sometimes when the rules or their enforcement are unreasonable, ESFJs may have trouble setting limits and not feeling guilty or betrayed by the system. ESFJs are concerned about the feelings of others and like to help out when possible. An eleven-year-old ESF] with a trea- sured doll collection watched a neighbor’s house burn. She knew everything was lost in the fire, including the children’s toys. In her compassion, she gave every one of her beautiful dolls to the two little neighbor girls. It didn’t occur to her that this was a great sacrifice; it was just her way of doing something to help in a tragic situation. ESF]s begin early to assume responsibility for the welfare of others. They believe it is necessary to give as well as to receive and will often volunteer their time and talents in service or- ganizations such as the YWCA and hospital candy striper groups. ESF]s radiate warmth and fellowship, and generally fit in well with their classmates. They value the traditional things that teenagers do and may be involved in various clubs and teams. Their friends often turn to them because of their “listening ear” and helpful nature. One ESFJ described herself as the peace- maker in her circle of friends. Whenever they had problems, they came to her. She was willing to listen, offer suggestions, and help smooth things over with the rest of the group. As young adults, ESFJs focus on their relationships and values, which generally have to do with helping others and being with compatible people. They seem to have less difficulty than some other types in making friends and accepting their roles in life.ESFJ 161 People play a significant part in every aspect of their lives. If friends decide on a particular college, for example, ESFJs may revise their own college plans in order to be with their friends. Often the lives of ESFJs follow a traditional pattern. An ESFJ woman went to secretarial school because she knew that, with those skills, she would be able to find employment through which she could help others. In pursuing her studies, she met a young accountant, and they decided to marry. She continued to work and help her husband finish his degree. When his degree was completed and they had saved enough money, they bought a house and started a family. Until her children were of school age, she quit her work and assumed part-time employment. She felt a strong responsibility to personally meet her children’s needs. While she was at home with her children, she was very involved in school, scouting, community, and church activities. ESF]s make their family responsibilities their utmost goal. They like tradition and stability and generally choose to do what is expected of them by others and society. In adult life, ESFJs take their parent, spouse, employee, or community volunteer roles seriously and are committed to them. They are sensitive barometers to the needs of those around them, sometimes more attuned to others’ needs than their own. They gain the respect of others because of their helpfulness, pleasant- ness, and ability to get things done. They carry out their com- mitments and are often in charge of events. With their high values for relationships, stability, and loyalty, they may have long tenure in their places of work. ESFJs may misread business relationships as friendships and be disappointed when changes occur and personal contacts are not maintained. Mature ESFJs often structure both their work and personal lives so that they can meet the needs of others. One ESF] wanted to teach her children the importance of giving to others. She helped them bake and attractively wrap several kinds of holiday cookies. The ESF], along with her children, delivered cookies to their immediate neighborhood. They did this year in and year out, and their neighborhood looked forward to the cookie delivery. The ESF] felt good that she had started her children in such a beloved neighborhood tradition.